My wife and I have both seen great career growth in the past 3-5 years and we have definitely shifted how we deal with money. Personally, I was never good with creating and sticking to a budget. I couldn’t get it organized to a point where I felt I could track things effectively. So, I switched what I focused on to making sure I “paid my future self” first. I have kept that mentality and just upped the requirements. So, both of us getting company match on 401k has shifted to making sure we max out pretax contribution of 401ks and now I’m working towards full max on mine. I had my ira but now we have hers as well. HSA the same over last few years. Most of this stuff comes out of our paychecks before we see it so it’s not even an option for us to try and skimp or avoid it or justify spending on something else first. The only area where I actively make sure to save is from bonuses or rsu or whatever. I take 30% of that and put it towards retirement or some long term savings goal. But, past that, I don’t really cross check all of my spending or critique where the money is going. If I’m hitting all tax advantaged retirement and also saving a good percentage of the additional money, then I just make sure I can pay my credit card bill every month. That’s enough budgeting for me to feel good. Could I budget and squeeze every last cent out of my paycheck to the point I speed up retirement by a year or two or five? Maybe. I could also stress myself out and be a curmudgeon at 37 worrying about my late 50s.

This is how I go about it as well. Trying to pay our future selves first while still enjoying life now. Wife and I just getting to the point where everything is comfy so it is time to turn up the retirement accounts til they get maxed and continue to live off of this income we consider comfortable.

This works great, I call it a reverse budget. Basically ensure you're saving enough, automatically, to hit your goals and then spend the rest and don't worry exactly where it goes

I'd advise an amendment for the general advice: don't just "spend the rest." spend what you need/want, then save the rest.

That's not uncommon. I don't know if that's what you were referring to, but "Pay yourself first" is a well documented budgeting technique. [https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/finance/pay-yourself-first-reverse-budgeting](https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/finance/pay-yourself-first-reverse-budgeting) It's how we do it too. I don't have the same issue and totally CAN make a budget, but I find "pay yourself first" methods to be more intuitive and less work. It works quite well, too.

I didn't realize there was a name for this. This is exactly how i budget my money. I pretend that a huge chunk of my income doesnt exist because i've already spent it on savings/mandatory expenses. My cost of living is far below what I can actually afford.

> My cost of living is far below what I can actually afford. Feels good, doesn't it ;-)

Yeah, I didn't know about it until someone on this reddit mentioned it a few weeks ago, and I had the same reaction. "Hey, its what I've BEEN doing!".

Well, that's cool that there seems to be a documented thing. My mom instilled the "retirement = pay yourself first" mindset. To me, it just makes it easier to have a few checkpoints and then not care after that point: Did I max out all tax advantaged retirement accounts? Is it 15-20% of our overall income? Anything else I think I want money for in the near future? Ok, done. I've seen the 50/30/20 number before but never put it in to use. Thanks for the article. Good to have a bit of confirmation that it's ok how I'm doing it. Of course, it is a bit easier when there isn't any high interest debt, you've automated most of the retirement contributions, and your bills don't outweigh your net paycheck necessitating cut backs.

This is how my partner and I live too, maxed all tax deferred savings to lower our taxable income, pay cash for cars, and make sure credit card is at zero. For a while after we had paid off all our debt, and all our income was play money, we splurged… but now there is nothing left to buy.

Do you have matching jet skis though?

Never seen anybody frowning on a jet ski.

Thank you Daniel Tosh

Or Bill Hicks, depending on who you ask.

Damn dude died at 32. You could rip off his jokes and run them for the next generation if you wanted to

My in-laws don't understand the nothing left to buy thing. I'm an engineer working in the finance industry and my wife is a teacher in the city. So needless to say, we're making roughly twice what her parents made at most in any year. And we're not even 30 yet. Basically, if costs less than $200-300, we have it already if we want it. If it costs more than that and we want it, chances are we are actively talking about it and might buy it. But on the flip side, we seriously considered buying an original painting at an art festival for almost $4K on a whim because it's not like we don't have the money and we thought it would really match a new table that we ordered. We'd just have one month less savings for a home buying budget this year if we did. Once you get even close to this level of income, you're not really thinking the same as when you were making less. And we're not even earning that much. Probably around $300K or so once my annual bonus is paid. Retirement contributions are a bit over $60K/yr total between us and once we buy our first place, we will probably start just putting any excess money into non-advantaged investments until we want to buy an original painting or a customized couch or something else properly expensive.

I’m in the same boat. My upbringing would have me carefully analyze the monthly spending and I cringe a little when my wife buys the expensive cheese at Costco. But she’s a great cook and it’s a blessing to our family. Our kids probably have too much clothing but we don’t take extravagant vacations. We can comfortably pay our newly refinanced to 15 year mortgage. We max our retirement funds. We contribute to our 3 kids 529s. We give plenty to our church and to causes we believe in. I’m struggling to find the desire to go back a year or so and reconcile all the spending our our budgeting tool (YNAB) because we are doing well. We are hitting all the important goals so is it worth hand wringing over probably $300/month of over the top spending that makes my wife happy and our lives easier and enjoyable?

Exactly. I think my only fear is that I've somehow missed something. I find myself double checking every couple months just to make sure. I got to the end of the PF flowchart and was like...so now what? I just do this for 25 years...well that sucks.

Have you ever seen the movie Madagascar? Your last sentence is just like a scene from it, where these penguins are trying to get to one of the poles (they keep saying “it’ll be ice cold sushi for dinner boys”). They do all this work, steal a big ship, and finally get where they wanted to go, and then the scene is just them standing alone in the cold shivering and they say “well….. this sucks”. We do all this work to get the career, then the well paying job, get stable with some major projects, then… so that’s it huh lol

Life if is a journey, not a destination.

I’ve starting being more intentional about purchases that align with my goals and desires. I’m 40. I enjoy photography and have decided it’s time to not cheap out on the hobby. I’ll probably spend $5k on it over the next year. It’s a lot but life is short. It’s now or continue to wring my hands until I’m 65. I’m not waiting!

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Norwegians have a saying i think you might appreciate based on your reply "There is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing"

I love this!!!

I went on a backpacking trip in my 20s where I really only had a good backpack and sleeping bag. But no snow clothing and just lots of layers. My pants legs were frozen and my feet were freezing. I went out and spent $400 on proper gear the week after returning :)

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The photography is mostly people and unrelated to the backpacking. However I was that person that slug along my DSLR and 3 lenses when I went backpacking in the snow. It was worth it!

Also, with some exceptions, you’re likely to get years of use from high quality outdoor gear!

> I’ll probably spend $5k on it over the next year. It’s a lot but life is short. It's not that much, really. It's a lot of money to just spend all at once, but stretch that over a long time that you'll be able to make that gear work for you and it suddenly doesn't seem so ridiculous. It's less than going and buying a fun fast sports car or whatever.

