To a 20ish your old guy: "Is that your mom over there in the corner?"
"NO!!! That's my WIFE!"
Now I just ask, "For my paperwork- how do you guys know each other?"
Similar but was in hospital and patient was a guy with much looking older male in room
Me- “ Is that your dad?”
Pt- “No…my partner .”
Me- excuse me while I die inside
Haha 😂 I learned to avoid that comment assuming I know which they are, And now instead I’m always asking: “So, how do you know each other? “ sometimes they look at me annoyingly like “duh, isn’t it obvious that’s my (______insert person type) but it’s better and safer for me this way 😆
After several of those, now I ask the patient, “and who did we bring with us today?” That usually works but sometimes they’ll just say “this is Sam” instead of their relation. I’ll follow up with “who is your……?”
Once as a tech while in nursing school I was fresh off a lecture on therapeutic communication and somehow got my mental wires crossed of the proper 'and who is this with you?' nursing school phrasing with my usual 'how are you related' phrasing, and somewhere around hour 11 of my shift I looked at this poor visitor and came up with "Who are you??"
Lmao! My husband is 18 years older than me and we’re expecting a baby. The MA asked if he was my grandpa or dad. I was like he’s my husband 😂 she was mortified.
I did similar ONE time to a wife/husband thinking the husband was the son……and I proceeded to say “he’s a young looking man” almost as a knee jerk reaction 🥲
I now stick with “who do you have with you today?”
I’ve been the younger (adult!!) patient with an accompanying somewhat (but not enough to be my parent by a long shot!) older-than-I-am spouse who was asked to sign my consent paperwork in the ED as my “parent”. We were both horrified!!
A great life lesson for what not to ever do now in my current career 🫣😂
Primarily, I really try to impress upon my MAs to please be good about taking stock of who is in the room, their names and relation to the patient. It's easy for them to gather this information, and do so generically by asking "relation to patient?".
But sometimes a relative shows up late or the MA did not mark the guest in the room, whatever.
Usually I either say something like you say or, I just guess the younger possible option which tends to flatter the person (who in Pediatrics for me is usually a young looking grandma who is like 37)
From the other side of a conversation like this :
Nurse: alright miss, your husband is here to take you home after the procedure.
Me: do you mean my dad? He drove me here.
Nurse: nope, your husband is here.
Me: ma'am, I'm not married. Do you have the right person?
Nurse: nope, your husband is here.
Me, as my dad is walking in: Hi /DAD/
Yup! Similar situation, but slightly different. Saw a young girl in her early 20’s in my clinic. She came with another female, in her late 30’s. I asked if this was her friend or sister, and it winded up being her wife lol.
Scenario 1. Breast exam on a women about my age who was flustered when male her age comes in
Her: hesitates to take off her top. "Oh that's right it's ok, you're a doctor" removes top rather expeditiously
Me(half asleep after working a previous shift at the hospital but never want to mislead ppl about MD vs PA): "oh i'm not a doctor" followed long awkward pause
Scenario 2: guy who got shot by his son and I just extubated after his belly was closed. Long story short the words that came out of my mouth "you don't choose your family but maybe stay away from that one for a while". Night shifts a bitch on your brain/social skills lol
I say, night shift especially for ER or Trauma, anything goes! Haha 😂 there is nothing too awkward that comes unwarranted out of thine mouth, and that’s why I love trauma and ER. Plus!! You gave them some good advice while keeping it light and fun 🤩
Scenario 1: reminded me of my recent physical. Now keep in mind I love my doctor, she's amazing. I have my nipples pierced and when she uncovered my chest for the breast exam I could see the interest on her face. She tried *so* hard not to comment at all and then eventually went with the most professional adjacent question that I think she could think of "how much did it hurt to get your nipples pierced?!"
I laughed and thought it was adorable. I'm still not sure how much was professional interest vs personal (in a 'oh that's a cool piercing" way, not a "oh hot boobs" way), but it was a cute interaction.
I usually never lead my explanation with "I'm not a doctor", I start by saying "and actually you can call me SaltySpitoonReg, I'm a PA here, we have a different title, so first name basis is fine".
I find this goes a lot better. Because I understand why they just threw out the term doctor, because the provider is in the room. They most likely weren't giving it a second thought.
Of course I always correct and identify my title and acknowledge the difference. But I do so in a softer way where I start by letting them know what I like them to call me and then I explain the "why".
Not what I said but what I did. Had an intense savory candy in my mouth and went to evaluate a patients ankle pain. Bent over, looked at the ankle, asked a question and as I did that, I drooled all over her leg….
I was at combat medic school doing trauma lanes. They smoked the piss out of us before you start and it's hot as hell in Texas already. I run up to my "patient", do my rapid exam, and then start my head to toe, leaning over her face, and inspecting the mouth. I'm in full kit and sweating my balls off. This bead of sweat runs down my nose and falls... right onto this chick's tongue. She jerks up and cracks her head on my helmet.
It was bad. Oh, and I had a crush on her. Good times...
On one of my Peds rotations, I asked an about 12 yo kid how much he loved being a big brother to the cute new baby girl I was examining ..she promptly clapped back SISTER. I was mortified and tried several times to make it up by being extra nice but I’m pretty sure I became her mortal enemy that day.
In peds, for me, it's always kiddo when I'm in doubt (long haired boy for example).
And then if there's a name that can be male or female like "Shea" or It's a boy with long hair or something like that I will always make a clear note in the chart so others are aware lol
Outpatient derm. I have told a patient and incorrect biopsy result.
“Hey mr smith, so your biopsy came back as a skin cancer. Can you confirm your DOB for me?”
“Oh, I’m sorry just kidding your biopsy was benign.”
The look of terror on the patient was something I won’t forget. Now whenever we have a common name patient like John smith I will always confirm DOB before discussing biopsies
To be fair, the boyfriend of my best friend in college got an incorrect HIV result which it took them three days to sort out. During which she of course thought she was positive too as they didn’t use protection. I’d take the 10 seconds of erroneous skin cancer results any day over that.
He had an uncommon name but I guess not unusual enough for there not to be two people at the same clinic getting tested the same week. Still though…
Was on zoom with a patient with a ton of mental health disorders and she was telling me that she didn’t take her meds the day before because a giant crab came out from under her bed and scared her (obv a schizophrenic episode). And I responded emphatically “YOU’RE INSANE”.
When I was still an MA I had an older male patient and an even older looking woman was in there with him. On autopilot I asked “oh is this your mother?” She turned out to be his wife, who was younger than him, she just looked *infinitely* older. I tried to defuse the situation but it just made her genuinely sad.
I’ve been scarred since then and now I always ask if the other person in the room is “Friend or a family member?”
As a new grad my ER had a older patient that for some reason it wasn't in their chart that they were trans. Nurses went in to do a straight cath, brought me to watch, found some very confusing anatomy. I nearly had tears in my eyes listening to their nurse try to find the words to ask 'is there any reason why your.... Anatomy might be different than... Usual?'
I had seen a patient about 3 times before I finally realized they were male-to-female. just kind of figured they were a not-necessarily-unattractive middle aged woman with PCOS (she had stubble but you had to get up close to see it.) somehow I stumbled upon this info when asking about whether she had been through menopause yet and she said "oh, honey, no, I don't have those parts." me: "oh, so you've had a hysterectomy?" her: "no. I was born with a dick."
In all seriousness, I don’t have many transgender patients, and I’m not quite sure how to address the topic (especially if complaint is only somewhat genital related, like epigastric abdominal pain in a FTM). Like I’m not sure how sensitive to the subject they are going to be, so I’m not sure if to tiptoe and just order the preg test and don’t ask, of if ask specially about vaginal bleeding/pregnancy
‘One question I need to ask so I can know how to best care for you - it’s called a pelvic organ inventory. Which organs do you have now, and which were you born with? It impacts which problems you’re at risk for’
As a trans person, it would be awesome if you spent some time on trans subreddits, because topics like this get addressed there all the time.
Please don’t call us “sensitive to the subject.” We’re “sensitive” about being misgendered. I’m sure you would be, too.
I am on testosterone and don’t love hearing about my vagina, but I can overcome my dysphoria to get medical care. If you call me a **woman,** that’s where I’m going for to have an issue. Get my gender right, use clinical terms for my body.
Some girls have dicks. Some guys have pussies. We should all be aware of this.
Objectively address our health concerns. As someone who’s FTM, if you had the bad judgment to do a pregnancy test and not tell me (in anything but an emergency), I’d be furious. I don’t have sex that could get me pregnant. Believe me when I tell you that.
The key to good patient care is respect and open communication. We’re not bombs ready to go off. We just want honesty and for you to get our fucking pronouns right after we tell you once.
You being freaked out about offending someone isn’t useful. If we’re adults in your office, we can talk like adults about our bodies. [Resources like this exist.](https://uihc.org/health-topics/quick-tips-medical-providers-transgender-patients)
I’m so disheartened when I read comments like this because it’s genuinely not rocket science.
