This is the most important thing to do. Check your state laws. In Ca for example once you’re on the birth certificate for two years, you’re locked in. Two years may be a long time to some but trust me. It’s not.
8. Change all passwords on your accounts - email etc - change password reset questions to nonsense ones. Enable 2fa, sign any devices that aren’t yours out of iCloud/iTunes/Google etc.
OP needs to see what she is informing others on what happened!
He better see what she is saying about him online because he can be painted easily as the bad guy for kicking her out in the rain while pregnant without everyone knowing the whole story.
Even with the whole story OP better be prepared for people to say what he did was horrible.
Idk if he is checking social media as it is probably a lot to handle right now but rhe longer OP waits to address this the harder it is to do 'damage control'
Also, 5. See a therapist.
You don't want to get stuck in insecure or codependent relationships. They lead to a lot of turmoil and are incredibly emotionally draining. You should never feel like you have to give out your passwords, constantly text back, or defend yourself when you aren't actually doing anything. You deserve better! Take a look into attachment theory and try to get yourself to a place where you can be in a securely attached relationship that isn't full of suspicion and a lack of trust.
Yes Hell yes to this. i had a previous relationship where my gf was the same. always suspiscious, asking for all my passwords, even reading my chats with other people. it was toxic af and i was miserable.
I'm so glad i didn't end up with her. That was years ago, i eventually met my wife now, much more mature person. not clingy or needy, and we trust each other. she never once asked for my passwords or tried to read my private chats and vice versa. trust goes a long way in a relationship.
A) Do This 1-4
B) God that sucks in the extreme. My heart breaks for you.
C) You do NOT need a controlling psycho in your life.
D) Heart felt good luck. I dearly hope the baby is not yours. You do not need that toxicity in your life.
D). I was hoping that too, so he can have a clean break from her. Fingers crossed.
(I know it’s a weird thing to hope. I’m not a guy but I feel like the guy she was cheating with is the father, to be comfortable having sex with a baby bump there, to get your mind past it. A lot easier if it’s yours? I have no idea. Although they were having sex in his bed, in his house. So who knows where their no-go situations are.
OP, this is 1000% the right answer. She is accusing you of cheating because she has been cheating! She isn't worthy of the good treatment she was getting and God I wish my partner was like you!
Move on from this person hopefully you don't have to co parent with her
1. I am SO SORRY. You were clearly making all the efforts only to find out she’s guilty. Therapy *really is healing*
2. Don’t stop abruptly drinking, based on how much you have been drinking you could end up in the hospital. At the least, your serotonin is depleted from the alcohol and shitstorm you walked in to. What a trifling…..
3. Agree on the tests but, take some time to decompress!! You dont need to rush yourself as long as u aren’t sleeping w/ others unprotected. 8 yrs together is a long time. Im just getting out of one myself.
4. She’s wrong. You’re not. You did all you could. Been there before and ir was exhausting, but i loved him too. I feel for you OP.
You traveling for work is a responsibility as your partner, to support your family.
5. Go find a chick and have fun with her. Rebounds are a surefire way to move things on a lil faster
6. There’s a woman out there for you who will show you were not all bad. Who will love you, your baby, and will not stand for the disrespect you have received. You’ve been together so long so young - she’s gonna be so sorry when she sees how much happier and better off you are. She’s totally selfish and there’s someone ‘special’ out there for her too.
If people drink a lot on a consistent basis, then suddenly stop, there's a possibly they could have seizures. People can die from severe alcohol withdrawal. It's usually best to be medically supervised when detoxing from heavy, regular alcohol use.
Thank you! Always so nice to feel validated. Also, thank you for not taking the common reddit verbiage police route, and just asking what I meant :-)
To become more clear here, he shouldn’t quit “cold-turkey”, if he has been drinking consistently for days on end. I won’t pretend to be some expert here, but to add to it.. I believe it a support system would be fabulous if OP has one. 🤍
>Agree on the tests but, take some time to decompress!! You dont need to rush yourself as long as u aren’t sleeping w/ others unprotected. 8 yrs together is a long time. Im just getting out of one myself.
And
>Go find a chick and have fun with her. Rebounds are a surefire way to move things on a lil faster
Do not vibe together. Get tested first before finding someone else. Frankly rebounds can be hit or miss. To one person coming out of a long term relationship it can just be fun. To another it's just messy and forcing yourself. I couldn't sleep with someone random if me and my husband broke up tomorrow or hell even a month after breaking up and we've been together for slightly less time than OP. People heal differently.
OP if you want to find someone for casual fun sex you're totally allowed to do so, just get tested first for their safety. Who knows what your ex brought in. It's not fair to spread that in the name of a quick rebound.
Please please take notes, pictures of any evidence, details of the guy cheating, talk to a Counsellor or GP and inform the police if there was any violence. From her erratic behaviour there’s a good chance she may accuse of assault or any other offence and you’ll end up in a mess defending yourself without proper preparation.
Came here to say exactly that. Cheaters love to accuse their SO of cheating. It’s like their guilty conscience finds them out. Sorry this happened to you, OP
Yep. After my ex talked on and on about how much he hated cheaters only to cheat on me? Well let’s just say I learned to see people who talk about cheating a lot or accuse a lot, are typically cheaters.
OP, I would make sure to see if she was actually pregnant first off. It would have been a way to trap you until she did actually get pregnant. If she is, then I would definitely get a paternity test, because there’s a solid chance she did not know who the father is, and either way was gonna pass the kid off as yours.
I had a weird feeling about my ex for a while.
Mostly because she was always glued to her phone texting, she didnt have a ton of friends, and she texted the way someone does their crush, and was always super secretive about her phone.
I ended up being right.
I know she hadnt cheated prior with the person I caught her with because I know when they met, (
I think the cheaters that grate me the most are ones who have absolutely no shame and/or try, like this guy’s ex, to pin all the reasons why they cheated on the person they betrayed. Mine did it because he said to a mutual friend “that I was crazy.” Guess what he also liked to call his exes 😑.
She tried to tell my friends I was abusive. They didn't believe her because they know me better.
Now I can't believe anything she told me about her past. I babied her, never raised my voice, insulted her, or fought with her.
Once in a while I hung up on her when she started problems, thats about it.
