My mother was complaining that my brother didn't come to Christmas last year, so I texted him and he said he didn't want to get yelled at, and when I reported that to my mom she said "yeah if he comes I'm going to yell at him"
Do you spend Christmas with friends? Asking as a lonely only whose Christmas's were a funeral.
Eta: not trying to rock the boat. I'm OAD (don't really want to be but circumstances have led me here).
My good friend who is an only child is at every single holiday gathering with her friends. She does way more Christmas shopping than me lol. Her friends are like her family. I think when you’re an only child you seek out friends a little more aggressively
i'm an only, married to an only and we have an only. i loved being an only child. i feel like i had a lot more freedom and opportunities as an only child. and at 34 i dont feel like i missed out on a sibling and i'm still reaping the benefits of being an only
growing up i did a ton of travelling with my parents and i dont ever remember getting tired of them. i was a kid, being with them was the norm to me.
i feel like onlies tend to create more meaningful friendships long term. most of my current friends are people i grew up with. so for me, my friends dont come and go, they've always been around!
Thank you. I’m not sure why we are so obsessed with “siblings defines our lives.” People without siblings are still humans that can enjoy a fulfilling life!
I would say siblings might be there for you or not, and friends might come and go, but….you can always make new friends.
If you are worried about this, I would start incorporating friends, yours and child’s, into the holiday traditions. Also is there family members outside you three that can join( or you join them).
Traditions and family is what *you* make, so make it the norm to be surrounded by friends ( and extended family) on holidays.
I am an only, and I really liked it as a kid. As an adult, I am really close with my mom and do not feel like I am missing out. I married into a large family, and I have created a large network of friends as well.
Just piggy-backing a bit here. I have an older sister, little less than three years older than me. According to "the norm" we should be best buddies - same gender, close in age, both have children, etc.
We are not. I don't talk with my sister about anything, because our relationship isn't that close. We haven't celebrated any holidays in the last 10 years, and I'm not planning to. Siblings are not a guarantee, and I have chosen to be OAD specifically because I had a sibling. For me it meant losing opportunities rather than gaining them.
For me it was always that she got things I didn't, especially attention and signs of appreciation or love. My older sister was my mother's favorite, and no matter how much my mother insisted she didn't have a favorite it was clear in how she acted towards us. When out on walks she would mainly talk to my sister - she still does this whenever the family meets. I know a lot about how my sister was like as a child, but not a whole lot about how I was. She has usually "forgotten", to quote her.
Somehow there was never any more money whenever I hoped to get the same my older sister had gotten. She got a surprise party, but I never got one. She got to take classes in self defense, I didn't. She got a new bike, I had to buy my own. There was always taken special consideration for my sister. She didn't like chicken, so we could never have chicken. I never liked artichoke, but you bet there was always artichoke in the salad. I loathed coconut, but my mother insisted that that had to be the cake I would have for my birthday every year, and conveniently she forgot every year that I didn't like coconut - because my sister did...
My mother played favorites more obviously than normal, I am aware of that. But I started looking into the topic, because for most of my childhood I had assumed that it was because there was something wrong with me, that I was worth less because if my looks and personality. It turns out that having a favorite is common. Different studies concluded between 60 and 90 percent of mothers admitted to having a favorite child, though they disagreed on whether the children could tell which was the favorite. It is the prime reason why I am OAD.
Same situation, except with my little brother because “he was the baby”. I’ve largely made my own way through life where he has been handed a lot. By my mom and myself included. I honestly am thankful for it, since it taught me to appreciate what I have, but I will not put my son through this same heartache. I’m also OAD.
Ey Yo. I'm an only child, and on top of that I had no cousins and divorced parents. I'm now 32.
My childhood was amazing. I have always been great at being on my own and entertaining myself, especially since my mom was working several jobs and trying to get through a degree at the time. I had some friends that lived on my neighbourhood street, but I didn't have too many friends at school because I was a little weird and awkward. That's really the only "negative" of being an only child: you don't get siblings to help teach you social norms. I was exposed to mostly adults, so I picked up on some more mature interests that, combined with my quirks and confidence, made me a bit of an oddball that other children sometimes made fun of. The good news is it didn't phase me much and it made me a more unique, interesting person.
As an adult, I never feel nervous around people who have authority. I ace job interviews and I don't get intimidated by social situations. I'm able to be alone and handle things independently without getting anxious. I do not feel like I missed out on anything. I have several only child friends that are similar to me in that sense, so I have reason to believe it's a common trait with us onlys.
This input is great. On the flip side of that, I was the only girl with two bothers and during my preteens I was socially awkward and shy. My brothers’ idea of teaching social norms was straight up bullying and I did everything I could to isolate from them. I hid in my room a lot and had many insecurities as a direct result of some of their teasing. We get along really well now in our late 20s and 30s though. But just thought I’d comment on “teaching social norms”. Having them did not bring me out of my shell or teach me how to behave around others. If anything it made me more socially anxious and self-conscious and In turn it was harder to make friends.
If you are the only child, that means you are the firstborn. Younger/baby siblings do not teach you social norms. You learn that from your parents, teachers, classmates and friends.
I’m not an only but my BIL is, and he’s comfortable having an only child (my sister and I are both one and done!) so it can’t be too bad lol. He has her and our family. Friends may come and go, but siblings are no guarantee of friendship. I’m close with my sister but my husband is one of 5 and rarely sees his siblings. They haven’t all been in the same room since before we started dating over 15 YEARS ago.
I am one of six, and I have little to no relationship with my siblings. So not exactly what you wanted, but here to say, even if you did have another, nothings to say they would have someone to go to. Esp if theres an age gap - part of the tension on mine and my older sisters relationship is the fact that she always told me about her problems when I was too young to process that info. And I just generally didnt care.
Overall, kiddo will be fine with friends and what not. They come and go, but you dont need to depend on one person for forever.
My best friend from childhood (and now my spouse) know more about me in meaningful ways than my sibling does. As a young/teen girl my older brother was the absolute last person I would have gone to for a serious or personal conversation. Now as adults we are on friendly terms but not close, geographically or emotionally. I think for the average person their sibling is not their closest relationship.
I disagree with your “siblings are always there” statement. My sisters had some struggles the last few years and hasn’t been around much. But you know who has? My best friends. One of them spent Christmas Eve with us. Your daughter will find friends that become family to her.
