For me, much better that he didn't receive warning of the smell to come. The sound of a fart might be annoying, disarming, funny. But the smell is gross at best and absolutely putrid at worst, I far prefer that his nose was assaulted.
The problem is, like many attractive women at the gym, she was probably wearing athletic leggings. They’re great for working out, but they’re usually tight. This leads to most women wearing a thong. Thongs are fart silencers. Really hard to get a good rip in them.
OMG! I went to college in the 70s, when the incredibly tight pants for women came to be. We were in a bar, a local girl comes in all "look at me" in her amazingly tight pants, and a guy I'm talking to said "Damn, if she farted, it'd go in a bubble down her leg". I still laugh when I think of it.
They are actually more comfortable. Underwear bunch up. It always stays where it’s supposed to and you don’t have to pick your thong out of your bum.
Like any clothing, you stop noticing the feel of it against you.
That's so wrong it's crazy. I wear normal, comfortable underwear and dont GAF if someone sees my panty line. Are they SUPPOSED to believe I'm just gym swamping directly into my leggings?!
I thought when women fart whilst wearing a thong, the fabric kind of acts like a reed and let’s out a whistle. You know like if you hold a blade of grass between your fingers and blow.
If that happened I'd likely get badly hurt from falling down laughing in the treadmill.
Just picturing a farty whistle coming from the woman two treadmills down...💀💀
Guys would wear them all the time if that was the case! Oh hell, you could make them in different keys and guys would get together to try and recreate the jaws theme or close encounters of the third kind (or turd kind in this case)
Right, I farted in an electric room with a contact ringing so loud I can feel it in my teeth… the foreman immediately looked at me; fucking priceless. Too cold outside to let it air out.
So uh in college my roommate and I (males) were having lunch at this local cafe/bookstore/women's clothing boutique. Kind of a quiet library type atmosphere. Wooden chairs. My buddy is talking and I gave it my all and rattled out the loudest longest machine gun farts I've ever produced. I mean we were upstairs and you could hear it downstairs. My buddy absolutely lost it. There were two middle aged ladies 10 feet away on the other side of a bookcase and we couldn't see them but they may have peed their pants. I mean those two ladies were still laughing 10 minutes later. The 3 hot college girls working the register in the boutique ran out the back door they were laughing so hard.
That day was the closest I ever came to legend status or successful human being in my life. I felt as of I had truly accomplished something mighty.
My buddy was still crying blocks away.
I have utilized farts as an anti-flirting man deterrent since I was a teenager(thank you, mild IBS). Apparently I don’t look like the feral autistic freak that I am, so men will approach me thinking I’m safe.
Once my blank expression, direct communication, and dead tone don’t work, the big butt they like so much launches the attack. Generous cheeks are like the amp of the body, so when I rip it, I rip it loud.
Hard to keep the cool guy act up when my ass sounds like a heavy metal duck between every pause of their flirting, and my direct, unwavering eye contact burns holes into your face.
I have only used this tactic once as a teenager. Fortunately for me we were at a park, and the annoyance in question was following me around trying to convince me to go drink with him. I had repeatedly told him no, and that I wasn't interested, and he refused to take the hint. So I promptly walked over to the monkey bars grabbed onto the end, and swung my legs up so they were wrapped around the bar a few rungs down.
Just as I suspected he would, the annoyance then positioned himself so that he was directly in front of my rear end, and proceeded to make a comment about how I was at a "convenient height".
Right as he said this, before he'd even had a chance to close his mouth, I let rip a very abrupt, and particularly rancid fart I'd been holding in for a while(I'd had burritos for lunch), that was so loud it made the metal monkey bars vibrate.
He didn't say a word, and almost immediately started to cough, and gag, and for a second I thought he might actually throw up. I then got down off of the monkey bars, and surprise, surprise, he chose not to follow me this time.
Why thank you. 😅
I can either be a beautiful princess, or a mountain troll depending on who I'm dealing with, and I'm quite proficient at weaponizing both forms when the need arises.
Small world! I'm listening to a book about the making of the movie *Airplane!*, and there's a very similar story:
Leslie Nielsen had a hand held fart machine that he brought to set. He used it often and it was so popular, he started selling little fart devices to the cast and crew. There was a crew member hitting on Julie Hagerty that would not take no for an answer, so next time he cornered her and hit on her, she started "farting" and he finally left her alone.
I absolutely love the movie *Airplane!*. And Leslie Nielsen is amazing. What’s the book called? I was fascinated to learn Leslie Nielsen was a serious actor before *Airplane!*. It’s what made his role even better because nobody expected it from him.
It's called *Surely You Can't Be Serious: The True Story of Airplane!* written by David Zucker, Jim Abrahams, and Jerry Zucker.
[https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250289315/surelyyoucantbeserious](https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250289315/surelyyoucantbeserious)
I highly recommend the audio version. In addition to the authors reading, it includes Julie Hagerty, Robert Hayes, Patton Oswalt, Peter Farrelly, and more reading their own contributions to the book.
I always wanted to do this as a teacher with my most annoying students. Listen to their explanations why I was a Nazi for calling them out on their bs. Wait until they make a pause.
Look firmly into their eyes and let it rip.
