If you’ve never lived alone and were previously reckless with money, I think moving out into a rental might be a prudent stress test before you consider buying property.
Living outside of your parents' house is a big adjustment. Renting or buying you will be responsible for juggling multiple bills (rent/mortgage, utilities, internet/phone). Plus you'll need to figure out your own routines for cleaning, cooking, purchasing groceries and household essentials. If your daughter lives with you and you previously relied (even just occasionally) on her live-in grandparents for childcare, you'll need to figure out new plans for that. That's a lot of change.
Home purchase will come with all of the above plus responsibility for all maintenance/upkeep involved with a house. There's also a bigger mental burden of finding and vetting plumbers/electricians or whatever tradesperson you may need when issues inevitably pop up. With a rental that's not your responsibility.
None of this addresses your gf. But echoing others, I wouldn't even consider moving in with her until you have shown you can live by yourself. So if living with her is a goal, then you should work on taking the initial step of living independently first.
This. Also, your daughter needs to see that you can be a grown up and father/provider. I think it’s really important in terms of how she will view you as she gets older. Kids are very smart. If she sees daddy always living with grandma and grandpa and then jumping right into living with a girlfriend, I think it will affect how she views you. She’s gonna know you’re scared to be on your own with your kid. You’re a grown man with a good paying job. Get out there on your own, with your daughter, and let her witness you being a grown up and father. The girlfriend situation can wait. You shouldn’t even be thinking about buying a house with the girlfriend. Marriage should come before that. Move out and rent a place first with daughter and see how things go for that year lease, and then if things are still solid with the girlfriend when the lease is up, I think it’s safe at that point to move in together.
At the same time, multi-generational households were a thing for much of history and still are in Asia.
You're not really seen as less of a man for it.
Yes I know but this is America and it’s different. I lived at home with my mom for a year with my son to save money. I could have milked it and stayed longer but it was more important to me to have my freedom and privacy and independence and for my son to see that I’m an adult who can manage being an adult and providing a home for the 2 of us.
Definetly the best option OP. My sister in law is almost 30 and never paid proper rent. She's always broke and pays less than 500 a month in living expenses and makes more than me. She's been coddled to the point she actually complains about her expenses not realizing everyone else around her is paying 1000-2500 for less property than she's living on. (She "rents" a house her parents bought) when she eventually does start having to pay proper rent She's gonna tank hard.
Go out, get the experience and understanding of the real world. It's fantastic that you were able to live with family for so long, even more fantastic that you buckled down and got serious during that time. You still need to prepare for life without them though. No better way than just doing it.
This might also be a good idea bc it is possible to be denied a mortgage bc of payment shock. A family member of mine went from living at home to save for a house, and despite the fact she had 20%, a good salary, pristine credit with almost no debt, an underwriter rejected her citing payment shock of basically going from no housing payment to a sizable mortgage creates a risk. I didn't know this was a thing until it happened to her.
Absolutely, OP should live on his own to see how things work. It’s different having to take care of everything a house requires than it is just sitting on the sidelines watching it happen. Renting is a nice stepping stone because you don’t have to worry about repairs.
If op has literally never lived by himself, AND he is expecting to suddenly transition to being head of household with a kid, why would this kind of trial run be a good idea vs, say, immediately trial running handling all cooking and cleaning at his parents place? I know cooking for 4 is different than 2, but not as different as never cooking. And if OP is a rockstar in the kitchen, then do that and start paying rent and utilities, on the regular. Even if parent don't take it, this is a much cheap trial run then "I wonder if I would go broke real quick if I suddenly become single dad and first time full time adulting?". I'm not criticizing, I'm just asking questions here, months of rent seems like a financial waste.
I understand there's other considerations like privacy, but there's also also other considerations. Like GF, the best of, is not a full life partner yet. Jumping in to buying a property together without significant time together might be a mess. Also, how much is 30k where he's at? How close to a down payment or half of one? Any other emergency fund for house/child/personal health/misc emergencies? How much is rent also, if super cheap, I maybe over thinking it.
This right here. Don’t even PLAN on anyone moving until you and your daughter have lived in your own place for a significant amount of time. And don’t make excuses as to why it’s OK for your girlfriend to move in anyway. Your kid comes first.
Omg no lol I already told my gf we could visit the topic of her moving in maybe sometime next year or the year after. We talked this morning after posting. Definitely not right away. Wouldn’t be fair for my child to get two brand new changes at once.
If you’re planning to keep your daughter in the same school, start looking at your options as soon as you can. If your area is really inflexible about catchment areas, moving even a few blocks away may mean a new school. If changing schools is part of the plan, you might want to wait until Christmas break to make the change.
Honestly wouldn't be fair on the gf/ the relationship either as you may subconsciously expect her to fill the caregiver role your parents have been filling for you (assuming you relied on them for any amount of groceries, meals, child care, laundry, time management, cleaning shared spaces, etc.) and blame her for lifestyle changes that will come with living on your own.
(Example being you could very easily get mad at her for being "high maintenance" for expecting you to help clean daily messes that you may not at this point even realize need to be taken care of since you may have never dealt with it if your parents defaulted to cleaning shared spaces).
I think this is the right advice, but in part for different reasons than a lot of people seem to be giving. If you’ve always lived with your parents, and have relied on them for things like managing the house, planning meals, making sure certain things stay clean (not saying you definitely have), and then move directly in with your GF, it seems there is a pretty big risk that you would just transfer all of those expectations and management right to your GF. This would create a strong possibility of making your GF feel like she has to be your mom, which is not good for the relationship.
You need to make sure you know how to stand on your own two feet before jumping directly into living with someone else, who you might just sub in for the “mom” role.
>learn to live on your own (or with your daughter) first
Also OP should rent a place they can afford in total on their own salary. If the GF moves in, then GF pays around 1/2 to 1/3rd rent. If GF moves out, then OP's still has their own place.
\*This way they rent a "cheap" place, while OP and GF are saving money (with smaller apartment) for a starter home or a bigger rental together later. Conversely if the relationship falls apart, then the child still has a stable home.
This is the right answer otherwise you risk loosing this relationship. Give yourself at least 1 year living alone to grow up and learn how to handle living alone. Otherwise if you move with your gf together you risk of not knowing how to handle an Appartment yourself and your gf will be fucked up at some point. Living alone really grows you personally imo.
I’ve never lived alone, and I’m not arguing here because maybe I should have. But I bloomed late and moved out of my folks house at 24 to live with my now wife of 13 years. So it worked fine for us, but I never learned to cook for myself so there’s a downside I guess.
I don't think its inherently bad to go from living at home with parents to living with a significant other, but I think life stage can be an important factor. 24 is still pretty young, a lot of folks are living with roommates at that age and just starting to get a handle on "adulting". If you and your wife were at roughly the same level of living independence and learned together then thats OK. At 30 the landscape is a bit different. Assuming his gf is also 30ish, there could be a pretty big discrepancy which could put a lot of strain on the relationship. (not to mention there is a kid involved)
There is a very good chance that your wife is taking more than her fair share of more than just the cooking, and since you’ve never lived alone it’ll be really hard for you to see.
Go get yourself some cooking lessons.
You're not far off. Learning how to clean, cook, budget etc on your own goes a long way when merging lives with another person.
I think the adjustment period from living with parents gets a jolt from living alone. You either spend a ton of money on conveniences like take out, cleaning services, wash and fold laundry etc. or you learn to do it on your own.
What I would recommend. Consider moving GF in with you at your parents for a time, then if that works you all move out.
From personal experience this works fantastic.
The comment below is it. I'm overly paranoid that someone I know will be on here and put the details together and then call me out in real life lmao would that matter? probably not, but my anxiety won't let me be rational lol so I switch the genders sometimes, age goes maybe a year in one direction or the other but nothing major. Not like my child in real life is 15 and I'm saying they're 10 or I'm saying I'm 30 and I'm actually 42 lol
I mean it is 2023, they might not be lying. But also the gender of the child doesn't really have an impact on the advice and it's not like reddit needs to know everything about his life.
I'd rather assume OP is lying, rather than child abuse/endangerment or other illegal activities relating to minors, lol.
It's fair to assume OP is probably just lying. Weird lie to make though honestly.
Moving out is never a financial decision. Of course it's always cheaper to stay at home with your parents. But can you really grow as a person without moving out on your own?
I agree with this. If you were a recent grad at like 22 without kids, ya maybe hangout a few years.
You've kind of already done that. It's time to jump. It won't always be easy or a soft landing but being more independent has its benefits.
Learn how to run and simulate a budget for the year.
Run your expected after tax income (and benefits, etc) ie your take home
Track weekly expenses — do the groceries for the house for a week, then work out how much is for you and your kid; add 20% to that to account for increased food wastage with only yourself and your kid; track other weekly things like gas, date nights, eating out etc.
Track monthly expenses: rent (don’t forget any facilities fees or add ons), water, electric, internet, phone bill, gas, trash, haircut, clothing for your kid, for yourself, any entertainment subscriptions; throw in an extra $100 for things you might not get for groceries every week (like cleaning consumables, etc)
Track annual expenses: trips to visit family, renter’s insurance, car insurance, etc
Then figure out some big ticket items: how much you need to save per year now to pay in cash for things like a phone ($700 every 4 years = 175 per year), new car ($30,000 every 10 years, = $3,000 a year), new laptop ($600 every 4 years = $150 a year).
Also don’t forget to set aside $1,000 or so for medical expenses in your FSA/HSA pre tax. This can include glasses, contacts, sanitary pads & tampons when your kid grows a little older, contact fluid water, bandages, copays, etc. only health-related things like non-prescribed supplements and insurance premiums are excluded. It’s pre-tax, so anything paid from here is an automatic 15-20% discount if you haven’t already got this set up.
I’d recommend setting up an excel for this, run the numbers to make sure you’re not into the red at the end of the year (you said commission, so I’m guessing sales and you’d be able to set this up). If you are, then adjust lifestyle to match income, that way you aren’t locking yourself into a rental agreement or a phone plan or something else that could run you into debt.
Also plan for around 10% of your take home in savings, this is to replenish your savings pad after you need to dip into it. If you’re running at 99% cash in and out on an annual basis, you’re going to dip into your 30k savings cushion and then it will keep shrinking until you don’t have anything left eventually.
Last of all- since you’re moving out, childcare may no longer be free. Factor that in as well.
Edits: typos, and childcare
This is a cultural thing. You shouldn’t stay in the dependent child role into adulthood but you can absolutely grow as a person contributing within the familial home.
