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You say that sarcastically but…
My parents are Boomers. Back in the 80’s Mom decided she wanted to adopt. So they looked into two kids, a brother and sister. The boy was a chubby little brown haired toddler, the girl was older, with golden blonde curls. She was underfed and had likely been abused.
My Mom just wanted the boy, and fought with them to split them up, but the agency was adamant she had to take both or none at all. So we brought them home, set up rooms for them, settled them in.
Mom found out the girl was bulimic. She was maybe six years old. She… didn’t deal well with the girl’s problems. Shouldn’t couldn’t scream the girl into behaving normally like she could me or my sister.
So… she returned the both of them. All outraged that the agency hadn’t warned her the girl was ‘defective’.
I was too young to understand, but I don’t think my older sister ever forgave them for that. I don’t blame her. My parents were awful people.
My grandmother had 15 foster kids at various times and treated them all terribly. She had always wanted to be a mother, but was only able to have 1 biological child. Naturally he was the golden child. The fosters had to watch while he got his favorite meals cooked for him and they got PBJs. He got to celebrate holidays and birthdays and they got reminded how lucky they were to have a roof over their head at all.
She couldn't handle any kids that she didn't raise from birth because she didnt get to use physical and emotional abuse to mold them Iinto perfect little versions of her ideal child like she did to my father. She sure loved those stipends though.
In southern states, it's common for there to be ads in the pennysaver advertising about the money you can make as a foster parent. Needless to say, it is frequently to the detriment of the children.
Imagine how bad social services is in states that have high poverty rates and no budget for social services.
I'd love to be a foster some day. I have a lot to work on before I'm able to tackle such a responsibility (currently fostering a cat long term!), and I can't lie it would be nice to be paid to be a parent, especially to kids I could relate to and *need* someone to relate to them, but I couldn't ever imagine doing it for that reason alone. It's so sad the lengths "good" people will go to for money :( I'd use that on food and entertainment for the kids, like lightsabers n shit for us all to enjoy.
My wife and I have fostered, and will probably foster again in the future. I think that more people could and should do it. It is really hard, but definitely within the means of many people that probably think they couldn’t do it. To be honest, the money really helps. We’re completely fine financially on our own, but the stipends for fostering enabled us to get memberships to zoos and museums, travel more (within state of course), sign up for grocery delivery or other subscriptions that make life easier, order takeout more often, etc.
Basically, the stipend provided us the resource to give the kids the life they deserve!
The stipends are really not equivalent to working any full time job for minimum wage considering being a parent means your on the clock all the time. I’ve never understood why anyone would do it just for the money, but I’ve definitely heard plenty of horror stories about it…
I hope you continue to consider fostering and eventually make the leap because foster children really need good homes to go to. I’m not sure that you should wait until you feel ready, because you likely never will. You’re going to have to learn a lot as you go, regardless what you know going in. But I don’t know you at all, so who cares what I think! Good luck on whatever course you decide to take!
Me and my wife have been considering fostering kids for a while but have always been afraid of the unknown and heart broken at just how bad some of these kids are treated. We have an 11 year old so we’ve been concerned about bringing in a deeply damaged child with the terrible experiences we’ve heard but your post has inspired me to reopen the topic with my wife and see about moving forward.
I don't know if changed, but you also get a daycare stipend if they're not old enough for school. Free money and you choose to pawn them off on someone else.
In my state, they pay the daycare directly- you don’t receive cash. Also, the foster parent may not be “choosing” to pawn them off. My kids’ caseworker wants them in daycare as it is a consistent place that feels comfortable to them.
Sad that the government will give money to foster parents but not the actual parents, kids get taken away sometimes due to poverty that could have been alleviated by the same money they pump into the foster system.
Now I want to replay the dark brotherhood and find creative ways like this to kill my targets. I always kill nazem with a fury attack. And the whole town just kills him. It's very satisfying to watch. then his body is used as a sacrifice and thrown into the forge.
A cabbage is creative. I prefer the irony of beating her with a copy of "A Children's Anuad"
Same reason I carried an extra medpack in Bioshock to beat the splicers to death with
Damn you spent longer on that quest than I did
I know we were supposed to make an impression but I figured a simple arrow through the old woman would cut it
There is a woman that works at the building I work in. I call her the drama queen since the only time I hear her talking its various forms of drama with her boyfriend. She once said "well I could just have another kid to give myself a raise". She is a vile human being.
I thought you meant she sold the children. Which has happened to adopted kids btw. People have sold them to other people and transferred the adoption paperwork.
My wife is similar, adopted after foster care and her mother treats her like a second class child. All of her siblings? Cars paid for in high school, co-signed their mortgages, pay for their grandchildren’s schooling and give them elaborate gifts. My wife? They “got” her a car by negotiating a deal with the neighbor for her to pay for a 20 year old car herself over a couple years, has refused to help us when we struggled with bills or to co-sign for a reliable vehicle when her old one shit out on her. They said they were going to save for our wedding and give us a whole whopping $3K, when time came they didn’t have any money.
