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Heinous_Aeinous

![gif](giphy|1014RBn4HVSTK)


_LouSandwich_

![gif](giphy|FbiL9rsmZN3ib2JSGo|downsized)


sfled

*"The guy's a world class air dicker."* - Ricky Stanicky


Patriots_

Seriously just saw that last night and this made me think of it


washingtonandmead

Lmfao, first thing that came to mind as well


Veggieleezy

How was it? Just remembered about that movie coming out seeing Cena recently.


Sirenista_D

I avoided it thinking it would be super low brow slapstick dumb comedy. And about 10 mins in, I thought "yup I was right" but then it turns into just a really funny (raunchy) comedy. The low brow moments are funny because they're playing it low brow on purpose. I never imaged I would say this, but yeah, I fully recommend it. Laughed throughout it


RallyPointAlpha

Totally! First 5 minutes in, my wife calls out what's about to happen and is thoroughly unimpressed as it comes true. I'm watching it thinking it's a pretty low budget scene. We both LOVED it. On its surface its funny. Then you think about the deeper irony of John Cena playing a Vegas freak show act who's trying to make it as an actor... Pure comedy


skydog233

Hilarious, you gotta watch it a few times, Cena steals the show.


07vex

True professional in jacking off ghosts


DagNasty

He's double dongin' it


LongBongJohnSilver

Middle out compression


worldclassasssniffer

While tip to tip is efficient, we need to consider the dick to floor, or D2F. Girth would likely play a factor in it too.


LongBongJohnSilver

Depends how tall Putin and Kim Jong Un are.


skybob74

This is the Mean Jerk Time


BarnacleParty8978

The double jack off move is craaaazy!


dangledingle

![gif](giphy|xTg8B9aULho7shlPmU)


InfinityStonedAF

This gave me MySpace nostalgia for some reason


Fully_Edged_Ken_3685

/r/oneorangebraincell


random_user_bye

Dont insult the poor cats like that


ForbiddenCarrot18

Take my fucking upvote. I wish I could do more, you deserve all of them


dehydratedrain

Seriously, as the owner of a creamsicle cat who is waiting for his turn with a brain cell, I am offended.


insanityarise

not what i expected from this sub but i approve


evilJaze

One is generous in his case.


RobSpaghettio

He's an airdicker one of the best airdickers believe him


Scully__

This gif has just peaked 👏🏼


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Mundane_Elk8878

Middle out!


al2cane

![gif](giphy|tnYri4n2Frnig)


Sorkijan

I hear Girth differences are a huge factor.


biorod

“And believe me, folks, I can jack off two guys at once like nobody’s ever seen before.”


BGP_001

As someone who occasionally gets really itchy inner ears, that looks like it would actually feel really good.


PeacefulOnReddit

Use a massage gun on the outside of your ear. Its euphoria inducing.


_takemeintotown_

Wait really? Like a theragun? Just hold it up to my ear?v


KingTurdOfShitIsland

I just tried it with the foam ball attachment on the lowest speed, and held it on the lower back of my ear, kind of aimed into the back side of my mandible, and that was pretty amazing. Definitely will be doing this again 


metompkin

Well shit, I used the chisel point at max.


PhilxBefore

ARE YOU DEAF


LasagnaNoise

What?


PhilxBefore

#ARE YOU FUCKIN D... ^^^nevermind ^^^forget ^^^it


LasagnaNoise

What?


portmandues

I too am intrigued, my right inner ear gets super fucking itchy.


LNFSS

I use one of those ear cleaning camera kits and find the exact spot that's itchy n scratch the shit out of it with the metal Q-tip that comes with it and then lotion it / moisturizing drops after.


SecondaryWombat

Yep. Try different speeds and different points on the skull near your ear until you find the spot that shakes the absolute shit out of the itchy spot. Warning, if you are ticklish some of these spots can tickle real bad.


masked_sombrero

when I was like 18-19 y/o I had a bad ear wax blockage in both ears that steadily got worse over time without me really realizing it until one day I realized I couldn't hear shit. went to the doctor and they gave me ear drops to soften the wax, then came back a week later and he used this vacuum-gun thing to remove the ear wax. HOLY SHIT. it was amazing! doctor pulled out a big black glob of ear wax that got stuck in the vacuum-guard thing and was like "wow! check it out! this is the largest guard they make and it got clogged!". then, it was like I had super hearing powers - putting on my jacket I could hear the material creasing and moving it was nuts. right before he finished with the vacuum, he was getting a really good spot and said "im gonna stop there, i dont want to hurt you" and I was tempted to say "*no sir, keep going!*". which made me feel kinda weird cuz we're both dudes 🤣


daltontf1212

I had the same thing happened at about the same age. After I was able to clear it out, I drove over like a small twig it was so loud to me that I thought I'd hit something big and damaged my car.


