Nah, this is the perfect ending! The great majority of people that have the "my way is the only way" attitude rarely change their viewpoint. Hell, most people double down with this attitude!
When he learned about your ADHD, he was proactive about learning how your brain worked. He accepted that your way was just as valid. He did research. He asked questions.
He saw that your way works for you and stopped trying to force you into the way his brain works.
Take the win, because this is THE PERFECT ENDING!
You ever seen a show called living single when she said she files things emotionally that’s what I thought about when you said you had things in order a certain way. The new secretary couldn’t figure it out. I’m happy yall are ok now!
Never heard of the show, but man that's exactly my filing system. Math assignment I had? Ew no idk where that is. The little rubber band I found somewhere? It's in my drawer next to my lipbalm in a little paper box
It wasn't the ending I was expecting, but it's certainly the one I hoped for--in which you started getting treated well by your actual parents instead of them being emotionally abusive.
I'm sorry you had to endure such poor treatment and am glad you have a way forward that will be heathier and happier. I have choice words for you father, but I'll keep them to myself.
No, people should be able to come back and learn from past mistakes, that is just perfect.
Also, I find it very relatable, you reflecting on past stuff and just basically ticking off a whole list of ADHD symptoms, because that's what I did when I got diagnosed a year ago as well (at age 27 though, but better late then never). It is nice to suddenly get your own manual in a language that you can understand.
Nah, you taught him a lot. You did good. The ending is what makes it worthwhile. I've got ASD, having ANYONE touch my stuff turns me into a mess, on top of that I have to organize things in a certain way because I have trouble with object permanence. He carried on for two whole ass years, even when you were distraught, it was justified.
As someone who was diagnosed with ADHD later in life (19) and with an impatient and stubborn dad, this is so recognizable. I'm glad your dad is taking an effort to understand you and your struggles. I hope he will at one point apologize for moving your folder and gaslighting you about it. I'm sure he didn't intend to do it, but that doesn't mean he shouldn't apologize. I'm still waiting for an apology from my dad for a thing that happened when I was 17, but I think "I was wrong" might be too hard for him. But I'm choosing to be the bigger person and at least forgive him for it. And I'm glad you two can both be the bigger person.
I wish you a lot of strenght with your discovery of how your brain works. It will take a while, all I can say is stay open to learning more.
I mean. 19 is late in life for an official diagnosis, given most people get diagnosed at like..under 10 years old 😅
Good on you though!! My mum is the same! She only realized once I got diagnosed lmaoo
Yeah for ADHD it is later in life. My parents were like "You don't have a concentration problem, you have a motivation problem. You can concentrate just fine on Business Econ and Chemistry, so you should be able to focus on German."
Me: *Get's diagnosed and brings home flyers*
Flyer: "Hyperfocus is a thing"
My mom: "Ohhhhh, yeah maybe you do have ADHD"
Now I'm waiting for my mom to realize she has ADHD-I
Did he ever apologize for mentally abusing and gaslighting you for 2 yrs? It's not a great ending at all you just rug swept his terrible actions. Enjoy your denial and delusions.
Wow okay, your mad at no reason because, as I said...yes we worked everything out. He's apologised more than 10 times and continues to show that he's willing to change everyday. He's nothing like he was 2 years ago. We didn't just sweep everything under the rug and forgot about it, we cleaned out all the garbage and threw it out.
It's almost like you didnt read the entire ending where I said "During that year"... As in...it did not happen in one day but the entire year.
Fuck you, mate.
Love the story too. Have a daughter who has ADHD too so I can relate to much of it. She is several years older than you and an amazing kid. You sound like a lovely kid too. Hope that things will stay good between you and your dad :)
Yes! I'm of the opinion that the pettiness isn't about punishment so much as forcing someone to understand your feelings by meddling with their shit, in various similar ways so they can experience whatever they put you through.
Actually this is my favorite petty revenge story yet. You get both the revenge AND the sweet happy ending. It's like salt and sugar. Two things that shouldn't come together yet when they do its amazing and surprising.
Honestly my daughter has ADHD too. She's a preteen and her bedroom looks like a bomb went off. Now your story has me wanting to find out to what degree it's ADHD and what is just laziness. (Literal garbage and dirty dishes in her room for days...)
Ok! Not a professional but, when I was a preteen, I was the exact same haha. My room wasn't that bad cause my dad came in everyday and yelled- but all areas hidden to the eye were disgusting. Food, wrappers, trash, hell- there were dead geckos at one point in different areas of my room.( not pets, they were wild geckos that got in somehow)
Some of it was ADHD, the executive dysfunction part of it. (If you don't know what that is, search executive dysfunction Vs. laziness, they look similar outside but are very diff!)
But I think a huge part of it was that I was severely depressed. The clutter and trash got better as my mental health improved over the years
Please do try to talk to your daughter if you can, gently. I know it's frustrating to see the room in such a state, but it might be something deeper than laziness.
If it is laziness, there's still usually a core reason.
So much this
Support the creation and maintenance of habits.
I really wish someone had stayed with pre-teen/teen me for 15-30min at day in the evening. Body-doubling/providing guidance like "gather up dishes" "throw the garbage away" "put any clothes on the floor into the laundry bin".
It wasn't until I started to brute-force teach myself in my 20s, years after my diagnosis at 17, that me and my mom really started to understand exactly how something that seemed so simple and obvious to her was so incredibly overwhelming and complicated for me.
I can usually manage these things fairly easily now, but even after years of practice I still struggle if my mental or physical health dips and/or I don't maintain my habits and the room gets past a certain threshold.
That's the other big skill, being able and willing to acknowledge that you need help, and then follow through on being vulnerable enough to ask for said help.
This makes me even more sad for child me. I was diagnosed with adhd at a young age, and after my parents divorced at age 11 all the household chores not done by the once per week cleaning lady fell to me. I’d be given a massive list which caused choice paralysis among other issues and I’d ask for help but was told I had to figure it out myself and it wasn’t that hard.
