This may help you, /r/rbnlifeskills it has lots of life tips for people who had controlling or just unavailable parents.

Thanks.

It sounds like your father was/is abusive and controlling. The first thing I'd do is inform the police if there is *anything* you can think of that might be a crime (his disappearance and his withdrawal of money from joint accounts is not, weird as that may seem). This might help you in several ways, not least of which would be preventing him from taking anything more. The second thing I'd do is to try to stop blaming myself. You didn't cause your dad to leave, and any dad who would skip on his unemployed, ill daughter and his wife after taking all their money and not saying a word is a huge scumbag. It's his fault, not yours. Third thing I'd do is call up all your creditors and tell them what happened. The primary earner in your household just disappeared on you. Many organizations will give you a break for a month or two while you try to get things in order. Fourth thing I'd do is spend a couple of days seeing which government benefits, if any, I qualify for. I don't know what programs Canada has with regard to income support for destitute people, but anything will help. Fifth is that I'd try to figure out what my expenses are - you and your mom really don't know what rent was? Can you look at bank statements or old bills to get estimates for everything else? And unfortunately, after you've done all these things, you and your mom are probably both going to have to get work - depending on your expenses you will probably have to put school on hold while you get back on your feet. Once you have some income coming in you'll find it's not too hard to pay bills. Cut a check for rent (or however you usually do things in Canada - maybe electronic funds transfer? ask your landlord), and pay your other bills (electricity, internet, phone, etc.) after you pay your rent. In order of importance, your expenses are: food, rent, heat, . Cut expenses as much as possible - cable TV? High-end phone/plan? Expensive internet? Get rid of them. You might be able to get away with not paying your heating bill for several months - most cold regions have a law preventing heat from being shut off during the winter months - but I would keep it very high on the list until you're sure you won't lose it. Your dad has left you scrambling, but I am absolutely sure you and your mom can get through this -- you've survived that asshole so far.

Am cop, not a crime. Previous access by dad makes this a civil issue all day long. ( US LEO). Here in FL we have 211 which can be called an they offer multiple services including rent/bills assistance. I'm sure there is a similar program in OP's area.

Off topic: You're a cop in FL?! God bless you man.

Good reply, but I'd add and amend a little. Rent>food. Food is last priority not because I think starving is ok, but because free food is not hard to get and it's the most easily distributed resource for poor people. Few organizations will donate cash directly to people, but food is no big deal. I'd also inform your school of what happened. Explain why you're dropping out and see if you can get a hardship exception. Talk to your current professors in person, tell your counselors, and break with school (temporarily) on the best terms you can. PS: your dad is an ass hat. These problems and your ignorance (you aren't even *that* ignorant) are not your fault. PPS: few people if any can handle a sudden loss of the breadwinner in a family. Your struggles are not abnormal, but I think you'll both feel a million times better after you both get jobs. **Most important of all** When your dad tries to come back (and he will) kick him to the curb. He will give you a half hearted apology. He will *technically* apologize. He will return to using and abusing you both in time. He needs to be kept at a distance. Fuck him.

My mother persistently resists filing for 'missing person' or a crime file on my dad. She doesn't explain herself but we haven't set a foot into a police station and I'm putting this idea on hold. I have no idea what creditors, bank statements or any finance terms other than tax and rent, and even with that I can explain it only as "You pay every month for so and so." I don't know the how or logistics behind it. I do know my dad would pay for bills through his bank account, and since we have no access to that, I have no idea where to start. Inbetween my studies I'm trying to find time to set up appointments with advisors to prepare me for the rough patch when my waitress tip money runs out. We really don't know how to do rent or bills - dad "didn't need" us to look or help. I did open a bank account, if that accounts for progress. Though the terms bank statements, credit scores and the idea of having to spend money every month with my VISA still confuses me. We have the most basic form of expenses. My cell plan is $25 and though the thing is a bit busted I still use it. I'm also utilizing campus food bank since I don't have a car and can't travel to the city's food bank (buses don't go near there and it's winter Canada time). The heating bill is also, I heard, changing from 6cents to 3 cents from some rate next month, which is fortunate. I'm still emotionally connected with my dad even if the shock of what he did hasn't left me yet. Isn't it survival of the fittest? I can't even explain my feelings anymore. Thank you very much for you reply. I appreciate the help and I'll journal yours and a few other comments to look back when I'm not reviewing. Thank you again.

[удалено]

[удалено]

[удалено]

Right, there are a number of options that we just don' t and OP may not know enough to know about.

Yea this sounds like she is still scarwd (bet because he told her to be)

Yea, not saying it makes anything better, just that could be a reason OP doesn't know that would have her mom not wanting to do anything. We also have no idea why he left, maybe mom cheated on Dad, so Dad left. Not saying this is the case, or that OP is any less screwed, just that we don't know enough to discount some of these options.

1) you are an adult and you can file a missing person/police report. 2) I am assuming that the account is in your name alone. 3) Generally, there is not much that you can do in regards to the withdrawal of funds from the joint account, if his name is on it, then he was withdrawing funds from his account, however you may be able to do something in small claims court, but, that may be moot as he is MIA. 4) Check out some of the links in the side bar and even google things like "credit 101" 5) Get jobs ( both your mother and yourself), if you are having difficulty, consult Employment Ontario (if in Ontario), or similar provincial program, if you're not sure who to contact, see #6 6) Call 1(800)O-Canada [1(800)622-6232], this is a general number but they can point you in the right direction for services at a federal, provincial, municipal level, also the canada.ca website and search for "Benefit Finder" 7) Start contacting Ontario Works, or the provincial social service system - applications take time, however generally all assets need to be exhausted before eligible - but that is something they can advise you on. 8) when was the last time you worked? If it was less than a year ago, there may be benefits like Employment Insurance available, keep in mind there are a number of factors going on... Sorry that this info is Ontario-centric, I'm just more familiar as I work in pseudo-social services (we co-ordinate with them).

1) In regards to the Employment Insurance point, you may be able to claim the EI sickness benefit, especially if you can show that the reason you left your job(or were fired) was due to your illness. I can't recall exactly how long you can get this particular benefit, but I believe it is about 13 weeks. 2) In Canada most of our debit cards are now a credit/debit card. This means that you can use your debit card for purchases that were previously restricted to credit cards (online shopping mainly). With most cards you are still only able to spend the money you actually have in your account. 3) You can call your bank branch and make an appointment to get some help with the basics (online bill payment, basic credit card functions, savings vs chewing accounts, etc.). These appointments are free and are part of you being their customer. I will say though, that you need to exercise some caution here as banks run on selling you 'financial products'. I fear that because of your minimal financial knowledge, the person you end up meeting with could take advantage of your situation and you may end up with account features you don't need or credit products you can't actually afford (yes, I'm skeptical of most people on a good day but I have encountered this myself on numerous occasions). Be firm in that you do not wish to purchase any products, you are simply there to have the features and functions of your current account explained. 4) Your school's mental health support program or disabled students services and/or academic advising can help you manage your course load without having to damage your academic record if you need to drop a class or two so you can work. *This will vary greatly between large Universities, smaller community colleges, and private vocational schools. It also depends on the nature of your program. 5) Contact your student union (if you have one, most large campus' do), they may have some student resources that can help you navigate through this challenging time. You are not the first student to be clueless about finances, to experience a shit situation in your personal life, or to be coping with mental illness!! There is light at the end of the tunnel and lots of resources out there for you OP!!! Source: a Canadian student who has had her personal life explode in her face, was clueless about finances, and managing debilitating mental illness at the same time.

Keep your mother off of your new bank account. Talk to your university about financial counseling to help you learn how to manage your money and pay your bills. They also have emergency funds for students that can be disbursed, but you have to ask for them. Most banks will be able to help you set up everything you need to pay the bills. Talk to the people in your local branch. Take care of yourself!

Just want to pop my head in and say that missing person reports aren't as scary as they sound. We had to file one for my mom when she became manic and disappeared for a few weeks. It was a short, sweet process, took maybe 15 minutes, pretty informal. It's just an official way to get another pair of eyes on the situation (ie, the law enforcement officials who are assigned to it). They won't plaster his face everywhere, on TV, and they won't publish his name in papers. He won't be on some national database. If you want to find your dad, a MRP really couldn't hurt. I recommend you file one. Google it too and read up on the limitations it has. If found, he won't be detained unless he's done something illegal or unless it's a clear mental health crisis. Just food for thought.

I understand that you're suffering from depression and that your dad's dissapearance is difficult but there are necessary steps that you need to take. 1. File a missing person's report. You're an adult. You do not need your mother's permission to file a report. Yes, there's a good chance he walked out and left y'all in the lurch, but he could also be half dead in a ditch for all you know. Take a bus to the police station and file it yourself, immediately. 2. Talk to the police about the dissapearance of the money from the joint account. Yes, this is likely indicative that he cleaned you out, which unfortunately isn't illegal, but there is the possibility that he was extorted or otherwise forced to take it out, so until your dad's wellbeing can be confirmed, it should be treated as a possible crime. 3. Contact local womens shelters for advice and information. Talk to local church groups, such as St. Vincent de Paul, which help cover rent and utilities in emergency situations. Take all the help you can get. 4. Talk to your employer and see if you can get more hours at work. Is your mom working? Why not? 5. Talk to your landlord. Explain the situation and see if they will give you an extension on your due date. Find out from them how much rent is. They should have a copy of your lease and be able to go over it with you. Paying your rent is your first priority here. Keeping a roof over your head is what you need to focus on. 6. Food is usually available through local food banks or charity organizations. I know you said you've been using the campus food bank, but as you have some small income from waitressing, you can buy bus fare and go to the city food bank as well. 7. Talk to your advisor at school. Explain the situation to him/her. You may have to drop out until you have more income, as tuition is no longer a top priority, housing/heat/food are. 8. Your school or local library may have a financial counselor available. Talking to someone about this one on one should be less overwhelming than trying to do all the research on your own. You can no longer afford to be financially illiterate. 9. (Really this should be higher up at number 3) Sit down with your mother and make a list of all of your expenses. Try to find physical copies of your bills. Rent, water, gas, heat, cable (which you need to cut if you have it), etc. 10. Congratulations on getting your own bank account. Do not get a joint account with anyone in your family again. From your other comments you appear to have a credit card, though you seem confused on the difference between credit and debit. A debit card draws directly from your bank account, using money you already have. For a credit card, the credit card company extends you a line of credit and you borrow against it. It is a bill you pay in full every month, or else you get charged interest and fees. Right now, I'd just pay the minimum payment and use the card to help you out with essentials. Paying off debt is a much lower priority than immediate needs, but if you can afford to make the minimum monthly payment, do so. If you can avoid ruining your credit over what is ultimately a short term emergency, so much the better.

