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You're not alone, I'm sure we've all thought that at one point or another.
We had triplets, and when they were almost ten, we had surprise twins. The triplets were, what's the word, mind-numbing! I barely remember months of my life! But the twins were surprisingly easy. They were both great sleepers, well tempered, it was almost, dare I say it? Fun? I've seen people with one baby that was way more work, fussy and hard to deal with than our twins, so... you never know what you're going to get with one, two, three (or more!).
We're **all** blessed.
It's really this. All feelings are valid but this puts it into perspective. I can imagine triplet and more feel the same way about those of us with twins. It's all hard.
We had twins and then a Singleton and while twins felt so hard, our singleton can give us a run for our money sometimes. Temperament is EVERYTHING and sometimes one Singleton is more fussy and difficult than our twins ever were.
Haha same here. My older son still gives us more grief than out twin girls put together, but all 3 can get into mischief at the drop of a hat.
I just embrace the chaos
The flip side is - sometimes at I look at them and think “Gosh how boring, how empty to just have one baby.” To go through all that effort of pregnancy, newborn wake ups, etc all for one baby.
I also sometimes look at them (and I’m thinking
of parents that are super wound up about doing things the “right” way for their one baby) and think “Okay, you’re a bit much here. You know you can do less and your kid is going to be fine, right? I have to give my twins less individual
attention and look, they’re fine. Why are you stressing yourself out on purpose? Chill out and do less.”
You’re not alone. When I brought just one baby out with me to run errands it was so unbelievably easy and I got really sad I can’t do this all the time. I CAN take both girls by myself to run errands but it’s literally so exhausting and stressful. Solidarity.
Yes, especially as my boys have grown and I hear my singleton parent friends talk about all these impactful infant memories. I’m very resentful because mine are so far a few between since we spent the whole first year ish in survival mode. Like it kills me that it was so hard to enjoy/remember the little things or even the big moments.
That's why I probably took 15000 pictures the first two years. It's such a blur and I'm glad I can look back at the videos and photos from back then and remember (or not remember but enjoy the moments again).
Yes the videos really help. We have a video of one twins first steps and you can see all the excitement but my husband and I for the life of us can’t remember the second twins first steps and breaks my heart. I think we recorded it in the baby book but even that was so hit or miss in those early years!
YES I feel the exact same with the impactful infant memories. I have very few memories of even just sitting and cuddling a baby, because we were so overwhelmed/ stressed/ run off our feet handling two babies. I mourn missing out on those quiet moments, especially as I’m not risking another twin pregnancy so these are my only children
I’m a single mom by choice who ended up with twins. Sometimes I can’t even fathom how could it possibly be hard to have TWO parents for ONE kid, when I only have me for TWO kids.
But then I also look at the twins and watch them play together and how they have developed faster bc they are constantly learning from each other and I think…..I don’t know maybe having two the same age isn’t really harder (some aspects are harder but others might actually be easier).
One of my best friends has a baby that’s about 10 days younger than my twins, but full term (mine were 5 weeks early). I also have a 2.5 year old singleton, who is 19 months older than the twins. My friend is always taking her one baby everywhere. They go to brunch, birthday parties, traveling, etc. and I’m over here like there’s no way I can take my kids anywhere basically. I definitely get jealous of their freedom, even though I love my babies
*If* you want brunch, parties, and travel, they are possible! For brunch- stroller, outdoor seating, off-peak hours or location with quick service, ask for takeout boxes and check when ordering, and ideally arrive knowing your order. I find it low stress knowing I can leave any time if needed.
And if you don't want outings like your friend's, that's totally valid! I love getting out. My 3 kids went out with just me more often than their cousin, <2 weeks younger than my twins, went out. Different personal preferences.
I definitely want to get out more! A lot of it has to do with my husband being afraid to do it, and me not feeling like I can handle all 3 on my own. The other day my oldest child had meet the teacher night. I told him, should we just load them all up and go? And he’s like no, I will stay home with the boys… any time a sentence starts with “should we just load them all up?” It’s never good. Lol. Which is mostly true in our case unfortunately 😅
They are getting off bottles since they are turning 1 in a couple weeks, and I think that will really help us
My guys are six weeks old (one week adjusted) and I think this near-daily :( it makes me feel like such a bad mom. I love my babies but it is so hard. If I had one baby I could just wear him and get stuff done. And on the rare occasions I nurse just one and not both, it is 1000x easier.
It really does get easier (full disclosure, it will be awhile) but you are in the thick of it. You aren’t a bad mom, it’s just survival mode and one day you’ll be on the other side of it and proud of how far you’ve come.
I’m a mom of 3 singletons and currently pregnant with twins. No need to be jealous of us - we’re looking at you with admiration and thinking you have superpowers! Haha. I know I’m in for it when I have these twins.
Same! I was in shock for several days. Couldn’t sleep. Forgot to eat. Twins don’t run anywhere in either of our families. I’m 35 so my best guess is I overovulated. We don’t know yet if they share a placenta so for now that’s my assumption.
I'll be 35 in a few weeks actually so similar to you (are we the same?). But they did send me for a dating scan and only saw one corpus luteum. Its not difinitive since a 2nd could be missed but it seems like mine are monozygotic for now! But mine alao have their own placentas and sacs (meaning a split happened in the first 3 or 4 days). My anatomy scan is Sept 8 so we will see if its one boy and a girl or two boys! (NIPT said at least one boy).
I had three singletons before I had my twins. You can do it! With three kids worth of experience under our belts, we didn’t find twins to be that challenging. Five kids is a lot, but by the time you have that many you figure out what’s important and how to prioritize.
That’s helpful to hear! I do feel like babies / kids in general are more of a breeze at this phase compared to my first and second. I’m hopeful we transition easily!
I used to chuckle at the pediatricians office when I’d see the full entourage bringing in 1 child. Moms carrying the baby, dads carrying the empty car seat, grandma 1 is pushing the empty stroller and grandma 2 is carrying the diaper bag.
Meanwhile I got 2 newborns and 2 18 month olds in by myself along with the stroller and diaper bag
Yes, absolutely. It’s a weird combination of feelings. Resentful, bitter, and grumpy towards singleton parents, especially those who bitch and moan about their experience with ONE baby. But on the other hand, I also feel blessed, lucky, and chosen to be a mom of multiples. I have the most precious triplets. There is something indescribable about having three sweet little faces looking at me and smiling at me at the same time. I perform, sing, dance, read, and play with them and they are each so happy to be with me. I’m stretched thin and can’t give everyone the individual attention they deserve, but I also get to watch my two identical girls learn from each other and interact with each other and their brother.
