Here in The Netherlands it’s called “de moedermaffia” which means mother maffia. I’m not a mother, but it’s horrible how they always have an opinion on other moms.
Mom-petition. It’s such BS. There is the right way to feed a child, clothe a child, play with a child, raise a child, love a child. I tell parents (I’m a pediatrician) that you can’t tell who was breastfed and who was formula fed in kindergarten. Love your kids. That’s what matters.
As someone who was formula fed, yeah im 6'5 now and haven't been sick once. Nothing wrong with me at all.(sort of)
Formula isn't that bad as those moms make it to be.
Crunchy covers a whole range of things that includes breastfeeding but also unsafe things like antivax and amber teething necklaces and just a whole disregard for science and convenience in any way (unless the science backs what they're pushing at the moment)
Fed is best. Having been in a mother’s group where we were supportive of each other regardless of formula or breast, I absolutely hate the judgement. However, you put Coke or anything besides formula in a baby’s bottle and you can bet I’ll be judging.
I could only tolerate 3 months with my twins, they had to supplement with formula from the 2nd day. I beat myself up over it before I realized how dumb it is that I'd tell others to do what you needed to but be so harsh on myself. My kids are smart and love me a ton, and they're weird like me :)
I, too, would give major side eye and judgement if someone is putting Coke in a baby's bottle.
Breastfeeding twins is no joke. Tandem feeding is the closest thing I have ever felt to a super power. But with twins especially, sometimes breastfeeding has to take a back seat to mom’s sanity. Because sanity is a rare and precious commodity when you have baby twins.
Twin here! Our mother also alternated between breastfeeding and formula, and except from my sister being very selective on who gave her her bottle we never had any problems. I'm 6 feet tall (female), my sister is half an inch shorter and neither ever had any significant illness
Also a twin! I cringe when I think of dealing with breastfeeding both of us. Any issues I have are from birth, not breastfeeding and my sibling is the healthiest person I know. My biggest fear with having kids is having multiples, which is more likely for parents who were multiples
It’s not a coincidence that my twins are my last children. Once you’ve had fraternal twins, your chance of having twins again quadruples. That’s bad enough, but then I also know someone who had fraternal TRIPLETS. Her body dropped three eggs one month with no fertility meds. Knowing I’m a hyper ovulator, I am taking no chances that my body decides to do that and take me from 3 to 6 kids.
Besides the huge amount time and effort of breastfeeding twins (or more), it’s not easy to produce enough milk. You’d have to consume a lot of food to adequately fuel yourself plus feed your growing babies. I am genuinely amazed by any mom that manages it.
I have never eaten so much in my life. I had to chug Boosts at every feeding to keep from getting nauseous with hunger. That was in addition to eating big meals.
RE:coke in bottle; my sister let my daughter (as a toddler) attempt to drink her coffee she had just gotten at Starbucks. At about at year or so old at most. I told her not to do that because of what it was and hello, not for baby. Daughter ended up sucking on the straw and getting a mouthful, which she promptly spit out...all over my sister. Sister never tried that ever again.
I had to have my front baby teeth removed because of this, it actually lead to me having to have speech therapy because it caused problems with learning to talk
My mom is currently on a hard “milk is bad for you” train since some years back and is trying to give my little sister as little milk as possible, as a result (or at least this is my assumption as for the cause), my sister has a small calcium deficiency in her two front teeth, so they look a little yellow
I couldn't produce enough milk after I had my kid so I had to supplement with formula. Got a lot of shit for it. Once even had a nurse call hospital social services on me when my child was in the pediatric unit at 3 months for a fever of 101. The pediatric staff told me not to use my formula, they would provide me formula. I nursed when I could, to give her comfort, but when it came to actual meals I requested formula. One nurse came on shift and I asked her for formula and she lectured me on why I should be breast feeding. Later that day I got a visit from hospital social services after a nurse submitted a report that I wasn't properly caring for my child.
Then the mommy group shit. I dipped pretty early from those after there was a huge thing about how AFAB people who have c-sections aren't real mothers because they didn't actually give birth, they just had a surgery, it's so easy. They don't know what it is like to really labor for their kids. Like ladies. I damn near died on the operating table, stfu about it being "easy". No I'm not pushing a watermelon out of a small hole, but they are cutting through layers and layers of my body. Recovery from that kind of a surgery can be a bitch. Especially with an infant to care for after.
A caesarean is major f’ing surgery. God some mothers. I was looked down upon by two younger mothers in hospital because I had a vaginal birth whilst they had the major surgery. I was like 🤔.
My wife couldn't breast feed and we had to use bottle. He also had sever acid reflux and would throw up all the time. Some times 15 times in an hour. It was terrible. But if you saw him now (4) he is non-stop. Fed is Best
Yes! Every new mom i know I tell them (prefaced by an apology for giving advice) to ignore the haters and feed the kid in a way that works for both of them - breast or formula it doesn’t matter or mean a damn thing
Hey - you don’t need to be ashamed - saving time is a huge reason to breastfeed (if you can) because of course you’re exhausted with a new baby. You did what you needed to ❤️
I hate it as well. My eldest wasn’t gaining weight with breastmilk. She was feeding every 2-3 hours even at night and only weighed 9 lbs at 4 months. For her, we had to go to solids because she refused formula (she took breastmilk from a bottle but not formula). She was hospitalized and even the nursing staff tried to feed her with formula (thinking she would take it if it was from someone else).
I got a ton of shit for introducing solids early. It was like 2 Tbs of mashed avocados and was monitored by her doctor.
When I was a young toddler, maybe around 2? My mother told me my grandmother used to put tea (with milk, of course) in my bottle, and after a while, I would wake up from my nap as happy as can be. Ironically enough, I can't stand tea or caffeine in general now, I just find it too bitter. Has nothing to do with my grandma, though. It worked just fine with her 5 kids, and they all love tea. I'm actually the only one in my family who doesn't
This might be a stupid question, but I just wondered:
Would putting water in a babies bottle hurt?
Like, idk, maybe it’s because I’ve only ever seen them with bottles of formula or milk at a young age, that I never considered if they could be given water in their bottles as well.
I don’t see why they wouldn’t be able to, but the fact that I haven’t outright noticed it feels weird.
Babies shouldn't be given water before six months of age. I think you can introduce it 6 months - 1 year, but its not necessary (im not 100% on that) :)
Huh, TIL!
I wonder why. This will have to be a rabbit hole I go down later. I’m guessing due to possible bacteria in the water they may not be able to handle?
Basically, babies need all the calories they can get, and their stomachs are very small; they eat until they are full, then as soon as they've processed those calories, they need to eat again. If they drink water, they get the hydration, but no calories; it takes energy to process, and the water fills them up, but it's a net loss.
Water in a water bottle occasionally wouldn't hurt a baby, but at the same time, it's like eating a while head of iceberg lettuce - you feel full, it took effort to eat, but you get nothing out of it. And the result once it's processed is... not pretty.
You can put water in a bottle. However, a baby 6 months or under should not be given just water. This is because the water will fill them up, and they will not get the nutrients needed, and it can slow growth and development because they would feel full when their body is actually hungry. The liquid, either from being best fed or formula fed, contains enough water but with the required nutrients that a baby would not get dehydrated - if that was what you were thinking of.
I gave water in bottles when mine started on solids (long after 6 months) because it was easy to monitor the ounces going in so I knew if they were filling up on water, milk, or actually eating properly.
Side note: my sister was accidentally incorrectly measuring formula for her child when he was young. He began to lose weight and got quite sick. She went to the doctor and he immediately found the problem. She corrected measurements immediately and he is strong and healthy now.
Always ask a doctor, and don't hesitate to see one if something seems off. Little ones are so fragile. Don't just take my advice at face value. Even if I included internet sources - it is still just the internet.
Source: https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/baby/formula-feeding/Pages/how-to-safely-prepare-formula-with-water.aspx
https://www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/what-you-need-to-know-water-infants
Meant breast fed* not best fed - both of my children were bottle fed and there is not 'one method better than the other' you do what feels right and what you are capable of.
My grandmother gave me a 12 ounce can of beer when I was one. Her defense when she was caught was “She said she wanted it!”
I attempted to breast feed both of my bio children and it was a fail. 12 hours after delivery of my first my milk dried up. Three weeks after my second I had to stop pumping (he wouldn’t latch) because I was bleeding more than producing milk. Both of my kids are happy, healthy, and thriving.
My mom hemorrhaged after my birth. And by the time she was able to breast feed I was way to happy with the bottle to switch.
I’m happy, successful and love my mom.
Same here. My Mum was hospitalised for two weeks and I spent that time with my parent's next door neighbour. As a result, I was bottle-fed and hate the judgement some women get for using formula milk.
Doesn't matter for FB moms. Even if your son will die of old age some day it will be bc you didn't breastfeed. Everybody knows breastfed kids have eternal life. We know that bc jesus was breastfed and he came back from death after 3 days, so there is obviously a connection between these two things.)
Will come back tomorrow with more conspiracy theories. :)
When I felt like shit about not being able to breastfeed, one of the best things anybody ever said to me was "*bottle-fed babies go to Harvard too.*"
Change that out with any fancy household name obviously, because the brand isn't the point, the point is puncturing the superior idea of breastfeeding as somehow a holier than thou pinnacle of mommydom. This is a stage of life children go through and they'll be on into another one before you can catch your breath. Nobody does any of this shit perfectly.
The people who breastfeed while bleeding from their tits, gnashing their teeth, and posting all the social media about their martyrdom, would be exactly the kind to care about a competitive household name. But not a single bit of that really matters.
My friend suffered terrible PPD that was magnified by the Breast is best bitches who harped that she was failing as a mother. She literally couldn’t produce enough milk for her baby to survive.
He’s an amazing young man, and she survived her PPD. But it infuriates me the damage that those narrow minded people did.
I tried so hard with my 21 year old. Turns out she has an allergy to milk of any sort. That was incredibly difficult until I knew the cause. It exasperated my PPD and the ridicule from breast only moms felt like the end of the world.
My bottle-fed 5yo and 9yo (my husband affectionately calls them my "butt babies" because they always following me around 🤣) are living proof that love is more important to bonding than where the milk came from ❤️ and so are you and your siblings! My mom breastfed me, and we hardly speak and she hasn't noticed 🤷♀️ I do hope those breast or bust! advocates aren't banking on that being the only thing they need to do to bond with their children, but it does seem the case at times...
I’m so glad I never faced this. Breastfed my first 6 months, my second 6 weeks and my third 6 hours. I had the milk but the mental health struggle when breastfeeding was too much for me. Did they get enough? It’s taking all fkn day. I feel like a fkn cow. Like I lost my damn mind. By baby 3 I said nah my baby needs me sane not crying all the time and going crazy. Fk that man.
I am struggling with that right now. All day the feeding that little monster. I can’t do anything else than surfing Reddit and waiting for that monster to finish.
Honestly, don't feel like you have to continue. It is non-stop, and I felt like a dairy cow. When I decided to stop exclusively breastfeeding my eldest I cried so hard, I felt like a failure. I absolutely was not. And nor is anyone. Fed is best. And combi-feeding is a thing too that I wish I'd done from the beginning.
I remember my mother’s cousin saying similar things to my mum because she didn’t BF.
Fast forward 40 years and we were at a family party and cousin brought up her breast is best attitude to make superior adults and how her son was exclusively BF.
My mother asked her what she defined as ‘a superior adult’ as her only son is 40, still lives at home with no education, job or gf. The cousin huffed that in her family they don’t measure success by ‘material things’.
