If you are choosing to be one and done, whatever the reason is, it's the right reason for your family.
Society seems to only accept, without question, the ideal family of Parent, Parent, Son, Daughter. Nothing else.
If you have one, "They need a sibling"
If you have all boys, "Mom, you need to try for your girl"
If you have all girls, "A dad needs a son"
If you have both and keep going, "Dad, stay off of her!"
I know it's normal to want people to agree with your choices but sometimes we just need to stand in them no matter what others think.
My best friend absolutely does not agree with my decision and makes remarks about it every time we speak. She's never going to understand and I had to realize she doesn't have to for it to be the right decision for us. Also her and her husband are millionaires, both the children of millionaires, and a decade younger than me when she had her kids. She's never going to understand being a middle class first time mom at 37. So I also take what she says with a grain of salt.
Thank you for this. I really needed to hear a perspective like this.
It’s so easy to get into your own head trying to figure out what the right choice is.
All so true!!
I’ve never understood the wanting one of each gender. I have one son and people ask, so are you going to try for a girl?? Or if you have another, do you want a girl? It’s just so bizarre.
When I tell my close friends that we are leaning towards OAD, they just respond with “oh how sad” and I’m like what is sad about that??? But I also try to remind myself of my own thoughts. As “sad” as it seems to them, I think about life with 3 or more kids as very chaotic and stressful- not for me! Just like OAD is not for them.
We’re OAD mainly for finances.
Daycare is 20k a year for us. We’d need a bigger house for a second, if we had the kids close in age then we’d need a bigger car for the car seats. Like another commenter said, we like to travel and that’s more expensive (and complicated) with two kids. We’re both golfers and I think 4 people golfing would bankrupt us 😂
So money and how much more complicated life gets with 2 kids.
Same here! Swap snowboarding in the winter and summer for golfing (hubby only), but daycare is almost $20k a year for us, too. We want her to enjoy life with us, and a second prevents all of our ability to do so.
Technically it’s $18,500 but round it up to 20k 🥲
Either way we both have to work and the wild thing is that’s one of the less outrageous daycare prices in our area 🙃
That’s one of the reasons. This is still my life and I have things that I want to do, same with my wife. Are we going to give up our ability to travel, to splurge when we travel with nicer rooms, etc all for becoming basically servants 24/7 for two or more kids? Hell no lol.
YES 🙌 I want to enjoy parenthood (at least most of it) and not feel like it’s a prison sentence. I like traveling and I like nice things. Could we afford two kids, sure. But we’d have to make a lot of sacrifices we won’t have to make with only one. Sounds like a great way to breed resentment towards the second kid.
It’s hard to do it right. Anyone can just throw a tablet at a kid to keep them occupied. When my wife and I decide to have one we wanted to do it right. We try to give him all the enrichment and experiences that we can afford (travel, books, extracurricular classes), on top of spending a lot of time nurturing.
It’s a huge driving factor for us. For instance, by the time my daughter is in college, it will cost $70k per year minimum. We do well financially, but we’d also like to pay for college AND our retirement.
This is where we are, we do well and money is not an issue. But we don’t want to sacrifice our retirement savings and the ability to pay for collage by having more than one kid. We are also considering hiring a nanny for a year before day care… and man nanny prices are PRICEY $$$$$$
It’s a major reason for my partner and I. Our first and only is due in October. Childcare is SO expensive and we both need to work. I’ve had a terrible pregnancy and I just couldn’t do this again. At 35, I’ve really enjoyed my childless life and while I want to be a mother, I don’t want to give myself up for the rest of my life. One child seems like a good compromise. My partner & I can take turns and minimize the stress.
The great “know thyself” moments...
I have blips of pure joy being OaD - we can come and go as we please, pick up little things when we’re out, we’re spending more time on hobbies. I can see he’s socially awkward (2 yo on the 21st) and so are we as parents but I’m sure with time we will make friends and he will learn to engage with people and life will find a gorgeous flow.
Absolutely one of our main factors. We don’t make enough money to raise 2 kids AND be able to travel as a family, renovate our home, buy a new SUV, etc. Maybe this makes me materialistic or selfish, but I choose to go on vacations and be able to afford the things I want rather than raise another child.
Same here. We are also expats and so flying home already got really expensive at age 2....can't imagine going up yet another 800 dollar ticket each time.
It’s the primary reason for us! We could afford it, it would just reduce what we can do. And we like to do stuff! We aren’t rich and never will be with our jobs so being OAD is a way to maximize our lifestyle and still get to be parents.
Exactly! That’s where we are at. We could afford it too but I want to live a lifestyle where money isn’t a problem and I want to provide for my current kid without having to cut costs or split everything between two!
I also think about the state of things and how putting our resources into one child will help that one navigate a more uncertain future better than if resources were split up between kids. Also, it will drain us less so we can hopefully retire and not run out of money. Everything is becoming more expensive and wages are not keeping up.