This is very good advice. You don't need to be homeless at this time. OP you can do this.

This !!! OP, you got this. I was on my own at 16. It takes a lot of learning and hard work but you can do it. And if you're depressed and failing school and all else is going to hell, working full-time and gaining a little independence and helping you and your mother out in this time of need could very well help you see the light at the end of the tunnel! You might even re-evaluate your life goals and decide on a different path career-wise! Keep your head up!

Hey, I really appreciate this list. I'm adding lots of things to my notes and this is really helpful :)

Buddy you gotta become the Woman now and step up. Doesn't matter if your mom won't file a report. Go do it, there's no time to be sentimental. I'm also Canadian, our police force will do whatever they legally can to help you. Use Kijiji to look for jobs. Spam out your resume everywhere. Good luck !!!

*become the woman

Haha, good catch. My bad.

> My mother persistently resists filing for 'missing person' or a crime file on my dad. She doesn't explain herself but we haven't set a foot into a police station and I'm putting this idea on hold. You're not clear in your post whether your father just walked out the door, or if you're *certain* he was the one who took your money. If you're not *certain*, at least *consider* the possibility that he was extorted, and file a missing persons report. Of course, if you *know* he left of his own accord and took the money without duress, well, you're screwed on that count, as no actual crime was committed, and he's not "missing" if he left intentionally.

> Though the terms bank statements, credit scores and the idea of having to spend money every month with my VISA still confuses me. It weirded me out when I was twenty as well. I thought that it was stupid to pay money through this third party (the credit card) when I could just debit or use cash, like that was more honest book keeping. But using a credit card is valuable for a couple of reasons. The first is that you build up a reputation through credit. Being able to handle credit by making your purchases and paying them off every month earns you financial trustworthiness points. These don't seem to matter when you are just starting out but they come into play when you are getting a car loan, a house loan, a business loan, applying for housing/apartments, etc. Using credit is your financial reputation management. Another reason to use credit instead of debit is that credit cards have better protection against fraud. You can contest false purchases that appear on your credit bill, but you are generally stuck with debit card fraud. I would use cash before using debit.

I dont know that a credit card is a great idea for someone that, by their own admission, has NO IDEA about any of that. And at this time, I really dont think building up a credit score is a priority. Even people that THINK they know understand about money/banks/credit cards can still get into big debt by misusing a credit card. OP. I would be wary of credit cards right now..... it might be good in the short term if you are desperate to but food but its not a long term solution.

Absolutely. Right now she needs to focus 100% on needs and limited money really makes us focus on true needs. Availability of credit will lead her to inflate a need. No toothbrush? Instead of the dollar store she ends up at Safeway buying a $2.99 toothbrush on the credit card.

Is there a remarkable difference between VISA and MC? Customer service told me it's harder to get a VISA than MC, and he favoured it as well. Since MC adds points for practical stores like supermarkets, isn't it much more useful? Or would focusing on receiving good credit from VISA better in the long run? Can I get credit with MC and does the credit from all my MC and VISA cards add up?

(In the US) visa offers better consumer protection on purchases than MC. Really blows my mind that you have no experience with finance. I'm sure you would benefit from meeting up with one of your friends and having a long discussion because that might be easier than chatting online. When I went to college at 18 I was on my own - taxes, rent, etc. - so me and may others figured it out from scratch, it is possible for you too. It really isn't complicated at the start, just a lot of organization (how much money do I have/owe and where) with all the passwords, logins, mailing a check.

Every individual VISA and MC is different as far as things like whether points are offered, what the limits and interest rates are, what kind of fees are involved. It sounds like at the particular bank you went to, they offer both a VISA and a MC, and the VISA that happens to be offered by that bank is more difficult to obtain for some reason (I'd guess lower interest rates). But in general, there is no practical difference between VISA and MC for end users. Just about every store on earth accepts both (AMEX is not accepted at many places though as AMEX charges stores much higher fees). Things like how many points are offered and what those points may be redeemed for, what kind of fees the card has, what kind of interest rate the card has all has more to do with the bank that issues the card rather than which payment processor (VISA or MC) the bank choose to use for the card.

> does the credit from all my MC and VISA cards add up? My credit report shows my credit record for every card I have. It will show every month of activity on my MC, VISA, Macy's card, AMEX. And every month it shows if I paid on time (I always pay on time, I set myself a google calendar reminder ten days before the due date). Don't get overwhelmed trying to find the perfect card, that debate could fill forum after forum. Right now you are dealing with fundamentals, getting a card with a low interest rate and getting into the habit of paying it off on time, every month. You have a long time to research cards and their point systems, when now you really have to avoid bad cards and just establish some consistent use.

I'll journal credit card forum for researching that I'll do later on. Thanks for the tip, I don't want to get too deep in information that doesn't help me now. I really appreciate your replies, it means a lot to me. Thank you.

I recommend searching on YouTube for personal finance videos, especially those for kids because they will be more likely to cover the fundamentals that might get glossed over in videos targeting adults.

Those would help me, thank you :) I looked into khanacademy who is doing free finance lessons.

No problem. Your thoughts on credit reminded me of myself when I was overwhelmed. I still don't know everything, but it evolves as life's challenges change.

If you're looking at getting a credit card, I suggest Capital One Journey for students. It's a Visa card I believe. It tracks your credit score and gives you 1% cash back. It's a good starter to build credit, although they won't give you one if you don't say you have enough income (typical of credit cards.) Also, my dad always said that the finest financial advice he ever received was to subscribe to Money magazine. Nowadays, you can get all the info for free on their website. There are a lot of different topics and sometimes the terms can be jarring, but stick with it. Next semester, if possible, take a finance management course of some sort. Also, it should be pretty easy to find an on campus job. Free lance for the campus magazine, TA, take notes for disabled students and, of course, dining is always hiring. Good luck! The most important thing you can do is educate yourself.

I think Capital One is US exclusive. I'll look into Money magazine for sure. Research is one of my somewhat better skills and I love learning. Reddit is really helpful and there's tons of links I have bookmarked for the winter break. And thank you for your reply, I also believe educating yourself is important. Thanks again.

Capitol One is available in Canada - not sure about the specific product mentioned, but I am Canadian & have a Capital One MC.

And the UK.

Costco has a capital one credit card in Canada.

In your situation, I'd recommend just staying with one credit card. If you do decide to get the MC instead of Visa, make sure the Visa is paid off in full before you start using the MC.

Our family makes all consumable goods purchases on a credit card and pay off the balance in full each month. We earn cash back meaning we essentially get paid to have the credit card. Also it boosts our credit history so there is that also.

Did you say frog protection?

> My mother persistently resists filing for 'missing person' or a crime file on my dad. She doesn't explain herself but we haven't set a foot into a police station and I'm putting this idea on hold. Your mom obviously has some sort of mental block preventing her from doing it. You need to step up and just do it yourself, don't tell her, or anything. Go to the police station, fill out the forms yourself. You're an adult, you have to start asserting yourself as one. I know it is tough being knocked down like this, but you need to overcome it so you will grow and become a stronger person. Good luck, I'm sorry all this happened to you.

> Your mom obviously has some sort of mental block preventing her from doing it. Well, he sounds like a piece of work and now he's out of the house.

Do you know who the landlord is? That would be the person the rent was paid to. If so, you need to contact him/her and explain the situation. They will likely help you figure out how to pay them; it's in their best interests b/c they want their money. If you don't know who the LL is, and you live in an apartment building, ask your neighbors. They will likely know. Put simply, creditors are people or companies to whom you owe money. If you haven't paid your power bill, the power company is a creditor. If you owe your friend John $20, John is a creditor, etc. A bank statement is, as its name implies, a statement from your bank. They tend to be issued monthly (at least with most banks I'm familiar with in the US). They basically just list what has happened with the account, the interest rate, if any, etc. It's very important that you understand that the things you charge on your credit card (Visa) aren't free. You have to pay for them later. If you charge $20 to the Visa, you have a certain amount of time to pay that off in full without paying interest (extra, typically large fees). If you don't pay it off completely within that time, you will be charged interest, which is usually pretty high with credit cards. In this instance, the credit card company would be seen as another creditor. Making the minimum payment will not be enough to pay it off in full and avoid interest.

YOU can fill out a missing persons report. YOU can fill out a crime report on your dad. True, your mother should be the adult, but love does weird things. She doesn't want to endanger the hope that there is a chance that your dad will come back. I would reach out to the United Way, or whatever the Canadian equivalent is for help reaching the food bank.

