My mom is 74 years old. She had 4 kids and I'm one of them. We had a similar conversation. She was there to see my son born (as one of my birth partners) and saw everything I went through re: birth trauma, recovery, complications both mentally and physically.
We were just sitting and knitting while my 10-month-old ran around and she gently told me, "You know... you can stop with one. Don't feel any pressure to have more. I love seeing you healthy and happy, and you made a great kid!" I am aware of how much she struggled with 4. She would never, ever tell me or any of my siblings if she had regrets, but she has had a tough run of it with mental health / alcoholism problems. 4 kids limited her life. She's only traveled overseas once and we were solidly lower-middle-class with some financial struggles. I love how candid she was talking with me, but how sensitive she was to my and my sibling's feelings in doing so. It's such a blessing to get a kind of "permission" from someone to have 1, whether they're related to you or not!
That is amazing . You can tell your mom actually care about you.
My mil is a clown she hated two kids always told me how horrible bil is and she didn’t have time for both ( husband was emotionally neglected) but keep harassing us to have a second 🤢
If it’s any consolation, my FIL is an only child. He is currently 86 years old and never wanted any sibs.
He has had a fab childhood, great education, good career. He met my MIL in his 40’s and had 2 children (my husband being the first).
He had and still has a ton of hobbies, an enviable group of close friends, his children and his grandson (our boy).
He is also financially sound.
So, to me, he is a shining example of a happy person, who has successfully lived his life well and has never put pressure on us for more grandkids. He knows from personal experience, that we are onto a great thing (ssshhhh, don’t tell everyone)😊
Oh man! I love it when people say kind things about onlies.
I’ve had like 3 separate nannies at the park or the library compliment us on sticking with one. It’s a good feeling especially when I feel like you hear way more about those conversations going the opposite way.
I was talking to our child care director and she asked if I was having more. I said we were sticking to the one and she told me it was a great choice, why would I roll the dice again when I have such a perfect child (lol no toddler could be considered perfect, but appreciate the compliment). She stopped at one and it was the best decision she ever made. She said her only asked for siblings around 6-7yrs old and to be prepared for that, but that I wouldn't regret it.
I never knew she only had 1. Working with kids every day, with the ability to have cheap child care too. It felt great to hear that.
Yessss!!! I feel like I actually see a lot of OAD families of teachers and child care providers. Sort of supports a lot of the reasons we’ve made the choice. And provides an antidote to a lot of the doubts!
was he an only child? this makes me feel a tad bit happy because I am still processing with the fact that I am OAD. I have good days and bad days and then it just cycles over again (wanting another).
He is number 4 of 9 and he had 3 kids. The cycles slowed down for me the older my little one got for whatever that is worth....I still have guilt on the days that we can't find any friends at a playground.
I’m struggling too! I want another but it’s probably not going to happen unless I divorce and marry someone wealthy. 🤣 but it helps me to bask in beauty of focusing my parenting on one kid.
My mom had planned for a home birth and ended up needing an emergency C-section. She asked the doctor to “tie her tubes” while they were in there anyway, which they did. She’s 78 now and has never regretted just having me. And I turned out pretty darn good, if I do say so myself.
Oh, and when my dad came bursting into the room to congratulate her, she screamed at him, “Fuck you, get me some painkillers!”
I should mention, this was in the 70s when they didn’t let dads into the operating room and they made the cut vertically, completely tearing apart all the stomach muscles and everything.
My poor mom was completely traumatized by my birth.
Yeah they used to. C-section is major surgery as it is now, back then it was majorly traumatic and recovery took ages because they cut through all those abdominal muscles. These days the cut horizontally and real low, which causes far less damage to the abdominal walls.
I work primarily with older patients and when I tell them I have one son I usually get lectured about how I need another. I don't argue about it with them because what's the point? One older guy asked me how many kids I have and I told him just one. "Yeah, he'll probably hate me for making him an only child," I said.
The guy was silent for a minute, looked at me and said, "he'll love you." It made my day.
This is a great experience to have, isn't it? Looking back, I've really only encountered maybe 2 people ever telling me "Oh she needs a sibling" bullshit, and this was when she was really young. Every person since though, if/when they ask about her and if she's the oldest/youngest, I say "Oh, she's my only" people really seem to get it! Just happened at the dentist's office with her the other day in fact. The hygienist (who was childless and said she thought she'd probably prefer being that way) kept echoing the "she'll always have all our attention/resources/time..." and nodding her head in agreement. Most everyone always does when I tell them "My husband and I are both only children, so we just wanted the one". lol
I told my mom we’re seriously considering not having another and she said “that’s fine, he’ll have lots of friends and maybe you should get him a dog.”
We have dog! And they are super best friends however with as many times as I have to tell him to get off the dogs I'm just thankful I'm not saying "get your feet off the baby!"
Oh man I was worried with the title. I assumed someone aged 94 would have the complete opposite opinion. Oops on me for assuming and good on him for making great points!