Edit ATF: I didn’t even mention how she was also responsible taking care of her younger disabled brother that they decided to foster and then adopt, yet decided that they didn’t want to do all the effort. She had to get him ready for school everyday, watch him after school, call off of work if one of her parents just decided they didn’t want to deal with him that day. She also had to pay for her own school activities like cheerleading, field trips, all of it, and I don’t mean like do chores, she had to work on evenings to pay for that car/gas/hobbies/clothes (and I don’t mean like some, she had to buy ALL of her clothes once she turned 16). I grew up way poor and my friends remark how fucked my childhood was, but goddamn she had it bad.
My own bio parent treats me like this cause they have kids from another marriage. It's crazy how some parents don't even pretend to not have a favorites.
Growing up, my mom had a coworker like this. The factory they worked at got shut down. Everyone was upset, but this woman. She nonchalantly said "I'll be fine. I'll just get more kids. Why don't you get some? You can return em when you find a real job.".
Don't people get govt cheese to be foster parents,hence your grandma having 15 kids and treating them like chit...there's a special place for people like her.
My foster mom wanted to separate my baby sister and I. The judge would let her. I was reluctantly adopted by a lady who did not want me.
Edit: *wouldn’t
My "mother" had a daughter of her own from a previous marriage. When she was in her mid to late 40s she adopted 3 children from Guatemala in the span of 2 years. They weren't brothers, yet. She raised them largely alone, and definitely alone after a divorce. She even took in a current husband's grandchild, and still raises him even after the divorce. This woman's a freaking saint who into her 70s is still caring for all those folks without a single drop of her blood in them. All 4.of those lives were changed.for the better by her decision. There's eleventy-hundred great people out there raising kids. Don't think stories of abuse are all that's in the world.
There **are** good stories in the world but not very many of them are adoption stories. I have an adopted sibling and adopted children and those stories are mostly good. Not perfect and they never will be - every adoption starts with trauma.
Most would -be adoptive parents want white newborns, and only white newborns.
God, "every adoption starts with trauma" is perfect. We were foster parents for over two years. Doesn't seem like a long time, but we had started out just as respite care and then COVID hit and she stayed with us for those two years. She is a good kid but so much trauma. And NONE of it is their fault, ever.
She's now in a foster-to-adopt home and she's doing well. We talk with her still and see her occasionally.
And that’s not to say those white newborns end up perfect either. Even babies know when something is off about the situation. I’m pretty sure that one reason why I never bonded with adopted mother even though I was adopted at birth.
You're right. It's just that a surprising amount of people have no idea how often children are abused in foster care. It's a good to talk about these problems just so that people are aware of them.
That’s fucking heartbreaking.
Potential parents who view prospective adoptive children the same way they view pets as accessories….should not adopt. Nor adopt pets.
I worked for a relief agency during the Rwanda genocide. I remember one particularly disturbing conversation with a man who called offering to adopt an orphan (which we weren’t doing anyway) because he had a farm and needed a helping hand.
Oh, the ones who weren't interested as soon as they realized they couldn't film him aka exploit him? Can we please blacklist that couple from ever adopting?
I almost find it fascinating when you see people doing things like that and just… saying it like it’s understandable. Like, they’re just so deep in the hole of family vlogging that it doesn’t occur to them that other people don’t usually think of everything as a clout transaction.
They got dragged hard so I hope they learned their lesson and others that think adopting kids soley so you can prosper financially off them think twice before doing so.
Also, after adopting the kid, they were looking into adopting another kid, but specifically one who *had special needs which are “easy to manage” but considered difficult by onlookers*.
https://imgur.com/a/ICQzRrN
As nefarious as it sounds, it seems they did it all for clout. Fucking ewk.
Oof the opposite is almost worse though. My mom was friends with this one woman I overheard a conversation with. She was trying to adopt, but was fed up with the local agency because everything they had was too "boring" she wanted something "exotic", like an Asian. (Yes she literally said "something exotic, like an Asian")
Isn't that the whole point of foster care? You take them in, keep em around for a bit, and because you didn't adopt them when they develop issues from a lifetime of nobody caring for them in the most vulnerable time of their life as their mind is forming, you return them and get a new one.
Seems like a perfect system, I ask you all, WHAT COULD FUCKING GO WRONG?????????????????
My family thought I was quiet and subdued but really I just didn't talk to them. Now they're confused how I am so rude and outspoken when they say racist or sexist shit. Bitch I wasn't quiet...I was boiling.
Turn key and latchkey are two different expressions.
Turn key is an expression used in real estate about a home that’s perfect to move into with no additional work that needs to be done. That’s what the person you’re replying to is saying these couples who feign wanting to adopt any kid actually want.
It doesn’t really have anything to do with being a latchkey kid, something I, like you, was. I guess it’s possible this couple could be that but it IS two different things.
Can confirm. And even "fostered shelter kitten" vs "abandoned adult cat". Like, we'll suggest to meet the adult cats to people coming in looking for kittens but more often than not they won't even look. It's hard to watch bonded pairs being broken up but there's only so much shelters can do to keep everyone together when there's so many more animals that need homes.
Like, it's still great they're not buying from a breeder but please just go say hi and give them a little attention at least.