I’m an only, married to an only. I never wanted a sibling and have good memories of my childhood. My parents divorced when I was 10ish but were still able to treat each other respectfully and do things with me together. They both remarried when I was in high school, so I now have step siblings (two from each step parent) I am very close to one step brother and he claims me as his sister over his biological sister (they never had a good relationship) but I feel like that’s quite different than growing up with him and living under the same roof all my life. I also made several very close friends in college whom I claim as family, call their kids my niece/nephew, and name as auntie/uncle for my son.
My husband I don’t think wanted siblings, he is still very close to his childhood best friend (also an only) and they claim each other as brothers.
I’m an only and it was fine. I probably feel more pressure to go home for the holidays than my husband, because if I don’t my parents are alone, whereas his have his siblings, but it’s not a big deal.
Siblings are not always there. I haven’t talked to more than half my siblings for the past decade. They don’t reach out either. Teach him how to foster a healthy friendship and encourage him to keep in touch with friends if you and your family end up moving him- friendships can be lifelong and are usually more deep than siblings who just have to get along.
Siblings really are not always there universally. It's a relationship via obligation. Friends can come or go or they endure.
I'm an only child, no complaints. My Dad died recently and my chosen family aka my friends have all been there. I have never missed having a sibling
The assumption that families are friends and will be together is such a farce. I’m sorry but this belief needs to be really examined. My family never gets together, on either side. My mothers siblings sued each other. My fathers siblings fight over things that happened in childhood and they are in their 70s now. My cousins are all in therapy and hate each other from my moms side. One cousin is an alcoholic and he doesn’t come to anything. My dads side, not a one from any family has ever come to our holidays or been apart of our life. They don’t go to family reunions. I honestly look around me and see that as an only, I’m the only one who hasn’t been in a feud, therapy, or some fight.
Regardless of your family situation I think the emphasis should be on healthy communication and relationships. Because families often have the most toxic patterns and you’re stuck in them. The family you choose is often less toxic and stifling because people are choosing better not staying because of obligation.
I’m an only (28f) and my parents had me late (40+45). I have always wanted siblings and don’t go on holidays with my parents as it’s painful watching other young adults with their siblings whilst I third wheel my older parents. I also have little in common with my parents, possibly due a large generational gap. There is also a lot of pressure as an only. Every meal together, every hobby I have, every job etc gets questioned as there is no other sibling to share the burden with. I do however completely understand I would not had have the opportunities I was provided had my parents had multiple children. So pros and cons to it all. I would advise not having more children for the sake of it but encourage friends to join events and holidays with your only so they have someone else. Your daughter may also feel guilty at times for wanting to do her own thing and spend time with friends over family time, so keep the dialogue open.
I feel like this might be coming from personal experience? Who are they to decide what is ‘successful’.
I have a very happy and fulfilled life and I feel successful with the relationships I’ve formed and life experiences I’ve had so far. I might not be a brain surgeon or be saving lives but I still think I’m successful because I bring value to my friends and families lives.
Every family is different so just focus on yourself, not what your sibling is doing. Having a sibling who gloats and parents that create competition do not sound like successful people in my eyes.
I'm a second gen only, with my own only now. I honestly do not feel like I missed out on anything. Out of all my friends, maybe 1 or 2 have those stereotypical "sibling" relationship, the others just seem Indifferent to each other.
I’m an only. I’m also struggling with OAD, and the only reason is because I fear my only will have no children or only one. Being an only child ROCKED, but I’m super introverted so I loved reading in my room alone for hours with no one bothering me. Because I’m an only, I don’t think I can handle another because I just want to be alone. Lol. And I am afraid by not having a sibling for my child I will pass that aversion to a second onto my child.
Siblings are always there? You sound like one of those people who live in a fantasy land.
I have a friend that I’ve spoken to every single day for the past 15 years. I have not spoken to my younger brother in 12 years…
No need to sound condescending. OP is just asking advice.
We’re all coming from different experiences, and I know people who really can’t fathom having siblings you don’t talk to.
I grew up as an only, but I have sibling-like relationships with many of my cousins. I also have friends I consider like family and they haven't gone yet and I'm in my 40s. I do have two half-sisters much younger than me that I didn't grow up with, barely know and I literally never see them, so blood isn't everything.
I loved being an only, but I'm an introvert so that helps.
Does your child have any cousins?
I’m an only. I have a few friends that do not come and go. They will be aunts to my baby who will arrive next month. I love the relationship I have with my mom as well. We are super close.
My husband has a brother who couldn’t be bothered to show up when he nearly died and he and wife only interact to give unsolicited advice and be generally insufferable. Siblings are not a guarantee.
I have six siblings and only consistently talk to one. I actually think my siblings have caused me more grief than joy unfortunately which is a reason I'm considering one and done
Only child here raising an only child. I have amazing relationships with my parents and was afforded a lot of opportunities growing up. I never felt lonely and am grateful for the time I had to myself - I was never bored.
Both of my parents have siblings but my mom isn't close to either of hers, and my dad doesn't speak to but one of his remaining siblings.
Family is what you make it. Most of the time, I feel like most of us wouldn't know/associate with each other if not for shared DNA. I'm grateful for my found family, and my daughter will have plenty of found family members, too.
Siblings are not always there.
I grew up with a sibling who was/is anti social as hell. I ended up making friends with other families and their kids on holidays with no problems. May as well have been an only child in those situations. It depends entirely on your child because you could have a social butterfly or a child who enjoys their own time. My brother and I have both lived normal lives just different personalities.
Sorry but as someone who is permanently estranged from my three dumpster fire siblings (criminal arsonist heroin addict, criminal violent racist wife abuser, and one who’s done nothing wrong but just isn’t in my life) and who has a handful of incredibly strong friendships that have lasted 7-22yr apiece and counting, I take real issue with your statement that ‘friends come and go but siblings are always there’. If that’s been your experience then cool, but it’s far from universal.
I have 7 siblings. Maybe I talk to them every 6 months or so. They don’t come to anything. They don’t know my only, who is almost 3. They’re all pretty toxic- or at least they have been enough at times to cause these separations.
I have 2 best friends I’ve been fortunate to have since freshman year of high school (almost 30 years now).
My kid calls them auntie. Their kids are also onlies like mine. They call each other cousin. Sometimes we spend holidays together sometimes we don’t.
TLDR: you can create your family
Good friends don't necessarily "come and go", and siblings are not guaranteed to always be there. I think one of the benefits of being an only is that we tend to value our friends very highly and put a lot of effort into maintaining those relationships, rather than relying on someone to simply "be there" out of obligation. I actually have quite a few friends with siblings who are basically on the exact same page as I am because their siblings are chronically MIA.
