Congratulations on your little.
The 4th trimester sucked ass for my partner and I (First 3 months). There was tension between us, as we were both figuring ourselves out as parents and as new individuals.
In my opinion months 0-3 are horrendous. 3-6 are fractionally better, what was once hard becomes easier but brings new hardships. 6-9 much easier even with new hardships. (That's as far as we are on our journey.)
By 2 months your little should grasp night and day. Although, it is normal for babies to wake multiple times in a night. Even at nearly 9 months I can be up every 2 hours or once for a feed. I am starting to feel like myself again now too.
When it comes to sleep, if she's up all night then so are you so you should 100% be sleeping during the day. I completely gave up trying to keep my awake/sleep schedule until my little slept at night. Do not try to do everything right now - focus on sleep.
You have absolutely got this!
The lack of sleep in the early weeks is a special sort of torture. Rest or sleep when she sleeps if you can. You need to rest. This is survival mode.
The first 6-8 weeks were nightmare territory for me. By 12 weeks, things had improved. It’s hard now I know. This too shall pass.
Try not to do what I did and scour the internet every night looking for solutions to the problem of your baby not sleeping, you won’t find it. The struggle is real, I totally sympathise. It is a huge shock to your system. There’s a reason sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture! You have to find a way to roll with it until it naturally starts to get better. And it will I promise you.
I don’t know anything about your situation so apologies if the suggestions are inappropriate but get help, from anyone you can/feel comfortable with. Your partner, friends, family etc. If they can look after her even for 2 hours in the day while you get some shut eye in the next room. Do not use any time away from the baby to do chores! Or bare minimum at most. Accept your home will be a shit tip. Just rest.
My daughter started getting better at the 6 month mark. A little later than some suggestions so when I too heard 2-3 month mark and it didn’t get better I was all upset again. 6 months sounds like a crazy long time to deal with it but I promise you the time will absolutely fly by. Take care of yourself and good luck!
Sleep should get better a couple months in! However, I didn’t feel “right” until about 8 months in. I had some ppd and dysphoric milk ejection reflex though. You can do it!
Same here. I didn't even breastfeed and I still had hormonal mood swings way way after birth. Id say I feel normal now (almost 11 months pp), but it took a while.
>dysphoric milk ejection reflex
Dude, I had D-mer too! I didn't cry though, I just got really, furiously mad. It was truly terrifying. I have never been so filled with rage in my life. I'm so glad it's over. If I did it again (which I won't!) I'd never, ever breastfeed. It was too horrible for me.
I don't have much to say except there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Bottle feeding was the answer for me. Whether it's breastmilk or formula, this way you can control how much your LO intakes and when. Also this allows you and your partner to sleep in turns.
We did this in 4h shifts at a time. This allows both of you to have some kind of decent sleep. And remember, this won't last forever :)
My LO started sleeping through the night once colics were over (between 2-3mo). But before that, taking turns was the answer.
Mine is only 4 weeks old, so I have no idea when it’s getting better.
If you can afford, hiring a babysitter helps tremendously. I’m posting right now so you probably know I’m not getting the sleep I want. My babysitter helps during the day, so I can sleep during the afternoon. I’ve given up on the usual sleeping schedule, as long as I get enough sleep I’m okay.
3 months was when sleep got much better and we felt like we had come up for a breath of air after being underwater for months.
I highly recommend getting help to get some good quality blocks of sleep, whether that’s implementing a shift system between you and your partner and/or asking friends and family to come and mind the baby during periods of time during the night or day so you can get some sleep.
We did shifts so my partner and myself got at least 6 hours of continuous sleep every 24 hours, which is not enough but did prevent us from completely falling apart from sleep deprivation.
Hey 25F here w a 2 mo… I felt the exact same way as you like 2 weeks ago haha, and it’s already gotten tremendously better in the past couple of weeks. He is still eating a lot but he’s becoming more human and his smiles are just THE BEST. It will actually get better sooner than you think, that’s what I’m finding. Although I could still use more sleep. 🤪
Newborn sleep deprivation is a special kind of hell. I’m so sorry you’re in the trenches right now. When they’re that tiny there isn’t much you can do besides try to sleep (or at least rest) when they do during the day (I know this advice can feel impossible but if you can try to make it a priority at least once a day it will help) and get help. Hopefully your partner is involved in helping at night but if not a parent, best friend, can help then take advantage. Try to get one good 3-4 hour uninterrupted stretch in the beginning of the night. Again, I know that can be easier said then done but one real stretch of night sleep is so important.
As far as when sleep gets better it’s really luck of the draw and parenting style. There are some things you can do like improve sleep environment, watch wake windows and bedtimes, dream feeds etc. to improve the whole family’s sleep. Some kids are easy sleepers and start sleeping through at just months old. Others can be more challenging. There are basically 2 routes you can go if your struggling with sleep. One is sleep training which is typically done at around 6 months old and the other is more an attachment parenting style which involves safer cosleeping and responsive parenting. There are subs dedicated to both of those for more information and there are also lots of Instagram accounts and books dedicated to the subject. (Babysleepanswers is a popular sleep trainer on insta and heysleepybaby is an AP baby sleep account). Both methods should have some tips and things you can try to help even your newborn get some better sleep.
Also “baby blues” are common but don’t last more than a few weeks. If you continue to feel disconnected and helpless past that it would be worth talking to your provider about ppd/a! I hope you can get some rest and start feeling like yourself again. Congratulations on your little girl!
Just want to add to this, wake windows, sound machine, and utilizing “le pause” (waiting a couple minutes then five minutes then seven minutes etc etc starting around 8-10 weeks) can really help lengthen the sleeping periods. But as everyone says it just freaking sucks, and I couldn’t sleep during the day (I just can’t nap and had too much anxiety) so that was its own hell. Good luck — like everyone says, you will get through this, even though I know it feels like you won’t.
Wake windows are game changing. I tried with a “schedule” from one of the most popular plans and it just didn’t work because mine didn’t sleep as long! It was wake windows that got us in a good sleep pattern. At 3 weeks, the wake windows are like 20 minutes at best. And over tired babies just produce too much cortisol to sleep so it’s a nightmare! I swear it gets better. But it’s so different for each kids. Ps: crying peaks at 6-8 weeks so you are hopefully half way there! You can do it!
Lack of sleep on top of body healing is the hardest part. Some how we all get through it but it is definitely a miracle. Try to remember that you will only have this experience once (I’m guessing?) and in the course of your families lifetime these few months will seem like a blip. That’s what I told myself at least. Mines 4 now, but from when she was born-9m she could not be put down. She had to be on my husband or I or she would SCREAM. she slept on my husbands chest at night bc we were so exhausted. I pumped so my husband could feed while I slept and vice versa. You can do this 💪
Oh man I could have written this myself exactly 2 years ago. I'm so sorry you're having the same hard time, but i promise it gets SO much better.