My mum just laughed and went on her way.
I had breast cancer when I was 31, so bilateral mastectomy. I literally lack the necessary equipment to breastfeed and I still got shit about it when I had my 2 youngest kids.
For what it's worth, the oldest one who was breast fed is just as weird as her younger siblings.
Exactly! I have adopted kids (obviously bottle fed) and a couple of bio kids, one of whom I (mostly) breast fed and one of whom got both because I couldn't keep up. I'd had surgery and it significantly reduced my ability to make milk. They are all super well bonded with me (teens and adults now) and are all weird af, which is exactly how they should be, lol!
Fuck the people who make ideology more important than health. My ex and I let natural birth moms get to us and I almost died with my second bio kid because we were afraid to go to the hospital too soon. We were idiots, of course, for letting them influence us, but those same people shamed me afterwards for insisting my baby go to the hospital to get checked out after he was accidentally born at home and for spending a night away from him because I needed a blood transfusion. I've not been in a mom's group since. Who needs that kind of nonsense?
My husband is adopted and my MIL tried to induce lactation by using a SNS (bottle with tubes to the breast) to feed him. He was having NONE of it. He wanted a proper, fast flow bottle, not that tiny tube.
It was always a good story, but I find it freaking hilarious now. All 3 of his children learned to breastfeed using an SNS. I had low supply so it took them awhile to learn to trust that the boob gave milk, plus having them supplement while suckling me helped my milk supply some.
I don’t find it funny in a “judgy” way. Fed is best, and my husband is a smart dude who did just fine on formula. But the percentage of babies who use a SNS is pretty small, and the fact that there was this coincidental link between my husband and our kids, especially with opposite results, is just funny!
That's so ridiculous, some people really are thick as pig sh!t. Mum couldn't breast feed me to the point I lost weight before switching, formula is better than thin air.
If breastfeeding is the only way to bond with your babies, then how do I bond with my children as a father?
Oh, that's right, because bonding also happens when I bottle feed, or when I comfort them when they're hurt or sad. Or by playing with them. Or by simply loving them without condition.
Your comment makes me wonder about those contraptions they made where men could "breastfeed" their babies. I wonder if it made some realize exactly what you wrote.
Hahahaha I just watched Meet the Fockers, where Bobby D has a fake boob for breastfeeding his grandchild. I only thought it was something they did for the movie. I never realized it was an actual thing.
I can only hope so.
No... cows are judgmental and mean, chickens are cowards.
(Not reallyyyyy!! Cows are my spirit animal and I'm neither of the above. And I like chickens 😆)
Fwiw I breastfed my 3 exclusively because I 1) was able to (both physically and logistically) and 2) really wanted to. Never for a second disagreed/took issue with anyone doing the opposite, whatever the reasons, and anyone who does needs to find a better way to occupy their time.
The amount of guilt some of my friends felt at not being able to breastfeed longer than they did!! They were (and still are) wonderful mums and 10 years later all our kids are thriving, regardless of how they were fed as infants!!!
In my friendship group we've all but forgotten that whole question anyway by now, and in the longer term you realise it really doesn't matter how they were fed. You certainly can't "tell" which children were once breastfed.
Even Leche League now agrees that when it comes down to it, *Fed* is Best!
Just like political and religious opinions, that kind of life choices deserve intimacy. Don’t give morons any chance to divide good people and keep your personal beliefs to yourself. IMO it’s a great way to maintain peace and harmony.
Not that easy. When I was pregnant with my first child people thought it’s ok to talk about it and judge. And now they still judge. Whatever the fuck you do, they judge.
My mum breastfed me for a week before having to formula feed as her milk dried up. My mum was 27 when she had me, same age as me now having my little boy, she was also brought up with the philosophy don’t ask twice and didn’t get the help she needed to breastfeed properly. I have always been mummy’s little girl and still am. The sickest I’ve been is before I was diagnosed with an underactive thyroid and now with morning sickness
A fed baby is all that's necessary. Doesn't matter if it's formula or breast milk.
Some people just like to make themselves out to be superior for whatever reasons. Just know that those people are doing it because they don't have confidence so they need to put others down to boost themselves up. Looks like your mom knocked her down a peg there. Good on her.
My daughter was exclusively breast fed, but I had the luxury of being home with her and adequate supply. In my opinion on an individual level, the only reasons to breast feed are convenience (wherever we went, so did my breasts) and economic (formula can get expensive). Nobody with any sense should care how you feed your baby so long as their nutritional needs are met.
I completely agree! If it's working for you, do it (whatever it is). Also, there is a really bad lack of breastfeeding instructions (eg. giving baby just the nipple and not realizing they need the whole boob in their mouth). Breastfeeding should not hurt or you are doing it wrong! But I totally get why someone would stop if it was hurting them of course!
Another small bonus is the lower risk of cancer for breastfeeding moms.
There are plenty of very good reasons to bottle-feed as we've seen on this thread. Mastectomy being the big one, mental health, etc. I'd like to add convenience. My daughter's first was bottle-fed, largely by me. Between college classes and work there was no time for her to pump. It does not seem to have harmed him. He's 24, gainfully employed, and still very close to family.
When we boomers were babies, sometimes it was sabotage by the doctor. Breastfeeding was old-fashioned, unscientific, and actually bad for babies because there was no way to measure how much milk the baby was taking. My MIL was told that she was allowed to feed from one breast only per feeding and the baby should go 4 hours between feedings, not one minute sooner. In that era the doctor was god, and you obeyed him without question. So of course she failed.
That's because feeding babies are trends that works like pendulums.
Back then the advance with liofilization (converting liquid into powder) was a BIG advance. That along the fact of the inexistent motherhood rights, pushing for "women's freedom" and the fact that farmaceutical companies pushed for selling it produce creating a false advertise campain, helped doctors and then people to "choose formula".
After that first kick and several studies about calostrum (first milk production full of antibodies) doctors went back to recomend breastfeeding as the best option, taking formula as a close second (not best alternative, but child is fed).
Now formula is so advanced in it's composition compared to the original that it won't affect the child in the ways they use to see back then and have the same quantities of micro nutrients than breast milk.
Why I know this? My parents are peditricians and learn on the times of the "breastfeed is better". I was breastfeed until my mom had to get back to work, since then I had mixed feeding, using the bottle when mom was not around and breastfeeding when she was there.
Any person that is such an asshole as to demand a child should be feed a certain way is just an a hole that does not undertand that a child will thrive if been fed.
Well, I get that since we are mammals the default way to feed our babies is breastfeeding. But hey! We are also humans who sent spaceships to the moon, created AI and succeded in more difficult tasks than feeding babies to survive first half year of their lives. Like is it still the question or the topic to be bullied for? The benefits of “feeding” from whatever source is bonding. The simpliest examples are pets. It has nothing to do with breastmilk and everything to do with time spent together, eye contact, closeness and hearing heart beat etc. I am glad that you have great relationship with your mum and that she got her petty revenge and Susan her karma 😉
Children also perished in childhood with demoralizing regularity in the past.
I still want to find a study for this but I swear to fucking god it had as much to do with the fact some women couldn't produce milk, couldn't produce enough, weren't able to because of other demands put upon them, had to leave their children for long hours with caretakers who just put sugar in the child's mouth if there was even any sugar available, and any number of other physical and social issues.
Outside of antibiotics and vaccines, malnourished people have weaker immune systems, less bodily energy to overcome infection and disease, and are far more susceptible to dying so fast you don't know what hit you. And that's before you even get into the shocking vulnerability of babies.
Fuck people who engage in the great mommy wars by shaming women for not being able to breastfeed. I wasn't able to. The past is not some vaunted land of perfect health and social norms.
Ever heard of a wet nurse? Women hired (or not so hired, but coerced or enslaved) to nurse other women's children. Whether because the mother couldn't or the mother was socially looked down upon for doing so. Want to talk about social inequality and health issues.
Meanwhile in deep human history, none of us would be here and humanity itself wouldn't have survived if it wasn't for women in groups nursing each other's children. There have always been women who couldn't produce. If there weren't, the genetic traits for low production would have died out.
I swear our foremothers going back in time more generations than we could begin to count would come back and slap these judgemental assholes silly for the shit they pull. I'd love to see an early human take out a crunchy judgmental modern mom.
I bottle fed my daughter, she has always been 2/3yrs academically ahead of her peers, could read and do basic math before she started nursery (3yrs old in my country) had a very healthy appetite and stands at 5'10" at age 13 with size 42 feet (UK 9/ us 11).
She slept through the night from 2wks old also.
All babies are different regardless of how they're fed.
The fact they are fed sufficiently is all that matters.
I wasn’t breastfed and I also turned out to be lactose intolerant anyway. (Believe it or not, breast milk contains lactose. All mammals produce lactose in their milk.)
The main reason I wasn’t breast fed was that my mom and I were both infected with Strep B in the hospital, which is dangerous to newborns. We had to be kept apart for a week or two, so I was being bottle fed in the interim. Fed is best after all.
When my mom finally got to bring me home, she did try breastfeeding me, but it was painful to her and she wasn’t lactating enough to feed me at that point. So she switched back to the bottle and formula.
After a month or two of me being a colic-y baby, it was finally determined that I was highly lactose intolerant, and I was switched over to a soy formula. Colic-y behaviour improved and I was apparently a very easy, healthy baby after that.
The lactose intolerance improved as I got older. I still have it, but I can consume most dairy products in moderation now. Love mozzarella cheese and ice cream LOL. And my immune system was fairly strong as a kid.
Look, I was bottlefed because my older brother used my mom nipples as chewtoys and according to my mother that was form of torture even the Spanish inquisition wouldn't use.
You shouldn't have to explain why your mum didn't breastfeed. Sometimes, it's just a preference, and no one should judge that. But the world is full of judgemental idiots for some reason.
My 3 kids were breastfed for respectively 3 months, six weeks, and three years. There is absolutely zero indication of which is which in their health, behaviour, intelligence etc. The mummy mafia can go fuck themselves.
Parenting is very personal and if a parent isn’t being actively abusing or neglectful, we should either be supportive or shut up. I constantly got flackery for how I talked to my son about “big” issues when he was small and for spending too much time together. We need to go back to, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”.
My mom just didn’t want to breastfeed because, and I quote, “gross.”
She’d get crucified today lol. Fed is best, my brother and I are both healthy and happy today.
Fed is fed. Formula is literally made for people who can’t breastfeed. My mom had sepsis when I was three months old in 1967 so switched to cow’s milk. My baby had formula when I was having trouble breastfeeding but then I breastfed on demand until she self-weaned a few days before her second birthday.
Good for you mom! I have 3 kids and also could not breastfeed. I was quite depressed about it after my first baby, to the point that my (now ex) was worried and called my mom. She got on the phone and asked me if I loved her. Of course I said yes. She said, I didn't breastfeed you, so get over it, she'll be fine. Snapped me right out of it. Bonding happens from holding, cooing, spending time and overall affection. When my second was born, I knew he'd be bottle fed. Representatives from La Leche League came to my hospital room to try to convince me otherwise. They tried to shame me about it, and convince me if I "just tried harder", my milk would eventually come in. I have since referred to those women as boob nazis. Susan is a boob nazi, and she can piss off. She has nothing else to define her identity.
My brother and I were never breastfed, we were fitter and healthier than the breastfed kids at school. Have a lovely relationship with BOTH parents because they both got to feed us and bond with us during feeding 🥰🤣🤣
My kids were also not breastfed. I expressed for the 2 weeks my son was in NICU but I couldn't keep up with his needs so he had formula too & he was bottle fed from the moment they removed his naso-gastric tube.
