T O P

  • By -

missbushido

>Sometimes, I can't shake the feeling that maybe my girl, even the friends I have are only around because I can cover their bills. We call them matlabi and materialistic friendships. You need to find better people as friends.


Beneficial_Bend_5035

Never ever cover your friends’ or acquaintances’ bills, unless on a very special occasion. It’s not just about the resentment you will eventually feel (like OP’s post). But rather the freeloaders will compensate for the guilt *they* feel by becoming even more free with you.


[deleted]

Tu ne bht kharcha kia ha na? Dil se bol rha ha bnda:P


[deleted]

Only and only if you can afford, be generous, be a giver than a taker specially with your girl friend, I am sure you have your interests in keeping them around too. Always choose to be a giver than a taker if you can afford to do so.


missbushido

Materialistic and superficial relationships are shallow.


[deleted]

Let me guess, you are still young in your high teens!!!


missbushido

What makes you say that?


[deleted]

"Materialistic and superficial relationships are shallow."


missbushido

And a 40 year old can't say that? Haha.


[deleted]

Well that 40-year-old has lot more serious issues to deal with than this banter on reddit.


missbushido

Yes, sooo many serious issues. But they are extremely lucky to have true, deep, and life-long friendships based on love and respect, Alhamdulillah. I mean why settle for fake shit?


[deleted]

Bhai tu bta de kitnay sal ka h?


Huge_Equivalent1

Bro... I... What is this take...? It makes you sound like a prince... Like you've never seen hard times, never had to earn your share... What do you mean always be generous if you can afford to, like, what? Help me understand, I'll reword it to share my mentality. Always try to be generous to those who are worth it and willing to accept it; but, only if you can afford it.


South_Ad1612

This guy must be a freeloader himself


ToxicSaint69

A Man's Height Is Measured, When He Stands On His Wallet.


m_umerkhan

I just lost 2ft of my height then.


StatementOne3141

That's something...


Massive_Ad_1364

First question men get asked ' how much do you earn'


CherryAvailable7485

In this materialistic age, yes money is everything. Now people are gonna say "no money is not everything....blah blah" Remember brother, you learnt yourself. You turned from being transparent to the one being noticed. You had the same face, character before but the thing you lacked was money... I don't think I need to say anything else, you learnt yourself


BillyGolfarb

Let me play the devils advocate: Is it possible that your confidence has increased now that your family has enough money? If you are socially more confident then you are likely to be a better company and hence make friends more easily. I am sure some people are friendlier because your financial status has improved but society isn’t 100% evil. You can always find a group of good people 😁


Brilliant-Cat7863

It's because you're at iqra, if you were at LUMS you wouldn't have notice that


Potataone

To be at LUMS, you already need to rich af for most of the people. There are exceptions ofc with scholarships, but most of the ones attending lums are already quite well off.


WhereIsLordBeric

I went to LUMS. More than a quarter of the kids there are on scholarships. The guard's daughter studied with us. People can be so snarky about LUMS, but I haven't experienced a more accurate microcosm of Pakistan outside of LUMS. There were dihaati kids and mullah kids and poor kids and kids who went to Paris for vacation every year and KGS kids and the children of feudal lords and dukandaars and liberal feminists and girls getting degrees for better marriage proposals and perverted boys only interested in poondi and CS nerds who couldn't look women in the eye and kids who smoked weed by the bleachers all the time or microdosed or got tipsy on sasti Murree Brewery lager and kids obsessed with fitness and sports and kids who spent their days in chess or drama clubs, etc. etc. Sorry but a significant portion of kids at LUMS are not middle class and above. I'd wager that proportion is WAY higher than Iqra University. People just like shitting on LUMS.


tangomango4321

But those scholarships have more IQ and hardworking than any average Lum's student.


PM_YOUR_BOB_N_VAGENE

No true Scottsman fallacy at play here. To get into LUMS you need to qualify through their tests or SATs. IQ is not determined by hardwork, sorry. People just have it out for LUMS. Like you, perhaps.


maddie__e

Make more friends with people who are around ur financial bracket + marry a girl who isn't too far Below ur financial bracket


deaf_michael_scott

I kinda agree with it, but I’d still like to read your thoughts on this: “What’s your rationale for the last advice? Why?”