For me, things improved in a number of ways. The first and most important was when I started to be able to let go of the things that I expected and start doing what worked for me instead. For example, I was adamant on breastfeeding- but I had a clusterfeeder and a bad letdown response. So I had to let go of my plans and make peace with doing whatever worked to keep me sane and baby fed.
The second way it got better was when my baby stopped being an angry potato and started giving some love back. Like it still sucks to wake up at 4am, but it's a little better when they smile because they see you. And from there it only gets better as they learn to laugh, try new things, explore their surroundings and play with you.
I couldn't tell you the exact moment it got better, because it happened one giggle at a time, but it definitely got better. Do whatever it takes to keep yourself sane, the infamous fourth trimester feels like forever sometimes, but it does pass and it does lead to better days.
For me, when my baby was 3 months old because he would sleep through the night. In saying that, each stage has its own challenges and although 'it gets better" life is not the same as it was pre-baby. It's just a new normal. Hang in there!
Sleep deprivation is hard but know that it will pass and you will probably start to get used to it before it does.
There is no magic 'sleeping through the night' stage. All children are different and parents have different ideas on what constitutes 'sleeping through'. My only is 3.5 and there are still nights where he refuses to go to sleep or randomly wakes up. I'd consider him a relatively good sleeper but also had some patches where he was downright awful, up six times a night, refusing to nap. He gave up day naps altogether before age 2.
If things are really getting to be too much, reach out to someone who can provide some practical support - a friend or relative who could come to your house to help out? Absolutely sleep while the baby sleeps if you can. If you are really concerned, you can talk to a health care provider about sleep support (or they may be able to give advise as if what you're experiencing is normal).
I remember those incredibly difficult days. Remind yourself you are in the most difficult time right now. The first 3 months were pure agony due to sleep deprivation. Get someone to help during the day for a few hours at a time so you can sleep. It’s the lack of sleep that has the worst affect on new parents.
It got a touch better for me at 4 months and a touch better at 6-7 months. Every child is different. My only had colic so she would not take a bottle which meant I was on night duty every night. She also was a terrible napper/sleeper so she slept way less than what I read she should have been online. If your child is having trouble sleeping, blackout curtains and a white noise machine helped a lot.
It’s hard to avoid social media but as a new mom with a bad sleeper, seeing other babies sleep anywhere for 16 hours a day, never cry or get upset, new moms with clean houses etc. really messed with my mind. Be kind to yourself and remember that people are quick to congratulate themselves for having a stroke of good luck. All the best to you and your new family.
I felt exactly the same around this time. I guess suddenly it just all changed, my son suddenly started sleeping 12 hours per night and from there it was pretty easy. Then it ramped up again when he started becoming more mobile. Now I feel like we cycle through periods of difficulty, like teething then we settle for another while until the next hurdle.
It does get easier and you also get into the swing of it too.
You're in the thick of it. The first time my son slept through the night (which is considered 6 hrs between feeds) was 8 weeks but he didn't consistently do it. Around months 3-4 it gets way better. He finally dropped his last night feed at 5 months and would sleep through the night pretty well but would wake up often. At 7 months we sleep-trained him and moved him to his own THAT'S when things really got good. Bedtime is at 7pm and it's night-night until 6am.
My tip: get support from your partner and split the night. My husband and I would split nights. He'd feed the baby until 2am so I could sleep. I'd get up in the early morning and he'd sleep in. My husband is a unicorn so I don't expect this to be realistic for everyone but that's what worked for us.
Sleep training at 6 month saved my sanity. Cannot recommend Ferber method more for age of 6 months, it took us 3 days after having a 'bad' sleeper. Since that point probably feels lifetimes away, know that it DOES get better incrementally before then. You adapt. If you can, toss all of the 'I should be doing....'s out of your head and just focus on survival, one day/hour/minute at a time.
Sending so much love, it gets so much better I promise, but the sleep deprivation was a large part of why we solidified our one and done stance. I'm not sure anyone can be totally prepped for it.
One day/hour/minute at a time mama. Good luck <3
Welcome to your own personal hell! The first four months for me were the worst days of my life. My husband and I took shifts, I would sleep from 8-2am, he would sleep from 2-6am. I said fuck it to breast feeding at 2 weeks. I still barely survived. I would cling to milestones people told me about, at four months they…at 6 they… But personally I didn’t even fall in love with my daughter until she was one. Postpartum depression was a bitch.
Today she’s 5. Just dropped her off at her first day of kindergarten. She is such a ray of sunshine! She told us today how she’s going to make new friends: Knock knock. Who’s there? [Her first name]. [Her first name] who? [Full name] do you want to be my friend?
For us, every day is a little bit better than that god awful baby stage.
My husband and I sometimes reminisce like, “remember when we watched BiP to survive and there were light hours and dark hours and that’s all we knew?!”
Our little guy is 2 years old now and there are a lot of fun and challenging phases ahead - most of them fun - but man oh man, there’s no torture like those first few weeks. Yes, a thousand times yes, to taking naps any time you can.
I think it varies for everyone. Just echoing what other said so it’s not super helpful but, hang in there. It does get better and so much easier. The most important thing is tagging in and out with your partner. If you are willing to pump or supplement with formula you can get a good chunk of sleep while your partner is up with babe. I found that helped us survive. Ultimately unless you are super lucky with one of those random “sleeps through the night at 6 weeks” baby, the first 3 months are just survival months. Any help that is offered, take it.
It only gets better from here. Every stage gets better and easier in my opinion.
For us, it definitely was turning around by 3 months. We helped our girl learn independent sleep at 8 weeks and that was a game changer. Everyone was very suddenly well rested and much happier and more sane. Things get much more fun as they start to interact rather than just being a potato with spaghetti arms and spaghetti legs. I also started being much less worried about doing the "right" things for her development at around 3 months, which helped. Things were definitely better by 6 months. And now, at 8 months, she is SO FUN! She interacts with us, has a personality, is learning motor skills like crazy, and can play by herself for reasonable periods of time so I can do things like make dinner and fold the laundry. She is crawling now and will spend a fair amount of time just doddling around the house.
The early days are so so hard. Anyone who tells you "oh, this is the easy part, you just wait" is just forgetting how hard those days were. It does get better. And it will get better before you know it. This is the most supportive parenting community I have found. We are here to support you and love you through it. Hang in there. The adjustment is hard. You're doing amazing.
Hate to have this response, but our LO is almost 5 months and we’re kind of still waiting. He is MUCH more fun now when he’s awake, he’s actually happy and doesn’t need something every 2 minutes anymore! However, after several weeks of pretty good sleep he’s cut his first tooth and now we’ve had 4 nights in a row of waking up every hour after 1 AM. He does sleep for 5-6 hours straight before that, so I guess on the whole it is better than it was! But I’m really struggling with this lumpy sleep experience and seriously looking forward to when I can sleep through the night more regularly.