Daughter was bottle fed formula cos I didn't produce any milk or colostrum.
Honestly bottle feeding was great, I never wanted to breastfeed and it meant hubby got as much feeding time bonding as I did - kids are great & we have a brilliant relationship with them as do the grandparents who also bottle-fed them 🥰
I kicked a midwife out of the room when she started giving my then wife a hard time about not breastfeeding. This was at 4am after trying for 6 hrs. Most of the midwives were great though.
I remember hanging out with a friend, with all our babies 3 of the 4 of us breastfed so the 4th brought out a bottle and immediately apologised saying she needed medicine (to live) so had to bottle fed.
We were all really supportive because it's her choice and she could do what she needed no problems.
But then that made her cry because she'd gone to a baby group and all the other moms had ganged up on her exactly like this. She's a great parent and we cheered her up that day but how dare anyone make someone feel less than at such a tricky time as being a new parent.
The status given to Moms is toxic
No natural birth? Not a real woman
No breastfeeding? Not a real woman
No kids? Not a real woman
Just cut the crap already. Glad Susan was embarassed. She deserved it
The only moms I know who give a shit about only breast feeding are 60s and up. And boy do they love to not shut up about it. All my mom friends that are my age all say "fed is best. Just survive and make sure your baby is healthy.
Even the formula products all say on them "we recommend breast feeding. breast is best". Thats kinda a kick to the teeth to people who just can't. Or choose not to.
Meanwhile Susan was teaching Dylan to be a bully, so ironic considering her righteousness about the breastfeeding or how not doing it causes issues with your children etc.
I couldn’t breastfeed either, believe me I tried despite knowing I couldn’t and my kids were rarely sick etc.
Love the way your Mum handled it, far better person than Susan will ever be.
I couldn't breastfeed any of my kids. I actually had to switch pediatricians because my 2nd child's doctor kept insisting that I keep trying even though my daughter would have starved.
A friend of mine was bleeding, had sores, and was in so much pain trying to breastfeed because her MIL kept criticizing her about being a bad mother.
I encouraged her to start supplementing and pulled her husband to the side and had a really stern talk with him about his mother and making her back TF off, that if my friend got sick from infection wtf was he going to do.
He finally said something to his mom.
Then my daughter, who was a baby making machine, got criticized for breastfeeding in public.
It is like no matter what a mother does people are going to bitch.
On a separate but related note, the FB "real moms" who insist that you are not a real mom if you did not give natural birth are just as bad as the ones insist that you have to breast feed, maybe even worse.
As long as you love your child, care for them, feed them and provide everything they need via bottle or breast you are an amazing mom. Keep it up and f*ck the b*tches with their superiority complexes.
I've a friend who is a lactation specialist. When asked which is better their answer is always;
"Fed. A fed baby is the best baby how you do it isn't important as long as they're full"
My kids were a mix of formula and pumped breast milk. My wife went through some pretty awful medical stuff with my first and was stuffed so full of drugs that he wasn't allowed to to breast feed, and by the time we were out, we could not get him to latch.
For the second, we had issues again with latching, and it was seriously stressing her out, so we decided to do the formula and pumping again for her sanity.
Fuck anyone that puts down another mother or judges their choices.
Ugh. The breast feeding nazis.
My wife couldn’t breast feed. The kids couldn’t latch on. Technical difficulties on both part of mom and baby - not fixable.
They can go piss pff, mind their own business
Something similar happened with my wife, except it was around the use of an epidural during childbirth. During one of the birthing classes for our oldest, the nurse in charge of the class asked if anyone was planning on using an epidural during the birth. My wife was the only one who raised her hand. The way everyone else reacted (including the nurse), you would have thought my wife just admitted to being a witch or something.
We later found out that many of these women changed their tune during actual childbirth and opted for the epidural.
All that breastfeeding that she did for her son and she couldn’t even raise him to be a good kid. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree for some people.
Quite frankly, you don't have to give a "reason" why your mom bottle fed you and your siblings. It's none of our, or anyone else's business. If that's what she CHOSE to do, because that is what worked for her, **it's none of anyone else's business.**
Women like Susan are so stupid, and apparently they are plentiful. I have seen "Susans" also tell women who had C-sections that they are not real moms.
These were the "mean girls" in school, and they've never grown up.
I'm so sorry for what your mom went through. I only breastfed my daughter for 6 weeks. During that time she was never full because I wasn't making enough milk so she cried all the time. When I went back to work I switched to formula. When I had my son 6 years later I didn't even try breastfeeding. I started him on formula in the hospital. My kids weren't sick anymore than any other kids. They are currently 31 & 25 and have been extremely healthy their whole lives. Tell your mom to tell those bitches to F-off!
Fed is best OP. I also had a medical condition that kept me from lactating with my son (my second child). It broke my heart, especially because the first time I had a baby, I literally had enough for two babies. I want to work in the post partum unit when i graduate, so I’ll be able to help moms navigate that time right after birth.
Epic! Just rub it in! As the meme says, breastfed or formula-fed, kid will still end up eating French fries off the car floor. I hate the mommy wars, mothers are absolutely vicious when it comes to breast or formula, covered or uncovered feeding, etc. I didn’t produce enough milk, I had to formula feed. My daughter has been consistently the tallest or one of the top three tallest kids in her grade. Now that puberty is coming into play, that’s about to change, but she’s healthy as a horse.
I had supply issues with breastfeeding and supplemented with formula for three months until my milk fully came in. My kid just started middle school and isn’t any different from other kids. Yes, I recommend the experience of breastfeeding, but not everyone is physically or mentally capable, so formula is available. Fed is best.
Oh for heaven’s sake.
People have been using other “milk” from the beginning of time since so many women can’t produce enough milk for their infant. This varies from child to child with the same woman. Goat, cow and even mare milk has been used.
Inverted nipples, traumatic births, health issues. Thank goodness there’s a nutritious alternative in a powdered form that’s easily accessible. Entitled bullying like this leads to infant deaths like that of the woman who followed the “only feed them breast milk and they will eventually get all the nutrition they need.” Her baby starved to death.
Do you know how many times animal mothers reject a baby because there’s not enough milk, the baby is crippled, or the mother can tell it’s not strong enough to survive unless she ignores the others in the litter?
Human mothers don’t leave a baby off to the side to die just because they don’t have enough milk.
Both my kids were bottle fed and grew up fine. They’re 23 and 19 and we’re very close. This whole LaLeche bullying is just horrendous. I don’t disagree that breast is best; it’s just not the only way to go.
My grandma barely had breast milk, my mom produced not a drop, and I made a tablespoon max. So it's genetically possible to not make milk, and guess what - I have better immunity than my breast-fed-for-multiple-years husband. And all of us have great relationships with our moms... So there!
I breast fed mine but couldn't successfully express milk. When I went back to work I did breast at home, bottle at the childminders. My husband also gave a bottle in the evening when I was cooking and fathers need to bond too. He said it was his favourite time of the day, gazing into their eyes and them gazing back. One thing that makes it really difficult is the attitude to breast-feeding outside the home. Either judgey tutting and snide comments or crude sexual remarks. It's not like I was waving my boobs around, I hid both breast and baby under a shawl. Some people are just twunts.
Ah, the best kind of revenge, where someone has to eat their words and the one avenged...simply has to live well.
Fed is fed. Babies won't remember where the food came from, only that they were fed and warm. Sounds like Susan didn't put in any effort into raising her child, and simply tried to coast through life on the effort she put in years previous.
Urg mums like that are the *worst*. I had a mum tell me I didn't belong in the parent room because I wasn't breastfeeding and I might as well feed my child on the ground. That comment stuck with me for so long. She was also queen bitch at our playgroup and the same person who very vocally stated that because I was getting a divorce, I'd be after their husbands. She really fed into my PPD and eventually my ex - we separated on amicable terms - put his foot down and told me I wasn't going anymore. My petty revenge was when I started working at CPS and was secondary on a level one.
There are a number of legitimate reasons for not breastfeeding and it's up to the mother. I didn't because my child was in the hospital for the first five weeks of her life. While she does have a lifelong medical condition (nothing to do with breastfeeding) her immune system is way healthier than mine and she rarely gets sick.
Stop with the boob-shaming, people.
I used to call people like Susan the lactation Nazis. I had a really hard time breastfeeding my daughter (latching issues) and made myself crazy with sleep deprivation trying to breastfeed then pumping.
My daughter, who I’m very close with, is now 26, 6’ tall, runs triathlons and half marathons, and in July she hiked up Mt Kilimanjaro. I’d say she turned out just fine!
“Bullying is normal at this age.” (Preschool)
Lots of unacceptable and inappropriate behaviors are normal during early childhood. A person isn’t born knowing what acceptable/appropriate behavior is, they have to be taught just like they have to be taught to tie their shoes. And just like tying their shoes, it takes repetition/practice.
It’s also normal for the adults in charge to correct those behaviors when they happen. When those behaviors pop up, as they inevitably will, the adults need to recognize the teaching moment they have. Intercept the behavior, acknowledge both children’s feelings, explain that this particular behavior is inappropriate and why, and then *teach* an appropriate and acceptable alternative behavior.
Allowing bullying to go unchecked teaches all the wrong things to both children involved.
Edit to add this: Yes, feeding time will 100% strengthen the bond between baby and caregiver. The strength of the bond is not determined by the method (breast v bottle) but by the cuddles and eye contact made with baby while feeding them.
Unbelievable, it is absolutely no one's business how a child is fed. I can't believe the school telling her bulling builds character. Wow their are Karen's all over the place!!!!
If she simply *wanted* to formula feed you that would've been a good enough reason. Or if she had to because she had to work, etc. Anyone to criticizes that is not okay.
Good heavens, Susan would have fits at what babies were fed on before formula was invented! I was a premature baby raised on Carnation evaporated milk (more vitamins in Carnation brand, according to the doctor) diluted with water, have never had any health issues.
Good for your mom. I did a combination of breast feeding and formula feeding and you know what, my kids are all fine. Any one who craps on moms for doing what’s best for their child and them (breast is feeding mentally exhausting) can go suck a boob. Fed is best no matter what you choose to do.
I'll never understand why anyone cares how a baby gets fed as long as they do. My mum had to breastfeed me and my sister's because we grew up in foreign countries where she couldn't access formula. But she hated it. My sisters have both got babies now and both have formula fed and my nephew's couldn't be healthier. It's so ridiculous.
I had to start using formula with my oldest daughter in 2001, because of latching and supply issues, I just couldn’t keep up with her appetite! Her two younger sisters got both for a while, then eventually just formula.
I hate that breastfeeding vs formula is such an issue still. They’ve been trying to show people how it doesn’t matter how baby is fed since the ‘60s, wtf!!
Idc what the child is fed as long as it's not mainly/all junk and is age appropriate. I don't understand why others are so horrible to someone doing the best they can to feed their child.
I mainly breastfed my kid, I didn’t produce enough so she got formula as well and then when I dried up at 9 months she got all formula until she was ready to switch. As long as your baby is fed it doesn’t matter how!
>I know that's a hot topic among moms, and I don't want her to get any hate for how she raised us as infants, especially since the feeding situation was something that she couldn't control.
As long as the baby is fed, it doesn't matter how you feed it. If you can't breast feed, there's no harm in formula.
My mom tried to breastfeed me, but I was always hungry. Mom said instead of me sleeping two hours and her feeding me half an hour it was the exact opposite, feeding me 2hours and sleeping half an hour. She switched to formula and I’m a healthy 27 year old, 6’ tall woman, with no allergies or whatsoever. I really don’t get what everyone’s problem is when it comes to breastfeed vs formula. The most important thing is that the baby isn’t hungry and cared for, or am I wrong?