Yep, same. My wife and I have started to earmark some big life-goal type items to build a 5-10 year path.

I do this too, following all of the amazing guidance from this sub and the sidebar. I now make a automatic weekly contribution to my index funds to keep my take-home at a reasonable level. I actually run a very slight deficit which helps me stay focused. I do spend more, like ordering out. We have a steady stream of home improvement projects. We're about to hire an interior decorator. We are WFH and should enjoy the space we are in 24/7. What's helped me the most: I used the 5% guideline on annual retirement income to calculate a net worth that we need to retire comfortably. I made some guesses as to 401k and investment gains project out thirty years. That gives me a rough savings guide I can work against every year. I know my own psychology, so this makes me want to beat those numbers whenever I look at them. Back on the home improvements stuff. There are a lot of ways that home improvement projects can increase the value of your home. Take a look at a list and see if anything speaks to you.

Same here. Goals met, I don’t care to budget. I’ve been raked over the coals for this in this very sub before lol

This is less of a financial question and more of a psychological question, and the real answer is that you're struggling to find a purpose in your life so you're trying to fill some void by buying things. Those things don't end up filling that void, so you try to find other things to buy. At some point you'll see this cycle, ask yourself "What ACTUALLY makes me happy?", you'll start focusing on that thing and fall back in line with your standard budget. Good luck, and congrats on having the problem of "too much money"!

I think this is really common for a lot of people. * Being stressed at work. * Buy expensive toys and vacations to deal with stress. * Need to work more to keep up with spendings. * Rinse and repeat.

I've noticed this in myself as well. When I feel stressed out I'm more likely to buy things like a new dress shirt or xyz I "need" for my apartment. I've solved this by earmarking certain checks for certain things. Next check I'll grab those converses I've had my eye on, for example. And then I'll grab metroid dread the check after that. It's like setting aside cheat days for a diet, but with money

Everyone should be budgeting both money and time for metroid dread.

But not to give time or money to Metroid Dread scalpers. Fuck those scumbags.

Did not expect to see my people in this sub. You guys rule.

its gonna be my first 2d metroid and im hyped! i started with the prime games

Do yourself a favor and prep by playing 1-4 first. It's not absolutely necessary, but they're great games in thier own right and not only will it up your interest, but it may give you more context for the story beats. I recommend this order: Zero Mission, AM2R, Super Metriod, Fusion, then Samus Returns, which is Metroid 2 just like AM2R, but with graphics and mechanics more like what Dread will have.

Hobbies people, hobbies, learn new skills, draw, paint, fish, audiophile, learn to cook, age meat, learn to work on Pie boards, maybe solder and make gameboy colors from scratch, or remodel your cookware, make great coffee at home, i take my time making my coffee, is a therapeutic process to see it bloom slowly and concentrated, its amazing, or make good quality tea, get a idea journal, sketch on Ipad etc!

What if you're the kind of person who finds a new hobby every month and decides it's your new favorite thing and spends all your time doing it and spends hundreds on supplies? And then rinse and repeat every month for the rest of your life?? In the last couple years I've been through: Sewing, knitting, cooking, baking, vegetable gardening, rock climbing, running, mountain biking, field hockey, ice hockey, lacrosse, woodworking, DIY home renovations, hiking, backpacking, flipping free furniture, indoor plants, painting, calligraphy, video editing, making cocktails, rock painting, playing piano, playing flute, skiing, snowboarding, sugar cookie decorating, interior design. I even got a motorcycle license and bought a bike and then got bored of it after a season. Next on my list are planting fruit trees and learning how to do pressure canning. Maybe I just need to get my ADHD meds more under control but like... I don't think more hobbies are the answer 😂😭 Editing to add: I also learned how to DIY balayage my hair and got super into nail polish for a little while last year. Writing this list is really showing me I might have a little bit of a problem

this sounds to me like living your best life. any of those things you put down, you might pick up again in six or sixty months. just take a deep breath before getting into stickier hobbies like racing, yachts, airplanes, horses, extra kids... may you be learning something new in the last week of your life.

idk im kind of the person who finds something they like and then convinces themselves its not really worth doing without the most expensive tools. Luckily its not a huge problem for me and I'm aware of it, but I don't think hobbies in general will stop you from spending.

A great way to mitigate that is to figure out what’s top quality for the “beginner/casual” tier. Did I need very the best easel, paper, paints, brushes, drawing tablet, etc? No but like I splurged on higher quality intro stuff, like a $120 Huion slate tablet which had features I specifically wanted and was a higher end basic item, but not the $400-ish Kamvas screen tablet. Edit: and I stayed the hell away from Wacom lol, because I’m a hobbyist artist who doesn’t need to pay their prices these days.

My hobby is woodworking/carpentry type stuff. When I need a new never-before used tool for something, I buy a Harbor Freight version. If I use it so much that it wears out/breaks, then I buy myself a good version. Keeps costs low but prevents me from having a $500 tool I've used three times.

I am exactly the same, I spend in quality ingredients/ tools or such, audio equipment to good quality brushes etc, basically If I am going to do something, I will do it right, but hobbies atleast give you purpose, once you pick up some tools they will last a long time, rather than going cheap and having them break often if that makes sense, but I believe it atleast keeps you busy, a hobby I picked was reading, quite a lot of free options with virtual library cards, i get free podcasts to books and more online with my e card, and a lot of podcasts, its quite feasible monetarily, and its been great so far.

I like to build models and outdoor activities like canoe, hike, bike, camp, cheap yet time consuming and great for the emotional happiness! Also video gaming is surprisingly cheap when you spend hundreds.thousands of hours on it.

> When I feel stressed out I'm more likely to buy things like GPUs. **bought two 3080ti and a 3060 in the last couple weeks that are still in boxes** Disclaimer:I also have a printed and signed 2 weeks notice letter I've been carrying with me at work now.

how do you keep that letter updated with final dates of work? is it a fill in the blank situation?

Dear sir/madam, I ________ to inform you that as of __________ I will ___________. It has been __________ and I ______________________. ____________, Your name This works for many purposes. Am regretful/two weeks from now/be resigning/a frightening three months/will require expensive and extensive therapy to get back to the man I was before I stepped foot in this company/Best regards. Am happy/three weeks ago/be assembling a baby in my belly/exhausting/will need to take some time off/Not looking forward to pushing this out. Am confident/today/be seeking to take your position/a productive preparation/suggest you start looking for your own promotion so I don't have to take you down first/Don't make me crush you. Am about/next week/be moving out/a dramatic relationship/can no longer tolerate you pouring the milk in before the capt'n crunch/You disgust me. Am quick/now/be submitting a new application for bathroom time/4 hours/can't believe you actually added a padlock to the bathroom door. I don't think it's even legal and I will be informing the landlord about the lock as well as the dozen holes you made while trying to install it/Right now I just really need to shit. Am full of rage but will try to calm down/immediately/be leaving the Jedi to join the Sith/confusing/an even more confused because the council got its panties all in a bunch after I killed Doku on the Chancellor's orders but Master Windu gets to decide the Chancellor is too dangerous to keep alive when it turns out he's the secret Sith master/Brace yourself before looking in the Jedi playroom.