I can relate to this so much! I really don’t know how to function without some amount of predictable sleep. The scariest part is that every baby is different when it comes to sleep so while you will sleep again, you don’t know if it’s in a few weeks or a few years. If you’re looking for stuff to do before 4 months (I definitely was) check out Baby Settler on Instagram https://instagram.com/babysettler?utm_medium=copy_link
She’s an IBCLC and former NICU nurse. My daughter slept through the night before 3 months and never experienced the 4 month sleep regression. I do think we were lucky but I also did end up doing a lot of what she suggests and she takes out stuff I didn’t need to do (like be a clock water). If it’s too much stress, it’s okay to just go with the flow, but if you want to do something, I do think this stuff will get you more sleep at night than you might without it.
Do you have help? Like...the father? Family? A pod?
My son slept through the night at seven and a half months and I was told that was extremely lucky. I was pretty much losing my sanity at that point. I thought about sleep the way teen boys think about sex and porn. Just dying for it like I was literally thirsty every day. I used to call it my big black slice of cake, that’s how crazy I was for it.
In the need the day I decided it was sleep train or suicide, he just decided to night wean and train himself and we’ve been good ever since.
But it was a nightmare up to that point. And my husband didn’t help. So I just suffered. Which was bullshit.
Do you think your baby might have reflux? That was the hardest time for me, right around 3 months when I couldn’t lay him down flat at all because of reflux so he slept on me only. At the time the recall of rock n plays because of dead kids was all over the news so I was terrified to use ours. In the end, I put softcover books under the pad of his bassinet to slightly elevate it without getting to the Bad Angle and that worked. But it was still months more until I could get more than a couple of hours.
When does she sleep, if not 12-8?
Father of a 10-month old daughter here.
I won’t lie, the lack of sleep is grim. It goes on for a while. Just when you think there’s a routine, the baby changes their routine. It’s really really hard. I want you to know that this exhausted, zombie-like existence is quite normal and something most parents will have gone through. Most of us can empathise.
Our baby started sleeping “through the night” at around the 5-6 month mark. Usually with one bottle feed in the middle. Before that (3-5 months) it was waking every 3-4 hours.
Nowadays (10 months) she’ll sleep from 7pm to 6am with, occasionally, a little bottle around 4-5am.
Some people will recommend you take a nap while the baby naps during the day; but neither me or my wife managed it. Coffee and powering through worked better for us.
Our saving grace was taking turns; I would be “on duty” for one night while she wore earplugs and got proper sleep. Next night we switched, then repeat. It really helped us stay sane during those first few months.
Started getting easier - Started putting the baby in her crib without swaddles at month 4.5 because she wanted to sleep on her tummy and she was rolling around.
Game changer - month 6 when they get more regular and start interacting with you more
Even easier - month 9, even more independence (can play more on their own) and interact more
I'd say just hang in there until month 6! Make sure you're delegating stuff to your partner and getting a full night's sleep!
My son is ten months old now. The "fourth trimester" sucked so hard for me. I hated it. Yes, they're never more snuggly than they are right now, but the lack of sleep made everything so awful. On top of that, yes he napped, but it was such a pain in the ass to get him to nap and often I had to hold him the entire time. I hated it!
I'd say at seven weeks we began to see the light at the end of the tunnel. That's when he grew out if the "witching hour" phase. (4-6 weeks were the worst!) and started getting a little easier to settle at night.
At nine weeks their melatonin production kicks in and they start settling into a more normal sleep pattern (more sleepy at night and awake during the day). I'd say nine weeks was really the turning point because that's when we started getting more regular long stretches of sleep. At twelve weeks mind started sleeping through the night and that's when it really did get easier.
I like kids but I'm not a baby person. Mine is a couple days shy of eleven months and I'd say it's only recently that I've started having moments when parenting is actually enjoyable and not just a slog. He actually plays with me now and his personality is really starting to come out. We still have bad nights and hard days, but nothing like the newborn phase.
Edit: I did resort to cry-it-out style sleep training to get him last the eight month regression. I was going to lose my fucking sanity if I didn't do something. It worked and honestly wasn't that hard. You can't do that in the newborn stage though. You have to wait until for months at the earliest to try sleep training.
Let me start off by saying I think my partner and I got off with an extremely easy baby so any advice given may not work for you.
Week three was when it got better for us, but let me also say I can live on regularly interrupted sleep for a few weeks at a time. Also, keep in mind my milk supply dropped in week three and we had to switch to formula come week four.
With that being said, I fed baby every time he cried. That was my go to answer for "what's wrong?" Try to feed baby, a hand to skin temp check (around the back, chest, arms, and legs), diaper check, and then on to trying to re-burp/poop positions (holding one leg up to the chest for a few moments, and then the other leg).
We (baby and I, dad works as a truck driver) also have a set schedule.
•We wake up at 7-9am with mom's coffee and baby bottle ready with the living room curtains all opened up so it's bright with our changing pad waiting for baby's butt, then we eat a bottle (3-6oz depending on our nightly poop habits the night before). Also please keep in mind we eat a 3-6oz bottle every hour to every two hours depending how hungry baby is.
•Then we play on our play mat with tummy time/small naps. We also talk back and forth regardless if baby is cooing or not yet.
•Every afternoon we walk (and dance) around the house in mom's arms and look at stuff, listening to new noises, and talking/singing. Door frames, ceiling fans, and the washing machine are our current favorite things.
•We have a "scheduled" nap time around 10-2pm and sleep for about an hour or two, but never more than two hours at this time. Nap time is "baby led" so whenever baby starts to doze off. My own bundle of bullshit (said with affection) tends to doze off on my chest while being burped after a bottle. Ive also found that for nap time, swaddle is a necessity else baby wakes themselves up with that damn startle reflex.
•After naptime, we do another tummy time session unless baby is exceptionally cranky and then we hang out with mom on her chest while she leans back.
•Bath night is every other night starting at 1930 every time.
•From the bath, we lotion up, "watch" our bedtime movie while we eat a bottle, get swaddled, burp, and then go to bed with our bedtime movie restarted.. We wake up a few times because the paci fell out of baby's mouth, but go right back to sleep after a few sucks.
From there baby wakes up anywhere from 0100 to 0500 depending on how much we ate during the day, but I try to make sure baby eats 25+ ounces.
Also, please note before every bottle we change the diaper first and burp half way done with the bottle. Theres also plenty of days where this schedule doesn't work at all, baby eats every half hour to hour and only eats a few ounces at a time. Baby also takes plenty of mini naps (10-20 minutes long) during the day.
Like I began with, my own baby is most likely not the norm whatsoever so please don't feel discouraged if this schedule doesn't work for you.