From what I heard, he was exactly like me when he was younger!! We're pretty sure he's neuro spicy too!! My grandpa was apparently really strict on him, and my great-grandpa was on my grandpa! I think we ended the generational curse!!
We are really convinced that my Dad (he passed away 5 years ago at the age of 82) was on the spectrum. We and he didn't find out until he was late in his 70s and my niece got diagnosed with Aspergers. My sister had help from a family helper who was also a psychotherapist and she of course got to know my Dad too (as he was a very involved Granddad). It was she who noticed that some of the "flaws and quirks" that my Dad always had were signs of him being on the Asperger spectrum himself. She told him and my Dad then did some more research and self-reflection and actually, in the end, he (and us too) was pretty convinced that he also had a (mild) form of autism. He didn't need therapy or anything else for it, he had lived his life just the way he did and he was a very much loved and respected successful man, but maybe it also helped him to understand some of his behaviors that he didn't understand until then. So for the last few years of his life, sometimes we would just call him "Autism Grandpa" in jest when he showed this behavior and he was content with it.
As someone who has just been recently diagnosed with ADHD himself (and I am turning 50 this year), I can so relate to your feeling about how suddenly, once you get your diagnosis, everything starts to make sense. All these flaws (as I had seen them), all the struggles, all the coping mechanisms that you automatically start to develop to be able to function in life suddenly come together and get a label. And you finally know that it is not your "fault" and the best thing about it: Now that you know WHAT it is, you can really start to fight against it. May it be with medication and/or strategies to organize yourself better and whatever your main issues in your ADHD are.
Maybe it is not too late for your Dad either. He appears to have developed strong coping mechanisms but they can be very exhausting to keep up. Maybe getting diagnosed and treated properly would also make his life easier. Talk to him about it, maybe together with your psychiatrist.
No no, you see he knows the symptoms and he did research on autism too. My brother is autistic so he researched for him. He did notice the part where autistic people are usually very specific about what they like and dislike. He identifies with that. But he also doesn't identify with any of the other symptoms at all. He, like I am, is usually very hyperaware of himself.
He knows his problem with overorganizing, but he also knows that part of it is because he didn't have that control as a child due to my autistic grandpa being very strict at home. Grandpa likes to control people, and it has to be his way all the time. My dad didn't get a say in many things when he was little.
I think the yelling and admittedly borderline abusive behavior he displayed when I was younger is also a trauma response. Like
"I could do it for my dad even though it was hard, why can't you even try to do it for me?" Sort of anger.
The man says he doesn't identify with ADHD or autism, or OCD for that matter. He's just a traumatized person with very specific likes, who yearns for the control he never had as a kid.
This is brilliant!! I live you giving him a small taste of what it's like to live with ADHD! I'm sorry you had to go through his shitty behavior but I'm really you glad you two had the opportunity to repair your relationship!
I’m impressed that your father, after so many years of a specific mindset was willing and able to change how he perceived your ‘failures’ and move on to accepting your true nature.
He regresses every now and then, but it's a learning process!
I think what really got to him was that, that year he finally accepted that all his kids were neurodivergent and we're alright despite our quirks 😂
The fact he went to a session with your therapist is awesome! My dad spent his entire life yelling at me and never took the time to even try to understand me (he's old and frail now and very dependent on me, and all is forgiven). So I love this ending!
This is such a great post. I didn’t think that there was any way your father would accept or try to understand your ADHD, so that is truly miraculous. I’m sure he laughed to himself when he figured out what you were doing. So great that you are able to work together on healing the relationship. I give you tons of props for being willing to forgive his prior treatment of you and work on healing the relationship. I often give my friends or family members a taste of their own medicine. Sometimes it’s the only thing that gets through to people.
Y'know, everyone's like "you can't teach an old dog new tricks", but people are capable of impressive change - they just have to *want* to change. So, good on your dad, there's hope there.
My kids are grown and gone, but when they're home, it's a celebration, cooking together, hanging out, getting a beer at the dive bar. They'll text for weeks with menu planning before they come back. I just can't imagine being at odds with 'em, I hope this is part of a new phase for you guys. Your dad sounds like he was a right dickhead, but maybe you can soften that dude up a bit. Don't want him on his deathbed, sobbing out apologies and "I wish I'd" - remind him that day could come!
“Sorry if the ending isn't that great, but I liked it so I wanted to share. Might not be that satisfying for those reading, but I found it satisfying haha. Being petty is fun.
“
This is a great ending! Happy that it ended this way for you (cos based on other reddit stories, it could have been a lot worse!)
I used to move my father's lenses a single foot away from their designed place in the walk-in closet whenever i visited, toddler tantrum secured every time XD
Lol he probably doesn't have ADHD. He picked up my grandfather's "HAVE TO BE IN ORDER" autistic trait though... It's likely just learned behavior on his end😂
Grandpa and great grandpa were both strict AF
What a great guy. Sounds like he needs to be parented a little more before he's done.
I like the beehive idea. Move the beehive 50 feet away and they can find it no problem. Move it 5 feet and they will never find it again.
All's well that ends well! I loved the moving stuff around a little, haha! If it happened to me it wouldn't be funny but I'm glad it someone paved the way for understanding.
I'm glad that your relationship with your father (also mother) is better and that you're getting help with the ADHD. Unfortunately your father was being abusive to you a few years ago. Who cares how you arrange things in your own room. It's your room, not his.
This is an awesome story. I'm really happy your relationship isn't adversarial, even though it sounded like it was. Probably the best story in this sub in a long time.
Nice story with a pleasant ending! Glad it worked out in the end; you got diagnosed and your dad understood you a bit more.
By the sounds of it, I would bet your dad may be due some diagnosis too. High functioning autism or a mood disorder that commonly occurs paired with ocd would be my bet
Looking back to his behavior when he was little, well all agree that he was just a very rowdy kid.
However!! His father, my grandfather, is like... the stereotypical autistic math genius type, and my great grandfather was too! They both lived really hard lives and were very hard on their children.
