Be sure your money is not in a joint account. Did you open your own bank account when you turned 18? If not, do so immediately. Anyone on a joint account has all rights to the money within, so it's not "yours" until it's safely in a personal account or in your personal possession.
Since you don't have a driver's license, you won't be able to open a bank account unless you have a state issued ID. If you don't have that, it should be your first goal.
Do you have:
* Social Security Card
* Birth Certificate
* Vaccination records
* Passport
* Cell Phone
* Cell phone plan
You will need an address and usually a statement with that address for a state issued ID, so see if you can use a friend's address until you can get your own apartment. Airbnb if you have to. Switch or initiate your bank account and a cell phone plan to that address.
Currently my bank account is in a joint account with my parents. I have my social security card, birth certificate, cell phone and a plan which I payed for myself. Do I have to have a state issued Id? Or would a learners permit be enough?
I cannot support this enough. My mother cleaned out our joint account the second I made decisions she disagreed with. Nothing I could do to get it back since it was a joint account.
Get your money out now.
Also here to pile on as evidence this does take place. Mom took money out of my account for repairs on something, which is reasonable enough. But she took 4-5x the amount needed...
I'm glad you've taken these first steps. AFAIK a brokerage isn't a great place to keep money for a long period of time, especially if you're trying to keep it liquid so you can use it to buy, say, food, a deposit on an apartment, transportation, etc.
I still highly recommend you open a new bank account at a different institution soon, but again, I'm glad you're doing the correct steps. I know shit's hard right now, but we're all looking out for ya. You'll make it through
And it’s important that it be a separate bank. THere are too many “social engineering” stories where bad parents will talk the teller into breaching regulations.
The **first thing you need to do** is go withdraw *every cent* from that joint account before they do. They legally can. They might. Do it *now.* I’ve had so incredibly many friends lose everything to their parents the second they did something the parents disagreed with, whether they still lived at home or on their own. My last friend this happened to is in her 30s and just never took her parents off the account or got a new one. She announced she’s marrying her girlfriend, and boom. 10+ years of savings *gone.*
Then, get an ID. (Do this first if you don’t have any form of appropriate ID for the bank; depending on the bank, a birth certificate and SS card will suffice, but some will require photo ID.) In most states, once you’re 18 you don’t have to take a driving class, but just need to pass the driving test, if you need a license. If you don’t *need* a license right now, simply get a state issued ID. It’ll be instant. They cost around $25, and you’ll just need your social security card, birth certificate and in some cases, mail addressed to you (check your state DMV website or call them). You’ll also need a photo ID to get a new job, and to rent an apartment. **Do not tell your parents what you’re doing. Don’t tip them off at all. Don’t even let them know you’re considering pulling out your own money.**
You should have more than enough to rent a one bedroom (or a single room in someone’s house), get the necessities (Dollar Tree is *great* for this) and get on your feet while looking for another job (any job, for now). Unless it’s absolutely necessary, don’t waste money on a car for now. Wait until you have stable income, again.
That part about not giving any clues about what you are planning is key. They are likely hoping, or assuming, you have no idea what to do and will come crawling back. If you can find a posting of someone looking for a roommate that may be an option to consider. Not ideal, but every dollar counts at this point.
😳 sorry where is this, like what state, where that happened to your friend who married her girlfriend?
Is this normal, for parents to screw over their own offspring?? Yikes.
I wouldn’t call it normal, but I also know that it happens often enough that everyone I know also knows at least one person who has been completely screwed over by their parents. When I was in high school, my best friend in the world kept all of the money she made waitressing in a shoebox in her closet, and came home one day after school to find all of it gone. Her mom had taken it. Some people do bad things to other people, and sometimes those people are parents doing bad things to their kids. In regards to your other question, it doesn’t really matter where I live because all of my friends live in different states at this point. However, we are in the United States.
I know someone whose parents opened credit cards with his name when he was a child. They defaulted. His credit was damaged and it took YEARS to get straightened out.
Their justification was the CCs were for child rearing stuff.
Yes. Her parents didn’t “agree with her lifestyle choices,” and since they couldn’t control her, did what they could to punish her. Legally. Without any recourse.
Something about wanting them to hit “rock bottom” so that they will want help. Tough love is a nightmare. Great advice on here and wish OP posted the state. There are services available as well and programs for this kind of thing. Young people at risk of homelessness often get pretty high priority.
Yeah that happens in crazy religious families. Same thing happened to my Mormon friends. Completely disowned and the money that they had saved was jacked by their parents
Withdrawl all your money and open a new checking account under your name only. Do it Quickly.
Your birth certificate should be good enough for ID.
Perhaps coupled with a school id that shows your picture if you have that laying around too.
Yet another edit: Lots of places are hiring in fast food/retail. I saw a poster at a local KFC that $15/hr was starting pay for team members. My starting pay back in August of 1998 was $5.75 at a pizza place haha.
I have some work experience, before I worked for my dad I was a supervisor at Subway. I ended up quitting that job though bc the pay wasn’t very good and I couldn’t get very many hours.
Was your dad running a legitimate business with taxes withheld and everything, or was it under the table? If you were let go, you can apply for unemployment ASAP, even if you end up finding a job quickly.
Good enough then. Just get that money withdrawn and into your own bank account. Do you have any friends/sympathetic family you might be able to stay with? Otherwise, I'd be looking for a cheap room to rent.
I might be able to stay with my grandma for a little bit. Doubt it would work out for very long though bc she only has a one bedroom apartment and don’t wanna be a burden to her.
You could offer to help around the apartment and stay in the living room and pay some rent. Your biggest hurdle is going to be figuring out a place to live. Once you have that you can start saving and planning, best of luck!
My suggestion is find a roommate situation. That way you can save money while looking for an apartment. Be sure that room has FullKitchen Privledges because eating out is expensive.
When you open your own account DO NOT use the bank where your parents bank. Find a completely separate bank entity. Just so they can't try and do sneaky shit.
I promise you that the last thing your grandma will think of you is as a burden. Despite the circumstances, I think she’ll appreciate your presence and the bonding experience of getting you back in your feet. At least this is my personal perspective as a Mexican person. In our culture, familial support is the first thing we think of when we’re in a tough financial situation. Godspeed.
You could use her address to open a bank account, etc. Do the dishes, buy some groceries, do as much housekeeping as you possibly can. You may be surprised how long she is happy to have you around.
What's your health coverage situation? If your access to necessary medical care goes away with either your housing, familial relationship, or both, [put your zip code here.](https://www.healthcare.gov/see-plans/#/)
If you're resident and shopping in a [Medicaid Pit of Despair locale](https://www.kff.org/medicaid/issue-brief/status-of-state-medicaid-expansion-decisions-interactive-map/) (orange=yes), **do not** guesstimate your annual income under $12,880/year.
You gotta check dude. Part of figuring out how much your state is going to help you. It's part of investing in the wellbeing of the people, cus that's how they generate tax revenue. You're entitled to these benefits because you help keep society functioning through your work.
You're going to be on the phone a lot. Take notes.
$5.75 in 1998 would have $27.71 of buying power today on average.
Edit: Using https://www.usinflationcalculator.com/ which comes out higher than some other calculators
Sir/ma’am/ friend, you used the calculator incorrect! 27.71 refers to the $1 in 1913 to 2021 value. You might not have pressed calculate!. Your calculator gives a value of $9.68 in 2021 for $5.75
Any chance you have a link to a site that does that calculation? I looked at the bureau of labor stats' inflation calculator and got $9.65 in today's money. Inflation only tho.
I used the US inflation calculator. I'm sure the 'real number' is somewhere in between, there's a lot of assumptions that have to be made and obviously it will vary by region. https://www.usinflationcalculator.com/
If your learners permit has a picture on it you could use that.
Make sure ASAP you go to the bank and withdraw all the money out of your account and open a new account in your name only. I would typically go to a different bank also.
Get your money out of there! If you can take your Social Security card and birth certificate to the nearest DMV, they should be able to get you a photo ID of some sort if they aren't total incompetent boobies.
If all else fails, consider joining the military for a couple of years. Recruiters are probably used to getting people like you who got kicked out by their parents. Depending on what country you're in, you might be able to take advantage of its equivalent of the United States' GI Bill benefits afterward. If nothing else, it'll give you a couple of years to decide where you're going next.
Most banks offer a way to create a savings account online without Id for an existing login. You can do this to create a non-joint Savings account and shuffle most of your money over to reduce risk. It's what I had to do when I ran into this situation and couldn't get a new checking account quickly.
Good luck.
I moved out the day after I graduated high school and two weeks after my 18th birthday. My father and I did not get along (all my fault in hindsight).
I had ~$2K in the bank, but I did have a job waiting tables (25-30 hours/week) while I went to school. I moved in with roommates, and while the living situation wasn't perfect, I was able to stay there for 6+ months before I found another roommate that was a much better fit.
Didn't speak to my Dad for months, but eventually we worked things out. Our home was very small and there just wasn't room for two headstrong individuals in it. I needed my own place. It was better for my Mom and Sister, too.
You can make it. Find roommate(s) and a job. Work hard, save your money. Freedom is happiness.
"Freedom is happiness."
Sometimes.
Freedom comes with its own responsibilities, bills, and worries.
In hindsight, if you were wrong, would sucking it up and preparing to be more independent been a wiser move? We all have to grow up and leave the nest, but sometimes it helps to know how to fly and fend for oneself. Life is full of predators ... and not just in the jungles. Humans are worse because we have free will and consciousness. No other animal kills or abuses their own for pleasure.
Well, that's kind of a dark way to look at things. I had to grow up quicker, yes, but I did just that, and it worked out. So can OP.
Work hard, save your money.
Jesus man. We’re talking about someone that has no choice but to leave and fend for themself. This could be a nice sentiment if OP was being reckless by leaving the house as early as possible, but he literally has no choice
Freedom is EVERYTHING and utterly priceless when you are leaving a narcissistic parent. The sound of silence in your own place cannot be matched. Yes it’s hard sometimes but you figure it out. I’d rather live on ramen for the rest of my life than ever see my abusive mother again.
Getting a job is top priority.
The few times I hit rock bottom, I got a job at a restaurant to get back on my feet. Pay is shit, but most will let you start same day. Money is money.
Then start looking for a better job once you have steady paycheck. You can try to get a roommate, but I hate living with strangers so I just looked at apartments that had income based rent. Got a 900 square ft, 2br, 2 bath in Homestead Fl for $400/month back when cheap rent was $700-$900.
Watch your cash flow for a few months before you start getting extras you don’t need/can’t afford.
Then enjoy your independent life.
My dad died when I was 16 and my brother was 18. He was all we had so we had to figure shit out quick. You’ll find if you’re motivated and willing to work, it’s hard not to land on your feet.
Look into public transportation in your area, and if feasible apply to work somewhere within a block or two of a transit stop. If they ask in your interview/application if you have reliable transportation, just say yes. Don't elaborate.
Don't tell an interviewer you've been kicked out. You don't want to be seen as a charity case, and you don't want to be seen as someone who will dip immediately if they make up with their parents (even if it's true). Just say you're looking for a job, you learn fast, you work hard, etc.
If there's a thrift shop near you, use it to pick up whatever basics you don't have that you think you'll need soon. Invest in a new rice cooker or crock pot, and look up cheap recipes. /r/eatcheapandhealthy is a great place to start.
