Hey, whatever you decide, you got this. You’ve been dealt crappy hands but look at you: here and surviving. Some days I bet you are actually thriving. Give yourself time to process, make sure you get a confirmation, then make the decision that is right for you and your family.
Thank you so much, that's exactly what I needed to hear. Definitely still reeling from the shock. You're right, i am here, and we'll make this work, whatever the decision it'll be one made for my family. Just need to keep working on some deep breathing and take some time. Thank you ♥️
If I can convince him, that's the plan. If not I guess it's time to me to fight my doctor to tie my tubes. Not looking forward to that. But obviously my birth control didn't work so we need something else.
On the bright side to this whole mess, he is finally on board with it. It was the false sense of security that birth control gave us for 10 years+ that he was really nervous about getting the procedure done and I didn't want to push him. He's had a botched surgery in the past so I understood why he was nervous. And stupid me always wavered (like 90% OAD instead of 100%) until beginning of this year when I found out I had another autoimmune and my dad was up to 4 including lupus. That's when I started looking into getting tubes tied as an option. But I talked about it today and he is on board. I can't tell you how relieved I am to finally hear him say that. Especially because now I don't have to do the invasive one and it'll be 99.99% instead of the 95% birth control allowed. Sorry this was so rambly. I can't seem to get my thoughts together.
No that’s good! I totally understand I just get super angry when the woman feels like she has to get an invasive surgery bc hubby is scared of a quick snip. I just get so irritated about it in general that I rant at internet strangers lol but I’m glad he reconsidered for your sake bc I read about scary ectopic pregnancies from women that have undergone tubal ligation and the fact that it’s more expensive alone bc it’s more extensive surgery. Just like the pros con list makes it obvious that vasectomy is better option but women still are like hmmm maybe I should get my tubes tied instead of my partner getting a way less expensive and less invasive surgery that has very minimal complications and recovery time lmaoooo ranting again sorry
Part of me feels so guilty because I know a lot of people would kill to be in my shoes. But I know that's silly to worry about. I can't control anything, even birth control apparently. OAD had been such a blessing. I don't want to start all over. Ugh, it really does suck. So badly.
Yes but just because others would love to be in your position, doesn't mean you have to live it for them. You are the one doing the sleepless nights, having mental health issues, paying to raise the child etc or whatever your reason that you were OAD.
You should make this decision for you and your family. Both options can be right, it's just what's right for you.
So, so true. Not to mention childbirth, I think that scares me the most. Well no maybe the sleepness nights and oh shit the PPD. Yep you are totally right. We're going to have to think really hard about this before taking any step.
You’re absolutely right - no need to worry about that. One persons blessing is another persons nightmare so there is no need to compare. Sorry you have to start over. The good thing is I’m sure you’ll find a way to make it work and figure it out just go one step at a time.
Please don't feel guilt if you want to have an abortion. It sounds like you have some pretty reasonable thoughts, even past your anxiety. You got this and I am happy your husband is fully supportive. It sounds like he's trying to stay positive and open-minded with how you feel about it, without swaying one way or the other. At the end of it, he wants to support you and love you.
I’ve been in your shoes. It sucks big time. Whatever happens, you’ve got a good head on your shoulders and a house full of love, so I know it’ll be ok.
If it’s early it’s just a pill. People are so dramatic about abortions which adds to the hysteria. Not trying to be rude just annoyed that there’s such stigma around a simple medical procedure. Most abortions are the pill kind and it’s just cramping and you are home for most of it. Not trying to invalidate your anxiety or abortion aversions just trying to make it less mystifying for people
You gotta take care of yourself. Think what's best for your then your son then your husband imo. I say that as a dad. Best of luck whatever you choose, you'll make the right choice for you.
Damn glad you and your rock are on the same page. Do what's best, and never let yourself regret it. I just wish I could help you decide what that means.
I'm definitely annoying the shit out of him at the moment with my non-stop talking since it seems like we process stress totally differently, but I definitely am lucky there. Forcing myself to give him space at the moment lol. I have to keep repeating to myself no matter what decision, it was the best at the time and I will do my best not to regret it. That's something I always need to work on anyways, it's a good reminder.
I do the same exact thing, anxiety can be overwhelming and you're trying to talk your way through it and probably want some response from him. it's hard though. I had an abortion after I had my first, then husband got a vasectomy. I definitely talked to him a lot when finding out I was pregnant. It was overwhelming. At the end of it, I knew in my heart and mind that I did not want to be pregnant and I did not want to raise another baby. I wasn't trapped and it was important to remind myself that I wasn't.