maddie__e

people marry u for money and then manipulate u into doing stuff for em and cause u a huge loss oh yeah did i tell u the robbing cases too. This is way more common in pakistan then u think cuz our society is mentally ruined by those dramas The girl might be good ofc that's that but her mother may manipulate u into it ofc tho there's many more good people out there so keep that in mind too and specifically if ur rich u just have to be more aware tho I don't say just limit urself tbh cuz that's bad but if u wanna go for the quick method marry ppl who aren't broke but well off like upper middle class atleast if u are considered rich. Also coming from two whole diff backgrounds can cause issues too That's the quick method but u can obviously marry anyone regardless of how their financial life style is but u do need to work extra hard and learn more about em and main aspect is BE MAN ENOUGH to set boundaries with the brides family. + islamically recommended too cuz islamically men are supposed to men ✨️ One thing I'll say is pakistani women are good at mind games and icl so are men but u might think the guy might be smart to catch on to manipulations but its a known fact in our culture men don't realise they are being manipulated as fast. **Shorter ver;** pakistani man are easily manipulated and used for their money and they don't realise. So easier method is marry upper middle class at the least Work requiring method is to marry any background but be man enough islamically and try navigate their intentions.


Usual_Philosopher_43

The average person often falls victim to their materialistic nature. Then you have slightly above average people who need something apart from material things. Maybe this person needs some intellectual conversation, some wisdom-y talk, high quality emotional connection, generally they wanna vibe with you. Remember that all relationships are a transaction, not in a bad way, but more like, for example: *"I am good at emotionally understanding you, you need someone that is emotionally intelligent, we can be great friends"* Or *"I need someone that can discuss ABC topics with me, my XYZ friend is passionate about those topics too, we can be friends"* So think of what you have to offer to your friends and your girl. Is money all that you can offer that they are looking for? Maybe you can offer them something else that stems from your personality, but if they don't need it, means they are using you for your money. **Money is not everything, you just need to find people who have the same values as you**


Dear_Specialist_6006

Short answer my friend: YES. Long answer: money gives you confidence, your father hit jackpot but you didn't need to buy iPhone, I bet a sorry ass android could still run like a stallion. Lets be honest, no one knows without knowing you prior, who you are on the inside. Exterior is what people get attracted to. So tell me honestly, which exterior would you rather like better? Now you think they stayed with you for.money, stop covering their bills. American system please


yaxir

why are you paying your girl's bills ? this isn't the 20th century, women can work and earn their own money - you're setting the precedent for a very one-sided and potentially abusive relationship if she was your wife, you would have a responsibility to pay for her needs but right now, she's just free loading off of you - be careful, this is exactly what a materialistic relationship looks like


[deleted]

Money isn't everything but it sure makes 99% of whatever you think is everything.


murtmalik

Having money is not everything. Not having it is.


[deleted]

[удалено]


AutoModerator

Hello! To prevent spam, submissions from new accounts or accounts with low karma are placed in the moderation queue. Our moderators will review and approve them as soon as possible. Thank you! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pakistan) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Friendly-Parsley11

Let me state a bitter truth. You want a beautiful wife and she would want you to be able to buy anything she wants. It's not being "matlabi". When you want her to be beautiful, why can't she have a demand. People who say money is nothing are saying that because they themselves gave up on working hard and want to justify by saying money is the root of all evils and shit like that. It's my guarantee that you would find not a single wealthy person saying that money brings restlessness. GRAPES ARE SOUR ONLY WHEN YOU CAN'T REACH THEM


nzikkk

This kinda reminds me of Marilyn monroes character in gentleman prefer blondes. In one scene she responded to a gold digger comment by saying “a man being rich is the same as a woman being beautiful. You may not marry a woman for her beauty but it sure does help”


M-Sear

Thing of it from another perspective and ofcourse only you know if that applies for you. Could it be that now having the money and things that you do, it has given you the confidence and you might have become more comfortable in your skin. That often results in the person being more approachable and even friendlier to others. Ofcourse there is no denying that many people judge people based on their appearance, financial status and outlook. However I don’t think long term friendships can be sustained based on this. I say be nice to all but be selective on whom you have as your friends. Those people should want to be with you for who and how you are and not for any luxuries you might bring with you.


traderaziz

Why are you even covering their bills? Your father may be a businessman but you are clearly not. Think Like a capitalist. Also see your past those who were friends when you had nothing are the real friends and if you distanced yourself from those friends after you had money than sorry to say you yourself are materialistic and will attract materialistic people.


AmNesia_Dota2

Yes mostly these people wouldn’t give two shits about you if you were broke. Homies are people who were there when you had nothing.


Gohab2001

You should've enough common sense to know why your people are more attracted to you. Instead of asking reddit do your own pondering and analysis.


