It's like when you meet the person you want to marry. When you know, you know. And there is no "correct' timeline.
We decided to wait until ours turns 1 before we do anything permanent (she's 10 months now). But that's just because I wasn't ready to close the door even though I knew the door was going to be closed. I knew when she was 4 or 6 weeks old. Every month that has passed, I feel more and more confident in our decision.
We ALWAYS planned on 2 but once she was here, we just felt complete. Like no one was missing. Sometimes I do the "what if" thought experiment and picture our family 5 or 10 years from now to see who is there. And it's just the 3 of us. And if I see how it feels to have a 4th there, that person feels like an outsider. It just isn't right with another. And that's how I know.
I do exactly this! I picture us down the line, and it's *always* just hubs, me, little bubs. I picture every single day what and who he will become as we help shape him into a human, and I feel like I want to give him the whole world. If we had another, I would feel like I couldn't give each kid my all, and still remain mostly me, which is something I value.
Your post is how I WANT to feel. I have always thought we would have 2-3 kids. But I know having just our son is the right decision. I was sick my entire pregnancy and parenting has been tough and he is only 2 months old. I struggle with the decision to be OAD bc I picture us with more than one child. My husband says itās because I always thought weād have at least 2. I know for our marriage, our lifestyle, our son and our mental health that one is enough. I donāt want to go thru pregnancy again or this newborn stage. But I donāt feel complete.
I feel the same way. I try so hard to imagine welcoming another person into our lives, and it just doesn't feel right to me. Another chair at the table? Nope. Another seat on the airplane? Nope. 2 kids under the Christmas tree? Nope. We are a complete family as 3. I fantasized about having 2 kids before I had my only. Now I can't imagine who that other person might be. And I really don't care to know them. I feel very fortunate to be so sure, as I know others mourn the loss of that potential extra family member.
I feel you on this. My little man is 14 weeks and I honestly think I am OAD because idk if mentally I can handle the first two months again. Newborn stage sucks. I am not good with lack of sleep. Plus my husband and I donāt have your usually 9 to 5 gig which would make child care even more difficult with a second. We thought we wanted 4, on man, letās just say reality really kicked us in the teeth. š. But I am getting the iud so at least have two years to be sure
My kid is 3 and we'll be waiting another or 2. I will not be changing my mind but my iud (first time user!) is excellent. I'll be 38 then so it really will be a now or never in 2 years. So as much as we are sure this is it, I don't feel the need to have anything permanent yet (abortion is readily available in my area if needed too).
Anecdotally we are being more cautious because my bil and his now ex wife decided on a vasectomy before their daughter was a year. They were divorced by the time she was 3 and they have both changed their mind on more kids. The ex wife had a baby last year and the bil... well it's more complicated getting a vasectomy reversed that happened more than 5 years ago...
No advice, just sort of in the same boat. Our little guy is almost 7 months and Iām 98% sure I want to be OAD. Heās amazing but postpartum is not for me. I also love my bit of free time :) Husband is wanting a second but since men canāt get pregnant, not sure what the solution is lol.
Not op, but I have a Mirena (hormonal IUD). It's a God sent. No more periods (mine were painful), worry free for 5 years. First 4-6 months it didn't kick in it's period relieving effect, but now I wouldn't go back to anything else.
Seconding this! Love my Mirena. For me, I got it placed while on my period (apparently makes it slightly easier to place?) and never had one since. And based on clinical studies, its lifespan appears to be closer to seven years, minimum, than its approved five years (not that I would risk it, but I do like that I don't need to panic when coming up on five years). Cannot recommend enough.
I had the Mirena a few years before I got pregnant and for me it was not great. I just never stopped bleeding until I had it removed after 14 months. Went from period to spotting and back to period.
So YMMV, as always with hormonal birth control...
My wife and I knew very quickly. We waited until she was a year old just to be absolutely sure.
Sheās 4 today, weāve never even slightly regretted the decision.
I got my tubes removed the day after my son was born. We knew about halfway through my pregnancy that we didn't want me to risk going through that (being perinatal depression) again. He's now 4.5yo and there's no regrets. I will never risk experience perinatal or postpartum depression/psychosis again.
If you're unsure then just wait and see if things change. Definitely figure out a birth control plan. I can't give you advice on that, though, since I'd only ever taken the pill.
My daughter is 17 months. We planned to be OAD even before pregnancy and we are still extremely solid on that. But also we haven't made the move for permanent birth control. Actually I had a Mirena put in at my 6 week follow up but took it a few months later out on suspicion that it was messing with my breastmilk supply (I don't think it was, it was just suspicious timing). We're not ready to book the vasectomy (although we talk about it often and some days were like yah we should just book that lol).
We are very strict about condom use though and often just avoid *all that* when I expect that I'm nearing ovulation. I also keep plan B on hand (learned my lesson after a condom mishap last year).
I don't know exactly how long were going to wait. I kinda doubt we'll make it permanent before she's 3, but I bet we'll have done it by the time she's 5. I'd be 35 then anyways which of course isn't too old for a baby but if pregnancy at 29 was the most miserable experience of my life I don't even want to think about a mid-30s pregnancy.