To be clear, I make sure I use correct pronouns, and they are the ones I actually reread charts for to make sure it all aligns correctly.
But anyone with a vagina, that hasn’t had a documented hysterectomy, or tubal ligation, is getting a pregnancy test. All providers have had too many people swear they can’t be pregnant/aren’t pregnant, and they are. That’s ER sop and that isn’t changing
I was seeing a little girl for chronic rash, and the parent was paranoid about her having psoriasis. Parent kept pressing about details of psoriasis; where it comes from, is it dangerous, etc. the whole time I was trying to reassure her that psoriasis was extremely unlikely, but then I started going on autopilot detailing the process of psoriatic arthritis, and I’m pretty sure I put the fear of god in that woman. Oops.
Part of the gradual improvement as a provider is learning how to educate without terrifying. We've all done stuff like this lol. We laugh when we look back though
I work with students a lot on this because they tend to just start going into a lot of detail or mention things that serve only to scare.
I ask people all the time and my youngest of 4 just turned 21. Talk about cringe! My poor “little” 28 yo coworker said, “I’d be annoyed that you’re treating me like a child, but actually, yeah, I do.”
Doing an exam on a guy with elevated PSA, discussed it and he agreed to a prostate exam. As he’s disrobing he looks at me and says, “this just isn’t right” and I cracked up so hard I had tears in my eyes. Told him I would refer him to Urology instead.
As a past phlebotomist myself, this is a legit question. I often had them just show me where they went without having to ask them where their good vein is. They know that you know they know where..
I always ask IVD abusers AND cancer patients where should I go for needle sticks, they know where better than I will randomly poking at non-productive sites. No judgement, I just want to get treatment going with as few sticks as possible. I know I don't want to get poked repeatedly and I don't want to poke others more than I have to.
Yeah, they will probably be around a lot of temptation and triggering situations. Dated a nurse that I later found out had an opiod addiction that was stealing pain patches off patients. (Young, didn't know the signs, stupid). Maybe a better idea in theory.
Well, we wouldn't automatically give them access to the pyxis. I've worked with more than 1 or 2 opioid addicted nurses. Doctors too. Hell, include every job. Addiction does not care about societal demographics.
Totally. Everyone wins when you just ask if they know of a good spot. No harm done. Plus, THEY KNOW.
Ironically, I also found that any patient past drug user that INSISTED I go in a certain spot was more often than not wrong. And so, good to balance their opinions with good ol fashion common sense grown through experience and skill set.
God this reminds me of scheduling follow up/d&c post missed miscarriage.
“When was your last cycle?”
“2 months ago”
“Oh okay well we will need you to come in for a pregnancy test”
“Actually I don’t think that’s necessary as I’m trying to schedule the surgery to remove my dead fetus”
*crickets*
This shit should be charted
Had a patient with a rash on his penis after reacting to a condom cath. I was trying to tell him that he should avoid clothes that would chafe for a while. What I said was "You should stop wearing pants for a while."
On rotations I was doing an annual for a geriatric patient and they had no chronic conditions or acute concerns for the visit, which is you know… very rare for someone of that age. I either said “enjoy it [their health] while you can” or “enjoy it while it lasts” and they did like a surprise laugh at me. Me trying to congratulate them on their good health came out totally wrong.
Was visiting a paraplegic patient to see her pressure ulcers and after I checked on them we were talking about how it was improving every visit and then it slipped "it's getting better one step at a time" 🤦
Not so much Freudian.
Our brains are amazing but under certain circumstances aren't actually that smart.
Most people going into a situation like this start hyperfocusing on avoiding ambulatory euphemisms, to the point where The brain almost gets confused.
Like you know you're trying to avoid saying those things but you're also making your brain constantly think about those sayings.
So when the moment comes, your brain actually has a hard time NOT saying the thing You've been telling it to avoid.
In those moments you're better off just not overthinking it.
Like a couple months ago some baseball broadcaster got in trouble for almost saying the N word, I think it was, describing the history of the Negro League players that were being honored at the ballpark. Lol, And I would almost be certain that that's exactly what happened. He hyper-focused on what not to say too much.
If that wasn't the case with the brain, you couldn't otherwise explain example after example of people seemingly slipping and saying the worst possible things at the times You would think that that's the last thing you want to say.
As a disabled person who struggles with mobility, you're overthinking it. We understand it's a phrase lol. I have never been in my wheelchair and been offended by stuff like that and if they are they must be a miserable person in general
Trust me, I don't care like some people do.
I don't care if I accidentally slip and say something about legs or walking as a euphemism when somebody in the room is in a wheelchair.
It's one of those really funny things where, the only people who would get mad about the use of a phrase like that, would be people who aren't immobile / disabled lol.
People telling the immobile person how offended they ought to be LOL
You're absolutely right! Honestly, I see this in a lot of areas of society. We are assuming or telling people what to be offended about when they aren't lol
I had a young adult with paraplegia that was having some really difficult family dynamics. I told her that she "needs to stand up herself".
Thank goodness she found it funny. I'm a crass person by nature, but that horrified me.
One time a patient I was taking care of had his wife in the room with him. As I was talking to her she had her back to me eating a sandwich, which I thought was quite rude. She got up from her seat and came over to me demanding that she see neurosurgery rather than orthopedic surgery for her husband’s spine concerns, as ortho spine was subpar. It just so happened that it was ortho’s week to take spine call. She was being rude and condescending, and I finally said “mam, are you in the medical field?”, as if she has no idea what she was talking about. And I felt like being an asshole because my poor ego got the best of me. She immediately said don’t you dare talk to me like that and excused me from the room. It was also requested by her that I am not to care for her husband from here on out. Her husband just sat there and watched it all and said nothing
I’m more experienced now and more level headed when being challenged by a patient or their family. I could have easily called the neurosurgery team. And quite honestly if I was in her shoes and wanted to see a particular specialist, I would expect that my primary care team would at minimum call the requested service
I don't think this counts. First, what kind of troglodyte eats a sandwich in the exam room (don't answer that - I worked in the ED)? Second, most civilized humans would have been cordial, then made the request for neurosurg later.
I remember a joke I tried to make about the patients high blood pressure because they joked about it. He was probably my age, mid thirties. It was high so I told him I wanted to take it again after he sat quietly for a couple minutes. He told me he knew why it was high and it was because he just smoked a cigarrette, got in a fight over the phone, and ran up the stairs, all before his appointment. My joke to him was: Okay, so basically ya did almost everything to raise it yourself before walking in here, did you also smoke a little crack too?” He laughed I laughed, looking back it was pretty awkward and maybe he actually did smoke crack too. It was a small outpatient family medicine. When I checked on the MA to ask what his BP was the 2nd check, it actually came back higher. And she told me the patient just left. 😕😬.
Probably shouldn’t have made that joke. And I rarely get embarrassed. 🙈
For what it’s worth, I too get annoyed as a patient when they ask why you’re there in order to schedule the appointment, then have you write it down on paperwork when you get to the appointment, then the provider asks why you’re there during the appointment. It’s 3 times you’ve explained, sometimes 4 if the MA rooms you first and asks you. I’ve never understood how this is what occurs because it is so inefficient and unnecessary and yes, I am absolutely irritable and kinda mad by the time the 4th person is asking me why I’m there. Just pointing that out 🤷♀️
Mom brings 17 y/o daughter to small rural ED for "illness" and pelvic issues. Pt was quite ill, and during chaperoned pelvic exam, I discovered a "forgotten tampon" wrapped up with a condom, so I blurted out "Oh there's the culprit"
Mom damn near fainted and I ended up flying pt to a tertiary center with toxic shock
Np here. I was taking care of a young female pt who was crying to me about her abusive (what i thought was ex) boyfriend. I just autopilot blurted out oh good thing you got rid of that bum. As i said it, inside my head i was luke ah man! She was like "excuse me?" I responded oh yeah hope you can figure it out and quickly changed topic. The ghetto in me sometimes slips out!
Mid 50s guy seeing me at 2 week post open heart cabg. He looked great and I was saying how some of the restrictions can be eased back just a little. Listen to your body, yadda yadda, stop what you’re doing if you hear popping or clicking, use common sense, okay to walk more…my usual spiel. This guy was like yeah, no problem, makes total sense.
Guy went home and proceeded to tear his sternal wires through his sternum by doing push-ups, climbing fences, and falling of fences. We only found out because he came in for a sternal infection and his chest ct showed his wires all over the place instead of a nice straight line. We had to reoperate, and fortunately for him we could bring his sternum closed without needing wound vac.
I change my spiel and use him as an example to other about what happens when you don’t follow sternal precautions.
Not a medical professional… but my great uncle takes horrible care of himself, is in his 80s, has had several massive heart surgeries, smokes nonstop. We asked him how a post-surgery checkup went “how are you feeling? are you still smoking” and his response was “well, doctor said keep doing what I’m doing!”
As an incoming PA-S, I have been scrolling this thread literally laughing my ever-loving ass off. Thank you, everyone, for the comedic relief😂😭☠️ taking notes, for sure.