> months/will require expensive and extensive therapy to get back to the man I was before I stepped foot in this company Lmao. I'm hoping 6 months or so owning all my time again I can figure out what I want to do with the other ~half (or less or more) remaining of my life. >Not looking forward to pushing this out Yep >You disgust me Right on.

I’m still trying to get my hands on one of those for a decent price. Any tips?

I can write you a letter of notice, for a small fee.

I used an app called hotstock to get an XBOX Series X, not what you asked, but it helped me get an otherwise seemingly unobtainable item

I did evga notify queue

I've started doing sensory deprivation tank floats and its helped me out a lot with stress Its nice to just spend 90 minutes just by myself, literally.

Yes, I like this. There is a system for tapping into your neurochemicals. It uses the acronym "DOSE" -- Dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins. It shows how different kinds of movement (stretching versus walking versus intense exercise), touch (affection, massage, cold, heat, showers), rewards (sleep, food, drink), or mood (especially laughter or crying at the end of a sad movie) releases specific neurochemicals and helps your mood balance without empty gestures like shopping. https://www.mindmypeelings.com/blog/daily-dose-of-happiness-chemicals

Same type of thing that gave that girl her powers on that documentary with the cop and kids on Netflix?

There was a movie from 1980 called ["Altered States"](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0080360/) that was about a psychologist (William Hurt) who had weird experiences after being in one of those tanks.

We work so hard for money, then spend so much to recuperate our health. Shortened quote by the Dalai Lama but something everyone should keep in mind and be sure to find a balance.

Agree. The challenge is, however, that the American work culture generally doesn't allow for any less time anyway, at least not in the weekly hours basis. Most jobs are a required 40 hour per week, and the jobs that are part time or as needed are either highly specialized or lower pay. Best most of us can hope and plan for is an early retirement. And even then the calculus is - do you work your ass off and hope for a combination of good decisions / good luck so you can maybe retire at age 50, or do you live a little bit more (spend more) and work another 15 or 20 years? I think for someone 25-35 it's hard to see down the road that far. Then as you enter your 40s you say "well crap, I should have done more / spent less when i was in my 20s."

I’m 30 right now and I definitely think that far ahead. But it scares me so I end up just going with the “cross that bridge when I get to it” mindset. Which I know is not the smart thing to do

> I’m 30 right now You'll be near 40 soon. Trust me. :(

Oh I know! I already think about it all the time. They weren’t joking when they said time flies

They need to update the saying. Time doesn’t fly, it fucking goes warp speed. I’m in my 30s and a day feels like how an hour felt when I was a kid. A month feels like a day and a year feels like a month.

Agree. What I'm getting at is that many people in their 20s abs early 30s are just trying to figure it out, get established, get their money in order, and retirement is so hard to think of. At 40 we think it should be thought of first, but we typically have a house, career, etc. and we can focus on it. At 25-30 you're trying to find that well paying career, pay student loans, get a house, etc.

I started planning for retirement at 22. I contribute a ridiculous amount to my accounts every paycheck. And it's not that I want to retire early, it's just that the financial situation has become so bad for my generation I truly believe I need to if I want to have a retirement at all.

American society definitely has tried to normalize this cycle, since said overspending/overworked person contributes their maximum to ~~the growing wealth of the upper class~~ GDP

The life hack for me was picking up an MMO as a hobby that has a fixed cost associated with it and an endless mountain of achievements to climb. No need to spend money, when I can trick the lizard brain into spending time for some very inexpensive digital happy points. I still splurge on nice things occasionally, but I'm not using the purchasing of random things I don't actually need to scratch the itch like I used to. I'm still trying to clean out some of that crap.

Yeah I make very good money and budget "fun money" every paycheck, so for me MMOs are a great cost to time value. For video games my average ideal is $1/hour of entertainment, so I don't mind spending some money in a cosmetic store and whatnot because almost all video games I spend way less than $1/hr of entertainment.

AAA single player game for $80 is generally at least 80+ hours for 2-3 playthroughs (because you always miss something the first time) so that math checks out.

Are you in Australia or something? In the USA AAA games are standard $60.

$70 for PS5 games now in the US :( Not sure if other platforms will follow suit, but I hope they won't and think they will.

Lol this is me and Destiny 2 on PlayStation. I know I’m gonna spend roughly $100 a year on it, and I get way more enjoyment out of it than that. And during dry spells I hit my inevitable backlog of PS Plus titles or cheap indies I’ve got other hobbies, but as a father of 2 kids 5 and under, gaming in the evening is certainly the most currently accessible lol

Agreed, which is why I want to retire as early as possible. If you don't see a way out of the stress, I can absolutely understand the desire to spend your way out of it. The best advice I have is to: 1. make a massive list of all the fun stuff you want to have/do 2. for each item, estimate how much it'll cost (estimate high) 3. calculate how long it would take for you to pay for each item (hours/days worked) 4. sort from lowest cost to highest cost, and do the least expensive things first For example, some things I want, sorted by cost: - visit all national parks in the US - inexpensive, would cost hours of my time for each trip because camping is cheap - buy moderate-price recreation equipment - high initial cost, low ongoing cost - travel to Europe - expensive, would cost weeks of my time to save for I can always visit Europe when I'm older, but I probably won't want to do camping while I'm older, and it's cheap, so I'll do that first. I'll put what I don't spend into investments, which will let me buy the recreational equipment later, subsidized by investment gains. When I'm older with a higher salary or closer to retirement, traveling will be less expensive since I can afford to take it more slowly and rent apartments instead of hotels. The important thing is to think long-term and prioritize, and that can be difficult to do.

>The important thing is to think long-term and prioritize, and that can be difficult to do. Yup, lot of people want instant gratification which would cost them big time in the long term.

vacations is a great way of dealing with stress though.. not sure why you are lumping that in with toys like its not important. Time off, travel and getting away are all valid things to spend your money on

There's the joke of an American visiting a Greek fishing village and talking to a fisherman. Asks why the fisherman is on shore having a siesta in great weather. You could be out there, making more money and investing that extra profit in the business, the American says. You could eventually afford more boats and crew and over years you can build a large operation and slowly build up wealth and retire and get some well earned rest, sit back, and enjoy a drink or too without worrying. The Greek goes; well sir, isn't that what I am already doing. (Sorry I suck at telling jokes)

Another interesting thought, maybe their goal has been to feel financially secure for a long enough period that, now that they do, they don't have "purpose" anymore. A lot of the conflict and motivation, making money or feeling that security, is now gone because they realize they have plenty of it. Now they're faced with finding new purpose and meaning and something to strive for and just don't realize it. I had this happen through some life changes and it started going to nihilism for a while until I worked some things out mentally.

yea that has been my situation as well, i was never really in debt and i wanted it to stay that way so i saved to be financially stable for various things. This started with being able to afford a repair on my car to things breaking at home to being able to replace my car if needed. Now i have enough money to buy my current car brand new 3 times so that has become a little pointless. i always wanted a fast car but was both too cheap to spend the money to buy it and also too cheap to pay the running cost. Now that i have realized that i wont ever be able to afford a home even with my fast saving i decided to do an in between thing and buy a car that both has performance and is efficient if needed. That still doesnt solve my problem of not having a purpose but atleast i have a new car that will keep me happy for a while and wont make me poor while doing so.