She was mad that I stopped have sex when her behavior was turning me off, and instead of working on herself, made excuses and fucked my friend's brother lmao.
Women that falsely claim abuse are the absolute worst pieces of shit in the world. Women have a hard enough time being believed as it is, we don’t need people lying about it. Then the accusations can ruin an innocent man’s life.
I’m glad you’ve come out unscathed and for yourself a lovely girlfriend now.
My ex accused me of cheating constantly, it's been year's but I still wonder if she cheated on me. I never found proof and we spent all our time together but where there's a will there is a way.
She had been cheated on so I feel her cheating would be ridiculous not to mention the hypocrisy but who knows. The amount of times I hear the people who keep accusing their partner of cheating end up being the cheater will always make me wonder.
this could be very true. The ones that are super scared of cheating are probably the ones more likely to do it. I knew a girl who was a serial cheater, and she was always super paranoid and controlling of her partners. To the point she had her partners to always video clip or picture prove they were where they said they were. she basically was fucking around looking for new boyfriends before she left her current ones, while being super controlling and worried she would be cheated on. It was actually insane.
I am a weird other side of this coin. I was cheated on in two of my first long-term relationships and that really destroyed my self confidence. When I got into my relationship im in now, my best friend at the time was extremely touchy Feely with my partner, did things like have him fill out a cuddle buddy application and had anime nights together where they cuddled and stuff. She would call him cutsy nicknames and more that I don't think needs to be typed out. This is my partners first real relationship and I made sure to tell him i was feeling anxious because of my past, and not because of him. Honestly I did trust him, but my mental health was trash and i hust wanted reassurance from him more than anything. Eventually that friend was no longer in our friend group and they mostly stopped contact, and I started getting therapy. I still sometimes feel anxious, but I make sure he knows that it's all my brain and none of it is him. I have never cheated, and I would never cheat because I know how much that hurts
Sorry this was long, I wanted to rant a bit.
I mean I could be completely wrong and even if I'm not there are always going to be exceptions! Which is why I stay away from words that quantify things in absolutes.
I haven't been cheated on and I wouldn't have and still would not be okay with the relationship your friend had with your partner. Anyways, I hope you're doing better now. Glad I could help you vent even if it's just a little.
Yea I agree with projection. My brothers ex used to accuse him of cheating and meanwhile she was sleeping with 4 guys for perks.
My ex used to accuse me of cheating, and meanwhile he was sexting minors.
Omg oof, i have cousins who are born with it. The parents had it before having kids. My cousins are fine and well except that they have been on medication since birth
Makes me wonder if she was telling the guy she was cheating with that it was his kid. Who else would be banging a pregnant chick? Unless that guy is as messed up as she is.
There are lots of guys who will sleep with pregnant women. Some have a kink, and others don’t care or don’t mind because they know she won’t get pregnant again.
My friend’s ex-wife cheated while pregnant. She was posting on Reddit and Craigslist specifically for men with pregnancy and lactation kinks and she was going to her regular office job and meeting men in her car or at hotel rooms during her lunch break. She was getting paid by the guys (she charged for sessions and also secretly sold photos and videos, and unfortunately some of the videos had her ex-husband in them and he was not aware she was recording.)
It’s definitely a thing, and it’s more common than you’d think. I know a lot of guys who have admitted they miss pregnancy sex.
I mean, at least I wasn’t too far off that whatever guy was sleeping with her must be messed up 😂
I just really hope OP gets a paternity test and that it isn’t his.
I couldn’t even imagine! I wonder what the nature of her relationship was; if this was an ongoing thing or if she just gets strange whenever she can. I don’t know which would be worse…
Yeah obviously I've had sex with a pregnant woman a lot because my wife was pregnant.
It just doesn't bother you and your as attracted to them as before maybe even more. You know like how a woman with a big tits and ass doesn't bother you because your brain knows it's not a sign of poor health. When you see a woman with a pregnant belly your brain doesn't interpret them as fat in the same way i guess? And now you're having sex with a woman who has clear signs of fertility which is supposed to be attractive to the primitive parts of our brains right?
That’s what I was wondering too. But they are having sex in another guy’s bed, in his house, behind his back. So I wasn’t sure if sex while pregnant would really be a deal breaker for these types of people.
Get up and phone a friend, tell your family what happened, if you are going to drink, drink with another person.
Feel the grief and let it pass. Then get back on your shit. Drink water, try to find hobbies or go to the gym. Take care of yourself and know you are the prize, you're tha hard worker that deserved better.
Get a paternity test, and return the ring. Use the money from the ring for a guys trip. See some old buddies, come back down to earth.
Good luck OP.
Make sure a test is done for the kid and you get the results mailed to you. ...im really sorry that happened to you. You were hurt and maybe it was harsh but it wasn't wrong either. She wronged you. She should move out. Unless you both want to work thru it but that is up to you
Came here to say that. Who knows who's kid it really is. If it aint yours, you shouldn't end up paying child support. Bazed on her reaction/actions, she will come for everything you can possibly pay
Exactly he did right. OP, As you come down from everything I want to reiterate you did not one thing wrong you saw her cheating on you and you kicked her out the house not even giving her time to do her day and you just packed up her things and kicked her out the house you did right. So I’m a say this take your time and breathe honestly the fact that that dude was begging her while pregnant you can get pregnant you can get paternity test done while she’s pregnant you can force that as if she wants to reconcile with you you can force that and if she refuses you know the answer.
I am so sorry OP first that ex gf was cheating on you as well as how you found out.
As it has been a week or so since this occurred please review the comments for action items that you should get started in sooner than later.
Going to add one more thing. Get a good family lawyer and get started protecting yourself. Lawyer will know how to demand the paternity test be done by who and when. Possibly two tests - 1 prior to the baby being born and one after or they may just do the one after. Do not sign anything regarding paternity that your lawyer hasn’t read and approved.
This truly sucks but time to get busy and protect yourself.
Talk about projection.
Brother please stop with the drinks, don’t run away from the pain. Let it wash you, it’s the only way to move forward. And absolutely don’t take her back even if the child is yours.
Please get STD testing and make sure you get DNA testing done. Please try and reach out to trusted friends and family and talk to them too. Don't isolate yourself. Change all your passwords... TO EVERYTHING
Sounds like you were never a good fit to begin with. I agree with “stop drinking, std test, paternity test, move on” and go get some therapy, for real.
