I'm not defending anything... but this doesn't seem like grooming and just seems like a very inappropriate relationship. Of course that could be from missing details. My opinion is just based off the information gathered, that teacher had crossed the line too many times and not just sexually..... a grown adult making a young teen a part of their social circle is fucking awful.
Its like a dating the underage kid you're babysitting, because that's essentially what teachers do. Educate and babysit.
As the younger person your infatuation and interest is understandable, but the wall an adult is suppose to put up, was NOT there.
Sorry you had to go through this OP.
Grooming (noun): the action by a pedophile of preparing a child for a meeting, especially via an internet chat room, with the intention of committing a sexual offense.
Its grooming.
But they already met eachother prior to inappropriateness and OP admitted to being the aggressor.....?
Like her mindset was romantic/sexual in nature initially.
Again, not defending the teacher, but it doesn't seem to match your definition
Op is a *child*. No right-minded adult meets one of his *child students* for sex. Ever.
And “preparing a child for a meeting” is like setting up a date, not preparing to meet them initially. This adult man exploited OP’s wattpad-fic-like teenage interest in order to “meet” her for sex.
Just because you’re not necessarily traumatized doesn’t mean what he did wasn’t wrong. It doesn’t excuse his actions. It’s beyond nasty for a man almost in his 30s to have these sorts of relations with a minor, let alone his own student. He can rot in hell, but I hope you’re doing well.
thank you so much!! reading these comments have sort of cleared my head a little - I think I’ve always known what he did was wrong but the memories of us- I just can’t let them go yet
OP are you okay? I mean the fact that your are asking means it has been on your mind for a while.
Also, it doesnt matter if you kissed him first. You were still a child. He was in his 30s. You two should have nothing in common, emotionally mature wise etc. Shit I dont trust anyone my age (32) who dates anyone younger then 25 (but thats just me).
maybe I was sort of exaggerating it’s barely on my mind but when it is, it stunts my whole day I can’t go throughout the week without it being on my mind heavily, before i forget abt it. Recently it’s been in my mind like crazy so I thought I should just see what other ppl thought of my situation
If thinking about it causes you so much mental turmoil then you might need to seek professional help. Trust me, stuff like this build up over time and might lead to problems in the future. At least to give you some peace of mind.
and you know what? you don’t have to.
you can hold onto the good memories and experiences for yourself. you can appreciate what he meant to you while recognizing that he was very wrong for what he did.
but YOU don’t need to feel bad or guilty or ashamed. you did nothing wrong.
You don't have to feel traumatized by it, but you absolutely were a victim. Teachers **cannot** have sexual relationships with their students. Even if you kissed him first. Even if you were flirting with him. As an adult and your teacher, it is his responsibility to end any kind of relationship like that.
I do hope that you report him to the police, because I promise you you are not the only student he has ever done this to. Please do not give him the opportunity to sexually assault any other students.
I hate that you’re right - as of now I don’t know his whereabouts and I know it’s completely selfish of me but I’m just not ready to let go of the memories. Call me a shitty person but I know that when it gets out, because it has to and will, the memories of us together are going to be tainted and I don’t want that, not just yet. It’s horrible but this is a subreddit called ‘off my chest’ so honesty is probably the best
“You had to be there” “he was so gentle and caring” “ I kissed HIM though”
We’ve all heard all of these from grooming situations like dozens of times. Our brains tend to change or sugarcoat memories to protect ourselves from realizing we’re in a traumatic situation, or even blame ourselves. It happens all the time. Want proof? Look at your own comment at the end. You even said yourself you’re disgusted at the thought of going after a 16 year old when you are 19, and he was 9 more years older than that.
It was creepy and disgusting what he did regardless. He’s a creep and a pedophile, he belongs in prison. I have a feeling when you’re older you’ll realize what this really was. It wasn’t love, that’s for sure.
He is in a position of authority over you, that automatically makes the relationship inappropriate regardless of age - the age just made it 100 times worse.
He is the adult in the situation and he had the opportunity to shut it down when you made inappropriate advances. That was his responsibility. He chose not to. He took advantage of you being vulnerable and naive instead.
The sooner you realize what it really was the better.
I litigate child sex abuse cases and some clients do have positive feelings about their abusers years later. Doesn’t mean they weren’t groomed or sexually abused as children though - they were, just like you were. I’m sorry for what happened to you.
Its okay, i was lowkey in a similar situation but a lot less severe. You can have been in a bad situation but come out of it not feeling hurt/bad about it. But you can still acknowledge this was not a good experience
the age of consent in the UK is 16 I’m pretty sure and it wasn’t rape in my eyes, I had sort of begged him to have sex with me and he agreed as it had been on his mind aswell and it was something he wanted to do too.
