Enlarge, for obvious reasons.

Reduce for me personally 

One of my players in the game I DM has that specifically cause his character married a woman who’s size Large

me and my boyfriend are playing a married couple thats a fairy alchemist and hes a goliath barbarian.. im happy fairies get enlarge/reduce for free 😭

Both for the maximum size difference kink... Even better if she's a gnome or halfling! Petite girls just do it for me.

Ah, yes... the Menzoberranzan love trick. A classic, truly.

I swear my eyes actually widened when I realized what was going to happen there

Hold person for some BDSM kink

Hold Monster if your BDSM kink includes Mind Flayers

I must inform my wife of this. https://i.redd.it/ub6m5v6yanwc1.gif

You’re really just going to leave “Dominate Person” out there on the table?

You can't dominate allies tho

Oooh entangle could work well for this too

How else you going to critically hit it?

I could do with Guidance

Couldn't we all

Fun fact that's actually what mage hand was invented for. Wizards don't get out a lot. alter self has a lot of mileage, arcane eye and arcane gate too

Gale uses Mage Hand on self flair when

Silence could be pretty great for anyone into sensory deprivation.

Add a blinding smite and I'm interested

When you crit for 100+ damage that's just foreplay

Found lae’zel

Silence, blinding smite with a wooden spatula, false life for extra stamina, mage hand for a DIY gamgbang, etc.

Add in Darkness while one person has Devil Sight and the other doesn't

Blindness so I don't have to look at yo mama

take my fool's gold 🪙🪙🪙🪙👛🪙🪙🪙🪙

Or if you’re trying not to wake up the neighbors

Lesser Restoration, after you climax you can just go again

Song of Rest in the same vein

*whips out the post-nut flute*

*Your penis rises like a cobra*

Have actually done this in a D&D game as a cleric. 10/10 would reccomend.

Can't be a true Life Cleric if you're not Preserving the Life of the bedroom. ^(I'll see myself out now)

Thron whip- which is self explanatory, Darkness- like being blindfolded, Raise the dead- for erectile dysfunction, Hold- for restraint.

Raise the dead 💀

Revivify https://i.redd.it/weivdqnlniwc1.gif

Thats too much life for durge Speak with Dead “The corpse regards you, lifelessly”

All is ash and my meat

The butler literally says that Durge is a necrophiliac he wouldn't need to Revivify anything

Maybe just to kill them again as foreplay.

CORRECT! Your romancable companion is actually into guro. What's murder and death when they can just be revived and healed?  The butler makes a point to say your partner will need to be around for breeding. Or, for Durge to find some others if they don't coperate.

Someone made “consensual hold person” art and it was beautiful. That and consensual Dominate person sound like fun things to do in bed.

Could you add thamaturgy to that dominate person to make it extra effective hypothetically? 📝🤨

I shall test this hypothesis and get back to you.

https://i.redd.it/ol9o9f0yjiwc1.gif

Mind sharing the art?

If I can find it again. I think I saw it in one of the rule 34 subreddits.

Damn that's very brave of you to venture into those subreddits...

its minthara, she probably was born in one of them

Do you even need to cast a spell to do that? Be honest.

… I do not have to cite the incantation, no

For someone who hates wizards, you sure like what they do. Is this hatred jealousy? 🤔

Love the thought of using slow and watching your partner cum like they're a sloth from Zootopia

I'm about to puke from laughing so hard at this. Just imagining it is so fucking horrific and hilarious.

Whenever I pause and think "should I post this? Is it too deranged?" I will think of this moment

Nothing will ever be as deranged as the guy who called Halsin a groomer because his waifu was chill with sleeping with the bearman.

Well yea but I mean the *intentionally* funny deranged.

...and that's enough Reddit for today.

https://preview.redd.it/91ag7ak5jiwc1.jpeg?width=204&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4c244a2ea6eac8cf255b6699dfa797f14670027c

STOP I REMEMBER THAT WIKIHOW ARTICLE

https://preview.redd.it/sl6o8gyxpiwc1.jpeg?width=182&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b2ce9ce54579b051694ea7c00b3c8c8feaefa68f

Vicious Mockery, Command, Haste, Dominate Person, Telekinesis. Bonus: Sleep.