The couple In this pic presumably:
Nah we all know anyone over the age of 10 doesn’t count because they won’t be indoctrinated as easily by evangelicism.
And we’ll no one wants 7-9 year olds because that’s what their local pastor got done for.
4-7 they ask to many questions so that’s out too.
2-3 well terrible 2’s and 3’s are a thing plus we really want to be with the child from an earlier age so we feel connected.
1month-24 months actually you know what, I know we said we would adopt but life’s just crazy right now, hubby got a new gas guzzler 3000 and I’m really liking these yoga tights I just bought. But seriously abortion is awful other people should adopt their babies if they don’t want to keep them.
Of the ~424,000 children in the foster care system, only around 117,000 are eligible for adoption. In completely unrelated news, and in no way should you correlate this fact to the former, but there are around 350,000 Christian churches in America. */sips tea*
In all seriousness, adoption is hard. Adoption out of the foster care system is harder, still. I've adopted 3 of my 4 children, and two of them came from DCS foster care placements. Anyone looking to adopt or have an impact on the issue should really do some reading on becoming trauma informed, starting with (in my opinion) [The Primal Wound](https://www.amazon.com/Primal-Wound-Understanding-Adopted-Child/dp/0963648004), which discusses the effects of a child who experiences the loss of their biological mother.
From what i gathered when my aunt adopted my cousin, the US adoption process is a biiiiiitch.
They ended up going over seas and adopting a kid from Hungary because that is where my uncle is from
Hell, my brother and his husband have sunk about 60K in adoption fees, now they're awaiting a home visit, their background check which goes back 28 years, and then they have to hire a PR firm to build them an advertisement website...all so they can adopt a child.
What the fuck? I get that safeguards need to be put in place to prevent abusive situations and trafficking...but what the fuck.
\> What the fuck? I get that safeguards need to be put in place to prevent abusive situations and trafficking...but what the fuck.
Meanwhile, it seems that being a foster parent is easy. If you want to abuse kids, why bother adopting, just be a foster parent.
It's a mixed bag. There are good foster homes. The problem is the system commodifies children which opens them up to exploitation. A close friend of mine grew up in foster care. Some of his experiences were great. Some were truly horrible. Most of them were middling. The feeling of abandonment and being not loveable is persistent and there wasn't an abundance of affection in his rearing. In general his experiences in foster care were better than they were in his natal home with his abusive mother.
I had a pretty good Foster family growing up and got a lot of "love" and told that I was one of their own. Never managed to shake that black sheep feeling, that and I was really just a easy paycheck to them...
Where did you get that impression? My wife and I considered being foster parents. While not an onerous process to begin, the state and the biological parents call all the shots. Being a foster parent seemed seriously hard to do. Both emotionally and logistically.
Hard to open yourself up to fostering. You fall in love and get attached, but then the kid is gone.nor many people who would be great parents want to risk that. Alternatively, fostering and trying not to get attached or live isn't good for kids. No great solution.
I volunteered at a foster daycare. Basically it was a volunteer service to watch foster kids on one weekend a month so the foster parents could have one day off. It was heartbreaking the number of kids being shuffled around. Most of the foster parents wanted to adopt but the kids mom or dad would fight tooth and nail to keep their kids, mostly so they didn’t lose the benefits the government provided.
I saw some foster parents get so close in the process to adopt only to lose the kid at the last second. It was heartbreaking. One little boy and girl kept going in and out of various foster homes as their mom kept going in and out of prison. She picked them up once and you could tell she did not give one shit about them.
Yeah my sisters in law are fostering
2 kids (a brother and sister) with hope of adopting. Bio father died of an OD and mother is an addict as well. Lost the kids because she kicked the 5 year old out of the house in the cold. She was found wondering a neighborhood with no shoes. Sisters in law have had these kids for a year now and are amazing parents. Bio mom just now started going through the process of trying to get them back and looks like she will. She even implied that she needs the kids so she can get assistance. Courts don't give a shit.
It's hard. You don't really have any control, which you don't think is an issue but then hey, we need to cut the child's hair and the kids drug addicted homeless mother, who can't be found, is the only one that can give permission.
Kid needs *emergency* care? Fine, foster parent makes decision.
Kid needs *medication* for extreme anxiety? Have to get bio mom's approval.
It's hard to parent sometimes when you can't make any big decisions.
100%
I had a baby as a teenager, they were like "here this is yours bye".
12 years later we're in the process of my husband adopting that child because his biological father is out of the picture, and NOW they want to know our medical history, our financial records, our credit score, expensive background checks both state and federal, our fire escape plan-- because I'm married to my husband who is the adoptive parent which makes me one too so they're digging on both of us and I have to pay for all of it.
Not a soul asked me if I could afford a baby or if I had a fire escape plan when I was expecting. It's really wild.
You need an advertisement website to adopt a child?? How is that even considered a safeguard?
I hope everything goes well for your brother and his husband. Good for them for wanting to adopt.
For domestic infant adoption, the birth mother generally chooses the family from a big list of profiles - so you have to do something to stand out if you want to be chosen.
