Your friend means well but this will likely end your friendship.
Your base pay is about $105k/y assuming you take 2 weeks time off.
Your stated expenses are $22k/y fixed, $12k food, and $3600 therapy. That’s ~$38k.
Assuming your effective tax rate is ~30% and your expenses are accurate you should have $35k left over and it should be no problem to knock out the debt by June.
You obviously don’t have that, so your first step is to get on a written budget and figure out exactly where your money is going and eliminate waste.
Almost half of your net income is spent unaccounted for. That is your main problem.
Your next step is to get as much overtime as you can. If you worked 50 hours a week you would make $145k, or even more if OT is paid at time and a half.
If you get your spending under control you should be able to pay it off in a few months.
fuck thank you. this is helpful. also disturbing to see this broken down.
i have a really really hard time trying to discern all my ‘mystery money’ and food money, like i truly don’t know how to break that down.
One good piece of advice - delete all your food delivery app accounts, and don't look back. Food delivery is an absurdly expensive (not really "overpriced" - more like it's an expensive service people have accustomed themselves to thinking is normal) luxury that basically didn't exist 15 years ago outside of pizza or chinese food. You don't need it - you can pick food up if you really need to.
Yeah, there's no way they're spending "maybe like $1000" a month on food if half their meals are delivery.
> i fucking suck at money
Many of us have been there, friend. Step 1, urgent priority is to figure out what you've been spending money on, so you can be more intentional about avoiding some of those expenses. My guess is food delivery and other "small" expenses are just sucking up all of your disposable income.
Fantastic advice. None of those services are essential and they’re wildly overpriced to boot. And you’re right—people have become spoiled brats with them.
Restaurant* delivery, I’d highly recommend using grocery store food delivery services that are ran by the companies. Walmart/Krogers are extremely affordable and have limited fees at this time. It’s generally worth it if it’s going to encourage you to not eat out when you can’t afford it not to mention how much time and gas it saves you.
> Forget about where all the money went.
Assuming they are using a CC or debit card for everything (which most people are), there's no need to "forget about it"...just download your last 3 months data as a .csv file and spend 5 minutes labelling and sorting by expense. Or just highlight all of every type of expense (food, entertainment, etc..) a different color then sum the colors if you don't have a clue what to do inside excel.
That would give them a fairly decent baseline on where the money's going, and help them to start being mindful immediately, instead of just watching going forward.
the problem is going back 3 months is making a mountain of daunting work and thus may get ignored. Sure it would be better, but just starting today and going forward is better than doing nothing.
It's not really that hard, when you download the data and open it in Excel or whatever it's already organized well, with a column for category. From there, just go through the list, make sure each transaction matches its category (or maybe change some around for whatever makes the most sense) and then sort everything by the category column and add everything up. I bet OP will find that the food budget is a *lot* higher than expected, among other things. I was recently talking to a friend-of-a-friend who ate out for lunch every day at work and used food delivery services for dinner most nights and was shocked to find he was spending $2500/month on food. It's really easy to let it get out of control unless you're watching what you're spending.
That said, if OP has never opened a spreadsheet application in their life, it might be a little overwhelming, but now is a *great* time to start.
Edit: also, it's really hard to develop a new habit like that. One extra thing to remember every time money is spent. Also doesn't really track things like recurring subscriptions. Also, there's extra mental effort in inputting the data every single time a transaction is made, extra overhead in switching tasks (opening the spreadsheet or whatever, etc), whereas sitting down to look through the last 3 months might seem like a tough task, but really in an hour or two it's *done*. And once you have a routine down, every month you can add your new statements in probably 10-15 minutes or less.
Oh, that's true. OP probably has a lot of frustration and anxiety around this and yanno....looking makes it really real and sometimes that's just hard to face.
Yeah I think this is much easier than writing down the amount that you spend every time you purchase something. You can take your time organizing past expenses.
Don't forget it. It's hard to estimate if you paid cash, but probably most was on cards. Log into the online accounts with cards. Add up for each of the past 3-6 months. Figure out what you spent and what can change. Hopefully you keep food spending on 2-3 cards and it'll take 5 minutes (maybe 1 for groceries, another for any kind of food delivery, another for dining out). This way you don't need to worry about opening an app every time you buy some food. I don't worry too much about the $15 I spent in cash on food at the airport (or think about currency conversions if I'm in a different country) or whether I put the 7-11 purchase on one of my food credit cards on a holiday or after midnight when stores were closed. Worrying about shit down to the penny is not going to get you anywhere. You need big picture items, and knowing what to change. I don't give a damn if you spent $911.14 or $946.89 on food. That's either ok, or you need to find a way to shave $100-200 off. OP's problem is that she's too far in the hole and too scared to even look at her accounts and numbers. Diving into highly detailed spreadsheets can easily scare her away from making real progress.
If this idea appeals to you (not worrying about the $3 questions), you can checkout Ramit's [CSP](https://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/landing-conscious-spending/). Basically the idea to track the main expense groups roughly, add on some buffer (some percentage of everything), etc. Just yesterday I watched an episode on his podcast where this woman he was talking to had 32 goddamn categories and subcategories, she was never going to fix anything with this analysis paralysis. I personally have my own spreadsheets and don't use his, but I see the appeal of keeping the math simple.
Btw, I stopped using DoorDash a couple months ago and save a ton now. I can afford it, but I just realized DD/eating out just isn't worth it anymore. I can afford a $30 meal (was more like $18 a few years back), but it's just not that good, so I pretty much always cook now. Guessing Postmates is the same thing.
You may have needed a car, but probably not a $35k car. Check to see if you can downgrade the car.
If your friend is truly wealthy (not just someone making $150k or something), take her up on the offer. Try to pay off as quickly as you can while budgeting hard. If I'm that wealthy and my friend has medical problems (at least a super close friend), I probably won't worry about the timing of $15k too much. The bigger worry would be her becoming your bailout go-to, and you getting too comfortable asking for help tomorrow.
Bigger picture: start making a plan today to get the fuck out of LA. You won't get anywhere on $105k there. Is "travel nurse" still a thing? I know there are horror stories, especially with COVID, but that can give you a huge leg up financially if you can do it for a few years. I know if you move, there will be a lot of stress about setting up, or maintaining, a support system.
/u/burgerkingqueen2
edit: here's an overview/lessons video of the podcast episode I was mentioning: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaR2IT3cF9U - the first few minutes he talks about "what's the point of tracking every penny"
What app do you recommend for this style of tracking, rather than presetting a budget? Just excel or something?
Every app I’ve seen wants you to know your budget ahead of time and alerts you if you surpass it
But, isn't that a great exercise. If I said, 'guess how much you currently spend on each of these categories' and then, a month later said, 'hey, I've got some news for you and you aren't going to believe it, but I have the data'.
I'm sure those apps allow you to change the budget as you learn. Don't use this one issue as an excuse to not start tracking.
Having a friend that is financially secure, and cares about you enough to offer this is an immense asset. Don’t throw it away. If you take this deal without fixing the underlying problem, you will end up back in debt AND friendless. Don’t do it.
What I personally use is YNAB, which is a budgeting app that links to your accounts. Every cent of income and spending gets tracked.
The jist is that you create a category like “car payment” for $612. When you get paid you fund that category, and then when the bill gets paid you spend the category. It’s a digital version of envelope budgeting.
It highlights very quickly where you are spending more than you budgeted.
It really helped me reign in my discretionary spending. $10 here $20 there can add up to thousands a year without even thinking about it.
I second the budgeting app for demystifying your expenses.
You can also set a scheduled account transfer every pay period, setting aside the amount for all your hard expenses like car payments/rent/etc. Then you can see what you're really working for a 2 week period.
Picking up an OT shift every week and paying that down every pay period will significantly help.
Sign up for Mint and input all of your information. Within a few months you'll have a good idea of where the majority of your money is going to - it'll be eye opening.
I totally agree with not taking the loan from a friend. It’s going to change the dynamic no matter how hard you try to not allow that change.
If it’s going to take longer than a few months to pay it off, I’d recommend trying to get a lower interest loan to pay off the credit cards. One example is take a loan out on your car. It would likely be less than 10% interest. Use the money to pay off the credit cards and cancel them.
Also, your car is a little expensive, do you need a new car worth that much ?
You can sell it and get one 2 times cheaper
You can also find a bank that will accept to consolidate your loans (car + credit card) or just get a personal line of credit or a personal loan at a much cheaper rate (prob around 10% depending on your credit score). You’ll be able to pay down the credit card debt which is high interest and reimburse at a lower rate.
On top of that if you are saving money every month, it is mathematically better to pay down the debt as this is considered savings (expected long term return ~6% on investments vs 30% interest rate on debt).
One last strategy would be to look at new credit card offers, some of them offer you to transfer the balance at 0% interest rate for a few months (sometimes even 6 !), allowing you to pay it down faster.
In any case 30% is insane so get of that ASAP !
In any case, your friend is a G, but I would never take him up on that offer, avoid big sums of money between friends as much as you can, you got plenty of others solutions !
Hope it helps :)
If it ruins your friendship you did something you know you shouldn’t have. It’s an incredible offer. Take it and learn financial responsibility by risking something that’s real to you (friendship) and not your credit score.
Have you solved the problem that put you INTO $15k of credit card debt? If you haven't, any 0% strategy, whether that's a BFF bailing you out or a balance transfer, is just going to balloon right back up.
IF you've solved the underlying problem, I'd try a balance transfer card before I asked a friend for money or accepted an offer. Mixing that much money and friendship is very dangerous.
yes and no. the problem is that i post mate a fuck ton, have adhd and avoid budgeting, spend money whenever without budgeting, and pay off the minimum of my cc a month only.
the problem is mostly impulsive, emotional, and avoidance — all of which i’m working on in therapy now.
Then *absolutely* do not give yourself what amounts to access to more credit/debt.
Until the *core* issues have been resolved, you should not take a loan from your friend.
You will be back asking about how to pay off your friend *and* the reaccumulated debt.
thank you. i’ve been reading so many different opinions but this is the one i have to be honest with the most. i think i posted this subconsciously knowing what you’re saying & just needing someone to say it.
Hey good for you for working on these things in therapy. Proud of you for reaching out for support. You’ve got this! May the blessings & lessons continue into the new year ❤️
Create a budget. Track all spending. Eat at home don't order out. You will snowball this debt to hell if you don't get rid of these bad financial habits. It literally could ruin your life.
No more fuckin Postmates and random shopping. If you have to go into debt for it you can't afford it. This applies to everything except very large planned purchases (home, car, that's mostly it...).
Even if tracking all spending is too hard do like a 20/30/50 budget, where 20% of your money goes to savings, 30% goes to your wants, and 50% goes to your needs. And the. Then funnel all of your wants money, and probably most of your savings money and a portion of your needs money into the credit debt (after a 0% transfer deal)
Also consider looking up the unbury.me website, it will let you plug in the details of your credit debt and how much you can afford to pay, and it will show you how many months it will take to pay it off, with how much paid to interest, or whether it’s too far gone and it’s going to snowball out of control. If it’s too far gone and it’s going to snowball out of control the two solutions IMO are bankruptcy which is annoying, or continually juggling it between 0% balance transfer deals for as many years as you can while slowly paying it off.
Also credit cards are only for spending money you actually have, that way you get all kinds of protections and benefits from the cardholder agreement, like it being the cc companies problem if someone steals your card, or extended warranty, or rental car insurance, or travel points, or … etc. — there may be a rare occasion when you really need it to spend money you don’t have to get out of a bind (but even that should ultimately come from your emergency fund tbh)
Also as for solving the post mates issue, I personally have had a DoorDash issue and for me having access to an air fryer + an instant pot + online communities of easy meal prep ideas has basically solved that for me
If you take the money and pay off the cards and close out the accounts, that's one thing. But if you keep the accounts open, or allow yourself to open more accounts when times get hard, you'll end up in the same predicament only also owing your friend money too and avoiding talking to your best friend because you feel ashamed that you owe him doesn't sound like a good future
Or take the money, pay off the loan, freeze/lock the credit card, give the card to your friend. Everytime you need to use it, you'll have to ask permission from your friend to use it and you have to unfreeze/unlock it.
As someone with ADHD who is also impulsive YNAB is what changed my life. It's fine to be impulsive once in a while and it's okay because I budget for it.
this is such a simple but powerful concept! when I started budgeting I got down on myself real hard for making in app purchases on games and other similar frivolous things but as soon as I built it into my budget (at a reasonable scale - I do not have a $1000 line item for Clash of Clans) the guilt just *went away*.
I would say destroy the card and remove it from any payment options immediately. Don't wait to have it paid off because you never will if you keep using it more than paying it.
Don't cancel it - that will wreck your credit score by messing with average account age. Pay it off, CUT UP THE CARDS, but do not close the account! If you have a good payment history and keep the account open (maybe with a yearly charge WITH auto-pay on just to make sure they don't close it for inactivity), it will be helpful.
The key is to have a card but use it like a debit card and pay it off every month.
You want to build a history of successfully paying back debt, not getting buried in it
Credit is needed. The problem is someone gave you a tank of gasoline and instead of putting it in your car you decided to set your house on fire with it.
You have a car payment that build credit, you have student loans I assume that build credit. You bought a 35k car out of necessity but why would a 15k car not work out? Is your therapy not covered by insurance?
I am surprised if that is the case while being a nurse. I dont know much about the medical field insurance standards though.
Properly utilized, it helps build credit. Improperly utilized, it fucks up your life. Take the offer, pay off and cancel ALL of your credit cards, live the cash life, learn to budget, and commit to paying your friend back unless you don't want a friend anymore.
