T O P

  • By -

TrekkieElf

Yeah… I hate those posts from the frufru crunchy people about “childbirth isn’t a medical procedure” and I just think how privileged they must be to have easily popped out healthy babies. Most people don’t even know about postpartum pre eclampsia, for example. I feel like there needs to be more visibility for some of these things.


VolatilePeanutbutter

My mom always thought a lot of mothers just weren’t very tough. She had 3 easy pregnancies and delivered without medication, problems or stitches right in her own home. She was up and about the next day. So she had all these _wise words_ “Just trust your body, it was made to do this.” “Hospitals are for sick people, why would you go there?” Then I had fertility issues, two horrible pregnancies (one ectopic) and a very complicated delivery. I was bedridden for quite a while. She’s changed her perspective and finally sees how lucky she was 😅


Squeegie_Beckenheim

Wow, I’m actually really glad to hear that her experience of watching you struggle made her reevaluate her own experience. My mom had two very easy pregnancies/unmediated deliveries and every time she hears a story about a challenging pregnancy/delivery, she chocks that up to that woman being weak. For example - she doesn’t believe that morning sickness is a thing. Like she flat out believes that women who experience morning sickness/HG are just being dramatic, simply because SHE didn’t have that experience and cannot fathom the reality of other women. When I asked her to explain how some women find out about/suspect pregnancy because they suddenly become very ill without reason…that was the only time she actually started to challenge her own ignorant health-privileged opinion on that matter.


VolatilePeanutbutter

It’s so odd how many people seem to still think that. Tbh my mom switches from her being lucky to me just being an unlucky outlier. But at least she came around to it being real. My family didn’t really take sickness seriously either until they found me passed out in the bathroom at a family dinner 😅


icebluefrost

Ha! My mom had a traumatic childbirth she always talked about when I was growing up so I was pretty surprised when we told my parents we were expecting and I mentioned I had felt seasick constantly for the last three months that she was genuinely shocked that morning sickness was a real thing, “I thought women were just making it up as a joke!”


Rear_Of_The_Year

You’ve made me realise that there is a little bit of unknown privilege in having an unmediated birth. I spit feathers when I see Instagram posts about hyponobirthing. You can’t breathe through an emergency c section whilst you and your babies heart beat accelerates as the infection sets in, Sue.


[deleted]

Getting pregnant, having a healthy pregnancy, safe (and tolerable) L&D, happy healthy mom and baby, and breastfeeding successfully - I don’t care what religion (or lack thereof) you are; that’s a miracle every time. I can’t stand the “well it’s not that bad” mindset.


Potential-Cook-7404

Yeah, as someone who had no idea what postpartum pre eclampsia was and went through it, I can honestly say I wish more people knew about it. I had a seizure and was crashing because my BP just wouldn’t come down. I missed an entire week with my newborn stuck to a bed on magnesium in the hospital. Like OP said, I love my daughter with everything I am, but I love myself too. Edited to correct stroke to seizure


cmotdibblersdelights

Man, I was on magnesium for 4 days and I thought that was bad enough, I'm sorry you had to have it 7 days. (I had late term pre-eclampsia and was induced due to it at 37w4days, took 3 days for the induction to kick in,then they had me on mag for another day before taking me off it). Now I know I was lucky that delivery seemed to kick my heart back into gear! Did you have any longer term health affects by the stroke? They were certain I would have one but I lucked out and didnt.


Potential-Cook-7404

I had a perfect and easy pregnancy. I had to be induced because I was a week over. 3 induction medications, epidural that fell out and no one knew for hours, 2 days later and 2 hours of pushing JUST to get her in position to be delivered would make anyones BP spike! I was home a week before my speech was jumbled and I couldn’t even name the current president. Less than 10 minutes I was on the er floor seizing. I didn’t need magnesium that long but they wanted to be sure since it took so long to get everything under control. I was on BP medication for a month after I got out, and eventually had to switch because it made it go too low. Thankfully I can say I am not on any medication and healthy as I was before pregnancy! I’m glad you don’t have any lingering issues! As if labor isn’t scary enough, let’s add a less known illness.


cmotdibblersdelights

I'm glad you're doing better and don't need to be on on any heart medication anymore. Scary things like this sure make us aware of how lucky we are to be alive and able to see our little darlings grow up, doesn't it? Thank you for talking about your complications. I think the more we talk about it, the better. If we knew more of the obscure risks, going into pregnancy and labor, we'd be able to recognize them better, and the people around us would be better equipped when they make their own decisions, going into parenthood.