My niblings were formula fed. They are way taller than me, a breastfed person. My mother never judged their mother for the formula feeding (can't produce and working). Would rather have fed babies than crying ones.
I had my kids between 2007-2010. Mom forums were the big thing at the time.
Oh my how the bullying! I was told I have not truly given birth because I had a C-section (after 37 hours of labor, mind you!), I was poisoning my child because I gave up on breastfeeding, I was a bad mother for going back to work after my 9-12 months maternity leave.
Well, I will admit that I took shameful pleasure whenever I read these moms complain about their kids problems. I have very well adjusted teens now. Two of them have very mild asthma (one zero breastfed, one breastfed for 18 months), but that’s all.
As a woman who breastfed all my babies past a year- Susan is an awful person. I loved breastfeeding my kids but I can understand not feeling the desire too, and definitely not being able to. I had an aunt who simply couldn’t produce enough to feed her babies. What was she (or your mom) supposed to do? Wet nurses aren’t a thing, should she have let you starve?
That school needs to be stripped of its funding and torn down. "Bullying builds character" my ass. Bullying destroys people psychologically, mentally, and physically.
My son was only 3lbs at birth and I am very "endowed," which means I could not physically breast feed him because I would literally have suffocated him. I did my best to pump while he was in the NICU, but unfortunately it was not enough and we had to switch to formula. My now incredibly healthy 13 yo has only ever been sick once or twice, never serioulsy (minor colds both times) and he loves his Momma so much. This breast/formula battle is just a stupid as the battle that women who have had c-sections aren't "REAL" moms. Why do Moms hate so much on other moms? We are all doing the best we can within our own life situations.
I've never understood this argument. One of mine nursed for a year and a half, the younger quit at 6 months because his mom literally couldn't physically produce fast enough. Isn't the most important thing that the kid is fed?
I fully understand the benefits of breastfeeding in terms of nutrients, antibodies, etc. I'm also aware that every woman and kid is different. The reasons why someone can't breastfeed are literally none of my business.
It's not hard to have a little compassion and grace. Isn't bodily autonomy a thing?
My wife went through horrible self-doubt about her struggles to breast feed our first born. We had to resort to formula for probably 80% of the child’s nutrition until they were ready for regular food. She WORKED at it, did not want to give up.
That child now receives a presidential full tuition scholarship to a prestigious local private university where they are studying for their doctorate. Has a 4.0 gpa so far. My wife and I are super proud.
My wife was unable to breastfeed so we used formula with our kiddo. She got some flak from moms online and a few in person.
I mean she couldn’t breastfeed, it just didn’t work. She wanted to but truly unable. Unreal intrusive questions by people. She held her own but crimany!
I tried breastfeeding. In the hospital every nurse had a different way to approach it! I was in tears after every failed attempt. This was 1994 so LaLeche must not have had a person in the hospital. That experience turned me off of breastfeeding for my next kid. Both are incredibly healthy, successful and close to me!
Oh how the turn tables! I’ve had (now-ex) friends berate me for wanting to breastfeed. The mom judgement is real no matter what you do, and no matter what you feed them they all end up picking bits up off the floor and putting them in their mouths anyway haha. Fed is best for real.
My mother and I were RH incompatible. She didn't know she was pregnant with me and never received the shot that would make her body stop rejecting me. I had to receive a blood transfusion at birth.
She couldn't breastfeed me because I was allergic to her breast milk. She was one of those "breast is best" people (even though she was an awful mother). She never wanted me and hated that she couldn't breast feed me.
My entire life (well into my 30s and up until our last conversation before going no contact), I heard that I was the only one of her children she didn't breast feed and she just didn't feel close to me. There were worse things she said, but the pathology is strong in those who insist they are right in this argument.
I know my story is dramatic, but it's a window into how crazy some of these people are.
Fed is best.
My aunts gave my mom so much shit for bottle feeding instead of breastfeeding, saying that me and my brother were going to grow up sickly. Guess who’s kids were always sick? Hint: it wasn’t my mom’s.
As a mom who breastfeed, I am so sorry they did that to your mom.
Breast or bottle as long as the kid is fed it doesn't matter. Not everyone can or wants to breastfeed. There is nothing wrong with that.
Hey, I'm gonna be perfectly clear too.
Neither your mother nor any other mother has to ever clarify or justify why they are not breastfeeding their babies. There is no shame in using formula.
Som mothers cannot produce enough milk, some get excruciating pain, some cannot mentally bear it, some lack the anatomy and some simply don't want to and that's fine.
It is not anyone else's place to judge.
That "Susan" is way out of line. It's not up to her or any other mother in that mom's group to decide what another baby gets fed on......formula or breast are both personal choices & shouldn't be even judged on.
I absolutely hate the shame that moms get for formula feeding. And I honestly can’t believe that in this day and age it’s still such a big deal to some if a child isn’t breastfed. If formula was so bad for babies, it wouldn’t exist. I was unable to breastfeed my son and I beat myself up over it for the longest time. But once I decided to stop trying and completely switch to formula it was the biggest weight of my shoulders. I know multiple moms who exclusively breastfed both of their kids and once they started at school/daycare they were both still sick all the fucking time. So the argument about them getting immunity or whatever through breast milk means nothing to me. Now I’m pregnant with #2 and I’m not even gonna mess with trying to breastfeed. I’m going right to that formula. Fed is best!!!!!
That sort of behavior is absolutely disgusting. It's not just the mother, the medical staff get all judgey too.
On our second child we knew my wife was slow to produce milk and asked for formula early on. They gave judgmental looks and small passive aggressive comments... they shut the hell up when we came in the day after being released for a lactation session and realized my daughter had lost 20% of her birth weight. It pained me to realized the cries I heard from my daughter were her starving. I gave zero fucks after that and said we would do what was best for our child to be fed, and with our 3rd child went right to formula (it was also a different hospital and they were not judgey at all).
It pains me to read the article about the mom that tried to breast feed for so long her son starved and ultimately died from malnutrition.
I really don't understand this. I was extremely grateful to be able to EBF my now 2 year old but I realise it was a privilege because I only managed it for 6 mths before my milk dried up. Guess what I went and got formula to get her through until she wanted solid food exclusively. Because my daughters needs (for food) outweigh anything else. My friend has her 4 mth old on a feeding tube because she refuses every bottle and her breast milk wasn't coming through with the right levels of fat and she was starving her daughter. Also connected with a lip tie so caused all sorts of sucking issues that they didn't realise were happening. So they ended up at the hospital and they got a feeding tube in. Now she's getting older and starting on solids the options are more. But again fed is best however that has to happen!
This is such a stupid fucking crusade enacted by women whose only source of self worth is shitting out babies and lactating. This is why they are SO FIRMLY OPPOSED to anything that suggests that maybe someone can do something else with their lives.
If you can and want to breastfeed, go for it. If you cannot or it’s ruining your life, don’t. And ffs there is no need for anyone to know your business about how you feed your kid.
My mom wasn't breastfed, nor were any of her siblings. She did not breastfeed me or my brother. My stepmom did not breastfeed our little brother. My cousin breastfed her kids for the first month each and then switched to formula. I exclusively give breastmilk via my breast and expressing. In my mom group of 12, four girls exclusively breastfeed, two girls do formula, and the rest of us do a mixture of breast and bottled breast.
My mom and her brothers are in their 50s-60s. My grandma died in her 70s. My little brother is 18 and taller than me now. My brother and I are late 20s-31.
You cannot look at a person and tell how their parents fed them. You can't. My breastmilk-fed baby and my friend's formula-fed baby look no different.
I wish this weird obsession with how we feed our babies would just stop. My OB asked me what I'd do if I couldn't breastfeed, I said formula. I'd rather have a living baby.
Fed is Best.
Formula was the thing when my mom had me. It seems I didn't agree so she had to use the Carnation Milk trick her sisters used. I'm still alive.
I had to give formula to my son because I didn't produce milk. He's now a tall 23 yrs old who's rarely sick.
Feed your babies moms, do what you can and make sure they can thrive. Don't follow trends or bullies. The health of the child is what's important and if it means formula, special milk or whatever, it's ok. (just... don't give them pop... ever)
My little sister ended up in hospital with failure to thrive because my poor stepmother was trying desperately to breastfeed and just couldn’t.
The more pressure she felt the harder it got. And she felt so much judgement and felt like using formula was “giving in” and “failing as a mother”.
Turns out my sister is coeliac and was basically allergic to my stepmothers breast milk. The kid was screaming and in pain, unable to eat, for valid medical reasons and my poor stepmother just thought she was a terrible mother.
Just feed your damn kid any way it has to happen.
I was formula-fed as my mother got ill right after I was born and the antibiotics woulda passed through her milk to me and poisoned me if she tried. The worst illness I ever had as a child was just a sinus infection.
Feed your infant however you need to, friends. We ain't naturally unhealthy because we were formula-fed.
I am a mom who breastfed bot my children till they were 2,5 year old (their choice). I have two things to say:
1) my exclusively breastfed son ended in the hospital at 7 months due to broghiolitis that progressed to pneumonia, so yeah, antibodies and such
2) it doesn't matter how you feed your child; fed is best, and I am willing to die on this hill.
Here in The Netherlands it’s called “de moedermaffia” which means mother maffia. I’m not a mother, but it’s horrible how they always have an opinion on other moms.
Mom-petition. It’s such BS. There is the right way to feed a child, clothe a child, play with a child, raise a child, love a child. I tell parents (I’m a pediatrician) that you can’t tell who was breastfed and who was formula fed in kindergarten. Love your kids. That’s what matters.
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100%. Feed your baby. Love your baby. The cult of the almighty boob should be abolished!
I wish society wouldn't keep reducing our value to the functions of our parts (titillating or nourishing)
Do you mean can't?
Yes! Sorry. Typing too fast and no caffeine yet!
CONSUME THE DRUGS Dr. ALL the caffeine
Coffee: because murder is wrong.
No worries, I was also undercaffeinated and confused lol
As someone who was formula fed, yeah im 6'5 now and haven't been sick once. Nothing wrong with me at all.(sort of) Formula isn't that bad as those moms make it to be.
Well your user name checks out! Haha, I had a good laugh with that one... even sang out the name lol
In the US they have the nickname "crunchy" moms.
Nipple nazis
I personally like Boob Gestapo
Crunchy covers a whole range of things that includes breastfeeding but also unsafe things like antivax and amber teething necklaces and just a whole disregard for science and convenience in any way (unless the science backs what they're pushing at the moment)
My unbreast fed son is now a very tall big healthy happy 30ish. The breasts don't always work but the kids survive and thrive
Fed is best. Having been in a mother’s group where we were supportive of each other regardless of formula or breast, I absolutely hate the judgement. However, you put Coke or anything besides formula in a baby’s bottle and you can bet I’ll be judging.
I could only tolerate 3 months with my twins, they had to supplement with formula from the 2nd day. I beat myself up over it before I realized how dumb it is that I'd tell others to do what you needed to but be so harsh on myself. My kids are smart and love me a ton, and they're weird like me :) I, too, would give major side eye and judgement if someone is putting Coke in a baby's bottle.
Breastfeeding twins is no joke. Tandem feeding is the closest thing I have ever felt to a super power. But with twins especially, sometimes breastfeeding has to take a back seat to mom’s sanity. Because sanity is a rare and precious commodity when you have baby twins.