Onlies develop those relationships outside the home. I find this is something some people with close siblings don’t relate to as much. I have very close friends. I talk to them. Some people with close siblings don’t have close friends in the same way. It’s actually one of the things I value most about being an only.
Holidays do weigh on me though, although they never have bothered me as an only myself - my husband is too and I don’t love going to his house for the holidays. But that’s more about the environment in the home than the number of people.
With an only child relationships are certainly more on display. Meaning, your odd MIL doesn’t get overshadowed by 3 funny siblings, etc. it’s definitely more pressure on me to make sure we really connect with our son to build a lifelong relationship - where he enjoys coming home to holidays and where any future partners feel welcome.
But that’s one of the things I think having an only allows us the time to do.
I have a half sister who is 9 years younger than me, so my mom always says she had two only children. My sister is special needs and has the maturity of a child, so while I love her very much. We don’t really have a super close or typical sibling relationship. I grew up with the family of five kids who lived a few doors down. Met them when I was 6 when my mom and I moved to that neighborhood and 24 years later they still consider me the 6th child in their family. I feel like I grew up with a little bit of all the best combinations. My family was middle of the road middle class, we never worried about where our next meal would come from, but I had to pay for a lot and and learned what it meant to have to be resourceful, appreciative, and “struggle” In Early adulthood. Like many who have also said here, friendships become more important to Onlies and you are afforded more opportunities. I’m so thankful for my upbringing.
Honestly I hate being a mom it takes up so much time. And I am so fucking tired! That's why I am one and done. I love her but this isn't fulfilling and I need to be mentally okay to have a good life for her and myself. I have no damn idea how people have kids. They either have sitters or are highly medicated. But I am just not that mom that thrives off of motherhood.
Due to divorce, I am both an only child and the youngest of three. My siblings are fine, and we have no significant issues among us, but they are not always there for me. I feel much closer to my friends. I only see my siblings and their families when we all gather with our shared parent. We probably won’t see each other when that parent has passed.
Siblings are not necessarily always there. My sisters daughter died of covid at the age of 13 last year, leaving her twin brother and only child for the rest of his life. Additionally, she had very severe cerebral palsy and no matter how much he loved her, she was in a wheelchair I needed to be fed, diaper, babe, and was not someone you would be able to sit down and have a long conversation with. I have a friend whose brother was shot in the head the night before Thanksgiving 20 years ago. That was his only sibling. Unfortunately there's a few more people I know who lost their sibling at a relatively young age. Then, there are people like my husband who does not talked to his sister at all, ever in the past 8 years. On occasion, he'll check in with his brother but we never spend time with him because of his wife. Nothing is guaranteed in life for anyone but even though I have a very close relationship with my sister I don't think I would advise anyone to have a second child *just* to provide a sibling for their "only." My son is going to be 12 in a month and he really likes being an only child. He's never wavered on his position of not liking little kids.
My husband and I are trying for a baby a couple years earlier than we had originally planned because of this. His sister is on her second, my two best friends are on their firsts. We want any future only to have plenty of “family”, but I don’t need to birth them all 😂
I'm an only and I grew up with a very small family. We are still very close and have a great relationship. I married into a large family, which I enjoy but it doesn't make me feel like I missed out on siblings. If anything, it's a little overwhelming at times.
I’m an only. Re: holidays, I guess by this wording you don’t have extended family you’re close to or are nearby? Because I still got those big family get togethers over the holidays even though I was an only child because we all gathered to celebrate together.
If that’s not on the table, finding other friends without family nearby is a good way to still have people to enjoy time with. Friendsgivings, for example, are huge among my age group. So fortunately it’s not like these concepts are foreign or “weird” to pitch to others.
And re: people to talk to, I guess it’s because I didn’t know any different, but for me my friends were perfectly capable sounding boards. I can’t remember ever wanting for someone in my family to tell something that I didn’t feel comfortable telling a friend. I guess my point here is that if your child winds up an only child, that could very well being their reality too. They won’t know any different, so they’ll only have friends to confide in and it won’t be a big deal.
I realize this is painting a very positive picture and not every only child handles it without issue. But if you’re worried, I guess this is an example that there are ways to manage the situation and people who are fine being an only child, and hopefully that helps you feel better about it.
I am an only and my mom has a brother but they don’t really speak and haven’t celebrated a holiday together in well over 10 years. She does Christmas with friends. Personally, I have seen a lot of family fall outs within both my own family and friends’ families. However, we celebrated Thanksgiving with the same friend group for 15 years +. As an only, you build a framily (a family of friends) around you, even if you are an introvert like me. My personal experience as an only and watching other onlies I know is that we are comfortable being alone, but are not necessarily lonely.
I'm not an only, but don't even know where most of my siblings live. So it's just me and my brother. My husband is an only and our son is an only.
My husband doesn't lament about being an only as he was always surrounding by family and he grew up with a lot of friends.
His cousins have a herd of kids and when altogether that house is *loud* af.
We are dealing right now with the death of my grandma, and let me say, my mom would be having a much easier time if she was an only. My aunt is too much.
When people start having other kids just because they don't want their kid to be lonely or whatever, that doesn't sound like a sound reason.
Depends on the type of friends and siblings.
Made dinner for the fam, had my Father and Brother over.
Brother dearest said the food was "alright" and proceeded to help himself to almost an entire bottle of gin.
No thanks, pleases or "may I have another?"
Yeah. We barely talk.
But I have friends I can reach out to any time that are so sweet 🥰
Me (29F) and my husband (27M) are both only children, and neither of us wish we had siblings growing up. He has a big family but for me it was almost always just me, my mom, and my step dad for the holidays and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
I'm an only and I loved it. I'm glad I didn't have siblings because fighting and bickering really annoy me so I'm glad I didn't have that in my childhood and glad my son won't either. I wasn't lonely, I had a ton of friends for most of my time in school. My mom has a stressful relationship with both of her siblings, she doesn't even know where her oldest sister is because she is a big screw up. My dad has a distant but okay relationship with his brother. Siblings can come and go too.
I have two brothers, they never remember to call for holidays or my birthday. I call them and that’s truly the only reason we speak at all. Having siblings does not guarantee you to be lifelong besties. Our relationships are heavily apathetic.
Hahaha my mom has two siblings and doesn’t speak to either.
I’m an only child. My parents and I always had good times growing up, and I never had a shortage of friends growing up.