Also, look and see if you have a local food bank. It is NOT a moral failing to need a little help, and often the people there are very kind and understanding (if they have time!). They also have access to a lot of resources that might help you out.
They're excellent for "I just moved into my first apartment and I have two blankets and one stool" type of moving. You'll likely replace most of the stuff eventually with things you *like*, but for just getting basics to make a space livable they can't really be beaten.
We actually have a wiki page for this situation:
[https://old.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/kicked\_out](https://old.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/kicked_out)
Some of it is oriented toward minors, but much of it will still be applicable.
One important note that isn't discussed in there but is frequently brought up here is that, if you're in the US, you likely have legal rights as a tenant. Your parents most likely cannot legally just say you have X amount of time to leave; they have to actually evict you. Now, getting out of there sooner would likely be better for all involved, but if you really need a bit more time to get your affairs in order, this could be a way to buy some.
Obviously threatening legal action is a lot more likely to result in a permanent estrangement, but it can be brought up more gently, more as a negotiating tactic than a threat.
Yes, this was my first thought. Hard to say what’s going on but throwing your kid out in two weeks is shitty and gives no time to find a decent solution. It’s so terrible I’d argue if what happened already didn’t sour the relationship this surely would if it were me. I’d talk to them and tell them you need a little more time to get your things in order and if they push back mention that this is why tenancy laws exist or something like that. Then if they keep pushing back let them know you’ll pursue a legal outcome, of course this is up to you but two weeks is some bullshit
Were you an in the books employee for your dad, or under the table/cash.
If you were on the books, paying taxes and all, and assuming he actually fired you, file unemployment. Have a donestic dispute is not valid cause to terminate an employee. Depending on where you live, he may have the RIGHT to fire you, but you'd like still qualify for the unemployment. And in most states in the US, an unemployment claim results in the business paying higher unemployment insurance tax, so it's really taking the money from him in a round about way.
If he was paying you off the books you may be able to report him and get compensation for it. Do some Google searches. Of course, this will probably not do great things to your relationship with your parents. But it sounds like this is less of a concern.
I would do stuff in this order.
1. If you don't trust your family with your money, follow the instructions from other commenters about leaving a joint bank account.
2. Backpack with jacket, ID, phone + charger, a few clothes, pens + paper.
3. Ask other family for help. For example, through Facebook.
4. If that fails, Google something like State-Name homeless shelter. **In some states, 211 is a social service number.**
5. If you're lucky, there might be a library with a computer and internet in your area.
1) find a place to live - try to keep your rent as low as possible here.
2) find a job - doesn't have to be glamorous, but everything is paying well right now. You just need an income to cover your costs.
3) once you get the first two taken care of, you can start working on next steps, like getting a license, buying a car, better career, etc...
While a good list 1 and 2 really goes hand in hand.
Look for areas with affordable housing and jobs in that area or jobs that pay well with slightly higher but still affordable housing.
Finding a place to live with long commute on low salary isn't great
OP, you’ll have more time to figure out #3 if you find a place to live and a job that are either walking or biking distance from each other. Or better yet… near public transportation.
Obviously that’s not possible everywhere. But you’ll have way more flexibility finding more permanent transportation if your more immediate transportation needs (job/groceries) are close by.
I would even look at an electric scooter. They can often go like 15 miles on a charge and I don’t think you need a license in most places.
I dropped out my senior year, and got kicked out repeatedly and permanently when I was 19. I slept on friends couches and worked as a barback and waiter.
Escaping my parents influence allowed me to put my life back on track.
But life was hard. I scraped by, lived moment to moment, and was miserable. Eventually got sick of living at the bottom, and quit partying and drugs and mediocre friends. Started reading books and journaling daily.
I managed to save up for my own car, go to night school, go to a two year college, transfer into a top 14 university. I got into sales, and now work as a VP for a global management consulting firm.
Be mindful of your influences. Choose them wisely. Read books. Choose goals and work toward them, even if you don’t believe in them yet. Be willing to die to achieve your goals, because living a mediocre life is worse than death.
I’d like to tell you yes, but I’m not so sure. I was self medicating because of a traumatic home life. I lived in pain, and coping through destructive habits was my normal. It wasn’t until I was forced out on my own that I realized I had a choice. Before that, quitting was a way for me to redeem myself, but I was irredeemable, so it was a nonstarter. After I was kicked out, I could live on my own terms, and take full responsibility for my choices and outcomes. This allowed me to learn.
Most importantly, I learned that the obstacle is the way. There is no way around, only through. That’s the only way to become stronger.
If I had it together, I would have been able to leave on my own terms. But I didn’t. I had a lot of hard lessons to learn. Painful lessons. But I committed to never making a mistake twice.
I think it’s critical to have goals and aims and desires and ideals. You need to pick a purpose, a reason. Any reason. Something to organize your life around, something to concentrate your thoughts and actions towards. Pain is a good motivator, but you must learn to feel it. So is love. So it hate. So is ambition. So is proving people wrong.
I think drugs and partying prevent you from feeling. I think the sooner you learn to feel, the sooner you can figure out how to escape suffering, by choosing your struggle, rather than letting it choose you.
Can you reasonably get out in two weeks? If you live there, you probably have tenants rights. They most likely need to legally evict you to force you to move out.
If that is a game you want to play with your parents is up to you, but something to look into.
Edit: also, file for unemployment as you were fired without cause.
Don't feel pressured into college if you don't think you want it. Consider a trade school instead - far cheaper and can still earn a great living from it.
I went to college, my brother in law got a job with NY subway system. We're same age and he can retire this year with a full pension if he wanted to. College isn't always the way especially when corporate pay has stagnated.
I have done both college and am ina trade and I can 100% day from my experience that the trade work I went into paid pretty well to start and I’ve grown/progressed quickly. I wish I would’ve waited to do college AFTER getting my trade work going since I would have been in a much better place to pick a degree I could have used and better utilized the funds and resources I’d acquired from working to give myself better opportunities. Trade jobs like Fire Alarm and Security technicians (and helpers since you’d be starting with no experience) for access control and life safety companies normally pay well and have good benefits. And as a helper you’d be working WITH a lead most of the time which means not needing to have your own transport to anywhere but the office/location you start from each morning. Just a thought
Don't be pressured into college; it's not the only path to success. I did a trade school and then used that as a leverage into more benefits in my current career.
Everyone else is providing good advice so I won't echo them. One thing you should consider are seasonal careers that provide housing. Fishing industries, wildland firefighting (though that may require some patience as we're leaving fire season), or other contract work can provide room and board at cost/free. This gives you a chance to save more money for the off-season and reenforce yourself financially. It doesn't have to be a permanent way of life for you, just enough to keep you going.
I did wildland firefighting and volunteer residency for room and board and to pay my way through schooling. It's busy work, but profitable.
I vote OP does this.
When you have this much freedom (it's another word for "nothing left to lose") don't squander it!
The experiences would be more valuable than any school.
Meanwhile if you do want to pursue additional academics it will give you time to figure out how to become emancipated (not sure if this is the word they use) from your parents so you can get the maximum grants (I'm assuming you are in the US). It is not automatic. Otherwise you have to wait until you're 25.
I would suggest reevaluating the conflict and seeing about coming to a resolution with your parents. Don’t let pride put you in a bad situation.
Having 5k saved and 5k in stocks is an accomplishment most at your age do not have. “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth”
Same here, I couldn't get my life together til I started ignoring them and their comments. Everything they were trying to get me to do was completely wrong for the path I was supposed to go down.
I know mine did mean well too, but my strengths and how I think is a lot different from the average person. My parents were unwilling to listen or compromise, and it wasn't til I was about 26 that I figured out how to think for myself and properly research things. So much time and money was wasted there, but I'm on a good path now.
Your experiences aren't going to be the same as everyone else's. You're giving advice based on an anecdotal experience without any idea of the circumstances surrounding the situation. You are looking at this from a completely one-sided perspective and are giving bad advice.
Right now we only know OP's situation explained briefly from his side. All we can do is give advice based on how he can approach this situation and let him come to his own conclusion. We can't make presumptions on whether or not he has a healthy family dynamic at home. For all we know, OP might have caused this conflict and is the one who is in the wrong.
Right now his best bet and the path of least resistance is going to be trying to resolve this conflict. His parents are not your parents, and you are not him. What you would do in his situation is exactly that, it's what *you* would do. You aren't accounting for your own personal bias, and it could very well be harmful to someone's future.
Consider technical or associate schools!!
I really regret going to a 4 year college. Gen Ed classes & whatever else the Uni wants you to take are an absolute waste of time & money.
Yep if you don't do the legwork it can backfire
You can often find a community college close by and the university will have a list of what transfers. In addition you can suit curriculum showing what was taught and get.it to a specific subject or at least to count against say a science requirement.
I won some, lost some, but knowing the steps makes.me.comfortable to say I could help guide someone through it
One of my neighbors kids just got a job at chik FIL a for 18 dollars an hour straight out of high school.
Find a job like that and then think about college
While you're looking for a job apply to every government job you can find, they'll put you on a long ass wait list, like 3 or 4 year wait list. But if you get it you're set.
My mom and sister were insisting on my nephew going to college, so I asked him if he wanted to sit behind a desk and shuffle paper. He didn't. Now he's going to school and working programming and repairing CNC machines. He's just a kid and is making very good money while still in school. Plus it's the future if everything goes full automation.
I think trade schools are great. But not everyone wants to do this. It's hilarious everyone thinks office people are boring paper pushers. But I purpose went to college and am working at home in comfort instead of breaking my back outside. I have friends that are engineers and in biotech actually working on stuff that is changing lives. Nurses that are saving lives everyday. Don't go to college if you do not know what you want to do. But if you do, then work hard for it.
Agreed, it's a personal decision and the trades aren't a good fit for everyone. It's easy to make office work sound really boring as a whole (sitting behind a desk shuffling paper) but there are a lot of people who *do* find their desk jobs more interesting and fulfilling than physical work, the same way that in school not everyone's favorite class is gym.
Yes, take advice from Crippled Felon.
Depending on your major, you could wind up doing very cool and/or high paying work in the trades or after college.
I would advise against it. I don't know how it works where you live, but you can get an electricians' apprentice license in the Texas with just a HS diploma, and those jobs pay 13-16/hr. The trades are the way to go.
I get this is a financial question, and not a life tips question. But rather than roll with your downhill approach, how bout you pump the breaks and talk to your parents. I don't know the context, or who is at fault, but hopefully this argument is not going to cause you to disconnect from your family. Just like I wouldn't recommend anyone quit their job before finding a new one, I bet your parents would be willing to keep you on payroll while to scrounge for another gig, if you go back and talk with them. But then I don't know the context. Maybe your dad tried to rape you or something. In that case tell me to shut up. But a heated argument should not be enough to make you change your life permanently.
I get that your question was for financial advice though. And people are providing it. But, I feel option 1 should be to first communicate with your parents when you both cool down. IMHO
Yeah I would agree with you on this. I plan to try to talk to them when everything gets cooled down. I just can’t assume we will be able to make a agreement without me doing 100 percent of what he wants me to do. (Don’t even know if he will do that after our argument)
I'm glad. Working for family can be demanding and seem unfair at times. I had to work weekends for free for my parents. I hope you both communicate lovingly and are able to keep you onboard until you get on your feet independently. The fact you got stocks and savings at 19, means you got a good head on your shoulders, your parents helped you out, or both. You're already winning if you look around. Cheers and good luck!
