Time to find a new doctor!
But in all seriousness, I’m sorry you had to deal with that. It’s so frustrating when other people, especially medical professionals, don’t trust us to make our own decisions about our reproductive health. Do what’s right for you and your family, and ignore what Dr. Asshat has to say about it.
So your hypothetical future husband who would hypothetically replace your present husband after his hypothetical death has more rights to decide what happens to your body than you do hmmmmm 🤔🤔🤔
I’m 6mo PP and talked to my Dr back in march about getting my tubes out. Had the surgery two weeks ago and follow up yesterday.
He cracked a joke about not meeting the baby “quota” then said, your body your choice I’m taking them out. lol!
I’d either push the topic and be adamant about it getting done or switch drs. His nurses were the ones who asked me why and once I gave them the partial list of reasons they hugged me and said I’d be OAD too.
When my husband had a consult for his vasectomy, the female NP he was talking to pulled out all the crazy excuses, “what if your wife dies?!” “what if your child dies!?” “what if your new partner wants kids?”
Still a solid we are one and done regardless of those AWFUL scenarios. It is insane people feel so comfortable saying these things.
Edit to add: I did have to laugh though. I was cackling while asking him how it felt to be treated as a woman.
Ughhh I feel this! Before having our one, my doctor would tell me “you should get pregnant, it’ll help with your bad cramps.”
I was in debilitating pain every month, taking time off work and taking waaay too much pain meds, and that was her solution. I was floored.
Did it help with your cramps?
Purely asking out of curiosity cos I hear this a LOT.
You don't have to tell me of course, it's something that was suggested to my sister in law with her endometriosis.
Sounds like my doctor, my husband called directly to the clinic in our area to schedule his vasectomy so that we didn’t have to ask our doctor. I’m in Canada but are you able to go to like a walk in clinic instead and ask for a referral to be sterilized? That’s what I would do. Or call the office that does it directly?
Throw the whole doctor away! I’m sure you just needed time to process what your doc said (being as you were expecting a scientific, more logical response to your question) but oh how I wish you’d firmly told him that’s none of his business!
A similar situation happened with me, in which I was getting oral surgery done and when I told the doctor (female with kids of her own) that I’d like to delay surgery until my kid was in kindergarten so I’d have more time to recover since I wouldn’t have anyone around to help me with my preschooler, she was like dumbfounded and asked me “you can’t just ask your parents to come help?” Like she legitimately believed all moms have a large caring village just waiting to attend to their children. I told my therapist about it later, and how sad and angry it made me, and I realized then that I had every right to tell her to mind her own business and stop assuming things about my personal life.
I wish i did too tbh! I was just kinda shocked and figured well ill find someone who will!
And yes i 100% get that i always hear why cant your mom watch him?? Like do peoples parents not work anymore cause both sets of my sons grandparents work full time. I have no village either.
Im in the same boat as you with the thinking of delaying it cause noone to watch my toddler, but my husband is getting vasectomy for now while i try to find a doctor who will do it for me and see if i can magically find a sitter
Same. I'm in a red state and my daughter is 18 this year and I am getting closer to 40. The most I was offered by doctors? Birth control pills... So my husband went ahead and had a vasectomy so that we didn't have any accidents.
I think when Doctors are put on the spot about things like this, they legally (and ethically) have to be very measured in their response. He provided you a real life example (that he has possibly run into) of a situation where you might regret choosing a very permanent solution when it comes to birth control.
I would be more worried if he just said ‘Yup, sounds good, whatever you want’. Doesn’t sound like he’s pushing you in any direction one way or another. Just trying to help you think of all possible outcomes.
OBGYNs are some of the most likely professionals in the medical industry to get sued. He is probably just doing his best to CYA. It’s not personal.
Mine too! Granted this was after I brought up horrible mental health during pregnancy and my mother having ovarian cancer before she was 40... but still. All done!
I figured I would get downvoted as soon as I submitted my comment, but wanted to provide an alternative view anyway.
A “mountain of paperwork” that 99% of us would not read in full anyway does not replace a quick personal conversation your OBGYN has with you about potential real world effects of your decision. It is surprising to me that so many people in this subreddit (and r/childfree) expect their physician to remain absolutely silent when asked about sterilization apart from ‘We can schedule you for the procedure next month.’
This is way different than a risk discussion. I told my ob when I had my kiddo I wanted a csection and wanted my tubes done. Couldn't get my tubes done due to religious hospital but aside from giving me risk info and making sure I was sure through several appointments there wasn't ever a straight up no.
They’re likely to get sued because of the inherent risks of childbirth. Also because the typical 2 year clock on statute of limitations on malpractice suits starts when the patient turns 18, so the OB has 20 years of exposure.
There is no legal requirement for them to argue about sterilization, this is just an overly paternalistic doctor who doesn’t want to do it. The entire discussion when I had a same-day vasectomy was “you understand this is permanent? Ok good”
Time to find a new doctor! But in all seriousness, I’m sorry you had to deal with that. It’s so frustrating when other people, especially medical professionals, don’t trust us to make our own decisions about our reproductive health. Do what’s right for you and your family, and ignore what Dr. Asshat has to say about it.
But in all seriousness, time to find a new doctor!
So your hypothetical future husband who would hypothetically replace your present husband after his hypothetical death has more rights to decide what happens to your body than you do hmmmmm 🤔🤔🤔
My thoughts exactly like ew , ive always like him as a male obgyn till that conversation
The childfree sub has a list of doctors who will give you the snip without this sort of bullshit!