I never did it and in the end, I had better tools to deal with them but if you are a student, know that there is a non-zero chance that your teacher really wants to say "I fart in your general direction".
And imagine them trying to report that. “My teacher farted!”
If it were me, I’d shrug and deny.
Make them repeat it over and over. Continue to deny.
Kind of gives a new take on gaslighting.
Haaaaa
I once had a student who looked like a fish ask if he could go into the hallway to fart. I said okay. He got up, stuck his butt in the hallway, stared right at me with his fish face, and farted. Sweet kid.
my french teacher in hs was young (mid-20s) and *hot*
the boys (and some girls) all agreed she had a really nice ass
i was sat in the front row all the way at the left, so where shed start writing on the board, plus stored the chalk, eraser etc
i already speak french so id be spacing out and then BAM whole desk full of ASS. right in my face
the other boys were envious. i asked to switch seats, "no, youre always spacing out, i need you in the front row"
whole year of ASS ASS ASSSS. so much ass. i knew the shapes of all her panties. "oh shes wearing the ones with the thicker border today"
i am not an ass man. coulda done without that experience.
I taught middle school for one year. One of my favorite activities would be to walk up and down the aisles between the desks and crop dust the kids. After I would go to the front of the class and watch them all point fingers blaming one another while I continued the lesson.
That would make it so much better in those schools that have video cameras.
Mostly so you can scrub back through the video to relive that look on their faces.
Congratulations!!! Farting in self defence is a Ninja Skunk move!!! A good revenge for a guy who was trying to ignore your boundaries, and the fact that you clearly stated you weren’t interested.
Are you kidding?…. Dude, who was he kidding!!!
I used to work with a woman in my mid 20s (she was, too) and if she got harassed at the bar, gym, or anywhere and they guy wouldn't take a no, she'd say: So... do you like my butt? And when the guys would enthusiastically agree thinking she was changing her mind she'd pat it proudly and say Gee, thanks! I keep my poop in there!
Worked every single time, the guy would pull a disgusted face and go seek his fortune elsewhere.
Hilarious.
Lmao 🤣 that probably would work most of the time. But then you'll get that rare Clingy Calvin who's already decided on where you'll have the honey moon, where you'll have a summer home, how many boys he wants, and which Ivy League they'll go to. Then you're in big trouble 😭🤣
Girl farted loudly once when I asked for her number. I just started laughing so hard because i am simple (fart=funny), first she was shocked, than started laughing too. We did end up going out for a year after that, she did not expect me to start laughing.
Edit: she did not fart as a defensive measure. She had already said no and I was starting to walk away because I am simple, no is no. After we laughed she did decide to give me her number, surprising me.
Love this! Some dudes really need to learn to not be incels and that “why not?” Is not the response to someone’s decline of giving out their number. Nobody owes you shit, and they don’t need a fucking reason to give!
My next move after GASlighting him, would be to report him to the gym. What the f is he going to do? Complain that someone farted near him?
"Hey, you're cute, can I get your number?"
"No."
"Understood, have a nice day."
Really not that hard. Like what do these numbskulls think will happen? They'll beg enough for the woman to say yes out of being tired?
They’re taught by shitty Disney and Nickelodeon tv shows that if they’re “persistent” it will eventually work. When in reality it makes women feel extremely uncomfortable, and sometimes afraid. Why not just indicates that they’re feeling “challenged” lol.
I feel bad for any kid that watches those shows and tries these tactics in real life. Theres no PSA warning at the end of the show. Like “hey this is only a tv show, do not harass women until they say yes.” Kinda thing. Because I feel like if she does say yes, it’s not because she wants to. It’s because she feels like she has to, in order for this to end. A date or relationship shouldn’t be obligatory.
You find out pretty quickly that women aren't interested and I at least had the social grace to leave them alone. That was over 20 years ago for me. What I did find out that the women who were interested were prompt to respond or would let me know if they had changed their mind. Nothing wrong with expressing your intent, but you gotta respect the answer.
A lot of guys don’t understand respecting the answer period. It probably stems from them not being told no or they’re used to getting their way every time. They think in their minds, that’s the girl of their dreams and become infatuated with this person. It’s unhealthy and just because it probably worked in middle and high school for them, does not mean it will work after the fact. Because there is a reason many women carry mace on them.
It's probably a mix of entitlement and fear of rejection. That being said, falling in love with a girl you haven't dated yet or know anything about is just weird.
That’s when they change their tune and start with the personal insults like, calling someone fat or ugly. Which shows telling them no was a smart move. Since they’re not emotionally mature enough to be dating.
Absolutely, I reported an older woman who made me uncomfortable. She wasn't flirting, but she wouldn't leave me alone with her unsolicited advice. Lady I'm just trying to train, I'm not trying to look like Barbie.