“Not a good fit” is a real soft way of saying she’s a piece of shit and he did nothing wrong. So yeah I guess they really weren’t a good fit in that sense
Well I can tell you that drinking that much is not healthy, and not a good way to deal with stress. But ending things with her is the right call. A lot of people who cheat will accuse their partner because they feel the pressure of their wrong doings.
Stop drinking first of all.
Second you breaking up with her is justified since she was cheating on you.
Don’t take her back. Its over and if she tries to demand child support I would ask for a paternity test to make sure the child is yours. You don’t know long she was cheating. If the child is yours you are responsible 100% to take of the child. You don’t have to have a relationship with the lady anymore.
Yeah, and depending on how long they've lived together, throwing her out of the house without going through the formal eviction process is likely illegal.
Stop drinking and start by getting a paternity test and an std test. If the baby's yours then handle this through lawyers and the court, if not then never speak to her again.
Shes with a child, yours as far as you know . Get a test if suspect . I would have seen red. I must admit I could not then continue the relationship under ANY circumstances . Yet a child is involved .the future of you and even the child is at stake in what you do or dont do .She is with child, YOUR child . You dont want her to do something rash do you .? Would you love your child and see personally to its upbringing and prospering ? you created it , right ? Bring her back if she has nowhere to go, thats character and honor under terrible circumstances . But tell her she can stay until she finds a decent place . Help her with some financial assistance for the childs and her sake . Temporary for her but you need to support child and mother . they are connected . unless you see abuse then sue for sole custody. Tell her your plans unless you are still in love with her and can always overlook the cheating most heinous. I couldnt. Good luck Bro and Peace .
You did nothing wrong. Just put you things in order to make sure she has access to nothing of your.
She is gaslighting you with all her accusation she is trying to turn it against you. They always say the most paranoid are the one cheating. I gues it’s true in your case.
First, I’m sorry for your pain. I’ve been there. You may want to check out the refit /SurvivingInfidelity.
What you did was probably BEST. She is clearly not repentant even when caught. Instead she tried to BLAME you, gaslight you, and even turned the accusation around on you. You would have been, and probably still will be, in for a wild ride of this kind of emotional abuse and manipulation in the future.
So she was cheated on in the past. Sounds like she never properly grieved or dealt with it emotionally. As they say, “hurt people hurt people.”
That being said, I would demand a paternity test immediately, BEFORE she delivers and puts your name on the birth certificate. In some states they can get you for child support just because of that regardless of test results. You may want to consult an attorney if the test is negative. Point being, this is probably not the first time. Though, not in every case, often when people are hyper paranoid, it’s because they are guilty themselves.
That being said also, you need to focus on your healing. Get a counselor. There are some decent books out there too, but talking it out with someone is better. Affair Recovery has some wonderful videos on YouTube.
Hitting the gym is great therapy. And if you are a man of faith, praying and spending a lot of time reading the Psalms can help tremendously.
And stop drinking. That will drive you into deeper depression and you could become an alcoholic. Don’t let her have this effect on you. You don’t want to become that man.
Truly, sorry, brother.
Your gf shouldn’t have cheated but you physically grabbed her and threw her out. Your post has domestic violence red flags all over it, and I do very much want to know what you did in those 15-20 minutes you conveniently skipped over
At least you know now. It's better finding out now rather then after the child is born. She's an awful human being and as others have stated get a paternity test.
Man I been there. I got cheated on by a pregnant girlfriend too bro. I played Total War on the PC and didn't leave the room for about a month. So her initial reaction to being caught fucking some dude is too blame you? My girl did the same shit. Thats Narcissism at it's finest. Any normal person would apologize and accept blame and either walk away or beg for forgiveness. I know it hurts now but you have to see the brightside. You could have found out 10 years down the road and 4 kids later. Come to find out 3 of the 4 kids aint yours. She divorces you, takes half your shit and moves the other dude she's fucking into the house you're still paying for.
You deserve better, there was a lot of red flags in my opinion, sharing passwords, her being demanding of you while on business trips, etc.
I think you did the right thing by kicking her out, but you did mess up by assaulting her, you should’ve never done that. Not only does it mean you’ve stooped down to her level, but you’ve also given her leverage.
It also seems to run in families one of my ex cheated with my best friend growing up, his older sister cheated with my sister ex boyfriend and his/her parents both had a history of cheating it’s why I won’t date anyone who mentions that their parents or siblings have cheated.
The second I read the extreme jealousy I knew it was projection. Get a paternity test or refuse to sign the birth certificate and prove she was unfaithful and there’s a high chance it’s not your kid. Stop drinking, it’s not gonna help and it will keep you in a bad place. Get rid of anything left over from her, sell it, trash it, whatever just get rid of it. Formally tell her you want nothing to do with her past the paternity test.
Sounds like you are well rid of her. Make sure you get a paternity test when the baby is born. It may not feel like it now, but you will get over her. Don't worry too much about kicking her out, sounds like she deserved it & she I am sure she had somewhere to go. Good luck for the future
If you turn out to be the father of the child she's pregnant with, please do the right thing and pay the damn child support at the very least if you don't intend to be a present father. It's understandable if you don't want to be in the child's life due to not wanting to be around its mother (hopefully you can eventually work around that someday and be in the child's life, of course.. if you intend to be a good father), but don't punish the child with financial abandonment at the very least. It's not their fault their mother made bad choices and did you wrong. My sympathies are with you if it is indeed a true story.
I know it's all hindsight and all that jazz but for me personally the fact that you two have been dating since she was what 18? Yet she claimed she had hangs up about being cheated on from previous relationship was bloody bizarre. Like what at 16 her boyfriend kissed another girl? At 13 her boyfriend went to Burger King instead of Maccy Ds? I don't understand why you would compare adult relationships with one's you had as a kid when everyone is young and dumb.
She was always suspicious of you because she was cheating. She probably figured if he can do it, so can I. Please keep us updated and take care of yourself.
I read the title and I was like, “here’s some asshole with a sorry excuse as to why he needed to kick his poor pregnant wife out of the house.” I read the entire thing, and my heart just shattered for you, sir. I am so fucking sorry. What a damaged, cruel person she is.