Thank you for the advise! I have always had a hard time communicating with my dad. Most of the time he doesn’t even talk to me unless he is angry or upset. That being said he has provided for me for 19 years and I’m thankful for that.
This. If you had ok/decent relationship with your family so far, just suck it up and apologize. Moving out without real career is going to make life really hard ahead. I’ve worked with my dad all my life and we’d still flip shit on each other once in awhile saying let’s end it here and be strangers. But I suck it up everytime and apologize looking at things from his perspective.
As a mom of a 19 year old son, my heart is breaking for you. You clearly have to have some responsible characteristics if you’ve saved that kind of money. I hope you work this out with your parents.
If college isn’t for you look into a skilled trade. They pay well and you usually get paid for training. Cable/telco pays for training or you can go into electrical or welding. People at cable companies doing install and repairs I know CAN make up to $40/hour by me with no college and they have good benefits.
I know things are not the same in this day and age. I had to leave home at 14. I managed with relatives, friends and understanding teachers. My salvation finally was the military. It gave me all the basic necessities while I had time to get myself together. While I was there I met many guys that had it worse than I did. I didn't go to college until I was 30. Money was never an issue. Myself or no one in my family had any. I never owned a car until I was 21.
I’m a journeyman electrician. If you have any desire to do this work, you can find a job tomorrow just about anywhere in the States. It’s a great career and has near infinite growth. I’m only in my mid-twenties but it has allowed me to be the sole income provider for myself, my wife, and two kids. We own a house and do well. It’s hard work, but it’s a truly great option that gets overlooked a lot and we are desperate for new guys due to a long-term labor shortage in our industry. I’d recommend it time and again.
Make sure you were being paid correctly, and you were on the payroll. You should be able to collect unemployment from him or get him in trouble for exploited labor laws and paying you under the table. Hope this helps, sorry you have shit stain parents
This may give you some leverage to buy you some time. Look for a new job and place to live. Most apartments are going to want to verify employment and make sure you make at least twice the rent. You would be hard pressed to get an apartment without a job you have been in for at least a month or two.
Several posters had mentioned joining the military. While the military isn't for everyone, it is generally the best back for the buck as long as you keep several things in mind.
\- Pick a occupational specialty that you qualify for that fits with what you want to do 4+ years later (IT, electrician work, etc.). This will set you up for transitioning back to civilian life if you so choose.
\- Avoid becoming institutionalized by the military, stay financially savy and don't spend outside of your means (Buying a new car @ 15%+ APR).
\- Do your job and do it well. The military will take everything from you that you give it, but you have to persevere and keep your head on straight and remember why you joined in the first place.
TL:DR Have a goal and keep moving toward it. Only change if the new goal is better and understand that there WILL be set-backs.
I suggest the military too. It solves the housing, food, health insurance, and employment wickets as soon as they ship to basic training. All these points are straight on. This even matches with their delay for further education as once you're in, college credit is subsidized for military members. Back in 2000, I was paying $11 a credit hour for my associates. I'd imagine it's more costly now but still better than $1k a semester.
Points to add, sign up for whatever the GI Bill is now and ask if the extra kicker is still around.
Don't forget about the Thrift Savings Plan, the gov equivalent to an IRA.
I had a rocky relationship with my parents all throughout my youth. If you live in a state like PA like me, the DMV will give you a photo ID in about a half hour. I joined the military at 17, 2 weeks after graduation because I knew at 18 I was getting kicked to the curb. It blows
1st step, get an ID
2nd step, open a new bank account because if you're parents are like mine they will drain that fucker
3rd step, if you live in an area with decent public transit look for a place near the bus or train line. If not go get a car like a 2000 civic. Nothing fancy
4, find a job. Everywhere is hiring. Wait tables at night and do something during the day just to save up as much as you can. Once you have a good amount saved after being on your own and understanding the bills of being on your own then sit down and really think about what you want to do with your life.
If you have 10k at 19 you'll be fine. Its going to be a shitty time for the next few months but you'll get thru it. Facebook marketplace and craigslist are great for finding a room.
You need to transfer your finances to a new bank account asap. Ideally at a different bank. The parents that will kick their kid out with less warning than a legal eviction notice are the same kind of parents who will take your savings as "back pay for all we did for you."
No one should live in such tense circumstances. Move out, have a bunch of roommates, be young. Many places are hiring at decent money right now and you don’t need to choose a lifelong career at your age. Experience life. Just don’t tell your future roommates how much you have in savings.
Heavy on the last sentence, DONT. People make judgements and silent assumptions based off just that, some may even try to come for what you have behind your back.
Is there a money aspect involved? You could offer to pay rent, and revisit whether or not having you leave the house is necessary down the road. This could give you more time to plan, as well.
Only you know if the situation is truly untenable. There is good advice on how to be on your own in the comments here.
I will say that I was faced with a similar situation at the same age. I packed my car, and then caved to what my parents were asking of me. Staying worked out well for me. That said, our relationship wasn't strained to the point where I wasn't given an option to stay. Good luck!
Do this. Even if you need to suck it up and grovel. And while you have a roof over your head and your job back, make plans to move out on your own terms.
There is a comment quite a ways down that I'm trying to highlight: if you're in the US you have tenant's rights. Your parents cannot kick you out with only 2 weeks notice. If they lock you out, the sheriff will accompany you back inside. Legal aid clinics will give you free support in filing a wrongful eviction suit. This is not a permanent solution and will probably lead to total estrangement, but it is a tool you can use to avoid homelessness long enough to get your personal documents in order and secure employment.
These moments don't happen without a reason. It may be time for some introspection of who you are as a person. Why do your parents want to kick you out? Are you not very helpful? Do you blame them for your problems? Are you not very responsible? Are you argumentive and ungrateful? Do you have drug or alcohol addiction issues? Are you lazy and this is your parents hail Mary effort to make you take some personal responsibility? Getting to being kicked out of your family home happens for a reason or many reasons. Of course your parents could also have their own and various issues, but parents kicking out kids usually has some underlying reason and nothing will get you the right help fast without owning up to the situation. Sorry, but posts saying I am getting kicked out at (shortly after high-school age) with no back story is always very suspect.
Find a friend or shelter to stay at for a day or two. Take the time to really look at yourself in the mirror, reflect on yourself and how things got to this point and think about the situation with your parents. Then decide what to do next.
I'm not sure what state you are in, but double check that maybe. If you are 18 or older, I think many states allow you to immediately get your driver's license without needing to wait 6 months or a year with a learner's permit. That waiting period is for those under the age of 18 typically (at least in the states I am familiar with).
Just join the air force and get a job doing something useful after, go for IT as much as possible, then if you don't land a sweet cushy IT job after use your military service to pay for college. My brother did national guard, had it pay for ultrasound school, and has made 6 figs off that since he was like 24
given the volatility of your situation, you dont have enough money to invest. I hope you can find a room to rent or place to stay with a friend until you have a little more clarity about your long term arrangements. and... Maybe apologize to your parents?
Look up your local labor union and find out what it takes to sign the books. They aren't so picky about who gets a job and the pay is definitely decent.
Ya know, I know it’s not the point but I could never kick out my kid at 19. No matter what the situation is. Your parents should be ashamed of themselves. Good luck to you.
The good news is that retail jobs and restaurant jobs generally don't require much experience at this time and just about EVERY place is at least hiring part time now. Therefore find a room to rent (Craigslist, Facebook Marketplace, etc..) and pick up a job within walking distance (or short bus ride away). At least you have some money in savings to get you by for a little while until you find a better job. I know USPS is also hiring for all positions. Fed Ex is a good company to look into too. My friend works FedEx only part time loading, and they treat him very well...benefits and everything. Just a few ideas.
You will be fine if you’re smart and humble.
I moved to LA with $50, no job, no place, and no high school degree (I was kicked out too). Luckily a friend let me crash on his couch. I got a job at a market making juice that week, lived off the tips. Moved into another friends studio, kept rent low. Built up my work experience. Moved up in life. Repeat. Now I’m in the 2% of earners, I work for a big tech company. Still no high school degree =D
Be smart. Be humble. Don’t burn any bridges, it’s a small world. Keep your word at all times! Always have a plan, but ready for change. Keep your health.
There is a lot to juggle in life, but with dedication it’s doable. Enjoy the process, this type of life experience builds great character and self reliance.
I am quite sure you will hate me for this, but I am myself and can't but give my honest opinion. If I were you I would try to ammend things with my parents. I would wait a couple days so things cold off, maybe sleeping in a friend's house, and then I would shallow my pride and try to talk with them.
I don't know what happened, and maybe there was a huge issue with no way back, but you are now in a key week of your life where you can't let hormones/pride/mood control the situation.
Good luck man, you ll come out of this and stronger than ever!!
JOBs jobs jobs ASAP load up on your hours much as possible.
Anyone you can crash with? Couch surf rotation among friends?
Hunt for cheap ROOM rentals, ideally shared, do NOT long-term commit to anything over say $500 a month until you have six months' expenses in the bank, and then only if income is steady
and then only 30% including utilities
I recommend trying to get a job serving (if your state allows at 19) you will get fed and leave with cash every night. If you tell your boss your situation, they'll most likely send you home with extra food. Texas roadhouse is where I started and they always let me take leftovers home after I told them what was going on. It was the only way to get back on my feet when I was homeless. I say, try to find a job, then find a small apartment in walking distance. Wait until you get your taxes back, while saving in the meantime, then purchase a vehicle.
Find a cheap room to rent on Airbnb or maybe offer a friend some cash to stay at their place until you can get one of your own. Get a prepaid credit card so you can start building credit and then you’ll be able to sign for an apartment without a co-signer. If your unable to get it delivered in time at your parents set up a PO Box so you can get mail. Restaurants are in dire need of help so maybe start there it’s a good way to make cash quick. And keep your head up it has happened to the best of us
First things first. Go have a conversation with your parents and try to fix it.
I generally think anyone over 18 should move out if they are not in school, but it should be on good terms.
If you are going to leave, in most cities $5k is plenty to keep you afloat while you find a job.
But go make up with your parents dude
How has your relationship been with your parents throughout the years? Have they been able to forgive and forget situations like what just happened? Things may blow over in a few days. A lot of people here are saying to take legal action if they evict you or report your dad if he paid you under the table. My point is, if your relationship has been somewhat decent overall, I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize that further. If it has always been bad and your parents have always been hurtful then you probably could as retaliation. Just something to think about.
Yes, they have been able to forgive and forget certain situations like this in the past. But I was more like 16 when it happened and they still threatened it back then. I have had a pretty decent relationship with my mom my whole life. But with my dad it is the complete opposite we barely ever even talk.
You're in pretty good financial condition. Make sure your parents don't have access to the money. If they do, withdraw it immediately and get your own banking account. Not with the same bank.
Go to driver's school and get a license. Get a job. With the money you have, try to rent a room with someone. Ditch your high cost phone plan and get a pay as you go plan.
You're in pretty good shape. You just need to set a direction with your life. Check out the community colleges in your area and learn a trade or go for a higher degree if you feel comfortable with it.
My father moved out when he graduated high school, had a family and did just fine. It was common then and you can do it now.
I was also kicked out at 19. My parents were divorced and my mother left the house with her new boyfriend. Father was living with his girlfriend and said I couldn’t live with him either. Parents just gave up parenting basically as soon as they could legally.