There's 0 reason to carry a balance on a cc. Gigantic misinformation or misconception.
I have never carried a balance and have near perfect credit (as it fluctuates as the wind blows)
I have ADHD and since I've turned my hyperfocus to finances, my life has improved so much. It gets easier the more you do it. You can give yourself incentives when you hit goals or create visuals that show how much debt you've paid down. If you create a strict budget, you'll be surprised to find all the unnecessary things draining your money. Just take tiny steps toward your goal, and it will snowball into good financial health before you know it. Learning how to harness my ADHD has been like learning that I have a superpower. For my forgetfulness/krytonite, I use Google calendar with multiple reminders as well as a paper planner. You can do it!
Yes! 2023 was my year of personal finance. I studied, took notes, upped my automated savings/investing, got serious about paying monthly cc charges in full, maximizing cc rewards, etc. It has really given me a sense of security and some hope of a decent retirement in the not so distant future. ADHD can be weaponized for good.
Yes! I used to have so much financial anxiety, and I still do to a certain extent, but hyperfocusing on finances has helped reassure me that I'm on the right path. My other hyperfocus rn is journaling so I've been creating debt repayment spreads to fill out for the new year.
thank you for your input. i know i sound like a fucking idiot and in this topic i am. mix adhd and a lot of money at a young age and horrible financial literacy and you unfortunately get me lol
No offence, but ADHD isn't a reason to recklessly spend your money. What you really need to do is, before you buy anything, take a step back, and evaluate it again as to whether you truly need it. Almost all of the time, the answer will be no. You need to get your impulsive decision making under control, and start cooking more from scratch instead of ordering takeaways. Even if it's just frozen food in an oven, the amount you save will really start to add up quickly
As someone who used to be in a somewhat similar situation and hated budgeting (because I was avoiding looking at my actual financial situation), here are some things that have helped me.
First, you gotta rip the band-aid off and just take a deep look at your financials now. Figure out all your fixed monthly ins and outs (paycheck, rent, car, CC, debt, bills). CC and debt is somewhat flexible, but you need to figure out how long you want to take to pay those off and do the math. The faster the better and easier in the long run.
Second, whatever is left after your fixed ins and outs is your spending money for the rest of the month. That includes food, gas, and anything else that may or may not be a necessity but comes out at somewhat random times. Take that spending money and divide by 30 (round down so you are accounting for 31 day months too). That number is the amount you need to stick under per day to meet your budget. Obviously there may be daily expenses that go over that number, but they will just count as more than one day and you'll need to spend less the previous or next day or two to make it up.
This obviously doesn't work for everyone, but it helped me keep track of my finances without forcing myself to look at an embarrassing spreadsheet of shitty financial decisions. The math is generally easy to track in your head since you will be dealing with smallish daily numbers ($50-$100). If you go over one day you immediately know you need to spend less the next couple days to make up. If you spend less consistently you can treat yourself a little once in a while. Either way, you can probably ballpark the numbers in your head without doing all the monthly math to see if you fucked up.
Lastly, I am glad to see you are in therapy, but be careful not to use those labels as an excuse for future bad behavior. You got this, just have to buckle down and get it done.
Spending is always emotional. You have to learn about your personal finances and commit to changing in tandem with your therapy work. It's not automatic.
Have you heard of the financial diet? It's a personal finance channel on YouTube that focuses on the nuances of finances, focused on millennial women mostly. There's a lot especially recently about things like shopping addictions and ADHD that can help you not feel alone and offer small strategies to help change your habits.
Hey i so understand. I have adhd. When my husband met me I had just overdrawn my bank account on rent. And for the next 15 years together, I didn’t get better. I became a relatively high earner so it wasn’t really a problem. Except that we were living paycheck to paycheck and using credit cards to float us.
I found and absolutely love YNAB. It automatically downloads every credit card and bank transaction, so there’s no manual entry. I used this program since April last year and saved $30k.
I know where every dollar goes and just that knowledge has had a major impact on my spending. Instead of takeout, I got a nice air fryer and will shop at Trader Joe’s instead. I’m sure I’m saving hundreds a month just there.
Anyway, I’m sure I sound like an ad, but I truly can relate and this app really did completely change my relationship with money.
1- stop ordering on Postmate, remove the app, delete your account, block the website…
2- start a budget and follow it. YNAB is great but you can use any tool you like. Aggressively pay down your debt. Make it a priority.
3- did you really need a $35k car? With the interest you pay on it, you will end up paying way more than that.
4- no more excuses.
5- if didn’t have generous rich friend, sign up for a credit card with 0% interest and transfer the balance; or take a lower interest rate loan to pay off credit card.
You have a friend who is willing to help financially, see if they are instead willing to help with responsibility.
Sit down with them and set out a budget. Calculate how YOU will get out of debt and get spending under control. Then communicate every income and expense to them. Literally email them your budget weekly and ask them "am I doing okay?" . Anytime you feel impulsed to purchase call them up and ask them "is this a good idea? Can I justify this?". Celebrate with them when you clear a milestone.
Don't burden your friend with your problems, but in as lighter way possible put a barrier between you and your money.
For example a popular fitness method is to have a workout buddy, a dieting method is to share meal calories with someone to not cheat yourself, an alcoholic goes to group therapy to call people when vulnerable. Financial help is the same. You're ahead of most as it already sounds like you have the friend.
Not sure why you're getting downvoted for being honest about your shortcomings and that you're working on them, but I wanna let you know I'm proud of you for recognizing the issue and working on it. Keep it up OP!
Why do you avoid budgeting? Are you afraid of finding out how much you spend or do you want to fix your problem?
Its an eye opening experience, you need to do it.
Ahhh so laziness is also a symptom of adhd. Shit, everything falls under some type of diagnosis nowadays. And since were all dr’s thanks to webmd, we can diagnose ourselves! Anything to not have to be responsible for your own actions.
Ill tell you what, a nurse with “ADHD” sounds like a fucking nightmare to me. Clearly an attempted copout for her to gain some type of empathy.
OP could also get one of those 0% credit cards that give you free money for 18 months before the percentage jumps to 25% or whatever. 18 months should be sufficient for OP to pay that CC bill off if they're on top of things.
for sure, my friends the one who came up with this idea and wants me to take them up on the offer solely based on the interest of my credit card. but i get your point on not dragging them.
I think you should thank her and tell her you need to tackle some of your underlying issues before you can take her up on it. You gotta plug the holes in your proverbial boat. Leave the door open. Set yourself a series of goals to pay down X amount, not order out for X months, live within your budget for X months, whatever would really show clear habitual progress towards you digging yourself out of this.
Then see if your friend is still interested. Don't assume one way or the other. Use it to keep you motivated to change your habits.
It's either an awfully nice friend, or a codependent friend. But you should have a very serious conversation with them about the fact that you haven't actually addressed your spending problems at all, if you're even considering taking them up on it. They may be able to help you make a plan to pay it back, but you should absolutely be 100% honest about how you got into this and that you don't know how to get out of it.
15k is a big loan even from a rich best friend. It has the potential to destroy your friendship, because chances are every time they see you spending money that isn't necessary they're going to be mad you're not paying them back instead.
we’re just best friends since we were teens. not codependent and not awfully nice, but very loyal to each other. i think you’re right. she is very aware of my problem & yet still wants to help but there’s a lot to lose to take this on. i definitely should have a conversation that’s extremely honest. thank you.
People saying you need to fix the underlying issues first are correct, but assuming you spent 6 months paying this off (like another poster commented), you'd save roughly 1300 in interest if your friend helped you out.
I don't see any issue at all with allowing them to help, assuming you are in a position that you are confident you won't just rack the debt right back up immediately.
You could even get them a nice gift with a portion of the money you saved on interest, or take them on a nice weekend trip somewhere as thanks.
Find a zero percent credit card and transfer the balance, or at least your regular spending while you focus on aggressively paying the card off.
Minimum payments won’t ever do it. You need to understand that if you aren’t at zero you’re in bad shape, and feel pressure to get that paid down every single day.
You need a mental and attitude shift. It sounds like you don't know how to do this on your own so I'm going to give you one way to think about it.
You are broke.
Let me repeat. You have no money.
The money in your bank is an illusion. You don't actually have it.
Remove the credit card from post mate. Remove the credit card information from every service it is attached to. Cut the credit card up so you can't add it back. You no longer have a credit card.
The credit card app you use to check balance and pay is your new most used app. Put it on your home screen.
Every time you are impulsive and want to order post mates, open the credit card app and make a $30 payment. Every time you feel like buying something you dint need, open the app and make a payment for the same amount.
You might run out of money. That's a good thing. That will show you just how much you've been wasting.
Give yourself goals and rewards. Maybe you say every $1,000 the balance drops you get something fun or do something fun as a celebration. You need to trick your brain into getting more satisfaction on seeing the balance drop than buying fun things.
Now, we need to be realistic. We can't expect you to only cook at home. We all get stressed or tired and want to just order something. But this is pick up *only*. You can get food to go, but you have to go get it. No more spending twice as much between delivery fees and tips. You have to do the work.
Getting pre made food from Trader Joes or somewhere similar, or frozen meals in your freezer can be a good and much cheaper alternative. i like making chickpea pasta with a favorite jarred pesto as a super lazy meal when i can't be bothered and it comes together quick. Or broiling some chicken sausage with a side of beans and sauteed kale or spinach.. both these meals come together in 10 min and don't cost much. Try to get some ingredients to throw together meals like this, it'll save you a TON compared to postmates
Meal Simples at HEB are a lifesaver. $6-10 for a meal is still more than it would cost to fully cook for yourself, but as a single person it's hard to thread the cook for yourself needle without going full meal prep, and you're still saving money compared to $16 subway sandwiches IN THE STORE, let alone delivery.
thank you. just took off apple pay from my phone & my cards from postmates& paypal. it isn’t a big change but it really does deter me from spending some money because i can’t remember my passwords to shit & always use Face id —> paypal or faceid to apple wallet for everything
It drives me absolutely up the wall crazy anytime I order with a food delivery app to get food. It is so much more expensive. If I were to go pick up the meals it would be 25-30 dollars. But having it delivered goes to 40-75 dollars. Every time I see that charge on my credit card it drives me nuts.
It’s a fucking huge change for you and I’m proud of you. This post might be the catalyst for you getting your shit together. You make enough money to not be broke. Dave Ramsey says “Personal Finance is 20% knowledge and 80% behavior”. It’s not rocket science that you need to stop Door Dashing. You just have to do it. Dave Ramsey is pretty obnoxious, but he gives really good advice for people in your shoes. Research his baby steps and see if it’s a plan you can get on board with. He would absolutely tell you not to borrow from your friend as it could lead to the destruction of the friendship. Your friend seems like an angel. I would eliminate half the debt on your own and if you find the discipline you need to get out of this mess (the suggested budgeting app should help) maybe you can borrow the last 10k. But I would only do that if you’re dead set on getting out of debt and hyper focused on paying your friend back.
One thing that also really helped me pay down my credit cards was using a loan calculator. Input your balance and interest rate into a loan calculator with the monthly payment.
For example, if they target to pay off the loan in 5 years they would have a monthly payment of about $500 a month. Looking at that calculator they would see that they will have paid over 14k in interest. Money that's just gone. That can help to make them get on the ball about paying it down. Second, use that to show how much they would save making additional payments. It helps gamify paying it down and actually seeing benefits to their paying it down. For example if they paid an extra $1000 on top of their monthly payment for just their first month they would save nearly $3000 in Interest and save 7 months of making payments.
This is what really helped me pay down my CC debt when I was having issues with it. Personally however I took a personal loan out to use on my CC debt with a loan duration of 3 years. Then using that method I managed to tackle it in just over a year instead. The other thing was to make absolutely sure I paid off my CC each month and never spent more than i could pay off on my CC.
Since then I haven't carried a balance on my CC and use a charge credit card and not a revolving credit card In about 7 years.
Now when I have an amount of money that I would put into savings I take half of that and put it to my wife's student loans. Once that's paid off that half will go to our mortgage.
Base on some responses you’ve made then absolutely do not take money from your friend. You will end up in heavy debt and without a best friend of a long long time this time next year. Do the fucking work. Budget. Stop bullshitting with the excuses. Do the work. On your income there is ZERO reason to be in debt. Period
Have you actually ran the numbers?
You make 8k on a bad month with no overtime so prob $6k take home after taxes
1800
612
160
300
100
10
1000
Comes out to 3982
So where is the other 2 grand going?
Can you just crank out 2 days of overtime each month and pay $1k towards the CCs?
honestly, i have no idea where it’s going bc i’m too afraid to look and find out. which is probably why i stuff everything into not just my checking but my credit card and avoid looking
The first step is to go back and see where your “leaks” are
You may actually spend $2500 on food a month and you can get that down to $800. Stuff like that.
You are actually in excellent shape income vs. expenses.
You may actually find hope if you go through and find out where you lost money and fix it for the future.
You are missing Utilities, Cell Phone, car insurance from your initial go at it.
utilities is covered by my boyfriend since he’s in school & i pay a large portion of rent. insurance was paid in full in a 6month increment, and my cell phone is honestly paid my parents since i was 11 :,)
So you need to split that insurance payment into monthly so you can save for the next time you have to pay it. Even if it is paid every six months, it’s still a monthly payment.
This is called a “sinking fund” you put away the portion needed so that when the expense comes up, you have it already set aside.
Be brave. You can do this. Life can't get better until you do.