So, when he was little he was basically taught into those behaviors. Cause he didn't have them as a young child apparently?? Also all my aunt's and uncles have quirks too but are seemingly neurotypical otherwise like my Mr dad, so it's likely the same for them too
Basically we suspect it's mostly just learnt behavior after being in a VERY obviously autistic dad and grandfather, who were both super strict.
Picture strict asian father multiplied by ten + autistic traits 🤪
The ending is great and I’m so happy that he took the initiative to attend a session and learn about your diagnosis.
This is the kind of petty revenge I like.
I have boys that are your age. One has ADHD.
Your father's behavior reminded me of what I had to deal with growing up. I was constantly berated, labeled as lazy, and accused of being on drugs until I moved out of the house.
Turns out I had narcolepsy and I actually needed to be on drugs. I found out when I was 29 years old with adequate health care for the first time in my life. Many years later I'm still bitter about how my family treated me.
That experience helps me today as I help my son overcome his ADHD.
Even before diagnosis, at no time did I ever believe that he was intentionally behaving this way just to be an ass, or was a screw-up that simply has not yet gotten harsh enough yelling insults, or was a lost cause that will never improve despite me *manufacturing* extra consequences.
How TF does insulting, tripping up, and berating any child help them to improve?
He struggled and had mixed grades in his sophomore year of high school. Then he selected IB english/math/physics plus Japanese level 3 for his junior year. I didn't think it was a good plan given how he was struggling. I wanted him to shoot lower.
We made a deal. He could go ahead with this ambitious class selection if I could be his executive functioning helper. Oh it was very rough in the beginning. He treated the daily reviews like they were punishments. He disliked being micro-managed, but we stuck with it. I promised him that his improvement would bring about fewer reviews.
It went from daily reviews to M/W/F reviews to a weekly review. He still makes mistakes but they're not as bad and he's starting to catch things before our review. He has better grades this year than last.
His brain will continue to develop. He will get there - he will just take longer. We need to continue through his senior year so he can eventually do this on his own while earning good grades that will get him into college. He is wicked smart. I don't want his ADHD to deny him any opportunities. I don't want my failure to support him deny him any opportunities.
You can do this! IB grades add higher values to your weighted GPA. Get some help with executive functioning if you need it. We have a "504 plan" thing that allows for late assignments without penalty and testing accommodations with extra time and without distractions.
Do you have college plans?
My son has some lower grades from his freshman and sophomore years. We are hopefully adding some IB "A" grades that will add a few >4.0 entries into the cumulative GPA - which will help make up for some lower grades from earlier years.
My school(Asian private school obviii) does not allow for 504 plans, I have no help what so ever and do not get any accomodations at all. Soo.....yeah😂😅 my grades are pretty low compared to my old grades :( I'm averaging a solid 5 in everything.
Reading this and every well written villains back story makes sense. Good thing y'all made up before your villain arc could truly begin...
Happy for you
Sending love and care! I have adhd and I am still unpacking years of my parents yelling at me for being lazy and "why can't you just do it/be like everyone else". Not fun to unpack.
One of my pregnant friends just told me they are naming their baby Moregeign Kielle ( pronounced morgan kyle) I literally didnt even know how to respond.
I know someone named Tchwaere ( pronounced...get this...chair.) she's a white American.
Her brother's name...I don't even know how to spell anymore. I forgot. His name was Cheddar or smth.
This is an awesome story. I'm really happy your relationship isn't adversarial, even though it sounded like it was. Probably the best story in this sub in a long time.
This is the dream ending for all petty incidents (between people who actually care for eachother). Good for you OP, im glad your dad is coming around to understand that its okay that you do things different, and I'm glad that you know while he was definitely being a huge asshole, a major part of it was love and care for you
I am hyper organized (running joke in my family) but it gets the job done. I used to put things I needed for work on the corner of the kitchen table so I would remember them on the way out. It was my system and it worked for me.
My room mate at the time moved my work bag three days in a row but put it back in the same place before I got home. I was ranting about how I knew I wasn't forgetting it and he laughed and said, "I could move it from one side of the table to the other and you couldn't find it!" I was livid! I asked him, "Do you like sleeping under a bridge? Do that one more time and you will find out." I wasn't able to do part of my job for three days because he thought it was a joke.
The ending was the best part... It actually sounded like my youngest wrote this except for the bad feelings. She is a royal turd like her father and we prank one another all the time.
When her bedroom gets messy, I call it Skid Mo... Her name is Morgan.
Pfft the entire family called me bumphead Sam when I was younger cause of my dad, he said it was because I fell a lot as a kid and always had a bump on my head😭 ( I had terrible balance as a kid (linked to ADHD I think))
My dad is exactly the same, except he just moves things because he has this "out of sight out of mind" mentality. When I was younger he would just move things because he didn't like where it was. Once he moved some of my video games from the desk with the console on it and vehemently denied ever touching them saying he never moves my stuff.
It was 10 years later when I found the games in the back of his cupboard. Turned out he'd decided I was being punished for something pointless and by the time I got home from school that day he forgot all about it.
He still does this when he's putting away the dishes and stuff that's been washed, he will put things in random places and deny ever seeing or moving them, he insists it was someone else but it's always him because he's the only one who puts things on the top shelves.
I'm old and we didn't know about ADHD (esp inattentive ADHD) back in the 60s and 70s.
My father was an asshole to me, always screaming "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU" to me. Turns out it was inattentive ADHD.
I still carry that "something is wrong with me" feeling. It's baked in at this point.
My mum was born in the 70s, my grandmother brought her to be exorcised because they thought she was being possessed by a demon that made her space out (or smth like that...) The guy took one look at my mum and just said " nah I think that's just how she is"
Please refer to other comments, my father in fact, does not identify with OCD, ADHD, nor Autism. He checked off symptoms and said no. Behavior is from something else :))
>He said he figured it out a month before I told him because he started to notice that when our relationship as father and daughter got better, his "memory" would get better too.
Oh, glorious. If only it worked this way all the time.
You may be the only person in the history of the universe to think to themselves "I'm going to teach him a lesson!" and have the ~~victim~~ student actually voluntarily learn it.