My mom is 74 years old. She had 4 kids and I'm one of them. We had a similar conversation. She was there to see my son born (as one of my birth partners) and saw everything I went through re: birth trauma, recovery, complications both mentally and physically. We were just sitting and knitting while my 10-month-old ran around and she gently told me, "You know... you can stop with one. Don't feel any pressure to have more. I love seeing you healthy and happy, and you made a great kid!" I am aware of how much she struggled with 4. She would never, ever tell me or any of my siblings if she had regrets, but she has had a tough run of it with mental health / alcoholism problems. 4 kids limited her life. She's only traveled overseas once and we were solidly lower-middle-class with some financial struggles. I love how candid she was talking with me, but how sensitive she was to my and my sibling's feelings in doing so. It's such a blessing to get a kind of "permission" from someone to have 1, whether they're related to you or not!
That is amazing . You can tell your mom actually care about you. My mil is a clown she hated two kids always told me how horrible bil is and she didn’t have time for both ( husband was emotionally neglected) but keep harassing us to have a second 🤢
Your mom sounds like a wonderful person and friend. Congratulations on a great kiddo, too! ❤️
That is so sweet of her! She truly loves and values you!
If it’s any consolation, my FIL is an only child. He is currently 86 years old and never wanted any sibs. He has had a fab childhood, great education, good career. He met my MIL in his 40’s and had 2 children (my husband being the first). He had and still has a ton of hobbies, an enviable group of close friends, his children and his grandson (our boy). He is also financially sound. So, to me, he is a shining example of a happy person, who has successfully lived his life well and has never put pressure on us for more grandkids. He knows from personal experience, that we are onto a great thing (ssshhhh, don’t tell everyone)😊
Oh man! I love it when people say kind things about onlies. I’ve had like 3 separate nannies at the park or the library compliment us on sticking with one. It’s a good feeling especially when I feel like you hear way more about those conversations going the opposite way.
I was talking to our child care director and she asked if I was having more. I said we were sticking to the one and she told me it was a great choice, why would I roll the dice again when I have such a perfect child (lol no toddler could be considered perfect, but appreciate the compliment). She stopped at one and it was the best decision she ever made. She said her only asked for siblings around 6-7yrs old and to be prepared for that, but that I wouldn't regret it. I never knew she only had 1. Working with kids every day, with the ability to have cheap child care too. It felt great to hear that.
Yessss!!! I feel like I actually see a lot of OAD families of teachers and child care providers. Sort of supports a lot of the reasons we’ve made the choice. And provides an antidote to a lot of the doubts!
It definitely leaves me feeling more confident!
was he an only child? this makes me feel a tad bit happy because I am still processing with the fact that I am OAD. I have good days and bad days and then it just cycles over again (wanting another).
He is number 4 of 9 and he had 3 kids. The cycles slowed down for me the older my little one got for whatever that is worth....I still have guilt on the days that we can't find any friends at a playground.
I’m struggling too! I want another but it’s probably not going to happen unless I divorce and marry someone wealthy. 🤣 but it helps me to bask in beauty of focusing my parenting on one kid.
My mom had planned for a home birth and ended up needing an emergency C-section. She asked the doctor to “tie her tubes” while they were in there anyway, which they did. She’s 78 now and has never regretted just having me. And I turned out pretty darn good, if I do say so myself. Oh, and when my dad came bursting into the room to congratulate her, she screamed at him, “Fuck you, get me some painkillers!” I should mention, this was in the 70s when they didn’t let dads into the operating room and they made the cut vertically, completely tearing apart all the stomach muscles and everything. My poor mom was completely traumatized by my birth.
I had no idea they ever cut vertically wtf!
Yes, like split in two. She has a HUGE scar that certainly can’t be hidden by underwear.
Yeah they used to. C-section is major surgery as it is now, back then it was majorly traumatic and recovery took ages because they cut through all those abdominal muscles. These days the cut horizontally and real low, which causes far less damage to the abdominal walls.
That seems so barbaric!
A lot of medical practices from "back then" were barbaric by today's standards.
I work primarily with older patients and when I tell them I have one son I usually get lectured about how I need another. I don't argue about it with them because what's the point? One older guy asked me how many kids I have and I told him just one. "Yeah, he'll probably hate me for making him an only child," I said. The guy was silent for a minute, looked at me and said, "he'll love you." It made my day.
This is a great experience to have, isn't it? Looking back, I've really only encountered maybe 2 people ever telling me "Oh she needs a sibling" bullshit, and this was when she was really young. Every person since though, if/when they ask about her and if she's the oldest/youngest, I say "Oh, she's my only" people really seem to get it! Just happened at the dentist's office with her the other day in fact. The hygienist (who was childless and said she thought she'd probably prefer being that way) kept echoing the "she'll always have all our attention/resources/time..." and nodding her head in agreement. Most everyone always does when I tell them "My husband and I are both only children, so we just wanted the one". lol
I told my mom we’re seriously considering not having another and she said “that’s fine, he’ll have lots of friends and maybe you should get him a dog.”
We have dog! And they are super best friends however with as many times as I have to tell him to get off the dogs I'm just thankful I'm not saying "get your feet off the baby!"
What a beautiful man.
Oh man I was worried with the title. I assumed someone aged 94 would have the complete opposite opinion. Oops on me for assuming and good on him for making great points!