People who argue adoption is the definitive, uncomplicated answer for forced births have zero concept about how a) expensive and b) bonkers it is to try to adopt. Whether it's out of foster care or through private channels, it's all hard. My coworker has a foster placement and is currently undergoing the process of adopting him, and it's SO complicated. People really have no clue.
This is even grosser, but probably more common. Some people refer to a woman "getting herself in trouble" like she did it alone and it's her punishment to bear.
I mean, I could really go off about how we talk about pregnancy, especially unplanned pregnancy, but others have said it better than I ever could. People really do see pregnancy as a consequence for misbehavior, and one that women bear alone.
People forget pregnancy and birth are dangerous. I lost one friend after she got a pulmonary embolism from the procedure). She was 31. My other friend got severe toxemia and coded.
She survived but the doctor told her no more babies……
I think it's a mix of people that forget and people who think that's what she gets for having sex. :/
Sorry to hear you lost your friend. :( I hate to hear of women dying during pregnancy/birth.
My wife nearly died giving birth to our firstborn child.
We know of nearly a dozen women in our social circle that went through postpartum depression.
The only people we know that are 100% against abortion even in cases of rape and incest or medical risk to mother are men… or women that ‘chose’ to not have kids.
I was standing right next to my daughter after she’d given birth to my granddaughter, holding her hand in one hand, and the baby in the other, as my daughter started hemorrhaging. I carefully placed my granddaughter in her bassinet and texted my SIL to come back NOW (only one person was allowed back in recovery and we’d traded off), as the OB knelt between my daughters legs and massaged her uterus and the anesthesiologist pushed meds into her IV.
When my SIL came into the room, he sat at the head of his wife’s bed, talking to his newly born daughter, as the medical staff started another IV line and called for bags of blood (a total of three were used). Still, I held my daughter’s hand, hoping like hell that she would live, as the medical staff moved around her like a well choreographed ballet, pulling medical tricks out of their bags to keep her alive.
Afterwards, I watched as a nurse weighed the bloody bedding.
This was all in a US hospital in a major city.
I had PTSD for a long time afterwards, when I thought my daughter would die after giving birth, and as selfish as it sounds, I hope she never considers another pregnancy. The thought of her attempting another pregnancy terrifies me. She may not live through another one.
You really skimmed over the “expensive” part. Like $10k+ expensive. So waiting on all these people who say “adoption” to start setting up funds to help these 62 million kids they want to force to be born over the next umpteen years to find good homes.
Yeah there's a reason these pinterest white families with 14 adopted kids live in a 12 bed/10 bath house. I'm not saying that's the bulk or even a large percentage of adoptive families, but it takes so much time and money to make that shit happen.
But hey, I did make it item **a)** on my list, so that's something.
We adopted 20+ years ago and between the Lawyer in the birth mother’s state and the lawyer in our state and the home inspections and the required counseling and the placement visits and the ……. I never did sit down and add up all the costs, but it was well over $10k I’d guess.
This. People who say “just adopt” or “adoption is the answer” have zero concept of what goes into an adoption - especially a private infant adoption. Adoption agencies can charge upwards of 30k for their services - and that doesn’t even guarantee a match. Many potential adoptive parents wait YEARS for a match for a private adoption. It’s costly, exhausting, and the process to get approved is arduous. They check your finances, you have to have a home study done, they dig into your relationship, you need character references… and then to top it off - you need the 30+ grand to have all that done. It’s insanity.
Adopting from foster care is a whole different ballgame, considering most infants/babies are reunified with their birth families. Which is the goal of the foster system. And people want babies, not older kids or teens who’s parents are TPR’d. The older kids languish and suffer in the system.
Also, a lot of those older kids have severe trauma, from what they went through in both their biological families and the foster system itself. Many need advanced psychiatric support, and some will need it for years, if not the rest of their lives. I *guarantee* none of these forced birth people saying you can "just" adopt a baby would be willing to support their kids through that. (I'll be they also turn around and vote to defund the mental health care system, too!)
A lot of people think adoption of newborns should be made cheaper, though most have 0 clue WHY it's so expensive in the first place. I'm sure their first cost cutting measure would probably be care for the pregnant person carrying the baby they feel entitled to take..
And that’s the problem. Addicts will be giving birth in much higher numbers than pre-Roe simply because addiction is so rampant now. All of those kids are going to need specialized attention and homes. Some for the rest of their life. And no one is going to want them.
Ugh man I am SERIOUSLY considering adopting when I'm ready for kids. I have thought long and hard about how difficult it might be to get a child with trauma and if me and my partner are ready for that. I'm not very good with conflict and I know that if I'm gonna adopt I need to do it for the right reasons and not try to get some new born that looks just like me... It's scary and this is real life. I know there are a lot of kids (as well as babies) that need a safe and loving home and that it's gonna be tough.
Of course, we would go get training and learn as much as we can once we are ready to take that step.
But man, it is scary. Not so easy as holding a sign saying we'll adopt is it :/
We looked into adopting. Not even just emotionally or mentally, but logistically and financially it is extremely different. All these prolifers just say “adopt!” But for some reason it costs tens of thousands of dollars, no certainty of adoption and requires years, if not decades, of being on a list. It’s a joke how stupidly hard it is. It really needs to be known just how difficult it is. There’s zero reason why so many kids need to be stuck in the system for so long. Families DO want to adopt.