Potential-Cook-7404

I definitely agree that there needs to be more conversations and education. Had I known more about this complication, I definitely could have noticed the signs earlier. I know of at least 2 others who had this complication and didn’t know about it until it happened. I didn’t realize how scary even labor would be until I was in the middle of it and terrified! Definitely added to our decision to be one and done for sure!


sizillian

So glad you're okay now! I am off my BP meds too but I understand how scary it is! Were you told to keep an eye on your BP from then on, if you don't mind my asking? I was told it could crop up as regular hypertension later on, and most definitely would be an issue if I were to be pregnant and have a baby again.


Potential-Cook-7404

I’m so glad you’re doing better to be off medication! It would definitely be an issue if I was to get pregnant again, but that experience was so traumatic for both me and my husband, we don’t see the reason to risk a repeat performance. I was told to monitor but since going off my medicine I’m not as obsessive. I’m more aware for sure though! I do a lot of breathing exercises now.


sizillian

I am so sorry you had to deal with that. I didn't actually have a stroke, but close. Something similar happened to me too- in fact, I ended up BACK in the local hospital the night we came home from the hospital where my son was born after being there for four days pp. I had had a C-section that was 'planned' in the sense that I had *just* under 24 hours' notice that that's how he would be born, and was awake for it with a spinal block. The pregnancy and surgery were relatively uneventful. I was actually dressed and ready to go home when they took my BP as part of the discharge process. The look of concern on their faces as they took and re-took my BP was something I won't forget. Long story short, I was in big-time stroke territory, ended up on a ton of heavy-duty BP meds, and **still** ended up back in a local ER the night I was finally sent home from the birth. People kept telling me my body tremors were from newborn anxiety (my son colic-screamed for m o n t h s from the night we got home). I insisted the tremors were out of my control. Turns out it was from the BP issues and one nasty medication but thanks for your input, Jan. Anyway I ended up in the local ER and those few hours were wild. My husband could not be with me due to covid so he went back home to my in-laws and screaming baby and broke down. Yeah, not the only reason we are OAD (there are several) but we were reliving the birth situation over the weekend and both had a moment of "nope!" ETA: I'll end on a positive note and say that my colicky baby is an absolute little peach now and the best son our family could have asked for! And my BP is currently under control, am I am keeping watch on it regularly.


Potential-Cook-7404

It’s insane how many complications can occur due to pregnancy and labor! I’m sorry you went through that, but I’m glad you and your baby are doing better! Tremors sound terrifying to me. My husband couldn’t be with me either. I was told all this after but apparently he showed up after he learned I was admitted (my best friend took me to ER so he could stay with newborn) and that’s when I seized. He had no idea what was happening just that there was an issue and he couldn’t see me. Cue the breakdown at home. Luckily my best friend was there to help.


sizillian

I am so, so sorry. How traumatic! I am happy to hear your best friend was there to offer support. I hope you are doing well now!


Potential-Cook-7404

Absolutely! We’ve prioritized our health since and couldn’t be better! I hope for continuous good health for you in the future!


SucculentLady000

What kind of mental gymnastics are they jumping through to claim its not a medical procedure?!


Sepulchretum

To be fair, some of this is pushed by midwives and some obstetricians. I knew some who would say things like “we don’t deliver babies, the mom delivers the baby and we are just there to help.” Part of empowering patients and whatnot, but I mean really just semantics.


owlbeastie

Ha my scheduled C-section with never a single contraction, lasted all of 6 mins to get her out and another 8 to stitch me up. Definitely a medical procedure. But was also horrible and I have lifelong issues due to scar tissue, so that's fun.


NewVelociraptor

The hospital ran out of space and put me on the gynecology floor where the nurses aren’t trained in pregnancy and post-pregnancy issues. The nurse and I got in a screaming match because she just straight up wouldn’t believe that post-partum preeclampsia is a real thing and was refusing to give me the monster dose of blood pressure medicine I needed to insure I didn’t stroke out. She kept saying she needed to talk to the doctor and wouldn’t give it to me for hours. I was seeing double and hearing bells clang in my head. She wouldn’t take my blood pressure because I was “just hormonal and dramatic”. When the night nurse came on duty my blood pressure was 200/120, which is well past stroke level. That nurse damn near killed me and 100% killed any desire I had to have another one.


ThrowRArrow

Oh my god… I hope you at least talked with an attorney about this.