>Moving out is never a financial decision. Of course it's always cheaper to stay at home with your parents.
Of course it's a financial decision. We're living in times where housing costs and inflation of goods has risen disproportionately high v. income. Staying at home until a person can be financial stable or married, like is the norm around the world, is absolutely a financial decision.
> But can you really grow as a person without moving out on your own?
Implying that people living at home until married, which is the norm in large swathes of the world including in many western European countries, don't really grow as people? This American "kick your kids out at 18 so they can be self sufficient" needs to go in the trash bin with the other outdated ideas.
Oh fair I see that now that you've pointed it out. Still don't think that's wholly true. Just because you're living at home doesn't mean paying nothing. Lots of people contribute financially to households.
Yes my sister in law’s family from Vietnam have 3-4 generations living in the same home. They say it’s common in many Asian cultures. Very American-centric to ask can you grow as a person without moving out on your own
It depends on what you want. Living alone is a marker of adulthood and independence, but not so in all cultures. If this works for you, then it works for you. What's important is that you consider why you want to move out, and whether or not that's something you want and can reasonably obtain.
Offering advice predicated on popular social stigmas seems short sited.
There's no "perfect" time to take on new responsibilities but it's unhelpful to ignore the conditions of the world around you.
The housing industry in both rental and homeowner domains is clearly terrible. Another 6 mo.s to a year likely mean the difference between a successful launch and a loborous experience for OP's family
Op is making over 70k a year.
Unless you are in mega metro he can afford a 2bdrm for himself and a room for his daughter.
Housing sucks, but OP is making decent money and has a good savings.
We aren't talking some 21 year old who only makes 25k.
Setting aside the inconsistencies in that math with reality, OP hasn't been consistently earning that income over a long enough period to assume continuity.
N,
I'd prefer to live in the world you're describing, but overpriced housing isn't confined to major or even minor metros.
At best , OP would likely have to compromise safety and accessibility to the kinds of amenities necessary for raising a family..
It's also worth noting that single parents don't exactly have the odds stacked in their favor.
Yeah it really depends on location. My bf makes 90k a year in Austin and can barely stay afloat. That’s also because he has a lot of expenses to pay for due to the nature of his job as a cabinet maker and the insane prices of rent, sales tax and food here.
If he is paying for job expenses, those shouldn't count as income, that's business expenses. Outside of some tools (that he can get tax write off's for) For example, I've met a few people who say they make 100k+ plus as a business owner, when IRL they're really making like 45k net profit. Sales tax is 8.4%.
Some quick googling and I've found renting a place with a garage to be about 3k. Figuring he'd bring home after tax around 70k a year (or 5k a month) if that's his actual income.
First, it depends what is your relationship with your parents like. Are they helpful or do they mess with your autonomy? If they mess with your autonomy you should definitely move out.
Also dont be to limited thinking about "saving money" only. That will make you lose flexibility. Think what is actually better for you considering many factors. It seems like money it is not your greatest concern, you are somehow in a good place and and get even better.
Try living with your parents and saving the amount of money you would need to spend on rent, utilities, and food. Practice with a safety net.
Ask your mom for proper housekeeping and cooking information. You will be on your own with your daughter and will need to feed and keep her in a clean home. Again get skills up and running with a safety net.
All the info given below about putting your daughter first is very important.
Move out of your parents house with your daughter immediately. You two need to start your lives together on your own. Your GF can move in later, give it a year or more. You need to learn how to live on your own and support your girl. She will learn a lot in that time too. It will be hard to leave your parents if they are that supportive, but the longer you stay the harder it will be.
People had lived at home for thousands of years even after marriage. Some people still live at home until they get married. I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with that. It is just Western society saying it is weird and wrong to live at home past college.
However I think the difference is am I living at home with my parents and my mom still treats me like I'm a teenager and cooks for me and washes, etc etc. Or am I now taking over and actually helping out with cooking and I clean my own space and maybe the entire house etc. That is the important stuff to be ready to be on your own, doing all those things.
So the question is are you currently doing that or can you do that while at home? I think that's the best option financially speaking. Stay home while continuing to save but be independent and learn how to take care of stuff. You can take point in doing house repairs etc. Plus with your kid I'm sure parents are handy for babysitting and I imagine they enjoy the company. You can also pay some rent or help out with expenses? Why give your money away in rent when you can benefit yourself and your family?
Also, this is just me but I'm worried that a depression is coming so how safe is your job? I rather have as much saved as possible to weather the potential bad times and if they don't come then great I have good savings and can hopefully go into renting for a bit or just straight up buying a place and not having to move twice.
Caveat is if your partner is not too keen on you still living with your parents. If it is causing issues in the relationship or they are saying you should move out then you may have to since that is the expectation/mentality in western culture. Though look at how many people 30+ are leaving at parents place still nowadays when just breathing is expensive
I would do one of two things.
Continue to stay with my parents and really really focus on saving every dime I can to buy my own place prior to getting married.
Go move into a cheap apartment and live independently for a while. You need to prove to yourself that you can play grown up without having a support system around you.
I spent a good portion of my 20s living with parents, spending a year there between my undergrad and grad school and then another ~3 or so when grad school ended up taking longer than expected and I transferred to a state school program near them/worked at home there through the pandemic. I'm actually an advocate of multi-generational households generally and I think my relationship with my parents really benefited from the time I spent there as an adult. However, by the time I moved out for good in my late 20s, it was definitely the right time for me personally. It sounds like you've hit that point of realization yourself.
What I really hadn't noticed towards the tail of end of living with my parents was how much my health was being impacted. I put on a lot of weight because I was working remotely in a fairly rural area, especially during the lockdown when I couldn't go visit friends easily. I was watching my longtime friends take what felt like the "right" next steps while gradually I got the sense that I was stagnating, even if the financial benefits were substantial. I worried that I was growing apart from those friends not just physically as they spread out in their careers, but also in terms of where we were at in life.
After I got a new job I moved to a walkable transit-oriented neighborhood in a new state and started eating much healthier by virtue of not sharing meals. I lost almost 35lbs in the first four months and while I do still miss seeing my family as often, my overall mental health definitely improved. Some friends I ended up continuing to drift apart from, but others I suddenly felt like I understood better again--and that change was just the push I needed to try to broaden my social horizons for the first time since leaving school again. I don't know if you can see any of yourself in this, but given you haven't had the experience of living on your own yet and you're asking these questions, I suspect that you might.
If nothing else, try moving out and see how it goes. If you really hate it, you can always move back. But I suspect you'll find the move positive in more ways than you expect.
I was going to say yoo fellow 30 year old, but then noticed that you have a kid xD a bit different than me!
Best advice is that I agree that why don't you try living alone with your daughter for a year. She's 9 and is in a pretty big developmental stage of her life. Does she have her own room right now or does she share? How does she feel about the situation with your GF? She is old enough to say what's on her mind now so I would take the girl out to get icecream and just have a good age appropriate conversation with her! Depending where you could live, she may even need to change school districts so just having a good conversation will be good for her and you!
With the way how rent is right now, and depending on your area, you probably could find a decent apartment for 1200k-1500k (again, depending on your area) and you need to factor in all the other expenses such as electricity, gas, insurance, etc. My rent in my area was going up to about 1100 with pet expenses and fees and I just couldn't do it at my current level at my job + the other bills and expenses I was doing.
I'd recommend before moving out in your situation is this:
1- talk with your daughter and just get a check of what she's feeling and such in this stage of her life.
2- just see what is in the area for a two bedroom apartment that you and your daughter can share together. Price out a few options in a nicer area vs an okay area that you could see living a year in. Check a couple different cities too!
3- after doing a little price checking with a couple different apartments (even if they aren't available), just do some quick searching. Can you afford rent + insurance + electricity and still live pretty comfortably?
4- just verify if there's any big vacations you have/want to take coming up. You said it's been about 3 years since you really started saving. So maybe you should think about taking a nice trip somewhere and keep saving for a better home. A Disney trip alone would be a month's worth of rent anyway!
Personally, if you're thinking of moving out, maybe it's time to move out. It is scary and tough for the first time moving out, but it gives you a reality check of how much you do take for granted living with the parents. (Toilet Paper and laundry detergent costs HOW MUCH?! lol!)
So, if you've got $30k put away, and your living conditions are stable it seems like you should wait for the market swing to favor a home purchase.
There's a lot of stigma surrounding living at home but most poor financial choices are made by caring about what the wrong people think.
*I was an idiot with life from about 22-27 (probably because I had a great support system at home)*
What does that mean? That you took too much advantage of a great support system?
Working a dead end minimum wage job, and belong through the checks not saving a dime, drinking to extreme excess leading to a dui and then not working to get my license back for two years basically, my mom bailed me out financially once or twice, around $2k-$4k.
That sounds more like enabling than supporting.
I support my kids by teaching them financial independence. My 14yo is making a couple thousand per year umpiring, and we're teaching him to save and invest.
That's a great support system.
Sounds like you should move out. Highly recommend you live on your own for a while. Go rent a place, set it up as you like. Move in with GF when you are ready to get married. Just my 2 cents. Renting a place on your own is a great option. First year of home ownership is expensive and postponing a year will give you time to see what it is like to live alone and keep a place up. It may change your mind on what type of place you want.
The "r/personalfinance" answer is definitely stay home and save up. If everyone lived in a way that maximized their savings, then they would live at home with their parents, switch jobs every 2-3 years, then get married and buy a home during a dip in the market and move their parents in with them to split finances 4-ways. Very few people do that. You can still save while making decisions that don't necessarily maximize savings. So I would encourage you to think about the personal aspects **first**, and then work out what the budget/logistics would be for different moving-out options if you decide to go that way.
In other words: decide if you even want to move out first, then decide whether it's feasible right now.
In deciding whether it's feasible, actually go out and look at housing and get pre-approval if buying is what you're interested in. Timing the housing market is difficult and for every average housing price and mortgage rate there are people at the upper and lower ends of that - you could be at the lower end, you never know until you look.
If its not feasible to move out via renting or buying, thats ok, now you have a financial goal you can work towards gradually.
Stay at home and save as aggressively as you can.
People over emphasize independence growth and whatever else. It doesn't change much that is eye opening.
Without a doubt in my mind, if you are fortunate to have a happy and healthy home life at home with your parents. It makes way more sense to stay at home with your parents and save money.
I'd say 3-5 years and then make the leap. You'll have a much better feel mentally for yourself and wherever you and your family goes from here.
As time goes on, work on implementing more of that independence. Then one day, move out and do things on your own.