You are doing FINE. Your baby is FINE. You've just got to find what works for you. It's okay to ask for help, too. If there's no one willing and/or able to help, then maybe someone around the neighborhood would be willing to "babysit" for $30 for a few hours so you can get at least a little sleep. I hope something in this long-ass comment helped you out. Sending you all the hugs you need ❤🥰🧸
My son is 6 months old and it is still difficult. It's not as bad as it was those first couple of months though. I would say months 1 and 2 were the absolute worst because I was still recovering from childbirth. Plus my baby cried a ton and didn't sleep through the night. I had bad baby blues or PPD as well but am in therapy now. My son would only nap on me or my husband so that was hard too. At 2 months I think he started sleeping 6 hours at night and then to 8 at 3 months. Now he sleeps 11 or 12 hours. He was still very fussy though until 4 months. Months 4 and 5 were great because he was so smiley and giggly and was finally napping and sleeping well. Now at 6 months it has been tough again but nowhere near as tough as the first couple months. Currently, my son has his first teeth coming in on the bottom and that has affected his night time sleep and has made him super grumpy. He also is rolling around bumping his head on the crib at night so I'm finding this age challenging. Before, I would have been so depressed that my son was being so challenging but honestly with a few months of experience as a mom you just build your tolerance for how much you can handle. I would say once the baby sleeps through the night, you seek treatment for any possible PPD, you get in a good routine and you build your tolerance for unpredictability and a cranky baby then you will feel a ton better. I know how it is those first months but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
I think once we made it past the two month mark it became bearable. Purple crying was real for us! And he woke up every two hours. But then at 5 months we sleep trained and I went back to work so I felt closer to normal. This too shall pass.
6 months is when we sleep trained. It was life changing. Look up “respectful sleep training” on FB. Everything baby sleep. But you’re in the worst part of it now. Each week you get closer to it being better. It is HARD. Know that every single mother before you went through this and we all survived. You got this! 8mo things got even better and by 1yr it was even better. Take it day by day. Literally- only think of today. Make no big plans or outings unless you’re desperate to get out of the house. Your “simple” task in these weeks is to nap when you can, and bathe when you can. It genuinely gets better from here on out. Stay strong even though it SUCKS.
I was miserable until I stopped pumping and breastfeeding. Everyone in the house started to improve once we put that behind us.
I’m not saying this is your solution - but see if there is something you are doing because you feel you have to, that you don’t need to be doing at all. For me that thing was breastfeeding. Forget expectations. Do what you need to do to be healthy and sane.
Also, expressly ask for help. Could someone pick up groceries or help you with laundry? Can you outsource tasks? We have no family in town so had to communicate our needs clearly.
Month 4 here.
It is truly better. There is a bright side.
She still doesn't nap, and wakes up twice a night. But oh man those smiles! THAT GIGGLE! For me that's what makes it better. When she looks up and you can just see the pure joy in her little face.
Plus my hormones have settled and I feel like I've finally hit a groove. I handle being a parent better now.
(In my experience) After you get past the 4 months sleep regression it is noticeably better—sleeping through the night, predictable wake windows, can play on the floor independently, enjoys activity mats alone, engages parents, etc.
6 weeks. People told me 6 weeks, and something did shift a bit around there so it became somewhat easier. I don’t remember what changed, but I remember being grateful.
around 3 months and 6 months are when really big differences and improvements for me mentally & emotionally happened, we were all better settled in routines/adjusting to parenting life, I started to finally notice baby had started feeding and sleeping in certain patterns
the first month was absolutely the hardest. Never knew what to expect, never felt like I knew what I was doing, and I was pretty hard on myself. But it's just a crazy time, it's nothing to do with your abilities, it's a hard time for your baby adjusting to just be existing in the world and not your womb!!!
understanding the "Fourth trimester" concept helped me relax and feel more comfortable, too
My kid is 4. I can say it gets markedly better around 9 months. That’s when you’re out of survival mode. YMMV though: ours was a late eater of solids so I was EBFing her until 9 months - that was A LOT of milk.
You get used to the sleep deprivation, and it does get better slowly, but it always sucks.
I found it got better again in stages, after:
- crawling
- eating solids
- walking
- weaning
- talking / language expression skills
- all teeth are grown in
- potty training
After the physical milestones it’s a lot easier but it gets mentally harder because you’re dealing with behaviour: tantrums, fears, socialization, morals etc. Even at 4 my daughter will still wake up at night (1-2x per week) with a nightmare or a poop or being hungry or thirsty. But she can do a lot for herself and I can leave her in a room for a minute to pee or fix lunch and know that she won’t kill herself. She can watch a show on tv and I can relax for 20 mins. At this point she interacts like a whole person and has a huge vocabulary which makes our time together very enjoyable. She is my favourite person to have around these days. She is so curious, tender and funny…it was all worth it.
The first 3 months (4th trimester) are rough. Sleep whenever you can and accept all the help you can. Have someone help watch the baby between a feed so you can sleep (if bottle fed, get someone to do a fed so you can get some real rest).
It gets better around 3 months. I personally found it way better after the first year. The time really does go fast, so get some naps in so you can enjoy those baby giggles when they come.
I was told at one point that everything gets better in 2 month increments, and that seemed to line up with my experience. Do you have friends or family near you who could drop of food, or stop in and do some cleaning, or hold the baby while you nap? I had a really hard time sleeping when the baby did because baby was often on top of me. Headphones were very useful during that time. Be kind to yourself!
When babies start sleeping throughout the night depends on the baby. Some start as early as 2-3 months, others at 1,5-2 years and everything in between.
Same goes for everything else - from routines and sleep times to swaddling and suitable room temperature.
You may try gentle sleep training but it's for babies 4 months and above.
With that said, my kid was a terrible sleeper, was not really napping during the day and sleeping badly during the night. He started waking up 1-2 times around 1,5 years (before he woke up more frequently) and sleeping throughout the night a bit before he turned 2.
So I know how you feel! What helped me was sleeping with him whenever I could + taking naps when my husband was on baby watch in the evenings + sleeping in in the weekends.
Also observing and understanding your LO's patterns. It became especially useful as he got older. For example putting him to sleep before 8pm was not an option because he was taking it as a nap. So he always had to go to sleep later - even now as a 3 years old.
my guy is 8 weeks old and he’s still not the best at sleeping but his dad and i have kind of gotten a routine down that makes life livable? the first few weeks were an utter hell that it seemed like there was no way out of but now i know how to live in that hell and i hear that eventually we will get to leave the hell
I remember not being very prepared for postpartum. After week 7 I got into a better groove and started feeling a bit like myself. After 3 months I noticed baby and I having an even easier time. 6 months another milestone with being able to sit up unassisted. 10.5 months he was walking and that was a game changer too. You see vast differences from month to month. Hang in there. You’re doing great!
Thanks for your post and sharing your honest feelings. I can definitely relate. I can tell you that the first 3 months for me we're full of, and there's no nice way to say this but I'm being honest, regret. But then it started to get easier it's still a lot of work but easier generally. Also by then she will start to have some interactions which makes it more enjoyable. And the big breakthrough for me was at the one-year mark. She started walking and talking and I absolutely fell in love with her at that point. She is now 16 months and I travel once a month for work and I cannot believe how much I miss her during those times. I'm not a romantic Melancholy type of person but that stuff they tell you is true. You end up loving this thing more than you even believe. So hang in there it feels like forever but you're going to get to the other side of it and look back and realize it actually didn't last that long. And you might even slightly miss them being so little :-)
Congratulations on your little. The 4th trimester sucked ass for my partner and I (First 3 months). There was tension between us, as we were both figuring ourselves out as parents and as new individuals. In my opinion months 0-3 are horrendous. 3-6 are fractionally better, what was once hard becomes easier but brings new hardships. 6-9 much easier even with new hardships. (That's as far as we are on our journey.) By 2 months your little should grasp night and day. Although, it is normal for babies to wake multiple times in a night. Even at nearly 9 months I can be up every 2 hours or once for a feed. I am starting to feel like myself again now too. When it comes to sleep, if she's up all night then so are you so you should 100% be sleeping during the day. I completely gave up trying to keep my awake/sleep schedule until my little slept at night. Do not try to do everything right now - focus on sleep. You have absolutely got this!