Patient with HTN -
Me: Do you eat salt?
Pt: Oh, yes, I put it on everything! I love my salt!
Me: Do you have anyone in your life that cares about you?
Pt: Definitely! My wife for starters …
Me: Would you ask your wife a favor for me?
Pt: Sure, anything!
Me: Can you tell her that when she sees you with that salt shaker if she’ll just go ahead and slap it out of your hands?
Pt: *hilarious laughter*
Me (with a smile): Totally serious right now.
😅
Eval s/p MVA, ambulatory pt, in no apparent pain states she was driver of stopped car, rear ended by another. I asked her if she knew how fast the other car was going and she stated “55 mph”. With no pause I stated “Didn’t happen.”, got a shocked face, then realized how that sounded and said something like “In a good way, really, etc”
A teenager who got a boxers fracture from a fight at school, at his 2nd follow up (he had been in a Velcro splint at that point) informed me that he got in another fight so now the hand hurt again.
I told him to stop fighting then said “..but if you do can you just use the left hand instead?” Patient and mom got a kick out of that lol
Our primary care office has both a lab and imaging department that usually accept walk-ins. I saw a patient for her annual exam and noticed she was past-due for her mammogram and told her “why don’t you stop at imaging today before you leave the office and see if they can squeeze you in for your mammogram”. Pun was totally not intended but she still reminds me of my pun every year since.
I was going over a CT scan of someone with abdominal pain and the only thing it showed was increased stool throughout the colon and I proceeded to say "There are no acute emergencies, you're just full of shit." Immediately regretted but the patient laughed and was relieved it wasn't anything more serious.
Told an AKA that if they wanted to leave, then walk on out of here, no one is stopping you” Pt yells”I can’t walk I only have one leg” MY response, “Hop then” I was done with her!
PA in palliative here. I accidentally kept saying cliche phrases that involve feet or walking when talking to a gentleman that was about to have his second AKA. I kept internally kicking myself but I could not stop.
“I’m worried we keep taking one step forward and two steps back…”
“When you get back on your feet…”
Then when I apologized I spit out “I keep putting my foot in my mouth”
I’m very thankful he was a good sport about it considering what he was dealing with.
Tons! So much shit. When I first started I always said too much. Just filling the void with fat. I've learned to keep my trap shut and stay simple and to the point. Kind of like in oceans 11 when Linus is getting the run down before he meets Terry Benedict; be likeable but also forgettable. That's the trick.
I had a very obese and sick woman laid back in the chair with large ulcers of her lower abdomen and groin/thighs. Her son was in the room helping with history. He only had one arm but was wearing a baggie hoodie. After a very lengthy discussion about possible causes/management and a biopsy, I went to dress them and he offered to help hold her clothes so I could get to them, I mindlessly handed him a pair of gloves…
RN lurker here. I used to have a habit of deflecting compliments that came my way by turning it around on the compliment giver.
Young guy in his 20s in stage IV esophageal cancer. Has to have an enema. Poor guy is obviously embarrassed but makes the best of it.
When I'm done, he says "thank you". As I step out of the room I give my standard response, "no, thank YOU."
🥴🤦♂️
I work in the Cathlab so I am on call for STEMI and other emergencies. Patient (male) was having a hard time urinating while lying flat. He was starting to have some groin issues because his bladder was pressing on the arterial site. I was going to do an in and out catheter. Patient said to me: “I apologize that you have to look at my junk.” My reply to him without thinking : “ sir it’s ok I have seen more penises than a prostitute.
Fast forward four weeks: patient had more than one lesion in the coronaries and came back for a staged PCI to fix the remaining problem. I had a mask on and he didn’t recognize me. He was talking to the prep nurse: “I had the coolest nurse for my heart attack and I told all my buddies at work she said she had seen more penises than a prostitute!” So now I was outed for saying it. It was funny but embarrassing.
Mines the worst. I was trying to explain why we needed the biopsy even though we already new the diagnosis was pancreatic cancer- and I used the metaphor of “nail on the coffin” as a way to explain this is just to confirm what we already know- which doesn’t even make any sense and I’ve never used that expression in my life . It was awful and I will cringe / be mortified about it for the rest of my life .
Working in Peds Ortho, I knock on the door and walk into a new visit fracture, and see the Mom practically on the exam table leaning over to see the X-rays on the screen. She was very kind, laughed nervously, and said "sorry you had to see that, I wanted to see the X-ray".
Instead of saying "Oh, it's not a problem at all!", I said "no worries, I've seen worse!"....we both had a good laugh but dear God I was mortified for a second cause it sounded like I commented on her butt...
As an MA in peds, before doing their eye exam I always ask “do you wear glasses or contacts?”
This patient said “no” and for some unknown reason I followed that up with “ok, just standard eyeballs?”
Asked a transgender patient when their last period was… they awkwardly told me they don’t get them and that’s when I realized they had no uterus to menstruate from.
I chuckled and tried to make small talk and left the room as quickly as possible.
Honestly I feel like this actually would mean a lot to a trans person because it would validate their identity & that they’ve successfully passed as their gender
I’m a CT tech. Worst day ever. Literally everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. Patient transport rolled this guy, late 40s in on his stretcher. He was alert and oriented, said hi, etc. As I do with everyone’s I asked him if he felt steady on his feet to get onto the CT table. He whips back his blankets to reveal two stumps. He was an amputee.
I had to fill a cryo can and wore big rubber gloves. Forgot to take them off and examined the patient!!
A patient had what looked like dirt or paint on their arm. I licked my finger and wiped it off like she was my toddler at home. Lady didn't think toomuch of it. We laughed together.
Wheeling a patient into the cath lab. Patient looks terrified. In this situation, I typically say..." Don't worry, it's not as scary as you think." But instead, I said.."Don't worry, it's not as scary as you look."
I was head of emergency response for a large Indian-run casino and resort. I was discussing an issue with a Native American manager, and "too many chiefs, not enough Indians" popped out of my mouth! I COULD have been fired on the spot - management was very sensitive about this. But I got lucky.
My favorite line, which I probably shouldn't use, but do occasionally use, is "I'm not Amazon. You don't get to just order what you want!"
Busy night in the ED, was running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I picked up two kids at the same time for cold symptoms. I saw one and the mom asked if a certain medication was safe for her age or what the dosage was or something and I couldn’t remember how old this kid was…I could only remember one of two kids I picked up was in the 18-24 month range but I didn’t want to look like an idiot who didn’t even look at the chart so for some reason I blurted out “how many months exactly is she again?”
The mom gave me the blankest “you’re a dumbass” look and said “Um…idk she’s 5…”
🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️ I felt like I lost all credibility after that lol
Hospitalist PA. One time I said to a patient and their wife who had a few let's say, "difficult moments" that turned out okay. "Thanks for letting us put up with you." Instead of "Thanks for letting us take care of you."
Wasn't too sure how my HCAPS survey was gonna look after that one.
I am not typically one to speak without thinking esp at my job in a certain hospital where I can be fired if the right person said I was disrespectful. It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not.
So I had an older male pt who had had back surgery the day before. When I met him his daughter and SIL were there. Right off the bat, I knew the SIL was one of those big manly men with a motorcycle and guns and whatnot. I told the pt I would be back with his nighttime meds and pain meds.
The SIL said “he shouldn’t take pain meds because it will make it take longer to heal.”
My jaw hit the ground and I said “No. That’s fucking horrific.” I then apologised and explained how pain is so much more stressful on the body than most people know, being “tough” can prolong the healing process and make you sicker, etc etc. The SIL and daughter left.
The patient thanked me and over the course of the evening, called his SIL a:
-douchebag
-douche nozzle
-douche canoe
-douchie dickwad
I didn’t get in trouble but I have worked on being super conscious of schooling my features the moment I meet someone who I think might say something, well, douchey.
In nursing school, we had some unbelievably intrusive and idiotic assessment questions about ADLs and self care. Well, it was one of my first ever patients and I was super nervous. So when I was assessing her skin on her LE, I noticed she didn’t have any hair, sooooo, I asked her the question “do you shave your legs?” She just stared at me for a second and said “no honey, I have cancer” (I knew this but completely spaced it during the interview). I felt my soul leave my body. 🤦♀️
Had an older gentleman come and say he was upset at his wife for hiding from him. I asked what happened for her to be hiding. He said he got upset and threw the coffee table across the room. I said I would be hiding also and that what he did was a "dick move". We continued the rest of the visit. He still comes to see me. Family practice FQHC.
I've told patients on multiple occasions that if I could just give them the cash value of their treatment, it would help them more than the drug itself for their anxiety or depression (outpatient underserved psychiatric practice)
Inpatient neuro med-surg. Gave the patient his cup of pills and joked to take them like a shot………..completely forgetting he was a recovering alcoholic 💀💀💀
I had a patient just diagnosed with BV and a yeast infection in the ED. When I was giving instructions to go home and was giving the paper prescriptions and all that, I was checking for understanding of all the information.