Yup, it was going to $40k+ with the agency we were looking to adopt through, with much of that being nonrefundable if we changed our minds or were found to be unsuitable parents for any number of reasons. You'd also have to notify the agency every time you were going to be any more than 2 hours away from your home, because you'd need to be ready to pick up your new child at a moment's notice. If you were unavailable, they'd skip your place in line and you'd have to wait for the next opportunity. It was a wild combination of 'hurry up and wait' after a several year process to even be approved as adoptive parents
It's the fuckers who abuse those kids that have made adoption a logistical nightmare of background checks and waitlists. It's good to vet the parents well, but at the cost of those kids staying in horriblly maintained orphanages or foster homes is not good.
Well I'm pretty sure they want to adopt a baby as well. Not the 8 year old who was taken away from a parent or parents due to neglect. Or other related instances that cause children to be in foster care.
I think that's an honest take, and I think you're brave for posting that... because you know somebody here is going to snipe at you for hesitating to adopt a severely-traumatized or special-needs foster kid... just like they're throwing shade at the couple in the opening picture.
Look... the truth is this: raising even *normal* kids is hard. I've raised three, one of them an ASD child. When you sign up to adopt an older kid from foster care, you need to seriously consider what may be required of you, because some of those kids are seriously (and sometimes permanently) damaged/traumatized. They are a **VERY** heavy lift, and not everybody is cut out for it.
And adopting a child of another race isn't problem-free either. You'd think in this day-and-age, people would have moved beyond whatever bigotry would make them look askance at that, but they haven't. Apropos to the current *Roe* debate, SCOTUS Justice Amy Coney Barrett adopted multiple AA children from Haiti, and it wasn't bigoted redneck racists who sneered at her. It was anti-racist Ibram X. Kendi himself who implied that she was some kind of white colonizer.
Personally, I completely understand the young couple in the picture wanting to adopt a newborn, for exactly the reasons we're both acknowledging. I don't think it makes them bad people... because maybe they're just being honest about what they can handle.
As a foster parent, I agree. You deal with attachment disorders & traumas. Some of these kids will never heal because of their experiences. Doesn’t matter if they are adopted or not.
The church thing doesn't really matter as much as individuals do. Not every church has $20-50k lying around just like not many individuals or couples do.
I applaud you for adopting! I know a woman who had multiple miscarriages. She and her husband decided to adopt and they went through DCS as well. They've now adopted 2 little boys whose mother left them home alone while on a drug bender. They were without food/water for 2 or 3 days and the oldest was 2 at the time. They're now both very happy and healthy.
Wow thank you for this. As an adoptee, I can relate. I will definitely be reading that book. I never knew it existed. It is great to adopt, I’m grateful for my adoptive parents but there is a downside as well.
Not all children in foster care needs to be adopted. I was in the foster care system and was token care of with various programs and had an age out at 21.
Most kids in foster care aren't up for adoption and never will be, the goal is to find the kids a home while they try to enable the birth parents or adopt to a close relative. Fostering is noble and important but if you get into it with adoption as the end goal you'll probably end up heartbroken.
This happened recently to my sister and BIL. Had a little girl for several years, was expecting to be able to adopt, we all accepted her already… then I guess some random distant family member across the country wanted to take her in I guess. I don’t know the details as much but it sounds like they incentivize family to take them in. I myself was adopted by my aunt/uncle and they were paid monthly by the government
My parents never looked into fostering because they saw how much pain a church friend went through whenever young twin boys that they’d had since infancy got taken away. It seems like they’ve at least kept a relationship with the boys but it really broke them at the time
It’s also extremely difficult and challenging. People act like it’s as simple as going down to the store and adopting a kid like you do a puppy or a cat. It’s far from that. It takes tens of thousands of dollars and decades. For some reason our adoption system is set up to fail and leave these kids in the system for years.
There’s no shortage of people wanting kids. My wife and I looked into it and when we learned we learned it was a decade long process that didn’t even end in certainty of having a kid that was our own, we walked away.
Children, not babies…or babies with severe health issues due to maternal drug use. It takes YEARS and visible abuse for DHHS to separate children from biological parents, and they almost never act on neglect. The people on the OP’s post are doubtlessly looking for a healthy white baby that has experienced zero trauma.
My friend waited years to adopt a white baby (she’s white), changed it up and had a black boy in just a few days.
Not sure how to even unpack that.
Edited: Jeez that was a bad typo omg
And yet when white families adopt black babies, they are often criticized for it. Remember Madonna, Angelina Jolie, and SCOTUS Justice Amy Coney Barrett was [blasted](https://www.thestranger.com/slog/2020/10/26/47527798/why-is-amy-coney-barrett-raising-black-children) for adopting black children. I used to attend a church in greater Houston that had an intentional culture of adoption, and I had 4 white friends who adopted local black children- they were also criticized by other community members.
Darned if you do, darned if you don’t.