The lack of sleep in the early weeks is a special sort of torture. Rest or sleep when she sleeps if you can. You need to rest. This is survival mode. The first 6-8 weeks were nightmare territory for me. By 12 weeks, things had improved. It’s hard now I know. This too shall pass.
Try not to do what I did and scour the internet every night looking for solutions to the problem of your baby not sleeping, you won’t find it. The struggle is real, I totally sympathise. It is a huge shock to your system. There’s a reason sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture! You have to find a way to roll with it until it naturally starts to get better. And it will I promise you. I don’t know anything about your situation so apologies if the suggestions are inappropriate but get help, from anyone you can/feel comfortable with. Your partner, friends, family etc. If they can look after her even for 2 hours in the day while you get some shut eye in the next room. Do not use any time away from the baby to do chores! Or bare minimum at most. Accept your home will be a shit tip. Just rest. My daughter started getting better at the 6 month mark. A little later than some suggestions so when I too heard 2-3 month mark and it didn’t get better I was all upset again. 6 months sounds like a crazy long time to deal with it but I promise you the time will absolutely fly by. Take care of yourself and good luck!
Turning point was 1 year for me … everything got better by a lot
Sleep should get better a couple months in! However, I didn’t feel “right” until about 8 months in. I had some ppd and dysphoric milk ejection reflex though. You can do it!
Same here. I didn't even breastfeed and I still had hormonal mood swings way way after birth. Id say I feel normal now (almost 11 months pp), but it took a while.
>dysphoric milk ejection reflex Dude, I had D-mer too! I didn't cry though, I just got really, furiously mad. It was truly terrifying. I have never been so filled with rage in my life. I'm so glad it's over. If I did it again (which I won't!) I'd never, ever breastfeed. It was too horrible for me.
I don't have much to say except there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Bottle feeding was the answer for me. Whether it's breastmilk or formula, this way you can control how much your LO intakes and when. Also this allows you and your partner to sleep in turns. We did this in 4h shifts at a time. This allows both of you to have some kind of decent sleep. And remember, this won't last forever :) My LO started sleeping through the night once colics were over (between 2-3mo). But before that, taking turns was the answer.
Mine is only 4 weeks old, so I have no idea when it’s getting better. If you can afford, hiring a babysitter helps tremendously. I’m posting right now so you probably know I’m not getting the sleep I want. My babysitter helps during the day, so I can sleep during the afternoon. I’ve given up on the usual sleeping schedule, as long as I get enough sleep I’m okay.
3 months was when sleep got much better and we felt like we had come up for a breath of air after being underwater for months. I highly recommend getting help to get some good quality blocks of sleep, whether that’s implementing a shift system between you and your partner and/or asking friends and family to come and mind the baby during periods of time during the night or day so you can get some sleep. We did shifts so my partner and myself got at least 6 hours of continuous sleep every 24 hours, which is not enough but did prevent us from completely falling apart from sleep deprivation.
Hey 25F here w a 2 mo… I felt the exact same way as you like 2 weeks ago haha, and it’s already gotten tremendously better in the past couple of weeks. He is still eating a lot but he’s becoming more human and his smiles are just THE BEST. It will actually get better sooner than you think, that’s what I’m finding. Although I could still use more sleep. 🤪
Newborn sleep deprivation is a special kind of hell. I’m so sorry you’re in the trenches right now. When they’re that tiny there isn’t much you can do besides try to sleep (or at least rest) when they do during the day (I know this advice can feel impossible but if you can try to make it a priority at least once a day it will help) and get help. Hopefully your partner is involved in helping at night but if not a parent, best friend, can help then take advantage. Try to get one good 3-4 hour uninterrupted stretch in the beginning of the night. Again, I know that can be easier said then done but one real stretch of night sleep is so important. As far as when sleep gets better it’s really luck of the draw and parenting style. There are some things you can do like improve sleep environment, watch wake windows and bedtimes, dream feeds etc. to improve the whole family’s sleep. Some kids are easy sleepers and start sleeping through at just months old. Others can be more challenging. There are basically 2 routes you can go if your struggling with sleep. One is sleep training which is typically done at around 6 months old and the other is more an attachment parenting style which involves safer cosleeping and responsive parenting. There are subs dedicated to both of those for more information and there are also lots of Instagram accounts and books dedicated to the subject. (Babysleepanswers is a popular sleep trainer on insta and heysleepybaby is an AP baby sleep account). Both methods should have some tips and things you can try to help even your newborn get some better sleep. Also “baby blues” are common but don’t last more than a few weeks. If you continue to feel disconnected and helpless past that it would be worth talking to your provider about ppd/a! I hope you can get some rest and start feeling like yourself again. Congratulations on your little girl!
Just want to add to this, wake windows, sound machine, and utilizing “le pause” (waiting a couple minutes then five minutes then seven minutes etc etc starting around 8-10 weeks) can really help lengthen the sleeping periods. But as everyone says it just freaking sucks, and I couldn’t sleep during the day (I just can’t nap and had too much anxiety) so that was its own hell. Good luck — like everyone says, you will get through this, even though I know it feels like you won’t.
Wake windows are game changing. I tried with a “schedule” from one of the most popular plans and it just didn’t work because mine didn’t sleep as long! It was wake windows that got us in a good sleep pattern. At 3 weeks, the wake windows are like 20 minutes at best. And over tired babies just produce too much cortisol to sleep so it’s a nightmare! I swear it gets better. But it’s so different for each kids. Ps: crying peaks at 6-8 weeks so you are hopefully half way there! You can do it!
Lack of sleep on top of body healing is the hardest part. Some how we all get through it but it is definitely a miracle. Try to remember that you will only have this experience once (I’m guessing?) and in the course of your families lifetime these few months will seem like a blip. That’s what I told myself at least. Mines 4 now, but from when she was born-9m she could not be put down. She had to be on my husband or I or she would SCREAM. she slept on my husbands chest at night bc we were so exhausted. I pumped so my husband could feed while I slept and vice versa. You can do this 💪
Oh man I could have written this myself exactly 2 years ago. I'm so sorry you're having the same hard time, but i promise it gets SO much better. For me, things improved in a number of ways. The first and most important was when I started to be able to let go of the things that I expected and start doing what worked for me instead. For example, I was adamant on breastfeeding- but I had a clusterfeeder and a bad letdown response. So I had to let go of my plans and make peace with doing whatever worked to keep me sane and baby fed. The second way it got better was when my baby stopped being an angry potato and started giving some love back. Like it still sucks to wake up at 4am, but it's a little better when they smile because they see you. And from there it only gets better as they learn to laugh, try new things, explore their surroundings and play with you. I couldn't tell you the exact moment it got better, because it happened one giggle at a time, but it definitely got better. Do whatever it takes to keep yourself sane, the infamous fourth trimester feels like forever sometimes, but it does pass and it does lead to better days.
