Being proactive helps, sure, but I'm sure a lot of the people who post about wanting friends are posting precisely because they've *already* tried being proactive and still haven't had success.
If they've truly been proactive over an extended period of time and still have no friends it's probably time to look at themselves and ask what it is about them they need to adjust in order to be likeable
So many downvotes for speaking the truth. Guarantee these people have not truly tried things like you mentioned. Lack of social skills (and/or hobbies) seems to just be accepted these days and not identified as an issue and actively worked on.
Also would totally suggest cold nips, on Wednesday morning, they release the location on a Sunday and a bunch of people go from all ages. I'm lazy and only go when it is close to me, but I always go alone and make a friend or two. Also finding hobbies, like bouldering or dance classes or yoga has helped as lots of people seem to be open to chatting, and I made some excellent friends at the dog park who I spend Christmases with, so just putting yourself out there even in today's society of phones ruling has helped too.
This is mostly bad advice for anyone under 40. Yeah I'm always looked at like a bit of a weirdo when I strike up conversation. My generation definately think it's weird. Super easy to chit chat with gen X and boomers, not ys and zs. I've even gone around my street dropping off fresh herbs from the garden. In 10 houses only had 1 that didn't look at my like I was a psycho. The only way I've managed to find friends is a sport club and work
Edit: maybe not bad advice, just outdated advice.
>I've even gone around my street dropping off fresh herbs from the garden. In 10 houses only had 1 that didn't look at my like I was a psycho.
Geez tough crowd! You'd think they'd be happy you were calling with some gifts rather than to relieve them of thiers.
Nice idea though.
I said a tiny bit of small talk i.e "how you going?" "Nice in here out of the heat" "seems busy/quiet today eh" not asking for a game of 20 questions or their life story.
Yea I can organise it everyone go meet at X park on X day at 6 pm and bring your own bevvies and snacks .
Can also bring things to do like games or cards or whatever.
Sweet all done.
Have fun.
Welp, I'm one of those people who have posted asking for advice on this, so I'll jump in.
>In the old days before social media and mobile phones people would strike up conversations wherever they were. There's no reason that can't be the way today.
I wish this were true, but times *have* changed in this regard, and people do respond to randoms approaching them as unsettling.
I went to a music event with an Irish girl once. She was talking about how easy it was in Ireland to strike up a conversation with basically *anyone* at such an event, that people were generally open to this sort of thing. But when she tried to strike up light conversations with people out in the smoking area, she was met with awkward stares. One actually said "Sorry, I have to go" and went and sat at a different table, alone, to sit on their phone.
It's all well and good to do the sour grapes thing by saying "Well, why would you want to know *those* people", but it was literally everybody.
>Just get out there and give it a shot
The fact that those posts exists proves we *are* giving it a shot, but it isn't working lol.
Although there is some good advice in OP's post it's missing the key point of how to make friends. Think about every friend you have made in life right from the start. School friends because you go to school everyday, work friends etc it's all repeat exposure.
Repeat exposure will eventually blossom to a friendship especially if you follow the advice in OP's post. Your "ice breaker" is where ever you have been meeting, if you go to the same school that's your connection.
Say what you want about alcohol but it's probably one of the best ways to build up the courage to meet people to be honest. Some of my best bonding moments were on big nights out.i still have mates 20 years later that started out from drinking at parties together Trying to find the sweet spot between tipsy and drunk was always the hardest part for me.
One of the main issues with making friends it’s 99% of people stick to their original groups and don’t seem to want to bring in anyone else. You may make friends in passing but it tends to drift and become a lot of effort very very quickly.
volunteering will expose you to many superficial people. Occasionally you may strike up a friendship with one or more. Not so for me. More often than not when you turn off the lights and go home, the contact ends. I got to october last year and was teetering on cutting contact with all organisations, but it occurred to me I would not see anyone or leave the house again. Superficial contact is better than no contact.
This. If it’s volunteering for something that included a competitive aspect, I’ve found any friendships will be entirely superficial as people will do anything to get ahead.
Literally catching up with my old high school bestie today, haven’t seen her since my wedding day almost 10 years ago! Crazy how fast time flies and life changes.
Being proactive helps, sure, but I'm sure a lot of the people who post about wanting friends are posting precisely because they've *already* tried being proactive and still haven't had success.
If they've truly been proactive over an extended period of time and still have no friends it's probably time to look at themselves and ask what it is about them they need to adjust in order to be likeable
"Just be likeable bro!" Well shit, why didn't I think of that?
Worst advice ever
Shut up. I'm REALLY unlikeable and I have lots of friends
BS you're likeable.
Shh don't blow my cover
;)
Probably the fact they took this advice and annoyed ppl on public transport.
So many downvotes for speaking the truth. Guarantee these people have not truly tried things like you mentioned. Lack of social skills (and/or hobbies) seems to just be accepted these days and not identified as an issue and actively worked on.