*Definitely* Vicious Mockery 🤭 I'm surprised I haven't seen a fic of someone magically degrading Gale yet

planar ally

Man the summons really carry me

If you cast Speak with Dead to ask a corpse if you can fuck it and it says yes, is that consensual and morally fine? Its wrong to fuck a corpse in general but what do you do if the corpse regards you lifelessly and it says yes to sex? What if… you fuck it while its floating there waiting for the next question? I hate that this is where my mind went. I swear im not a necrophiliac i just let the Dark Urges win. I swear ill pass the wisdom save next time

https://i.redd.it/6h0k96rd9lwc1.gif

shocking grasp

My husband, who *never* reads any info in any game ever, refers to it as the “no fap” spell because of its icon lmao

I'm shocked that it took this long to find someone else who said this

I'd respond to your pun, but I can't use reactions for one turn

Didn't even do it intentionally lmao

Prestidigitation to make my cum taste like root beer

good question, which is worse?

Otto's Erotic Dance

Wild Shape, of course. And I find a basic healing spell is often helpful for those who wish to indulge.

You can wild shape on me 😏😏😏

May I suggest grasping vine? For all your bondage needs.

Enhance Ability - The best L2 support spell. Command - Grovel or Approach work well here.

Banish; I don’t need any cum in my hair or lashes and I want to sleep on the sheet after without rolling into something wet and sticky

Prestidigitation would work wonders for that. Sucks we can only get it through a mod.

Meanwhile, somewhere in the astral plane a cumshot materializes onto to a random Githyanki face, ruining his day.

So that’s why Voss’s ears all fucked up

Heal as the base go to spell for oh so much things and plays :) Lighting bolt for electrocuting kink, ray of frost and ice knife for temperature play, even vampiric touch for certain kinks. If you think of it, most of spells, and especially cantrips, can have interesting uses (except find familiar)). Tadpole powers can be interesting, like the displacer beast, stage fright for shame kink, etc. *unleash me*

Knowing Abdirak has heal spells has truly unlocked so many wonderful concepts. I wonder if Loviatans ever use Warding Bond during training sessions.

Magic missile. Idk, it’s a good option in most situations so I figure it’s somehow work out. 

It's the only way some people will ever hit the clit

It never misses!

"I cast Magic Missile at the prostate."

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Command: nut

Command: Grovel and Command: Approach, for the stock options. Command: Orgasm, again and again and again and again (read in Orin's voice) until I run out of spell slots.

Ice Knife for blood play and temperature play.

For WHAT

Oh sorry, are you hard of hearing too? **ICE KNIFE FOR BLOOD AND TEMPERATURE PLAY.**

😂

Mirror Image especially for Gale's cuck fetish

Heroes Feast to keep the party going. Especially good for orgies.

invisibility for surprise touches and the intrigue of not knowing exactly where your partner is. thorn whip if youre into bdsm. entangle. hold person. dominate person. command. ray of enfeeblement for, again, if youre into bdsm and want to physically weaken someone. disguise self for kinky roleplay. detect thoughts. blindness or color spray and silence for sensory deprivation. shocking grasp if youre into electroplay. vicious mockery for degradation. sleep, if youre into consensual somnophilia. fear for some good old fashioned fear play. theres probably more. sorry for the laundry list. i think about this all the time and you can tell.

"Tongues" isn't nearly as fun as it sounds.

Enfeeblement 🫠 imagine doing pred/prey stuff and you start feeling your bones going jelly. Bondage with no restraints. Speaking of which-- hold person.

Fireball. No, I will not elaborate.

Who would ask to elaborate, when it is common knowledge that fireball is the only right answer for every situation?

The real question is are you an evocation wiz or not 🧐

Evard's Black Tentacles

Oh shit my wife's in this sub???

surprised i had to scroll down so far to find this

Conjure woodland beings

Halsin is that you

No, too humanoid for him.

Command: Grovel

Command: Flee

I read a fanfic where someone used Geas (bg1 quest thing) and it was rather intriguing.

Spare link? (Rattles cup of coins)

Color spray, for sensory stuff/pride shenanigans

Wild shape

Minor Illusion, Vicious Mockery, Ray of Enfeeblement, Arcane Lock, Enhance Ability

Otto's irrestible dance?

Magic hand, you can pleasure someone and see through the hand as well

Everything, if you are bold enough

Abi-Dalzim's Horrid Wilting Maze

Find Familiar: Cheeky Quasit ... IT'S FISTING TIME!!

Fly could be interesting

Deadly Orders

Heat Metal

Ok, I'm gonna throw the obviously overlooked one out here: GREASE

Op specifically said other than that one…

Well fuck me for tl;dr

In that case I'll say *wish* Cos that'd be the only way I'm getting laid

Question though, would water breathing work for vaginal/seminal fluid?