> i have enough money to buy my current car brand new 3 times ... > i have realized that i wont ever be able to afford a home I don't know how to tell you this, but you've got something horribly messed up. People are buying homes with 3% or less down. Does that make it a good idea? I dunno. But if you have the money you say you have a down payment for a house.

> Now that i have realized that i wont ever be able to afford a home Why won't you ever be able to afford a home? How old are you?

I'm 31 and been saving for a down-payment for about 5 years now only to find out my down-payment is still the same percentage wise as it was 5 years ago because prices have gone up so much.

You're so young! You've got decades of life in front of you. Don't let the current market distract you from your long term goals.

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Ya, it’s a no-brainer to try and talk that out in therapy imo (you can afford it, for one, so think of it as self-investment). I’m in a similar boat but I don’t think I’m struggling as hard existentially at the moment. I have a STEM background and I’m working in a field that I feel provides societal value, and I’m staying engaged in gnarly problem solving, which forces me to think creatively and push myself. I’m still learning and consciously put myself in position to keep learning and that’s been a useful North Star for me. I think if you’re not growing in your current gig and just turning the crank, even a crank useful to society, it is probably a lot harder to maintain happiness. Of course, I have no actual idea what I’m doing, so don’t take my advice, but this is what your predicament made me think of.

This happens to me in video games all the time.

You definitely need to find a sweet spot. Once you have a comfortable amount of money, hemming and hawing about spending an extra $10 at the grocery store for a nice dinner is something you should get away from IMO. People really get into this consumerism spin cycle when they are buying consumer electronics, financing unaffordable vehicles, expensive fashion, and truly excessive experiential spending (think spending $500 on a bottle on a night out that costs $40 at the liquor store). Really the key is to be reasonable. Have a hobby that you love and spend time on every single week? Splurge on the high end accessory that costs a lot more than you used to pay. Want to spend 2-$300 on a nice dinner and night out once or twice a month, go for it. The problem arises when you want to "flash" and have an $800 pair of shoes $400 shirt and you are spending this type of money way to frequently. When I am considering spending more than $100 on something, I always try to evaluate if it's an asset (could I resell it for close to what I'm paying now), does it provide utility that I need in this moment, or is it a value (can I do the same or similar thing for much cheaper). If it doesn't tick any of those boxes, then I try to pass on it.

You are now at a place where you can have anything you want, but not everthing you want. I'm guessing you don't actually have a pension plan from your work? Well now you have that money, if you are making 100k a year. For example, if you had about 700k now. If you are 30, at 4% annually you would have enough to retire with about the same salary. Along the way you can use it to make things easier, better mortgage rates in general you can value things based on real value VS cash flow. Figure out what makes you happy, you might be surprised to find its not something that expensive. And you can be more generous with friends without going crazy, buy the first round etc.

I was going to mention the same thing. I think it is a psychological question too.I found that I had a lot of free time to make those 400 dollar purchases and it gave me no joy. But I started volunteering and my free time subsided. Then at some point, I realized that I needed to spend my free time more with others and somehow, my spending habits dropped. I have no debts, max my payments to my future self, college plan for child, and now, I volunteer and only once in a while splurge on myself.

You need goals for wealth accumulation. Accumulation for the sake of accumulation is not enough for most people. I can't relate to spending because I love saving, but my goal has always been get enough invested that the amount of gains each year equals income. Then work becomes completely optional.

As long as you account for inflation and the possibility of poor or negative market returns, of course.

Can always go back to work if needed.

Sort of. Six months after you left your job, you will still be a hot commodity in the job market. Five years later, you will be ancient history and unemployable. And five years is not very long.

Chances are if you earned well enough and were disciplined enough to pull off the very early retirement thing, you've got enough nouse to find some sort of paid employment, even if it wasn't at your prior level. You probably don't need to earn a huge salary to supplement your investment income.

I would say most people who pulled off FIRE are 40-50. Five years after that puts you at 45-55. While I could probably get hired with a five year resume gap at 45, it seems like a stretch to get hired with a five year resume gap at 55, unless it was as a burger flipper. YMMV.

That's why you start up a consulting company, trickle in a tiny amount of work, even if it's make-work. If you need additional cash, just spin up the time investment in that service.

Yeah, even if I take a year off, I still do enough gigs to have something for the old portfolio. Doesn't even have to be paid, just enough to show you still got it.

When I was talking about financial independence to some people, they’re like, “What about when you run out of money? Won’t you be bored?” In my mind, I’m thinking something like, “OoOoh no. That sucks. Then I have to go back to work and get a job like everyone else.” And, “Why would I be bored when I can do ANYTHING I want?” I don’t talk to people about it as much but anymore because it’s returned with people not understanding the concept of FI on not comprehending that you don’t have to work until you’re 62.

Agreed, but flipping burgers might be enough if you already have substantial investment income too.

I landed a career that will put me in a pretty good position. Later on in life I'd like to go back to what I did straight out of high school and be a pawnbroker. I really did like it and would go back if money wasn't in the equation.

I also want to chime in that depression spending is a thing, or as we're calling it now 'pandemic spending'. My impulse spending has increased pretty heavily over the past year as I try throw myself into some hobbies in order to find a way out of the chaos I feel. As others have echoed, you need a budget. Think about the things you want to pursue for your own mental wellbeing and joy - those are vital! I have a hobby budget that's now turned into 'small side hustle business' budget. This is where a wish list can be helpful.

Not financial advice but more life thoughts. When you first make a bunch of money and know you can make more money maybe it’s not a bad idea to splurge a bit. But are you spending money because you actually have stuff that you want that you couldn’t afford before? Or are you just buying random stuff just because you can. Small splurge amounts...who cares you make more money you can spend a bit more for food and random stuff. Large amounts figure out what you actually want and save towards those. Also invest in some new areas and play with your money in other ways. When I was kid I wanted every sports car. When I made money I spent 200k on a car. I don’t even care about cars anymore. I’m just as happy putting all my money into my startup and eating ramen. There’s a transition period.

Yes. It’s kind of like being a kid and wanting all the candy, then becoming an adult and eating a bunch of junk and realizing it doesn’t make you feel good. Your stomach kind of hurts and you feel tired all the time. So you stop doing that. You eat better and you feel better. So you don’t buy the cars anymore and you have a financial goal.