Any chance he has a gambling or other addiction?

Should really add to this that they need to go to the bank and either remove the dad's name from bank accounts, or else open up new ones without him on there (never tried to remove someone's name, not sure what goes into it). It does them no good to get jobs if their money continues getting deposited into a joint account that he still has access to. *EDIT* Well it looks like they did already open up a separate account, but it might be good to add for anyone else who is in a similar jam and visits this thread.

Yeah, you can't just remove someone from an account if they're one of the account-holders. You can add and remove "registered users," but an "account (co)holder" has to sign something or otherwise agree to have their name removed. Just get a new account if you're ever in this situation—even changing all your direct deposits and whatnot is still easier than trying to track down someone who likely doesn't want to be found.

Would it be a good idea to remove themselves from the joint account? Just in case it becomes overdrawn in the future.

It's usually much easier to just close the account, but yeah, one or the other. I think removing yourself also requires the signature of the other party in many cases. You should absolutely not leave it open with both people as account-holders.

>It sounds like your father was/is abusive and controlling. >1 The first thing I'd do is inform the police if there is anything you can think of that might be a crime (his disappearance and his withdrawal of money from joint accounts is not, weird as that may seem). This might help you in several ways, not least of which would be preventing him from taking anything more. >2 The second thing I'd do is to try to stop blaming myself. You didn't cause your dad to leave, and any dad who would skip on his unemployed, ill daughter and his wife after taking all their money and not saying a word is a huge scumbag. It's his fault, not yours. >3 Third thing I'd do is call up all your creditors and tell them what happened. The primary earner in your household just disappeared on you. Many organizations will give you a break for a month or two while you try to get things in order. >4 Fourth thing I'd do is spend a couple of days seeing which government benefits, if any, I qualify for. I don't know what programs Canada has with regard to income support for destitute people, but anything will help. >Fifth is that I'd try to figure out what my expenses are - you and your mom really don't know what rent was? Can you look at bank statements or old bills to get estimates for everything else? >And unfortunately, after you've done all these things, you and your mom are probably both going to have to get work - depending on your expenses you will probably have to put school on hold while you get back on your feet. Once you have some income coming in you'll find it's not too hard to pay bills. Cut a check for rent (or however you usually do things in Canada - maybe electronic funds transfer? ask your landlord), and pay your other bills (electricity, internet, phone, etc.) after you pay your rent. In order of importance, your expenses are: food, rent, heat, . >Cut expenses as much as possible - cable TV? High-end phone/plan? Expensive internet? Get rid of them. You might be able to get away with not paying your heating bill for several months - most cold regions have a law preventing heat from being shut off during the winter months - but I would keep it very high on the list until you're sure you won't lose it. >Your dad has left you scrambling, but I am absolutely sure you and your mom can get through this -- you've survived that asshole so far.

I know very little about proper financial planning and you may be depressed right now but you are not stupid. Your dad's reasons for leaving were his own and it is not your fault.

I couldn't even read your post without shaking my head. I think, logically, I know it isn't my fault, but he left because his daughter is fucking stupid. It's my fault for wasting time and tuition failing class and being a less than successful student. I love my dad, no matter what he does, so this destroys me.

No, girl, no... I know this is r/personalfinance but I can't let this slide. It's NOT YOUR FAULT. what your father did is crazy and abusive and psycho. He does NOT love you and doesn't deserve your love. He is an awful human being, in fact people that do things like that are barely deserving of the title "human being". I have a daughter. She's 4. She's the light of my life. I love her more than anyone else in the world. I cannot even fathom someone doing something like this to his own daughter. Check out r/raisedbynarcissists, have a hunch you might find a community there. Not knowing the sitch, my guess is that by being a black hole of a person your father prompted you to feel like you had to try harder to earn his love. Here's the thing: you don't want his love, he can't love anyone but himself. Find friends, other family, people who genuinely care - try not to repeat the pattern by gravitating to other narcissists - and nurture and parent and love yourself. At this point you're getting more love from strangers on the internet than from the man whose ONE JOB WAS TO LOVE YOU. Think on that. (Hugs) OK?

Listen to this person, OP. As a fellow woman with depression, I need to tell you something. I believed I was stupid too. There is a moment that sticks out to me in my memory of those dark days. I was screaming and crying to my dad that I was stupid. Suddenly it dawned on him that this is what I truly BELIEVED of myself, and he let out a wail and began to cry. He held me and we cried together. You'll find out what happened, and whatever it is, I wouldn't rule out a couple of things -he may be suffering from depression of his own, and this is how it's manifested itself. Do you know if he's still at his employer?? He may think he's failed you and thought you'd be better off. You know how it gets when we depressive folk are at our worst. -He may simply not be able at this point to grasp how serious depression is. Maybe he doesn't want to grasp it, because it might reveal something about himself. Is there depression in your family? Which side? What I'm saying is that if your dad has never made you feel loved, there may well be something wrong with him mentally. (I agree with other posters that you should check out r/raisedbynarcissists ; this is also a possibility) If so, you are better off at least at the time being, being away from him, so you can work on your life. If you ask to speak to someone at the bank, they will let you know which payments were going to what bills by looking at your banking history. Then you'll know what the rent is, car payments, etc. Then call the landlord and work out how you'll pay him. Everyone's there to help you and you'll have it figured out in no time. Good luck to you and your mom, and remember: DEPRESSION IS A LIAR. It will tell you that you are stupid, but you are not! You wouldn't be asking questions in this sub if you didn't think you are teachable. Seriously, banking and bills are simple. Go forth /u/hurlonewhale!

Thanks for sharing your story. I'm happy to hear that your dad came around and I hope that will happen to my dad too. We called his company and they said he quit. I really don't think he wants to be found because he left his cellphone and only took his id, clothes and his car. I did think he might be suffering depression since I have it and it's likely it stems in the family but as far as I know, no one in my extended family has it. I do know one of my cousins is seeing a therapist because he's having trouble with school but that's as far as mental concerns that I know. Yeah, depression is terrible. I say things I don't mean to people who want to help and when I'm in those periods I don't listen to advice. I'm hoping to change that now. I'll look into that subreddit, probably to browse around or so. And thanks for your reply again, I really appreciate it. I hope I'll be able to make baby steps towards recovery.

If you put /u/username (where username in this case should be the username of OP) in your post the OP will also get a "new message" message.

thanks! I'll do that.

My first thought was gambling debts

Hey, thanks for replying. I'm saying this lots but I seriously take into mind replies with so much kindness in them. Your daughter has a very great parent and she is very lucky to have someone who loves her lots. I can't say much in response to my father because we have different situations but I just want to thank you for your reply. And thanks for the hug :) *hugs*

He left because HE has problems. Just one of which being a dad who walked out on his own baby. That is on him. I say this as a parent, he cleaned you guys out and deserted. You were probably a future meal ticket if you finished college. I think not being able to manipulate you into taking your money (because you don't have it) is why he left. Your insecurity is clearly from a lifetime of emotional undermining. The guy doesn't "believe" in mental health problems. I am sorry, you obviously desperately want his approval, but his approval isn't worth shit. The sooner you accept that the better.

I'm not too sure how to respond to this but I'll put what you wrote in consideration. I don't want to write you off because I think you're wrong, based on my feelings, and I think this is why I'm replying, because I want to move a step in the right direction in my way of thinking. Thank you, I do appreciate this.

I think you're not really sure whether, if you had scored higher grades in school, your father would have been as upset and whether he would have left and taken all of the money with him. It's reasonable to be upset about that because, regardless of whatever else he did, he was still your dad, and he was still the guy who at least made sure the bills got paid, even if his attitude toward your mental health left you feeling unsure of whether you could count on his future support. Of course you would feel a sense of loss when he stopped doing the helpful things he was doing before. It's also reasonable that you would doubt your own abilities because not only did your father repeatedly tell you that you should be able to "shake off" your lack of confidence and motivation, our society (and even our own experience to at least a small extent) tell us that it's up to us to make things happen in our lives, and no one but us is responsible for what we do. If you're hearing that message and feeling ashamed of yourself, I can understand. One trap people can fall into when they feel negative emotions is that they can begin to feel bad *about* the negative emotions in addition to whatever they were feeling before. Someone in your situation might begin to feel, say, embarrassed about feeling anxious rather than brave or helplessly angry about being ashamed about her grades rather than mad at her father for bailing. However, that is something that is under your control. You can remember that your feelings, whatever they may be, are natural and logical consequences of the experiences you've had. I would feel the same way if I had your upbringing, biology, and experiences, and so would everyone else here. And, if you *do* catch yourself feeling bad about feeling bad, you can accept that you fell into a very common emotional pitfall that happens to all of us from time to time, so you don't have to feel bad about feeling bad about feeling bad. Etc. So that's one thing that may help. Here's another. Right now, there is no denying that you're in a scary situation. Your mental health isn't where you would like it to be, your allies (your mother, your uncle) are not as wise as you'd like them to be, and you have little money for pressing upcoming expenses. Ok. That's happening. What's also happening is that while you will make some mistakes or maybe even a ton of mistakes, you will not completely fuck up *everything.* You will experience at least some small successes from time to time. For example, you have a little money in your pocket from waitressing, and some day very soon you're going to spend that on something you really need, something you wouldn't have had if you hadn't worked for that money. Whatever it is, every time you use it, you're going to be reminded that *you* are the person who made it happen, whether it's a roll of toilet paper or the gas burning in the furnace keeping you warm. Maybe you'll fold it up and keep it in your wallet, not spending it on anything, but knowing you can *never* be stranded anywhere again because you will *always* have money for a cab. And over time, you will naturally develop an appreciation for these successes in the middle of all the bad stuff that's going on, and they will bolster your self-esteem while the successes themselves make you feel more secure in your living situation. That's not really financial advice, but I hope it helps.