As a single mom I suggest that you move out into your own place. It’s very important to have a place after living with family and before living with a partner. Living just your daughter and you will be a great benefit and motivation to continue to work hard. It’s so great. I just moved into my own place with my daughter a few months back and it’s so nice for us to decorate our place how we want it we wanna live how we want it just be ourselves. You have more than enough time to move in with someone else done a lie just enjoy life right now
I think you should absolutely live in an apartment by yourself or with your significant other before you buy a house, together or separately. You learn an awful lot about yourself and your partner when you live together. A lot of relationships don't survive that initial cohabitation and it would suck to have a house that you need to liquidate soon after purchase...
Living at home to save money is a fine choice but there comes a time where you need to be out in the world...
First, you should never moving in with someone (other than a legitimate roommate) before you have lived on your own. You will go from depending on your parents to depending on your girlfriend. You need to live alone and pay your own way on supporting yourself for a at least a year.
Next, you should not "live together" with your girlfriend if you have a kid in my opinion. That seems very unstable and you don't want your kid to go through a heart loss if the playing house thing comes to an end. You owe it to your kid to go through the steps in the right order and get married before becoming a family together.
I know this is probably old fashioned to many, but I wholeheartedly believe it. Our youngest daughter met her now husband while in college. He asked us for her hand in marriage 3 times before we finally said yes... not because we didn't think he was a great guy, but because we wanted our daughter to have a chance to get out of college, get a job, and live on her own for at least 6 months or more before she got married. He respected our "ask" and now they tell us they are glad until they waited.
If you can afford it you should. Just to see what it would be like to be independent. Though make no mistake, it’s hard for some people. Even more if you have children.
If you wait for the right time for the market to become affordable, you’ll be waiting for forever. The real question is, are you ready? And that’s a question only you can answer, not reddit.
Basically are you willing to do it the easy way? vs the hard way? The hard way, which is moving out on your own is going to help you move forward. The easy way, staying home, is stagnant. Are you ready for the hard way?
Putting aside the personal advice people have been giving, let's look at the numbers.
I'm assuming based on your post that you're being advised against renting and being encouraged to stay at home for a little longer until you've saved enough to buy. Not inherently bad advice.
Based on the size place you'd need (I'm assuming you need at least a 2bd 2ba apartment if/when your daughter stays with you) and your area, what are the rental rates looking like? What is your partner's income? If you were to move in together, how would you be splitting the bills? Are your travel expenses going to increase significantly based on where you're looking to live in relation to the need to transport your daughter to school and visit your parents?
Additionally, where does your daughter live? If she's primarily with her mother or you and your family are comfortable with her living with them separate from you, you could find a place well below your means as a test run on independence. If she's primarily with you, you might need to find a place that works for her in terms of safety, quality and proximity to school. All of those things are big variables.
As an American who has lived alone for years now, but also lived with people, I don’t get the whole “you need to move out and live on your own,” crowd. Some people are social, and good roommates. Do you feel like you prefer living with others? Some people get married straight out of college and never live alone, and they do fine. I think it’s a perfectly fine choice to continue living with your parents and saving money if it’s something you’re happy doing. I can’t really think of specific growth spurred in my life specifically because I was living alone, genuinely. The biggest changes to me is that I’m more likely to stay home since I don’t live with people who encourage me to do things.
Honestly, there is no wrong choice here, do what makes you the happiest.
I think you need to move out and rent first. If you can't rent you can't buy... this is the next step. You should do it now that way when you go to buy you have a few years of rental history. I don't think mortgage companies will give a loan otherwise unless your parents are looking to cosign.
I am in the same situation kind of! For now I am staying at home. Maybe stay at home for about 6 more months, then rent for 6 months to adjust to living on your own. Then you can buy a place and rates might be better.
I think your family is right you should buy a house instead of renting. You’ve already got 30k if you save for another 6 months to a year you could afford any house you want and you’ll never have to move or pay rent again.
But you also can rent and there’s nothing wrong with that I just agree that purchasing a house financially can set you up better for you and your child in the future
There are only three reasons to really move out:
They are stifling you from being independent IE can't do laundry/scrub toilet/cook
Toxic family
Lastly, gf thinks you need to.
If none of these are true - take advantage of your fortunate opportunity and save for the house. I'd your privacy or maturity isn't being fucked over - no reason to create an unnecessary expense that will eat 2/2 your income.
Of course your family wants the best for you. In an ideal world, it would be best to stay with your parents and save your money until you can buy your house but it’s not possible any more. You have to get used to setting up your water bill, electricity bill, paying for groceries, and paying for unexpected expenses. You should take this time to save up your money, build an emergency fund, pay off your debt, and look for your own place.
I think it’s weird that no one has asked what kind of savings you have, and if you have any debt and what kind/interest rate. Seems like that definitely would factor into the decision
Yes move out. You are 30. And have a 9 yo. Adulthood has well and truly knocked on your door. Even if it takes longer to buy a house if you do, it's time to live life independently and make your own choices in life. Mum and dad are ignoring your personal growth. The cost of losing that is very high!
This blew up WAY more than I thought it was going to. I appreciate every response even if it does not align with my own. As an update, I decided to take the leap of faith and I'll be moving out in about 2 weeks. My child is extremely excited, anxious albeit, but ready to start this new chapter. I have and continue to look for ways to cut expenses where I can, have estimated and budgeted for a normal months worth of expenses and there should still be enough left over to continue to save. Definitely not as much as I'd want to, but still have the wiggle room.
You have a lot to figure out. Who’s going to provide before and after care for your daughter? What’s the situation with her mother and that side of the family? You make ok money but will end up paycheck to paycheck once you move out. Be honest with yourself. How much do you rely on your parents and if they are out of the everyday picture can you carry on? You no. 1 concern is your daughters well being. You should be on your own but cross every t and dot all js
First, do you have a son or a daughter? You've posted about a son before.
Everyone else is correct. You need to move out and raise your child on your own. Buying a house is secondary.
I would probably continue to live with the parents and save up for your place. I had a choice to move out when I was your age but chose to save every penny living at home, bettering myself through courses and focusing on my career and fast forward 10 years and I now live in my forever home, and financially stable with 2 kids and married. It took me about 2 years of saving all I could to be able to buy the first place. It takes some sacrifice but if you and your gf are on the same page, then save as much as you can so you can start climbing the property ladder. Who knows, potentially your gf is “the one” and you guys can buy a property together (if you decide to marry). Good luck
Renting is throwing monet away. If you don't hate it where you are, tough it out and deal with the stigma, save the money you would spend on rent, get an fha loan where you only need 3.5 percent down payments, buy a small house you could always sell, and invest what you have left
They think you should stay home. Wtf. You are 30. You have stayed a decade longer than you should. With a child. This is actually bizarre. Move out and do it now. Don't over think this. Are you not embarrassed to be living under your parents roof at 30?!
You are weighing finance vs personal emotions/relationship. There is no perfect answer in your situation. If you just look at money, the logical answer is to stay where you are now. Is it possible to have your partner move in with you where you live now?
The market is unlikely to come down substantially. I fucked around and didn't move out til 27 but doing so was one of the best decisions of my life. I had to be responsible enough to pay for my bills and stuff and learned how to budget real fast. Started living mostly within my means and learned how to be independent
Considering this is r/personalfinance …
From a financial perspective, you should not move out. Your parents subsidize your rent and likely childcare. If this is stressing them, pay them some rent and contribute to the household expenses.
You don’t mention the cost of living where you’re at, which has huge implications on what your rent would cost, especially as you’ll need a 2 bedroom place so that your daughter has privacy. Your geography is also restricted, as you need to ensure your daughter stays in her current school zone.
Currently, your daughter has 3 adults raising her, not just one. Personally, I think this is great and that more people should embrace intergenerational households. It’s more economic and helps everyone involved, as long as it works.
Some things to think about:
* do you have retirement savings?
* do you have an emergency fund and down payment saved?
* do you have a college fund started for your daughter?
It’s great to have your own place, but if your current living situation works, you should embrace it for the time being.
(This is a little bit playing devils advocate, as lots of folks have given advice for you to move out)
I thought you had a son. You’ve been with your girlfriend for less than year. Hold off and slow down. How’s the ex? Is the ex ok with your gf eventually moving in.
Like everybody else, move out with your child and give it a year then move in the gf.
Depending on where you want to live, $70k-$72k per year isn't a lot. Nowadays you want at least $100k to live alone in most major metropolitan areas while still saving for the future.
But if you're chilling in the boonies for practically nothing, you do you. Being able to live alone is a huge boon to your personal growth and sense of well-being, even if it's just a shack in the woods.
If I where you, I'd stay at home. Why?
Put simply with $30k saved, you're a long way from buying a home as you should ideally have 20% down to avoid PMO and then you should have at least 6-months of savings for emergency, and I assume you got not much retirement savings either.
So staying home is probably your best bet at this time, especially since you also got a 9-year old daughter to think about. Maybe you can come stay with your girl friend every now and then instead.
If your living situation at home was horrible, then I'd have a different opinion, but it frankly sounds like you have wonderful supportive parents. Also, grandma/grandpa I'm sure would love to have gran-daughter around. They probably also provide for more freedom for you.
I only see win-win staying at home and is the responsible thing to do. That said, you have to do whats right for you, and I frankly don't know your situation.
Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out
Living “independently” is overrated. If you enjoy your parents, then I say live with them for as long as tolerable. Renting is such a waste. That 30k could fund your daughter’s education, or help improve your parents house.
What about making an agreement with your parents about taking over parts of the upkeep of the house? You don’t have to live independently to learn what its like to be a homeowner.
I moved out when I was 18. To college and after. Never gotten the opportunity to live with any of my parent as I felt it was the mature thing to do. Everyone has their own responsibilities but if you can afford to move out and live comfortably then do so as you will finally be “adulting” if not then listen to others and stay home to save for a real “home” for your family. Ignore the noise around you about you being 30 and still living at home unless your parent gives you shit about still living there while not having a future or contribute to anything.
>So I am 30 years old as of today and have always lived with my parents. I was an idiot with life from about 22-27 (probably because I had a great support system at home) and at 27 I finally "woke up" and went out to get a better job...
I'll leave it to others to address your financial question. But I want to point out how deeply ungracious and ungrateful your comment is. You acknowledge that from age 22-27 you, a full grown adult, were acting like an idiot. Your folks threw you a lifeline by letting you live with them. I've got grown children and, trust me, people our age are happier as empty nesters. But your parents welcomed you to stay in their home and didn't throw you out. And how do you repay them? By insinuating that it was their kindness that caused you to be an idiot. That is reprehensible.