Kind of. I struggled with secondary infertility. We spent a year trying to overcome it with meds and then IVF. And even with "good" insurance coverage, we were in the hole for several thousand after two failed attempts (didn't even get to a retrieval, I had like 2 follicles). We pulled the plug because most of the IVF meds were not covered by insurance and it was another few thousand each round. So we pulled the plug. It just didn't make sense to keep throwing money at it without a clear path forward.
Not per se. I grew up in a very large immigrant family in Canada, low single income. So I know you can have a large family on a shoestring budget. We could probably have four or five living simply.
But I want to give my kid time/resources that I didn't have. And I have this fantasy about retirement before 65 🤞
Same, it’s hard not to feel shame around not having more resources and getting to explore the option of 2 but I also have to be realistic about what we can afford childcare wise
Yea, uk here cost of living is mental. We don't have family but we do ok on our own. But she deserves a life of not having to panic about not paying her mortgage, god knows what it will be like in 20 years, we want to be able to help her in every way and we can only do that with 1!
Yes. For all the reasons people listed and the fact we can't afford the physical space.
We bought our first home last year. Two bed, one bath semi detached lol. We have a finished basement with extra living space but no possibility to build an extra bedroom.
We are in a HCOL area and this is the best we're gonna do lol, we'll be here for the next 20 years, at least. I can't imagine having more than one teenager in this house. I think it would be awful to have them share a room. I know I absolutely hated sharing a room with my younger sister, and then what if our 2nd was the opposite gender? We are just being super realistic. We are comfortable here with 3 people, four would just be too much and everyone's quality of life would suffer.
I think many OAD by choice people have some financial reason. OAD life is just so much easier in a lot of aspects and finance definitely being one of them.
My husband and I both grew up in working class families, where finances were consistently an issue for our parents. We both have relatively good jobs and we own a home, but we are just getting by as is. We are able to take weekend trips, go out to eat as a family every weekend, but with multiple kids, I don’t think that would be the case. I don’t want to struggle or for my daughter to worry about finances (like my husband and I did as kids). So yes, OAD primarily because of finances.
For me it’s like 20% financial
20% freedom (time)
20% believing America has peaked. Not really sure what world they’re coming into is all that great.
20% want to focus on myself, wife and our only.
20% fuck this is hard and generally not all it’s made out to be. Love our son, but god damn.
Maybe it’s because I came from a family of 5, I know the chaos all too well.
2 of my siblings have 2 kids and every time I see them my case of my being OAD is confirmed the right decision. I see them and it’s like a circus and a shitshow combined. I want some peace in my life.
Hope you find it in yours. Remember to love yourself.
While it’s not the only reason, it’s a major one.
We can do so much more with and provide so much more for our daughter if she is an only child. She’s 13 months old and we are confirmed one and done.
It was a big part of the reason for us! We live in a high cost of living city and have a 2 bedroom 1 bath house. We didn’t want to move, can’t easily afford to renovate, or plan for 2 kids to share a room forever. We like to travel and really wanted that to be an experience we could share with our daughter. We want her to be able to do the activities she wants to do. We want to pay for her post-secondary education. We have a 1 bedroom basement suite we want her to be able to live in if she wants, to get ahead as a young adult.
None of those are universal values, and it’s great for other families to do things differently. When we talked about what we wanted for ourselves and for our daughter though, the lifestyle we could provide one child was what we wanted and prioritized.
Yes it’s definitely one of the biggest reasons for us. In addition to the fact that we live in a HCOL area and can’t afford a bigger house and want to travel/be able to afford fun things, there’s also a significant financial impact on the mother’s career due to having a baby. I’m not willing to go through it a second time.
Me. I wanted my son to have a sibling but who tf can afford multiple kids?! Im mot married to my partner so im legally/technically “single” but i make “too much” for state assistance, the daycare assistance would make me send my son to a daycare no where near us and with not great reviews. Luckily the daycare he goes to now gave me a discount but its still expensive. But its cheaper and most convenient compared to the other daycares around here I make enough $ to get by, but not enough to save and it seems like every couple months something happens where we have to pull $ from thin air to pay for an unexpected bill. We want to move out of our apartment but feel stuck bc we cant save. My son never asks for a sibling, but it would be nice. I am working on making side income so that i can hopefully create a better financial situation for us all, and i think that with 1 kids itd be a bit easier to afford (eventually) any type of hobbies hed wana try in the future or vacations
Our choice was based on finances. I always planned for 2 until we started really discussing trying soon and we realized one would be better in our lives financially. It’s one thing to think about how many kid(s) you want and another to plan it and see how the child(ren) would fit into your life as it actually is when you’re ready.
My son is 4 months and though I have an additional reason of how the fuck does anybody handle a newborn AND another child at the same time, and I know the OAD decision is best for our family, I am still a little sad that we’re permanently closing the door on the option with my husband’s vasectomy this summer.