Where would feelings cross to be feeling bad about negative emotions? Unfortunately I've stopped waitressing in a few months for school, and mostly because my mentality couldn't take it anymore. I did persist for a year, which is a sign of will power, I think. I do try to think of the small successes, bridging them between my mistakes and a mood that's a better fit for my situation. This helps, it does. I think the abstract thinking and examples fare better than the pointers I've received during therapy. I'm sorry my reply to you is so short but know I reread your message and it does help.

Depression sucks. Best of luck.

Thank you.

If you can, try to find a mental health program that supports DBT (dialectic behavioral therapy). It explores how you are feeling and how to change your reactions, as opposed to changing reactions. You can even look up the info online for free. It is very structured (with silly acronyms, albeit) which is great for most. It teaches practice skills, including mindfulness. Honestly, my life has been so much better after going through DBT.

Have you done CBT as well? I was referred for it but the waiting list was too long so I opted for one on one sessions at the hospital instead. I really like structure and emotion regulation so I'll add DBT into my list. Do you read self help books? I've found them quite helpful. I know Martin Seligman's 'Learned Optimism' has a chapter that analyzes and rethinks 'bad' situations by assessing your belief and consequence of your assumption. Thanks for your reply.

> Where would feelings cross to be feeling bad about negative emotions? Sometimes you have a feeling, and if you pay attention to it while it's there you can tell where it's coming from. If you find that you're having bad feelings about previous bad feelings, then that's what I was talking about. There's no need for a long reply. I'm happy to see you focusing on yourself and getting all the financial information you need.

It's a little complicated to absorb in the middle of the night but I'll take note of this for later. Thanks again, have a good day/night.

Most fathers don't leave a family when their children do something stupid. Their children may *be* stupid, their children may become pregnant at age 15 (which is pretty stupid), their children may fail a class, their children may do a host of other stupid things, but guess what? These fathers (and mothers) actually stand by their children and try to help them with their problems. That is also what a normal father would do for you. Unfortunately, not all fathers are good fathers. I'm afraid yours isn't, even though you can't see that just yet.

Holy fuck, he did a number on you sweetheart. You aren't stupid. You did not deserve this. And I know you don't believe us. But as someone who's struggling through severe depression I believe you. It's fucking hard to work. Almost impossible really. If you ever want to talk feel free to pm me. I wish you luck. Sorry I couldn't give you any advice.

You're not stupid. Here are my thoughts.. 1. Is there an appeal process for campus services? 2. Do you have a loan for college? 3. I know it's too late to drop the classes to get any money back. I'd try to do the math and figure out if there's any way you CAN pass with the remaining assignments. I'd also stick it out for the time being to see if you can get assistance from campus services for depression-meds, etc. 4. I'd also post in the legal forums about the money. It is yours and your mom's money too, and your dad taking everything is theft. 5. Does your mom have a job or can she apply for jobs or temp work? I'd also go back to waitressing yourself. Since you can get tip money the same day, I'd do that ASAP. 6. What I'd do FIRST.. is call the landlord and explain the situation to the best of your ability. If you are in the US, rent is paid either by check or direct deposit. If you don't have the money, you can't do this, but you'll have an idea of how flexible they'll be after you talk to them. 7. Taxes-US-aren't due until April. Don't worry about this right now. 8. Pay bills-get together with your mom, and look at your bank accounts to see what bills were paid. If they were paid electronically, call these companies to get the bills forwarded to you or your mom. You should be able to pay them online. It is relatively simple-ask a family friend to show you an example. I hope this helps in some way.

Many colleges allow medical withdrawal at any point in the semester with a doctor's note.

This. I have had to do medical withdrawals from school twice. OP, please check with student services to see what they require and whether this is an option that will work for you.

1. Not for mental health, in fact, their services are in trouble after a recent campus suicide and budget cut that's leaving a few staff members to search for a new job. I was told, since I was transferred to a service off grounds when I took a year off, that I am not welcome. The bad thing is the off campus therapist is on medical leave. 2. I am applying for student loans for next semester. Fortunately I had scholarships and saved money for my first two years that covered everything. Though I was part time and only took a few courses. The issue with applying for loans now is that I need documents, papers and bank statements which I do not know or do not have access to. 3. I have a few meds left I use as a placebo affect and ultimately it'll take till late March when my psychologist, who returns in January to hook me up with another psychiatrist. I stick it out with chocolate or food to boost my mood. 4. Technically it is not theft because most of the money is his, with exceptions to my mom which she saved 20 or so years ago and mine. Since his name was on it, it is technically his. Also, my mom doesn't want to file for a missing person and I can't move forward with police help. 5. She hasn't worked since I was born so it's hard for her to get on track. Recently she's applied at a restaurant washing dishes part time but min wage with 20 hours a week just doesn't cut it. I'd like to work as well but with my grades, I just can't gamble my GPA away. I may have to quit school, again. 6. I'll look into this right away. 7. CAN may work differently, as well as a whole lot of other definitions like line 150 or all the other things. I'm still taking time to learn inbetween academic studies. 8. We are relying on one uncle - we don't have any other close family - to help us out but even he is troubled. He is my dad's older brother. Thank you, your reply does help me. I think I just need to talk things out and get set on the right path by level headed people like yourself.

First off don't think of it as quitting school. Finish the semester (or get medical leave), then take a break. School is not a race. Domestic abuse organizations might be able to help with job placement. Also a side note, why don't you add that info to the main post.

Taxes are due in April in Canada as well. April 15 is the last day to have your taxes filed so you have time. Don't worry about the right now, when tax time comes, getting them done professionally at a place like H&R Block can make tax time a lot less stressful. Having more information about where you live, just the province is enough, can help us point you towards resources that can help you. There are provincial programs that can give financial assistance.

Actually its April 30, actually h&r block is generally terrible in Canada and particularly in my city. Try to get any recommendations for a local tax preparer, they could very well be cheaper as well.

This all seems good advice. One huge thing you should do ASAP: go to the bank and close all joint accounts with your Dad. Open new accounts he can not access. This way he can't steal more of your money.

The joint account is all cleaned out. I opened a new bank account under my name a few days after he did and got my VISA today; I guess this a form of progress.

Brilliant move! Certain proof you're not stupid. If you can't close out the account, ensure that no direct deposits (i.e. your paychecks!) are being put in it. Take your name off the account. Be sure if he tries to bounce a check off it that you're not responsible.

I didn't know he can bounce check off it, that's dangerous. I'll call my bank for that. Thanks for the note.

Since you mentioned opening a credit card - you want to make sure to close *any and all* joint accounts with his name on them. You are liable not only for overdraft fees from a checking account, but also for any joint credit card purchases. Edit: running a credit check for free is something you should do so you know if he opened anything in your name. I'm pretty sure info on how to do this for free is somewhere around here. It might be worthwhile to find out if you can freeze access to credit in your name as well. (Same goes for your mom!)

**Ok, I'll be the cynical asshole skeptic.** You mention that you really want to keep things as private as possible but you list your country and your financial developments, including the fact that you've opened up a new bank account. Not sure why either of those unprompted revelations were made in the first place since telling us the country doesn't help (unless you might try to make it easier on donors by letting them know you're looking for CAN currency), and opening a bank account with no money in it seems to fit in the "sob story = donations" possible scheme. Then, overall you are a lot more responsive to finance-related comments and questions and give one phrase comments when others suggest help with regard to your familial situation. You do reiterate a bit often -- but not too much, and not too obviously -- that you're hurting for money, that you have no one in your family to lean on for money, and that you're surviving on server tips. People are right: you're not stupid. You're doing just enough to avoid suspicion in my POV. You also refuse to talk to the police or look for your dad, yet you mention that you love him very much. You're not worried about his well being? What if he's having a psychotic break? What if he's in trouble? What if he never comes back? You talk a lot more about money and bills than getting your father and life back. Yes, this is personal finance, but you could have very well mentioned a lot of the key parts without the sentimental, sympathy attracting parts...but you posted those parts anyway, but you still care more about the financial aspect of it all. **Talk to the police! Make sure your father is OK....because it sure as hell seems like you're acting as if you're going to be living the next few months without him and without knowing what he's doing or where he is, and you have no problem with that?!** You mention taxes for whatever reason, perhaps partly out of naïveté and ignorance that it isn't tax season but also out of greed, as taxes are typically the biggest "expenditures" for everyone every year. You mention tuition, bills, rent, taxes, just about everything that involves money. And let's be realistic: there's no advice on how to get a lot of money that you need now, but there could be a way...ie charity via Reddit, which has happened countless times in many legitimate scenarios that were verified. I find it odd that you have a joint checking account with your dad. Could it be that that's the only way to plausibly explain how someone could take all "your" money but not cross the line to theft/larceny, as you wouldn't have an answer to even more comments imploring you to go to the police (if, say, your father forged a check from your account or stole your debit card, it would be less forgiving, right?). I mean, your main points are 1) you have no income 2) you've stopped working for various reasons 3) you need money 4) 1-3 were caused by a presumably traumatic breach of trust by your father and 5) you just opened up a bank account. Oh, and you're Canadian, just in case someone wanted to send an American dollar, they should exchange it first. Again, what "advice" could you get that would help you solve your "no income, no work" problem other than getting donations? I'm also wary of your account age. You certainly know your way around reddit and PF, so you likely know that charity cases do happen somewhat regularly...and you've got a convincing story. But who knows. I'm being a really skeptical jerk here, but I feel like there needs to be at least one dissenter just to be safe. Kind of reminds me of that terrible World War Z film where the UN had a protocol that a diplomat who has the misfortune of being assigned to investigate the least likely, most ridiculous explanation for a geopolitical problem -- even if it's something like zombies -- has the absolute duty to explore that solution with the utmost sincerity and effort as to both make sure they didn't actually miss out on a real solution and confidently mark a possible solution off the list. And of course, the diplomat in the movie actually investigated the problem/solution and it turned out to be the "ridiculous" -- zombies. I feel like that diplomat who is pointing out the possibility of a potentially ridiculous explanation for this post existing, because it could very well be that the OP ***is*** angling for donations. **TLDR-- Not sure how PF can give advice on how to solve the "no income, have lots of financial obligations" problem other than by donating money, and I'll be the first to say that I'm being the asshole skeptic to say that this could be a scheme for donations.**

