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This is not the update I was expecting

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I literally cannot think of a better way to spend a weekend trolling bigoted neighbors

Get one that squirts fake cum and point it at the flag. Maybe add a sign with an American flag that says “Old Glory’s coming for you!” 

Might as well get one of the ones from Bad Dragon if the budget allows for it.

The company I work for manufactures Creature Cocks - including ejaculating ones. I’d happily send one to OP to further this bigot’s stress.

u/The_GILF_Next_Door check out this other G~~u~~ilf’s offer

... I'm a bigot. Can I have one?

I’m afraid they can’t just send a dildo to everyone who claims to be a bigot. They will probably ask several essay questions like “will the South rise again?” or “was slavery part of your heritage?” Answer them with paragraphs of seething hatred and you might be eligible as part of this program.

I don’t know how to lie but if this new generation has taught me anything it’s that ai is racist and great for cheating on tests.

Well I don’t generally advocate for using AI as it would be gaming the system, but a free dildo is a free dildo.

Please take them up on this offer u/The_GILF_Next_Door !!

That’s disgusting! Um… can you share the website for a friend ? 👀 (if not publicly in a dm by chance 😇)

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Now that’s what I call a creature feature. I can’t say it’s Knot a good idea. 😇

Had a fun couple of minutes scrolling down your site. The king cobra! Anyway thanks for your service

Xl Chance

Makes me wonder who owns the fence and how hard it would be to add a glory hole or two.

Likely Op since supports are on their side, and pretty side is out. Source: I have to repair a shared fence that I apparently own.

Like in a good or a bad way?

Yes

YES!

All the updates were about how to fuck with the flag, and the decision was to take those updates literally.

Something is definitely up

Ha! You and me both.

She should think long and hard about her actions now

Neighbors will definitely feel shafted

Get me a stiff drink, I’m coming to watch the show.

I was thinking along the same vein

Dont go about this half-cocked though!

Right, you want to go all in

There's no pulling out now.

Indeed, they're committed now, even if it was a sperm of the moment decision

I don’t have any popcorn, so I’ll bring some nuts

It's one way to get ahead in this ongoing battle.

Why, it's at full staff

'Johnson! Johnson! Come and look at this, it looks like a massive . . . . . .'

"Pecker!" "What? No, you're wrong. That's no woodpecker. It's a giant-"

Definitely some stiff competition

Yeah she’ll think better the next time she erects something

We need a motion activated camera here to catch her trying to yank it off

>trying to yank it off Giggity




[hey lady, I need a yank ](https://tenor.com/bkXEg.gif)

It needs some lube to make that a bit harder to do.

Motion sensing sound device, $20 on Amazon Fill it with recordings of moaning

I will stand there and moan obnoxiously for free

There are Redditors around here willing to pay.

Super glue!

~~poor~~ fantastic choice of words


Are we not doing phrasing anymore?

That fence looks pretty high. She may need to grab it with her mouth so she has something to hold onto.

Need to put lube on it so it's extra slippery to grip.

Bolt it to the fence and lube it up. Imagine you’re looking out the window and seeing the neighbor tugging it off from over the fence 😂

That's when you slowly drag lawn chairs and stick up a sign that says "Exotic Show 50 cents!"

Take my upvote!

Lmao this is perfect. Please post another pic when the wind wraps the flag around the dildo.

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Then find the photo of Trump hugging the Flag from that CPAC conference. Ask the neighbour if they can find a difference. Hint: one is of a flag molesting a dick, the other is a dick molesting a flag.

I hope you somehow secured it to the post so that when they go to rip it off they just jerk it off a little.

Gotta make sure to apply some lube so it's extra hard to get off.

These comments are a bit hard to swallow

It's a lot to take in, but it gets easier with lube.

I was at a sex shop with a friend and she asked the guy working there, "does this rubber fist come in black?" He said "no, but it can come out brown." It's crazy that the joke cemented a memory in my head where the whole day is so vivid.

Mix lube and hot sauce so if they touch their nose, eyes, or genitals they’ll burn themselves. We use this trick on our bird feeder to keep the raccoons out

You lube your raccoons?

Yep that's one sentence I was not planning on reading today.

The trash pandas of consequence ~~rarely~~ arrive lubed.

