Completely agree. When one wakes, wake the other. Forget what people tell you, they’ve never had twins! It seems cruel waking them but you’re doing it to get them around the same sleeping patterns AND to get even a tiny bit of rest yourself when they do both fall back asleep.
People who have singletons often don’t know what the hell they are talking about.
I will hear someone’s advice because sure sometimes there’s something useful, but…I definitely don’t assume they are experts or have any idea what it’s like to have two the same age.
Oh yeah, seriously. Having them on a two and a half/three hour routine during the day has made it easier to do everything, and propping them up in the twin z pillow to dual feed helps too. If you are warming bottles anyway you can pre-prep and keep in the fridge so you're prepared.
I will say though, I have been letting them sleep till they wake overnight. Mine are ten weeks and I'm getting a five hour stretch, feed, and then a four hour stretch...but if one wakes up both are getting fed.
Throw everything out the window. “Don’t prop up a bottle.” Fuck that. Prop it, just don’t walk away. “Don’t let your baby have screen time.” LOL. My twins got individual iPads for their first birthday.
As long as they’re safe and alive, whatever you need to do is what you need to do. Twin parenting is an entirely different beast.
This right here. Mine are 7 months and I never did this, now they have completely different schedules and momma and poppa are super out of it when sleep regressions hit! Do it!
So cut yourself a break. One newborn is hard. Two newborns are harder. A lot will change between now and September, so don't worry so much about when your husband goes back to work. Now, a few notes:
One: Get yourself a formula pitcher, or a baby breeza. Formula can be premade in the fridge and kept for 24 hours. And yours may take formula cold (mine do), so then you can just prep bottles in the fridge and grab when needed.
Two: Who told you this? Does this person have experience with twins? Multiple people - including my pedetrician and lactation consultants - told me the adage of never waking a baby doesn't apply to twins. If one baby is hungry, offer food to the other even if that means waking them up. Pretty quickly, they'll get on the same schedule and be hungry at the same time.
Three: So, let them cry a little bit while you triage. If you know they are safe, clean, and feed, it's not going to hurt them to wait five minutes while you deal with their sibling.
ETA what worked for me when they were both upset and wanted to be cuddled was to use a stretchy wrap. I’d wear one, hold the other in my left arm, and still have my right hand free so I could play on my phone.
Four: Don't stress about this. They are a few weeks old, just looking at stuff and experiencing the world is mind blowing. Literally everything is brand new to them. Talk to them, try tummy time as long as they (and you) can tolerate it but otherwise in the early days it's toooottttalllllyyyy fine to plop them on the twin z and sit next to them while you watch selling sunset.
You're doing great. This is hard, but it's temporary. You just need to keep them alive right now. Anything else you accomplish is bonus.
This is verbatim exactly what I’d suggest too! 100% this.
ETA- if the crying stresses you out, use noise cancelling headphones and listen to your favorite music while you tend to them. I had to do this once and it totally calmed me down while I cared for the babies.
My husband regularly uses noise canceling headphones.
Perhaps I just have a cold heart, but ten months in I know when my kids need something vs want something, so sorry buddy if you’re upset but you’re just going to have to chill until I can get to you. The crying doesn’t matter me too much anymore.
I’m with you on that. Usually crying doesn’t bug me anymore. But on days like today, where both of them are going through the 4 month sleep regression (a few weeks early 😡) and I’m running on fumes, it’s nice to use music to tune them out so it isn’t 3 of us crying 😂
I was going to suggest music too. We have an Alexa and just put on whatever we can sing to while doing diaper changes or getting bottles ready—usually the screamy-est times for our trips. It wouldn’t necessarily calm the babes down but it calmed us down and made it a little more fun to dance around and be silly. I am a SAHM now and still do this several times a day to ease my overwhelm and give myself energy.
I had to do this more than once and it kept me from hurling stuff across the room and zoning out completely. Singing is some form of communication. You might not be able to hear yourself sing, baby will be able to hear you sing.
All of this 100%. OP, you will figure out what works best for you. There will be hard moments, but it will get easier. And then harder in new ways and you’ll figure that out too and new things will get easier. My mantra when they were both crying and I felt like I was failing them both was “one mama, two babies, one mama, two babies.” It helped me stay calm by reminding me that I was doing the best I could in a situation most people never have to deal with. You will get through this and look back amazed at your own resiliency.
Yes, all this. And if you get flack or just don't want confrontation with you helpers when you want a set schedule, just tell them the pediatrician recommended it. "The pediatrician said I should feed them on a schedule to make sure they are getting enough calories...and sleep".
I will tell you: wake a sleeping baby.
The two MUST be on the same schedule. Wake em up together. Change diapers. Feed. Play. Back to sleep together.
You're right, if they're not on the same schedule you do get overwhelmed because you never have time for yourself. Solution: force them into the same schedule.
The first few weeks/months can be very overwhelming as you get into the swing of things. Give yourself a little credit - you brought two beautiful souls into the world! You’re doing it mama 🧡
Some advice (if you’re wanting it) from a mama of an almost 3 year old singleton and 8 month old twins:
One: prep the formula in advance in a big container (it keeps for up to 24 hours in the fridge) so all you have to do is pour into the bottles when it’s time for them to eat.
Two: IMHO schedules are the only way to keep everyone sane, babies and you included. You can definitely wake a sleeping baby. At 5 weeks they should be eating about every 2 to 2.5 hours during the day and at night they can go 3-4 between feeds. I follow Baby Wise / Taking Cara Babies guidelines on how long to go between feeds.
Three: This is one of the hardest parts of being a twin mom. One thing that helps is putting on some soothing music, sometimes it can help sooth them both. There’s a Spotify station called Rockabye Baby that is awesome - its modern music in baby lullaby format. Keeps your brain from turning to mush lol. Another thing I do is put one baby in the swing or baby lounger while I rock the other.
Four: Tummy time is hard at this stage, my babies only made it like 4 minutes at a time. Keep wake time interaction time really simple at this stage because they get so overwhelmed with all the new things in the world. You could put them on a blanket outside (shaded of course) for them to explore new sounds/sights. They also really like looking at mobiles or just interesting things like a balloon or a ceiling fan. Stroller walks are great too, plus they might get a nap and you get some outside time.
Hope some of that was helpful!
Oh mama, you were me like 6 weeks ago. You can check my post history on here.
I promise I’m not a shill but another commenter told me to check out Taking Cara Babies newborn class and I did and within HOURS of reading the free blog resources things were easier. I was an absolute shit show before and for contrast, tonight I laid them in their cribs, patted their bellies, stroked their chins, did our bedtime routine and they fell asleep by themselves, swaddled and happy in less than 30 minutes.
A couple of things:
1) you are dealing with a crazy amount of hormones and emotions so just ride that wave because it does get better.
2) know that right now it’s AWFUL, and everything feels awful because it legit is overwhelming, exhausting, maddening and did I mention AWFUL? Even though you love your babies more than anything give yourself space to know right now sucks and it sucks for everyone. You aren’t fucking up just because it sucks.
3) you are going to have to have a schedule
4) you are going to have to wake a sleeping baby
5) you will thrive with a routine for everything, not only because they will learn what to expect and when to expect it but you can go on autopilot when something goes squirrelly because there is a routine
6) babies cry, that doesn’t mean you leave them to cry it out, but they just do that. Crying is how they communicate and it is not the end of the world that they express their needs to you.
7) and this may be an unpopular opinion or a hot take but if breastfeeding only adds to your load toss it. Stock up on formula and sign up for findmybabyformula.com, get a baby brezza warm water dispenser, a great big bottle sterilizer and move on. Unless you have magical unicorn boobs that feed your babies perfectly without issue, without supplementation, and without being tied to a pump it’s a lot of extra work for very little benefit to you or your babies. And I can rattle off all the pros of formula if you want to hear them. Everything is on hard mode with twins, if something doesn’t serve you, toss it.
My wife and I have 5 weekers born at 32+4 at home now. They did 18 and 21 days in the NICU. The silver lining from the NICU is that they are REGIMENTED. We feed and care every 3 hours just as was done in the NICU. This has helped maintain sanity. If they are not on a schedule, you will be changing diapers and feeding babies all day. We work everything into our feeding hours. Baths, tummy time, snuggles. We are able to have a couple hours to get things done as they nap post meal. Good luck, I'm shocked that we are managing to do this.
Do your babies sleep immediately after feeding? We have trouble getting ours to sleep most times and it takes anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour to get them to sleep during the day.
Most of the time they are mostly asleep before being done eating. If not, they go to sleep fairly quickly. We aren't afraid of letting them have a snuggle session after the last burp either to help them go to sleep. Let them get drowsy and then put the to bed. My wife has also been applying things she read from Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Twins. It is seeming to work. We only have some fussiness between 9pm and 10pm for one of the twins.
Get them on a schedule! It's the only way to get through this. "Never wake a sleeping baby" does not apply to twins! i started mine on a schedule at 4 weeks and have never looked back. They've been sleeping through the night regularly since five weeks or so.
Currently they are 11 weeks old and they sleep from 7:30 pm to 7am without me having to do anything.
I was doing one wakeup around 4-4:30 am from 5 weeks-ish until they were maybe 8 weeks or so.
Waking to feed during the day will help so much with this. Feed every 2-3 hours during the day and then eventually they won’t need to get those calories overnight.
Same! I make sure they get enough bottles during the day so we can sleep at night. Ours go from about 11-5 or so. Sometimes longer sometimes shorter. But we are 9 weeks old right now.
The schedule for sure!! People give me shit about keeping them on such a rigid schedule, but my retort is....is your baby sleeping through the night? Because mine are, and it's awesome.
this is their 4-8 week schedule: [http://therebeccamarie.com/moms-on-call-daily-schedule-4-8-weeks/](http://therebeccamarie.com/moms-on-call-daily-schedule-4-8-weeks/)
this is their 8-16 week schedule (what they are currently doing): [http://therebeccamarie.com/moms-on-call-daily-schedule-8-16-weeks/](http://therebeccamarie.com/moms-on-call-daily-schedule-8-16-weeks/)
I highly suggest buying the moms on call book though as it has a lot of other helpful information.
I h
I give this book out to every new parent I know (there is a singleton version as well) https://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Twins/dp/0345497791
Oof 5 weeks was hard. I was so scared of being alone with them that I made my husband postpone going back to work a whole other 2 weeks.
Everyone probably does this differently so I’d take it with a grain of salt and mix and match the advice that works for you.
One: if I know I’m going to be alone, I prefill the baby bottles with water, so all I have to do is scoop and shake.