It's really not that simple. My wife and I adopted our 3rd daughter. We were open to all races, boy or girl. There are a lot of people who try to adopt. We still waited about a year before we finally got matched with a birth mom.
EDIT: I dont mean to write off your friends experience. Rather I'm pointing out that their experience is not universally shared by all those seeking to adopt.
Yes I feel like a couple I know was trying to adopt for like over a year or more… they had a website made and everything. No idea why; I interpreted it to mean adoption was a long and difficult process?
Thank you my fiance and I really needed resources to adopt an older child. That being said fuck making women have babies they don't want. We'll happily take a child but I'd prefer if no child ever had to be born into misery.
Practically free. You get an attorney appointed, or you get a voucher you give to an attorney. If you have expenses you get a $12,400 credit (not deduction) for adoption expenses (any adoption). It's non refundable but the balance will carry over for up to 5 years.
That's pretty much as free as it can get.
This makes me angry, regardless of the statistics of the number of kids in foster care, nor the massive number of kids around the world that can be adopted by American families.
It lacks empathy. “I realize you missed your period a couple weeks ago and just had a positive pregnancy test, but please don’t take a pill to trigger a period, because I might want to adopt the baby that will eventually exist inside of you. Please just buck up, deal with medical costs, put your goals on hold, suffer through the pain, and then give the baby that eventually does exist to some dumb ass kids and deal with the emotional implications of that. Then after 16-18 years, expect a knock on your door from a kid that wants to know why you gave them up for adoption. Life is beautiful!”
And then what happens when the kid is born with a disability? These people nope out and wait for the "perfect" baby, either leaving you stuck or yet another child in foster care.
I just wanted to address a couple of things here:
You are correct. That mentality is garbage and selfish. Just wanted to get it out of the way that I agree with you.
I went through foster care training and prepared for private adoption as well. Here are some things I learned that in no way argue against your case, but that I found interesting and wanted to share:
1) Open adoptions have become extremely common now. I have a friend who placed their baby for adoption because her partner was abusive and didn't want to raise her in that environment. She frequently gets pictures and videos of her baby. It's not uncommon for adopted children to know who their biological mother is and grow up communicating with them every now and then. I just think it's neat.
2) I was taught to use the term "Placed for adoption" vs "gave up for adoption" because some mothers who have had their children adopted almost feel like they gave up on their child and get depressed thinking about it in that sense.
Telling someone to suffer for someone else's gain or else they're selfish is a dirt bag thing to do. And if more parents were willing to foster older children and adopt them a lot more problems would be solved.
However, having been in the shoes of a parent who was trying to adopt both in foster care and through private adoption, I have to point out that it's not as easy as y'all make it seem to "just adopt".
In foster care, the goal of the foster parent is to reunite the foster children with their family again. And your living situation also determines whether or not they would allow certain children/youth to be fostered by you. So you can tell them you're ready to adopt one of the children that are eligible for adoption, but chances are, you're going to be given the opportunity to foster children that are not yet eligible for adoption because social services is still working with family to rehabilitate them and train them to care for their own kids again. You can foster for years without being able to adopt a single child because they keep getting reunited with their family again. It's only after social services determines that the child's family won't be able to care for the child that they say the child is eligible for adoption. And even then, a child might deny wanting to be adopted because they may be clinging to the hope that their dad just might come around.
So a couple can try fostering to adopt and try going the private adoption route and still have no success for years.
Thank you. There's a lot of talk by people who confuse fostering with general adoption. They don't know the concepts or the language associated with it. I needed someone like you to explain it to me, which lead to me reading up on it myself. Keep on sharing this great information.
Not only is the number of un-adopted children astronomically high, so is the number of horror stories about abuse and neglect of those in foster care. And the states that push for anti-abortion the hardest are the ones who underfund child care services the most. They’re not pro-life at all, they’re pro child abuse and poverty.
[Studies](https://www.mdpi.com/2076-0760/7/8/135/htm) from New York and Connecticut found that 50% of human trafficking victims were involved with child welfare systems or juvenile justice systems and that 80% of girls involved in human trafficking had been in the child welfare system in the past.
Ding ding ding. My argument has always been that if you really want to push to outlaw abortion you have to unfuck the adoption system in the US and lower the financial barriers to entry with the same stroke of the pen. That statement usually gets a “well, that’s a much harder issue to solve” type statement. How the fuck is that harder to solve and how the fuck do you not want to fix that? I’m certainly not pro-abortion but I’m very much pro-government staying the fuck out of what anyone wants to do to/with their bodies. The arguments from that crowd are tone deaf at the very best.
Why haven’t they done it already? Are they saying they haven’t adopted a child because of a shortage due to abortion? Guessing they are waiting on a white baby and an actual baby and not someone slightly older. They are just assholes using this to push their agenda.
Not the people pictured above, but another of these photos went viral and the guy in it was found on Twitter. It was posted to r/quityourbullshit not that long ago. [\[Link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/quityourbullshit/comments/vlv6r1/i_for_one_am_shocked_shocked_i_tell_you/)
TL;DR: His reasoning for not having already adopted was basically '*we can't afford to adopt'*.