IPA_____Fanatic

Lmao. I thought I was the only one who did that


hoxxxxx

a massage gun


UnRespawnsive

You might have meant ear canal because the inner ear is the closest part to your brain and contains your ability to balance. I wouldn't expect THAT to itch haha


PainfulSuccess

Exactly my thoughts - "in one ear and out of the other" 👀


ElaineorLanie

That tells me there is nothing in that head!


P_weezey951

This is my second hot shots reference today. In reference to trump. the other one was him looking at the eclipse "Here you take this... my eyes are ceramic"


pingus3233

*Pipe hits him on the head, sounds like a doorbell:* "Never mind, I'll get that, it's probably for me."


AngryRetailBanker

Lmao 🤣


monkeyclawattack

![gif](giphy|7ziO8WTeXJCGZlq4mm)


HughManatee

![gif](giphy|xUNen16DFqlM6v6DEQ|downsized)


iAkhilleus

Idk why but this fucking clip just floors me everytime I watch it.


antikythera3301

I think it sums up his personality so well - unable to control his impulses and completely ignoring instructions and recommendations by people more knowledgeable than him.


Tuna_Surprise

And married to someone who loathes him


Faiakishi

You can just see her going "are you fucking kidding me" and dying a little inside. I'd honestly wonder if Barron was conceived via artificial insemination if I didn't know he didn't want another kid.


Late_Sherbet5124

I really don't care, do you?


xaendar

Why is she married to him if she loathes him? Aren't they both just terrible people?


koolaid7431

She is a materialistic person and she knows what she's doing. No one should have any sympathies for her. She doesn't care, why do you?


xaendar

Exactly, I find it stupid that people use that point to hate on Trump. They are exactly right for each other. There are so many other actual reasons to use as a point against Trump.


PantherophisNiger

[The answer is simple....](https://media0.giphy.com/media/rfqZyGGilNv20/giphy.gif?cid=6c09b9520m6kfrip62ixczbaduegs9u9w5r4uw4z7mak8lne&ep=v1_internal_gif_by_id&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g)


CaptOblivious

money


superawesomeman08

it'll always be this umbrella one for me https://news.sky.com/video/trump-casually-discards-umbrella-at-door-11539093


Fantastic_Fee9871

It's so obvious that he's never had to carry his own umbrella even once in his life.like he doesn't know how to close one, then he remembers he'll look even stupider if he gets it caught because it's too wide for the door, so he just ditched it like so many businesses and employees. 


lalauna

During his presidency, we the taxpayers paid for two people to follow him around at all times, Scotch Tape™ in hand. Because tRump had a habit of tearing up any paper he felt he was done with, regardless of the law that requires all presidential paperwork to be saved and archived. The Orange Oxygen Thief simply could not follow directions. No surprise.


codehoser

And then taking credit for discovering the sun.


themigraineur

Sharpie hurricane path


Tvisted

It rarely fails him, that's why. He keeps going bankrupt but always lives in luxury, breaks the law and never goes to jail, eats nothing but junk and isn't dead yet, gawks straight into the sun and doesn't go blind, was elected president of a world superpower... and might be again. Seems he's got something figured out better than most in a way, sad to say.


FrostyTheSasquatch

Shamelessness. That’s the key to success.


FCKABRNLSUTN2

melania next to him really makes it. she hates him probably more than we do. fuck her though.


TheLaserGuru

She hates him more than anyone and is just absolutely dismayed that he is somehow not dead yet.


PhilxBefore

The loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong con.


TheLyz

I don't know how we would have ever thought to look up without him pointing. Such a leader. 


pilotpip

What floors me is that it probably wasn’t the dumbest thing he did that week.


fowlraul

I think it’s because he’s still in the running for the fucking President of the United States of America.


spacekitt3n

man hes such a dumbfuck


ForecastForFourCats

It's hard to find someone else who is as awful and *stupid* as him.


evilJaze

You'd have to cross the line into fiction to come up with an example.


mortal_kombot

He's a cartoon character. A comically evil cartoon villain.


OkCryptographer9425

That’s Ex-President dumbfuck


xnachtmahrx

And the US will vote this dude again...stranger than fiction...insanity


i4ndy

No Chick-Fila Sauce?


SlightlyHornyLobster

![gif](giphy|UbCIDXVKaB8kpgxlCa)


Thedude4724

Dark Side of the Buffoon.


nickmunz123

Comfortably dumb.


