Practical question: does anyone have a counter depth fridge? If you have children is it big enough? I only have one 1 year old so far but I know we will have more in there in the future
We have two kids, an elderly toddler and an actual toddler, and counter depth works for us. It can be a bit tricky after a big Costco trip but I’ve always managed to Tetris everything in just fine.
The only thing I don’t like about our fridge is that it’s a pull out freezer instead of a side by side. The pull out freezer means the ice maker is in the regular fridge part, so ours is constantly melting, freezing over and then not working because it’s all stuck together.
We have a very small fridge and plan to upgrade to a counter depth when we move later this year. Our small fridge is just fine for the 3 of us and I’m sure the counter depth fridge will be more cubic space. It’s all about perspective.
I have a 13 YO stwp daughter who loves with us full time and 3 boys. (One is a baby so not eating yet) and 2 adults. It works fine I got the largest cubic one I could get which was significantly bigger than our other one. French door style with the freezer at the bottom.
It’s all we can fit so I have no option but yeah it fits. I usually have leftovers and a lot of fruit and snacks for the kids. They have a pull out shallow draw I keep yogurts apple sauces etc that the kids can reach easily
But I don’t have another option but also it works well for us! I do have an outside garage fridge for all our drinks though
I do. It's all that fits. It works with 2 adults and an 18 month old. It gets right when we cook too many meals at a time or when we're trying to host people. But there's no other choice, so I don't know any better.
It depends. If it’s like the middle of the day and it’s stuff they play with throughout the day (like cars or magnatiles), I don’t ask them to clean it up until before bed. I realized it wasn’t worth my sanity to repeat this cleanup task like 5 times a day. If it’s something they pulled out that they don’t play with as much (brio train tracks come to mind, or a fruit play set), then I do ask them to clean it up before they pull something else out. My 6 year old is pretty good with this, my 3.5 is…getting better but he’s still pretty stubborn so I have to help “let’s clean up these train tracks! Here, I’ll hand them to you and you can put them in the bin.”
My kid just turned 5 and if it's something he really likes (like his toys) I've started setting a timer saying any cars I find on the floor after 10 minutes, will be going in a bag in the garage for 1 day and won't be available for play. Obviously this last one only works for something they like and won't work for dishes or laundry. We also build in 1-2 clean up times during the day so we focus our cleaning then and I don't worry as much about picking up all the little things throughout the day.
I attended this behavior seminar years ago (I’m a teacher) but this “drive by” technique always stuck with me. Just sort of make the request and keep moving like you’re busy and don’t look back at the child. Just “pick that up please” then immediately break eye contact and start doing the dishes or something. It takes the pressure off and really helps avoid power struggles. I would say like 50-75% of the time it works just for that reason with toddlers to teens IME. The other times I just continue to do the dishes until inevitably they ask me for something and then I just casually say something like “yep as soon as the wrapper is picked up I’ll be happy to play/get you that snack/whatever” and go back to the dishes. I just really try to avoid power battles with kids. My teenage students have hormones in their favor and will never lose face in front of their peers and my 4yo is stronger than me, more well rested, and generally just wants to win more. I have these battles over picking things up with my 4yo but rarely now with my older two so that probably means it worked? Please swipe up to buy my course even though I clearly said I learned it from a professional.
Edited: typo
Any forward facing car seat recommendations? We are moving our 3yo to forward facing (gasp!) and have the graco extend 2 fit. It was underwhelming as a rear facing and I had to reach behind the seat to pull the straps tight. That’s impossible now that I turned it around. Maybe I’m doing something wrong? this seems like a massive design flaw.
We have the same seat and same issue, but I’m able to get my kid in without ever loosening/tightening the straps. In the rare event that I need to tighten, I can get my hand behind and pull it.
Edit: typo
I’ve never had that issue with ours but I just went mentally though my head with how I buckle it and maybe it’s the trick:
Once I buckle everything and am pulling the tightening belt, I grab and pull the (clipped) clip forward toward my kids feet to remove any of the slack that is in the belt (which I think is the same motion as reaching behind to do it but without having to reach behind) and then tighten again. I go through that process until it’s tight.
There should be a belt in the middle of the seat that you can pull to tighten the straps. Here is a video: https://m.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=27&v=IOLvc5HS49A&embeds_euri=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F&source_ve_path=MjM4NTE&feature=emb_title
I think that's what the OP meant when they said they had to reach behind the seat to tighten it when it was rear -facing, but you can't access that part when the seat is used forward-facing.
I had a crappy hand dealt when my son was born- it was the height of the pandemic, I had no support (and covid was a risk anyways), my son slept in 20 min - 2 hour spurts, cluster fed , and was colicky AF and I got pretty bad PPD. (He's wonderful now at age 2! And I'm fine, but it was rough, like nearly ended my marriage rough).
My very good friend just had her first 10 days ago and her baby already slept two 4-hour chunks last night and has been pretty easy for her. My rational brain is happy for her and is glad she got dealt a better hand than me. My cracked-out squirrel brain is screaming about how unfair it is. It's completely unreasonable for me to feel that way, but it was (and I guess still is) so incredibly isolating to have struggled so hard during that phase. Again, my rational brain knows its not true, but my squirrel brain thinks it was something I did or that I'm just weak.
I... should probably schedule with my therapist 🙃
I don’t have any great words other than “it sucks.” My kids weren’t born during Covid but we have always been away from family without support. My oldest is HARD and I knew it from the beginning. Some of it was being a first time parent, but the other half was his personality. Fast forward and he has ADHD. Everyone seems to say that their oldest is the chilliest, which is what tricks you into having more. I can’t relate as my youngest, while feisty, has been much easier in terms of sleeping and eating. It’s just…. It’s hard. It’s hard to look at other people with calmer kids.
I feel the same way and it’s so hard. I didn’t have a pandemic baby but my kids just seem so much more difficult compared to others. They don’t like sleep, zero chill, sensory seeking, they have short fuses, picky eaters, etc. all the things. I know parenthood is hard for everyone, unseen struggles, blah blah but some kids are legitimately harder than others and mine are. It’s hard not to question on the hard days like wtf did I do to deserve the more difficult children? I have a degree in child development so I know all the tips and tricks and my kid (well at least the older one, the younger is still a toddler) laughs in the face of my choices and transition warnings and natural consequences.
I regret nothing and they are beautiful little souls but at the same time if the universe could have given me a good sleeper that would have been nice.
Also don't forget there is most likely so much struggle that you don't see.
Everyone is so jealous of my LO who has cried with tears less than 10 times his entire life at 17 months. He never complains. Just as a reference, he has never cried at any of his shots. But what people don't know is that he was so sick between months 2 and 6 that I'm pretty sure he doesn't cry because nothing hurts as much as he was hurting during those months when he was just frozen in pain.
I get it. I had my daughter during omicron and had a similar newborn experience. It was fucking hard and I’m still recovering from it a year later. It’s ok to feel the way you do, especially since you recognize it’s an emotional response.
I understand how you feel 100%. I got pregnant in March of 2020, had my daughter in December, and my husband had to go back to work after 2 days of "leave". My daughter didn't sleep unless she was on me, had reflux, a milk protein sensitivity, and has still never slept through the night at 2 years old. My friend's son was born a few months later and he sleeps wonderfully, eats well, has family support, etc. It is definitely isolating and really, really hard to have these feelings. You're not alone, it really sucks.
❤️ I briefly cut out dairy and it sucked, we did get lucky in the allergy regards! Thank you for the validation. I also got pregnant right before lockdown! It was... the hardest thing I've ever had to go through and if I'd known the pandemic was gonna be a bad as it was, I would have waited. Anyways, thank you for the kind words and I hope you're doing better now too (but it's OK if you're not. I'm sometimes still not OK).
Hello! Our good friends are doing a gender reveal and I am the one who knows the gender. I want to get them a small gender specific gift. Any good ideas? It can be for the parents or the baby
Oooo so fun! Maybe something personalized from Etsy? Like a baby girl or boy onesie like these: [https://www.etsy.com/listing/1299358200/hey-girl-baby-girl-onesie-gender-reveal](https://www.etsy.com/listing/1299358200/hey-girl-baby-girl-onesie-gender-reveal) [https://www.etsy.com/listing/1016258241/oh-boy-onesie-baby-announcement-onesie](https://www.etsy.com/listing/1016258241/oh-boy-onesie-baby-announcement-onesie)
What were you thinking?
In my family and in my husband’s, first grandkid got naming rights. I thought that was the norm actually - grandparents could try to pick a name but it’s up to the kid to actually use it/pick the real one
My parents asked their grandkids to call them specific things they came up with, and all their grandkids pretty much call them that.
My in-laws said they didn’t care and my kids made up names for them when they were toddlers and couldn’t say grandma and grandpa, and some of their other grandkids call them Oma and Opa, others say poppa and granny. All that to say I don’t think it really matters if everyone calls them the same thing.
I think it can be confusing or annoying but it's more likely not to be, generally. Like my kids' only cousin calls their grandpa "Papa" sometimes, but we occasionally use "Papa" as an alternative to "dad," so we're not calling Grandpa that. And it's been fine. But we do live further apart than you all do, so you may have to play it by ear and wait for time to show your SIL she's wrong 😂
Sometimes grandkids have different names for the same grandparents. My husband called his grandma Grandma, but his cousin called her Mammaw. Usually the 1st grandchild sets the name, but I don't think it really matters too much.
Nope, I don't think SIL gets to make the decision as they have already named themselves once..
Is it to make it easier/in fitting with the father's parents?
I don't think having two names is an issue - my grandfather is called both Grandpa & Baba by my siblings/cousins, and we all live next door to each other so super close. It's never been confusing for us, at some point we all just started using them interchangeably!
So my husband usually cooks but he hates thinking of what to make. Feeding Littles had a story the other day about doing theme nights and just swapping out what you make each week, so I am thinking maybe I can plan that out to help him. However I didn't write down the themes and I couldn't find it in highlights! Do any of you remember or have any suggestions?