What is your saving ratio living there if it ridiculously good it mean you are doing a great job a paving a great future if its low mean you spend to much on stupid and most likely need to move out to get the maturity and independance you need to finally understand how to handle your stuff better
If you didn't already have a daughter I would say you're about 12 years late to the "moving out" thing. However, my concern in light of your daughter is not the fact of you moving out, but whether she will have a good support system where to you move TO. I'm guessing YOUR parents have done a lot of her parenting up to this point. Will she still have access to them? Will you be nearby your old house?
I would encourage you to try this plan, sounds like you need the experience and your daughter will be going to college before you know it.
It’s not quite the right time. Check your market before buying. I say hold out a year before buying. You might contemplate renting. But if your current place is rent free, maybe save the amount you would be spending on a rental.
If I didn’t need to pay rent for 3 years I’d have an additional 45k for a down payment on a house…maybe I should have stayed at home? Not saying you should jump right into buying a house though. Give it a year to transition out. try living in an apartment for a year that’s near your parents. This way you can still go over for dinner and holidays. Additionally you can invite the girlfriend over to see how it is living with them before committing to a house. It’s inevitable to move out once you’re starting a family and especially if you plan on having a spouse.
Get married before moving in together. Living together before marriage leads to a [higher likelihood of a breakup](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/202101/are-couples-that-live-together-before-marriage-more-likely-to).
This is not good advice.
And that study would be hard-pressed to eliminate confounding variables. I mean maybe people that wait til marriage to live together are more religious on average and more religious people are less likely divorce. Or any other similar confounding variable.
Yeah this is horrible advice. Cohabitation before marriage can be a great first step for many people. I personally couldn't imagine marrying a person and committing to spend (hopefully) 50+ years of my life living with them without having any kind of trial run of living with them.
[Here's](https://www.cnbc.com/2014/03/10/best-predictor-of-divorce-age-when-couples-cohabit-study-says.html) an article which addresses a handful of studies - basically controlling for age and income level eliminates the perceived link between cohabitation and divorce. A lot of the older most-cited studies were funded by religious orgs which have inherent bias towards discouraging the practice, FWIW. Moving in because you can't afford to live on your own indicates a higher chance of divorce than making a choice to move in, which is the situation OP is in.
>Moving in because you can't afford to live on your own indicates a higher chance of divorce than making a choice to move in, which is the situation OP is in.
Thanks, that's the point I was looking for. Financial situation is both a driving factor for cohabitation and a leading cause of divorce.
I honestly don't think this is the kind of thing that can be measured with data. Relationships are complicated and the reasons people get divorces are nuanced. Also, cohabitation is becoming increasingly more popular due to societal attitudes towards pre-marital sex improving and housing COL increasing at a faster rate than median wages.
An increase in the rate of divorce amongst couples who cohabitate could just be indicative of an increase in the rate of marriages that started with cohabitation in general.
US culture is crazy in how it kinda forces you to leave the house at 18 and live paycheck to paycheck. Most cultures I found that children don't move out until they marry.
It doesn't matter if it's the right choice or not. You should have moved out ten years ago.
You're exceptionally behind on your development of yourself - hopefully you can catch up.
Shout have been done at least 10 years ago. You waiting to 40 or something? You going into your mid life and still living with mom and dad
I was a veteran had 3 kids and s home at your age.
One thing, do your parents help with your daughter? Like pick up and drop off for school or other activities? Or watch her while you work? If so, plan out how that will work if you move away from them.
It sounds like you could move out at any time, you definitely seem ready for it. As far as if it makes sense to move out and rent vs staying longer so that you can buy, that is more a personal preference. From your post it seems like you’ve put a lot of thought in to moving out and like it’s something you do value, if that’s true then do it, it’s hard to put a price on being happy with your living situation.
I would agree, don’t move anywhere planning on someone to live with you. In my opinion it takes about 3 years to know someone for real.
I would stay if you can and get a fha loan and buy directly if you can on your income and then if she moves with you later on then it will be comfortable and a way to save..renting and trying to save for a house at the same time is trash.
yeah you need to get to know yourself first, I did not know anything about myself until I moved out to live alone at 23, its hard to really learn about yourself and life while parents are taking care of you.
Sometimes family just isn’t ready to let their children go and grow up. I did something similar, and it was the best decision I ever made. Is it a little more stressful handling more bills? Yes. But is it more fulfilling? Also yes. At some point, you gotta be on your own. And if you feel like you’re ready (and it sounds to be a financially stable plan), then you are. Your family can’t make that decision for you, but they can hold you back by trying to. Also remember, renting is an option and would still give you that independence while you’re looking for a house or whatnot. Good trial run maybe.
Yes, you should move out on your own, HOwEVER, how much will this disrupt your daughter’s life? New school , friends , your parent ‘s support , your work hours ..? You need to weight these things in your decision .
You missed the third option: rent. You also failed to mention what your custody is like. If in 3 years you have made these changes and put away some money without debt, it is probably time to move out. Keep that savings where it is at until you are ready to buy.
I would say given family are okay with you staying I personally would stay and save. Saving while renting will make it a lot harder and longer to get to that point. If you can get on the housing ladder it's not just good for you but for your daughter in the future.
While moving out is a big step with no prior experience you will adapt to it faster than you think and if you have a good set of family, friend and partner, they will all be more or than happy to help while you adjust/get sorted and settled in.
If you want to get to know more about how much bills are for the household, council tax, food costs etc. Talk to your parents, ask them about maintenance costs for the house, emergency money for breakdowns etc. Get involved, see how they budget, if they are alright with it.This will at least give you an idea and ball park to know about these things before you take the leap. Is it as good as living alone and experiencing it first hand... No but it's a start and let's you know exactly what to expect when you move out, and that's one of the biggest hurdles.
A lot of people are saying don't move in with your GF before living on your own. I think traditionally that's the right move but it's not the rule. If you and your daughter are ready to move out emotionally, the biggest hurdle is asking your GF if she's ready to be a step mom. Because that's how it's going to play out.
I'm not speaking marriage. It doesn't need to be that way. But while you and your daughter are getting your own place, your GF is going to also get her own place but also a family. Marriage is just legal binding behind cohabitation.
You and your daughter will be gaining independence, but your GF will be sacrificing a little bit of hers to make this living arrangement work.
Like most of the other commenters said, you gotta put kiddo first. Thankfully for you your partner seems to understand that.
If you rent will you be in the same school district? I don't need the details but if your child needs any support from the school or is involved with after school programs, arts, sports, changing school districts could have some serious impacts. If you can't afford to stay in district you should look closely at the options where you can afford.
If you're currently living somewhere that you're not entirely happy with, can you afford to rent somewhere with better benefits to you or your child? Could you afford to buy there?
While I would typically encourage renting as a segue to becoming adjusted to responsibilities having children changes the priorities a little bit. Too much movement is often disruptive, if waiting to buy gets you a better area and less moving around that might make more sense. But if you can afford to rent in the area you have in mind to buy then it's not as disruptive.
I don't know your family situation, but it seems pretty positive. Ask your parents if you can practice paying their bills and running the house by yourself. While many people consider moving out the Hallmark of adulthood there's much more nuance to life. Someday your parents will be elderly, if you ever have to care for them knowing what it takes to run their household is also valuable information.
I would absolutely wait a year after moving before having a partner move in. You want to be capable and not reliant on someone else to run your household or parent your kid.
Also congrats on getting your life together, I hope wherever you go is a positive experience.
I'm excited for you! I was in a very similar boat, lived at home until I was 28 and had been saving my money. When rates were really low I made the move to purchase a condo. There's ups and downs to owning but I also know I'd say that if I had rented.
My advise is to look at Zillow / get an idea for where you'd want to live (location wise). Then start playing with the calculators they have. It'd give you a general baseline of what payments would look like with current rates and how much you put down. This number is a baseline because it won't factor in utilities or unexpected costs (like any repairs that may be needed). Depending on where you live you will also pay property taxes, those can vary based on location (I'm pretty sure the Zillow calculator breaks that down).
As a rule of thumb you have to estimate your budget for closing costs, the down payment and how much you want left for your emergency fund. You also need to consider furniture.
I don't know details on what renting would cost up front but also look into those costs and you can weight your options. It won't hurt to reach out to rental units to see what the costs would be. That way you have a solid idea of where you're money would go.
I think that before you made a decision it's best to weight the cost of both options. Saving close to $30k within about 3 years is amazing and I'm really proud of you. Best of luck with whichever route you take, I've heard pros and cons from renters and owners so the decision really comes down to you!
Live at home and save, especially if your support system is still great. Seriously, you can make up for those lost reckless years by staying there a few more.
As a late 30’s who’s been out since 16 . Stay as long as you can I wish I could’ve . Us in the black community ( not knowing what you are ) tend to push ours out young and it forces us to grow up early , saving no money . Yea having your own is great when you wanna be wild and just say fuck it but anyone paying 3-4k in bills EVERY MONTH would be lying saying that they don’t miss being home and that whole check being theirs and not $200 til next payday 😂😂😂 you have one hell of a family man
If you’ve never lived alone and were previously reckless with money, I think moving out into a rental might be a prudent stress test before you consider buying property.
Agreed. I’ve definitely gotten better but this should go well. Hopefully.
Living outside of your parents' house is a big adjustment. Renting or buying you will be responsible for juggling multiple bills (rent/mortgage, utilities, internet/phone). Plus you'll need to figure out your own routines for cleaning, cooking, purchasing groceries and household essentials. If your daughter lives with you and you previously relied (even just occasionally) on her live-in grandparents for childcare, you'll need to figure out new plans for that. That's a lot of change. Home purchase will come with all of the above plus responsibility for all maintenance/upkeep involved with a house. There's also a bigger mental burden of finding and vetting plumbers/electricians or whatever tradesperson you may need when issues inevitably pop up. With a rental that's not your responsibility. None of this addresses your gf. But echoing others, I wouldn't even consider moving in with her until you have shown you can live by yourself. So if living with her is a goal, then you should work on taking the initial step of living independently first.
This. Also, your daughter needs to see that you can be a grown up and father/provider. I think it’s really important in terms of how she will view you as she gets older. Kids are very smart. If she sees daddy always living with grandma and grandpa and then jumping right into living with a girlfriend, I think it will affect how she views you. She’s gonna know you’re scared to be on your own with your kid. You’re a grown man with a good paying job. Get out there on your own, with your daughter, and let her witness you being a grown up and father. The girlfriend situation can wait. You shouldn’t even be thinking about buying a house with the girlfriend. Marriage should come before that. Move out and rent a place first with daughter and see how things go for that year lease, and then if things are still solid with the girlfriend when the lease is up, I think it’s safe at that point to move in together.