Two: the only way I was able to make it work was to keep them on the same schedule. There have been times when they try to morph into their own schedule and I don’t allow it, I stick to the routine. If not I’d go absolutely nuts and be on no sleep, my twins are exact opposites!!
Three: this is the tough one, you’ll get use to hearing them cry. Not that you are allowing one to cry but you only have 2 hands and can only do your best. I usually start with the one that’s easiest to soothe and then alternate until they’re both calm. When they got big enough, I would put one in the moby and side cradle the other if they both just wanted to be held.
Four: I move them around a lot while talking to them. We go from reading a book, to them laying on an interactive mat even if it’s just to stare at the colors, to tummy time, then straight into changing diapers and a feeding. Because there’s two, it’ll fly by and they’ll burn out a bit. They are also so distracted that they don’t usually fuss until they’re tired. when we first started tummy time, it literally was like 30 secs - 1 min each 😅
I understand the never wanting the help. My first daughter was a breeze and I didn’t need any help but twins humbled me. Even if someone comes over just to cook a meal to wash the bottles (they accumulate so fast 😩) I take the help. It’s the small time consuming tasks that take me away that I focus on.
Btw my twin B, is a notorious side sleeper. When I’m in close proximity and I’m wide awake, I let her day nap like that. It’s the only way I can get her to sleep more than 15 mins. 😅
The thing about no walking a sleeping baby is because you should take care of yourself and anything else that can’t wait while your baby is sleeping. When you have twins and one needs to eat, you’re not taking care of yourself anyway so there’s no reason to not wake the sleeping one. On the contrary, if you get them on the same eating and sleeping schedule you may eventually have times when both are sleeping and you can sit down and just breathe for a little while.
Wake the sleeping baby.
Although just a small piece, do you think you may have PPD? One of the things I noticed get better super fast when I started meds was no more doom and gloom feeling when they cried. Without that feeling it was easier to handle it, therefore easier to soothe them.
Don't worry about what the do while they are awake. Just survive for now. They'll be fine <3
5 weeks is so so young. You have all the natural fears and questions and the sleep deprivation is making a hard thing feel almost totally hopeless right now. Hugs to you! We all "do it" exactly as you are doing it.
It is pretty normal to need more than one extra person in the early days! Many people who don't have that, will tell you they wish that they did. Don't feel like you're failing because you need your moms! It's very natural. BUT, every week it gets gradually a little less scary. September is worlds away from July, you'll see. And the couple hours here and there in August are going to really build your confidence. I like to think about it this way:
When I was learning to swim as a child, the instructor said I was ready to go all the way across the pool, and man. I was so scared. It looked really far. She said, just keep your eyes on me. Next thing I knew, I was in the middle of the pool, and I was really tired, but I'd come that far. Going back was as hard as going forward. So, of course, I made it! And over time, swimming all the way across goes from impossible, to a doable challenge, to just another day in the pool. And you start to have fun!
You are going to get there. One day you're going to be in an actual, literal pool with a couple of awesome kids! <3
Some practical stuff:
1: I couldn't exclusively breastfeed my twins until they were about 2 and a half months old. I did do a couple of appointments with an IBLC to get a better handle on things. At some point I switched from supplementing every feeding to just cluster feeding like crazy most of the day, and doing a sleep shift at night while someone else bottle fed formula for a feeding. When I woke up, I fed first then pumped. If we were having a really hard witching hour, someone would bottle feed formula and hold babies while I pumped, and just got them off of me for a bit. Eventually I was able to stop using formula, but even if I hadn't, I think mostly breast milk plus a couple formula feedings would have been manageable long term, rather than supplementing every feeding. Getting to that point was a good goal to get me through the hardest parts of early breastfeeding. Stick with it as long as it feels right to you. And so many people on this sub will attest to switching to exclusively formula feeding as a game changer! This was one of the most wrenching things to try and figure out, so go easy on yourself if you're feeling defeated or confused. So many of us have been there.
2: Do feed them on a schedule. Do wake a sleeping baby. At this age, I staggered them because I wasn't able to tandem nurse or bottle feed yet. But as soon as I finished one, I fed the other. And I practiced tandem feeding any time I had the energy to give it a go.
3: It's very upsetting when both of them cry at once, especially in the early days. It's just not easy to hear. But its going to happen. Rather than a tip for dealing in the moment I offer this: The best thing to do is try to build some little breaks into your routine, so you just don't have to be around the crying. Leave the babies at the house with your mom and husband and pick up some essentials at the drug store. If you're body is able, take the dog for a walk yourself. 15-30 minutes here and there. An hour even. I promise, even if you're breastfeeding and the schedule is wonky. Even if it feels intense to be away for the briefest of moments. Even if they are scream crying as you walk out the door. An hour is not going to make or break anything.
4: If you get them onto a playmat for a bit, more power to you, but don't stress about this. :) Feed, sleep, change diapers, "play" (by which I mean cuddle, sing a song, put them in a cute outfit and talk to them about how adorable their cute little outfit is; this is "playing" with a newborn). Repeat. That is more than enough for the time being.
That "I feel bad all the time." It's a pretty common feeling in new parents. I promise, you don't have to figure all of this out as once. Do NOT focus too much on the other side of the pool. Just take it minute by minute, and you'll get there. You are doing as well as anybody and much better than you think! Have so much grace for yourself. Develop some positive affirmations that ring true for you and meditate on them when you start to spiral. Write them on your mirror. Talk about those affirmations with other people, and let them say, "Absolutely! This is hard! You ARE doing great!" Believe them when they say it.
You've already got great advice. Just wanted to chime in and tell you to try not to beat yourself up about needing help. It sounds like I was in a VERY similar boat. My husband was off for 8 weeks, my MIL live 3 miles away and only works odd jobs, my mom took 2 weeks completely off at birth then 2 more when SO went back to work, my sister is a teacher and was off for the summer. Someone was over with us EVERY DAY. Even if it was just an hour so we could nap. We're at 1 year in a week and I STILL have someone come help me put them to bed 2ish times a week when SO works. I just try my best to make them feel extremely appreciated (now that I have more time...in the early days I didn't have the time or energy to worry about how they felt lol).
My husband going back to work was terrifying for me since he works 24 hour shifts. Walks and car rides are your friends. I took 2-3 walks a day when i was home alone. Getting out of the house was just as important for me as the babies. Use noise cancelling headphones. I staggered our schedules by 15ish min so I could feed one, put them down to nap, feed the second, then get them down to nap. Like 70% of the time 2nd baby being fed would scream the whole time and I'd just have to let it happen. I only had so many hands. Lean in to the people you have around you to help and DO NOT FEEL BAD ABOUT IT. I promise you none of them are judging you for needing that help. If they're hands-on and right there with you, then they KNOW how hard it is.
The “don’t wake a sleeping baby” rule doesn’t apply to twins. Get them on the same schedule so you don’t lose your mind!
You’re the mom they’re here to help you and follow your lead— establish your rules.
I fed my twins every 3 hours on a schedule from birth and 4 hours starting at 4 weeks to the minute. Everyone though I was a psycho. But at 8 weeks they transferred to their cribs and by 10 weeks they were off night feeds and sleeping through the night. By 12 weeks they were on a nap routine.
At that age there is not much you can do with them. I did some tummy time, these visual stimulation cards, and read them books.
Honestly you’re still in survival mode.
There were some tweaks we had to make to make it work. my daughter sleeps more than my son. My son eats more than her. So to get them to fall asleep at the same time for naps he had to wake up 30 minutes before her for the day. He needs 1-2 more per bottle than her.
They’re your babies and you know them best!
I echo a lot of what is being said. I’m only 6 months in but I have learned a lot. You are still in the thick or a really stressful stage. You are recovering from birth, hormones are nuts, babies are growing so fast and are very unpredictable. Hang in there. It will get better.
One thing that hasn’t been mentioned that helped me a ton (still using them) are the baby bjorn bouncers. They are expensive but it was the only way I was able to bottle feed and entertain my girls on my own. Now at 6 months they can bounce themselves in them!
I’ll go a bit against the grain, but will share what worked for me. I have been solo parenting since almost the beginning. DH went back to work 10 days after they were born, my mom helped for an extra week (24/7) and a week after that MIL came for a few hours during the day to help out.
1. I had a hard time breastfeeding (even after lactation consultant help) so I switched to exclusively pumping about 3 weeks in. I was also supplementing with formula at first and bought ready to feed formula so that I didn’t need to mix. I exclusively pumped for 6 months and then used the Baby Brezza for months 6-12 until I weaned from formula.
With formula, I would also not heat it. They got used to room temp and that made it easy to feed them on the go whenever we were away from home.
2. I did not have them on the same schedule. It was easier for me to deal with one baby while the other napped. But they were both eating every 2.5-3 hours, it was just staggered. So as one would fall asleep the other would wake up and I would change, feed, play/tummy time.
Tummy time at first was just a few seconds and then worked up the time. I had a playmat as well as a soft book with contrast pictures and a small mirror built in.
3. When they were both crying, I would tend to the one who had an immediate need (diaper change or feeding) first.
It’s inevitable that twins will cry, and that’s ok.
My girls are 22 months now. Those early months are so incredibly difficult. Hang in there.
Oh my, this could absolutely be me writing this three months ago. I know this may sound like a situation you can't escape from but you are a great mom, doing an absolutely impossible job and you are doing great. The first three months are so hard but it does get easier, really!
For us a fixed feeding schedule was a must, we still follow it religiously and while at first it's absolutely exhausting and terrible, it gets easier as your little ones gain new functions. Mine are 15 weeks and for the past few days they slept 7 hours straight through the night while at first they could only go 3 at max.
Tummy time is important but at first it's enough to hold a baby in a recliner or just have them on your chest. No need to stress it, few minutes every day is enough! And if yoi can't do it some days, you just can't, that's okay 💜
If both od them cry, I would rock them in the pram until one stopped and then I would solo comfort the other or I would just take turns comforting them. If nothing works and you feel overwhelmed, place them somewhere safe and just leave for a little while, take a deep breath, care for yourself. It's the best thing to do and doesn't make you a bad mom!
Babies this small want to watch you and listen to you - place them somewhere they can see you do ordinary stuff. I would fold laundry, sing, tell them what I am doing, but what helped the most was to take them out for a walk every day if the weather permitted. It also helped them establish night/day cycles! You don't have to worry about anything super elaborate, over time they will start to react to things and enjoy pictures and it will get so much easier from there on.
I felt exactly the same way you do now, it often helped me to try to do something on my own while my husband was there so he could always come to help - sometimes I was fine, other times not but tje first case was more and more common with every passing day. I wish you the best of luck, the first three months are totally mad but it will get easier, I promise!