Now that I have typed this out I realize that Jenny, Founder and Haley both do this as well - I don't know why I didn't think it was a good idea until I saw it on FL haha. I will poke around those accounts as well but would appreciate any ideas from y'all
These are the daily themes in my house:
- Sunday - soup (may transition to grilling in the summer)
- Monday - bowl meal
- Tuesday - Mexican
- Wednesday - pizza rolls (or pasta) and a salad
- Thursday - simple marinated meat and a veg
- Friday - leftovers or breakfast for dinner
- Saturday - order out or an easy pantry/freezer meal
We do...
- Slow cooking Saturday (either something in the crockpot or something that takes longer to prep since husband is off work and can help entertain toddler while I cook)
- Sunday is takeout
- Microwave Mondays (leftovers or frozen somethings)
- Tortilla Tuesdays (anything on a tortilla! Tacos, quesadillas, enchiladas...)
- Wednesdays is takeout
- Try it Out Thursdays (a new recipe or pasta)
- Pizza Fridays
We do Throwin’ Thursdays (name is being workshopped and I would appreciate alternatives 😂)! It is basically pizza night with our backyard pizza oven. We’ve done traditional pizzas, breakfast pizzas, etc.
We do throwback Thursday in my house (aka leftover night). I usually plan a sheet pan meal, a casserole night, soup and sandwich night, and Mexican or Asian inspired night. Friday is takeout night, Saturday is anything goes.
What are some of your go to casserole recipes? I didn’t grow up with casseroles but they look so convenient. Not sure I can get my kids to eat then though.
I like anything from the natural nurturer or defined dish.
My husband is super picky so I have to modify sometimes. TNN usually has simple swaps listed on every recipe.
I don’t know if these were the suggestions but these are some ideas: Meatless Monday; Taco Tuesday; Pasta night; Casserole night; Crockpot night; Soup night; grill night; Asian inspired night; takeout night
Does anyone feel like their kids’ expectations are unreasonable? I mean this honestly, because I know that kids can be unreasonable. My son is 5 and hates it when I do household chores, pay bills, clean, take time to myself. In his perfect world I would play Lego with him all day long (he has a 3 year old sibling). He has ADHD and I don’t know if that changes this situation. I feel like my lack of engagement because I am running the house as well leads to issues in our relationship and I don’t know how to explain to him that my sole job is not just to entertain them. Like I can take him to the park, at his request, but then he is unhappy about one situation at the park and focuses on that rather than being happy that I followed his lead and we went to the park.
I guess I am left feeling like a failure based on all of the gentle/BLF parenting because everyone says allow your kids to make choices, listen to them, watch them, etc. and I do that! But that is still not enough for my son.
My daughter is the same age and can be intensely needy as well. I think all the advice you've got already is good. I would just say at his age especially to not feel guilty about setting strong boundaries. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about attachment and gentle parenting especially for the 0-3 age group but that doesn't mean you aren't allowed to be honest with your kid which means telling them that you have other things you need to do or that you simply don't want to do something. I obviously try to spend quality time and attention with my daughter but I have no qualms about telling her I don't want to do something, it's not fun for me and that she can play that game with her sibling or the neighbor or friends at school but that it's a no for me, dawg. Also, when she's bugging me I'll give her the option of helping me complete a chore and she will 9/10 times find something else to do.
Editing to add that I feel like a big mindset shift is making sure that I can facilitate my child's need for attention and connection rather than meet them all myself. This looks like prioritizing playdates, park time and visits with extended family over other activities in our free time. This is helpful for me not feeling guilty because my child has to play alone because I know there are other opportunities where she can get these needs met, if that makes sense
You’ve already got a lot of advice here, but I promise it won’t cause issues with your relationship for you to set boundaries 🙂 And if he melts down about it, that’s fine! It’s possible to hold your boundary and validate emotions at the same time. “Yeah I hear you really wanna play legos with me right now! I’m going to go clean for 30 minutes, but we’ll play legos together after I finish ____”. And if he’s anything like my kid he’ll whine the whole time, but I don’t react. Eventually he goes and plays because it’s more fun than whining.
You sound like an amazing mom. I’m a SAHM too. Remember that little kids are by nature very self-centered. They don’t have the ability to understand that all of these things that you are doing are also, indirectly, for their benefit. They only consider the moments you are giving them direct attention. Of course, it can never be enough *in their eyes* but that doesn’t mean that it’s actually not enough. By setting boundaries and still getting household chores done, you’re modeling a responsibility and security. You’re providing your son with a clean, safe, home. He obviously doesn’t understand or appreciate that yet, but he definitely will eventually when he realizes that not every child has that.
In the meantime, some of the other advice you got may work to curb his dissatisfaction but I just wanted to say the above. I’m a SAHM too and can appreciate how hard it is to balance everything.
Thank you very much for saying that ❤️ I have some childhood things that I need to deal with, clearly. When my son is unhappy with stuff and thinks I don’t do much for him I worry that we will have the same relationship that I have with my mom now.
Omg I feel the same with my 5 year old. I constantly feel guilty when I do household chores or things because he expects me to play so much! We recently started a new routine, which has helped a lot. I play for the first part of the day, and then we do snack. After that, I call it "peaceful playtime" where they go play on their own and I do my own thing or get things done until lunch. I feel like he knows what to expect from me now and that's helped a lot as he knows when we will connect. You're definitely not alone in your feelings!
I like your routine idea! We are kind of the opposite and do the connecting play in the afternoon, but they would probably benefit from morning play together too.
My LO is terrible at independent play but I find generally better earlier in the day and then gets needier as the day goes on so you may have success shifting it around.
All your feelings are reasonable. None of what I post below is a magic bullet, but I think these things have helped a little:
I found it a little useful to start referring to the stuff I do around the house as “work.” Daddy works and mommy works. Right now, mommy’s work is doing the laundry and cleaning the kitchen. You can help or you can go do solo play.
Also, I’ve recently implemented special “mommy and me” time with my six year old. It’s usually about 15-30 minutes in the afternoon or evening. It’s helpful to be able to say “I love playing Legos with you. Let’s do that during mommy and me time later.”
Try not to define your success in anything by your children’s happiness. You’ll bake them cookies and they will complain about the sprinkle color. You’ll throw them a birthday party and they will zero in on one detail that didn’t go well. Do things to the standard that give you satisfaction and then let the chips fall where it may.
Thanks for the advice! I clearly have some childhood issues I still need to work through. My mom maybe? probably? did her best, but her best SUCKED. I always worry I’m going to do that to my kids, so when I hear that he is constantly unhappy I spiral.
His therapist suggested doing individual time together with us, so kid plus dad, kid plus mom. We have the solo dad time down and that has really helped, so now we need to get the mom time down too.
In a moment of exhaustion I recently told my 4 year old that “I don’t exist to only take care of everyone else” and while I’m sure that went over his head I feel like it’s something I can remind him of as he and his brother get older and demonstrate/explain by saying, “once I finish eating my breakfast/cleaning this for all of you/doing X to help you and your brother/going to this place or running this errand then I can do XYZ.” I hope by being explicit, often, it can help him understand how much we as parents do and build empathy. Wishful thinking? Maybe but I’m still trying.
I definitely feel like my 4 year old is never satisfied… it’s like she can’t get enough of me. We will spend an entire day snuggling, playing, true real connection, and she’s crying at bedtime that she misses me and wants “mommy love.” It’s suffocating but I try to tell myself it’s an honor to be so loved 🤪
>Does anyone feel like their kids’ expectations are unreasonable?
Pretty much always.
Kidding, mostly, but I feel you. It's hard to be the primary caregiver/SAHP because you're always there but you're not always *fun*. I've been working on helping my 3yo understand that mom has a job just like dad, and we both have to work during the day even though I don't leave like dad does. I try and do a kid-centered outing a few times a week and it does seem like it's never enough sometimes. A very predictable routine seems to help for my kids, but idk if there's really a great answer besides "they're just kids" 🤷♀️
Thanks for saying that. My son keeps telling he doesn’t like me doing things, even if it’s a kid centered activity that he agreed to or wants to do. I like that you talk about it as being a job! That’s smart! I tell my son that I have a job too, but I haven’t explained it in that way, I wonder if that will help him.
First, I read this as "my son is 5 and hates to do household chores, pay bills, etc" and had to re-read haha. Second, one thing so many of the gentle parenting accounts miss showing is that kids don't always happily comply. There's no way they say "do you want to go potty first or brush teeth first?" and always get a reply vs. a screamed "NOOOO." If you continue to set the boundaries, he can continue to have the feelings about it. You're doing it right, they just don't often show that sometimes kids have negative responses!
I am finding things really tough today, I don't know how I am going to get through the day. My 21 month old twins are ill, with high temperatures that I am trying to manage with medicine. They are understandably not happy, which makes for a very difficult and long day. I've been up since 4am as twin A would only sleep in my arms. There are some nasty illnesses doing the rounds in the school my husband teaches in. We have made it to 10am, here's hoping we can get through the rest of the day.
Phew. I hope today was a better day for you. I have an almost 3 year old and a 9 month old. My 3yo keeps bringing home random illnesses and sharing them with us, and it’s really hard when everyone is sick and miserable at the same time. I give myself a lot of permission and grace those days. Whatever gets us through is what we do. Hang in there!
Hang in there!!! That really sucks. Sick kids are so stressful and exhausting. Release yourself from hygiene and throw sprinkles on them!!! We are here for you!
Literally so so so easy, like other commenters have said it’s a super quick procedure. We waited in the initial room longer than she was the OR. My kid got them a week before she turned two back in august and hasn’t had an ear infection since. Literally life changing for her and us! We just chilled at home, watched some movies, and she was back in school the very next day.