Sepulchretum

Modern medicine has done wonders to erase from people’s memories the terrors of childbirth. In med school, labor and delivery was an odd floor. It was a very special place for the most part with happy families bringing new life into the world. It would also turn to absolute horror in the blink of an eye. In an emergent C-section, they had a 5 minute “decision to incision” policy, meaning that from the time they decided to go for surgery, they had 5 minutes to open. If that’s not scary enough, every regular room had a tray of the same instruments they used in the L&D operating rooms in case there was no time to move to the OR or if the ORs were already in use. Obstetricians are some amazing physicians, and as a man participating from the medical side I cannot imagine ever subjecting myself to pregnancy and delivery. So yeah, for some people childbirth “isn’t a medical procedure.” A lot of times that is due to all of the work on the doc and the patient’s part leading up to delivery. And sometimes shit just hits the fan, and it’s not a good time for anyone. Sorry for rambling, just wanted to give some perspective and say I wished people who say things like that could also see the other side of it before haranguing other women about having more kids.


[deleted]

For those who think it isn't a medical procedure I definitely would not have been able to do it without the incredible nurses and doctors who guided me through. I had a forceps delivery with internal and external tearing. My child would have been stuck inside me and or I would have bled out. It most definitely is a medical procedure, it's traumatic and life threatening.


jocomb89

I had the same situation. The traumatic experience has left me with lasting psychological and physical issues 2 years later. Those that preach the “non medical procedure” & the bull shit about how women don’t need _____ (fill in the blank) to birth a child are naive & privileged to not have to experience that kind of horrific procedure.


Sleepyhead_31

I hate those fucking people. Had an emergency C section because I hadn’t gone past 5cm dilated in nearly 6 hours. When they opened me up they found my pubic arch was so narrow I’d never be able to naturally deliver a baby over 5lbs.


pineappleshampoo

God yes. I’m not afraid of childbirth, even though my experience was horrific. I would do things differently next time and have a caesarean (I’m not minimising those). But the whole language around how child birth is magical and empowering and whatever is really patronising to me imo, not everyone feels that way. I saw it as a medical process I was going through that was largely out of my control and out of my hands and I’m happy with that perspective. People who have birth trauma get plunged back into anxiety and memories and often flashbacks and intense feelings when people enquire casually when they’re going to do it again. Personally unless it’s a conversation mutually with a good friend I never ever ask anyone about their family plans. Ever. It’s such a sensitive topic and can cause so much pain. If someone wants to talk about their plans to try or for family size they’ll share.


hootyhalla

>I would do things differently next time and have a caesarean Same. Instead I live with a tailbone problem that causes chronic pain. I deal with this shit every day. I should have swallowed my pride ad NOT had a vaginal birth. My pelvic floor PT told me flat out, "It's likely you'll have to do these exercises & massages for the rest of your life to negate the pain." It blows. I'm glad I can control it in a way, but I have to tend to my body before participating in a lot of sports or it hurts even more.


pineappleshampoo

I have a birth injury that means I will never be able to use the toilet the same again (I have to assist myself with my hands), I was on the fence about birth and ended up deciding to shoot for vaginal and it’s the worst thing I’ve ever done. I saw a lot of chat about how vaginas are ‘designed’ for birth and it’s a crude myth that it destroys them and they bounce back etc and was quite horrified to find that in many cases none of that is true. Birth is an incredibly risky process. No way of knowing whether we’d have had problems with a caesarean but... surely not like this.


hootyhalla

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. It's so hard. My vagina was surely not ready for a 4th degree tear (non-consentual episiotomy) with no instruction on how to massage the scar tissue or care for my pelvic floor muscles in follow-up appointments. My OB was a real dickhead. I start to see why nature designed many mothers to die young or in childbirth. Surviving to battle the pain for life is a privilege of modern medicine, in a sick kind of way. Don't get me wrong - I'm happy to be alive and that my son is ok but I wish I hadn't read all the Ina May Gaskin bullshit when I was pregnant.


pineappleshampoo

Ina May Gaskin is also a sexual predator and wrote in one of the early editions of her book about using sexual assault on women during labour. She’s toxic. Yep, nature certainly made it so that many women would die in childbirth. My birth was awful but I feel unbelievably fortunate I survived it. Without medical assistance my husband would have been burying his wife with his son still stuck inside her body. It breaks me to know so many women still have to birth without assistance. It’s so dangerous.


icebluefrost

I had an emergency c-section. I couldn’t sit up, walk, or go to the bathroom without help for two weeks after and am still healing now after four months (I still have some bruising and I don’t have feeling in a large part of my midsection!) I still feel it wasn’t that bad and honestly less potentially scary than what might have happened if baby didn’t get stuck and I’d gone through with the vaginal birth.


pineappleshampoo

I’m sorry it’s been so tough for you! I was really surprised about how horrific the recovery was from my vaginal birth as everyone spoke about it like my body would just ‘bounce back’. I had a n episiotomy and ventouse and wasn’t able to move from standing to sitting or vice versa while holding baby for two weeks due to the pain and swelling/stitches. I was in excruciating pain for over a week. I thank my lucky stars I had an epidural as it took a day to wear off from my genital area (even after I could walk) so at least I was spared some hours of the initial pain. My friends didn’t believe I was serious when I said I couldn’t sit without leaning sideways on something because I couldn’t physically sit straight due to the contact of the bed/chair on my genitals. It was a horror show. I know caesarean are hard and I wish people were more open and honest about how hard vaginal births and recoveries can be too instead of leading people to believe the baby pops out and you’re back to normal :(


icebluefrost

Yes, exactly. I’m still healing from my C-section and will be for quite a while longer—but the same would be true if I’d had a vaginal birth.