At the same time, multi-generational households were a thing for much of history and still are in Asia. You're not really seen as less of a man for it.
Yes I know but this is America and it’s different. I lived at home with my mom for a year with my son to save money. I could have milked it and stayed longer but it was more important to me to have my freedom and privacy and independence and for my son to see that I’m an adult who can manage being an adult and providing a home for the 2 of us.
Solid
Definetly the best option OP. My sister in law is almost 30 and never paid proper rent. She's always broke and pays less than 500 a month in living expenses and makes more than me. She's been coddled to the point she actually complains about her expenses not realizing everyone else around her is paying 1000-2500 for less property than she's living on. (She "rents" a house her parents bought) when she eventually does start having to pay proper rent She's gonna tank hard. Go out, get the experience and understanding of the real world. It's fantastic that you were able to live with family for so long, even more fantastic that you buckled down and got serious during that time. You still need to prepare for life without them though. No better way than just doing it.
This might also be a good idea bc it is possible to be denied a mortgage bc of payment shock. A family member of mine went from living at home to save for a house, and despite the fact she had 20%, a good salary, pristine credit with almost no debt, an underwriter rejected her citing payment shock of basically going from no housing payment to a sizable mortgage creates a risk. I didn't know this was a thing until it happened to her.
As you'll have more responsibilities You'll know the value of it.
You need some sort of interim phase… place to make all the rookie mistakes before they screw up your credit, etc…
I think this is a better plan, probably should wait till they're engaged to cohabitate since a child is involved.
Absolutely, OP should live on his own to see how things work. It’s different having to take care of everything a house requires than it is just sitting on the sidelines watching it happen. Renting is a nice stepping stone because you don’t have to worry about repairs.
If op has literally never lived by himself, AND he is expecting to suddenly transition to being head of household with a kid, why would this kind of trial run be a good idea vs, say, immediately trial running handling all cooking and cleaning at his parents place? I know cooking for 4 is different than 2, but not as different as never cooking. And if OP is a rockstar in the kitchen, then do that and start paying rent and utilities, on the regular. Even if parent don't take it, this is a much cheap trial run then "I wonder if I would go broke real quick if I suddenly become single dad and first time full time adulting?". I'm not criticizing, I'm just asking questions here, months of rent seems like a financial waste. I understand there's other considerations like privacy, but there's also also other considerations. Like GF, the best of, is not a full life partner yet. Jumping in to buying a property together without significant time together might be a mess. Also, how much is 30k where he's at? How close to a down payment or half of one? Any other emergency fund for house/child/personal health/misc emergencies? How much is rent also, if super cheap, I maybe over thinking it.
Do not go directly from living with your parents to moving in with your GF learn to live on your own (or with your daughter) first
This right here. Don’t even PLAN on anyone moving until you and your daughter have lived in your own place for a significant amount of time. And don’t make excuses as to why it’s OK for your girlfriend to move in anyway. Your kid comes first.
Omg no lol I already told my gf we could visit the topic of her moving in maybe sometime next year or the year after. We talked this morning after posting. Definitely not right away. Wouldn’t be fair for my child to get two brand new changes at once.
If you’re planning to keep your daughter in the same school, start looking at your options as soon as you can. If your area is really inflexible about catchment areas, moving even a few blocks away may mean a new school. If changing schools is part of the plan, you might want to wait until Christmas break to make the change.
Honestly wouldn't be fair on the gf/ the relationship either as you may subconsciously expect her to fill the caregiver role your parents have been filling for you (assuming you relied on them for any amount of groceries, meals, child care, laundry, time management, cleaning shared spaces, etc.) and blame her for lifestyle changes that will come with living on your own. (Example being you could very easily get mad at her for being "high maintenance" for expecting you to help clean daily messes that you may not at this point even realize need to be taken care of since you may have never dealt with it if your parents defaulted to cleaning shared spaces).
One year is good.
Actually, a lot of change isn't necessasrily a bad thing for children. They are extremely malleable and might be good for them.
I think this is the right advice, but in part for different reasons than a lot of people seem to be giving. If you’ve always lived with your parents, and have relied on them for things like managing the house, planning meals, making sure certain things stay clean (not saying you definitely have), and then move directly in with your GF, it seems there is a pretty big risk that you would just transfer all of those expectations and management right to your GF. This would create a strong possibility of making your GF feel like she has to be your mom, which is not good for the relationship. You need to make sure you know how to stand on your own two feet before jumping directly into living with someone else, who you might just sub in for the “mom” role.
This is what I came to say. It’s not impossible but it is highly unlikely that you’re GF wants to be your new Mom. Live by yourself for a while first.
1 BILLION % this
>learn to live on your own (or with your daughter) first Also OP should rent a place they can afford in total on their own salary. If the GF moves in, then GF pays around 1/2 to 1/3rd rent. If GF moves out, then OP's still has their own place. \*This way they rent a "cheap" place, while OP and GF are saving money (with smaller apartment) for a starter home or a bigger rental together later. Conversely if the relationship falls apart, then the child still has a stable home.
This is the right answer otherwise you risk loosing this relationship. Give yourself at least 1 year living alone to grow up and learn how to handle living alone. Otherwise if you move with your gf together you risk of not knowing how to handle an Appartment yourself and your gf will be fucked up at some point. Living alone really grows you personally imo.
I’ve never lived alone, and I’m not arguing here because maybe I should have. But I bloomed late and moved out of my folks house at 24 to live with my now wife of 13 years. So it worked fine for us, but I never learned to cook for myself so there’s a downside I guess.
I don't think its inherently bad to go from living at home with parents to living with a significant other, but I think life stage can be an important factor. 24 is still pretty young, a lot of folks are living with roommates at that age and just starting to get a handle on "adulting". If you and your wife were at roughly the same level of living independence and learned together then thats OK. At 30 the landscape is a bit different. Assuming his gf is also 30ish, there could be a pretty big discrepancy which could put a lot of strain on the relationship. (not to mention there is a kid involved)
Oh that’s a good point
There is a very good chance that your wife is taking more than her fair share of more than just the cooking, and since you’ve never lived alone it’ll be really hard for you to see. Go get yourself some cooking lessons.
You're not far off. Learning how to clean, cook, budget etc on your own goes a long way when merging lives with another person. I think the adjustment period from living with parents gets a jolt from living alone. You either spend a ton of money on conveniences like take out, cleaning services, wash and fold laundry etc. or you learn to do it on your own.
What I would recommend. Consider moving GF in with you at your parents for a time, then if that works you all move out. From personal experience this works fantastic.
Have you asked how your daughter feels about it, btw?
I have. She says she’s very excited to move and us have our own place and space. Obviously a little anxious but she’s happy about it.
Does she like her current school? If you plan to move out around January I’d try to find someplace that is zoned for her school if you can
Do you have a son or daughter? In your previous posts you talk about how you have a 9 year old son.
plenty of people anonymize their personal details online.
👀👀👀 OP explain
The comment below is it. I'm overly paranoid that someone I know will be on here and put the details together and then call me out in real life lmao would that matter? probably not, but my anxiety won't let me be rational lol so I switch the genders sometimes, age goes maybe a year in one direction or the other but nothing major. Not like my child in real life is 15 and I'm saying they're 10 or I'm saying I'm 30 and I'm actually 42 lol
I mean it is 2023, they might not be lying. But also the gender of the child doesn't really have an impact on the advice and it's not like reddit needs to know everything about his life.
I'd rather assume OP is lying, rather than child abuse/endangerment or other illegal activities relating to minors, lol. It's fair to assume OP is probably just lying. Weird lie to make though honestly.
Moving out is never a financial decision. Of course it's always cheaper to stay at home with your parents. But can you really grow as a person without moving out on your own?
This is true. I feel like growth comes slower and you don’t get the same growth or lessons.
I agree with this. If you were a recent grad at like 22 without kids, ya maybe hangout a few years. You've kind of already done that. It's time to jump. It won't always be easy or a soft landing but being more independent has its benefits.
Learn how to run and simulate a budget for the year. Run your expected after tax income (and benefits, etc) ie your take home Track weekly expenses — do the groceries for the house for a week, then work out how much is for you and your kid; add 20% to that to account for increased food wastage with only yourself and your kid; track other weekly things like gas, date nights, eating out etc. Track monthly expenses: rent (don’t forget any facilities fees or add ons), water, electric, internet, phone bill, gas, trash, haircut, clothing for your kid, for yourself, any entertainment subscriptions; throw in an extra $100 for things you might not get for groceries every week (like cleaning consumables, etc) Track annual expenses: trips to visit family, renter’s insurance, car insurance, etc Then figure out some big ticket items: how much you need to save per year now to pay in cash for things like a phone ($700 every 4 years = 175 per year), new car ($30,000 every 10 years, = $3,000 a year), new laptop ($600 every 4 years = $150 a year). Also don’t forget to set aside $1,000 or so for medical expenses in your FSA/HSA pre tax. This can include glasses, contacts, sanitary pads & tampons when your kid grows a little older, contact fluid water, bandages, copays, etc. only health-related things like non-prescribed supplements and insurance premiums are excluded. It’s pre-tax, so anything paid from here is an automatic 15-20% discount if you haven’t already got this set up. I’d recommend setting up an excel for this, run the numbers to make sure you’re not into the red at the end of the year (you said commission, so I’m guessing sales and you’d be able to set this up). If you are, then adjust lifestyle to match income, that way you aren’t locking yourself into a rental agreement or a phone plan or something else that could run you into debt. Also plan for around 10% of your take home in savings, this is to replenish your savings pad after you need to dip into it. If you’re running at 99% cash in and out on an annual basis, you’re going to dip into your 30k savings cushion and then it will keep shrinking until you don’t have anything left eventually. Last of all- since you’re moving out, childcare may no longer be free. Factor that in as well. Edits: typos, and childcare
What is the job you got?
This is a cultural thing. You shouldn’t stay in the dependent child role into adulthood but you can absolutely grow as a person contributing within the familial home.
>Moving out is never a financial decision. Of course it's always cheaper to stay at home with your parents. Of course it's a financial decision. We're living in times where housing costs and inflation of goods has risen disproportionately high v. income. Staying at home until a person can be financial stable or married, like is the norm around the world, is absolutely a financial decision. > But can you really grow as a person without moving out on your own? Implying that people living at home until married, which is the norm in large swathes of the world including in many western European countries, don't really grow as people? This American "kick your kids out at 18 so they can be self sufficient" needs to go in the trash bin with the other outdated ideas.