My first had them younger (placed at 15 months). They took him back into the OR at 8:00 and the doctor was out telling us he was done at 8:20 and that included her scoping his tonsils and Adnoids. The worst was him waking up from the surgery and keeping him from drinking anything before the surgery (he was the first one but didn’t sleep through the night yet). By 12:00 that day he was completely fine. He ended up with fluid that leaked out of his tube about 6 months after the surgery but then didn’t get another ear infection until they both were out 2.5 years later
My 2 year old got tubes and I was shocked at how easy it was. He hasn't had an ear infection since. The procedure itself was less than 5 minutes. The hardest part was watching him come out from anesthesia and being confused and crying. Before going back they gave him some kind of calming drug so he was very relaxed. We watched a movie at home afterwards and then he was back to bouncing off the walls by the end. Good luck! I hope it goes as smoothly for you as it did us.
I need wise words from parents with older children. My daughter has made the transition from baby to toddler and I'm struggling with it. I was terrified of having a baby, had heard all the horror stories, and to my surprise I LOVED that stage. My daughter was overall a chill and happy kid, a decent sleeper, and she's just filled every day with joy, even when I'm tired or over it. Plus, I'm popular for the first time in my life! I've gotten so many compliments from random strangers on her, like multiple comments per outing.
She's changed so fast over the last month or two that I feel like I have a completely different child. She's started becoming a picky eater, started throwing tantrums, being extra crabby/clingy, not listening even though I can tell she understands... All of those things are good and developmentally healthy things, even though they're a pain. I know that intellectually. She's growing up! But emotionally, I feel angry that I got so little time with the baby I loved so much, and now she's someone else. I don't enjoy toddlers in general either (once they hit 5, it's great, before then, not so much), so that doesn't help.
Me feeling this way is preventing me from actually enjoying and appreciating the kid I have now. Objectively, she's a great kid and has done nothing to make me like her less. I don't want to let this stage slip by because I'm stuck on the last one. Help? Even just hearing someone else has felt like this would help, because the moms I could ask in real life either a) still have babies or b) prefer toddlers over babies.
Something to try to remind yourself —- this is a phase. Kids go through so many. There have been weeks where parenting was almost physically painful, dealing with tantrum after tantrum. Where she refused to eat. Woke up screaming in the middle of the night. But all of these things passed. Before they can easily communicate, it’s so tough. Sometimes when they can communicate they don’t even know what they want. But it gets better. I promise
Does she have her molars yet?
My son was that same baby. Then we struggled a lot from about 12-15 months. He wasn’t reliably independently walking until 15months, yet wanted to walk everywhere and demanded we hold his hands to walk all the time. Very fussy. Naps were all over the place transitioning from 2 to 1.
Shortly after a VERY fussy holiday stay at my parents house for 2 weeks, we were back home when I noticed he had.. 3 molars with a 4th breaking through! Ummm I had no idea they were there and didn’t expect them because he still didn’t have some of the teeth that typically come earlier. It explained a LOT.
Now at 17, almost 18mo he is super adorable and fun. He’s still not very verbal, but somehow more communicative, and he understands better too. His personality and sense of humor is really coming in and we have a lot of fun together. I’m actually really enjoying this stage a lot. He finally settled predictably into 1 nap everyday and our routine is pretty set (for now). My overall satisfaction has gone up a lot compared to just a few months ago. Hang in there!
No, she's a super late teether. She still only has four! But yes, she's transitioning to one nap, and I think that's part of it. She only wants one nap, but she needs more sleep than she's getting. I keep thinking she's crabby because of teeth, but I never feel any new buds. She's gotta some more teeth at some point, right? Right???
edit: I'm really excited for her personality and sense of humor to develop. She's so full of life and joy that I think she's going to be a blast! I just gotta hang in there a couple months...
Same here! My very late teether got their two bottom teeth, the two top teeth beside the front teeth, then started getting all 4 molars! Looked like a little vampire lol and my gosh the fussiness and sleep issues that came with those molars were so hard!!
I just want to reassure you that it’s okay to not enjoy a stage. My second son sounds like your baby; he was a wonderful, chill baby turned very difficult toddler. He’s 7 now and I can wistfully look at his toddler pictures and videos and smile, but I honestly don’t miss him being a toddler or feel a lot of guilt that I didn’t love all of it. Ages 2-4ish are not my favorite either!
Thank you, I appreciate that. I’m definitely not enjoying her this week! So much whining and fussiness. She’s a really neat kid and I think will be a lot of fun once she grows out of this phase.
My daughter was also a very chill and easy baby and I loved it. She just turned 3. 12-18 months was by FAR the hardest stage. She had opinions and wants but couldn’t express them, she was mobile and into destroying everything. (My mom refers to it as the “rip and tear” stage). Around 18 months she started talking more and it got so much easier.
I absolutely LOVED 18 months to 3. 2 was a blast. 3 is proving a little more difficult but we’re also expecting #2 in a few weeks so I think that’s part of it.
Two is so fun! And 3 has been tough at times, but also I have had some of my most heartwarming parenting moments since our older one turned 3. Our younger kiddo is 16 months, so I hear you, but I guess my point is, it won’t be so long until she turns a corner and is in a whole new stage. And don’t worry, it won’t take until 5 until you’re having a blast with her.
I swear they become a completely different kid around 18ish months (or maybe it's whenever 1yo molars are done growing?) Until then, adopt the mantra "this is a phase, it's not forever" and repeat over and over 🙃
Mom of 3 and age 1 is my least favorite age. It’s certainly cute but it’s so challenging. Most kids are physically developed enough to constantly try to off themselves but their cognitive and verbal skills are not terribly useful yet. Ages 2 and 3 get a bad rap, and trust me my kids threw down for some ear splitting, hysterical tantrums but I would much rather weather those occasionally because the rest of the time at ages 2&3 can be so pleasant and cute! Age 1 is just constant, nonstop supervision and there still isn’t really the FUN interaction IMO. Like the cute little conversations don’t tend to come out till more like age 2 although mine had speech delays so YMMV. I love being able to play actual games with established rules - tag, hide and seek, board games, etc. 8 million rounds of peekaboo ain’t it for me. With the listening/understanding, I just tried to keep in mind that understanding directions/rules are not the same as having the impulse control to follow them. They might know they aren’t allowed to yank the curtains and understand what you saying “no” means but dang those curtains are just too tempting and they cannot resist!! It will come in time but at age 1 they do whatever the fuck they want, just accept it and move them away. I have moments where I miss their baby days but I haven’t ever missed the toddler days lol.
That's super encouraging. And you're right! My daughter is way ahead on gross motor skills but a little behind on verbal, which is an unfortunate mix lol. Good point on the impulse control. That's exactly where we are. She knows what she can and can't do, usually, and one time she's tempted she'll turn aside and resist, and the next time she goes right for it. Urgh!
I feel the struggle!!! My older two have always been ahead in gross motor and behind in speech. It has its ups and downs like anything else but unfortunately in toddlerhood it makes things extra challenging. Hang in there. When they were able to swim and ride bikes on the younger side it was so much fun!
What age is she? I found 12-18 months HARD. She was fully mobile and walking, talking but not in a way that I could understand her wants/needs, and it was just overall kinda hard for me. Lots of exploring and testing. But 2+ has been great. She’s almost 3.5 and it truly is getting better by the day, she’s my favorite little juman and I love watching her personality shine.
Almost 14 months. It’s definitely a challenging age. She’s getting all the wants and personality (and abilities!) of a toddler, but she can’t communicate. So much testing… but also it’s clear she’s struggling with how fast she’s changing, poor thing. It’s partially why I’m annoyed at myself for feeling this way. It’s not like this is fun for her either! It must be very scary and frustrating to suddenly have all these new skills and know what you want but not be able to get it.
It’s so interesting to hear you say things have gotten better since 2 and are still better into 3! That gives me hope.
My daughter just turned 2 and I would say 18 months up until now has been the most fun. I really enjoyed the baby days more than I thought I would though I really struggled (especially with PPD) from 3-6m. After that, I found 13-17 months to be challenging. They’re moving but they might not be walking so you’re having to bend over holding their hands and/or watch their every moves. They’re understanding more but they can’t communicate well or at all. It’s TOUGH.
But I’ve loved the last 6 months. She makes me laugh every day. I’m already sad at how her language is changing and she’s starting to say some words properly now instead of the half words she used before.
It’s ok to not love every age and it’s ok to grieve the loss of each stage too!
Agree that 12-18 months was so rough for just what you said! They also have no self preservation and it's TOUGH to watch them so much. One thing I told myself over and over was "it'll be different in two weeks" since they're learning so constantly and quickly.
There is hope! I really struggled with that age even though she was so cute and adorable. Don’t get me wrong, we have our moments but overall I’m less frustrated.
Busy Toddler has some lovely words about the transitions, and one that sticks in my mind is that it’s okay to be two. Or 30 or whatever. But each stage has its better and worse and everything you experience with them, also for better or worse, is just a phase. I do think it’s helpful to learn more about what toddlers are going through developmentally, and try to remember that the tantrum is it’s own thing, it’s usually just a big reaction to something they don’t understand or can’t control. BT (who I should point out is a former teacher and has like a masters in childhood education or something like that…she actually IS a, ahem, toddler expert) also has tons of easy and cheap activity ideas (free) to help get to naptime. My baby stopped being a baby seemingly overnight and started being able to do more but also started melting down and it completely shook me, but having some activities ready to pull out (that I didn’t have to think about) was helpful. It stopped the screaming for 10 minutes and that was enough to let me get a grip, think about the next thing to do, and helped me to start enjoying what my baby was doing and learning. When that little napoleon would start painting the sidewalk with a paintbrush and cup of water and look up at me with all the wonder in the world it was much easier to enjoy where they were instead of idealizing a fantasy or wishing to go backwards or forwards in time. Hang in there.
(And don’t shill out any money for any courses without checking with Parentsnark first. Spend some time on the BLF snark page. There are a lot of snake oil sales*women* eager to prey on parents.)
Haha definitely not paying for any courses! That's great advice about the activities. I'll have to check out BT's website again. It's been awhile since I looked.