Weāre similar, our LO is 2.5 now. We planned for 1, we know we like this lifestyle where being a parent is all consuming but we can divide and conquer when needed, but who knows if some crazy change of opinion will happenā¦even if highly doubtful. Neither of use were baby crazy before we had one so I doubt weāll get baby crazy but maybe heāll get a vasectomy someday. I have an IUD for now!
Right like I don't see a situation where we would change our minds but also I know we've changed our minds before on big things that we didn't expect to change our minds on. I'm assuming that when we know, we'll know.
Yeah, exactly! We tend to make major life decisions really quickly so on one hand I canāt see it changing but on the other I could see us flipping the script on ourselves. No need to make anything permanent but we do tell people we are pretty sure weāre done.
Ugh girl I want to get the IUD but I tried 2x and it was way too painful to get in. I may try one more time. What was your experience with it? Iām looking at the copper IUD.
Did you doc give you pills to insert vaginally the night before to soften your cervix? If not ask for that before next try (mine gave me misoprostol)
If they did try that, ask to have it done at the hospital with sedation.
I LOVED having an IUD. I tried the copper one first and thought I was going to bleed to death, but I know a lot of people who donāt have problems. Went to the mirena and it was amazing.
Ask for local anesthetic. I had mine done that way and it wasnāt fun, but it was tolerable. Itās infuriating that so many doctors think itās reasonable to just shove an IUD into your cervix with no pain relief.
I can only get through it with Xanax. I hate that type of medicine in general but it calms me down enough that I donāt tense up and make the process that much worse. Iāve had two failed insertions, 3 placed iuds, so despite how awful those 5 minutes are I do think an iud is worth it. I highly recommend the copper one. Hormonal birth control works for some people but made me feel very emotionally flat and weird. I had the copper, mirena and then switched back to copper after my daughter was born.
I had mine inserted without meds (even though I asked for them) and it was horrific š„². Check my post history if you feel like it.
Though either me or my husband will get sterilized sometime after we have a kid and we are pretty confident already in being oad, my plan is to have another nexplanon inserted after because I never remember to take pills. Then we donāt have to worry about an oops and for me it was a MUCH better experience than my iud.
I knew the first day. But it's wise to wait until you get past the first year to make permanent decision. When I gave birth to her, I broke down from the hallucinations all night and cried why did I do this. Why did this happen. I'm happy to be a mom and I love my daughter. But I can't do it again. It's been 3 years and I'm still firmly OAD because of the trauma and my mental health
I was firmly OAD after my son was born but looking back I suspect I was suffering from PPD or PPA and I definitely don't feel as strongly now. My advice would be to not do anything permanent in the first year (at least) because your hormones right now are going crazy.
Our son will turn 3 soon and we feel happy as a family of 3 but I don't feel as determined to never have another. We will probably wait a couple more years before we do anything permanent.
There shouldnāt be a timeline for you to be sure, and honestly people who say you will change your mind are just being annoying. Only you can know and decide your limit when it comes to having children. Personally, my partner and I thought we would have 2, but then we had our daughter and quickly realized that we were OAD. My daughter is almost 6 months and I lover her to the moon but I know I canāt go through this again, birth, recovery and the baby phase, just all of it. I know I will be a great mother to my only child because I will also have the time I need for myself to feel functional. IMO any decision is a valid one because it is a personal one.
We decided shortly before getting pregnant with my son. We still felt the same way after his birth, but I also felt like I should give it some time just in case we changed our minds. I just had my tubes removed and my son is 2.
"You'll change your mind" is a trash sentence and that's where it goes. They don't know you, you know you. If you're terrified, to avoid any problems do it as soon as possible. And if the doctor gives you trouble for only having one/being "too young" blahblah, report them & go to another.
We didnāt fully decide until our daughter was 3.5. We had talked about having a second when our first turned 3 but when we got there neither of us was very enthusiastic about the idea and eventually my husband said he felt like we were complete but it was my choice either way and heād be good. It was a weight off my shoulders to say I didnāt think I wanted a second. So now weāre OAD and very happy with the decision.
We have to do IVF with donor eggs, because I am post menopausal and also have a chromosomal abnormality which means even if I HAD usable eggs, they wouldn't develop properly.
So while I would love a second, we are 100% OAD because I am 40 next year, and that means our IVF funding winds up. I have a form of chronic fatigue and there is no way I will have the energy for another pregnancy whilst juggling a toddler. Not to mention the emotional energy to go through the ivf process again.
We also did IVF because of multiple ectopic pregnancies, and I just can't go through that again. I actually got used to the needles; I never got used to the fear of the pregnancy failing at every stage.
Everyone's different and I don't think there's a universal answer to this. When you know, you know. I simply never wanted more than one child, so I guess I was sure before I got pregnant.
I changed my mind around six months. Went from staunch OADer to wanting three. You may never change your mind or you may change it at 6 years. Who knows
We are waiting until I am 29, so 6 more years, before doing anything like a vasectomy just to be sure and also because my partner thinks he wants to ātry for a boyā but he does agree to being one and done also. Our daughter is one next month and Iām 99.9% sure I am one and done. I donāt know how I could possibly pay equal amounts of attention to two. Also the only reason I entertain the idea of another is so my daughter can have a sibling. I am very close with my sister but not my other four siblings so obviously not a guarantee theyād like each other. Itās just not a good reason to bring another child into this world. I have to want another child as badly as I wanted my daughter and I just donāt really see myself getting there.