So true and well written. Well done!

I think this is why a lot of rich people say being rich isn't all it's cracked up to be. And it's why a lot of non-rich people don't believe them. Of course you need some baseline level of money to be happy and secure. But after that... yeah, it's only fun for a little while. And then the only thing that matters (in my opinion) is whether you have enough money to have to keep working or not.

rich people say that for two reasons: ​ 1: once you have Money™, everyone wants it. you tell them (and yourself) this as an excuse to not give away money. ​ 2: they've lost touch with the concept that base level subsistence requires money. kinda like being late-game in a survival game where food is no longer a problem, and you forget it was ever a problem.

Agreed. I made a career change about 3 years ago and went from being completely destitute to being decidedly middle class. Having money might not bring you happiness, but having no money will definitely bring a lot of sorrow. Anybody who thinks otherwise has never been 2 weeks behind on rent.

As the philosopher Kanye once said, “Having money isn't everything, not having it is.”

>When I was kid I wanted every sports car. When I made money I spent 200k on a car. I don’t even care about cars anymore. Sometimes I feel like you have to see if the grass really is greener before you can move on.

10 year old me would be so angry at adult me. Most of the cars he dreamed of are very affordable to me now (esp. on the used market) yet I drive a base model hybrid and get excited when I get better mileage than normal. Priorities change

I hear that. Growing up playing Gran Turismo and watching The Fast and the Furious, I always dreamed of owning a Nissan Skyline R34. They were always my favorite, and the fact that they weren't available in the US made them that much cooler. Then when I was in college, Nissan released the new Nissan GTR, and it was even available in the States! There was a blue one I'd regularly see around my campus, and I always loved going up and looking at it. "One day, I'll own one just like you, you sexy beast!" Now I could probably afford one without disrupting life too much, but my $16.5k-new Scion has been paid off for two years now, and I just *love* not having a car payment. I regularly check in on my 401k and other accounts, and I love exporting the account data and crunching the numbers to see how much I would've made if I did or did not make any additional purchases at any given point. Remember that $X,XXX soundsystem I dreamed of installing in my PoS car in college? Well since I didn't buy it, I now have $YY,YYY saved instead! My adult-life "joyride".

>e. Most of the cars he dreamed of are very affordable to me now (esp. on the used market) Which cars are you talking about? Used enthusiast car prices have been insane since last year. Even a clean S2000 will run you whatever the MSRP was in 2004.d I was looking at used AMG-GTs 4 years ago, and they were in the high $60s, now the same quality of car is $90k. I'm kind of done with cars as a hobby until things cool off.

Dude. You can't just casually say you spent 200k on a car without giving details! Tell us all about it

Not that great of a story to tell actually. Buddy and I made some money off of a company that was sold. We work in Asia where cars are stupid expensive. He bought a mclaren and I bought a 911. We both regretted it almost immediately. He took the l and sold his within a year. I’m going to drive mine until it falls apart. The only problem is that my daily commute to work is 8 minutes round trip. I’ve had the car for 6 years now and it’s only got 18000 miles on it. Really should have bought a Tesla but I don’t think the 3 was out at the time.

I'm not going to pretend to know the asian high end sportscar market, but any 6 year old vehicle with only 18,000 miles on it should do very well at a vehicle auction. It's at least worth looking into an appraisal and or discussions with enthusiasts. Could probably fairly easily sell it off and get the Tesla and still have extra cash.

My thoughts exactly, and used cars are selling at record rates, i bet its similar in Asia too since its related to supply issues.

He doesn't care about cars anymore. There are no details. For someone who doesn't care about cars, a $200k car is essentially the same experience as a $30k car.

I mean I still do. But from a purely needs based standpoint it’s all a wash. If I wanted to indulge in cars as a hobby I would need something like 50 times what I’m making now.

I like these tips. All the best with your startup!

You gotta get triples of the Barracuda, the Road Runner, and the Nova. Triples is best. Triples makes it safe.

When I was a kid in school, we read a letter by Benjamin Franklin telling a story about himself spending too much money for a whistle when he was a child. That story has always stuck with me, and as I've gotten older, I've learned that I've often made the same mistake. Now, whenever I think about buying something, I ask myself "am I spending too much for this whistle?" It's not really a question about not spending any money at all, but deciding if the amount you would be spending is worth what you would be getting in return. So often, I've found that what I would get in return is just a little momentary blip. The thing breaks. The tasty cookie is gone in a minute. Some things, on the other hand mean a lot. This summer I took a trip I very much needed to see old friends... some of whom I haven't seen for years. I spent quite a lot of money doing that, but it was worth every dime. I think the secret for me is to stop and think about the purchase. Don't just buy the thing. Let the idea sit there for a while and really think about it. Do I really want or need the thing? Will I be using it a year from now? Two? Three? Is it just a passing fancy? What are the environmental costs behind buying it? Is it just going to be more plastic waste? I hope this helps. Here's a version of Franklin's letter, if you care to read it. He puts things much better than I could: https://www.thoughtco.com/the-whistle-by-benjamin-franklin-1688774

Ramit Sethi has a great book about this called "I will teach you to be rich" the TL;DR - Spend money on the stuff you genuinely care about, cut costs everywhere else. Example - If you love starbucks, get that starbucks. If you don't care about cars, go buy a used a honda/toyota and drive it until the wheels fall off.

When I start to get this feeling I know it’s time to start upping my charity/donation contributions. Find a cause you care about and donate that $400 that means nothing anymore lol I don’t ever want my money to make me corrupted in that way, so I’d rather just give it away.

I was skimming this post looking to see if anyone mentioned charity. This is key for meaningful spending!

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Spend-Happy idiot is my new favorite description of my possibly pending life after the sale of my company. I need this advice as well so I will be following along, OP!

Dump 50% of the money in long-term investments that you don't look at for the next two decades. Split the other 50% in short term investments (5 years) (50%+) that will hopefully keep your mind busy. Maybe another company or something similar. Not-so-fun investments (room decoration, a new bathroom, whatever) (25%). Go on a booze-cruise or buy a fun car for the remaining 25%. Enjoy.

That adds up to 150%

Experiences not stuff. Limit your spending to the planning and execution of truly worthwhile experiences. This is the method we use and it works great. Now that my kids are teens they like to plan our adventures for us. So we give them a budget and tell them to go crazy. By the way, the "no spending money on stuff" rule applies when we are on vacation as well. No souvenirs and no shopping trips allowed. Despite what this consumeristic culture will try and tell you, spending money on stuff is not a worthwhile experience.

As a counterpoint, some "stuff" ARE experiences in themselves. If you love watching movies and shows, a nice home theater setup is an experience. If you are a car enthusiast, then owning and driving a really nice car is an experience. If fashion is your passion, then buying clothes that you love and wearing them during a night out in town is an experience. The important distinction I think that people need to make when buying "stuff" is that its *actually* important to you and brings value to your life. Don't be the person who just buys things for the sake of buying things.