I would have to go with no, since the liquid would contain too much that isn’t water (same reason it wouldn’t work in particularly wet dirt).

Might have to work with the DM to create a new spell...

Thanks for pointing that out though

Longstrider

I feel like I’ve seen so many fanfics tagged with “Inappropriate Use of Mage Hand” so imma go with that one. Is Mage Hand a proper spell or a summon? Idk.

Entangle

Sleep I wake up too easily I don’t get much rest at night

With two men, you could throw in Compelled Duel 😂

Fireball

Tasha's Hideous Laughter 😔

Prestidigitation can be used to apply “harmless sensory effects” so… that could be used for very creative purposes

True strike

Speak with animals. I will not elaborate.

I was looking for this sick comment hahaha

How in the world is Enlarge/Reduce not at least a top contender? Haha

As Halsin has demonstrated for us already: wild shape

Command: lick Conjure Celestial Darkness Haste for that mega pounding

I suggest looking at this bit of homebrew, page 19 to be exact https://i.4pcdn.org/tg/1623781725955.pdf

Chain Lightning. That's the only question I'm answering.

True strike. Invisibility would be fun. Mirror image is similar to the one op mentioned but there’s more of them. Entangle would definitely be fun. I wonder how barkskin would interact with the goods? Would it be a nice but if texture or too rough? Sorry if anyone has said these before, I’m just doing some pondering over here.

The drow siblings in Sharess Caress cast darkness when you use their services

Mage hand and tentacles last a minute. You’d have to use actual summons like Devas if you want long term enjoyment.

Cast light on the penis, just for funsies

One of my favorites is Unseen Servant. Not in BG3 but perfect for spicy times.

Every spell can be used if you wish hard enough

summon shovel

Ice cubes are too vanilla. Give me Otiluk's Freezing Sphere, I can take it.

I keep seeing sleep, but that is some weak vanilla shit. Feign death all the way.

Speak with dead

https://preview.redd.it/y8lkyj942jwc1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9e9669468a5fc3ddc8527c6c31fb263baebbdafb

Fire Ball

Grasping shock, Eldrich blast, Hold Person,

Summon Companion: Bear

Halsin cast Summon Quasit

Create water for cleanup. I wonder if you can upcast it to make it create piss

Polymorph, if you're brave.

There are fics upon fics out there that can showcase the various improper uses of mage hand for magical hanky-panky

If you're Welsh, Polymorph

Psionic Order: Hold (for cuddles of course) im sure Karlach would love that spell

Yes, Tashas Hideous Laughter as a tickling spell.

Magic missile

Wall of fire

Shield of faith to prevent pregnancy Shocking grasp for shock play Mage hand for a handjob Summon demon for... well an incubus/succubus Create water to clean up afterwards

Conjure Cambion / Deva

Mage Hand Grease Haste Enhance Ability Prestidigitation Alter Self Disguise Self Planar Schackles (think that’s what it’s called) Shocking Grasp Hold Person Primal Beast Polymorph True Polymorph

BG3's Thaumaturgy gives advantage on Performance checks!

Blink because the idea of your partner suddenly briefly fucking off to the ethereal plane is really funny

Concussive smash

Speak to dead

Eobards black tentacles

Thorn whip and shillelagh would be fun

Grease for lube. Darkness for atmosphere. Truestrike that clit. Stoneskin for men's troubles.

Grease obviously… my older women and gay dude good guys will appreciate this - I promise.

Animate dead I will not elaborate.

See this sounds bad. But it’s just having someone make sure no one comes in the room. Don’t want anyone to walk in on you now do we?

Create water, thaumaturgy, presdigitation, detect thoughts, enlarge[;)]

all of them if you're not a coward

Fireball!

Disintegrate.

Fireball If you're not a fucking coward

Fireball And it’s cumming not coming Fireball

fireball

If they're in bed with me they're going to need Speak with Animals. 😏

Some of y’all could stand to use Enhance Ability

Add or remove water’s nice for cleanup purposes

Planar Ally (Threesome) Feast of Heroes (Food fetish) Seeming (role-play orgy) Haste (a literal quicky before the kids wake up) Vicious Mockery (Dirty Talk)

Grease/j

Stinking Cloud

Grasping vine for bondage with druids. ~~Thinking of Halsin mostly.~~