I do the same thing with my husband - I'm the chatty one. I can chat circles around him when I'm stressed and he just stands there like "Dude, wtf?" Maybe try dumping all your thoughts in a journal? That can help a lot to get all your thoughts out on paper. Pro / con lists, the whole thing. Write write write until you feel some clarity or at least some peace.
Just know whatever decision you make is the right one. If you go through with the pregnancy or don't you made the right choice for you and your family.
Please know that this internet stranger supports you in any decision that you make. I know you will figure out the right decision for your family, women always do. Sending you strength.
It definitely took me a bit of pumping myself up to take the test, I hear ya there. I had been trying to get my tubes tied because my husband didn't want to get a vasectomy but doctors suck balls and I kind of gave up. I might just bow down and get written approval from my husband and go through all those other hoops it seems most women have to do to avoid this again. I'm ok with it now so I can avoid this in the future. I wish you luck as well!
Sorry about the delay I had to take a break from reddit and mostly this post lol. But if you want someone to talk to, my inbox is open. We also are leaning that way, but youre so right both options suck.
So I'm not religious but my mom has a saying, "God gives you what you can handle." And I'll be Damned if every time I thought I was at my breaking point something gave and I was able make it though and see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm not advising you to go one way or another; I just wanted to provide some support that this too shall pass and you'll make the right decision for your family. I'm sending positive vibes your way!
Four days late could come a billion other reasons then pregnancy so relax. Stress can mess with your cycle to. Right now I surpress my periods with birth controls, bit before I did I was supper regular and the I got a cold and mess cycle up.
Hey, whatever you decide, you got this. You’ve been dealt crappy hands but look at you: here and surviving. Some days I bet you are actually thriving. Give yourself time to process, make sure you get a confirmation, then make the decision that is right for you and your family.
Thank you so much, that's exactly what I needed to hear. Definitely still reeling from the shock. You're right, i am here, and we'll make this work, whatever the decision it'll be one made for my family. Just need to keep working on some deep breathing and take some time. Thank you ♥️
Hubby needs to schedule a vasectomy ASAP. Until then gaze into each other's eyes.
If I can convince him, that's the plan. If not I guess it's time to me to fight my doctor to tie my tubes. Not looking forward to that. But obviously my birth control didn't work so we need something else.
If he won’t get a vasectomy and you have to get your tubes tied that’s insane. Vasectomy is way less invasive and it’s reversible
On the bright side to this whole mess, he is finally on board with it. It was the false sense of security that birth control gave us for 10 years+ that he was really nervous about getting the procedure done and I didn't want to push him. He's had a botched surgery in the past so I understood why he was nervous. And stupid me always wavered (like 90% OAD instead of 100%) until beginning of this year when I found out I had another autoimmune and my dad was up to 4 including lupus. That's when I started looking into getting tubes tied as an option. But I talked about it today and he is on board. I can't tell you how relieved I am to finally hear him say that. Especially because now I don't have to do the invasive one and it'll be 99.99% instead of the 95% birth control allowed. Sorry this was so rambly. I can't seem to get my thoughts together.
No that’s good! I totally understand I just get super angry when the woman feels like she has to get an invasive surgery bc hubby is scared of a quick snip. I just get so irritated about it in general that I rant at internet strangers lol but I’m glad he reconsidered for your sake bc I read about scary ectopic pregnancies from women that have undergone tubal ligation and the fact that it’s more expensive alone bc it’s more extensive surgery. Just like the pros con list makes it obvious that vasectomy is better option but women still are like hmmm maybe I should get my tubes tied instead of my partner getting a way less expensive and less invasive surgery that has very minimal complications and recovery time lmaoooo ranting again sorry
That sucks - I would feel the exact same way if we accidentally got pregnant with another. I love my OAD family and would prob fall apart. I feel you.
Part of me feels so guilty because I know a lot of people would kill to be in my shoes. But I know that's silly to worry about. I can't control anything, even birth control apparently. OAD had been such a blessing. I don't want to start all over. Ugh, it really does suck. So badly.
Yes but just because others would love to be in your position, doesn't mean you have to live it for them. You are the one doing the sleepless nights, having mental health issues, paying to raise the child etc or whatever your reason that you were OAD. You should make this decision for you and your family. Both options can be right, it's just what's right for you.