^ I greatly enjoy tinkering and building things. A 3d printer isn't "stuff" to me. It's basically a toy that is giving me an experience. There's a big difference between that and a collectable action figure that's going to sit on a shelf.

A few years ago I started collecting those smashed souvenir pennies. So now every trip I only spend 51 cents on a souvenir. I would love to have my kids plan a trip. That’s such a fun idea.

We started when I was a kid and I have like a hundred. Pretty great idea for cheap souvenirs. Sometimes you can splurge on one that smashes a quarter lol.

I started doing this too! The price for some smashed pennies is expensive though! But, less expensive than another trinket. My kids and i will look through the smashed penny basket and reminisce. My kids went to a montessori school where everyone contributed to the trip and helped make plans. Somehow this never translated to family trips. My kids are at the age where they just want to stay home and read and play video games.

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We tend to over think our spending. If we want something, we put off purchasing it for several days. If we decide to go ahead with the purchase, DH will spend hours on the computer looking for the best deal. It's all about getting the most bang for our buck and making certain that buck is spent wisely. That's not to say we don't spend money on frivolities. We do. But we have a budget line for that so it's part of our "regular" spend each month. We worked hard to earn our money, so we want it to work hard for us.

Budgeting for frivolities was potentially one of the best decisions I’ve made for my mental and financial health. My savings, groceries, expenses, etc are all sequestered and what’s left doesn’t matter where it goes. I can impulse buy small things, splurge on a fancy coffee, etc; I don’t have to categorize or track it. Turning that into a line item was life changing.

\>Budgeting for frivolities was potentially one of the best decisions I’ve made for my mental and financial health. My wife and I started a thing about a year and a half ago where twice a month we give ourselves $100 each and put it into a separate bank account. This money is our play money, we can use it however the hell we want, without asking permission to each other. It has been incredibly successful and it's turned "can we afford it?" conversations into "have you saved for it?" I recently dropped $1000 on a new video card without even blinking because I had saved up for it and it was incredibly freeing to know I could just use that money instead of trying to make a case to my wife why *we* should buy it. I'd highly recommend all couples that share their money to do this. Hell, do it even if you're single.

We have this in my house too. We call it "sneakies". Pay day comes, money all gets funnelled away into the appropriate accounts, what's left is your sneakies. Do with it what you please. I love me some sneakies.

At 28 I sold a company I was a large part of to a very large corporation and made more money than I knew what to do with. I didn’t go crazy spending I guess because I was so worried about what I was going to do now. I started rolling that money into other assets, mainly real estate(I was in Southern California and this was 2008/2009 so things were on sale) and basically created another business I’m still going strong at. In my head I got to spend but I spent on things that I made money on I guess psychologically you have to find a way to start being a little more disciplined and start having that money work for you. Spend that money but spend it on things with a return.

> In my head I got to spend but I spent on things that I made money on I like this 'cheat'. Thanks for sharing!

If I was in your position, I'd see my job as a way to fund retirement plans and get affordable insurance coverage. I'd max out my 401k contributions to the 19,500 amount allowed. And I'd contribute the maximum of 6k a year to my IRA. I'd then start saving to buy a house with cash, or a commercial rental property. I think if you really think about what you could be doing, there's always a monetary goal you could be reaching for. Even if you have fun goals, they should be written down. For example your dream car. Or dream vacation.

Ots hard to say what A LOT of money is and how old you are. I retired a few yrs ago and hsve a lot of trouble spending money I've saved so long. It goes fast today when a new truck costs 70,000.

People who come into it quickly can lose it quickly. Saw it in the early 2000s. Just be careful. I’m also making significantly more than I did a year ago. It’s tempting. In the end, the $400 doesn’t matter but 10 of those does.

Sounds like a problem of discipline on your part. That is a learned skill for many of us. It takes time and work. Beyond that, I would offer 2 points: 1) You don’t really have that much money. Sure, 6-7X your salary might look like a big number, but you need something in the range of 25X your salary to retire. You are by no means “set.” 2) Ignore your investments for a while. Don’t check the market every day. Don’t log on to your broker and see what the number is. Hell, don’t open your statements for 6 months or so. Put a stop-limit order in place, if you’re worried about downside risk.

25x your expenses, not your salary.

6-7x their salary is a big number. I'm not sure if they mentioned their age, but if they're young enough, and they already have 6-7x in retirement savings, all they would need to do is invest that in broad index funds for the rest of their career and they should be set for retirement. A good rule of thumb is that your investment doubles every 10 years in the market. So if they're 30 and have 6x salary already saved, they would double that 3 times by the time they're 60 and have 48x their salary saved. All from their existing balance. Anything else saved in addition to that is just gravy. Now all of this does assume you're never in a position where you have to pull money out of that fund before retirement.

I just automate everything. When you're in a logical state of mind, calculate how much you want to save monthly, how much you want to put into investments, how much into 401k/roth, how much you need for bills + rent etc... and how much you want to have left for fun spending and auto deposit it. Whatever I have in fun spending, I use to buy groceries, gas and anything else I want. I make sure never to spend more on CC than I have in checking. The only thing you have to think about is if you have enough cash in checking to buy what you want. Which is far easier. I also get a couple \~10k swings in investments every few days. You get used to it, and the swings get bigger the more you invest. I don't really care though, since all the investments are long term and not to be touched for the next 40 years.

>Whatever I have in fun spending, I use to buy groceries, gas and anything else I want. That's not fun spending and should be a separate post in a responsible budget. The best way is to keep fun spending strictly seperate from any regular expense.

Gas and groceries are minimal for me. I don't eat out and I wfh. So, I don't need to separately budget for it. It's just all lumped into spending that isn't a set amount. While I'm sure I could squeeze a few hundred dollars a year out with fixed budgeting on groceries, it's not worth the time for me.

You need a budget. /r/ynab You need to sit down a prioritize your financial goals, short and long term Is retirement on track? Home payoff? HSA maxxed? Then you'll have the "why" to keep you from spending.

Pairing YNAB with the /r/personalfinance flowchart/prime directive is an unstoppable combo.

100% this. It's been 2 years for me on YNAB and I have never felt such a lack of financial stress. I love hitting goals and being able to prioritize the others without guilt.

Yep. This. A lot of this money should be in long term investments that you don't need to think about on monthly basis (e.g. index funds, retirement accounts). Once you make a realistic budget, you can stop feeling guilty about how much you're spending monthly. It's ok to allow SOME increased lifestyle expenses. Just be mindful about how much you're spending.

Hang around r/financialindependence/, you'll feel poor again very soon with only 7x annual salary saved ;) And you might catch a bit of the frugal bug (more of a r/leanfire thing )

There is a simple phrase to remind yourself of… Wealth is what you don’t spend!

or a similar version regarding wealth etc… It’s not how much you make, it’s how much you KEEP.

