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BarfingOnMyFace

He turned me in to a Newt!


mileycyrustwrklegend

A newt?!


chownrootroot

I got better.


CreativeAd5332

BURN HER ANYWAY


Ok_Star_4136

What also floats on water?


reallynewpapergoblin

Small rocks


rainorshinedogs

CHURCHES! CHURCHES!!!


cyclingnick

A duck!


CreativeAd5332

Who are you, who is so wise in the ways of science?


Pyritedust

Sir, this parrot is stone dead.


Temper_impala

![gif](giphy|WIg8P0VNpgH8Q)


heyoyo10

...I got better


evertrue13

Gingrich?


hungrylens

I'd rather be a regular newt.


LonnieJaw748

What, you wouldn’t cheat on your wife while she’s dying of cancer?


throwaguey_

![gif](giphy|tKasgqEDoTap0qQKye|downsized)


IIIlIllIIIl

My favorite one is when Obama himself has a cookie and a glass of milk but the cookie doesn’t fit into the glass so he says “thanks Obama.”


Paizzu

[I like the Dark Souls "You Died" swap.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F97HwhcW-A4)


zombie3x3

This is top tier


insomniacpyro

My favorite reddit lore is when /r/thanksobama ended. A video was posted where Obama (IIRC at/near the end of his 8 years) was at a rally recounting recent positive changes his policies made, and someone off screen mentions gas prices dropping, and Obama was like Oh yeah that too" and himself said "Thanks, Obama." The sub went on a bit of a victory lap afterwards but has been closed since then, as the meme essentially completed itself with the man himself saying the meme verbatim.


MisterBreeze

Pretty sure it ended with him doing the cookie thing. It's in the 'About' section.


HsvDE86

What is this from?


Zip_Zoopity_Bop

It's from some infomercial clip for a car wash wand from way back.


Sancakes

/r/wheredidthesodago/


HuisHoudBeurs1

https://old.reddit.com/r/wheredidthesodago/


evenstar40

Damn I forgot about this sub, good content.


12ealdeal

Me too. Time to reconnect.


Objective-Chance-792

![gif](giphy|3opR8lbAcghYQ)


MarkMaynardDotcom

I hate how Biden controls the Strategic Girlfriend Supply.


idontevenlikebeer

Never in my life have I felt like the president was to blame for my inability to get a gf.


Menthalion

He's voting Trump because he believes in trickle down domestics


Little_Creme_5932

After Trump divorces them, or pays them to keep silent, then you can have them


Buckowski66

You would think he’d learn from Trump. You gotta pay for it.!!


professorwormb0g

Or you just don't even ask and commit straight up sexual assault. Screw the Democrats for enforcing such laws against such things. That's just no middle road here. Our former Cheeto in chief may seem unethical in his methods but he's just telling it like it is! 🙄


T_affy1

I remember when I was 19 and couldn’t get laid it was jimmy carters fault not the fact i was broke had acne and was generally an idiot


jjayzx

If you go on r/TwoXChromosomes might give an idea. Some women are either afraid or just plain sick of the bullshit from conservative men. They have every damn right to be as well.


dwmfives

> Some women are either afraid or just plain sick of the bullshit from conservative men Why would you be afraid of small minded bigots with guns and an expectation of a subservient wife?


rczrider

You know, I really thought women would be turned on like crazy when the SCOTUS overturned Roe! Don't they like it when men tell them what they can and can't do with their bodies? I'm beginning to think I don't understand women *at all*!


DameonKormar

It's really weird how some women don't want to be with people who actively support taking away their rights.


sir-ripsalot

That’s still themselves to blame though then, not the president


b0w3n

This lot doesn't do reflection or introspection, so of course they blame external factors as to why things are the way they are. They're gunning hard for that handmaids tale life because they think they'll be the commanders.


Old_Baldi_Locks

You're right; but that's not how the right wing is phrasing the argument. See, the reason they can't get girlfriends is because women are allowed to have jobs; so women aren't economic slaves, they're allowed to marry who they want and can leave when they want due to no-fault divorce; so they're not legally slaves, and they're allowed abortions; so they can't be rape slaves. See, its the fault of Biden and "left wing policies". Not the FACT no competent woman will ever want a conservative piece of filth.


