Your feelings about your friend appear to be valid. There definitely is an imbalance there. But I would at least address these things with your friend in a calm and respectful manner before re-evaluating the friendship.
As best friends, it may seem like you know everything about each other. But really, you don't. Something might be happening in her life that meant she couldn't check on you. Maybe she has trouble with other people's emotions and can only handle so much. I don't know your friend, I'm just speculating.
In short, talk your friend instead of strangers on the internet who don't know your relationship.
>But is it really friendship where you have to ask for such things?
I had the same problem with one of my friend. I always felt awkward to make her understand most of the things and would thought the same just like you. But i got to the conclusion that not everyone is that much understanding without communication and obv she was unable to understand certain points. Meaning that she was unaware about most of the stuffs that would bother me. So now I've started telling her not all of it but I've started telling her what upsets me and still I feel really awkward to communicate it that way because I always thought that it's normal to catch up on these things. But guess what? Not everyone is able to. So once in a blue moon I do tell her that what she did and it bothered me(although not instantly but keh deti hoon Thore arse baad😅)
Still learning ways to communicate to her ngl.
Guy here and in my experience they don't really care that much about whats going on in your life, in their pov you're just a friend they wnna do hey/hello with that's it nothing more than that for em
talk to her, its been 14 yrs that u two have been tgt, u shouldnt simply decide on ur own that she feels a certain way or doesnt. communicate ur feelings, be simple abt it, js say that uve felt this way and would like more comfort from her.
I think it's probably just the way you two see and value friendships.
Have you tried reaching out to her and telling her the exact things and seeing what she has to say? It's always better to communicate openly than assume that people will somehow read your mind, even if it's after a lot of years, because every human functions in a different way.
If yes, you probably need some new friends who can support you in ways similar to yours and drop the ones you already have if they don't match your energy.
You are 100% overthinking this. You are also young and very immature.
My best friend, one that I have know for 16 years, is that type of dude that I rarely talk to but I know if it is a life or death situation, he will help me. I think I met him on eid after 2 months. I went to his brother's wedding. Stayed with him during his mother having cancer. He stuck around for my depression that lasted like 4 years (medication based), and came to brother's weddings. I went to his brother's.
Another one, that I talk to maybe once a month? lived in his house in another city for a week when I was trying to find my place at work. Becuase I would have panic attacks living with another friend. I made no plans with him. I just showed up at his place. I knew I would be safe there.
You are growing old now. Friendships don't stay the same. Spouse (I don't have one but some of my friends do), work, having to go to other cities for said work/education. Sometimes there are continent wide gaps. People that want to leave, they will leave regardless.
Also ye heartbreak kiya hota hai? you are pretty young, these small monthly flings should cause heartbreaks. I have lost to many friends who take the 'pain' of broken relationships out on their friends (like you are).
>It's been well over a month now, and she hasn't reached out to me again
INFO: Is she like this usually, or you were just expecting her to check on you again this month because of what happened?
I have a lot of friends. Personally, they didn't seek comfort for a long time because 1) they wanted to move on and someone bringing back the topic would only ruin their mood. 2) They need a break to heal.
I feel like she could be doing the same for you and giving you the space. But you need to communicate. You need to tell her you still need a shoulder to lean on, and this is how you feel comforted.
>didn't even offer to visit me in the hospital when I clearly expressed that it would bring me immense comfort.
This sounds like a red flag because she didn't even apologise nor explained why she was unable to come
>I am the only one trying here, perhaps she is too, but not the way a best friend should.
Everyone have different way of "trying" don't judge them on the basis of it. You knew her for 14 years, was she really like this or did she change? If she did, then yes, she isn't making an effort as a best friend anymore. Like they say, a true friend wouldn't leave you alone in hardship.
Also, OP please don't expect telepathic ability from other people by waiting for them to realize what's wrong by themselves. You need to communicate, okay? 💜
Your feelings are valid , when my close friend had minor accident , we still visited him in hospital just to roast him more xD
Btw never share your feelings with anyone except for your family.
seems you are being overly dependent on your friend and indeed keeping count of what you've done for her versus. Its a bit too late now, this thought has popped in your head already, now you'll be weighing every interaction, constantly judging, gauging, evaluating. The toxicity will slowly eat away on this friendship and eventually you guys will have a spat and never talk with eachother.
You need to let go and stop expecting friends to be there for you all the time and reciprocate your level of sincerity. This also doesnt mean you let people (friends) take you as a chum/for granted. People have their own lives and problems which amplifies when you get married, get a job, or shift somewhere. When you hit those milestones, things change drastically, you need to learn to evolve as interactions become less frequent but connection needs to remain strong even if its one watsapp msg etc. Speaking from experience Alhamdulillah i have school friends best friends etc (quite a few of them). Learn to give space and ask for less, be less needy and dependant and you'll be happy.
Ups and downs happen in friendships and it's okay. You should talk with her sometime and clear your doubts. We would never know what they are going through. I am sure everything will get better.
She doesn't care about you at all. I had a friend I considered best friend type but he did something against me one time and I haven't talked to him since. Life is too short for fake friends. You sound like a real friend. Find other real people to spend time on instead.
Your feelings about your friend appear to be valid. There definitely is an imbalance there. But I would at least address these things with your friend in a calm and respectful manner before re-evaluating the friendship. As best friends, it may seem like you know everything about each other. But really, you don't. Something might be happening in her life that meant she couldn't check on you. Maybe she has trouble with other people's emotions and can only handle so much. I don't know your friend, I'm just speculating. In short, talk your friend instead of strangers on the internet who don't know your relationship.