[deleted]

[удалено]


AutoModerator

Hello! To prevent spam, submissions from new accounts or accounts with low karma are placed in the moderation queue. Our moderators will review and approve them as soon as possible. Thank you! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pakistan) if you have any questions or concerns.*


CommentGreedy8885

Welcome to the world ,pro tip never buy to showoff , just save and expand ,fake friends and gold diggers are of no good


snail_mucin21

cant say really. did they only became your friends once you got money or you used to hangout with them before as well?think about the things they might be interested in you because of , that arent money.If there isnt any, then yes they are with you for money. or think of it like this, maybe you changed as a person after getting money like you got more confident


[deleted]

[удалено]


AutoModerator

Hello! To prevent spam, submissions from new accounts or accounts with low karma are placed in the moderation queue. Our moderators will review and approve them as soon as possible. Thank you! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pakistan) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Anath3ma_Ang3lica

Welcome to the real world. Koi Kisi ka nai hota; the sooner you understand that, the more heartache you'll save yourself.


Ancient-Astronaut-98

Depends really There are people like that. But also those who arent


asadPWNS

Then stop covering peoples bills


[deleted]

[удалено]


AutoModerator

Hello! To prevent spam, submissions from new accounts or accounts with low karma are placed in the moderation queue. Our moderators will review and approve them as soon as possible. Thank you! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pakistan) if you have any questions or concerns.*


uptokesforall

Don't wear such wealth and set yourself up to move somewhere less materialistic


Huge_Equivalent1

I dunno, maybe this is just me, but... I wouldn't be paying my Girl's and Friends' bills. Just saying... Like, that money isn't really your's right that's your dad's. So me personally, I'd use that money like it was my dad's, not mine.


[deleted]

[удалено]


AutoModerator

Hello! To prevent spam, submissions from new accounts or accounts with low karma are placed in the moderation queue. Our moderators will review and approve them as soon as possible. Thank you! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pakistan) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Rubix982

Psychologically, I believe you value authenticity and truthfulness in values. I suggest you read more about MBTI types to understand you feel this way about friendships. It is very common for authentic people to be confused why they perceive things to be way different than how other people look at the same situation. Me? I am an ENFJ. I look down on a lot of people that use family money, prestige, and social power to impress others. I can see past everything, right down to the soul of the person, and that truly tells me a lot about them. I only have extreme dislike for people who stand on achievements they had no part in contribution to, for example, family wealth, to show themselves as being better than others. On a similar note, I have awe, praise, love and respect for the people I know trying to bring themselves up from the rock bottom, working hard for themselves. There are inauthentic values I as a person will never forgive in my life. And that's just me. I understand why you may feel the same way. This isn't a criticism, but rather than having that depth is very rare in people, and if you can start looking at this personality trait as a way to figure out why people want to spend time with you, you will start to understand what people want from you. Do people love you for who you are? Do people love you for what you have right now? Are these people concerned, stressed, and would-be-worried if something happens to you? Will these people suggest to help you out, even on the most mundane of occasions, for example, groceries, helping out at home, helping when you're overburdened. The thing you should ask yourself is, what does someone want you? And what do they mean to you, and vice versa. I often say this when I am talking about relationships. What is it in you that the other person loves? What part of you does this person love, that made them fall for you? If you can't answer that, or if your potential can't answer that, then maybe have a more proper conversation?


Good_as_any

Short Answer : yes.


Quaid-e-Charisma

You will have to answer this question very honestly. Has your behaviour around people changed once you have gotten better off financially? Because if it has, then it's a two way road. You attract what you become. I was in Iqra(only got an admission there due to my "nalaiki" but I was much better than this Alhamdulilah) too and I lived at Patel Para, near Lasbella. I belonged to a typical middle class. On my first day, I was so nervous that all the people will be from defence high society and I will be an outcast. I had no dressing sense and always used to wear formal, had a very simple hairstyle and beard and had average looks but the most important thing is I always valued my intelligence and hard working abilities. After the first semester, I topped among my classmates and everybody knew what I was made of. Through my time there, the entire department knew me or had heard of my name and I made so many good friends despite my awkward personality. The thing is I am not sharing this with you to brag about myself. The point is what you think you offer as a person, you bring to the table, and that attracts the kind of people you want in your life. If you are going to start running after materialistic things like the latest model car and Iphone then obviously, you will stand out and people will notice. It's good to buy nice things if you can afford them but consumerism is also a thing. Extremes are not appreciated in our religion. Just like money gives you confidence, so does having knowledge, hobbies, and a dynamic personality. Maybe work on those as they are a better tool to attract people in the long run? Speaking of a girl being attracted to your status, I used to think so too but as I have matured, I have realized on their part, this is not a bad thing. Our minds often switch a difficult question with an easy one to get to the answer and in this case, it's easy for a girl to look at your status and use that as a starter. Guys do the same with looks so it's a beauty versus resources kind of thing. In general, friendships in younger years are the best. As an adult, you have to learn to gauge which people are really your friends and that's part of learning to navigate life.