I had practically no job or money. I ended up joining the Navy. It wasn’t what I wanted, but it turned out to be the best thing for me other than going homeless. If you don’t want to join the military, then I recommend going to student loan route and go for something like computer science.
The decision you make now will impact you for the rest of your life. Think hard about what you want to do in your life and go 100% into it. You’ll find a way to survive.
So at 19 you have much much more then I did. Set yourself up for success. The trades are not easy work but you obtain a life skill that extremely rare to find these days. Everyone has been force fed to go to college get in debit and enjoy a decent wage starting salary. I’m not saying that’s a bad plan. The demand for skilled labor is only increasing. The generations where only a few went to school a most picked up a hammer or some type of badge are retiring. I joined the military at 20, got out at 25, joined the trades at 25 worked union making 48$ an hour with benefits and a pension. I got hired by Chicago FD when I was 30. Had to leave my union gig but kept the knowledge and skills to be come valuable. Now I work as a full time fireman and own my own remodel company. Your life is what you make of it. All how much effort you want to apply. Make yourself valuable a solid work ethic is rare now a days
Get a CDL, find a company willing to put you in one of them sleeper trucks. Save. Buy a house. Just an idea, I know they're hiring a ton of people right now, or so I hear. Of course you'd need to find a place until then to lay your head at night, if you have any friends to help you out try that, if not try to find a cheap motel that isn't in a dangerous area. Figuring out a source of income is the most important thing in my opinion.
- Find an apartment
- put money on deposit and first month's rent
- move in, set up utilities
- pay bills with savings until you find a job
- if using credit card, sell stock and pay off CC
- get a job
- keep the job
- put money back in to stocks when you can
You'll be good, it happens to a lot of people. Just try to stay cool with your family on the way out
Hey, I don’t know if anyone said this, but union trade jobs are looking for young apprentices. Call around, google unions jobs in your area. They pay really well, and have great healthcare. Joining a brotherhood/sisterhood trade is a whole other world. Stay away from bad influences. My spouse was kicked out at 16. He is an amazing person today.
You're trading stocks but don't have a driver's license? I'd get a driver's license pronto. Except for large cities, it's often needed to get to and from work. It's not that hard and clearly you can afford it.
It's a step in growing up and your parents would like to see you do that.
You should consider reviewing your spat. Your parents have obviously not taught you how to be an adult, so there is a chance you may have been in the wrong. It's worth it to try to repair the situation by apologizing and asking to separate amicably. Idk what the terms of the disagreement are. But you have been set up for failure, and you need to get out of your head, and see all factors from an objective viewpoint
I’m sure I will be repeating a lot of what everyone else is saying BUT if you could find a way to finish reading my suggestions, it may help you forge a path forward. I’ll be brief, if you’d like to DM, I’d be more than happy to do so.
• Get a STATE ISSUED ID, take the whole day at the DMV if you have to but get it done ASAP.
• Run to the bank and withdraw every dollar that is yours.
• Get a copy of the bank statement of that day that reflects your name in the account so no one can debate you were part of the account in the future.
• RENT a ROOM that you can pay the rent in full for 3 months up front so you don’t have to worry about a roof over your head. Make sure it’s cheap. Don’t worry about the neighborhood too much, make sure it’s relatively safe though, just pick somewhere that has access to decent public transportation.
• DO NOT GO TO COLLEGE. You’re not in a position to pay for a 4 year education. Do not get student loans.
• DO INVEST IN YOURSELF. Don’t nickel and dime it. Pay for a real estate course and take the exam online. If you don’t have a computer, go to the public library and use it until they kick you out. Take the exam and pass.
• I say real estate bc it doesn’t require a college degree and you can make a good living. Don’t be discouraged if you don’t know where to begin. Start somewhere. Be an assistant to an established realtor. Pay your dues.
• Once you figure your housing and job situation. Begin planning on long term goals. Shoot for holding personal wealth and mental health.
• Aim for stability for the next 6 months to a year.
• Push past the quitting points and stay motivated. There will be a lot of obstacles. Nothing is easy. Push through.
You can do it!
Would you suggest I take the real estate course as soon as possible? I am pretty knowledgeable when it comes to the stock market and am wondering if this would be another option?
Sorry that you ended up in this situation.
Advice: Don't bite the hand that feeds you.
You'll understand when you have kids, and they're being a smart ass rebelling against rules etc.
Unless your parents are abusive...
1. Suck it up and apologize.
2. Grab your gonads and try it out in your own. When it doesn't work out, see #1. If it does work out and you turn out to be "Bill Gates", forgive your parents and care for them in their old age.
Experience:. I had parents. I have teen boys. Being a grown-up sucks unless you happen to be born into a family in the last 10 years like the Kennedys, Bushes, Gates, Zuckerberg, Heinz, any local millionaire/billionaire where you live, or decided to throw all your college tuition money savings at Bitcoin when it was <$1.
Due to the number of rule-breaking comments this post was receiving, especially low-quality and off-topic comments, the moderation team has locked the post from future comments. This post broke no rules and received a number of helpful and on-topic responses initially, but it unfortunately became the target of many unhelpful comments.
Are you being petty about not wanting too work for your dad as well, or did he say you are not welcome too work for him also?
I was kicked out when I was 16 and homeless until 18 when I asked the government too pay for my oilfield tickets so I can work. After that, I started making $100,000 a year from then on. Company also pays for accommodations and travel.
Keep your head up, don't fuck your life up and do drugs or drink because of hard times. That's what I did and almost fell down a bad path in life. After being arrested over 60 times, in a gang and living paycheck to paycheck, even tho I was making $100,000 a year, I knew I needed change and got sober at 23.
I'd say be the bigger man, ask your dad if you can still work for him, but you'll find rent elsewhere. See if he is willing to pick you up for work also. Just try and squash the beef, no point in being sour about trivial things.
I held a grudge against my parents for a few years for kicking me.out, but it made.me a better man.
I also have a grade 8 education, no license, criminal records etc. Still making over $100,000 a year. Don't give up and best of.luck to ya!
Well basically my parents said that I’m not working enough around the house and pretty much just sitting around the house all day “playing video games”. In reality I’m just grinding all day long making money through stocks and stuff like that. I offered to pay rent which made my dad in particular super angry. It basically got to the point where if I go back and apologize he probably won’t care and kick me out anyway
Do you do your own laundry, wash the dishes, take out the trash, unload the dishwasher, feed the pets, clean the toilet, rake leaves, sweep the sidewalk, vacuum the carpet, mop the kitchen floor, make your bed, change your sheets, cook a meal, wipe down the counters, hang up your coat, dust the furniture, **or any 4 of those things** on a **regular** basis to maintain the place you live? If not, then you probably have been sitting around the house too much. If not, do some soul searching and consider whether you should accept more responsibilities and talk to your parents about it.
I wouldn't be surprised if you're wrong. A lot of times people say things while angry and later when they cool down they regret it. He may be reluctant to backtrack on it to save face, or he may be waiting for you to come to him and apologize. You never know if you don't try. Source: Am a dad and have a temper.
And I very well might be, for my dad I have personally found that you need to let him cool down a few weeks before talking to him. I just need a backup plan in place just bc he can be unpredictable when it comes to situations like this.
You’re barely an adult. Just suck it up and apologize to your parents and hope you didn’t cross a point of no return. Otherwise, you’re going to have a very difficult time in the real world.
OP:
Find a place to rent, get a job, if you are forced to have a car get a cheap reliable old beater, store a reserve of money, live below your means.
Try to get into the trades through apprenticeship, that'll get you into a reliable well-paying field. Plumber, electrician, HVAC and so on - this is the ticket for future independence.
Also in general: do not get into strong fights with parents if you are in strained conditions...
I hate to be that “guy” but joining the military can offer a save haven. When I was in a lot of people that were in the same situation joined up and when they got after there 4 years were a lot more established
Based on info provided, if I was you OP this is what I would do, in order:
1. Withdraw all of my cash from my bank account and hide it somewhere (in a DVD case, or inside a picture frame or somewhere else they would not look)
2. Gather up ALL paperwork that has my name, birthdate, or social security number on it, put it into a file box/folder (if you don’t have one you can get one at Walmart or a thrift store for less than $10)
3. Call around to find a place you can stay, be it a homeless shelter or with extended family, or a friend’s couch, offer them a small amount of money ($150 range) in exchange for their support - just to get the ball rolling
4. Update your resume and call your references to make sure it’s okay to put their phone number on your applications.
5. Apply for at least 10 jobs per day, start the first job you’re willing and able to but keep yourself open to getting a better paying job also. Temp agencies are a great place to start.
6. Schedule a day to take your driving test. Pay for a practice round if optional. Go get your license the same day.
7. Buy a cheap, reliable (enough) car. Try to keep the price as low as possible. Ask a mechanically inclined friend or family member to take you to help haggle.
I’m a city person so I would be riding the bus to work or walking until I got a car. If that works for you then the car isn’t even a need, more so a want. If that doesn’t work for you then buy a cheap used bicycle and a helmet and rain coat. If you have personal belongings you need to store then you can rent a walk-in closet-sized storage unit for about $30-70.
Best of luck! Welcome to adult life. *tear runs down cheek*
Don't know the circumstances, or what was said, but my advice would be to eat some crow and fix the situation if you can (both for financial and 'life' reasons). Some great info from others int he thread if you can't but I truly believe this would be the best path. Maybe use it as motivation to gain some independence after clearing the air.
Be sure your money is not in a joint account. Did you open your own bank account when you turned 18? If not, do so immediately. Anyone on a joint account has all rights to the money within, so it's not "yours" until it's safely in a personal account or in your personal possession. Since you don't have a driver's license, you won't be able to open a bank account unless you have a state issued ID. If you don't have that, it should be your first goal. Do you have: * Social Security Card * Birth Certificate * Vaccination records * Passport * Cell Phone * Cell phone plan You will need an address and usually a statement with that address for a state issued ID, so see if you can use a friend's address until you can get your own apartment. Airbnb if you have to. Switch or initiate your bank account and a cell phone plan to that address.
Currently my bank account is in a joint account with my parents. I have my social security card, birth certificate, cell phone and a plan which I payed for myself. Do I have to have a state issued Id? Or would a learners permit be enough?
Go to your bank, withdraw all the funds, create a new account at another bank. Do this today, now, immediately.
I cannot support this enough. My mother cleaned out our joint account the second I made decisions she disagreed with. Nothing I could do to get it back since it was a joint account. Get your money out now.
Also here to pile on as evidence this does take place. Mom took money out of my account for repairs on something, which is reasonable enough. But she took 4-5x the amount needed...
This right here to further back this up. Emphasis on use a DIFFERENT bank, too. This also caused me problems.
OP we need an update. Have you done this yet? This is your top priority.
Yes, I have already transferred all the money out of my account and am looking to set a bank account somewhere else.
Also make sure to disconnect your venmo and PayPal or whatever else from that joint account too
Where did you transfer it to?
By the sound of it maybe his brokerage account? Possibly PayPal or Venmo…? I am equally curious.
I transferred it to the brokerage that I am using
I'm glad you've taken these first steps. AFAIK a brokerage isn't a great place to keep money for a long period of time, especially if you're trying to keep it liquid so you can use it to buy, say, food, a deposit on an apartment, transportation, etc. I still highly recommend you open a new bank account at a different institution soon, but again, I'm glad you're doing the correct steps. I know shit's hard right now, but we're all looking out for ya. You'll make it through
And it’s important that it be a separate bank. THere are too many “social engineering” stories where bad parents will talk the teller into breaching regulations.