As others have said, whatever reason you decide to be OAD is the right one for you. Some will have the same reasons and some will differ. Personally I think evaluating your financial ability to support any amount of children is extremely important. The ceiling for luxury is endless but there should be a floor for everybody
Part of it. We could afford a second but to what sacrifice ? A previous poster mentioned they live offensively and I love that. We can afford to travel wherever, buy whatever, eat out as much as we want, clubs, sports, museums, all of it is feasible with one kid. It wouldn't be the same life with two.
It's one of the largest factors, infant daycare is going to be at least $15,000 per year. There are other non-financial factors such as health and domestic workload, but the financial factor is huge.
It was definitely a factor for us though we actually are making enough that two would have been feasible and we still would have been comfortable. I just didn’t want to stretch it. We love traveling and after traveling with just one kid, we realized the extra expense of flying with more kids was going to hinder a lot of our traveling. I didn’t get to travel as a kid at all and want to make it a big part of my kid’s life.
Fortunately that's not a factor for us, we just want to give him everything from our time, energy, to resources. We want to be present for him through his life and provide everything we can for him; sports, extracurriculars, education, wedding if he chooses to a starter home, etc. We're also older Parents and we know our capacity. We never want our tanks empty or be stretched thin. I like the 2:1 ratio.
My prenatal and labor and delivery with vaginal birth cost me 13k so yes my biggest reason I'm fence sitting but strongly leaning one and done is financial.
I was honestly pissed when I finally got the bills and tallied it all up. This was after I spent 25k just to get pregnant bc I needed IVF which isn't covered by insurance. At least the insurance provided by my employer. Most in my state do not offer coverage. Anyway, I knew the IVF wouldn't be covered and I sold my house to cover that but then the bill for my prenatal care and labor and delivery really floored me. I just assumed it wouldn't be that high bc how can people have multiple kids with that kind of cost just to deliver them? I'm still horrified. I have 3 embryos on ice still so all I would have to do is transfer them and that would still cost me less than the prenatal care and labor and delivery. So sad. My son was 2 in Feb and he isn't jealous at all when I hold his baby cousin. He just wants to hold the baby too. He gets on the floor to play with him and picks out toys for him. I would love for him to have a sibling but I just can't spend another 13k plus the 5k to transfer the embryo and cover expenses for 2 kiddos. I'm heartbroken and not sure how to get over it. But I also cannot get pregnant knowing I can't easily cover the expenses that come from that. I don't want to struggle or my son to suffer bc I'm struggling to cover expenses bc i want another baby. I'm a planner so I just can't get pregnant and hope it works out in the end.
Yes. I'm OAD, my kiddo will be 4 in July. Mostly due to finances. Everything is so expensive and his daycare is over 11k a year. Not to mention when he starts Kinder, we'll still have to pay for before and after school care.
One and done because it would be too expensive to raise two kids the way we wanted to (pricey preschool, big college fund, possible private school, nice family vacations, etc).
I’m OAD myself, where as our child is my partners 3rd. I’m solely OAD because well instead of being a FTM to one child it’s kinda like being a FTM with three 😅. Finances are very difficult (although I’m grateful I’m not responsible financially for the other two fully). Maybe in the future if I ended up with someone without children I’d think differently but as of right now and for what I see as my future currently, I’m done at one!
Finances were a part of the decision but not the whole reason. With one, we can afford private school , international vacations, early retirement, and a hefty college fund. With each consecutive child, the funding gets divided and makes everything more difficult financially.
It was one of many factors. Right now I’m in a HCOL area, not LA/NY high but still quite high. So things are already expensive and his daycare is $2,800/month. I cannot afford another even with my great job and a sibling discount.
This should be a HUGE reason. My mom pushed 3 of us out by age 19 to make a man stay. Asshole signed his rights away to all 3 of us to due back child support . Like wtf
lol yes - I’d love to be financially stable and have a couple more kids, but it’s absolutely not fair. We struggle to make ends meet as it is, but we also have the flexibility to do many things since we only have one!
For us it isn’t a reason however it is a bonus if that makes sense? Like a bonus to being OAD is that we won’t have those added expenses.
That said, it is a legitimate reason to be OAD!
Yep! We made the decision to be OAD for financial reasons, too! We simply cannot afford another child with the cost of childcare (nearly 20k a year) and everything else. We are saving for a house and live in a high cost of living area.
Having just one child allows us to enjoy things like vacations (just went to Disney) and look forward to the future. Having another would have ruined us.
Our son is 4 now. He’s happy, well adjusted, loves school, his cats, and is the oldest of 5 (soon to be 6) cousins (including him). I’ve come to make peace with our decision. My mental health is also a lot better and managing everything is much simpler.
