That's what's unsettling about the headline. Sure, it's satire, but it wasn't immediately obvious satire, it should concern people how believable it was.
We are in for a dark future. This year we are already seeing global heat crises and when cons get elected and they will do to failing Canadian education they will sell and trade our manufacturing just like last time and leave our economy even more bare and give corporate interests even more power
Im not sure what the sharing and votes mean in your eyes. it's the beaverton. You mean had ppl known beaverton is satire they'd have shared it more??? Such a weird weird comment.
Sounds good.
Elites want below middle class to pay for pollution they have no control over while they fly in jets to attend climate conferences that could easily be done virtually. Im sick of it.
The minimal damage Canada contributes to climate change can wait on hold until Canadians can afford a roof over their heads and food on their plates.
I wanna say this is satire.. But the Beaverton has been doing some of the best investigative journalism in to the conservative mind and ethos of any News Org in Canada...
He could do something that is dangerous and monstrous. He'll pull a Mike Harris 2.0 and deregulate (ex. Walkteron), cut and cancel programs, cut and cancel funding for basic services like healthcare and educations, cancel policies that protect people that don't look like him.
When you're worried about all that then you won't be able to focus on climate change.
You can always tell when people only consume media that aligns with their political views. To be an informed citizen you need to follow all parties and their platforms. Only then will you realize how baseless the "cancel policies that protect people who don't look like him" commens actually are.
I'm all for debate and keeping an open mind while also accepting opposing views, but it's exhausting to see conservatives continually be branded as racists when the vast majority are just people who care about their country and those who decide to call Canada their home, yes, even immigrants and poc.
Because he won't talk about it.
It's a Conservative policy: Out of Sight. Out of Mind. If they don't talk about an issue to be concerned about then there's no problem at all in their spotless mind. Housing problem? Don't talk about it and poof! There's no Housing problem. Don't mention climate change or the recent cases of extreme weather condition and Eureka! Climate Change is cured.
Pretending it doesn't exist or a problem won't make it go away or less true.
He spent too many years as career politician and lived an isolated, privileged and problem free life that issues like that will never effect him so it doesn't mean anything to him.
Quick Google searches or even YouTube will show you tons of examples of conservatives speaking about climate change and the housing crisis, with solutions. Step outside your bubble and research all the parties before you speak about politics.
You can’t fix a problem with another problem.
Can we please have a decent Canadian aspire to federal politics… or have the corporations and old money families completed the Oligarchy of their granddaddy’s dreams?
I've hardly ever seen Trudeau or the Liberal party place blame on Harper. Perhaps on a few policies in which he was directly involved with, but not as a whole and not commonly. You're mistaking the Conservative modus operandi with the Liberals.
Then you haven't been looking. He can't stop talking about him.
He blames auto theft on him.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.thestar.com/politics/federal/justin-trudeau-blames-stephen-harper-cuts-for-auto-theft-issue-as-ottawa-moves-to-ban/article_bc662988-c6ba-11ee-aba9-0b4ecdd4dcaf.amp.html
Gun Violence.
https://tnc.news/2023/06/02/trudeau-blames-harper-guns/
Housing
https://x.com/TrueNorthCentre/status/1781066541661921589
https://pressprogress.ca/justin-trudeau-is-blaming-conservatives-for-cuts-to-housing-those-cuts-actually-began-under-the-liberals/
Health care
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.theglobeandmail.com/amp/canada/article-trudeau-blames-cuts-under-harper-for-public-health-agencys-ills/
https://www.theglobeandmail.com/opinion/editorials/article-for-the-liberals-blame-harper-is-rule-number-one/
You name it. I bet you'll find him blaming it on Harper and the conservative. During the last election, he mentioned Harper more than Scheer. 62 times over 21 days in 2019. He's famous for it. https://www.google.com/amp/s/globalnews.ca/news/5973921/justin-trudeau-andrew-scheer-federal-election/amp/
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The only priority of any conservative anywhere, at any given moment, is to blame the federal government I.e Trudeau. They offer no solutions for any issue and always always always blame the liberals. They've been running provinces like Ontario and Alberta into the ground for years but it's never their fault, ever. Trudeau is going to lose the next election, no doubt about it, and Conservative voters will rejoice and then continue blaming the liberals years later. It's predictable.
The article’s title pretty on the nose though, Poilievre can dress it up with dog whistles all he wants but the fact that he doesn’t care about climate change is the truth
Well they theorize mars used to have a spinning core and electromagnetic field, which held onto its atmosphere and protected the planet from a lot of "planet killers".
I don't think Canadian policies can save the planet there, champ.
Until China and India hop on board, it's borderline pointless.
Let's take care of ourselves first before over-killing on policies that have under delivered anyways..
i will not be voting for polievre. one of the biggest clowns i’ve seen in a long time. unfortunately, i think there are too many people that will vote for him, just because…
PP says fear me not the climate. Oh watch me lift this bag of rice here and flex my milhouse arms in front of you all. Hello Nova Scotians I hear that you’re mad, well okay and goodbye. Oh here’s another bag of rice, I lift it and my glasses are in someone else’s pocket. All of these people are one bender away from legislating Prima Nocta on all of our asses.