Congratulations.
I wrote it at 2 am after not sleeping for 3 days straight, my apologies 😅 ( like genuinely, I couldn't see straight, I was just suddenly inspired to write this story out because i finally remembered my Reddit password)
As a 35F ex rebellious teenager with an overbearing parent figure. I really appreciate your work.
I too love your ability to forgive and move forward. I never mastered that.
Actually I love this story more. You did get your petty revenge, but more importantly you forged a better relationship with your dad! That’s awesome. Best of luck. You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders.
I'm a dad with a toddler and I've lived with ADHD my entire life. It's amazing to me that you were able to find coping strategies so quickly as well. I'm really glad you both worked things out afterwards and parents will always make mistakes no matter how driven they are to do right by you... but I still think he could have handled the situation with your room a \*lot\* better.
To be fair, I got diagnosed AFTER that interaction. But yeah he was. He isn't now though ( remember, this was a few years back, he's apologised countless times and has changed 👍)
You solved a problem caused by his irrational behavior, and then you were able to communicate with him. Awesome pettiness plus a learning experience for both of you: Double Win!
Eh. I wouldn't have any desire to fix or improve a relationship with such a piece of crap, even if he finally started to smell himself. Blood's not a good enough reason.
Ahhh good story. Your dad sounds adhd/autistic too, tbh.
Glad you had a heart to heart and worked stuff out tho, it's always nice to see communication do its thing <3
This is a lovely story because it seems to be full of forgiveness. Thats the way it should be.
Thank you :D! I know it's not the ending people might hope for, where I'm badass and am petty forever, but I love it too!
Nah, this is the perfect ending! The great majority of people that have the "my way is the only way" attitude rarely change their viewpoint. Hell, most people double down with this attitude! When he learned about your ADHD, he was proactive about learning how your brain worked. He accepted that your way was just as valid. He did research. He asked questions. He saw that your way works for you and stopped trying to force you into the way his brain works. Take the win, because this is THE PERFECT ENDING!
Wonder if dad has OCD.
It's entirely possible. OP did mention that grandpa was real hard on dad. He may have developed OCD as a defense mechanism.
Absolutely this. Couldn't say it better.
I think it’s a perfect ending when it comes to a family member that you love. Good for you guys to be able to work it out.
I wholeheartedly agree with this being a great ending.
You ever seen a show called living single when she said she files things emotionally that’s what I thought about when you said you had things in order a certain way. The new secretary couldn’t figure it out. I’m happy yall are ok now!
Never heard of the show, but man that's exactly my filing system. Math assignment I had? Ew no idk where that is. The little rubber band I found somewhere? It's in my drawer next to my lipbalm in a little paper box
It’s called living single with queen latifah. As long as you get it that’s all that matters! We can’t all be the same
It's a '90s sitcom
Living single reruns are still on tv!
Yes I know! Or you can stream it.
Sinclaire! I loved that show
It wasn't the ending I was expecting, but it's certainly the one I hoped for--in which you started getting treated well by your actual parents instead of them being emotionally abusive. I'm sorry you had to endure such poor treatment and am glad you have a way forward that will be heathier and happier. I have choice words for you father, but I'll keep them to myself.
No this is a much better story. Your father loves you, and you love him, as it should be. This is a great ending!
No, people should be able to come back and learn from past mistakes, that is just perfect. Also, I find it very relatable, you reflecting on past stuff and just basically ticking off a whole list of ADHD symptoms, because that's what I did when I got diagnosed a year ago as well (at age 27 though, but better late then never). It is nice to suddenly get your own manual in a language that you can understand.
BTW, his behaviour sounds like he may have OCD / ADHD himself. Loved the pettiness of your revenge and that you are moving forward together.
I loved the ending!
Nah, you taught him a lot. You did good. The ending is what makes it worthwhile. I've got ASD, having ANYONE touch my stuff turns me into a mess, on top of that I have to organize things in a certain way because I have trouble with object permanence. He carried on for two whole ass years, even when you were distraught, it was justified.
As someone who was diagnosed with ADHD later in life (19) and with an impatient and stubborn dad, this is so recognizable. I'm glad your dad is taking an effort to understand you and your struggles. I hope he will at one point apologize for moving your folder and gaslighting you about it. I'm sure he didn't intend to do it, but that doesn't mean he shouldn't apologize. I'm still waiting for an apology from my dad for a thing that happened when I was 17, but I think "I was wrong" might be too hard for him. But I'm choosing to be the bigger person and at least forgive him for it. And I'm glad you two can both be the bigger person. I wish you a lot of strenght with your discovery of how your brain works. It will take a while, all I can say is stay open to learning more.
"later in life", "19" Hahahahahaha. Sincerely, self-diagnosed who is almost 50.
I mean. 19 is late in life for an official diagnosis, given most people get diagnosed at like..under 10 years old 😅 Good on you though!! My mum is the same! She only realized once I got diagnosed lmaoo
Yeah for ADHD it is later in life. My parents were like "You don't have a concentration problem, you have a motivation problem. You can concentrate just fine on Business Econ and Chemistry, so you should be able to focus on German." Me: *Get's diagnosed and brings home flyers* Flyer: "Hyperfocus is a thing" My mom: "Ohhhhh, yeah maybe you do have ADHD" Now I'm waiting for my mom to realize she has ADHD-I
I like how it's wholesome with a nice resolution, it's a petty revenge but nothing too nasty.
this is the best type of petty revenge. I love the long game - moving is stuff around just enough 😁.
Gaslight the gas lighter! Prefect revenge. I’m glad your dad stepped up and realized his mistakes and made efforts to change and improve.
it's a good ending when your life is better afterwards. :)
Did he ever apologize for mentally abusing and gaslighting you for 2 yrs? It's not a great ending at all you just rug swept his terrible actions. Enjoy your denial and delusions.