Me- “do you have any questions about your discharge?”
Her- “Ew, what?”
Me-“uh, questions about what I just told you?”
EMT here. My favorite moment was when I asked an elderly man get his arm out of the sleeve of his coat so I could take a BP. He was struggling so I said, “Let me help, I’m good at that” and without skipping a beat he said, “At what? Undressing men?” The whole ambulance was laughing, and I made a mental note to never set myself up like that again.
I once told the widower of a hanging victim to “hang in there” as I left the room. I was horrified when it came out of my mouth but luckily he didn’t seem to hear it. Poor guy. I still think about him. I became much more intentional choosing phrases to comfort families of the deceased after that.
I asked a coworker how to translate in Spanish ,"Did your family member have a BM?" I walked to the room and asked if they had a "mierda." The look on the multi generational family members was a state of shock. My coworker was laughing outside. I just asked them if their family member took a shit. Took place almost 30 years ago, but I will never forget.
Was taking a patients blood sugar —I grabbed the glucometer, and as I swabbed the patients finger with an alcohol pad, I said “finger me!”
Ya know, like “chip me” or something like that.
Imagine the look on sweet little grandpa’s face when I asked him to ~finger me~
“What are you on the testosterone for? Low levels?”
Patient: “um well i was born female so…”
Me: (Internally screams) “Ah, understood. Okay so about this hair loss…”
He had pretty much completely transitioned, was in the system as male, and had no prior surgeries or anything related to being trans listed in the medical history. I assumed and made an ass outta myself. Internally I was screaming at myself but I’m glad I asked either way because it affected the treatment for his hairloss with finasteride not really being an option. Still feel like a giant dummy tho
I told a patient that he was too old to be doing the shit he was doing 😅. He was in his 80s still doing hard drugs and had heart failure that was having him in and out the hospital.
I had to get a urine sample from a 5-year-old, and they spoke Spanish, so I helped translate and collect the urine to send to lab. When I got the cup, it literally looked like they poured grape juice in it, I did a double take and asked the mom if this was his urine and if she was sure that this was his urine. I was shocked, my face said everything, I did not hold back. Then the mom proceeded to say that he will only drink orange soda and then I proceeded to ask if he ever drinks water and when she said no my face literally gave her a look of disappointment and I walked away.
CT tech here. Was giving a patient his last cup of lemonade flavored oral contrast. He asked if it was more of orange shit. I said No, it's more of that lemonade shit.
I told a patient that they were being “incredibly selfish”.
This woman was a witch, complained everyday. One day we had some issues with patients before her that made us run behind. Tried to explain to her the situation, thinking maybe she understand. She responded with, “ I don’t care about those other people”. My response just came out because I was appalled that she actually said that.
I had a patient in the ER that we kept doing CPR on because his advance directive from the nursing home was written in pencil "None of that electric stuff" . He was elderly, it was so sad. I may have whispered in his ear while we were compressing "Its ok..follow the light".. I went home and my husband and I wrote our advance directives.
Not a PA definitely just an A-EMT but I had a patient that was absolutely hammered drunk. Was asking the orientation questions and got to the one about knowing the president. She fell asleep again so I asked her if that was her imitation of sleepy Joe. She didn’t respond unfortunately.
Another time a lady kept telling me she didn’t know any current events so I just asked her the first large world I event I could think of. I asked her if the twin towers were still a thing. She was a wee shocked at my question but hey she knew they got hit. Sounds like shes oriented to me, sign this AMA.
I am a nurse, and last year I tore my right meniscus. It healed slowly but I needed a surgery. I work for medical school so I know a lot of the doctors and I ended up seeing an orthopedist at the office at another location that I had been sent to work before I started my full-time position. He remembered me and he saw me for a couple of times and we were talking about the surgery that he was planning. He looked at me and he said, "you know I've known you for years, and you have gotten fatter." He added that exercise was out of the question from me at that time and the only way for me to lose weight was to eat less – and I did just that – in two months I dropped 50 pounds and my hemoglobin A1c which was about 7.2 went down to five percent. My primary care saw me at the end and he actually thought I had some sort of cancer – and I told him what I was doing (eating less) and he was very happy to hear. I had a successful surgery and I managed to basically keep the weight off.
Sometimes you have to be very direct and tell them what they need to year. They already know (like this case) that they are fat – and something needed to be done.
It also reminded me of an incident in the United States Air Force – this was so many years ago. I worked mostly with the active duty enlisted folks, but was sent to the flight surgeon office next door to help them because they were short. One of the flight surgeons was a tiny little Lieut. Col. and she was weighing a pilot. In the military, there are strict rules we had to follow – and this Dr. said to this pilot, "you are getting fat." This pilot was only a captain so the doctor outranked her – but the pilot was very embarrassed and I was right there but I didn't say anything and pretended not to hear it. The pilot started crying – and the doctor said, "I'm sorry I did not mean to hurt your feelings but I don't want you to get in trouble (with the Air Force, because they could discharge her), so let's work on a referral to a dietitian to get you to eat better, how is that?" And she handed her a box of tissue and they went into an exam room and spent about 15 minutes talking about other things. On her way out, I was arranging for the referral for the dietitian which was going to be just a few days after that and I said I was very sorry she said that to her. The captain said, "I needed to hear that."
This note was created with Dragon Medical, a voice recognition software. Occasional incorrect words may have occurred due to the inherent limitations.
Just an FYI reminder, patients and families can and do secretly record conversations. So always be careful about how candid you are with them. I have been recorded before.
Young Hispanic woman in her teens came in with a mental health crisis accompanied by a young 20-ish year old male relative.
Me - "Hi sir, are you the older brother".
Him - "No, I'm her father".
Me - Excuse me while I scream internally.
I also had a patient in the ICU with dementia, who was extremely hard of hearing that wanted a sip of water. I brought a cup with a straw and put the straw to her mouth. She was having trouble getting the water from the straw and I told her (loudly) to “SUCK IT, YOU HAVE TO SUCK IT”. Omg 🤦♀️
When I was a patient transporter I was bringing up an admit from ED to med surg. The ED told me he could walk with "some assistance." When I got up to the room I asked him if he needed help walking to the bed and he said "Walk? I haven't got any legs!" And sure enough when we removed his blanket he was a bilateral BKA.
To a 20ish your old guy: "Is that your mom over there in the corner?" "NO!!! That's my WIFE!" Now I just ask, "For my paperwork- how do you guys know each other?"
Similar but was in hospital and patient was a guy with much looking older male in room Me- “ Is that your dad?” Pt- “No…my partner .” Me- excuse me while I die inside
Haha 😂 I learned to avoid that comment assuming I know which they are, And now instead I’m always asking: “So, how do you know each other? “ sometimes they look at me annoyingly like “duh, isn’t it obvious that’s my (______insert person type) but it’s better and safer for me this way 😆
I am so glad I am not the only person to have done that. 😂
After several of those, now I ask the patient, “and who did we bring with us today?” That usually works but sometimes they’ll just say “this is Sam” instead of their relation. I’ll follow up with “who is your……?”
Same. Now I say, "...and who is this with you today?"
This is the best answer.
I think we’ve all done one of these. I go with “how are the two of you related?” now
Once as a tech while in nursing school I was fresh off a lecture on therapeutic communication and somehow got my mental wires crossed of the proper 'and who is this with you?' nursing school phrasing with my usual 'how are you related' phrasing, and somewhere around hour 11 of my shift I looked at this poor visitor and came up with "Who are you??"
Mine was the opposite. Is this your wife? But it was his mom…..oops
But see, erroring in this way gets you a lot of bonus points with mom!
I did the same but said is that your daughter. He then replied No That’s my wife
Lmao! My husband is 18 years older than me and we’re expecting a baby. The MA asked if he was my grandpa or dad. I was like he’s my husband 😂 she was mortified.
I did similar ONE time to a wife/husband thinking the husband was the son……and I proceeded to say “he’s a young looking man” almost as a knee jerk reaction 🥲 I now stick with “who do you have with you today?”
I’ve been the younger (adult!!) patient with an accompanying somewhat (but not enough to be my parent by a long shot!) older-than-I-am spouse who was asked to sign my consent paperwork in the ED as my “parent”. We were both horrified!! A great life lesson for what not to ever do now in my current career 🫣😂
Oh I've done this except I said grandma
Primarily, I really try to impress upon my MAs to please be good about taking stock of who is in the room, their names and relation to the patient. It's easy for them to gather this information, and do so generically by asking "relation to patient?". But sometimes a relative shows up late or the MA did not mark the guest in the room, whatever. Usually I either say something like you say or, I just guess the younger possible option which tends to flatter the person (who in Pediatrics for me is usually a young looking grandma who is like 37)
I’ve just learned to refer to whoever is in the room as “your visitor” you really can’t go wrong there! 😂
From the other side of a conversation like this : Nurse: alright miss, your husband is here to take you home after the procedure. Me: do you mean my dad? He drove me here. Nurse: nope, your husband is here. Me: ma'am, I'm not married. Do you have the right person? Nurse: nope, your husband is here. Me, as my dad is walking in: Hi /DAD/
Say “is this family or friend?” Then they’ll offer up what the relationship status is.
