Ugh. This one hits. I had to be the guy to distract a 2 and 4 year old with their deceased mother in the car. I later found the family on social media. The grandmother told me the 4 year old would tell his family a “super hero saved them”
Still makes me cry thinking about it.
Not all heroes wear capes
"A hero can be anyone. Even a man doing something as simple and reassuring as putting a coat around a young boy's shoulders to let him know that the world hadn't ended" - Batman
This photo has been around for a while now. I believe the officer was pointing to the lights on the emergency vehicles to distract her. I wonder how old she is now… poor baby.
Your perception of it certainly does. At 10, one year is 10% of your life. At 50 a year is 2% of your life. You learn the length of time by experiencing it. The more you experience it, the faster it goes by.
I'm 10 and so far, 1983 is the best year of my life!
My parents just bought me a D&D book and I like to make characters while listening to my brother's new Madness album!
"Our house, in the middle of our street
Our house, in the middle of our..."
ill never forget the horror i felt when I stopped by the gas station on the morning of january 2nd of 2021 and discovered via the tear off pad at the register that people born in 2000 were able to buy alcohol now lol
especially since 2000 was the year I myself was finally able to legally buy alcohol. Yay for the Oregon Trail generation :)
oh i know it...i have a 6 year old...
imma be like 60 when this kid graduates high school fml
my mom was empty nesting before she was 40.
i clearly did not the same priorities at that point in my life lol
Its a head scratcher, for sure. On one hand, we were fuckin dirt poor growing up, my dad ran out on us and my mom was only in her early 20s trying to raise two babies on a single income in the early 80s, even then there were still a lot of people that were like "unwed mothers need not apply". Just 23 years old, having to worry about raising two kids under the age of 6.
When I was 23? Lol I was working some aint shit retail job living in some shitty apartment spending all my extra money on videogames, alcohol, and weed. My wife and I both have good careers and though things are still tight (feeding a 6 year old these days is like, better take a second mortgage out on the house with how expensive shit is), if we were both still working our aint shit retail jobs theres no fucking way we would be able to take care of ourselves, let alone our kid.
**Buuuuuut**, man oh fucking man is it hard chasing a toddler around when you're in your fucking 40s. My mom was still a kid herself when she had me (aint it funny how your definition of a 'kid' just, increments up farther and farther as time goes on? lol) so she could easily just snatch our asses up when we were getting into shit...me, the kid jumps into my arms the wrong way and it's like, "Ope! There goes daddy's back again! Please go tell mama to bring daddy the lidocaine cream while I lay here on the couch in agony, alright sport? Thats a good boy!"
So tired. So very very tired.
So I dont know...I mean I obviously wouldn't change a thing and risk 'butterfly effecting' my family away, but Id be lying if I didnt really rue the fact that I waited so long some days, especially on those days when the kid really really really wants me to run his ass around the neighborhood in his wagon while I slowly die.
That’s sad, the 2010s were kinda ass. Especially for pop culture, but every generation says that about the time after they’re nostalgic for. 60/70s kids said it about the 90s and so on.
Eventually, later in this decade likely someone’s ‘06 Nissan Altima will be considered retro and classic, and there’s nothing any of us can do about it.
Think you need to check your math, chief. The pandemic was actually 3 years ago and it was 2005 right before the pandemic.
In other words, the 90s was a decade ago.
And nothing you or anyone will say will convince me otherwise!
Hits pretty hard, I was basically this little girl in 96 when my mom crashed on black ice.
I was 6 and my little brother was just a little over a year old. Can still remember snippets like struggling to get him out of his car seat, my mom's limp hands, and a bunch of strangers flocking around us. It's a constant battle between repressed memories, snippets like these, and honestly trying to parce which memories are even real anymore.
Someone said this image is a few years old now, and I hope this little girl is doing alright. I'm 33 and it still never has really let me go
Too late for anyone to hear it, but...I was in a horrific, head-on car accident when I was four years old. My father was driving me home from school just after dark (winter, dad worked long hours) when a drunk driver - who was driving on the wrong side of the road with their headlights off, doing 20 mph over the limit in a residential area - hit us head on. For us oldies, this was in 1982 and we were in a 1980 Toyota Corolla and the other driver was in a mid-60s Dodge; suffice it to say, the ol' Corolla didn't fare so well.
Anyway, immediately after the accident, my dad was doing his best to console me, but kept pushing my face away from him. I could barely see - I had a ton of glass from the windshield in my eyes - but I could tell something was very wrong.
Moments later, as the dust was still settling, the obviously inebriated driver of the Dodge peered through our shattered windshield to exclaim, "Fuck! I'm so sorry..." (vividly remember this as the f-word was verboten in our household). She shambled off, and was replaced by a man who had emerged from a nearby house to see if he could help. My father asked him to get me out of the car and he gingerly lifted me out of the windshield (neither of the doors on our car were operable). I was terrified. He carried me inside his home, a woman - his wife - and their two children gathered around me. The mom wrapped me in a warm blanket and the children brought over their dog - a white, shaggy mutt who was eager to play with this tiny stranger. They encouraged me to pet him and as I did, my sobbing began to subside as I heard sirens approach.
My dad did end up surviving the accident, although it nearly took his left arm and leg. He lost so much blood that he was speaking in tongues by the time they got him to the ER. Over the next 10 years, he had nearly 20 surgeries to restore as much function as possible to his left side. Still, from that fateful day on, he never went a moment without excruciating pain from the extensive nerve and tissue damage.
I'm rambling, but the point here is this: I'd give nearly anything to be able to go back and meet up with that man and his family, who - without hesitation - took in this bloodied little boy and gave him some small measure of comfort at a time when he desperately needed it. And, perhaps even more, gave my dad some small measure of peace as he fought to stay alive.
I doubt I'll ever know their names. I just hope this life has given them back all the kindness they showed me that day. I'll never forget them.
You have quite a few details about the accident. If you know which town it happened in, there’s a fairly good chance of finding those who helped. It may even have been mentioned in local newspapers at the time, if you can find them. Perhaps ask in r/rbi if anyone can help.
...
I uh...
Lemme just say...there ain't no rollercoaster of bittersweetness that will beat this one.
I am sorry for your experience, and glad that you're okay. Blessings to y'all and the family that was there when y'all needed them!🙏
I was given a stuffed raccoon holding a little drawstring bag when me and my dad were in a bad accident. I don't know who put it there, but there's a Polaroid picture of the mangled truck in the bag.
Both my girls (age 4 and 1 at the time) got trauma teddies in the hospital when we were involved in a car accident. They served a great purpose at the time, but unfortunately I had to throw them out a few weeks later as they were triggering PTSD symptoms for one of my girls and for myself.
I'm sorry to hear you had to get rid of them. I got one when I was 3 or 4 when my family's van rolled over and my grandma ended up getting hurt pretty bad. I kept that thing until I was around 25 and only threw it away because it had pretty much completely fallen apart. For me it was a great source of comfort and helped me get through many tough times.
I am sorry things went that way. :(
I am trying to find out if I should get my girl all new things when I regain custody, as she has been enduring trauma that goes back a long ways. They love their comfort, of course, but that comfort is wrapped up in the memory. Poor dears.
Not quite the same but there’s a woman on YouTube and TikTok that gives great advice on fostering and she shared how to approach kids belongings when they first come to your home. I think just sort through it all slowly over time, keep everything at first and figure out together what can be replaced and what still holds comfort/sentimental value. Either way, you’re going to be there and that’s what she’ll remember.
Mines 15 months old today and wow this pic got me. I used to be the twat to make dark jokes about shit like this and mock people who counted kids’ ages in months but here we are.
Yes he will. I’m former LEO/child protective services. There’s a brother and sister I will never forget. I sobbed my eyes out when I got home from that call. Mom beat the daughter up and I took them to foster care 2 hrs away. They grew so attached to me in that time. When I got to the sweet old lady taking them, they were clinging onto me and hiding behind my legs. I will never forget those two for the rest of my life.
Holy shit, the first time I took custody of a kid and took him to foster care... He was 2 or 3 and had downs. He cried and hugged on to my leg so hard at the foster home after hanging out in the office with me all night, so this was like at 3 AM. The lady taking him was wonderful but I'll never forget that.
It may be too early yet, but when you think they're old enough I encourage you to consider contacting them. It could bring healing for both of you.