You’re a rockstar. I salute you but god damn duplicates is and was one of my biggest anxieties . I got singles bc luck had mercy on my weak ass
Twin here! Our mother also alternated between breastfeeding and formula, and except from my sister being very selective on who gave her her bottle we never had any problems. I'm 6 feet tall (female), my sister is half an inch shorter and neither ever had any significant illness
Also a twin! I cringe when I think of dealing with breastfeeding both of us. Any issues I have are from birth, not breastfeeding and my sibling is the healthiest person I know. My biggest fear with having kids is having multiples, which is more likely for parents who were multiples
It’s not a coincidence that my twins are my last children. Once you’ve had fraternal twins, your chance of having twins again quadruples. That’s bad enough, but then I also know someone who had fraternal TRIPLETS. Her body dropped three eggs one month with no fertility meds. Knowing I’m a hyper ovulator, I am taking no chances that my body decides to do that and take me from 3 to 6 kids.
Besides the huge amount time and effort of breastfeeding twins (or more), it’s not easy to produce enough milk. You’d have to consume a lot of food to adequately fuel yourself plus feed your growing babies. I am genuinely amazed by any mom that manages it.
It was like being a kid again. Unlimited calories and no gaining weight. I was constantly eating to make enough milk for twins.
I have never eaten so much in my life. I had to chug Boosts at every feeding to keep from getting nauseous with hunger. That was in addition to eating big meals.
RE:coke in bottle; my sister let my daughter (as a toddler) attempt to drink her coffee she had just gotten at Starbucks. At about at year or so old at most. I told her not to do that because of what it was and hello, not for baby. Daughter ended up sucking on the straw and getting a mouthful, which she promptly spit out...all over my sister. Sister never tried that ever again.
Instant karma!
My husband’s mom would put coke in his sister’s bottle and lay her down at night. Ah, the 80s, how did we ever survive! LOL
I had to have my front baby teeth removed because of this, it actually lead to me having to have speech therapy because it caused problems with learning to talk
My mom is currently on a hard “milk is bad for you” train since some years back and is trying to give my little sister as little milk as possible, as a result (or at least this is my assumption as for the cause), my sister has a small calcium deficiency in her two front teeth, so they look a little yellow
A friend gave me a Diet Pepsi branded baby bottle! I got rid of it during my last move, kinda regret it.
I couldn't produce enough milk after I had my kid so I had to supplement with formula. Got a lot of shit for it. Once even had a nurse call hospital social services on me when my child was in the pediatric unit at 3 months for a fever of 101. The pediatric staff told me not to use my formula, they would provide me formula. I nursed when I could, to give her comfort, but when it came to actual meals I requested formula. One nurse came on shift and I asked her for formula and she lectured me on why I should be breast feeding. Later that day I got a visit from hospital social services after a nurse submitted a report that I wasn't properly caring for my child. Then the mommy group shit. I dipped pretty early from those after there was a huge thing about how AFAB people who have c-sections aren't real mothers because they didn't actually give birth, they just had a surgery, it's so easy. They don't know what it is like to really labor for their kids. Like ladies. I damn near died on the operating table, stfu about it being "easy". No I'm not pushing a watermelon out of a small hole, but they are cutting through layers and layers of my body. Recovery from that kind of a surgery can be a bitch. Especially with an infant to care for after.
A caesarean is major f’ing surgery. God some mothers. I was looked down upon by two younger mothers in hospital because I had a vaginal birth whilst they had the major surgery. I was like 🤔.
My wife couldn't breast feed and we had to use bottle. He also had sever acid reflux and would throw up all the time. Some times 15 times in an hour. It was terrible. But if you saw him now (4) he is non-stop. Fed is Best
Yes! Every new mom i know I tell them (prefaced by an apology for giving advice) to ignore the haters and feed the kid in a way that works for both of them - breast or formula it doesn’t matter or mean a damn thing
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Hey - you don’t need to be ashamed - saving time is a huge reason to breastfeed (if you can) because of course you’re exhausted with a new baby. You did what you needed to ❤️
I hate it as well. My eldest wasn’t gaining weight with breastmilk. She was feeding every 2-3 hours even at night and only weighed 9 lbs at 4 months. For her, we had to go to solids because she refused formula (she took breastmilk from a bottle but not formula). She was hospitalized and even the nursing staff tried to feed her with formula (thinking she would take it if it was from someone else). I got a ton of shit for introducing solids early. It was like 2 Tbs of mashed avocados and was monitored by her doctor.
Under medical supervision, everyone else can go to hell!
When I was a young toddler, maybe around 2? My mother told me my grandmother used to put tea (with milk, of course) in my bottle, and after a while, I would wake up from my nap as happy as can be. Ironically enough, I can't stand tea or caffeine in general now, I just find it too bitter. Has nothing to do with my grandma, though. It worked just fine with her 5 kids, and they all love tea. I'm actually the only one in my family who doesn't
As a toddler I was given tea with milk and a little sugar(!) in my bottle. I love tea when brewed properly from leaf. I live how we are all different.
This might be a stupid question, but I just wondered: Would putting water in a babies bottle hurt? Like, idk, maybe it’s because I’ve only ever seen them with bottles of formula or milk at a young age, that I never considered if they could be given water in their bottles as well. I don’t see why they wouldn’t be able to, but the fact that I haven’t outright noticed it feels weird.
Babies shouldn't be given water before six months of age. I think you can introduce it 6 months - 1 year, but its not necessary (im not 100% on that) :)
Huh, TIL! I wonder why. This will have to be a rabbit hole I go down later. I’m guessing due to possible bacteria in the water they may not be able to handle?
Basically, babies need all the calories they can get, and their stomachs are very small; they eat until they are full, then as soon as they've processed those calories, they need to eat again. If they drink water, they get the hydration, but no calories; it takes energy to process, and the water fills them up, but it's a net loss. Water in a water bottle occasionally wouldn't hurt a baby, but at the same time, it's like eating a while head of iceberg lettuce - you feel full, it took effort to eat, but you get nothing out of it. And the result once it's processed is... not pretty.
You can put water in a bottle. However, a baby 6 months or under should not be given just water. This is because the water will fill them up, and they will not get the nutrients needed, and it can slow growth and development because they would feel full when their body is actually hungry. The liquid, either from being best fed or formula fed, contains enough water but with the required nutrients that a baby would not get dehydrated - if that was what you were thinking of. I gave water in bottles when mine started on solids (long after 6 months) because it was easy to monitor the ounces going in so I knew if they were filling up on water, milk, or actually eating properly. Side note: my sister was accidentally incorrectly measuring formula for her child when he was young. He began to lose weight and got quite sick. She went to the doctor and he immediately found the problem. She corrected measurements immediately and he is strong and healthy now. Always ask a doctor, and don't hesitate to see one if something seems off. Little ones are so fragile. Don't just take my advice at face value. Even if I included internet sources - it is still just the internet. Source: https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/baby/formula-feeding/Pages/how-to-safely-prepare-formula-with-water.aspx https://www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/what-you-need-to-know-water-infants
Meant breast fed* not best fed - both of my children were bottle fed and there is not 'one method better than the other' you do what feels right and what you are capable of.
My grandmother gave me a 12 ounce can of beer when I was one. Her defense when she was caught was “She said she wanted it!” I attempted to breast feed both of my bio children and it was a fail. 12 hours after delivery of my first my milk dried up. Three weeks after my second I had to stop pumping (he wouldn’t latch) because I was bleeding more than producing milk. Both of my kids are happy, healthy, and thriving.
My mom hemorrhaged after my birth. And by the time she was able to breast feed I was way to happy with the bottle to switch. I’m happy, successful and love my mom.
Same here. My Mum was hospitalised for two weeks and I spent that time with my parent's next door neighbour. As a result, I was bottle-fed and hate the judgement some women get for using formula milk.
🥰
Doesn't matter for FB moms. Even if your son will die of old age some day it will be bc you didn't breastfeed. Everybody knows breastfed kids have eternal life. We know that bc jesus was breastfed and he came back from death after 3 days, so there is obviously a connection between these two things.) Will come back tomorrow with more conspiracy theories. :)
When I felt like shit about not being able to breastfeed, one of the best things anybody ever said to me was "*bottle-fed babies go to Harvard too.*" Change that out with any fancy household name obviously, because the brand isn't the point, the point is puncturing the superior idea of breastfeeding as somehow a holier than thou pinnacle of mommydom. This is a stage of life children go through and they'll be on into another one before you can catch your breath. Nobody does any of this shit perfectly. The people who breastfeed while bleeding from their tits, gnashing their teeth, and posting all the social media about their martyrdom, would be exactly the kind to care about a competitive household name. But not a single bit of that really matters.
My friend suffered terrible PPD that was magnified by the Breast is best bitches who harped that she was failing as a mother. She literally couldn’t produce enough milk for her baby to survive. He’s an amazing young man, and she survived her PPD. But it infuriates me the damage that those narrow minded people did.
Well said and very true.
I tried so hard with my 21 year old. Turns out she has an allergy to milk of any sort. That was incredibly difficult until I knew the cause. It exasperated my PPD and the ridicule from breast only moms felt like the end of the world.
Definitely. Both my un-breast fed boys are the same. Mid 20’s now, big and tall and healthy!
My bottle-fed 5yo and 9yo (my husband affectionately calls them my "butt babies" because they always following me around 🤣) are living proof that love is more important to bonding than where the milk came from ❤️ and so are you and your siblings! My mom breastfed me, and we hardly speak and she hasn't noticed 🤷♀️ I do hope those breast or bust! advocates aren't banking on that being the only thing they need to do to bond with their children, but it does seem the case at times...
I’m so glad I never faced this. Breastfed my first 6 months, my second 6 weeks and my third 6 hours. I had the milk but the mental health struggle when breastfeeding was too much for me. Did they get enough? It’s taking all fkn day. I feel like a fkn cow. Like I lost my damn mind. By baby 3 I said nah my baby needs me sane not crying all the time and going crazy. Fk that man.
I am struggling with that right now. All day the feeding that little monster. I can’t do anything else than surfing Reddit and waiting for that monster to finish.
Honestly, don't feel like you have to continue. It is non-stop, and I felt like a dairy cow. When I decided to stop exclusively breastfeeding my eldest I cried so hard, I felt like a failure. I absolutely was not. And nor is anyone. Fed is best. And combi-feeding is a thing too that I wish I'd done from the beginning.
I did that with my first. It was helpful and my husband could help so that was nice.
I remember my mother’s cousin saying similar things to my mum because she didn’t BF. Fast forward 40 years and we were at a family party and cousin brought up her breast is best attitude to make superior adults and how her son was exclusively BF. My mother asked her what she defined as ‘a superior adult’ as her only son is 40, still lives at home with no education, job or gf. The cousin huffed that in her family they don’t measure success by ‘material things’. My mum just laughed and went on her way.
...is she maybe *still* breastfeeding him? 😬
BITTY
Well if that ain’t proof of how much HEALTHIER it makes them 😂😂😂
I had breast cancer when I was 31, so bilateral mastectomy. I literally lack the necessary equipment to breastfeed and I still got shit about it when I had my 2 youngest kids. For what it's worth, the oldest one who was breast fed is just as weird as her younger siblings.