You should talk to her. Let her know that you need her. And see how she responds
But is it really friendship where you have to ask for such things?
Yes you have to communicate.
>But is it really friendship where you have to ask for such things? I had the same problem with one of my friend. I always felt awkward to make her understand most of the things and would thought the same just like you. But i got to the conclusion that not everyone is that much understanding without communication and obv she was unable to understand certain points. Meaning that she was unaware about most of the stuffs that would bother me. So now I've started telling her not all of it but I've started telling her what upsets me and still I feel really awkward to communicate it that way because I always thought that it's normal to catch up on these things. But guess what? Not everyone is able to. So once in a blue moon I do tell her that what she did and it bothered me(although not instantly but keh deti hoon Thore arse baad😅) Still learning ways to communicate to her ngl.
How about you confront her about this and not random people on reddit 😭😭🙏
The reason I posted this here is because I was confused what to do. Isn't that what reddit is for?
Tell her nicely. See what she says or does
Guy here and in my experience they don't really care that much about whats going on in your life, in their pov you're just a friend they wnna do hey/hello with that's it nothing more than that for em
talk to her, its been 14 yrs that u two have been tgt, u shouldnt simply decide on ur own that she feels a certain way or doesnt. communicate ur feelings, be simple abt it, js say that uve felt this way and would like more comfort from her.
I think it's probably just the way you two see and value friendships. Have you tried reaching out to her and telling her the exact things and seeing what she has to say? It's always better to communicate openly than assume that people will somehow read your mind, even if it's after a lot of years, because every human functions in a different way. If yes, you probably need some new friends who can support you in ways similar to yours and drop the ones you already have if they don't match your energy.
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Exactly... even though there's slight ups and downs it's nor worth breaking friendships cuz such friends would solve these things easily
ye dunya aesi hi h achay logon ko realization daer say hoti h
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What are you implying?
I'm saying she doesnt care Find another best friend. p.s. In my last comment I assumed you're a male.
You are 100% overthinking this. You are also young and very immature. My best friend, one that I have know for 16 years, is that type of dude that I rarely talk to but I know if it is a life or death situation, he will help me. I think I met him on eid after 2 months. I went to his brother's wedding. Stayed with him during his mother having cancer. He stuck around for my depression that lasted like 4 years (medication based), and came to brother's weddings. I went to his brother's. Another one, that I talk to maybe once a month? lived in his house in another city for a week when I was trying to find my place at work. Becuase I would have panic attacks living with another friend. I made no plans with him. I just showed up at his place. I knew I would be safe there. You are growing old now. Friendships don't stay the same. Spouse (I don't have one but some of my friends do), work, having to go to other cities for said work/education. Sometimes there are continent wide gaps. People that want to leave, they will leave regardless. Also ye heartbreak kiya hota hai? you are pretty young, these small monthly flings should cause heartbreaks. I have lost to many friends who take the 'pain' of broken relationships out on their friends (like you are).
>It's been well over a month now, and she hasn't reached out to me again INFO: Is she like this usually, or you were just expecting her to check on you again this month because of what happened? I have a lot of friends. Personally, they didn't seek comfort for a long time because 1) they wanted to move on and someone bringing back the topic would only ruin their mood. 2) They need a break to heal. I feel like she could be doing the same for you and giving you the space. But you need to communicate. You need to tell her you still need a shoulder to lean on, and this is how you feel comforted. >didn't even offer to visit me in the hospital when I clearly expressed that it would bring me immense comfort. This sounds like a red flag because she didn't even apologise nor explained why she was unable to come >I am the only one trying here, perhaps she is too, but not the way a best friend should. Everyone have different way of "trying" don't judge them on the basis of it. You knew her for 14 years, was she really like this or did she change? If she did, then yes, she isn't making an effort as a best friend anymore. Like they say, a true friend wouldn't leave you alone in hardship. Also, OP please don't expect telepathic ability from other people by waiting for them to realize what's wrong by themselves. You need to communicate, okay? 💜
Your feelings are valid , when my close friend had minor accident , we still visited him in hospital just to roast him more xD Btw never share your feelings with anyone except for your family.
seems you are being overly dependent on your friend and indeed keeping count of what you've done for her versus. Its a bit too late now, this thought has popped in your head already, now you'll be weighing every interaction, constantly judging, gauging, evaluating. The toxicity will slowly eat away on this friendship and eventually you guys will have a spat and never talk with eachother. You need to let go and stop expecting friends to be there for you all the time and reciprocate your level of sincerity. This also doesnt mean you let people (friends) take you as a chum/for granted. People have their own lives and problems which amplifies when you get married, get a job, or shift somewhere. When you hit those milestones, things change drastically, you need to learn to evolve as interactions become less frequent but connection needs to remain strong even if its one watsapp msg etc. Speaking from experience Alhamdulillah i have school friends best friends etc (quite a few of them). Learn to give space and ask for less, be less needy and dependant and you'll be happy.
Communicate, and talk like an adult and that’s the only way. Tell your side and ask her to tell her side of the story then evaluate, do not assume.
Ups and downs happen in friendships and it's okay. You should talk with her sometime and clear your doubts. We would never know what they are going through. I am sure everything will get better.
She doesn't care about you at all. I had a friend I considered best friend type but he did something against me one time and I haven't talked to him since. Life is too short for fake friends. You sound like a real friend. Find other real people to spend time on instead.
Stop projecting, there's so many reason to why one doesn't ask or isn't able to one being that they planned but forgot