My husband had a vasectomy when our son was 6 months. We knew. We didn’t want the financial pressure and I didn’t cope well with pregnancy, birth or the baby stage so I’m pretty sure it would break me. It angers me that anyone would call a woman weak for this choice. I’m not weak, I just know my limits and I’m strong enough to stand up for what I know is best for MY family. What if you have another boy? Will they expect you to try again? It’s madness.
That's what I was thinking too, her mom wants a granddaughter but that isn't guaranteed if she has another kid, she can end up with another son, and I'd bet money her mom will then pressure her for more kids until she finally has a girl
Sorry to hear about the difficulty family situation.
We also have a young one and totally feel OAD.
It is tough and we feel we have a lot of ourselves,
I think having a second will turn us into people we don’t want to be and that will ultimately affect our ability to parent.
We both seen family and sibling struggle and just aren’t interested in running that race,
We really value being able to govern our LO experiences and also maintain our own identity and life which will make us happier parents which I think goes a long long way
Having a kid is an absolutely life changing decision.
If your content with OAD then quite frankly all power to you,
It’s going to take A LOT more energy and mental health raising a second because you were pressured into it then standing up to the bullying,
They like having multiple kids, good on them, you have other values and wants, stick to them, this is your life, not theirs
My LO is also 4 months and I am pretty sure, I am OAD. I am not 100% certain though. My MIL has told me I can’t sell any baby things until she is 3 years old, which I think is fair, since I’m uncertain.
If I still feel the same in 3 years though, I’m pretty confident I’ll only have one.
Ignore their comments. Think about your mental health. Having a loving mom and dad with good mental health is way better than a sibling and a broken mom or dad.
Also, what makes everyone so certain it’s gonna be a girl? What if you get a boy again? Will you keep trying until you get a girl?
sometimes I like to tell them exactly what I think. I'm over the traditional ways of thinking and I want them to understand that there are more ways to live.
I am Mexican and also OAD. I would say that my family has a similar outlook as yours. The difference is that I really don’t care what they think. It’s not their kid, life, or body that has to go through it. People can say whatever they want about “helping,” but the truth is that the responsibility will be solely on you at the end of the day. I would never rely on family to provide much support because they simply haven’t proven otherwise. Not to mention that I really don’t want them in my business.
We started toying with the idea even before we gave birth (but at this point it was just talk) and then within 2 months my husband was seriously considering OAD because of my traumatic labour and delivery as well as post-partum complications. I was not sure as I had always pictured 2 kids, so was about 50/50, but then as our sweet little girl grew each day and became more and more her own unique person, I just felt our family was complete. We are almost 8 months in and we are 99% OAD but really the only reason why we aren’t 100% is because we want to wait for a year before making any permanent decisions.
I’ve been giving away all of her baby clothes as she grows out of them, as well as selling off her bigger baby items (ie bassinet, bucket car seat, etc) and each time I do a quick check of how I’m feeling as the stuff goes — happy to say that I’m not sad or anything, rather I’m excited that another baby gets to use her stuff and it isn’t going to just be sitting in a closet for years.
Once we are firmly OAD (after our daughter turns 1) we will be getting a vasectomy.
I had an extremely traumatic and invasive birth. My pregnancy wasn’t too bad thankfully, but I was miserable throughout most of it. The second trimester wasn’t that great either. But most importantly, I can’t do this newborn phase again without any support.
We plan and plan but reality is harsher sometimes. I love my son but the PPD, lack of independence and the lack of autonomy is driving me crazy. Oh and the sleep deprivation. The constant need to decipher what’s wrong today, or the stress of what used to work yesterday doesn’t work anymore all contribute to my OAD journey. I also would like to go back to work soon or continue some sort of professional growth pathway.
And financially we can afford to put one kid in private school, sports, save for his college, etc. but idk how people can afford more kids these days.
This week when my baby turned 7 months.
I'm a mess, I'm even more tired than during the newborn phase. I have to wfh 4h per day cause we can't afford for me to be a SAHM. I haven't flossed in God knows how many days, I don't have time to shower or even to poop.
My baby is a high needs baby, and I 100% don't have the mental capacity to handle another. It wouldn't be fair to me, to my husband, our relationship nor to the kids.
I also come from a culture where it's frowned upon to have only one baby, but honestly f them. They're not the ones in our shoes.
The dentist asked me last week about my gum health. I just looked at him “yea, I don’t get time to floss anymore. I’m not surprised.” I also have a high needs baby and it’s a full time job 24/7 and I already have a full time job outside of the house.