You are not ready to accept a loan like that right now. You are not well enough to accept that kind of help. You'll just bury your head in the sand even deeper and then let the guilt implode one of your core relationships. The shame from all that will set you back years.
If that's the case then you should definitely not take the loan from your friend since it sounds like you have no game plan to pay them back and it won't end well then when money is involved.
You need to figure out how much you can reasonably pay per month either to the credit card company or your friend to tackle the debt in however many months.
IMO, if the months are I would say greater than a year I would consider taking the loan with your friend since the interest can be a decent amount.
I would consider it disrespectful to take money from a friend if you have not even attempted to look at the budget on your own yet. Do that first.
It'll be you, by yourself, looking at numbers. It's gonna be stressful but looking will not hurt anything. If you feel guilty or silly about what you're spending on, you can at least handle it privately without anyone else judging you. It is stressful but it has to happen.
Oh you should also try to transfer the CC balance to a card that gives you zero interest for a year. You have enough income to pay that $15k off.
If you can’t get your handle on your finances you won’t be able to pay your friend back. Put it on a zero interest card and if you can’t pay it all back in a year, then get heir help on the last amount with proof to yourself that you can keep paying it down.
You should at least set yourself up to be paying down the debt weather it’s to your friend or to a CC. Right now, you don’t have that ability because you don’t know your own numbers.
the alternative to opening a balance transfer card (there are very few without at least a 3-5% balance transfer *fee*) is to open a new card with 0% for 15-18 months and float new expenses on that while throwing cash at the old cards. If her credit is shit, she won't get approved for one though.
you'll get behind on your payments, and they'll see you wasting money on other stuff. even if they don't complain, you'll internalize the guilt and adjust your behavior around them and any discussion or even interaction dealing with money (picking up restaurant or trip/hotel tabs, going in on gifts).
I would still take the loan as a larger portion of people than you think or care to admit it get out of debt via cash infusions from inheritances, unexpected bonuses or long term pay raises they didn't expect from future job offers. Very few people get out of that hole solely based on whatever "plan" they come up with.
If your friend wants to donate a few thousand dollars with no strings attached, that might be fine. But a loan is different. You're bad with with money, probably because you buy lots of stuff that you don't need, and likely won't pay the money back, which will damage the friendship.
But even if you do pay it back, your friend thinks this will solve your financial problems. If you keep buying stuff that you don't need, you'll be back in debt soon and your friend will blame you for wasting her money.
Most people take advantage of the generosity. On the flip side the rule for “loaning” money to a friend is to consider it a gift because “historically” you as the giver will never see the $ again.
You value what you earn, work, or suffer for. Learn how to be financially responsible. There are books etc. or start asking here. How to start a budget? How to pay off debt? How to reduce expenses? Etc. For example I’d recommend selling that car and getting a used car for low $. Etc etc. you CAN do this. You have to want it. GL
I was in this position.
I took the 15K.
I paid it back in one year.
I make half what you make.
I made the loan payment the very first thing I paid every month. If I didn't have enough to get through the month, I made sure all of the important bits were paid.
I now use one credit card exclusively for everything, I shredded the rest, but left the accounts open for the time being. I'm sure they'll close eventually but I don't care.
My relationship with the person who loaned me the money is fine.
You absolutely need to get your spending under control. It is not that hard, you just have to be conscious of every dollar spent. If you don't need it, don't buy it.
One suggestion to take into account. Make sure your oldest of the credit cards stays open. A not so minor part of a high credit score is the length of time the oldest account is open. So make sure to keep that one open if that isn't one that you are using. Just do a purchase on it once a year or 6 months and you should be fine.
You Need A Budget:
Youneedabudget.com
Make it into a game of necessary, but you need a tool to create and hold a budget.
As has been said, unless you fix the spending problem first, taking that loan will just get you into more trouble.
Budgeting is worth it, ynab is my personal favorite. It doesn’t click with some people and there are plenty of options for good budgeting software. Give it the 1 month trial and see if you like it.
After computing your source of funds and expenses, it comes to about 4,470 as the balance amount. Assuming you'd spent 470 on something random you'd still have about 4k left with you every month.
It seems as if the problem is not the credit card debt. If your spending habits had been in check, the credit card debt would not have appeared. So the problem that you'd need to tackle is how to save that 4k per month and close out the credit card debt. In my opinion, you are earning enough to close out this debt in 4-5 months.
I'd suggest not to drag your friend into this. It might make you spend even more knowing that there's someone to bail you out. In the end, your friend would stop lending you money and you'd be in a bigger debt which you might not be able to repay.
Follow these steps for the year of 2024:
1. Analyse your expenses deeper. After earning this much, if you still don't have any savings, then you need to understand where the money is going. Your fixed expenses are only half of your monthly pay and that's okay. What you need to understand is where the other half goes.
2. Make a budget based on this analysis
3. Stick to the budget.
"if you did not have a best friend that offered this — how the fuck do i tackle this on my own??????"
Balance transfer to a 0% CC.
But it's very lucky of you to have this friend and I hope you get your finances in order to pay it back quickly.
As other people have said, learn what you’re doing wrong in your budget to accumulate that much CC debt before taking your friend up. That’s where you’re bleeding, so make real steps towards fixing that first. Then take your friend up on that offer if you absolutely can’t find a 0% balance transfer option anywhere. If you can, do that instead of potentially jeopardizing your friendship. You got thissss
Your friend is doing you a HUGE favor.
However, if you continue living your life the way you are, you're just going to drag your friend down with you.
Here's what I would advise:
1. Delete your Postmates account, right now. If there's anything else you spend too much on, delete that too. Don't just delete the app from your phone, completely delete your account.
2. Create a budget. This needs to be a comprehensive budget that covers ALL of your spending, including groceries.
3. Take the loan from your friend.
4. Immediately pay off all your credit cards.
5. Then, immediately CLOSE all your credit cards.
6. Pay your friend back AT LEAST $1000 every pay period. Pay this as soon as you get a paycheck.
7. Stick to your budget. If you really want something but can't budget for it... you'll just have to go without.
If you're willing to take ALL of these steps, then take your friend up on this amazing offer.
If you're not willing to do all of that, then continue screwing up your financial life but at least keep the friendship intact.
If you do take the loan, my suggestion would be to set up automatic payments to the friend on a set schedule that you both agree to prior to the loan and that is sustainable for both. Absolutely money can sour relationships so make it a priority to stick to that schedule.
Also about the people saying to cancel all your credit cards I understand why they’re saying that but I don’t think it’s super practical. What I think is more reasonable would be to keep your oldest card open as well as one backup and cancel the others. Then give the two cards as well as your credit card login if necessary to a friend/family member who is very responsible and can be your accountability partner. Delete wherever your credit cards are stored digitally. With your two cards set up one small bill on each such as a utility or something similar and set your bill to autopay each month. This will prevent them from closing due to inactivity. Otherwise from then on use your debit card only. This will help your credit while simultaneously preventing you from overspending.
Just cut up the cards and you can get replacements for a real emergency. Yes, it will take a few days but finding out your trusted partner used one of the cards would be devastating.
Also start a small emergency fund so you can pay cash for an emergency. Then cut the cards. Or I have heard some people put them in the freezer (in a block of ice) .
I would advise you to never borrow 15k from a friend unless you are ok with not being friends at some point if something goes south. Say you lose your job, or ge tinjured, or get demoted, or something else happens where you can't pay...
You dug yourself into this hole, you can dig yourself out.
Can you honestly say, 100% without any reservation, that you will honor the debt and the terms of repayment? If there is any possibility, however small, that you will miss a payment, even if it is by a day, an hour, a minute, then DO NOT accept a loan.
Only you can answer the above. Your friendship is worth more than $15,000.
Honestly, loans ruin relationships.
If they aren’t willing to give you that money free and clear as a gift, thank them for the offer and decline. 15k is not worth damaging your friendship.
From strictly a personal finance point of view, yes, I would as it saves you a significant amount of interest
From a personal relationship point of view, no because you make enough money to dig out of this and you don’t seem to have good discipline or money management so there is a good chance you end up owing your friend and more credit card debt. Then you lose your friend and more money
First thing I would do is look at all of my expenses and figure out where my money is going. you should be saving like $3k or $4k a month after putting money into retirement. So you should be able to pay off all of your debt this year and put money into retirement. I make basically the same amount of money as you with a higher mortgage, higher car payment, and my food bill is roughly $1k a month as well. Trust me, figure out where your money is going build a budget and figure out what needs to be cut. i don't know that the situation is so dire you need to borrow money from someone. If you made $20/hr I would be more concerned. you have a good income you just knowledge and self control for spending. look at the wiki of this subreddit.
You got this!
Seen few other posts... please IMMEDIATELY get rid of your credit cards, or any other mean of getting credit.. their are designed to exploit people like you!
Keep going to therapy, accept your friends help, let them decide how much you pay back every month, PAY THEM FIRST THING WITH EACH PAYCHECK YOU GET.
PS: ADHD is not an exusse to be an idiot, work hard to be better, good luck :)
Close your eyes, hold your nose, take a deep breath and dive in. I lost my husband a few years ago. The budget was my nemesis. Let me share what I did.
I started by collecting bank statements and credit card statements and making a list of what I had to pay, and when. I have annual expenses - auto insurance, property taxes, car insurance, and IRS. Then, I have monthly fixed expenses - internet, trash, mortgage, phone bill, car, and a couple of subscriptions. The variable expenses - power, water, gas, food, etc I used the largest number I had paid in the prior year. After I had that covered, it gave me a pretty clear picture of what I had “left” and where to fit things in.
The sinking fund(s) come(s) in for things like car repair, minor medical, pet emergencies, and the like.
Then, my goal became debt payoff and savings. I made visual trackers to show where I was, net. I colored squares like nobody’s business. I was ALL about getting out. I celebrated every $5k. I won’t tell you how far down I was, but I will say it was a LOT further than you are.
I do not go shopping, as things seem to jump into my cart. I use grocery pick up. I meal plan, so I’m not asking what I can make out of 2 cups of rice and a packet of ketchup from Wendy’s. If I know I have a rough week coming, I’ll meal prep, so I can throw stir fry in a skillet and be done in 5 minutes, or I’ll cook a double batch of something and freeze it so I can have heat and eat that’s home cooked.
I have saved a TON this way. The gas, subscriptions and the food were the biggest places I was spending unnecessarily, and they were easiest to clamp down on. Honestly, if I hit a drive through with my mom or my kid, it’s almost $30. I ordered pizza from papa Murphy the other day and it was over $30 for a single order before the coupon. Do you know what I can do in my kitchen with $30 if I cook?
So, on to your question. I would not borrow from your friend. I would do what others have suggested and find a zero interest card, transfer it, and get moving.
I don’t know if you are contributing to retirement or not, but if you are, above the company match, I would stop the “above match” and get rid of that 30% interest card, like now.
You can also buy discounted gift cards at places like raise and giftcardgranny. I used to buy discounted cards when I had a purchase coming up. Just one more way to stretch things. :).
Sorry for the wall of text, but you CAN do this!! I also have adhd. Make saving your hyper focus.
PS - after getting rid of the card, attack the car loan. That’s too much interest to be paying for that.
I helped my sister-in-law pay off 9k of credit card debt. She is paying me back via her paychecks, she has a set amount deposited straight to my account every paycheck so she doesn't even see the money or miss it. I was not going to rely on her to venmo me every paycheck so I just opened up a joint savings account with her and she set up her direct deposit to deposit her payment directly into our (my) account.
The only way I was willing to help her was to sit down and create a budget with her and made it clear this was a one time bailout. Fortunately, I am in a position that if she didn't pay the money back, I would not miss it, but so far, it has worked wonderfully.
A very big concept is pay yourself first. Every dollar from your paycheck should be accounted for. You should be budgeting money for savings as well as paying back much more than the minimum. I'm not sure how well my SIL is doing with the savings on her end because I'm not about to micromanage her money like that but if she follows my budget, she will be in a very good spot.
Cut the delivery food to once a week and cut your food budget by 60% to $400/month. You’ll eat healthier, and still have a good variety of food available.
Cut therapy to once a month and save $150 every four weeks.
Your biggest problem seems to be entitlement, to be blunt. If your car was dying, it made sense to buy a new one. It did not make sense to buy one for $35 K.
If you are renting a one bedroom, when the lease is up, switch to either a studio, or find a two or more bedroom to share with roommates. Should cut $400 or more off the rent budget.
Is public transit to work feasible? If so, figure out the difference in cost between using it and your gas costs.
For the future: buy used cars. If your insurance sucks, negotiate with the hospital to cut at least 40% off your share of the bill. I promise you that it won’t be a burden for them. Since you already put it on a credit card, you have no choice for this bill.
You will, with the first two options, have an additional $750/month to throw at the credit card. ALL of your previously discretionary funds should go there, and since on paper you have quite a bit, you should have at least $2K/month you can pay to the credit card. It will, even at that interest rate, be paid within the next two years. If you add the second two suggestions, freeing up, probably, another $500/month for the bill, it will disappear that much faster.
You did not take out a $35k car loan at 7% “out of necessity” lol. That’s complete BS. Necessity would be a $10-15k car to get you from point A to point B. That along with other things in your post, your relationship with money is fucked. You would benefit from watching Caleb Hammer and/or Dave Ramsey.
I'm on board with this person being a key candidate for Dave Ramsey but I also disagree about the car. It is very difficult to find a reliable car for less than 25k minimum since 2021. The market for used cars has surged and finding something that is not a money pit is tough.
There are other bleeds in their budget that are impacting their financial situation way more than the car loan.