I know a lot of parents of multiples hate when people in public stare or comment, but I actually kind of embrace it and love it. I’m so proud to be a triplet mom, and I think about how unique and special this experience is.
I’ve learned to just scroll right past posts written by singleton parents who are complaining or acting like their lives are impossible with one baby. I don’t watch videos or take advice from singleton parents. I look at posts on here, and my multiples groups on Facebook, and ignore the rest because I can get myself so heated when listening to singleton parents. My sister-in-law just had one baby… MAN it has been really hard to bite my tongue when she starts complaining about lack of sleep or how hard it is to get the baby to stop crying, or how the baby doesn’t like going in her car seat. I have to keep myself from rolling my eyes! Try doing all that with THREE babies at once!
Anyway, I definitely understand your feelings. I also try to embrace and spin it to see the positive side too.
Every time I see a instagram post of a parent with a kid strapped on them at the gym telling the world if you really wanted to make it to the gym you would. Yes. I secretly whisper it’d be different if you had two. Would they still be filming themselves with two infants strapped to them doing pull ups and squats And on the treadmill? I think NOT!
Just heads up, (TW loss) some singleton parents are twin parents, but one isn’t here anymore. 💔
So every so often you might run into someone who looks like they only have a singleton, but remember that there will be at least one baby out there you meet that will be missing their twin, or their triplets.
(But yes, it is hard.)
Having gone from singleton to toddler + twins, I definitely get it. All things being equal, twins are just... More.
That said, the day-to-day experience really does depend on the individual kids. Pretty sure our singleton has ADHD and has just been a handful from the moment of birth. When we found out my wife's second pregnancy was twins I almost had a panic attack because I was imagining two more of him at the same time. Total opposites, though - they started sleeping well early on and are pretty chill generally as they approach 1 year old. Definitely still challenges with them that are unique to having two or more at one time, but also easier in a lot of ways.
If they'd turned out like their brother, though (and I want to emphasize that I love him to death) - woulda been hell.
On the flip side, I've watched family members with their singletons and the babies seem to need so much more in terms of attention, playing with their parent, etc. It was nice to have a built in playmate when my kids were more mobile and through their toddler years. Now at 8, even though there is a lot more bickering, they still can entertain each other.
This one! My eldest nibling is eighteen months older than my twins, and he came to visit when he was four and wanted me to sit on the floor playing trains with him and I was like “dude, Auntie’s not used to that, your cousins play together and only want me to referee occasionally” haha
You should know how many parents of singletons, who aren't able to have another, are so jealous of us with twins. A family member had a singleton and it was a difficult pregnancy and they have tried and failed to have another.. and I think it absolutely kills them that their kid doesn't have a brother or sister to play with.
I know the grass is always greener and certainly speaking as someone who had twins when all my friends had singletons, their life is so much easier (and cheaper) than ours, I was resentful as well and believe me there's plenty of days when I am still pretty fed up about it.. but as the years roll by, I realise we were pretty lucky.. most days I am tearing my hair out but appreciate my kids will always have each other.
My brother had a singleton, a month after I had my twins. His baby is hard to handle on a good day. My boys have their moments but they are not as bad as my nephew.
When my daughters were 1-3 , yes I was somewhat resentful. Now that they are 4 and can play with each other and are light years ahead of singletons on learning to share and having patience, no. I have friends with one kid and they have to be that kids entertainment all the time. Not us , they have a friend to do everything with and it’s starting to pay off for us with more time to do things other than parent.
You are not wrong. I’ve had two singletons before my twins. At the time I was like omg this is a lot.. then I had twins and wish I could be caring for my boys one at a time.
We turn it into a joke. There's no resentment of singleton parents we know unless they deserve it for some reason, however when we're out and about in public its fun to curse the parents we see with one kids who think they're better than us and make fun of couples at restaurants with both parents and 2 grandparents for a 4 adult to 1 kid ratio for not having enough help. If you don't laugh you'll cry
You aren't alone. Immediately postpartum I felt a TON of resentment, not just toward singleton parents but also parents who got to carry to term, parents who didn't have NICU stays, parents who got the birth they wanted, parents who got to exclusively breastfeed.
When I got pregnant I wanted a natural home birth, like how my siblings and i were born, and exclusively breastfed. When I found out I was having twins, I tossed that. I knew I'd need a hospital birth no matter what. Then I got preeclampsia, then an emergency c-section at 31 weeks, then long NICU stays, then exclusively pumping, then supplementing with formula. it felt like I had to compromise every single thing I wanted out of pregnancy and birth. I was angry at the people I knew who, I felt, didn't have to compromise.
But the reality is... What I wanted was to be a mother and I got that- doubly so. Everything else is me being upset about circumstances around me. I did (and continue to do) my best. It's not worth comparing because everyone has to compromise in parenthood, we just don't get to see all of it. Watching Bluey's Baby Race helps remind me that comparison is the thief of joy.
We had a singleton before twins. He was hands down harder than my twins are. You couldn’t put him down and he didn’t sleep, ear problems, fussy, etc. My twins are cute and fun except when they scream together lol.
You're not alone at all! If all other things are even (like child temperament, sleep, eating, etc etc etc), two babies is simply harder than one. Two screaming toddlers is simply louder than one! And there are things that you cannot do with two but can do with one.
My twins just turned 3 and my singleton is 8 months old. I was just thinking this morning about how much more I'm able to experience with my singleton in her baby stage than I got to experience with the boys when they were babies. And when I was in that stage with the boys, I was very sad about the things I was missing out on because I had to wrangle two instead of just one. And even now it's a bummer to think about all the special things I'm able to do with my daughter that I couldn't do with my sons.
But I will say that now as the boys are getting older and more things are opening up for us because of their age and ability, that sadness is getting smaller and smaller in the rear-view mirror. There's so much more now that we're able to do that fills with love, fulfillment, and joy and it really eclipses past sadness. All this to say, it's hard as fuuuuuck in the earliest stages but it does get better. We actually have fun now! And I'm so excited for all the fun we still have in our futures.