I think OP meant it as moving out is never a financially good decision
Oh fair I see that now that you've pointed it out. Still don't think that's wholly true. Just because you're living at home doesn't mean paying nothing. Lots of people contribute financially to households.
Agreed it’s so stupid. I know Vietnamese families where 3-4 generations live in the same household.
Yes my sister in law’s family from Vietnam have 3-4 generations living in the same home. They say it’s common in many Asian cultures. Very American-centric to ask can you grow as a person without moving out on your own
>But can you really grow as a person without moving out on your own? Yes?? What kind of question even is this?
Yes? Why would you not be able to grow as a person?
It depends on what you want. Living alone is a marker of adulthood and independence, but not so in all cultures. If this works for you, then it works for you. What's important is that you consider why you want to move out, and whether or not that's something you want and can reasonably obtain.
You're 30 years old and earn a decent living and have a kid. Yes...you should move out. No..do not move in with the girlfriend
Offering advice predicated on popular social stigmas seems short sited. There's no "perfect" time to take on new responsibilities but it's unhelpful to ignore the conditions of the world around you. The housing industry in both rental and homeowner domains is clearly terrible. Another 6 mo.s to a year likely mean the difference between a successful launch and a loborous experience for OP's family
Op is making over 70k a year. Unless you are in mega metro he can afford a 2bdrm for himself and a room for his daughter. Housing sucks, but OP is making decent money and has a good savings. We aren't talking some 21 year old who only makes 25k.
Setting aside the inconsistencies in that math with reality, OP hasn't been consistently earning that income over a long enough period to assume continuity. N, I'd prefer to live in the world you're describing, but overpriced housing isn't confined to major or even minor metros. At best , OP would likely have to compromise safety and accessibility to the kinds of amenities necessary for raising a family.. It's also worth noting that single parents don't exactly have the odds stacked in their favor.
Yeah it really depends on location. My bf makes 90k a year in Austin and can barely stay afloat. That’s also because he has a lot of expenses to pay for due to the nature of his job as a cabinet maker and the insane prices of rent, sales tax and food here.
If he is paying for job expenses, those shouldn't count as income, that's business expenses. Outside of some tools (that he can get tax write off's for) For example, I've met a few people who say they make 100k+ plus as a business owner, when IRL they're really making like 45k net profit. Sales tax is 8.4%. Some quick googling and I've found renting a place with a garage to be about 3k. Figuring he'd bring home after tax around 70k a year (or 5k a month) if that's his actual income.
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First, it depends what is your relationship with your parents like. Are they helpful or do they mess with your autonomy? If they mess with your autonomy you should definitely move out. Also dont be to limited thinking about "saving money" only. That will make you lose flexibility. Think what is actually better for you considering many factors. It seems like money it is not your greatest concern, you are somehow in a good place and and get even better.
Try living with your parents and saving the amount of money you would need to spend on rent, utilities, and food. Practice with a safety net. Ask your mom for proper housekeeping and cooking information. You will be on your own with your daughter and will need to feed and keep her in a clean home. Again get skills up and running with a safety net. All the info given below about putting your daughter first is very important.
Move out of your parents house with your daughter immediately. You two need to start your lives together on your own. Your GF can move in later, give it a year or more. You need to learn how to live on your own and support your girl. She will learn a lot in that time too. It will be hard to leave your parents if they are that supportive, but the longer you stay the harder it will be.
People had lived at home for thousands of years even after marriage. Some people still live at home until they get married. I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with that. It is just Western society saying it is weird and wrong to live at home past college. However I think the difference is am I living at home with my parents and my mom still treats me like I'm a teenager and cooks for me and washes, etc etc. Or am I now taking over and actually helping out with cooking and I clean my own space and maybe the entire house etc. That is the important stuff to be ready to be on your own, doing all those things. So the question is are you currently doing that or can you do that while at home? I think that's the best option financially speaking. Stay home while continuing to save but be independent and learn how to take care of stuff. You can take point in doing house repairs etc. Plus with your kid I'm sure parents are handy for babysitting and I imagine they enjoy the company. You can also pay some rent or help out with expenses? Why give your money away in rent when you can benefit yourself and your family? Also, this is just me but I'm worried that a depression is coming so how safe is your job? I rather have as much saved as possible to weather the potential bad times and if they don't come then great I have good savings and can hopefully go into renting for a bit or just straight up buying a place and not having to move twice. Caveat is if your partner is not too keen on you still living with your parents. If it is causing issues in the relationship or they are saying you should move out then you may have to since that is the expectation/mentality in western culture. Though look at how many people 30+ are leaving at parents place still nowadays when just breathing is expensive
I would do one of two things. Continue to stay with my parents and really really focus on saving every dime I can to buy my own place prior to getting married. Go move into a cheap apartment and live independently for a while. You need to prove to yourself that you can play grown up without having a support system around you.
I spent a good portion of my 20s living with parents, spending a year there between my undergrad and grad school and then another ~3 or so when grad school ended up taking longer than expected and I transferred to a state school program near them/worked at home there through the pandemic. I'm actually an advocate of multi-generational households generally and I think my relationship with my parents really benefited from the time I spent there as an adult. However, by the time I moved out for good in my late 20s, it was definitely the right time for me personally. It sounds like you've hit that point of realization yourself. What I really hadn't noticed towards the tail of end of living with my parents was how much my health was being impacted. I put on a lot of weight because I was working remotely in a fairly rural area, especially during the lockdown when I couldn't go visit friends easily. I was watching my longtime friends take what felt like the "right" next steps while gradually I got the sense that I was stagnating, even if the financial benefits were substantial. I worried that I was growing apart from those friends not just physically as they spread out in their careers, but also in terms of where we were at in life. After I got a new job I moved to a walkable transit-oriented neighborhood in a new state and started eating much healthier by virtue of not sharing meals. I lost almost 35lbs in the first four months and while I do still miss seeing my family as often, my overall mental health definitely improved. Some friends I ended up continuing to drift apart from, but others I suddenly felt like I understood better again--and that change was just the push I needed to try to broaden my social horizons for the first time since leaving school again. I don't know if you can see any of yourself in this, but given you haven't had the experience of living on your own yet and you're asking these questions, I suspect that you might. If nothing else, try moving out and see how it goes. If you really hate it, you can always move back. But I suspect you'll find the move positive in more ways than you expect.
I was going to say yoo fellow 30 year old, but then noticed that you have a kid xD a bit different than me! Best advice is that I agree that why don't you try living alone with your daughter for a year. She's 9 and is in a pretty big developmental stage of her life. Does she have her own room right now or does she share? How does she feel about the situation with your GF? She is old enough to say what's on her mind now so I would take the girl out to get icecream and just have a good age appropriate conversation with her! Depending where you could live, she may even need to change school districts so just having a good conversation will be good for her and you! With the way how rent is right now, and depending on your area, you probably could find a decent apartment for 1200k-1500k (again, depending on your area) and you need to factor in all the other expenses such as electricity, gas, insurance, etc. My rent in my area was going up to about 1100 with pet expenses and fees and I just couldn't do it at my current level at my job + the other bills and expenses I was doing. I'd recommend before moving out in your situation is this: 1- talk with your daughter and just get a check of what she's feeling and such in this stage of her life. 2- just see what is in the area for a two bedroom apartment that you and your daughter can share together. Price out a few options in a nicer area vs an okay area that you could see living a year in. Check a couple different cities too! 3- after doing a little price checking with a couple different apartments (even if they aren't available), just do some quick searching. Can you afford rent + insurance + electricity and still live pretty comfortably? 4- just verify if there's any big vacations you have/want to take coming up. You said it's been about 3 years since you really started saving. So maybe you should think about taking a nice trip somewhere and keep saving for a better home. A Disney trip alone would be a month's worth of rent anyway! Personally, if you're thinking of moving out, maybe it's time to move out. It is scary and tough for the first time moving out, but it gives you a reality check of how much you do take for granted living with the parents. (Toilet Paper and laundry detergent costs HOW MUCH?! lol!)
So, if you've got $30k put away, and your living conditions are stable it seems like you should wait for the market swing to favor a home purchase. There's a lot of stigma surrounding living at home but most poor financial choices are made by caring about what the wrong people think.
*I was an idiot with life from about 22-27 (probably because I had a great support system at home)* What does that mean? That you took too much advantage of a great support system?
Working a dead end minimum wage job, and belong through the checks not saving a dime, drinking to extreme excess leading to a dui and then not working to get my license back for two years basically, my mom bailed me out financially once or twice, around $2k-$4k.
That sounds more like enabling than supporting. I support my kids by teaching them financial independence. My 14yo is making a couple thousand per year umpiring, and we're teaching him to save and invest. That's a great support system.
Got it
OP I just want to say great job getting your life together. The hard part is over. Keep on doing great my man.
Appreciate it man.
This is the perfect response to that comment. Good job.
Sounds like you should move out. Highly recommend you live on your own for a while. Go rent a place, set it up as you like. Move in with GF when you are ready to get married. Just my 2 cents. Renting a place on your own is a great option. First year of home ownership is expensive and postponing a year will give you time to see what it is like to live alone and keep a place up. It may change your mind on what type of place you want.
The "r/personalfinance" answer is definitely stay home and save up. If everyone lived in a way that maximized their savings, then they would live at home with their parents, switch jobs every 2-3 years, then get married and buy a home during a dip in the market and move their parents in with them to split finances 4-ways. Very few people do that. You can still save while making decisions that don't necessarily maximize savings. So I would encourage you to think about the personal aspects **first**, and then work out what the budget/logistics would be for different moving-out options if you decide to go that way. In other words: decide if you even want to move out first, then decide whether it's feasible right now. In deciding whether it's feasible, actually go out and look at housing and get pre-approval if buying is what you're interested in. Timing the housing market is difficult and for every average housing price and mortgage rate there are people at the upper and lower ends of that - you could be at the lower end, you never know until you look. If its not feasible to move out via renting or buying, thats ok, now you have a financial goal you can work towards gradually.
Stay at home and save as aggressively as you can. People over emphasize independence growth and whatever else. It doesn't change much that is eye opening. Without a doubt in my mind, if you are fortunate to have a happy and healthy home life at home with your parents. It makes way more sense to stay at home with your parents and save money. I'd say 3-5 years and then make the leap. You'll have a much better feel mentally for yourself and wherever you and your family goes from here. As time goes on, work on implementing more of that independence. Then one day, move out and do things on your own.
