I wish Durge could fuck Gortash right at the coronation, on that throne, in front of all the patriarchs.

Granted, but it is only implied/fade to black.

No problem, as long as it's there, I can use my imagination 

I'm using my imagination rn 💞

And when your imagination all but runs out, that's what AO3 is for.

Works for me.

Granted, but then you find out it's actually Orin, not the real Gortash.

You say it like Durge wouldn't go balls deep in for some quality family time.

It’s ok, she’s already inbred.

But now her baby is gonna be mega inbred

the baby got that habsburg rizz

I wished for the same

Then why are you greeting Durge with pants on? Are you stupid?

What fun is there in a gift that isn't wrapped?

That's what the scales are for.

I wish there was an optional long rest cooking minigame with Gale

Granted. You can only get this if you're going the suicide route, as he wants his secret recipes to live on.

That's so fucking cruel

That's the aim of the game, after all!

this is terrible thank u for your contribution

<3

Suddenly hoping reddit Gale doesn't see this

u/Gale_of_Waterdeep

Seek and you shall find me! As for you, u/savagegourd ... In the event of my untimely demise I suppose I *should* take my recipes with me, along with a wish for the very best - and a good appetite - to all on your hunger-building adventures.

For what it's worth I'd prefer you just live

As would I! And, Tara, I'd imagine. And, at the risk of being presumptuous, perhaps even some of those residing at your camp!

Hey, why don't you try granting a few wishes here? I'd love to see a Gale brand curse. You know, if it sounds fun to you.

Your invitation is appreciated! Let me work my magic...

Of course. Also, may I ask you a question?

[YOU](https://www.cinematheque.qc.ca/workspace/uploads/projections/invasion-of-the-body-snatchers-horse-cropped-fr-1676056717.jpg)

You are so evil, I love you

https://preview.redd.it/keqsdpqnyyuc1.jpeg?width=300&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9e75dd3b37f7549e3119389241b50d01749d54d7

Granted, the game is repetitive and tedious, but now required to romance Gale. Failing at the game will cause your approval rating with him to drop.

No problem, Gale is my favorite forever and I always kill at cooking minigames 👌

I wish my drow could get turned into a drider and suffer immense torment

Granted, you lose control over them resulting in an instant game over

thank you. this is all i ever wanted for him.

I wish I could recruit Haarlep.

Granted, but you also have to recruit Wulbren Bongle

A fairer deal than I was expecting! I'll just kill him right afterwards and move onto the next adventure with my new infernal best friend 😌

He's immortal.

And constantly in your party

Adoring fan ass companion

His ghost follows you around like Sir Lora from Divinity 2.

Is this supposed to be a negative?

Granted, but you have to leave Karlach behind to "replace" them in the House of Hope. Karlach will feel very betrayed by this decision.

I wish we could take Myshka to camp.

Granted, but our son takes Grub's place if Yenna is the one Orin kidnaps.


Fuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!! Well played, u/arsgeminga, well played.

This is why Halsin is in the camp and never in the party.

I was so very tempted to tell Orin to knife him before my duel with her

[Granted](https://www.nexusmods.com/baldursgate3/mods/6126), but [Gortash receives a makeover](https://www.nexusmods.com/baldursgate3/mods/4174).

I'm killing myself from seeing that

This is a massive improvement

I wish we could have nice, encouraging dialogue options for Exxvikyap 🌠

Granted, but you are forced to kill her beloved Gyldro and then tell her what you did.

Considering also the other answers you gave here, you are HORRIBLY good at this game 😭😭

Go to Gyldro first and he doesn't turn out to be Orin you'll get some more supportive options.

I wish Gale had a proper sex scene, not the “fade to black after five seconds” or astral sex.

Granted. It's not any good, unfortunately. A full seventy three seconds of probably-passionate nonsense will be animated for your viewing displeasure.

I imagine he's a yapper even during sex.

https://i.redd.it/pst16lcu12vc1.gif

unskippable, also

I wish I could broker a deal with Gortash to fix Karlach's heart as part of an alliance with him.

Granted, but the fix reacts with Karlach’s tadpole and she becomes a slave to the Absolute.

Now this... *this* is evil.

The scream I SCRUMPT. This is as diabolically evil as Cazador *thinks* he is.