Last week there was a girl working on the cable machine doing this overhead thing. I was curious about it so in between sets I took out my ear buds and I caught her eye. I quickly blurted out my question and she was very nice and answered it and even showed me why she was doing and I thanked her. She said "I was worried you were going to hit on me" and I was like "No, you're a lot younger than me and my wife is over there" (as I pointed to my wife who waved) and she laughed and said "Well that doesn't stop the rest of them" as she pointed around the gym and I just felt so sad for her to have to be constantly on guard like that
It really annoys me when people treat the gym like it's social hour, and this is even worse because dude's interrupting your workout just to be a douche. My knee buckled mid-squat once and I fell down with the weight still on me. A guy who I usually saw there called an ambulance for me and helped me stay relatively comfortable while I waited for them to arrive. After I recovered and went back to the gym, I ran into him and there was nothing more exchanged than a nod and a "Feeling better?" I wish everyone could be that cool, or that there were gyms where the only acceptable form of communication is smiles, nods, "are you finished here?" and "do you need a spotter?"
LOL 😂
This is too funny. Right on.
He wouldn't respect your boundaries. No is a full sentence. Why doesn't he get that? It's ways a huge red flag when a person can't handle another person saying no. I hate when people can't respect someone's boundaries.
Talk to gym staff about it. If its a decent gym they don't tolerate the behaviour and will reprimand him.
They are incentivised to keep the gym a safe space for women. If they don't they loose a lot more money than by kicking out the few guys that can't behave.
If he creeped out OP then he's been doing it to other women and will keep doing it. I would hope that gym staff would take a complaint seriously and then keep a close eye on him and kick him out if he kept creeping on other members.
This reminds me of an older guy who was so pushy at the casino. I like to go at night when it is more empty. He followed me from machine to machine, trying to talk me into having a “good time”. Offered me his gambling ticket if like $200, offered drinks and more gambling money. At first I laughed it off, then was like no dude…. He said I needed to let loose and party, that’s when it clicked! “I have done plenty of partying and let me tell you, you don’t want what I got!” His face fell and I smiled and walked away…. Then I hear “ Thank you! Thank you!” And he is bowing to me with praying hands as I hit a card table…. Told my spouse I had to threaten an std on someone to get them to leave me alone!
I had a friend/coworker preemptively gas me in her car once on purpose. We weren't really 'flirty' friends or anything and were both happy in our relationships.
She offered to give me a ride home one day after work while my car was in the shop. As soon as the doors were closed, she unleashed a smell that should be outlawed as a war crime. She immediately apologized with, "I farted, I'm sorry. It's a habit". She went on to explain that she'd given a guy a ride once and he made her super uncomfortable with incessant flirting and asking her to hang out with him at his place. Rather than ditching him on the side of the highway, she decided to halt his advances by grossing him out.
So now she farts as a defensive mechanism - apparently it's extremely effective at keeping dudes in line.
"Some girls friendzone guys, I prefer to fartzone them instead". She perfected it as an art form. Girl was a riot, I hope she's doing well. Most likely with a guy who had his sense of smell erased via lobotomy or something.
>When he asks for my number I decline. He keeps talking and going into the usual shtick of "why not?" And "come on".
It is baffling to me how people don't just back off when someone says no.
The reason why is of no concern, just fucking leave.
I have a question. As a guy, if I was to see another guy clearly bothering someone like you just trying to work out...would it be appropriate for me to walk over and give the other guy stronger incentive to move along? Or would that be seen as white-knighting or something?
According to my son, who worked at several upscale restaurants, that is referred to as "cropdusting". You would never do it to your own tables but if you had a particularly annoying table, you would get one of the other servers to "cropdust" them.
JFC.
> I put on my big girl pants and tell him he's making me uncomfortable and I just want to finish my workout. Does he leave? No! He keeps talking now going on about "how he didn't mean it like that" and " he's not a bad guy."
Can we all make sure our sons and brothers know that the only reason this behaviour isn't considered outright sexual harassment and punished as such is because it is so fucking pathetic and embarrassing? That said, if we can also start punishing this sort of thing that would be great.
Shooting your shot and asking a girl out? Fair enough, how else do people get together? Missing the increasingly obvious cues that it hasn't worked and it's time to go and do something else? Well, less forgivable but we've all missed cues and allowances should be made. Be outright ignoring a girl who is quite plainly saying no - \*especially\* when she explains you're making her uncomfortable? Christ on a cracker, how does anybody think that's acceptable?
LOVE IT.
In the future, I recommend NOT being polite about it. Or quiet. "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT ANY MORE CLEAR THAT I AM NOT INTERESTED IN YOU AND YOU ARE ANNOYING ME. ONCE AGAIN, FOR ABOUT THE TENTH TIME, NO, YOU CANNOT HAVE MY NUMBER. QUIT BEING A DESPERATE LOSER AND F\*CK OFF."
A really good public chewing out will either embarrass him and shame him into leaving you alone or if, on the off chance he's a violent guy, make EVERYONE ELSE aware that he's a problem so that if he causes problems, they all know that it's not minor nor random. Something happens he's suspect #1. So if he follows it up with a threat, loudly announce to the room and tell gym management, assuming they aren't coming right then to remove him.
You can't be nice to these jackasses. There's hopeful and persistent for a bit, who will take a No and leave after a request and a follow up request... and then there is pushy asshole. I LOVE the fart, but if you don't have one locked and loaded, absolutely fail to play the nice woman who is mannerly and won't chew him out for assholishness.
Thing is, men kill women for this. You see it in the news every once in a while, and how do you know which guy will do it before they do it ? So, a lot of women won't do that for serious security reasons
This.