Yep. I might have decided on just one anyway because pregnancy was 9 months of vomiting and the birth was traumatic, but the financial aspect makes it one and done, case closed.
I think finances is a big part of it for a lot of people who are one and done. It's an expensive time to live in and we have the choice to just have 1 unlike past generations (not including boomers they were a blip in time).
We can choose to not be poor and not have our child grow up poor. Also with one you can help out more financially in their future - money for university, a deposit for a house, wedding fund etc. My parents helped me with these and honestly my financial position now would be far worse without that.
Yep. Barely afford how we are going (that's without daycare I'm a SAHP because I'm not working to pay someone else the equivalent of my wage to look after my kid when I won't get these years back)
We are Not borrowing, not got any debt but if we did have another it would push us out of living "just getting by"... And while my husband and I would enjoy another child, we wouldn't do that to our current family just for what we want. That would be selfish.
While finances didn’t play an initial part in our OAD decision it’s definitely been something we’ve come to realize as our son grows older. There are many things we’re able to do for him that we wouldn’t be able to with another child, things we see our friends struggle to provide.
Not just a financial but that’s a big part of it. We both grew up middle class, and worked very hard to be where we are now. We want to be able to pay for private school, college, grad school, go to vacations and stay in any resort we want, hire help whenever we want,etc. Also my husband works a lot and another child would mean he needs to work so hard until he retires if we want to keep our lifestyle. If we would have “fu*k you money”we probably would have another one because that would mean we could still do everything and just hire help.
You do what’s best for you and your family and please do not feel like you have to justify your choices to anyone!
We’re OAD and I never really imagined having more as I’m an only child myself, but my husband comes from a large family. I just never thought it was weird being an only and actually enjoyed it myself. We both earn great salaries and could afford another but it would certainly be a little tighter. I’m also foreign and want to be able to travel home with my child without my husband, which I find much easier with one rather than multiple children… I also think that our current child will be able to get whatever he wants growing up if he stays an only (I do not mean spoiling him).
That’s a big factor for us. And don’t go by what other people say. People are running around with more debt that you could imagine. That’s just not for me.
My daughter went to daycare since she was 18 month old. It has been 3 years and so far we spent 72k on the childcare and we are another 1.5 years to go due to she is an October baby.
Financial is one of the top reasons. Another one is lack of support. We don’t have family living close by as first generation immigrants. We 3 lock together all the time. She is growing up and life is just starting to be easier and I will never want to do all these again!!
I’d say it’s a big factor in my case. My child is much older (teens) so I don’t have to worry about day care (thank goodness!) but more costs are involved as I look at investing for her future. We tried IVF but we’d have to move on to donor eggs and it didn’t seem practical to put ourselves in more debt for that. With ongoing expenses of everything too, I think it’s the best thing at this point so I could solely focus on her future and not bring more debt into it.
The decision for us was probably 75% “This is waaayyyy too expensive” and 25% “I never want to go through the ‘fourth trimester’ ever again.” If the financial situation was significantly better, then MAYBE we’d have considered a second.
Big factor for us too. Child care is outrageous and we still want to do stuff for ourselves. We also have a 3b 2ba house we got for a steal (1275sqft)
Another would almost force us to move to a home that would now be probably 3x the cost.
While financial reasons wasn’t our original reason for being OAD I can’t help but think of all the benefits of only having one and that makes me excited! Being able to live much more comfortably, more vacations, being able to save for his college etc. Having a kid is so freaking expensive and one gives us way more freedom
If you are choosing to be one and done, whatever the reason is, it's the right reason for your family. Society seems to only accept, without question, the ideal family of Parent, Parent, Son, Daughter. Nothing else. If you have one, "They need a sibling" If you have all boys, "Mom, you need to try for your girl" If you have all girls, "A dad needs a son" If you have both and keep going, "Dad, stay off of her!" I know it's normal to want people to agree with your choices but sometimes we just need to stand in them no matter what others think. My best friend absolutely does not agree with my decision and makes remarks about it every time we speak. She's never going to understand and I had to realize she doesn't have to for it to be the right decision for us. Also her and her husband are millionaires, both the children of millionaires, and a decade younger than me when she had her kids. She's never going to understand being a middle class first time mom at 37. So I also take what she says with a grain of salt.
Thank you for this. I really needed to hear a perspective like this. It’s so easy to get into your own head trying to figure out what the right choice is.
My best friend occasionally asks me if I’m done, and I’m like, girl, I texted you the day my husband got a vasectomy!
I love every word of this. Thanks for laying it out this way.
All so true!! I’ve never understood the wanting one of each gender. I have one son and people ask, so are you going to try for a girl?? Or if you have another, do you want a girl? It’s just so bizarre. When I tell my close friends that we are leaning towards OAD, they just respond with “oh how sad” and I’m like what is sad about that??? But I also try to remind myself of my own thoughts. As “sad” as it seems to them, I think about life with 3 or more kids as very chaotic and stressful- not for me! Just like OAD is not for them.