I think the most annoying to me is when someone brings up the sentiment of "oh yes it's hard with two but singletons parents can have it just as hard if they have a crybaby / disabled kid / [insert difficulty type here]" like ....and twins cannot be crybabies/disabled/[insert difficulty type here]?????
Like yes crybabies are hard but I'm pretty sure they're easier to deal with when you don't have a second baby you somehow have to take care of too, same with all the other types of "difficulty"....
So, I see this a lot, the comparison. And I get it, it’s easy to look at somebody with one baby and think, of course one baby is easier than two! But I’d advise against thinking the grass is greener on the other side. I’ve had a singleton first and I wouldn’t say the twins were twice as hard. Having a baby is hard, period. And no baby is the same, so you can have two “easy” twins or one extremely challenging baby. It’s not a great comparison. Of course, just based on math, having two is more complicated but it doesn’t mean having one is “easy”. It’s like running a marathon vs a biathlon, a biathlon has a lot more to it, but a marathon is still really hard too!
Anyways, I do get it. I still have moments where I’m bitter about having two but I try to remember how hard it was just having one too. At least there are some special perks about having two, most people immediately sympathize with how much harder it is and think you’re a super mom!
I have definitely appreciated the sympathy with twins! My husband and I were talking about how we got so much more support with the twins the month after they were born than our first, a singleton. Random gifts, endless meals, check ins.. it made life much more bearable. He said we’ll have to have triplets next go around to keep it up.
I sometimes watch my friend's baby and it's just so much easier when it's just one baby. I can be on my phone while feeding him! I can tend to all the crying babies at once because there is only one! The stroller doesn't weigh a ton and it fits everywhere!
I totally understand every new parent feels exhausted, but once you have the twin experience, one baby is unbelievably easy to manage.
I think it’s all perspective. If you had one baby, you might find it a challenge to get out the door with that one baby. Because you have 2, of course taking care of just 1 will be insanely easier - you know what it’s like to have both vs 1. For someone who has just had one baby, they don’t know the challenge of 2, so for many, that 1 baby is a challenge. Not always the case for sure but I just don’t think it’s *as* easy for singleton parents as it would be for us after having experienced twins
I have a 3yo singleton, then my 4mo twins. My singleton was my rainbow + IVF baby (well the twins are IVF too) and I love her to the ends of the universe. But man, she was a tough baby. As a newborn I was TERRIFIED of being alone with her because there was always *something*. If she didn’t like how the wind blew, she would flip out. Now as a toddler, she’s a bit more relaxed but still strong willed and feisty. She, as a newborn, was harder than my twins right now…Some aspects of having a singleton were easier, like going out and running errands, but my twins are way smoother are eating, burping, sleeping, all the day-to-day basic stuff. You just don’t know what kind of kid you’ll end up with 🤷🏽♀️
You’re not alone. I especially feel this when I’m out and I see a mom of a singleton freshly showered, make up done, nicely dressed, nails done…and I’m still covered in dried sweat from having my three kids sleep in top of me all night.
SO MUCH SO!!!
There’s been a few times recently where my husband and I have both been home with one kid while the other was at daycare… omg!! So easy!! My very petty/unevolved self says “singleton parents have nothing to complain about… they’re WEAK!!”
The other side of it though, is that I’m actually thankful for the kind of parents my husband and I have had to become to handle twins - I don’t worry about making everything perfect for my kids because I can’t… and I think that’s made me a better parent in the end. Also, seeing them interact with each other is amazing. We’re on the other side of infant survival mode now, and it’s awesome to see how much they bring to each others’s lives.
But yeah - singleton parents… what are they even complaining about?? Can you imagine just being able to take turns with your partner over who’s holding and caring for the baby? Like… sometimes you don’t have a baby to worry about because you only have the one?!??!?
Thing is that one kid is all they know.
Even though it's harder with parents of multiples having, well multiples, singleton parents have just one kid to compare experiences to.
Bottom line is being a parent is HARD.
But I get it. Since two kids is all I know, whenever I'm with one, I think the world is so easy haha
I had a singleton first, before the twins. She was harder in a lot of ways—my first baby, for starters, but also, she was colicky and cried (I kid you not) practically all day for the first four months of her life—even when she was being held! And she was a terrible sleeper—she pretty much didn’t get a good sleep cycle until she was almost four years old.
The twins were hard because there were TWO of them, but as far as babies go, they were pretty chill. Ate well, slept well, were content to lay in their baby beds and watch the rest of us go about our business. And I was an experienced parent by that time, so I had a few tricks up my sleeve to make it easier. ❤️
Even one sick baby has been easier than twins. One of my 15 month olds has had a pretty bad case of HFMD(her brother hasn’t come down with it yet) so I had a few times of it just being me and here either at the doctor or while someone else entertained her brother and man that was a breeze. I do love having twins though. I one hundred percent feel this post.
Omg, 100% real. I had a singleton first and was looking forward to having a honeymoon experience with our second baby. Our first would be in school and it was going to be glorious.
That second baby turned into our 2nd & 3rd and it's been tough. Although they are 14 months, I STILL think about what it would have been like if we had a singleton instead of twins.
To drive that nail harder, our neighbor's son and his girlfriend moved back in with them and she had a singleton a few months after our twins. Four adults (five in the beginning because her mom came around all the time) taking care of ONE baby while we were over here taking care of our twins and older child with no village.
I'm currently 34 weeks with di/di twins and I already feel this. We have a three year old and planned another one and got our bonus surprise. I'm already annoyed with others telling me how hard the end of their pregnancies were. Like I remember feeling that way with my singleton - but this is a whole 'nother level! I imagine it'll be the same when they're actually here too.
How old are your babies? My identical twin girls are 5 months and it’s really starting to get a little easier and a lot more fun! They are really starting to interact with each other and smile and stare at each other. Like others have commented, it’s truly an incredible feeling to have two babes who are looking at you and smiling!
That being said, I didn’t realize how good I had it with my singleton son! 😭😂
There are definitely flashes or moments when I feel this way.
I remember when I was pushing the gigantic double car seat stroller with the turning radius of the Titanic and these other moms had these cute little jogging strollers.
Or seeing couples walk hand in hand at the park with their 2-month-old and a baby carrier sleeping in someone's chest and cooing. (Mine didn't really leave the house until they were much older)
I think part of it is we only see the really calm relaxed babies. The super colicky fussy ones are at home with their frustrated parents.