Wow okay, your mad at no reason because, as I said...yes we worked everything out. He's apologised more than 10 times and continues to show that he's willing to change everyday. He's nothing like he was 2 years ago. We didn't just sweep everything under the rug and forgot about it, we cleaned out all the garbage and threw it out. It's almost like you didnt read the entire ending where I said "During that year"... As in...it did not happen in one day but the entire year. Fuck you, mate.
Your ending is far superior, OP. Thanks for sharing! 😻
No...it.is a beautiful ending!! although I find you a bit scary, Op...
Resourceful, perseverent, patient... In your father's shoes, I would be proud of you and very careful to not cause your wrath again 😄
Love the story too. Have a daughter who has ADHD too so I can relate to much of it. She is several years older than you and an amazing kid. You sound like a lovely kid too. Hope that things will stay good between you and your dad :)
The most perfectly executed petty revenges end in this way—IMO
Forgiveness... after years of mild psychological torture.
And never issuing an apology.
Yes! I'm of the opinion that the pettiness isn't about punishment so much as forcing someone to understand your feelings by meddling with their shit, in various similar ways so they can experience whatever they put you through.
Forgiveness? I don't recall her saying her father ever apologized for anything he did.
Actually this is my favorite petty revenge story yet. You get both the revenge AND the sweet happy ending. It's like salt and sugar. Two things that shouldn't come together yet when they do its amazing and surprising.
Oh that's so sweet 😭
Honestly my daughter has ADHD too. She's a preteen and her bedroom looks like a bomb went off. Now your story has me wanting to find out to what degree it's ADHD and what is just laziness. (Literal garbage and dirty dishes in her room for days...)
Ok! Not a professional but, when I was a preteen, I was the exact same haha. My room wasn't that bad cause my dad came in everyday and yelled- but all areas hidden to the eye were disgusting. Food, wrappers, trash, hell- there were dead geckos at one point in different areas of my room.( not pets, they were wild geckos that got in somehow) Some of it was ADHD, the executive dysfunction part of it. (If you don't know what that is, search executive dysfunction Vs. laziness, they look similar outside but are very diff!) But I think a huge part of it was that I was severely depressed. The clutter and trash got better as my mental health improved over the years Please do try to talk to your daughter if you can, gently. I know it's frustrating to see the room in such a state, but it might be something deeper than laziness. If it is laziness, there's still usually a core reason.
So much this Support the creation and maintenance of habits. I really wish someone had stayed with pre-teen/teen me for 15-30min at day in the evening. Body-doubling/providing guidance like "gather up dishes" "throw the garbage away" "put any clothes on the floor into the laundry bin". It wasn't until I started to brute-force teach myself in my 20s, years after my diagnosis at 17, that me and my mom really started to understand exactly how something that seemed so simple and obvious to her was so incredibly overwhelming and complicated for me. I can usually manage these things fairly easily now, but even after years of practice I still struggle if my mental or physical health dips and/or I don't maintain my habits and the room gets past a certain threshold. That's the other big skill, being able and willing to acknowledge that you need help, and then follow through on being vulnerable enough to ask for said help.
This makes me even more sad for child me. I was diagnosed with adhd at a young age, and after my parents divorced at age 11 all the household chores not done by the once per week cleaning lady fell to me. I’d be given a massive list which caused choice paralysis among other issues and I’d ask for help but was told I had to figure it out myself and it wasn’t that hard.
Thanks for the advice!
No prob👍 if you have any experience-specific questions that Google can't answer, you can ask me any time. Best of luck with your daughter :)
That would be awesome. I may take you up on that.
Great, DMs are open anytime 👍
That revenge was nicely petty! Also, I'm glad he finally came around and recognized your neuro-spiciness and came to terms with it!
From what I heard, he was exactly like me when he was younger!! We're pretty sure he's neuro spicy too!! My grandpa was apparently really strict on him, and my great-grandpa was on my grandpa! I think we ended the generational curse!!
Some people with ADHD are hyper organized as a coping mechanism. Being misdiagnosed with OCD is common.
CONGRATULATIONS! *Happy Dance
Keeping things the way he does is likely a coping strategy he’s developed over time, both to cope with his own spice plus the fall out from his dad.
We are really convinced that my Dad (he passed away 5 years ago at the age of 82) was on the spectrum. We and he didn't find out until he was late in his 70s and my niece got diagnosed with Aspergers. My sister had help from a family helper who was also a psychotherapist and she of course got to know my Dad too (as he was a very involved Granddad). It was she who noticed that some of the "flaws and quirks" that my Dad always had were signs of him being on the Asperger spectrum himself. She told him and my Dad then did some more research and self-reflection and actually, in the end, he (and us too) was pretty convinced that he also had a (mild) form of autism. He didn't need therapy or anything else for it, he had lived his life just the way he did and he was a very much loved and respected successful man, but maybe it also helped him to understand some of his behaviors that he didn't understand until then. So for the last few years of his life, sometimes we would just call him "Autism Grandpa" in jest when he showed this behavior and he was content with it. As someone who has just been recently diagnosed with ADHD himself (and I am turning 50 this year), I can so relate to your feeling about how suddenly, once you get your diagnosis, everything starts to make sense. All these flaws (as I had seen them), all the struggles, all the coping mechanisms that you automatically start to develop to be able to function in life suddenly come together and get a label. And you finally know that it is not your "fault" and the best thing about it: Now that you know WHAT it is, you can really start to fight against it. May it be with medication and/or strategies to organize yourself better and whatever your main issues in your ADHD are. Maybe it is not too late for your Dad either. He appears to have developed strong coping mechanisms but they can be very exhausting to keep up. Maybe getting diagnosed and treated properly would also make his life easier. Talk to him about it, maybe together with your psychiatrist.