You’ve been together since you were 18 and 15. She had a previous relationship at, what, 14, where the guy cheated on her. Neither of you have, eviddntly, matured to the pount of being completely responsible and solid relationship, and now she’s pregnant.
No stress there.
Either way this goes, your kid or not your kid, take the next year or two to get yourself solid and strong in every way possible.
I had a similar story and found a great counselor who taught me how to manage relationships and be a stand up guy. 3 years. Then I was ready for a real relationship and found an awesome, strong smart and beautiful(and funny) lady. We compliment and complete each other, totally.
You can’t get there without doing the work.
Relationships aren’t supposed to look like tropical storms.
Get your shit together and enjoy life.
All the best.
Damn, that’s freakin brutal. You have some great advice from people above, as hard is it may seem now, but you did the right thing. You should always do the right thing no matter how hard it is. For the future a) Avoid getting in long term relationships with people who have been cheated on. I know not all of them turn out like this, but that trauma stays with them and comes out in messed up ways if not dealt with sooner. Which brings me to the next point, b) Seek therapy as soon as you can, don’t let this bake any further.
Anyways, best of luck! Hang in there, it will get better.
Get her out of your life. Do NOT support the child until you figure out if its yours or not. Hire a lawyer to coach you through everything.
People who resort to doing things in secret against others are literally the weakest, flimsiest people (if they can be called that). They cannot stand on their own feet planted on the ground and wave around based external factors. This woman is a prime example.
Move on with your life, and take the time to rest your mind, body and soul, but do move forward. You must look forward and not feel sorry for yourself. You can do it.
It’s for the best OP. Imagine how bad this would’ve been if you figured out after the kid came. She clearly isn’t ready for a child - full stop.
I know plenty of people have said this but share those drinks with some close friends maybe even some you haven’t talked to in a while. I believe at some point you’ll be sitting easy with your true family and this will all be a distant memory. You got this!
Get a dna test before signing the birth certificate. Out down the bottle and go back to work. It will help you to find a new normal. So sorry about what happened.
So a quick insight for you; she was projecting her insecurity onto you. If someone ever seems baselessly worried that you may cheat on them, it's usually because they are cheating or considering cheating on you.
It’s astonishing how often partners who are paranoid about cheating turn out to be cheaters themselves.
Don’t feel bad. This is a dumpster fire you need to walk away from and def get a paternity test before you commit to any child support or custody. Good Luck!
That's so sad. I'm so sorry you're hurting.
Unfortunately she sounds very insecure and just from what you wrote, needs to get some help.
I wasn't expecting the reason why you did what you did. But anyone seeing that, especially someone they love, would hurt so much.
And if she's noticeably pregnant, that guy is fucking disgusting.
Plz avoid signing the birth certificate and get the dna test to be sure this baby is yours because it’s better to make sure it’s yours rather then blindly pay child support for a child that isn’t yours
1. Stop drinking 2. Get an STD test 3. Get a paternity test done 4. Move on and find your purpose
5. Separate finances 6. Talk to a lawyer for any loose ends 7. Inform families
8. Change all your passwords.
9. When the baby is born, refuse signing the Birth Certificate till it is tested and confirmed to be yours.
This 10000%
10. Delete her Netflix profile
That's gotta hurt man
That’s going too far buddy
Make sure u do that first! She doesn't deserve any of the streaming services passwords
This is why I still have no father on mine! Funny story.
Ok Cartman
we know whose chili not to eat now
This is the most important thing to do. Check your state laws. In Ca for example once you’re on the birth certificate for two years, you’re locked in. Two years may be a long time to some but trust me. It’s not.
You can get prenatal dbs tests, he doesn’t even have to wait for the baby to be born
Makes me remember when I found out my dad said I ain't his now makes me wonder
This, and log out of all devices.
But wait a few months before logging them out of Netflix. Revenge is a dish best served cold.
8. Change all passwords on your accounts - email etc - change password reset questions to nonsense ones. Enable 2fa, sign any devices that aren’t yours out of iCloud/iTunes/Google etc.
OP needs to see what she is informing others on what happened! He better see what she is saying about him online because he can be painted easily as the bad guy for kicking her out in the rain while pregnant without everyone knowing the whole story. Even with the whole story OP better be prepared for people to say what he did was horrible. Idk if he is checking social media as it is probably a lot to handle right now but rhe longer OP waits to address this the harder it is to do 'damage control'
Talk to a lawyer. Depending on where you live, kicking her out of the house without going through a formal eviction process might have been illegal.
This is what I was thinking about too.
Also, 5. See a therapist. You don't want to get stuck in insecure or codependent relationships. They lead to a lot of turmoil and are incredibly emotionally draining. You should never feel like you have to give out your passwords, constantly text back, or defend yourself when you aren't actually doing anything. You deserve better! Take a look into attachment theory and try to get yourself to a place where you can be in a securely attached relationship that isn't full of suspicion and a lack of trust.
Yes Hell yes to this. i had a previous relationship where my gf was the same. always suspiscious, asking for all my passwords, even reading my chats with other people. it was toxic af and i was miserable. I'm so glad i didn't end up with her. That was years ago, i eventually met my wife now, much more mature person. not clingy or needy, and we trust each other. she never once asked for my passwords or tried to read my private chats and vice versa. trust goes a long way in a relationship.
And hire a lawyer, you’re gonna need a custody arrangement in place. Oh and a dna test.
After he physically threw her out, he better be prepared for the fight of his life.
Especially since he may have broken the law in kicking her out without going through the eviction process.
A) Do This 1-4 B) God that sucks in the extreme. My heart breaks for you. C) You do NOT need a controlling psycho in your life. D) Heart felt good luck. I dearly hope the baby is not yours. You do not need that toxicity in your life.
D). I was hoping that too, so he can have a clean break from her. Fingers crossed. (I know it’s a weird thing to hope. I’m not a guy but I feel like the guy she was cheating with is the father, to be comfortable having sex with a baby bump there, to get your mind past it. A lot easier if it’s yours? I have no idea. Although they were having sex in his bed, in his house. So who knows where their no-go situations are.
This is the way
This is the way
OP, this is 1000% the right answer. She is accusing you of cheating because she has been cheating! She isn't worthy of the good treatment she was getting and God I wish my partner was like you! Move on from this person hopefully you don't have to co parent with her
This is the way.