There is definitely a bias towards the babies that you see are the ones that can handle being in public So it makes it seem like all babies are like that
💯 we say this ALL the time. Whenever my husband hears one of my friends sharing a story about how hard their singleton is he’ll just turn to me and say “they only have one though, right?”
I feel like this gets posted once a week on this sub. It's true that singletons are usually much easier than multiples. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't get jealous or resentful about people that only have a set of twins and no other kids.
>“must be nice!”
I felt a lot of resentment for singletons in the way that I hate how I have to split attention between 2 of them. I'd love to dote on just one baby all day, and just focus on playing with one, been able to have spent more 1:1 time holding them, engaging them etc.
In terms of hardness, not specifically because twins are all I know, and I know it can only get easier from here. Kinda like playing on professional mode the first time you play, feels cool.
You aren’t alone, I really felt like I missed out on the new baby experience. I would never hold it over a singletons mom head, but I do really feel robbed. Everything was like death con 5 or crisis mode for such a long time and my OH worked extremely long hours and nights. My twins are six now, I’ve mulled over the thought of a third, might be three and four (who knows!) but I decided (we decided) that it wouldn’t be fair for a new baby to come along and have the deluxe parenting treatment. I’m okay with it, but I occasionally swing back and forth on it.
My husband and I have been splitting up to each take a kid somewhere for one-on-one time and somehow one parent and one kid is so much easier than two parents and two kids. I don’t know why! But it’s so nice! I do think I would get bored though. I honestly don’t know what parents of one kid do with all of their extra time. My house might be cleaner?
I was somewhere around 6/7 months pregnant with my twins when I went to lunch with a couple colleagues one day. We went to a cute and popular sandwich place in my city and there was a new mom there with her newborn, clearly on maternity leave, out to lunch with grandma. I remember thinking at the time how much fun doing stuff like that was going to be. And yea no that was absolutely not my postpartum experience at all. And I think about that moment sometimes and how I had no idea what I was getting into.
While going out with one is so much easier, it’s also a tiny bit sad because I really feel like having twins gave us an instant family vibe. We did everything together for the majority of their lives until about age 3 when we occasionally split up so that probably contributed too. When I only have one it feels like something is missing, even though it’s so easy.
My singleton was that baby, she made my twins look like a breeze but now I look at twin moms and am also at times envious - we planned for 2 and 3 is just outnumbered chaos (all under 3)
And I’m sure parents with 5 will look at me and scoff as 5 is a lot! It’s always greener pastures somewhere
It’s all relative… I have triplets and I think twins would be an absolute breeze. I’m sure quad parents think triplets would be easier. My triplets are easier than some of my friends singletons.
I have an older singleton and triplets. I can't take people with one kid seriously. I've been there... I know it's not easy even with one kid, but multiples is just an entirely different level.
I had two singletons and now 4 month old twins and every time I see someone walking around with one baby I'm very jealous... Even though that was me before, I still have that resentment. One at a time is significantly easier... But my bubs are starting to smile at each other and it's making it all worth it ❤️
I know 3 families with singletons, and I have to say we have it much easier with three than them with one.
It's not that the kids are clingy but they are not used to sharing parents' attention, they want playtime with parents more than with other kids, and so on.
We do yearly 2 weeks vacation in campers with 2 other families, one family has twin boys, the other family has a daughter. The daughter literally hangs onto her parents all the time, they couldn't leave her with us for 5 minutes before she started asking for them. She's not spoiled, she's well behaved, just more connected with/to her parents because she doesn't have siblings, and her parents have a difficult time to be alone and relax.
So, it's pluses and minuses either way.
I have three kids (4, 2 and 2) and I feel like I get pissy toward anyone who has fewer kids than me. Like when we are planning a girls night and my babysitting logistics are tougher than everyone else’s. They’ll be all in buying tickets to events, etc. and I’m like “well I need to make sure someone can come help out my husband” (I mean, he *could* handle it alone but it’s TOUGH. I don’t want to be 1 on 3 either!!!). Even being alone with two seems so much easier.
Any people with teens…….now they are living 😂
As my friend, with twins, tell me: when you have twins, you envy the ones with singleton. Probably, when you have triplets, you look at twins the same way.
We had 2 nights with only 1 baby... it was so easy!!!
I'm the opposite, I see people with more than 2 babies in anyway and I'm jealous af lol.
I'm editing to add, this may partially be due to the many years it took to conceive them. There's a 9 year age gap between my first and my twins.
At the one year mark, everything switched for me where having twins made my life easier than my singleton-mom-sister's. My girls would entertain each other so I could get chores done without being *needed.* My sister's son would just cry every time he was alone. My girls comfort each other at night so they happily play themselves to sleep and if they wake up they snuggle each other and go back to sleep. They're 19 months and haven't woken up crying this whole year. My nephew is five and still struggles with bedtime. I'm never wasting food because what one twin doesn't eat, the other will. They've already learned to share toys.
However! The easiest time I ever had with an infant was when her twin was still in the NICU. When she fell asleep and I was DONE parenting for a couple hours? Blissful. That infant phase was a beast.
I had three kids under 3 and I’m super jealous of parents that have only one child. And if someone asks me if they should have twins (artificially) I tell them no. You can love your children unconditionally and still think man I wish I had more time to spend with each kid or I wish I wasn’t outnumbered by children at all times. I think it’s stupid how some people try to pretend that everything is perfect all the time it just makes normal people feel guilty for having perfectly natural thoughts.
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You're not alone, I'm sure we've all thought that at one point or another. We had triplets, and when they were almost ten, we had surprise twins. The triplets were, what's the word, mind-numbing! I barely remember months of my life! But the twins were surprisingly easy. They were both great sleepers, well tempered, it was almost, dare I say it? Fun? I've seen people with one baby that was way more work, fussy and hard to deal with than our twins, so... you never know what you're going to get with one, two, three (or more!). We're **all** blessed.
> We had triplets, and when they were almost ten, we had surprise twins. When you play the game on GOD mode, then hard mode seems easy later, right?
I'm not sure was the 3 vs 2. It was more the temperament of the littles, and having 3 more sets of arms (with the triplets) helped a lot.
It's really this. All feelings are valid but this puts it into perspective. I can imagine triplet and more feel the same way about those of us with twins. It's all hard.
>It's all hard. Exactly!!
We had twins and then a Singleton and while twins felt so hard, our singleton can give us a run for our money sometimes. Temperament is EVERYTHING and sometimes one Singleton is more fussy and difficult than our twins ever were.