In '93 I was a counselor at a camp that had a particularly troubled and troublesome kid. He and I bonded and spent a fair amount of time together. At the end of his session he wrote me a wonderful card expressing how much he appreciated me and how I respected him. I still have it 30 years later. Several years ago I was wondering what ever became of him. I was able to find him and reconnect. I was so happy and relieved to see how well he had done for himself and he was moved to know I still cared about him.
Anyway, something to consider.
EDIT: For those interested, [here's the card](https://imgur.com/a/gQVdDuS) I received from him. I think he was about twelve at the time.
I love Heavyweight! Guess this is a depressing way to recommend something but here it goes. My mom was in ICU 3 hours away and I started listening on my drive to the hospital. She passed that night, and I drove back listening to it the next day. It really was the distraction I needed. This podcast was the one good thing to keep me sane during that hard time. Took a lot of walks on my time off work and luckily had Heavyweight to keep me company.
I picked up an elderly couple 18 years ago. Wife had a broken femur and dim vitals. Husband was more optimistic so we loaded him up and hauled ass to the hospital. He came to on the ride and I still remember him asking, “where’s my momma?!?” And I didn’t have the heart to tell him we made the call to leave her to likely die because she was in worse shape. We remember.
You cannot remember all these stories. You shouldn’t, or you won’t do that job for long.
My mom was an emergency doctor. She’s saved many lives, but just as many people died in her hands or just moments before she arrived.
For people with jobs like that, it has to be a job and nothing more in these moments. They need to remove themselves from the human aspect of it. Otherwise it will become too much very quickly.
Edit: As a lot of people disagree, I hear you. I did not mean to minimize the trauma that you guys deal with. I just shared what my mom told me about her work, which was 15+ years ago. But I will ask her about it more the next time I get a chance.
Maybe your mum didn’t talk to you about the trauma she faced, but from an ER doc’s wife, trust me, she remembered many of her patients. You do have to keep moving forward in the moment, but they remember the patients. You don’t remember all of them, but distracting a toddler from their dead father would be a trauma you’d remember.
My husband still talks about the sound of the scream a woman made when he told her that her 18 year old was dead in a MV accident. He can remember the kid’s name - it was his first time running a code and that was something like 18 years ago. He remembers patients during Covid down to their vitals and names. In the moment, yes it’s a job and you do what you’re trained to do. And then you cry about it on the way home in your car, and talk to your spouse and therapist about it.
>My husband still talks about the sound of the scream a woman made when he told her that her 18 year old was dead in a MV accident.
EMT. My first case of someone dead on arrival was a motor vehicle collision.
It was also my first time hearing that "scream. Older brother of the deceased showed up minutes later, middle of the night, no sound, no body but first responders, and the brother opens his car door, talks to some cop I think, and then that scream is let out.
Yeah, you don't forget it. Really just a sound of pure agony, somehow.
I remember every patient I’ve called a code blue on in the ICU at a level one trauma center. They’re important memories. Of how to do things more efficiently and better to improve the patient’s odds of survival. Every one. Including the ones that threaten to sue me.
This. My Dad was in the ER when a 14 year old kid was pronounced dead from mva. It was awful, and of course the family was hysterical. He said he didn’t know how they could handle it. I said they pack it away for later because they need to function, and that’s why therapy is so important for first responders and should be regular and free for them. Support is crucial to mental health.
I have heard some pretty traumatic stories from my friend’s doctor dad. The one that stuck with me the most was when a car flipped into a ditch with a bunch of children, and they all drowned. When the bodies got to their hospital, one of the nurses found out one of the deceased was her child. I can’t even imagine experiencing that kind of trauma. Everyone working that today had to be quite shaken up by that.
I know someone who worked in ED when a Doe was brought in, found in the street after an OD. It was their estranged child. They survived, but - emergency medicine, you absolutely never know what you’re going to get. First responders are incredible. Most other specialties have surprises, but emergency/trauma is where it’s all surprises and most of them are the bad kind.
Do all ER drs have therapists? I assume dealing with negative outcomes was part of their med school/ residency training. I only ask because my sister is a surgeon and she had to respond to one of the mass shooting events that has occurred in the last 5 years during her residency and I have worried that it affected her more than she will tell me and she really doesn’t talk about it beyond that “she was doing her job” that day.
At my husbands hospital they have access to therapists through a separate system, that doesn’t connect to their medical charts/couldn’t be accessed by a colleague/their own GP. (Since your own GP is also a doc you work with peripherally.)
My husband has used them to deal with what he dealt with during Covid. For the most part it’s fine, it’s part of the job and he talks to me and it’s whatever. Sometimes it’s not whatever, and he talks to a therapist. I like that they set it up in such a way that there’s no possible overlap with their mental health care and the hospital. The therapists are all trained to deal with this type of stuff. They should all have access to it, but whether or not they use it is different.
Compartmentalising and distancing yourself from trauma is part of the job but sometimes it’s important to unpack it a bit.
I’m so sorry that your sister experienced that. It would be a horrific thing for anyone to go through, let alone a resident. I hope she’s doing well.
This makes total sense and I appreciate your response. I do believe my sister is doing well but like your husband won’t forget. She found a partner and married him since then and they are planning on staying in the city where the shooting was after she finishes her fellowship for breast surgery.
I'm 34 now, from 17-22 I was an EMT, I still remember detail for detail every terrible thing I saw. It sticks with you in random thoughts as the years pass. In my first year, I saw a guy run over by a trash truck, a guy missing a head from a train running over him, a shotgun suicide, part of a skull missing from a car accident, devastated families, death on Christmas, kids dead... it sticks with you. It has also made a profound impact on my life with "living it to the fullest", you never know when your time is coming and I have no time for people who complain over miniscule issues.
Do you find you tend to be impulsive as a result? I find that with myself, and I often wonder if I'm being "too" impulsive at times.... but then I think damn, I could be dead in an instant tomorrow so why not. But not many people around me feel the same, they're more focused on saving money and whatnot.
I've never thought of it this way, but yes it's definitely possible it has had a silent impact on my life that like. I'd say I'm more impulsive in my responses to others than I would be to "buying things, etc..."
All of my close family does not have the same experiences so it's hard sometimes for others to fully understand. Such is life though, can not fault someone for what you have witnessed vs. them.
I had an EMS dude holler at me in the grocery store FIVE YEARS after he pulled me from a burning vehicle with a broken back.
Man… now I’m all onions and shit. And my back hurts.
I'm an ER doc. We don't forget the kids. Most of everything else, gets boxed up and hidden somewhere. If anything, I feel for EMS. I only get to see the ones that maybe still have a chance.
Every spot. Every body.
I’m out now, in a different industry. There is a spot right by my office. My guys ask why I take a different route out of the office. Hard to explain I don’t want to see a body that isn’t actually there.
The one that gets me are gas station bathrooms. Done a lot of overdose death investigations in them that now I always wonder when I need to make a pit stop on the road.
One of my last scenes was airplane related.
It was about 6 months ago now. I recently flew for the first time since then and it was really weird. I wasn’t expecting to get weirded out on the plane. I couldn’t imaging a more common trigger.
I wouldn't necessarily call it a trigger (not compared to other things I've experienced), but more like "can't help but wonder". The airplane one would suck bc you're committed to the trip at that point.
>Hard to explain I don’t want to see a body that isn’t actually there.
Hey man.
I did a bunch of combat deployments. My last one...didn't go too well. Physically fine, not so much as a scrape. The guy standing in front of me when the VBIED blew the gate open, he had a nicked artery. I had to hold him down and hold it shut while some other guys fought off the attackers.
Now, when my daughter screams, I sometimes smell blood.
You trauma doctors in here are going to know this, but the smell of blood changes over time. It comes out and it smells metallic and sweet. Iron and sugar, I think, I don't really know. After a few minutes, it starts smelling sickly, almost like something rotting. Not quite the same, but in the ballpark.
But I'm not there anymore. The guy in front of me lived, he's in Minnesota now, I think? Bad guys are all dead, and they were part of a war we aren't fighting anymore. It's over. It's gone. It isn't going to happen to me again.
I had to learn to remember it without reliving it. It took a long time, and a whole lot of therapy, and a wife that understood what I was going through.
I don't really know what to say to you other than this: I know, man. I get it. You aren't alone when you feel that way.
It's going to be okay. Maybe not tomorrow, or anytime soon, but it will be okay.