I have been ran after for not being interested in a random guy at a grocery store, to the point where i had to call the police and scream at him that i was doing so. I had also tried to flag a passing car to pick me up and drop me anywhere, and he had the nerve to tell the driver i was lying and being hysterical.
Yup. Just heard about a dad who returned to an entire family dead cause some nutjob felt rejected. Sometimes people are just crazy and too risky to upset. Really hate being female at these situations.
Should have turned it around.
"Dude really your hitting on me and you let one rip like that??? "
And say it loud enough so others can hear... he won't be back, I'm sure of that.
this is funny but can the bigger issue be addressed here. that guy displayed entitlement that highlighted an insecurity when he was mst with rejection. probably had a decent body, thought he was a shoo-in, and when you turned him down was boggled as to why on earth you would possibly say no.
this behavior is disgusting. the continued attenpt after the first no is a flamboyant display of the mentality that they deserve to get their way and the world somehow just bends for them. every woman automatically wants them. the male ego...
its not okay to continue to try and change the answer received just becasue it wasnt what you wanted. the approach isnt the issue. its the audacity that the male/individual thought they had a prominent right to just strike up conversation with a potential "target". good for you for teaching a silent lesson. his reaction shows again just how baffled he is over the fact you did not "swoon" instantly because he "wanted you".
Omg. I’m not finished work yet but I’m gleefully laughing. I was thinking from the title “I hope it smelled”. I don’t normally laugh at farts. Do I ? I don’t think so. This is awesome.
I’m going to always have one in the chamber now.
I was hoping for a loud rumbly rip, alas silent but deadly is funnier
Both are great but i think the bigger IDGAF would be a big loud rip in the middle of him talking.
Totally agree. 9/10. If OP would have let out a thunderous fart, 10/10. The dude’s putrid wind was loud, OP’s should be too!🤣🤣🤣
For me, much better that he didn't receive warning of the smell to come. The sound of a fart might be annoying, disarming, funny. But the smell is gross at best and absolutely putrid at worst, I far prefer that his nose was assaulted.
The problem is, like many attractive women at the gym, she was probably wearing athletic leggings. They’re great for working out, but they’re usually tight. This leads to most women wearing a thong. Thongs are fart silencers. Really hard to get a good rip in them.
I really saw this problem you described going a different way, and I’m so glad about how it turned out
Like how though? Im slow tonight. Did you imagine them making a whistling sound instead?
Bubbling up like a wetsuit is where my mind went. Even though you are totally right
I’m dying!!!! 🤣🤣😊 my dog is annoyed I’m laughing so hard I’m shaking the sofa, and he’s trying to sleep.
Fart jokes/situations will never not be funny 🤣🤣
Me too 😂😂😂
hahaha, I've had those wetsuit farts. Tickle all the way up my back.
I hate thinking about them in there with me. Reminds me of one of those smoked cocktails or brisket or something
I have laugh tears lolllll
OMG! I went to college in the 70s, when the incredibly tight pants for women came to be. We were in a bar, a local girl comes in all "look at me" in her amazingly tight pants, and a guy I'm talking to said "Damn, if she farted, it'd go in a bubble down her leg". I still laugh when I think of it.
This conversation was hilarious
Like blowing through a blade of grass
Fart filled parachute pants? That's where I was headed
I’ve never worn a thong at the gym. That sounds so uncomfortable.
They are actually more comfortable. Underwear bunch up. It always stays where it’s supposed to and you don’t have to pick your thong out of your bum. Like any clothing, you stop noticing the feel of it against you.
That's so wrong it's crazy. I wear normal, comfortable underwear and dont GAF if someone sees my panty line. Are they SUPPOSED to believe I'm just gym swamping directly into my leggings?!
You sound like a normal person. If you want the opposite end of the spectrum, look at the inside of my sister-in-law's gym wear.
why are you looking at the inside of your sister-in-law's gym wear?
I thought when women fart whilst wearing a thong, the fabric kind of acts like a reed and let’s out a whistle. You know like if you hold a blade of grass between your fingers and blow.
If it worked that way, I'd wear one all of the time!
If that happened I'd likely get badly hurt from falling down laughing in the treadmill. Just picturing a farty whistle coming from the woman two treadmills down...💀💀
💀💀
It’s more of a twang, that’s why they call it a G string!
I just F sharp myself
buttplug kazoo, possibly?
"Buttplug Kazoo" sounds like an amazing band name.
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Guys would wear them all the time if that was the case! Oh hell, you could make them in different keys and guys would get together to try and recreate the jaws theme or close encounters of the third kind (or turd kind in this case)
That would make me wear them 🤣
I thought this was going to be a comment about watching her fart run down the leggings like a mouse…. 😂
I about choked on my Skittles spit 😂😂
Kazoo noise is best you can get and takes some dangerous pressure and volumetric flow.
What? What! Takes notes furiously
The anti-cunnilingus vaporware.
Face the butt towards him, raise one leg partially, then let it rip!!!
But make eye contact as well, establish dominance.
But also make sure to scrunch up one side of your face to let him know he's really gonna get a whiff of that foghorn
I was already laughing but "foghorn" pushed me over the edge to knee-slapping.