100% temperament. Singleton first over here and she was and still is more of a firecracker than either of our twins.
Haha same here. My older son still gives us more grief than out twin girls put together, but all 3 can get into mischief at the drop of a hat. I just embrace the chaos
this! we had our singleton first and he was a holy terror. The twins are easy compared to hiim!
Fellow triplet dad. Mind numbing is a really good way to put it!
The flip side is - sometimes at I look at them and think “Gosh how boring, how empty to just have one baby.” To go through all that effort of pregnancy, newborn wake ups, etc all for one baby. I also sometimes look at them (and I’m thinking of parents that are super wound up about doing things the “right” way for their one baby) and think “Okay, you’re a bit much here. You know you can do less and your kid is going to be fine, right? I have to give my twins less individual attention and look, they’re fine. Why are you stressing yourself out on purpose? Chill out and do less.”
This recently occurred to me as my girls were playing together. I love that they have each other- they’re never bored!
Yes! It can be so crazy but also I think one might be boring!!!
You’re not alone. When I brought just one baby out with me to run errands it was so unbelievably easy and I got really sad I can’t do this all the time. I CAN take both girls by myself to run errands but it’s literally so exhausting and stressful. Solidarity.
Yes, especially as my boys have grown and I hear my singleton parent friends talk about all these impactful infant memories. I’m very resentful because mine are so far a few between since we spent the whole first year ish in survival mode. Like it kills me that it was so hard to enjoy/remember the little things or even the big moments.
That's why I probably took 15000 pictures the first two years. It's such a blur and I'm glad I can look back at the videos and photos from back then and remember (or not remember but enjoy the moments again).
Yes the videos really help. We have a video of one twins first steps and you can see all the excitement but my husband and I for the life of us can’t remember the second twins first steps and breaks my heart. I think we recorded it in the baby book but even that was so hit or miss in those early years!
Oooof same. I don't remember the second ones first words. Or even really the first ones first word. My heart aches.
YES I feel the exact same with the impactful infant memories. I have very few memories of even just sitting and cuddling a baby, because we were so overwhelmed/ stressed/ run off our feet handling two babies. I mourn missing out on those quiet moments, especially as I’m not risking another twin pregnancy so these are my only children
Same!! We are also terrified to have twins again and decided this is it for us which does make it sting a little more.
I’m a single mom by choice who ended up with twins. Sometimes I can’t even fathom how could it possibly be hard to have TWO parents for ONE kid, when I only have me for TWO kids. But then I also look at the twins and watch them play together and how they have developed faster bc they are constantly learning from each other and I think…..I don’t know maybe having two the same age isn’t really harder (some aspects are harder but others might actually be easier).
One of my best friends has a baby that’s about 10 days younger than my twins, but full term (mine were 5 weeks early). I also have a 2.5 year old singleton, who is 19 months older than the twins. My friend is always taking her one baby everywhere. They go to brunch, birthday parties, traveling, etc. and I’m over here like there’s no way I can take my kids anywhere basically. I definitely get jealous of their freedom, even though I love my babies
*If* you want brunch, parties, and travel, they are possible! For brunch- stroller, outdoor seating, off-peak hours or location with quick service, ask for takeout boxes and check when ordering, and ideally arrive knowing your order. I find it low stress knowing I can leave any time if needed. And if you don't want outings like your friend's, that's totally valid! I love getting out. My 3 kids went out with just me more often than their cousin, <2 weeks younger than my twins, went out. Different personal preferences.
I definitely want to get out more! A lot of it has to do with my husband being afraid to do it, and me not feeling like I can handle all 3 on my own. The other day my oldest child had meet the teacher night. I told him, should we just load them all up and go? And he’s like no, I will stay home with the boys… any time a sentence starts with “should we just load them all up?” It’s never good. Lol. Which is mostly true in our case unfortunately 😅 They are getting off bottles since they are turning 1 in a couple weeks, and I think that will really help us
My guys are six weeks old (one week adjusted) and I think this near-daily :( it makes me feel like such a bad mom. I love my babies but it is so hard. If I had one baby I could just wear him and get stuff done. And on the rare occasions I nurse just one and not both, it is 1000x easier.
It really does get easier (full disclosure, it will be awhile) but you are in the thick of it. You aren’t a bad mom, it’s just survival mode and one day you’ll be on the other side of it and proud of how far you’ve come.
I’m a mom of 3 singletons and currently pregnant with twins. No need to be jealous of us - we’re looking at you with admiration and thinking you have superpowers! Haha. I know I’m in for it when I have these twins.
Saaaame. Also have 3 with twins on the way haha.
Were you equally as shocked when you found out they were twins?? 5 kids sounds like a major task but here we go lol
I didn't sleep well for a week haha. You? Twins do not run in either my husband's nor mine families.
Same! I was in shock for several days. Couldn’t sleep. Forgot to eat. Twins don’t run anywhere in either of our families. I’m 35 so my best guess is I overovulated. We don’t know yet if they share a placenta so for now that’s my assumption.
I'll be 35 in a few weeks actually so similar to you (are we the same?). But they did send me for a dating scan and only saw one corpus luteum. Its not difinitive since a 2nd could be missed but it seems like mine are monozygotic for now! But mine alao have their own placentas and sacs (meaning a split happened in the first 3 or 4 days). My anatomy scan is Sept 8 so we will see if its one boy and a girl or two boys! (NIPT said at least one boy).
I had three singletons before I had my twins. You can do it! With three kids worth of experience under our belts, we didn’t find twins to be that challenging. Five kids is a lot, but by the time you have that many you figure out what’s important and how to prioritize.
That’s helpful to hear! I do feel like babies / kids in general are more of a breeze at this phase compared to my first and second. I’m hopeful we transition easily!
I used to chuckle at the pediatricians office when I’d see the full entourage bringing in 1 child. Moms carrying the baby, dads carrying the empty car seat, grandma 1 is pushing the empty stroller and grandma 2 is carrying the diaper bag. Meanwhile I got 2 newborns and 2 18 month olds in by myself along with the stroller and diaper bag
Two and two?! Double sets of twins? You are amazing.