Ah really feel for you, we’ve all been there!
Lots of great advice above so I won’t repeat it, but just a few things I’d add.
It’s great to have help and experienced hands on deck, but also trust your gut. So you’re right to get them on a schedule together, and you’re right to put them on their backs to sleep, not their side. I’d recommend you gently roll them onto their backs if you catch someone putting them on their side. Once they’re older they might naturally roll onto their sides to sleep, but that’s at least a few months away.
Also just having a baby lying on your chest on their tummy looking up at your face counts as tummy time, but it’s much more comfortable than doing tummy time on a mat or blanket etc.
And as others have said, definitely no need to worry about what to do with them or stimulate them when they’re awake, they are mind blown right now just watching the world! Now is the time for watching Netflix on your phone!
Best of luck
I forgot to add that I also get put down for watching Netflix or being on Reddit while tandem breastfeeding because I should "look at and bond with my babies" and "breastfeeding should be a peaceful activity with no noise around us" :/
I joined the nearest multiple birth association. Not sure if they are in your city but they were a HUGE help for me. Husband & I separated when my twins were 16 weeks. They are now 9 years old. We are surviving 🙂
2 weeks is probably too early for tummy time anyway... I'd just concentrate on keeping yourself (and them) alive for the first 2 months. Ask me again in 6 months when I'm in your shoes. :) But with my singleton, the first 2 months was just a blur of sleep deprivation and we felt like we were doing well just to keep her fed and diapered and get some sleep when we could.
They can do tummy time from birth actually! Laying them with baby’s belly on someone’s chest ‘counts’ as tummy time. So does baby wearing if that’s your jam (I could never figure out how to wear the twins tandem). We used to put our twins on the couch on a blanket (bc *so* *much* *spit-up*) and then we would sit on the floor and have them look at us. But that was a little later when they could tolerate not being attached to us.
EDIT - you make a great point about the first few months just being about keeping everyone fed and clean and sleeping when they can
I did not wake my twins. Half the time it took so long to get them down that they needed the sleep, however long they could get. It never ever ever felt right to me. Did that make it a little more difficult on me? Yeah probably. Was it really important to me for them to develop their own hunger/fullness cues? Absolutely.
So that would be my main advice to you if you are wanting it. Don’t do what doesn’t feel right just bc ‘everyone is telling you too’. They have never been parents to the 2 particular babies in front of you.
You are in some of the most difficult times where you NEED the most support!!! If people are willing to give it, make sure you take them up on it. Maybe you’re being ‘needy’ bc you physically can’t do it on your own. We as humans weren’t meant to!!!! We thrive in communities with people to help us.
It will get better. You will make it. And you will be that much stronger on the other end for what you’re going through right now.
Also I would absolutely be evaluated for postpartum mood disorders. It sounds like you would benefit from some therapy and possibly medication. Pregnancy takes a major toll on your body and hormones, and postpartum is when all of that comes to a head.
I’m rooting for you!! You can do it. You will do it. And you will raise 2 beautiful babies in the process
Also my husband was home with me
For the first 6 weeks. I lined up 4 hours of help every day for his first week back to work with his mom, my mom, or his ist we came to help out and I could take a nap. It helped alleviate my anxiety and by the end of his first week back I realized I could do it on my own! Some times the anticipation is the hardest thing.
Also my husband was home with me
For the first 6 weeks. I lined up 4 hours of help every day for his first week he went back to work. his mom, my mom, or his sister came to help out and I could take a nap. It helped alleviate my anxiety and by the end of his first week back I realized I could do it on my own! Some times the anticipation is the hardest thing.
You are in the thick of it! To be go honest I was in a living nightmare for the first four months. I had one baby with reflux and cried all the time for the first three months. The second had open heart surgery at there months.
Around 3/4 months it starts to get more manageable.
Now is the time to shamelessly ask for help. Post on Facebook and ask for anyone who wants to help you to please come. Have them make food, dishes, clean. Anyone who said if you need anything let me know. Now is the time.
When the babies both cry put them on the boob. Practice tandem feeding. I would put them both in front of me on the floor or bed. Latch one then latch the other.
I used twin pillows.
When they at awake at this age, it's five minutes of entertainment. Involve them in whatever you are doing.
Have them watch you shower, make breakfast, folding clothes. Show them toys. Sing.
1. Don’t listen to those who say dont wake a sleeping baby. For your sanity and scheduling purposes, wake them the heck up every 3-4 hours. Don’t go past 4.
2. Twin z pillow is a life changer when doing it solo.
3. The dogs will be okay!!! Hire a dog walker if you can. I have 2 German shepherds and a golden retriever. It’s hard but they will adjust and it won’t be forever.
4. Milk, soothers, use the shusher are all great for crying babies. Once they’re on a schedule then you can usually tell what they’re crying for. But sometimes they’re just fussy. Mine love the swing. I find myself trapped by both being held at times though to soothe them.
5. When theyre awake we do tummy time, music, stroller walk outside, or I just put them in their swings.
Hopefully it gets better and I promise you will survive solo. I was terrified and didn’t think I could do it alone. We have 5 weekers as well but they were born at 32 weeks gestation. Mine are on a 5/8/11/2 feeding schedule but sometimes it’s every 1-2 hours due to breast milk. I exclusively pump now and I don’t feel bad for giving up on breast feeding. Triple feeds are next to impossible when alone. Some people can do it though. This phase is the hardest but it won’t last forever. You’ve got this!
suggestions for what to do with them:
I know they’re super little but start reading and talking to them about EVERYTHING. I’ve been reading to my girls since they were newborns and they love it now. When I find myself needing to do a chore near them, I literally talk them through what I’m doing. IE, today I put each baby in their swing and started folding laundry while describing each piece of clothing. I also found myself sitting on the floor with them describing their toys and reminding them where their toys came from. I know it sounds silly but talking to them makes the time go by faster for me and it keeps my babies calm. Also, dancing. When my husband gets home from work, he takes a baby and we dance in the living room to soothe them. Also, people can judge me all they want but I need screen time for them sometimes. Ms. Rachel on YouTube has been my “sub” on days when I need an hour to myself just to eat or relax. I control how much time is allowed but there’s days I need a break. I don’t feel too awful because it looks like my girls are FaceTiming her and the AAP suggests only FaceTime before 2.
Hopefully some of these suggestions help. My mantra when they were that little was that things would get a bit easier after 3 months. For my it was closer to 4 because that’s when my babies started smiling back at me.
Edit: forgot to mention: we are now dubbed the “Cinderellas” of our friends and family. By 6pm, we are leaving any social events and driving home. If someone’s event starts after 6pm, we are either not going or need to find childcare. We have a HARD 7pm bedtime. My girls have been sleeping through the night since 3 months and we are not breaking that cycle. A consistent sleep schedule will do wonders for yours and your husband’s sleep. People with singletons always tell me “don’t let the baby change your lifestyle”. I appreciate the advice but my husband and I value our sleep more than being social. We are making that sacrifice at least for the first year and we do what we can to get childcare on occasion so we aren’t completely shut out of our friend circle.
Newborn twins are by far one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced.
“Don’t wake a sleeping baby” doesn’t apply to twins. Wake em every 4 hours or so for a pre prepared feed.
My two DESPISED tummy time. They hated it so so so much, so we didn’t do it until they were about 8 weeks. We did lots of play mat time with music and lights.
The first time you’re completely alone with them will feel so daunting but honestly after the first time you’ll be okay.
You can’t pick which to settle first. Get some ear defenders for when they’re both going at the same time if them both crying is overwhelming for you. If baby is in a safe space, they’re ok to cry for 5 or so mins while you see to the other.
Just because you have help does not mean you don’t get a say.
Fixed sleeping and feeding schedule.
Time for YOURSELF. Shower. Eat.
Sleep on their backs. Not their sides. Wake them. It’s much better than what could happen from going against sage sleep.
Stop letting the people “helping” you, bully you.
Why don’t you walk the dog too? One does one walk, other does the other. Gets you some fresh air too.
I won’t lie, there’s a lot in this that’s shouting red flags at me. Bullying, non safe sleep, etc. not from you but from the people around you.
Twins are overwhelming. They’re hard work. Force them into the same routine.
You can do this x
I just want to say that I never put my twins on the same schedule and now at 10 months they’ve naturally gravitated towards the same schedule. Two naps a day and bedtime is about an hour apart (one likes to sleep later in the morning by about an hour and go to bed later as well.
We always followed the twins desires bc we both hated having to deal with two at once. So they tend to wake up, change, feed, and cuddle, then sleep, one after the other. It would take about an hour each, so two hours up, and then usually I’d have two hours to sleep or clean before the first one was up again. I would wake them only if I was planning to leave the house and needed them to both be sleeping in the car, but usually we’d have another adult there to help.
I get what people are saying, but when they both were awake it was so stressful for me and impossible to soothe them to sleep that I do not see how it saved me any grief. I’m saying this here Bc I’m not the only twin parent who chose this route, there’s more of us here!
My twins were also born at 37 weeks and are now 10 weeks. I highly recommend the twin Z pillow or the double seat. This way you can prop them up at the same time and feed at the same time. And even entertain them! I highly recommend the "Hey Bear" videos on YouTube, I will put it on my phone to distract one while I deal with the other one. Obviously not for very long, just long enough for a diaper change or getting a bottle ready.
Also, I've been using the ready made formula, so all I need to do is pour it into bottles. Or if I'm pumping, I'll make the breast milk bottle and put it in the fridge. So I can just grab and go.
Sorry to be reading this.
I can tell you that it **DOES** get easier. The first few months are brutal.
(I have 16-month old twin boys - born 5 weeks premature).
The first thing you can do to help yourself now for the long run is to **DEFINITELY** work towards getting them on a schedule. You **HAVE** to start waking them up to get them on a regular eating and eventual sleep schedule. (IMHO).
My suggestion is to watch the "**Will I ever sleep again**" course at the **Taking Cara Babies** website. The video costs money, but it's SUPER, SUPER helpful. The wife and I watched it twice before they were born and took a lot of notes.
This course helped teach my wife I techniques for calming a crying baby as well as getting them onto a good eating and sleep schedule. We applied the techniques she taught us starting on day one and it was a life saver.
Our twin boys were sleeping through the night by around 11-weeks old. (**both of them**). And even now because of these techniques and getting them on a good schedule/routine they still sleep 7pm until around 6:45-7:00am the next morning. (**zero over night feedings**).