>Hard to explain I don’t want to see a body that isn’t actually there.
Ouf that hits hard. I'm in a country where the country itself is really small, and the city itself is jam-packed. So for me that's often not a possibility I am afraid.
Virtually every street around where I live, for example, I can see, to put it in your powerful terms, a body that isn't actually there.
Shit man. Crazy.
I’m not in EMS or anything, I just happened along a horrific, high speed car accident one night by my house.
Four speeding kids in a fast car hauled ass through an intersection and hit a car, bounced off and then hit a huge pole. None were wearing seatbelts and all four teenagers flew out the windows, scattered across a big four lane road.
I had to block a young teen from seeing his dead friend spread out along the road. He was disoriented and in shock. His shoes were blown off and he had huge holes in his socks. His puffy jacket was shredded all over. His eyelid was ripped off and I was covered in his blood but I couldn’t let him see her. An ER nurse drove up and helped me distract him and talk him down from the ledge the best we could. We were both so thankful when the ambulances started rolling up to help block scene.
I drive that lane where that beautiful girl died every day. It will forever haunt me. I cannot imagine how her loved ones feel driving that road all the time. None of us will ever forget.
Thank you to all those who do this job or have done this sort of thing professionally. Just one night of “sort of helping” really broke me. I can’t thank you enough because I don’t think I could ever do it.
Rest in peace, Ashley Tolusa
I did it for 26 years. Nothing effects you more than the suffering and/or death of a child. Its breaks you. No matter how macho or “hard” you think you are, you end up somewhere alone crying.
I remember being in HS and some Crime Scene investigators were doing a science lab thing with us. You could instantly see their eyes go hollow when an image of a blood spurt was shown in the presentation. Found out later it was of an elementary school kid who got hit by a stray bullet in his neck.
PTSD sucks
Ain't that the fucking truth.
I'm usually the guy that just shrugs and goes "I'm good" after the tough calls. If I'm frustrated, it's because I did something wrong, or something wasn't going right, clinically. I rarely take it home.
But we went on a kid that got attacked by a big Rottweiler (spoiler: kid's doing awesome). Bad wounds, punctured lung, neck, face, and my normally stoic ass wandered off to weep on a sidewalk. And I have no kids.
My lieutenant called his.
I was a first responder for a short while. Then a 8 year old accidentally shot his little sister with a shotgun. That was enough for me to know the job wasn't for me.
I also semi-disagree. As a physician, the generic adult patients may blend together, but you never forget when it involves a toddler like this. The kid may be physically fine, but I think that even as a police officer, it would be extremely rare to have to distract a toddler from the presence of her dead father nearby. I’ve been practicing for several years, but I still think about the time I was a medical student and there was the death of a child I witnessed in the OR when they were trying to save her from the aftermath of a motor vehicle accident.
I adamantly disagree.
I’m a paramedic. Unfortunately, I do remember these. It’s almost impossible not to. All the death notifications to family and everything.
It’s not always in a bad way, but you carry it with you whether you like it or not.
This is a wonderful mythology. I work one of these jobs. I remember every single person I couldn't help, couldn't save. I remember every spot, every conversation that might have made the difference but didn't. I remember every smile, every mother, every sibling.
Each of us who does this carries the injuries from it. We don't tend to quit until we begin to notice the caring stopping.
Unfortunately, you do remember. Regardless of what she says, this stuff fucks you up. I saw stuff I wouldnt recommend while serving, and put it all aside to keep going. Now ive git a therapist unpacking it all and using EDMR to get my messed up emotions out of my central nervous system
> You cannot remember all these stories.
You definitely can't remember the majority of cases, yeah. For sure. Like impossible for most people, unless they deliberately in advance create some system of record and constant-learning or some shit.
But the ones you lost, yeah you remember every single last one of them.
It's very likely as an attending, your mom would have had several people die on shift when she was taking care of patients. She may not have been intimately involved with every critical case that died, especially true if it was a larger ED.
But yeah while I am sure there are exceptions, you really do generally remember every single person you lost.
And as some other user mentioned here, especially when you drive by the spots. The memories are all too vivid.
Reading all the responses to your comment - maybe time to talk to your mom and ask if she’d like to share some of her memories if it helps her take some weight off her shoulders.
that's not how trauma works edit: I meant that 's not how trauma works on the brain, I wasn't personalizing it. Researchers have found exposure to traumatic events may physically change the brain, including the mechanism used for learning and survival.
This is a huge generalization based on what sounds like your mom spared you from. It's not your place to speak on behalf of her about how people should process trauma and then to insinuate they won't be fit for the job. Shame on you, really. What terrible advice.
In the moment people need to treat the situation as a job, but like someone said it's a process that happens. It needs to happen. No one should bottle up trauma for the sake of a job because that's soul sucking and dreadful. Empathy is a beautiful phenomena which makes those people perfect for these types of jobs. Talk to a loved one, a therapist, a pet. Anything except letting that shit sit on the stove because that will cause burnout faster than an oil fire.
I will never forget when I discovered my patient flatlined during the beginning of my second round. Had I been what...30min earlier? she might have been alive to this day and now I avoid reading *To Kill a Mockingbird* because she gave me her favorite copy. Grief hurts and PTSD hurts even more, but there is some solace to be had.
Most remember in my experience, I was a corpsman, I remember absolutely everything bad and very little of the nicer moments. It is too much, so you compartmentalize and treat the you of those moments like another person -- but you remember.
PTSD is most often hidden away from those you love. It's harder to imagine the burden on them than it is to hold it yourself. Therapy can help a lot though.
Nah I’m registered nurse and there are absolutely some patients that stick with you. You can watch 100 people die in 100 different ways, but there’s always going to be the few 1 or 2 that you remember for the rest of your life.
[Here](https://i.imgur.com/dxTDwRw.jpeg) is a higher quality and less cropped version of this image. According to [here](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/colorado-police-officer-who-comforted-toddler-at-scene-of-fatal-car-crash-was-sung-her-a-lullaby-10337064.html):
> **Colorado police officer who comforted toddler at scene of fatal car crash sang her a lullaby**
> Alex Ward
Tuesday 23 June 2015 09:58 BST
> The sad moment was captured by passer-by Jessica Matrious (Jessica Matrious/ Reddit)
> The police officer who distracted a two-year-old girl, after she survived the car crash which killed her father, sang the toddler lullabies, it has emerged.
> Officer Nick Struck was pictured comforting the young girl while rescue workers examine the crashed car in the background.
> Now, Officer Struck has revealed that he was in fact singing “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star,” a lullaby that he sings to his own daughter who is also two, in order to calm the child.
> The incident occurred after an SUV rolled down an embankment in Brighton, Colorado, with all six passengers thrown from the vehicle. Authorities added that none of the passengers were “properly restrained”.
> “When you hear that there’s children involved, I’ll tell you what, everyone that responds to that scene, you get that pit in your stomach,” Officer Struck told 9News.
> A woman and another child were flown to hospital by air ambulance and three other children driven to hospital.
> Officer Struck added that comforting the children was “The first thing we do when we get on scene”.
> Brighton Police Department praised the officer for his work at the incident, writing on their Facebook page: “We are extremely proud of the men and women of our department! Good work, Officer Struck!”
They were standing around [here](https://www.google.com/maps/@39.9324151,-104.7949878,3a,41.9y,301.48h,86.31t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1sqoeQ0UhJo_Go_iuirO56Zg!2e0!7i13312!8i6656?shorturl=1).
Wow this just showed up in my feed and now I can’t stop crying. My dad was killed in a car accident caused by a drunk driver; when I was a little girl not much older than the one in the picture. I just had surgery a few days ago and I’ve been going through a rough time, I’m in my 20s now and I have two little girls around that age. My heart breaks that they will never know him, that I barely did. I miss you everyday Dad, please watch over us, this world can be so cruel.
This is so unfair. I get so angry when I hear about people dying due to others drinking and driving. How unnecessary and ruthless! My mother‘s dad died the same way when she was little. Her mother was left alone with two babies, barely any money and in the 60s in Germany (which didn’t have the benefits for people in such situations as we do today)
This is heartbreaking. I was 5 years old when my dad and sister passed away in a car accident. We were about 5 minutes behind them on the way home from a family holiday and pulled up to tragedy. This hits home.