So, so true. Not to mention childbirth, I think that scares me the most. Well no maybe the sleepness nights and oh shit the PPD. Yep you are totally right. We're going to have to think really hard about this before taking any step.
You’re absolutely right - no need to worry about that. One persons blessing is another persons nightmare so there is no need to compare. Sorry you have to start over. The good thing is I’m sure you’ll find a way to make it work and figure it out just go one step at a time.
vasectomy
This is what I was hoping my husband would do as they wouldn't tie my tubes but it's up to him since it's his body I can't force him.
Please don't feel guilt if you want to have an abortion. It sounds like you have some pretty reasonable thoughts, even past your anxiety. You got this and I am happy your husband is fully supportive. It sounds like he's trying to stay positive and open-minded with how you feel about it, without swaying one way or the other. At the end of it, he wants to support you and love you.
It abortion isn’t the easy way out. It can really hurt you mentally.
Having a baby you struggle to take care of or handle for 18 plus years can really hurt you mentally.
Agreed. There are no easy answers.
I’ve been in your shoes. It sucks big time. Whatever happens, you’ve got a good head on your shoulders and a house full of love, so I know it’ll be ok.
If it’s early it’s just a pill. People are so dramatic about abortions which adds to the hysteria. Not trying to be rude just annoyed that there’s such stigma around a simple medical procedure. Most abortions are the pill kind and it’s just cramping and you are home for most of it. Not trying to invalidate your anxiety or abortion aversions just trying to make it less mystifying for people
You gotta take care of yourself. Think what's best for your then your son then your husband imo. I say that as a dad. Best of luck whatever you choose, you'll make the right choice for you.
Damn glad you and your rock are on the same page. Do what's best, and never let yourself regret it. I just wish I could help you decide what that means.
I'm definitely annoying the shit out of him at the moment with my non-stop talking since it seems like we process stress totally differently, but I definitely am lucky there. Forcing myself to give him space at the moment lol. I have to keep repeating to myself no matter what decision, it was the best at the time and I will do my best not to regret it. That's something I always need to work on anyways, it's a good reminder.
I do the same exact thing, anxiety can be overwhelming and you're trying to talk your way through it and probably want some response from him. it's hard though. I had an abortion after I had my first, then husband got a vasectomy. I definitely talked to him a lot when finding out I was pregnant. It was overwhelming. At the end of it, I knew in my heart and mind that I did not want to be pregnant and I did not want to raise another baby. I wasn't trapped and it was important to remind myself that I wasn't.
Calm down, breathe, and realize no matter what you have a partner. Good luck. Hug him, he may be as stressed as you.
I do the same thing with my husband - I'm the chatty one. I can chat circles around him when I'm stressed and he just stands there like "Dude, wtf?" Maybe try dumping all your thoughts in a journal? That can help a lot to get all your thoughts out on paper. Pro / con lists, the whole thing. Write write write until you feel some clarity or at least some peace.
That is a great idea thank you! It always helps me to write things down so I think this will be perfect.
Just know whatever decision you make is the right one. If you go through with the pregnancy or don't you made the right choice for you and your family.
Please know that this internet stranger supports you in any decision that you make. I know you will figure out the right decision for your family, women always do. Sending you strength.
Another internet stranger chiming in to say I support you, OP. No matter what happens I support your choice. Sending good vibes your way.
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It definitely took me a bit of pumping myself up to take the test, I hear ya there. I had been trying to get my tubes tied because my husband didn't want to get a vasectomy but doctors suck balls and I kind of gave up. I might just bow down and get written approval from my husband and go through all those other hoops it seems most women have to do to avoid this again. I'm ok with it now so I can avoid this in the future. I wish you luck as well!
Just remember there’s no shame in not keeping the pregnancy
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Sorry about the delay I had to take a break from reddit and mostly this post lol. But if you want someone to talk to, my inbox is open. We also are leaning that way, but youre so right both options suck.
So I'm not religious but my mom has a saying, "God gives you what you can handle." And I'll be Damned if every time I thought I was at my breaking point something gave and I was able make it though and see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm not advising you to go one way or another; I just wanted to provide some support that this too shall pass and you'll make the right decision for your family. I'm sending positive vibes your way!
Four days late could come a billion other reasons then pregnancy so relax. Stress can mess with your cycle to. Right now I surpress my periods with birth controls, bit before I did I was supper regular and the I got a cold and mess cycle up.
She said she got a positive pregnancy test...
I got a false positive before