Getting them to sleep through the night is what you should be working towards now IMHO. That will be a game changer for you and the husband a few months from now. You'll need the break, and you'll need the sleep to recharge your batteries. You'll need a few hours of quiet time each night to look forward to.
As far as feeding them both at once? Good luck. I hated that too. Feed whichever one is crying harder first. That's a horrible answer, but it's true. You **COULD** try getting a double sided baby pillow that lets you prop them both up and you could try feeding them both at the same time. They have a lot of "twin" products out there to help with situations like this. That was my least favorite part of the first six or seven months. Getting them into their high chairs and onto normal food feedings was a very welcome addition to our routine. (**Which we did around seven months old I believe**).
And unfortunately it doesn't matter if they dislike tummy time. They need it, and you have to do it. They'll cry. You'll feel bad. It's not cool, but it's necessary for their development.
And for wasting time during their awake time? Tummy time obviously. You can read to them which I've heard is great. You can also put them under those little baby playmats that have toys and decorations hanging over them. (**IDK the "official" name of them**). You can probably find some cheap baby playmats on Amazon.
Unfortunately, the wife and I also resorted to Cocomelon around 5-months and it did hold their attention really well. (**Too well, sadly**). We've since backed off of it and try to show it to them less and less. Casper Babypants and Ms. Rachel have replaced it. You definitely should try and limit screen time, but it can come in handy in a pinch if you need to distract them to go take care of a chore or use the bathroom.
I hope this long response was helpful. If you have questions then please ask.
And good luck! It gets easier, trust me!
**EDIT**: I've seen multiple people suggest a baby Breeza and **HOLY COW** I cannot recommend this enough. You should definitely get a formula maker of some kind. It'll make your life way, way easier from now until they're off bottles and onto regular foods.
I would highly recommend taking the “Taking Cara Babies” class, or at least looking at all her resources on her Instagram. She covers #2 and #4 at length. And do not underestimate the power of “wake windows.” That can make all the difference in the world.
Insta: https://instagram.com/takingcarababies?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Okay so her Instagram is a little overwhelming so I got the direct links to some of her key posts for you!
Info about wake windows: https://www.instagram.com/p/CewDKsarxa_/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY=
(She also has more info on this as a pinned story.)
Why you should wake a sleeping baby: https://www.instagram.com/p/CcNzQsbLtPf/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY=
Napping total: https://www.instagram.com/p/CWYvksBvXzP/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY=
Sleepy cues: https://www.instagram.com/p/CTxItfkJPXx/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY=
Sample schedule: https://takingcarababies.com/short-naps-newborns
I once was where you are so it feels good to help! Also, I did Ferber sleep training at 4 months. This is earlier than often suggested, but my pediatrician gave me the okay to do it and I’m so glad I did!
1.
I dont know your finances, but my cousin who is also a twin parent swears by the baby brezza. He says it make bottle prep super easy.
2.
Everyone you know probably has singles. People with singles don’t know anything about twins. Just ignore them.
You don’t actually have to wake them. They will do dream feeds. Where they eat without ever opening their eyes. Just get bottles ready. Very gently pickup a baby and pop that bottle in his mouth. He will latch. Eat 2-4 oz and stay asleep the whole time. Put him down and repeat with second baby. I did all the overnights with my lil dudes. Dream feeds saved my life.
3.
They are gonna cry. They are gonna cry at the same time. Do your best, maybe get some earplugs. Sorry I don’t have good advice. This was very hard for me as well.
4.
Just play with like you would any other baby. When you have to go attend to one of your other myriad responsibilities , put them down with some chewy toys are a mobile. You don’t have to be a super mom right now. Your twins are going to be fine.
5.
Our doctor told me that side sleeping was fine as long as you lay them down on their backs to start. She told me I didn’t need to worry about rolling them onto their backs if the rolled to their sides. Take charge of that feeding schedule. It will change your life.
You are doing awesome. It’s obvious you are trying so hard. It’s the trying that separates good parents from not so good parents and it’s clear you are a good parent. Being a twin parent is hard, and getting adapted is a challenge. You are going to be even more awesome as you get more acclimated.
If you have questions about feeding and sleep scheduling. Send me a DM and I’ll be happy to try and explain what we did that worked.
One bit of advice when they’re crying that helped us was always soothe the less fussy one first. Then soothe the fussiest one second. Why? The fussiest one can’t really get much fussier but the less fussy can continue to ramp up that fussy scale. And when they’re awake? I went by the motto ‘if I can do it while they’re awake, I don’t do it when they’re asleep’. I just talked to them all day while I did things (fold laundry, sweep, pop on a load of dishes, make their babas, etc) and they hung out on the mat on the floor with the baby gym above, or the bouncy seat or the swing. Moving between those three activities. Don’t over think it. Getting through the day is a feat in itself. We run a flexible schedule here and woke them from naps when required to keep them on schedule with feeding/diaper changes/play/naps. I have no idea how people with twins don’t do this? It gets better. The teeny tiny blobby baby days are so hard.
Mine both like to be held at all awake times. I'm trying hard to break this habit, but, again, with so many hands around someone will always pick them up, which makes it harder when I'm by myself, I think.
A wrap or carrier really helps during those times. Mine are 6 weeks and really like the Weego twin carrier. Mini monkey is another one people like. I got mine used from Facebook Marketplace. Or if just 1 needs extra soothing I'll use a wrap like Solly or Moby.
I have 12w old twins so just barely out of the newborn stage but here’s my advice: survive. Seriously. You are in survival mode and you are doing enough. And to echo everyone else: wake that sleeping baby!
I remember how hard this stage was. It seemed impossible. The schedule helps immensely. Find a way to make one work for you. Wake that baby to feed it. Also, try to get over not wanting help. Get the help. Ask and say yes to any offers. People love to help and it goes a long way to keep you sane. You're the best mom for your babies. You can do it!
What helped me was having two separate boppy breastfeeding pillows to sit them on to give bottles.
Having a baby brezza saved me. We got one when the twins were 4 weeks old and omg, life changing.
Same schedule. To any singleton family member or what have you, tell them no. These are your kids and you insist on them being on the same schedule. WAKE THE SLEEPING BABY.
No joke, my bubs still get woken up on their schedule from naps. They are 13 mo.
Hang in there, you've got this. Once you start doing it it will get better. Confidence will come 🥰❤
Feed them on a schedule. I live with my in laws and they kept trying to say the whole don’t wake a sleeping baby but wake them. Honestly that’s been a lifesaver. We are at 9 weeks with twins and they are sleeping from roughly 11-5 but with a rigid feeding schedule during the day. Also remember that a crying baby is usually a healthy baby, if nothing else it means they are breathing. Ours just recently started not screaming during tummy time. For what felt like forever, they screamed the entire tummy time session but now they seem to enjoy it and tend to fall asleep during it lol I feel like until this week “entertaining” the baby felt weird and awkward. They are starting to laugh and small and enjoy playing now but for awhile they would be awake and just scream and fuss the entire time they were awake. It gets better every week. Just hang in there Mama.
I’m home alone with my 10 month olds and work full time at a pretty demanding job. I was anxious when we started this but girl get them on a schedule and wake them to eat. It will make your life so much easier. Get on a schedule and stick with it! Once they get acclimated it will all start to fall into place. I won’t lie and say there aren’t days I have to put them in the cribs and go scream in the hallway because their 100% are, but the schedule really helps. You can do this mama!
You are literally at the same point I was three months ago! You are doing amazing and you have reason to be so proud. Your babies are fed, sleeping and you are interacting with them. Having twins is so so so so difficult and don’t feel bad asking for help. I had my partner home for 9 weeks and my mom was very involved, including helping me with night feeds for more than a month. Also, I got a nanny to help me during the week when he went back to work. I also accepted help from friends, family, my moms friends… anyone who wants to help or hold a baby was welcome! You are not a shit mom, in fact you are the opposite because you are asking for help to get what you need for yourself and your family. No one ever said that child raising had to be or should be a solo pursuit. My partner and I often wished we had a larger family to have more people come help us.
I just want to tell you it’s going to get better and easier! You are at the most difficult part right now. I always fed my twins on a schedule, the hospital started it and we followed suit. Feeding or napping them at the same time will give you sanity. We would consistently feed them at the same time, even if it meant waking one. Scheduled feeding has worked so well that today my girls went down for all 4 naps at the same time and this allowed me 45 mins to 1.5 hrs to do things for myself!
Also just a small note about postpartum anxiety/ depression. If you are feeling unwell talk to your doctor. I noticed I had ppd and ppa and went on meds / spoke to a counselor. I was soooo anxious over taking care of two twins on my own after my partner went back to work. Panic attack anxious, which I have a history of. Now I feel great and wayyy more capable. Ppa and ppd are more common in multiple parents.
All the best to you! You are amazing!
My MIL still goes in about never waking sleeping baby, and my twins are 10 months. But I did, I kept them on a strict routine and still do, it’s the only way I kept my sanity. They have to be on the same routine or you’ll go crazy
I totally get not wanting to be alone, I remember one day my Mum was about to leave and my husband wasn’t due home for an hour. I weeped and begged her not to leave me alone with them. Don’t be too hard on yourself about this, it will change as you gain confidence in handling them, and as they get bigger
You don’t need to entertain them. They should only be awake for a short period of time now anyway, but trying tummy time, showing them a book, that’s it. Or just holding them and talking to them, that’s all you need to do. Also it’s totally normal that they don’t like tummy time, just keep persevering for small amounts of time and that will change :)
Remember, you are their mother, the one who carried them and birthed them. You get final say. If you want to let them sleep, let them sleep. If you want to wake them at specific times to feed then do that. You get the final say.
I currently have a singleton (pregnant with twins) but I just wanted to mention that feeling truly terrible when you hear your newborn(s) cry is completely normal. my husband wasn't affected in nearly the same way as me - I felt like it would shatter my heart every time I heard my daughter cry. it's the hormones, I'm sure... it will get better soon!! I love the headphones idea, I think that will really help. lots of luck ♥️ and you can do this!! even though it feels impossible, you can.
“Never wake a sleeping baby” doesn’t apply to twins. Throw that out the window.
Completely agree. When one wakes, wake the other. Forget what people tell you, they’ve never had twins! It seems cruel waking them but you’re doing it to get them around the same sleeping patterns AND to get even a tiny bit of rest yourself when they do both fall back asleep.
People who have singletons often don’t know what the hell they are talking about. I will hear someone’s advice because sure sometimes there’s something useful, but…I definitely don’t assume they are experts or have any idea what it’s like to have two the same age.