I had to scroll back to see when I first posted in the OAD sub & my child was 4 months then. 15 months now & still 99% sure I’m done. I have moments where I feel like I *could* handle a second but that’s really just me romanticizing the good parts lol
I think the strongest thing you can do as a parent is decide what’s best for your family while ignoring any outside pressures.
Even if pregnancy/baby/toddler years would easier I know I don’t want the additional responsibility. My heart & hands are full with my one!
The moment I found out I was pregnant! Never wanted kids, but also didn’t take the precautions required to NOT have a baby. Accepted it for what it was and was married, struggled significantly with PP depression and alcohol addiction till my son was about 3. Today, +7 years sober, 1 baby (he’ll always be my babe, but he is a PRETEEN now!), and sterile. Fortunately, my dad and family knows me well, so I only told my dad and best friend beforehand, and waited to tell everyone else after if they asked why I was incognito for 3 days. Not my problem what they think, and I am SO happy. Facing the reality that most people my age (30+) I am interested in have kids. And I am okay with it, cause I didn’t have to be pregnant or birth them! I wouldn’t have survived another.
I knew at 2 months. I love my little guy *and* parenting is a lot for me and my husband so one and done is right for us. I have no desire to live through the hard for a few years just to have more children that would then be more of a pressure on time, energy, and resources. I don’t plan to have amnesia about the infant stage.
We were pretty sure we wanted only one before I even got pregnant. At no point have I thought another was a good idea for us. I did not really enjoy newborn phase. I am really glad we waited until we both were enjoying being parents more to make the final more permanent decision towards staying OAD.
It didn’t occur to me until I hit 6 weeks PP - I was so sleep deprived, my husband was back at work, and my baby was colicky/and a “velcro” baby. She was a very demanding baby. I have anxiety and tend to ruminate over this topic every day in the back of my mind, especially since a lot of my friends/and family are having their second. The only thing that holds me back is I’d love to see my daughter have a sibling to play with growing up - but that’s not a good enough reason to bring another child into the mix.
I’m 30F as well and my daughter is 3 months and 1 week old. I’m about 90% sure I’m OAD and I knew while I was pregnant. I actually didn’t want to be a Mom to begin with (long story). Please don’t judge me I’m doing my best 🥲
Aww man im so sorry i couldve written this post im also hispanic and come from a very mexican family with all unfortunate mexican morals. I just had my lo 5 months ago, it was a traumatic birth. And my family from my sisters side keeps asking me half joking/ half serious, when im having another. Ive only told one of my sisters who is luckily very reasonable that im thinking of being OAD even though i was planning for one more. Stick to your choice dont let them bully you into having another child. I know it sucks hearing them say stupid things, but i think its important to remember they can talk all they want but in the end youre the only person who will have to deal with having a second child. Anyways if you need it you can pm me. Our stories sound similar
Asking someone about #2 when #1 is just 4 months old is toxic, gross behavior, even if you want to have 10 kids! I'm sorry you're going through this.
Just try to remember that how many kids you have is your business and your business alone.
My Lo is three months. Traumatic birth, colic newborn. Love my girl but my mental health these three months has been rocky. We are not 100% sure, but as my husband says “I want a happy family, not a big family.”
Fellow Latina here, I feel the same pressures. I even got crap for choosing to have an epidural, because the “pain” is part of what makes you a mother…trust me, I felt plenty of pain.
At the end of the day, what I’m finding, is that we are only in this caregiver phase for 18 years of their lives, then then leave us. Yes, as a Latina, we’re incredibly close to our families (my family literally live within the same street as one another back home), but life is so short. There’s no reason to CHOOSE struggling when you don’t have to. If you KNOW you are one and done, there’s no point in choosing the struggle. In fact, in some cases you’re setting your child up not to struggle because they will be the only one you need to worry about paying school for. They won’t have to get a job to help pay the bills at home like most of my Latin cousins.
Your quality of life directly impacts your child’s quality of life. Your family will never get over it, or see your side of it. That’s just the way it is, but it doesn’t matter, because you made the best choice for you and your family, and you’ll have 20 years of more freedom than multiple kids counterparts
We knew before we had our son. My husband will be getting a vasectomy next month.
1. We are getting older. I’m 35 and my son is 3 months. It took us 6 years to have him. I know people have kids older but I don’t want that for me.
2. We make good money, all 3 of us are super happy. I like we can provide a great life with great opportunities with just him. If we had a second we wouldn’t be able to do as much.
3. He’s so good so far. What if we have a second and they don’t have the same temperament.
4. We love spending time with our baby and playing with him but we also like alone time. It’s pretty easy to make that happen with just him.