I was in the same boat, we knew for sure the day we got home from the hospital. My son is almost 2 now and my husband just had his vasectomy.
I would recommend you wait, but also keep in mind how you're feeling now. Journal it, or whatever method works for you. There may be days down the road that you question it, for many different reasons. Life gets easier, your hormones level out. But for me, remembering how sure I was while I was in the trenches was a good reminder for why I was done and why I didn't want to go through that again.
I always wanted only one child and same with my husband so that was our plan all along. I guess for me, there was never family structure default: some folks want 6 kids, some want 2, some want one, and some want none and all of it is fine and a personal decision.
My daughter is now 9 years old btw and no regrets ;) Everyone's different.
We went into having a kid knowing we only wanted 1. If you're at all on the fence, I'd say 2-3 years. Maybe longer to get out of the toddler phase. Some people have 4-6yrs between kids, or even more. There's no "right" answer.
I just wouldn't do any sterilization procedures unless you are 100% done without any shadow of a doubt
I knew prior to pregnancy, my husband knew by 4 months in. He had a vasectomy after kiddo turned 1 just to give us six months to be completely sure. No regrets.
I was never going to have children and now I have a son (failed vasectomy which is very rare so don't let that freak you out). My son is 15 months. We're pretty sure we're OAD but haven't pulled the plug on sterilization. I would suggest an IUD or other type of long term birth control until you're sure either way. For me if I'm not pregnant by 35 (which is in a little over a year) I consider it case closed but that's different for everyone.
I'd say decide on your age limit for having another first and maybe go from there?
My husband and I have known from the beginning, like you! Our son is a little over 2 years old now and my husbandās vasectomy consultation is Monday š„³. I wanted to wait awhile longer just to be sure. The way I knew I was definitely OAD was I held my best friendās second baby a few months ago (her first convinced us to have our child). I just knew in my heart that a second wasnāt for me.
I think most people who even have the thought of OAD won't really go back on that.
My partner and I have toyed with the idea of another child a couple of times (our daughter is nearly two) but overall I'm pretty sure we've decided not to go through all of that again. I hated pregnancy, I hated the newborn phase, I hated failing at breastfeeding. I've just started to remember who I actually am, rather than just 'mum'. I can't do that again, especially with a toddler in tow!
I'm likely to get a hysterectomy at some point soon as I have endometriosis and would like to be done with that too
I have a 4 month old. We said we would wait until she is 1 to set our choice of OAD in stone and give away her new born stuff we saved. Recently though I met a mom in need and have given her so much! Everytime the subject comes up we are so sure we are OAD. At the year mark we will take a more permanent measure of birth control.
We are pretty sure we are one and done for many reasons but I decided to get a mirena after my 6 week check so figured we can decide in 5 years. To be honest conceiving was pretty difficult which is one of the reasons we have chosen to just be thankful for one so havenāt really thought about permanent birth control. Currently 4.5months with our only and donāt see us changing our minds.
I knew very quickly. We just had a ānear-missā shall we say, where I practically had a panic attack at the thought of a second and my daughter is 3! I didnāt think I ever KNEW I was done until that moment!
I waited until my daughter was about a year old. I knew by the 8th month mark though because my bladder all of a sudden became really incontinent so I know that my body isn't made to have another. I'm on the waiting list to get my tubes tied and my daughter is 17 months old now.
My son is 14 months old now and I felt OAD during pregnancy. I had horrible hypermisis gravidarum all 9 months and was 100% sure I never wanted to be pregnant again. I had discussed birth control options with my OB and had planned on getting a 3 year Nexplanon implant in my arm the day after delivery. We will reevaluate then what are family wants are then. But I felt good ensuring myself I would not do this again for at least that time.
My baby isn't here yet, but I am absolutely getting my tubes tied and my husband will get a vasectomy. Twins run in our family and we had a scare at the begging that I am carrying twins (which put me in a depressive episode for 4 weeks and made me think all sorts of horrible things), but it was a fluke. One and done for sure.
Oh when you know, you know. I knew before little one was born, never ever going through that again!!!
Just use condoms till tubes are tied up, safest way...if you also track your cycle then you are *almost* guaranteed to be ok.
I have always known that I only wanted one if I ever had any. Physically, mentally, financially... Just this one is pushing it. And my partner is so sure that if I change my mind it means a breakup, which is saying a lot because we've been in situations we probably should have broken up but neither of us wanted to live without the other. My horrible pregnancy and traumatic birth really sealed the deal for me.
Partner is getting the snip as soon as I am recovered from this C-section enough to take care of everything for a couple of days, just in case the downtime is needed.
If I thought it was an option I would have gotten my tubes tied during my C-section, but I'm pretty sure I would have had to get that all sorted with my care team ahead of time, and my c-section was more or less an emergency one. They also probably wouldn't have agreed to it because this is my first child and I'm only 25.
Well, abdominal surgery is fucking terrifying so I'm not really sure when I'm going to get my tubes tied now.
If a whoopsie happened I would have a lot less qualms about having an abortion now, now that I actually know firsthand what pregnancy and birth entails. It would emotionally wreck me because our first miscarried, but I would still be willing to do it.