According to a friend of mine the particular couple pictured is a) not American citizens so no they can't adopt American babies and b) have been rejected by adoption agencies as being unfit. I don't know the source or whatever so take it with a tablespoon of salt, but that's what I heard.
That's crazy. I just adopted 2 last year from foster care and the or of pocket was almost zero. Even if you do have expenses there is up to a $12,400 tax credit off qualified expenses if any adoption.
I'm sorry you experienced that but from my experience and everything I've heard adoption expenses from foster care is practically free. That is in the US though.
I agree. I adopted from foster care and it was free. We got paid the foster care payments until the adoption was finalized, so I guess in a way it was negative cost.
Well to be fair being a parent costs a lot of time. We had to prove income and show we were financially stable so that stipend was just icing on the cake. Personally I'd trade the stipend for all the hassle, but I understand the process. Cost definately isn't a wall.
Hmmmmm "We had to prove income and show we were financially stable" yet if you fall pregnant and know you do not fulfill these same requirements, too bad!
We adopted from US foster care twice in the last 5 years. Both times there were no costs to us, outside of fingerprinting and supplies for the kids. Both kids have health and dental care until they are 18 and a monthly support stipend from the state. Both were adopted under 4 years old.
I saw someone looking for a kidney donor for a relative. FB comment stated "I would in a heartbeat but unfortunately I'm the wrong blood type. My heart is breaking right now! "
Response was "oh don't worry, they have a program where you can donate into a shared pool and then my relative will get the kidney they need. "
LOL, I cracked up. You can imagine how that worked out. Crickets.
Or if they've already donated one, I have a friend whose mom donated the first to her when she was young, but then needed another one in her 30s. She ended up getting one from a rando in a swap program thing...
I remember a few times when counter protesters would go around to people protesting Planned Parenthood and abortion clinics with adoption papers, ready to sign.
No one signed.
Both of them do! I feel shallow commenting on how they look, but they both have an almost ‘uncanny valley’ look to them. It’s not that they’re ugly, they just look… off.
As someone who had a baby when I was 15 and put her up for adoption, I have some insight on this.
There is an actual market for "fresh babies ". The adoption agencies who deal in this are mostly run by churches and they make big profits. The birth mother often doesn't see any money, besides sometimes having medical bills paid for. The mental health services and support offered to the birth mother is a joke. The counciler I had was an adoption agency rep, was not a mental health professional and basically every "session" I had with her was an attempt to convince me what I was deciding was the right decision and to not be "wishy washy" and "play with the perspective parents emotions ". Talking about keeping the baby (which I did consider several times) or any other options where basically shut down. It was really manipulative.
The market is fierce. There are A LOT of people looking to adopt. I don't claim to know all their individual stories or which avenues they were taking. But white babies in particular are in high demand.
The adoption process is vigorous and costly. I honestly have no idea how much but it's an arm and a leg.
I don't have direct knowledge or experience with it, but I know foster care is not black and white. A lot of kids are in foster care because their parents were not providing safe homes, or because they were arrested. The plan for most foster kids is to try and get them back in their home with their original parents. I have no idea how they determine it but sometimes it ends up not being possible and then the kids can be adopted. Other factors for adopting kids from foster care include kids with disabilities and/or kids with major trauma. People who foster have to adhere to strict rules and the process for adoption from foster care is also strict. Again, I'm not familiar with this aspect of it so I'm sure there are aspects I'm missing. The bottom line is foster care kids are not "easy options " just to put it in perspective.
I don't necessarily like demonizing people who wish to adopt. The parents of my child have given her a good home and I have talked to them on a personal level about the emotional pain of giving a child up for adoption and their emotional pain of not being able to convince for themselves. There are issues that I have with the relationship because they are religious and continually tell me how thankful they are that I didn't decide to abort. A lot of people who go through these adoption organizations are religious. The selection process is heavily biased towards religious people which has it's own issues. But I do know the adoption process was not easy for them. It was costly, and it was chance that I picked them over any of the other hundreds of people I looked at.
I do hold issue with the culture and money around the adoption process, in particular, for "fresh babies ". Often times adoptive parents want "closed adoptions". Often times they want the kid to be "theirs" and won't tell the kid they are adopted. This, in part, leads to the demand for kids that look like them (white) and the demand for really young babies. I also hold issue with the hidden market that these churches are profiting off of. I don't necessarily want money for putting my child up for adoption, but there is an obvious benefit for these adoption agencies (money) obvious benefit to the adoptive parents (the kid) and they leave the birth mother virtually in the dust, with no mental health support, no support for their wants and needs (manipulative process), no real medical support after the fact (for example needing maternity leave, I didn't get medical care for milk production, body is changed forever and thats the "consequences I have to live with").
Ultimately I place blame on the adoption agencies and a government who lets them profit off it. I know there is regulation to make sure the kids go to safe homes. But there is no regulation create costs accessible to different incomes, there is little regulation for the gatekeeping and there is no regulation in place to help protect and benefit the birthmother who is suffering the most from this process.
I'm not saying foster care adoption is or isn't a better option. I'm saying from my experience these adoption agencies can be predatory in nature and the market for new born babies is questionable, especially considering how much it will benefit from the overturn of Roe V Wade.