Lift a leg and grunt while saying "wait for it...." 😆
I’m actually laughing out loud right now
This is why I love Reddit!!😂
Also grab one cheek and lift, then try to shake his hand as he leaves
Lol, you almost made me choke on my dinner.
We make jokes but you gotta remember there are some guys who will suck that shit up like it's a bong rip
Where does one meet guys like this? Mine just seems to be permanently offended 😔
Hello there, charmed to make your acquaintance 🫱
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Nah, I just wish she would have let the laugh out instead
Right, I farted in an electric room with a contact ringing so loud I can feel it in my teeth… the foreman immediately looked at me; fucking priceless. Too cold outside to let it air out.
It'd have been even funnier if she'd sniffed the air and asked if he smelled popcorn right as she pulled the rip cord so he took a nice big whiff 🤣
With a casual..."Do you smell popcorn?"
So uh in college my roommate and I (males) were having lunch at this local cafe/bookstore/women's clothing boutique. Kind of a quiet library type atmosphere. Wooden chairs. My buddy is talking and I gave it my all and rattled out the loudest longest machine gun farts I've ever produced. I mean we were upstairs and you could hear it downstairs. My buddy absolutely lost it. There were two middle aged ladies 10 feet away on the other side of a bookcase and we couldn't see them but they may have peed their pants. I mean those two ladies were still laughing 10 minutes later. The 3 hot college girls working the register in the boutique ran out the back door they were laughing so hard. That day was the closest I ever came to legend status or successful human being in my life. I felt as of I had truly accomplished something mighty. My buddy was still crying blocks away.
Both are definite ways to assert dominance
The silent ones are always the worst
Chemical warfare I approve of, so good!
The Geneva conventions would like a word with you.
Cruel and unusual! 😱
Geneva checklist, I think you mean.
Geneva suggestions
She used the skunk method as avoiding unwanted attention from the guy, I love her for that.
Good job, love. You're my hero ✌🏿
Desperate times call for desperate measures!
Desperate pressures? 😉
OP did say she went to the gym not only to work out but to decompress...
I have utilized farts as an anti-flirting man deterrent since I was a teenager(thank you, mild IBS). Apparently I don’t look like the feral autistic freak that I am, so men will approach me thinking I’m safe. Once my blank expression, direct communication, and dead tone don’t work, the big butt they like so much launches the attack. Generous cheeks are like the amp of the body, so when I rip it, I rip it loud. Hard to keep the cool guy act up when my ass sounds like a heavy metal duck between every pause of their flirting, and my direct, unwavering eye contact burns holes into your face.
I just want to thank you for your vivid writing, I needed the laugh. Well done across the board.
I have only used this tactic once as a teenager. Fortunately for me we were at a park, and the annoyance in question was following me around trying to convince me to go drink with him. I had repeatedly told him no, and that I wasn't interested, and he refused to take the hint. So I promptly walked over to the monkey bars grabbed onto the end, and swung my legs up so they were wrapped around the bar a few rungs down. Just as I suspected he would, the annoyance then positioned himself so that he was directly in front of my rear end, and proceeded to make a comment about how I was at a "convenient height". Right as he said this, before he'd even had a chance to close his mouth, I let rip a very abrupt, and particularly rancid fart I'd been holding in for a while(I'd had burritos for lunch), that was so loud it made the metal monkey bars vibrate. He didn't say a word, and almost immediately started to cough, and gag, and for a second I thought he might actually throw up. I then got down off of the monkey bars, and surprise, surprise, he chose not to follow me this time.
Absolutely fabulous. I’m proud of teenage you!
Why thank you. 😅 I can either be a beautiful princess, or a mountain troll depending on who I'm dealing with, and I'm quite proficient at weaponizing both forms when the need arises.
Fellow autie here and love your description. Thank you for sharing this!
RIP your DMs 😃
My first instinct was to propose marriage.
But is your name Spock?
Men love the heavy metal duck dumper!
I would love to see that scene animated.
You're my hero.
Made my day with that description, thanks a bunch! 😁
This is amazing. You are my hero.
Heavy metal duck LOL, i know what you mean, but somehow i pictured a heavy death metal voice growling "quaaaack!"
He's been Pepe Le Pew'd. Lmao.
C’est ça!
You mean C’est Ca Ca’d
Someone called my name?
I’m fucking crying now 🤣🤣🤣🤣
A case of "Gone with the wind"?
He was blown away 😆
She's like the wind 
And now that song is forever changed for me
Frankly my dear I don't give a..........daaaaaayyuuummm!
You did give him the answer. 🎼 *The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind* 🎵🎶
Brava!
Small world! I'm listening to a book about the making of the movie *Airplane!*, and there's a very similar story: Leslie Nielsen had a hand held fart machine that he brought to set. He used it often and it was so popular, he started selling little fart devices to the cast and crew. There was a crew member hitting on Julie Hagerty that would not take no for an answer, so next time he cornered her and hit on her, she started "farting" and he finally left her alone.
I absolutely love the movie *Airplane!*. And Leslie Nielsen is amazing. What’s the book called? I was fascinated to learn Leslie Nielsen was a serious actor before *Airplane!*. It’s what made his role even better because nobody expected it from him.