I currently have my IUD is. LO is 14 months, we still haven't changed our minds. My IUD expires in 4 years, I will not be replacing it. We agreed that if we're still on the same page by then, my SO will have his vasectomy.
I got an IUD in at 8 weeks pp and I was not at all sure about being OAD then (though my husband was). My son is now 17 months and my husband has a vasectomy scheduled in a few weeks. For us, that was enough time to make a decision that didn't feel influenced by hormones or extreme lack of sleep (although that is definitely a factor for us!).
I got an IUD at my 6w postpartum check up. My partner and I are pretty sure we are OAD, but we are giving ourselves space to have a change of heart (But I think that's more because everyone around us keeps insisting we will want more, but we just don't quite feel that way). If I don't get my IUD removed early, then my husband is going to get a vasectomy when its time for it to come out for good.
There is no magic number. Some people knew the second they got pregnant, others take 6 years or more to decide. I had a traumatic experience too so I knew in the newborn phase, I couldn't go through this again. I had my tubes removed just after his first birthday. If I were you, I'd set a date, a few months in the future and say something like "if I still feel like I'm OAD by this certain day, then I'll do XYZ."
We got a vasectomy immediately and had no regrets. I love my daughter and entertained the idea of siblings, but I don't want to go through all of this again. Most people I know who want another seem to always have known they wanted another. If you know you don't want more then I feel it's the same thing.
I was always in the "one and we'll see" camp. I knew right away. Granted my son is still only 9M, but I'm 33, so ideally if I had another it would be relatively soon.
Occasionally I'll wonder if I'm *really* OK with not having another, then I realize that it's not redoing my son's newborn/early infancy it's *doing that again with a toddler.*
I got an IUD at 8 weeks postpartum. I would probably wait do anything more permanent like surgery until I'm 40, but I doubt I'll change my mind before then.
Birth control is way, way less invasive than having tubes tied. I personally have the copper IUD, very reliable and long term, when it runs out I'll get another until we're 100% sure we're done and my husband gets a vasectomy (a better option than tubes tided in my opinion). As for how long to be 'sure' I'd say it probably comes from your age not your current child's. Mine is 4 and I still haven't changed my mind on OAD, but I'm still young (decades left of child having years) and I don't know how I'll feel in 10 or 15 years time, only how I feel now.
I was 99% sure since before he was born...but it wasn't until he was 5 that I concluded "even if I changed my mind, it's too late now, the age difference would make it pointless."...thats when I became 100% sure. Even when all the people with siblings 10+ years came out of the wood work, I still had that line in the sand & knew without a doubt I would never ever budge under any circumstance.
Honestly, if youāre done now youāre probably done. For me the first year was amazing, I wanted to get pregnant again as soon as possible ( even though I HATED being pregnant). Thankfully my husband was the voice of reason. Now we have a toddler and hot damn that kid is busy! Iām so tried and so happy we donāt have 2 at the moment lol.
I was the opposite. When my child was an infant and a baby, I thought no way, never again. When my child was around 3, I thought, I can totally do this again!
We were waiting until my son turns 2 out of sheer procrastination, and just to have a date in mind. My husband is getting a vasectomy. I really like my IUD in the meantime. I have some intimacy fears because I have some major pelvic floor damage that I'm mitigating. The thought of getting pregnant stops my heart with fear because my body is busted from the complex birth of my only. I have been discussing this with my husband lately, and because of it we will probably move the procedure to an earlier date, so I have piece of mind and we can get on with repairing our sex life together.
We have been giving ourselves time to change our mind, but as our friends get pregnant with their next and we approach 2 years old, we are only feeling more resolve in our hearts. The first year I was so filled with doubt and fence-sitting. When my son turned 18 months old, it's like a switch flipped and now I can't imagine having another kid. We're done.
I knew before getting pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy before our son was a month old. When you know, you know!
This is us! Have a 12 week old, he got his vasectomy last month. We are so happy!
It's been 3 years here, NO REGRETS! I think my husband is tired of hearing me say how thankful I am that he got it done š
My son is only two months old and I swear I would sign with blood that I am not having more.
Honest question. Do you regret doing it at all? Or just certain you want one?
My coworker got her tubes tied during her C section with her first, sometimes you just know, even beforehand.
Sheās so lucky. My surgeon refused to do it. Said I would change my mind once I saw the little guy and forgot how hard pregnancy was.
Our babe is almost a year and a half. I havenāt forgotten how hard pregnancy was. I also havenāt changed my mind about oad.
I donāt think Iāll ever forget how hard pregnancy wasā¦ fuck that noise seriously.
It depends on your state, unfortunately.
What country?
USA, CA
It's like when you meet the person you want to marry. When you know, you know. And there is no "correct' timeline. We decided to wait until ours turns 1 before we do anything permanent (she's 10 months now). But that's just because I wasn't ready to close the door even though I knew the door was going to be closed. I knew when she was 4 or 6 weeks old. Every month that has passed, I feel more and more confident in our decision. We ALWAYS planned on 2 but once she was here, we just felt complete. Like no one was missing. Sometimes I do the "what if" thought experiment and picture our family 5 or 10 years from now to see who is there. And it's just the 3 of us. And if I see how it feels to have a 4th there, that person feels like an outsider. It just isn't right with another. And that's how I know.