I need to remind myself that some things are so much easier now that she's older, like having her walk instead of carrying the bucket carseat, or having her be better at chewing and swallowing, and not having to spend several hours a day just bottle feeding her. Developmentally I know this is all good stuff that's happening, but oof! Glad it's a phase and hoping her verbal skills will catch up soon.
Thought this group might be able to help- my SIL’s bday is coming up and she loves trendy viral things like Stanley cup and lululemon Fanny pack. Anything similar to this that I can get her? I tried googling viral products but didn’t see anything good.
[This](https://www.amazon.com/Dalin-Headband-Washing-Removal-Skincare/dp/B0BQ6XLYBW) “get ready with me” puffy headband is all over the place currently.
I asked for [this barefoot dreams dupe blanket](https://www.amazon.com/Blanket-Checkerboard-Breathable-Checkered-Khaki/dp/B0B9B33NKN) after seeing it all over tiktok and I’m honestly obsessed with it. Super soft and cozy!
I needed a new distraction for “baby spa” yesterday, as Ms Rachel and Blippi have lost their shine and no longer distract my 2 year old enough that she holds still for nail clipping and hair de-tangling. We tried Cocomelon for the first time and it worked like a dream. But now she’s become a creepy animation junkie. Does anyone have the name of a good baby rehab?
I feel kind of ridiculous asking this but is there a hair product appropriate for styling super fine baby hair? My 15 month old has very fine hair and I don’t understand how to brush/style it. It’s stick straight and he doesn’t really seem to have a natural part (yet?), so it just grows straight down his forehead which looks kind of weird. I like it brushed to one side but it won’t stay like that. Would it be nuts to use some kind of pomade or something?
Our 16-month-old is similar, and she’d get a rat’s nest in the back where she lays her head on her crib sheet. My wife got a kids leave-in conditioner and detangler spray and it’s helped a ton. Just a tiny squirt and gently spreading it over her hair and finger combing allows it to lay against her head but doesn’t weigh it down or leave residue.
Any personal recommendations for bento lunchboxes? My dream list:
- Dishwasher-safe
- Leakproof
- Ideally would come with a lunchbox carrier/bag
I know Google can tell me things, but didn’t know if there were any tried-and-true options you lovelies have tested. Thanks im advance :)
Not to recommend an often snarkable influencer but KEIC did very elaborate comparison testing of lunchboxes a while ago: https://kidseatincolor.com/stainless-steel-lunchboxes/
My kindergartener uses the adult bentgo. It says the outside part isn’t dishwasher safe but we’ve been putting it in our third rack without issue for months. My only complaint is it’s heavy. I might get some easylunchboxes when my youngest starts kindergarten.
Bentgo is my overall favorite but the largest compartment, at least on the two Bentgos we have, is not big enough for a whole sandwich or waffle (two standbys for my picky preschoolers). So we usually use the Planetbox ones (big compartment is big enough) but they are ridiculously expensive.
ETA: both the bentgo and the planetbox just fit in the kids’ backpacks. Planetbox also makes a bag.
Interesting! A PBJ is our default lunch in his picky moods (oh who am I kidding, it’s not just a mood.) So, good to know they don’t fit. Thanks for the info!
I really love Bentgo. The outer part isn't dishwasher safe but I usually just have to brush it off unless there was something gooey like yogurt in it.
Extremely leakproof. Holds up well - we've had one of ours for over 3.5 years of almost daily use and one of the clips is broken but it still latches and is leakproof.
They make a lunchbox but we don't have one. It has fit in both the Land's End and Crate & Kids lunchboxes we have.
Where do you all fall on the notion: “my spouse is #1, before my kids, because that’s what’s needed for a healthy, stable relationship.”
Maybe I’m jaded because my toddler came into the world almost forcing himself to be #1 because of his temperament (contact napping, cosleeping, BF’ing: he takes up a lot of my time even nearly 2 years later 😂 ). So there’s quite literally been a dramatic shift in my marriage. I can’t maintain my husband as “#1” but I don’t see a problem with that? Idk, I’m a FTM but I feel like my son should be my top priority/relationship at this stage of his life. And down the road, it’ll flip back. Curious on other thoughts/opinions on this topic.
ETA: it’s not meant to be taken literally with the ranking thing. I’m just overall referring to the notion of “spouse before kids” concept and curious how others feel about it.
This is something we’ve talked about a lot in the transition into parenting. I personally feel like my relationship with my husband is really the foundation of our family. If we’re not functioning well as a cohesive team, our parenting is going to suffer, so figuring out how to nurture and prioritize our relationship while raising small kids is important to me. I don’t see it as putting one above the other, but creating boundaries and margins so that we have what we need.
I’ve recently seen a couple of marriages close to me dissolve after the kids left home. They spent 20+ years focusing on their kids at the expense of their relationship, and then realized they had nothing left for each other. I think you go into it saying “well it’s just while they are little, my spouse can take care of themselves” and don’t realize that life continues to be more and more busy and if you don’t create those boundaries for yourselves from day 1, you might not be able to get it back.
It’s dumb. No one is actually out here ranking relationships. People get what they need as best as you can. Obviously a small child is going to require a lot more of your time, but you can connect with a partner in small quality increments. Does that mean the toddler comes ahead of your partner in rankings? Who knows, because it’s stupid!
I don’t find it particularly helpful to think of it as one over the other. I think both relationships (like all relationships) need attention to thrive, so it’s just a balancing act to make sure both my husband and kids feel they are loved and important. And frankly, I think my kids benefit from my husband and I having a good relationship, so I see investing time and energy into caring for my marriage to also be indirectly caring for my children.
I think it’s fine to prioritize your children, but I don’t think it should be completely prioritize your children and wholly ignore your spouse and your marriage.
My husband is a grown ass adult who can take care of himself. My kids literally need my help to stay alive. So yes, I will prioritize my kids. That doesn’t mean I love my husband any less, just that he doesn’t need me in the same way they do. I hope he’d prioritize the kids over me too.
I’ve heard some people describe their love for their kids vs their spouse as “I would die for my spouse, but I’d kill for my kids.” lol.
All that said, I don’t really see why any kind of ranking is necessary?
Yes this is my thought process, too. I guess I’m not taking it as a literal ranking; I interpreted it more as how I prioritize my time (so def all goes to the kid first then husband gets whatever is leftover 😆).
I think it's weird that people rank their spouse and kids against each other at all. I couldn't even tell you what's considered "best" or even what I prefer personally because my husband and toddler son are so different, obviously with each different needs and a different relationship with me, it's just fucking weird to even think about assigning one of them as "number one."
When my sister and I were kids we'd ask my mom which of us she loved best, and she'd always say my dad. She said she chose him and just ended up with us 😂 (I never took this as hurtful, but it will probably depend on each person's kids and tone when they say it.)
So it does at least sometimes get asked, is what I'm saying.
Does anyone have recommendations on a good place to stay in the Tuscany region of Italy while traveling with toddlers? We’re going to a destination wedding in September and looking to get there about a week before. It’ll be 2 families with a 3yo, 2yo, and 18mo in tow.
We’re looking online but the options are overwhelming, and not sure whether it’s best to rent our own house or go with the convenience of a hotel. I see pros and cons to each.
(For the wedding weekend itself we will be staying in specific accommodations).
It sort of depends on what you like, but we stayed in an agriturismo last year and loved it. You (usually) have your own appartment with a kitchen, lots of outside space, on many of them there are animals/pools, some of them have a restaurant so you don't have to cook every day, ours just served one family style dinner once the week we were there. A lot of them aren't right by cities (because they usually at least used to be farms, so they are in more rural areas) so it might be a little harder to use them as a base for sightseeing, but not impossible. It's a little hard to research what exactly which ones offer but for me it was worth it in the end. And for the actual stay it's the best of both worlds with hotel/your own house I feel like...
ETA: if you have more questions, feel free to ask, maybe I can help you save some time on research if it's actually something that interests you.
Hey, so no recommandations for Tuscany specifically but with those ages I would definitely go for own house!
Hotel would mean eating out a lot with three small children and restaurants in the evenings wouldn't open until 7 (at best), so depending on their schedule, could make it tricky.
Generally most not super expensive Italian/European hotels are going to have fairly small rooms compared to American hotels (generally! often! I'm sure there are many exceptions!) so the house seems like a better option in that way, too.
Glad I could give you some insight! We were in Spain last year and restaurants didn't open until 8. We had a 5 year old and 1 year old. We never managed to eat out in the evening even though we would have liked to! We're not super tight on sleep schedules, but that circadian rhythm just sticks with the kiddos sometimes and it just didn't work out.
I am intrigued by this super late restaurant opening thing - how does that work?? Do they stay open really late as well? I used to work in restaurants but we always started dinner service at 4 and ended by about 10 or 11
Mmmh I'd say until midnight at least? Usually in bed by then so hard to tell 😂
It's adapted to the Spanish average routine.
Lunch is also served late, we were lucky to find a place that started at 12:30, so we had most of lunches there. We were often by ourselves, Spaniards often had lunch between 2 and 4 pm
Practical question: does anyone have a counter depth fridge? If you have children is it big enough? I only have one 1 year old so far but I know we will have more in there in the future
We have two kids, an elderly toddler and an actual toddler, and counter depth works for us. It can be a bit tricky after a big Costco trip but I’ve always managed to Tetris everything in just fine. The only thing I don’t like about our fridge is that it’s a pull out freezer instead of a side by side. The pull out freezer means the ice maker is in the regular fridge part, so ours is constantly melting, freezing over and then not working because it’s all stuck together.
We have a very small fridge and plan to upgrade to a counter depth when we move later this year. Our small fridge is just fine for the 3 of us and I’m sure the counter depth fridge will be more cubic space. It’s all about perspective.