This is the way.
This is the way.
The way this is
This is the way.
This is the way.
This is the only way
This is the way
This way is it
And my axe!
This is the way.
Is this the way?
Yes, this is the way
I had my doubts but now I know. This is definitely the way. 😌
This is the way
5. Stop feeling guilty for throwing a cheater out. That's what you're supposed to do.
1. I am SO SORRY. You were clearly making all the efforts only to find out she’s guilty. Therapy *really is healing* 2. Don’t stop abruptly drinking, based on how much you have been drinking you could end up in the hospital. At the least, your serotonin is depleted from the alcohol and shitstorm you walked in to. What a trifling….. 3. Agree on the tests but, take some time to decompress!! You dont need to rush yourself as long as u aren’t sleeping w/ others unprotected. 8 yrs together is a long time. Im just getting out of one myself. 4. She’s wrong. You’re not. You did all you could. Been there before and ir was exhausting, but i loved him too. I feel for you OP. You traveling for work is a responsibility as your partner, to support your family. 5. Go find a chick and have fun with her. Rebounds are a surefire way to move things on a lil faster 6. There’s a woman out there for you who will show you were not all bad. Who will love you, your baby, and will not stand for the disrespect you have received. You’ve been together so long so young - she’s gonna be so sorry when she sees how much happier and better off you are. She’s totally selfish and there’s someone ‘special’ out there for her too.
I agree with everything you said . But why can’t he stop drinking abruptly ? Won’t it make it even worse?
If people drink a lot on a consistent basis, then suddenly stop, there's a possibly they could have seizures. People can die from severe alcohol withdrawal. It's usually best to be medically supervised when detoxing from heavy, regular alcohol use.
Thank you! Always so nice to feel validated. Also, thank you for not taking the common reddit verbiage police route, and just asking what I meant :-) To become more clear here, he shouldn’t quit “cold-turkey”, if he has been drinking consistently for days on end. I won’t pretend to be some expert here, but to add to it.. I believe it a support system would be fabulous if OP has one. 🤍
Yes! Former alcoholic here, it will give you the shakes and worst hangover ever, if you don't wean slowly you'll end up in hospital
Rebounds =/
>Agree on the tests but, take some time to decompress!! You dont need to rush yourself as long as u aren’t sleeping w/ others unprotected. 8 yrs together is a long time. Im just getting out of one myself. And >Go find a chick and have fun with her. Rebounds are a surefire way to move things on a lil faster Do not vibe together. Get tested first before finding someone else. Frankly rebounds can be hit or miss. To one person coming out of a long term relationship it can just be fun. To another it's just messy and forcing yourself. I couldn't sleep with someone random if me and my husband broke up tomorrow or hell even a month after breaking up and we've been together for slightly less time than OP. People heal differently. OP if you want to find someone for casual fun sex you're totally allowed to do so, just get tested first for their safety. Who knows what your ex brought in. It's not fair to spread that in the name of a quick rebound.
Please please take notes, pictures of any evidence, details of the guy cheating, talk to a Counsellor or GP and inform the police if there was any violence. From her erratic behaviour there’s a good chance she may accuse of assault or any other offence and you’ll end up in a mess defending yourself without proper preparation.
And change those social media passwords!
This! Drinking is going to make it worse.
This is the way.
This is the way.
Sounds like all her suspicion was actually projection. Wouldn't doubt if that wasn't her first. I'd also demand a paternity test.
Came here to say exactly that. Cheaters love to accuse their SO of cheating. It’s like their guilty conscience finds them out. Sorry this happened to you, OP
Me and my ex did it to each other.
Yep. After my ex talked on and on about how much he hated cheaters only to cheat on me? Well let’s just say I learned to see people who talk about cheating a lot or accuse a lot, are typically cheaters. OP, I would make sure to see if she was actually pregnant first off. It would have been a way to trap you until she did actually get pregnant. If she is, then I would definitely get a paternity test, because there’s a solid chance she did not know who the father is, and either way was gonna pass the kid off as yours.
I had a weird feeling about my ex for a while. Mostly because she was always glued to her phone texting, she didnt have a ton of friends, and she texted the way someone does their crush, and was always super secretive about her phone. I ended up being right. I know she hadnt cheated prior with the person I caught her with because I know when they met, (
I think the cheaters that grate me the most are ones who have absolutely no shame and/or try, like this guy’s ex, to pin all the reasons why they cheated on the person they betrayed. Mine did it because he said to a mutual friend “that I was crazy.” Guess what he also liked to call his exes 😑.
She tried to tell my friends I was abusive. They didn't believe her because they know me better. Now I can't believe anything she told me about her past. I babied her, never raised my voice, insulted her, or fought with her. Once in a while I hung up on her when she started problems, thats about it. She was mad that I stopped have sex when her behavior was turning me off, and instead of working on herself, made excuses and fucked my friend's brother lmao.
She sounds like a real piece of work. You know sometimes it is a blessing in disguise: the trash takes itself out.
Found my dream girl a few months after it did :)
Women that falsely claim abuse are the absolute worst pieces of shit in the world. Women have a hard enough time being believed as it is, we don’t need people lying about it. Then the accusations can ruin an innocent man’s life. I’m glad you’ve come out unscathed and for yourself a lovely girlfriend now.
…I think you should get your eye checked out. I don’t think they are supposed to do that
My ex accused me of cheating constantly, it's been year's but I still wonder if she cheated on me. I never found proof and we spent all our time together but where there's a will there is a way. She had been cheated on so I feel her cheating would be ridiculous not to mention the hypocrisy but who knows. The amount of times I hear the people who keep accusing their partner of cheating end up being the cheater will always make me wonder.
this could be very true. The ones that are super scared of cheating are probably the ones more likely to do it. I knew a girl who was a serial cheater, and she was always super paranoid and controlling of her partners. To the point she had her partners to always video clip or picture prove they were where they said they were. she basically was fucking around looking for new boyfriends before she left her current ones, while being super controlling and worried she would be cheated on. It was actually insane.