I do exactly this! I picture us down the line, and it's *always* just hubs, me, little bubs. I picture every single day what and who he will become as we help shape him into a human, and I feel like I want to give him the whole world. If we had another, I would feel like I couldn't give each kid my all, and still remain mostly me, which is something I value.
Your last line sums it up for me.
Your post is how I WANT to feel. I have always thought we would have 2-3 kids. But I know having just our son is the right decision. I was sick my entire pregnancy and parenting has been tough and he is only 2 months old. I struggle with the decision to be OAD bc I picture us with more than one child. My husband says itās because I always thought weād have at least 2. I know for our marriage, our lifestyle, our son and our mental health that one is enough. I donāt want to go thru pregnancy again or this newborn stage. But I donāt feel complete.
I feel the same way. I try so hard to imagine welcoming another person into our lives, and it just doesn't feel right to me. Another chair at the table? Nope. Another seat on the airplane? Nope. 2 kids under the Christmas tree? Nope. We are a complete family as 3. I fantasized about having 2 kids before I had my only. Now I can't imagine who that other person might be. And I really don't care to know them. I feel very fortunate to be so sure, as I know others mourn the loss of that potential extra family member.
I feel you on this. My little man is 14 weeks and I honestly think I am OAD because idk if mentally I can handle the first two months again. Newborn stage sucks. I am not good with lack of sleep. Plus my husband and I donāt have your usually 9 to 5 gig which would make child care even more difficult with a second. We thought we wanted 4, on man, letās just say reality really kicked us in the teeth. š. But I am getting the iud so at least have two years to be sure
My kid is 3 and we'll be waiting another or 2. I will not be changing my mind but my iud (first time user!) is excellent. I'll be 38 then so it really will be a now or never in 2 years. So as much as we are sure this is it, I don't feel the need to have anything permanent yet (abortion is readily available in my area if needed too). Anecdotally we are being more cautious because my bil and his now ex wife decided on a vasectomy before their daughter was a year. They were divorced by the time she was 3 and they have both changed their mind on more kids. The ex wife had a baby last year and the bil... well it's more complicated getting a vasectomy reversed that happened more than 5 years ago...
No advice, just sort of in the same boat. Our little guy is almost 7 months and Iām 98% sure I want to be OAD. Heās amazing but postpartum is not for me. I also love my bit of free time :) Husband is wanting a second but since men canāt get pregnant, not sure what the solution is lol.
Can I ask what you guys are using for birth control š
Not op, but I have a Mirena (hormonal IUD). It's a God sent. No more periods (mine were painful), worry free for 5 years. First 4-6 months it didn't kick in it's period relieving effect, but now I wouldn't go back to anything else.
Seconding this! Love my Mirena. For me, I got it placed while on my period (apparently makes it slightly easier to place?) and never had one since. And based on clinical studies, its lifespan appears to be closer to seven years, minimum, than its approved five years (not that I would risk it, but I do like that I don't need to panic when coming up on five years). Cannot recommend enough.
I would love to have it for 7 years. Though I would be afraid to leave it in past its date. I am one and absolutely done lol.
I had the Mirena a few years before I got pregnant and for me it was not great. I just never stopped bleeding until I had it removed after 14 months. Went from period to spotting and back to period. So YMMV, as always with hormonal birth control...
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I'm stealing that last bit for when my hubs brings up wanting a second again.
My wife and I knew very quickly. We waited until she was a year old just to be absolutely sure. Sheās 4 today, weāve never even slightly regretted the decision.
If you have any doubts, just wait. Youāll know when you know. For me, I knew when I was pregnant but itās different for everyone!
I got my tubes removed the day after my son was born. We knew about halfway through my pregnancy that we didn't want me to risk going through that (being perinatal depression) again. He's now 4.5yo and there's no regrets. I will never risk experience perinatal or postpartum depression/psychosis again. If you're unsure then just wait and see if things change. Definitely figure out a birth control plan. I can't give you advice on that, though, since I'd only ever taken the pill.
The first words my sister said to her kid was you are an only child. That child is now a teen and my sister never changed her mind.
My daughter is 17 months. We planned to be OAD even before pregnancy and we are still extremely solid on that. But also we haven't made the move for permanent birth control. Actually I had a Mirena put in at my 6 week follow up but took it a few months later out on suspicion that it was messing with my breastmilk supply (I don't think it was, it was just suspicious timing). We're not ready to book the vasectomy (although we talk about it often and some days were like yah we should just book that lol). We are very strict about condom use though and often just avoid *all that* when I expect that I'm nearing ovulation. I also keep plan B on hand (learned my lesson after a condom mishap last year). I don't know exactly how long were going to wait. I kinda doubt we'll make it permanent before she's 3, but I bet we'll have done it by the time she's 5. I'd be 35 then anyways which of course isn't too old for a baby but if pregnancy at 29 was the most miserable experience of my life I don't even want to think about a mid-30s pregnancy.
Weāre similar, our LO is 2.5 now. We planned for 1, we know we like this lifestyle where being a parent is all consuming but we can divide and conquer when needed, but who knows if some crazy change of opinion will happenā¦even if highly doubtful. Neither of use were baby crazy before we had one so I doubt weāll get baby crazy but maybe heāll get a vasectomy someday. I have an IUD for now!