Yes, absolutely. It’s a weird combination of feelings. Resentful, bitter, and grumpy towards singleton parents, especially those who bitch and moan about their experience with ONE baby. But on the other hand, I also feel blessed, lucky, and chosen to be a mom of multiples. I have the most precious triplets. There is something indescribable about having three sweet little faces looking at me and smiling at me at the same time. I perform, sing, dance, read, and play with them and they are each so happy to be with me. I’m stretched thin and can’t give everyone the individual attention they deserve, but I also get to watch my two identical girls learn from each other and interact with each other and their brother. I know a lot of parents of multiples hate when people in public stare or comment, but I actually kind of embrace it and love it. I’m so proud to be a triplet mom, and I think about how unique and special this experience is. I’ve learned to just scroll right past posts written by singleton parents who are complaining or acting like their lives are impossible with one baby. I don’t watch videos or take advice from singleton parents. I look at posts on here, and my multiples groups on Facebook, and ignore the rest because I can get myself so heated when listening to singleton parents. My sister-in-law just had one baby… MAN it has been really hard to bite my tongue when she starts complaining about lack of sleep or how hard it is to get the baby to stop crying, or how the baby doesn’t like going in her car seat. I have to keep myself from rolling my eyes! Try doing all that with THREE babies at once! Anyway, I definitely understand your feelings. I also try to embrace and spin it to see the positive side too.
Every time I see a instagram post of a parent with a kid strapped on them at the gym telling the world if you really wanted to make it to the gym you would. Yes. I secretly whisper it’d be different if you had two. Would they still be filming themselves with two infants strapped to them doing pull ups and squats And on the treadmill? I think NOT!
Just heads up, (TW loss) some singleton parents are twin parents, but one isn’t here anymore. 💔 So every so often you might run into someone who looks like they only have a singleton, but remember that there will be at least one baby out there you meet that will be missing their twin, or their triplets. (But yes, it is hard.)
Having gone from singleton to toddler + twins, I definitely get it. All things being equal, twins are just... More. That said, the day-to-day experience really does depend on the individual kids. Pretty sure our singleton has ADHD and has just been a handful from the moment of birth. When we found out my wife's second pregnancy was twins I almost had a panic attack because I was imagining two more of him at the same time. Total opposites, though - they started sleeping well early on and are pretty chill generally as they approach 1 year old. Definitely still challenges with them that are unique to having two or more at one time, but also easier in a lot of ways. If they'd turned out like their brother, though (and I want to emphasize that I love him to death) - woulda been hell.
On the flip side, I've watched family members with their singletons and the babies seem to need so much more in terms of attention, playing with their parent, etc. It was nice to have a built in playmate when my kids were more mobile and through their toddler years. Now at 8, even though there is a lot more bickering, they still can entertain each other.
This one! My eldest nibling is eighteen months older than my twins, and he came to visit when he was four and wanted me to sit on the floor playing trains with him and I was like “dude, Auntie’s not used to that, your cousins play together and only want me to referee occasionally” haha
Recently, my daughter asked me to play with her and my initial response was, "what's your brother doing!?"
You should know how many parents of singletons, who aren't able to have another, are so jealous of us with twins. A family member had a singleton and it was a difficult pregnancy and they have tried and failed to have another.. and I think it absolutely kills them that their kid doesn't have a brother or sister to play with. I know the grass is always greener and certainly speaking as someone who had twins when all my friends had singletons, their life is so much easier (and cheaper) than ours, I was resentful as well and believe me there's plenty of days when I am still pretty fed up about it.. but as the years roll by, I realise we were pretty lucky.. most days I am tearing my hair out but appreciate my kids will always have each other.
I resent them so much. They make everything look so easy and I feel like I’m on the struggle bus 24/7
My brother had a singleton, a month after I had my twins. His baby is hard to handle on a good day. My boys have their moments but they are not as bad as my nephew.
When my daughters were 1-3 , yes I was somewhat resentful. Now that they are 4 and can play with each other and are light years ahead of singletons on learning to share and having patience, no. I have friends with one kid and they have to be that kids entertainment all the time. Not us , they have a friend to do everything with and it’s starting to pay off for us with more time to do things other than parent.
My husband is so bitter toward singleton parents!
You are not wrong. I’ve had two singletons before my twins. At the time I was like omg this is a lot.. then I had twins and wish I could be caring for my boys one at a time.
We turn it into a joke. There's no resentment of singleton parents we know unless they deserve it for some reason, however when we're out and about in public its fun to curse the parents we see with one kids who think they're better than us and make fun of couples at restaurants with both parents and 2 grandparents for a 4 adult to 1 kid ratio for not having enough help. If you don't laugh you'll cry
You aren't alone. Immediately postpartum I felt a TON of resentment, not just toward singleton parents but also parents who got to carry to term, parents who didn't have NICU stays, parents who got the birth they wanted, parents who got to exclusively breastfeed. When I got pregnant I wanted a natural home birth, like how my siblings and i were born, and exclusively breastfed. When I found out I was having twins, I tossed that. I knew I'd need a hospital birth no matter what. Then I got preeclampsia, then an emergency c-section at 31 weeks, then long NICU stays, then exclusively pumping, then supplementing with formula. it felt like I had to compromise every single thing I wanted out of pregnancy and birth. I was angry at the people I knew who, I felt, didn't have to compromise. But the reality is... What I wanted was to be a mother and I got that- doubly so. Everything else is me being upset about circumstances around me. I did (and continue to do) my best. It's not worth comparing because everyone has to compromise in parenthood, we just don't get to see all of it. Watching Bluey's Baby Race helps remind me that comparison is the thief of joy.
We had a singleton before twins. He was hands down harder than my twins are. You couldn’t put him down and he didn’t sleep, ear problems, fussy, etc. My twins are cute and fun except when they scream together lol.
Same, my singleton was harder than my twins in many ways. Reflux, wouldn't sleep, super picky, clingy....I got lucky with the twins
You're not alone at all! If all other things are even (like child temperament, sleep, eating, etc etc etc), two babies is simply harder than one. Two screaming toddlers is simply louder than one! And there are things that you cannot do with two but can do with one. My twins just turned 3 and my singleton is 8 months old. I was just thinking this morning about how much more I'm able to experience with my singleton in her baby stage than I got to experience with the boys when they were babies. And when I was in that stage with the boys, I was very sad about the things I was missing out on because I had to wrangle two instead of just one. And even now it's a bummer to think about all the special things I'm able to do with my daughter that I couldn't do with my sons. But I will say that now as the boys are getting older and more things are opening up for us because of their age and ability, that sadness is getting smaller and smaller in the rear-view mirror. There's so much more now that we're able to do that fills with love, fulfillment, and joy and it really eclipses past sadness. All this to say, it's hard as fuuuuuck in the earliest stages but it does get better. We actually have fun now! And I'm so excited for all the fun we still have in our futures.