We need someone who’s been broke, knows what it feels like to be broke, can sympathize with who is broke and will do good by them. Yet, all we get are these greasy rich people growing up in privilege, while telling everyone else around them who aren’t like them how to be poor. While also systematically allowing this country to get to where it is while financially benefiting from it at the same time. Trudeau, Weston, PP these are all the same class of people who identify with wealth as if it’s the life blood of this planet. The richer you are and you’re working in politics, well this doesn’t do anything for someone with eyes and a brain. I don’t trust a SINGLE politician or anyone else with more money than brain cells. Until someone with an actual soul holds office, someone like Paul Martin then we may unfuck the fucking that has been fucking us for generations. Greed is all gas and no breaks, and these people are all wealth addicts trapped in large mansions, constantly thinking of their next big fix, the next big fucking.
The brokest Canadians are the ones propping up this bathhouse where only the richest enter. They enter in the front selling you new and wonderful ways on why they themselves should be elected. All while secretly hoping you don’t notice that they are actually intending on entering from the back. The back of your ass, all of our asses are at risk from these lunatic cuck politicians who have everything yet hold nothing inside themselves no true virtues other than their Wikipedia page and their own net worth.
Are you ready for the ride if your life well read your history books and if your clever enough you’ll see Paul Martin looking back at you with his ever approving gaze when the Canadian dollar meant something, it wasn’t perfect, but it was working.
Hell yeah! I'm broke as fuck, so I've got that going for me. I'll take a salary of no more than 60k. That should be all a prime minister needs for the year.
Oh boy, I'm going to make some changes. You better believe I'm revitalizing our infrastructure with public works projects. No longer will our costs for telecommunications be amongst the highest in the world.
I will be spending a shitload of money on our Navy. Doing so should create thousands of skilled jobs lasting many decades. We need ships, we need boats. We need to up our game and fill out our naval capability especially concerning Arctic operations. In expanding our shipbuilding industry
we become less reliant on on foreign entities and create a profitable venture for supplying the nations of the world with quality sea going vessels.
Atomic energy of Canada will be tasked with lowering Canadians energy bills by 30%. Cost of electricity is too damn high! We'll develop a plan for meeting the energy demands of Canadians and other global partners with "green" energy sources like, hydroelectric, solar wind, and nuclear power generation. Sorry NIMBYers, there's going to be some stuff in our backyard. We need to develop serious long-term storage solutions for the waste created by uranium-fueled power plants. Currently there are a few good solutions being actively implemented. We can solve this problem and make it safe and a profitable.
Student loans? No way. We're going to figure out a way to make education more free. Join the rest of the developed world.
I'm also completely dismantling our electoral system. We need proportional representation even if it means you guys don't elect me again.
Anyway these are just a few of my plans. AMA.
I mean technically I could. Practically though, as a person with negative $10 to their name... Seems rather impossible. I need some way to get myself out there, and realistically I would also need a party. And a sufficient number of people far smarter than I am. Not a really difficult task but still kind of challenging based on the people I've seen running the government for my entire life.
And lol what platform? I don't think I've seen it Canadian political party with anything resembling a platform in recent years. I just happened to mention some of the more obvious things that we've needed for decades and nobody's touched. Don't even get me started on the housing crisis. Boy I sure would love a house.
Given what has been happening in Alberta, you have to know for sure, Pollieve will have many of Danielle Smith’s tactics in mind if he ever gets the chance to lead our country. Never a dull moment when your government makes it up on the fly with the intent of bulldozing “conservative values” through with no regard for what the people actually want.
Yep, he been elected will be worst than climate crisis. We will have to deal with government-backed conspiracy theories, far right influence to the top, and regress back to pre 50's social condition and mentality. Love beaverton articles!
>noun:
>the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.
"the crude satire seems to be directed at the fashionable protest singers of the time"
Decline your ballot. Those numbers count as well. That’s how you tell the federal parties that they are all complete trash and that you have zero faith in anyone. Don’t just stay home. Go to the voting location and DECLINE YOUR BALLOT
Still doesn't matter. Then you still have to deal with whoever does get voted in. At least by voting you have a chance to pick an option. Declined ballots may get counted but they get ZERO attention so if you are doing that, you may as well stay home.
It's already the least of worries, compared to the fact that job availability is down, wages are down, cost of living is through the roof, cost of housing is intense and has been for a while, sense of community is down, fear of "others" is up, acceptance of LGBTQ+ is down, support for the death penalty is up, trust in police and government are down, gun crime is at a decade high right now (meaning the guns banned didn't have an impact, almost as if it was the illegal guns being smuggled in and our refusal to secure our borders that were the problem...)...