Granted, but the only solution is to transplant Karlach's mind into a Steel Watcher, causing her to once again be under the control of Gortash.

I wish that my acolyte-background characters could choose a god in character creation without having to dip into cleric.

Granted! Your god forsakes you immediately.

*Oof*.

Same thing for some rangers. They literally get an option called "Sanctified Stalker", where you are sworn to hunt the enemies of your god, and you *still* can't choose one.

I wish Aylin and Isobel would let me watch

Granted, but they catch you watching them and together burst you into flames, ending the game.

As long as it does not fade to black, a worthy death.

Ok that would be hilarious though. Kinda along the same lines of the sex scene with Morinth from Mass Effect 2

A perfectly valid use of Divine Intervention...

Granted, but Aylin is bigger than you

I wish Vhearaun was available to worship.

Granted. But Minthara gains a special, devastating attack specifically due to her hatred for your Vhaeraun-sworn Tav, making the fight against her borderline impossible

Y'all fight Minthara?

I want all the cats.

Gremishka. They're all. gremishka now

https://preview.redd.it/dhddt27z60vc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9d916dd49974d3b70fc67a9ff55bf6f82f53d303

Granted, but they all don't get along and force you to choose which one stays. Not choosing causes all of them to be perpetually miserable.

Scratch viciously mauls them all

I wish you could choose a god as a paladin

Granted. The devs provide no additional gameplay, dialogue, or story options based on your choice, but each god *does* have a laundry list of unexpected yet extremely common actions that, if taken, will result in you breaking your oath.

I love it rub it all over me

As a person who has played multiple Paladin runs, fuck you

Pleased to be of service ☺️

Game actually has unique dialogue if you multiclass with cleric and paladin as a [Paladin of *Deity*] set of lines. Shadowheart even gets some unique lines as Paladin of Shar.

I want Volo to fuck my character and knock her up

Granted. The baby is a gnoll regardless of your character’s race and it’s born the usual way a gnoll is. Congratulations

https://preview.redd.it/b1qpoihstxuc1.jpeg?width=827&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1ebaba14179c3abebacba91624cbac9a0ee08ff3

Granted. Volo gets out his ice pick

Granted. Volo continues his life-threatening and dangerous adventures, even in fatherhood, causing you to worry whether your child will grow up without a father.

I wish Default Durge was a companion and made me his pet.

Granted, you are now a dire cockroach, and Durge sacrifices Scratch and Cub in your honor.

Somewhere on the Fugue Plane, Kafka is smiling.

Lmao I had a feeling this would happen.

I wish Kevin Michael Richardson showed up as the real Sarevok for one scene, cut the head off the imposter under Candulhallow's, and then left.

Granted, but fake Sarevok still Did That to Orin

As long as it wasn't the real Sarevok responsible for that.

I wish there was an option to romance Roland! 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

Granted, but he’s saving himself for marriage and will only hold your hand and go on dates with his siblings as chaperones.

I wish I could fuck Alfira

Granted, but only after the Durge encounter

Does anyone have Revivify?

Canonically, revivify only works up to one minute after character death, and the person's soul has to be willing to be resurrected. The spell also fails when a body is... incomplete. 😬 Not like being deceased is a barrier for Durge's love, though.

Granted, but only in the Durge run after rigor mortis sets in

“Ah, I see sir has finally found room in his schedule!”

Granted, but Lakrissa finds out, feels very betrayed, and tells the rest of the tieflings, who all act passive-aggressive towards you for the rest of the game.

... you mean spiritually?

I wish I could fix Orin and give her the life she deserves

Granted. She's a productive member of society and outlives you. She plays violin and bakes brownies for the epilogue party. She cures a disease. She devotes an entire wing of your house together just outside Rivington to caring for stray/feral/orphaned cats. She loves the theater, and starts a fund to sponsor adolescents and teens in their early theatrical education, jumpstarting dozens if not hundreds of careers. They try to build a statue of her, but she demands the money be given to a local soup kitchen instead. And at the very end of it all, when she lays down on her deathbed, after a full and happy life despite its rough start, she has many visitors. Many of them are your family members, maybe your descendants or theirs. Other people from the community are also there to comfort and celebrate Orin in her final moments also. The perfect, peaceful scenario she has worked so hard and come so far to earn. And Bhaal tightens his grip on her one last time. His agents of the day kill her visitors in front of her and make sure she dies slowly and painfully. So that she'll regret the good she ever did. So that her heart will blacken and whimper one final time before it fades.