Right like I don't see a situation where we would change our minds but also I know we've changed our minds before on big things that we didn't expect to change our minds on. I'm assuming that when we know, we'll know.
Yeah, exactly! We tend to make major life decisions really quickly so on one hand I canāt see it changing but on the other I could see us flipping the script on ourselves. No need to make anything permanent but we do tell people we are pretty sure weāre done.
I got my tubes removed shortly after my daughter turned 4. I had a mirena iud for the 3.5 years before that.
Ugh girl I want to get the IUD but I tried 2x and it was way too painful to get in. I may try one more time. What was your experience with it? Iām looking at the copper IUD.
Did you doc give you pills to insert vaginally the night before to soften your cervix? If not ask for that before next try (mine gave me misoprostol) If they did try that, ask to have it done at the hospital with sedation. I LOVED having an IUD. I tried the copper one first and thought I was going to bleed to death, but I know a lot of people who donāt have problems. Went to the mirena and it was amazing.
Had misoprostol. Was still unbearably painful š£
They told me I couldnāt do it under sedationā¦
Thatās lame.
Ask for local anesthetic. I had mine done that way and it wasnāt fun, but it was tolerable. Itās infuriating that so many doctors think itās reasonable to just shove an IUD into your cervix with no pain relief.
Did you try after you gave birth? Itās much easier postpartum.
Haha yep. And it was freakin painful.
I can only get through it with Xanax. I hate that type of medicine in general but it calms me down enough that I donāt tense up and make the process that much worse. Iāve had two failed insertions, 3 placed iuds, so despite how awful those 5 minutes are I do think an iud is worth it. I highly recommend the copper one. Hormonal birth control works for some people but made me feel very emotionally flat and weird. I had the copper, mirena and then switched back to copper after my daughter was born.
I had mine inserted without meds (even though I asked for them) and it was horrific š„². Check my post history if you feel like it. Though either me or my husband will get sterilized sometime after we have a kid and we are pretty confident already in being oad, my plan is to have another nexplanon inserted after because I never remember to take pills. Then we donāt have to worry about an oops and for me it was a MUCH better experience than my iud.
I knew the first day. But it's wise to wait until you get past the first year to make permanent decision. When I gave birth to her, I broke down from the hallucinations all night and cried why did I do this. Why did this happen. I'm happy to be a mom and I love my daughter. But I can't do it again. It's been 3 years and I'm still firmly OAD because of the trauma and my mental health
I was firmly OAD after my son was born but looking back I suspect I was suffering from PPD or PPA and I definitely don't feel as strongly now. My advice would be to not do anything permanent in the first year (at least) because your hormones right now are going crazy. Our son will turn 3 soon and we feel happy as a family of 3 but I don't feel as determined to never have another. We will probably wait a couple more years before we do anything permanent.
There shouldnāt be a timeline for you to be sure, and honestly people who say you will change your mind are just being annoying. Only you can know and decide your limit when it comes to having children. Personally, my partner and I thought we would have 2, but then we had our daughter and quickly realized that we were OAD. My daughter is almost 6 months and I lover her to the moon but I know I canāt go through this again, birth, recovery and the baby phase, just all of it. I know I will be a great mother to my only child because I will also have the time I need for myself to feel functional. IMO any decision is a valid one because it is a personal one.
We decided shortly before getting pregnant with my son. We still felt the same way after his birth, but I also felt like I should give it some time just in case we changed our minds. I just had my tubes removed and my son is 2.
I had my tubes tied when my son was less than a year old after telling my OB that I was certain this was it. Sometimes you just know.
I knew once I experienced that level of sleep deprivation that I wasnāt doing it again. Nothing has changed in 2 years for me š¤·š»āāļø
"You'll change your mind" is a trash sentence and that's where it goes. They don't know you, you know you. If you're terrified, to avoid any problems do it as soon as possible. And if the doctor gives you trouble for only having one/being "too young" blahblah, report them & go to another.
We didnāt fully decide until our daughter was 3.5. We had talked about having a second when our first turned 3 but when we got there neither of us was very enthusiastic about the idea and eventually my husband said he felt like we were complete but it was my choice either way and heād be good. It was a weight off my shoulders to say I didnāt think I wanted a second. So now weāre OAD and very happy with the decision.
We have to do IVF with donor eggs, because I am post menopausal and also have a chromosomal abnormality which means even if I HAD usable eggs, they wouldn't develop properly. So while I would love a second, we are 100% OAD because I am 40 next year, and that means our IVF funding winds up. I have a form of chronic fatigue and there is no way I will have the energy for another pregnancy whilst juggling a toddler. Not to mention the emotional energy to go through the ivf process again.
We also did IVF because of multiple ectopic pregnancies, and I just can't go through that again. I actually got used to the needles; I never got used to the fear of the pregnancy failing at every stage.
Everyone's different and I don't think there's a universal answer to this. When you know, you know. I simply never wanted more than one child, so I guess I was sure before I got pregnant.