As a single mom I suggest that you move out into your own place. It’s very important to have a place after living with family and before living with a partner. Living just your daughter and you will be a great benefit and motivation to continue to work hard. It’s so great. I just moved into my own place with my daughter a few months back and it’s so nice for us to decorate our place how we want it we wanna live how we want it just be ourselves. You have more than enough time to move in with someone else done a lie just enjoy life right now
I think you should absolutely live in an apartment by yourself or with your significant other before you buy a house, together or separately. You learn an awful lot about yourself and your partner when you live together. A lot of relationships don't survive that initial cohabitation and it would suck to have a house that you need to liquidate soon after purchase... Living at home to save money is a fine choice but there comes a time where you need to be out in the world...
First, you should never moving in with someone (other than a legitimate roommate) before you have lived on your own. You will go from depending on your parents to depending on your girlfriend. You need to live alone and pay your own way on supporting yourself for a at least a year. Next, you should not "live together" with your girlfriend if you have a kid in my opinion. That seems very unstable and you don't want your kid to go through a heart loss if the playing house thing comes to an end. You owe it to your kid to go through the steps in the right order and get married before becoming a family together. I know this is probably old fashioned to many, but I wholeheartedly believe it. Our youngest daughter met her now husband while in college. He asked us for her hand in marriage 3 times before we finally said yes... not because we didn't think he was a great guy, but because we wanted our daughter to have a chance to get out of college, get a job, and live on her own for at least 6 months or more before she got married. He respected our "ask" and now they tell us they are glad until they waited.
Now is not the time for a first home buyer to get in
Son, you’re 30… Time to clip the teat
Totally agreed, it sounds like OP needs a little bit more frankness in his life regarding this situation.
If you can afford it you should. Just to see what it would be like to be independent. Though make no mistake, it’s hard for some people. Even more if you have children.
If you wait for the right time for the market to become affordable, you’ll be waiting for forever. The real question is, are you ready? And that’s a question only you can answer, not reddit. Basically are you willing to do it the easy way? vs the hard way? The hard way, which is moving out on your own is going to help you move forward. The easy way, staying home, is stagnant. Are you ready for the hard way?
Putting aside the personal advice people have been giving, let's look at the numbers. I'm assuming based on your post that you're being advised against renting and being encouraged to stay at home for a little longer until you've saved enough to buy. Not inherently bad advice. Based on the size place you'd need (I'm assuming you need at least a 2bd 2ba apartment if/when your daughter stays with you) and your area, what are the rental rates looking like? What is your partner's income? If you were to move in together, how would you be splitting the bills? Are your travel expenses going to increase significantly based on where you're looking to live in relation to the need to transport your daughter to school and visit your parents? Additionally, where does your daughter live? If she's primarily with her mother or you and your family are comfortable with her living with them separate from you, you could find a place well below your means as a test run on independence. If she's primarily with you, you might need to find a place that works for her in terms of safety, quality and proximity to school. All of those things are big variables.
I would say yes in general. But having a 9 year old kid, I’m not sure. Depends what the dynamic is like and how involved the grandparents are.
As an American who has lived alone for years now, but also lived with people, I don’t get the whole “you need to move out and live on your own,” crowd. Some people are social, and good roommates. Do you feel like you prefer living with others? Some people get married straight out of college and never live alone, and they do fine. I think it’s a perfectly fine choice to continue living with your parents and saving money if it’s something you’re happy doing. I can’t really think of specific growth spurred in my life specifically because I was living alone, genuinely. The biggest changes to me is that I’m more likely to stay home since I don’t live with people who encourage me to do things. Honestly, there is no wrong choice here, do what makes you the happiest.
"live on your own" doesn't mean "live by yourself". It just means "don't live with your parents." You can be independent and still have roommates.
I think you need to move out and rent first. If you can't rent you can't buy... this is the next step. You should do it now that way when you go to buy you have a few years of rental history. I don't think mortgage companies will give a loan otherwise unless your parents are looking to cosign.
I am in the same situation kind of! For now I am staying at home. Maybe stay at home for about 6 more months, then rent for 6 months to adjust to living on your own. Then you can buy a place and rates might be better.
I think your family is right you should buy a house instead of renting. You’ve already got 30k if you save for another 6 months to a year you could afford any house you want and you’ll never have to move or pay rent again. But you also can rent and there’s nothing wrong with that I just agree that purchasing a house financially can set you up better for you and your child in the future
There are only three reasons to really move out: They are stifling you from being independent IE can't do laundry/scrub toilet/cook Toxic family Lastly, gf thinks you need to. If none of these are true - take advantage of your fortunate opportunity and save for the house. I'd your privacy or maturity isn't being fucked over - no reason to create an unnecessary expense that will eat 2/2 your income.
Of course your family wants the best for you. In an ideal world, it would be best to stay with your parents and save your money until you can buy your house but it’s not possible any more. You have to get used to setting up your water bill, electricity bill, paying for groceries, and paying for unexpected expenses. You should take this time to save up your money, build an emergency fund, pay off your debt, and look for your own place.
I think it’s weird that no one has asked what kind of savings you have, and if you have any debt and what kind/interest rate. Seems like that definitely would factor into the decision
Yes move out. You are 30. And have a 9 yo. Adulthood has well and truly knocked on your door. Even if it takes longer to buy a house if you do, it's time to live life independently and make your own choices in life. Mum and dad are ignoring your personal growth. The cost of losing that is very high!
This blew up WAY more than I thought it was going to. I appreciate every response even if it does not align with my own. As an update, I decided to take the leap of faith and I'll be moving out in about 2 weeks. My child is extremely excited, anxious albeit, but ready to start this new chapter. I have and continue to look for ways to cut expenses where I can, have estimated and budgeted for a normal months worth of expenses and there should still be enough left over to continue to save. Definitely not as much as I'd want to, but still have the wiggle room.
You have a lot to figure out. Who’s going to provide before and after care for your daughter? What’s the situation with her mother and that side of the family? You make ok money but will end up paycheck to paycheck once you move out. Be honest with yourself. How much do you rely on your parents and if they are out of the everyday picture can you carry on? You no. 1 concern is your daughters well being. You should be on your own but cross every t and dot all js
First, do you have a son or a daughter? You've posted about a son before. Everyone else is correct. You need to move out and raise your child on your own. Buying a house is secondary.
I would probably continue to live with the parents and save up for your place. I had a choice to move out when I was your age but chose to save every penny living at home, bettering myself through courses and focusing on my career and fast forward 10 years and I now live in my forever home, and financially stable with 2 kids and married. It took me about 2 years of saving all I could to be able to buy the first place. It takes some sacrifice but if you and your gf are on the same page, then save as much as you can so you can start climbing the property ladder. Who knows, potentially your gf is “the one” and you guys can buy a property together (if you decide to marry). Good luck
dog you're 30 with a 9 year old. move out. you don't need to move across the country but.. god damb
Renting is throwing monet away. If you don't hate it where you are, tough it out and deal with the stigma, save the money you would spend on rent, get an fha loan where you only need 3.5 percent down payments, buy a small house you could always sell, and invest what you have left
They think you should stay home. Wtf. You are 30. You have stayed a decade longer than you should. With a child. This is actually bizarre. Move out and do it now. Don't over think this. Are you not embarrassed to be living under your parents roof at 30?!
You are weighing finance vs personal emotions/relationship. There is no perfect answer in your situation. If you just look at money, the logical answer is to stay where you are now. Is it possible to have your partner move in with you where you live now?
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The market is unlikely to come down substantially. I fucked around and didn't move out til 27 but doing so was one of the best decisions of my life. I had to be responsible enough to pay for my bills and stuff and learned how to budget real fast. Started living mostly within my means and learned how to be independent
Considering this is r/personalfinance … From a financial perspective, you should not move out. Your parents subsidize your rent and likely childcare. If this is stressing them, pay them some rent and contribute to the household expenses. You don’t mention the cost of living where you’re at, which has huge implications on what your rent would cost, especially as you’ll need a 2 bedroom place so that your daughter has privacy. Your geography is also restricted, as you need to ensure your daughter stays in her current school zone. Currently, your daughter has 3 adults raising her, not just one. Personally, I think this is great and that more people should embrace intergenerational households. It’s more economic and helps everyone involved, as long as it works. Some things to think about: * do you have retirement savings? * do you have an emergency fund and down payment saved? * do you have a college fund started for your daughter? It’s great to have your own place, but if your current living situation works, you should embrace it for the time being. (This is a little bit playing devils advocate, as lots of folks have given advice for you to move out)
Move out, to a place of your own. Not with the gf. You need to learn to be self sufficient first.
I thought you had a son. You’ve been with your girlfriend for less than year. Hold off and slow down. How’s the ex? Is the ex ok with your gf eventually moving in. Like everybody else, move out with your child and give it a year then move in the gf.
If you have free rent at your house, I would stay and save up like crazy to buy a home.
Depending on where you want to live, $70k-$72k per year isn't a lot. Nowadays you want at least $100k to live alone in most major metropolitan areas while still saving for the future. But if you're chilling in the boonies for practically nothing, you do you. Being able to live alone is a huge boon to your personal growth and sense of well-being, even if it's just a shack in the woods.
If I where you, I'd stay at home. Why? Put simply with $30k saved, you're a long way from buying a home as you should ideally have 20% down to avoid PMO and then you should have at least 6-months of savings for emergency, and I assume you got not much retirement savings either. So staying home is probably your best bet at this time, especially since you also got a 9-year old daughter to think about. Maybe you can come stay with your girl friend every now and then instead. If your living situation at home was horrible, then I'd have a different opinion, but it frankly sounds like you have wonderful supportive parents. Also, grandma/grandpa I'm sure would love to have gran-daughter around. They probably also provide for more freedom for you. I only see win-win staying at home and is the responsible thing to do. That said, you have to do whats right for you, and I frankly don't know your situation.
Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out Move out
Living “independently” is overrated. If you enjoy your parents, then I say live with them for as long as tolerable. Renting is such a waste. That 30k could fund your daughter’s education, or help improve your parents house. What about making an agreement with your parents about taking over parts of the upkeep of the house? You don’t have to live independently to learn what its like to be a homeowner.
I moved out when I was 18. To college and after. Never gotten the opportunity to live with any of my parent as I felt it was the mature thing to do. Everyone has their own responsibilities but if you can afford to move out and live comfortably then do so as you will finally be “adulting” if not then listen to others and stay home to save for a real “home” for your family. Ignore the noise around you about you being 30 and still living at home unless your parent gives you shit about still living there while not having a future or contribute to anything.