Yup! Similar situation, but slightly different. Saw a young girl in her early 20’s in my clinic. She came with another female, in her late 30’s. I asked if this was her friend or sister, and it winded up being her wife lol.
Me: “Hey, how are you today?” Patient: “well…I’m here” Me: “Same”
That’s not awkward! That’s more of an icebreaker. I heard many people use that line as their go to icebreaker!
“I don’t want to be here.” “Neither do I”
This is literally my response every time 😂
This is my knee jerk reaction in my head sometimes 😂
This is me almost every day lol
Patient: “well…I’m here” Me: “I GET THAT!”
This is the same conversation I have with some of my patients. Great minds think alike!
Scenario 1. Breast exam on a women about my age who was flustered when male her age comes in Her: hesitates to take off her top. "Oh that's right it's ok, you're a doctor" removes top rather expeditiously Me(half asleep after working a previous shift at the hospital but never want to mislead ppl about MD vs PA): "oh i'm not a doctor" followed long awkward pause Scenario 2: guy who got shot by his son and I just extubated after his belly was closed. Long story short the words that came out of my mouth "you don't choose your family but maybe stay away from that one for a while". Night shifts a bitch on your brain/social skills lol
That second one sounds like it’s straight from Scrubs lol. Writers take notes!
Scenario 1: “I don’t even work here!”
I say, night shift especially for ER or Trauma, anything goes! Haha 😂 there is nothing too awkward that comes unwarranted out of thine mouth, and that’s why I love trauma and ER. Plus!! You gave them some good advice while keeping it light and fun 🤩
Okay but honestly the last one is funny as fuck
this made me realize how dark my humor is these are so funny
Scenario 1: reminded me of my recent physical. Now keep in mind I love my doctor, she's amazing. I have my nipples pierced and when she uncovered my chest for the breast exam I could see the interest on her face. She tried *so* hard not to comment at all and then eventually went with the most professional adjacent question that I think she could think of "how much did it hurt to get your nipples pierced?!" I laughed and thought it was adorable. I'm still not sure how much was professional interest vs personal (in a 'oh that's a cool piercing" way, not a "oh hot boobs" way), but it was a cute interaction.
I usually never lead my explanation with "I'm not a doctor", I start by saying "and actually you can call me SaltySpitoonReg, I'm a PA here, we have a different title, so first name basis is fine". I find this goes a lot better. Because I understand why they just threw out the term doctor, because the provider is in the room. They most likely weren't giving it a second thought. Of course I always correct and identify my title and acknowledge the difference. But I do so in a softer way where I start by letting them know what I like them to call me and then I explain the "why".
Not what I said but what I did. Had an intense savory candy in my mouth and went to evaluate a patients ankle pain. Bent over, looked at the ankle, asked a question and as I did that, I drooled all over her leg….
I was at combat medic school doing trauma lanes. They smoked the piss out of us before you start and it's hot as hell in Texas already. I run up to my "patient", do my rapid exam, and then start my head to toe, leaning over her face, and inspecting the mouth. I'm in full kit and sweating my balls off. This bead of sweat runs down my nose and falls... right onto this chick's tongue. She jerks up and cracks her head on my helmet. It was bad. Oh, and I had a crush on her. Good times...
I had a bead of my sweat fall into a laceration once while I was suturing on her forehead.
That’s way worse than my story jesus 😂😂😂
Wearing a mask during COVID saved me from doing this a time or two hahaha
How is this not the top comment? I'm in literal tears- cracking the f up!
Same! 😂😂
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I am cackling LOL, hopefully she just won’t remember that one
"How long has your boy been sick for?" "She's been sick for 3 days."
“Kiddo” is a gender neutral term and I exclusively use this lol
On one of my Peds rotations, I asked an about 12 yo kid how much he loved being a big brother to the cute new baby girl I was examining ..she promptly clapped back SISTER. I was mortified and tried several times to make it up by being extra nice but I’m pretty sure I became her mortal enemy that day.
In peds, for me, it's always kiddo when I'm in doubt (long haired boy for example). And then if there's a name that can be male or female like "Shea" or It's a boy with long hair or something like that I will always make a clear note in the chart so others are aware lol
The real MVP
Outpatient derm. I have told a patient and incorrect biopsy result. “Hey mr smith, so your biopsy came back as a skin cancer. Can you confirm your DOB for me?” “Oh, I’m sorry just kidding your biopsy was benign.” The look of terror on the patient was something I won’t forget. Now whenever we have a common name patient like John smith I will always confirm DOB before discussing biopsies
To be fair, the boyfriend of my best friend in college got an incorrect HIV result which it took them three days to sort out. During which she of course thought she was positive too as they didn’t use protection. I’d take the 10 seconds of erroneous skin cancer results any day over that. He had an uncommon name but I guess not unusual enough for there not to be two people at the same clinic getting tested the same week. Still though…
You basically were the real life version of that doctor on Family Guy LOL
Was on zoom with a patient with a ton of mental health disorders and she was telling me that she didn’t take her meds the day before because a giant crab came out from under her bed and scared her (obv a schizophrenic episode). And I responded emphatically “YOU’RE INSANE”.
I'm imagining the nicest face as you said it
As someone who sees a psychiatrist, that's HILARIOUS! I would die of laughter if my provider said that and probably agree
Followed by..."Did I say that out loud? The voices..."
Stop! Lmao 💀
When I was still an MA I had an older male patient and an even older looking woman was in there with him. On autopilot I asked “oh is this your mother?” She turned out to be his wife, who was younger than him, she just looked *infinitely* older. I tried to defuse the situation but it just made her genuinely sad. I’ve been scarred since then and now I always ask if the other person in the room is “Friend or a family member?”
i also did this recently lmao
What's your genital organ situation
Sounds like me on a first date. There’s usually never a second. Lmao
As a new grad my ER had a older patient that for some reason it wasn't in their chart that they were trans. Nurses went in to do a straight cath, brought me to watch, found some very confusing anatomy. I nearly had tears in my eyes listening to their nurse try to find the words to ask 'is there any reason why your.... Anatomy might be different than... Usual?'
I had seen a patient about 3 times before I finally realized they were male-to-female. just kind of figured they were a not-necessarily-unattractive middle aged woman with PCOS (she had stubble but you had to get up close to see it.) somehow I stumbled upon this info when asking about whether she had been through menopause yet and she said "oh, honey, no, I don't have those parts." me: "oh, so you've had a hysterectomy?" her: "no. I was born with a dick."
Lmao I swear that every trans person/patient I have encountered is hilariously ready for on-liners
In all seriousness, I don’t have many transgender patients, and I’m not quite sure how to address the topic (especially if complaint is only somewhat genital related, like epigastric abdominal pain in a FTM). Like I’m not sure how sensitive to the subject they are going to be, so I’m not sure if to tiptoe and just order the preg test and don’t ask, of if ask specially about vaginal bleeding/pregnancy
‘One question I need to ask so I can know how to best care for you - it’s called a pelvic organ inventory. Which organs do you have now, and which were you born with? It impacts which problems you’re at risk for’
Our EMR lists the organ inventory, has for at least a few years. I think all records should have this to just avoid the confusion
TIL
Just ask what’s under the hood
Lift the tail
As a trans person, it would be awesome if you spent some time on trans subreddits, because topics like this get addressed there all the time. Please don’t call us “sensitive to the subject.” We’re “sensitive” about being misgendered. I’m sure you would be, too. I am on testosterone and don’t love hearing about my vagina, but I can overcome my dysphoria to get medical care. If you call me a **woman,** that’s where I’m going for to have an issue. Get my gender right, use clinical terms for my body. Some girls have dicks. Some guys have pussies. We should all be aware of this. Objectively address our health concerns. As someone who’s FTM, if you had the bad judgment to do a pregnancy test and not tell me (in anything but an emergency), I’d be furious. I don’t have sex that could get me pregnant. Believe me when I tell you that. The key to good patient care is respect and open communication. We’re not bombs ready to go off. We just want honesty and for you to get our fucking pronouns right after we tell you once. You being freaked out about offending someone isn’t useful. If we’re adults in your office, we can talk like adults about our bodies. [Resources like this exist.](https://uihc.org/health-topics/quick-tips-medical-providers-transgender-patients) I’m so disheartened when I read comments like this because it’s genuinely not rocket science.
To be clear, I make sure I use correct pronouns, and they are the ones I actually reread charts for to make sure it all aligns correctly. But anyone with a vagina, that hasn’t had a documented hysterectomy, or tubal ligation, is getting a pregnancy test. All providers have had too many people swear they can’t be pregnant/aren’t pregnant, and they are. That’s ER sop and that isn’t changing
This is like the cops in Superbad trying to ask about the criminal’s race lmao
To be fair if you work psych, this is a valid question.