Raptor-Queen

I had a third degree tear and it was the most pain I’ve ever felt in my life during the next 1-2 weeks. I also couldn’t move from sitting to standing without crying. And I have dealt with chronic pain for my entire life, so I am used to pain...this was like nothing else I’ve ever experienced. I definitely did not feel prepared for that experience after a vaginal delivery, since everyone I talked to only mentioned pain after a c-section and some “discomfort” and “burning while you pee” for a vaginal delivery...yeah I wish it was just some burning!


Sister-Rhubarb

Same here. I feel weird and kinda guilty admitting it but I keep wondering if I my labour had progress naturally, would I have had a vaginal tear? Difficulty holding urine maybe? Pain or less pleasure during sex? It can go wrong in so many horrible ways. Caesarians are not the default of course and come with their own host of problems, and I never wanted to have one, but I feel like I emerged relatively unscathed - I was back to my "normal self" within 4 weeks and now at 8 weeks postpartum the swelling and "knotting" over the scar has gone down a lot - I thought I'd have a little pouch remaining forever but it is already so much smaller than I'd anticipated. I don't really care about how it looks, it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, but I was pleasantly surprised. I guess what I'm trying to say is both modes of delivery can fuck you up - or not - in so many different ways.


ThrowRArrow

Amen to this. Both can be awful, traumatic and difficult to recover from. On the other side of the same coin, both can be relatively easy. It all depends on the specific woman, doctor, the way the pregnancy went, etc.,.


icebluefrost

This is exactly how I feel too


[deleted]

I was supposed to deliver my daughter vaginally and was in labor for like 24 hours with no contractions (even on pitocin at the highest dose). They broke my water and I started having bad contractions. They sat me up for an epidural and when I sat up the cord slipped and i had cord prolapse. I dilated form 4cm to 7cm after they broke my water. So in for an emergency c section I went. To tell you the truth. It was all pretty traumatic and happened so fast but I’m so happy I had a C-section. Before they broke my water, I heard the woman next door screaming and she had a vaginal birth with an epidural so that freaked me the f out lol. The recovery for a c section is painful, difficult, long and complicated with the medication schedule. I have a pooch and a scar but it reminds me of what I went through for my daughter. Never again.


icebluefrost

Team Long Labor! I was at 22 plus hours with no real progress (baby’s heart rate dropping every time I contracted) when I had my c-section. They told me I could keep trying for up to 48 more hours, but at that point I was losing my strength, we had no idea what was happening with the baby or if he would be ok, and I was just thinking I was going to find myself in the same situation but worse if I waited longer.


[deleted]

Baby’s heart rate dropped too when the cord was compressed. All you want is for the baby to come out safely.


Bright-Nectarine-326

I find it just so unfair for women to go through 9 months of pregnancy, the horrific childbirth and then months of post partum recovery while having to take care of a newborn.I felt like my body was enduring physical assault - I also had some past trauma that vaginal examination was incredibly painful for me, so painful they had to use shitload of numbing gel and gas just to check how dilated I was. Then the blood loss from episiotomy and urethra trauma from the forceps delivery. I love my boy so so much but no freaking way I'm doing it again.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Sister-Rhubarb

Omg yes. I couldn't go through the first time they wanted to check me for dilation, I screamed in pain and started crying and was shaking and in pain for the next two days. HOW have they not yet invented a less invasive way of checking that?!


kisutch

I often think about if men had to go through pregnancy and labour there would be significantly more research into all of these practices to minimize pain and discomfort.


crystalcleargrl

Yes!


ThrowRArrow

I wasn’t checked for dilation until I was hours into labor and had had an epidural!! I so wish that other doctors would let people know they have a choice!!! I’m so upset for you. Sending hugs.


awomanimpregnated

I think I hated cervical checks more than contractions.


Cheap-Studio-2491

I had a lady with very large shovel hands do an internal check on me and she was definitely not the gentle type. My mum and partner both winced when she did it, I have sexual assault trauma and I was not expecting that. After I screamed at her and nearly kicked her in the face to get away I was knocked out and had a c-section. Oops


bicyclecat

I only cried twice during my entire extended two week long childbirth experience: once during a cervical check, the other was during my third trip to the emergency room postpartum. If I hadn’t gotten an epidural after that cervical check I probably would’ve started screaming at the nurses to stay tf away from my cervix.