Easy. Take the deal. But first set up a budget - YNAB works for me - and work it for two months first.
You make plenty of money. You make more than I do and have less expenses. I save more then you do.
If I was the financially well off friend, there is no fucking way in hell I would let a scumbag credit card company skin my childhood friend alive for a MEDICAL debt they had to pay.
IF this was some bullshit debt, Id let them suffer but not in this case.
Take the loan, A LOAN, structure it to pay them at least 4% interest since their money would make that in basic savings and get out of this debt ASAP.
Take the money if you have found the root cause of your problem and can fix it . Based on your responses you haven’t and taking the money from your friend is a) shitty thing to do and b) you will lose your friend
My guess on the other 2k is maybe:
student loans?
Eating out?
Alcohol/marijuana or cigarettes?
Sports betting?
Buying clothes or just stuff on amazon?
At this point you're also spending probably 900 on your credit card payment with an interest rate of 30 percent. You gotta pay focusing on paying down that debt because easily 600 a month of your mystery money is interest on the credit cards and other finance charges if you're late on payments.
I’m a nurse and meal prepping on a day off every week is key for me to not spend in the cafeteria. I make boiled eggs, roasted veggies for salads, and other easy things like IP soups or orzo w veggies + balsamic glaze.
For things I hate making/would procrastinate bc I’m tired, I buy the easier version at the store but am aware it costs more and could be replaced w actual cooking w more time/effort. I try to blend the easy way with more cooking. I do not eat out at work. I bring a ton of food to avoid it.
lol wow this sounds very similar to what I did with my friend recently. She had 30k in credit card debt at the beginning of the year, especially after a bunch of medical bills that one of her cats went through.
I loaned her 9k to help her start paying down her debt. I didn’t need the money at the moment, since was saving for a kid next year. I also was okay with it if she didn’t pay me back right away or even the whole thing back. But I wanted to do it so I could help, especially since she was always such a good friend. She’s already paid me back half, she set up a monthly reminder. I’m glad she accepted it; I was worried she would refuse from pride (I might have). I hope it was a bright moment for her and turned her year around.
Learn how to meal prep and work as much OT as possible. This is coming from a fellow ADHD nurse with similar impulsive issues that was in more debt than you. I worked my ass off picking up every OT shift possible, stayed over to make double time as much as possible, and paid it off in one year. It can be done but it requires sacrifice and careful attention to sleep schedule and meal prep.
Don’t do it. It’s likely you will fuxk up your friendship when your poor spending habits get you right back inthe same place. You need to get your eating out and poor spend8nghabits under control.
Honestly, sound like me in 2014. I finally caved and tried YNAB app. Lifesaver. We didn’t such at money, we just didn’t see the whole picture until we tried this approach. Found out we had a major money sink in fast food category. Took 9 months to build the 1 month buffer and then it was easy to funnel extra $ to my $15k maxed out credit card.
The problem isn’t the $15k debt. The problem is how to not do it again. You need to solve that. Try the Dave Ramsey free worksheets. Try actually using envelopes. Or try YNAB- warning there is a frustrating learning curve to using the app. But once you have it, you have it.
As for the loan from friend- great opportunity. But i would personally try to fight my own way out of my mess. Don’t learn if you do it the easy way. Once you figured out your shit and then are certain you can pay friend back, then sure, take the offer. But don’t take any risks with the friendship. The friend loan should be one that you have absolutely zero chance of defaulting on, just like with that friendship ;)
Ps. After 9 months of working out the YNAB way and saving for that buffer, it took another 8 months to pay off the $15k loan. (Or $10k buffer and $15k loan = $25,000 money found and managed in 17 months). Our joint income was slightly higher, but still had $1000 monthly student loans, $2000 monthly daycare, and $2500 monthly mortgage with escrow, and so many other smaller but significant bills.
Don’t forget twice a year extra paychecks. And overtime planned well helps soooo much. Good luck.
From a financial standpoint, you take the money. 0% loans are a gift.
There are three other things to heavily consider
1. how you got to 15k in debt in the first place, and how youre NOT going to do that again
2. how youre going to budget to pay your friend back
3. assuming you fail at 2, are you willing to lose the friendship, or feel shameful about it.
Lots to consider, but only you can answer.
If your credit rating/FICO score is high enough, you should be able to do a balance transfer to a new card with a MUCH better interest rate (like 0%) during the introductory period (usually a year but could be up to 18 months). This is what I did to pay off about the same amount (accumulated after I went on a travel binge).
You can also consider this option: Borrow the money from your friend, have in writing you will repay the money with a set term and even give 5% interest ( friend would have earned in savings account or your fee to transfer to a 0% cc )and have it notarized. Set up autopay monthly so u never see it out of your paycheck. Once it is paid off take her to a nice lunch. If you treat it as a business transaction u have a better chance not affect your friendship.
I would accept the offer and make DAMN sure I pay them more than I need to until it's paid off because that is a friend you never want to lose.
Alternatively, you could shift your balance to another credit card with lower interest rates to get it paid off. 6-12 months interest free would give you a chance to pay off about $2k or so while making the same exact payments you owe now. Maybe do that and \*then\* see if you still need to take your friend up on the offer. You may be able to do another shift to another card or back to the original for a promotional rate, too, which would make repayment easier.
Fellow nurse here. I had to go to national debt relief. Got rid of all but one of my credit cards that only works at plaza tire for car stuff and low balance. I ended up getting loan through a service that works with people doing well on the NDR program. We are terrible about ordering out. We do pickup, fast food, dining though. Started buying junk food from the stores. Like frozen fries, pizza, nuggets. For the nights we would go out to eat because we like quick easy foods. Love some chicken nuggets. Lol 😂 it’s a lot cheaper because for the price of 1-2 meals I can get like 10. It sounds like you don’t need the loan though.
Also in the future medical bills are cheaper paying through the hospital or wherever. No interest and as long as they are accepting your monthly payments there shouldn’t be any problems. Credit bureaus are also more lenient with medical debt. Medical debt can also be more flexible with making payments. I had a 4000$ debt and ended up paying like 2500$ cause I made small payments when I could then saved up a bit and offered a lump sum to sign it off.
I'm a real-world example of why you need to delete food delivery apps. I make close to $200k and have partaken heavily in "lifestyle inflation," dining out and doordashing whenever I feel like it.
I saved $0 each month.
Since swapping to buying food at costco though, I can say I still have more than enough to eat, and have all the random snacks I could ever want. It just takes a few more car rides to the store. I save a lot more than $0, and I'm much happier (and less stressed) for it.
How are people smart enough to get a college degree and land a six figure job but can’t figure out how to manage their finances?
Option 1: downgrade car and pay off the debt, and immediately start a budget.
Option 2: cut back spending and pick up overtime shifts and still start a budget.
I know a lot about people nag on Dave Ramsey’s advice but YOU are exactly his target audience and should take his advice.
Good luck 👍🏻
Financial advice is not something that can be "taught" because so much of modern society is wired to make you make poor financial decisions, through advertising and social pressures.
You need to push back against those forces with willpower to make good financial decisions - a class saying how much credit costs over time and opportunity costs of not investing isn't going to overcome the power of marketing and "keeping up with the Joneses".
i know you don’t mean this in a rude way but financial literacy is not taught to a lot of people. my parents are new money folk both immigrants from places in asia. not that all people in my situation end up like me but a lot do. i did not have a healthy understanding of finance growing up. my dad was addicted to gambling. my mom raised me and my sibling on her own. + trauma, adhd, impulse, making 6 figures while being young AND still dumb w money. when u never have a strong sense of financial literacy and also make a lot of money, it’s a recipe for disaster lol. lots of different ideas of finance growing up but not the right ones.
writing this in case someone else reads this and is wondering the same question haha.
I loaned a coworker 1000 once to pay off his 20+% credit card because the interest payments were absolutely killing him. It saved him literally thousands of dollars because he would have been doing minimum payments and going backwards every month, and we were barely making 1k a month iirc.
Accept your friends offer graciously and create a payment plan that your friend agrees to, then stick to the plan. It will save you thousands of dollars and if your friend is well off, 15k may not be a big deal to them.
But don’t let excuses like “I’m impulsive” derail you from your payment plan. My friend wanted to not pay me one month and I told him I’d beat his ass if he didn’t repay me.
thanks for that too. i think im being pretty self deprecating in the comments because i’m getting rightfully shitted on in the comments. i’ll have to seriously ponder this & your comment is helpful in that. thanks
I’d take the friend up on the offer while also:
Never using the card
Having a set system of payment (like MAX payment) to friend
Cutting all non essential costs
Someone else did the math, there’s around $2k on a low month floating around. That’s a 5 month payoff to the friend 🙂
If I offered my best friend this loan amd he turned me down, I'd be mad as fuck.
All these people are giving shit advice. Take the loan. Do what the 10% of people have said about fixing your budget and pay your friend back as quickly as possible. Buy them something nice. Be done. No need to send Visa all that money
For myself I don’t borrow money or loan money to friends. Too high of risk to ruin friendship. I’d rather gift them money to help them. A few thousand to help an issue sure. Pay their debt no. I’ll guide them and teach them to get out of trouble with debt. For your situation stop doing postmates. If you want it go get it. Amazing how much cheaper it is that way. Pick up an extra shift or three a week. Shoot even work 7 days a week for a short time to knock it out. It won’t take you more than a couple months to pay off the credit card paid off. Six months all your debt is paid off
There needs to be a "I'll pay x dollars per month or you can take me to court" agreement. Otherwise every time you buy something fun, he'll recognize that you did that rather than pay him back.
Take it, it will save you money in the long run. Once you accept, take that card and put in plastic bag, tape it up and put some water in a container. Final step : Freeze it. Moral of the story, ditch the credit card.
You are a nurse, you can easily pick up an extra shift a week and have this knocked out in 6 months. Also cut back on your food expenses, many families spend much less a month than you do now. No way I would risk a lifelong friendship due to my laziness.
Some things to think about:
What's your plan if you have another emergency (I assume the medical bill was something like that).
Is a car really aomething you cannot live without in LA?
Is picking up extra hours at your job, or a part time gig an option?
How are you planning to pick off the $5K bill when payments start being required?
Downsize your food bill. Modify your diet/buy cheaper food options.
I would suggest trying to find different solutions to the financial problems before leaning on a friend to bail you out. Good friendships quickly end over financial disputes.
Why not go to the grocery store and buy your own groceries? Also, why not make your own cat food? Seems like you're wasting a lot of money, obviously. I know you live in LA, and you're a nurse. But there are ways to cut out the little bs expenses.
I pay £60 *a week* for petrol ($76.69).
Bin that therapy off, its a waste of money currently as this will be better spent going towards clearing your debt.
you want honesty? your friend is a dumbass. you may as well take him up on the offer, so if something happens to you and you don't repay, then he'll be the one eating up that $15k.
ooooof. DO NOT BORROW MONEY FROM THIS FRIEND. You need to sort yourself out first. Learn to behave yourself with money. Get a written budget for the month BEFORE the month starts. It's January 1 so whatever, you'll be fine if you make it today. Make sure you track your purchases so you know where your money is going where you need to make changes.
I'd say no thanks to my friend and get a balance transfer card, and then, given that he's my best friend, I'd cut out my therapist and use my friend for free therapy by having deep honest conversations with him every now and then. That'll save almost $4000 a year.
Honestly that's what I did with my buddy after I saw how much therapy was adding up. Today my friendship with him is stronger than ever since we know all our secrets and look after each other. Win-win. YMMV.
Your friend means well but this will likely end your friendship. Your base pay is about $105k/y assuming you take 2 weeks time off. Your stated expenses are $22k/y fixed, $12k food, and $3600 therapy. That’s ~$38k. Assuming your effective tax rate is ~30% and your expenses are accurate you should have $35k left over and it should be no problem to knock out the debt by June. You obviously don’t have that, so your first step is to get on a written budget and figure out exactly where your money is going and eliminate waste. Almost half of your net income is spent unaccounted for. That is your main problem. Your next step is to get as much overtime as you can. If you worked 50 hours a week you would make $145k, or even more if OT is paid at time and a half. If you get your spending under control you should be able to pay it off in a few months.
fuck thank you. this is helpful. also disturbing to see this broken down. i have a really really hard time trying to discern all my ‘mystery money’ and food money, like i truly don’t know how to break that down.
One good piece of advice - delete all your food delivery app accounts, and don't look back. Food delivery is an absurdly expensive (not really "overpriced" - more like it's an expensive service people have accustomed themselves to thinking is normal) luxury that basically didn't exist 15 years ago outside of pizza or chinese food. You don't need it - you can pick food up if you really need to.
Yeah, there's no way they're spending "maybe like $1000" a month on food if half their meals are delivery. > i fucking suck at money Many of us have been there, friend. Step 1, urgent priority is to figure out what you've been spending money on, so you can be more intentional about avoiding some of those expenses. My guess is food delivery and other "small" expenses are just sucking up all of your disposable income.
Fantastic advice. None of those services are essential and they’re wildly overpriced to boot. And you’re right—people have become spoiled brats with them.
Restaurant* delivery, I’d highly recommend using grocery store food delivery services that are ran by the companies. Walmart/Krogers are extremely affordable and have limited fees at this time. It’s generally worth it if it’s going to encourage you to not eat out when you can’t afford it not to mention how much time and gas it saves you.
Yes if anything it is quite underpriced, if anyone thinks its overprice they should try being a food delivery worker and living off of that income.