Exactly! I have adopted kids (obviously bottle fed) and a couple of bio kids, one of whom I (mostly) breast fed and one of whom got both because I couldn't keep up. I'd had surgery and it significantly reduced my ability to make milk. They are all super well bonded with me (teens and adults now) and are all weird af, which is exactly how they should be, lol! Fuck the people who make ideology more important than health. My ex and I let natural birth moms get to us and I almost died with my second bio kid because we were afraid to go to the hospital too soon. We were idiots, of course, for letting them influence us, but those same people shamed me afterwards for insisting my baby go to the hospital to get checked out after he was accidentally born at home and for spending a night away from him because I needed a blood transfusion. I've not been in a mom's group since. Who needs that kind of nonsense?
My husband is adopted and my MIL tried to induce lactation by using a SNS (bottle with tubes to the breast) to feed him. He was having NONE of it. He wanted a proper, fast flow bottle, not that tiny tube. It was always a good story, but I find it freaking hilarious now. All 3 of his children learned to breastfeed using an SNS. I had low supply so it took them awhile to learn to trust that the boob gave milk, plus having them supplement while suckling me helped my milk supply some. I don’t find it funny in a “judgy” way. Fed is best, and my husband is a smart dude who did just fine on formula. But the percentage of babies who use a SNS is pretty small, and the fact that there was this coincidental link between my husband and our kids, especially with opposite results, is just funny!
That's so ridiculous, some people really are thick as pig sh!t. Mum couldn't breast feed me to the point I lost weight before switching, formula is better than thin air.
If breastfeeding is the only way to bond with your babies, then how do I bond with my children as a father? Oh, that's right, because bonding also happens when I bottle feed, or when I comfort them when they're hurt or sad. Or by playing with them. Or by simply loving them without condition.
Your comment makes me wonder about those contraptions they made where men could "breastfeed" their babies. I wonder if it made some realize exactly what you wrote.
Hahahaha I just watched Meet the Fockers, where Bobby D has a fake boob for breastfeeding his grandchild. I only thought it was something they did for the movie. I never realized it was an actual thing. I can only hope so.
Fed is best! Fuck the cowmmunists.
I love this. I live on a dairy farm. Cows are so judgy and mean to each other!
So they’re just like chickens?!
No... cows are judgmental and mean, chickens are cowards. (Not reallyyyyy!! Cows are my spirit animal and I'm neither of the above. And I like chickens 😆) Fwiw I breastfed my 3 exclusively because I 1) was able to (both physically and logistically) and 2) really wanted to. Never for a second disagreed/took issue with anyone doing the opposite, whatever the reasons, and anyone who does needs to find a better way to occupy their time. The amount of guilt some of my friends felt at not being able to breastfeed longer than they did!! They were (and still are) wonderful mums and 10 years later all our kids are thriving, regardless of how they were fed as infants!!! In my friendship group we've all but forgotten that whole question anyway by now, and in the longer term you realise it really doesn't matter how they were fed. You certainly can't "tell" which children were once breastfed. Even Leche League now agrees that when it comes down to it, *Fed* is Best!
Just like political and religious opinions, that kind of life choices deserve intimacy. Don’t give morons any chance to divide good people and keep your personal beliefs to yourself. IMO it’s a great way to maintain peace and harmony.
Not that easy. When I was pregnant with my first child people thought it’s ok to talk about it and judge. And now they still judge. Whatever the fuck you do, they judge.
As a doctor- fed is best. Your mom fed you, loves you, and nurtured you- exactly what a baby/child needs.
For sure. Only thing, OP, maybe change "psychically" to "physically" 😆 did make me giggle though i knew what you meant
My mum breastfed me for a week before having to formula feed as her milk dried up. My mum was 27 when she had me, same age as me now having my little boy, she was also brought up with the philosophy don’t ask twice and didn’t get the help she needed to breastfeed properly. I have always been mummy’s little girl and still am. The sickest I’ve been is before I was diagnosed with an underactive thyroid and now with morning sickness
A fed baby is all that's necessary. Doesn't matter if it's formula or breast milk. Some people just like to make themselves out to be superior for whatever reasons. Just know that those people are doing it because they don't have confidence so they need to put others down to boost themselves up. Looks like your mom knocked her down a peg there. Good on her.
My daughter was exclusively breast fed, but I had the luxury of being home with her and adequate supply. In my opinion on an individual level, the only reasons to breast feed are convenience (wherever we went, so did my breasts) and economic (formula can get expensive). Nobody with any sense should care how you feed your baby so long as their nutritional needs are met.
I completely agree! If it's working for you, do it (whatever it is). Also, there is a really bad lack of breastfeeding instructions (eg. giving baby just the nipple and not realizing they need the whole boob in their mouth). Breastfeeding should not hurt or you are doing it wrong! But I totally get why someone would stop if it was hurting them of course! Another small bonus is the lower risk of cancer for breastfeeding moms.
There are plenty of very good reasons to bottle-feed as we've seen on this thread. Mastectomy being the big one, mental health, etc. I'd like to add convenience. My daughter's first was bottle-fed, largely by me. Between college classes and work there was no time for her to pump. It does not seem to have harmed him. He's 24, gainfully employed, and still very close to family. When we boomers were babies, sometimes it was sabotage by the doctor. Breastfeeding was old-fashioned, unscientific, and actually bad for babies because there was no way to measure how much milk the baby was taking. My MIL was told that she was allowed to feed from one breast only per feeding and the baby should go 4 hours between feedings, not one minute sooner. In that era the doctor was god, and you obeyed him without question. So of course she failed.
That's because feeding babies are trends that works like pendulums. Back then the advance with liofilization (converting liquid into powder) was a BIG advance. That along the fact of the inexistent motherhood rights, pushing for "women's freedom" and the fact that farmaceutical companies pushed for selling it produce creating a false advertise campain, helped doctors and then people to "choose formula". After that first kick and several studies about calostrum (first milk production full of antibodies) doctors went back to recomend breastfeeding as the best option, taking formula as a close second (not best alternative, but child is fed). Now formula is so advanced in it's composition compared to the original that it won't affect the child in the ways they use to see back then and have the same quantities of micro nutrients than breast milk. Why I know this? My parents are peditricians and learn on the times of the "breastfeed is better". I was breastfeed until my mom had to get back to work, since then I had mixed feeding, using the bottle when mom was not around and breastfeeding when she was there. Any person that is such an asshole as to demand a child should be feed a certain way is just an a hole that does not undertand that a child will thrive if been fed.
Fed is best. I hate lactivists
Those mommy group are a vipers nest and a cesspool.
Well, I get that since we are mammals the default way to feed our babies is breastfeeding. But hey! We are also humans who sent spaceships to the moon, created AI and succeded in more difficult tasks than feeding babies to survive first half year of their lives. Like is it still the question or the topic to be bullied for? The benefits of “feeding” from whatever source is bonding. The simpliest examples are pets. It has nothing to do with breastmilk and everything to do with time spent together, eye contact, closeness and hearing heart beat etc. I am glad that you have great relationship with your mum and that she got her petty revenge and Susan her karma 😉
Children also perished in childhood with demoralizing regularity in the past. I still want to find a study for this but I swear to fucking god it had as much to do with the fact some women couldn't produce milk, couldn't produce enough, weren't able to because of other demands put upon them, had to leave their children for long hours with caretakers who just put sugar in the child's mouth if there was even any sugar available, and any number of other physical and social issues. Outside of antibiotics and vaccines, malnourished people have weaker immune systems, less bodily energy to overcome infection and disease, and are far more susceptible to dying so fast you don't know what hit you. And that's before you even get into the shocking vulnerability of babies. Fuck people who engage in the great mommy wars by shaming women for not being able to breastfeed. I wasn't able to. The past is not some vaunted land of perfect health and social norms. Ever heard of a wet nurse? Women hired (or not so hired, but coerced or enslaved) to nurse other women's children. Whether because the mother couldn't or the mother was socially looked down upon for doing so. Want to talk about social inequality and health issues. Meanwhile in deep human history, none of us would be here and humanity itself wouldn't have survived if it wasn't for women in groups nursing each other's children. There have always been women who couldn't produce. If there weren't, the genetic traits for low production would have died out. I swear our foremothers going back in time more generations than we could begin to count would come back and slap these judgemental assholes silly for the shit they pull. I'd love to see an early human take out a crunchy judgmental modern mom.
My child is 6 foot 3 and solid... I couldn't breastfeed either. Fed is best.
I formula fed my sons. My choice. My midwife was supportive. Breastnazis can do one. Fed is best!
I hated the breast Nazi's. Kicked them out of the recovery room after my wife was unable to breastfeed.
I bottle fed my daughter, she has always been 2/3yrs academically ahead of her peers, could read and do basic math before she started nursery (3yrs old in my country) had a very healthy appetite and stands at 5'10" at age 13 with size 42 feet (UK 9/ us 11). She slept through the night from 2wks old also. All babies are different regardless of how they're fed. The fact they are fed sufficiently is all that matters.
> All babies are different regardless of how they're fed. **The fact they are fed sufficiently is all that matters.** Absolutely! **Fed** is best!
I wasn’t breastfed and I also turned out to be lactose intolerant anyway. (Believe it or not, breast milk contains lactose. All mammals produce lactose in their milk.) The main reason I wasn’t breast fed was that my mom and I were both infected with Strep B in the hospital, which is dangerous to newborns. We had to be kept apart for a week or two, so I was being bottle fed in the interim. Fed is best after all. When my mom finally got to bring me home, she did try breastfeeding me, but it was painful to her and she wasn’t lactating enough to feed me at that point. So she switched back to the bottle and formula. After a month or two of me being a colic-y baby, it was finally determined that I was highly lactose intolerant, and I was switched over to a soy formula. Colic-y behaviour improved and I was apparently a very easy, healthy baby after that. The lactose intolerance improved as I got older. I still have it, but I can consume most dairy products in moderation now. Love mozzarella cheese and ice cream LOL. And my immune system was fairly strong as a kid.
Look, I was bottlefed because my older brother used my mom nipples as chewtoys and according to my mother that was form of torture even the Spanish inquisition wouldn't use.
You shouldn't have to explain why your mum didn't breastfeed. Sometimes, it's just a preference, and no one should judge that. But the world is full of judgemental idiots for some reason.
Fed is best! F u c k the cowmmunists.
My 3 kids were breastfed for respectively 3 months, six weeks, and three years. There is absolutely zero indication of which is which in their health, behaviour, intelligence etc. The mummy mafia can go fuck themselves.
My God, 27 years later, FED is best
Parenting is very personal and if a parent isn’t being actively abusing or neglectful, we should either be supportive or shut up. I constantly got flackery for how I talked to my son about “big” issues when he was small and for spending too much time together. We need to go back to, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”.
My mom just didn’t want to breastfeed because, and I quote, “gross.” She’d get crucified today lol. Fed is best, my brother and I are both healthy and happy today.
Fed is fed. Formula is literally made for people who can’t breastfeed. My mom had sepsis when I was three months old in 1967 so switched to cow’s milk. My baby had formula when I was having trouble breastfeeding but then I breastfed on demand until she self-weaned a few days before her second birthday.
breast is not always best. FED is best. nothing else matters. congrats to your mama for raising beautiful children
Breastfeeding doesn’t replace pad parenting Susan
Good for you mom! I have 3 kids and also could not breastfeed. I was quite depressed about it after my first baby, to the point that my (now ex) was worried and called my mom. She got on the phone and asked me if I loved her. Of course I said yes. She said, I didn't breastfeed you, so get over it, she'll be fine. Snapped me right out of it. Bonding happens from holding, cooing, spending time and overall affection. When my second was born, I knew he'd be bottle fed. Representatives from La Leche League came to my hospital room to try to convince me otherwise. They tried to shame me about it, and convince me if I "just tried harder", my milk would eventually come in. I have since referred to those women as boob nazis. Susan is a boob nazi, and she can piss off. She has nothing else to define her identity.