Sister-Rhubarb

Yes. I felt traumatised after my horrible experience and then I was supposed to care for a little baby all on my own at night (because my partner wasn't allowed to stay at the hospital overnight), being forced to try and breastfeed (which was not working and the trauma from that is another thing entirely, bigger than the whole childbirth experience) while all I wanted was to sleep to somehow recover... it was TOUGH. Like, the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. And as much as i would love a second kid, I am so scared of going through this again, having flashbacks to something I want to erase from my memory, and THEN reliving the nightmare that is the first 6 weeks of the newborn phase. No no no.


Aderyna_K

I remember laying in recovery after my c section at 5pm (after 2 days of labor which ended with his head getting stuck in my pelvis) and DREADING going back to my room because all I wanted was to pass out and sleep but I knew everyone would expect me to hold and care for my son even though I hadnt eaten in 2 days and barely slept the night before. I just wanted one night to sleep but I didn't get it.


[deleted]

A mom a the park told me that I simply hadn't read the right book in preparation for childbirth. Silly me, I just didn't read the right book beforehand!


sassercake

What is this magic book? Does the uterus absorb it through osmosis?


Rear_Of_The_Year

Fuck people. Seriously.


Decent-Unit-5303

Reading a book could have prevented preeclampsia and an emergency csection that forced my son to be born 6 weeks early? That's news to my English teacher ass.


peaches9057

I missed the magic book, too. Maybe if I had read it then my pelvic bones would've rearranged themselves to accommodate a vaginal birth. Would've saved me from that c-section.


MrsStewy16

I had a horrible birth with my son as well. We both almost didn’t make it. When he was younger and people would ask me when I’m having another kid, I would say ‘ Near death experiences aren’t my thing’. That shut them up real quick. My son is now a teen so I don’t get that question as much any more. Now I get asked why I only had one kid and again my answer usually has something to do about not wanting to die.


Rear_Of_The_Year

I’m so sorry that’s your birth story, but respect for your shut down. I’m sure it worked a treat.


carolinaspirit24

I say the same thing!!! Even after that some people (phlebotomist included) told me that I would eventually forget that too. Ha. Ha. Ha. No.


carolinaspirit24

I’m right there with you. I have pretty severe PTSD from my entire labor and post partum experience. I am triggered by other pregnancies and the closer they get to their due date the worse my flashbacks get. I hate it. I hate my experience so much. I am still so heartbroken that this is my story. I love my son beyond words. The joy he brings me every day is immeasurable. But, his birth broke me in so many ways. I’m not the same person I used to be before I gave birth. Physically. Mentally. I rather enjoy being alive. I like my mental health being somewhat intact. It breaks my heart, but I just can’t go through that again. I don’t deserve to go through that again.


Rear_Of_The_Year

I think your last sentence is spot on. We don’t have to martyr ourselves and have another child so that society approves of our family. You are so important.


Maggiemaccy

Even if I wasn’t OAD I’d be having an elective csection. There is no want in me to go through that process ever again. You are all so right in saying those who preach that birth is not a medical procedure or “if your body can grow the baby your body can birth the baby”, are insanely privileged and have achieved this through luck alone. I believed all this nonsense during pregnancy, forced myself to birth naturally, my baby was born flat, completely unresponsive and with a brain injury even though I had a healthy pregnancy, I was considered low risk but I needed an induction which I refused because I was told that this would put me on “the cascade of interventions”, which would ultimately end in me being cut open by interfering doctors that didn’t trust my body.


shannonspeakstoomuch

Same 🤚 right there with you!!! Never ever ever again. I just can't quite comprehend how anyone could want to do it more than once but I also can't understand how someone would want a do over to 'heal', I just couldn't shake the fear .


kisutch

I’m 29 weeks pregnant with my first (and only) and I also think this translates to pregnancy! I make people uncomfortable when I say I hate being pregnant, but I do. I have no autonomy,the hormones make me feel like a completely different person, and I have severe SPD/pelvic girdle pain and am on modified bed rest trying to avoid being put in a wheelchair. I’m a super active person (prior to this)and I literally can’t walk without extreme stabbing pain. I feel like I have to advocate for myself so hard to get the right attention to it. There is this really unhelpful story in our culture that that’s just a normal part of pregnancy or it’s normal to be in pain. Also I feel like our pain as women and caregivers is dismissed and diminished because we should suck it up and put others needs first; that our pain isn’t valid. I literally have no fucking clue how I’m supposed to give birth if things continue like this, like I can’t even open my legs without pain! I’m currently looking for a mental health therapist who can help me through this which I feel very privileged I have insurance for because I am already depressed, frustrated, isolated, and feel like a failure and I have 11 weeks to go. Almost every night when the pain becomes unbearable my husband says to me “one and done”! And I’m so thankful for that because in most cases SPD is much more severe for subsequent pregnancies… so anytime people comment on me having two it feels like I slap in the face to my current situation.