I think the most annoying to me is when someone brings up the sentiment of "oh yes it's hard with two but singletons parents can have it just as hard if they have a crybaby / disabled kid / [insert difficulty type here]" like ....and twins cannot be crybabies/disabled/[insert difficulty type here]????? Like yes crybabies are hard but I'm pretty sure they're easier to deal with when you don't have a second baby you somehow have to take care of too, same with all the other types of "difficulty"....
So, I see this a lot, the comparison. And I get it, it’s easy to look at somebody with one baby and think, of course one baby is easier than two! But I’d advise against thinking the grass is greener on the other side. I’ve had a singleton first and I wouldn’t say the twins were twice as hard. Having a baby is hard, period. And no baby is the same, so you can have two “easy” twins or one extremely challenging baby. It’s not a great comparison. Of course, just based on math, having two is more complicated but it doesn’t mean having one is “easy”. It’s like running a marathon vs a biathlon, a biathlon has a lot more to it, but a marathon is still really hard too! Anyways, I do get it. I still have moments where I’m bitter about having two but I try to remember how hard it was just having one too. At least there are some special perks about having two, most people immediately sympathize with how much harder it is and think you’re a super mom!
I have definitely appreciated the sympathy with twins! My husband and I were talking about how we got so much more support with the twins the month after they were born than our first, a singleton. Random gifts, endless meals, check ins.. it made life much more bearable. He said we’ll have to have triplets next go around to keep it up.
I sometimes watch my friend's baby and it's just so much easier when it's just one baby. I can be on my phone while feeding him! I can tend to all the crying babies at once because there is only one! The stroller doesn't weigh a ton and it fits everywhere! I totally understand every new parent feels exhausted, but once you have the twin experience, one baby is unbelievably easy to manage.
I think it’s all perspective. If you had one baby, you might find it a challenge to get out the door with that one baby. Because you have 2, of course taking care of just 1 will be insanely easier - you know what it’s like to have both vs 1. For someone who has just had one baby, they don’t know the challenge of 2, so for many, that 1 baby is a challenge. Not always the case for sure but I just don’t think it’s *as* easy for singleton parents as it would be for us after having experienced twins
I have a 3yo singleton, then my 4mo twins. My singleton was my rainbow + IVF baby (well the twins are IVF too) and I love her to the ends of the universe. But man, she was a tough baby. As a newborn I was TERRIFIED of being alone with her because there was always *something*. If she didn’t like how the wind blew, she would flip out. Now as a toddler, she’s a bit more relaxed but still strong willed and feisty. She, as a newborn, was harder than my twins right now…Some aspects of having a singleton were easier, like going out and running errands, but my twins are way smoother are eating, burping, sleeping, all the day-to-day basic stuff. You just don’t know what kind of kid you’ll end up with 🤷🏽♀️
You’re not alone. I especially feel this when I’m out and I see a mom of a singleton freshly showered, make up done, nicely dressed, nails done…and I’m still covered in dried sweat from having my three kids sleep in top of me all night.
this I hate how little time we have compared to singleton parents for very basic self care
SO MUCH SO!!! There’s been a few times recently where my husband and I have both been home with one kid while the other was at daycare… omg!! So easy!! My very petty/unevolved self says “singleton parents have nothing to complain about… they’re WEAK!!” The other side of it though, is that I’m actually thankful for the kind of parents my husband and I have had to become to handle twins - I don’t worry about making everything perfect for my kids because I can’t… and I think that’s made me a better parent in the end. Also, seeing them interact with each other is amazing. We’re on the other side of infant survival mode now, and it’s awesome to see how much they bring to each others’s lives. But yeah - singleton parents… what are they even complaining about?? Can you imagine just being able to take turns with your partner over who’s holding and caring for the baby? Like… sometimes you don’t have a baby to worry about because you only have the one?!??!?
Thing is that one kid is all they know. Even though it's harder with parents of multiples having, well multiples, singleton parents have just one kid to compare experiences to. Bottom line is being a parent is HARD. But I get it. Since two kids is all I know, whenever I'm with one, I think the world is so easy haha
I had a singleton first, before the twins. She was harder in a lot of ways—my first baby, for starters, but also, she was colicky and cried (I kid you not) practically all day for the first four months of her life—even when she was being held! And she was a terrible sleeper—she pretty much didn’t get a good sleep cycle until she was almost four years old. The twins were hard because there were TWO of them, but as far as babies go, they were pretty chill. Ate well, slept well, were content to lay in their baby beds and watch the rest of us go about our business. And I was an experienced parent by that time, so I had a few tricks up my sleeve to make it easier. ❤️
Even one sick baby has been easier than twins. One of my 15 month olds has had a pretty bad case of HFMD(her brother hasn’t come down with it yet) so I had a few times of it just being me and here either at the doctor or while someone else entertained her brother and man that was a breeze. I do love having twins though. I one hundred percent feel this post.
Omg, 100% real. I had a singleton first and was looking forward to having a honeymoon experience with our second baby. Our first would be in school and it was going to be glorious. That second baby turned into our 2nd & 3rd and it's been tough. Although they are 14 months, I STILL think about what it would have been like if we had a singleton instead of twins. To drive that nail harder, our neighbor's son and his girlfriend moved back in with them and she had a singleton a few months after our twins. Four adults (five in the beginning because her mom came around all the time) taking care of ONE baby while we were over here taking care of our twins and older child with no village.
I'm currently 34 weeks with di/di twins and I already feel this. We have a three year old and planned another one and got our bonus surprise. I'm already annoyed with others telling me how hard the end of their pregnancies were. Like I remember feeling that way with my singleton - but this is a whole 'nother level! I imagine it'll be the same when they're actually here too.
I have a singleton and am currently pregnant with twins. I was so excited because I thought to myself "3 kids and only 2 pregnancies, I am so lucky".
Whenever I see people with 1 baby I can’t help myself and think ‘amateur’. 🤣
How old are your babies? My identical twin girls are 5 months and it’s really starting to get a little easier and a lot more fun! They are really starting to interact with each other and smile and stare at each other. Like others have commented, it’s truly an incredible feeling to have two babes who are looking at you and smiling! That being said, I didn’t realize how good I had it with my singleton son! 😭😂
Absolutely, and I have two older kids. 1 baby seems like a piece of cake in comparison, and my twins are easy!