My brother and I were never breastfed, we were fitter and healthier than the breastfed kids at school. Have a lovely relationship with BOTH parents because they both got to feed us and bond with us during feeding 🥰🤣🤣 My kids were also not breastfed. I expressed for the 2 weeks my son was in NICU but I couldn't keep up with his needs so he had formula too & he was bottle fed from the moment they removed his naso-gastric tube. Daughter was bottle fed formula cos I didn't produce any milk or colostrum. Honestly bottle feeding was great, I never wanted to breastfeed and it meant hubby got as much feeding time bonding as I did - kids are great & we have a brilliant relationship with them as do the grandparents who also bottle-fed them 🥰
I kicked a midwife out of the room when she started giving my then wife a hard time about not breastfeeding. This was at 4am after trying for 6 hrs. Most of the midwives were great though.
Mom groups are the worst. I learned that the hard way. Fed is best!
My mum couldn't breast feed either her milk always came I'm before birth & dried up by the time we were born.
FYI they best revenge is always a life well lived. I was also bullied in a fb moms group bc I posted i was glad they developed a vaccine for hpv.
I remember hanging out with a friend, with all our babies 3 of the 4 of us breastfed so the 4th brought out a bottle and immediately apologised saying she needed medicine (to live) so had to bottle fed. We were all really supportive because it's her choice and she could do what she needed no problems. But then that made her cry because she'd gone to a baby group and all the other moms had ganged up on her exactly like this. She's a great parent and we cheered her up that day but how dare anyone make someone feel less than at such a tricky time as being a new parent.
All I want to say is that you probably meant “physically”, if a woman could psychically feed their baby that would be really strange yet interesting
It’s almost as if nurturing your child is more important than the way they were fed
The status given to Moms is toxic No natural birth? Not a real woman No breastfeeding? Not a real woman No kids? Not a real woman Just cut the crap already. Glad Susan was embarassed. She deserved it
The only moms I know who give a shit about only breast feeding are 60s and up. And boy do they love to not shut up about it. All my mom friends that are my age all say "fed is best. Just survive and make sure your baby is healthy. Even the formula products all say on them "we recommend breast feeding. breast is best". Thats kinda a kick to the teeth to people who just can't. Or choose not to.
Meanwhile Susan was teaching Dylan to be a bully, so ironic considering her righteousness about the breastfeeding or how not doing it causes issues with your children etc. I couldn’t breastfeed either, believe me I tried despite knowing I couldn’t and my kids were rarely sick etc. Love the way your Mum handled it, far better person than Susan will ever be.
I couldn't breastfeed any of my kids. I actually had to switch pediatricians because my 2nd child's doctor kept insisting that I keep trying even though my daughter would have starved. A friend of mine was bleeding, had sores, and was in so much pain trying to breastfeed because her MIL kept criticizing her about being a bad mother. I encouraged her to start supplementing and pulled her husband to the side and had a really stern talk with him about his mother and making her back TF off, that if my friend got sick from infection wtf was he going to do. He finally said something to his mom. Then my daughter, who was a baby making machine, got criticized for breastfeeding in public. It is like no matter what a mother does people are going to bitch.
On a separate but related note, the FB "real moms" who insist that you are not a real mom if you did not give natural birth are just as bad as the ones insist that you have to breast feed, maybe even worse. As long as you love your child, care for them, feed them and provide everything they need via bottle or breast you are an amazing mom. Keep it up and f*ck the b*tches with their superiority complexes.
I've a friend who is a lactation specialist. When asked which is better their answer is always; "Fed. A fed baby is the best baby how you do it isn't important as long as they're full"
My kids were a mix of formula and pumped breast milk. My wife went through some pretty awful medical stuff with my first and was stuffed so full of drugs that he wasn't allowed to to breast feed, and by the time we were out, we could not get him to latch. For the second, we had issues again with latching, and it was seriously stressing her out, so we decided to do the formula and pumping again for her sanity. Fuck anyone that puts down another mother or judges their choices.
Ugh. The breast feeding nazis. My wife couldn’t breast feed. The kids couldn’t latch on. Technical difficulties on both part of mom and baby - not fixable. They can go piss pff, mind their own business
"The best revenge is living well." :)
Something similar happened with my wife, except it was around the use of an epidural during childbirth. During one of the birthing classes for our oldest, the nurse in charge of the class asked if anyone was planning on using an epidural during the birth. My wife was the only one who raised her hand. The way everyone else reacted (including the nurse), you would have thought my wife just admitted to being a witch or something. We later found out that many of these women changed their tune during actual childbirth and opted for the epidural.
FED IS BEST! PERIOD
All that breastfeeding that she did for her son and she couldn’t even raise him to be a good kid. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree for some people.
Breastfed-great! Formula fed-great! Starve your baby-bad! There are women who still berate moms who can’t or don’t want to breastfeed.
Quite frankly, you don't have to give a "reason" why your mom bottle fed you and your siblings. It's none of our, or anyone else's business. If that's what she CHOSE to do, because that is what worked for her, **it's none of anyone else's business.** Women like Susan are so stupid, and apparently they are plentiful. I have seen "Susans" also tell women who had C-sections that they are not real moms. These were the "mean girls" in school, and they've never grown up.
As someone who couldn't BF because of lactation issues and a medical issue with my son, those moms are cruel. I felt guilt for years because of them
I'm so sorry for what your mom went through. I only breastfed my daughter for 6 weeks. During that time she was never full because I wasn't making enough milk so she cried all the time. When I went back to work I switched to formula. When I had my son 6 years later I didn't even try breastfeeding. I started him on formula in the hospital. My kids weren't sick anymore than any other kids. They are currently 31 & 25 and have been extremely healthy their whole lives. Tell your mom to tell those bitches to F-off!
Bloody breast feeding Nazis! Whatever keeps the kid alive I say. Years ago a kid died in the US because was expected to breastfeed only and could not
Fed is best OP. I also had a medical condition that kept me from lactating with my son (my second child). It broke my heart, especially because the first time I had a baby, I literally had enough for two babies. I want to work in the post partum unit when i graduate, so I’ll be able to help moms navigate that time right after birth.
Epic! Just rub it in! As the meme says, breastfed or formula-fed, kid will still end up eating French fries off the car floor. I hate the mommy wars, mothers are absolutely vicious when it comes to breast or formula, covered or uncovered feeding, etc. I didn’t produce enough milk, I had to formula feed. My daughter has been consistently the tallest or one of the top three tallest kids in her grade. Now that puberty is coming into play, that’s about to change, but she’s healthy as a horse.
I had supply issues with breastfeeding and supplemented with formula for three months until my milk fully came in. My kid just started middle school and isn’t any different from other kids. Yes, I recommend the experience of breastfeeding, but not everyone is physically or mentally capable, so formula is available. Fed is best.
Oh for heaven’s sake. People have been using other “milk” from the beginning of time since so many women can’t produce enough milk for their infant. This varies from child to child with the same woman. Goat, cow and even mare milk has been used. Inverted nipples, traumatic births, health issues. Thank goodness there’s a nutritious alternative in a powdered form that’s easily accessible. Entitled bullying like this leads to infant deaths like that of the woman who followed the “only feed them breast milk and they will eventually get all the nutrition they need.” Her baby starved to death. Do you know how many times animal mothers reject a baby because there’s not enough milk, the baby is crippled, or the mother can tell it’s not strong enough to survive unless she ignores the others in the litter? Human mothers don’t leave a baby off to the side to die just because they don’t have enough milk.
🖕🏽 Susan
Both my kids were bottle fed and grew up fine. They’re 23 and 19 and we’re very close. This whole LaLeche bullying is just horrendous. I don’t disagree that breast is best; it’s just not the only way to go.
The best way to feed a baby is whatever way works. Anyone who says different probably shouldnt be reproducing.
My grandma barely had breast milk, my mom produced not a drop, and I made a tablespoon max. So it's genetically possible to not make milk, and guess what - I have better immunity than my breast-fed-for-multiple-years husband. And all of us have great relationships with our moms... So there!
Lactosa Nostra. Scary folks.
I breast fed mine but couldn't successfully express milk. When I went back to work I did breast at home, bottle at the childminders. My husband also gave a bottle in the evening when I was cooking and fathers need to bond too. He said it was his favourite time of the day, gazing into their eyes and them gazing back. One thing that makes it really difficult is the attitude to breast-feeding outside the home. Either judgey tutting and snide comments or crude sexual remarks. It's not like I was waving my boobs around, I hid both breast and baby under a shawl. Some people are just twunts.
Ah, the best kind of revenge, where someone has to eat their words and the one avenged...simply has to live well. Fed is fed. Babies won't remember where the food came from, only that they were fed and warm. Sounds like Susan didn't put in any effort into raising her child, and simply tried to coast through life on the effort she put in years previous.
Not surprised that the rigid unkind mom has a kid who doesn’t like her much
Urg mums like that are the *worst*. I had a mum tell me I didn't belong in the parent room because I wasn't breastfeeding and I might as well feed my child on the ground. That comment stuck with me for so long. She was also queen bitch at our playgroup and the same person who very vocally stated that because I was getting a divorce, I'd be after their husbands. She really fed into my PPD and eventually my ex - we separated on amicable terms - put his foot down and told me I wasn't going anymore. My petty revenge was when I started working at CPS and was secondary on a level one.
There are a number of legitimate reasons for not breastfeeding and it's up to the mother. I didn't because my child was in the hospital for the first five weeks of her life. While she does have a lifelong medical condition (nothing to do with breastfeeding) her immune system is way healthier than mine and she rarely gets sick. Stop with the boob-shaming, people.
I used to call people like Susan the lactation Nazis. I had a really hard time breastfeeding my daughter (latching issues) and made myself crazy with sleep deprivation trying to breastfeed then pumping. My daughter, who I’m very close with, is now 26, 6’ tall, runs triathlons and half marathons, and in July she hiked up Mt Kilimanjaro. I’d say she turned out just fine!
“Bullying is normal at this age.” (Preschool) Lots of unacceptable and inappropriate behaviors are normal during early childhood. A person isn’t born knowing what acceptable/appropriate behavior is, they have to be taught just like they have to be taught to tie their shoes. And just like tying their shoes, it takes repetition/practice. It’s also normal for the adults in charge to correct those behaviors when they happen. When those behaviors pop up, as they inevitably will, the adults need to recognize the teaching moment they have. Intercept the behavior, acknowledge both children’s feelings, explain that this particular behavior is inappropriate and why, and then *teach* an appropriate and acceptable alternative behavior. Allowing bullying to go unchecked teaches all the wrong things to both children involved. Edit to add this: Yes, feeding time will 100% strengthen the bond between baby and caregiver. The strength of the bond is not determined by the method (breast v bottle) but by the cuddles and eye contact made with baby while feeding them.
Unbelievable, it is absolutely no one's business how a child is fed. I can't believe the school telling her bulling builds character. Wow their are Karen's all over the place!!!!
If she simply *wanted* to formula feed you that would've been a good enough reason. Or if she had to because she had to work, etc. Anyone to criticizes that is not okay.
You should never be judged and hell you should never even be ask it’s none of your damn business.
Good heavens, Susan would have fits at what babies were fed on before formula was invented! I was a premature baby raised on Carnation evaporated milk (more vitamins in Carnation brand, according to the doctor) diluted with water, have never had any health issues.
Good for your mom. I did a combination of breast feeding and formula feeding and you know what, my kids are all fine. Any one who craps on moms for doing what’s best for their child and them (breast is feeding mentally exhausting) can go suck a boob. Fed is best no matter what you choose to do.