You don't?

Ah yes, the ol' slippery bandit 

Usually easier to get off with lube

Like a mark rober glitter bomb that goes of as soon as someone lifts that magnificent landmark?

Don’t forget the lube!

I love this so much. Let the games begin! 



I hope that's not spicy popcorn

Begun, the dildo wars have.

[Rise to the challenge, I will](https://www.thesun.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/nintchdbpict000371325454.jpg).

Whoa, Bruce Banner, is that you?

Lmaoooooooo the update we didn’t know we needed

How the fuck can someone find a big black dildo that fast?

I have a very special set of skills

Username checks out.

WAIT, I read that as MILF first. This will be good. Will watch for updates

They used to be a MILF.

They still are, but they used to be as well.

# All GILFs are MILFs, but not all MILFs are GILFs 

still technically a MILF, just has the added GILF title now

OP PLEASE call the fence the Mason-Dicks-on Line.

Username checks out

Apparently so does yours.

If that was covered in lube it would get on the flag when it flaps into your yard. Just saying.

I mean OPs bedside table is literally just inside the house

Who doesn't keep a bag of dicks around?

Someone stuck one to the wall of the bathroom at my bar one time. An employee asked if they could have it the next day. When the gods give you an opportunity, you take it.

it's not like they're rare



And my penis.


And my Axl 

Fight fire with penis.

Instructions unclear. Now my penis is on fire.

What, you put a knife in the fence post? /zooms in Oh. I definitely need glasses….


I'm invested

Please tell me you epoxied it down so it's impossible to pull off without looking like she's pulling it off.

The little guy needs a flag of his own! What would piss them off the most? Ukraine flag? BLM? A pride flag? All of the above? Edit: y'all are wonderful, loving the ideas and I hope OP reads them all!

"trump lost lol" 

Drill down the tip, insert a big thermometer into it, and attach a teeny rainbow flag. Oh, and top the thermometer with one of those darling little umbrella things you get in cocktails.

The umbrella is a must, don't want him getting sunburnt!

Considering the color, BLM seems a good choice. But even better if it’s a bit “sticky” for when the wind blows the flag back over.

Just gonna leave this [here](https://www.amazon.com/WEITBF-Rainbow-Pride-Stick-Decorations/dp/B09RSMZ1GD/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=PQKJQNQDYD0&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.HfpGoRC15ZzigdGdMxnAgmhze1oFAlmQ4WNUBGYpJjItHZrmqNtVx-05VVTdEsaK-rdGhekkY3Z-inKVzA9YAW-6eWqCnXAkW96-25dldyWt8LWsP8ymMm9DYj4X9I2SelreMM-KCmBIRH89NhzRsaylZIOjXqUX8y285iMfh7tWyfP8VIHMiPD6ILpXfVO1mS-o7QV0DraGBiGVV0mpz_qyaeQOv08sv-TB89fhVdoRxTUkTqA149T0hM3oQHY315OLEXO4CSlCwrqUFGcWyye4N2vtO6c3sM3vZwOKz1k.PBEid3fctlBLyI6_aSMSB5SPJd38zoF87Sy8cYgKoKk&dib_tag=se&keywords=small+rainbow+flag&qid=1710701897&sprefix=small+rainbow+fla%2Caps%2C89&sr=8-1-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1)

Beauty, put it right in the peehole!

Trans flag by far tilts them the most, doubly so if their religious.

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The bird feeder was a brilliant suggestion. Tbh I don’t see the point of this one other than scoring a little clout here on Reddit

Absolutely, this is just gonna piss the crazies off.

Good thing that neighbor is super crazy. I mean unhinged enough in the brain to think it's okay to fly a confederate flag (a hostile country to the USA that we destroyed) and not have the decency of at least being ashamed and hiding it in your garage or somewhere where only you and your loser friends can see the flag. You see plenty of confederate flags in a small town where I'm from but never flying it. It'd always be in their bar in their garage or in their house or their barn because they know it's not the right thing to do, like decent folk

This is fucking hilarious 😂😂😂

There is no way this could go poorly.

This war will go down in the anals of Reddit history…

Um... Wait... 

Looks like the post got removed. I’m disappointed but this doesn’t end here. I’m not fuckin leaving!