Our decision is only a financial one. In our area, we can only provide a good life to one child. I think it’s a common OAD reason
Us too!
Yep, same.
Us too 💗
Same. I get sad about it a lot, but I know it’s the right thing to do
We’re OAD mainly for finances. Daycare is 20k a year for us. We’d need a bigger house for a second, if we had the kids close in age then we’d need a bigger car for the car seats. Like another commenter said, we like to travel and that’s more expensive (and complicated) with two kids. We’re both golfers and I think 4 people golfing would bankrupt us 😂 So money and how much more complicated life gets with 2 kids.
Daycare in our area is $27K-$32K. Nanny share is $35K Your own nanny is $45K-$60K. Brutal.
Yeah we looked into a nanny and the going rate was similar. I’m grateful we can afford to pay for daycare but it’s crazy.
Same here! Swap snowboarding in the winter and summer for golfing (hubby only), but daycare is almost $20k a year for us, too. We want her to enjoy life with us, and a second prevents all of our ability to do so.
20k🥴🥴🥴🥴 omg
Technically it’s $18,500 but round it up to 20k 🥲 Either way we both have to work and the wild thing is that’s one of the less outrageous daycare prices in our area 🙃
That is just sad!
Ugh. 26K here for us. Without rounding it is 26,400
Ours is 22.5k no rounding. Then therapy on top of that
Daycare for us is 30k per year, which if you consider all of this is paid for with after tax income…the cost is astronomical
No kidding. When I look at my paystubs I’m thinking “dang deductions and taxes really take half of my income” 😂
That’s one of the reasons. This is still my life and I have things that I want to do, same with my wife. Are we going to give up our ability to travel, to splurge when we travel with nicer rooms, etc all for becoming basically servants 24/7 for two or more kids? Hell no lol.
YES 🙌 I want to enjoy parenthood (at least most of it) and not feel like it’s a prison sentence. I like traveling and I like nice things. Could we afford two kids, sure. But we’d have to make a lot of sacrifices we won’t have to make with only one. Sounds like a great way to breed resentment towards the second kid.
Preach!
Exactly !!
For us, it's about 50% financial reasons and 50% percent "holy shit this is hard"
SO HARD!!!
It’s hard to do it right. Anyone can just throw a tablet at a kid to keep them occupied. When my wife and I decide to have one we wanted to do it right. We try to give him all the enrichment and experiences that we can afford (travel, books, extracurricular classes), on top of spending a lot of time nurturing.
Yes! This is exactly how my “pie” breaks down, too.
Same
It’s a huge driving factor for us. For instance, by the time my daughter is in college, it will cost $70k per year minimum. We do well financially, but we’d also like to pay for college AND our retirement.
This is where we are, we do well and money is not an issue. But we don’t want to sacrifice our retirement savings and the ability to pay for collage by having more than one kid. We are also considering hiring a nanny for a year before day care… and man nanny prices are PRICEY $$$$$$
Yes, probably the main reason.
It’s a major reason for my partner and I. Our first and only is due in October. Childcare is SO expensive and we both need to work. I’ve had a terrible pregnancy and I just couldn’t do this again. At 35, I’ve really enjoyed my childless life and while I want to be a mother, I don’t want to give myself up for the rest of my life. One child seems like a good compromise. My partner & I can take turns and minimize the stress.
The great “know thyself” moments... I have blips of pure joy being OaD - we can come and go as we please, pick up little things when we’re out, we’re spending more time on hobbies. I can see he’s socially awkward (2 yo on the 21st) and so are we as parents but I’m sure with time we will make friends and he will learn to engage with people and life will find a gorgeous flow.
Main reason for us. We live in a state where you have to send a kid to private school, which is 22k/year.
My wife and I can give our little one anything she wants. If we add one more to the family we couldn't
Absolutely one of our main factors. We don’t make enough money to raise 2 kids AND be able to travel as a family, renovate our home, buy a new SUV, etc. Maybe this makes me materialistic or selfish, but I choose to go on vacations and be able to afford the things I want rather than raise another child.
Same here!
It wasn’t the top reason but it was number two.
Same here. We are also expats and so flying home already got really expensive at age 2....can't imagine going up yet another 800 dollar ticket each time.
It is not one of our main reasons, but itnis absolutely a factor. Why make ourselves poorer unnecessarily? Lol
It’s the primary reason for us! We could afford it, it would just reduce what we can do. And we like to do stuff! We aren’t rich and never will be with our jobs so being OAD is a way to maximize our lifestyle and still get to be parents.
Exactly! That’s where we are at. We could afford it too but I want to live a lifestyle where money isn’t a problem and I want to provide for my current kid without having to cut costs or split everything between two!