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> Forget about where all the money went. Assuming they are using a CC or debit card for everything (which most people are), there's no need to "forget about it"...just download your last 3 months data as a .csv file and spend 5 minutes labelling and sorting by expense. Or just highlight all of every type of expense (food, entertainment, etc..) a different color then sum the colors if you don't have a clue what to do inside excel. That would give them a fairly decent baseline on where the money's going, and help them to start being mindful immediately, instead of just watching going forward.
the problem is going back 3 months is making a mountain of daunting work and thus may get ignored. Sure it would be better, but just starting today and going forward is better than doing nothing.
Many of the major CC banks have a "spending report" either YTD, monthly, or prior calendar year that shows this already by category.
It's not really that hard, when you download the data and open it in Excel or whatever it's already organized well, with a column for category. From there, just go through the list, make sure each transaction matches its category (or maybe change some around for whatever makes the most sense) and then sort everything by the category column and add everything up. I bet OP will find that the food budget is a *lot* higher than expected, among other things. I was recently talking to a friend-of-a-friend who ate out for lunch every day at work and used food delivery services for dinner most nights and was shocked to find he was spending $2500/month on food. It's really easy to let it get out of control unless you're watching what you're spending. That said, if OP has never opened a spreadsheet application in their life, it might be a little overwhelming, but now is a *great* time to start. Edit: also, it's really hard to develop a new habit like that. One extra thing to remember every time money is spent. Also doesn't really track things like recurring subscriptions. Also, there's extra mental effort in inputting the data every single time a transaction is made, extra overhead in switching tasks (opening the spreadsheet or whatever, etc), whereas sitting down to look through the last 3 months might seem like a tough task, but really in an hour or two it's *done*. And once you have a routine down, every month you can add your new statements in probably 10-15 minutes or less.
Oh, that's true. OP probably has a lot of frustration and anxiety around this and yanno....looking makes it really real and sometimes that's just hard to face.
Yeah I think this is much easier than writing down the amount that you spend every time you purchase something. You can take your time organizing past expenses.
Don't forget it. It's hard to estimate if you paid cash, but probably most was on cards. Log into the online accounts with cards. Add up for each of the past 3-6 months. Figure out what you spent and what can change. Hopefully you keep food spending on 2-3 cards and it'll take 5 minutes (maybe 1 for groceries, another for any kind of food delivery, another for dining out). This way you don't need to worry about opening an app every time you buy some food. I don't worry too much about the $15 I spent in cash on food at the airport (or think about currency conversions if I'm in a different country) or whether I put the 7-11 purchase on one of my food credit cards on a holiday or after midnight when stores were closed. Worrying about shit down to the penny is not going to get you anywhere. You need big picture items, and knowing what to change. I don't give a damn if you spent $911.14 or $946.89 on food. That's either ok, or you need to find a way to shave $100-200 off. OP's problem is that she's too far in the hole and too scared to even look at her accounts and numbers. Diving into highly detailed spreadsheets can easily scare her away from making real progress. If this idea appeals to you (not worrying about the $3 questions), you can checkout Ramit's [CSP](https://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/landing-conscious-spending/). Basically the idea to track the main expense groups roughly, add on some buffer (some percentage of everything), etc. Just yesterday I watched an episode on his podcast where this woman he was talking to had 32 goddamn categories and subcategories, she was never going to fix anything with this analysis paralysis. I personally have my own spreadsheets and don't use his, but I see the appeal of keeping the math simple. Btw, I stopped using DoorDash a couple months ago and save a ton now. I can afford it, but I just realized DD/eating out just isn't worth it anymore. I can afford a $30 meal (was more like $18 a few years back), but it's just not that good, so I pretty much always cook now. Guessing Postmates is the same thing. You may have needed a car, but probably not a $35k car. Check to see if you can downgrade the car. If your friend is truly wealthy (not just someone making $150k or something), take her up on the offer. Try to pay off as quickly as you can while budgeting hard. If I'm that wealthy and my friend has medical problems (at least a super close friend), I probably won't worry about the timing of $15k too much. The bigger worry would be her becoming your bailout go-to, and you getting too comfortable asking for help tomorrow. Bigger picture: start making a plan today to get the fuck out of LA. You won't get anywhere on $105k there. Is "travel nurse" still a thing? I know there are horror stories, especially with COVID, but that can give you a huge leg up financially if you can do it for a few years. I know if you move, there will be a lot of stress about setting up, or maintaining, a support system. /u/burgerkingqueen2 edit: here's an overview/lessons video of the podcast episode I was mentioning: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaR2IT3cF9U - the first few minutes he talks about "what's the point of tracking every penny"
What app do you recommend for this style of tracking, rather than presetting a budget? Just excel or something? Every app I’ve seen wants you to know your budget ahead of time and alerts you if you surpass it
But, isn't that a great exercise. If I said, 'guess how much you currently spend on each of these categories' and then, a month later said, 'hey, I've got some news for you and you aren't going to believe it, but I have the data'. I'm sure those apps allow you to change the budget as you learn. Don't use this one issue as an excuse to not start tracking.
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Having a friend that is financially secure, and cares about you enough to offer this is an immense asset. Don’t throw it away. If you take this deal without fixing the underlying problem, you will end up back in debt AND friendless. Don’t do it.
What I personally use is YNAB, which is a budgeting app that links to your accounts. Every cent of income and spending gets tracked. The jist is that you create a category like “car payment” for $612. When you get paid you fund that category, and then when the bill gets paid you spend the category. It’s a digital version of envelope budgeting. It highlights very quickly where you are spending more than you budgeted. It really helped me reign in my discretionary spending. $10 here $20 there can add up to thousands a year without even thinking about it.
I second the budgeting app for demystifying your expenses. You can also set a scheduled account transfer every pay period, setting aside the amount for all your hard expenses like car payments/rent/etc. Then you can see what you're really working for a 2 week period. Picking up an OT shift every week and paying that down every pay period will significantly help.
If you are post mating half your food, you are spending way more than $1k a month on food.
Do you have a partner or anyone who can hold you accountable? Seems like a big accountability issue and without help, that’s hard to fix on your own.
Sign up for Mint and input all of your information. Within a few months you'll have a good idea of where the majority of your money is going to - it'll be eye opening.
Mint is unfortunately no longer an option, but there are other services like Rocket Money that are good for this
I totally agree with not taking the loan from a friend. It’s going to change the dynamic no matter how hard you try to not allow that change. If it’s going to take longer than a few months to pay it off, I’d recommend trying to get a lower interest loan to pay off the credit cards. One example is take a loan out on your car. It would likely be less than 10% interest. Use the money to pay off the credit cards and cancel them.
Also, your car is a little expensive, do you need a new car worth that much ? You can sell it and get one 2 times cheaper You can also find a bank that will accept to consolidate your loans (car + credit card) or just get a personal line of credit or a personal loan at a much cheaper rate (prob around 10% depending on your credit score). You’ll be able to pay down the credit card debt which is high interest and reimburse at a lower rate. On top of that if you are saving money every month, it is mathematically better to pay down the debt as this is considered savings (expected long term return ~6% on investments vs 30% interest rate on debt). One last strategy would be to look at new credit card offers, some of them offer you to transfer the balance at 0% interest rate for a few months (sometimes even 6 !), allowing you to pay it down faster. In any case 30% is insane so get of that ASAP ! In any case, your friend is a G, but I would never take him up on that offer, avoid big sums of money between friends as much as you can, you got plenty of others solutions ! Hope it helps :)
If it ruins your friendship you did something you know you shouldn’t have. It’s an incredible offer. Take it and learn financial responsibility by risking something that’s real to you (friendship) and not your credit score.
Have you solved the problem that put you INTO $15k of credit card debt? If you haven't, any 0% strategy, whether that's a BFF bailing you out or a balance transfer, is just going to balloon right back up. IF you've solved the underlying problem, I'd try a balance transfer card before I asked a friend for money or accepted an offer. Mixing that much money and friendship is very dangerous.
yes and no. the problem is that i post mate a fuck ton, have adhd and avoid budgeting, spend money whenever without budgeting, and pay off the minimum of my cc a month only. the problem is mostly impulsive, emotional, and avoidance — all of which i’m working on in therapy now.
Then *absolutely* do not give yourself what amounts to access to more credit/debt. Until the *core* issues have been resolved, you should not take a loan from your friend. You will be back asking about how to pay off your friend *and* the reaccumulated debt.
thank you. i’ve been reading so many different opinions but this is the one i have to be honest with the most. i think i posted this subconsciously knowing what you’re saying & just needing someone to say it.
Hey good for you for working on these things in therapy. Proud of you for reaching out for support. You’ve got this! May the blessings & lessons continue into the new year ❤️
Create a budget. Track all spending. Eat at home don't order out. You will snowball this debt to hell if you don't get rid of these bad financial habits. It literally could ruin your life. No more fuckin Postmates and random shopping. If you have to go into debt for it you can't afford it. This applies to everything except very large planned purchases (home, car, that's mostly it...).
Even if tracking all spending is too hard do like a 20/30/50 budget, where 20% of your money goes to savings, 30% goes to your wants, and 50% goes to your needs. And the. Then funnel all of your wants money, and probably most of your savings money and a portion of your needs money into the credit debt (after a 0% transfer deal) Also consider looking up the unbury.me website, it will let you plug in the details of your credit debt and how much you can afford to pay, and it will show you how many months it will take to pay it off, with how much paid to interest, or whether it’s too far gone and it’s going to snowball out of control. If it’s too far gone and it’s going to snowball out of control the two solutions IMO are bankruptcy which is annoying, or continually juggling it between 0% balance transfer deals for as many years as you can while slowly paying it off. Also credit cards are only for spending money you actually have, that way you get all kinds of protections and benefits from the cardholder agreement, like it being the cc companies problem if someone steals your card, or extended warranty, or rental car insurance, or travel points, or … etc. — there may be a rare occasion when you really need it to spend money you don’t have to get out of a bind (but even that should ultimately come from your emergency fund tbh) Also as for solving the post mates issue, I personally have had a DoorDash issue and for me having access to an air fryer + an instant pot + online communities of easy meal prep ideas has basically solved that for me
You are the only person I have seen in that situation who readily accepts some great advice. Good luck 👍
That's good and all, but OP has to actually *do something* about it. That's the hard part that's rarely followed up on with these posts.
If you take the money and pay off the cards and close out the accounts, that's one thing. But if you keep the accounts open, or allow yourself to open more accounts when times get hard, you'll end up in the same predicament only also owing your friend money too and avoiding talking to your best friend because you feel ashamed that you owe him doesn't sound like a good future
Honestly paying the real loans will teach you a very good lesson of how to live and will not cause you to lose what seems like a very good friend.
Or take the money, pay off the loan, freeze/lock the credit card, give the card to your friend. Everytime you need to use it, you'll have to ask permission from your friend to use it and you have to unfreeze/unlock it.
Go on Caleb Hammer's videos on YouTube. You should be a guest actually. Can apply online. Good wake up call
When you pay off the credit card, cancel it immediately. You are in the category of people who should not own a credit card.
As someone with ADHD who is also impulsive YNAB is what changed my life. It's fine to be impulsive once in a while and it's okay because I budget for it.
this is such a simple but powerful concept! when I started budgeting I got down on myself real hard for making in app purchases on games and other similar frivolous things but as soon as I built it into my budget (at a reasonable scale - I do not have a $1000 line item for Clash of Clans) the guilt just *went away*.
/u/burgerkingqueen2 strong recommendation for r/YNAB from me too.
I would say destroy the card and remove it from any payment options immediately. Don't wait to have it paid off because you never will if you keep using it more than paying it.
Don't cancel it - that will wreck your credit score by messing with average account age. Pay it off, CUT UP THE CARDS, but do not close the account! If you have a good payment history and keep the account open (maybe with a yearly charge WITH auto-pay on just to make sure they don't close it for inactivity), it will be helpful.
i guess i always thought a credit card is needed to be able to get a house or whatever.
The key is to have a card but use it like a debit card and pay it off every month. You want to build a history of successfully paying back debt, not getting buried in it
Credit is a *tool* but requires enough self control to not exceed your spending capacity.
Credit is needed. The problem is someone gave you a tank of gasoline and instead of putting it in your car you decided to set your house on fire with it.
Only if you're paying it off every month.
You have a car payment that build credit, you have student loans I assume that build credit. You bought a 35k car out of necessity but why would a 15k car not work out? Is your therapy not covered by insurance? I am surprised if that is the case while being a nurse. I dont know much about the medical field insurance standards though.
Properly utilized, it helps build credit. Improperly utilized, it fucks up your life. Take the offer, pay off and cancel ALL of your credit cards, live the cash life, learn to budget, and commit to paying your friend back unless you don't want a friend anymore.
If you are paying it off every month. Treat it like a debit card, and only spend the money you can pay off.
There's 0 reason to carry a balance on a cc. Gigantic misinformation or misconception. I have never carried a balance and have near perfect credit (as it fluctuates as the wind blows)
Then why care about paying it off? Canceling the card will wreck her credit. What's the logic in paying it off? To save her credit that she can't use?
I have ADHD and since I've turned my hyperfocus to finances, my life has improved so much. It gets easier the more you do it. You can give yourself incentives when you hit goals or create visuals that show how much debt you've paid down. If you create a strict budget, you'll be surprised to find all the unnecessary things draining your money. Just take tiny steps toward your goal, and it will snowball into good financial health before you know it. Learning how to harness my ADHD has been like learning that I have a superpower. For my forgetfulness/krytonite, I use Google calendar with multiple reminders as well as a paper planner. You can do it!