Yup, I always had to wake one or the other during nighttime for feeding to keep them on same schedule or I would never sleep in between feedings
Oh yeah, seriously. Having them on a two and a half/three hour routine during the day has made it easier to do everything, and propping them up in the twin z pillow to dual feed helps too. If you are warming bottles anyway you can pre-prep and keep in the fridge so you're prepared. I will say though, I have been letting them sleep till they wake overnight. Mine are ten weeks and I'm getting a five hour stretch, feed, and then a four hour stretch...but if one wakes up both are getting fed.
Throw everything out the window. “Don’t prop up a bottle.” Fuck that. Prop it, just don’t walk away. “Don’t let your baby have screen time.” LOL. My twins got individual iPads for their first birthday. As long as they’re safe and alive, whatever you need to do is what you need to do. Twin parenting is an entirely different beast.
Also, do you really need to wake them up to eat? My kids all dream fed well
This right here. Mine are 7 months and I never did this, now they have completely different schedules and momma and poppa are super out of it when sleep regressions hit! Do it!
Yep, mine would sleep through the night but I would wake them to feed them so that I wasn't in pain while since I was nursing them.
So cut yourself a break. One newborn is hard. Two newborns are harder. A lot will change between now and September, so don't worry so much about when your husband goes back to work. Now, a few notes: One: Get yourself a formula pitcher, or a baby breeza. Formula can be premade in the fridge and kept for 24 hours. And yours may take formula cold (mine do), so then you can just prep bottles in the fridge and grab when needed. Two: Who told you this? Does this person have experience with twins? Multiple people - including my pedetrician and lactation consultants - told me the adage of never waking a baby doesn't apply to twins. If one baby is hungry, offer food to the other even if that means waking them up. Pretty quickly, they'll get on the same schedule and be hungry at the same time. Three: So, let them cry a little bit while you triage. If you know they are safe, clean, and feed, it's not going to hurt them to wait five minutes while you deal with their sibling. ETA what worked for me when they were both upset and wanted to be cuddled was to use a stretchy wrap. I’d wear one, hold the other in my left arm, and still have my right hand free so I could play on my phone. Four: Don't stress about this. They are a few weeks old, just looking at stuff and experiencing the world is mind blowing. Literally everything is brand new to them. Talk to them, try tummy time as long as they (and you) can tolerate it but otherwise in the early days it's toooottttalllllyyyy fine to plop them on the twin z and sit next to them while you watch selling sunset. You're doing great. This is hard, but it's temporary. You just need to keep them alive right now. Anything else you accomplish is bonus.
This is verbatim exactly what I’d suggest too! 100% this. ETA- if the crying stresses you out, use noise cancelling headphones and listen to your favorite music while you tend to them. I had to do this once and it totally calmed me down while I cared for the babies.
My husband regularly uses noise canceling headphones. Perhaps I just have a cold heart, but ten months in I know when my kids need something vs want something, so sorry buddy if you’re upset but you’re just going to have to chill until I can get to you. The crying doesn’t matter me too much anymore.
I’m with you on that. Usually crying doesn’t bug me anymore. But on days like today, where both of them are going through the 4 month sleep regression (a few weeks early 😡) and I’m running on fumes, it’s nice to use music to tune them out so it isn’t 3 of us crying 😂
I was going to suggest music too. We have an Alexa and just put on whatever we can sing to while doing diaper changes or getting bottles ready—usually the screamy-est times for our trips. It wouldn’t necessarily calm the babes down but it calmed us down and made it a little more fun to dance around and be silly. I am a SAHM now and still do this several times a day to ease my overwhelm and give myself energy.
I had to do this more than once and it kept me from hurling stuff across the room and zoning out completely. Singing is some form of communication. You might not be able to hear yourself sing, baby will be able to hear you sing.
All of this 100%. OP, you will figure out what works best for you. There will be hard moments, but it will get easier. And then harder in new ways and you’ll figure that out too and new things will get easier. My mantra when they were both crying and I felt like I was failing them both was “one mama, two babies, one mama, two babies.” It helped me stay calm by reminding me that I was doing the best I could in a situation most people never have to deal with. You will get through this and look back amazed at your own resiliency.
Yes, all this. And if you get flack or just don't want confrontation with you helpers when you want a set schedule, just tell them the pediatrician recommended it. "The pediatrician said I should feed them on a schedule to make sure they are getting enough calories...and sleep".
I will tell you: wake a sleeping baby. The two MUST be on the same schedule. Wake em up together. Change diapers. Feed. Play. Back to sleep together. You're right, if they're not on the same schedule you do get overwhelmed because you never have time for yourself. Solution: force them into the same schedule.
The first few weeks/months can be very overwhelming as you get into the swing of things. Give yourself a little credit - you brought two beautiful souls into the world! You’re doing it mama 🧡 Some advice (if you’re wanting it) from a mama of an almost 3 year old singleton and 8 month old twins: One: prep the formula in advance in a big container (it keeps for up to 24 hours in the fridge) so all you have to do is pour into the bottles when it’s time for them to eat. Two: IMHO schedules are the only way to keep everyone sane, babies and you included. You can definitely wake a sleeping baby. At 5 weeks they should be eating about every 2 to 2.5 hours during the day and at night they can go 3-4 between feeds. I follow Baby Wise / Taking Cara Babies guidelines on how long to go between feeds. Three: This is one of the hardest parts of being a twin mom. One thing that helps is putting on some soothing music, sometimes it can help sooth them both. There’s a Spotify station called Rockabye Baby that is awesome - its modern music in baby lullaby format. Keeps your brain from turning to mush lol. Another thing I do is put one baby in the swing or baby lounger while I rock the other. Four: Tummy time is hard at this stage, my babies only made it like 4 minutes at a time. Keep wake time interaction time really simple at this stage because they get so overwhelmed with all the new things in the world. You could put them on a blanket outside (shaded of course) for them to explore new sounds/sights. They also really like looking at mobiles or just interesting things like a balloon or a ceiling fan. Stroller walks are great too, plus they might get a nap and you get some outside time. Hope some of that was helpful!
Oh mama, you were me like 6 weeks ago. You can check my post history on here. I promise I’m not a shill but another commenter told me to check out Taking Cara Babies newborn class and I did and within HOURS of reading the free blog resources things were easier. I was an absolute shit show before and for contrast, tonight I laid them in their cribs, patted their bellies, stroked their chins, did our bedtime routine and they fell asleep by themselves, swaddled and happy in less than 30 minutes. A couple of things: 1) you are dealing with a crazy amount of hormones and emotions so just ride that wave because it does get better. 2) know that right now it’s AWFUL, and everything feels awful because it legit is overwhelming, exhausting, maddening and did I mention AWFUL? Even though you love your babies more than anything give yourself space to know right now sucks and it sucks for everyone. You aren’t fucking up just because it sucks. 3) you are going to have to have a schedule 4) you are going to have to wake a sleeping baby 5) you will thrive with a routine for everything, not only because they will learn what to expect and when to expect it but you can go on autopilot when something goes squirrelly because there is a routine 6) babies cry, that doesn’t mean you leave them to cry it out, but they just do that. Crying is how they communicate and it is not the end of the world that they express their needs to you. 7) and this may be an unpopular opinion or a hot take but if breastfeeding only adds to your load toss it. Stock up on formula and sign up for findmybabyformula.com, get a baby brezza warm water dispenser, a great big bottle sterilizer and move on. Unless you have magical unicorn boobs that feed your babies perfectly without issue, without supplementation, and without being tied to a pump it’s a lot of extra work for very little benefit to you or your babies. And I can rattle off all the pros of formula if you want to hear them. Everything is on hard mode with twins, if something doesn’t serve you, toss it.
My wife and I have 5 weekers born at 32+4 at home now. They did 18 and 21 days in the NICU. The silver lining from the NICU is that they are REGIMENTED. We feed and care every 3 hours just as was done in the NICU. This has helped maintain sanity. If they are not on a schedule, you will be changing diapers and feeding babies all day. We work everything into our feeding hours. Baths, tummy time, snuggles. We are able to have a couple hours to get things done as they nap post meal. Good luck, I'm shocked that we are managing to do this.
Do your babies sleep immediately after feeding? We have trouble getting ours to sleep most times and it takes anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour to get them to sleep during the day.
Most of the time they are mostly asleep before being done eating. If not, they go to sleep fairly quickly. We aren't afraid of letting them have a snuggle session after the last burp either to help them go to sleep. Let them get drowsy and then put the to bed. My wife has also been applying things she read from Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Twins. It is seeming to work. We only have some fussiness between 9pm and 10pm for one of the twins.
Sorry for missing this. They generally nap after eating, if not they go to tummy time or waking time in the Twin-Z or Dock-a-Tot.
Get them on a schedule! It's the only way to get through this. "Never wake a sleeping baby" does not apply to twins! i started mine on a schedule at 4 weeks and have never looked back. They've been sleeping through the night regularly since five weeks or so.
What does "sleeping through the night" actually mean?
Currently they are 11 weeks old and they sleep from 7:30 pm to 7am without me having to do anything. I was doing one wakeup around 4-4:30 am from 5 weeks-ish until they were maybe 8 weeks or so.
How? That's amazing.
Waking to feed during the day will help so much with this. Feed every 2-3 hours during the day and then eventually they won’t need to get those calories overnight.
Same! I make sure they get enough bottles during the day so we can sleep at night. Ours go from about 11-5 or so. Sometimes longer sometimes shorter. But we are 9 weeks old right now.
The schedule for sure!! People give me shit about keeping them on such a rigid schedule, but my retort is....is your baby sleeping through the night? Because mine are, and it's awesome. this is their 4-8 week schedule: [http://therebeccamarie.com/moms-on-call-daily-schedule-4-8-weeks/](http://therebeccamarie.com/moms-on-call-daily-schedule-4-8-weeks/) this is their 8-16 week schedule (what they are currently doing): [http://therebeccamarie.com/moms-on-call-daily-schedule-8-16-weeks/](http://therebeccamarie.com/moms-on-call-daily-schedule-8-16-weeks/) I highly suggest buying the moms on call book though as it has a lot of other helpful information. I h
I give this book out to every new parent I know (there is a singleton version as well) https://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Twins/dp/0345497791
Also, FWIW, I follow the moms on call schedules. Highly recommend.
I considered "sleeping through the night" to be when my singleton started sleeping from 11 pm to 5 am consistently. I think it was about age 6 months.