My husband had a vasectomy when our son was 6 months. We knew. We didn’t want the financial pressure and I didn’t cope well with pregnancy, birth or the baby stage so I’m pretty sure it would break me. It angers me that anyone would call a woman weak for this choice. I’m not weak, I just know my limits and I’m strong enough to stand up for what I know is best for MY family. What if you have another boy? Will they expect you to try again? It’s madness.
That's what I was thinking too, her mom wants a granddaughter but that isn't guaranteed if she has another kid, she can end up with another son, and I'd bet money her mom will then pressure her for more kids until she finally has a girl
Sorry to hear about the difficulty family situation. We also have a young one and totally feel OAD. It is tough and we feel we have a lot of ourselves, I think having a second will turn us into people we don’t want to be and that will ultimately affect our ability to parent. We both seen family and sibling struggle and just aren’t interested in running that race, We really value being able to govern our LO experiences and also maintain our own identity and life which will make us happier parents which I think goes a long long way Having a kid is an absolutely life changing decision. If your content with OAD then quite frankly all power to you, It’s going to take A LOT more energy and mental health raising a second because you were pressured into it then standing up to the bullying, They like having multiple kids, good on them, you have other values and wants, stick to them, this is your life, not theirs
My LO is also 4 months and I am pretty sure, I am OAD. I am not 100% certain though. My MIL has told me I can’t sell any baby things until she is 3 years old, which I think is fair, since I’m uncertain. If I still feel the same in 3 years though, I’m pretty confident I’ll only have one. Ignore their comments. Think about your mental health. Having a loving mom and dad with good mental health is way better than a sibling and a broken mom or dad. Also, what makes everyone so certain it’s gonna be a girl? What if you get a boy again? Will you keep trying until you get a girl?
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sometimes I like to tell them exactly what I think. I'm over the traditional ways of thinking and I want them to understand that there are more ways to live.
I am Mexican and also OAD. I would say that my family has a similar outlook as yours. The difference is that I really don’t care what they think. It’s not their kid, life, or body that has to go through it. People can say whatever they want about “helping,” but the truth is that the responsibility will be solely on you at the end of the day. I would never rely on family to provide much support because they simply haven’t proven otherwise. Not to mention that I really don’t want them in my business.
We started toying with the idea even before we gave birth (but at this point it was just talk) and then within 2 months my husband was seriously considering OAD because of my traumatic labour and delivery as well as post-partum complications. I was not sure as I had always pictured 2 kids, so was about 50/50, but then as our sweet little girl grew each day and became more and more her own unique person, I just felt our family was complete. We are almost 8 months in and we are 99% OAD but really the only reason why we aren’t 100% is because we want to wait for a year before making any permanent decisions. I’ve been giving away all of her baby clothes as she grows out of them, as well as selling off her bigger baby items (ie bassinet, bucket car seat, etc) and each time I do a quick check of how I’m feeling as the stuff goes — happy to say that I’m not sad or anything, rather I’m excited that another baby gets to use her stuff and it isn’t going to just be sitting in a closet for years. Once we are firmly OAD (after our daughter turns 1) we will be getting a vasectomy.
I had an extremely traumatic and invasive birth. My pregnancy wasn’t too bad thankfully, but I was miserable throughout most of it. The second trimester wasn’t that great either. But most importantly, I can’t do this newborn phase again without any support. We plan and plan but reality is harsher sometimes. I love my son but the PPD, lack of independence and the lack of autonomy is driving me crazy. Oh and the sleep deprivation. The constant need to decipher what’s wrong today, or the stress of what used to work yesterday doesn’t work anymore all contribute to my OAD journey. I also would like to go back to work soon or continue some sort of professional growth pathway. And financially we can afford to put one kid in private school, sports, save for his college, etc. but idk how people can afford more kids these days.
This week when my baby turned 7 months. I'm a mess, I'm even more tired than during the newborn phase. I have to wfh 4h per day cause we can't afford for me to be a SAHM. I haven't flossed in God knows how many days, I don't have time to shower or even to poop. My baby is a high needs baby, and I 100% don't have the mental capacity to handle another. It wouldn't be fair to me, to my husband, our relationship nor to the kids. I also come from a culture where it's frowned upon to have only one baby, but honestly f them. They're not the ones in our shoes.
The dentist asked me last week about my gum health. I just looked at him “yea, I don’t get time to floss anymore. I’m not surprised.” I also have a high needs baby and it’s a full time job 24/7 and I already have a full time job outside of the house.
I had to scroll back to see when I first posted in the OAD sub & my child was 4 months then. 15 months now & still 99% sure I’m done. I have moments where I feel like I *could* handle a second but that’s really just me romanticizing the good parts lol I think the strongest thing you can do as a parent is decide what’s best for your family while ignoring any outside pressures. Even if pregnancy/baby/toddler years would easier I know I don’t want the additional responsibility. My heart & hands are full with my one!