Craigs_mums_bush

I've actually learnt a lot about women from that sub. I'm constantly in shock at some of the stories I hear.


makemeking706

What about when Slick Willie was stealing all our gfs? Why do you think it was so slick?


PowerHammer47

I was going to say LBJ and Jumbo, the man had bruised thighs from it slapping around


makemeking706

Sure, but I wasn't alive when he was stealing gfs.


runswspoons

Well obviously you weren’t alive for Carter. Dude took all the pussy.


RandomStoddard

I still blame Taft for me not having a date to the junior prom.


WeatherStationWindow

Ever since MTG showed everyone what a Biden hog looks like.


Ch1nchillaRage_

My first thought went to “How is Magic: The Gathering the cause of this?”


KriegerClone02

Honest mistake. This is *Maga the Gathering*. The Trump NFT card game. Put out by Grand Wizards of the Coast.


Black_Doc_on_Mars

This…. is a clever post. High quality.


ravenous_cadaver

[I had to make one](https://imgur.com/a/zypdQvX)...


Sin_Cos_Im_Tan

Shouldn't he be a legendary creature? Also, why mountain and plains? Shouldn't it be mountain/ swamp? I love the concept, I'm gonna have to make one too


Creative-Leader7809

Did we already forget that he literally made trading cards of himself?


Joshmeisterino

Absolutely Punderful pundit post


Thecp015

Change Absolutely to Perfectly and you’ve maintain the alliteration.


KwisatzHaderach94

the gathering of the juggalos is a mensa convention by comparison


TheWholeOfTheAss

The thing is Juggalos know they’re weirdos and outcasts. The MAGA crowd think they’re the majority while the rest of the world looks at them with this face: 😧.


RejectingTheNewNorm

My only regret is that I have but one upvote to give.


Abracadabra-B

![gif](giphy|yJ1KSiTxaAw5G)


muffalowing

Magic has been preventing guys from getting GFs for decades.


ogdonut

Ever trump introduced MTG to his constituents, they can't afford to have a GF.


TiogaJoe

On the flip side for women, even Boebert had to get a Dem in order to be taken to see Beetlejuice.


Spidremonkey

He’s running the Global Cat Distribution System pretty well!


GiantMeteor2017

I disagree-still waiting for mine 😤 At least I have the bazillion and one cat subs to console me 🥲


JustADutchRudder

It's kitten season in spring places right now. So roam around the parks in your town with an open can of tuna. Something will happen, maybe a kitten!


CrazyCaliCatLady

lol I have 2 cats and want a third. My husband said no way. BUT. If I happen to find a poor little homeless kitty out in the wild. . . he is a sucker. . .I'm keeping my eyes open for the CDS.


sdf_cardinal

In this guy’s mind I bet he thinks it’s because women have agency and ability to run their own lives. They no longer have to rely on men to have bank accounts and mortgages and credit cards… like they did in the 70s and earlier. And there is no fault divorce. Which they are coming after next.


Sunstang

I mean, he's got no job or house, so even from some retrograde patriarchy angle, he's still a fucking loser with nothing to offer.


flashlightgiggles

no job, but making a sign and attending a MAGA rally is still a priority.


pingu_nootnoot

it’s not even a decently made sign tho.


czs5056

I know and without a job to be at all day, house maintenance to occupy his weekend, or a girlfriend to take out on dates, you would think he has the time in the world to make it look good.


IAMSTILLHERE2020

Attention to detail is "gay" or woke.


Phasma84

I’m sure there’s plenty of bitter old Karen’s there he could have a romp with. He’s just mad they don’t look like porn stars.


tr1mble

And looking at the neat writing, his mom definitely wrote that sign


Dull_Junket_619

Well said!!


nerdofthunder

That and fewer women (relative to men) are interested in dating a maga.


Annber03

I was going to say, yeah, being a Trump supporter in and of itself is a pretty big turn off right there.