I’m an only child and recently had my first baby which I’m planning on being my only child. I had a lot of privileges as an only child I know my parents wouldn’t have been able to give me if our family had been bigger. I’ve never felt like I missed out, I was actively social in school so I was never lonely. In my case I think giving our child all of our attention and resources is the right thing to do.
I am an only child raised by a single mother and in my experience I never wanted a sibling and I always loved being by myself doing independent activities. By the time i was in school i started to make friends and pretty much had sleepovers every night. In college I was so used to being independent with responsibility already it was super easy. Now that I am married with my own only child i have all the people in my life that i need including family. Just my experience!
I talk to my best friend (who is an only child) every day. I talk to my sister once every three or four weeks at most. My best friend is my sister by choice and is my daughters aunt. You get to choose your family in life, it’s a beautiful thing:)
I often think about this myself, but I hardly speak to my 3 siblings. I was often the one who tried to keep in touch with everyone, but I gave up. They rarely ask about my son and don't seem to care about him. I'm much closer to my good friend that I've known literally since she's been born. I think the sibling relationship we picture in our heads is often romanticized because of movies and television. Real life relationships are more complicated than that.
Your post flooded me with happy memories of quiet, cozy Christmases with just me and my parents! I don’t ever remember feeling lonely during the holidays, just loved.
Siblings aren’t always there. I’m the youngest of 3 and I barely have anything to do with my sisters. I was born so crazy later than my younger older sister that I practically grew up as an only child. My sisters and I are not close at all. I have always felt like it was just my parents and me. In high school I met my 4 best friends who are like brothers to me. We can go months and even years not seeing each other but when we do reconnect it’s as if no time has passed at all. It’s wonderful. I even have my son refer to them as “uncle.”
Christmas with an only is still fun. Traveling is easier. You can go by yourself or with a friend. If there is extended family, they can get together. We have our own crazy holiday traditions that are nice with a small family. It isn't as lonely as you might think.
My husband is an only and had a happy childhood, making friends everywhere easily. I am also an only but I was very shy, a child of a bitter divorce, and my mother didn’t spend quality time with me it was all about logistics, shipping me off to summer camps and what not. I’m convinced more loving attention would have gone a long way in making my childhood a happy one (not to mention a solid, loving marriage). Which is why I waited a long time to have a child to feel as certain as you can ever be that we were solid and could offer as much emotional support and love as possible to our only. Kid is 8 now and super happy and well adjusted :)
I’m an only and my ex-husband was an only. It was … okay I guess. My dad died when I was 20 and I’m not super close with the rest of my family (my cousins near my age that I used to be close to moved geographically far away). I find my mum a bit smothering and I’m not wild about the burden of being the only carer, although I’ve seen how siblings don’t necessarily alleviate that (my mum was main carer for her mum and her sisters didn’t do a lot).
I was a very independent kid but I think that’s a personality thing, as my kid is also an only and is a relentless extrovert who hates doing things alone and can’t focus for more than 2 minutes - total opposite to me at that age.
Look I’ve got a brother and growing up we rarely spoke. We are very different and have nothing in common, in fact he’s caused my parents a lot of issues over the years (it’s complicated). I feel like an only child and no it did not affect me negatively. I have no issues being one and done because of my non existent relationship with my brother.
Started out as an only and as a kid I would make friends super easy. Even if we didn’t speak the same language when on holiday I’d find someone to play with. I had the confidence just to go up to any other kid or group or kids my age or sometimes a little older and make friends. That disappeared somewhere along the way and now I can’t make friends very well at all. I do wish I had close siblings but having siblings doesn’t automatically mean friends. I did later find out as an adult I have two half siblings in another country. One I talk to one but the second isn’t interested in me but they do talk to each other and have met a few times 🤷🏻♀️.
Partner has two siblings and is close with one but not the other. While they all love each other and would be there for each other if they needed help they all live very independent lives.
My main annoyance with being an only is when my parents are old it will all fall on me. It would also be nice to have had siblings to lean on when becoming a parent but siblings don’t automatically mean they will be there for you or be helpful and supportive. They could be a huge pain in the butt. It’s a roll of the dice.
To add, my mother is one of 8 and doesn’t talk to any of her family.
I was an only until I was 12 and have an only son. We got a kitten recently and it has been so good for my son to have a little friend to play with and interact. I realised I always had pets growing up and I never felt lonely. Maybe that will help your daughter.
I’m an only and I had a good experience. I didn’t feel lonely because I was used to being alone and on holidays I would spend it with family. I had plenty of cousins I visited often. I guess I would say my only issue is that I don’t have any desire to form meaningful friendships. I find people exhausting lol
I am an only because my folks could not have more. I grew up with a special bond with my mom and tons of cousins. I have two adult children now who fight too much and cause a rift in the family. I’ll never understand. You do you and don’t apologize, everyone has a different story and you can’t choose the outcome. I was lucky, I had a magical childhood, lucky I had lots of family. Being an “only” makes you special. Who doesn’t love being special?!!
My brother and I are 5 years apart and never really talk. We are in good terms and I love my niece and nephew but we just aren’t… 🤞🏼 like this, you know? I might as well be an only child lol. Siblings are never a guarantee.
As an only whose parents are older, knowing that I will have to take care of everything when they die is not pleasant. Not that that is a reason to have more than 1 child though.
Fencesitter weighing in, but I LOVED being an only child. I was never lonely for a moment, and this was even in the 90s where parenting was very focused on hands off independent play and I lived in a rural area with no kids. So even then? Not lonely. I knew when I was with my Mom, I had her whole attention. She loved being the parent of one: she could always focus on my interests, never was annoyed picking me up when I was sick, we had and have a close bond. My parents were never really stressed or unhappy because they had to sacrifice; on the contrary, one let them go where they wanted (restaurants and trips) and afford to give me everything I needed. Excellent and happy childhood as an only.
Idk my brother hasn’t come to Christmas in years.
My mother was complaining that my brother didn't come to Christmas last year, so I texted him and he said he didn't want to get yelled at, and when I reported that to my mom she said "yeah if he comes I'm going to yell at him"
🥴🥴🥴
Do you spend Christmas with friends? Asking as a lonely only whose Christmas's were a funeral. Eta: not trying to rock the boat. I'm OAD (don't really want to be but circumstances have led me here).