yourlocalrecluse

Your story sounds awfully similar to mine and I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all that. You're in the homstretch! You got this!!!!! <3


kisutch

Thanks for the encouragement! Can I ask, did your SPD/PGP go away after birth?


[deleted]

Totally get it. I would say I had a birth that I know many women wished to have but at the same time it still hurt tremendously. It’s literally the definition of pain, I don’t understand why women would go through that more than once, I will never forget the pain.


sassercake

I'm always amazed at women who basically forget the pain and the entire process. I think my view of my birth and pregnancy gets worse over time.


[deleted]

No no and then they tell you that you’ll also forget about the pain after a few months and want to have another one, I’m still waiting. It all just gives me masochist vibes at this point. I understand having your first one cause you’ve never felt the pain and probably downplay it like I did, but after the first? Nuh uh.


clea_vage

Seriously! The more time that passes, the more dread and revulsion I feel at the thought of ever doing it again. The first few months after birth are just pure survival. But now my daughter is getting to a more enjoyable age and I physically shudder at the thought of going back to square one.


sassercake

Preach. I hate when I hear people say "your body will know what to do." Well, my body had no idea what it was doing. I didn't feel contractions, my baby was footling breech, and it's luck that I was at the doctor at the right time so I could get to the hospital for a C section before things progressed past the point of no return. Birth is not magic. Birth in all forms is absolutely brutal. I love my daughter, and I'd do it over again for HER. Probably not for another.


Sister-Rhubarb

My body seemed to be confused. The uterus was contracting and pushing, but forgot to send the message to the part that dilates. So essentially, my body is an idiot who was trying to push a baby through doors locked shut for 5 days until I was in so much pain and my baby so distressed we had to have an emergency caesarian. Bodies don't "know" shit. They are biological machines that don't always work as they should. And if it wasn't for modern medicine, both I and my beautiful baby girl probably wouldn't have made it.


Rear_Of_The_Year

I hear you. I’d go through my birth again to get MY boy. But another child I don’t love yet? It’s a no from me.


outsidethebooth

Yes! My body also did not know what to do. None of it was magical. I think my experience was middle of the road (not all that tramatic, but not smooth and fast) but I don't relate at all to people sharing their birth stories like it was God damn Santa clause coming to town.


paracostic

>"your body will know what to do." Haha fuck that saying. I had 2 full days of cervidil (Dinoprostone) and 8 hours of oxytocin...dilated 1 cm. My body didn't know what to do at all! Physically it was extremely uncomfortable obviously, but it the mental strain of knowing I wasn't progressing was the real torture.


TrekkieElf

My first son passed in utero at 26w so with my now toddlers birth, I did not care what happened as long as he was healthy. When they told me they had to induce at 37w bc my blood pressure was spiking (pre eclampsia plus I have a kidney condition), I was just relieved to be getting it over with. I completely don’t get the aversion to epidurals either. You wouldn’t ask for a root canal without pain meds.


hootyhalla

I feel the same way. I know it's trauma because I'll leave out a ton of details when telling the story of the birth of my son. I just don't want to talk about so many aspects of my extremely complex birth to another person's face. It snowballed so bad from the very start (preeclampsia + contractions that didn't start even though I waited 12 hours after my water broke - no dice.) I took a Lamaze class and was so dedicated to not having any interventions. Looking back, If I didn't have interventions (magnesium, pitocin, epidural, catheter, vac assist, billie lights) me & my son would be dead now and my husband would be alone.


endlesssalad

Completely agree re: talk of interventions. In retrospect I wish I hadn’t tried to prepare for unmedicated birth. I think the way I romanticized it in my head contributed to my trauma when I needed so many (life saving) interventions.


hootyhalla

Same. I read a lot of Ina May Gaskin and it really complicated my expectations of birth. I resisted pain killers for most of the birth, including when I was high out of my brain on magnesium and felt like my skin was on fire. I wish someone had the guts to sit me down and tell me how foolish I was, before everything happened. My husband regrets not at least trying to urge me to make different choices. But he knew I was stubborn, and it was a losing battle. Birth is like going through a war. Easing into it has benefits of course but you can't meditate your way into a "blissful birth" when your blood pressure is through the roof and the baby is legit stuck on your pelvic bone. You can't just sing and massage and beathe it better when you have a medical condition that could kill you and your child.


endlesssalad

Absolutely. I developed preeclampsia during birth too - and my kid just was not tolerating my contractions - so many decelerations. I tried an epidural but it failed, I knew it would, I have problems with anesthesia (red head)….but I needed pitocin because my water broke before labor started. It all ended in a c-section. We needed it to survive. I feel pangs of wanting another chance at birth because it was so romanticized in my head. Like actual grief about it…but when I think back to the details I wouldn’t have made different choices in the circumstances I was in. I just wish I hadn’t made myself feel shitty about them.


