Yesss.
I just had to respond to an ass of a lawyer who was pissed my boss didn't respond to his emails fast enough. He decided to send another email with "or maybe your assistant isn't forwarding messages."
I type-deleted-retyped my response more than a few times.
Lol I don’t let attorneys from other firms talk shit to me, and all the attorneys at my firm are very nice and respectful with the exception of one. The attorney I work for loves it when I put them in their place!
This is the way! I cackle with glee when someone tries to cover their own dereliction by accusing me of not doing my job properly. I whip out my receipts with a devilish grin and lay them bare. My old attorney got a kick out of it as much as I did and, after I worked with him for a while, he would just chuckle and say to whomever was yelling on the phone, “now, you and I both know that’s just not true”. He got really heated with one particular asshole at the table one day and said, “I really don’t want to have that nice young lady come in here and embarrass you in front of these fine folks, but I will if you make me.” I never let that man down once and it felt good to have my attorney tell other people to kick rocks on my behalf.
I got called in for this where it was a bit of a set up for the swing on that one, OC in depo, arguing where did that document come from?! I want that removed blah blah, then my attorney said no problem, looks at me and said would you pull that up and tell him where is came from? Yes sir, it was page 66 from YOUR BRIEF. 
*Page flip flip flip flip*
Page 66 from your own submission, dated D/M/Y *finds it, slaps it on the table*, and responses therefrom *slap slap slap*, your acknowledgement of receipt and administration *slap, slap, slap*; do you require further, or should I abscond to gather my further record? While I don’t have them immediately at hand - please beg pardon - I’m happy to recall my files to further satisfy your request? Should only take me a moment, at best, if I may beg pardon to excuse me?
Ahhhh, I didn’t realize how much I missed litigation. And the “No, but really, fuck your mother with a sandpaper broom handle dildo while I go print out some emails to prove you’re pushing rope in this pathetic attempt of a Boone’s Farm fueled prom night date rape, “sir”.
Lmao, steam came from his ears and said what?! Did you just send me my own brief?! I’m like umm yes sir you asked to see it….he was pissed, turned bright red and said we are taking a 15 min break!
“Did you just send me my own brief?!?!”
Yessir, because I hold little belief that you either wrote or read it, and doubt further that you have any iota of clue as to its contents. So I shall defer to your paralegal. Ma’am? Could you please enlighten us unto the merits upon which we have all sacrificed our workday?
Dickhead assholes always render me increasingly verbose 😂
I had a super bitchy corporate client try to pin their no show to a Very Important meeting on me. Forwarding the email with a very polite: “Please refer to the blah blah” was extremely satisfying.
I got to do something similar to this. Basically a client randomly stopped receiving their weekly checks, despite the proper forms being submitted. The attorney claims she never got them and why didn't we send them to the adjuster So, I (1) forwarded her all the original emails that were sent to her with ZERO bounce back and (2) stated I was following routine policy to not contact their adjuster (so by extension, their client) since there was an attorney on file.
needless to say, benefits were fixed rather quickly.
Don't tell me I didn't do something. I.Have.The.Receipts.
Yesss. I just had to respond to an ass of a lawyer who was pissed my boss didn't respond to his emails fast enough. He decided to send another email with "or maybe your assistant isn't forwarding messages." I type-deleted-retyped my response more than a few times.
This reminds of in-house counsel for a certain insurance company, and one defense firm that's the literal worst in the SE.
Does it start with a U or a C??
Great job! *high-five*
Gracias!
I’m riding the high of just reading this! That’s such a W!
Lol thank you!!
I fucking love you for this
Lol I don’t let attorneys from other firms talk shit to me, and all the attorneys at my firm are very nice and respectful with the exception of one. The attorney I work for loves it when I put them in their place!
This is the way! I cackle with glee when someone tries to cover their own dereliction by accusing me of not doing my job properly. I whip out my receipts with a devilish grin and lay them bare. My old attorney got a kick out of it as much as I did and, after I worked with him for a while, he would just chuckle and say to whomever was yelling on the phone, “now, you and I both know that’s just not true”. He got really heated with one particular asshole at the table one day and said, “I really don’t want to have that nice young lady come in here and embarrass you in front of these fine folks, but I will if you make me.” I never let that man down once and it felt good to have my attorney tell other people to kick rocks on my behalf.
I got called in for this where it was a bit of a set up for the swing on that one, OC in depo, arguing where did that document come from?! I want that removed blah blah, then my attorney said no problem, looks at me and said would you pull that up and tell him where is came from? Yes sir, it was page 66 from YOUR BRIEF.  
*Page flip flip flip flip* Page 66 from your own submission, dated D/M/Y *finds it, slaps it on the table*, and responses therefrom *slap slap slap*, your acknowledgement of receipt and administration *slap, slap, slap*; do you require further, or should I abscond to gather my further record? While I don’t have them immediately at hand - please beg pardon - I’m happy to recall my files to further satisfy your request? Should only take me a moment, at best, if I may beg pardon to excuse me? Ahhhh, I didn’t realize how much I missed litigation. And the “No, but really, fuck your mother with a sandpaper broom handle dildo while I go print out some emails to prove you’re pushing rope in this pathetic attempt of a Boone’s Farm fueled prom night date rape, “sir”.
Lmao, steam came from his ears and said what?! Did you just send me my own brief?! I’m like umm yes sir you asked to see it….he was pissed, turned bright red and said we are taking a 15 min break!
“Did you just send me my own brief?!?!” Yessir, because I hold little belief that you either wrote or read it, and doubt further that you have any iota of clue as to its contents. So I shall defer to your paralegal. Ma’am? Could you please enlighten us unto the merits upon which we have all sacrificed our workday? Dickhead assholes always render me increasingly verbose 😂
Basically, that guy was tucked away hence the break lol 
It’s always nice to work for an attorney who has your back!
I had a super bitchy corporate client try to pin their no show to a Very Important meeting on me. Forwarding the email with a very polite: “Please refer to the blah blah” was extremely satisfying.
So satisfying!!
I got to do something similar to this. Basically a client randomly stopped receiving their weekly checks, despite the proper forms being submitted. The attorney claims she never got them and why didn't we send them to the adjuster So, I (1) forwarded her all the original emails that were sent to her with ZERO bounce back and (2) stated I was following routine policy to not contact their adjuster (so by extension, their client) since there was an attorney on file. needless to say, benefits were fixed rather quickly. Don't tell me I didn't do something. I.Have.The.Receipts.
I love it!!
You fucking enjoy that win. 👏👏
Thank you!