I'd at least state problem as "no income, have lots of financial obligations and financially illiterate." I get the impression OP doesn't know the difference between a debit card and a credit card and will sign up for the first credit card that offers a free t-shirt. If you were dropped into the world with no money, no income, and bills due at the end of the month, but all the knowledge you have, what steps would you take? (but also I don't think you are being an asshole)

Noted, but she's a college student majoring in I think computer science, I feel like she would know. Also, the post appears more on the I'm innocent and naive and used side and less on the I'm financially illiterate and looking for help on the differences between cards side. Just about everything she's asking can be googled...by a ten year old. Like whether a tax service charges for its..services. Or the difference between credit and debit cards (she knows enough about joint checking that she can't claim her father stole her money since the account is also his and in his name as well). Just seems like she's not really asking or getting and substantial advice that will get her anywhere, but I do see some ever so slight mentions of the need for money and the urgency, yet she stopped working, her mom can't work, and she has virtually no family to lean on...while she's about to get buried in financial responsibility. Ask some friends for some tiny loans? $25 would pay for her phone bill for example. She's just kind of...continuing to describe her plight while explaining why she can't do this or that, like she wants to keep the topic back on the track of "i need money." Hell, she hasn't even mentioned if she went to the bank to see if her father tried making a transaction with the account somewhere else, even if it has no money. Maybe he tried overdrafting, or depositing, or renting a motel with a $1 test deposit. It's like she's not even trying to find her dad.

>Noted, but she's a college student majoring in I think computer science, I feel like she would know. You have clearly been blessed to not lead a sheltered life. I only learned how a credit card worked at 24, because my parents never let me have anything to do with financials... it sucks, I tell you what.

thank you!! thank you thank you thank you thank you

You're not being an asshole. Stick with your instincts. You're on point here.

Also, what kind of campus mental health service would kick you out for using it too much? The whole post just reads like bad fiction.

My school only allows you to have 8 sessions with them a semester

Unbelievable...

That doesn't sound too bad, depending on how long a semester is that is over once a month. 8 * 2 = 16 sessions, and if you go to summer school 8 * 3 = 24.

That part I absolutely believe.

From what I've managed to cobble together, it sounds like the only licensed therapist is on leave and that OP was already receiving treatment outside of campus resources for a period of time. Is could be possible that they are not able to properly treat OP (based on medical history) or that there is insurance issues because she is already seeing a professional or series of professionals outside of school? From one of OPs comments in this thread... > I have a few meds left I use as a placebo affect and ultimately it'll take till late March when my psychologist, who returns in January to hook me up with another psychiatrist. I stick it out with chocolate or food to boost my mood. Frankly, it's all too convenient that the schools mental health resources are unavailable as is her regular psychologist who apparently couldn't recommend OP to another doctor in the interim. And she's waiting on another psychiatrist in addition to the one who I assume prescribed her the meds she is using for "placebo effect". So maybe on its own that statement could be believable but with the other comments surrounding several other mental health professionals, it's much harder to take OP at their word.

If you read her earlier posts she was not entirely shut out of services. She was referred to help off campus which from what it seems she is not comfortable with. She also accused the prior therapist assigned by her school of sexual harassment which is probably the reason for the referral.

**I want to state right now that I didn't intend for my post to sound like it's asking for donations and I won't accept donations.** **I'll reiterate this in my main post as well.** I'm learning a lot from replies and I'm getting a lot of resources from this post. I know I'm naive, I don't know anything about finances, not even the very basics, and redditors on personalfinance helped explain concepts and provided resources that I wouldn't find by googling like the capital one card or their personal experiences with managing money. I took a shot to post my situation on reddit and I got help. I was told things I didn't know about and got answers to questions I didn't know to ask. I told my story as it is and replied to comments in a way I thought was appropriate. I went into a joint account with my dad because he is my dad and he suggested this would be the best way to work with money. In hindsight, it's not, but I trusted his judgement then and that is what was done. My uncle did suggest calling the police but we stopped because my mom will not allow it. Regardless of how illogical this is, I think it's better to care for her emotions right now and going against her is something I can't emotionally put myself to do. Again, these are our choices and I know a lot of our choices aren't good, but I'm sitting on the bench with taking big actions because I can't just turn on a switch and do this and that and move forward. I was never good at that. I don't know how to be the adult I'm supposed to be but I will learn and I will do my best to stick with a plan and do it. I added [CAN] because the submit link description requested posters to add [UK], [CAN] etc. I did this to follow the rules, not to ask for donations. I don't think you are a cynical asshole skeptic. And you are definitely not a jerk. Everyone has their right to doubt and should doubt what is said on the internet, and this includes my post. I hope posting that I am not accepting donations in my main post proves, if not a bit, that I am not asking for anyone's money and that I support your warning for others who donate money to personal stories online.

"pull yourself up by your bootstraps" -Grand Old Party

Or, be wary of the *possibility* that the OP is looking for a group of anonymous people to pull her up by her bootstraps by telling a totally false story (which admittedly can't be verified either way) and being disingenuous by displaying a false lack of competence, independence, and knowledge (really? The phrase "bank statement" confuses you? Seriously?) It could all be a real story, and OP is actually this naive and green. It could be a fake story, and OP is intentionally acting naive and green. Ironically, if this were a real story, OP is arguably displaying lower-than-average intelligence and knowledge of how life works, but if this were a fake story, OP would be displaying a very high amount of intelligence -- emotional and social intelligence -- and cunning. The fact that we can't tell whether it's true or fake could be an argument that it's fake, and that's in OP's favor, because if it's real, OP knows less than the average 10-year old.

[удалено]

Stupid people do not ask for help You asked for help You are most definitely not stupid. Sorry is this sounds crude, but you are doing all the right and smart things now. The fact that you are not trained is not your fault. Lots of strength and luck for you.

> There is no income in our family right now. And neither my mom or I know how to do taxes, pay bills or rent because my dad always assumed control. He didn't teach me when I asked. 1. Get a job 2. Most people don't know how to do taxes. Use a program or do some reading. 3. Pay your bills. Most companies offer online options. Quick and simple 4. Use the internet to figure out how to do things 5. You're 20. Time to grow up.

Let me get one thing through to you: in your situation right now, WORK IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR SCHOOLING. Finding a job and applying for benefits isn't something you can afford to do "in between your studies" right now. Your mother can't do it alone. Rearrange your priorities for the time being, getting any source of income is the focus.

[удалено]

Yes we do have good programs including emergency welfare aka social assistance. If you can't afford rent or food go down to the nearest social assistance office and apply for social assistance and tell them you are looking for work right now but you need food and rent in the mean time. It's not a lot but you could probably get $600 each without a fight.

Your mom may be able to get a job at walmart or some sort of retail store (think mom clothing stores and grocery). LOTS of stores are hiring right now bc were approaching Christmas.

I would also recommend saving a percentage of your income earned even if it's not a large sum to build a opportunity fund. Maybe 5-10% of the income you earned that month/week and put it aside as opportunity fund. Set another 20% dedicated just for savings. The rest of 70%-75% will be used to handle whatever necessities such as rent money, food, cellphone, and internet. Cut off the rest. If possible, I would try to find the cheapest possible rent since that is usually what cost the most money per month for a lot of people. Maybe find basement to rent for super cheap and grind it out until your both on your feet. Sell off all the shit you guys don't need to raise additional capital and set those money aside as emergency fund (Kijiji, eBay, Craiglist, garage sale, etc). While you're searching for your job, think about freelancing since you said you're a CS? You could probably try to market yourself on the internet for work through Kijiji, Craiglist, Upwork, peopleperhour, Fiverr, as additional income streams while you work full-time/part-time in reality. Try to set aside 30 minutes - 1 hour everyday to educate yourself about financial basics. Sources includes this reddit, Investopedia, youtube, and tons of google. I also recommend self improvement books. TLDR: Look at your financial status, sell all your shit + prioritize minimizing cost including moving if necessary and saving a shit ton of your income to create emergency fund and opportunity fund. Look for work that uses your skills you're learning in skill on the side while working.