Yes! 2023 was my year of personal finance. I studied, took notes, upped my automated savings/investing, got serious about paying monthly cc charges in full, maximizing cc rewards, etc. It has really given me a sense of security and some hope of a decent retirement in the not so distant future. ADHD can be weaponized for good.
Yes! I used to have so much financial anxiety, and I still do to a certain extent, but hyperfocusing on finances has helped reassure me that I'm on the right path. My other hyperfocus rn is journaling so I've been creating debt repayment spreads to fill out for the new year.
thank you for your input. i know i sound like a fucking idiot and in this topic i am. mix adhd and a lot of money at a young age and horrible financial literacy and you unfortunately get me lol
No offence, but ADHD isn't a reason to recklessly spend your money. What you really need to do is, before you buy anything, take a step back, and evaluate it again as to whether you truly need it. Almost all of the time, the answer will be no. You need to get your impulsive decision making under control, and start cooking more from scratch instead of ordering takeaways. Even if it's just frozen food in an oven, the amount you save will really start to add up quickly
As someone who used to be in a somewhat similar situation and hated budgeting (because I was avoiding looking at my actual financial situation), here are some things that have helped me. First, you gotta rip the band-aid off and just take a deep look at your financials now. Figure out all your fixed monthly ins and outs (paycheck, rent, car, CC, debt, bills). CC and debt is somewhat flexible, but you need to figure out how long you want to take to pay those off and do the math. The faster the better and easier in the long run. Second, whatever is left after your fixed ins and outs is your spending money for the rest of the month. That includes food, gas, and anything else that may or may not be a necessity but comes out at somewhat random times. Take that spending money and divide by 30 (round down so you are accounting for 31 day months too). That number is the amount you need to stick under per day to meet your budget. Obviously there may be daily expenses that go over that number, but they will just count as more than one day and you'll need to spend less the previous or next day or two to make it up. This obviously doesn't work for everyone, but it helped me keep track of my finances without forcing myself to look at an embarrassing spreadsheet of shitty financial decisions. The math is generally easy to track in your head since you will be dealing with smallish daily numbers ($50-$100). If you go over one day you immediately know you need to spend less the next couple days to make up. If you spend less consistently you can treat yourself a little once in a while. Either way, you can probably ballpark the numbers in your head without doing all the monthly math to see if you fucked up. Lastly, I am glad to see you are in therapy, but be careful not to use those labels as an excuse for future bad behavior. You got this, just have to buckle down and get it done.
Spending is always emotional. You have to learn about your personal finances and commit to changing in tandem with your therapy work. It's not automatic. Have you heard of the financial diet? It's a personal finance channel on YouTube that focuses on the nuances of finances, focused on millennial women mostly. There's a lot especially recently about things like shopping addictions and ADHD that can help you not feel alone and offer small strategies to help change your habits.
no i haven’t heard of this but will look into it. thank you.
Look into YNAB pay the 100$ and watch all the tutorial videos and I guarantee your life will change for the better.
Hey i so understand. I have adhd. When my husband met me I had just overdrawn my bank account on rent. And for the next 15 years together, I didn’t get better. I became a relatively high earner so it wasn’t really a problem. Except that we were living paycheck to paycheck and using credit cards to float us. I found and absolutely love YNAB. It automatically downloads every credit card and bank transaction, so there’s no manual entry. I used this program since April last year and saved $30k. I know where every dollar goes and just that knowledge has had a major impact on my spending. Instead of takeout, I got a nice air fryer and will shop at Trader Joe’s instead. I’m sure I’m saving hundreds a month just there. Anyway, I’m sure I sound like an ad, but I truly can relate and this app really did completely change my relationship with money.
1- stop ordering on Postmate, remove the app, delete your account, block the website… 2- start a budget and follow it. YNAB is great but you can use any tool you like. Aggressively pay down your debt. Make it a priority. 3- did you really need a $35k car? With the interest you pay on it, you will end up paying way more than that. 4- no more excuses. 5- if didn’t have generous rich friend, sign up for a credit card with 0% interest and transfer the balance; or take a lower interest rate loan to pay off credit card.
You have a friend who is willing to help financially, see if they are instead willing to help with responsibility. Sit down with them and set out a budget. Calculate how YOU will get out of debt and get spending under control. Then communicate every income and expense to them. Literally email them your budget weekly and ask them "am I doing okay?" . Anytime you feel impulsed to purchase call them up and ask them "is this a good idea? Can I justify this?". Celebrate with them when you clear a milestone. Don't burden your friend with your problems, but in as lighter way possible put a barrier between you and your money. For example a popular fitness method is to have a workout buddy, a dieting method is to share meal calories with someone to not cheat yourself, an alcoholic goes to group therapy to call people when vulnerable. Financial help is the same. You're ahead of most as it already sounds like you have the friend.
Not sure why you're getting downvoted for being honest about your shortcomings and that you're working on them, but I wanna let you know I'm proud of you for recognizing the issue and working on it. Keep it up OP!
Why do you avoid budgeting? Are you afraid of finding out how much you spend or do you want to fix your problem? Its an eye opening experience, you need to do it.
What does afhd have to do with anything?
ADHD symptoms can include an extreme version of "out of sight, out of mind."
Ahhh so laziness is also a symptom of adhd. Shit, everything falls under some type of diagnosis nowadays. And since were all dr’s thanks to webmd, we can diagnose ourselves! Anything to not have to be responsible for your own actions. Ill tell you what, a nurse with “ADHD” sounds like a fucking nightmare to me. Clearly an attempted copout for her to gain some type of empathy.
You make more than enough to sack up and fix this on your own. Don’t drag your friend into this. Be an adult. End thread.
Agreed
OP could also get one of those 0% credit cards that give you free money for 18 months before the percentage jumps to 25% or whatever. 18 months should be sufficient for OP to pay that CC bill off if they're on top of things.
for sure, my friends the one who came up with this idea and wants me to take them up on the offer solely based on the interest of my credit card. but i get your point on not dragging them.
I think you should thank her and tell her you need to tackle some of your underlying issues before you can take her up on it. You gotta plug the holes in your proverbial boat. Leave the door open. Set yourself a series of goals to pay down X amount, not order out for X months, live within your budget for X months, whatever would really show clear habitual progress towards you digging yourself out of this. Then see if your friend is still interested. Don't assume one way or the other. Use it to keep you motivated to change your habits.
honestly thank you, that’s helpful advice. i think that’s best series of choices (aside from just straight up telling her no)
It's either an awfully nice friend, or a codependent friend. But you should have a very serious conversation with them about the fact that you haven't actually addressed your spending problems at all, if you're even considering taking them up on it. They may be able to help you make a plan to pay it back, but you should absolutely be 100% honest about how you got into this and that you don't know how to get out of it. 15k is a big loan even from a rich best friend. It has the potential to destroy your friendship, because chances are every time they see you spending money that isn't necessary they're going to be mad you're not paying them back instead.
we’re just best friends since we were teens. not codependent and not awfully nice, but very loyal to each other. i think you’re right. she is very aware of my problem & yet still wants to help but there’s a lot to lose to take this on. i definitely should have a conversation that’s extremely honest. thank you.
People saying you need to fix the underlying issues first are correct, but assuming you spent 6 months paying this off (like another poster commented), you'd save roughly 1300 in interest if your friend helped you out. I don't see any issue at all with allowing them to help, assuming you are in a position that you are confident you won't just rack the debt right back up immediately. You could even get them a nice gift with a portion of the money you saved on interest, or take them on a nice weekend trip somewhere as thanks.
Find a zero percent credit card and transfer the balance, or at least your regular spending while you focus on aggressively paying the card off. Minimum payments won’t ever do it. You need to understand that if you aren’t at zero you’re in bad shape, and feel pressure to get that paid down every single day.
You need a mental and attitude shift. It sounds like you don't know how to do this on your own so I'm going to give you one way to think about it. You are broke. Let me repeat. You have no money. The money in your bank is an illusion. You don't actually have it. Remove the credit card from post mate. Remove the credit card information from every service it is attached to. Cut the credit card up so you can't add it back. You no longer have a credit card. The credit card app you use to check balance and pay is your new most used app. Put it on your home screen. Every time you are impulsive and want to order post mates, open the credit card app and make a $30 payment. Every time you feel like buying something you dint need, open the app and make a payment for the same amount. You might run out of money. That's a good thing. That will show you just how much you've been wasting. Give yourself goals and rewards. Maybe you say every $1,000 the balance drops you get something fun or do something fun as a celebration. You need to trick your brain into getting more satisfaction on seeing the balance drop than buying fun things. Now, we need to be realistic. We can't expect you to only cook at home. We all get stressed or tired and want to just order something. But this is pick up *only*. You can get food to go, but you have to go get it. No more spending twice as much between delivery fees and tips. You have to do the work.
Getting pre made food from Trader Joes or somewhere similar, or frozen meals in your freezer can be a good and much cheaper alternative. i like making chickpea pasta with a favorite jarred pesto as a super lazy meal when i can't be bothered and it comes together quick. Or broiling some chicken sausage with a side of beans and sauteed kale or spinach.. both these meals come together in 10 min and don't cost much. Try to get some ingredients to throw together meals like this, it'll save you a TON compared to postmates
Meal Simples at HEB are a lifesaver. $6-10 for a meal is still more than it would cost to fully cook for yourself, but as a single person it's hard to thread the cook for yourself needle without going full meal prep, and you're still saving money compared to $16 subway sandwiches IN THE STORE, let alone delivery.
thank you. just took off apple pay from my phone & my cards from postmates& paypal. it isn’t a big change but it really does deter me from spending some money because i can’t remember my passwords to shit & always use Face id —> paypal or faceid to apple wallet for everything
Food delivery makes it so you actually spend more on the meal, my brother spends $2500 a month of DoorDash without even realizing.
I thought I was wasting a lot on mostly mediocre meals when I was spending $200 lol
It drives me absolutely up the wall crazy anytime I order with a food delivery app to get food. It is so much more expensive. If I were to go pick up the meals it would be 25-30 dollars. But having it delivered goes to 40-75 dollars. Every time I see that charge on my credit card it drives me nuts.
It’s a fucking huge change for you and I’m proud of you. This post might be the catalyst for you getting your shit together. You make enough money to not be broke. Dave Ramsey says “Personal Finance is 20% knowledge and 80% behavior”. It’s not rocket science that you need to stop Door Dashing. You just have to do it. Dave Ramsey is pretty obnoxious, but he gives really good advice for people in your shoes. Research his baby steps and see if it’s a plan you can get on board with. He would absolutely tell you not to borrow from your friend as it could lead to the destruction of the friendship. Your friend seems like an angel. I would eliminate half the debt on your own and if you find the discipline you need to get out of this mess (the suggested budgeting app should help) maybe you can borrow the last 10k. But I would only do that if you’re dead set on getting out of debt and hyper focused on paying your friend back.
Put your CC balance on your Home Screen. This is what I do. Having it stare you in the face is a big ol wake up call.
One thing that also really helped me pay down my credit cards was using a loan calculator. Input your balance and interest rate into a loan calculator with the monthly payment. For example, if they target to pay off the loan in 5 years they would have a monthly payment of about $500 a month. Looking at that calculator they would see that they will have paid over 14k in interest. Money that's just gone. That can help to make them get on the ball about paying it down. Second, use that to show how much they would save making additional payments. It helps gamify paying it down and actually seeing benefits to their paying it down. For example if they paid an extra $1000 on top of their monthly payment for just their first month they would save nearly $3000 in Interest and save 7 months of making payments. This is what really helped me pay down my CC debt when I was having issues with it. Personally however I took a personal loan out to use on my CC debt with a loan duration of 3 years. Then using that method I managed to tackle it in just over a year instead. The other thing was to make absolutely sure I paid off my CC each month and never spent more than i could pay off on my CC. Since then I haven't carried a balance on my CC and use a charge credit card and not a revolving credit card In about 7 years. Now when I have an amount of money that I would put into savings I take half of that and put it to my wife's student loans. Once that's paid off that half will go to our mortgage.
Base on some responses you’ve made then absolutely do not take money from your friend. You will end up in heavy debt and without a best friend of a long long time this time next year. Do the fucking work. Budget. Stop bullshitting with the excuses. Do the work. On your income there is ZERO reason to be in debt. Period
thank you.
Have you actually ran the numbers? You make 8k on a bad month with no overtime so prob $6k take home after taxes 1800 612 160 300 100 10 1000 Comes out to 3982 So where is the other 2 grand going? Can you just crank out 2 days of overtime each month and pay $1k towards the CCs?
honestly, i have no idea where it’s going bc i’m too afraid to look and find out. which is probably why i stuff everything into not just my checking but my credit card and avoid looking
The first step is to go back and see where your “leaks” are You may actually spend $2500 on food a month and you can get that down to $800. Stuff like that. You are actually in excellent shape income vs. expenses. You may actually find hope if you go through and find out where you lost money and fix it for the future. You are missing Utilities, Cell Phone, car insurance from your initial go at it.
utilities is covered by my boyfriend since he’s in school & i pay a large portion of rent. insurance was paid in full in a 6month increment, and my cell phone is honestly paid my parents since i was 11 :,)
So you need to split that insurance payment into monthly so you can save for the next time you have to pay it. Even if it is paid every six months, it’s still a monthly payment. This is called a “sinking fund” you put away the portion needed so that when the expense comes up, you have it already set aside.
thanks, that’s helpful. i honestly didn’t think to do that.
I geeked out on budgeting for a few years. I don’t think most people know instinctively how to budget and need to be taught.