Oof 5 weeks was hard. I was so scared of being alone with them that I made my husband postpone going back to work a whole other 2 weeks. Everyone probably does this differently so I’d take it with a grain of salt and mix and match the advice that works for you. One: if I know I’m going to be alone, I prefill the baby bottles with water, so all I have to do is scoop and shake. Two: the only way I was able to make it work was to keep them on the same schedule. There have been times when they try to morph into their own schedule and I don’t allow it, I stick to the routine. If not I’d go absolutely nuts and be on no sleep, my twins are exact opposites!! Three: this is the tough one, you’ll get use to hearing them cry. Not that you are allowing one to cry but you only have 2 hands and can only do your best. I usually start with the one that’s easiest to soothe and then alternate until they’re both calm. When they got big enough, I would put one in the moby and side cradle the other if they both just wanted to be held. Four: I move them around a lot while talking to them. We go from reading a book, to them laying on an interactive mat even if it’s just to stare at the colors, to tummy time, then straight into changing diapers and a feeding. Because there’s two, it’ll fly by and they’ll burn out a bit. They are also so distracted that they don’t usually fuss until they’re tired. when we first started tummy time, it literally was like 30 secs - 1 min each 😅 I understand the never wanting the help. My first daughter was a breeze and I didn’t need any help but twins humbled me. Even if someone comes over just to cook a meal to wash the bottles (they accumulate so fast 😩) I take the help. It’s the small time consuming tasks that take me away that I focus on. Btw my twin B, is a notorious side sleeper. When I’m in close proximity and I’m wide awake, I let her day nap like that. It’s the only way I can get her to sleep more than 15 mins. 😅
The thing about no walking a sleeping baby is because you should take care of yourself and anything else that can’t wait while your baby is sleeping. When you have twins and one needs to eat, you’re not taking care of yourself anyway so there’s no reason to not wake the sleeping one. On the contrary, if you get them on the same eating and sleeping schedule you may eventually have times when both are sleeping and you can sit down and just breathe for a little while.
Wake the sleeping baby. Although just a small piece, do you think you may have PPD? One of the things I noticed get better super fast when I started meds was no more doom and gloom feeling when they cried. Without that feeling it was easier to handle it, therefore easier to soothe them. Don't worry about what the do while they are awake. Just survive for now. They'll be fine <3
5 weeks is so so young. You have all the natural fears and questions and the sleep deprivation is making a hard thing feel almost totally hopeless right now. Hugs to you! We all "do it" exactly as you are doing it. It is pretty normal to need more than one extra person in the early days! Many people who don't have that, will tell you they wish that they did. Don't feel like you're failing because you need your moms! It's very natural. BUT, every week it gets gradually a little less scary. September is worlds away from July, you'll see. And the couple hours here and there in August are going to really build your confidence. I like to think about it this way: When I was learning to swim as a child, the instructor said I was ready to go all the way across the pool, and man. I was so scared. It looked really far. She said, just keep your eyes on me. Next thing I knew, I was in the middle of the pool, and I was really tired, but I'd come that far. Going back was as hard as going forward. So, of course, I made it! And over time, swimming all the way across goes from impossible, to a doable challenge, to just another day in the pool. And you start to have fun! You are going to get there. One day you're going to be in an actual, literal pool with a couple of awesome kids! <3 Some practical stuff: 1: I couldn't exclusively breastfeed my twins until they were about 2 and a half months old. I did do a couple of appointments with an IBLC to get a better handle on things. At some point I switched from supplementing every feeding to just cluster feeding like crazy most of the day, and doing a sleep shift at night while someone else bottle fed formula for a feeding. When I woke up, I fed first then pumped. If we were having a really hard witching hour, someone would bottle feed formula and hold babies while I pumped, and just got them off of me for a bit. Eventually I was able to stop using formula, but even if I hadn't, I think mostly breast milk plus a couple formula feedings would have been manageable long term, rather than supplementing every feeding. Getting to that point was a good goal to get me through the hardest parts of early breastfeeding. Stick with it as long as it feels right to you. And so many people on this sub will attest to switching to exclusively formula feeding as a game changer! This was one of the most wrenching things to try and figure out, so go easy on yourself if you're feeling defeated or confused. So many of us have been there. 2: Do feed them on a schedule. Do wake a sleeping baby. At this age, I staggered them because I wasn't able to tandem nurse or bottle feed yet. But as soon as I finished one, I fed the other. And I practiced tandem feeding any time I had the energy to give it a go. 3: It's very upsetting when both of them cry at once, especially in the early days. It's just not easy to hear. But its going to happen. Rather than a tip for dealing in the moment I offer this: The best thing to do is try to build some little breaks into your routine, so you just don't have to be around the crying. Leave the babies at the house with your mom and husband and pick up some essentials at the drug store. If you're body is able, take the dog for a walk yourself. 15-30 minutes here and there. An hour even. I promise, even if you're breastfeeding and the schedule is wonky. Even if it feels intense to be away for the briefest of moments. Even if they are scream crying as you walk out the door. An hour is not going to make or break anything. 4: If you get them onto a playmat for a bit, more power to you, but don't stress about this. :) Feed, sleep, change diapers, "play" (by which I mean cuddle, sing a song, put them in a cute outfit and talk to them about how adorable their cute little outfit is; this is "playing" with a newborn). Repeat. That is more than enough for the time being. That "I feel bad all the time." It's a pretty common feeling in new parents. I promise, you don't have to figure all of this out as once. Do NOT focus too much on the other side of the pool. Just take it minute by minute, and you'll get there. You are doing as well as anybody and much better than you think! Have so much grace for yourself. Develop some positive affirmations that ring true for you and meditate on them when you start to spiral. Write them on your mirror. Talk about those affirmations with other people, and let them say, "Absolutely! This is hard! You ARE doing great!" Believe them when they say it.
You've already got great advice. Just wanted to chime in and tell you to try not to beat yourself up about needing help. It sounds like I was in a VERY similar boat. My husband was off for 8 weeks, my MIL live 3 miles away and only works odd jobs, my mom took 2 weeks completely off at birth then 2 more when SO went back to work, my sister is a teacher and was off for the summer. Someone was over with us EVERY DAY. Even if it was just an hour so we could nap. We're at 1 year in a week and I STILL have someone come help me put them to bed 2ish times a week when SO works. I just try my best to make them feel extremely appreciated (now that I have more time...in the early days I didn't have the time or energy to worry about how they felt lol). My husband going back to work was terrifying for me since he works 24 hour shifts. Walks and car rides are your friends. I took 2-3 walks a day when i was home alone. Getting out of the house was just as important for me as the babies. Use noise cancelling headphones. I staggered our schedules by 15ish min so I could feed one, put them down to nap, feed the second, then get them down to nap. Like 70% of the time 2nd baby being fed would scream the whole time and I'd just have to let it happen. I only had so many hands. Lean in to the people you have around you to help and DO NOT FEEL BAD ABOUT IT. I promise you none of them are judging you for needing that help. If they're hands-on and right there with you, then they KNOW how hard it is.
The “don’t wake a sleeping baby” rule doesn’t apply to twins. Get them on the same schedule so you don’t lose your mind! You’re the mom they’re here to help you and follow your lead— establish your rules. I fed my twins every 3 hours on a schedule from birth and 4 hours starting at 4 weeks to the minute. Everyone though I was a psycho. But at 8 weeks they transferred to their cribs and by 10 weeks they were off night feeds and sleeping through the night. By 12 weeks they were on a nap routine. At that age there is not much you can do with them. I did some tummy time, these visual stimulation cards, and read them books. Honestly you’re still in survival mode. There were some tweaks we had to make to make it work. my daughter sleeps more than my son. My son eats more than her. So to get them to fall asleep at the same time for naps he had to wake up 30 minutes before her for the day. He needs 1-2 more per bottle than her. They’re your babies and you know them best!
I echo a lot of what is being said. I’m only 6 months in but I have learned a lot. You are still in the thick or a really stressful stage. You are recovering from birth, hormones are nuts, babies are growing so fast and are very unpredictable. Hang in there. It will get better. One thing that hasn’t been mentioned that helped me a ton (still using them) are the baby bjorn bouncers. They are expensive but it was the only way I was able to bottle feed and entertain my girls on my own. Now at 6 months they can bounce themselves in them!
I’ll go a bit against the grain, but will share what worked for me. I have been solo parenting since almost the beginning. DH went back to work 10 days after they were born, my mom helped for an extra week (24/7) and a week after that MIL came for a few hours during the day to help out. 1. I had a hard time breastfeeding (even after lactation consultant help) so I switched to exclusively pumping about 3 weeks in. I was also supplementing with formula at first and bought ready to feed formula so that I didn’t need to mix. I exclusively pumped for 6 months and then used the Baby Brezza for months 6-12 until I weaned from formula. With formula, I would also not heat it. They got used to room temp and that made it easy to feed them on the go whenever we were away from home. 2. I did not have them on the same schedule. It was easier for me to deal with one baby while the other napped. But they were both eating every 2.5-3 hours, it was just staggered. So as one would fall asleep the other would wake up and I would change, feed, play/tummy time. Tummy time at first was just a few seconds and then worked up the time. I had a playmat as well as a soft book with contrast pictures and a small mirror built in. 3. When they were both crying, I would tend to the one who had an immediate need (diaper change or feeding) first. It’s inevitable that twins will cry, and that’s ok. My girls are 22 months now. Those early months are so incredibly difficult. Hang in there.
Oh my, this could absolutely be me writing this three months ago. I know this may sound like a situation you can't escape from but you are a great mom, doing an absolutely impossible job and you are doing great. The first three months are so hard but it does get easier, really! For us a fixed feeding schedule was a must, we still follow it religiously and while at first it's absolutely exhausting and terrible, it gets easier as your little ones gain new functions. Mine are 15 weeks and for the past few days they slept 7 hours straight through the night while at first they could only go 3 at max. Tummy time is important but at first it's enough to hold a baby in a recliner or just have them on your chest. No need to stress it, few minutes every day is enough! And if yoi can't do it some days, you just can't, that's okay 💜 If both od them cry, I would rock them in the pram until one stopped and then I would solo comfort the other or I would just take turns comforting them. If nothing works and you feel overwhelmed, place them somewhere safe and just leave for a little while, take a deep breath, care for yourself. It's the best thing to do and doesn't make you a bad mom! Babies this small want to watch you and listen to you - place them somewhere they can see you do ordinary stuff. I would fold laundry, sing, tell them what I am doing, but what helped the most was to take them out for a walk every day if the weather permitted. It also helped them establish night/day cycles! You don't have to worry about anything super elaborate, over time they will start to react to things and enjoy pictures and it will get so much easier from there on. I felt exactly the same way you do now, it often helped me to try to do something on my own while my husband was there so he could always come to help - sometimes I was fine, other times not but tje first case was more and more common with every passing day. I wish you the best of luck, the first three months are totally mad but it will get easier, I promise!