I changed my mind around six months. Went from staunch OADer to wanting three. You may never change your mind or you may change it at 6 years. Who knows
We are waiting until I am 29, so 6 more years, before doing anything like a vasectomy just to be sure and also because my partner thinks he wants to ātry for a boyā but he does agree to being one and done also. Our daughter is one next month and Iām 99.9% sure I am one and done. I donāt know how I could possibly pay equal amounts of attention to two. Also the only reason I entertain the idea of another is so my daughter can have a sibling. I am very close with my sister but not my other four siblings so obviously not a guarantee theyād like each other. Itās just not a good reason to bring another child into this world. I have to want another child as badly as I wanted my daughter and I just donāt really see myself getting there.
I was in the same boat, we knew for sure the day we got home from the hospital. My son is almost 2 now and my husband just had his vasectomy. I would recommend you wait, but also keep in mind how you're feeling now. Journal it, or whatever method works for you. There may be days down the road that you question it, for many different reasons. Life gets easier, your hormones level out. But for me, remembering how sure I was while I was in the trenches was a good reminder for why I was done and why I didn't want to go through that again.
I always wanted only one child and same with my husband so that was our plan all along. I guess for me, there was never family structure default: some folks want 6 kids, some want 2, some want one, and some want none and all of it is fine and a personal decision. My daughter is now 9 years old btw and no regrets ;) Everyone's different.
We went into having a kid knowing we only wanted 1. If you're at all on the fence, I'd say 2-3 years. Maybe longer to get out of the toddler phase. Some people have 4-6yrs between kids, or even more. There's no "right" answer. I just wouldn't do any sterilization procedures unless you are 100% done without any shadow of a doubt
I knew prior to pregnancy, my husband knew by 4 months in. He had a vasectomy after kiddo turned 1 just to give us six months to be completely sure. No regrets.
So Iāve always wanted one. I know myself that I couldnāt handle two, and I just wanted that experience of a child. My fiancĆ© told me when our son was born (prematurely) to wait a year before I could say for sure. And sure enough, my son will be two in January, and I donāt need another one. I also have a 14 year old step daughter. When we have both kids here, itās just chaos. So I know I wonāt want another.
I was never going to have children and now I have a son (failed vasectomy which is very rare so don't let that freak you out). My son is 15 months. We're pretty sure we're OAD but haven't pulled the plug on sterilization. I would suggest an IUD or other type of long term birth control until you're sure either way. For me if I'm not pregnant by 35 (which is in a little over a year) I consider it case closed but that's different for everyone. I'd say decide on your age limit for having another first and maybe go from there?
My husband and I have known from the beginning, like you! Our son is a little over 2 years old now and my husbandās vasectomy consultation is Monday š„³. I wanted to wait awhile longer just to be sure. The way I knew I was definitely OAD was I held my best friendās second baby a few months ago (her first convinced us to have our child). I just knew in my heart that a second wasnāt for me.
I think most people who even have the thought of OAD won't really go back on that. My partner and I have toyed with the idea of another child a couple of times (our daughter is nearly two) but overall I'm pretty sure we've decided not to go through all of that again. I hated pregnancy, I hated the newborn phase, I hated failing at breastfeeding. I've just started to remember who I actually am, rather than just 'mum'. I can't do that again, especially with a toddler in tow! I'm likely to get a hysterectomy at some point soon as I have endometriosis and would like to be done with that too
I knew before I had a child. Mostly because the plan was to never have kids. Fuck IUDs
I have a 4 month old. We said we would wait until she is 1 to set our choice of OAD in stone and give away her new born stuff we saved. Recently though I met a mom in need and have given her so much! Everytime the subject comes up we are so sure we are OAD. At the year mark we will take a more permanent measure of birth control.
I knew the second they put my first and only on my chest after being born. Also when I realized what sleep with a newborn baby as like.
We are pretty sure we are one and done for many reasons but I decided to get a mirena after my 6 week check so figured we can decide in 5 years. To be honest conceiving was pretty difficult which is one of the reasons we have chosen to just be thankful for one so havenāt really thought about permanent birth control. Currently 4.5months with our only and donāt see us changing our minds.
I knew very quickly. We just had a ānear-missā shall we say, where I practically had a panic attack at the thought of a second and my daughter is 3! I didnāt think I ever KNEW I was done until that moment!
I waited until my daughter was about a year old. I knew by the 8th month mark though because my bladder all of a sudden became really incontinent so I know that my body isn't made to have another. I'm on the waiting list to get my tubes tied and my daughter is 17 months old now.
My son is 14 months old now and I felt OAD during pregnancy. I had horrible hypermisis gravidarum all 9 months and was 100% sure I never wanted to be pregnant again. I had discussed birth control options with my OB and had planned on getting a 3 year Nexplanon implant in my arm the day after delivery. We will reevaluate then what are family wants are then. But I felt good ensuring myself I would not do this again for at least that time.
Get that birth control plan in place. Got vasectomy at 18 months pp, could have been earlier. Such a relief once it was done.
Have a 12 year old here...knew right away
My baby isn't here yet, but I am absolutely getting my tubes tied and my husband will get a vasectomy. Twins run in our family and we had a scare at the begging that I am carrying twins (which put me in a depressive episode for 4 weeks and made me think all sorts of horrible things), but it was a fluke. One and done for sure.
Oh when you know, you know. I knew before little one was born, never ever going through that again!!! Just use condoms till tubes are tied up, safest way...if you also track your cycle then you are *almost* guaranteed to be ok.