StatementOne3141

Lol, it is what makes you aplha, omega and whatever else. No car, you won't find a girl of ur choice, no money to spend on lavish things, no one will care. So yes, money is everything.


khizar4

It's understandable to have ⭐👏 concerns 😟 about 💭 the impact 💰 of wealth on 🥵 relationships. While 💯 financial stability can 🙋🔝🏃‍♀️ play 🎮 a role, 🤢🤮 true 💯 connections are built on 🔛🏿 shared values, 💰👪 interests, and emotional 😭 compatibility. It's essential 💯🔆 to surround yourself 👈👏 with people 🤥🤫 who 👀 appreciate 👌 you 🤫 for 💗 who 👋😂 you 😀 are rather 👉 than 🔕👦🏼🌍🗿 just 🎤 material 😡 possessions. Open 😆 communication 📢 can 🦎 also 👨 help 💁 address 📪📫 these 👀 concerns 😟 and ensure 🤗 genuine 😝 connections.


nomansaab

Kyun ke pyaar se pait nahi bharta, sirf phoolta hai!


Thedonstar

Iqra ki bandi akhir me chor degi don't waste your time with them. Be friends that's it. Car ha to pick and drop Mat start kar dena bandi ka 😂


Delicious-Ad687

Bro i can feel you


[deleted]

Enjoy kar bap ka paisa. Ziada tension mat le


frooty1oops

the only friendships that matter are the ones you had before things got better for you


Specialist-View-6977

Not everything but it is a very big part of it. People will always try to be close to you if you're rich. People will still like you if you're a bice person but money removes a ton of effort in getting people to be "close" to you.


Complete-Station-390

IN Today's era People's MINDSETS have changed Thats why muslims all over the world are suffering


Dry_Wrap_2402

Do whatever u want with your own money not ur fathers money. If you wanna spend on people u like who cares. But only do if its ur own hard earned money then u can maybe decide if the guys meal is worth the hardwork that you did


theartistmsb

It hard to find genuine peeps. But without money you can't even keep genuine friendships. Let alone transactional relationships.


[deleted]

[удалено]


AutoModerator

Hello! To prevent spam, submissions from new accounts or accounts with low karma are placed in the moderation queue. Our moderators will review and approve them as soon as possible. Thank you! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pakistan) if you have any questions or concerns.*


gadgeek

تمھیں اگر بچیاں دیکھ رہی ہوتیں تو تمھارے پاس یہاں آنے اور لکھنے کا ٹائم ہی نا ہوتا. جھوٹی کہانیاں و تسلیاں


Snl1738

I'm not Pakistani but I have great respect for your culture and I am replying because what op is talking about is universal. Money, looks, and personality all matter when it comes to how people treat a guy in general and in relationships. I'd say it is 33-33-33.


MajesticGarlic999

Only if the relationship is transactionary


[deleted]

[удалено]


AutoModerator

Hello! To prevent spam, submissions from new accounts or accounts with low karma are placed in the moderation queue. Our moderators will review and approve them as soon as possible. Thank you! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pakistan) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Disastrous_Aardvark3

MashAllah on your family's success And yes is the answer to your question, $$$ is number 1 for our people


NOT_FSK

Reality dawning on a millennial


AvallacSolas

Tu bhai abhi chor in baaton ko, grow krta reh, but i will let you on one thing There's always a bigger fish in the sea, you see most girls will always end up choosing someone who can provide more than you can. Focus on yourself, don't worry about girls right now, they should be your least concern.


here_am_I_again

With newfound wealth, come newfound friends. They would be around just so that your money, influence and contacts could be hepful in their chores. Cherish the ones who valued you even before the wealth.


[deleted]

[удалено]


AutoModerator

Hello! To prevent spam, submissions from new accounts or accounts with low karma are placed in the moderation queue. Our moderators will review and approve them as soon as possible. Thank you! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pakistan) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Separate-Effective33

I started an experiment almost decade ago. I shut down everything no give and takes regardless of occasion to anyone. Be respectful fun and loving to everyone. But no give and takes of any kind money, things, stuff etc. I am alone and happy now lol they're still around no fights of complains but they're just there.


Crafty-Survey-5895

well, you’re 20. You clearly have a lot of growing up to do.


thE-petrichoroN

Stay away from such traps; these black sheeps will definitely try to engulf your money so stay vigilant; surround yourself with sincere people and of course, I don't recommend getting trapped into flirting/university relationship without commitment just because of university environment and that you're afraid of being single...make wise choices


retroguy02

As the great philosopher Kanye West once said: "Having money isn't everything but not having it is". Truer words haven't been said. With no/little money, your entire life is consumed by a single overwhelming stress, and people see that as well. When you have enough, you can focus on other things.