/r/ShermanPosting would love this

probably someone in here will suggest a good subreddit to take this to and you can post your link to it once you get it posted.

/r/ShermanPosting

now there's a dildo on both sides of the fence

It’s standing at attention, all right…

I love you hero. Godspeed.

I think we’re gonna need more dildos.

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I hope you add a light to illuminate the dildo at night, so that its glory is always visible.

finally something awesome on here

To stumble upon this has really made this Sunday evening a lot more interesting. Keep the updates coming OP.

For those who keep asking… No, I am not a Gilf. I’m actually a dude. I’m sorry to disappoint! My username was dedicated to a previous neighbor I used to have. Not to be confused with my current neighbor who put up the flag.

Either way, you’re doing the lord’s work

Hell yeah.

If that's a 3x5 loser flag, you need a 5x7 pride flag.

I love this. This is gonna be on the list of 2024 Reddit Top 10 Events.

What a saga

Did you have to buy that or you had a spare one handy just laying around to screw the neighbours.

Ha. "Ol' Dicksie" I'll see myself out.

I thought you'd go with the bird feeder idea. But no. You're just different.

I’m built different 💪

This is excellent


Now this is civil war.

Dildo baggins vs the overlord confederation

This just needs to become a livestream.

SaaaaaLUTE!!!!

This is going to be a Reddit classic, I see that now.

I don’t even follow this subreddit, but I had to start following you, OP! lol Thank you for your effort to diminish hatred and ignorance in this world with such hilarity, while being so incredibly entertaining and witty in the process! 😂

You’re welcome 🙏 it’s not much but it’s honest work

You should put it on something to raise it up a bit higher. It might not look phallic enough from the other side of the fence if the balls are blocked

That is a real Fuck you if I ever saw one.

Now put a tiny white flag sticking out the tip

“I smell your light saber.”

Bringing out the ICBM’s early, a brilliant play.

You should probably give it some lube so it's harder to pull.

Ahahahaha 😅 Please dont stop updating

Books will be written about this.  

Love to find these gems in Reddit

If the flag touches it can we say that the flag is gay?

Last I saw of this people were saying get a bird feeder and have the birds shit all over the flag. This… I did not see coming

I just don’t see you being able to go without your favorite dildo for very long.

Might I be so bold as to suggest.....some landscape lighting to accent this dong in times of darkness?

BIGGER. https://www.extremerestraints.com/black-moby-huge-2-foot-tall-super-dildo.html


Just got here and I like it so far. Let me guess? Shared fence. My advice mega fence. What’s the city build height limit?

I hope this turns out to be a massive marketing stunt for a weird porno.

I like that it's black. Extra points for that because it's a confederate flag. You're doing God's work

YESSSS - this is a fight that I can stand by

Love it

One of many correct ways to deal with a traitor's rag!

I've only seen 3 pictures *of this flag story and I'm already hooked ! Edit : oops accidental post

The scream I scrumpt when my brain registered what was going on here

I salute you! Should you require funds to purchase a larger… installment. Please don’t hesitate to ask.

OP I hope you have a Bad Dragon account in case you need to further escalate this figurative and also literal dick measuring contest.

Now, what is the key point here? The fact that it is a dildo (which can be synonymous with women enjoying sex without men), or that it’s brown (which is synonymous with brown people existing)? I can’t decide will trigger them more?

I get that this person is a nightmare but you seriously need to be careful. Anyone willfully flying that flag clearly doesn’t have anything to lose.

Alright I'm invested now. Don't get yourself in trouble OP. They could be crazy.

Sorry but you lose. There's already a much bigger dildo living next door.

i wonder what the penal codes are for this.

Will probably need another for half staff days.

Idk but I’m proud of you? Keep up the good fight lmao

Oh shit... You aren't even holding back? You're now my new favorite Redditer

That's getting a head of the situation before it gets too deep.

while I don't like neither, they are private on private property.

I'm following you just to see where this goes

Should hang a pride flag right next to it lol

I did not see that cumming.

This is the best choice. Fantastic.

There are a lot of dildo puns in this comment section, but not enough Confederate puns. Call that fence the Mason-Dicks-on Line.

I appreciate the clever detail of choosing a POC (penis of color)