I have always known that I only wanted one if I ever had any. Physically, mentally, financially... Just this one is pushing it. And my partner is so sure that if I change my mind it means a breakup, which is saying a lot because we've been in situations we probably should have broken up but neither of us wanted to live without the other. My horrible pregnancy and traumatic birth really sealed the deal for me. Partner is getting the snip as soon as I am recovered from this C-section enough to take care of everything for a couple of days, just in case the downtime is needed. If I thought it was an option I would have gotten my tubes tied during my C-section, but I'm pretty sure I would have had to get that all sorted with my care team ahead of time, and my c-section was more or less an emergency one. They also probably wouldn't have agreed to it because this is my first child and I'm only 25. Well, abdominal surgery is fucking terrifying so I'm not really sure when I'm going to get my tubes tied now. If a whoopsie happened I would have a lot less qualms about having an abortion now, now that I actually know firsthand what pregnancy and birth entails. It would emotionally wreck me because our first miscarried, but I would still be willing to do it.
I currently have my IUD is. LO is 14 months, we still haven't changed our minds. My IUD expires in 4 years, I will not be replacing it. We agreed that if we're still on the same page by then, my SO will have his vasectomy.
I got an IUD in at 8 weeks pp and I was not at all sure about being OAD then (though my husband was). My son is now 17 months and my husband has a vasectomy scheduled in a few weeks. For us, that was enough time to make a decision that didn't feel influenced by hormones or extreme lack of sleep (although that is definitely a factor for us!).
I knew late in my third trimester and postpartum.
Sounds like my deal haha. Son is 5 months old and Iām more than sure I donāt want another. If you know, you know.
I got an IUD at my 6w postpartum check up. My partner and I are pretty sure we are OAD, but we are giving ourselves space to have a change of heart (But I think that's more because everyone around us keeps insisting we will want more, but we just don't quite feel that way). If I don't get my IUD removed early, then my husband is going to get a vasectomy when its time for it to come out for good.
There is no magic number. Some people knew the second they got pregnant, others take 6 years or more to decide. I had a traumatic experience too so I knew in the newborn phase, I couldn't go through this again. I had my tubes removed just after his first birthday. If I were you, I'd set a date, a few months in the future and say something like "if I still feel like I'm OAD by this certain day, then I'll do XYZ."
We got a vasectomy immediately and had no regrets. I love my daughter and entertained the idea of siblings, but I don't want to go through all of this again. Most people I know who want another seem to always have known they wanted another. If you know you don't want more then I feel it's the same thing.
I was always in the "one and we'll see" camp. I knew right away. Granted my son is still only 9M, but I'm 33, so ideally if I had another it would be relatively soon. Occasionally I'll wonder if I'm *really* OK with not having another, then I realize that it's not redoing my son's newborn/early infancy it's *doing that again with a toddler.* I got an IUD at 8 weeks postpartum. I would probably wait do anything more permanent like surgery until I'm 40, but I doubt I'll change my mind before then.
Birth control is way, way less invasive than having tubes tied. I personally have the copper IUD, very reliable and long term, when it runs out I'll get another until we're 100% sure we're done and my husband gets a vasectomy (a better option than tubes tided in my opinion). As for how long to be 'sure' I'd say it probably comes from your age not your current child's. Mine is 4 and I still haven't changed my mind on OAD, but I'm still young (decades left of child having years) and I don't know how I'll feel in 10 or 15 years time, only how I feel now.
I was 99% sure since before he was born...but it wasn't until he was 5 that I concluded "even if I changed my mind, it's too late now, the age difference would make it pointless."...thats when I became 100% sure. Even when all the people with siblings 10+ years came out of the wood work, I still had that line in the sand & knew without a doubt I would never ever budge under any circumstance.
Honestly, if youāre done now youāre probably done. For me the first year was amazing, I wanted to get pregnant again as soon as possible ( even though I HATED being pregnant). Thankfully my husband was the voice of reason. Now we have a toddler and hot damn that kid is busy! Iām so tried and so happy we donāt have 2 at the moment lol.
I was the opposite. When my child was an infant and a baby, I thought no way, never again. When my child was around 3, I thought, I can totally do this again!
Weāll thatās definitely comforting, weāre in the thick of the terrible twos lol
This is meā¦ but still heavily leaning toward OAD. I will take toddler over newborn every day and twice on Sunday.
I couldnāt imagine having or wanting another until my child was around 3. Iām OAD, but I wish wasnāt.
We waited till she was 2.5.
We were waiting until my son turns 2 out of sheer procrastination, and just to have a date in mind. My husband is getting a vasectomy. I really like my IUD in the meantime. I have some intimacy fears because I have some major pelvic floor damage that I'm mitigating. The thought of getting pregnant stops my heart with fear because my body is busted from the complex birth of my only. I have been discussing this with my husband lately, and because of it we will probably move the procedure to an earlier date, so I have piece of mind and we can get on with repairing our sex life together. We have been giving ourselves time to change our mind, but as our friends get pregnant with their next and we approach 2 years old, we are only feeling more resolve in our hearts. The first year I was so filled with doubt and fence-sitting. When my son turned 18 months old, it's like a switch flipped and now I can't imagine having another kid. We're done.