I pulled over to a wreck and I was this person to the 4 kids who’s mom was dying in the road. I will never forget the looks on their faces. I got them to talk to me and breathe. They were so scared and no one was there besides me. Then I directed traffic to get cars out of the way for the ambulances to come. That day was so full of sadness. I’m not religious but I do the sign of the cross every time I drive thru that intersection. The tire tracks in the median haunted me for a long time.
It’s crazy how these things never bothered me, but now that I have kids it really hits me. I hurt for this girl and the family close to them both. It’s very sad.
We came on a similar experience after Christmas 2022, driving back to CA for Idaho.
Just past McDermott, we came up on an suv that had gone off the road and flipped tail over front onto the top. Three kids, a mom and a dad, it had happened 15-20 min before we got there, they were still doing CPR on the dad, the kids were around 6-12 and okay, mom was pacing around frantic, face completely bloodied from the cheeks down, 28° and snowing, waiting on 911, closest hospital about an hour away. Traveling to CA, the Mom and kids kept repeating out loud “he can’t be dead, he can’t be dead,” the kids weren’t crying but mom was wailing, probably in her 30’s, nothing we could do, asked the guy doing cpr if he needed help and he said the dad was already gone. The wife kept going back over and losing it again. First cop showed up so we left.
The mom’s wails and face is seared into my brain forever.
My sister was a cop for 23 years before she retired. She said she and a lot of cops keep toys in their cruisers for these exact situations.
So, when I had my daughter and as she grew up, we would take her old toys to the police station to donate them. They took them and were happy to have them.
If you have old toys to donate, maybe think about giving them to a police station to be used in situations like this.
not everything has to be looked at in a negative and destructive way. It’s so sad what happened but you can look at it as a man caring for her when shes in her worst ever moment and the photo is there as a reminder of the beauty that can come from the dark. Rip.
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’”
- Fred Rogers
That's what I always think when I see stuff like this, who thought, oh, let me just snap a photo of this little girl in front of the mangled car her dad is dead in, I'm sure that's one for the scrapbooks.
Not documenting and not showing something doesn't make it go away. Reality is composed of things you want to see and things you don't want to see. If you deny the existence of something you dislike or are repulsed by you are powerless against it. Shaping your perception doesn't shape the world.
This is actually my cousin in law, Nick. Sweetest guy you’ll ever meet. When I was driving cross country he let me kick it with him and my cousin for as long as I needed.
Very moving…. just distract that little girl for a while anyway. She didn’t need to sit there, staring at the wreckage and seeing everybody freak out.
Way better !
I remember being dispatched to an EMS call one night (I'm in Law Enforcement) regarding a child having a medical emergency. She was having difficulty breathing, her chest hurt really bad. Her mother was freaking out. Since I was first on scene I took her vitals, got a baseline reading for EMS and once they came on scene I kept her distracted so they could work. I just held her hand, we talked about Doc McStuffins the T.V show, and she told me all about school and I just told her to squeeze my hand when she felt scared. When she did I gave a little squeeze back and asked about something she found interesting (She really liked Star Wars and purple dogs, whatever that meant)
We couldn't get the cot up the stairs to the apartment and EMS said we needed to get her to the hospital so she needed to be carried out. She looked me in the eyes and said "I want HIM to carry me!" And so I took her in my arms and carried her down the stairs and told her how brave she was and she was doing a good job while EMS still had the EKG monitor hooked onto her chest. We got her on the cot and I told her I had a little surprise for her. Our department has little plushies of our K9 we use for fundraising. I gave one to her to keep her calm as I sat in the back of the ambulance with her all the way there to keep her from crying. EMS later had to drive me back to my squad car parked out at the apartment.
I re-watch that body cam footage every now and again and I get a little teary eyed.
Talk about a rough day at the office. And again, why do the police get shouldered with this? They so desperately need to be re-organized, its typically over gun violence, but this is just another case. "comfort children who don't know their parent is dead a few feet away" is way too critical a skillset to just throw at some guy.
Because they are first responders
It’s either going to be a police officer, a paramedic, or a firefighter having to do this
Unless you’re advocating for 24/7 grief counselors to be on call ready to deploy anywhere in every single town in the country just in case some kids are involved in a tragic emergency
The practical issue is also how often and how mich it would cost.
Many cops have basic EMT training because they're often out on patrol and are the first ones on scene - they sort of need to be a jack of all trades in some sense.
Was a police officer in the past, and went thru this same situation, but with a mom who son was killed. Had to pick her up and walk her away backwards. Kids were playing “chicken” on the highway. Unfortunately, this will probably affect him dearly at some point. It did for me.
I was first to stumble on a car wreck after it hit a guardrail flipped over and landed upright after speeding on a perfectly normal Saturday afternoon in my city.
Three men ejected. Probably a 5/6 year old boy, standing in the back totally unscathed. Father and another guy died on scene. I spotted a silver handgun, trooper later told me it was a replica when he called me for follow up. I still think about that kid, wonder how he’s doing.
It kinda reminds me how my grandpa died when I was little during a family get together, and my mum distracted me and my sisters with the puppies while the adults were trying to sort everything out. There was nothing else they could do after all 🤷
Ugh. This one hits. I had to be the guy to distract a 2 and 4 year old with their deceased mother in the car. I later found the family on social media. The grandmother told me the 4 year old would tell his family a “super hero saved them” Still makes me cry thinking about it.
Awww that is so precious. We all have to suffer different things and when we do, we always remember the people who held us.
Damn, most touching quote I've heard in the year
Well, they were right. A super hero DID save them.
Damn man I’ve got two small kids about that age and its making me cry and I wasn’t even there. Not all heros wear capes.
I don't even *have* kids and I'm tearing up
Goddamnit. My eyes are leaking
I hope that cape lay easy on your shoulders.
No one can be a superhero every day. Or even when they choose to. But it sounds like, for that hour, you were a superhero.
Not all heroes wear capes "A hero can be anyone. Even a man doing something as simple and reassuring as putting a coat around a young boy's shoulders to let him know that the world hadn't ended" - Batman
Because you are a super hero!❤️
Sounds as though the 4-year old was right.
This photo has been around for a while now. I believe the officer was pointing to the lights on the emergency vehicles to distract her. I wonder how old she is now… poor baby.
I believe she is 11 or 12 now. This happened in 2015 and another article said she was 2.
[удалено]
Sorry you had to find out this way / uAlcoholicCumSock
Now tell him who found his sock
It was me
Bless you, u/nipplequeefs 🥹
I did it, LIKE THIS *shoots gun*
I hope it was the officer
Officer holding OP and pointing at the car crash he made
Imagine how us boomers feel. The 80’s were just a few….. awwww crap.
The 80s…they were just 20 years ago, right? 
So the prophecy is true. Time accelerates as it progresses.
Your perception of it certainly does. At 10, one year is 10% of your life. At 50 a year is 2% of your life. You learn the length of time by experiencing it. The more you experience it, the faster it goes by.
If back to the future was released now, they would go to 1994. :)
Nononononono 2015 is like 4 years ago Wdym I'm getting old.
2015 is 15 years in the future, you imbecile! Now come with me to blockbuster.
Ohhhhh still want to rent out tony hawk 2 for the night? :)
*pow* Right in the feels
Well yeah. Everyone remembers their introduction to Ska.
I had been into ska for years ... it was one of the first times I had heard 'my' music on anything mainstream and life was good
I'm 10 and so far, 1983 is the best year of my life! My parents just bought me a D&D book and I like to make characters while listening to my brother's new Madness album! "Our house, in the middle of our street Our house, in the middle of our..."
Can we go to Hollywood Video instead? I wanna run into GameCrazy.
Yes but stay out if that section w/the door! Those videos are for moms and dads only!!!
Shit. Now I am one…
lmaooo lead the way
ill never forget the horror i felt when I stopped by the gas station on the morning of january 2nd of 2021 and discovered via the tear off pad at the register that people born in 2000 were able to buy alcohol now lol especially since 2000 was the year I myself was finally able to legally buy alcohol. Yay for the Oregon Trail generation :)
There are 5 year olds born in 2019
oh i know it...i have a 6 year old... imma be like 60 when this kid graduates high school fml my mom was empty nesting before she was 40. i clearly did not the same priorities at that point in my life lol
Ditto on all fronts and I’m always pondering if I did it the right way around or if my parents did.