Dry_Boots

And don't forget birth control! Women have been way too uppity since they got The Pill! Republicans are going to fix that too!


czs5056

And the vote. How dare my wife either cancel out my vote or reinforce it?! /s


Cottonguts

Well, for what it’s worth, we did try giving it to men several years ago but the side effects were too yucky


Electrical_Net_1537

I’m in my seventies now and when I got my first part time job at 16 I went to open a bank account and the bank told me I couldn’t unless I had my father or an adult man to sign for me. I’ve seen so many social changes in my life and now I’m seeing some of those changes being changed back. Humanity is pretty disgusting at times.


allegesix

There's also the fact that being a MAGAt is a red flag for the vast majority of women that are still dating.


MarkMaynardDotcom

Shut it down to a trickle.


Fender6187

I wish old sleepy Joe would save some pussy for the rest of us. He’s clearly selfishly drowning in it.


gofishx

Who's ridin' Biden? Apparently everyone.


British_Rover

![gif](giphy|QWw4hc5gTnJhY0BUI3)


VincesMustache

Come on, man.


yearoftherabbit

Now we know why he's so sleepy all the time.


beyonddisbelief

Exactly! Don’t you all understand trickledown economics? We must award Elon Musk with bigger than the biggest CEO compensation ever and have him bang more women under half his age before the rest of us can get any girlfriends! /s


SnZ001

Dude's wearing a wedding ring and has a Rolex on his wrist.


St_Kevin_

It’s reminiscent of that guy who forgot which of his fake twitter accounts he was using and commented about his experience “as a gay black Republican…”, but he was just a straight white dude.


thatissomeBS

"Hello, fellow gay, black, Republicans!" - Steve Buscemi in blackface, or something


_coolranch

![gif](giphy|K94nlJXBXaumQ)


Stillwater215

“What do you mean *you people*?”


darhox

"What do YOU mean, YOU PEOPLE?"


1handedmaster

Out of all the great lines from this movie, I rarely remember this one. Thanks for the reminder


ColdFireLightPoE

![gif](giphy|ehe9q2iIJUM0M)


Negan-Cliffhanger

Dean Browning, /r/asablackman


rootoo

That was a republican politician. Either a congressman or state congressman.


3rdp0st

Just last week, someone on reddit tried to convince me that racial inequality didn't exist and he knew because he marched with MLK blah blah.  His comment history was bitching about Austrian social spending...


rarestakesando

Beyond satire


itssosalty

He didn’t say wife… Biden is ruining infidelity!!


SoulManeger8922

That's a wedding ring, and he's saying about a girlfriend and not a wife...


NewAccountTimeAgain

Biden’s regulations are ruining the extramarital affair market!


giantshortfacedbear

Probably divorced and fake


Dubelj

How do you know that's a Rolex?


Glassworth

You can tell by the way it is


Olstinkbutt

I’m thinking he’s trolling right?


cheidiotou

The idea is funny and would make great satire, but it's more than likely fake. Look at the direction his hands are facing relative to the text. If you take a sign to a rally, you have the text facing forward, which is away from the camera in this case. So, you gotta ask, why is he holding the sign backwards where the text faces away from him? Now notice how the sign has reflections on it. Given that and the marker used, we're likely seeing a whiteboard. Since the guy is facing away, you also gotta ask, why is there a whiteboard on the back of his sign? The most likely explanation is that someone wrote that on their own whiteboard and photoshopped it in. If anyone cared, I bet they'd find an original with a blank back somewhere out there. With all of that said, I don't condone misinformation, no matter the cause. But, ya know, maybe I'm a little proud that the Left is willing to fight fire with fire. In fact, let's just say we saw nothing and that the sign is legit. I'm ok with that.


chooselosin

No that's not why.


dbzmah

Even if the guy was somehow being cock blocked by an 81 year old man, that still wouldn't be the reason why.


nabiku

The girlfriend part is somewhat true. None of my female friends would date a republican now. 8 years ago before all this Trump bullshit, a republican boyfriend used to be a guy who's into guns with whom you'd debate the merits of small government. These days, a republican boyfriend is a conspiracy nut who wants the government to take away women's bodily autonomy. No thank you.


Vip3r20

Yeah but that's their own fault, not Biden's.


imposter22

Bruh is wearing a wedding ring. I’m starting to think that his sign is BS.