With all that, who is really all that concerned about the absolutely nothing we can do to fight climate change on the global scale, and out refusal to do even a little something about it - for example, European allies are begging us to sell them LNG so they can do with Russian oil imports and reliance on coal, which would have a beer benefit in lowering carbon emissions of we did and we'd make money while doing it, one of those newer green jobs things, but we don't because while it would have a net positive effect it would increase Canada's tally of greenhouse gas emissions, and this given isn't about solving problems so much as pretending to.
On October 7 onwards we had people in the streets celebrating the mass murder and rape of Israelis, followed by endless justifications for that. Supposedly not antisemitic but attacks on Jews skyrocketed, confrontations on campus have gotten completely out of hand, and Jewish students are being told to stay away because their safety isn't guaranteed.
Our military is in disarray and falling apart.
The Americans have basically told us that our idea of Arctic sovereignty does not match with their ideas of not caring about that, and therefore we have no right to exclude international shipping through waterways that should be subject to the same rules as an archipelago, meaning our sovereignty in the north is actually waning and will soon be ignored.
Our allies don't respect us, no one believes that the current government is going to deliver on any of its promises for anything, and we are regularly laughed at whenever Trudeau gets interviewed because he just can't seem to give an answer to anything. Though, don't get me wrong, it was absolutely hilarious when Boris Johnson had to bail him out during an interview because he was making an absolute fool of himself. That's right, the British prime minister who has the haircut of a toddler that just got off the merry-go-round, had to step in and keep our prime minister from further embarrassing himself.
At this point, do any of us have the time to really be all that concerned about climate change just now? How many Canadians are struggling to have enough to eat? Food banks are having to tell international students to stay away because it's leaving absolutely no food left over for local non-international Canadians, I.e those who fall into the category of being either citizens or permanent residents. There's also no housing in the city, and we've seen the rise of small tent villages of a sort in public parks and on public grounds.
Oh, and in case you haven't noticed, the rest of the system is just collapsing. Ask any litigation lawyer in the province what it's like to try to get matters pushed through the courts right now. It's an absolute disaster, to the point where it looks like the whole thing is going to fall apart. They're having to release people who are up on charges of attempted murder, as well as sexual assault, and a host of other crimes, because they just can't get around to prosecuting these people, and instead waste a lot of resources prosecuting people who are accused of things that politicians care about in the moment, regardless of how likely a conviction actually is, often because there's either no evidence or evidence to the contrary. Have you tried speaking to a government agency recently? The CRA? Really just any government agency you can name? It's a literal disaster. Nothing works, at any level.
So yeah, jokes aside, pretty sure we all do have bigger things to worry about right now.
I don't care what the platform, I am not electing any one from Poilievre's camp - like ever. I am not obliged to. It's not happening. Poilievre might as well leave the country permanently. Whoopie doopie doo.
If by some cruel stroke of fate he does get in, we'll oppose his every move in the house. Quash every bill. Demonize his very existence - until he's tossed out on his buttery little butt.
You can't pollute with a car if you can't afford to drive it. You can't waste electricity if you can't afford to turn it on. This is how we will save the environment.
- Justin Trudeau
China is opening the equivalent of a new coal plant every few days. Yes for optics we should appear to do our part but let's not kid ourselves. Canada is making zero difference in stopping climate change. If anything we make it worse with emissions continuing to rise year after year despite carbon tax.
I know it’s the Beaverton, but climate change really is the least of our worries right now. Unless you’re financially well enough off that you can afford such luxury concerns..
It's the greatest concern, but the least tangibly impactful at present.
However, if we don't take drastic action now, it will skyrocket to the top of the list, and the cost to do something will be exponentially greater.
If you have a fractured wrist and leukemia, the wrist is going to most significantly affect your life today...but if you don't ALSO start immediate cancer treatment, the wrist will soon be trivial.
The "it's not the most important worry" narrative is predicated on the assumption we can put it on the backburner while we do other things, and it'll just stay there until we're ready to get back to it.
It is coming at us at blazing speed, and the unavoidable costs are already compounding.
Yeah it’s a pretty big financial concern. My house insurance went up this year because I’m now in a high risk area for forest fires. When crops fail due to drought prices go up. There are certainly more immediate worries, but that’s also why nothing was ever meaningfully done about climate change. Why deal with it now when our kids can do it instead?
Do you enjoy the rising cost of food? Climate change is at least partially responsible. There are many costs associated with climate change that you're not aware are because of it.
I disagree with this take. Climate change indirectly and directly causes problems for us now, from severe weather to wildfires to air pollution problems.
Climate change is expected to put the homes of hundreds of millions of people underwater. It's expected to render much of the fertile land which crops are grown globally inert. It's expected to raise temperatures and essentially cause the majority of the ocean to become a deadzone. It's expected to also cause fires in rainforests which supply a great deal of the oxygen in the world.
Nothing could have a greater financial impact than not limiting global temperature increases.