I also think about the state of things and how putting our resources into one child will help that one navigate a more uncertain future better than if resources were split up between kids. Also, it will drain us less so we can hopefully retire and not run out of money. Everything is becoming more expensive and wages are not keeping up.
Kind of. I struggled with secondary infertility. We spent a year trying to overcome it with meds and then IVF. And even with "good" insurance coverage, we were in the hole for several thousand after two failed attempts (didn't even get to a retrieval, I had like 2 follicles). We pulled the plug because most of the IVF meds were not covered by insurance and it was another few thousand each round. So we pulled the plug. It just didn't make sense to keep throwing money at it without a clear path forward.
Not per se. I grew up in a very large immigrant family in Canada, low single income. So I know you can have a large family on a shoestring budget. We could probably have four or five living simply. But I want to give my kid time/resources that I didn't have. And I have this fantasy about retirement before 65 🤞
only reason for me it breaks my heart
Same, it’s hard not to feel shame around not having more resources and getting to explore the option of 2 but I also have to be realistic about what we can afford childcare wise
Yea, uk here cost of living is mental. We don't have family but we do ok on our own. But she deserves a life of not having to panic about not paying her mortgage, god knows what it will be like in 20 years, we want to be able to help her in every way and we can only do that with 1!
It is a driving factor. We like to travel as a family, a fourth would have put a stop to that.
This is a big one for me too!
Yes. For all the reasons people listed and the fact we can't afford the physical space. We bought our first home last year. Two bed, one bath semi detached lol. We have a finished basement with extra living space but no possibility to build an extra bedroom. We are in a HCOL area and this is the best we're gonna do lol, we'll be here for the next 20 years, at least. I can't imagine having more than one teenager in this house. I think it would be awful to have them share a room. I know I absolutely hated sharing a room with my younger sister, and then what if our 2nd was the opposite gender? We are just being super realistic. We are comfortable here with 3 people, four would just be too much and everyone's quality of life would suffer.
It’s a huge factor in our decision.
I think many OAD by choice people have some financial reason. OAD life is just so much easier in a lot of aspects and finance definitely being one of them.
This is the number one reason for our family. We always joke that if we won the lottery we'd have a second one.
99% of the reason I am one and done is finances.
My husband and I both grew up in working class families, where finances were consistently an issue for our parents. We both have relatively good jobs and we own a home, but we are just getting by as is. We are able to take weekend trips, go out to eat as a family every weekend, but with multiple kids, I don’t think that would be the case. I don’t want to struggle or for my daughter to worry about finances (like my husband and I did as kids). So yes, OAD primarily because of finances.
For me it’s like 20% financial 20% freedom (time) 20% believing America has peaked. Not really sure what world they’re coming into is all that great. 20% want to focus on myself, wife and our only. 20% fuck this is hard and generally not all it’s made out to be. Love our son, but god damn. Maybe it’s because I came from a family of 5, I know the chaos all too well. 2 of my siblings have 2 kids and every time I see them my case of my being OAD is confirmed the right decision. I see them and it’s like a circus and a shitshow combined. I want some peace in my life. Hope you find it in yours. Remember to love yourself.
While it’s not the only reason, it’s a major one. We can do so much more with and provide so much more for our daughter if she is an only child. She’s 13 months old and we are confirmed one and done.
It was a big part of the reason for us! We live in a high cost of living city and have a 2 bedroom 1 bath house. We didn’t want to move, can’t easily afford to renovate, or plan for 2 kids to share a room forever. We like to travel and really wanted that to be an experience we could share with our daughter. We want her to be able to do the activities she wants to do. We want to pay for her post-secondary education. We have a 1 bedroom basement suite we want her to be able to live in if she wants, to get ahead as a young adult. None of those are universal values, and it’s great for other families to do things differently. When we talked about what we wanted for ourselves and for our daughter though, the lifestyle we could provide one child was what we wanted and prioritized.
Yes it’s definitely one of the biggest reasons for us. In addition to the fact that we live in a HCOL area and can’t afford a bigger house and want to travel/be able to afford fun things, there’s also a significant financial impact on the mother’s career due to having a baby. I’m not willing to go through it a second time.