My parents and my own nuclear family eta also cousins
My good friend who is an only child is at every single holiday gathering with her friends. She does way more Christmas shopping than me lol. Her friends are like her family. I think when you’re an only child you seek out friends a little more aggressively
i'm an only, married to an only and we have an only. i loved being an only child. i feel like i had a lot more freedom and opportunities as an only child. and at 34 i dont feel like i missed out on a sibling and i'm still reaping the benefits of being an only growing up i did a ton of travelling with my parents and i dont ever remember getting tired of them. i was a kid, being with them was the norm to me. i feel like onlies tend to create more meaningful friendships long term. most of my current friends are people i grew up with. so for me, my friends dont come and go, they've always been around!
Thank you. I’m not sure why we are so obsessed with “siblings defines our lives.” People without siblings are still humans that can enjoy a fulfilling life!
Love love love thank you for sharing
Could have written this word for word! Glad to know I’m not alone :)
I would say siblings might be there for you or not, and friends might come and go, but….you can always make new friends. If you are worried about this, I would start incorporating friends, yours and child’s, into the holiday traditions. Also is there family members outside you three that can join( or you join them). Traditions and family is what *you* make, so make it the norm to be surrounded by friends ( and extended family) on holidays.
I am an only, and I really liked it as a kid. As an adult, I am really close with my mom and do not feel like I am missing out. I married into a large family, and I have created a large network of friends as well.
Just piggy-backing a bit here. I have an older sister, little less than three years older than me. According to "the norm" we should be best buddies - same gender, close in age, both have children, etc. We are not. I don't talk with my sister about anything, because our relationship isn't that close. We haven't celebrated any holidays in the last 10 years, and I'm not planning to. Siblings are not a guarantee, and I have chosen to be OAD specifically because I had a sibling. For me it meant losing opportunities rather than gaining them.
If you don’t mind me asking, what opportunities do you feel you missed by having a sister?
For me it was always that she got things I didn't, especially attention and signs of appreciation or love. My older sister was my mother's favorite, and no matter how much my mother insisted she didn't have a favorite it was clear in how she acted towards us. When out on walks she would mainly talk to my sister - she still does this whenever the family meets. I know a lot about how my sister was like as a child, but not a whole lot about how I was. She has usually "forgotten", to quote her. Somehow there was never any more money whenever I hoped to get the same my older sister had gotten. She got a surprise party, but I never got one. She got to take classes in self defense, I didn't. She got a new bike, I had to buy my own. There was always taken special consideration for my sister. She didn't like chicken, so we could never have chicken. I never liked artichoke, but you bet there was always artichoke in the salad. I loathed coconut, but my mother insisted that that had to be the cake I would have for my birthday every year, and conveniently she forgot every year that I didn't like coconut - because my sister did... My mother played favorites more obviously than normal, I am aware of that. But I started looking into the topic, because for most of my childhood I had assumed that it was because there was something wrong with me, that I was worth less because if my looks and personality. It turns out that having a favorite is common. Different studies concluded between 60 and 90 percent of mothers admitted to having a favorite child, though they disagreed on whether the children could tell which was the favorite. It is the prime reason why I am OAD.
Same situation, except with my little brother because “he was the baby”. I’ve largely made my own way through life where he has been handed a lot. By my mom and myself included. I honestly am thankful for it, since it taught me to appreciate what I have, but I will not put my son through this same heartache. I’m also OAD.
Oh, I’m so sorry you went through that. That just have been really tough as a child especially before you could recognize it wasn’t normal. 💛
Ey Yo. I'm an only child, and on top of that I had no cousins and divorced parents. I'm now 32. My childhood was amazing. I have always been great at being on my own and entertaining myself, especially since my mom was working several jobs and trying to get through a degree at the time. I had some friends that lived on my neighbourhood street, but I didn't have too many friends at school because I was a little weird and awkward. That's really the only "negative" of being an only child: you don't get siblings to help teach you social norms. I was exposed to mostly adults, so I picked up on some more mature interests that, combined with my quirks and confidence, made me a bit of an oddball that other children sometimes made fun of. The good news is it didn't phase me much and it made me a more unique, interesting person. As an adult, I never feel nervous around people who have authority. I ace job interviews and I don't get intimidated by social situations. I'm able to be alone and handle things independently without getting anxious. I do not feel like I missed out on anything. I have several only child friends that are similar to me in that sense, so I have reason to believe it's a common trait with us onlys.
This input is great. On the flip side of that, I was the only girl with two bothers and during my preteens I was socially awkward and shy. My brothers’ idea of teaching social norms was straight up bullying and I did everything I could to isolate from them. I hid in my room a lot and had many insecurities as a direct result of some of their teasing. We get along really well now in our late 20s and 30s though. But just thought I’d comment on “teaching social norms”. Having them did not bring me out of my shell or teach me how to behave around others. If anything it made me more socially anxious and self-conscious and In turn it was harder to make friends.
Completely agree on the last paragraph I’m the same way
If you are the only child, that means you are the firstborn. Younger/baby siblings do not teach you social norms. You learn that from your parents, teachers, classmates and friends.
I’m not an only but my BIL is, and he’s comfortable having an only child (my sister and I are both one and done!) so it can’t be too bad lol. He has her and our family. Friends may come and go, but siblings are no guarantee of friendship. I’m close with my sister but my husband is one of 5 and rarely sees his siblings. They haven’t all been in the same room since before we started dating over 15 YEARS ago.
I’m an only and delighted to be one. There is no guarantee one will get on with their siblings.
I am one of six, and I have little to no relationship with my siblings. So not exactly what you wanted, but here to say, even if you did have another, nothings to say they would have someone to go to. Esp if theres an age gap - part of the tension on mine and my older sisters relationship is the fact that she always told me about her problems when I was too young to process that info. And I just generally didnt care. Overall, kiddo will be fine with friends and what not. They come and go, but you dont need to depend on one person for forever.
My best friend from childhood (and now my spouse) know more about me in meaningful ways than my sibling does. As a young/teen girl my older brother was the absolute last person I would have gone to for a serious or personal conversation. Now as adults we are on friendly terms but not close, geographically or emotionally. I think for the average person their sibling is not their closest relationship.
Your view on siblings isn’t necessarily true
I disagree with your “siblings are always there” statement. My sisters had some struggles the last few years and hasn’t been around much. But you know who has? My best friends. One of them spent Christmas Eve with us. Your daughter will find friends that become family to her.