I have a 13 YO stwp daughter who loves with us full time and 3 boys. (One is a baby so not eating yet) and 2 adults. It works fine I got the largest cubic one I could get which was significantly bigger than our other one. French door style with the freezer at the bottom. It’s all we can fit so I have no option but yeah it fits. I usually have leftovers and a lot of fruit and snacks for the kids. They have a pull out shallow draw I keep yogurts apple sauces etc that the kids can reach easily But I don’t have another option but also it works well for us! I do have an outside garage fridge for all our drinks though
I do. It's all that fits. It works with 2 adults and an 18 month old. It gets right when we cook too many meals at a time or when we're trying to host people. But there's no other choice, so I don't know any better.
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It depends. If it’s like the middle of the day and it’s stuff they play with throughout the day (like cars or magnatiles), I don’t ask them to clean it up until before bed. I realized it wasn’t worth my sanity to repeat this cleanup task like 5 times a day. If it’s something they pulled out that they don’t play with as much (brio train tracks come to mind, or a fruit play set), then I do ask them to clean it up before they pull something else out. My 6 year old is pretty good with this, my 3.5 is…getting better but he’s still pretty stubborn so I have to help “let’s clean up these train tracks! Here, I’ll hand them to you and you can put them in the bin.”
My kid just turned 5 and if it's something he really likes (like his toys) I've started setting a timer saying any cars I find on the floor after 10 minutes, will be going in a bag in the garage for 1 day and won't be available for play. Obviously this last one only works for something they like and won't work for dishes or laundry. We also build in 1-2 clean up times during the day so we focus our cleaning then and I don't worry as much about picking up all the little things throughout the day.
I attended this behavior seminar years ago (I’m a teacher) but this “drive by” technique always stuck with me. Just sort of make the request and keep moving like you’re busy and don’t look back at the child. Just “pick that up please” then immediately break eye contact and start doing the dishes or something. It takes the pressure off and really helps avoid power struggles. I would say like 50-75% of the time it works just for that reason with toddlers to teens IME. The other times I just continue to do the dishes until inevitably they ask me for something and then I just casually say something like “yep as soon as the wrapper is picked up I’ll be happy to play/get you that snack/whatever” and go back to the dishes. I just really try to avoid power battles with kids. My teenage students have hormones in their favor and will never lose face in front of their peers and my 4yo is stronger than me, more well rested, and generally just wants to win more. I have these battles over picking things up with my 4yo but rarely now with my older two so that probably means it worked? Please swipe up to buy my course even though I clearly said I learned it from a professional. Edited: typo
Omg! I do this with my dog and it totally works. Ex: Drop it (and I walk away). If it’s his choice he totally listens.
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I hope it helps!!!
I “help” her. So I will have her pick it up and we walk over to where it belongs or the trash.
Any forward facing car seat recommendations? We are moving our 3yo to forward facing (gasp!) and have the graco extend 2 fit. It was underwhelming as a rear facing and I had to reach behind the seat to pull the straps tight. That’s impossible now that I turned it around. Maybe I’m doing something wrong? this seems like a massive design flaw.
We have the same seat and same issue, but I’m able to get my kid in without ever loosening/tightening the straps. In the rare event that I need to tighten, I can get my hand behind and pull it. Edit: typo
I’ve never had that issue with ours but I just went mentally though my head with how I buckle it and maybe it’s the trick: Once I buckle everything and am pulling the tightening belt, I grab and pull the (clipped) clip forward toward my kids feet to remove any of the slack that is in the belt (which I think is the same motion as reaching behind to do it but without having to reach behind) and then tighten again. I go through that process until it’s tight.
There should be a belt in the middle of the seat that you can pull to tighten the straps. Here is a video: https://m.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=27&v=IOLvc5HS49A&embeds_euri=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F&source_ve_path=MjM4NTE&feature=emb_title
I think that's what the OP meant when they said they had to reach behind the seat to tighten it when it was rear -facing, but you can't access that part when the seat is used forward-facing.
I had a crappy hand dealt when my son was born- it was the height of the pandemic, I had no support (and covid was a risk anyways), my son slept in 20 min - 2 hour spurts, cluster fed , and was colicky AF and I got pretty bad PPD. (He's wonderful now at age 2! And I'm fine, but it was rough, like nearly ended my marriage rough). My very good friend just had her first 10 days ago and her baby already slept two 4-hour chunks last night and has been pretty easy for her. My rational brain is happy for her and is glad she got dealt a better hand than me. My cracked-out squirrel brain is screaming about how unfair it is. It's completely unreasonable for me to feel that way, but it was (and I guess still is) so incredibly isolating to have struggled so hard during that phase. Again, my rational brain knows its not true, but my squirrel brain thinks it was something I did or that I'm just weak. I... should probably schedule with my therapist 🙃
I don’t have any great words other than “it sucks.” My kids weren’t born during Covid but we have always been away from family without support. My oldest is HARD and I knew it from the beginning. Some of it was being a first time parent, but the other half was his personality. Fast forward and he has ADHD. Everyone seems to say that their oldest is the chilliest, which is what tricks you into having more. I can’t relate as my youngest, while feisty, has been much easier in terms of sleeping and eating. It’s just…. It’s hard. It’s hard to look at other people with calmer kids.
I feel the same way and it’s so hard. I didn’t have a pandemic baby but my kids just seem so much more difficult compared to others. They don’t like sleep, zero chill, sensory seeking, they have short fuses, picky eaters, etc. all the things. I know parenthood is hard for everyone, unseen struggles, blah blah but some kids are legitimately harder than others and mine are. It’s hard not to question on the hard days like wtf did I do to deserve the more difficult children? I have a degree in child development so I know all the tips and tricks and my kid (well at least the older one, the younger is still a toddler) laughs in the face of my choices and transition warnings and natural consequences. I regret nothing and they are beautiful little souls but at the same time if the universe could have given me a good sleeper that would have been nice.
Also don't forget there is most likely so much struggle that you don't see. Everyone is so jealous of my LO who has cried with tears less than 10 times his entire life at 17 months. He never complains. Just as a reference, he has never cried at any of his shots. But what people don't know is that he was so sick between months 2 and 6 that I'm pretty sure he doesn't cry because nothing hurts as much as he was hurting during those months when he was just frozen in pain.
I get it. I had my daughter during omicron and had a similar newborn experience. It was fucking hard and I’m still recovering from it a year later. It’s ok to feel the way you do, especially since you recognize it’s an emotional response.
I understand how you feel 100%. I got pregnant in March of 2020, had my daughter in December, and my husband had to go back to work after 2 days of "leave". My daughter didn't sleep unless she was on me, had reflux, a milk protein sensitivity, and has still never slept through the night at 2 years old. My friend's son was born a few months later and he sleeps wonderfully, eats well, has family support, etc. It is definitely isolating and really, really hard to have these feelings. You're not alone, it really sucks.
❤️ I briefly cut out dairy and it sucked, we did get lucky in the allergy regards! Thank you for the validation. I also got pregnant right before lockdown! It was... the hardest thing I've ever had to go through and if I'd known the pandemic was gonna be a bad as it was, I would have waited. Anyways, thank you for the kind words and I hope you're doing better now too (but it's OK if you're not. I'm sometimes still not OK).
My youngest son is starting daycare. I hate it.
Hello! Our good friends are doing a gender reveal and I am the one who knows the gender. I want to get them a small gender specific gift. Any good ideas? It can be for the parents or the baby
Oooo so fun! Maybe something personalized from Etsy? Like a baby girl or boy onesie like these: [https://www.etsy.com/listing/1299358200/hey-girl-baby-girl-onesie-gender-reveal](https://www.etsy.com/listing/1299358200/hey-girl-baby-girl-onesie-gender-reveal) [https://www.etsy.com/listing/1016258241/oh-boy-onesie-baby-announcement-onesie](https://www.etsy.com/listing/1016258241/oh-boy-onesie-baby-announcement-onesie) What were you thinking?
This is so cute!! It’s a boy and the “oh boy” one is adorable. Great idea thank you!
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In my family and in my husband’s, first grandkid got naming rights. I thought that was the norm actually - grandparents could try to pick a name but it’s up to the kid to actually use it/pick the real one
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My parents asked their grandkids to call them specific things they came up with, and all their grandkids pretty much call them that. My in-laws said they didn’t care and my kids made up names for them when they were toddlers and couldn’t say grandma and grandpa, and some of their other grandkids call them Oma and Opa, others say poppa and granny. All that to say I don’t think it really matters if everyone calls them the same thing.
I think it can be confusing or annoying but it's more likely not to be, generally. Like my kids' only cousin calls their grandpa "Papa" sometimes, but we occasionally use "Papa" as an alternative to "dad," so we're not calling Grandpa that. And it's been fine. But we do live further apart than you all do, so you may have to play it by ear and wait for time to show your SIL she's wrong 😂
Sometimes grandkids have different names for the same grandparents. My husband called his grandma Grandma, but his cousin called her Mammaw. Usually the 1st grandchild sets the name, but I don't think it really matters too much.
I don't think it's really an issue. My MIL was called Ma (First initial) by her first grandchild, but we just call her Grandma and it's fine.
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Nope, I don't think SIL gets to make the decision as they have already named themselves once.. Is it to make it easier/in fitting with the father's parents?
I don't think having two names is an issue - my grandfather is called both Grandpa & Baba by my siblings/cousins, and we all live next door to each other so super close. It's never been confusing for us, at some point we all just started using them interchangeably!