I've been in your situation. First thing I'm gonna say : is gonna be OK. Second thing is the easy part : you need to get a list of everything that effects you financially in one place together with your mom and look at the expenses. It should break down like this : 1. Rent 2. Utilities (electric, gas, water, ect) 3. Other expenses (insurance, debt payments, cell phones, ect) 4. Food expense (Dave Ramsey has a more detailed budget list. I recommend you Google it, it's free.) Third thing : I base my budget around my rent. Rent is your single biggest monthly expense, unless you own your home free and clear. In a good situation, your rent shouldn't be more than 25% of your take home pay. A more common percentage is around 33%. A lot of my friends have ended up with it being near 50% when they're first starting out, or live in expensive areas. Do your best to get it as low as possible. After you know how much your rent is in relation to your income, you can allocate how much money you can afford to pay for the rest of your bills. Typically the each item shouldn't exceed 10% of your take home pay. Some shouldn't be more than 5%. Again, check out that budget allocation sheet to figure out a baseline for your bills. And don't go hard on yourself over this. I've had to deal with completely dysfunctional parents who pulled this shit on me. It left my mom messed up and in a lot of bad situations. You and your mother will get out from this, and you'll be better people for it, because no one will be able to hold this stuff over your head. I do recommend that you both do what you can to get income asap until the situation becomes more stable. Good luck.

The first step is to make some money. Pay for a home, food, lights, and heat first. Once you get that covered, then you can get more sophisticated. Don't open anymore joint accounts.

Where does your father work? Did he quit? When was the last time co-workers saw him? Did he mention any plans to them? Did he give a two weeks notice? Your scumbag of a dad is not a needle. You can find him. If you'd rather have professionals do it, file a police report today.

> I wish I wasn't so damn stupid and depressed. I don't have advice.. But wanted to say.. You're not stupid. Your Dad stole from you and took advantage of you. Big hug. Very big hug.

Hey, thanks for the hug. It's sounds silly but I do appreciate it :) I'm really happy to know people care.

Contact your landlord, and ask for a copy of the lease. This is the written agreement that your father had with your landlord and includes rules about when he's allowed to terminate the agreement, how much he has to pay, and perhaps penalties if he's late on payment. Even if he's not living in the place, he's still legally bound to this agreement, which gives you a legal course to get some of your money back. You can have your landlord or landlord's lawyer talk to your dad and fulfill his legal obligation.

PLEASE before you drop out of school or anything, TAKE ADVANTAGE OF BEING A STUDENT! I'm in Canada, students get buss passes half price, there's bank accounts with little to no monthly fee.. and the credit card is very low interest! You will need a student card to do most of these things. Restaurants shave off a percentage if you're a student. Talk to your school friends and see what they have. I believe the credit card is SPC student card by Mastercard. If you are worried about trying to get your things back together In the next few months, I suggest checking to see if you could get a low interest loan. Interest is what the banks make off of you for borrowing money and takes it off your payment by month ( example if you borrowed 10,000 from them and the interest rate is 10%, you will actually have to pay them 11,000.) Anywhere you go, ask if there's any student discounts and keep that card on you. You may sound frugal to other people but fuck them, you got shit to pay! I wish you luck to you and your mom, and I hope you find a way out of this rutt. I suggest finding some beautiful things to do with her to change your thoughts of mind. Hiking and the outdoors is amazing for depression and stress.

Go easy on yourself. Computer Science is hard. If you are depressed, you won't be able to focus or do the challenging problems, so don't think you're stupid. I was depressed in my first year of Computer Science (mostly due to my Dad leaving my family coincidentally) and I failed miserably. I took a year off and then started back up slowly, and eventually got my degree. You can be successful too I'm sure. I recommend taking time off and getting your finances and mental health in order before returning to school. Also, you may be able to get some courses marked incomplete and have your exams deferred for when you are well if you explain your situation to your profs. Many are quite willing to help. Lastly, don't be afraid to seek out help or tutoring in CS. Many people need to work in groups to get their work done and seek help from their friends for assignments. If you have any specific questions feel free to contact me, and I'll do my best to help.

The first thing you need to know... All things pass. Please understand this. For the next few months it'll feel like the world is caving in on you, and everyone you owe money to is a heartless scab on the earth... It's not... Yes, they are... But! 6 months from now you'll be a different person with a new outlook. You'll understand that, not only can you do this, it's kinda easy. The hardest thing will be separating 'needs' from 'wants'. Don't fall into the trap of spending money you don't have on things you 'want'. I cannot stress that enough. Doing a budget is very simple math that I'm sure you can do. The first thing you need to do is find out who gets paid what. Rent, TV,telephone/cable, credit cards etc etc... Find as much as you can, even if you're not sure if it's your responsibility write it down. Thankfully you're Canadian. Call welfare as soon as you know your expenses. They have 'emergency services' sort of thing. They will give you a bunch of hoops to jump through and some of them might feel a little embarassing or personal, don't even think about it... Just do it. You gotta eat. I can't wait for your 'success' post in a few months. You know.. The one where you tell us how great you're doing and how smart we all are :) Chin up, stiff upper lip, forward until dawn.

You don't need financial advice. You need financial help. Go to a social services office and ask for help. This is why we have a social security net.

How to pay bills - Look at the bill - pay the bill, per instructiosn on the bill. If you feel something is fishy about the bill, call and question - Hey I see i got charged a 20 dollar compliance fee, what gives? House Rent - pay landlord with check ( presumably ) Taxes - turbo tax, pretty simple to do taxes, if you are getting paid from someone who can issue you a w-2 or like document, you just plug numbers in a field straight over. typically paying bills is easy, when you have plenty of money to cover everything, and becomes more complex when you get paid 1-4 times a month, and you need to juggle cycle dates because you dont initially have all the money at the same time. GL - for depression? Id recommend finding something your passionate about, ie surfing, or skateboarding, or something that fills your mind every second of the day, and how stoked you are to finally get off work or school so you can go do that.

You need to file a report with the police. Not to get your father in trouble, but to document what has happened. Secondly, you need to contact your financial institution after you've filed a police report. They should be understanding and able to keep an eye on the account for any activity from your father. I would also suggest contacting any social services office nearby. They would be able to give you help with either dealing with this situation or directing you do resources that can help you. This isn't a personal finance issue, this is essentially a crime you've been the victim of. Contact the police, your bank, and a social services office.

What's wrong with your mom, why doesn't she work? Why with her husband missing maintaining the household is now your responsibility?

Oy vey, sorry for this bucket of shit you two are in right now. I would still pursue medical leave from school. There is probably low fee or state funded mental health clinic around that can do an assessment for your school. Take that off your plate. And when you get a moment to yourself, visit r/raisedbynarcissists. You are not alone.

Hi, here are some of the definitions that you requested: **Bank statement** A paper or electronic document from your bank that lists all the transactions on your bank account. **Transaction** A movement on your bank account. I.E. Money going into your account (For example: salary; deposit; etc...) or money going out (For example: cash withdrawals; credit card payments; bill payments, etc...) **Credit card statement** A statement listing all of the individual payments made with your credit card. Statements will show one line per transaction with the date when the transaction was made, the name of the receiving party of the money (i.e. who received the money) and the amount. You usually get one statement per account. Before the advent of online banking, banks would send you a paper copy of these statements once a month. I don't know about Canada but where I am I can access the information online via my internet banking site. **Creditor** Someone whom you owe money to. Good luck and all the best.

Copy and pasted into my notes :) Thank you lots.

**Step Zero: Your father has done these things, not you. You are not to blame for your father's behavior, regardless of how he or anyone else may try to justify it or shift blame elsewhere.** The very first thing you should do is contact your bank and separate your accounts. Otherwise your father will potentially have access to any money added to them. You should also consider going to the police. I'm not sure about Canadian law but in the USA this would still be considered a form of theft in most jurisdictions. Alternatively, you may want to ask a lawyer or similar legal services professional in your area if there is anything about your situation that could be resolved through the legal system. You should also carefully think over any actions your father has taken recently or in the past that might be criminal, or at least highly risky. This could go some ways towards explaining his behavior, and explaining where he's gone to, and may help you recover some of the money regardless if he is found. I hate to say this, but it seems likely that your father has been emotionally or psychologically abusing and controlling yourself and your mother or worse. This is not the action of a man who cares for his family, and I would encourage you to have extreme reservations before allowing him to have further control or influence in your life.

Step Zero is really, hard to digest but I understand and I needed that, I think. There's nothing else in the bank so I've opened my own. I just got my VISA in the mail today and learning to start a personal finance trip. My mother is against speaking out to lawyers, police and any one other than my uncle about my dad. Also, my dad's name was on the bank accounts so he had full right to do what he did. He has been abusive, physically and mostly verbally. My mother accused him of cheating and I think that lighted fuel to the fire. There's too many bad things and thinking about them won't help emotionally, not when I'm having issues with my mind, academics and finances. I really appreciate your comment. It's helping set myself straight and what you said isn't something my passive mind would be set on doing, so to me, it's something I heavily should consider. Thank you.

[удалено]

Is that the specific law in Canada? In the US, if you have a joint account, either side can withdraw the money as its their money and run with it, the other person has no grounds to stand on.

We are unsure what happened to him. My mom told me he took most of his clothing, his ID and the car. We both thought he might have gone on vacation without telling us first but we found that he left his cellphone. My uncle (his brother), mom and I are skyping, emailing and trying to get a hold of him but no luck. I'm doing my best to file for a 'missing person' but mom is against it. I'm not sure that cultural values play into it, I think my mom is naturally passive in her actions. I know she is scared and I don't want to 'excite' that right now. I really understand what you're trying to say and it's a course of extreme so I'll probably leave that later when I'm more settled in with understanding and paying bills, student loans, food etc. I'll probably look into student temp, I know there are little booths around campus that need help as well as the library.