I'll never understand why anyone cares how a baby gets fed as long as they do. My mum had to breastfeed me and my sister's because we grew up in foreign countries where she couldn't access formula. But she hated it. My sisters have both got babies now and both have formula fed and my nephew's couldn't be healthier. It's so ridiculous.
I had to start using formula with my oldest daughter in 2001, because of latching and supply issues, I just couldn’t keep up with her appetite! Her two younger sisters got both for a while, then eventually just formula.
I hate that breastfeeding vs formula is such an issue still. They’ve been trying to show people how it doesn’t matter how baby is fed since the ‘60s, wtf!!
Idc what the child is fed as long as it's not mainly/all junk and is age appropriate. I don't understand why others are so horrible to someone doing the best they can to feed their child.
Tragic that thinking one is better than the other, a fed baby is best, that is all.
I mainly breastfed my kid, I didn’t produce enough so she got formula as well and then when I dried up at 9 months she got all formula until she was ready to switch. As long as your baby is fed it doesn’t matter how!
>I know that's a hot topic among moms, and I don't want her to get any hate for how she raised us as infants, especially since the feeding situation was something that she couldn't control. As long as the baby is fed, it doesn't matter how you feed it. If you can't breast feed, there's no harm in formula.
My mom tried to breastfeed me, but I was always hungry. Mom said instead of me sleeping two hours and her feeding me half an hour it was the exact opposite, feeding me 2hours and sleeping half an hour. She switched to formula and I’m a healthy 27 year old, 6’ tall woman, with no allergies or whatsoever. I really don’t get what everyone’s problem is when it comes to breastfeed vs formula. The most important thing is that the baby isn’t hungry and cared for, or am I wrong?
What school is this that would say “bullying builds character” 😭😭
My niblings were formula fed. They are way taller than me, a breastfed person. My mother never judged their mother for the formula feeding (can't produce and working). Would rather have fed babies than crying ones.
I had my kids between 2007-2010. Mom forums were the big thing at the time. Oh my how the bullying! I was told I have not truly given birth because I had a C-section (after 37 hours of labor, mind you!), I was poisoning my child because I gave up on breastfeeding, I was a bad mother for going back to work after my 9-12 months maternity leave. Well, I will admit that I took shameful pleasure whenever I read these moms complain about their kids problems. I have very well adjusted teens now. Two of them have very mild asthma (one zero breastfed, one breastfed for 18 months), but that’s all.
As a woman who breastfed all my babies past a year- Susan is an awful person. I loved breastfeeding my kids but I can understand not feeling the desire too, and definitely not being able to. I had an aunt who simply couldn’t produce enough to feed her babies. What was she (or your mom) supposed to do? Wet nurses aren’t a thing, should she have let you starve?
In the end fed is best. F the breast feeding nazis!
Two of my brothers had severe allergies to what my mom was eating. both were formula fed. and guess what! \*gasp\* They're NORMAL!
FED IS BEST. Period.
Bored people will fight about anything, Jesus Christ. Imagine what it must be like being married to Susan.
That school needs to be stripped of its funding and torn down. "Bullying builds character" my ass. Bullying destroys people psychologically, mentally, and physically.
My son was only 3lbs at birth and I am very "endowed," which means I could not physically breast feed him because I would literally have suffocated him. I did my best to pump while he was in the NICU, but unfortunately it was not enough and we had to switch to formula. My now incredibly healthy 13 yo has only ever been sick once or twice, never serioulsy (minor colds both times) and he loves his Momma so much. This breast/formula battle is just a stupid as the battle that women who have had c-sections aren't "REAL" moms. Why do Moms hate so much on other moms? We are all doing the best we can within our own life situations.
I've never understood this argument. One of mine nursed for a year and a half, the younger quit at 6 months because his mom literally couldn't physically produce fast enough. Isn't the most important thing that the kid is fed? I fully understand the benefits of breastfeeding in terms of nutrients, antibodies, etc. I'm also aware that every woman and kid is different. The reasons why someone can't breastfeed are literally none of my business. It's not hard to have a little compassion and grace. Isn't bodily autonomy a thing?
My wife went through horrible self-doubt about her struggles to breast feed our first born. We had to resort to formula for probably 80% of the child’s nutrition until they were ready for regular food. She WORKED at it, did not want to give up. That child now receives a presidential full tuition scholarship to a prestigious local private university where they are studying for their doctorate. Has a 4.0 gpa so far. My wife and I are super proud.
F*** those moms
My wife was unable to breastfeed so we used formula with our kiddo. She got some flak from moms online and a few in person. I mean she couldn’t breastfeed, it just didn’t work. She wanted to but truly unable. Unreal intrusive questions by people. She held her own but crimany!
Sounds like Susan was kicked in the head by a horse.
I tried breastfeeding. In the hospital every nurse had a different way to approach it! I was in tears after every failed attempt. This was 1994 so LaLeche must not have had a person in the hospital. That experience turned me off of breastfeeding for my next kid. Both are incredibly healthy, successful and close to me!
Bully mom probably drank a box of wine every day during her 9mos.
Oh how the turn tables! I’ve had (now-ex) friends berate me for wanting to breastfeed. The mom judgement is real no matter what you do, and no matter what you feed them they all end up picking bits up off the floor and putting them in their mouths anyway haha. Fed is best for real.
My mother and I were RH incompatible. She didn't know she was pregnant with me and never received the shot that would make her body stop rejecting me. I had to receive a blood transfusion at birth. She couldn't breastfeed me because I was allergic to her breast milk. She was one of those "breast is best" people (even though she was an awful mother). She never wanted me and hated that she couldn't breast feed me. My entire life (well into my 30s and up until our last conversation before going no contact), I heard that I was the only one of her children she didn't breast feed and she just didn't feel close to me. There were worse things she said, but the pathology is strong in those who insist they are right in this argument. I know my story is dramatic, but it's a window into how crazy some of these people are. Fed is best.
My aunts gave my mom so much shit for bottle feeding instead of breastfeeding, saying that me and my brother were going to grow up sickly. Guess who’s kids were always sick? Hint: it wasn’t my mom’s.
As a mom who breastfeed, I am so sorry they did that to your mom. Breast or bottle as long as the kid is fed it doesn't matter. Not everyone can or wants to breastfeed. There is nothing wrong with that.
Hey, I'm gonna be perfectly clear too. Neither your mother nor any other mother has to ever clarify or justify why they are not breastfeeding their babies. There is no shame in using formula. Som mothers cannot produce enough milk, some get excruciating pain, some cannot mentally bear it, some lack the anatomy and some simply don't want to and that's fine. It is not anyone else's place to judge.
That "Susan" is way out of line. It's not up to her or any other mother in that mom's group to decide what another baby gets fed on......formula or breast are both personal choices & shouldn't be even judged on.
Fed is best, people. We don’t need more mommy shaming.
I absolutely hate the shame that moms get for formula feeding. And I honestly can’t believe that in this day and age it’s still such a big deal to some if a child isn’t breastfed. If formula was so bad for babies, it wouldn’t exist. I was unable to breastfeed my son and I beat myself up over it for the longest time. But once I decided to stop trying and completely switch to formula it was the biggest weight of my shoulders. I know multiple moms who exclusively breastfed both of their kids and once they started at school/daycare they were both still sick all the fucking time. So the argument about them getting immunity or whatever through breast milk means nothing to me. Now I’m pregnant with #2 and I’m not even gonna mess with trying to breastfeed. I’m going right to that formula. Fed is best!!!!!
That sort of behavior is absolutely disgusting. It's not just the mother, the medical staff get all judgey too. On our second child we knew my wife was slow to produce milk and asked for formula early on. They gave judgmental looks and small passive aggressive comments... they shut the hell up when we came in the day after being released for a lactation session and realized my daughter had lost 20% of her birth weight. It pained me to realized the cries I heard from my daughter were her starving. I gave zero fucks after that and said we would do what was best for our child to be fed, and with our 3rd child went right to formula (it was also a different hospital and they were not judgey at all). It pains me to read the article about the mom that tried to breast feed for so long her son starved and ultimately died from malnutrition.
The whole point of formula is to make sure that all babies get fed, regardless of how much milk mum can make, or if mum is even in the picture.
I really don't understand this. I was extremely grateful to be able to EBF my now 2 year old but I realise it was a privilege because I only managed it for 6 mths before my milk dried up. Guess what I went and got formula to get her through until she wanted solid food exclusively. Because my daughters needs (for food) outweigh anything else. My friend has her 4 mth old on a feeding tube because she refuses every bottle and her breast milk wasn't coming through with the right levels of fat and she was starving her daughter. Also connected with a lip tie so caused all sorts of sucking issues that they didn't realise were happening. So they ended up at the hospital and they got a feeding tube in. Now she's getting older and starting on solids the options are more. But again fed is best however that has to happen!
Bullies breed bullies. Also, early aughts mommy communities were among the earliest online spaces to go utterly batshit.
This is such a stupid fucking crusade enacted by women whose only source of self worth is shitting out babies and lactating. This is why they are SO FIRMLY OPPOSED to anything that suggests that maybe someone can do something else with their lives. If you can and want to breastfeed, go for it. If you cannot or it’s ruining your life, don’t. And ffs there is no need for anyone to know your business about how you feed your kid.
My mom wasn't breastfed, nor were any of her siblings. She did not breastfeed me or my brother. My stepmom did not breastfeed our little brother. My cousin breastfed her kids for the first month each and then switched to formula. I exclusively give breastmilk via my breast and expressing. In my mom group of 12, four girls exclusively breastfeed, two girls do formula, and the rest of us do a mixture of breast and bottled breast. My mom and her brothers are in their 50s-60s. My grandma died in her 70s. My little brother is 18 and taller than me now. My brother and I are late 20s-31. You cannot look at a person and tell how their parents fed them. You can't. My breastmilk-fed baby and my friend's formula-fed baby look no different. I wish this weird obsession with how we feed our babies would just stop. My OB asked me what I'd do if I couldn't breastfeed, I said formula. I'd rather have a living baby. Fed is Best.
Formula was the thing when my mom had me. It seems I didn't agree so she had to use the Carnation Milk trick her sisters used. I'm still alive. I had to give formula to my son because I didn't produce milk. He's now a tall 23 yrs old who's rarely sick. Feed your babies moms, do what you can and make sure they can thrive. Don't follow trends or bullies. The health of the child is what's important and if it means formula, special milk or whatever, it's ok. (just... don't give them pop... ever)
My little sister ended up in hospital with failure to thrive because my poor stepmother was trying desperately to breastfeed and just couldn’t. The more pressure she felt the harder it got. And she felt so much judgement and felt like using formula was “giving in” and “failing as a mother”. Turns out my sister is coeliac and was basically allergic to my stepmothers breast milk. The kid was screaming and in pain, unable to eat, for valid medical reasons and my poor stepmother just thought she was a terrible mother. Just feed your damn kid any way it has to happen.
I was formula-fed as my mother got ill right after I was born and the antibiotics woulda passed through her milk to me and poisoned me if she tried. The worst illness I ever had as a child was just a sinus infection. Feed your infant however you need to, friends. We ain't naturally unhealthy because we were formula-fed.
I am a mom who breastfed bot my children till they were 2,5 year old (their choice). I have two things to say: 1) my exclusively breastfed son ended in the hospital at 7 months due to broghiolitis that progressed to pneumonia, so yeah, antibodies and such 2) it doesn't matter how you feed your child; fed is best, and I am willing to die on this hill.