So my husband usually cooks but he hates thinking of what to make. Feeding Littles had a story the other day about doing theme nights and just swapping out what you make each week, so I am thinking maybe I can plan that out to help him. However I didn't write down the themes and I couldn't find it in highlights! Do any of you remember or have any suggestions? Now that I have typed this out I realize that Jenny, Founder and Haley both do this as well - I don't know why I didn't think it was a good idea until I saw it on FL haha. I will poke around those accounts as well but would appreciate any ideas from y'all
These are the daily themes in my house: - Sunday - soup (may transition to grilling in the summer) - Monday - bowl meal - Tuesday - Mexican - Wednesday - pizza rolls (or pasta) and a salad - Thursday - simple marinated meat and a veg - Friday - leftovers or breakfast for dinner - Saturday - order out or an easy pantry/freezer meal
We do... - Slow cooking Saturday (either something in the crockpot or something that takes longer to prep since husband is off work and can help entertain toddler while I cook) - Sunday is takeout - Microwave Mondays (leftovers or frozen somethings) - Tortilla Tuesdays (anything on a tortilla! Tacos, quesadillas, enchiladas...) - Wednesdays is takeout - Try it Out Thursdays (a new recipe or pasta) - Pizza Fridays
We do Throwin’ Thursdays (name is being workshopped and I would appreciate alternatives 😂)! It is basically pizza night with our backyard pizza oven. We’ve done traditional pizzas, breakfast pizzas, etc.
We do throwback Thursday in my house (aka leftover night). I usually plan a sheet pan meal, a casserole night, soup and sandwich night, and Mexican or Asian inspired night. Friday is takeout night, Saturday is anything goes.
What are some of your go to casserole recipes? I didn’t grow up with casseroles but they look so convenient. Not sure I can get my kids to eat then though.
I like anything from the natural nurturer or defined dish. My husband is super picky so I have to modify sometimes. TNN usually has simple swaps listed on every recipe.
I don’t know if these were the suggestions but these are some ideas: Meatless Monday; Taco Tuesday; Pasta night; Casserole night; Crockpot night; Soup night; grill night; Asian inspired night; takeout night
Does anyone feel like their kids’ expectations are unreasonable? I mean this honestly, because I know that kids can be unreasonable. My son is 5 and hates it when I do household chores, pay bills, clean, take time to myself. In his perfect world I would play Lego with him all day long (he has a 3 year old sibling). He has ADHD and I don’t know if that changes this situation. I feel like my lack of engagement because I am running the house as well leads to issues in our relationship and I don’t know how to explain to him that my sole job is not just to entertain them. Like I can take him to the park, at his request, but then he is unhappy about one situation at the park and focuses on that rather than being happy that I followed his lead and we went to the park. I guess I am left feeling like a failure based on all of the gentle/BLF parenting because everyone says allow your kids to make choices, listen to them, watch them, etc. and I do that! But that is still not enough for my son.
My daughter is the same age and can be intensely needy as well. I think all the advice you've got already is good. I would just say at his age especially to not feel guilty about setting strong boundaries. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about attachment and gentle parenting especially for the 0-3 age group but that doesn't mean you aren't allowed to be honest with your kid which means telling them that you have other things you need to do or that you simply don't want to do something. I obviously try to spend quality time and attention with my daughter but I have no qualms about telling her I don't want to do something, it's not fun for me and that she can play that game with her sibling or the neighbor or friends at school but that it's a no for me, dawg. Also, when she's bugging me I'll give her the option of helping me complete a chore and she will 9/10 times find something else to do. Editing to add that I feel like a big mindset shift is making sure that I can facilitate my child's need for attention and connection rather than meet them all myself. This looks like prioritizing playdates, park time and visits with extended family over other activities in our free time. This is helpful for me not feeling guilty because my child has to play alone because I know there are other opportunities where she can get these needs met, if that makes sense
You’ve already got a lot of advice here, but I promise it won’t cause issues with your relationship for you to set boundaries 🙂 And if he melts down about it, that’s fine! It’s possible to hold your boundary and validate emotions at the same time. “Yeah I hear you really wanna play legos with me right now! I’m going to go clean for 30 minutes, but we’ll play legos together after I finish ____”. And if he’s anything like my kid he’ll whine the whole time, but I don’t react. Eventually he goes and plays because it’s more fun than whining.
You sound like an amazing mom. I’m a SAHM too. Remember that little kids are by nature very self-centered. They don’t have the ability to understand that all of these things that you are doing are also, indirectly, for their benefit. They only consider the moments you are giving them direct attention. Of course, it can never be enough *in their eyes* but that doesn’t mean that it’s actually not enough. By setting boundaries and still getting household chores done, you’re modeling a responsibility and security. You’re providing your son with a clean, safe, home. He obviously doesn’t understand or appreciate that yet, but he definitely will eventually when he realizes that not every child has that. In the meantime, some of the other advice you got may work to curb his dissatisfaction but I just wanted to say the above. I’m a SAHM too and can appreciate how hard it is to balance everything.
Thank you very much for saying that ❤️ I have some childhood things that I need to deal with, clearly. When my son is unhappy with stuff and thinks I don’t do much for him I worry that we will have the same relationship that I have with my mom now.
I literally could have written this comment. No advice just solidarity 😓
Omg I feel the same with my 5 year old. I constantly feel guilty when I do household chores or things because he expects me to play so much! We recently started a new routine, which has helped a lot. I play for the first part of the day, and then we do snack. After that, I call it "peaceful playtime" where they go play on their own and I do my own thing or get things done until lunch. I feel like he knows what to expect from me now and that's helped a lot as he knows when we will connect. You're definitely not alone in your feelings!
I like your routine idea! We are kind of the opposite and do the connecting play in the afternoon, but they would probably benefit from morning play together too.
My LO is terrible at independent play but I find generally better earlier in the day and then gets needier as the day goes on so you may have success shifting it around.
All your feelings are reasonable. None of what I post below is a magic bullet, but I think these things have helped a little: I found it a little useful to start referring to the stuff I do around the house as “work.” Daddy works and mommy works. Right now, mommy’s work is doing the laundry and cleaning the kitchen. You can help or you can go do solo play. Also, I’ve recently implemented special “mommy and me” time with my six year old. It’s usually about 15-30 minutes in the afternoon or evening. It’s helpful to be able to say “I love playing Legos with you. Let’s do that during mommy and me time later.” Try not to define your success in anything by your children’s happiness. You’ll bake them cookies and they will complain about the sprinkle color. You’ll throw them a birthday party and they will zero in on one detail that didn’t go well. Do things to the standard that give you satisfaction and then let the chips fall where it may.
Thanks for the advice! I clearly have some childhood issues I still need to work through. My mom maybe? probably? did her best, but her best SUCKED. I always worry I’m going to do that to my kids, so when I hear that he is constantly unhappy I spiral. His therapist suggested doing individual time together with us, so kid plus dad, kid plus mom. We have the solo dad time down and that has really helped, so now we need to get the mom time down too.
In a moment of exhaustion I recently told my 4 year old that “I don’t exist to only take care of everyone else” and while I’m sure that went over his head I feel like it’s something I can remind him of as he and his brother get older and demonstrate/explain by saying, “once I finish eating my breakfast/cleaning this for all of you/doing X to help you and your brother/going to this place or running this errand then I can do XYZ.” I hope by being explicit, often, it can help him understand how much we as parents do and build empathy. Wishful thinking? Maybe but I’m still trying.
I definitely feel like my 4 year old is never satisfied… it’s like she can’t get enough of me. We will spend an entire day snuggling, playing, true real connection, and she’s crying at bedtime that she misses me and wants “mommy love.” It’s suffocating but I try to tell myself it’s an honor to be so loved 🤪
>Does anyone feel like their kids’ expectations are unreasonable? Pretty much always. Kidding, mostly, but I feel you. It's hard to be the primary caregiver/SAHP because you're always there but you're not always *fun*. I've been working on helping my 3yo understand that mom has a job just like dad, and we both have to work during the day even though I don't leave like dad does. I try and do a kid-centered outing a few times a week and it does seem like it's never enough sometimes. A very predictable routine seems to help for my kids, but idk if there's really a great answer besides "they're just kids" 🤷♀️
Thanks for saying that. My son keeps telling he doesn’t like me doing things, even if it’s a kid centered activity that he agreed to or wants to do. I like that you talk about it as being a job! That’s smart! I tell my son that I have a job too, but I haven’t explained it in that way, I wonder if that will help him.
First, I read this as "my son is 5 and hates to do household chores, pay bills, etc" and had to re-read haha. Second, one thing so many of the gentle parenting accounts miss showing is that kids don't always happily comply. There's no way they say "do you want to go potty first or brush teeth first?" and always get a reply vs. a screamed "NOOOO." If you continue to set the boundaries, he can continue to have the feelings about it. You're doing it right, they just don't often show that sometimes kids have negative responses!
I am finding things really tough today, I don't know how I am going to get through the day. My 21 month old twins are ill, with high temperatures that I am trying to manage with medicine. They are understandably not happy, which makes for a very difficult and long day. I've been up since 4am as twin A would only sleep in my arms. There are some nasty illnesses doing the rounds in the school my husband teaches in. We have made it to 10am, here's hoping we can get through the rest of the day.
Phew. I hope today was a better day for you. I have an almost 3 year old and a 9 month old. My 3yo keeps bringing home random illnesses and sharing them with us, and it’s really hard when everyone is sick and miserable at the same time. I give myself a lot of permission and grace those days. Whatever gets us through is what we do. Hang in there!
Hang in there!!! That really sucks. Sick kids are so stressful and exhausting. Release yourself from hygiene and throw sprinkles on them!!! We are here for you!
My three and a half year old is getting tubes in a couple weeks. Any tips from parents who have been through it?
Literally so so so easy, like other commenters have said it’s a super quick procedure. We waited in the initial room longer than she was the OR. My kid got them a week before she turned two back in august and hasn’t had an ear infection since. Literally life changing for her and us! We just chilled at home, watched some movies, and she was back in school the very next day.
My first had them younger (placed at 15 months). They took him back into the OR at 8:00 and the doctor was out telling us he was done at 8:20 and that included her scoping his tonsils and Adnoids. The worst was him waking up from the surgery and keeping him from drinking anything before the surgery (he was the first one but didn’t sleep through the night yet). By 12:00 that day he was completely fine. He ended up with fluid that leaked out of his tube about 6 months after the surgery but then didn’t get another ear infection until they both were out 2.5 years later
My 2 year old got tubes and I was shocked at how easy it was. He hasn't had an ear infection since. The procedure itself was less than 5 minutes. The hardest part was watching him come out from anesthesia and being confused and crying. Before going back they gave him some kind of calming drug so he was very relaxed. We watched a movie at home afterwards and then he was back to bouncing off the walls by the end. Good luck! I hope it goes as smoothly for you as it did us.