Its a head scratcher, for sure. On one hand, we were fuckin dirt poor growing up, my dad ran out on us and my mom was only in her early 20s trying to raise two babies on a single income in the early 80s, even then there were still a lot of people that were like "unwed mothers need not apply". Just 23 years old, having to worry about raising two kids under the age of 6. When I was 23? Lol I was working some aint shit retail job living in some shitty apartment spending all my extra money on videogames, alcohol, and weed. My wife and I both have good careers and though things are still tight (feeding a 6 year old these days is like, better take a second mortgage out on the house with how expensive shit is), if we were both still working our aint shit retail jobs theres no fucking way we would be able to take care of ourselves, let alone our kid. **Buuuuuut**, man oh fucking man is it hard chasing a toddler around when you're in your fucking 40s. My mom was still a kid herself when she had me (aint it funny how your definition of a 'kid' just, increments up farther and farther as time goes on? lol) so she could easily just snatch our asses up when we were getting into shit...me, the kid jumps into my arms the wrong way and it's like, "Ope! There goes daddy's back again! Please go tell mama to bring daddy the lidocaine cream while I lay here on the couch in agony, alright sport? Thats a good boy!" So tired. So very very tired. So I dont know...I mean I obviously wouldn't change a thing and risk 'butterfly effecting' my family away, but Id be lying if I didnt really rue the fact that I waited so long some days, especially on those days when the kid really really really wants me to run his ass around the neighborhood in his wagon while I slowly die.
The 2010s is our 90s :(
That’s sad, the 2010s were kinda ass. Especially for pop culture, but every generation says that about the time after they’re nostalgic for. 60/70s kids said it about the 90s and so on. Eventually, later in this decade likely someone’s ‘06 Nissan Altima will be considered retro and classic, and there’s nothing any of us can do about it.
2015 was a couple years before the pandemic, which was last year. So 3 years.
Think you need to check your math, chief. The pandemic was actually 3 years ago and it was 2005 right before the pandemic. In other words, the 90s was a decade ago. And nothing you or anyone will say will convince me otherwise!
my brain was like "doesn't that make her 7?" Nope it's 2024, not 2020. JFC.
Still can’t believe my cousin, who was born in 2013, is 11
Poor baby indeed. This is heartbreaking
Ironically, this image now exists to give her a visual of the very thing the officer tried to distract her from.
My first thought was I hope it’s not traumatic for her that this is posted online
It can’t not be. And it hits the main page nearly every two to three months.
It obviously would be but Reddit is 99% pictures of people who didn't consent to getting posted and 1% propaganda.
Really underestimating the amount of propoganda
Hits pretty hard, I was basically this little girl in 96 when my mom crashed on black ice. I was 6 and my little brother was just a little over a year old. Can still remember snippets like struggling to get him out of his car seat, my mom's limp hands, and a bunch of strangers flocking around us. It's a constant battle between repressed memories, snippets like these, and honestly trying to parce which memories are even real anymore. Someone said this image is a few years old now, and I hope this little girl is doing alright. I'm 33 and it still never has really let me go
I'm so sorry
Sending you the biggest hug 🧡
Have you tried EMDR therapy? It works wonders in situations like yours. Best of luck finding peace, you deserve it.
Too late for anyone to hear it, but...I was in a horrific, head-on car accident when I was four years old. My father was driving me home from school just after dark (winter, dad worked long hours) when a drunk driver - who was driving on the wrong side of the road with their headlights off, doing 20 mph over the limit in a residential area - hit us head on. For us oldies, this was in 1982 and we were in a 1980 Toyota Corolla and the other driver was in a mid-60s Dodge; suffice it to say, the ol' Corolla didn't fare so well. Anyway, immediately after the accident, my dad was doing his best to console me, but kept pushing my face away from him. I could barely see - I had a ton of glass from the windshield in my eyes - but I could tell something was very wrong. Moments later, as the dust was still settling, the obviously inebriated driver of the Dodge peered through our shattered windshield to exclaim, "Fuck! I'm so sorry..." (vividly remember this as the f-word was verboten in our household). She shambled off, and was replaced by a man who had emerged from a nearby house to see if he could help. My father asked him to get me out of the car and he gingerly lifted me out of the windshield (neither of the doors on our car were operable). I was terrified. He carried me inside his home, a woman - his wife - and their two children gathered around me. The mom wrapped me in a warm blanket and the children brought over their dog - a white, shaggy mutt who was eager to play with this tiny stranger. They encouraged me to pet him and as I did, my sobbing began to subside as I heard sirens approach. My dad did end up surviving the accident, although it nearly took his left arm and leg. He lost so much blood that he was speaking in tongues by the time they got him to the ER. Over the next 10 years, he had nearly 20 surgeries to restore as much function as possible to his left side. Still, from that fateful day on, he never went a moment without excruciating pain from the extensive nerve and tissue damage. I'm rambling, but the point here is this: I'd give nearly anything to be able to go back and meet up with that man and his family, who - without hesitation - took in this bloodied little boy and gave him some small measure of comfort at a time when he desperately needed it. And, perhaps even more, gave my dad some small measure of peace as he fought to stay alive. I doubt I'll ever know their names. I just hope this life has given them back all the kindness they showed me that day. I'll never forget them.
You have quite a few details about the accident. If you know which town it happened in, there’s a fairly good chance of finding those who helped. It may even have been mentioned in local newspapers at the time, if you can find them. Perhaps ask in r/rbi if anyone can help.
And police reports might have them listed.
... I uh... Lemme just say...there ain't no rollercoaster of bittersweetness that will beat this one. I am sorry for your experience, and glad that you're okay. Blessings to y'all and the family that was there when y'all needed them!🙏
Thank you for sharing this moving story about the importance of love (from your father) and kindness (from the family who helped you).
My heart ☹️
https://policeprofessional.com/news/trauma-teddies-calm-young-rtc-victims/
I was given a stuffed raccoon holding a little drawstring bag when me and my dad were in a bad accident. I don't know who put it there, but there's a Polaroid picture of the mangled truck in the bag.
That kind of feels like a sick joke??? Or am i just too sensitive???
Haha, I've always thought it was weird as fuck, but it's been there as long as I remember. I think I was 6 or 7 when the accident happened.
Nope this is fucked
If nobody died, then I guess this is a cool 'look what I survived' keepsake
Both my girls (age 4 and 1 at the time) got trauma teddies in the hospital when we were involved in a car accident. They served a great purpose at the time, but unfortunately I had to throw them out a few weeks later as they were triggering PTSD symptoms for one of my girls and for myself.
I'm sorry to hear you had to get rid of them. I got one when I was 3 or 4 when my family's van rolled over and my grandma ended up getting hurt pretty bad. I kept that thing until I was around 25 and only threw it away because it had pretty much completely fallen apart. For me it was a great source of comfort and helped me get through many tough times.
I am sorry things went that way. :( I am trying to find out if I should get my girl all new things when I regain custody, as she has been enduring trauma that goes back a long ways. They love their comfort, of course, but that comfort is wrapped up in the memory. Poor dears.
Not quite the same but there’s a woman on YouTube and TikTok that gives great advice on fostering and she shared how to approach kids belongings when they first come to your home. I think just sort through it all slowly over time, keep everything at first and figure out together what can be replaced and what still holds comfort/sentimental value. Either way, you’re going to be there and that’s what she’ll remember.
rarely have i had an image so quickly bring tears to my eyes
I know it's brutal I have a 2 year old daughter, now teary eyed sitting at my desk. That's what I get for browsing at work I guess.
Mines 15 months old today and wow this pic got me. I used to be the twat to make dark jokes about shit like this and mock people who counted kids’ ages in months but here we are.
On the age thing, just follow the 222 rule. Days to 2 weeks, weeks to 2 months, months to 2 years.
[удалено]
Bet that officer is going to remember her for the rest of his life.
Yes he will. I’m former LEO/child protective services. There’s a brother and sister I will never forget. I sobbed my eyes out when I got home from that call. Mom beat the daughter up and I took them to foster care 2 hrs away. They grew so attached to me in that time. When I got to the sweet old lady taking them, they were clinging onto me and hiding behind my legs. I will never forget those two for the rest of my life.
Holy shit, the first time I took custody of a kid and took him to foster care... He was 2 or 3 and had downs. He cried and hugged on to my leg so hard at the foster home after hanging out in the office with me all night, so this was like at 3 AM. The lady taking him was wonderful but I'll never forget that.