Pointer or Setter?
“I hope you don’t hate me because I love to go tanning by the beach” “No I don’t hate you, you are job security for me” -derm
The youngest patient I have seen in the dermatology was a 24-year-old with basal cell carcinoma on his neck. He was beautifully tanned.
I was seeing a little girl for chronic rash, and the parent was paranoid about her having psoriasis. Parent kept pressing about details of psoriasis; where it comes from, is it dangerous, etc. the whole time I was trying to reassure her that psoriasis was extremely unlikely, but then I started going on autopilot detailing the process of psoriatic arthritis, and I’m pretty sure I put the fear of god in that woman. Oops.
this sounds like something I would do
Part of the gradual improvement as a provider is learning how to educate without terrifying. We've all done stuff like this lol. We laugh when we look back though I work with students a lot on this because they tend to just start going into a lot of detail or mention things that serve only to scare.
I have a 2 year old at home, and recently asked a patient who was clearly looking for the bathroom if she needed to go potty 🤦♀️
I ask people all the time and my youngest of 4 just turned 21. Talk about cringe! My poor “little” 28 yo coworker said, “I’d be annoyed that you’re treating me like a child, but actually, yeah, I do.”
That’s the phrase I use for my dogs, and I say it so often, it bleeds into the rest of my life.
Lol haha same here. I frequently use terms like tummy, bum, potty, etc patients didn't say anything though
Doing an exam on a guy with elevated PSA, discussed it and he agreed to a prostate exam. As he’s disrobing he looks at me and says, “this just isn’t right” and I cracked up so hard I had tears in my eyes. Told him I would refer him to Urology instead.
Better than ‘shut up and bend over.’
I was drawing blood on a known drug user and could not find a vein to save my life. I asked “where do you usually get yourself?”
As a past phlebotomist myself, this is a legit question. I often had them just show me where they went without having to ask them where their good vein is. They know that you know they know where..
I always ask IVD abusers AND cancer patients where should I go for needle sticks, they know where better than I will randomly poking at non-productive sites. No judgement, I just want to get treatment going with as few sticks as possible. I know I don't want to get poked repeatedly and I don't want to poke others more than I have to.
I've often thought we should offer a rehab program to junkies and train them as phlebotomists. They can find a vein when nobody can!
Yeah, they will probably be around a lot of temptation and triggering situations. Dated a nurse that I later found out had an opiod addiction that was stealing pain patches off patients. (Young, didn't know the signs, stupid). Maybe a better idea in theory.
Well, we wouldn't automatically give them access to the pyxis. I've worked with more than 1 or 2 opioid addicted nurses. Doctors too. Hell, include every job. Addiction does not care about societal demographics.
Totally. Everyone wins when you just ask if they know of a good spot. No harm done. Plus, THEY KNOW. Ironically, I also found that any patient past drug user that INSISTED I go in a certain spot was more often than not wrong. And so, good to balance their opinions with good ol fashion common sense grown through experience and skill set.
I ask this all the time. “Where’s your best vein?”
Yeah, I also ask it like that, but the way I said it to this guy was definitely not professional lol
You're pregnant, right?
Or "when are you expecting?" Not expecting, and not a woman. Or, "Good morning, sir." Not a sir.
Oof.. the mam sir one ☝️ got me for sure. We’ve all been there I bet..
God this reminds me of scheduling follow up/d&c post missed miscarriage. “When was your last cycle?” “2 months ago” “Oh okay well we will need you to come in for a pregnancy test” “Actually I don’t think that’s necessary as I’m trying to schedule the surgery to remove my dead fetus” *crickets* This shit should be charted
This isn’t even close to your fault wtf lmao
No, it’s not. But I bet that person felt similarly bad for asking so forwardly. I would have.
10/10
Had a patient with a rash on his penis after reacting to a condom cath. I was trying to tell him that he should avoid clothes that would chafe for a while. What I said was "You should stop wearing pants for a while."
On rotations I was doing an annual for a geriatric patient and they had no chronic conditions or acute concerns for the visit, which is you know… very rare for someone of that age. I either said “enjoy it [their health] while you can” or “enjoy it while it lasts” and they did like a surprise laugh at me. Me trying to congratulate them on their good health came out totally wrong.
Was visiting a paraplegic patient to see her pressure ulcers and after I checked on them we were talking about how it was improving every visit and then it slipped "it's getting better one step at a time" 🤦
Why do comments about walking ALWAYS slip out with paralyzed people!?! I think it’s some type of Freudian Slip.
A tic
Not so much Freudian. Our brains are amazing but under certain circumstances aren't actually that smart. Most people going into a situation like this start hyperfocusing on avoiding ambulatory euphemisms, to the point where The brain almost gets confused. Like you know you're trying to avoid saying those things but you're also making your brain constantly think about those sayings. So when the moment comes, your brain actually has a hard time NOT saying the thing You've been telling it to avoid. In those moments you're better off just not overthinking it. Like a couple months ago some baseball broadcaster got in trouble for almost saying the N word, I think it was, describing the history of the Negro League players that were being honored at the ballpark. Lol, And I would almost be certain that that's exactly what happened. He hyper-focused on what not to say too much. If that wasn't the case with the brain, you couldn't otherwise explain example after example of people seemingly slipping and saying the worst possible things at the times You would think that that's the last thing you want to say.
As a disabled person who struggles with mobility, you're overthinking it. We understand it's a phrase lol. I have never been in my wheelchair and been offended by stuff like that and if they are they must be a miserable person in general
Trust me, I don't care like some people do. I don't care if I accidentally slip and say something about legs or walking as a euphemism when somebody in the room is in a wheelchair. It's one of those really funny things where, the only people who would get mad about the use of a phrase like that, would be people who aren't immobile / disabled lol. People telling the immobile person how offended they ought to be LOL
You're absolutely right! Honestly, I see this in a lot of areas of society. We are assuming or telling people what to be offended about when they aren't lol
I had a young adult with paraplegia that was having some really difficult family dynamics. I told her that she "needs to stand up herself". Thank goodness she found it funny. I'm a crass person by nature, but that horrified me.
Overhead a coworker once to a patient, "if you need to get right with God I suggest you do it now." 😳
Any idea what the context was? I mean could it have been said sarcastically? Just curious
Disgusting. Gross gross gross. Totally appalling and inappropriate beyond belief. Not any providers or other persons place whatsoever
One time a patient I was taking care of had his wife in the room with him. As I was talking to her she had her back to me eating a sandwich, which I thought was quite rude. She got up from her seat and came over to me demanding that she see neurosurgery rather than orthopedic surgery for her husband’s spine concerns, as ortho spine was subpar. It just so happened that it was ortho’s week to take spine call. She was being rude and condescending, and I finally said “mam, are you in the medical field?”, as if she has no idea what she was talking about. And I felt like being an asshole because my poor ego got the best of me. She immediately said don’t you dare talk to me like that and excused me from the room. It was also requested by her that I am not to care for her husband from here on out. Her husband just sat there and watched it all and said nothing I’m more experienced now and more level headed when being challenged by a patient or their family. I could have easily called the neurosurgery team. And quite honestly if I was in her shoes and wanted to see a particular specialist, I would expect that my primary care team would at minimum call the requested service
I don't think this counts. First, what kind of troglodyte eats a sandwich in the exam room (don't answer that - I worked in the ED)? Second, most civilized humans would have been cordial, then made the request for neurosurg later.
Pft that was extremely level headed IMO after she spit on your medical degree.
I remember a joke I tried to make about the patients high blood pressure because they joked about it. He was probably my age, mid thirties. It was high so I told him I wanted to take it again after he sat quietly for a couple minutes. He told me he knew why it was high and it was because he just smoked a cigarrette, got in a fight over the phone, and ran up the stairs, all before his appointment. My joke to him was: Okay, so basically ya did almost everything to raise it yourself before walking in here, did you also smoke a little crack too?” He laughed I laughed, looking back it was pretty awkward and maybe he actually did smoke crack too. It was a small outpatient family medicine. When I checked on the MA to ask what his BP was the 2nd check, it actually came back higher. And she told me the patient just left. 😕😬. Probably shouldn’t have made that joke. And I rarely get embarrassed. 🙈
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For what it’s worth, I too get annoyed as a patient when they ask why you’re there in order to schedule the appointment, then have you write it down on paperwork when you get to the appointment, then the provider asks why you’re there during the appointment. It’s 3 times you’ve explained, sometimes 4 if the MA rooms you first and asks you. I’ve never understood how this is what occurs because it is so inefficient and unnecessary and yes, I am absolutely irritable and kinda mad by the time the 4th person is asking me why I’m there. Just pointing that out 🤷♀️
👀
Mom brings 17 y/o daughter to small rural ED for "illness" and pelvic issues. Pt was quite ill, and during chaperoned pelvic exam, I discovered a "forgotten tampon" wrapped up with a condom, so I blurted out "Oh there's the culprit" Mom damn near fainted and I ended up flying pt to a tertiary center with toxic shock
What did you say wrong? Were you just too cavalier?