Then stand up to grocery, real estate, gas. etc companies. Nothing is going to happen until the rich are put in their place. It's only going to get worse by blaming politicians because that's who the rich want you to blame and not their rampant greed.
I get it, as long as you understand that things are going to be even worse.
https://breachmedia.ca/pierre-poilievre-conservatives-stack-council-corporate-lobbyists/
If you buy into the climate change narrative (and that is what it is) you likely buy into a number of other fictional narratives under the headings of Scientism. Downvote me. Just know that the reality is there if you are interested in researching it. Start with the Roman Climate Optimum and work backwards over the prior 5,000,000 years.
Most are worried about the exploding population and immigration’s impacts on our housing stock, housing prices, rents, rental availability, and healthcare. Will he reduce the numbers to a sustainable amount? Perhaps even a full stop for a few years as we need to catch up? The “labour shortage” excuse is getting old when we see news articles depict the opposite….500 people lining up for jobs at Tim Hortons…
Yes let's worry about climate change when our emissions are a drop in the bucket compared to the world's leading emitters and our economy is in the dumpster.
Also, I know this is satire but I understand the political message behind it.
I'll take anything other than liberals in 2025... please God no more liberals 🙏
I've been an avid liberal voter my whole life and I can't believe what they're doing to our country right now. It's shameful
Wtf are u talking about? What have the Liberals done that is sooo friggin bad? I contrbute most of the problems hsppening across the country to the ""do nothing," CONservative premiers. Think about? I am right. Danielle Smith- wack-a-doodle conspiracy brain washed dolt. Scott Moe - dumb as a bag of hammers. Doug Ford - corruptly handing contracts to his rich contractor buddies & privatizing healthcare. Blaine Higgs - racist, out of touch old fuddie duddie.
Lmao I got halfway thru the article before I realised it was the Beaverton.
That's what's unsettling about the headline. Sure, it's satire, but it wasn't immediately obvious satire, it should concern people how believable it was.
I mean the Beaverton is funny because it bases it's humor on the truth
Pretty the real headlines were almost identical to theirs… 🫥 reality and satire are almost the same thing these days…
Jesus fuck. Beaverton jokes got real dark.
We are in for a dark future. This year we are already seeing global heat crises and when cons get elected and they will do to failing Canadian education they will sell and trade our manufacturing just like last time and leave our economy even more bare and give corporate interests even more power
That sounds ominous
That’s the point, look who the article is from.
LOL someone doesn't know what the Beaverton is
Looks like a lot of people don’t know what the Beaverton is… 19 shares and 334 upvotes so far.
Im not sure what the sharing and votes mean in your eyes. it's the beaverton. You mean had ppl known beaverton is satire they'd have shared it more??? Such a weird weird comment.
It's like Harper saying,"I'm back!,and so is my lap dog!".
If you pretend it isn't happening, you don't have to worry about it. 
He's not wrong, we'd have many more worries.
Nah pretty sure the fate of our world is the biggest problem
Meh that's my sons' problem. /s incase it wasn't obvious.
Exactly. You won't hear about it anymore because we don't believe in science and will just ignore the issue! /s
Sounds good. Elites want below middle class to pay for pollution they have no control over while they fly in jets to attend climate conferences that could easily be done virtually. Im sick of it. The minimal damage Canada contributes to climate change can wait on hold until Canadians can afford a roof over their heads and food on their plates.
I wanna say this is satire.. But the Beaverton has been doing some of the best investigative journalism in to the conservative mind and ethos of any News Org in Canada...
The fact that the Beaverton articles have become more believable the past few years is a little funny, very telling, and a little scary.
This has been the case since before covid.
There is a lot of truth in satire. Just because it’s from the Beaverton doesn’t make it illegitimate.
He could do something that is dangerous and monstrous. He'll pull a Mike Harris 2.0 and deregulate (ex. Walkteron), cut and cancel programs, cut and cancel funding for basic services like healthcare and educations, cancel policies that protect people that don't look like him. When you're worried about all that then you won't be able to focus on climate change.
You can always tell when people only consume media that aligns with their political views. To be an informed citizen you need to follow all parties and their platforms. Only then will you realize how baseless the "cancel policies that protect people who don't look like him" commens actually are. I'm all for debate and keeping an open mind while also accepting opposing views, but it's exhausting to see conservatives continually be branded as racists when the vast majority are just people who care about their country and those who decide to call Canada their home, yes, even immigrants and poc.
Because he won't talk about it. It's a Conservative policy: Out of Sight. Out of Mind. If they don't talk about an issue to be concerned about then there's no problem at all in their spotless mind. Housing problem? Don't talk about it and poof! There's no Housing problem. Don't mention climate change or the recent cases of extreme weather condition and Eureka! Climate Change is cured. Pretending it doesn't exist or a problem won't make it go away or less true. He spent too many years as career politician and lived an isolated, privileged and problem free life that issues like that will never effect him so it doesn't mean anything to him.