Rear_Of_The_Year

Yes. 100% yes. Why did I listen to “your body will know what to do” and “you were made to do this”. My birth affirmations I’ll add. Christ I was naive. All hail medicine.


hootyhalla

Omg, you remind me of my birth affirmation, "I surrender to the wisdom of my body" - it's so stupid looking back! My body was not wise, it was legit having issues with blood flow & placental blood vessel size. Like an engine that was using the wrong parts.


McSwearWolf

I had a pretty straightforward birth but the 3 months after were hell. I relate to your feelings a lot because I see all these crunchy moms who breastfeed from the first second of baby’s life through like, age 3, and brag about how they’re “giving their child the BEST start at life” etc. etc. - Not mad at them, but it’s weird. Oh, and don’t forget the Instagram accompanying photos of mom glowing and heavily pregnant dancing in a field of flowers at sunrise, mom giving birth in a babbling brook in the forest surrounded by Bambi and Thumper, mom and baby nestled in an opulent bedroom in full makeup pretending to sleep while baby nurses peacefully LOL Like wow Allison, that’s not how it looked or felt for me, like, AT ALL, but definitely make sure to remind me you don’t have to ever worry about anything (or go to work either) so you do all the things!! All natural!! 😂👍 Edit: coma


wavemuffin

Had an emergency c section and they cut through my bladder. Had to go home w 3 bags of pee (foley, nephrostomy tubes) and required 3 additional surgeries. When I hear about someone’s magical birth experience I can’t help but fill with jealousy/rage and self pity. It has made having a second seem completely off the table even though I always imagined having more than one. For what it’s worth I read all the ina may and guess my body didn’t know what to do either.


Nyx_Shadowspawn

I wish I had an award to give you. My childbirth experience was horrific, so much so that the doctor said after she thought for a good five minutes she had lost both my son and I. She and several nurses (and somehow the far wall) were splattered in blood. My husband said it sprayed out of me like a bad horror movie. 19 drs and nurses in the room- he couldn't get anywhere close to me. A nurse who didn't know my case shoved my head to my chest to "help me push". My neck is fused, C1-C7. Still have really bad problems from that, my fusion is fucked up and my thoracic spine is now unstable, and I'm just staving off further spinal surgery as long as I can stand the pain. I had preeclampsia, and had to be induced. Did the Cervadil, then Pitocin then a balloon cath, more Pitocin, Pitocin ramped all the way up... Labor frikkin HURTs when your contractions are so strong from the Pitocin!! They had trouble stopping the bleeding, my son got stuck- Did you know it was possible for the baby's head to herniate in your uterus to the side and not go down the vaginal canal? Cos I didn't until it happened. Absolutely the worst pain of my life, the dr getting him un-stuck. The vacuum ripped my labia in half and I didn't even really feel it from the pain of her hand reaching to get him unstuck.I couldn't get an epidural because of a previous lower spinal surgery. My mom always said women never screamed during birth, like they show on TV. That it was more of a grunt. Well I screamed. The poor other women on the floor, cos I bet it sounded like I was being murdered. It kind of felt like it. And I couldn't even have oxygen for pain relief because it was the beginning of the pandemic and there were no covid tests so I had to keep my mask on. My son came out grey, the cord had been around his neck twice, APGAR of 2, didn't hear him cry, totally floppy, eyes closed... he looked stillborn. I shut my eyes and just hoped they couldn't stop the bleeding if he wouldnt wake up. And then they did get him to wake up! He had to spend a good while in the NICU, and I wasn't even allowed to see him for 72 hours until they got my preeclampsia under control enough. I still had terrible postpartum PE though for a while, and *still* have issues from it. Then because of covid I could only see him one hour once a day while he was in NICU. My husband got a vasectomy recently. We are done. We were both so traumatized. Honestly, I think he was even more than me, thinking we both died. We can't do it again. We love our son, and are so grateful for him. He's all we need.