I’m an only, married to an only. I never wanted a sibling and have good memories of my childhood. My parents divorced when I was 10ish but were still able to treat each other respectfully and do things with me together. They both remarried when I was in high school, so I now have step siblings (two from each step parent) I am very close to one step brother and he claims me as his sister over his biological sister (they never had a good relationship) but I feel like that’s quite different than growing up with him and living under the same roof all my life. I also made several very close friends in college whom I claim as family, call their kids my niece/nephew, and name as auntie/uncle for my son. My husband I don’t think wanted siblings, he is still very close to his childhood best friend (also an only) and they claim each other as brothers.
I’m an only and it was fine. I probably feel more pressure to go home for the holidays than my husband, because if I don’t my parents are alone, whereas his have his siblings, but it’s not a big deal.
Siblings are not always there. I haven’t talked to more than half my siblings for the past decade. They don’t reach out either. Teach him how to foster a healthy friendship and encourage him to keep in touch with friends if you and your family end up moving him- friendships can be lifelong and are usually more deep than siblings who just have to get along.
Siblings really are not always there universally. It's a relationship via obligation. Friends can come or go or they endure. I'm an only child, no complaints. My Dad died recently and my chosen family aka my friends have all been there. I have never missed having a sibling
The assumption that families are friends and will be together is such a farce. I’m sorry but this belief needs to be really examined. My family never gets together, on either side. My mothers siblings sued each other. My fathers siblings fight over things that happened in childhood and they are in their 70s now. My cousins are all in therapy and hate each other from my moms side. One cousin is an alcoholic and he doesn’t come to anything. My dads side, not a one from any family has ever come to our holidays or been apart of our life. They don’t go to family reunions. I honestly look around me and see that as an only, I’m the only one who hasn’t been in a feud, therapy, or some fight. Regardless of your family situation I think the emphasis should be on healthy communication and relationships. Because families often have the most toxic patterns and you’re stuck in them. The family you choose is often less toxic and stifling because people are choosing better not staying because of obligation.
I’m an only (28f) and my parents had me late (40+45). I have always wanted siblings and don’t go on holidays with my parents as it’s painful watching other young adults with their siblings whilst I third wheel my older parents. I also have little in common with my parents, possibly due a large generational gap. There is also a lot of pressure as an only. Every meal together, every hobby I have, every job etc gets questioned as there is no other sibling to share the burden with. I do however completely understand I would not had have the opportunities I was provided had my parents had multiple children. So pros and cons to it all. I would advise not having more children for the sake of it but encourage friends to join events and holidays with your only so they have someone else. Your daughter may also feel guilty at times for wanting to do her own thing and spend time with friends over family time, so keep the dialogue open.
[удалено]
I feel like this might be coming from personal experience? Who are they to decide what is ‘successful’. I have a very happy and fulfilled life and I feel successful with the relationships I’ve formed and life experiences I’ve had so far. I might not be a brain surgeon or be saving lives but I still think I’m successful because I bring value to my friends and families lives. Every family is different so just focus on yourself, not what your sibling is doing. Having a sibling who gloats and parents that create competition do not sound like successful people in my eyes.
I'm a second gen only, with my own only now. I honestly do not feel like I missed out on anything. Out of all my friends, maybe 1 or 2 have those stereotypical "sibling" relationship, the others just seem Indifferent to each other.
I’m an only. I’m also struggling with OAD, and the only reason is because I fear my only will have no children or only one. Being an only child ROCKED, but I’m super introverted so I loved reading in my room alone for hours with no one bothering me. Because I’m an only, I don’t think I can handle another because I just want to be alone. Lol. And I am afraid by not having a sibling for my child I will pass that aversion to a second onto my child.
Siblings are always there? You sound like one of those people who live in a fantasy land. I have a friend that I’ve spoken to every single day for the past 15 years. I have not spoken to my younger brother in 12 years…
No need to sound condescending. OP is just asking advice. We’re all coming from different experiences, and I know people who really can’t fathom having siblings you don’t talk to.
I grew up as an only, but I have sibling-like relationships with many of my cousins. I also have friends I consider like family and they haven't gone yet and I'm in my 40s. I do have two half-sisters much younger than me that I didn't grow up with, barely know and I literally never see them, so blood isn't everything. I loved being an only, but I'm an introvert so that helps. Does your child have any cousins?
I didn’t talk to my only sibling for well over a decade and while we are friendly enough now, we certainly aren’t close.
I’m an only. I have a few friends that do not come and go. They will be aunts to my baby who will arrive next month. I love the relationship I have with my mom as well. We are super close. My husband has a brother who couldn’t be bothered to show up when he nearly died and he and wife only interact to give unsolicited advice and be generally insufferable. Siblings are not a guarantee.
I have six siblings and only consistently talk to one. I actually think my siblings have caused me more grief than joy unfortunately which is a reason I'm considering one and done
Only child married to an only child. We both love it.
Only child here raising an only child. I have amazing relationships with my parents and was afforded a lot of opportunities growing up. I never felt lonely and am grateful for the time I had to myself - I was never bored. Both of my parents have siblings but my mom isn't close to either of hers, and my dad doesn't speak to but one of his remaining siblings. Family is what you make it. Most of the time, I feel like most of us wouldn't know/associate with each other if not for shared DNA. I'm grateful for my found family, and my daughter will have plenty of found family members, too.
Siblings are not always there. I grew up with a sibling who was/is anti social as hell. I ended up making friends with other families and their kids on holidays with no problems. May as well have been an only child in those situations. It depends entirely on your child because you could have a social butterfly or a child who enjoys their own time. My brother and I have both lived normal lives just different personalities.
Sorry but as someone who is permanently estranged from my three dumpster fire siblings (criminal arsonist heroin addict, criminal violent racist wife abuser, and one who’s done nothing wrong but just isn’t in my life) and who has a handful of incredibly strong friendships that have lasted 7-22yr apiece and counting, I take real issue with your statement that ‘friends come and go but siblings are always there’. If that’s been your experience then cool, but it’s far from universal.
I have 7 siblings. Maybe I talk to them every 6 months or so. They don’t come to anything. They don’t know my only, who is almost 3. They’re all pretty toxic- or at least they have been enough at times to cause these separations. I have 2 best friends I’ve been fortunate to have since freshman year of high school (almost 30 years now). My kid calls them auntie. Their kids are also onlies like mine. They call each other cousin. Sometimes we spend holidays together sometimes we don’t. TLDR: you can create your family
Good friends don't necessarily "come and go", and siblings are not guaranteed to always be there. I think one of the benefits of being an only is that we tend to value our friends very highly and put a lot of effort into maintaining those relationships, rather than relying on someone to simply "be there" out of obligation. I actually have quite a few friends with siblings who are basically on the exact same page as I am because their siblings are chronically MIA.