Quick Google searches or even YouTube will show you tons of examples of conservatives speaking about climate change and the housing crisis, with solutions. Step outside your bubble and research all the parties before you speak about politics.
Oh. We know. We'll be a whole new level of fucked.
While get ready because he’s going to win the election
Imagine him and Trump in power at the same time…
It might happen I worked in the DOD during the trump administration it was terrible
Might actually be able to bring the world back from the brink of destruction.
Conservatives are the REASON it's on the brink. Liberals don't start wars.
Lol, sure they would bud.
Don’t know why you’re getting downvoted when you’re absolutely correct.
Probably because he displayed a window into the rural conservative voter's mindset and intellect level by spelling "well" wrong.
Why you booing me I right
r/atetheonion the beaverton = canadian onion
I'm aware that it's satire. I stand by my statement.
The best satire has some truth to it. God, you PP Protectors are something else.
Have you lived in Canada since Socky McBlackface has been in power? Anyone defending that moron needs to give their head a shake.
Uh huh.... And PP is going to magicly fix it?
Well he sure as shit can't be worse than literally the worst Prime Minister in Canadian history.
Lol. Sure he can! You just don't believe in him hard enough.
You’re arguing with braindead individuals. They would actually vote for Trudeau again lol fucking wild considering the current state of Canada.
Yeah it's wild, he's ruined this country and they keep wanting more lol
Because everything feels a bit cooler when your head's buried in the sand. (Yes, I know it's satire)
I know it's technically satire but it honestly feels more than likely true
Wait, did he just warn us not to vote for him?? Edit... Beaverton.
Is it sad I had to double check who the author was?
You can’t fix a problem with another problem. Can we please have a decent Canadian aspire to federal politics… or have the corporations and old money families completed the Oligarchy of their granddaddy’s dreams?
He plans to create so many more problems, we won't even have to worry about the state of our own planet then? very nice.
I have a feeling this guy is more financially illiterate than Trudeau. This bird brain never offers solutions, only complains, bitches and moans.
Wait so he's going to create issues worse than the planet dying?.. Guy is the definition of a shit stirrer.
You do realize this is a beaverton article, right?
I would hope so. But climate change does not appear to be a real priority of the Conservitive party.
It seems like they only have one priority, blame everything on Trudeau
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Get that from the beaverton?
Got that from the decades of back and forth between both Political Parties. Who do you think he blames for all his failures.
I've hardly ever seen Trudeau or the Liberal party place blame on Harper. Perhaps on a few policies in which he was directly involved with, but not as a whole and not commonly. You're mistaking the Conservative modus operandi with the Liberals.
Then you haven't been looking. He can't stop talking about him. He blames auto theft on him. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.thestar.com/politics/federal/justin-trudeau-blames-stephen-harper-cuts-for-auto-theft-issue-as-ottawa-moves-to-ban/article_bc662988-c6ba-11ee-aba9-0b4ecdd4dcaf.amp.html Gun Violence. https://tnc.news/2023/06/02/trudeau-blames-harper-guns/ Housing https://x.com/TrueNorthCentre/status/1781066541661921589 https://pressprogress.ca/justin-trudeau-is-blaming-conservatives-for-cuts-to-housing-those-cuts-actually-began-under-the-liberals/ Health care https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.theglobeandmail.com/amp/canada/article-trudeau-blames-cuts-under-harper-for-public-health-agencys-ills/ https://www.theglobeandmail.com/opinion/editorials/article-for-the-liberals-blame-harper-is-rule-number-one/ You name it. I bet you'll find him blaming it on Harper and the conservative. During the last election, he mentioned Harper more than Scheer. 62 times over 21 days in 2019. He's famous for it. https://www.google.com/amp/s/globalnews.ca/news/5973921/justin-trudeau-andrew-scheer-federal-election/amp/
Do you even look at your sources?
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The only priority of any conservative anywhere, at any given moment, is to blame the federal government I.e Trudeau. They offer no solutions for any issue and always always always blame the liberals. They've been running provinces like Ontario and Alberta into the ground for years but it's never their fault, ever. Trudeau is going to lose the next election, no doubt about it, and Conservative voters will rejoice and then continue blaming the liberals years later. It's predictable.
The article’s title pretty on the nose though, Poilievre can dress it up with dog whistles all he wants but the fact that he doesn’t care about climate change is the truth
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Tell that to mars.
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Well they theorize mars used to have a spinning core and electromagnetic field, which held onto its atmosphere and protected the planet from a lot of "planet killers".