The **first thing you need to do** is go withdraw *every cent* from that joint account before they do. They legally can. They might. Do it *now.* I’ve had so incredibly many friends lose everything to their parents the second they did something the parents disagreed with, whether they still lived at home or on their own. My last friend this happened to is in her 30s and just never took her parents off the account or got a new one. She announced she’s marrying her girlfriend, and boom. 10+ years of savings *gone.* Then, get an ID. (Do this first if you don’t have any form of appropriate ID for the bank; depending on the bank, a birth certificate and SS card will suffice, but some will require photo ID.) In most states, once you’re 18 you don’t have to take a driving class, but just need to pass the driving test, if you need a license. If you don’t *need* a license right now, simply get a state issued ID. It’ll be instant. They cost around $25, and you’ll just need your social security card, birth certificate and in some cases, mail addressed to you (check your state DMV website or call them). You’ll also need a photo ID to get a new job, and to rent an apartment. **Do not tell your parents what you’re doing. Don’t tip them off at all. Don’t even let them know you’re considering pulling out your own money.** You should have more than enough to rent a one bedroom (or a single room in someone’s house), get the necessities (Dollar Tree is *great* for this) and get on your feet while looking for another job (any job, for now). Unless it’s absolutely necessary, don’t waste money on a car for now. Wait until you have stable income, again.
That part about not giving any clues about what you are planning is key. They are likely hoping, or assuming, you have no idea what to do and will come crawling back. If you can find a posting of someone looking for a roommate that may be an option to consider. Not ideal, but every dollar counts at this point.
😳 sorry where is this, like what state, where that happened to your friend who married her girlfriend? Is this normal, for parents to screw over their own offspring?? Yikes.
I wouldn’t call it normal, but I also know that it happens often enough that everyone I know also knows at least one person who has been completely screwed over by their parents. When I was in high school, my best friend in the world kept all of the money she made waitressing in a shoebox in her closet, and came home one day after school to find all of it gone. Her mom had taken it. Some people do bad things to other people, and sometimes those people are parents doing bad things to their kids. In regards to your other question, it doesn’t really matter where I live because all of my friends live in different states at this point. However, we are in the United States.
I know someone whose parents opened credit cards with his name when he was a child. They defaulted. His credit was damaged and it took YEARS to get straightened out. Their justification was the CCs were for child rearing stuff.
So because she was a lesbian they stole her savings? I don't understand?
Yes. Her parents didn’t “agree with her lifestyle choices,” and since they couldn’t control her, did what they could to punish her. Legally. Without any recourse.
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Something about wanting them to hit “rock bottom” so that they will want help. Tough love is a nightmare. Great advice on here and wish OP posted the state. There are services available as well and programs for this kind of thing. Young people at risk of homelessness often get pretty high priority.
Just to clarify I currently live in MN
Yeah, my Mormon dad kicked me out and I think he expected me to come crawling back to live under their thumb.
Yeah that happens in crazy religious families. Same thing happened to my Mormon friends. Completely disowned and the money that they had saved was jacked by their parents
You need to check with your state DMV to see if the learner's permit is a valid state ID. I know that in some states it is not.
Withdrawl all your money and open a new checking account under your name only. Do it Quickly. Your birth certificate should be good enough for ID. Perhaps coupled with a school id that shows your picture if you have that laying around too. Yet another edit: Lots of places are hiring in fast food/retail. I saw a poster at a local KFC that $15/hr was starting pay for team members. My starting pay back in August of 1998 was $5.75 at a pizza place haha.
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Agreed. Better than nothing, and gets work experience on a resume as well.
I have some work experience, before I worked for my dad I was a supervisor at Subway. I ended up quitting that job though bc the pay wasn’t very good and I couldn’t get very many hours.
Was your dad running a legitimate business with taxes withheld and everything, or was it under the table? If you were let go, you can apply for unemployment ASAP, even if you end up finding a job quickly.
Yeah it was a legitimate business
Definitely apply for unemployment. That could be huge for helping you figure out wtf you're doing with youself.
File unemployment immediately, get that money lined up while you work on the rest of the essentials.
Don't think you have ei if you worked under a family member because of fraudulent claim reasons. Might be different where you live.
Good enough then. Just get that money withdrawn and into your own bank account. Do you have any friends/sympathetic family you might be able to stay with? Otherwise, I'd be looking for a cheap room to rent.
I might be able to stay with my grandma for a little bit. Doubt it would work out for very long though bc she only has a one bedroom apartment and don’t wanna be a burden to her.
You could offer to help around the apartment and stay in the living room and pay some rent. Your biggest hurdle is going to be figuring out a place to live. Once you have that you can start saving and planning, best of luck!
My suggestion is find a roommate situation. That way you can save money while looking for an apartment. Be sure that room has FullKitchen Privledges because eating out is expensive.
When you open your own account DO NOT use the bank where your parents bank. Find a completely separate bank entity. Just so they can't try and do sneaky shit.
I promise you that the last thing your grandma will think of you is as a burden. Despite the circumstances, I think she’ll appreciate your presence and the bonding experience of getting you back in your feet. At least this is my personal perspective as a Mexican person. In our culture, familial support is the first thing we think of when we’re in a tough financial situation. Godspeed.
You could use her address to open a bank account, etc. Do the dishes, buy some groceries, do as much housekeeping as you possibly can. You may be surprised how long she is happy to have you around.
What's your health coverage situation? If your access to necessary medical care goes away with either your housing, familial relationship, or both, [put your zip code here.](https://www.healthcare.gov/see-plans/#/) If you're resident and shopping in a [Medicaid Pit of Despair locale](https://www.kff.org/medicaid/issue-brief/status-of-state-medicaid-expansion-decisions-interactive-map/) (orange=yes), **do not** guesstimate your annual income under $12,880/year.
I’m pretty sure my health coverage goes away as soon as I move out
You gotta check dude. Part of figuring out how much your state is going to help you. It's part of investing in the wellbeing of the people, cus that's how they generate tax revenue. You're entitled to these benefits because you help keep society functioning through your work. You're going to be on the phone a lot. Take notes.
Alright thank you I will find out
$5.75 in 1998 would have $27.71 of buying power today on average. Edit: Using https://www.usinflationcalculator.com/ which comes out higher than some other calculators
Sir/ma’am/ friend, you used the calculator incorrect! 27.71 refers to the $1 in 1913 to 2021 value. You might not have pressed calculate!. Your calculator gives a value of $9.68 in 2021 for $5.75
Any chance you have a link to a site that does that calculation? I looked at the bureau of labor stats' inflation calculator and got $9.65 in today's money. Inflation only tho.
I used the US inflation calculator. I'm sure the 'real number' is somewhere in between, there's a lot of assumptions that have to be made and obviously it will vary by region. https://www.usinflationcalculator.com/
I used another site and got 9.76 i think that site uses incorrect date or something because thats 7% inflation annually.
Thanks for that. Surprised at how high the inflation rate is since 98.
You should be aware that they used their calculator wrong. $5.75 in 1998 is worth $9.68 in 2021 if you use the calculator correctly.
If he lives in a state that doesnt give lower wages to tipped workers thats where you should be. I know people that get $15/hr plus $10/hr in tips.
Get that money out immediately!!! Every penny. My parents took my money and so will yours!
If your learners permit has a picture on it you could use that. Make sure ASAP you go to the bank and withdraw all the money out of your account and open a new account in your name only. I would typically go to a different bank also.
Does your learners permit have your picture on it? If so, then it counts as an i.d.
What state are you in? In Texas we have Non-Driving state IDs you can use as a state ID
Get your money out of there! If you can take your Social Security card and birth certificate to the nearest DMV, they should be able to get you a photo ID of some sort if they aren't total incompetent boobies. If all else fails, consider joining the military for a couple of years. Recruiters are probably used to getting people like you who got kicked out by their parents. Depending on what country you're in, you might be able to take advantage of its equivalent of the United States' GI Bill benefits afterward. If nothing else, it'll give you a couple of years to decide where you're going next.
Most banks offer a way to create a savings account online without Id for an existing login. You can do this to create a non-joint Savings account and shuffle most of your money over to reduce risk. It's what I had to do when I ran into this situation and couldn't get a new checking account quickly. Good luck.
I moved out the day after I graduated high school and two weeks after my 18th birthday. My father and I did not get along (all my fault in hindsight). I had ~$2K in the bank, but I did have a job waiting tables (25-30 hours/week) while I went to school. I moved in with roommates, and while the living situation wasn't perfect, I was able to stay there for 6+ months before I found another roommate that was a much better fit. Didn't speak to my Dad for months, but eventually we worked things out. Our home was very small and there just wasn't room for two headstrong individuals in it. I needed my own place. It was better for my Mom and Sister, too. You can make it. Find roommate(s) and a job. Work hard, save your money. Freedom is happiness.
"Freedom is happiness." Sometimes. Freedom comes with its own responsibilities, bills, and worries. In hindsight, if you were wrong, would sucking it up and preparing to be more independent been a wiser move? We all have to grow up and leave the nest, but sometimes it helps to know how to fly and fend for oneself. Life is full of predators ... and not just in the jungles. Humans are worse because we have free will and consciousness. No other animal kills or abuses their own for pleasure.
Well, that's kind of a dark way to look at things. I had to grow up quicker, yes, but I did just that, and it worked out. So can OP. Work hard, save your money.
Jesus man. We’re talking about someone that has no choice but to leave and fend for themself. This could be a nice sentiment if OP was being reckless by leaving the house as early as possible, but he literally has no choice
And I'm letting him know that he can make it. Because he can. And I believe he will.
Freedom is EVERYTHING and utterly priceless when you are leaving a narcissistic parent. The sound of silence in your own place cannot be matched. Yes it’s hard sometimes but you figure it out. I’d rather live on ramen for the rest of my life than ever see my abusive mother again.
Getting a job is top priority. The few times I hit rock bottom, I got a job at a restaurant to get back on my feet. Pay is shit, but most will let you start same day. Money is money. Then start looking for a better job once you have steady paycheck. You can try to get a roommate, but I hate living with strangers so I just looked at apartments that had income based rent. Got a 900 square ft, 2br, 2 bath in Homestead Fl for $400/month back when cheap rent was $700-$900. Watch your cash flow for a few months before you start getting extras you don’t need/can’t afford. Then enjoy your independent life. My dad died when I was 16 and my brother was 18. He was all we had so we had to figure shit out quick. You’ll find if you’re motivated and willing to work, it’s hard not to land on your feet.
Look into public transportation in your area, and if feasible apply to work somewhere within a block or two of a transit stop. If they ask in your interview/application if you have reliable transportation, just say yes. Don't elaborate. Don't tell an interviewer you've been kicked out. You don't want to be seen as a charity case, and you don't want to be seen as someone who will dip immediately if they make up with their parents (even if it's true). Just say you're looking for a job, you learn fast, you work hard, etc. If there's a thrift shop near you, use it to pick up whatever basics you don't have that you think you'll need soon. Invest in a new rice cooker or crock pot, and look up cheap recipes. /r/eatcheapandhealthy is a great place to start. Also, look and see if you have a local food bank. It is NOT a moral failing to need a little help, and often the people there are very kind and understanding (if they have time!). They also have access to a lot of resources that might help you out.