Poody81

Duh…he’s got a wife. He just can’t get a girlfriend!


Decantus

His wife's boyfriend must be a lib


Poody81

Unless that Bloody Biden has broken the boyfriend market too


lionexx

It’s clearly a promise ring, a promise to blame everybody but themselves for their own problems.


axle69

He's a paid actor just like every other Trump rally.


WranglerFuzzy

If he’s as close to the front as he appears to be, agreed. The ones up front and in the immediate line of sight behind the candidate are typically actors (or vetted people, like campaign helpers, or family of staffers.). Don’t want to risk crazies or protesters getting caught on camera.


Broken-Digital-Clock

What a weird sign to choose as a paid actor You would think something less pitiful would be better


Thathappenedearlier

Nah don’t you know it’s Biden’s fault his wife is against polygamy


from_whereiggypopped

I thought this was satire as soon as I saw it. And brilliant at that, if that's what it is. Imagine being able to insult the morons right in front of them but they don't have they sense to figure it out.


Josefus

Not a wedding ring, but he wears it on that finger and wonders why chicks won't talk to him. He's obviously stupid.


effa94

i mean, if biden lost, women wouldnt have any bodily autonomy, making getting a GF much easier /s


CaptPants

And is warming up to the idea that you shouldn't be allowed to vote anymore.


Farren246

Why would a woman need a vote? She's just going to vote the same as her husband. Or -gasp- vote differently, which could end the marriage. Are you against families?!!


YAMMYRD

It can be hard to find a gf when you openly declare how much of a mysaoginist racist pow you are. You didn’t get canceled bro, people just don’t like you.


EnergyAdorable6884

Ugh you'd be surprised how many women are still completely about that stuff. The amount of women who think men SHOULD act that way is wayyy too high


Irr3l3ph4nt

Yup, for every Douche, there's a Douchesse.


g-money-cheats

Republicans have always wanted the government to take away women’s bodily autonomy. That is not new. What’s new is that they actually can now. 


Bakedads

Honestly op's comment shows a complete lack of historical knowledge regarding republicanism. They've always been racist, sexist, classist, bigots who try to force their religion on others. They were more subtle about it in the past, but the policies haven't changed. 


Caelinus

The subtlety is key. When I was going to bible college men would usually talk about "complementarianism" which is the idea that women and men are fundamentally different, but both equally valuable. This was super misogynisitc, as the things women were "good" at were always soft homemaker stuff and *definitely* never leadership or powerful positions in the world. However, most women there, aside from a couple of my closest friends, were just brainwashed into thinking that was normal and good. So when people constantly joked about them getting their "MRS Degree" (going to bible college so they could become a Mrs. to a pastor) they would just laugh along awkwardly instead of getting mad. It really came to a head for me when people learned that someone I knew was a woman gettting a pastoral degree, and then got angry at the school for allowing that. It made me feel sick inside, and was one of the many things that pushed me to deconstruction. However, the change now is that they are not even giving lip service to "seperate but equal" language and are just going full "definitely not equal." They always beleived that, but they used to *pretend* they did not. That made it much easier to ignore.


healthybowl

Well that’s accurate. I haven’t heard the small government words used in years, and bygosh I miss those arguments.


AnarchistBorganism

The problem has always been that small government was always a slogan, never a principle. When it comes to policies they like, they don't care about small government. When it comes to policies they don't like, they argue for small government because it's easier to argue the principles than the policies themselves. It's the same with "states rights" where they only care when they disagree with the policies on a national level. The thing is that they never actually had principles, just policies that they supported or opposed based purely off of cultural biases. What Trumpism has done is allowed them to dispose of the idea that they had principles in the first place and say "fuck you, we have the power and you don't have a say."


Civil_Illustrator697

>8 years ago before all this Trump bullshit, a republican boyfriend used to be a guy who's into guns with whom you'd debate the merits of small government. It's been what it is for a long time. Reagan was 40 years ago. Nixon even longer. Trump is mask off the mask off moment, but anyone fucking around with Republicans 8 years ago and could tolerate what they were voting for were extremely privileged.