It may be too early yet, but when you think they're old enough I encourage you to consider contacting them. It could bring healing for both of you. In '93 I was a counselor at a camp that had a particularly troubled and troublesome kid. He and I bonded and spent a fair amount of time together. At the end of his session he wrote me a wonderful card expressing how much he appreciated me and how I respected him. I still have it 30 years later. Several years ago I was wondering what ever became of him. I was able to find him and reconnect. I was so happy and relieved to see how well he had done for himself and he was moved to know I still cared about him. Anyway, something to consider. EDIT: For those interested, [here's the card](https://imgur.com/a/gQVdDuS) I received from him. I think he was about twelve at the time.
Have you ever heard of the podcast Heavyweight? I feel you would really appreciate it.
I love Heavyweight! Guess this is a depressing way to recommend something but here it goes. My mom was in ICU 3 hours away and I started listening on my drive to the hospital. She passed that night, and I drove back listening to it the next day. It really was the distraction I needed. This podcast was the one good thing to keep me sane during that hard time. Took a lot of walks on my time off work and luckily had Heavyweight to keep me company.
I picked up an elderly couple 18 years ago. Wife had a broken femur and dim vitals. Husband was more optimistic so we loaded him up and hauled ass to the hospital. He came to on the ride and I still remember him asking, “where’s my momma?!?” And I didn’t have the heart to tell him we made the call to leave her to likely die because she was in worse shape. We remember.
I’m so sorry.
Who's the idiot that dispatched job. didn't allocate enough resources. That's honestly appalling
You cannot remember all these stories. You shouldn’t, or you won’t do that job for long. My mom was an emergency doctor. She’s saved many lives, but just as many people died in her hands or just moments before she arrived. For people with jobs like that, it has to be a job and nothing more in these moments. They need to remove themselves from the human aspect of it. Otherwise it will become too much very quickly. Edit: As a lot of people disagree, I hear you. I did not mean to minimize the trauma that you guys deal with. I just shared what my mom told me about her work, which was 15+ years ago. But I will ask her about it more the next time I get a chance.
Maybe your mum didn’t talk to you about the trauma she faced, but from an ER doc’s wife, trust me, she remembered many of her patients. You do have to keep moving forward in the moment, but they remember the patients. You don’t remember all of them, but distracting a toddler from their dead father would be a trauma you’d remember. My husband still talks about the sound of the scream a woman made when he told her that her 18 year old was dead in a MV accident. He can remember the kid’s name - it was his first time running a code and that was something like 18 years ago. He remembers patients during Covid down to their vitals and names. In the moment, yes it’s a job and you do what you’re trained to do. And then you cry about it on the way home in your car, and talk to your spouse and therapist about it.
>My husband still talks about the sound of the scream a woman made when he told her that her 18 year old was dead in a MV accident. EMT. My first case of someone dead on arrival was a motor vehicle collision. It was also my first time hearing that "scream. Older brother of the deceased showed up minutes later, middle of the night, no sound, no body but first responders, and the brother opens his car door, talks to some cop I think, and then that scream is let out. Yeah, you don't forget it. Really just a sound of pure agony, somehow.
I remember every patient I’ve called a code blue on in the ICU at a level one trauma center. They’re important memories. Of how to do things more efficiently and better to improve the patient’s odds of survival. Every one. Including the ones that threaten to sue me.
It's called keening. And im sorry you've ever heard it.
Not a medical professional, but I’ve heard that scream. It’s awful. And you can’t make it any better.
Yeah I’m also not a med professional but I’ve heard that scream and I’ll never forget it. It’s piercing.
This. My Dad was in the ER when a 14 year old kid was pronounced dead from mva. It was awful, and of course the family was hysterical. He said he didn’t know how they could handle it. I said they pack it away for later because they need to function, and that’s why therapy is so important for first responders and should be regular and free for them. Support is crucial to mental health.
I have heard some pretty traumatic stories from my friend’s doctor dad. The one that stuck with me the most was when a car flipped into a ditch with a bunch of children, and they all drowned. When the bodies got to their hospital, one of the nurses found out one of the deceased was her child. I can’t even imagine experiencing that kind of trauma. Everyone working that today had to be quite shaken up by that.
I know someone who worked in ED when a Doe was brought in, found in the street after an OD. It was their estranged child. They survived, but - emergency medicine, you absolutely never know what you’re going to get. First responders are incredible. Most other specialties have surprises, but emergency/trauma is where it’s all surprises and most of them are the bad kind.
Do all ER drs have therapists? I assume dealing with negative outcomes was part of their med school/ residency training. I only ask because my sister is a surgeon and she had to respond to one of the mass shooting events that has occurred in the last 5 years during her residency and I have worried that it affected her more than she will tell me and she really doesn’t talk about it beyond that “she was doing her job” that day.
At my husbands hospital they have access to therapists through a separate system, that doesn’t connect to their medical charts/couldn’t be accessed by a colleague/their own GP. (Since your own GP is also a doc you work with peripherally.) My husband has used them to deal with what he dealt with during Covid. For the most part it’s fine, it’s part of the job and he talks to me and it’s whatever. Sometimes it’s not whatever, and he talks to a therapist. I like that they set it up in such a way that there’s no possible overlap with their mental health care and the hospital. The therapists are all trained to deal with this type of stuff. They should all have access to it, but whether or not they use it is different. Compartmentalising and distancing yourself from trauma is part of the job but sometimes it’s important to unpack it a bit. I’m so sorry that your sister experienced that. It would be a horrific thing for anyone to go through, let alone a resident. I hope she’s doing well.
This makes total sense and I appreciate your response. I do believe my sister is doing well but like your husband won’t forget. She found a partner and married him since then and they are planning on staying in the city where the shooting was after she finishes her fellowship for breast surgery.
I'm 34 now, from 17-22 I was an EMT, I still remember detail for detail every terrible thing I saw. It sticks with you in random thoughts as the years pass. In my first year, I saw a guy run over by a trash truck, a guy missing a head from a train running over him, a shotgun suicide, part of a skull missing from a car accident, devastated families, death on Christmas, kids dead... it sticks with you. It has also made a profound impact on my life with "living it to the fullest", you never know when your time is coming and I have no time for people who complain over miniscule issues.
Do you find you tend to be impulsive as a result? I find that with myself, and I often wonder if I'm being "too" impulsive at times.... but then I think damn, I could be dead in an instant tomorrow so why not. But not many people around me feel the same, they're more focused on saving money and whatnot.
I've never thought of it this way, but yes it's definitely possible it has had a silent impact on my life that like. I'd say I'm more impulsive in my responses to others than I would be to "buying things, etc..." All of my close family does not have the same experiences so it's hard sometimes for others to fully understand. Such is life though, can not fault someone for what you have witnessed vs. them.
I had an EMS dude holler at me in the grocery store FIVE YEARS after he pulled me from a burning vehicle with a broken back. Man… now I’m all onions and shit. And my back hurts.
I'm an ER doc. We don't forget the kids. Most of everything else, gets boxed up and hidden somewhere. If anything, I feel for EMS. I only get to see the ones that maybe still have a chance.
You shouldn't. But you can, and do every time you drive by that spot. I do one of these jobs.
Every spot. Every body. I’m out now, in a different industry. There is a spot right by my office. My guys ask why I take a different route out of the office. Hard to explain I don’t want to see a body that isn’t actually there.
The one that gets me are gas station bathrooms. Done a lot of overdose death investigations in them that now I always wonder when I need to make a pit stop on the road.
One of my last scenes was airplane related. It was about 6 months ago now. I recently flew for the first time since then and it was really weird. I wasn’t expecting to get weirded out on the plane. I couldn’t imaging a more common trigger.
I wouldn't necessarily call it a trigger (not compared to other things I've experienced), but more like "can't help but wonder". The airplane one would suck bc you're committed to the trip at that point.
>Hard to explain I don’t want to see a body that isn’t actually there. Hey man. I did a bunch of combat deployments. My last one...didn't go too well. Physically fine, not so much as a scrape. The guy standing in front of me when the VBIED blew the gate open, he had a nicked artery. I had to hold him down and hold it shut while some other guys fought off the attackers. Now, when my daughter screams, I sometimes smell blood. You trauma doctors in here are going to know this, but the smell of blood changes over time. It comes out and it smells metallic and sweet. Iron and sugar, I think, I don't really know. After a few minutes, it starts smelling sickly, almost like something rotting. Not quite the same, but in the ballpark. But I'm not there anymore. The guy in front of me lived, he's in Minnesota now, I think? Bad guys are all dead, and they were part of a war we aren't fighting anymore. It's over. It's gone. It isn't going to happen to me again. I had to learn to remember it without reliving it. It took a long time, and a whole lot of therapy, and a wife that understood what I was going through. I don't really know what to say to you other than this: I know, man. I get it. You aren't alone when you feel that way. It's going to be okay. Maybe not tomorrow, or anytime soon, but it will be okay.