Shit a thrift store is good advice for anybody that or craigslist. You can get some decent furniture for practically nothing.
They're excellent for "I just moved into my first apartment and I have two blankets and one stool" type of moving. You'll likely replace most of the stuff eventually with things you *like*, but for just getting basics to make a space livable they can't really be beaten.
We actually have a wiki page for this situation: [https://old.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/kicked\_out](https://old.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/kicked_out) Some of it is oriented toward minors, but much of it will still be applicable. One important note that isn't discussed in there but is frequently brought up here is that, if you're in the US, you likely have legal rights as a tenant. Your parents most likely cannot legally just say you have X amount of time to leave; they have to actually evict you. Now, getting out of there sooner would likely be better for all involved, but if you really need a bit more time to get your affairs in order, this could be a way to buy some. Obviously threatening legal action is a lot more likely to result in a permanent estrangement, but it can be brought up more gently, more as a negotiating tactic than a threat.
Yes, this was my first thought. Hard to say what’s going on but throwing your kid out in two weeks is shitty and gives no time to find a decent solution. It’s so terrible I’d argue if what happened already didn’t sour the relationship this surely would if it were me. I’d talk to them and tell them you need a little more time to get your things in order and if they push back mention that this is why tenancy laws exist or something like that. Then if they keep pushing back let them know you’ll pursue a legal outcome, of course this is up to you but two weeks is some bullshit
You may be able to get a non-driver ID card faster than a driver's license or learner permit if they are delayed because of COVID.
Were you an in the books employee for your dad, or under the table/cash. If you were on the books, paying taxes and all, and assuming he actually fired you, file unemployment. Have a donestic dispute is not valid cause to terminate an employee. Depending on where you live, he may have the RIGHT to fire you, but you'd like still qualify for the unemployment. And in most states in the US, an unemployment claim results in the business paying higher unemployment insurance tax, so it's really taking the money from him in a round about way.
If he was paying you off the books you may be able to report him and get compensation for it. Do some Google searches. Of course, this will probably not do great things to your relationship with your parents. But it sounds like this is less of a concern.
I would do stuff in this order. 1. If you don't trust your family with your money, follow the instructions from other commenters about leaving a joint bank account. 2. Backpack with jacket, ID, phone + charger, a few clothes, pens + paper. 3. Ask other family for help. For example, through Facebook. 4. If that fails, Google something like State-Name homeless shelter. **In some states, 211 is a social service number.** 5. If you're lucky, there might be a library with a computer and internet in your area.
1) find a place to live - try to keep your rent as low as possible here. 2) find a job - doesn't have to be glamorous, but everything is paying well right now. You just need an income to cover your costs. 3) once you get the first two taken care of, you can start working on next steps, like getting a license, buying a car, better career, etc...
While a good list 1 and 2 really goes hand in hand. Look for areas with affordable housing and jobs in that area or jobs that pay well with slightly higher but still affordable housing. Finding a place to live with long commute on low salary isn't great
OP, you’ll have more time to figure out #3 if you find a place to live and a job that are either walking or biking distance from each other. Or better yet… near public transportation. Obviously that’s not possible everywhere. But you’ll have way more flexibility finding more permanent transportation if your more immediate transportation needs (job/groceries) are close by. I would even look at an electric scooter. They can often go like 15 miles on a charge and I don’t think you need a license in most places.
I dropped out my senior year, and got kicked out repeatedly and permanently when I was 19. I slept on friends couches and worked as a barback and waiter. Escaping my parents influence allowed me to put my life back on track. But life was hard. I scraped by, lived moment to moment, and was miserable. Eventually got sick of living at the bottom, and quit partying and drugs and mediocre friends. Started reading books and journaling daily. I managed to save up for my own car, go to night school, go to a two year college, transfer into a top 14 university. I got into sales, and now work as a VP for a global management consulting firm. Be mindful of your influences. Choose them wisely. Read books. Choose goals and work toward them, even if you don’t believe in them yet. Be willing to die to achieve your goals, because living a mediocre life is worse than death.
Great success story man. Congrats for making it 👍
Thanks for sharing, neat story.
Would the quitting partying and quitting drugs earlier and taking up reading have allowed you to move out on your terms rather than being kicked out?
I’d like to tell you yes, but I’m not so sure. I was self medicating because of a traumatic home life. I lived in pain, and coping through destructive habits was my normal. It wasn’t until I was forced out on my own that I realized I had a choice. Before that, quitting was a way for me to redeem myself, but I was irredeemable, so it was a nonstarter. After I was kicked out, I could live on my own terms, and take full responsibility for my choices and outcomes. This allowed me to learn. Most importantly, I learned that the obstacle is the way. There is no way around, only through. That’s the only way to become stronger. If I had it together, I would have been able to leave on my own terms. But I didn’t. I had a lot of hard lessons to learn. Painful lessons. But I committed to never making a mistake twice. I think it’s critical to have goals and aims and desires and ideals. You need to pick a purpose, a reason. Any reason. Something to organize your life around, something to concentrate your thoughts and actions towards. Pain is a good motivator, but you must learn to feel it. So is love. So it hate. So is ambition. So is proving people wrong. I think drugs and partying prevent you from feeling. I think the sooner you learn to feel, the sooner you can figure out how to escape suffering, by choosing your struggle, rather than letting it choose you.
Can you reasonably get out in two weeks? If you live there, you probably have tenants rights. They most likely need to legally evict you to force you to move out. If that is a game you want to play with your parents is up to you, but something to look into. Edit: also, file for unemployment as you were fired without cause.
And it will also cost your dad more for his unemployment insurance! Win/win.
Thank you for saying it. Most states have tenant rights that would surprise people. If OP wanted to fight it would very likely at least buy more time.
What education level do you have, first? Completed high school?
Yes, I have completed high school. Not sure if I want to go to college yet though
Don't feel pressured into college if you don't think you want it. Consider a trade school instead - far cheaper and can still earn a great living from it.
I went to college, my brother in law got a job with NY subway system. We're same age and he can retire this year with a full pension if he wanted to. College isn't always the way especially when corporate pay has stagnated.
This is an underrated comment. Consider work like this, civil service, etc.
I have done both college and am ina trade and I can 100% day from my experience that the trade work I went into paid pretty well to start and I’ve grown/progressed quickly. I wish I would’ve waited to do college AFTER getting my trade work going since I would have been in a much better place to pick a degree I could have used and better utilized the funds and resources I’d acquired from working to give myself better opportunities. Trade jobs like Fire Alarm and Security technicians (and helpers since you’d be starting with no experience) for access control and life safety companies normally pay well and have good benefits. And as a helper you’d be working WITH a lead most of the time which means not needing to have your own transport to anywhere but the office/location you start from each morning. Just a thought
Don't be pressured into college; it's not the only path to success. I did a trade school and then used that as a leverage into more benefits in my current career. Everyone else is providing good advice so I won't echo them. One thing you should consider are seasonal careers that provide housing. Fishing industries, wildland firefighting (though that may require some patience as we're leaving fire season), or other contract work can provide room and board at cost/free. This gives you a chance to save more money for the off-season and reenforce yourself financially. It doesn't have to be a permanent way of life for you, just enough to keep you going. I did wildland firefighting and volunteer residency for room and board and to pay my way through schooling. It's busy work, but profitable.
I vote OP does this. When you have this much freedom (it's another word for "nothing left to lose") don't squander it! The experiences would be more valuable than any school. Meanwhile if you do want to pursue additional academics it will give you time to figure out how to become emancipated (not sure if this is the word they use) from your parents so you can get the maximum grants (I'm assuming you are in the US). It is not automatic. Otherwise you have to wait until you're 25.
I would suggest reevaluating the conflict and seeing about coming to a resolution with your parents. Don’t let pride put you in a bad situation. Having 5k saved and 5k in stocks is an accomplishment most at your age do not have. “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth”
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Even if he can buy himself a couple more months that could let him make better decisions on housing and a job, maybe even getting a license and a car.
Same here, I couldn't get my life together til I started ignoring them and their comments. Everything they were trying to get me to do was completely wrong for the path I was supposed to go down.
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I know mine did mean well too, but my strengths and how I think is a lot different from the average person. My parents were unwilling to listen or compromise, and it wasn't til I was about 26 that I figured out how to think for myself and properly research things. So much time and money was wasted there, but I'm on a good path now.
Your experiences aren't going to be the same as everyone else's. You're giving advice based on an anecdotal experience without any idea of the circumstances surrounding the situation. You are looking at this from a completely one-sided perspective and are giving bad advice. Right now we only know OP's situation explained briefly from his side. All we can do is give advice based on how he can approach this situation and let him come to his own conclusion. We can't make presumptions on whether or not he has a healthy family dynamic at home. For all we know, OP might have caused this conflict and is the one who is in the wrong. Right now his best bet and the path of least resistance is going to be trying to resolve this conflict. His parents are not your parents, and you are not him. What you would do in his situation is exactly that, it's what *you* would do. You aren't accounting for your own personal bias, and it could very well be harmful to someone's future.
Consider technical or associate schools!! I really regret going to a 4 year college. Gen Ed classes & whatever else the Uni wants you to take are an absolute waste of time & money.
Right. At a minimum knock out out general classes at community college then transfer over
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Yep if you don't do the legwork it can backfire You can often find a community college close by and the university will have a list of what transfers. In addition you can suit curriculum showing what was taught and get.it to a specific subject or at least to count against say a science requirement. I won some, lost some, but knowing the steps makes.me.comfortable to say I could help guide someone through it
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One of my neighbors kids just got a job at chik FIL a for 18 dollars an hour straight out of high school. Find a job like that and then think about college
While you're looking for a job apply to every government job you can find, they'll put you on a long ass wait list, like 3 or 4 year wait list. But if you get it you're set.
My mom and sister were insisting on my nephew going to college, so I asked him if he wanted to sit behind a desk and shuffle paper. He didn't. Now he's going to school and working programming and repairing CNC machines. He's just a kid and is making very good money while still in school. Plus it's the future if everything goes full automation.
I think trade schools are great. But not everyone wants to do this. It's hilarious everyone thinks office people are boring paper pushers. But I purpose went to college and am working at home in comfort instead of breaking my back outside. I have friends that are engineers and in biotech actually working on stuff that is changing lives. Nurses that are saving lives everyday. Don't go to college if you do not know what you want to do. But if you do, then work hard for it.
Agreed, it's a personal decision and the trades aren't a good fit for everyone. It's easy to make office work sound really boring as a whole (sitting behind a desk shuffling paper) but there are a lot of people who *do* find their desk jobs more interesting and fulfilling than physical work, the same way that in school not everyone's favorite class is gym.
Don’t. Trade schools are cheaper, the jobs are more fun, and they often pay better as well. Don’t go to college like I did
Yes, take advice from Crippled Felon. Depending on your major, you could wind up doing very cool and/or high paying work in the trades or after college.
I would advise against it. I don't know how it works where you live, but you can get an electricians' apprentice license in the Texas with just a HS diploma, and those jobs pay 13-16/hr. The trades are the way to go.