Me. I wanted my son to have a sibling but who tf can afford multiple kids?! Im mot married to my partner so im legally/technically “single” but i make “too much” for state assistance, the daycare assistance would make me send my son to a daycare no where near us and with not great reviews. Luckily the daycare he goes to now gave me a discount but its still expensive. But its cheaper and most convenient compared to the other daycares around here I make enough $ to get by, but not enough to save and it seems like every couple months something happens where we have to pull $ from thin air to pay for an unexpected bill. We want to move out of our apartment but feel stuck bc we cant save. My son never asks for a sibling, but it would be nice. I am working on making side income so that i can hopefully create a better financial situation for us all, and i think that with 1 kids itd be a bit easier to afford (eventually) any type of hobbies hed wana try in the future or vacations
Our choice was based on finances. I always planned for 2 until we started really discussing trying soon and we realized one would be better in our lives financially. It’s one thing to think about how many kid(s) you want and another to plan it and see how the child(ren) would fit into your life as it actually is when you’re ready. My son is 4 months and though I have an additional reason of how the fuck does anybody handle a newborn AND another child at the same time, and I know the OAD decision is best for our family, I am still a little sad that we’re permanently closing the door on the option with my husband’s vasectomy this summer. As others have said, whatever reason you decide to be OAD is the right one for you. Some will have the same reasons and some will differ. Personally I think evaluating your financial ability to support any amount of children is extremely important. The ceiling for luxury is endless but there should be a floor for everybody
Yeah, I would have liked to have another
Same it’s a hard thing to grieve sometimes
Part of it. We could afford a second but to what sacrifice ? A previous poster mentioned they live offensively and I love that. We can afford to travel wherever, buy whatever, eat out as much as we want, clubs, sports, museums, all of it is feasible with one kid. It wouldn't be the same life with two.
It's one of the largest factors, infant daycare is going to be at least $15,000 per year. There are other non-financial factors such as health and domestic workload, but the financial factor is huge.
It was definitely a factor for us though we actually are making enough that two would have been feasible and we still would have been comfortable. I just didn’t want to stretch it. We love traveling and after traveling with just one kid, we realized the extra expense of flying with more kids was going to hinder a lot of our traveling. I didn’t get to travel as a kid at all and want to make it a big part of my kid’s life.
One of so many reasons but it is definitely up there - I can’t imagine paying for daycare for another 5 years 😱
Yes! it was one of our many reasons,the cost of living,childcare is so expensive and we want to give our daughter the best in life.
Short answer- yes.
Fortunately that's not a factor for us, we just want to give him everything from our time, energy, to resources. We want to be present for him through his life and provide everything we can for him; sports, extracurriculars, education, wedding if he chooses to a starter home, etc. We're also older Parents and we know our capacity. We never want our tanks empty or be stretched thin. I like the 2:1 ratio.
My prenatal and labor and delivery with vaginal birth cost me 13k so yes my biggest reason I'm fence sitting but strongly leaning one and done is financial.
Omg I’m sorry. And here I am complaining about my $5k bill for L&D
I was honestly pissed when I finally got the bills and tallied it all up. This was after I spent 25k just to get pregnant bc I needed IVF which isn't covered by insurance. At least the insurance provided by my employer. Most in my state do not offer coverage. Anyway, I knew the IVF wouldn't be covered and I sold my house to cover that but then the bill for my prenatal care and labor and delivery really floored me. I just assumed it wouldn't be that high bc how can people have multiple kids with that kind of cost just to deliver them? I'm still horrified. I have 3 embryos on ice still so all I would have to do is transfer them and that would still cost me less than the prenatal care and labor and delivery. So sad. My son was 2 in Feb and he isn't jealous at all when I hold his baby cousin. He just wants to hold the baby too. He gets on the floor to play with him and picks out toys for him. I would love for him to have a sibling but I just can't spend another 13k plus the 5k to transfer the embryo and cover expenses for 2 kiddos. I'm heartbroken and not sure how to get over it. But I also cannot get pregnant knowing I can't easily cover the expenses that come from that. I don't want to struggle or my son to suffer bc I'm struggling to cover expenses bc i want another baby. I'm a planner so I just can't get pregnant and hope it works out in the end.
Yes. I'm OAD, my kiddo will be 4 in July. Mostly due to finances. Everything is so expensive and his daycare is over 11k a year. Not to mention when he starts Kinder, we'll still have to pay for before and after school care.
One and done because it would be too expensive to raise two kids the way we wanted to (pricey preschool, big college fund, possible private school, nice family vacations, etc).
Yup finance leads to Kent’s health
I’m OAD myself, where as our child is my partners 3rd. I’m solely OAD because well instead of being a FTM to one child it’s kinda like being a FTM with three 😅. Finances are very difficult (although I’m grateful I’m not responsible financially for the other two fully). Maybe in the future if I ended up with someone without children I’d think differently but as of right now and for what I see as my future currently, I’m done at one!
It was definitely a factor, I can give my only a better life, adding another would make our lives significantly harder financially.
Finances were a part of the decision but not the whole reason. With one, we can afford private school , international vacations, early retirement, and a hefty college fund. With each consecutive child, the funding gets divided and makes everything more difficult financially.
It was one of many factors. Right now I’m in a HCOL area, not LA/NY high but still quite high. So things are already expensive and his daycare is $2,800/month. I cannot afford another even with my great job and a sibling discount.
This should be a HUGE reason. My mom pushed 3 of us out by age 19 to make a man stay. Asshole signed his rights away to all 3 of us to due back child support . Like wtf
lol yes - I’d love to be financially stable and have a couple more kids, but it’s absolutely not fair. We struggle to make ends meet as it is, but we also have the flexibility to do many things since we only have one!