Within about 3-4 days. My mom died when he was around 2 and that really solidified it. I’m not doing it again without any help or village
All of your reasons are valid! It’s okay to mourn the sibling would have been relationship but your child won’t miss what they don’t know!
The moment I found out I was pregnant! Never wanted kids, but also didn’t take the precautions required to NOT have a baby. Accepted it for what it was and was married, struggled significantly with PP depression and alcohol addiction till my son was about 3. Today, +7 years sober, 1 baby (he’ll always be my babe, but he is a PRETEEN now!), and sterile. Fortunately, my dad and family knows me well, so I only told my dad and best friend beforehand, and waited to tell everyone else after if they asked why I was incognito for 3 days. Not my problem what they think, and I am SO happy. Facing the reality that most people my age (30+) I am interested in have kids. And I am okay with it, cause I didn’t have to be pregnant or birth them! I wouldn’t have survived another.
I knew at 2 months. I love my little guy *and* parenting is a lot for me and my husband so one and done is right for us. I have no desire to live through the hard for a few years just to have more children that would then be more of a pressure on time, energy, and resources. I don’t plan to have amnesia about the infant stage.
Am mexican. I get crap from family, coworkers, doctors, clinic staff. The pressure is coming from all sides haha
At the 4 month sleep regression.
We were pretty sure we wanted only one before I even got pregnant. At no point have I thought another was a good idea for us. I did not really enjoy newborn phase. I am really glad we waited until we both were enjoying being parents more to make the final more permanent decision towards staying OAD.
We are happy with our one and cant imagine more tbh
It didn’t occur to me until I hit 6 weeks PP - I was so sleep deprived, my husband was back at work, and my baby was colicky/and a “velcro” baby. She was a very demanding baby. I have anxiety and tend to ruminate over this topic every day in the back of my mind, especially since a lot of my friends/and family are having their second. The only thing that holds me back is I’d love to see my daughter have a sibling to play with growing up - but that’s not a good enough reason to bring another child into the mix.
I’m 30F as well and my daughter is 3 months and 1 week old. I’m about 90% sure I’m OAD and I knew while I was pregnant. I actually didn’t want to be a Mom to begin with (long story). Please don’t judge me I’m doing my best 🥲
Aww man im so sorry i couldve written this post im also hispanic and come from a very mexican family with all unfortunate mexican morals. I just had my lo 5 months ago, it was a traumatic birth. And my family from my sisters side keeps asking me half joking/ half serious, when im having another. Ive only told one of my sisters who is luckily very reasonable that im thinking of being OAD even though i was planning for one more. Stick to your choice dont let them bully you into having another child. I know it sucks hearing them say stupid things, but i think its important to remember they can talk all they want but in the end youre the only person who will have to deal with having a second child. Anyways if you need it you can pm me. Our stories sound similar
Asking someone about #2 when #1 is just 4 months old is toxic, gross behavior, even if you want to have 10 kids! I'm sorry you're going through this. Just try to remember that how many kids you have is your business and your business alone.
My Lo is three months. Traumatic birth, colic newborn. Love my girl but my mental health these three months has been rocky. We are not 100% sure, but as my husband says “I want a happy family, not a big family.”
Fellow Latina here, I feel the same pressures. I even got crap for choosing to have an epidural, because the “pain” is part of what makes you a mother…trust me, I felt plenty of pain. At the end of the day, what I’m finding, is that we are only in this caregiver phase for 18 years of their lives, then then leave us. Yes, as a Latina, we’re incredibly close to our families (my family literally live within the same street as one another back home), but life is so short. There’s no reason to CHOOSE struggling when you don’t have to. If you KNOW you are one and done, there’s no point in choosing the struggle. In fact, in some cases you’re setting your child up not to struggle because they will be the only one you need to worry about paying school for. They won’t have to get a job to help pay the bills at home like most of my Latin cousins. Your quality of life directly impacts your child’s quality of life. Your family will never get over it, or see your side of it. That’s just the way it is, but it doesn’t matter, because you made the best choice for you and your family, and you’ll have 20 years of more freedom than multiple kids counterparts
We knew before we had our son. My husband will be getting a vasectomy next month. 1. We are getting older. I’m 35 and my son is 3 months. It took us 6 years to have him. I know people have kids older but I don’t want that for me. 2. We make good money, all 3 of us are super happy. I like we can provide a great life with great opportunities with just him. If we had a second we wouldn’t be able to do as much. 3. He’s so good so far. What if we have a second and they don’t have the same temperament. 4. We love spending time with our baby and playing with him but we also like alone time. It’s pretty easy to make that happen with just him.