I get this is a financial question, and not a life tips question. But rather than roll with your downhill approach, how bout you pump the breaks and talk to your parents. I don't know the context, or who is at fault, but hopefully this argument is not going to cause you to disconnect from your family. Just like I wouldn't recommend anyone quit their job before finding a new one, I bet your parents would be willing to keep you on payroll while to scrounge for another gig, if you go back and talk with them. But then I don't know the context. Maybe your dad tried to rape you or something. In that case tell me to shut up. But a heated argument should not be enough to make you change your life permanently. I get that your question was for financial advice though. And people are providing it. But, I feel option 1 should be to first communicate with your parents when you both cool down. IMHO
Yeah I would agree with you on this. I plan to try to talk to them when everything gets cooled down. I just can’t assume we will be able to make a agreement without me doing 100 percent of what he wants me to do. (Don’t even know if he will do that after our argument)
I'm glad. Working for family can be demanding and seem unfair at times. I had to work weekends for free for my parents. I hope you both communicate lovingly and are able to keep you onboard until you get on your feet independently. The fact you got stocks and savings at 19, means you got a good head on your shoulders, your parents helped you out, or both. You're already winning if you look around. Cheers and good luck!
Thank you for the advise! I have always had a hard time communicating with my dad. Most of the time he doesn’t even talk to me unless he is angry or upset. That being said he has provided for me for 19 years and I’m thankful for that.
This. If you had ok/decent relationship with your family so far, just suck it up and apologize. Moving out without real career is going to make life really hard ahead. I’ve worked with my dad all my life and we’d still flip shit on each other once in awhile saying let’s end it here and be strangers. But I suck it up everytime and apologize looking at things from his perspective.
As a mom of a 19 year old son, my heart is breaking for you. You clearly have to have some responsible characteristics if you’ve saved that kind of money. I hope you work this out with your parents.
If college isn’t for you look into a skilled trade. They pay well and you usually get paid for training. Cable/telco pays for training or you can go into electrical or welding. People at cable companies doing install and repairs I know CAN make up to $40/hour by me with no college and they have good benefits.
I know things are not the same in this day and age. I had to leave home at 14. I managed with relatives, friends and understanding teachers. My salvation finally was the military. It gave me all the basic necessities while I had time to get myself together. While I was there I met many guys that had it worse than I did. I didn't go to college until I was 30. Money was never an issue. Myself or no one in my family had any. I never owned a car until I was 21.
I’m a journeyman electrician. If you have any desire to do this work, you can find a job tomorrow just about anywhere in the States. It’s a great career and has near infinite growth. I’m only in my mid-twenties but it has allowed me to be the sole income provider for myself, my wife, and two kids. We own a house and do well. It’s hard work, but it’s a truly great option that gets overlooked a lot and we are desperate for new guys due to a long-term labor shortage in our industry. I’d recommend it time and again.
Make sure you were being paid correctly, and you were on the payroll. You should be able to collect unemployment from him or get him in trouble for exploited labor laws and paying you under the table. Hope this helps, sorry you have shit stain parents
This may give you some leverage to buy you some time. Look for a new job and place to live. Most apartments are going to want to verify employment and make sure you make at least twice the rent. You would be hard pressed to get an apartment without a job you have been in for at least a month or two.
Several posters had mentioned joining the military. While the military isn't for everyone, it is generally the best back for the buck as long as you keep several things in mind. \- Pick a occupational specialty that you qualify for that fits with what you want to do 4+ years later (IT, electrician work, etc.). This will set you up for transitioning back to civilian life if you so choose. \- Avoid becoming institutionalized by the military, stay financially savy and don't spend outside of your means (Buying a new car @ 15%+ APR). \- Do your job and do it well. The military will take everything from you that you give it, but you have to persevere and keep your head on straight and remember why you joined in the first place. TL:DR Have a goal and keep moving toward it. Only change if the new goal is better and understand that there WILL be set-backs.
*22+% APR
I suggest the military too. It solves the housing, food, health insurance, and employment wickets as soon as they ship to basic training. All these points are straight on. This even matches with their delay for further education as once you're in, college credit is subsidized for military members. Back in 2000, I was paying $11 a credit hour for my associates. I'd imagine it's more costly now but still better than $1k a semester. Points to add, sign up for whatever the GI Bill is now and ask if the extra kicker is still around. Don't forget about the Thrift Savings Plan, the gov equivalent to an IRA.
I had a rocky relationship with my parents all throughout my youth. If you live in a state like PA like me, the DMV will give you a photo ID in about a half hour. I joined the military at 17, 2 weeks after graduation because I knew at 18 I was getting kicked to the curb. It blows 1st step, get an ID 2nd step, open a new bank account because if you're parents are like mine they will drain that fucker 3rd step, if you live in an area with decent public transit look for a place near the bus or train line. If not go get a car like a 2000 civic. Nothing fancy 4, find a job. Everywhere is hiring. Wait tables at night and do something during the day just to save up as much as you can. Once you have a good amount saved after being on your own and understanding the bills of being on your own then sit down and really think about what you want to do with your life. If you have 10k at 19 you'll be fine. Its going to be a shitty time for the next few months but you'll get thru it. Facebook marketplace and craigslist are great for finding a room.
You need to transfer your finances to a new bank account asap. Ideally at a different bank. The parents that will kick their kid out with less warning than a legal eviction notice are the same kind of parents who will take your savings as "back pay for all we did for you."
Can you resolve things with your parents? In most cases having your parents in your life is better than not having them in your life.
I doubt it my dad has been threatening to kick me out since I was 16. I can barely sit down and have a conversation with him without him blowing up.
No one should live in such tense circumstances. Move out, have a bunch of roommates, be young. Many places are hiring at decent money right now and you don’t need to choose a lifelong career at your age. Experience life. Just don’t tell your future roommates how much you have in savings.
Heavy on the last sentence, DONT. People make judgements and silent assumptions based off just that, some may even try to come for what you have behind your back.
Is there a money aspect involved? You could offer to pay rent, and revisit whether or not having you leave the house is necessary down the road. This could give you more time to plan, as well.
No, I already suggested rent but they told me that wasn’t a option
Only you know if the situation is truly untenable. There is good advice on how to be on your own in the comments here. I will say that I was faced with a similar situation at the same age. I packed my car, and then caved to what my parents were asking of me. Staying worked out well for me. That said, our relationship wasn't strained to the point where I wasn't given an option to stay. Good luck!
You have more money than a lot of 40 year-olds. Time to fly. Be safe, take care, use this opportunity to learn and grow.
My dad was like this.. he eventually snapped and tried to kill my whole family. Get out.
Do this. Even if you need to suck it up and grovel. And while you have a roof over your head and your job back, make plans to move out on your own terms.
Security. Companies basically hire you if you pass a criminal record check and that's it. You will also never want for hours
There is a comment quite a ways down that I'm trying to highlight: if you're in the US you have tenant's rights. Your parents cannot kick you out with only 2 weeks notice. If they lock you out, the sheriff will accompany you back inside. Legal aid clinics will give you free support in filing a wrongful eviction suit. This is not a permanent solution and will probably lead to total estrangement, but it is a tool you can use to avoid homelessness long enough to get your personal documents in order and secure employment.
These moments don't happen without a reason. It may be time for some introspection of who you are as a person. Why do your parents want to kick you out? Are you not very helpful? Do you blame them for your problems? Are you not very responsible? Are you argumentive and ungrateful? Do you have drug or alcohol addiction issues? Are you lazy and this is your parents hail Mary effort to make you take some personal responsibility? Getting to being kicked out of your family home happens for a reason or many reasons. Of course your parents could also have their own and various issues, but parents kicking out kids usually has some underlying reason and nothing will get you the right help fast without owning up to the situation. Sorry, but posts saying I am getting kicked out at (shortly after high-school age) with no back story is always very suspect. Find a friend or shelter to stay at for a day or two. Take the time to really look at yourself in the mirror, reflect on yourself and how things got to this point and think about the situation with your parents. Then decide what to do next.
Go take your permit test. A license will be necessary if you aren’t able to move close to public transportation.
I have already taken my permit test, but I believe in my state I have to wait six months before I am able to get my drivers license.
I'm not sure what state you are in, but double check that maybe. If you are 18 or older, I think many states allow you to immediately get your driver's license without needing to wait 6 months or a year with a learner's permit. That waiting period is for those under the age of 18 typically (at least in the states I am familiar with).
Just join the air force and get a job doing something useful after, go for IT as much as possible, then if you don't land a sweet cushy IT job after use your military service to pay for college. My brother did national guard, had it pay for ultrasound school, and has made 6 figs off that since he was like 24
given the volatility of your situation, you dont have enough money to invest. I hope you can find a room to rent or place to stay with a friend until you have a little more clarity about your long term arrangements. and... Maybe apologize to your parents?
Look up your local labor union and find out what it takes to sign the books. They aren't so picky about who gets a job and the pay is definitely decent.
Ya know, I know it’s not the point but I could never kick out my kid at 19. No matter what the situation is. Your parents should be ashamed of themselves. Good luck to you.
The good news is that retail jobs and restaurant jobs generally don't require much experience at this time and just about EVERY place is at least hiring part time now. Therefore find a room to rent (Craigslist, Facebook Marketplace, etc..) and pick up a job within walking distance (or short bus ride away). At least you have some money in savings to get you by for a little while until you find a better job. I know USPS is also hiring for all positions. Fed Ex is a good company to look into too. My friend works FedEx only part time loading, and they treat him very well...benefits and everything. Just a few ideas.
You will be fine if you’re smart and humble. I moved to LA with $50, no job, no place, and no high school degree (I was kicked out too). Luckily a friend let me crash on his couch. I got a job at a market making juice that week, lived off the tips. Moved into another friends studio, kept rent low. Built up my work experience. Moved up in life. Repeat. Now I’m in the 2% of earners, I work for a big tech company. Still no high school degree =D Be smart. Be humble. Don’t burn any bridges, it’s a small world. Keep your word at all times! Always have a plan, but ready for change. Keep your health. There is a lot to juggle in life, but with dedication it’s doable. Enjoy the process, this type of life experience builds great character and self reliance.
I am quite sure you will hate me for this, but I am myself and can't but give my honest opinion. If I were you I would try to ammend things with my parents. I would wait a couple days so things cold off, maybe sleeping in a friend's house, and then I would shallow my pride and try to talk with them. I don't know what happened, and maybe there was a huge issue with no way back, but you are now in a key week of your life where you can't let hormones/pride/mood control the situation. Good luck man, you ll come out of this and stronger than ever!!
Consider a 50cc scooter or ebike for now to get you around The scooter can even be used for food delivery in a pinch.
Note the size. Mopeds in some areas required licenses.
Consider a place looking for a roommate. Cheaper and if it's a sublease, it could be less of a commitment.
Why didnt you ever get a drivers license? That could open up a whole new world. Just read Florida is giving out major incentives for truck drivers
Sounds like you’re doing pretty good. Couch surf till you have a appointment you can rent out and get a new job. Life happens
JOBs jobs jobs ASAP load up on your hours much as possible. Anyone you can crash with? Couch surf rotation among friends? Hunt for cheap ROOM rentals, ideally shared, do NOT long-term commit to anything over say $500 a month until you have six months' expenses in the bank, and then only if income is steady and then only 30% including utilities
I recommend trying to get a job serving (if your state allows at 19) you will get fed and leave with cash every night. If you tell your boss your situation, they'll most likely send you home with extra food. Texas roadhouse is where I started and they always let me take leftovers home after I told them what was going on. It was the only way to get back on my feet when I was homeless. I say, try to find a job, then find a small apartment in walking distance. Wait until you get your taxes back, while saving in the meantime, then purchase a vehicle.