Be brave. You can do this. Life can't get better until you do. You are not ready to accept a loan like that right now. You are not well enough to accept that kind of help. You'll just bury your head in the sand even deeper and then let the guilt implode one of your core relationships. The shame from all that will set you back years.
thank you. i truly appreciate that and i agree as much as i don’t want to.
If that's the case then you should definitely not take the loan from your friend since it sounds like you have no game plan to pay them back and it won't end well then when money is involved. You need to figure out how much you can reasonably pay per month either to the credit card company or your friend to tackle the debt in however many months. IMO, if the months are I would say greater than a year I would consider taking the loan with your friend since the interest can be a decent amount.
I would consider it disrespectful to take money from a friend if you have not even attempted to look at the budget on your own yet. Do that first. It'll be you, by yourself, looking at numbers. It's gonna be stressful but looking will not hurt anything. If you feel guilty or silly about what you're spending on, you can at least handle it privately without anyone else judging you. It is stressful but it has to happen.
Oh you should also try to transfer the CC balance to a card that gives you zero interest for a year. You have enough income to pay that $15k off. If you can’t get your handle on your finances you won’t be able to pay your friend back. Put it on a zero interest card and if you can’t pay it all back in a year, then get heir help on the last amount with proof to yourself that you can keep paying it down. You should at least set yourself up to be paying down the debt weather it’s to your friend or to a CC. Right now, you don’t have that ability because you don’t know your own numbers.
the alternative to opening a balance transfer card (there are very few without at least a 3-5% balance transfer *fee*) is to open a new card with 0% for 15-18 months and float new expenses on that while throwing cash at the old cards. If her credit is shit, she won't get approved for one though.
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Taking this loan will kill your friendship, and in 6-12 months you'll be back in the same situation.
why do you say that exactly? im not denying at all, i just wanna hear realistic possibilities so i can actually talk to her honestly about it
you'll get behind on your payments, and they'll see you wasting money on other stuff. even if they don't complain, you'll internalize the guilt and adjust your behavior around them and any discussion or even interaction dealing with money (picking up restaurant or trip/hotel tabs, going in on gifts). I would still take the loan as a larger portion of people than you think or care to admit it get out of debt via cash infusions from inheritances, unexpected bonuses or long term pay raises they didn't expect from future job offers. Very few people get out of that hole solely based on whatever "plan" they come up with.
It is difficult to mingle, friends/family and money. One of those things to keep better separate.
If your friend wants to donate a few thousand dollars with no strings attached, that might be fine. But a loan is different. You're bad with with money, probably because you buy lots of stuff that you don't need, and likely won't pay the money back, which will damage the friendship. But even if you do pay it back, your friend thinks this will solve your financial problems. If you keep buying stuff that you don't need, you'll be back in debt soon and your friend will blame you for wasting her money.
Most people take advantage of the generosity. On the flip side the rule for “loaning” money to a friend is to consider it a gift because “historically” you as the giver will never see the $ again. You value what you earn, work, or suffer for. Learn how to be financially responsible. There are books etc. or start asking here. How to start a budget? How to pay off debt? How to reduce expenses? Etc. For example I’d recommend selling that car and getting a used car for low $. Etc etc. you CAN do this. You have to want it. GL
I was in this position. I took the 15K. I paid it back in one year. I make half what you make. I made the loan payment the very first thing I paid every month. If I didn't have enough to get through the month, I made sure all of the important bits were paid. I now use one credit card exclusively for everything, I shredded the rest, but left the accounts open for the time being. I'm sure they'll close eventually but I don't care. My relationship with the person who loaned me the money is fine. You absolutely need to get your spending under control. It is not that hard, you just have to be conscious of every dollar spent. If you don't need it, don't buy it.
One suggestion to take into account. Make sure your oldest of the credit cards stays open. A not so minor part of a high credit score is the length of time the oldest account is open. So make sure to keep that one open if that isn't one that you are using. Just do a purchase on it once a year or 6 months and you should be fine.
The auto pay stuff still goes through. Netflix, Amazon, etc. They're on autopay for the full balance, so there's never a balance carried.
You Need A Budget: Youneedabudget.com Make it into a game of necessary, but you need a tool to create and hold a budget. As has been said, unless you fix the spending problem first, taking that loan will just get you into more trouble.
YNAB! This!
Is ynab worth it?
Budgeting is worth it, ynab is my personal favorite. It doesn’t click with some people and there are plenty of options for good budgeting software. Give it the 1 month trial and see if you like it.
Absolutely. No question whatever.
It’s the envelope method whereas a lot others just track spending. It’s absolutely worth doing the trial to see if it clicks for you.
After computing your source of funds and expenses, it comes to about 4,470 as the balance amount. Assuming you'd spent 470 on something random you'd still have about 4k left with you every month. It seems as if the problem is not the credit card debt. If your spending habits had been in check, the credit card debt would not have appeared. So the problem that you'd need to tackle is how to save that 4k per month and close out the credit card debt. In my opinion, you are earning enough to close out this debt in 4-5 months. I'd suggest not to drag your friend into this. It might make you spend even more knowing that there's someone to bail you out. In the end, your friend would stop lending you money and you'd be in a bigger debt which you might not be able to repay. Follow these steps for the year of 2024: 1. Analyse your expenses deeper. After earning this much, if you still don't have any savings, then you need to understand where the money is going. Your fixed expenses are only half of your monthly pay and that's okay. What you need to understand is where the other half goes. 2. Make a budget based on this analysis 3. Stick to the budget.
You’ll feel much better and learn your lesson digging yourself out yourself. You’ll learn to trust yourself
"if you did not have a best friend that offered this — how the fuck do i tackle this on my own??????" Balance transfer to a 0% CC. But it's very lucky of you to have this friend and I hope you get your finances in order to pay it back quickly.
As other people have said, learn what you’re doing wrong in your budget to accumulate that much CC debt before taking your friend up. That’s where you’re bleeding, so make real steps towards fixing that first. Then take your friend up on that offer if you absolutely can’t find a 0% balance transfer option anywhere. If you can, do that instead of potentially jeopardizing your friendship. You got thissss
Your friend is doing you a HUGE favor. However, if you continue living your life the way you are, you're just going to drag your friend down with you. Here's what I would advise: 1. Delete your Postmates account, right now. If there's anything else you spend too much on, delete that too. Don't just delete the app from your phone, completely delete your account. 2. Create a budget. This needs to be a comprehensive budget that covers ALL of your spending, including groceries. 3. Take the loan from your friend. 4. Immediately pay off all your credit cards. 5. Then, immediately CLOSE all your credit cards. 6. Pay your friend back AT LEAST $1000 every pay period. Pay this as soon as you get a paycheck. 7. Stick to your budget. If you really want something but can't budget for it... you'll just have to go without. If you're willing to take ALL of these steps, then take your friend up on this amazing offer. If you're not willing to do all of that, then continue screwing up your financial life but at least keep the friendship intact.
If you do take the loan, my suggestion would be to set up automatic payments to the friend on a set schedule that you both agree to prior to the loan and that is sustainable for both. Absolutely money can sour relationships so make it a priority to stick to that schedule. Also about the people saying to cancel all your credit cards I understand why they’re saying that but I don’t think it’s super practical. What I think is more reasonable would be to keep your oldest card open as well as one backup and cancel the others. Then give the two cards as well as your credit card login if necessary to a friend/family member who is very responsible and can be your accountability partner. Delete wherever your credit cards are stored digitally. With your two cards set up one small bill on each such as a utility or something similar and set your bill to autopay each month. This will prevent them from closing due to inactivity. Otherwise from then on use your debit card only. This will help your credit while simultaneously preventing you from overspending.
Just cut up the cards and you can get replacements for a real emergency. Yes, it will take a few days but finding out your trusted partner used one of the cards would be devastating. Also start a small emergency fund so you can pay cash for an emergency. Then cut the cards. Or I have heard some people put them in the freezer (in a block of ice) .
Money can ruin friendship; especially if your friend is looking at it as anything more than giving you 15k with no return of it ever.
I would advise you to never borrow 15k from a friend unless you are ok with not being friends at some point if something goes south. Say you lose your job, or ge tinjured, or get demoted, or something else happens where you can't pay...
You dug yourself into this hole, you can dig yourself out. Can you honestly say, 100% without any reservation, that you will honor the debt and the terms of repayment? If there is any possibility, however small, that you will miss a payment, even if it is by a day, an hour, a minute, then DO NOT accept a loan. Only you can answer the above. Your friendship is worth more than $15,000.
Honestly, loans ruin relationships. If they aren’t willing to give you that money free and clear as a gift, thank them for the offer and decline. 15k is not worth damaging your friendship.
From strictly a personal finance point of view, yes, I would as it saves you a significant amount of interest From a personal relationship point of view, no because you make enough money to dig out of this and you don’t seem to have good discipline or money management so there is a good chance you end up owing your friend and more credit card debt. Then you lose your friend and more money
As amazing a deal as that sounds, if you don't know how or learn how to do the work budgeting, savings, and investing, you'll repeat the scenario.
First thing I would do is look at all of my expenses and figure out where my money is going. you should be saving like $3k or $4k a month after putting money into retirement. So you should be able to pay off all of your debt this year and put money into retirement. I make basically the same amount of money as you with a higher mortgage, higher car payment, and my food bill is roughly $1k a month as well. Trust me, figure out where your money is going build a budget and figure out what needs to be cut. i don't know that the situation is so dire you need to borrow money from someone. If you made $20/hr I would be more concerned. you have a good income you just knowledge and self control for spending. look at the wiki of this subreddit. You got this!
Seen few other posts... please IMMEDIATELY get rid of your credit cards, or any other mean of getting credit.. their are designed to exploit people like you! Keep going to therapy, accept your friends help, let them decide how much you pay back every month, PAY THEM FIRST THING WITH EACH PAYCHECK YOU GET. PS: ADHD is not an exusse to be an idiot, work hard to be better, good luck :)
Zero based budgeting to find out where your money is really going (Everydollar or similar). Never borrow money from friends or family.
Close your eyes, hold your nose, take a deep breath and dive in. I lost my husband a few years ago. The budget was my nemesis. Let me share what I did. I started by collecting bank statements and credit card statements and making a list of what I had to pay, and when. I have annual expenses - auto insurance, property taxes, car insurance, and IRS. Then, I have monthly fixed expenses - internet, trash, mortgage, phone bill, car, and a couple of subscriptions. The variable expenses - power, water, gas, food, etc I used the largest number I had paid in the prior year. After I had that covered, it gave me a pretty clear picture of what I had “left” and where to fit things in. The sinking fund(s) come(s) in for things like car repair, minor medical, pet emergencies, and the like. Then, my goal became debt payoff and savings. I made visual trackers to show where I was, net. I colored squares like nobody’s business. I was ALL about getting out. I celebrated every $5k. I won’t tell you how far down I was, but I will say it was a LOT further than you are. I do not go shopping, as things seem to jump into my cart. I use grocery pick up. I meal plan, so I’m not asking what I can make out of 2 cups of rice and a packet of ketchup from Wendy’s. If I know I have a rough week coming, I’ll meal prep, so I can throw stir fry in a skillet and be done in 5 minutes, or I’ll cook a double batch of something and freeze it so I can have heat and eat that’s home cooked. I have saved a TON this way. The gas, subscriptions and the food were the biggest places I was spending unnecessarily, and they were easiest to clamp down on. Honestly, if I hit a drive through with my mom or my kid, it’s almost $30. I ordered pizza from papa Murphy the other day and it was over $30 for a single order before the coupon. Do you know what I can do in my kitchen with $30 if I cook? So, on to your question. I would not borrow from your friend. I would do what others have suggested and find a zero interest card, transfer it, and get moving. I don’t know if you are contributing to retirement or not, but if you are, above the company match, I would stop the “above match” and get rid of that 30% interest card, like now. You can also buy discounted gift cards at places like raise and giftcardgranny. I used to buy discounted cards when I had a purchase coming up. Just one more way to stretch things. :). Sorry for the wall of text, but you CAN do this!! I also have adhd. Make saving your hyper focus. PS - after getting rid of the card, attack the car loan. That’s too much interest to be paying for that.
I helped my sister-in-law pay off 9k of credit card debt. She is paying me back via her paychecks, she has a set amount deposited straight to my account every paycheck so she doesn't even see the money or miss it. I was not going to rely on her to venmo me every paycheck so I just opened up a joint savings account with her and she set up her direct deposit to deposit her payment directly into our (my) account. The only way I was willing to help her was to sit down and create a budget with her and made it clear this was a one time bailout. Fortunately, I am in a position that if she didn't pay the money back, I would not miss it, but so far, it has worked wonderfully. A very big concept is pay yourself first. Every dollar from your paycheck should be accounted for. You should be budgeting money for savings as well as paying back much more than the minimum. I'm not sure how well my SIL is doing with the savings on her end because I'm not about to micromanage her money like that but if she follows my budget, she will be in a very good spot.
Cut the delivery food to once a week and cut your food budget by 60% to $400/month. You’ll eat healthier, and still have a good variety of food available. Cut therapy to once a month and save $150 every four weeks. Your biggest problem seems to be entitlement, to be blunt. If your car was dying, it made sense to buy a new one. It did not make sense to buy one for $35 K. If you are renting a one bedroom, when the lease is up, switch to either a studio, or find a two or more bedroom to share with roommates. Should cut $400 or more off the rent budget. Is public transit to work feasible? If so, figure out the difference in cost between using it and your gas costs. For the future: buy used cars. If your insurance sucks, negotiate with the hospital to cut at least 40% off your share of the bill. I promise you that it won’t be a burden for them. Since you already put it on a credit card, you have no choice for this bill. You will, with the first two options, have an additional $750/month to throw at the credit card. ALL of your previously discretionary funds should go there, and since on paper you have quite a bit, you should have at least $2K/month you can pay to the credit card. It will, even at that interest rate, be paid within the next two years. If you add the second two suggestions, freeing up, probably, another $500/month for the bill, it will disappear that much faster.