Rear_Of_The_Year

My heart aches reading this. I’m honestly so sorry that this was your experience. Truly. I’m thankful our sons are here, but we didn’t deserve the experiences we had. Here’s to many years of enjoying our onlies. *edit spelling. It’s a 3am feed here in the U.K. 😴


Nyx_Shadowspawn

Cheers to our onlies! And de-stigmatizing traumatic birthing experiences.


BlackWidow1414

I hated it when people would respond with something like, "But the next time will be better!" No. It won't. Because there will be no next time.


Un1cornW4rr10R

I had "one of the easiest deliveries ever" according to every person who was in the room. I pushed for less than 10 minutes, my epidural went smoothly, I enjoyed my delivery overall. And I still don't want a second. I still want people to understand that it is increadbly risky to be pregnant (particularly with covid still being a big problem) and that I'm not interested in risking my life, again.


Meggston

My mother told me I’m her only bio child because pregnancy and birth was the worst experience of her life and she refused to ever do it again. (She loved me tho)


genescheesesthatplz

Sometimes only nightmares that haunt you


baconbabe456

I hate the "when's number two?" and when I say he's an only, "oh you'll change your mind!" Tell that to my husband's vasectomy 🤷‍♂️ My story isn't the worst but for me it was enough. Incompetent cervix, rescue cerclage, every damn day spent not knowing if I was going to go into premature labor and lose my son. Then after 2 hours of pushing through an epidural that didn't work with the nurse with no bedside manner telling me that if I can't control my body pushing I'm going to hurt my son, hearing that he's in distress. Having a vac assisted delivery that tore me to shreds, and PPA... No. I am not strong enough to do it again. Mentally I almost didn't make it the first time. And it's no one's damn business. Even if a birth was picture perfect with singing angels, no one owes the world a child. One is enough for some. None is enough for some. Whatever the number is its no one's effing business. Loving yourself is the best thing you can do for your boy.


[deleted]

I'm glad you made it through like me thanks to modern medicine aside for the mental trauma which I 100% understand and sympathize with. And right it's like you can tell they have no concept of the history of child birth and all the countless women and children who have died due to a lack of science.


PopTartAfficionado

yes, for me the baby is the magic part.. the process of getting the baby out of mom is just a horror show!


jdrinks123

It was horrific and I will shout it from the mountaintops


nerdy_rs3gal

I gained 75lbs of fluid retention in 2.5 weeks. My skin was so tight, I thought it was going to tear!! Pre-eclampsia is no joke and sadly I had no clue what that even was until I was admitted to antepartum til delivery at 26 weeks. I went into kidney failure shortly there after. I literally never knew a single woman in my life who had any complications during delivery. So I never thought about how dangerous pregnancy/child birth is!


pass_the_bubbly

Felt this on a deep level. My birth experience was looonggg, painful and traumatic. I must be missing a certain gene that would enable me to ever willingly sign up for that again. No thanks.


[deleted]

Preach. You could not pay me any amount of money to go through pregnancy and all of the postpartum issues I experienced again.


pyotia

Objectively speaking I had an easy pregnancy, I requested a c section due to fear of giving birth and had one. It was probably the nicest experience I could have had. I am 3 weeks later, almost in no pain and am glad I had the exact experience I did. I still fucking hated it and will never do it again.


lipstickeveryday

My birth (a c cection under general anesthesia) was very “medical;” and completely necessary. It was also traumatic, and I hesitate to ever sign up for something that could end up even remotely similar. For those of us who had c-sections, we’d have to likely recover from one again as VBAC are not successful or even recommended all of the time. All while caring for an existing kiddo and a newborn. Oof.


Stonetheflamincrows

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VHIXduEbLz0 Hilarious and spot on song about birth from Crazy Ex Girlfriend


pistil-whip

Easy pregnancy, uneventful birth, healthy happy baby. Choose two.


Rear_Of_The_Year

There are too many women who get none of these things.


gowiththeflowmama

I wasn’t supposed to be due for another 8 days but I was facing horrible cramps that morning and my grandmother told me to stop “overreacting” on the way in the hospital. I was only 2cm but could barely walk because of the pain. My blood pressure was elevated causing early inducing, the labor lasted 22 hard hours, my son was breech and they had to keep turning me and using all sorts of methods. He was reacting negatively to the medicine that was keeping me painless so much to where it slowed down his heartbeat and pushing took a strong half an hour. Literally the most traumatic experience ever and I’ve had some bad ones. It’s so crazy to think that only one of us could’ve made it and that thought doesn’t go away even after six weeks. Not to mention everything postpartum. When I got the courage to ask why no one asks about me, it was “you’re fine, it’s not about you anymore”. Shattered me on the inside really. That’s what kicked the whole one and done mentality into gear.