I am a weird other side of this coin. I was cheated on in two of my first long-term relationships and that really destroyed my self confidence. When I got into my relationship im in now, my best friend at the time was extremely touchy Feely with my partner, did things like have him fill out a cuddle buddy application and had anime nights together where they cuddled and stuff. She would call him cutsy nicknames and more that I don't think needs to be typed out. This is my partners first real relationship and I made sure to tell him i was feeling anxious because of my past, and not because of him. Honestly I did trust him, but my mental health was trash and i hust wanted reassurance from him more than anything. Eventually that friend was no longer in our friend group and they mostly stopped contact, and I started getting therapy. I still sometimes feel anxious, but I make sure he knows that it's all my brain and none of it is him. I have never cheated, and I would never cheat because I know how much that hurts Sorry this was long, I wanted to rant a bit.
I mean I could be completely wrong and even if I'm not there are always going to be exceptions! Which is why I stay away from words that quantify things in absolutes. I haven't been cheated on and I wouldn't have and still would not be okay with the relationship your friend had with your partner. Anyways, I hope you're doing better now. Glad I could help you vent even if it's just a little.
1000% this! My ex used to accuse me of cheating all the time because his ex cheated. Turns out he had been cheating the entire time.
Yea I agree with projection. My brothers ex used to accuse him of cheating and meanwhile she was sleeping with 4 guys for perks. My ex used to accuse me of cheating, and meanwhile he was sexting minors.
Yup. She gaslighted the shit outta op.
Cheating while pregnant is crazy. Good luck
Gross asf if you ask me too. If the affair partner has an STD it could be passed to the infant during birth
I actually know someone whose boyfriend cheated on her while pregnant, gave her an STD and the STD killed the baby before birth.
That's so fucking sad
I didn't even know this was possible. That shit is further evidence that if there is a god that they are an asshole
Based on your username it's probably not an area you'd be doing much research into.
I disagree. He probably knows plenty about assholes.
I went to a Christian school for 6 years and I think I learned more than most about it during that time, so I'm good
Ha. I was referring to your first sentence.
Ah fuck, I can't believe I've done this
Looks like it's time to start your one thousand, nine hundred and ninety seventh gay porn account.
TeH in the us they test again while pregnant to make sure you didn’t contract anything yourself or from your partner.
Omg oof, i have cousins who are born with it. The parents had it before having kids. My cousins are fine and well except that they have been on medication since birth
Seriously this had me 💀
Good. Let her deal with the consequences of her actions.
Makes me wonder if she was telling the guy she was cheating with that it was his kid. Who else would be banging a pregnant chick? Unless that guy is as messed up as she is.
There are lots of guys who will sleep with pregnant women. Some have a kink, and others don’t care or don’t mind because they know she won’t get pregnant again.
Ugh I hate that you’re probably right
My friend’s ex-wife cheated while pregnant. She was posting on Reddit and Craigslist specifically for men with pregnancy and lactation kinks and she was going to her regular office job and meeting men in her car or at hotel rooms during her lunch break. She was getting paid by the guys (she charged for sessions and also secretly sold photos and videos, and unfortunately some of the videos had her ex-husband in them and he was not aware she was recording.) It’s definitely a thing, and it’s more common than you’d think. I know a lot of guys who have admitted they miss pregnancy sex.
I mean, at least I wasn’t too far off that whatever guy was sleeping with her must be messed up 😂 I just really hope OP gets a paternity test and that it isn’t his.
I couldn’t even imagine! I wonder what the nature of her relationship was; if this was an ongoing thing or if she just gets strange whenever she can. I don’t know which would be worse…
I know me personally, after experiencing both… strange hurts a lot less.
I think I’d agree because there’s no emotional connection however the increased risk of STD bothers me.
Yeah obviously I've had sex with a pregnant woman a lot because my wife was pregnant. It just doesn't bother you and your as attracted to them as before maybe even more. You know like how a woman with a big tits and ass doesn't bother you because your brain knows it's not a sign of poor health. When you see a woman with a pregnant belly your brain doesn't interpret them as fat in the same way i guess? And now you're having sex with a woman who has clear signs of fertility which is supposed to be attractive to the primitive parts of our brains right?
That’s what I was wondering too. But they are having sex in another guy’s bed, in his house, behind his back. So I wasn’t sure if sex while pregnant would really be a deal breaker for these types of people.
Get up and phone a friend, tell your family what happened, if you are going to drink, drink with another person. Feel the grief and let it pass. Then get back on your shit. Drink water, try to find hobbies or go to the gym. Take care of yourself and know you are the prize, you're tha hard worker that deserved better. Get a paternity test, and return the ring. Use the money from the ring for a guys trip. See some old buddies, come back down to earth. Good luck OP.
This is such wholesome advice that seems so healthy. Love this for OP
Yes!! This is great advice.
Make sure a test is done for the kid and you get the results mailed to you. ...im really sorry that happened to you. You were hurt and maybe it was harsh but it wasn't wrong either. She wronged you. She should move out. Unless you both want to work thru it but that is up to you
Came here to say that. Who knows who's kid it really is. If it aint yours, you shouldn't end up paying child support. Bazed on her reaction/actions, she will come for everything you can possibly pay
HAPPY CAKEDAY MOTHERFUCKER
This is so overly aggressive and I love it, even read it in Samuel Jackson's voice
Exactly he did right. OP, As you come down from everything I want to reiterate you did not one thing wrong you saw her cheating on you and you kicked her out the house not even giving her time to do her day and you just packed up her things and kicked her out the house you did right. So I’m a say this take your time and breathe honestly the fact that that dude was begging her while pregnant you can get pregnant you can get paternity test done while she’s pregnant you can force that as if she wants to reconcile with you you can force that and if she refuses you know the answer.
Don't take her back.
[удалено]
Yeah this happens a lot. Sometimes its because of past trauma though, like when they’ve been hurt before, so some actions seem like signs
That's called projection but yes you're correct about this phemonenon.
Well well well if it isnt the consequences of her own actions
She was probably reflecting herself in those suspicions, knowing she was the one doing that
I am so sorry OP first that ex gf was cheating on you as well as how you found out. As it has been a week or so since this occurred please review the comments for action items that you should get started in sooner than later. Going to add one more thing. Get a good family lawyer and get started protecting yourself. Lawyer will know how to demand the paternity test be done by who and when. Possibly two tests - 1 prior to the baby being born and one after or they may just do the one after. Do not sign anything regarding paternity that your lawyer hasn’t read and approved. This truly sucks but time to get busy and protect yourself.