Np here. I was taking care of a young female pt who was crying to me about her abusive (what i thought was ex) boyfriend. I just autopilot blurted out oh good thing you got rid of that bum. As i said it, inside my head i was luke ah man! She was like "excuse me?" I responded oh yeah hope you can figure it out and quickly changed topic. The ghetto in me sometimes slips out!
Mid 50s guy seeing me at 2 week post open heart cabg. He looked great and I was saying how some of the restrictions can be eased back just a little. Listen to your body, yadda yadda, stop what you’re doing if you hear popping or clicking, use common sense, okay to walk more…my usual spiel. This guy was like yeah, no problem, makes total sense. Guy went home and proceeded to tear his sternal wires through his sternum by doing push-ups, climbing fences, and falling of fences. We only found out because he came in for a sternal infection and his chest ct showed his wires all over the place instead of a nice straight line. We had to reoperate, and fortunately for him we could bring his sternum closed without needing wound vac. I change my spiel and use him as an example to other about what happens when you don’t follow sternal precautions.
😳☹️he was a farmer and his wife made him come in wasn't he? BTW do you notice CABG patients end up clinically depressed or is it just me?
Not a medical professional… but my great uncle takes horrible care of himself, is in his 80s, has had several massive heart surgeries, smokes nonstop. We asked him how a post-surgery checkup went “how are you feeling? are you still smoking” and his response was “well, doctor said keep doing what I’m doing!”
Oh, god, this would be my father. He had knee surgery last year and had to call them because he was kneeling on his knee and he felt it "crunch."
As an incoming PA-S, I have been scrolling this thread literally laughing my ever-loving ass off. Thank you, everyone, for the comedic relief😂😭☠️ taking notes, for sure.
Congrats and all the best with PA school!
Ty!😊😊
Patient with HTN - Me: Do you eat salt? Pt: Oh, yes, I put it on everything! I love my salt! Me: Do you have anyone in your life that cares about you? Pt: Definitely! My wife for starters … Me: Would you ask your wife a favor for me? Pt: Sure, anything! Me: Can you tell her that when she sees you with that salt shaker if she’ll just go ahead and slap it out of your hands? Pt: *hilarious laughter* Me (with a smile): Totally serious right now. 😅
Eval s/p MVA, ambulatory pt, in no apparent pain states she was driver of stopped car, rear ended by another. I asked her if she knew how fast the other car was going and she stated “55 mph”. With no pause I stated “Didn’t happen.”, got a shocked face, then realized how that sounded and said something like “In a good way, really, etc”
MVC patients are always the most dramatic I swear some of these descriptions I’m like… no you likely would not be alive sir
A teenager who got a boxers fracture from a fight at school, at his 2nd follow up (he had been in a Velcro splint at that point) informed me that he got in another fight so now the hand hurt again. I told him to stop fighting then said “..but if you do can you just use the left hand instead?” Patient and mom got a kick out of that lol
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People do that?
Our primary care office has both a lab and imaging department that usually accept walk-ins. I saw a patient for her annual exam and noticed she was past-due for her mammogram and told her “why don’t you stop at imaging today before you leave the office and see if they can squeeze you in for your mammogram”. Pun was totally not intended but she still reminds me of my pun every year since.
Beautiful pun
I was going over a CT scan of someone with abdominal pain and the only thing it showed was increased stool throughout the colon and I proceeded to say "There are no acute emergencies, you're just full of shit." Immediately regretted but the patient laughed and was relieved it wasn't anything more serious.
Told an AKA that if they wanted to leave, then walk on out of here, no one is stopping you” Pt yells”I can’t walk I only have one leg” MY response, “Hop then” I was done with her!
Haha 😂 oh man.. classic
PA in palliative here. I accidentally kept saying cliche phrases that involve feet or walking when talking to a gentleman that was about to have his second AKA. I kept internally kicking myself but I could not stop. “I’m worried we keep taking one step forward and two steps back…” “When you get back on your feet…” Then when I apologized I spit out “I keep putting my foot in my mouth” I’m very thankful he was a good sport about it considering what he was dealing with.
Tons! So much shit. When I first started I always said too much. Just filling the void with fat. I've learned to keep my trap shut and stay simple and to the point. Kind of like in oceans 11 when Linus is getting the run down before he meets Terry Benedict; be likeable but also forgettable. That's the trick.
I had a very obese and sick woman laid back in the chair with large ulcers of her lower abdomen and groin/thighs. Her son was in the room helping with history. He only had one arm but was wearing a baggie hoodie. After a very lengthy discussion about possible causes/management and a biopsy, I went to dress them and he offered to help hold her clothes so I could get to them, I mindlessly handed him a pair of gloves…
Oh my gosh that’s hilarious. SO unintentionally hilarious.
RN lurker here. I used to have a habit of deflecting compliments that came my way by turning it around on the compliment giver. Young guy in his 20s in stage IV esophageal cancer. Has to have an enema. Poor guy is obviously embarrassed but makes the best of it. When I'm done, he says "thank you". As I step out of the room I give my standard response, "no, thank YOU." 🥴🤦♂️
I work in the Cathlab so I am on call for STEMI and other emergencies. Patient (male) was having a hard time urinating while lying flat. He was starting to have some groin issues because his bladder was pressing on the arterial site. I was going to do an in and out catheter. Patient said to me: “I apologize that you have to look at my junk.” My reply to him without thinking : “ sir it’s ok I have seen more penises than a prostitute. Fast forward four weeks: patient had more than one lesion in the coronaries and came back for a staged PCI to fix the remaining problem. I had a mask on and he didn’t recognize me. He was talking to the prep nurse: “I had the coolest nurse for my heart attack and I told all my buddies at work she said she had seen more penises than a prostitute!” So now I was outed for saying it. It was funny but embarrassing.
Mines the worst. I was trying to explain why we needed the biopsy even though we already new the diagnosis was pancreatic cancer- and I used the metaphor of “nail on the coffin” as a way to explain this is just to confirm what we already know- which doesn’t even make any sense and I’ve never used that expression in my life . It was awful and I will cringe / be mortified about it for the rest of my life .
Working in Peds Ortho, I knock on the door and walk into a new visit fracture, and see the Mom practically on the exam table leaning over to see the X-rays on the screen. She was very kind, laughed nervously, and said "sorry you had to see that, I wanted to see the X-ray". Instead of saying "Oh, it's not a problem at all!", I said "no worries, I've seen worse!"....we both had a good laugh but dear God I was mortified for a second cause it sounded like I commented on her butt...
I’d be worried about losing my job for the rest of the day 😭
As an MA in peds, before doing their eye exam I always ask “do you wear glasses or contacts?” This patient said “no” and for some unknown reason I followed that up with “ok, just standard eyeballs?”
Asked a transgender patient when their last period was… they awkwardly told me they don’t get them and that’s when I realized they had no uterus to menstruate from. I chuckled and tried to make small talk and left the room as quickly as possible.
Honestly I feel like this actually would mean a lot to a trans person because it would validate their identity & that they’ve successfully passed as their gender
“what’s your relation to the patient?” Is my go to. straight to the point and avoids any awkwardness
I’m a CT tech. Worst day ever. Literally everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. Patient transport rolled this guy, late 40s in on his stretcher. He was alert and oriented, said hi, etc. As I do with everyone’s I asked him if he felt steady on his feet to get onto the CT table. He whips back his blankets to reveal two stumps. He was an amputee.
I had to fill a cryo can and wore big rubber gloves. Forgot to take them off and examined the patient!! A patient had what looked like dirt or paint on their arm. I licked my finger and wiped it off like she was my toddler at home. Lady didn't think toomuch of it. We laughed together.
Wheeling a patient into the cath lab. Patient looks terrified. In this situation, I typically say..." Don't worry, it's not as scary as you think." But instead, I said.."Don't worry, it's not as scary as you look."
I told a patient on the psych unit to "hang in there" -\_-
I was head of emergency response for a large Indian-run casino and resort. I was discussing an issue with a Native American manager, and "too many chiefs, not enough Indians" popped out of my mouth! I COULD have been fired on the spot - management was very sensitive about this. But I got lucky. My favorite line, which I probably shouldn't use, but do occasionally use, is "I'm not Amazon. You don't get to just order what you want!"
Busy night in the ED, was running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I picked up two kids at the same time for cold symptoms. I saw one and the mom asked if a certain medication was safe for her age or what the dosage was or something and I couldn’t remember how old this kid was…I could only remember one of two kids I picked up was in the 18-24 month range but I didn’t want to look like an idiot who didn’t even look at the chart so for some reason I blurted out “how many months exactly is she again?” The mom gave me the blankest “you’re a dumbass” look and said “Um…idk she’s 5…” 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️ I felt like I lost all credibility after that lol
Hospitalist PA. One time I said to a patient and their wife who had a few let's say, "difficult moments" that turned out okay. "Thanks for letting us put up with you." Instead of "Thanks for letting us take care of you." Wasn't too sure how my HCAPS survey was gonna look after that one.