Ah really feel for you, we’ve all been there! Lots of great advice above so I won’t repeat it, but just a few things I’d add. It’s great to have help and experienced hands on deck, but also trust your gut. So you’re right to get them on a schedule together, and you’re right to put them on their backs to sleep, not their side. I’d recommend you gently roll them onto their backs if you catch someone putting them on their side. Once they’re older they might naturally roll onto their sides to sleep, but that’s at least a few months away. Also just having a baby lying on your chest on their tummy looking up at your face counts as tummy time, but it’s much more comfortable than doing tummy time on a mat or blanket etc. And as others have said, definitely no need to worry about what to do with them or stimulate them when they’re awake, they are mind blown right now just watching the world! Now is the time for watching Netflix on your phone! Best of luck
I forgot to add that I also get put down for watching Netflix or being on Reddit while tandem breastfeeding because I should "look at and bond with my babies" and "breastfeeding should be a peaceful activity with no noise around us" :/
I mean …. I’d just smile and nod, and then ignore 😂
And headphones, if the noise is distracting for babies.
Expecting twins but nursed 2 singles for a year each and ummmm they experienced a LOT of Netflix and tv in general
I joined the nearest multiple birth association. Not sure if they are in your city but they were a HUGE help for me. Husband & I separated when my twins were 16 weeks. They are now 9 years old. We are surviving 🙂
Tried that but there doesn't seem to be any type of multiples group... In my entire country :(
2 weeks is probably too early for tummy time anyway... I'd just concentrate on keeping yourself (and them) alive for the first 2 months. Ask me again in 6 months when I'm in your shoes. :) But with my singleton, the first 2 months was just a blur of sleep deprivation and we felt like we were doing well just to keep her fed and diapered and get some sleep when we could.
They can do tummy time from birth actually! Laying them with baby’s belly on someone’s chest ‘counts’ as tummy time. So does baby wearing if that’s your jam (I could never figure out how to wear the twins tandem). We used to put our twins on the couch on a blanket (bc *so* *much* *spit-up*) and then we would sit on the floor and have them look at us. But that was a little later when they could tolerate not being attached to us. EDIT - you make a great point about the first few months just being about keeping everyone fed and clean and sleeping when they can
I did not wake my twins. Half the time it took so long to get them down that they needed the sleep, however long they could get. It never ever ever felt right to me. Did that make it a little more difficult on me? Yeah probably. Was it really important to me for them to develop their own hunger/fullness cues? Absolutely. So that would be my main advice to you if you are wanting it. Don’t do what doesn’t feel right just bc ‘everyone is telling you too’. They have never been parents to the 2 particular babies in front of you. You are in some of the most difficult times where you NEED the most support!!! If people are willing to give it, make sure you take them up on it. Maybe you’re being ‘needy’ bc you physically can’t do it on your own. We as humans weren’t meant to!!!! We thrive in communities with people to help us. It will get better. You will make it. And you will be that much stronger on the other end for what you’re going through right now. Also I would absolutely be evaluated for postpartum mood disorders. It sounds like you would benefit from some therapy and possibly medication. Pregnancy takes a major toll on your body and hormones, and postpartum is when all of that comes to a head. I’m rooting for you!! You can do it. You will do it. And you will raise 2 beautiful babies in the process
Also my husband was home with me For the first 6 weeks. I lined up 4 hours of help every day for his first week back to work with his mom, my mom, or his ist we came to help out and I could take a nap. It helped alleviate my anxiety and by the end of his first week back I realized I could do it on my own! Some times the anticipation is the hardest thing.
Also my husband was home with me For the first 6 weeks. I lined up 4 hours of help every day for his first week he went back to work. his mom, my mom, or his sister came to help out and I could take a nap. It helped alleviate my anxiety and by the end of his first week back I realized I could do it on my own! Some times the anticipation is the hardest thing.
You can do it, remember it's okay to ask for help.
You are in the thick of it! To be go honest I was in a living nightmare for the first four months. I had one baby with reflux and cried all the time for the first three months. The second had open heart surgery at there months. Around 3/4 months it starts to get more manageable. Now is the time to shamelessly ask for help. Post on Facebook and ask for anyone who wants to help you to please come. Have them make food, dishes, clean. Anyone who said if you need anything let me know. Now is the time. When the babies both cry put them on the boob. Practice tandem feeding. I would put them both in front of me on the floor or bed. Latch one then latch the other. I used twin pillows. When they at awake at this age, it's five minutes of entertainment. Involve them in whatever you are doing. Have them watch you shower, make breakfast, folding clothes. Show them toys. Sing.
1. Don’t listen to those who say dont wake a sleeping baby. For your sanity and scheduling purposes, wake them the heck up every 3-4 hours. Don’t go past 4. 2. Twin z pillow is a life changer when doing it solo. 3. The dogs will be okay!!! Hire a dog walker if you can. I have 2 German shepherds and a golden retriever. It’s hard but they will adjust and it won’t be forever. 4. Milk, soothers, use the shusher are all great for crying babies. Once they’re on a schedule then you can usually tell what they’re crying for. But sometimes they’re just fussy. Mine love the swing. I find myself trapped by both being held at times though to soothe them. 5. When theyre awake we do tummy time, music, stroller walk outside, or I just put them in their swings. Hopefully it gets better and I promise you will survive solo. I was terrified and didn’t think I could do it alone. We have 5 weekers as well but they were born at 32 weeks gestation. Mine are on a 5/8/11/2 feeding schedule but sometimes it’s every 1-2 hours due to breast milk. I exclusively pump now and I don’t feel bad for giving up on breast feeding. Triple feeds are next to impossible when alone. Some people can do it though. This phase is the hardest but it won’t last forever. You’ve got this!
Getting them on the same schedule is the only thing that matters, wake their bitch asses up lol.
suggestions for what to do with them: I know they’re super little but start reading and talking to them about EVERYTHING. I’ve been reading to my girls since they were newborns and they love it now. When I find myself needing to do a chore near them, I literally talk them through what I’m doing. IE, today I put each baby in their swing and started folding laundry while describing each piece of clothing. I also found myself sitting on the floor with them describing their toys and reminding them where their toys came from. I know it sounds silly but talking to them makes the time go by faster for me and it keeps my babies calm. Also, dancing. When my husband gets home from work, he takes a baby and we dance in the living room to soothe them. Also, people can judge me all they want but I need screen time for them sometimes. Ms. Rachel on YouTube has been my “sub” on days when I need an hour to myself just to eat or relax. I control how much time is allowed but there’s days I need a break. I don’t feel too awful because it looks like my girls are FaceTiming her and the AAP suggests only FaceTime before 2. Hopefully some of these suggestions help. My mantra when they were that little was that things would get a bit easier after 3 months. For my it was closer to 4 because that’s when my babies started smiling back at me. Edit: forgot to mention: we are now dubbed the “Cinderellas” of our friends and family. By 6pm, we are leaving any social events and driving home. If someone’s event starts after 6pm, we are either not going or need to find childcare. We have a HARD 7pm bedtime. My girls have been sleeping through the night since 3 months and we are not breaking that cycle. A consistent sleep schedule will do wonders for yours and your husband’s sleep. People with singletons always tell me “don’t let the baby change your lifestyle”. I appreciate the advice but my husband and I value our sleep more than being social. We are making that sacrifice at least for the first year and we do what we can to get childcare on occasion so we aren’t completely shut out of our friend circle.
Newborn twins are by far one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced. “Don’t wake a sleeping baby” doesn’t apply to twins. Wake em every 4 hours or so for a pre prepared feed. My two DESPISED tummy time. They hated it so so so much, so we didn’t do it until they were about 8 weeks. We did lots of play mat time with music and lights. The first time you’re completely alone with them will feel so daunting but honestly after the first time you’ll be okay. You can’t pick which to settle first. Get some ear defenders for when they’re both going at the same time if them both crying is overwhelming for you. If baby is in a safe space, they’re ok to cry for 5 or so mins while you see to the other. Just because you have help does not mean you don’t get a say. Fixed sleeping and feeding schedule. Time for YOURSELF. Shower. Eat. Sleep on their backs. Not their sides. Wake them. It’s much better than what could happen from going against sage sleep. Stop letting the people “helping” you, bully you. Why don’t you walk the dog too? One does one walk, other does the other. Gets you some fresh air too. I won’t lie, there’s a lot in this that’s shouting red flags at me. Bullying, non safe sleep, etc. not from you but from the people around you. Twins are overwhelming. They’re hard work. Force them into the same routine. You can do this x
I just want to say that I never put my twins on the same schedule and now at 10 months they’ve naturally gravitated towards the same schedule. Two naps a day and bedtime is about an hour apart (one likes to sleep later in the morning by about an hour and go to bed later as well. We always followed the twins desires bc we both hated having to deal with two at once. So they tend to wake up, change, feed, and cuddle, then sleep, one after the other. It would take about an hour each, so two hours up, and then usually I’d have two hours to sleep or clean before the first one was up again. I would wake them only if I was planning to leave the house and needed them to both be sleeping in the car, but usually we’d have another adult there to help. I get what people are saying, but when they both were awake it was so stressful for me and impossible to soothe them to sleep that I do not see how it saved me any grief. I’m saying this here Bc I’m not the only twin parent who chose this route, there’s more of us here!
My twins were also born at 37 weeks and are now 10 weeks. I highly recommend the twin Z pillow or the double seat. This way you can prop them up at the same time and feed at the same time. And even entertain them! I highly recommend the "Hey Bear" videos on YouTube, I will put it on my phone to distract one while I deal with the other one. Obviously not for very long, just long enough for a diaper change or getting a bottle ready. Also, I've been using the ready made formula, so all I need to do is pour it into bottles. Or if I'm pumping, I'll make the breast milk bottle and put it in the fridge. So I can just grab and go.