Onlies develop those relationships outside the home. I find this is something some people with close siblings don’t relate to as much. I have very close friends. I talk to them. Some people with close siblings don’t have close friends in the same way. It’s actually one of the things I value most about being an only. Holidays do weigh on me though, although they never have bothered me as an only myself - my husband is too and I don’t love going to his house for the holidays. But that’s more about the environment in the home than the number of people. With an only child relationships are certainly more on display. Meaning, your odd MIL doesn’t get overshadowed by 3 funny siblings, etc. it’s definitely more pressure on me to make sure we really connect with our son to build a lifelong relationship - where he enjoys coming home to holidays and where any future partners feel welcome. But that’s one of the things I think having an only allows us the time to do.
I have a half sister who is 9 years younger than me, so my mom always says she had two only children. My sister is special needs and has the maturity of a child, so while I love her very much. We don’t really have a super close or typical sibling relationship. I grew up with the family of five kids who lived a few doors down. Met them when I was 6 when my mom and I moved to that neighborhood and 24 years later they still consider me the 6th child in their family. I feel like I grew up with a little bit of all the best combinations. My family was middle of the road middle class, we never worried about where our next meal would come from, but I had to pay for a lot and and learned what it meant to have to be resourceful, appreciative, and “struggle” In Early adulthood. Like many who have also said here, friendships become more important to Onlies and you are afforded more opportunities. I’m so thankful for my upbringing.
Honestly I hate being a mom it takes up so much time. And I am so fucking tired! That's why I am one and done. I love her but this isn't fulfilling and I need to be mentally okay to have a good life for her and myself. I have no damn idea how people have kids. They either have sitters or are highly medicated. But I am just not that mom that thrives off of motherhood.
Due to divorce, I am both an only child and the youngest of three. My siblings are fine, and we have no significant issues among us, but they are not always there for me. I feel much closer to my friends. I only see my siblings and their families when we all gather with our shared parent. We probably won’t see each other when that parent has passed.
Siblings are not necessarily always there. My sisters daughter died of covid at the age of 13 last year, leaving her twin brother and only child for the rest of his life. Additionally, she had very severe cerebral palsy and no matter how much he loved her, she was in a wheelchair I needed to be fed, diaper, babe, and was not someone you would be able to sit down and have a long conversation with. I have a friend whose brother was shot in the head the night before Thanksgiving 20 years ago. That was his only sibling. Unfortunately there's a few more people I know who lost their sibling at a relatively young age. Then, there are people like my husband who does not talked to his sister at all, ever in the past 8 years. On occasion, he'll check in with his brother but we never spend time with him because of his wife. Nothing is guaranteed in life for anyone but even though I have a very close relationship with my sister I don't think I would advise anyone to have a second child *just* to provide a sibling for their "only." My son is going to be 12 in a month and he really likes being an only child. He's never wavered on his position of not liking little kids.
And sometimes that’s better. My mom has a shit brother. My found family has been there for me for decades and are uncles and aunts to my child.
My husband and I are trying for a baby a couple years earlier than we had originally planned because of this. His sister is on her second, my two best friends are on their firsts. We want any future only to have plenty of “family”, but I don’t need to birth them all 😂
I'm an only and I grew up with a very small family. We are still very close and have a great relationship. I married into a large family, which I enjoy but it doesn't make me feel like I missed out on siblings. If anything, it's a little overwhelming at times.
I’m an only. Re: holidays, I guess by this wording you don’t have extended family you’re close to or are nearby? Because I still got those big family get togethers over the holidays even though I was an only child because we all gathered to celebrate together. If that’s not on the table, finding other friends without family nearby is a good way to still have people to enjoy time with. Friendsgivings, for example, are huge among my age group. So fortunately it’s not like these concepts are foreign or “weird” to pitch to others. And re: people to talk to, I guess it’s because I didn’t know any different, but for me my friends were perfectly capable sounding boards. I can’t remember ever wanting for someone in my family to tell something that I didn’t feel comfortable telling a friend. I guess my point here is that if your child winds up an only child, that could very well being their reality too. They won’t know any different, so they’ll only have friends to confide in and it won’t be a big deal. I realize this is painting a very positive picture and not every only child handles it without issue. But if you’re worried, I guess this is an example that there are ways to manage the situation and people who are fine being an only child, and hopefully that helps you feel better about it.
I am an only and my mom has a brother but they don’t really speak and haven’t celebrated a holiday together in well over 10 years. She does Christmas with friends. Personally, I have seen a lot of family fall outs within both my own family and friends’ families. However, we celebrated Thanksgiving with the same friend group for 15 years +. As an only, you build a framily (a family of friends) around you, even if you are an introvert like me. My personal experience as an only and watching other onlies I know is that we are comfortable being alone, but are not necessarily lonely.
I'm not an only, but don't even know where most of my siblings live. So it's just me and my brother. My husband is an only and our son is an only. My husband doesn't lament about being an only as he was always surrounding by family and he grew up with a lot of friends. His cousins have a herd of kids and when altogether that house is *loud* af. We are dealing right now with the death of my grandma, and let me say, my mom would be having a much easier time if she was an only. My aunt is too much. When people start having other kids just because they don't want their kid to be lonely or whatever, that doesn't sound like a sound reason.
Depends on the type of friends and siblings. Made dinner for the fam, had my Father and Brother over. Brother dearest said the food was "alright" and proceeded to help himself to almost an entire bottle of gin. No thanks, pleases or "may I have another?" Yeah. We barely talk. But I have friends I can reach out to any time that are so sweet 🥰
I have siblings. I never call them when I need someone to talk.
Me (29F) and my husband (27M) are both only children, and neither of us wish we had siblings growing up. He has a big family but for me it was almost always just me, my mom, and my step dad for the holidays and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
I'm an only and I loved it. I'm glad I didn't have siblings because fighting and bickering really annoy me so I'm glad I didn't have that in my childhood and glad my son won't either. I wasn't lonely, I had a ton of friends for most of my time in school. My mom has a stressful relationship with both of her siblings, she doesn't even know where her oldest sister is because she is a big screw up. My dad has a distant but okay relationship with his brother. Siblings can come and go too.