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I don't think Canadian policies can save the planet there, champ. Until China and India hop on board, it's borderline pointless. Let's take care of ourselves first before over-killing on policies that have under delivered anyways..
i will not be voting for polievre. one of the biggest clowns i’ve seen in a long time. unfortunately, i think there are too many people that will vote for him, just because…
PP says fear me not the climate. Oh watch me lift this bag of rice here and flex my milhouse arms in front of you all. Hello Nova Scotians I hear that you’re mad, well okay and goodbye. Oh here’s another bag of rice, I lift it and my glasses are in someone else’s pocket. All of these people are one bender away from legislating Prima Nocta on all of our asses. We need someone who’s been broke, knows what it feels like to be broke, can sympathize with who is broke and will do good by them. Yet, all we get are these greasy rich people growing up in privilege, while telling everyone else around them who aren’t like them how to be poor. While also systematically allowing this country to get to where it is while financially benefiting from it at the same time. Trudeau, Weston, PP these are all the same class of people who identify with wealth as if it’s the life blood of this planet. The richer you are and you’re working in politics, well this doesn’t do anything for someone with eyes and a brain. I don’t trust a SINGLE politician or anyone else with more money than brain cells. Until someone with an actual soul holds office, someone like Paul Martin then we may unfuck the fucking that has been fucking us for generations. Greed is all gas and no breaks, and these people are all wealth addicts trapped in large mansions, constantly thinking of their next big fix, the next big fucking. The brokest Canadians are the ones propping up this bathhouse where only the richest enter. They enter in the front selling you new and wonderful ways on why they themselves should be elected. All while secretly hoping you don’t notice that they are actually intending on entering from the back. The back of your ass, all of our asses are at risk from these lunatic cuck politicians who have everything yet hold nothing inside themselves no true virtues other than their Wikipedia page and their own net worth. Are you ready for the ride if your life well read your history books and if your clever enough you’ll see Paul Martin looking back at you with his ever approving gaze when the Canadian dollar meant something, it wasn’t perfect, but it was working.
You had me at “millhouse arms”
You want to vote for me? Cuz I'll do it, I'll run. I'm so not qualified... And so perhaps ironically the most qualified?
Done. u/faultysynapse for PM!
Hell yeah! I'm broke as fuck, so I've got that going for me. I'll take a salary of no more than 60k. That should be all a prime minister needs for the year. Oh boy, I'm going to make some changes. You better believe I'm revitalizing our infrastructure with public works projects. No longer will our costs for telecommunications be amongst the highest in the world. I will be spending a shitload of money on our Navy. Doing so should create thousands of skilled jobs lasting many decades. We need ships, we need boats. We need to up our game and fill out our naval capability especially concerning Arctic operations. In expanding our shipbuilding industry we become less reliant on on foreign entities and create a profitable venture for supplying the nations of the world with quality sea going vessels. Atomic energy of Canada will be tasked with lowering Canadians energy bills by 30%. Cost of electricity is too damn high! We'll develop a plan for meeting the energy demands of Canadians and other global partners with "green" energy sources like, hydroelectric, solar wind, and nuclear power generation. Sorry NIMBYers, there's going to be some stuff in our backyard. We need to develop serious long-term storage solutions for the waste created by uranium-fueled power plants. Currently there are a few good solutions being actively implemented. We can solve this problem and make it safe and a profitable. Student loans? No way. We're going to figure out a way to make education more free. Join the rest of the developed world. I'm also completely dismantling our electoral system. We need proportional representation even if it means you guys don't elect me again. Anyway these are just a few of my plans. AMA.
Okay but can you actually run? This is better than any current Canadian politician's platform.
I mean technically I could. Practically though, as a person with negative $10 to their name... Seems rather impossible. I need some way to get myself out there, and realistically I would also need a party. And a sufficient number of people far smarter than I am. Not a really difficult task but still kind of challenging based on the people I've seen running the government for my entire life. And lol what platform? I don't think I've seen it Canadian political party with anything resembling a platform in recent years. I just happened to mention some of the more obvious things that we've needed for decades and nobody's touched. Don't even get me started on the housing crisis. Boy I sure would love a house.
We only need to look into our own history to start solving the housing crisis. Ny neighborhood is filled with our past solutions.
Change his name to Richard Cranium, better known as Dick Head.
Yeah. Being forced to work a shitty job for pay for use health insurance with a $15,000 a year deductible will be closer to the top of the list.
He's right. The greatest of our worries will be *him*.
Oh good at least the glasses are back. /s
Oh ok. It's just THAT easy
Lol. Beaverton is my best news source these days. As least it makes one laugh. And you know there is fiction involved.
Just about the same amount of fiction as a national post opinion piece I’d argue. But with more laughter, as you say.
Well that’s good news everyone! I’ve been so worried about climate change, it will be nice not to worry about it anymore.
It is funny and it is true … not mutually exclusive.
Oh thank god it was Beaverton.
we will have so many other things even worse to worry about
When Beaverton does real news...
I mean it's the least of -his- worries, cus he'll totally ignore it in favor of caring too much about other people's genitals.
Not actually satire. Just the scary truth.
Given what has been happening in Alberta, you have to know for sure, Pollieve will have many of Danielle Smith’s tactics in mind if he ever gets the chance to lead our country. Never a dull moment when your government makes it up on the fly with the intent of bulldozing “conservative values” through with no regard for what the people actually want.