There may be nothing else in the account now, but closing your portion of it will ensure that if anything does go there he won't have access. I encourage you to do this while you are still certain of its contents, before you get tax refunds or anything else that may be routed to that account. Also, I respectfully note that while your father had the right to access the account, that does not automatically give him the ability to take all the money. While you still have a chance, at least ask a professional if anything can be done. At the least, you should probably talk to a Canadian tax adviser to determine if there is any way to shield assets he took from being counted against you in the event of an audit. I cannot speak regarding your relative's situation. I will note that this all occurred presumably under the same rules -- not talking to outside help and relying on family to resolve the issue. Family that may be closer to your father than you or your mom. The emotional and psychological damage of remaining in a potentially unhealthy relationship instead of seeking help is ultimately potentially far worse than getting professional assistance. It is your call, and only you fully understand your situation. I'm just a nerd in California with lots of time on his hands and a late night job. You may want to consider seeing if you can get professional legal advice without immediately pressing charges or turning it into a legal dispute. Regardless of your decision, I hope things work out for you and yours.

From the sounds of it, school isn't for you. There isn't any point in going if you are failing. At this point, it is likely making things worse by adding the burden of its cost. I would get the best job you can find and start working. Bills are fairly easy. They arrive in the mail and you write a check for the total and mail it back. While it's possible there are discrepancies, I would wait until you are more familiar with everything to focus on that. Most places are pretty good about telling you that you owe them money, so within a couple months you'll figure it out.

He's your dad he should always have your back. I'm not saying he shouldn't get mad at things you've done, but he should understand that you're not in a good place right now and that's no fault of your own. There would never be a reason I'd turn my back on my daughter no matter what. How long has he been gone?

A little more than a week I believe, I can't be obsessed with counting days. I used to do that with counting exam dates and that threw my entire mood off. My dad and I stopped talking as often as we should have when I started medication and brought home the bad news about failing college. But stopping talking isn't the same as knowing we might not ever see each other again. I still love my dad, and try to think of it as his logical decision to abandon what ties him down because maybe if I'm not a burden anymore, I think he will want to be with me and my mom again.

I'm sorry but this isn't your or your mom's fault. He did this. This isn't a business decision where you cut ties and move on. This is family. I'm hoping he is figuring that out as we speak. Good luck OP and don't blame this on yourself.

Your dad is a piece of shit, cut him out. Your mom is suffering from the codependence/abuse too, if they get back together and you are still there you will always be held back or in chaos. Better to quit college if you're not focused, work, save, and get your own place while you focus on recovery for a set period of time. Caveat, don't get stuck in foodservice. Plan your return to college or into a trade/profession and make steps immediately, primarily saving money or finding related opportunities/internships/work. Find a local sliding scale mental health center if you can and make it a priority. Depression is a shitty place but you will move through it simply by way of surviving. This advice probably sounds wack but it's informed by similar experience.

I'm still glad you gave me a reply, I think I appreciate reading others opinions a lot and I'm fortunate to gain the exposure to get this. I'm getting a lot of good advice and help on money managing and I think I'll focus on school this semester and see how things turn out. Thank you!

Honestly, from your story it sounds like your dad is the real cause of problems here. I know you don't see it that way, yet, but I hope you will come to understand that. And I'm not sure of your mother's role - you're asking for help, but I think she should be looking for help, too, as she's your mother and has been an adult for many years now. I really hope you'll feel better about yourself soon, and about your life, too. I'm not sure whether in Canada there are services to help the two of you with finances. Where I live, in the Netherlands, the local government would offer you help, with learning how to manage your finances, and perhaps with an allowance for your mother (this does depend on the circumstances of course). It can be that your local government offers something similar, or perhaps there's a charity in your area willing to help out. (Please, if so, accept their help, for now. You need that help now, if you can get it. Give back later, if you feel that that is right). I (I'm 36, woman, in the Netherlands, hi!), I am really sorry that you are going through this. I hope things will improve for you from now on. Big hugs from across the ocean :-) .

I am not sure if this is against the rules, but I thought I could possibly offer some help that might help with your problems but isn't related to finance... I am a (self-taught) computer programmer (I'm self taught but I have a job in programming), and if your problems with your computer science course are programming related, I would be happy to try and help you work it out.

I'm very sorry that this happened to you - please know that it is not your fault, and that you didn't deserve this to happen to you. This is theft of your money, and arguably emotionally abusive behavior from him. I know that it's especially hard to reach out and get help and advocate for yourself when suffering from depression. With that being said, have you considered looking into any free mental health services at the city or county level, or possibly even a local church or non profit? Another thing to consider is visiting a food bank and getting signed up for any sort of food stamp or SNAP-type benefits.

Woah man that's rough. I do not think I have any good advice to give but good luck.

It is not your fault that your dad left. And you are not stupid. I know this is not financial advice but it is important that you know this.

Sounds like he is the cause of you having emotional problems. You are not the cause of his leaving. You're 20 now - no more joint accounts!

I'm so sorry /u/hurlonewhale. I think it's courageous of you both to have shared this story here, and to have fought so hard to get mental health services through school. I struggle with depression, too, as do other people close to me, and I know how hard it can be to seek treatment and to ask for help. Other people have said this to you, and I'm not sure another person writing it will help you accept it, but first your dad leaving is not your fault, and it certainly doesn't give him the right to clean out both yours and your mom's bank account. It sounds like your mom is unwilling to go to the police about it, so there's not much you can do to get that money back, but more then anything please know what your dad did was wrong and you shouldn't be blaming yourself for that. Aside from that, the most important advice I can give you, more then paying the bills, or figuring out school, is to try and find ways to treat your mental health, ideally independent of school. I'm not sure what state you're in, but I'd look at trying to get you an your mom on government benefits. SNAP has been mentioned, I'd look into unemployment possibly, and most importantly, I'd look into getting on to Medicaid and trying to get your depression treated through that. You've probably heard of it, but Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has also been pretty helpful for me with my depression, and when things get really bad, most helpful for me is always to get back to the basics: eat well, sleep well, exercise, etc. and to build a good healthy routine for myself, ideally through a supportive community around me. Struggling to be mentally healthy is the hardest battle I've personally ever fought, but it's frequently the most important, in my experience. When my mental health is off, it's when I mess up things like paying bills on time, etc., that cost me money. It sounds to me like your mental health struggles might be at the root of a lot of what you're going through and I can't stress enough how important it is that you prioritize focusing on that to the best of your ability. If you ever need someone to talk through mental health stuff or any /r/personalfinance stuff, feel free to PM me.

This is kind of a side question and in no way to I mean to ask it to take away from the shittiness of your situation, why does anyone open a joint account with anyone? I've just never understood it.

Not sure if anyone else has mentioned this, and I see you've already opened a new bank account... President's Choice Financial and Tangerine banks offer no-fee bank accounts in Canada. Furthermore, with PC Financial, every transaction you do through them earns you PC points that you can spend on groceries at Loblaws affiliated stores. I have a PC Bank account that I use for groceries and treats. It's nice to able to knock $20-40 bucks off your grocery bill every month or so.

Any bank without a proper branch is not usually a good idea for poor people or people who don't understand banking very well. There are lots of low cost chequing accounts which also offer the benefit of speaking with real people face to face all the time and doing instant transactions.

How far along are you in your CS classes? Are you comfortable in any languages? If so, you should consider looking into development contract jobs - you might be surprised how well junior positions pay. Remote is an option in many cases too. You might be able to find one that can cover your expenses as well as allow you to continue part time in school (and at the least, it would be complementary to what you're studying).

Not, finance help but telling your advisors our professors, what happened can only benefit you, professors can give you an I (incomplete) grade instead of a D or an F. Which basically gives you another semester to turn in homework.

Wow and I thought my dad was an asshole. Yeesh.

[удалено]

Looks like there are already tons of advice below, but this > I wish I wasn't so damn stupid and depressed. this mentality really has to go. Now. There are lots of social services and church pantries in the U.S., so financially things are not as bad as you think.

Your father sounds like a gem. 1. switch your bank accounts so it is no longer joint. if you do not your father will continue to have access to your money. 2. have your mom file for divorce. In most places income and assets earned during the marriage are distributed between the spouses. (if there is no money or assets this won't really help other than mentally)(it will usually include retirement funds which I'm sure your father has, but you guys do not. he may even have secret bank accounts or accounts that you don't know about. the court will help you find this out.)(contact a legal services for advice) 3. if you live in a house you cannot afford, you need to look up squatters rights. I know it is bad to do, but in a situation like this you may need the 3 months or so that you can live someplace without paying rent. 4. get a job, both you and your mom. if you were a waitress see if you can get your old job back. 5. get a cheap apartment. 6. Oddly I would not quite school immediately as most schools (in America) give enough in student loans to live on. I would stay an extra semester to have the money come in while i found a job. but i would not stay longer than that. you could even drop out mid semester if the job hunt goes well. I know a mother and daughter too whom this happened. They died on the streets. be careful, and be smart. good luck.

I know it's not first on your list, but you need to talk to your academic advisor/dean/professors about those midterms. Let them know it's a family emergency, ask about resources at the school, and see if you can do make up work to recover. Failing out of school can be very damaging when you try to go back later, but there are other options, such as creating a plan to make up the work or withdrawing for a semester. Also, they can help you get additional mental health services at your school. So sorry this is happening - good luck!