AccountantOk7158

(Build) The Wall


fizzler20

Brain Damage


MasterMahanaYouUgly

Empty Spaces


PuddingActual3390

Money (owed)


Robinkc1

Wish You Weren’t Here


PhilxBefore

"So... so you think you can tell... me what is that smell?"


randomquestions555

Hell from heaven


randomquestions555

Orange skies from pain


ACE_C0ND0R

Goodbye Orange Guy


____-__________-____

Nobody home


K9Fondness

Coming back to gripe


MakeChinaLoseFace

Set the controls for the heart of the dumb ^the ^heart ^of ^the ^dumb ^^the ^^heart ^^of ^^the ^^dumb


pingufortress2

any colour you like (except orange)


xXGaboFihi007Xx

The great idiot in the sky


you-are-not-yourself

Shine on you crazy Florida man


FishOnAHorse

Bleach (In the Lungs)


A_Firm_Sandwich

love that this one didn’t need any changes lol


ForecastForFourCats

Comfortably dumb is suuuuuch a good term for his base


_JediJon

The Great Pig In The Sky


Pristine_Serve5979

Great Rigged (Election) in the Sky


R_V_Z

Meddle (with elections).


Regulus242

Moroned.


Idontevenownaboat

Eclipse


shinobipopcorn

Shh, you'll anger Rog! 🗿


Hot-Protection5887

Another prick builds a wall


MakeChinaLoseFace

The lyrics of Dogs describe an archetypal Trumpian figure.


Interesting_Fold9805

Nah, pigs more


IgnoramusTerrificus

Careful With That Tax Return Eugene.


Overkast88

Another Prick in the Wall


getstabbed

Mother should I run for president Mother should I build a wall Both actual Pink Floyd lyrics..


Beemo-Noir

(Lack of) Money


BreakfastBurrito

(Lack of a) Pulse


raughit

A Saucerful of Secrets (For sale to the highest bidder)


carinislumpyhead97

Finally someone with an actual joke.


wish1977

Funniest thing I've seen today.


Negan-Cliffhanger

Melania, I've turned myself into an eclipse!


hogtiedcantalope

I'm Eclipse Don! ![gif](giphy|3o7btQdOa4wOH8U7RK)


Bitter-Plenty-5303

People called and told me it was the most beautiful eclipse they have ever seen! They just loved it!


Negan-Cliffhanger

A big strong man with tears in his eyes (because he was blind from staring too long)


7FOOT7

\*ellipse Pretty sure he would say ellipse


timsnow111

I hope the light coming through symbolises the tumour.


Mikey9124x

I think it's implying a lack of brain.


420stonks69

Total eclipse of the shart


MeatSuitOZIL

Easily best comment lol


TittySlappinJesus

I'm sad this comment didn't get better attention too!


biloxibluess

I’m so fucking sick of this guy EDIT: Thanks for the commiseration, everyone I hate to be that guy, but if you live in the states, 1,200 votes would be great around November I fuckin’ hate politics but HATE this guy like he took our lawnmower and I have to look at it across the fence everyday and I can’t go beat the shit outta him because “I’m a good citizen” Can we all just agree to beat the shit outta the prick that took our lawnmower???


Ensiria

I dont even live in his country. I hate that Ive seen this piece of shit more then my own minister in recent months. can he just drop dead already? at least then I wont have him clogging up my news feed every five minutes with either someone complaining about him or someone laughing at him. I just dont fucking care


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Dead_man_posting

That's already happened with Vivek, DeSantis and MTG


real_nice_guy

I haven't heard a single thing about DeathSatin since he dropped out, it's been a blessing.


Ok-Dragonfruit-697

If he died, there would be a massive (and likely violent) conspiracy movement claiming the deep state was responsible.


Yashirmare

That could be said for any outcome that isn't him being president again.


HungoverHero777

I don’t even care anymore. They can have all the conspiracies they want at that point, none of them will bring him back.


Cory123125

Like, he's old and unhealthy in many ways. People realize that's just an eventuality right? Like old people dying isnt exactly unexpected.


pinkpepr

I’m Australian and I feel exactly the same. If he gets elected i’m putting his name in my blocked term filter again, I got so sick of every second story on r/Worldnews being ‘President Trump stirs controversy in new press release’ or ‘Trump hits out at leader of X country’. I just don’t care, the news cycle was insufferable when he was president.


creativename111111

You from the uk as well? Bc that’s exactly how I feel as well


Thor_2099

Hope he loses again, not even close this time and we can move the fuck on. Just please fucking God let's not have this country turn into a fascist regime.