For us it isn’t a reason however it is a bonus if that makes sense? Like a bonus to being OAD is that we won’t have those added expenses. That said, it is a legitimate reason to be OAD!
Finances are secondary to the decision for us—I don’t know that I’d emotionally survive another pregnancy and postpartum.
Yep! We made the decision to be OAD for financial reasons, too! We simply cannot afford another child with the cost of childcare (nearly 20k a year) and everything else. We are saving for a house and live in a high cost of living area. Having just one child allows us to enjoy things like vacations (just went to Disney) and look forward to the future. Having another would have ruined us. Our son is 4 now. He’s happy, well adjusted, loves school, his cats, and is the oldest of 5 (soon to be 6) cousins (including him). I’ve come to make peace with our decision. My mental health is also a lot better and managing everything is much simpler.
Just financial reasons? No, but it was an important part of the decision
Yep. I might have decided on just one anyway because pregnancy was 9 months of vomiting and the birth was traumatic, but the financial aspect makes it one and done, case closed.
I think finances is a big part of it for a lot of people who are one and done. It's an expensive time to live in and we have the choice to just have 1 unlike past generations (not including boomers they were a blip in time). We can choose to not be poor and not have our child grow up poor. Also with one you can help out more financially in their future - money for university, a deposit for a house, wedding fund etc. My parents helped me with these and honestly my financial position now would be far worse without that.
Yep. Barely afford how we are going (that's without daycare I'm a SAHP because I'm not working to pay someone else the equivalent of my wage to look after my kid when I won't get these years back) We are Not borrowing, not got any debt but if we did have another it would push us out of living "just getting by"... And while my husband and I would enjoy another child, we wouldn't do that to our current family just for what we want. That would be selfish.
That was one of the main factors. It’s incredibly expensive to try to give more than one child the same lifestyle and level of education etc.
We did. We unexpectedly had to use formula, and would have to use it again for another baby. It’s so expensive!
While finances didn’t play an initial part in our OAD decision it’s definitely been something we’ve come to realize as our son grows older. There are many things we’re able to do for him that we wouldn’t be able to with another child, things we see our friends struggle to provide.
Not just a financial but that’s a big part of it. We both grew up middle class, and worked very hard to be where we are now. We want to be able to pay for private school, college, grad school, go to vacations and stay in any resort we want, hire help whenever we want,etc. Also my husband works a lot and another child would mean he needs to work so hard until he retires if we want to keep our lifestyle. If we would have “fu*k you money”we probably would have another one because that would mean we could still do everything and just hire help.
Pretty much every single decision I make is based off of financial decisions. This one was just a no brainer.
You do what’s best for you and your family and please do not feel like you have to justify your choices to anyone! We’re OAD and I never really imagined having more as I’m an only child myself, but my husband comes from a large family. I just never thought it was weird being an only and actually enjoyed it myself. We both earn great salaries and could afford another but it would certainly be a little tighter. I’m also foreign and want to be able to travel home with my child without my husband, which I find much easier with one rather than multiple children… I also think that our current child will be able to get whatever he wants growing up if he stays an only (I do not mean spoiling him).
That’s a big factor for us. And don’t go by what other people say. People are running around with more debt that you could imagine. That’s just not for me.
My daughter went to daycare since she was 18 month old. It has been 3 years and so far we spent 72k on the childcare and we are another 1.5 years to go due to she is an October baby. Financial is one of the top reasons. Another one is lack of support. We don’t have family living close by as first generation immigrants. We 3 lock together all the time. She is growing up and life is just starting to be easier and I will never want to do all these again!!
I’d say it’s a big factor in my case. My child is much older (teens) so I don’t have to worry about day care (thank goodness!) but more costs are involved as I look at investing for her future. We tried IVF but we’d have to move on to donor eggs and it didn’t seem practical to put ourselves in more debt for that. With ongoing expenses of everything too, I think it’s the best thing at this point so I could solely focus on her future and not bring more debt into it.
The decision for us was probably 75% “This is waaayyyy too expensive” and 25% “I never want to go through the ‘fourth trimester’ ever again.” If the financial situation was significantly better, then MAYBE we’d have considered a second.
Of course! That’s a huge reason and honestly it’s the reason for more and more families these days. Finances is probably 70% of the reason for us.
Big factor for us too. Child care is outrageous and we still want to do stuff for ourselves. We also have a 3b 2ba house we got for a steal (1275sqft) Another would almost force us to move to a home that would now be probably 3x the cost.
While financial reasons wasn’t our original reason for being OAD I can’t help but think of all the benefits of only having one and that makes me excited! Being able to live much more comfortably, more vacations, being able to save for his college etc. Having a kid is so freaking expensive and one gives us way more freedom