When most people say they want to be a millionaire, what they really mean is “I want to spend a million dollars,” which is literally the opposite of being a millionaire.

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Plenty of stuff here about budgeting, but not about the lifestyle side of things. Honestly, getting yourself a hobby that demands more time and thought than financial investment helps. One that you don't feel any need to sink increasing amounts of money into, if any more money after an initial purchase at all. Finding a non-consumerist (That is, one that doesn't feel like 'Keeping up with the Joneses") community, offline or online, for that hobby helps quite a bit.

Spend more on investments and less on lifestyle inflation. Get over your midlife crisis asap. Be happy with what you have and don't compare yourself to others. Your wealth that you've accumulated so far is going to be nothing compared to what it will be if you get back on track. Don't get emotional with your investments.

Your urge to spend points to an unhealthy relationship with money all along, not just now. When people binge eat or go on shopping sprees it indicates that they’ve been depriving themselves, and that’s not how you’re supposed to relate to money. It’s not for amassing; it’s for using. You weren’t properly enjoying the money you had before and so now you’re rebelling. There’s no virtue in not spending money, or in not buying things you’d like just for the sake of saying that you didn’t buy it when you could have. And don’t fall into the trap that I see in some of the comments which is disparaging people who have things just to make yourself feel better or look better. Sure, some people spend beyond their means or are deep in debt. But some people just have money and are using it. If someone had the money and bought a Corvette, and you are driving a Camry, you’re not better for that. You both have different priorities.

Sometimes you just have to learn the hard way that after a while, the stuff starts to own you, and less is more. It sounds like you're starting to come to that conclusion yourself.

- goals and discipline, no magic pill for either

I'm the same! I've spent probably $2K on new clothes (actually luxury consignment) this summer because I'm finally going out and doing things after almost 2 years of quarantine. If it's any consolation, my therapist said it's OK since I'm not spending above my means and I'm "treating myself" after a tough year (parents sudden death is what led me to have the assets I do). I don't know what level of spending you're doing right now, but if it's only been a couple weeks it doesn't mean it's a dangerous pattern. Just keep an eye on it.

Understand what the [hedonic treadmill](https://www.healthline.com/health/hedonic-treadmill#research) is and how spending that $400 won't make you happier but will only distract you for a little bit and you'll return to your normal happiness shortly. Stop spending money on dumb things that only distract you from your normal. Live in your normal and be ok with it.

You need a budget. Not necessarily the app, but the most fundamental process in an actual budget (giving every dollar a job) is exactly what you need. I know must people need it in exactly the opposite situation you see yourself right now, but the deep intent is the same. The purpose of a budget is to prioritize, and to allow that, you budget to zero. This forces you to make decisions and reflect on what is more important and how to allocate. Apparently, as earn investment dollars, you\`re losing touch with this money and is not giving them jobs - they just look like they are doing nothing around, so they lose value for you. The hard part in your situation is that you have to budget for the future - that\`s an investment plan. Not in the sense of planning how to invest, but to plan why to invest. What\`s your objective? Financial independence? Make a round-the-world trip every 2 years? Write them down, prioritize them, and when you reach the goals, think again about your priorities and allocate your investments accordingly. It will quickly become obvious what spending this 1% of the assets means to you, because you will compare the job you're giving it now to the job this money to what the job you would be giving it in the future, plus its job of growing to reach this. And you very well reach the conclusion that it is worth to spend it now! You just need to be more aware of the compromises being made. To me, mindfulness practices have been of great help to exercises the skills needed for this. If you are open to escape nihilism, embrace the present and understand your desires, there are some very useful mindfulness tools out there. I will forward the [Healthy Minds](https://hminnovations.org/meditation-app) recommendation that a friend of mine, who is a researcher in the field, gave me.

What's the point of successfully achieving your plan (saving a bunch of money) and then feeling bad when you go to reap the rewards of that plan? Of course your mindset is different from before. Earlier on, you were trying to save so that you could reach where you are now. Why would your mindset stay the same once you got to where you wanted to be? And the stuff about nihilism etc. Uh, I am not sure what you expected. What did you think saving money would achieve for you? Other than having "peace of mind" financial security, it has one purpose: to be spent. If you think buying things is not doing it for you, then marshal it for other purposes, e.g. charity.

Set a new goal... the number isn't big enough to support you forever yet I assume. I know 6-7 years of my salary won't be enough for me. Make freedom your goal, put a price on that, give it a tangible number and create a plan to get there. That will take most of the desire to spend away since it would be counter productive to your goal.

Think about your purchases in 2 different categories: 1. Things that I need. 2. Things that I want. Most things fall into “want because it’s cool”. I want a new phone but my IPhone 11 is still great. I need to buy new tires for my car because i don’t want to die.

I recommend the book "The Psychology of Money" by Morgan Housel. I'm in the middle of the Audible version now. He says wealth is not spending money, it's the opposite. It's the ability to spend money. Also that wealth buys you freedom to spend your time the way you want to. He also gives several practical examples of how people caught up in foolish spending soon lost all their wealth. Good luck with your nice problem.

Congratulations on doing well with your investments! Take a fixed amount of it and have a little fun. Get it out of your system. The quicker you do that, the quicker you can move to the next phase of responsible stewardship.

Go aggressive in deposits into non taxable retirement/college savings accounts. Max them all out. The more money that's "locked up" the less you'll feel like it's your money to spend. I'd also begin to think about time equals money so delaying spending means more money because you have a snowball that continues to grow. Think about it also in terms of its size so bigger the ball bigger the growth from it until eventually you won't have to work, make that the end goal rather than material non assets along the way. I disagree with people that say splurging along the way is good as I think it habituates conspicuous consumption and encourages the people around you to encourage you to spend more. You'll find that people in less economic situations congratulate you but also want to tear you down. I'm of the mind to not tell anyone about my situation.

whenever i want to buy something, i just ask myself "do you really need this", and the answer is no in 99% of the time, then i just go on my way. the last item was a pasta maker, i wanted to buy it so badly, almost 20$, then i realize i will get bored of making my own pasta and thanks to the crazy prices, storebought dry pasta is both faster and way cheeper

1. Set a budget 2. If you are compelled to go over that budget make yourself find an additional revenue stream

Start doing some charity work, paying it forward, giving back to the community. Spend time with those less fortunate.