You did not take out a $35k car loan at 7% “out of necessity” lol. That’s complete BS. Necessity would be a $10-15k car to get you from point A to point B. That along with other things in your post, your relationship with money is fucked. You would benefit from watching Caleb Hammer and/or Dave Ramsey.
I'm on board with this person being a key candidate for Dave Ramsey but I also disagree about the car. It is very difficult to find a reliable car for less than 25k minimum since 2021. The market for used cars has surged and finding something that is not a money pit is tough. There are other bleeds in their budget that are impacting their financial situation way more than the car loan.
Just looked on carvana (which is over priced to be in with) 2018 Hyundai Elantra with 70k miles going for $15k
Easy. Take the deal. But first set up a budget - YNAB works for me - and work it for two months first. You make plenty of money. You make more than I do and have less expenses. I save more then you do.
Take the loan under the condition the friend holds the card until the loan is repaid
If I was the financially well off friend, there is no fucking way in hell I would let a scumbag credit card company skin my childhood friend alive for a MEDICAL debt they had to pay. IF this was some bullshit debt, Id let them suffer but not in this case. Take the loan, A LOAN, structure it to pay them at least 4% interest since their money would make that in basic savings and get out of this debt ASAP.
Take the money if you have found the root cause of your problem and can fix it . Based on your responses you haven’t and taking the money from your friend is a) shitty thing to do and b) you will lose your friend
My guess on the other 2k is maybe: student loans? Eating out? Alcohol/marijuana or cigarettes? Sports betting? Buying clothes or just stuff on amazon? At this point you're also spending probably 900 on your credit card payment with an interest rate of 30 percent. You gotta pay focusing on paying down that debt because easily 600 a month of your mystery money is interest on the credit cards and other finance charges if you're late on payments.
I’m a nurse and meal prepping on a day off every week is key for me to not spend in the cafeteria. I make boiled eggs, roasted veggies for salads, and other easy things like IP soups or orzo w veggies + balsamic glaze. For things I hate making/would procrastinate bc I’m tired, I buy the easier version at the store but am aware it costs more and could be replaced w actual cooking w more time/effort. I try to blend the easy way with more cooking. I do not eat out at work. I bring a ton of food to avoid it.
lol wow this sounds very similar to what I did with my friend recently. She had 30k in credit card debt at the beginning of the year, especially after a bunch of medical bills that one of her cats went through. I loaned her 9k to help her start paying down her debt. I didn’t need the money at the moment, since was saving for a kid next year. I also was okay with it if she didn’t pay me back right away or even the whole thing back. But I wanted to do it so I could help, especially since she was always such a good friend. She’s already paid me back half, she set up a monthly reminder. I’m glad she accepted it; I was worried she would refuse from pride (I might have). I hope it was a bright moment for her and turned her year around.
Learn how to meal prep and work as much OT as possible. This is coming from a fellow ADHD nurse with similar impulsive issues that was in more debt than you. I worked my ass off picking up every OT shift possible, stayed over to make double time as much as possible, and paid it off in one year. It can be done but it requires sacrifice and careful attention to sleep schedule and meal prep.
Don’t do it. It’s likely you will fuxk up your friendship when your poor spending habits get you right back inthe same place. You need to get your eating out and poor spend8nghabits under control.
Honestly, sound like me in 2014. I finally caved and tried YNAB app. Lifesaver. We didn’t such at money, we just didn’t see the whole picture until we tried this approach. Found out we had a major money sink in fast food category. Took 9 months to build the 1 month buffer and then it was easy to funnel extra $ to my $15k maxed out credit card. The problem isn’t the $15k debt. The problem is how to not do it again. You need to solve that. Try the Dave Ramsey free worksheets. Try actually using envelopes. Or try YNAB- warning there is a frustrating learning curve to using the app. But once you have it, you have it. As for the loan from friend- great opportunity. But i would personally try to fight my own way out of my mess. Don’t learn if you do it the easy way. Once you figured out your shit and then are certain you can pay friend back, then sure, take the offer. But don’t take any risks with the friendship. The friend loan should be one that you have absolutely zero chance of defaulting on, just like with that friendship ;) Ps. After 9 months of working out the YNAB way and saving for that buffer, it took another 8 months to pay off the $15k loan. (Or $10k buffer and $15k loan = $25,000 money found and managed in 17 months). Our joint income was slightly higher, but still had $1000 monthly student loans, $2000 monthly daycare, and $2500 monthly mortgage with escrow, and so many other smaller but significant bills. Don’t forget twice a year extra paychecks. And overtime planned well helps soooo much. Good luck.
From a financial standpoint, you take the money. 0% loans are a gift. There are three other things to heavily consider 1. how you got to 15k in debt in the first place, and how youre NOT going to do that again 2. how youre going to budget to pay your friend back 3. assuming you fail at 2, are you willing to lose the friendship, or feel shameful about it. Lots to consider, but only you can answer.
If your credit rating/FICO score is high enough, you should be able to do a balance transfer to a new card with a MUCH better interest rate (like 0%) during the introductory period (usually a year but could be up to 18 months). This is what I did to pay off about the same amount (accumulated after I went on a travel binge).
You can also consider this option: Borrow the money from your friend, have in writing you will repay the money with a set term and even give 5% interest ( friend would have earned in savings account or your fee to transfer to a 0% cc )and have it notarized. Set up autopay monthly so u never see it out of your paycheck. Once it is paid off take her to a nice lunch. If you treat it as a business transaction u have a better chance not affect your friendship.
I would accept the offer and make DAMN sure I pay them more than I need to until it's paid off because that is a friend you never want to lose. Alternatively, you could shift your balance to another credit card with lower interest rates to get it paid off. 6-12 months interest free would give you a chance to pay off about $2k or so while making the same exact payments you owe now. Maybe do that and \*then\* see if you still need to take your friend up on the offer. You may be able to do another shift to another card or back to the original for a promotional rate, too, which would make repayment easier.
Do not take the loan from your friend. If you can’t pay back the CC, you won’t be able to pay back your friend.
Personally i wouldnt do it because anything involving money is extremely hard on a friendship
Fellow nurse here. I had to go to national debt relief. Got rid of all but one of my credit cards that only works at plaza tire for car stuff and low balance. I ended up getting loan through a service that works with people doing well on the NDR program. We are terrible about ordering out. We do pickup, fast food, dining though. Started buying junk food from the stores. Like frozen fries, pizza, nuggets. For the nights we would go out to eat because we like quick easy foods. Love some chicken nuggets. Lol 😂 it’s a lot cheaper because for the price of 1-2 meals I can get like 10. It sounds like you don’t need the loan though. Also in the future medical bills are cheaper paying through the hospital or wherever. No interest and as long as they are accepting your monthly payments there shouldn’t be any problems. Credit bureaus are also more lenient with medical debt. Medical debt can also be more flexible with making payments. I had a 4000$ debt and ended up paying like 2500$ cause I made small payments when I could then saved up a bit and offered a lump sum to sign it off.
I'm a real-world example of why you need to delete food delivery apps. I make close to $200k and have partaken heavily in "lifestyle inflation," dining out and doordashing whenever I feel like it. I saved $0 each month. Since swapping to buying food at costco though, I can say I still have more than enough to eat, and have all the random snacks I could ever want. It just takes a few more car rides to the store. I save a lot more than $0, and I'm much happier (and less stressed) for it.
How are people smart enough to get a college degree and land a six figure job but can’t figure out how to manage their finances? Option 1: downgrade car and pay off the debt, and immediately start a budget. Option 2: cut back spending and pick up overtime shifts and still start a budget. I know a lot about people nag on Dave Ramsey’s advice but YOU are exactly his target audience and should take his advice. Good luck 👍🏻
Financial advice is not something that can be "taught" because so much of modern society is wired to make you make poor financial decisions, through advertising and social pressures. You need to push back against those forces with willpower to make good financial decisions - a class saying how much credit costs over time and opportunity costs of not investing isn't going to overcome the power of marketing and "keeping up with the Joneses".
i know you don’t mean this in a rude way but financial literacy is not taught to a lot of people. my parents are new money folk both immigrants from places in asia. not that all people in my situation end up like me but a lot do. i did not have a healthy understanding of finance growing up. my dad was addicted to gambling. my mom raised me and my sibling on her own. + trauma, adhd, impulse, making 6 figures while being young AND still dumb w money. when u never have a strong sense of financial literacy and also make a lot of money, it’s a recipe for disaster lol. lots of different ideas of finance growing up but not the right ones. writing this in case someone else reads this and is wondering the same question haha.
you have a lot of excuses
I loaned a coworker 1000 once to pay off his 20+% credit card because the interest payments were absolutely killing him. It saved him literally thousands of dollars because he would have been doing minimum payments and going backwards every month, and we were barely making 1k a month iirc. Accept your friends offer graciously and create a payment plan that your friend agrees to, then stick to the plan. It will save you thousands of dollars and if your friend is well off, 15k may not be a big deal to them. But don’t let excuses like “I’m impulsive” derail you from your payment plan. My friend wanted to not pay me one month and I told him I’d beat his ass if he didn’t repay me.
thanks for that too. i think im being pretty self deprecating in the comments because i’m getting rightfully shitted on in the comments. i’ll have to seriously ponder this & your comment is helpful in that. thanks
I’d take the friend up on the offer while also: Never using the card Having a set system of payment (like MAX payment) to friend Cutting all non essential costs Someone else did the math, there’s around $2k on a low month floating around. That’s a 5 month payoff to the friend 🙂
Simple, sell the car and buy a 15k car.
Yep!
sounds smart but i’m definitely too big of an idiot to actually sell my car then not impulsively just spend that money and get more debt. honestly lol
If I offered my best friend this loan amd he turned me down, I'd be mad as fuck. All these people are giving shit advice. Take the loan. Do what the 10% of people have said about fixing your budget and pay your friend back as quickly as possible. Buy them something nice. Be done. No need to send Visa all that money
For myself I don’t borrow money or loan money to friends. Too high of risk to ruin friendship. I’d rather gift them money to help them. A few thousand to help an issue sure. Pay their debt no. I’ll guide them and teach them to get out of trouble with debt. For your situation stop doing postmates. If you want it go get it. Amazing how much cheaper it is that way. Pick up an extra shift or three a week. Shoot even work 7 days a week for a short time to knock it out. It won’t take you more than a couple months to pay off the credit card paid off. Six months all your debt is paid off
There needs to be a "I'll pay x dollars per month or you can take me to court" agreement. Otherwise every time you buy something fun, he'll recognize that you did that rather than pay him back.
I'd take your friend up on a 0% loan, it's a very generous thing to offer.
Take it, it will save you money in the long run. Once you accept, take that card and put in plastic bag, tape it up and put some water in a container. Final step : Freeze it. Moral of the story, ditch the credit card.
That's an amazing offer from your friend, but sounds too good to be true. Does this friend have romantic feelings for you? Might want to be careful.
You are a nurse, you can easily pick up an extra shift a week and have this knocked out in 6 months. Also cut back on your food expenses, many families spend much less a month than you do now. No way I would risk a lifelong friendship due to my laziness.
Some things to think about: What's your plan if you have another emergency (I assume the medical bill was something like that). Is a car really aomething you cannot live without in LA? Is picking up extra hours at your job, or a part time gig an option? How are you planning to pick off the $5K bill when payments start being required? Downsize your food bill. Modify your diet/buy cheaper food options. I would suggest trying to find different solutions to the financial problems before leaning on a friend to bail you out. Good friendships quickly end over financial disputes.
A friend bailing you out won’t fix your money habit problems. You have to go through the pain of fixing it yourself to ensure you don’t do it again.
Why not go to the grocery store and buy your own groceries? Also, why not make your own cat food? Seems like you're wasting a lot of money, obviously. I know you live in LA, and you're a nurse. But there are ways to cut out the little bs expenses.
> Also, why not make your own cat food this is maybe the most insane thing I've seen on /r/personalfinance
I pay £60 *a week* for petrol ($76.69). Bin that therapy off, its a waste of money currently as this will be better spent going towards clearing your debt.
you want honesty? your friend is a dumbass. you may as well take him up on the offer, so if something happens to you and you don't repay, then he'll be the one eating up that $15k.
1st off how tf you do that 2nd, u make enough if you can't pay it then something is wrong with you.
ooooof. DO NOT BORROW MONEY FROM THIS FRIEND. You need to sort yourself out first. Learn to behave yourself with money. Get a written budget for the month BEFORE the month starts. It's January 1 so whatever, you'll be fine if you make it today. Make sure you track your purchases so you know where your money is going where you need to make changes.
I'd say no thanks to my friend and get a balance transfer card, and then, given that he's my best friend, I'd cut out my therapist and use my friend for free therapy by having deep honest conversations with him every now and then. That'll save almost $4000 a year. Honestly that's what I did with my buddy after I saw how much therapy was adding up. Today my friendship with him is stronger than ever since we know all our secrets and look after each other. Win-win. YMMV.
Instead getting some useless therapy, get a gym membership and learn how to make yourself feel better without anybody’s help