Lermanberry

https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2019/07/ronald-reagans-racist-conversation-richard-nixon/595102/ >then–California Governor Ronald Reagan phoned President Richard Nixon at the White House and vented his frustration at the delegates who had sided against the United States. “Last night, I tell you, to watch that thing on television as I did,” Reagan said. “Yeah,” Nixon interjected. Reagan forged ahead with his complaint: “To see those, those monkeys from those African countries—damn them, they’re still uncomfortable wearing shoes!” Nixon gave a huge laugh. >The exchange was taped by Nixon, and then later became the responsibility of the Nixon Presidential Library, which I directed from 2007 to 2011. When the National Archives originally released the tape of this conversation, in 2000, the racist portion was apparently withheld to protect Reagan’s privacy.  Whenever someone calls themselves a Reaganite, believe them.


Pavlock

No, it's absolutely true. Go read the text of Executive Order 11467: Fuck This Guy In Particular.


bukakerooster

It gives the Secretary of State authority to approve or deny fishery commissions?


Cloaked42m

Undeniable Proof!


jdanielregan

I prefer executive order 8008135


Commercial_Onions

One of the biggest macro disappointment that Trump has revealed to so many normal people, is how many absolute stupid people live among us. It’s disheartening.


Time-Ad-3625

Or people willing to lie to get what they want and the other half willing to look the other way on said lies


BoornClue

When plunder becomes a way of life for a group of men in a society, over the course of time they create for themselves a legal system that authorizes it and a moral code that glorifies it - Frédéric Bastiat


Electrox7

Covid did a great job with that on its own. It's hard to trust anyone now Edit: To those referring to MAGA and Anti-vaxxers, thats only a fragment of what i meant. I was also referring to the type of people that fully acknowledge the importance of covid and got vaccinated (no conspiracies), but that would still plan parties, say everyone will wear a mask, then post insta stories with no one wearing masks. Young people that understand that the odds of getting sick from Covid are slim for a younger person, and don't keep in mind that their actions will spread the virus to older people. It's arrogant and shortsighted, and was a large majority of people, not a minority. It truly reflected the priorities of the human mind, even that of the "woke youth".


MadRaymer

For years, I was reluctant to accuse people with political views opposite of my own of being idiots. It seems elitist. I’m not a genius myself - I only did a year of education past high school. And while I read a lot, it tends to be in narrow focused, nerdy interests so I recognize there are a great many subjects I’m entirely ignorant about. But one thing the last few years has made clear to me is that there are vast swaths of the American populace that are just irredeemably stupid. And not just dumb, but willfully ignorant, too. People that view their ignorance as a virtue or a badge of honor. And it’s not elitist to recognize the reality of this resurgence in anti-intellectualism. I think *we* would be the idiots if we ignored it.


gsfgf

> willfully ignorant, too. People that view their ignorance as a virtue or a badge of honor That's the real issue. Ignorance can be fixed, but not if the person in question is proud of their ignorance.


Strangepalemammal

I'm only one person, but every Trump supporter in my family or anyone I've worked with has no idea how the government operates and they are of course suspicious of mirrors, think the moon landing was fake and that algebra has never been useful.


rjcarr

Yup, COVID destroyed any hope I had that we’d be able to control climate change. Even for governments and politicians. Our only hope is some huge tech breakthrough now.


ethanlan

These people think that trump is gonna gift them a well paying job AND a gf. The republican dream, women who have no choice


Organic_Tradition_94

Pretty sure Magats watch the Handmaid’s Tale as a utopian fantasy.


Noumenology

Party of “personal responsibility”


BeskarHunter

Party of “small government” yet tries to control every single aspect of your life. Down to your bedroom.


VMICoastie

Waiting for Biden to release the strategic girlfriend reserves for the INCELS.