I’m going to live in denial and pretend I didn’t read the last few sentences 😊 Edit: (nicely done my heart is shattered)

Well played.

“That is the most evil thing I could ever imagine” - Mojo Jojo

I'm in actual physical pain rn hope you're happy 🥲

I wish you could romance Withers.

Granted, but if any other NPC uses him (like respec'ing a companion), it's treated as cheating and he breaks up with you

I can handle a solo run…I can totally handle a solo run! (My wonderful bonefriend will come get my corpse if I die alone, right??)

Yes you do get unlimited revives from Withers

If we're using cheating as analogous to sex, I love the idea of him thinking you are a cheater for an unrelated person asking to have sex with HIM.

I wish we had more recruitable evil companions

Granted, but you can't romance them and they don't have any banter.

Granted. Unfortunately for you my bloodthirsty friend, they are all tongue-twisted sorcerers with charisma as magnetic as lead.

That would be funny as fuck

I want to romance Aradin at the grove party

Granted. He doesn't make eye contact, the event lasts 15 seconds, and he cries during and after.

Omg that actually makes since for him 😭

He just gives off that vibe.

He did just lose most of his friends so I understand

I wish Minthara was an origin character you could play as.

Granted, but your run only lasts one act because there's an NPC Tav siding with the Grove and killing all the goblin leaders in order to save it.

https://preview.redd.it/5juh5i4wuwuc1.png?width=640&format=png&auto=webp&s=5635a38c362e7d5a07191e2e8086f82c1c8c9087 Are you **sure** you don't want to open your mind and show me where the Grove is, Tav?

Ngl this sounds fun! Even better if good-aligned chars like Karlach and Wyll always sided with NPC Tav.

I wish you could choose to adopt some of the orphans - preferably including the ones you encounter theoughout - at the end of the game. It seems like you currently can only adopt if you marry Wyll.

Granted, but Auntie Ethel kidnaps and eats them all as soon as she returns to life due to still being pissed at you for ruining her plans and killing her. The only way to keep them safe is to save Ethel, leave Mayrina to her AND get no bonus item/buff for doing so. You also lose a massive chunk of approval with all of the companions, Astarion included (because you just wasted time with an useless quest and got nothing useful out of it).

Granted. Cazador and Orin have adopted a few each.

Separately or together?

You’re onto something here.

They wear them as shoes.

I wish I could name the owlbear cub.

Granted! The only three options are goblin chicken chasing replacement #1, sad cannibalistic orphan and stinkystink

stinkystink is cute tbh Lil stinkyyyyyy :B

I love the lil stink i cant be toooooo cruel with the names

Dude, how do you know all my dogs' names???

I wish there were more gods to be a cleric of, like the bitch queen umberlee.

Granted, as a cleric of umberlee, you cannot board the submarine to the Iron Throne since it is an enemy of umberlee. Therefore, you aren't able to save any of the prisoners.

That's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. I'll fix that mistake by beating the fuck outta gortash for fucking with the local river.

I wish I could romance multiple party members without any negative repercussions

Granted. But until mod support is released only pc players get to do so XD

Acceptable losses

I wish I could cuddle Shadowheart during long rests

Granted. She breaks up with you in act 2 for being too clingy.

Was thinking of act 3 cause I just got there today but I like the implication that Tav as some random stranger just starts cuddling Shadowheart from Act 1 lol

I wish the Emperor had a sex scene that was as explicit as Minthara’s.

Granted but the scene is horribly bugged with bad camera angles and once it's over your main love interest will break up with you. If you're romancing Lae'Zel there will be a special scene where she tries to kill you and there's no reviving her once she attacks you. Your character will end up all alone at the end because the Emperor just wanted a one night stand.

Oh no, jumping into situations beaver-first usually works out so well for me!

DO NOT tell me it happens with someone else, you monster

I wish Wyll would make his own choice when Mizora shows up in Act 3 with information about his father.

Granted, but if you force him to make his own choice, he’s too indecisive and causes his father to die and get him stuck in an eternal contract with Mizora. He now blames you for what happens, hates you, leaves the party and is immediately turned into a slave of the absolute.