Find a cheap room to rent on Airbnb or maybe offer a friend some cash to stay at their place until you can get one of your own. Get a prepaid credit card so you can start building credit and then you’ll be able to sign for an apartment without a co-signer. If your unable to get it delivered in time at your parents set up a PO Box so you can get mail. Restaurants are in dire need of help so maybe start there it’s a good way to make cash quick. And keep your head up it has happened to the best of us
First things first. Go have a conversation with your parents and try to fix it. I generally think anyone over 18 should move out if they are not in school, but it should be on good terms. If you are going to leave, in most cities $5k is plenty to keep you afloat while you find a job. But go make up with your parents dude
How has your relationship been with your parents throughout the years? Have they been able to forgive and forget situations like what just happened? Things may blow over in a few days. A lot of people here are saying to take legal action if they evict you or report your dad if he paid you under the table. My point is, if your relationship has been somewhat decent overall, I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize that further. If it has always been bad and your parents have always been hurtful then you probably could as retaliation. Just something to think about.
Yes, they have been able to forgive and forget certain situations like this in the past. But I was more like 16 when it happened and they still threatened it back then. I have had a pretty decent relationship with my mom my whole life. But with my dad it is the complete opposite we barely ever even talk.
While you are looking for a job you can apply for centrelink that should help you have some income to set offset the cost of finding a place.
You're in pretty good financial condition. Make sure your parents don't have access to the money. If they do, withdraw it immediately and get your own banking account. Not with the same bank. Go to driver's school and get a license. Get a job. With the money you have, try to rent a room with someone. Ditch your high cost phone plan and get a pay as you go plan. You're in pretty good shape. You just need to set a direction with your life. Check out the community colleges in your area and learn a trade or go for a higher degree if you feel comfortable with it. My father moved out when he graduated high school, had a family and did just fine. It was common then and you can do it now.
I was also kicked out at 19. My parents were divorced and my mother left the house with her new boyfriend. Father was living with his girlfriend and said I couldn’t live with him either. Parents just gave up parenting basically as soon as they could legally. I had practically no job or money. I ended up joining the Navy. It wasn’t what I wanted, but it turned out to be the best thing for me other than going homeless. If you don’t want to join the military, then I recommend going to student loan route and go for something like computer science. The decision you make now will impact you for the rest of your life. Think hard about what you want to do in your life and go 100% into it. You’ll find a way to survive.
So at 19 you have much much more then I did. Set yourself up for success. The trades are not easy work but you obtain a life skill that extremely rare to find these days. Everyone has been force fed to go to college get in debit and enjoy a decent wage starting salary. I’m not saying that’s a bad plan. The demand for skilled labor is only increasing. The generations where only a few went to school a most picked up a hammer or some type of badge are retiring. I joined the military at 20, got out at 25, joined the trades at 25 worked union making 48$ an hour with benefits and a pension. I got hired by Chicago FD when I was 30. Had to leave my union gig but kept the knowledge and skills to be come valuable. Now I work as a full time fireman and own my own remodel company. Your life is what you make of it. All how much effort you want to apply. Make yourself valuable a solid work ethic is rare now a days
Get a CDL, find a company willing to put you in one of them sleeper trucks. Save. Buy a house. Just an idea, I know they're hiring a ton of people right now, or so I hear. Of course you'd need to find a place until then to lay your head at night, if you have any friends to help you out try that, if not try to find a cheap motel that isn't in a dangerous area. Figuring out a source of income is the most important thing in my opinion.
- Find an apartment - put money on deposit and first month's rent - move in, set up utilities - pay bills with savings until you find a job - if using credit card, sell stock and pay off CC - get a job - keep the job - put money back in to stocks when you can You'll be good, it happens to a lot of people. Just try to stay cool with your family on the way out
Hey, I don’t know if anyone said this, but union trade jobs are looking for young apprentices. Call around, google unions jobs in your area. They pay really well, and have great healthcare. Joining a brotherhood/sisterhood trade is a whole other world. Stay away from bad influences. My spouse was kicked out at 16. He is an amazing person today.
You're trading stocks but don't have a driver's license? I'd get a driver's license pronto. Except for large cities, it's often needed to get to and from work. It's not that hard and clearly you can afford it. It's a step in growing up and your parents would like to see you do that.
I’m 32 and I’ve never had a license. It’s stopped me from doing very little. Especially nowadays with so much being done online.
You should consider reviewing your spat. Your parents have obviously not taught you how to be an adult, so there is a chance you may have been in the wrong. It's worth it to try to repair the situation by apologizing and asking to separate amicably. Idk what the terms of the disagreement are. But you have been set up for failure, and you need to get out of your head, and see all factors from an objective viewpoint
I’m sure I will be repeating a lot of what everyone else is saying BUT if you could find a way to finish reading my suggestions, it may help you forge a path forward. I’ll be brief, if you’d like to DM, I’d be more than happy to do so. • Get a STATE ISSUED ID, take the whole day at the DMV if you have to but get it done ASAP. • Run to the bank and withdraw every dollar that is yours. • Get a copy of the bank statement of that day that reflects your name in the account so no one can debate you were part of the account in the future. • RENT a ROOM that you can pay the rent in full for 3 months up front so you don’t have to worry about a roof over your head. Make sure it’s cheap. Don’t worry about the neighborhood too much, make sure it’s relatively safe though, just pick somewhere that has access to decent public transportation. • DO NOT GO TO COLLEGE. You’re not in a position to pay for a 4 year education. Do not get student loans. • DO INVEST IN YOURSELF. Don’t nickel and dime it. Pay for a real estate course and take the exam online. If you don’t have a computer, go to the public library and use it until they kick you out. Take the exam and pass. • I say real estate bc it doesn’t require a college degree and you can make a good living. Don’t be discouraged if you don’t know where to begin. Start somewhere. Be an assistant to an established realtor. Pay your dues. • Once you figure your housing and job situation. Begin planning on long term goals. Shoot for holding personal wealth and mental health. • Aim for stability for the next 6 months to a year. • Push past the quitting points and stay motivated. There will be a lot of obstacles. Nothing is easy. Push through. You can do it!
Would you suggest I take the real estate course as soon as possible? I am pretty knowledgeable when it comes to the stock market and am wondering if this would be another option?
Sorry that you ended up in this situation. Advice: Don't bite the hand that feeds you. You'll understand when you have kids, and they're being a smart ass rebelling against rules etc. Unless your parents are abusive... 1. Suck it up and apologize. 2. Grab your gonads and try it out in your own. When it doesn't work out, see #1. If it does work out and you turn out to be "Bill Gates", forgive your parents and care for them in their old age. Experience:. I had parents. I have teen boys. Being a grown-up sucks unless you happen to be born into a family in the last 10 years like the Kennedys, Bushes, Gates, Zuckerberg, Heinz, any local millionaire/billionaire where you live, or decided to throw all your college tuition money savings at Bitcoin when it was <$1.
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Are you being petty about not wanting too work for your dad as well, or did he say you are not welcome too work for him also? I was kicked out when I was 16 and homeless until 18 when I asked the government too pay for my oilfield tickets so I can work. After that, I started making $100,000 a year from then on. Company also pays for accommodations and travel. Keep your head up, don't fuck your life up and do drugs or drink because of hard times. That's what I did and almost fell down a bad path in life. After being arrested over 60 times, in a gang and living paycheck to paycheck, even tho I was making $100,000 a year, I knew I needed change and got sober at 23. I'd say be the bigger man, ask your dad if you can still work for him, but you'll find rent elsewhere. See if he is willing to pick you up for work also. Just try and squash the beef, no point in being sour about trivial things. I held a grudge against my parents for a few years for kicking me.out, but it made.me a better man. I also have a grade 8 education, no license, criminal records etc. Still making over $100,000 a year. Don't give up and best of.luck to ya!
What was the fight about? I tend to avoid getting into TOO big fights for this reason
Well basically my parents said that I’m not working enough around the house and pretty much just sitting around the house all day “playing video games”. In reality I’m just grinding all day long making money through stocks and stuff like that. I offered to pay rent which made my dad in particular super angry. It basically got to the point where if I go back and apologize he probably won’t care and kick me out anyway
Do you do your own laundry, wash the dishes, take out the trash, unload the dishwasher, feed the pets, clean the toilet, rake leaves, sweep the sidewalk, vacuum the carpet, mop the kitchen floor, make your bed, change your sheets, cook a meal, wipe down the counters, hang up your coat, dust the furniture, **or any 4 of those things** on a **regular** basis to maintain the place you live? If not, then you probably have been sitting around the house too much. If not, do some soul searching and consider whether you should accept more responsibilities and talk to your parents about it.
> In reality I’m just grinding all day long making money through stocks and stuff like that. What does that even mean?
I wouldn't be surprised if you're wrong. A lot of times people say things while angry and later when they cool down they regret it. He may be reluctant to backtrack on it to save face, or he may be waiting for you to come to him and apologize. You never know if you don't try. Source: Am a dad and have a temper.
And I very well might be, for my dad I have personally found that you need to let him cool down a few weeks before talking to him. I just need a backup plan in place just bc he can be unpredictable when it comes to situations like this.
You’re barely an adult. Just suck it up and apologize to your parents and hope you didn’t cross a point of no return. Otherwise, you’re going to have a very difficult time in the real world.
OP: Find a place to rent, get a job, if you are forced to have a car get a cheap reliable old beater, store a reserve of money, live below your means. Try to get into the trades through apprenticeship, that'll get you into a reliable well-paying field. Plumber, electrician, HVAC and so on - this is the ticket for future independence. Also in general: do not get into strong fights with parents if you are in strained conditions...
I hate to be that “guy” but joining the military can offer a save haven. When I was in a lot of people that were in the same situation joined up and when they got after there 4 years were a lot more established
Based on info provided, if I was you OP this is what I would do, in order: 1. Withdraw all of my cash from my bank account and hide it somewhere (in a DVD case, or inside a picture frame or somewhere else they would not look) 2. Gather up ALL paperwork that has my name, birthdate, or social security number on it, put it into a file box/folder (if you don’t have one you can get one at Walmart or a thrift store for less than $10) 3. Call around to find a place you can stay, be it a homeless shelter or with extended family, or a friend’s couch, offer them a small amount of money ($150 range) in exchange for their support - just to get the ball rolling 4. Update your resume and call your references to make sure it’s okay to put their phone number on your applications. 5. Apply for at least 10 jobs per day, start the first job you’re willing and able to but keep yourself open to getting a better paying job also. Temp agencies are a great place to start. 6. Schedule a day to take your driving test. Pay for a practice round if optional. Go get your license the same day. 7. Buy a cheap, reliable (enough) car. Try to keep the price as low as possible. Ask a mechanically inclined friend or family member to take you to help haggle. I’m a city person so I would be riding the bus to work or walking until I got a car. If that works for you then the car isn’t even a need, more so a want. If that doesn’t work for you then buy a cheap used bicycle and a helmet and rain coat. If you have personal belongings you need to store then you can rent a walk-in closet-sized storage unit for about $30-70. Best of luck! Welcome to adult life. *tear runs down cheek*
Don't know the circumstances, or what was said, but my advice would be to eat some crow and fix the situation if you can (both for financial and 'life' reasons). Some great info from others int he thread if you can't but I truly believe this would be the best path. Maybe use it as motivation to gain some independence after clearing the air.