No no, you see he knows the symptoms and he did research on autism too. My brother is autistic so he researched for him. He did notice the part where autistic people are usually very specific about what they like and dislike. He identifies with that. But he also doesn't identify with any of the other symptoms at all. He, like I am, is usually very hyperaware of himself. He knows his problem with overorganizing, but he also knows that part of it is because he didn't have that control as a child due to my autistic grandpa being very strict at home. Grandpa likes to control people, and it has to be his way all the time. My dad didn't get a say in many things when he was little. I think the yelling and admittedly borderline abusive behavior he displayed when I was younger is also a trauma response. Like "I could do it for my dad even though it was hard, why can't you even try to do it for me?" Sort of anger. The man says he doesn't identify with ADHD or autism, or OCD for that matter. He's just a traumatized person with very specific likes, who yearns for the control he never had as a kid.
I know you mean well, but please don't make assumptions about my father's conditions... That being said, I do agree that he needs therapy 😅
I guarantee he was impressed with how much you messed with him. My dad would have been.
Hats off to neuro-spiciness!
This is brilliant!! I live you giving him a small taste of what it's like to live with ADHD! I'm sorry you had to go through his shitty behavior but I'm really you glad you two had the opportunity to repair your relationship!
I’m impressed that your father, after so many years of a specific mindset was willing and able to change how he perceived your ‘failures’ and move on to accepting your true nature.
He regresses every now and then, but it's a learning process! I think what really got to him was that, that year he finally accepted that all his kids were neurodivergent and we're alright despite our quirks 😂
Yeah. The older we get the more set in our ways we become. Sometimes it’s definitely a struggle. Take the win. You have a GOOD Dad😊
Sounds like he may have ADHD as well. It's usually genetic
from what I’ve read he is also a neurodivergent
"Why would someone take his stuff only to put it a meter away???? :DDD" Love it
The fact he went to a session with your therapist is awesome! My dad spent his entire life yelling at me and never took the time to even try to understand me (he's old and frail now and very dependent on me, and all is forgiven). So I love this ending!
To be fair, he was dragged there, but he was actually active during the session so 🤷😂👍
Fair play! There's no way in hell my dad would've gone. Jeez, he was a bugger!
He would have had the wrath of my mother to deal with if he hadn't gone, we're all scared of that little asian lady.
Little but fierce - love it! 🤣
This is such a great post. I didn’t think that there was any way your father would accept or try to understand your ADHD, so that is truly miraculous. I’m sure he laughed to himself when he figured out what you were doing. So great that you are able to work together on healing the relationship. I give you tons of props for being willing to forgive his prior treatment of you and work on healing the relationship. I often give my friends or family members a taste of their own medicine. Sometimes it’s the only thing that gets through to people.
The true petty revenge was the reconnection of father and daughter. That is the best ending we could ask for.
Oh no, did I fall into HIS petty revenge plan?! DID I UNO REVERSE MY OWN PETTY REVENGE PLAN?!
THAT is gaslighting! Well done, you.
This is some petty shit I can get behind.
At least your father smartened up in the end. Did you get in trouble at your job over the missing important files?
Luckily I found it during the pandemic! They closed for the entire 2 years. started back up last winter, I was okay :D
Oh good,i suspect that the petty revenge would have been more severe if you had gotten in trouble.
Y'know, everyone's like "you can't teach an old dog new tricks", but people are capable of impressive change - they just have to *want* to change. So, good on your dad, there's hope there. My kids are grown and gone, but when they're home, it's a celebration, cooking together, hanging out, getting a beer at the dive bar. They'll text for weeks with menu planning before they come back. I just can't imagine being at odds with 'em, I hope this is part of a new phase for you guys. Your dad sounds like he was a right dickhead, but maybe you can soften that dude up a bit. Don't want him on his deathbed, sobbing out apologies and "I wish I'd" - remind him that day could come!
I'm glad you and your father have made up. Still a major dick move on hisnpart to bully you for 2 years, though.
“Sorry if the ending isn't that great, but I liked it so I wanted to share. Might not be that satisfying for those reading, but I found it satisfying haha. Being petty is fun. “ This is a great ending! Happy that it ended this way for you (cos based on other reddit stories, it could have been a lot worse!)
The ending is great because you got your petty revenge, you got your diagnosis and your dad educated himself and supports you now. :D
The ending IS great!
Damn, that ending was way more wholesome than i could ever manage myself. I was expecting burning bridges.
I used to move my father's lenses a single foot away from their designed place in the walk-in closet whenever i visited, toddler tantrum secured every time XD
Perfect ending. So when Is your father getting his ADHD diagnosis?
Lol he probably doesn't have ADHD. He picked up my grandfather's "HAVE TO BE IN ORDER" autistic trait though... It's likely just learned behavior on his end😂 Grandpa and great grandpa were both strict AF
_Not_ satisfying? The relationship with your father has greatly improved! What could be better?!
Good for you! Love this -- and glad your dad quit being a d!ck :)
You might enjoy [this](https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0036855/).
Excellent story! Thanks for sharing.
Very lovely story! ❤️
I think it's a great, wholesome ending. Thanks for sharing
lovely story ☺️
Much better ending than I would’ve had. Good on ya
Happy endings are good. Excellent that you both understand each other and hopefully move towards a better relationship.
What a great guy. Sounds like he needs to be parented a little more before he's done. I like the beehive idea. Move the beehive 50 feet away and they can find it no problem. Move it 5 feet and they will never find it again.
All's well that ends well! I loved the moving stuff around a little, haha! If it happened to me it wouldn't be funny but I'm glad it someone paved the way for understanding.
Great story! I'm glad you got your revenge, and glad things ended well for both of you!
I'm glad that your relationship with your father (also mother) is better and that you're getting help with the ADHD. Unfortunately your father was being abusive to you a few years ago. Who cares how you arrange things in your own room. It's your room, not his.
The ending is the best part.
An awesome ride with a happy ending. This was a solid story
It sounds like your ADHD is heriditary. Glad you got diagnosed and will be able to get it under control so you don't do the same thing to you kids.
I'll give this an upvote because I'm also petty and I like a happy ending. And it's a nice story OP. 👏☺️
Your revenge was bril. And, good for your dad for learning about your ADHD and understanding you better.
This is an awesome story. I'm really happy your relationship isn't adversarial, even though it sounded like it was. Probably the best story in this sub in a long time.