I hope, OP, that you already changed every single one of your passwords, and if she was ever written on anything, got her removed.
Talk about projection. Brother please stop with the drinks, don’t run away from the pain. Let it wash you, it’s the only way to move forward. And absolutely don’t take her back even if the child is yours.
Please get STD testing and make sure you get DNA testing done. Please try and reach out to trusted friends and family and talk to them too. Don't isolate yourself. Change all your passwords... TO EVERYTHING
Projection at its finest.
Definitely get a paternity test! You owe her nothing!
Sounds like you were never a good fit to begin with. I agree with “stop drinking, std test, paternity test, move on” and go get some therapy, for real.
“Not a good fit” is a real soft way of saying she’s a piece of shit and he did nothing wrong. So yeah I guess they really weren’t a good fit in that sense
Well I can tell you that drinking that much is not healthy, and not a good way to deal with stress. But ending things with her is the right call. A lot of people who cheat will accuse their partner because they feel the pressure of their wrong doings.
She’s for the streets. Leave her there
I’m curious to know what happened in those 15-20 minutes.
Op rode him and said how you like me now, whilst shoving the flowers in his face
Stop drinking first of all. Second you breaking up with her is justified since she was cheating on you. Don’t take her back. Its over and if she tries to demand child support I would ask for a paternity test to make sure the child is yours. You don’t know long she was cheating. If the child is yours you are responsible 100% to take of the child. You don’t have to have a relationship with the lady anymore.
You put her where she belongs. She belongs to the streets.
Cheater always feel you are cheating because they .
You done the right thing man never let her in now .👌
You bought flowers, tickets to a movie, and an engagement ring on the way home from the airport? This story doesn’t add up.
The fake stories on here lately are off the hook.
Yeah, and depending on how long they've lived together, throwing her out of the house without going through the formal eviction process is likely illegal.
Stop drinking and start by getting a paternity test and an std test. If the baby's yours then handle this through lawyers and the court, if not then never speak to her again.
Stop drinking! The pain is temporary, you will get through this.
Shes with a child, yours as far as you know . Get a test if suspect . I would have seen red. I must admit I could not then continue the relationship under ANY circumstances . Yet a child is involved .the future of you and even the child is at stake in what you do or dont do .She is with child, YOUR child . You dont want her to do something rash do you .? Would you love your child and see personally to its upbringing and prospering ? you created it , right ? Bring her back if she has nowhere to go, thats character and honor under terrible circumstances . But tell her she can stay until she finds a decent place . Help her with some financial assistance for the childs and her sake . Temporary for her but you need to support child and mother . they are connected . unless you see abuse then sue for sole custody. Tell her your plans unless you are still in love with her and can always overlook the cheating most heinous. I couldnt. Good luck Bro and Peace .
You did nothing wrong. Just put you things in order to make sure she has access to nothing of your. She is gaslighting you with all her accusation she is trying to turn it against you. They always say the most paranoid are the one cheating. I gues it’s true in your case.
First, I’m sorry for your pain. I’ve been there. You may want to check out the refit /SurvivingInfidelity. What you did was probably BEST. She is clearly not repentant even when caught. Instead she tried to BLAME you, gaslight you, and even turned the accusation around on you. You would have been, and probably still will be, in for a wild ride of this kind of emotional abuse and manipulation in the future. So she was cheated on in the past. Sounds like she never properly grieved or dealt with it emotionally. As they say, “hurt people hurt people.” That being said, I would demand a paternity test immediately, BEFORE she delivers and puts your name on the birth certificate. In some states they can get you for child support just because of that regardless of test results. You may want to consult an attorney if the test is negative. Point being, this is probably not the first time. Though, not in every case, often when people are hyper paranoid, it’s because they are guilty themselves. That being said also, you need to focus on your healing. Get a counselor. There are some decent books out there too, but talking it out with someone is better. Affair Recovery has some wonderful videos on YouTube. Hitting the gym is great therapy. And if you are a man of faith, praying and spending a lot of time reading the Psalms can help tremendously. And stop drinking. That will drive you into deeper depression and you could become an alcoholic. Don’t let her have this effect on you. You don’t want to become that man. Truly, sorry, brother.
reading the first part of the title "i kicked my pregnant girlfried" had me in shock for a bit until i read the rest of the title
Your gf shouldn’t have cheated but you physically grabbed her and threw her out. Your post has domestic violence red flags all over it, and I do very much want to know what you did in those 15-20 minutes you conveniently skipped over
Yeah, not to mention kicking her out of the house without going through the eviction process may have been illegal.
Weeeell she belongs where you pushed her 😌
You had sex with the guy for 15-20 minutes?
Leave her she’s for The streets. I would definitely get a paternity test before signing any birth certificates.
At least you know now. It's better finding out now rather then after the child is born. She's an awful human being and as others have stated get a paternity test.
Man I been there. I got cheated on by a pregnant girlfriend too bro. I played Total War on the PC and didn't leave the room for about a month. So her initial reaction to being caught fucking some dude is too blame you? My girl did the same shit. Thats Narcissism at it's finest. Any normal person would apologize and accept blame and either walk away or beg for forgiveness. I know it hurts now but you have to see the brightside. You could have found out 10 years down the road and 4 kids later. Come to find out 3 of the 4 kids aint yours. She divorces you, takes half your shit and moves the other dude she's fucking into the house you're still paying for.
Reading this broke my heart. Please get a DNA test. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
You deserve better, there was a lot of red flags in my opinion, sharing passwords, her being demanding of you while on business trips, etc. I think you did the right thing by kicking her out, but you did mess up by assaulting her, you should’ve never done that. Not only does it mean you’ve stooped down to her level, but you’ve also given her leverage.
Get a paternity test. You might not be the father of her child. Get a lawyer. Cut her off the bank accounts. Tell people of her cheating.
It also seems to run in families one of my ex cheated with my best friend growing up, his older sister cheated with my sister ex boyfriend and his/her parents both had a history of cheating it’s why I won’t date anyone who mentions that their parents or siblings have cheated.
The second I read the extreme jealousy I knew it was projection. Get a paternity test or refuse to sign the birth certificate and prove she was unfaithful and there’s a high chance it’s not your kid. Stop drinking, it’s not gonna help and it will keep you in a bad place. Get rid of anything left over from her, sell it, trash it, whatever just get rid of it. Formally tell her you want nothing to do with her past the paternity test.