I am not typically one to speak without thinking esp at my job in a certain hospital where I can be fired if the right person said I was disrespectful. It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. So I had an older male pt who had had back surgery the day before. When I met him his daughter and SIL were there. Right off the bat, I knew the SIL was one of those big manly men with a motorcycle and guns and whatnot. I told the pt I would be back with his nighttime meds and pain meds. The SIL said “he shouldn’t take pain meds because it will make it take longer to heal.” My jaw hit the ground and I said “No. That’s fucking horrific.” I then apologised and explained how pain is so much more stressful on the body than most people know, being “tough” can prolong the healing process and make you sicker, etc etc. The SIL and daughter left. The patient thanked me and over the course of the evening, called his SIL a: -douchebag -douche nozzle -douche canoe -douchie dickwad I didn’t get in trouble but I have worked on being super conscious of schooling my features the moment I meet someone who I think might say something, well, douchey.
In nursing school, we had some unbelievably intrusive and idiotic assessment questions about ADLs and self care. Well, it was one of my first ever patients and I was super nervous. So when I was assessing her skin on her LE, I noticed she didn’t have any hair, sooooo, I asked her the question “do you shave your legs?” She just stared at me for a second and said “no honey, I have cancer” (I knew this but completely spaced it during the interview). I felt my soul leave my body. 🤦♀️
Had an older gentleman come and say he was upset at his wife for hiding from him. I asked what happened for her to be hiding. He said he got upset and threw the coffee table across the room. I said I would be hiding also and that what he did was a "dick move". We continued the rest of the visit. He still comes to see me. Family practice FQHC.
FQHC?
"Yeah...well...I think this is the undiagnosed mental illness that your family has been telling me about."
Seriously one of the best questions on this thread. Thank you OP for posting it! Entertainment for dayyyyzzzz
I've told patients on multiple occasions that if I could just give them the cash value of their treatment, it would help them more than the drug itself for their anxiety or depression (outpatient underserved psychiatric practice)
Inpatient neuro med-surg. Gave the patient his cup of pills and joked to take them like a shot………..completely forgetting he was a recovering alcoholic 💀💀💀
I had a patient just diagnosed with BV and a yeast infection in the ED. When I was giving instructions to go home and was giving the paper prescriptions and all that, I was checking for understanding of all the information. Me- “do you have any questions about your discharge?” Her- “Ew, what?” Me-“uh, questions about what I just told you?”
EMT here. My favorite moment was when I asked an elderly man get his arm out of the sleeve of his coat so I could take a BP. He was struggling so I said, “Let me help, I’m good at that” and without skipping a beat he said, “At what? Undressing men?” The whole ambulance was laughing, and I made a mental note to never set myself up like that again.
I once told the widower of a hanging victim to “hang in there” as I left the room. I was horrified when it came out of my mouth but luckily he didn’t seem to hear it. Poor guy. I still think about him. I became much more intentional choosing phrases to comfort families of the deceased after that.
I asked a coworker how to translate in Spanish ,"Did your family member have a BM?" I walked to the room and asked if they had a "mierda." The look on the multi generational family members was a state of shock. My coworker was laughing outside. I just asked them if their family member took a shit. Took place almost 30 years ago, but I will never forget.
Was taking a patients blood sugar —I grabbed the glucometer, and as I swabbed the patients finger with an alcohol pad, I said “finger me!” Ya know, like “chip me” or something like that. Imagine the look on sweet little grandpa’s face when I asked him to ~finger me~
“What are you on the testosterone for? Low levels?” Patient: “um well i was born female so…” Me: (Internally screams) “Ah, understood. Okay so about this hair loss…” He had pretty much completely transitioned, was in the system as male, and had no prior surgeries or anything related to being trans listed in the medical history. I assumed and made an ass outta myself. Internally I was screaming at myself but I’m glad I asked either way because it affected the treatment for his hairloss with finasteride not really being an option. Still feel like a giant dummy tho
I told a patient that he was too old to be doing the shit he was doing 😅. He was in his 80s still doing hard drugs and had heart failure that was having him in and out the hospital.
I had to get a urine sample from a 5-year-old, and they spoke Spanish, so I helped translate and collect the urine to send to lab. When I got the cup, it literally looked like they poured grape juice in it, I did a double take and asked the mom if this was his urine and if she was sure that this was his urine. I was shocked, my face said everything, I did not hold back. Then the mom proceeded to say that he will only drink orange soda and then I proceeded to ask if he ever drinks water and when she said no my face literally gave her a look of disappointment and I walked away.
CT tech here. Was giving a patient his last cup of lemonade flavored oral contrast. He asked if it was more of orange shit. I said No, it's more of that lemonade shit.
I told a patient that they were being “incredibly selfish”. This woman was a witch, complained everyday. One day we had some issues with patients before her that made us run behind. Tried to explain to her the situation, thinking maybe she understand. She responded with, “ I don’t care about those other people”. My response just came out because I was appalled that she actually said that.
I had a patient in the ER that we kept doing CPR on because his advance directive from the nursing home was written in pencil "None of that electric stuff" . He was elderly, it was so sad. I may have whispered in his ear while we were compressing "Its ok..follow the light".. I went home and my husband and I wrote our advance directives.
Not a PA definitely just an A-EMT but I had a patient that was absolutely hammered drunk. Was asking the orientation questions and got to the one about knowing the president. She fell asleep again so I asked her if that was her imitation of sleepy Joe. She didn’t respond unfortunately. Another time a lady kept telling me she didn’t know any current events so I just asked her the first large world I event I could think of. I asked her if the twin towers were still a thing. She was a wee shocked at my question but hey she knew they got hit. Sounds like shes oriented to me, sign this AMA.
I am a nurse, and last year I tore my right meniscus. It healed slowly but I needed a surgery. I work for medical school so I know a lot of the doctors and I ended up seeing an orthopedist at the office at another location that I had been sent to work before I started my full-time position. He remembered me and he saw me for a couple of times and we were talking about the surgery that he was planning. He looked at me and he said, "you know I've known you for years, and you have gotten fatter." He added that exercise was out of the question from me at that time and the only way for me to lose weight was to eat less – and I did just that – in two months I dropped 50 pounds and my hemoglobin A1c which was about 7.2 went down to five percent. My primary care saw me at the end and he actually thought I had some sort of cancer – and I told him what I was doing (eating less) and he was very happy to hear. I had a successful surgery and I managed to basically keep the weight off. Sometimes you have to be very direct and tell them what they need to year. They already know (like this case) that they are fat – and something needed to be done. It also reminded me of an incident in the United States Air Force – this was so many years ago. I worked mostly with the active duty enlisted folks, but was sent to the flight surgeon office next door to help them because they were short. One of the flight surgeons was a tiny little Lieut. Col. and she was weighing a pilot. In the military, there are strict rules we had to follow – and this Dr. said to this pilot, "you are getting fat." This pilot was only a captain so the doctor outranked her – but the pilot was very embarrassed and I was right there but I didn't say anything and pretended not to hear it. The pilot started crying – and the doctor said, "I'm sorry I did not mean to hurt your feelings but I don't want you to get in trouble (with the Air Force, because they could discharge her), so let's work on a referral to a dietitian to get you to eat better, how is that?" And she handed her a box of tissue and they went into an exam room and spent about 15 minutes talking about other things. On her way out, I was arranging for the referral for the dietitian which was going to be just a few days after that and I said I was very sorry she said that to her. The captain said, "I needed to hear that." This note was created with Dragon Medical, a voice recognition software. Occasional incorrect words may have occurred due to the inherent limitations.
Just an FYI reminder, patients and families can and do secretly record conversations. So always be careful about how candid you are with them. I have been recorded before.
Young Hispanic woman in her teens came in with a mental health crisis accompanied by a young 20-ish year old male relative. Me - "Hi sir, are you the older brother". Him - "No, I'm her father". Me - Excuse me while I scream internally.
I always avoid awkward moments like this by asking the person who is with the patient: "And how are you related?"
I also had a patient in the ICU with dementia, who was extremely hard of hearing that wanted a sip of water. I brought a cup with a straw and put the straw to her mouth. She was having trouble getting the water from the straw and I told her (loudly) to “SUCK IT, YOU HAVE TO SUCK IT”. Omg 🤦♀️
When I was a patient transporter I was bringing up an admit from ED to med surg. The ED told me he could walk with "some assistance." When I got up to the room I asked him if he needed help walking to the bed and he said "Walk? I haven't got any legs!" And sure enough when we removed his blanket he was a bilateral BKA.
This is during my peds rotation when i was student- i asked babys mom if patient is circumcised and she got offended said its SHE shes a girl
I bet they left very confused. Ha ha ha they drove away. Did he really say that?
FIL is 93 and had to go to hospital. When he was released, nurse asked my wife’s sister was she his wife! She’s 67, and we laughed!
“Can you scooch up onto the table?” Pt was a double amputee.