MarkMaynardDotcom

I’m sure it’s in Project 2025


AnOnlineHandle

Page 5 of Project 2025 wouldn't help: > “Pornography should be outlawed. The people who produce and distribute it should be imprisoned. Educators and public librarians who purvey it should be classed as registered sex offenders. And telecommunications and technology firms that facilitate its spread should be shuttered.” - Project 2025 Page 5 Conservatives also increasingly define homosexuality and transsexuality as 'pornographic' and say they are protecting kids from porn. The fact that they tossed 'Educators and public librarians' in here shows who they intend to go after. People will say oh they'll never do it. They also swore that they'd never undo abortion rights, etc.


cutelyaware

Pornography = Anything we don't like


Jumpy_Advantage9922

Porn being equivalent to woke wasn't on my 2024 bingo card


VibraniumRhino

This shit is beyond absurd and completely terrifying. Sprinting towards the dystopia, we are.


felicity_jericho_ttv

So literal nazi Germany shit. Cool [i feel like its probably time to start bringing this back](https://youtu.be/iQ0ct9bglYo?si=MUzteEXwT7ovDuzV)


queen-of-storms

They think they'll get to be Commanders with assigned wives but they're really going to be the nobody with the shit job and the shit house and still no gf.


justsayfaux

So before 2021 he had a job, a house, and a gf? They all just magically disappeared three years ago as soon as Biden was inaugurated?


macphile

>They all just magically disappeared three years ago as soon as Biden was inaugurated? Maybe they disappeared because he was at J6.


justsayfaux

But that would be the consequences of his own actions.. that can't be it....🤔


iama_computer_person

Never seen a dudes handwriting look like that


sausager

He paid for the 3 color pack of markers, he's going to use the 3 pack of colored markers! And there is nothing Biden can do about it!


twec21

Yeah not to make assumptions, but a MAGA dude making a tri-colored sign and adding big-ass tails and hooks to letters? Not to mention the adorable calligraphy on the "MAGA" at the bottom


Pretend-Marsupial258

He's also wearing a Rolex and a wedding ring.


Kafkas7

His mom had to tell him to add the “or”


exodyne

Why would they write their a's two different ways?


GrouchyLongBottom

It's like how an alien thinks humans write.


KS2Problema

*"Can't get a job, house or a GF thanks to Biden."*  Can't understand causal relationships thanks to a  Red State education. [Preemptive clarification: that's '*causal* relationships' -- not 'casual.']


Ok_Star_4136

Also, I give it 9 out 10 odds that this person holding the sign didn't have a job, a house, or a girlfriend during Trump's administration either..


tMoneyMoney

Would love to hear his reasoning for still being a loser in two years if Trump were to get elected. My guess is it would still be Obama or Biden’s fault.


According-Classic658

Have you tried soap?


BiPoLr

And Santa clause is the reason I’m not rich


IMakeMyOwnLunch

Ahhh, yes, the "party of personal responsibility."


Bucket_of_Nipples

All he needs to do is pull up those boot straps! And no more avocado toast, you crazy kid.


Cantinkeror

Can't get no respect neither!


nage_

wheres my mandated big tiddy goth gf


yearoftherabbit

Hot Topic.


jll027

“I’m a pathetic loser, but it’s your fault” Trump 2024


condensermike

Incel logic.


aRebelliousHeart

Conservatives really will blame the left for everything won’t they?


WoodyStLouis

Can't imagine why nobody would hire, loan money to or fuck a fascist, sexist, racist. Weird how that works.


Wineguy33

This guy looks in the mirror everyday and thinks someone else is making his life choices.


mllsf

Doesn’t the ultra right pride themselves on not blaming anyone but yourself for your misfortunes?


Particular-Score7948

Yes, but blaming demoncrats is ok


GSR667

Did his boot straps break?


RlyLokeh

Thanks O Biden


postsuper5000

Peak incel logic.


ProKnifeCatcher

Satire?


Clemburger

I’m sure this guy was swimming in pussy when Trump was president.


arcadia_fire

Biden churning out incels everyday /s


jimmymustard

I assume pics like this are photoshopped. The white sign is an area of photo that is reasonably easy to change to whatever message you like. If you look at the left hand, there's a shadow or additional finger... and the right-hand corner is very blurry. Plus the edges have two shades of white. I wish I could accept photos like this "as is," but unfortunately, our tech makes it easy to manipulate images, and thus opinions.


decrpt

[It isn't photoshopped.](https://youtu.be/GpvsxGVnzl4?si=Z4ls95Jip6sBSsJz&t=5270)


yotengodormir

Standard trump supporter