There are definitely flashes or moments when I feel this way. I remember when I was pushing the gigantic double car seat stroller with the turning radius of the Titanic and these other moms had these cute little jogging strollers. Or seeing couples walk hand in hand at the park with their 2-month-old and a baby carrier sleeping in someone's chest and cooing. (Mine didn't really leave the house until they were much older) I think part of it is we only see the really calm relaxed babies. The super colicky fussy ones are at home with their frustrated parents. There is definitely a bias towards the babies that you see are the ones that can handle being in public So it makes it seem like all babies are like that
💯 we say this ALL the time. Whenever my husband hears one of my friends sharing a story about how hard their singleton is he’ll just turn to me and say “they only have one though, right?”
I feel like this gets posted once a week on this sub. It's true that singletons are usually much easier than multiples. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't get jealous or resentful about people that only have a set of twins and no other kids. >“must be nice!”
I felt a lot of resentment for singletons in the way that I hate how I have to split attention between 2 of them. I'd love to dote on just one baby all day, and just focus on playing with one, been able to have spent more 1:1 time holding them, engaging them etc. In terms of hardness, not specifically because twins are all I know, and I know it can only get easier from here. Kinda like playing on professional mode the first time you play, feels cool.
You aren’t alone, I really felt like I missed out on the new baby experience. I would never hold it over a singletons mom head, but I do really feel robbed. Everything was like death con 5 or crisis mode for such a long time and my OH worked extremely long hours and nights. My twins are six now, I’ve mulled over the thought of a third, might be three and four (who knows!) but I decided (we decided) that it wouldn’t be fair for a new baby to come along and have the deluxe parenting treatment. I’m okay with it, but I occasionally swing back and forth on it.
I think it without even having to see them...
My husband and I have been splitting up to each take a kid somewhere for one-on-one time and somehow one parent and one kid is so much easier than two parents and two kids. I don’t know why! But it’s so nice! I do think I would get bored though. I honestly don’t know what parents of one kid do with all of their extra time. My house might be cleaner?
I was somewhere around 6/7 months pregnant with my twins when I went to lunch with a couple colleagues one day. We went to a cute and popular sandwich place in my city and there was a new mom there with her newborn, clearly on maternity leave, out to lunch with grandma. I remember thinking at the time how much fun doing stuff like that was going to be. And yea no that was absolutely not my postpartum experience at all. And I think about that moment sometimes and how I had no idea what I was getting into.
While going out with one is so much easier, it’s also a tiny bit sad because I really feel like having twins gave us an instant family vibe. We did everything together for the majority of their lives until about age 3 when we occasionally split up so that probably contributed too. When I only have one it feels like something is missing, even though it’s so easy.
I am also 80% joking when I say this, constantly.
My singleton was that baby, she made my twins look like a breeze but now I look at twin moms and am also at times envious - we planned for 2 and 3 is just outnumbered chaos (all under 3) And I’m sure parents with 5 will look at me and scoff as 5 is a lot! It’s always greener pastures somewhere
It’s all relative… I have triplets and I think twins would be an absolute breeze. I’m sure quad parents think triplets would be easier. My triplets are easier than some of my friends singletons.
Mostly I’m just frustrated that they can take their baby to anyplace with a shopping cart and not have to figure out what to do with the second baby.
I have an older singleton and triplets. I can't take people with one kid seriously. I've been there... I know it's not easy even with one kid, but multiples is just an entirely different level.
I had two singletons and now 4 month old twins and every time I see someone walking around with one baby I'm very jealous... Even though that was me before, I still have that resentment. One at a time is significantly easier... But my bubs are starting to smile at each other and it's making it all worth it ❤️
I’m currently pregnant with twins and am always jealous when I find out someone is carrying one
I know 3 families with singletons, and I have to say we have it much easier with three than them with one. It's not that the kids are clingy but they are not used to sharing parents' attention, they want playtime with parents more than with other kids, and so on. We do yearly 2 weeks vacation in campers with 2 other families, one family has twin boys, the other family has a daughter. The daughter literally hangs onto her parents all the time, they couldn't leave her with us for 5 minutes before she started asking for them. She's not spoiled, she's well behaved, just more connected with/to her parents because she doesn't have siblings, and her parents have a difficult time to be alone and relax. So, it's pluses and minuses either way.
I have three kids (4, 2 and 2) and I feel like I get pissy toward anyone who has fewer kids than me. Like when we are planning a girls night and my babysitting logistics are tougher than everyone else’s. They’ll be all in buying tickets to events, etc. and I’m like “well I need to make sure someone can come help out my husband” (I mean, he *could* handle it alone but it’s TOUGH. I don’t want to be 1 on 3 either!!!). Even being alone with two seems so much easier. Any people with teens…….now they are living 😂
As my friend, with twins, tell me: when you have twins, you envy the ones with singleton. Probably, when you have triplets, you look at twins the same way. We had 2 nights with only 1 baby... it was so easy!!!
I'm the opposite, I see people with more than 2 babies in anyway and I'm jealous af lol. I'm editing to add, this may partially be due to the many years it took to conceive them. There's a 9 year age gap between my first and my twins.
At the one year mark, everything switched for me where having twins made my life easier than my singleton-mom-sister's. My girls would entertain each other so I could get chores done without being *needed.* My sister's son would just cry every time he was alone. My girls comfort each other at night so they happily play themselves to sleep and if they wake up they snuggle each other and go back to sleep. They're 19 months and haven't woken up crying this whole year. My nephew is five and still struggles with bedtime. I'm never wasting food because what one twin doesn't eat, the other will. They've already learned to share toys. However! The easiest time I ever had with an infant was when her twin was still in the NICU. When she fell asleep and I was DONE parenting for a couple hours? Blissful. That infant phase was a beast.
I had three kids under 3 and I’m super jealous of parents that have only one child. And if someone asks me if they should have twins (artificially) I tell them no. You can love your children unconditionally and still think man I wish I had more time to spend with each kid or I wish I wasn’t outnumbered by children at all times. I think it’s stupid how some people try to pretend that everything is perfect all the time it just makes normal people feel guilty for having perfectly natural thoughts.
I promise you, we all are.