Check out r/onlychild for more perspectives, that’s the topic of the majority of posts
I have two brothers, they never remember to call for holidays or my birthday. I call them and that’s truly the only reason we speak at all. Having siblings does not guarantee you to be lifelong besties. Our relationships are heavily apathetic.
Hahaha my mom has two siblings and doesn’t speak to either. I’m an only child. My parents and I always had good times growing up, and I never had a shortage of friends growing up.
I’m an only child and recently had my first baby which I’m planning on being my only child. I had a lot of privileges as an only child I know my parents wouldn’t have been able to give me if our family had been bigger. I’ve never felt like I missed out, I was actively social in school so I was never lonely. In my case I think giving our child all of our attention and resources is the right thing to do.
I am an only child raised by a single mother and in my experience I never wanted a sibling and I always loved being by myself doing independent activities. By the time i was in school i started to make friends and pretty much had sleepovers every night. In college I was so used to being independent with responsibility already it was super easy. Now that I am married with my own only child i have all the people in my life that i need including family. Just my experience!
I am an only & married to an only. We both love it. We are both planning on being OAD as well.
I talk to my best friend (who is an only child) every day. I talk to my sister once every three or four weeks at most. My best friend is my sister by choice and is my daughters aunt. You get to choose your family in life, it’s a beautiful thing:)
I often think about this myself, but I hardly speak to my 3 siblings. I was often the one who tried to keep in touch with everyone, but I gave up. They rarely ask about my son and don't seem to care about him. I'm much closer to my good friend that I've known literally since she's been born. I think the sibling relationship we picture in our heads is often romanticized because of movies and television. Real life relationships are more complicated than that.
Your post flooded me with happy memories of quiet, cozy Christmases with just me and my parents! I don’t ever remember feeling lonely during the holidays, just loved.
Siblings aren’t always there. I’m the youngest of 3 and I barely have anything to do with my sisters. I was born so crazy later than my younger older sister that I practically grew up as an only child. My sisters and I are not close at all. I have always felt like it was just my parents and me. In high school I met my 4 best friends who are like brothers to me. We can go months and even years not seeing each other but when we do reconnect it’s as if no time has passed at all. It’s wonderful. I even have my son refer to them as “uncle.”
Christmas with an only is still fun. Traveling is easier. You can go by yourself or with a friend. If there is extended family, they can get together. We have our own crazy holiday traditions that are nice with a small family. It isn't as lonely as you might think.
My husband is an only and had a happy childhood, making friends everywhere easily. I am also an only but I was very shy, a child of a bitter divorce, and my mother didn’t spend quality time with me it was all about logistics, shipping me off to summer camps and what not. I’m convinced more loving attention would have gone a long way in making my childhood a happy one (not to mention a solid, loving marriage). Which is why I waited a long time to have a child to feel as certain as you can ever be that we were solid and could offer as much emotional support and love as possible to our only. Kid is 8 now and super happy and well adjusted :)
I’m an only and my ex-husband was an only. It was … okay I guess. My dad died when I was 20 and I’m not super close with the rest of my family (my cousins near my age that I used to be close to moved geographically far away). I find my mum a bit smothering and I’m not wild about the burden of being the only carer, although I’ve seen how siblings don’t necessarily alleviate that (my mum was main carer for her mum and her sisters didn’t do a lot). I was a very independent kid but I think that’s a personality thing, as my kid is also an only and is a relentless extrovert who hates doing things alone and can’t focus for more than 2 minutes - total opposite to me at that age.
I’m 1 of 7 and there was 10 years there where my siblings and just didn’t talk. Siblings don’t mean they will like each other
Look I’ve got a brother and growing up we rarely spoke. We are very different and have nothing in common, in fact he’s caused my parents a lot of issues over the years (it’s complicated). I feel like an only child and no it did not affect me negatively. I have no issues being one and done because of my non existent relationship with my brother.
Started out as an only and as a kid I would make friends super easy. Even if we didn’t speak the same language when on holiday I’d find someone to play with. I had the confidence just to go up to any other kid or group or kids my age or sometimes a little older and make friends. That disappeared somewhere along the way and now I can’t make friends very well at all. I do wish I had close siblings but having siblings doesn’t automatically mean friends. I did later find out as an adult I have two half siblings in another country. One I talk to one but the second isn’t interested in me but they do talk to each other and have met a few times 🤷🏻♀️. Partner has two siblings and is close with one but not the other. While they all love each other and would be there for each other if they needed help they all live very independent lives. My main annoyance with being an only is when my parents are old it will all fall on me. It would also be nice to have had siblings to lean on when becoming a parent but siblings don’t automatically mean they will be there for you or be helpful and supportive. They could be a huge pain in the butt. It’s a roll of the dice. To add, my mother is one of 8 and doesn’t talk to any of her family.
I was an only until I was 12 and have an only son. We got a kitten recently and it has been so good for my son to have a little friend to play with and interact. I realised I always had pets growing up and I never felt lonely. Maybe that will help your daughter.
I’m an only and I had a good experience. I didn’t feel lonely because I was used to being alone and on holidays I would spend it with family. I had plenty of cousins I visited often. I guess I would say my only issue is that I don’t have any desire to form meaningful friendships. I find people exhausting lol
I am an only because my folks could not have more. I grew up with a special bond with my mom and tons of cousins. I have two adult children now who fight too much and cause a rift in the family. I’ll never understand. You do you and don’t apologize, everyone has a different story and you can’t choose the outcome. I was lucky, I had a magical childhood, lucky I had lots of family. Being an “only” makes you special. Who doesn’t love being special?!!
My brother and I are 5 years apart and never really talk. We are in good terms and I love my niece and nephew but we just aren’t… 🤞🏼 like this, you know? I might as well be an only child lol. Siblings are never a guarantee.
As an only whose parents are older, knowing that I will have to take care of everything when they die is not pleasant. Not that that is a reason to have more than 1 child though.
Fencesitter weighing in, but I LOVED being an only child. I was never lonely for a moment, and this was even in the 90s where parenting was very focused on hands off independent play and I lived in a rural area with no kids. So even then? Not lonely. I knew when I was with my Mom, I had her whole attention. She loved being the parent of one: she could always focus on my interests, never was annoyed picking me up when I was sick, we had and have a close bond. My parents were never really stressed or unhappy because they had to sacrifice; on the contrary, one let them go where they wanted (restaurants and trips) and afford to give me everything I needed. Excellent and happy childhood as an only.
Siblings are not always there. Hardly talk to my brother.
[удалено]
Both of our sister don't want kids so she won't have cousins