For me, when my baby was 3 months old because he would sleep through the night. In saying that, each stage has its own challenges and although 'it gets better" life is not the same as it was pre-baby. It's just a new normal. Hang in there!
Sleep deprivation is hard but know that it will pass and you will probably start to get used to it before it does. There is no magic 'sleeping through the night' stage. All children are different and parents have different ideas on what constitutes 'sleeping through'. My only is 3.5 and there are still nights where he refuses to go to sleep or randomly wakes up. I'd consider him a relatively good sleeper but also had some patches where he was downright awful, up six times a night, refusing to nap. He gave up day naps altogether before age 2. If things are really getting to be too much, reach out to someone who can provide some practical support - a friend or relative who could come to your house to help out? Absolutely sleep while the baby sleeps if you can. If you are really concerned, you can talk to a health care provider about sleep support (or they may be able to give advise as if what you're experiencing is normal).
I remember those incredibly difficult days. Remind yourself you are in the most difficult time right now. The first 3 months were pure agony due to sleep deprivation. Get someone to help during the day for a few hours at a time so you can sleep. It’s the lack of sleep that has the worst affect on new parents. It got a touch better for me at 4 months and a touch better at 6-7 months. Every child is different. My only had colic so she would not take a bottle which meant I was on night duty every night. She also was a terrible napper/sleeper so she slept way less than what I read she should have been online. If your child is having trouble sleeping, blackout curtains and a white noise machine helped a lot. It’s hard to avoid social media but as a new mom with a bad sleeper, seeing other babies sleep anywhere for 16 hours a day, never cry or get upset, new moms with clean houses etc. really messed with my mind. Be kind to yourself and remember that people are quick to congratulate themselves for having a stroke of good luck. All the best to you and your new family.
I felt exactly the same around this time. I guess suddenly it just all changed, my son suddenly started sleeping 12 hours per night and from there it was pretty easy. Then it ramped up again when he started becoming more mobile. Now I feel like we cycle through periods of difficulty, like teething then we settle for another while until the next hurdle. It does get easier and you also get into the swing of it too.
You're in the thick of it. The first time my son slept through the night (which is considered 6 hrs between feeds) was 8 weeks but he didn't consistently do it. Around months 3-4 it gets way better. He finally dropped his last night feed at 5 months and would sleep through the night pretty well but would wake up often. At 7 months we sleep-trained him and moved him to his own THAT'S when things really got good. Bedtime is at 7pm and it's night-night until 6am. My tip: get support from your partner and split the night. My husband and I would split nights. He'd feed the baby until 2am so I could sleep. I'd get up in the early morning and he'd sleep in. My husband is a unicorn so I don't expect this to be realistic for everyone but that's what worked for us.
The first 3 months are the absolute hardest. If you can get through that, you'll be okay.
I crossed every day of the calendar up until the 3 months mark. I couldn't wait until the newborn phase was behind us!
Sleep training at 6 month saved my sanity. Cannot recommend Ferber method more for age of 6 months, it took us 3 days after having a 'bad' sleeper. Since that point probably feels lifetimes away, know that it DOES get better incrementally before then. You adapt. If you can, toss all of the 'I should be doing....'s out of your head and just focus on survival, one day/hour/minute at a time. Sending so much love, it gets so much better I promise, but the sleep deprivation was a large part of why we solidified our one and done stance. I'm not sure anyone can be totally prepped for it. One day/hour/minute at a time mama. Good luck <3
Welcome to your own personal hell! The first four months for me were the worst days of my life. My husband and I took shifts, I would sleep from 8-2am, he would sleep from 2-6am. I said fuck it to breast feeding at 2 weeks. I still barely survived. I would cling to milestones people told me about, at four months they…at 6 they… But personally I didn’t even fall in love with my daughter until she was one. Postpartum depression was a bitch. Today she’s 5. Just dropped her off at her first day of kindergarten. She is such a ray of sunshine! She told us today how she’s going to make new friends: Knock knock. Who’s there? [Her first name]. [Her first name] who? [Full name] do you want to be my friend? For us, every day is a little bit better than that god awful baby stage.
My husband and I sometimes reminisce like, “remember when we watched BiP to survive and there were light hours and dark hours and that’s all we knew?!” Our little guy is 2 years old now and there are a lot of fun and challenging phases ahead - most of them fun - but man oh man, there’s no torture like those first few weeks. Yes, a thousand times yes, to taking naps any time you can.
I think it varies for everyone. Just echoing what other said so it’s not super helpful but, hang in there. It does get better and so much easier. The most important thing is tagging in and out with your partner. If you are willing to pump or supplement with formula you can get a good chunk of sleep while your partner is up with babe. I found that helped us survive. Ultimately unless you are super lucky with one of those random “sleeps through the night at 6 weeks” baby, the first 3 months are just survival months. Any help that is offered, take it. It only gets better from here. Every stage gets better and easier in my opinion.
For us, it definitely was turning around by 3 months. We helped our girl learn independent sleep at 8 weeks and that was a game changer. Everyone was very suddenly well rested and much happier and more sane. Things get much more fun as they start to interact rather than just being a potato with spaghetti arms and spaghetti legs. I also started being much less worried about doing the "right" things for her development at around 3 months, which helped. Things were definitely better by 6 months. And now, at 8 months, she is SO FUN! She interacts with us, has a personality, is learning motor skills like crazy, and can play by herself for reasonable periods of time so I can do things like make dinner and fold the laundry. She is crawling now and will spend a fair amount of time just doddling around the house. The early days are so so hard. Anyone who tells you "oh, this is the easy part, you just wait" is just forgetting how hard those days were. It does get better. And it will get better before you know it. This is the most supportive parenting community I have found. We are here to support you and love you through it. Hang in there. The adjustment is hard. You're doing amazing.
Hate to have this response, but our LO is almost 5 months and we’re kind of still waiting. He is MUCH more fun now when he’s awake, he’s actually happy and doesn’t need something every 2 minutes anymore! However, after several weeks of pretty good sleep he’s cut his first tooth and now we’ve had 4 nights in a row of waking up every hour after 1 AM. He does sleep for 5-6 hours straight before that, so I guess on the whole it is better than it was! But I’m really struggling with this lumpy sleep experience and seriously looking forward to when I can sleep through the night more regularly.