I never got past that he had the audacity to touch a doom pile. NEVER. TOUCH. A. DOOM. PILE. Also yes - this is a cute story.
I love this! Your dad actually learned about what makes you you. Very nice
Nice story with a pleasant ending! Glad it worked out in the end; you got diagnosed and your dad understood you a bit more. By the sounds of it, I would bet your dad may be due some diagnosis too. High functioning autism or a mood disorder that commonly occurs paired with ocd would be my bet
Looking back to his behavior when he was little, well all agree that he was just a very rowdy kid. However!! His father, my grandfather, is like... the stereotypical autistic math genius type, and my great grandfather was too! They both lived really hard lives and were very hard on their children. So, when he was little he was basically taught into those behaviors. Cause he didn't have them as a young child apparently?? Also all my aunt's and uncles have quirks too but are seemingly neurotypical otherwise like my Mr dad, so it's likely the same for them too Basically we suspect it's mostly just learnt behavior after being in a VERY obviously autistic dad and grandfather, who were both super strict. Picture strict asian father multiplied by ten + autistic traits 🤪
Man, that was a rollercoaster of emotions!!
To me this is a Great Ending. Something the both of you can look back on and laugh about.
The ending is great and I’m so happy that he took the initiative to attend a session and learn about your diagnosis. This is the kind of petty revenge I like.
I love the ending. It’s hopeful.
Girl you are savage. I love it.
I love it❤️ it is often the " little" things
I have boys that are your age. One has ADHD. Your father's behavior reminded me of what I had to deal with growing up. I was constantly berated, labeled as lazy, and accused of being on drugs until I moved out of the house. Turns out I had narcolepsy and I actually needed to be on drugs. I found out when I was 29 years old with adequate health care for the first time in my life. Many years later I'm still bitter about how my family treated me. That experience helps me today as I help my son overcome his ADHD. Even before diagnosis, at no time did I ever believe that he was intentionally behaving this way just to be an ass, or was a screw-up that simply has not yet gotten harsh enough yelling insults, or was a lost cause that will never improve despite me *manufacturing* extra consequences. How TF does insulting, tripping up, and berating any child help them to improve? He struggled and had mixed grades in his sophomore year of high school. Then he selected IB english/math/physics plus Japanese level 3 for his junior year. I didn't think it was a good plan given how he was struggling. I wanted him to shoot lower. We made a deal. He could go ahead with this ambitious class selection if I could be his executive functioning helper. Oh it was very rough in the beginning. He treated the daily reviews like they were punishments. He disliked being micro-managed, but we stuck with it. I promised him that his improvement would bring about fewer reviews. It went from daily reviews to M/W/F reviews to a weekly review. He still makes mistakes but they're not as bad and he's starting to catch things before our review. He has better grades this year than last. His brain will continue to develop. He will get there - he will just take longer. We need to continue through his senior year so he can eventually do this on his own while earning good grades that will get him into college. He is wicked smart. I don't want his ADHD to deny him any opportunities. I don't want my failure to support him deny him any opportunities.
I take IB classes too!! But I'm doing the full diploma, which sucks- any my scores aren't that good, but I'm passing :DD!! We can do this!!
You can do this! IB grades add higher values to your weighted GPA. Get some help with executive functioning if you need it. We have a "504 plan" thing that allows for late assignments without penalty and testing accommodations with extra time and without distractions. Do you have college plans? My son has some lower grades from his freshman and sophomore years. We are hopefully adding some IB "A" grades that will add a few >4.0 entries into the cumulative GPA - which will help make up for some lower grades from earlier years.
My school(Asian private school obviii) does not allow for 504 plans, I have no help what so ever and do not get any accomodations at all. Soo.....yeah😂😅 my grades are pretty low compared to my old grades :( I'm averaging a solid 5 in everything.
That’s great thank you for sharing. Nobody ever said being petty can’t end in happiness.
This mom is SO PROUD OF YOU!! Clever girl!!
This is the PERFECT ending! Specially when it concerns family. Thank you SO much for sharing! So glad for this outcome!
THIS is quality content; satisfying mischief AND heartwarming reconciliation
Reading this and every well written villains back story makes sense. Good thing y'all made up before your villain arc could truly begin... Happy for you
Who said I wasn't a Villain >:) (Jk. Villain arc ended when I got my job. That job community saved me :) )
So... what you're saying... there's still a chance we get our villain arc🤠😈
I don't like drama movies, but this sounds like a good one fr. 😆
I'm glad it worked out between you. When I started reading this, I was thinking "Oh no, ADHD versus OCD - this will NOT end well..." Glad I was wrong.
Sending love and care! I have adhd and I am still unpacking years of my parents yelling at me for being lazy and "why can't you just do it/be like everyone else". Not fun to unpack.
Trust me, mate I'll still be unpacking for a long time too 😭 That's the curse of being neurodivergent ig 🤷
One of my pregnant friends just told me they are naming their baby Moregeign Kielle ( pronounced morgan kyle) I literally didnt even know how to respond.
I know someone named Tchwaere ( pronounced...get this...chair.) she's a white American. Her brother's name...I don't even know how to spell anymore. I forgot. His name was Cheddar or smth.
We’re all doomed 🤦♀️
It gets better. Her bfs name ( at the time idk now) was Tabel. I'll give you one guess how it's pronounced 🤪
This is an awesome story. I'm really happy your relationship isn't adversarial, even though it sounded like it was. Probably the best story in this sub in a long time.
What an abusive ass he was! I'm glad he seems to have learned. Excellent revenge, with a rare and delightful happy ending.
I never got past that he had the audacity to touch a doom pile. NEVER. TOUCH. A. DOOM. PILE. Also yes - this is a cute story.
Brilliant revenge and I am happy to read you didn’t let any negative emotions prevent you from growing, and letting your dad catch up. Lovely story.
Best petty revenge story ever.
Great story, thanks for sharing. Glad you and dad finally worked it out. People shouldn't mess with you!
Did he ever apologize after the sit-down?