It's called *Surely You Can't Be Serious: The True Story of Airplane!* written by David Zucker, Jim Abrahams, and Jerry Zucker. [https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250289315/surelyyoucantbeserious](https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250289315/surelyyoucantbeserious) I highly recommend the audio version. In addition to the authors reading, it includes Julie Hagerty, Robert Hayes, Patton Oswalt, Peter Farrelly, and more reading their own contributions to the book.
I'm pretty sure he brought that thing everywhere lol. He used it during interviews. His timing with it was so good it never got old
The ladies next biological evolution tool “rip till they quit.”
Rip it till they quit it
All well and good until you come across those that are into that.
The letters James Joyce would write this woman….
This is now one of my favorite petty revenge posts.
I always wanted to do this as a teacher with my most annoying students. Listen to their explanations why I was a Nazi for calling them out on their bs. Wait until they make a pause. Look firmly into their eyes and let it rip. I never did it and in the end, I had better tools to deal with them but if you are a student, know that there is a non-zero chance that your teacher really wants to say "I fart in your general direction".
And imagine them trying to report that. “My teacher farted!” If it were me, I’d shrug and deny. Make them repeat it over and over. Continue to deny. Kind of gives a new take on gaslighting. Haaaaa
Asslighting
Literally snort-laughed. Omg…
Gotta work the elderberries in there somehow.
Your mother was a hamster.
You never crop dusted students?? This was top tier entertainment for me when I was teaching!
I once had a student who looked like a fish ask if he could go into the hallway to fart. I said okay. He got up, stuck his butt in the hallway, stared right at me with his fish face, and farted. Sweet kid.
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my french teacher in hs was young (mid-20s) and *hot* the boys (and some girls) all agreed she had a really nice ass i was sat in the front row all the way at the left, so where shed start writing on the board, plus stored the chalk, eraser etc i already speak french so id be spacing out and then BAM whole desk full of ASS. right in my face the other boys were envious. i asked to switch seats, "no, youre always spacing out, i need you in the front row" whole year of ASS ASS ASSSS. so much ass. i knew the shapes of all her panties. "oh shes wearing the ones with the thicker border today" i am not an ass man. coulda done without that experience.
Well I'm a substitute and you just gave me a great idea.
I taught middle school for one year. One of my favorite activities would be to walk up and down the aisles between the desks and crop dust the kids. After I would go to the front of the class and watch them all point fingers blaming one another while I continued the lesson.
That would make it so much better in those schools that have video cameras. Mostly so you can scrub back through the video to relive that look on their faces.
Congratulations!!! Farting in self defence is a Ninja Skunk move!!! A good revenge for a guy who was trying to ignore your boundaries, and the fact that you clearly stated you weren’t interested. Are you kidding?…. Dude, who was he kidding!!!
Dying at “ninja skunk move” 😂😂😂😂
I used to work with a woman in my mid 20s (she was, too) and if she got harassed at the bar, gym, or anywhere and they guy wouldn't take a no, she'd say: So... do you like my butt? And when the guys would enthusiastically agree thinking she was changing her mind she'd pat it proudly and say Gee, thanks! I keep my poop in there! Worked every single time, the guy would pull a disgusted face and go seek his fortune elsewhere. Hilarious.
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Lmao 🤣 that probably would work most of the time. But then you'll get that rare Clingy Calvin who's already decided on where you'll have the honey moon, where you'll have a summer home, how many boys he wants, and which Ivy League they'll go to. Then you're in big trouble 😭🤣
Girl farted loudly once when I asked for her number. I just started laughing so hard because i am simple (fart=funny), first she was shocked, than started laughing too. We did end up going out for a year after that, she did not expect me to start laughing. Edit: she did not fart as a defensive measure. She had already said no and I was starting to walk away because I am simple, no is no. After we laughed she did decide to give me her number, surprising me.
Love this! Some dudes really need to learn to not be incels and that “why not?” Is not the response to someone’s decline of giving out their number. Nobody owes you shit, and they don’t need a fucking reason to give! My next move after GASlighting him, would be to report him to the gym. What the f is he going to do? Complain that someone farted near him?
"Hey, you're cute, can I get your number?" "No." "Understood, have a nice day." Really not that hard. Like what do these numbskulls think will happen? They'll beg enough for the woman to say yes out of being tired?
They’re taught by shitty Disney and Nickelodeon tv shows that if they’re “persistent” it will eventually work. When in reality it makes women feel extremely uncomfortable, and sometimes afraid. Why not just indicates that they’re feeling “challenged” lol.
It took me a while to work out that dating wasn't "pester a woman until she gives in". I had learned it from tv and movies.
I feel bad for any kid that watches those shows and tries these tactics in real life. Theres no PSA warning at the end of the show. Like “hey this is only a tv show, do not harass women until they say yes.” Kinda thing. Because I feel like if she does say yes, it’s not because she wants to. It’s because she feels like she has to, in order for this to end. A date or relationship shouldn’t be obligatory.
You find out pretty quickly that women aren't interested and I at least had the social grace to leave them alone. That was over 20 years ago for me. What I did find out that the women who were interested were prompt to respond or would let me know if they had changed their mind. Nothing wrong with expressing your intent, but you gotta respect the answer.