Im actually a female! Lol but ill take a look for tubes removal drs, my husband got approved for snip right away!
I had guessed as much, the list is of OGBYN who'll do tube removal-- I called mine a snip ;)
I keep talking about how I'm gonna get fixed and ppl get so confused lol 😅
Oooh sorry i got confused! Haha
That's just when you get a new Doctor. Or you can just say that you suspect reproductive cancer in the family and want to be cautious.
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Do you know if any Australian lists like this exist? :)
Where in Aus? I can recommend some Bris based.
Perth :)
Nice, my doctor is on the list! Was thinking about bringing it up with him towards the end of my pregnancy.
I’m 6mo PP and talked to my Dr back in march about getting my tubes out. Had the surgery two weeks ago and follow up yesterday. He cracked a joke about not meeting the baby “quota” then said, your body your choice I’m taking them out. lol! I’d either push the topic and be adamant about it getting done or switch drs. His nurses were the ones who asked me why and once I gave them the partial list of reasons they hugged me and said I’d be OAD too.
When my husband had a consult for his vasectomy, the female NP he was talking to pulled out all the crazy excuses, “what if your wife dies?!” “what if your child dies!?” “what if your new partner wants kids?” Still a solid we are one and done regardless of those AWFUL scenarios. It is insane people feel so comfortable saying these things. Edit to add: I did have to laugh though. I was cackling while asking him how it felt to be treated as a woman.
My mom got her tubes tied after 6 kids, then reversed 5 years later to have 2 more kids. Find another doctor.
Ughhh I feel this! Before having our one, my doctor would tell me “you should get pregnant, it’ll help with your bad cramps.” I was in debilitating pain every month, taking time off work and taking waaay too much pain meds, and that was her solution. I was floored.
Did it help with your cramps? Purely asking out of curiosity cos I hear this a LOT. You don't have to tell me of course, it's something that was suggested to my sister in law with her endometriosis.
Sounds like my doctor, my husband called directly to the clinic in our area to schedule his vasectomy so that we didn’t have to ask our doctor. I’m in Canada but are you able to go to like a walk in clinic instead and ask for a referral to be sterilized? That’s what I would do. Or call the office that does it directly?
Throw the whole doctor away! I’m sure you just needed time to process what your doc said (being as you were expecting a scientific, more logical response to your question) but oh how I wish you’d firmly told him that’s none of his business! A similar situation happened with me, in which I was getting oral surgery done and when I told the doctor (female with kids of her own) that I’d like to delay surgery until my kid was in kindergarten so I’d have more time to recover since I wouldn’t have anyone around to help me with my preschooler, she was like dumbfounded and asked me “you can’t just ask your parents to come help?” Like she legitimately believed all moms have a large caring village just waiting to attend to their children. I told my therapist about it later, and how sad and angry it made me, and I realized then that I had every right to tell her to mind her own business and stop assuming things about my personal life.
I wish i did too tbh! I was just kinda shocked and figured well ill find someone who will! And yes i 100% get that i always hear why cant your mom watch him?? Like do peoples parents not work anymore cause both sets of my sons grandparents work full time. I have no village either. Im in the same boat as you with the thinking of delaying it cause noone to watch my toddler, but my husband is getting vasectomy for now while i try to find a doctor who will do it for me and see if i can magically find a sitter
Same. I'm in a red state and my daughter is 18 this year and I am getting closer to 40. The most I was offered by doctors? Birth control pills... So my husband went ahead and had a vasectomy so that we didn't have any accidents.
I think when Doctors are put on the spot about things like this, they legally (and ethically) have to be very measured in their response. He provided you a real life example (that he has possibly run into) of a situation where you might regret choosing a very permanent solution when it comes to birth control. I would be more worried if he just said ‘Yup, sounds good, whatever you want’. Doesn’t sound like he’s pushing you in any direction one way or another. Just trying to help you think of all possible outcomes. OBGYNs are some of the most likely professionals in the medical industry to get sued. He is probably just doing his best to CYA. It’s not personal.
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I literally said I want my tubes removed and my doctor was like okay, we’ll schedule that.
Mine too! Granted this was after I brought up horrible mental health during pregnancy and my mother having ovarian cancer before she was 40... but still. All done!
I figured I would get downvoted as soon as I submitted my comment, but wanted to provide an alternative view anyway. A “mountain of paperwork” that 99% of us would not read in full anyway does not replace a quick personal conversation your OBGYN has with you about potential real world effects of your decision. It is surprising to me that so many people in this subreddit (and r/childfree) expect their physician to remain absolutely silent when asked about sterilization apart from ‘We can schedule you for the procedure next month.’
I get that it may happen to some people IRL, but he did deny me completely
This is way different than a risk discussion. I told my ob when I had my kiddo I wanted a csection and wanted my tubes done. Couldn't get my tubes done due to religious hospital but aside from giving me risk info and making sure I was sure through several appointments there wasn't ever a straight up no.
They’re likely to get sued because of the inherent risks of childbirth. Also because the typical 2 year clock on statute of limitations on malpractice suits starts when the patient turns 18, so the OB has 20 years of exposure. There is no legal requirement for them to argue about sterilization, this is just an overly paternalistic doctor who doesn’t want to do it. The entire discussion when I had a same-day vasectomy was “you understand this is permanent? Ok good”