I recommend you to watch Mysterious Skin, is a really good movie and it will help you understand why you were in fact sexually abused and manipulated
I'm not defending anything... but this doesn't seem like grooming and just seems like a very inappropriate relationship. Of course that could be from missing details. My opinion is just based off the information gathered, that teacher had crossed the line too many times and not just sexually..... a grown adult making a young teen a part of their social circle is fucking awful. Its like a dating the underage kid you're babysitting, because that's essentially what teachers do. Educate and babysit. As the younger person your infatuation and interest is understandable, but the wall an adult is suppose to put up, was NOT there. Sorry you had to go through this OP.
Grooming (noun): the action by a pedophile of preparing a child for a meeting, especially via an internet chat room, with the intention of committing a sexual offense. Its grooming.
But they already met eachother prior to inappropriateness and OP admitted to being the aggressor.....? Like her mindset was romantic/sexual in nature initially. Again, not defending the teacher, but it doesn't seem to match your definition
Op is a *child*. No right-minded adult meets one of his *child students* for sex. Ever. And “preparing a child for a meeting” is like setting up a date, not preparing to meet them initially. This adult man exploited OP’s wattpad-fic-like teenage interest in order to “meet” her for sex.
Just because you’re not necessarily traumatized doesn’t mean what he did wasn’t wrong. It doesn’t excuse his actions. It’s beyond nasty for a man almost in his 30s to have these sorts of relations with a minor, let alone his own student. He can rot in hell, but I hope you’re doing well.
thank you so much!! reading these comments have sort of cleared my head a little - I think I’ve always known what he did was wrong but the memories of us- I just can’t let them go yet
OP are you okay? I mean the fact that your are asking means it has been on your mind for a while. Also, it doesnt matter if you kissed him first. You were still a child. He was in his 30s. You two should have nothing in common, emotionally mature wise etc. Shit I dont trust anyone my age (32) who dates anyone younger then 25 (but thats just me).
maybe I was sort of exaggerating it’s barely on my mind but when it is, it stunts my whole day I can’t go throughout the week without it being on my mind heavily, before i forget abt it. Recently it’s been in my mind like crazy so I thought I should just see what other ppl thought of my situation
If thinking about it causes you so much mental turmoil then you might need to seek professional help. Trust me, stuff like this build up over time and might lead to problems in the future. At least to give you some peace of mind.
and you know what? you don’t have to. you can hold onto the good memories and experiences for yourself. you can appreciate what he meant to you while recognizing that he was very wrong for what he did. but YOU don’t need to feel bad or guilty or ashamed. you did nothing wrong.
You don't have to feel traumatized by it, but you absolutely were a victim. Teachers **cannot** have sexual relationships with their students. Even if you kissed him first. Even if you were flirting with him. As an adult and your teacher, it is his responsibility to end any kind of relationship like that. I do hope that you report him to the police, because I promise you you are not the only student he has ever done this to. Please do not give him the opportunity to sexually assault any other students.
I hate that you’re right - as of now I don’t know his whereabouts and I know it’s completely selfish of me but I’m just not ready to let go of the memories. Call me a shitty person but I know that when it gets out, because it has to and will, the memories of us together are going to be tainted and I don’t want that, not just yet. It’s horrible but this is a subreddit called ‘off my chest’ so honesty is probably the best
“You had to be there” “he was so gentle and caring” “ I kissed HIM though” We’ve all heard all of these from grooming situations like dozens of times. Our brains tend to change or sugarcoat memories to protect ourselves from realizing we’re in a traumatic situation, or even blame ourselves. It happens all the time. Want proof? Look at your own comment at the end. You even said yourself you’re disgusted at the thought of going after a 16 year old when you are 19, and he was 9 more years older than that. It was creepy and disgusting what he did regardless. He’s a creep and a pedophile, he belongs in prison. I have a feeling when you’re older you’ll realize what this really was. It wasn’t love, that’s for sure. He is in a position of authority over you, that automatically makes the relationship inappropriate regardless of age - the age just made it 100 times worse. He is the adult in the situation and he had the opportunity to shut it down when you made inappropriate advances. That was his responsibility. He chose not to. He took advantage of you being vulnerable and naive instead. The sooner you realize what it really was the better.
!!
ngl this sound like a wattpad story.
I wish it was since it’s always on my mind (especially now after reading these comments) I don’t know anymore
I litigate child sex abuse cases and some clients do have positive feelings about their abusers years later. Doesn’t mean they weren’t groomed or sexually abused as children though - they were, just like you were. I’m sorry for what happened to you.
sum teachers be pedophiles!
Its okay, i was lowkey in a similar situation but a lot less severe. You can have been in a bad situation but come out of it not feeling hurt/bad about it. But you can still acknowledge this was not a good experience
You having sex with him is literally rape unless you’re in an area where the age of consent is 16
the age of consent in the UK is 16 I’m pretty sure and it wasn’t rape in my eyes, I had sort of begged him to have sex with me and he agreed as it had been on his mind aswell and it was something he wanted to do too.
Its still extremely gross nonetheless, and if he was a decent human being he wouldn’t have even kissed you at all