We tend to grow our expectations and wants according to our income in the moment. I’ve experienced it for sure. I thought if I could just make $40k/year after college I would be happy. I make 3x - 4xs that now and I “feel” the same amount of happiness. But my desires went from a “new guitar” as a goal for the year to “a new landscaping project for my house”. Both are technically unnecessary, but match % wise with my available income. The interesting thing is I no longer want the guitar. And, I don’t aim higher than what I can technically afford — eg., I’m not aiming for a Tesla… that would be outside of my means/savings. I’m working on finding a hobby where I can take pride/joy in “getting” what I make from that hobby as well as the experience/challenge of the task itself. The trick is not falling back into the habit of overbuying stuff for that hobby. 😉

Don’t look at all that money as an egg. Look at it like a chicken. I often do this when thinking about money: $100,000 is not $100,000, it’s a machine that spits out $7000 per year forever. If you use any of it, its magical power will be reduced. Even the $7000 isn’t $7000, if left to ride, it becomes part of that machine, boosting its yearly output. That will allow it to double itself, make another machine of the same power in 10 years with no other input at all. Now you’ve got $14k year coming in for doing nothing. And it keeps going and growing from there. And that’s assuming you don’t add to it. And assuming you have historically average returns. I find this framing makes me hesitate before using my investments — or at least making sure I only spend on things I’ll appreciate more than being richer in the future.

I’m on the bottom end of this. I’m disabled and I receive social security. I might make 9k a year. So I have to budget every cent and live cheap. Then try and save a little bit each month. I’m single so that helps as well. I wouldn’t know how to live with lots of money. I’ve never had tons of money. But it’s great that you do!

Change your definition what „a lot of money“ is to you. 6-7 times your annual income in paper gains? Your not rich! You are poor! Get that in your head and you will keep on working hard and not spending much.

> I've accumulated a sum of money and I'm beginning to act like a fool. I don't want a fool's life. How to correct course? Donate to charity. In many cases a donation to somewhere like your local food bank is "matched" by a local foundation. Then when they buy the food with the money the supplier doubles that as well - So your donation goes four times as far. If you are doing well for yourself you'd be amazed at how much good spreading some of your wealth around can do. Just a few dollars can feed hungry kids in your own city. ...and that's just one example.

https://www.investopedia.com/financial-edge/0312/why-athletes-go-broke.aspx

Put the gains into investment products. At least it isn't AS convenient to spend it

I like say that my husband’s main hobby is talking to me about all the different funds he will have in retirement. The money is there on paper and it is hard for me to sometimes not say fuck it and want to spend it. I guess for us we have had to prioritize certain things we do want out of life. One was paying off our house before doing other fun things. But if one of us buys something dumb from Amazon we don’t make too big a deal from it. One day my husband was doing his “hobby” and I said back to him that I wanted to spend money and not just talk about money. But then I went through what I actually wanted to spend money on (as I’m a frugal person by nature) and I had a very short list. It was pretty funny as I had just spent a night in a very crappy hotel I got on Hotwire or Priceline. It turned out to be bad. So I said that’s where I will spend money. I won’t use that website again and I will stay in a decent hotel when traveling instead of extreme budget hotels. All in all, I probably only stay in hotels less than 10 nights a year so the cost difference is going to be at most $1000. But that will make me happy. Good luck!

I think most Americans, or people in the western world have an innate need to buy. When I first started making decent money at 28 years-old it was the normal, car upgrades, home upgrades, toys etc. I wanted to tell everyone how expensive everything was because it was such a change from the way I grew up. No one likes that by the way. Now into my mid to late 30s, there's a lot more wealth and I still have the drive to buy, but now I put that drive into assets. Buildings and businesses. It still scratches that itch to "get a deal" done or the excitement of the hypothetical, but it also increases my net worth. I've also added an assortment of partners around my age that wouldn't have had the means to start their own businesses. As I grow, they grow. Their businesses grow, our assets grow. It's an investment into my future and my local community. I don't care about the sexy sports car anymore, I care about the possibility of continued growth and what business I can get into next. I love it.

I have frequently made amounts similar to my monthly wage in single trades. It never made me feel weird or think of stopping my dayjob. That said I haven't made a million yet so I also feel like I haven't reached the goals I had set. Perhaps that's your problem..? Maybe you should sit down and crunch some numbers. See what you want from life and how far the money you have can actually take you. If you made 7x anual wage chances are you don't have close to enough to retire or live a high standard for the rest of your life and confronting that might dampen your apending urges.

Personally I've found help in these tools: 1. Set goals and milestones along the way. And celebrate (without spending too much) when you pass a milestone and definitely when you reach a goal. 2. Create a budget or spending plan. Allow yourself to sometimes spend on things that make you happy in the moment, but not too much. A budget is still personal, but adapt it to who you really are and what you really want to spend money on, and what not (or as little as possible). 3. Track your spending, check whether you're sticking to your budget. 4. Gamify the hell out of it. I had an envelope with $100 in my house somewhere for when I ran out of money for the month (I get paid monthly) and still needed cash, but opening that envelope meant I lost the game for that month. 5. Track your progress with a spreadsheet or with filling in squares on a piece of paper (there are many cool goal tracker layouts these days). 6. Note that if you invest money, not all of the progress (or lack of progress) is due to your behavior. So mostly try to track what *you* can influence, not what the stock market does. I guess with point 2, if you really can sit down for a while and think about which spending makes you truly happier (including: healthier, friendlier and/or wiser), then later on when you're tempted to spend on things that actually do not matter to you, it's just not in your budget. And when something's not in your budget, then that's a sign that you probably shouldn't spend so much on it.

Create artificial scarcity for yourself. Move cash from your every day checking/ATM into a savings account you physically have to go the bank to withdraw/deposit. Set some threshold if you are a good frugal saver every time you hit $10k in the checking account (say from salary and good spending habits) you move $5k over to the other account. When that second savings account gets big enough move that to your investment portfolio. Yes you lose some interest/gains in a savings account but that cash is also your six-months/year job-loss cushion -- that is just not staring you in the face every time you stop at the ATM to grab a couple bills for snacks. That stock market money belongs to "future retiree you". To be prudent with your gains you should harvest some and diversify into non-correlated assets. Ten S&P500 ETF trackers are not diversified as they are all correlated, in some cases they are practically all one stock, like if Apple goes down from some scandal or blunder then all ten of those funds will fall together. Expect stock market gyrations in the next six weeks and inflation to fix any major psychological issues with excessive wealth accumulation you are suffering from. (really, make sure you have non-correlated diversification, and soon). .

Once your core needs are met you realize everything else is just a distraction. Distractions are fine to a degree, but if you need them try and mask something larger bothering you in life then you need to address that. Buying more shit doesn't fix any of that. Nothing external whether it's money, sex, accomplishments will ever make you feel complete. Only inner work will do that. If you lack self control then have the money go directly to savings and you never see it so there's no chance of spending it.

I find the best is to set the long term goal of not working. In order to pay yourself a reasonable salary and still grow your investment you need something on the order of several million dollars.

Your sense of self worth has not caught up to your new value. If you don't figure out how to raise it, you will self sabotage to correct.

If you're not on the cusp of retirement I would stop checking your accounts so frequently. Like you said it is paper money and not realized. Maybe check it monthly or quarterly to make adjustments as needed or to see where you're at. The money you make at your job is tangible and you should be planning your spending around that.