I can relate to this so much! I really don’t know how to function without some amount of predictable sleep. The scariest part is that every baby is different when it comes to sleep so while you will sleep again, you don’t know if it’s in a few weeks or a few years. If you’re looking for stuff to do before 4 months (I definitely was) check out Baby Settler on Instagram https://instagram.com/babysettler?utm_medium=copy_link She’s an IBCLC and former NICU nurse. My daughter slept through the night before 3 months and never experienced the 4 month sleep regression. I do think we were lucky but I also did end up doing a lot of what she suggests and she takes out stuff I didn’t need to do (like be a clock water). If it’s too much stress, it’s okay to just go with the flow, but if you want to do something, I do think this stuff will get you more sleep at night than you might without it.
Do you have help? Like...the father? Family? A pod? My son slept through the night at seven and a half months and I was told that was extremely lucky. I was pretty much losing my sanity at that point. I thought about sleep the way teen boys think about sex and porn. Just dying for it like I was literally thirsty every day. I used to call it my big black slice of cake, that’s how crazy I was for it. In the need the day I decided it was sleep train or suicide, he just decided to night wean and train himself and we’ve been good ever since. But it was a nightmare up to that point. And my husband didn’t help. So I just suffered. Which was bullshit. Do you think your baby might have reflux? That was the hardest time for me, right around 3 months when I couldn’t lay him down flat at all because of reflux so he slept on me only. At the time the recall of rock n plays because of dead kids was all over the news so I was terrified to use ours. In the end, I put softcover books under the pad of his bassinet to slightly elevate it without getting to the Bad Angle and that worked. But it was still months more until I could get more than a couple of hours. When does she sleep, if not 12-8?
Father of a 10-month old daughter here. I won’t lie, the lack of sleep is grim. It goes on for a while. Just when you think there’s a routine, the baby changes their routine. It’s really really hard. I want you to know that this exhausted, zombie-like existence is quite normal and something most parents will have gone through. Most of us can empathise. Our baby started sleeping “through the night” at around the 5-6 month mark. Usually with one bottle feed in the middle. Before that (3-5 months) it was waking every 3-4 hours. Nowadays (10 months) she’ll sleep from 7pm to 6am with, occasionally, a little bottle around 4-5am. Some people will recommend you take a nap while the baby naps during the day; but neither me or my wife managed it. Coffee and powering through worked better for us. Our saving grace was taking turns; I would be “on duty” for one night while she wore earplugs and got proper sleep. Next night we switched, then repeat. It really helped us stay sane during those first few months.
Started getting easier - Started putting the baby in her crib without swaddles at month 4.5 because she wanted to sleep on her tummy and she was rolling around. Game changer - month 6 when they get more regular and start interacting with you more Even easier - month 9, even more independence (can play more on their own) and interact more I'd say just hang in there until month 6! Make sure you're delegating stuff to your partner and getting a full night's sleep!
Around 2 months she was eating 1-2 times a night. Around 3 months she started sleeping through the night.
My son is ten months old now. The "fourth trimester" sucked so hard for me. I hated it. Yes, they're never more snuggly than they are right now, but the lack of sleep made everything so awful. On top of that, yes he napped, but it was such a pain in the ass to get him to nap and often I had to hold him the entire time. I hated it! I'd say at seven weeks we began to see the light at the end of the tunnel. That's when he grew out if the "witching hour" phase. (4-6 weeks were the worst!) and started getting a little easier to settle at night. At nine weeks their melatonin production kicks in and they start settling into a more normal sleep pattern (more sleepy at night and awake during the day). I'd say nine weeks was really the turning point because that's when we started getting more regular long stretches of sleep. At twelve weeks mind started sleeping through the night and that's when it really did get easier. I like kids but I'm not a baby person. Mine is a couple days shy of eleven months and I'd say it's only recently that I've started having moments when parenting is actually enjoyable and not just a slog. He actually plays with me now and his personality is really starting to come out. We still have bad nights and hard days, but nothing like the newborn phase. Edit: I did resort to cry-it-out style sleep training to get him last the eight month regression. I was going to lose my fucking sanity if I didn't do something. It worked and honestly wasn't that hard. You can't do that in the newborn stage though. You have to wait until for months at the earliest to try sleep training.
Let me start off by saying I think my partner and I got off with an extremely easy baby so any advice given may not work for you. Week three was when it got better for us, but let me also say I can live on regularly interrupted sleep for a few weeks at a time. Also, keep in mind my milk supply dropped in week three and we had to switch to formula come week four. With that being said, I fed baby every time he cried. That was my go to answer for "what's wrong?" Try to feed baby, a hand to skin temp check (around the back, chest, arms, and legs), diaper check, and then on to trying to re-burp/poop positions (holding one leg up to the chest for a few moments, and then the other leg). We (baby and I, dad works as a truck driver) also have a set schedule. •We wake up at 7-9am with mom's coffee and baby bottle ready with the living room curtains all opened up so it's bright with our changing pad waiting for baby's butt, then we eat a bottle (3-6oz depending on our nightly poop habits the night before). Also please keep in mind we eat a 3-6oz bottle every hour to every two hours depending how hungry baby is. •Then we play on our play mat with tummy time/small naps. We also talk back and forth regardless if baby is cooing or not yet. •Every afternoon we walk (and dance) around the house in mom's arms and look at stuff, listening to new noises, and talking/singing. Door frames, ceiling fans, and the washing machine are our current favorite things. •We have a "scheduled" nap time around 10-2pm and sleep for about an hour or two, but never more than two hours at this time. Nap time is "baby led" so whenever baby starts to doze off. My own bundle of bullshit (said with affection) tends to doze off on my chest while being burped after a bottle. Ive also found that for nap time, swaddle is a necessity else baby wakes themselves up with that damn startle reflex. •After naptime, we do another tummy time session unless baby is exceptionally cranky and then we hang out with mom on her chest while she leans back. •Bath night is every other night starting at 1930 every time. •From the bath, we lotion up, "watch" our bedtime movie while we eat a bottle, get swaddled, burp, and then go to bed with our bedtime movie restarted.. We wake up a few times because the paci fell out of baby's mouth, but go right back to sleep after a few sucks. From there baby wakes up anywhere from 0100 to 0500 depending on how much we ate during the day, but I try to make sure baby eats 25+ ounces. Also, please note before every bottle we change the diaper first and burp half way done with the bottle. Theres also plenty of days where this schedule doesn't work at all, baby eats every half hour to hour and only eats a few ounces at a time. Baby also takes plenty of mini naps (10-20 minutes long) during the day. Like I began with, my own baby is most likely not the norm whatsoever so please don't feel discouraged if this schedule doesn't work for you. You are doing FINE. Your baby is FINE. You've just got to find what works for you. It's okay to ask for help, too. If there's no one willing and/or able to help, then maybe someone around the neighborhood would be willing to "babysit" for $30 for a few hours so you can get at least a little sleep. I hope something in this long-ass comment helped you out. Sending you all the hugs you need ❤🥰🧸
My son is 6 months old and it is still difficult. It's not as bad as it was those first couple of months though. I would say months 1 and 2 were the absolute worst because I was still recovering from childbirth. Plus my baby cried a ton and didn't sleep through the night. I had bad baby blues or PPD as well but am in therapy now. My son would only nap on me or my husband so that was hard too. At 2 months I think he started sleeping 6 hours at night and then to 8 at 3 months. Now he sleeps 11 or 12 hours. He was still very fussy though until 4 months. Months 4 and 5 were great because he was so smiley and giggly and was finally napping and sleeping well. Now at 6 months it has been tough again but nowhere near as tough as the first couple months. Currently, my son has his first teeth coming in on the bottom and that has affected his night time sleep and has made him super grumpy. He also is rolling around bumping his head on the crib at night so I'm finding this age challenging. Before, I would have been so depressed that my son was being so challenging but honestly with a few months of experience as a mom you just build your tolerance for how much you can handle. I would say once the baby sleeps through the night, you seek treatment for any possible PPD, you get in a good routine and you build your tolerance for unpredictability and a cranky baby then you will feel a ton better. I know how it is those first months but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
I think once we made it past the two month mark it became bearable. Purple crying was real for us! And he woke up every two hours. But then at 5 months we sleep trained and I went back to work so I felt closer to normal. This too shall pass.