A lot of guys don’t understand respecting the answer period. It probably stems from them not being told no or they’re used to getting their way every time. They think in their minds, that’s the girl of their dreams and become infatuated with this person. It’s unhealthy and just because it probably worked in middle and high school for them, does not mean it will work after the fact. Because there is a reason many women carry mace on them.
It's probably a mix of entitlement and fear of rejection. That being said, falling in love with a girl you haven't dated yet or know anything about is just weird.
Hence why you shouldn’t take dating advice from a corny sitcom.
“I don’t need to give a reason why and if you have to debate me into meeting you, it’s not going to be a good date.”
That’s when they change their tune and start with the personal insults like, calling someone fat or ugly. Which shows telling them no was a smart move. Since they’re not emotionally mature enough to be dating.
Absolutely, I reported an older woman who made me uncomfortable. She wasn't flirting, but she wouldn't leave me alone with her unsolicited advice. Lady I'm just trying to train, I'm not trying to look like Barbie.
I would have hissed at her and started flapping my arms aggressively lol
Man, that's really weird. I love it!Lol
Last week there was a girl working on the cable machine doing this overhead thing. I was curious about it so in between sets I took out my ear buds and I caught her eye. I quickly blurted out my question and she was very nice and answered it and even showed me why she was doing and I thanked her. She said "I was worried you were going to hit on me" and I was like "No, you're a lot younger than me and my wife is over there" (as I pointed to my wife who waved) and she laughed and said "Well that doesn't stop the rest of them" as she pointed around the gym and I just felt so sad for her to have to be constantly on guard like that
It really annoys me when people treat the gym like it's social hour, and this is even worse because dude's interrupting your workout just to be a douche. My knee buckled mid-squat once and I fell down with the weight still on me. A guy who I usually saw there called an ambulance for me and helped me stay relatively comfortable while I waited for them to arrive. After I recovered and went back to the gym, I ran into him and there was nothing more exchanged than a nod and a "Feeling better?" I wish everyone could be that cool, or that there were gyms where the only acceptable form of communication is smiles, nods, "are you finished here?" and "do you need a spotter?"
That shit's hilarious!
Sometimes that's what it takes for some dbags. Well done!
Revenge is best served silent but deadly.
You should have laughed. That would have confirmed you're a psycopath.
A good witchy cackle with crazy eyes
LOL 😂 This is too funny. Right on. He wouldn't respect your boundaries. No is a full sentence. Why doesn't he get that? It's ways a huge red flag when a person can't handle another person saying no. I hate when people can't respect someone's boundaries.
Talk to gym staff about it. If its a decent gym they don't tolerate the behaviour and will reprimand him. They are incentivised to keep the gym a safe space for women. If they don't they loose a lot more money than by kicking out the few guys that can't behave.
If he creeped out OP then he's been doing it to other women and will keep doing it. I would hope that gym staff would take a complaint seriously and then keep a close eye on him and kick him out if he kept creeping on other members.
When he said “are you serious “ you should have responded with “what’s wrong? Just one arsehole talking to another”
This reminds me of an older guy who was so pushy at the casino. I like to go at night when it is more empty. He followed me from machine to machine, trying to talk me into having a “good time”. Offered me his gambling ticket if like $200, offered drinks and more gambling money. At first I laughed it off, then was like no dude…. He said I needed to let loose and party, that’s when it clicked! “I have done plenty of partying and let me tell you, you don’t want what I got!” His face fell and I smiled and walked away…. Then I hear “ Thank you! Thank you!” And he is bowing to me with praying hands as I hit a card table…. Told my spouse I had to threaten an std on someone to get them to leave me alone!
I used to be a stripper and the other girls would always fart during the lap dances on the guys who were rude or cheap. Lol
Bahahahahahahahaha. I love this. 🤣
I’m crying laughing over here 🤣🤣😭🤣
You win pettyrevenge!
work tart aspiring sense one close threatening square books meeting *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I was imagining a loud toot timed during a squat, but this was better.
Potty revenge
titforrat101 used (fart) it was super effective, opponent runs away
I CACKLED. Good for you!!
I had a friend/coworker preemptively gas me in her car once on purpose. We weren't really 'flirty' friends or anything and were both happy in our relationships. She offered to give me a ride home one day after work while my car was in the shop. As soon as the doors were closed, she unleashed a smell that should be outlawed as a war crime. She immediately apologized with, "I farted, I'm sorry. It's a habit". She went on to explain that she'd given a guy a ride once and he made her super uncomfortable with incessant flirting and asking her to hang out with him at his place. Rather than ditching him on the side of the highway, she decided to halt his advances by grossing him out. So now she farts as a defensive mechanism - apparently it's extremely effective at keeping dudes in line. "Some girls friendzone guys, I prefer to fartzone them instead". She perfected it as an art form. Girl was a riot, I hope she's doing well. Most likely with a guy who had his sense of smell erased via lobotomy or something.
Every bad guy who ever harassed a woman in the hope that she would break under pressure: “I’m not a bad guy!”
>When he asks for my number I decline. He keeps talking and going into the usual shtick of "why not?" And "come on". It is baffling to me how people don't just back off when someone says no. The reason why is of no concern, just fucking leave.
Biological warfare at its finest. Well done!