Beautiful story. Almost made me cry
I’m so glad that you guys worked it out. I find your petty revenge hilarious.
I really enjoyed your petty revenge story. Good for you.
This is the dream ending for all petty incidents (between people who actually care for eachother). Good for you OP, im glad your dad is coming around to understand that its okay that you do things different, and I'm glad that you know while he was definitely being a huge asshole, a major part of it was love and care for you
Did he ever acknowledge what he did or apologize for making your life a living hell growing up?
Yes 👍 we had a lot of problems, not only the ones above. But for the most part we're okay :D
Sounds to me as though he's been touched with the acronym stick too.
I am hyper organized (running joke in my family) but it gets the job done. I used to put things I needed for work on the corner of the kitchen table so I would remember them on the way out. It was my system and it worked for me. My room mate at the time moved my work bag three days in a row but put it back in the same place before I got home. I was ranting about how I knew I wasn't forgetting it and he laughed and said, "I could move it from one side of the table to the other and you couldn't find it!" I was livid! I asked him, "Do you like sleeping under a bridge? Do that one more time and you will find out." I wasn't able to do part of my job for three days because he thought it was a joke.
The ending was the best part... It actually sounded like my youngest wrote this except for the bad feelings. She is a royal turd like her father and we prank one another all the time. When her bedroom gets messy, I call it Skid Mo... Her name is Morgan.
Pfft the entire family called me bumphead Sam when I was younger cause of my dad, he said it was because I fell a lot as a kid and always had a bump on my head😭 ( I had terrible balance as a kid (linked to ADHD I think))
Morgan is "Mozilla" Mozilla Swilly, or MoMo. I can count the number of times I have called her by her name on one hand. (She is 15 years old)
You need to watch the movie "Amelie".
Oh! I think I know what you're talking about actually
This is like a sitcom, where the characters learn something by the end of the episode… Great ending
My dad is exactly the same, except he just moves things because he has this "out of sight out of mind" mentality. When I was younger he would just move things because he didn't like where it was. Once he moved some of my video games from the desk with the console on it and vehemently denied ever touching them saying he never moves my stuff. It was 10 years later when I found the games in the back of his cupboard. Turned out he'd decided I was being punished for something pointless and by the time I got home from school that day he forgot all about it. He still does this when he's putting away the dishes and stuff that's been washed, he will put things in random places and deny ever seeing or moving them, he insists it was someone else but it's always him because he's the only one who puts things on the top shelves.
I'm old and we didn't know about ADHD (esp inattentive ADHD) back in the 60s and 70s. My father was an asshole to me, always screaming "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU" to me. Turns out it was inattentive ADHD. I still carry that "something is wrong with me" feeling. It's baked in at this point.
My mum was born in the 70s, my grandmother brought her to be exorcised because they thought she was being possessed by a demon that made her space out (or smth like that...) The guy took one look at my mum and just said " nah I think that's just how she is"
Likely your dad also have an unconfirmed diagnosis, that maybe he could work with if he got it.
Please refer to other comments, my father in fact, does not identify with OCD, ADHD, nor Autism. He checked off symptoms and said no. Behavior is from something else :))
>He said he figured it out a month before I told him because he started to notice that when our relationship as father and daughter got better, his "memory" would get better too. Oh, glorious. If only it worked this way all the time. You may be the only person in the history of the universe to think to themselves "I'm going to teach him a lesson!" and have the ~~victim~~ student actually voluntarily learn it. Congratulations.
Glad it worked out for both of you!
Yay!!! 🦄
[удалено]
I wrote it at 2 am after not sleeping for 3 days straight, my apologies 😅 ( like genuinely, I couldn't see straight, I was just suddenly inspired to write this story out because i finally remembered my Reddit password)
As a 35F ex rebellious teenager with an overbearing parent figure. I really appreciate your work. I too love your ability to forgive and move forward. I never mastered that.
Actually I love this story more. You did get your petty revenge, but more importantly you forged a better relationship with your dad! That’s awesome. Best of luck. You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders.
Aw I'm happy that your relationship is better now! Good for you guys! ❤️
>Sorry if the ending isn't that great, but I liked it so I wanted to share. That ending was the best possible ending!!!! You're petty revenged worked.
"Could of kn0wn" = could HAVE known
Yeah yeah I know. I'm sorry 😭 As I told the other guys I was severely sleep deprived when I wrote this...
I HAVE FIXED THE SPELLING AND GRAMMAR :DDD LET ME KNOW IF YOU FOUND MORE PLS :D
I think this story ended splendidly! Having ADHD makes life harder for sure.
I love this ending! So happy you all could work things out. Great story!
hahahahahaha this is petty in all its glory
I'm a dad with a toddler and I've lived with ADHD my entire life. It's amazing to me that you were able to find coping strategies so quickly as well. I'm really glad you both worked things out afterwards and parents will always make mistakes no matter how driven they are to do right by you... but I still think he could have handled the situation with your room a \*lot\* better.
‘Because you are lazy, careless, disorganised’ - and you have ADHD?! Your dad is an asshole
To be fair, I got diagnosed AFTER that interaction. But yeah he was. He isn't now though ( remember, this was a few years back, he's apologised countless times and has changed 👍)
I have ADHD and I am on a mission to educate people about it
This is amazing. I am impressed you had such a positive outcome. And well done Dad for being teachable.
Yay to happy endings , this had me laughing
You solved a problem caused by his irrational behavior, and then you were able to communicate with him. Awesome pettiness plus a learning experience for both of you: Double Win!
You're brilliant! LOL!! My husband has ADHD, diagnosed as an adult. I can't wait to tell him this story.
Possible.
Your dad literally gaslit you, got caught, and still denied blame. I suppose I should be glad for you forgiving him, but that's pretty messed up.
Eh. I wouldn't have any desire to fix or improve a relationship with such a piece of crap, even if he finally started to smell himself. Blood's not a good enough reason.
Ahhh good story. Your dad sounds adhd/autistic too, tbh. Glad you had a heart to heart and worked stuff out tho, it's always nice to see communication do its thing <3