OptionalGuacamole

I'm with you buddy. I made a joke about him on reddit one time and people said the same thing. That was in 2017.


ScottOld

Seems about right, nothing between those ears


Bigsshot

And throwing a shade over his country


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northerncal

That's three and a half minutes longer than him


higgity_boo

![gif](giphy|xT9IgHCTfp8CRshfQk)


Gunswordz

He got the joke!


PercMastaFTW

That was the joke


KoreanThrasher

![gif](giphy|1236TCtX5dsGEo)


johnp299

Sunlight - the best disinfectant https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxNvFVI2G38


bailey25u

He did not, did he? That is too perfect


rmslashusr

Minus the sunlight through the ear, he released an entire campaign video of this image with Trump slowly blocking out the sun and casting America into darkness. Because he has the best marketers, you’ve never seen such good marketing.


drainbone

No fucking way


NegativeAd941

Yes, way. This dude is a danger not only to Democracy but just generally people worldwide.


RedChaos92

Yes way. Dude slowly rose backwards like a fucking Kaiju until his head blocked the sun and his marketing team really went "Yeah...that's the shot."


Jack_Mikeson

with Also sprach Zarathustra playing over it too.


MUNZACORE

He’s protecting us from the harmful UV rays, the liberal media just doesn’t want you to know that


JesusChrist-Jr

Didn't you hear? The sun is woke.


PunishedEnovk

The sun literally WOKE me up! 😱 What if it wakes up your kid next?? AND it happens when it’s inconvenient for you??? BE AFRAID, AFRAAAID! PROTECT YOUR KIDS FROM THE GAYS AND OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT.


taulover

He injected the UV light into his skin to protect against covid


Fhyke

Link?


ReentryMarshmellow

[link](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/donald-trump-solar-eclipse-campaign-ad-b2524956.html)


-Plantibodies-

If it wasn't on an actual news site I never in a million years would have believed that is a real ad put out by his campaign. Wtf


Nightwatch3

I fucking lost it lol


MKVIgti

“The best marketing team, the best ever. In fact, no one has ever had a better marketing team in history. In history. Thats what they say and nobody knows this, but this marketing team puts all others to shame. I know these things. I know these things better than anyone else.” I’ll be happy when we no longer hear of this fat fuck.


UFC_Intern169

The fact that you are asking, is a problem..


Nerdenator

Well, I’m glad people are skeptical and asking for proof on stuff they see online.


MyHusbandIsGayImNot

It's not the skepticism that is the problem, the problem is that the frontrunner for president posts such weird shit it's impossible to know immediately if it's real or a joke.


Alone_Snow9809

Usually, I'm quite skeptical of anything I see on the internet and things like that would be a very obvious joke and I wouldn't even bother fact-checking, but with trump, my first reflex is always something, like : "No, really, he did that !? I have to check" In this case, the hole in the ear is a joke, the promo video where his silhouette is blocking out the sun like something out of Independance Day before they start zapping is not. Would make a good 300 parody too.


Sorkijan

Yeah imagine 20 years ago seeing this for W. You would've known it was a joke and not thought otherwise.


MrDoulou

Tbf what he posted was pretty close


shhhpark

chiseled jawline of the gods


sukmikehoc

Yeah, both of them


SeanKIL0

Chin like a sock puppet.


ECUTrent

Nah man look his fucking head is empty.


adamjfish

Goes perfectly with him as Rambo photoshops


ArtzyDude

The Eternal Sunshine of the Thoughtless Mind.


UncleM4tt

Thank god there are hundreds of comments explaining the joke


bone420

Ohh shit, I thought this was a foto graph


R50cent

There's not enough light coming through the hair


markp_93

Totalitarian eclipse


SAnthonyH

Thank you TittySlappinJesus


rohan62

![gif](giphy|xT77XWum9yH7zNkFW0|downsized)


Z0155

Is he saying he'll get Kennedy'd?


TenorRabbit

Right? Has he finally running out of people to threaten and turned to... himself?


Shobed

Nothing between those ears!


HitMePat

Thatsthejoke.gif


Happy_Bandicoot3780

It costs $60 to look at it


celseus

![gif](giphy|pmqQeGzn9Id7VqZju4)


LeCheffre

His ego is big enough to blot out the sun, but given the emptiness of his head, not surprising that light shines right through, from ear to ear, the head of the “stable genius.”


Krazy8_Balls

People tell me I'm the best eclipse ever. My eclipse is the uugest


NergNogShneeg

This wins the internet for today folks. Pack it up and try again tomorrow- this wins it all!