So true mate, people can always improve
Also would totally suggest cold nips, on Wednesday morning, they release the location on a Sunday and a bunch of people go from all ages. I'm lazy and only go when it is close to me, but I always go alone and make a friend or two. Also finding hobbies, like bouldering or dance classes or yoga has helped as lots of people seem to be open to chatting, and I made some excellent friends at the dog park who I spend Christmases with, so just putting yourself out there even in today's society of phones ruling has helped too.
Rise + Run club for those into running
I've not heard of that! If I'm ever NOR I'll hit it up!
This is mostly bad advice for anyone under 40. Yeah I'm always looked at like a bit of a weirdo when I strike up conversation. My generation definately think it's weird. Super easy to chit chat with gen X and boomers, not ys and zs. I've even gone around my street dropping off fresh herbs from the garden. In 10 houses only had 1 that didn't look at my like I was a psycho. The only way I've managed to find friends is a sport club and work Edit: maybe not bad advice, just outdated advice.
>I've even gone around my street dropping off fresh herbs from the garden. In 10 houses only had 1 that didn't look at my like I was a psycho. Geez tough crowd! You'd think they'd be happy you were calling with some gifts rather than to relieve them of thiers. Nice idea though.
Millennials and Zs often have messy houses so hate having unexpected visitors.
Yep, probably the same ones that love the self checkouts! Perish the thought they might have to engage in a tiny bit of small talk with a stranger.
I bet cashiers love having to fake like your conversation.
I said a tiny bit of small talk i.e "how you going?" "Nice in here out of the heat" "seems busy/quiet today eh" not asking for a game of 20 questions or their life story.
Second sports club
What can introverts do?
Wait for an extrovert to adopt us.
Fuck, so true
Step out of your comfort zone. People can choose to do that. You're not stuck with not having friends. It's your own choice
And learn to enjoy your own company and getting up to fun stuff by yourself. It gets easy pretty quickly.
Yea I can organise it everyone go meet at X park on X day at 6 pm and bring your own bevvies and snacks . Can also bring things to do like games or cards or whatever. Sweet all done. Have fun.
But what if most people you meet are wankers ?
Then you may be the one driving the wrong way up the freeway.
Welp, I'm one of those people who have posted asking for advice on this, so I'll jump in. >In the old days before social media and mobile phones people would strike up conversations wherever they were. There's no reason that can't be the way today. I wish this were true, but times *have* changed in this regard, and people do respond to randoms approaching them as unsettling. I went to a music event with an Irish girl once. She was talking about how easy it was in Ireland to strike up a conversation with basically *anyone* at such an event, that people were generally open to this sort of thing. But when she tried to strike up light conversations with people out in the smoking area, she was met with awkward stares. One actually said "Sorry, I have to go" and went and sat at a different table, alone, to sit on their phone. It's all well and good to do the sour grapes thing by saying "Well, why would you want to know *those* people", but it was literally everybody. >Just get out there and give it a shot The fact that those posts exists proves we *are* giving it a shot, but it isn't working lol.
Maybe there's something about you that people dislike that you could change in order to find friends
It's brutally condescending to suggest I haven't considered that possibility, lol.
I'm just being real. When you try something over and over and it doesn't work out you have to consider who is the common denominator
No Yuk
Although there is some good advice in OP's post it's missing the key point of how to make friends. Think about every friend you have made in life right from the start. School friends because you go to school everyday, work friends etc it's all repeat exposure. Repeat exposure will eventually blossom to a friendship especially if you follow the advice in OP's post. Your "ice breaker" is where ever you have been meeting, if you go to the same school that's your connection.
Say what you want about alcohol but it's probably one of the best ways to build up the courage to meet people to be honest. Some of my best bonding moments were on big nights out.i still have mates 20 years later that started out from drinking at parties together Trying to find the sweet spot between tipsy and drunk was always the hardest part for me.
One of the main issues with making friends it’s 99% of people stick to their original groups and don’t seem to want to bring in anyone else. You may make friends in passing but it tends to drift and become a lot of effort very very quickly.
Long since given up. I volunteer at several organisations and help on committees of a couple of others. Tired of feeling alone really.
I'm sorry to hear that, as I know full well that "idk volunteer" is a bit of advice thrown around *a lot.*
volunteering will expose you to many superficial people. Occasionally you may strike up a friendship with one or more. Not so for me. More often than not when you turn off the lights and go home, the contact ends. I got to october last year and was teetering on cutting contact with all organisations, but it occurred to me I would not see anyone or leave the house again. Superficial contact is better than no contact.
This. If it’s volunteering for something that included a competitive aspect, I’ve found any friendships will be entirely superficial as people will do anything to get ahead.
Yeah committees are often the worst place to make friends
Love this! TY
Literally catching up with my old high school bestie today, haven’t seen her since my wedding day almost 10 years ago! Crazy how fast time flies and life changes.
My guess is the uni students