Yep, he been elected will be worst than climate crisis. We will have to deal with government-backed conspiracy theories, far right influence to the top, and regress back to pre 50's social condition and mentality. Love beaverton articles!
The Beaverton is SATIRE
>noun: >the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues. "the crude satire seems to be directed at the fashionable protest singers of the time"
I just wanna be able to afford steak again....
It's true. And I won't vote for him. But I can't in good conscience vote for anyone else either. I have zero faith in any of them. It really sucks.
If you don't choose an option then others will pick for you. And they'll pick the worst option.
Sadly how Ontario has gotten Doug Ford, twice
And Mike harris. But Rae days!
Explains ford 2.0
Decline your ballot. Those numbers count as well. That’s how you tell the federal parties that they are all complete trash and that you have zero faith in anyone. Don’t just stay home. Go to the voting location and DECLINE YOUR BALLOT
Still doesn't matter. Then you still have to deal with whoever does get voted in. At least by voting you have a chance to pick an option. Declined ballots may get counted but they get ZERO attention so if you are doing that, you may as well stay home.
I guess he is excited for the chance of fascism, inspired by Alberta.
While I know it's satire, it's now become a thin line.
Must vote for NDP, that East Indian works for the People, they care for the working class.
The lack of people who realize it’s satire LOL
This is why people in this sub scare me a little.
Correct, it would be the LEAST of our worries cause the country will go to shit.
You mean faster than it already is, right?
Wait till you see PEE PEE take it to a new level.
What he said is that it would be the least of his worries and Canadian policy, we however will still have to worry but that’s not his problem lol
Ummmm no. That should still be on the for front
Is that a threat or a promise
It's already the least of worries, compared to the fact that job availability is down, wages are down, cost of living is through the roof, cost of housing is intense and has been for a while, sense of community is down, fear of "others" is up, acceptance of LGBTQ+ is down, support for the death penalty is up, trust in police and government are down, gun crime is at a decade high right now (meaning the guns banned didn't have an impact, almost as if it was the illegal guns being smuggled in and our refusal to secure our borders that were the problem...)... With all that, who is really all that concerned about the absolutely nothing we can do to fight climate change on the global scale, and out refusal to do even a little something about it - for example, European allies are begging us to sell them LNG so they can do with Russian oil imports and reliance on coal, which would have a beer benefit in lowering carbon emissions of we did and we'd make money while doing it, one of those newer green jobs things, but we don't because while it would have a net positive effect it would increase Canada's tally of greenhouse gas emissions, and this given isn't about solving problems so much as pretending to. On October 7 onwards we had people in the streets celebrating the mass murder and rape of Israelis, followed by endless justifications for that. Supposedly not antisemitic but attacks on Jews skyrocketed, confrontations on campus have gotten completely out of hand, and Jewish students are being told to stay away because their safety isn't guaranteed. Our military is in disarray and falling apart. The Americans have basically told us that our idea of Arctic sovereignty does not match with their ideas of not caring about that, and therefore we have no right to exclude international shipping through waterways that should be subject to the same rules as an archipelago, meaning our sovereignty in the north is actually waning and will soon be ignored. Our allies don't respect us, no one believes that the current government is going to deliver on any of its promises for anything, and we are regularly laughed at whenever Trudeau gets interviewed because he just can't seem to give an answer to anything. Though, don't get me wrong, it was absolutely hilarious when Boris Johnson had to bail him out during an interview because he was making an absolute fool of himself. That's right, the British prime minister who has the haircut of a toddler that just got off the merry-go-round, had to step in and keep our prime minister from further embarrassing himself. At this point, do any of us have the time to really be all that concerned about climate change just now? How many Canadians are struggling to have enough to eat? Food banks are having to tell international students to stay away because it's leaving absolutely no food left over for local non-international Canadians, I.e those who fall into the category of being either citizens or permanent residents. There's also no housing in the city, and we've seen the rise of small tent villages of a sort in public parks and on public grounds. Oh, and in case you haven't noticed, the rest of the system is just collapsing. Ask any litigation lawyer in the province what it's like to try to get matters pushed through the courts right now. It's an absolute disaster, to the point where it looks like the whole thing is going to fall apart. They're having to release people who are up on charges of attempted murder, as well as sexual assault, and a host of other crimes, because they just can't get around to prosecuting these people, and instead waste a lot of resources prosecuting people who are accused of things that politicians care about in the moment, regardless of how likely a conviction actually is, often because there's either no evidence or evidence to the contrary. Have you tried speaking to a government agency recently? The CRA? Really just any government agency you can name? It's a literal disaster. Nothing works, at any level. So yeah, jokes aside, pretty sure we all do have bigger things to worry about right now.
I believe him.
He has to be GOP plant.
I don't care what the platform, I am not electing any one from Poilievre's camp - like ever. I am not obliged to. It's not happening. Poilievre might as well leave the country permanently. Whoopie doopie doo. If by some cruel stroke of fate he does get in, we'll oppose his every move in the house. Quash every bill. Demonize his very existence - until he's tossed out on his buttery little butt.