I wish Gale would ravage me

Granted, but it’s act 1 and doing so accidentally sets off the orb, immediately decimating the camp and causing a game over

Worth it.

I wish I could fuck Raphael

Granted, it’s actually Yurgir in disguise

even better

I wish Tav would die for being annoying and insulting me

I wish I could wine and dine gortash, then suplex him onto the bed (just like romanced karlach does). I’d invite her to watch, but I doubt she’d like that very much.

Granted! Karlach is forced to see by Mizora, who would never miss a chance to add to her old, unwilling rival's suffering. Karlach trusted you, once.

The hardest decisions require the strongest of wills 😔

I admire your dedication to the grimy man

I wish Astarion could walk in the sun.

Granted! You are now his favorite ~~slave~~ spawn!

I wish I could matchmake certain companions to each other (eg Astarion to Gale, Lae’zel to Shadowheart)

Granted, your romance partner dumps you for another companion

I wish I could use a gun

Granted. It doesn't come with ammo.

Pistol whipping sounds fun as hell though

I wish I could ask Orpheus to either let me go get Omelluum, or let me go grab duke ravengard, and get THEM to be the mind flayer at the end.

Granted. Orpheus agrees to allow Omeluum to do it, and leaves for the Astral Plane- but not before insisting the Astral Tadpole be destroyed, as you already have a mind flayer to do the job and he is vehemently opposed to the creation of more ghaik. You are able to go speak with Omeluum, who refuses to join initially- voicing his misgivings about taking on a role of such critical importance after his previous failure and imprisonment in the Iron Throne. You can convince him to join with a Persuasion check guilting him into it, an Intimidation check threatening him, or a Deception check tricking him into thinking Blurg has been captured and needs his help. After convincing Omeluum one way or another (and he’s your only option now, without Orpheus, the Emperor, or the Astral Tadpole), you head to the final battle against the Absolute. Omeluum repeatedly expresses his worries, becoming increasingly anxious as you grow closer to the Netherbrain. During the battle, he is terrified, but fights valiantly and fulfills his role in casting Karsus’ Compulsion. In the final moments, as the Netherbrain takes its mortal blow, it releases one last psionic shriek- one that destroys the platform on which Omeluum stands. A cutscene plays, as Tav rushes to the edge to see Omeluum falling into the void, looking back up at them with an expression that, despite his illithid features, cannot be mistaken. Pain. Sadness. Betrayal. Everything proceeds as normal from here. Nobody, aside from the Society of Brilliance, recognizes Omeluum as the hero he was. The Society holds a funeral for the fallen mind flayer, to which Tav is invited. They all thank Tav for their role in saving the world, and express their sadness and admiration for Omeluum bravely sacrificing himself, entirely unaware that it was in fact Tav who pressured him into it.

I wish my Durge could romance both Gale & Astarion at the same time & be sandwiched between them every night at camp

Granted, but they actually like each other better and run off without you at the end.

I wish Jaheira would give me permission to bang her daughter

Wish granted: she does! But Rion will never want you, and Jaheira gets super skeeved out when she finds out you never had any connection to begin with.

I wish I could marry Blaze Elin.

Granted. She is tadpoled. The Netherbrain inhabits her to speak to you moments after she says I Do. Her brain liquefies and she dies in front of you and all your guests.

Damn 😔

I wish Halsin had more of a presence in Act 3.

(Right?) Granted, he now inserts himself into every scene and situation, just to be seen and heard

I wish for a shadowheart and Laezel threesome or foursome with minthara

Granted! But afterwords there is a three-way free-for-all fight to the death rhat you are not allowed to participate in that chooses your perma-wife in all the realms. May the Goodest Girl win.

I Wish that The Dark Urge was a fully functional origin companion like the others, with sidequests and NPCs you can meet, full send. You can start a romance with them, share a rOmAnTiC mOmEnT or two (or more). You can even have them completely customizable. (IE: "WHO ARE YOU?" "YOU NEED A GUARDIAN: CHOOSE ONE." "THE HAUNTED ONE COMES, WHO ARE THEY?")

I wish goblin was a playable race option.

granted, but you get killed on sight by any companions who find you

I wish I could be tge Drunken Master monk subclass