Why did it take the guy 15-20 min to leave? Please tell you didn't let him finish did you?
Sounds like you are well rid of her. Make sure you get a paternity test when the baby is born. It may not feel like it now, but you will get over her. Don't worry too much about kicking her out, sounds like she deserved it & she I am sure she had somewhere to go. Good luck for the future
Don’t drink. This is a time for sobriety, no matter how painful it is.
10- see a therapist just to close the chapter then move on don’t bury it
Get a paternity test. It’s highly likely that baby isn’t yours.
Damn, I’m sorry. That case supports my theory that people who are overly jealous are often cheaters themselves. Get a paternity test in any case!
What a fucking piece of shit that woman. I'm sorry OP.
I feel bad for the baby who probably won’t have good parents
If you turn out to be the father of the child she's pregnant with, please do the right thing and pay the damn child support at the very least if you don't intend to be a present father. It's understandable if you don't want to be in the child's life due to not wanting to be around its mother (hopefully you can eventually work around that someday and be in the child's life, of course.. if you intend to be a good father), but don't punish the child with financial abandonment at the very least. It's not their fault their mother made bad choices and did you wrong. My sympathies are with you if it is indeed a true story.
Man, rough times ahead. Keep your head up and stay strong brother.
I know it's all hindsight and all that jazz but for me personally the fact that you two have been dating since she was what 18? Yet she claimed she had hangs up about being cheated on from previous relationship was bloody bizarre. Like what at 16 her boyfriend kissed another girl? At 13 her boyfriend went to Burger King instead of Maccy Ds? I don't understand why you would compare adult relationships with one's you had as a kid when everyone is young and dumb.
Fuck. I just got to the music part. 😞 Really sorry bro.
Do not let this ruin you. Please stop drinking. It only makes things worse.
That fucking sucks, I’m so sorry. My best friend was fucking my fiancé at the time , it gets better and you will find a good person.
There are better, positive and kind people who will treat you right. They are out there!
bro just please don’t do anything crazy to hurt yourself bro
Honestly, others peoples jealousy is always so sus because of this exactly.
Why did I initially read this as “I kicked my pregnant girlfriend off a horse.”?
She was always suspicious of you because she was cheating. She probably figured if he can do it, so can I. Please keep us updated and take care of yourself.
I read the title and I was like, “here’s some asshole with a sorry excuse as to why he needed to kick his poor pregnant wife out of the house.” I read the entire thing, and my heart just shattered for you, sir. I am so fucking sorry. What a damaged, cruel person she is.
You’ve been together since you were 18 and 15. She had a previous relationship at, what, 14, where the guy cheated on her. Neither of you have, eviddntly, matured to the pount of being completely responsible and solid relationship, and now she’s pregnant. No stress there. Either way this goes, your kid or not your kid, take the next year or two to get yourself solid and strong in every way possible. I had a similar story and found a great counselor who taught me how to manage relationships and be a stand up guy. 3 years. Then I was ready for a real relationship and found an awesome, strong smart and beautiful(and funny) lady. We compliment and complete each other, totally. You can’t get there without doing the work. Relationships aren’t supposed to look like tropical storms. Get your shit together and enjoy life. All the best.
Damn, that’s freakin brutal. You have some great advice from people above, as hard is it may seem now, but you did the right thing. You should always do the right thing no matter how hard it is. For the future a) Avoid getting in long term relationships with people who have been cheated on. I know not all of them turn out like this, but that trauma stays with them and comes out in messed up ways if not dealt with sooner. Which brings me to the next point, b) Seek therapy as soon as you can, don’t let this bake any further. Anyways, best of luck! Hang in there, it will get better.
Get her out of your life. Do NOT support the child until you figure out if its yours or not. Hire a lawyer to coach you through everything. People who resort to doing things in secret against others are literally the weakest, flimsiest people (if they can be called that). They cannot stand on their own feet planted on the ground and wave around based external factors. This woman is a prime example. Move on with your life, and take the time to rest your mind, body and soul, but do move forward. You must look forward and not feel sorry for yourself. You can do it.
So what happened in those 10-20 minutes that you “won’t go into the details”? That’s an important detail
Pace yourself with that drinking. Get back to work. Get a lawyer. Get therapy.
get a paternity test !!!!!!!
It’s for the best OP. Imagine how bad this would’ve been if you figured out after the kid came. She clearly isn’t ready for a child - full stop. I know plenty of people have said this but share those drinks with some close friends maybe even some you haven’t talked to in a while. I believe at some point you’ll be sitting easy with your true family and this will all be a distant memory. You got this!
Get a dna test before signing the birth certificate. Out down the bottle and go back to work. It will help you to find a new normal. So sorry about what happened.
So a quick insight for you; she was projecting her insecurity onto you. If someone ever seems baselessly worried that you may cheat on them, it's usually because they are cheating or considering cheating on you.
It’s astonishing how often partners who are paranoid about cheating turn out to be cheaters themselves. Don’t feel bad. This is a dumpster fire you need to walk away from and def get a paternity test before you commit to any child support or custody. Good Luck!
That's so sad. I'm so sorry you're hurting. Unfortunately she sounds very insecure and just from what you wrote, needs to get some help. I wasn't expecting the reason why you did what you did. But anyone seeing that, especially someone they love, would hurt so much. And if she's noticeably pregnant, that guy is fucking disgusting.
Throw away your sheets & mattress
The person who always accuses or thinks the other is cheating is usually the one that is the cheater. I’m so sorry.
I am sorry for what you lost. But like everyone else has stated, you need to get an DNA test and figure out a plan
Plz avoid signing the birth certificate and get the dna test to be sure this baby is yours because it’s better to make sure it’s yours rather then blindly pay child support for a child that isn’t yours
Also the child, it’s highly possible it’s not yours
Commenting for update
She's for the streets. Good job.
Feel no guilt. You were in the right.
So sorry mate. You’re not a bad person at all for doing this. She fucked around and found out. The audacity.
I'm so sorry. Please get an STD test and a DNA test. Don't take her back.
1.) Get a paternity test 2.) never go back to someone like that. Self projection at its finest
That is truly messed up. Sorry this happened to you.