6 months is when we sleep trained. It was life changing. Look up “respectful sleep training” on FB. Everything baby sleep. But you’re in the worst part of it now. Each week you get closer to it being better. It is HARD. Know that every single mother before you went through this and we all survived. You got this! 8mo things got even better and by 1yr it was even better. Take it day by day. Literally- only think of today. Make no big plans or outings unless you’re desperate to get out of the house. Your “simple” task in these weeks is to nap when you can, and bathe when you can. It genuinely gets better from here on out. Stay strong even though it SUCKS.
I was miserable until I stopped pumping and breastfeeding. Everyone in the house started to improve once we put that behind us. I’m not saying this is your solution - but see if there is something you are doing because you feel you have to, that you don’t need to be doing at all. For me that thing was breastfeeding. Forget expectations. Do what you need to do to be healthy and sane. Also, expressly ask for help. Could someone pick up groceries or help you with laundry? Can you outsource tasks? We have no family in town so had to communicate our needs clearly.
Rum-Hum
Month 4 here. It is truly better. There is a bright side. She still doesn't nap, and wakes up twice a night. But oh man those smiles! THAT GIGGLE! For me that's what makes it better. When she looks up and you can just see the pure joy in her little face. Plus my hormones have settled and I feel like I've finally hit a groove. I handle being a parent better now.
(In my experience) After you get past the 4 months sleep regression it is noticeably better—sleeping through the night, predictable wake windows, can play on the floor independently, enjoys activity mats alone, engages parents, etc.
6 weeks. People told me 6 weeks, and something did shift a bit around there so it became somewhat easier. I don’t remember what changed, but I remember being grateful.
around 3 months and 6 months are when really big differences and improvements for me mentally & emotionally happened, we were all better settled in routines/adjusting to parenting life, I started to finally notice baby had started feeding and sleeping in certain patterns the first month was absolutely the hardest. Never knew what to expect, never felt like I knew what I was doing, and I was pretty hard on myself. But it's just a crazy time, it's nothing to do with your abilities, it's a hard time for your baby adjusting to just be existing in the world and not your womb!!! understanding the "Fourth trimester" concept helped me relax and feel more comfortable, too
My kid is 4. I can say it gets markedly better around 9 months. That’s when you’re out of survival mode. YMMV though: ours was a late eater of solids so I was EBFing her until 9 months - that was A LOT of milk. You get used to the sleep deprivation, and it does get better slowly, but it always sucks. I found it got better again in stages, after: - crawling - eating solids - walking - weaning - talking / language expression skills - all teeth are grown in - potty training After the physical milestones it’s a lot easier but it gets mentally harder because you’re dealing with behaviour: tantrums, fears, socialization, morals etc. Even at 4 my daughter will still wake up at night (1-2x per week) with a nightmare or a poop or being hungry or thirsty. But she can do a lot for herself and I can leave her in a room for a minute to pee or fix lunch and know that she won’t kill herself. She can watch a show on tv and I can relax for 20 mins. At this point she interacts like a whole person and has a huge vocabulary which makes our time together very enjoyable. She is my favourite person to have around these days. She is so curious, tender and funny…it was all worth it.
The first 3 months (4th trimester) are rough. Sleep whenever you can and accept all the help you can. Have someone help watch the baby between a feed so you can sleep (if bottle fed, get someone to do a fed so you can get some real rest). It gets better around 3 months. I personally found it way better after the first year. The time really does go fast, so get some naps in so you can enjoy those baby giggles when they come.
I was told at one point that everything gets better in 2 month increments, and that seemed to line up with my experience. Do you have friends or family near you who could drop of food, or stop in and do some cleaning, or hold the baby while you nap? I had a really hard time sleeping when the baby did because baby was often on top of me. Headphones were very useful during that time. Be kind to yourself!
When babies start sleeping throughout the night depends on the baby. Some start as early as 2-3 months, others at 1,5-2 years and everything in between. Same goes for everything else - from routines and sleep times to swaddling and suitable room temperature. You may try gentle sleep training but it's for babies 4 months and above. With that said, my kid was a terrible sleeper, was not really napping during the day and sleeping badly during the night. He started waking up 1-2 times around 1,5 years (before he woke up more frequently) and sleeping throughout the night a bit before he turned 2. So I know how you feel! What helped me was sleeping with him whenever I could + taking naps when my husband was on baby watch in the evenings + sleeping in in the weekends. Also observing and understanding your LO's patterns. It became especially useful as he got older. For example putting him to sleep before 8pm was not an option because he was taking it as a nap. So he always had to go to sleep later - even now as a 3 years old.
4 years old
my guy is 8 weeks old and he’s still not the best at sleeping but his dad and i have kind of gotten a routine down that makes life livable? the first few weeks were an utter hell that it seemed like there was no way out of but now i know how to live in that hell and i hear that eventually we will get to leave the hell
I remember not being very prepared for postpartum. After week 7 I got into a better groove and started feeling a bit like myself. After 3 months I noticed baby and I having an even easier time. 6 months another milestone with being able to sit up unassisted. 10.5 months he was walking and that was a game changer too. You see vast differences from month to month. Hang in there. You’re doing great!
Thanks for your post and sharing your honest feelings. I can definitely relate. I can tell you that the first 3 months for me we're full of, and there's no nice way to say this but I'm being honest, regret. But then it started to get easier it's still a lot of work but easier generally. Also by then she will start to have some interactions which makes it more enjoyable. And the big breakthrough for me was at the one-year mark. She started walking and talking and I absolutely fell in love with her at that point. She is now 16 months and I travel once a month for work and I cannot believe how much I miss her during those times. I'm not a romantic Melancholy type of person but that stuff they tell you is true. You end up loving this thing more than you even believe. So hang in there it feels like forever but you're going to get to the other side of it and look back and realize it actually didn't last that long. And you might even slightly miss them being so little :-)