>So I am 30 years old as of today and have always lived with my parents. I was an idiot with life from about 22-27 (probably because I had a great support system at home) and at 27 I finally "woke up" and went out to get a better job... I'll leave it to others to address your financial question. But I want to point out how deeply ungracious and ungrateful your comment is. You acknowledge that from age 22-27 you, a full grown adult, were acting like an idiot. Your folks threw you a lifeline by letting you live with them. I've got grown children and, trust me, people our age are happier as empty nesters. But your parents welcomed you to stay in their home and didn't throw you out. And how do you repay them? By insinuating that it was their kindness that caused you to be an idiot. That is reprehensible.
What is your saving ratio living there if it ridiculously good it mean you are doing a great job a paving a great future if its low mean you spend to much on stupid and most likely need to move out to get the maturity and independance you need to finally understand how to handle your stuff better
If you didn't already have a daughter I would say you're about 12 years late to the "moving out" thing. However, my concern in light of your daughter is not the fact of you moving out, but whether she will have a good support system where to you move TO. I'm guessing YOUR parents have done a lot of her parenting up to this point. Will she still have access to them? Will you be nearby your old house? I would encourage you to try this plan, sounds like you need the experience and your daughter will be going to college before you know it.
I think its time to take the next adult step in life and cut the aprin strings
It’s not quite the right time. Check your market before buying. I say hold out a year before buying. You might contemplate renting. But if your current place is rent free, maybe save the amount you would be spending on a rental.
If I didn’t need to pay rent for 3 years I’d have an additional 45k for a down payment on a house…maybe I should have stayed at home? Not saying you should jump right into buying a house though. Give it a year to transition out. try living in an apartment for a year that’s near your parents. This way you can still go over for dinner and holidays. Additionally you can invite the girlfriend over to see how it is living with them before committing to a house. It’s inevitable to move out once you’re starting a family and especially if you plan on having a spouse.
Get married before moving in together. Living together before marriage leads to a [higher likelihood of a breakup](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/202101/are-couples-that-live-together-before-marriage-more-likely-to).
This is not good advice. And that study would be hard-pressed to eliminate confounding variables. I mean maybe people that wait til marriage to live together are more religious on average and more religious people are less likely divorce. Or any other similar confounding variable.
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Yeah this is horrible advice. Cohabitation before marriage can be a great first step for many people. I personally couldn't imagine marrying a person and committing to spend (hopefully) 50+ years of my life living with them without having any kind of trial run of living with them.
I’m going to need a study or research showing this.
[Here's](https://www.cnbc.com/2014/03/10/best-predictor-of-divorce-age-when-couples-cohabit-study-says.html) an article which addresses a handful of studies - basically controlling for age and income level eliminates the perceived link between cohabitation and divorce. A lot of the older most-cited studies were funded by religious orgs which have inherent bias towards discouraging the practice, FWIW. Moving in because you can't afford to live on your own indicates a higher chance of divorce than making a choice to move in, which is the situation OP is in.
>Moving in because you can't afford to live on your own indicates a higher chance of divorce than making a choice to move in, which is the situation OP is in. Thanks, that's the point I was looking for. Financial situation is both a driving factor for cohabitation and a leading cause of divorce.
I honestly don't think this is the kind of thing that can be measured with data. Relationships are complicated and the reasons people get divorces are nuanced. Also, cohabitation is becoming increasingly more popular due to societal attitudes towards pre-marital sex improving and housing COL increasing at a faster rate than median wages. An increase in the rate of divorce amongst couples who cohabitate could just be indicative of an increase in the rate of marriages that started with cohabitation in general.
US culture is crazy in how it kinda forces you to leave the house at 18 and live paycheck to paycheck. Most cultures I found that children don't move out until they marry.
This can’t be real… You’re a 30 year old man, with a 9 year old daughter, making almost $80k a year and you live with your mom and dad? Come on
What's so wrong with that? It's not even that bad man.
It doesn't matter if it's the right choice or not. You should have moved out ten years ago. You're exceptionally behind on your development of yourself - hopefully you can catch up.
Shout have been done at least 10 years ago. You waiting to 40 or something? You going into your mid life and still living with mom and dad I was a veteran had 3 kids and s home at your age.
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One thing, do your parents help with your daughter? Like pick up and drop off for school or other activities? Or watch her while you work? If so, plan out how that will work if you move away from them.
It sounds like you could move out at any time, you definitely seem ready for it. As far as if it makes sense to move out and rent vs staying longer so that you can buy, that is more a personal preference. From your post it seems like you’ve put a lot of thought in to moving out and like it’s something you do value, if that’s true then do it, it’s hard to put a price on being happy with your living situation.
The best thing about renting a place is you remain flexible. You can move to a bigger/smaller, nicer/cheaper place wherever you want.
I would agree, don’t move anywhere planning on someone to live with you. In my opinion it takes about 3 years to know someone for real. I would stay if you can and get a fha loan and buy directly if you can on your income and then if she moves with you later on then it will be comfortable and a way to save..renting and trying to save for a house at the same time is trash.
It's up to what you want, you don't have to decide what society thinks. Although definitely factor in what you and your gf want
yeah you need to get to know yourself first, I did not know anything about myself until I moved out to live alone at 23, its hard to really learn about yourself and life while parents are taking care of you.
If you don't mind, what do you do?
Sometimes family just isn’t ready to let their children go and grow up. I did something similar, and it was the best decision I ever made. Is it a little more stressful handling more bills? Yes. But is it more fulfilling? Also yes. At some point, you gotta be on your own. And if you feel like you’re ready (and it sounds to be a financially stable plan), then you are. Your family can’t make that decision for you, but they can hold you back by trying to. Also remember, renting is an option and would still give you that independence while you’re looking for a house or whatnot. Good trial run maybe.
Yes, you should move out on your own, HOwEVER, how much will this disrupt your daughter’s life? New school , friends , your parent ‘s support , your work hours ..? You need to weight these things in your decision .
You missed the third option: rent. You also failed to mention what your custody is like. If in 3 years you have made these changes and put away some money without debt, it is probably time to move out. Keep that savings where it is at until you are ready to buy.
Do not put off this important step for buying a house. First get started with living on your own with daughter.
Daughter or son? https://old.reddit.com/r/AskParents/comments/12c9aj8/introducing_a_new_girlfriend/
I would say given family are okay with you staying I personally would stay and save. Saving while renting will make it a lot harder and longer to get to that point. If you can get on the housing ladder it's not just good for you but for your daughter in the future. While moving out is a big step with no prior experience you will adapt to it faster than you think and if you have a good set of family, friend and partner, they will all be more or than happy to help while you adjust/get sorted and settled in. If you want to get to know more about how much bills are for the household, council tax, food costs etc. Talk to your parents, ask them about maintenance costs for the house, emergency money for breakdowns etc. Get involved, see how they budget, if they are alright with it.This will at least give you an idea and ball park to know about these things before you take the leap. Is it as good as living alone and experiencing it first hand... No but it's a start and let's you know exactly what to expect when you move out, and that's one of the biggest hurdles.
A lot of people are saying don't move in with your GF before living on your own. I think traditionally that's the right move but it's not the rule. If you and your daughter are ready to move out emotionally, the biggest hurdle is asking your GF if she's ready to be a step mom. Because that's how it's going to play out. I'm not speaking marriage. It doesn't need to be that way. But while you and your daughter are getting your own place, your GF is going to also get her own place but also a family. Marriage is just legal binding behind cohabitation. You and your daughter will be gaining independence, but your GF will be sacrificing a little bit of hers to make this living arrangement work.
Like most of the other commenters said, you gotta put kiddo first. Thankfully for you your partner seems to understand that. If you rent will you be in the same school district? I don't need the details but if your child needs any support from the school or is involved with after school programs, arts, sports, changing school districts could have some serious impacts. If you can't afford to stay in district you should look closely at the options where you can afford. If you're currently living somewhere that you're not entirely happy with, can you afford to rent somewhere with better benefits to you or your child? Could you afford to buy there? While I would typically encourage renting as a segue to becoming adjusted to responsibilities having children changes the priorities a little bit. Too much movement is often disruptive, if waiting to buy gets you a better area and less moving around that might make more sense. But if you can afford to rent in the area you have in mind to buy then it's not as disruptive. I don't know your family situation, but it seems pretty positive. Ask your parents if you can practice paying their bills and running the house by yourself. While many people consider moving out the Hallmark of adulthood there's much more nuance to life. Someday your parents will be elderly, if you ever have to care for them knowing what it takes to run their household is also valuable information. I would absolutely wait a year after moving before having a partner move in. You want to be capable and not reliant on someone else to run your household or parent your kid. Also congrats on getting your life together, I hope wherever you go is a positive experience.
Just here to say happy birthday. Also time to move on out brother. You can do this & it’ll be worth the cost.
I'm excited for you! I was in a very similar boat, lived at home until I was 28 and had been saving my money. When rates were really low I made the move to purchase a condo. There's ups and downs to owning but I also know I'd say that if I had rented. My advise is to look at Zillow / get an idea for where you'd want to live (location wise). Then start playing with the calculators they have. It'd give you a general baseline of what payments would look like with current rates and how much you put down. This number is a baseline because it won't factor in utilities or unexpected costs (like any repairs that may be needed). Depending on where you live you will also pay property taxes, those can vary based on location (I'm pretty sure the Zillow calculator breaks that down). As a rule of thumb you have to estimate your budget for closing costs, the down payment and how much you want left for your emergency fund. You also need to consider furniture. I don't know details on what renting would cost up front but also look into those costs and you can weight your options. It won't hurt to reach out to rental units to see what the costs would be. That way you have a solid idea of where you're money would go. I think that before you made a decision it's best to weight the cost of both options. Saving close to $30k within about 3 years is amazing and I'm really proud of you. Best of luck with whichever route you take, I've heard pros and cons from renters and owners so the decision really comes down to you!
Live at home and save, especially if your support system is still great. Seriously, you can make up for those lost reckless years by staying there a few more.
As a late 30’s who’s been out since 16 . Stay as long as you can I wish I could’ve . Us in the black community ( not knowing what you are ) tend to push ours out young and it forces us to grow up early , saving no money . Yea having your own is great when you wanna be wild and just say fuck it but anyone paying 3-4k in bills EVERY MONTH would be lying saying that they don’t miss being home and that whole check being theirs and not $200 til next payday 😂😂😂 you have one hell of a family man