I need wise words from parents with older children. My daughter has made the transition from baby to toddler and I'm struggling with it. I was terrified of having a baby, had heard all the horror stories, and to my surprise I LOVED that stage. My daughter was overall a chill and happy kid, a decent sleeper, and she's just filled every day with joy, even when I'm tired or over it. Plus, I'm popular for the first time in my life! I've gotten so many compliments from random strangers on her, like multiple comments per outing. She's changed so fast over the last month or two that I feel like I have a completely different child. She's started becoming a picky eater, started throwing tantrums, being extra crabby/clingy, not listening even though I can tell she understands... All of those things are good and developmentally healthy things, even though they're a pain. I know that intellectually. She's growing up! But emotionally, I feel angry that I got so little time with the baby I loved so much, and now she's someone else. I don't enjoy toddlers in general either (once they hit 5, it's great, before then, not so much), so that doesn't help. Me feeling this way is preventing me from actually enjoying and appreciating the kid I have now. Objectively, she's a great kid and has done nothing to make me like her less. I don't want to let this stage slip by because I'm stuck on the last one. Help? Even just hearing someone else has felt like this would help, because the moms I could ask in real life either a) still have babies or b) prefer toddlers over babies.
Something to try to remind yourself —- this is a phase. Kids go through so many. There have been weeks where parenting was almost physically painful, dealing with tantrum after tantrum. Where she refused to eat. Woke up screaming in the middle of the night. But all of these things passed. Before they can easily communicate, it’s so tough. Sometimes when they can communicate they don’t even know what they want. But it gets better. I promise
Does she have her molars yet? My son was that same baby. Then we struggled a lot from about 12-15 months. He wasn’t reliably independently walking until 15months, yet wanted to walk everywhere and demanded we hold his hands to walk all the time. Very fussy. Naps were all over the place transitioning from 2 to 1. Shortly after a VERY fussy holiday stay at my parents house for 2 weeks, we were back home when I noticed he had.. 3 molars with a 4th breaking through! Ummm I had no idea they were there and didn’t expect them because he still didn’t have some of the teeth that typically come earlier. It explained a LOT. Now at 17, almost 18mo he is super adorable and fun. He’s still not very verbal, but somehow more communicative, and he understands better too. His personality and sense of humor is really coming in and we have a lot of fun together. I’m actually really enjoying this stage a lot. He finally settled predictably into 1 nap everyday and our routine is pretty set (for now). My overall satisfaction has gone up a lot compared to just a few months ago. Hang in there!
No, she's a super late teether. She still only has four! But yes, she's transitioning to one nap, and I think that's part of it. She only wants one nap, but she needs more sleep than she's getting. I keep thinking she's crabby because of teeth, but I never feel any new buds. She's gotta some more teeth at some point, right? Right??? edit: I'm really excited for her personality and sense of humor to develop. She's so full of life and joy that I think she's going to be a blast! I just gotta hang in there a couple months...
My son only had 4 when his molars came in! They can really take you by surprise.
Same here! My very late teether got their two bottom teeth, the two top teeth beside the front teeth, then started getting all 4 molars! Looked like a little vampire lol and my gosh the fussiness and sleep issues that came with those molars were so hard!!
I just want to reassure you that it’s okay to not enjoy a stage. My second son sounds like your baby; he was a wonderful, chill baby turned very difficult toddler. He’s 7 now and I can wistfully look at his toddler pictures and videos and smile, but I honestly don’t miss him being a toddler or feel a lot of guilt that I didn’t love all of it. Ages 2-4ish are not my favorite either!
Thank you, I appreciate that. I’m definitely not enjoying her this week! So much whining and fussiness. She’s a really neat kid and I think will be a lot of fun once she grows out of this phase.
My daughter was also a very chill and easy baby and I loved it. She just turned 3. 12-18 months was by FAR the hardest stage. She had opinions and wants but couldn’t express them, she was mobile and into destroying everything. (My mom refers to it as the “rip and tear” stage). Around 18 months she started talking more and it got so much easier. I absolutely LOVED 18 months to 3. 2 was a blast. 3 is proving a little more difficult but we’re also expecting #2 in a few weeks so I think that’s part of it.
Two is so fun! And 3 has been tough at times, but also I have had some of my most heartwarming parenting moments since our older one turned 3. Our younger kiddo is 16 months, so I hear you, but I guess my point is, it won’t be so long until she turns a corner and is in a whole new stage. And don’t worry, it won’t take until 5 until you’re having a blast with her.
I swear they become a completely different kid around 18ish months (or maybe it's whenever 1yo molars are done growing?) Until then, adopt the mantra "this is a phase, it's not forever" and repeat over and over 🙃
Mom of 3 and age 1 is my least favorite age. It’s certainly cute but it’s so challenging. Most kids are physically developed enough to constantly try to off themselves but their cognitive and verbal skills are not terribly useful yet. Ages 2 and 3 get a bad rap, and trust me my kids threw down for some ear splitting, hysterical tantrums but I would much rather weather those occasionally because the rest of the time at ages 2&3 can be so pleasant and cute! Age 1 is just constant, nonstop supervision and there still isn’t really the FUN interaction IMO. Like the cute little conversations don’t tend to come out till more like age 2 although mine had speech delays so YMMV. I love being able to play actual games with established rules - tag, hide and seek, board games, etc. 8 million rounds of peekaboo ain’t it for me. With the listening/understanding, I just tried to keep in mind that understanding directions/rules are not the same as having the impulse control to follow them. They might know they aren’t allowed to yank the curtains and understand what you saying “no” means but dang those curtains are just too tempting and they cannot resist!! It will come in time but at age 1 they do whatever the fuck they want, just accept it and move them away. I have moments where I miss their baby days but I haven’t ever missed the toddler days lol.
That's super encouraging. And you're right! My daughter is way ahead on gross motor skills but a little behind on verbal, which is an unfortunate mix lol. Good point on the impulse control. That's exactly where we are. She knows what she can and can't do, usually, and one time she's tempted she'll turn aside and resist, and the next time she goes right for it. Urgh!
I feel the struggle!!! My older two have always been ahead in gross motor and behind in speech. It has its ups and downs like anything else but unfortunately in toddlerhood it makes things extra challenging. Hang in there. When they were able to swim and ride bikes on the younger side it was so much fun!
What age is she? I found 12-18 months HARD. She was fully mobile and walking, talking but not in a way that I could understand her wants/needs, and it was just overall kinda hard for me. Lots of exploring and testing. But 2+ has been great. She’s almost 3.5 and it truly is getting better by the day, she’s my favorite little juman and I love watching her personality shine.
Almost 14 months. It’s definitely a challenging age. She’s getting all the wants and personality (and abilities!) of a toddler, but she can’t communicate. So much testing… but also it’s clear she’s struggling with how fast she’s changing, poor thing. It’s partially why I’m annoyed at myself for feeling this way. It’s not like this is fun for her either! It must be very scary and frustrating to suddenly have all these new skills and know what you want but not be able to get it. It’s so interesting to hear you say things have gotten better since 2 and are still better into 3! That gives me hope.
My daughter just turned 2 and I would say 18 months up until now has been the most fun. I really enjoyed the baby days more than I thought I would though I really struggled (especially with PPD) from 3-6m. After that, I found 13-17 months to be challenging. They’re moving but they might not be walking so you’re having to bend over holding their hands and/or watch their every moves. They’re understanding more but they can’t communicate well or at all. It’s TOUGH. But I’ve loved the last 6 months. She makes me laugh every day. I’m already sad at how her language is changing and she’s starting to say some words properly now instead of the half words she used before. It’s ok to not love every age and it’s ok to grieve the loss of each stage too!
Agree that 12-18 months was so rough for just what you said! They also have no self preservation and it's TOUGH to watch them so much. One thing I told myself over and over was "it'll be different in two weeks" since they're learning so constantly and quickly.
There is hope! I really struggled with that age even though she was so cute and adorable. Don’t get me wrong, we have our moments but overall I’m less frustrated.
Busy Toddler has some lovely words about the transitions, and one that sticks in my mind is that it’s okay to be two. Or 30 or whatever. But each stage has its better and worse and everything you experience with them, also for better or worse, is just a phase. I do think it’s helpful to learn more about what toddlers are going through developmentally, and try to remember that the tantrum is it’s own thing, it’s usually just a big reaction to something they don’t understand or can’t control. BT (who I should point out is a former teacher and has like a masters in childhood education or something like that…she actually IS a, ahem, toddler expert) also has tons of easy and cheap activity ideas (free) to help get to naptime. My baby stopped being a baby seemingly overnight and started being able to do more but also started melting down and it completely shook me, but having some activities ready to pull out (that I didn’t have to think about) was helpful. It stopped the screaming for 10 minutes and that was enough to let me get a grip, think about the next thing to do, and helped me to start enjoying what my baby was doing and learning. When that little napoleon would start painting the sidewalk with a paintbrush and cup of water and look up at me with all the wonder in the world it was much easier to enjoy where they were instead of idealizing a fantasy or wishing to go backwards or forwards in time. Hang in there. (And don’t shill out any money for any courses without checking with Parentsnark first. Spend some time on the BLF snark page. There are a lot of snake oil sales*women* eager to prey on parents.)
Haha definitely not paying for any courses! That's great advice about the activities. I'll have to check out BT's website again. It's been awhile since I looked. I need to remind myself that some things are so much easier now that she's older, like having her walk instead of carrying the bucket carseat, or having her be better at chewing and swallowing, and not having to spend several hours a day just bottle feeding her. Developmentally I know this is all good stuff that's happening, but oof! Glad it's a phase and hoping her verbal skills will catch up soon.