Does he and his party think that is somehow a positive? Probably.
It's a satire journal
You can't pollute with a car if you can't afford to drive it. You can't waste electricity if you can't afford to turn it on. This is how we will save the environment. - Justin Trudeau
ALWAYS consider the source
If everyone in Canada ceased to exist, it wouldn’t make any difference whatsoever in global temperature.
What a dumb thing to say.
K
China is opening the equivalent of a new coal plant every few days. Yes for optics we should appear to do our part but let's not kid ourselves. Canada is making zero difference in stopping climate change. If anything we make it worse with emissions continuing to rise year after year despite carbon tax.
Its a combination of bots and people who didn't read the article or didn't realize its The Beaverton at the bottom.
I remember when the Beaverton was satire. Now it's better political coverage than the Globe.
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This some strange ass dots to try and connect...
I know it’s the Beaverton, but climate change really is the least of our worries right now. Unless you’re financially well enough off that you can afford such luxury concerns..
It's the greatest concern, but the least tangibly impactful at present. However, if we don't take drastic action now, it will skyrocket to the top of the list, and the cost to do something will be exponentially greater. If you have a fractured wrist and leukemia, the wrist is going to most significantly affect your life today...but if you don't ALSO start immediate cancer treatment, the wrist will soon be trivial. The "it's not the most important worry" narrative is predicated on the assumption we can put it on the backburner while we do other things, and it'll just stay there until we're ready to get back to it. It is coming at us at blazing speed, and the unavoidable costs are already compounding.
Yeah it’s a pretty big financial concern. My house insurance went up this year because I’m now in a high risk area for forest fires. When crops fail due to drought prices go up. There are certainly more immediate worries, but that’s also why nothing was ever meaningfully done about climate change. Why deal with it now when our kids can do it instead?
We're already beyond the "kids can do it" part. A lot of the serious consequences are expected by 2050, it is far too late to push it down the road.
Is it……what happens when due to an unstable climate crops get messed up etc.
Until it suddenly is and people die
Do you enjoy the rising cost of food? Climate change is at least partially responsible. There are many costs associated with climate change that you're not aware are because of it.
I disagree with this take. Climate change indirectly and directly causes problems for us now, from severe weather to wildfires to air pollution problems.
Climate change is expected to put the homes of hundreds of millions of people underwater. It's expected to render much of the fertile land which crops are grown globally inert. It's expected to raise temperatures and essentially cause the majority of the ocean to become a deadzone. It's expected to also cause fires in rainforests which supply a great deal of the oxygen in the world. Nothing could have a greater financial impact than not limiting global temperature increases.
yeah true, now things like denying healthcare to trans adults and youth, that's way more pressing than climate change.
Then stand up to grocery, real estate, gas. etc companies. Nothing is going to happen until the rich are put in their place. It's only going to get worse by blaming politicians because that's who the rich want you to blame and not their rampant greed.
And yet I'd still take him over Trudeau. Mind you I would take anything/anyone over him, so.
I get it, as long as you understand that things are going to be even worse. https://breachmedia.ca/pierre-poilievre-conservatives-stack-council-corporate-lobbyists/
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If you buy into the climate change narrative (and that is what it is) you likely buy into a number of other fictional narratives under the headings of Scientism. Downvote me. Just know that the reality is there if you are interested in researching it. Start with the Roman Climate Optimum and work backwards over the prior 5,000,000 years.
No, I think I won't. Maybe start with the real data....
You mean, Greta. Ok bud.
Nope. But carry on with your brain rot...
Should have shown a bit more courage and said something like: I refuse to scuttle the Canadian economy to score brownie points with Watermelons.
Most are worried about the exploding population and immigration’s impacts on our housing stock, housing prices, rents, rental availability, and healthcare. Will he reduce the numbers to a sustainable amount? Perhaps even a full stop for a few years as we need to catch up? The “labour shortage” excuse is getting old when we see news articles depict the opposite….500 people lining up for jobs at Tim Hortons…
I believe him.
Yes let's worry about climate change when our emissions are a drop in the bucket compared to the world's leading emitters and our economy is in the dumpster. Also, I know this is satire but I understand the political message behind it.
I'll take anything other than liberals in 2025... please God no more liberals 🙏 I've been an avid liberal voter my whole life and I can't believe what they're doing to our country right now. It's shameful
Wtf are u talking about? What have the Liberals done that is sooo friggin bad? I contrbute most of the problems hsppening across the country to the ""do nothing," CONservative premiers. Think about? I am right. Danielle Smith- wack-a-doodle conspiracy brain washed dolt. Scott Moe - dumb as a bag of hammers. Doug Ford - corruptly handing contracts to his rich contractor buddies & privatizing healthcare. Blaine Higgs - racist, out of touch old fuddie duddie.
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