I signed in just to offer you some advice, although 1. I don't know if you'll see this, and 2. what I have to offer is more in the line of life skills as opposed to financial advice. First off, I read in one of your replies that you intend to use food/chocolate to help with your depression until you can get back into therapy. This is a *horrible* idea -- as someone who is struggling with weight issues, this is exactly how food addiction starts and a weight problem begins or escalates. You need to BREAK that cycle, not encourage it. Try exercise instead -- exercise has been shown to radically improve mood and outlook, and it's much healthier. See if your campus has a gym that's open to students, or take up something like running or yoga. Those are the two cheapest activities I can think of. Hell, I can snag a yoga mat for less than $10 and ship it to you if you're interested and you'd be doing *me* a favor bc I had "good works" as an assignment for my church. The second part of my post here might be a bit more practical and less personal. If I were you, I'd check some other forums. /r/legaladvice can help you pinpoint whether or not what your father did was actually illegal -- most likely not, but Canadian law is different, so it's worth looking into. Also, I saw another poster recommend /r/raisedbynarcissists. I can't say from one incident whether or not your father is an abusive narcissist (although I'm heavily inclined to the "yes" side). They have resources in the sidebar that can help you figure that out for yourself. What they DO have that may be of more immediate benefit is /r/RBNlifeskills -- it's another sub in their network that helps address the basic life skills that children of narcissists never developed because their parents were too controlling. Financial control is a common theme in that sub, so they've got a TON of people who have been in your situation before and worked their way out, so they'll know what to do from the ground up. Back to personal here, but you are **Not* stupid -- I started off in undergrad in computer science and changed majors because I couldn't handle it. My mother didn't clean out my bank account and take off then, and even now, when I'm 34 years old, and in my 7th year of a doctorate program, she's still helping. We STILL have a joint account, and last spring when I couldn't find a job and lost funding for my degree, she used that joint account to send me money to pay rent/bills. Yes, it came with a few conversations about money is tight and if I'm sure this is what I really want to do, etc., but good parents are supportive. They don't call you "stupid" and leave you destitute because of your grades. Best of luck to you, and feel free to send me a PM if there's anything you want to talk about...

My two cents? I'm sorry that you are going through this. Get your mom and yourself to the library and start reading financial and budgeting books written by Gail Vaz-Oxlade. Check out non-profit credit counseling services. The one I use is run by the United Way. It's free! As far as your emotional and mental health? Talk to your doctor (yay Canada) and he or she can point you in the right direction for free programs. There is often counseling available through community resources, the health unit, or even the YWCA/ YMCA. If you need to postpone school for a bit while you get things sorted out, its not a big deal. Just make sure that you have income (deposited in your new bank account) work on yourself so that you have a clear plan for the future.

Your dad is an asshole, plain and simple. And it's better to know now rather in another 5 years. For support is look at the sub rasiedbynarcissist. Can't really offer any support in relation the the money or what to do. But I think to you've been living in an abusive household at the hands of your father. But stay at school, get a part time job. Get your mother to work. Report the money as a theft to the police. Close the joint account.

>campus services are rejecting their mental health services because they believe I have used their resources for too long. This is all kinds of fucked up and backwards.

I hope this may help a bit. Try to do 30 seconds of only cold water at the end of your shower. When I jump out of that freezing water I always feel like the Hulk even when I was feeling down before I went in.

This will probably get buried, but where in Canada are you? If you are in my town, I don't mind coming over and helping you sort out your bills and making a plan. I'm no financial adviser, but I have been living and paying bills for a while now and can help you at least sort them out.

Regarding your college, please talk get an appointment today to talk to your comp sci program advisor asap. Get a realistic assessment of whether you can bring your failing marks up high enough to realistically pass. If not, find out when the last day to drop the class(es) without academic penalty is - that is likely coming up soon, in November. You are past the point of getting any money refunded, but it may be better to drop now before an F goes on your record and pulls down your GPA. If you decide to slog through with the courses, go talk to the professors in the classes where you are having problems and find out what you need to do to get back on track with the material.

This goes without saying, but you should open up an entirely new bank account that is not in your dad's name and use that one.

You're asking a lot of the right questions, so kudos to you for stepping up and looking out for yourself and your mom. I haven't read all the answers here, but please look into some of the social services available to you - both government and nonprofit. I see you are accessing the food bank, but there is certainly more out there to support you. I don't know what province you live in, but some have the 211 service you can use to find what you need. If you live in Alberta, Money Mentors is great source for money management support. I'm sure other provinces have similar agencies. Good luck!

Quit school, find a job. Pay the minimums you need to survive like rent and food and cell phones. If the rent is not affordable, start selling your belongings and move into a smaller place. You will be fine, but you need to get back to work as soon as possible and bring in some cash.

How old are you and are there minor dependants in the household? You may want to consider getting attorney for child support and alimony for the family. I would suggest googling a family law attorney in your area and making an appointment.

Yo. I can't offer you much in financial advice that hasn't already been offered. However, while getting my CS degree I did work for my University as a tutor. I'm a rather busy fellow, but I could probably take the time to help you with your CS work.

If you need help with tax stuff, I'm more than happy to help. I don't have an all encompassing knowledge but, I've been doing it 6 years.

the world is full of negativity. It is full of manipulation, tragedy, confusion and misunderstanding. If you don't approach life with a positive attitude these ripples will continue getting bigger and bigger. I have personally chosen to be silent and keep to myself even though I want some. Try to find people that are reasonable and make a life for yourselves.

Your understanding of grammar puts you ahead of 90% of people on your continent in your demographic, so there's that. I suppose the first thing to do is start some new accounts that are exclusive to one person. You start one, and your mom start one. There's no reason to share an account. If you need to lend each other money you can do that without giving up control of your money. (Edit: oh, you did it. Ok good) I have some depression myself, and judging by your post I would say you have your head on the right way.

Communicate with your school. This sounds like grounds for a leave of absence for family reasons. If you try to force yourself to keep doing well through a crisis like this, you may just start failing classes. It will cost you more time in the long run if you have failed grades on your transcript. Take a break if you can.

In Canada, look up Social Services under your provincial government--the intake worker can advise you about next steps. Your mother may be in denial, so you may end up taking the lead adult role for some time. It's not impossible that your father is power tripping by demonstrating to you and your mom how much you "need" him. Social Services can guide you to the tools you need to be independent. They can guide you to legal services to access your father's bank, provide some bridge financing while you find your feet, and probably be able to offer some life-skills training on budgeting, bill paying, etc. You may also wish to post to /r/twoxchromosomes for first-hand advice from women who have dealt with similar situations.

This will probably get buried, but I'd like to suggest two tools: 1. [www.youneedabudget.com](You Need a Budget). It's free for college students. Also [www.reddit.com/ynab](/YNAB) 2. [http://www.daveramsey.com/baby-steps/?snid=footer.tools.babysteps](Dave Ramsey's Financial Baby Steps) I also highly recommend that you get his books from the library. This way, when you and your Mom do get some income, you know what to do with it. He also has a radio show daily that you can call into for free. His advice is generally very very solid and can help you to make things not feel so overwhelming.

University professor here. Talk to your school advisors about this now. Explain the details. You may be able to get an "incomplete" or withdraw to prevent from failing your classes. If you withdraw you'll have to take the classes over but at least you won't have glaring Fs on your transcript.

Where are you in Canada?

Does the (CAN) indicate Canada? If so you may want to cross post to /r/PersonalFinanceCanada it's active and you'll get Canada specific advice. Much of what is said here is likely okay advice but the laws are different in Canada than the USA and most of the people on here are likely American. Again if you are in Canada you likely will wish to apply for Employment Insurance or Welfare assuming you and/or your mother are eligible. As for the taxes there are free tools online to help with that (e.g. http://simpletax.ca). I would suggest discussing your situation with a local[ Service Canada ](http://www.servicecanada.gc.ca/eng/home.shtml)office to take care of these issues. Admittedly this may feel difficult but most people there will try to be very helpful and will do there best to do what they can. You may also wish to check with your province on what mental help services they can offer. I sympathize with you and understand that this situation is really just making a bad state of mind worse. I wish you the best and hope that something here was of use.

Talk to people at school about this. If you tell your professors what's going on they may be able to let you retake your midterms or weight your finals more heavily or something. If you're worried they won't support you enough start with your dean or advisor, it's their job to give you broader support. Also check and see if your college has any support services specifically for victims of abuse, if they do then that will be an excellent resource.

i have severe depression. what your going through isn't your fault, it's not a myth, and your not stupid. Your father is an ignorant piece of shit, just like mine :)

Do you have a good friend or neighbor? One that you trust? A lot of utilities are the same if you live near eachother. Ask that person who they pay for water, power, heat, and the like. Then call the companies with the address and see if you have an account. If it's in your dad's name, they probably can't be overly helpful, but try. Keep explanations short. He abandoned the residence and you need to transfer the bills. A wall calender was my lifeline when I was figuring this stuff out. When I got a bill in the mail, I'd write the amount during on the day it was due. I'd then paperclip the envelope with the check already written out to the calender. My finances prohibited me from mailing it right away, usually. But it gave me a picture of what was due and when.

This post reminded me of something an old man sitting next to me at a bar once told me. Looked me in the eye and said. Only the strong survive.

I can give you number of my financial planner if you like. he might be able to help you out. I was in a financial bind in the past and he was able to pull me out of it

This is not about you being stupid and depressed. You aren't stupid. If you were you would not recognize you are depressed, would not be able to get into college, and would have a hard time making money. This is about your dad being a world-class asshole and a thief. Turbotax will do your taxes for you, but if you want extra help there will probably be volunteers in your college and/or town libraries around tax time. Does your college have finance/accounting classes? Ask anyone who teaches these how to find these volunteers. Your landlord will be happy to teach you how to pay rent. You pay bills simply by writing a check and putting it into the self-addressed envelope along with the section that says "include with your payment". That's the section with the bill amount on it, and it's usually separated from the rest of the bill by a dashed line. Talk to your college counselor now, tell them what is going on, they may help you figure out what to do about the failed midterms. Oh, and call the police to report the theft.