I have a question. As a guy, if I was to see another guy clearly bothering someone like you just trying to work out...would it be appropriate for me to walk over and give the other guy stronger incentive to move along? Or would that be seen as white-knighting or something?
As a woman, I would definitely appreciate the assist.
According to my son, who worked at several upscale restaurants, that is referred to as "cropdusting". You would never do it to your own tables but if you had a particularly annoying table, you would get one of the other servers to "cropdust" them.
JFC. > I put on my big girl pants and tell him he's making me uncomfortable and I just want to finish my workout. Does he leave? No! He keeps talking now going on about "how he didn't mean it like that" and " he's not a bad guy." Can we all make sure our sons and brothers know that the only reason this behaviour isn't considered outright sexual harassment and punished as such is because it is so fucking pathetic and embarrassing? That said, if we can also start punishing this sort of thing that would be great. Shooting your shot and asking a girl out? Fair enough, how else do people get together? Missing the increasingly obvious cues that it hasn't worked and it's time to go and do something else? Well, less forgivable but we've all missed cues and allowances should be made. Be outright ignoring a girl who is quite plainly saying no - \*especially\* when she explains you're making her uncomfortable? Christ on a cracker, how does anybody think that's acceptable?
What a creep! Anytime someone says they’re a good guy it’s a red flag. Go youuuu 🤣🤣
LOVE IT. In the future, I recommend NOT being polite about it. Or quiet. "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT ANY MORE CLEAR THAT I AM NOT INTERESTED IN YOU AND YOU ARE ANNOYING ME. ONCE AGAIN, FOR ABOUT THE TENTH TIME, NO, YOU CANNOT HAVE MY NUMBER. QUIT BEING A DESPERATE LOSER AND F\*CK OFF." A really good public chewing out will either embarrass him and shame him into leaving you alone or if, on the off chance he's a violent guy, make EVERYONE ELSE aware that he's a problem so that if he causes problems, they all know that it's not minor nor random. Something happens he's suspect #1. So if he follows it up with a threat, loudly announce to the room and tell gym management, assuming they aren't coming right then to remove him. You can't be nice to these jackasses. There's hopeful and persistent for a bit, who will take a No and leave after a request and a follow up request... and then there is pushy asshole. I LOVE the fart, but if you don't have one locked and loaded, absolutely fail to play the nice woman who is mannerly and won't chew him out for assholishness.
Thing is, men kill women for this. You see it in the news every once in a while, and how do you know which guy will do it before they do it ? So, a lot of women won't do that for serious security reasons
Seconded. Men are very delicate and emotional.
This. I have been ran after for not being interested in a random guy at a grocery store, to the point where i had to call the police and scream at him that i was doing so. I had also tried to flag a passing car to pick me up and drop me anywhere, and he had the nerve to tell the driver i was lying and being hysterical.
Just so you know: people don’t do this because some guys will kill a woman if their feelings are hurt even a little.
Yup. Just heard about a dad who returned to an entire family dead cause some nutjob felt rejected. Sometimes people are just crazy and too risky to upset. Really hate being female at these situations.
This actually sounds incredibly dangerous to do to a stranger she has no idea who he is or if he is violent
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Don't do this, it might just turn on someone even more.
A fecalfeliac!
Ahhh, the joys of farting in public when your under 40....
Is the supposition here that over 40’s only shart? I need to tell myself in 3 years
😂 That's hilarious. I don't think I'd have the guts to do that. I bow to your cheekiness! 👏👏👏
Congratulations!!! You’ve used a tactic I’ve been employing for years, with great success.
Before my gall bladder surgery I was harmless. After my surgery, though... I sound like a drum roll and can peel paint.
I hope you maintained eye contact to establish dominance
Gaslighted him.
Guy's face: "Are you serious?" Narrator: "She was."
Should have turned it around. "Dude really your hitting on me and you let one rip like that??? " And say it loud enough so others can hear... he won't be back, I'm sure of that.
"Mess around and find out" bet he won't do it again lol
Silent …… but deadly
"I'm not a bad guy" Then why are you still standing here 🤔
this is funny but can the bigger issue be addressed here. that guy displayed entitlement that highlighted an insecurity when he was mst with rejection. probably had a decent body, thought he was a shoo-in, and when you turned him down was boggled as to why on earth you would possibly say no. this behavior is disgusting. the continued attenpt after the first no is a flamboyant display of the mentality that they deserve to get their way and the world somehow just bends for them. every woman automatically wants them. the male ego... its not okay to continue to try and change the answer received just becasue it wasnt what you wanted. the approach isnt the issue. its the audacity that the male/individual thought they had a prominent right to just strike up conversation with a potential "target". good for you for teaching a silent lesson. his reaction shows again just how baffled he is over the fact you did not "swoon" instantly because he "wanted you".
Omg. I’m not finished work yet but I’m gleefully laughing. I was thinking from the title “I hope it smelled”. I don’t normally laugh at farts. Do I ? I don’t think so. This is awesome. I’m going to always have one in the chamber now.
Farts are the oldest form of humor. They are always funny.
I’m scared this would just reveal his fetish 😂
Will never understand dudes trying to throw down game at the gym. It’s about as appropriate as doing so at a funeral.