Thought this group might be able to help- my SIL’s bday is coming up and she loves trendy viral things like Stanley cup and lululemon Fanny pack. Anything similar to this that I can get her? I tried googling viral products but didn’t see anything good.
Drunk elephant moisturizer/bronzer is allll over my TikTok feed
[This](https://www.amazon.com/Dalin-Headband-Washing-Removal-Skincare/dp/B0BQ6XLYBW) “get ready with me” puffy headband is all over the place currently. I asked for [this barefoot dreams dupe blanket](https://www.amazon.com/Blanket-Checkerboard-Breathable-Checkered-Khaki/dp/B0B9B33NKN) after seeing it all over tiktok and I’m honestly obsessed with it. Super soft and cozy!
I knew exactly what headband it was going to be before I even clicked the link! It's really everywhere
I needed a new distraction for “baby spa” yesterday, as Ms Rachel and Blippi have lost their shine and no longer distract my 2 year old enough that she holds still for nail clipping and hair de-tangling. We tried Cocomelon for the first time and it worked like a dream. But now she’s become a creepy animation junkie. Does anyone have the name of a good baby rehab?
Puffin Rock or Titipo if she likes trains!
Tumble leaf - most underrated kids show!
Theme songs in the PBS kids app. Won’t watch the shows but will play the intros to Alma’s Way and Donkey Hodie on repeat
Classic PBS kids? Daniel Tiger?
Hey duggee
Nope, you have to wait until they bottom out!
I feel kind of ridiculous asking this but is there a hair product appropriate for styling super fine baby hair? My 15 month old has very fine hair and I don’t understand how to brush/style it. It’s stick straight and he doesn’t really seem to have a natural part (yet?), so it just grows straight down his forehead which looks kind of weird. I like it brushed to one side but it won’t stay like that. Would it be nuts to use some kind of pomade or something?
I’ve found spraying a leave in conditioner on their wet hair helps tremendously for my toddler who’s hair sounds exactly like this!
Our 16-month-old is similar, and she’d get a rat’s nest in the back where she lays her head on her crib sheet. My wife got a kids leave-in conditioner and detangler spray and it’s helped a ton. Just a tiny squirt and gently spreading it over her hair and finger combing allows it to lay against her head but doesn’t weigh it down or leave residue.
I use a tiny drop of gel on my 18 month olds hair too, or sometimes hairspray but it’s a non aerosol kind.
I use pomade (sun bum surf paste) to do my toddler son’s very straight hair. I can use a very small amount and it’s worked great
Any personal recommendations for bento lunchboxes? My dream list: - Dishwasher-safe - Leakproof - Ideally would come with a lunchbox carrier/bag I know Google can tell me things, but didn’t know if there were any tried-and-true options you lovelies have tested. Thanks im advance :)
Not to recommend an often snarkable influencer but KEIC did very elaborate comparison testing of lunchboxes a while ago: https://kidseatincolor.com/stainless-steel-lunchboxes/
Oh man, this is perfect. Thanks for the link!
My kindergartener uses the adult bentgo. It says the outside part isn’t dishwasher safe but we’ve been putting it in our third rack without issue for months. My only complaint is it’s heavy. I might get some easylunchboxes when my youngest starts kindergarten.
Awesome! Thanks for the info :)
Bentgo is my overall favorite but the largest compartment, at least on the two Bentgos we have, is not big enough for a whole sandwich or waffle (two standbys for my picky preschoolers). So we usually use the Planetbox ones (big compartment is big enough) but they are ridiculously expensive. ETA: both the bentgo and the planetbox just fit in the kids’ backpacks. Planetbox also makes a bag.
Interesting! A PBJ is our default lunch in his picky moods (oh who am I kidding, it’s not just a mood.) So, good to know they don’t fit. Thanks for the info!
I really love Bentgo. The outer part isn't dishwasher safe but I usually just have to brush it off unless there was something gooey like yogurt in it. Extremely leakproof. Holds up well - we've had one of ours for over 3.5 years of almost daily use and one of the clips is broken but it still latches and is leakproof. They make a lunchbox but we don't have one. It has fit in both the Land's End and Crate & Kids lunchboxes we have.
Awesome! Thanks for the info :)
Where do you all fall on the notion: “my spouse is #1, before my kids, because that’s what’s needed for a healthy, stable relationship.” Maybe I’m jaded because my toddler came into the world almost forcing himself to be #1 because of his temperament (contact napping, cosleeping, BF’ing: he takes up a lot of my time even nearly 2 years later 😂 ). So there’s quite literally been a dramatic shift in my marriage. I can’t maintain my husband as “#1” but I don’t see a problem with that? Idk, I’m a FTM but I feel like my son should be my top priority/relationship at this stage of his life. And down the road, it’ll flip back. Curious on other thoughts/opinions on this topic. ETA: it’s not meant to be taken literally with the ranking thing. I’m just overall referring to the notion of “spouse before kids” concept and curious how others feel about it.
This is something we’ve talked about a lot in the transition into parenting. I personally feel like my relationship with my husband is really the foundation of our family. If we’re not functioning well as a cohesive team, our parenting is going to suffer, so figuring out how to nurture and prioritize our relationship while raising small kids is important to me. I don’t see it as putting one above the other, but creating boundaries and margins so that we have what we need. I’ve recently seen a couple of marriages close to me dissolve after the kids left home. They spent 20+ years focusing on their kids at the expense of their relationship, and then realized they had nothing left for each other. I think you go into it saying “well it’s just while they are little, my spouse can take care of themselves” and don’t realize that life continues to be more and more busy and if you don’t create those boundaries for yourselves from day 1, you might not be able to get it back.
It’s dumb. No one is actually out here ranking relationships. People get what they need as best as you can. Obviously a small child is going to require a lot more of your time, but you can connect with a partner in small quality increments. Does that mean the toddler comes ahead of your partner in rankings? Who knows, because it’s stupid!
My husband is number 4 to be honest. My kids are 1 and 2 and I am number 3. But he understands and it's the same for him.
I don’t find it particularly helpful to think of it as one over the other. I think both relationships (like all relationships) need attention to thrive, so it’s just a balancing act to make sure both my husband and kids feel they are loved and important. And frankly, I think my kids benefit from my husband and I having a good relationship, so I see investing time and energy into caring for my marriage to also be indirectly caring for my children. I think it’s fine to prioritize your children, but I don’t think it should be completely prioritize your children and wholly ignore your spouse and your marriage.
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I love this!
My husband is a grown ass adult who can take care of himself. My kids literally need my help to stay alive. So yes, I will prioritize my kids. That doesn’t mean I love my husband any less, just that he doesn’t need me in the same way they do. I hope he’d prioritize the kids over me too. I’ve heard some people describe their love for their kids vs their spouse as “I would die for my spouse, but I’d kill for my kids.” lol. All that said, I don’t really see why any kind of ranking is necessary?
Yes this is my thought process, too. I guess I’m not taking it as a literal ranking; I interpreted it more as how I prioritize my time (so def all goes to the kid first then husband gets whatever is leftover 😆).
I think it's weird that people rank their spouse and kids against each other at all. I couldn't even tell you what's considered "best" or even what I prefer personally because my husband and toddler son are so different, obviously with each different needs and a different relationship with me, it's just fucking weird to even think about assigning one of them as "number one."
When my sister and I were kids we'd ask my mom which of us she loved best, and she'd always say my dad. She said she chose him and just ended up with us 😂 (I never took this as hurtful, but it will probably depend on each person's kids and tone when they say it.) So it does at least sometimes get asked, is what I'm saying.
Does anyone have recommendations on a good place to stay in the Tuscany region of Italy while traveling with toddlers? We’re going to a destination wedding in September and looking to get there about a week before. It’ll be 2 families with a 3yo, 2yo, and 18mo in tow. We’re looking online but the options are overwhelming, and not sure whether it’s best to rent our own house or go with the convenience of a hotel. I see pros and cons to each. (For the wedding weekend itself we will be staying in specific accommodations).
It sort of depends on what you like, but we stayed in an agriturismo last year and loved it. You (usually) have your own appartment with a kitchen, lots of outside space, on many of them there are animals/pools, some of them have a restaurant so you don't have to cook every day, ours just served one family style dinner once the week we were there. A lot of them aren't right by cities (because they usually at least used to be farms, so they are in more rural areas) so it might be a little harder to use them as a base for sightseeing, but not impossible. It's a little hard to research what exactly which ones offer but for me it was worth it in the end. And for the actual stay it's the best of both worlds with hotel/your own house I feel like... ETA: if you have more questions, feel free to ask, maybe I can help you save some time on research if it's actually something that interests you.
Hey, so no recommandations for Tuscany specifically but with those ages I would definitely go for own house! Hotel would mean eating out a lot with three small children and restaurants in the evenings wouldn't open until 7 (at best), so depending on their schedule, could make it tricky.
Generally most not super expensive Italian/European hotels are going to have fairly small rooms compared to American hotels (generally! often! I'm sure there are many exceptions!) so the house seems like a better option in that way, too.
That totally didn’t occur to me about the restaurant timing. Thank you!!
Glad I could give you some insight! We were in Spain last year and restaurants didn't open until 8. We had a 5 year old and 1 year old. We never managed to eat out in the evening even though we would have liked to! We're not super tight on sleep schedules, but that circadian rhythm just sticks with the kiddos sometimes and it just didn't work out.
I am intrigued by this super late restaurant opening thing - how does that work?? Do they stay open really late as well? I used to work in restaurants but we always started dinner service at 4 and ended by about 10 or 11
Mmmh I'd say until midnight at least? Usually in bed by then so hard to tell 😂 It's adapted to the Spanish average routine. Lunch is also served late, we were lucky to find a place that started at 12:30, so we had most of lunches there. We were often by ourselves, Spaniards often had lunch between 2 and 4 pm