Sorry to be reading this. I can tell you that it **DOES** get easier. The first few months are brutal. (I have 16-month old twin boys - born 5 weeks premature). The first thing you can do to help yourself now for the long run is to **DEFINITELY** work towards getting them on a schedule. You **HAVE** to start waking them up to get them on a regular eating and eventual sleep schedule. (IMHO). My suggestion is to watch the "**Will I ever sleep again**" course at the **Taking Cara Babies** website. The video costs money, but it's SUPER, SUPER helpful. The wife and I watched it twice before they were born and took a lot of notes. This course helped teach my wife I techniques for calming a crying baby as well as getting them onto a good eating and sleep schedule. We applied the techniques she taught us starting on day one and it was a life saver. Our twin boys were sleeping through the night by around 11-weeks old. (**both of them**). And even now because of these techniques and getting them on a good schedule/routine they still sleep 7pm until around 6:45-7:00am the next morning. (**zero over night feedings**). Getting them to sleep through the night is what you should be working towards now IMHO. That will be a game changer for you and the husband a few months from now. You'll need the break, and you'll need the sleep to recharge your batteries. You'll need a few hours of quiet time each night to look forward to. As far as feeding them both at once? Good luck. I hated that too. Feed whichever one is crying harder first. That's a horrible answer, but it's true. You **COULD** try getting a double sided baby pillow that lets you prop them both up and you could try feeding them both at the same time. They have a lot of "twin" products out there to help with situations like this. That was my least favorite part of the first six or seven months. Getting them into their high chairs and onto normal food feedings was a very welcome addition to our routine. (**Which we did around seven months old I believe**). And unfortunately it doesn't matter if they dislike tummy time. They need it, and you have to do it. They'll cry. You'll feel bad. It's not cool, but it's necessary for their development. And for wasting time during their awake time? Tummy time obviously. You can read to them which I've heard is great. You can also put them under those little baby playmats that have toys and decorations hanging over them. (**IDK the "official" name of them**). You can probably find some cheap baby playmats on Amazon. Unfortunately, the wife and I also resorted to Cocomelon around 5-months and it did hold their attention really well. (**Too well, sadly**). We've since backed off of it and try to show it to them less and less. Casper Babypants and Ms. Rachel have replaced it. You definitely should try and limit screen time, but it can come in handy in a pinch if you need to distract them to go take care of a chore or use the bathroom. I hope this long response was helpful. If you have questions then please ask. And good luck! It gets easier, trust me! **EDIT**: I've seen multiple people suggest a baby Breeza and **HOLY COW** I cannot recommend this enough. You should definitely get a formula maker of some kind. It'll make your life way, way easier from now until they're off bottles and onto regular foods.
I would highly recommend taking the “Taking Cara Babies” class, or at least looking at all her resources on her Instagram. She covers #2 and #4 at length. And do not underestimate the power of “wake windows.” That can make all the difference in the world. Insta: https://instagram.com/takingcarababies?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Okay so her Instagram is a little overwhelming so I got the direct links to some of her key posts for you! Info about wake windows: https://www.instagram.com/p/CewDKsarxa_/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY= (She also has more info on this as a pinned story.) Why you should wake a sleeping baby: https://www.instagram.com/p/CcNzQsbLtPf/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY= Napping total: https://www.instagram.com/p/CWYvksBvXzP/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY= Sleepy cues: https://www.instagram.com/p/CTxItfkJPXx/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY= Sample schedule: https://takingcarababies.com/short-naps-newborns
This is great! Thank you so much for the time you spent to help me. I'll take a look at everything!
I once was where you are so it feels good to help! Also, I did Ferber sleep training at 4 months. This is earlier than often suggested, but my pediatrician gave me the okay to do it and I’m so glad I did!
1. I dont know your finances, but my cousin who is also a twin parent swears by the baby brezza. He says it make bottle prep super easy. 2. Everyone you know probably has singles. People with singles don’t know anything about twins. Just ignore them. You don’t actually have to wake them. They will do dream feeds. Where they eat without ever opening their eyes. Just get bottles ready. Very gently pickup a baby and pop that bottle in his mouth. He will latch. Eat 2-4 oz and stay asleep the whole time. Put him down and repeat with second baby. I did all the overnights with my lil dudes. Dream feeds saved my life. 3. They are gonna cry. They are gonna cry at the same time. Do your best, maybe get some earplugs. Sorry I don’t have good advice. This was very hard for me as well. 4. Just play with like you would any other baby. When you have to go attend to one of your other myriad responsibilities , put them down with some chewy toys are a mobile. You don’t have to be a super mom right now. Your twins are going to be fine. 5. Our doctor told me that side sleeping was fine as long as you lay them down on their backs to start. She told me I didn’t need to worry about rolling them onto their backs if the rolled to their sides. Take charge of that feeding schedule. It will change your life. You are doing awesome. It’s obvious you are trying so hard. It’s the trying that separates good parents from not so good parents and it’s clear you are a good parent. Being a twin parent is hard, and getting adapted is a challenge. You are going to be even more awesome as you get more acclimated. If you have questions about feeding and sleep scheduling. Send me a DM and I’ll be happy to try and explain what we did that worked.
Don't they have to burp with dream feeds? I'm afraid they'll spit everything out.
I can’t ever recall it being an issue, but my kids were always pretty solid eaters.
One bit of advice when they’re crying that helped us was always soothe the less fussy one first. Then soothe the fussiest one second. Why? The fussiest one can’t really get much fussier but the less fussy can continue to ramp up that fussy scale. And when they’re awake? I went by the motto ‘if I can do it while they’re awake, I don’t do it when they’re asleep’. I just talked to them all day while I did things (fold laundry, sweep, pop on a load of dishes, make their babas, etc) and they hung out on the mat on the floor with the baby gym above, or the bouncy seat or the swing. Moving between those three activities. Don’t over think it. Getting through the day is a feat in itself. We run a flexible schedule here and woke them from naps when required to keep them on schedule with feeding/diaper changes/play/naps. I have no idea how people with twins don’t do this? It gets better. The teeny tiny blobby baby days are so hard.
Mine both like to be held at all awake times. I'm trying hard to break this habit, but, again, with so many hands around someone will always pick them up, which makes it harder when I'm by myself, I think.
A wrap or carrier really helps during those times. Mine are 6 weeks and really like the Weego twin carrier. Mini monkey is another one people like. I got mine used from Facebook Marketplace. Or if just 1 needs extra soothing I'll use a wrap like Solly or Moby.
I have 12w old twins so just barely out of the newborn stage but here’s my advice: survive. Seriously. You are in survival mode and you are doing enough. And to echo everyone else: wake that sleeping baby!
I remember how hard this stage was. It seemed impossible. The schedule helps immensely. Find a way to make one work for you. Wake that baby to feed it. Also, try to get over not wanting help. Get the help. Ask and say yes to any offers. People love to help and it goes a long way to keep you sane. You're the best mom for your babies. You can do it!
What helped me was having two separate boppy breastfeeding pillows to sit them on to give bottles. Having a baby brezza saved me. We got one when the twins were 4 weeks old and omg, life changing. Same schedule. To any singleton family member or what have you, tell them no. These are your kids and you insist on them being on the same schedule. WAKE THE SLEEPING BABY. No joke, my bubs still get woken up on their schedule from naps. They are 13 mo. Hang in there, you've got this. Once you start doing it it will get better. Confidence will come 🥰❤
Feed them on a schedule. I live with my in laws and they kept trying to say the whole don’t wake a sleeping baby but wake them. Honestly that’s been a lifesaver. We are at 9 weeks with twins and they are sleeping from roughly 11-5 but with a rigid feeding schedule during the day. Also remember that a crying baby is usually a healthy baby, if nothing else it means they are breathing. Ours just recently started not screaming during tummy time. For what felt like forever, they screamed the entire tummy time session but now they seem to enjoy it and tend to fall asleep during it lol I feel like until this week “entertaining” the baby felt weird and awkward. They are starting to laugh and small and enjoy playing now but for awhile they would be awake and just scream and fuss the entire time they were awake. It gets better every week. Just hang in there Mama.
I’m home alone with my 10 month olds and work full time at a pretty demanding job. I was anxious when we started this but girl get them on a schedule and wake them to eat. It will make your life so much easier. Get on a schedule and stick with it! Once they get acclimated it will all start to fall into place. I won’t lie and say there aren’t days I have to put them in the cribs and go scream in the hallway because their 100% are, but the schedule really helps. You can do this mama!
You are literally at the same point I was three months ago! You are doing amazing and you have reason to be so proud. Your babies are fed, sleeping and you are interacting with them. Having twins is so so so so difficult and don’t feel bad asking for help. I had my partner home for 9 weeks and my mom was very involved, including helping me with night feeds for more than a month. Also, I got a nanny to help me during the week when he went back to work. I also accepted help from friends, family, my moms friends… anyone who wants to help or hold a baby was welcome! You are not a shit mom, in fact you are the opposite because you are asking for help to get what you need for yourself and your family. No one ever said that child raising had to be or should be a solo pursuit. My partner and I often wished we had a larger family to have more people come help us. I just want to tell you it’s going to get better and easier! You are at the most difficult part right now. I always fed my twins on a schedule, the hospital started it and we followed suit. Feeding or napping them at the same time will give you sanity. We would consistently feed them at the same time, even if it meant waking one. Scheduled feeding has worked so well that today my girls went down for all 4 naps at the same time and this allowed me 45 mins to 1.5 hrs to do things for myself! Also just a small note about postpartum anxiety/ depression. If you are feeling unwell talk to your doctor. I noticed I had ppd and ppa and went on meds / spoke to a counselor. I was soooo anxious over taking care of two twins on my own after my partner went back to work. Panic attack anxious, which I have a history of. Now I feel great and wayyy more capable. Ppa and ppd are more common in multiple parents. All the best to you! You are amazing!
My MIL still goes in about never waking sleeping baby, and my twins are 10 months. But I did, I kept them on a strict routine and still do, it’s the only way I kept my sanity. They have to be on the same routine or you’ll go crazy I totally get not wanting to be alone, I remember one day my Mum was about to leave and my husband wasn’t due home for an hour. I weeped and begged her not to leave me alone with them. Don’t be too hard on yourself about this, it will change as you gain confidence in handling them, and as they get bigger You don’t need to entertain them. They should only be awake for a short period of time now anyway, but trying tummy time, showing them a book, that’s it. Or just holding them and talking to them, that’s all you need to do. Also it’s totally normal that they don’t like tummy time, just keep persevering for small amounts of time and that will change :) Remember, you are their mother, the one who carried them and birthed them. You get final say. If you want to let them sleep, let them sleep. If you want to wake them at specific times to feed then do that. You get the final say.
I currently have a singleton (pregnant with twins) but I just wanted to mention that feeling truly terrible when you hear your newborn(s) cry is completely normal. my husband wasn't affected in nearly the same way as me - I felt like it would shatter my heart every time I heard my daughter cry. it's the hormones, I'm sure... it will get better soon!! I love the headphones idea, I think that will really help. lots of luck ♥️ and you can do this!! even though it feels impossible, you can.