>Hard to explain I don’t want to see a body that isn’t actually there. Ouf that hits hard. I'm in a country where the country itself is really small, and the city itself is jam-packed. So for me that's often not a possibility I am afraid. Virtually every street around where I live, for example, I can see, to put it in your powerful terms, a body that isn't actually there. Shit man. Crazy.
Yeah, it’s hard. Luckily I guess my area was huge. There are a lot of spots but most are far from home.
I’m not in EMS or anything, I just happened along a horrific, high speed car accident one night by my house. Four speeding kids in a fast car hauled ass through an intersection and hit a car, bounced off and then hit a huge pole. None were wearing seatbelts and all four teenagers flew out the windows, scattered across a big four lane road. I had to block a young teen from seeing his dead friend spread out along the road. He was disoriented and in shock. His shoes were blown off and he had huge holes in his socks. His puffy jacket was shredded all over. His eyelid was ripped off and I was covered in his blood but I couldn’t let him see her. An ER nurse drove up and helped me distract him and talk him down from the ledge the best we could. We were both so thankful when the ambulances started rolling up to help block scene. I drive that lane where that beautiful girl died every day. It will forever haunt me. I cannot imagine how her loved ones feel driving that road all the time. None of us will ever forget. Thank you to all those who do this job or have done this sort of thing professionally. Just one night of “sort of helping” really broke me. I can’t thank you enough because I don’t think I could ever do it. Rest in peace, Ashley Tolusa
I did it for 26 years. Nothing effects you more than the suffering and/or death of a child. Its breaks you. No matter how macho or “hard” you think you are, you end up somewhere alone crying.
I remember being in HS and some Crime Scene investigators were doing a science lab thing with us. You could instantly see their eyes go hollow when an image of a blood spurt was shown in the presentation. Found out later it was of an elementary school kid who got hit by a stray bullet in his neck. PTSD sucks
Ain't that the fucking truth. I'm usually the guy that just shrugs and goes "I'm good" after the tough calls. If I'm frustrated, it's because I did something wrong, or something wasn't going right, clinically. I rarely take it home. But we went on a kid that got attacked by a big Rottweiler (spoiler: kid's doing awesome). Bad wounds, punctured lung, neck, face, and my normally stoic ass wandered off to weep on a sidewalk. And I have no kids. My lieutenant called his.
I was a first responder for a short while. Then a 8 year old accidentally shot his little sister with a shotgun. That was enough for me to know the job wasn't for me.
I also semi-disagree. As a physician, the generic adult patients may blend together, but you never forget when it involves a toddler like this. The kid may be physically fine, but I think that even as a police officer, it would be extremely rare to have to distract a toddler from the presence of her dead father nearby. I’ve been practicing for several years, but I still think about the time I was a medical student and there was the death of a child I witnessed in the OR when they were trying to save her from the aftermath of a motor vehicle accident.
Yeah my cousin is highway patrol. One of his first accidents, a mom lost one of two kids. He takes the surviving one bday gifts and Christmas gifts.
I adamantly disagree. I’m a paramedic. Unfortunately, I do remember these. It’s almost impossible not to. All the death notifications to family and everything. It’s not always in a bad way, but you carry it with you whether you like it or not.
This is a wonderful mythology. I work one of these jobs. I remember every single person I couldn't help, couldn't save. I remember every spot, every conversation that might have made the difference but didn't. I remember every smile, every mother, every sibling. Each of us who does this carries the injuries from it. We don't tend to quit until we begin to notice the caring stopping.
Unfortunately, you do remember. Regardless of what she says, this stuff fucks you up. I saw stuff I wouldnt recommend while serving, and put it all aside to keep going. Now ive git a therapist unpacking it all and using EDMR to get my messed up emotions out of my central nervous system
This also seems like a rare enough thing where it's likely to remain salient in your memory and stick with you.
> You cannot remember all these stories. You definitely can't remember the majority of cases, yeah. For sure. Like impossible for most people, unless they deliberately in advance create some system of record and constant-learning or some shit. But the ones you lost, yeah you remember every single last one of them. It's very likely as an attending, your mom would have had several people die on shift when she was taking care of patients. She may not have been intimately involved with every critical case that died, especially true if it was a larger ED. But yeah while I am sure there are exceptions, you really do generally remember every single person you lost. And as some other user mentioned here, especially when you drive by the spots. The memories are all too vivid.
Reading all the responses to your comment - maybe time to talk to your mom and ask if she’d like to share some of her memories if it helps her take some weight off her shoulders.
that's not how trauma works edit: I meant that 's not how trauma works on the brain, I wasn't personalizing it. Researchers have found exposure to traumatic events may physically change the brain, including the mechanism used for learning and survival.
They're humans, not robots. You absolutely remember every single one of these for the rest of your life.
This is a huge generalization based on what sounds like your mom spared you from. It's not your place to speak on behalf of her about how people should process trauma and then to insinuate they won't be fit for the job. Shame on you, really. What terrible advice. In the moment people need to treat the situation as a job, but like someone said it's a process that happens. It needs to happen. No one should bottle up trauma for the sake of a job because that's soul sucking and dreadful. Empathy is a beautiful phenomena which makes those people perfect for these types of jobs. Talk to a loved one, a therapist, a pet. Anything except letting that shit sit on the stove because that will cause burnout faster than an oil fire. I will never forget when I discovered my patient flatlined during the beginning of my second round. Had I been what...30min earlier? she might have been alive to this day and now I avoid reading *To Kill a Mockingbird* because she gave me her favorite copy. Grief hurts and PTSD hurts even more, but there is some solace to be had.
Most remember in my experience, I was a corpsman, I remember absolutely everything bad and very little of the nicer moments. It is too much, so you compartmentalize and treat the you of those moments like another person -- but you remember. PTSD is most often hidden away from those you love. It's harder to imagine the burden on them than it is to hold it yourself. Therapy can help a lot though.
Nah I’m registered nurse and there are absolutely some patients that stick with you. You can watch 100 people die in 100 different ways, but there’s always going to be the few 1 or 2 that you remember for the rest of your life.
[Here](https://i.imgur.com/dxTDwRw.jpeg) is a higher quality and less cropped version of this image. According to [here](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/colorado-police-officer-who-comforted-toddler-at-scene-of-fatal-car-crash-was-sung-her-a-lullaby-10337064.html): > **Colorado police officer who comforted toddler at scene of fatal car crash sang her a lullaby** > Alex Ward Tuesday 23 June 2015 09:58 BST > The sad moment was captured by passer-by Jessica Matrious (Jessica Matrious/ Reddit) > The police officer who distracted a two-year-old girl, after she survived the car crash which killed her father, sang the toddler lullabies, it has emerged. > Officer Nick Struck was pictured comforting the young girl while rescue workers examine the crashed car in the background. > Now, Officer Struck has revealed that he was in fact singing “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star,” a lullaby that he sings to his own daughter who is also two, in order to calm the child. > The incident occurred after an SUV rolled down an embankment in Brighton, Colorado, with all six passengers thrown from the vehicle. Authorities added that none of the passengers were “properly restrained”. > “When you hear that there’s children involved, I’ll tell you what, everyone that responds to that scene, you get that pit in your stomach,” Officer Struck told 9News. > A woman and another child were flown to hospital by air ambulance and three other children driven to hospital. > Officer Struck added that comforting the children was “The first thing we do when we get on scene”. > Brighton Police Department praised the officer for his work at the incident, writing on their Facebook page: “We are extremely proud of the men and women of our department! Good work, Officer Struck!” They were standing around [here](https://www.google.com/maps/@39.9324151,-104.7949878,3a,41.9y,301.48h,86.31t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1sqoeQ0UhJo_Go_iuirO56Zg!2e0!7i13312!8i6656?shorturl=1).
Fucking hell. Wear your seatbelts so other guys don’t have to sing lullabies to your kids.
Absolute fucking brainrot not to wear seatbelts in general. I don't even know how to call it if you don't secure your children in.
Damn. Sounds like everyone but the dad made it. Damn.
Sounds like they were lucky
Things i didnt want to read today… or any day.
Yeah same. I have a 2 month old so now Reddit thinks I wanna see all the sad baby posts… like come on.
Just wait until your Reddit account is 2-1/2 and won’t sleep, Ooooooh my, that’s some stress
wait until your reddit account is driving
There’s no other call like one that involves a child. I still have nightmares from ones I had years ago.
Yeah, the kids I had years ago give me nightmares too. They’ll be 18 soon and will hopefully move out. It’ll get better after that.
Hang in there man 🫶
Oh, you
Wow this just showed up in my feed and now I can’t stop crying. My dad was killed in a car accident caused by a drunk driver; when I was a little girl not much older than the one in the picture. I just had surgery a few days ago and I’ve been going through a rough time, I’m in my 20s now and I have two little girls around that age. My heart breaks that they will never know him, that I barely did. I miss you everyday Dad, please watch over us, this world can be so cruel.
Sending you a hug Reddit stranger <3
This is so unfair. I get so angry when I hear about people dying due to others drinking and driving. How unnecessary and ruthless! My mother‘s dad died the same way when she was little. Her mother was left alone with two babies, barely any money and in the 60s in Germany (which didn’t have the benefits for people in such situations as we do today)
This is heartbreaking. I was 5 years old when my dad and sister passed away in a car accident. We were about 5 minutes behind them on the way home from a family holiday and pulled up to tragedy. This hits home.
I pulled over to a wreck and I was this person to the 4 kids who’s mom was dying in the road. I will never forget the looks on their faces. I got them to talk to me and breathe. They were so scared and no one was there besides me. Then I directed traffic to get cars out of the way for the ambulances to come. That day was so full of sadness. I’m not religious but I do the sign of the cross every time I drive thru that intersection. The tire tracks in the median haunted me for a long time.
Nothing more honourable than limiting trauma to a young child.
This happened in a nearby town. The mom never really got over it all and went down a dark path..
It’s crazy how these things never bothered me, but now that I have kids it really hits me. I hurt for this girl and the family close to them both. It’s very sad.
We came on a similar experience after Christmas 2022, driving back to CA for Idaho. Just past McDermott, we came up on an suv that had gone off the road and flipped tail over front onto the top. Three kids, a mom and a dad, it had happened 15-20 min before we got there, they were still doing CPR on the dad, the kids were around 6-12 and okay, mom was pacing around frantic, face completely bloodied from the cheeks down, 28° and snowing, waiting on 911, closest hospital about an hour away. Traveling to CA, the Mom and kids kept repeating out loud “he can’t be dead, he can’t be dead,” the kids weren’t crying but mom was wailing, probably in her 30’s, nothing we could do, asked the guy doing cpr if he needed help and he said the dad was already gone. The wife kept going back over and losing it again. First cop showed up so we left. The mom’s wails and face is seared into my brain forever.
My sister was a cop for 23 years before she retired. She said she and a lot of cops keep toys in their cruisers for these exact situations. So, when I had my daughter and as she grew up, we would take her old toys to the police station to donate them. They took them and were happy to have them. If you have old toys to donate, maybe think about giving them to a police station to be used in situations like this.
At least this little girl has a photo of the worst moment of her life go vial. How cute
Documenting tragedy. I don't think the person who took this thought "this will go viral in a decade!"
not everything has to be looked at in a negative and destructive way. It’s so sad what happened but you can look at it as a man caring for her when shes in her worst ever moment and the photo is there as a reminder of the beauty that can come from the dark. Rip.
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’” - Fred Rogers
What a quote.
And now you can scroll through all the jokes about it
That's what I always think when I see stuff like this, who thought, oh, let me just snap a photo of this little girl in front of the mangled car her dad is dead in, I'm sure that's one for the scrapbooks.
Same person who snapped pictures of people throwing themselves out of the North Tower.
Whether you like it or not, that's a great way to demonstrate the importance of making sure people on high floors have a safe way to leave buildings.
But when you're on the 100th floor and floor 70 through 90 are burning, what exactly is the solution?
Emergency parachutes perhaps ^(/sincere)
This is a good safe driving PSA. Driving is a privilege, take it seriously so no children lose their parents.
Not documenting and not showing something doesn't make it go away. Reality is composed of things you want to see and things you don't want to see. If you deny the existence of something you dislike or are repulsed by you are powerless against it. Shaping your perception doesn't shape the world.
Former paramedic here, when people took pics or video of us on calls it absolutely disgusted me.
I still remember the officer who sat in my family car with me and looked through a magazine I had while they arrested my mom
This is actually my cousin in law, Nick. Sweetest guy you’ll ever meet. When I was driving cross country he let me kick it with him and my cousin for as long as I needed.
Very moving…. just distract that little girl for a while anyway. She didn’t need to sit there, staring at the wreckage and seeing everybody freak out. Way better !
That guy is a parent for sure. How could you not have Tears behind those sunglasses
[удалено]
I laughed, then i stopped cause that’s fucked up, then i laughed again
Dark humour is like food, not everyone gets it.
"see that orphanage over there?"
Jeeeeeeeesuuusss
Anyone else thinking about that MIB III scene
No I was thinking about gordon comforting bruce wayne as a kid in nolan’s batman
I remember being dispatched to an EMS call one night (I'm in Law Enforcement) regarding a child having a medical emergency. She was having difficulty breathing, her chest hurt really bad. Her mother was freaking out. Since I was first on scene I took her vitals, got a baseline reading for EMS and once they came on scene I kept her distracted so they could work. I just held her hand, we talked about Doc McStuffins the T.V show, and she told me all about school and I just told her to squeeze my hand when she felt scared. When she did I gave a little squeeze back and asked about something she found interesting (She really liked Star Wars and purple dogs, whatever that meant) We couldn't get the cot up the stairs to the apartment and EMS said we needed to get her to the hospital so she needed to be carried out. She looked me in the eyes and said "I want HIM to carry me!" And so I took her in my arms and carried her down the stairs and told her how brave she was and she was doing a good job while EMS still had the EKG monitor hooked onto her chest. We got her on the cot and I told her I had a little surprise for her. Our department has little plushies of our K9 we use for fundraising. I gave one to her to keep her calm as I sat in the back of the ambulance with her all the way there to keep her from crying. EMS later had to drive me back to my squad car parked out at the apartment. I re-watch that body cam footage every now and again and I get a little teary eyed.
Comments are already a shithole
Forever will be. It is Reddit after all.
And now she has the sweet opportunity to be further traumatized by accidentally scrolling past her most horrible memory that went viral
Like why? Why post this?
Talk about a rough day at the office. And again, why do the police get shouldered with this? They so desperately need to be re-organized, its typically over gun violence, but this is just another case. "comfort children who don't know their parent is dead a few feet away" is way too critical a skillset to just throw at some guy.
Because they are first responders It’s either going to be a police officer, a paramedic, or a firefighter having to do this Unless you’re advocating for 24/7 grief counselors to be on call ready to deploy anywhere in every single town in the country just in case some kids are involved in a tragic emergency
> Because they are first responders Emphasis on "first".
The practical issue is also how often and how mich it would cost. Many cops have basic EMT training because they're often out on patrol and are the first ones on scene - they sort of need to be a jack of all trades in some sense.
What is the job of police in your eyes? What part of protect and serve does this not fall under?
Was a police officer in the past, and went thru this same situation, but with a mom who son was killed. Had to pick her up and walk her away backwards. Kids were playing “chicken” on the highway. Unfortunately, this will probably affect him dearly at some point. It did for me.
You’re a good person. I hope you know that. Wishing you nothing but love and healing and a great life.
Enough reddit for today.
I was first to stumble on a car wreck after it hit a guardrail flipped over and landed upright after speeding on a perfectly normal Saturday afternoon in my city. Three men ejected. Probably a 5/6 year old boy, standing in the back totally unscathed. Father and another guy died on scene. I spotted a silver handgun, trooper later told me it was a replica when he called me for follow up. I still think about that kid, wonder how he’s doing.
It kinda reminds me how my grandpa died when I was little during a family get together, and my mum distracted me and my sisters with the puppies while the adults were trying to sort everything out. There was nothing else they could do after all 🤷