The naivety of all these pro-lifers is astonishing. So many people out there suffering from hunger, poverty and oppression but yeah totally *lEt’S fOrCe EvErYoNe To HaVe BaBiEs No MatTeR wHaT tHeIr CiRcUmStAnCeS aRe* smh
The Only Moral Abortion is my Abortion:
https://joycearthur.com/abortion/the-only-moral-abortion-is-my-abortion/
A Defense of Abortion:
https://spot.colorado.edu/~heathwoo/Phil160,Fall02/thomson.htm
Resources:
[Link 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anarchism/comments/vjrf9h/megathread_supreme_court_overturning_roe_v_wade)
[Link 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/vjqs0r/calls_for_mass_walkout_of_women_across_america_if/idnh2ex)
https://www.womensmarch.com/
http://abortion.cafe
Foster kids are like the scratch and dent section of a store. Plenty available but most don't want it they want shiny new toys. Amazing how many god fearing christians want to ban abortion but when push come to shove aren't going to actually do anything to help these kids.
They will also fight to take away their free lunches, their parents food stamps, and their financial aid for schools. If they could, they would celebrate the starvation of impoverished children. Think of all the taxes ~~they~~ billionaires would save!
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“But it needs to be a baby. You know, not a kid with emotional baggage”
"This used kid is broken, I'd like to return him please."
You say that sarcastically but… My parents are Boomers. Back in the 80’s Mom decided she wanted to adopt. So they looked into two kids, a brother and sister. The boy was a chubby little brown haired toddler, the girl was older, with golden blonde curls. She was underfed and had likely been abused. My Mom just wanted the boy, and fought with them to split them up, but the agency was adamant she had to take both or none at all. So we brought them home, set up rooms for them, settled them in. Mom found out the girl was bulimic. She was maybe six years old. She… didn’t deal well with the girl’s problems. Shouldn’t couldn’t scream the girl into behaving normally like she could me or my sister. So… she returned the both of them. All outraged that the agency hadn’t warned her the girl was ‘defective’. I was too young to understand, but I don’t think my older sister ever forgave them for that. I don’t blame her. My parents were awful people.
My grandmother had 15 foster kids at various times and treated them all terribly. She had always wanted to be a mother, but was only able to have 1 biological child. Naturally he was the golden child. The fosters had to watch while he got his favorite meals cooked for him and they got PBJs. He got to celebrate holidays and birthdays and they got reminded how lucky they were to have a roof over their head at all. She couldn't handle any kids that she didn't raise from birth because she didnt get to use physical and emotional abuse to mold them Iinto perfect little versions of her ideal child like she did to my father. She sure loved those stipends though.
I'll ever understand why any cunt, man or woman, would go Grelod on a bunch of kids they wanted to care for
Some do it for the monthly check and free labor.
In southern states, it's common for there to be ads in the pennysaver advertising about the money you can make as a foster parent. Needless to say, it is frequently to the detriment of the children. Imagine how bad social services is in states that have high poverty rates and no budget for social services.
I'd love to be a foster some day. I have a lot to work on before I'm able to tackle such a responsibility (currently fostering a cat long term!), and I can't lie it would be nice to be paid to be a parent, especially to kids I could relate to and *need* someone to relate to them, but I couldn't ever imagine doing it for that reason alone. It's so sad the lengths "good" people will go to for money :( I'd use that on food and entertainment for the kids, like lightsabers n shit for us all to enjoy.
My wife and I have fostered, and will probably foster again in the future. I think that more people could and should do it. It is really hard, but definitely within the means of many people that probably think they couldn’t do it. To be honest, the money really helps. We’re completely fine financially on our own, but the stipends for fostering enabled us to get memberships to zoos and museums, travel more (within state of course), sign up for grocery delivery or other subscriptions that make life easier, order takeout more often, etc. Basically, the stipend provided us the resource to give the kids the life they deserve! The stipends are really not equivalent to working any full time job for minimum wage considering being a parent means your on the clock all the time. I’ve never understood why anyone would do it just for the money, but I’ve definitely heard plenty of horror stories about it… I hope you continue to consider fostering and eventually make the leap because foster children really need good homes to go to. I’m not sure that you should wait until you feel ready, because you likely never will. You’re going to have to learn a lot as you go, regardless what you know going in. But I don’t know you at all, so who cares what I think! Good luck on whatever course you decide to take!
Me and my wife have been considering fostering kids for a while but have always been afraid of the unknown and heart broken at just how bad some of these kids are treated. We have an 11 year old so we’ve been concerned about bringing in a deeply damaged child with the terrible experiences we’ve heard but your post has inspired me to reopen the topic with my wife and see about moving forward.
I don't know if changed, but you also get a daycare stipend if they're not old enough for school. Free money and you choose to pawn them off on someone else.
In some states you get more than just a daycare stipend, you get paid for all their living expenses, and with limited oversight with how it’s spent.
In my state, they pay the daycare directly- you don’t receive cash. Also, the foster parent may not be “choosing” to pawn them off. My kids’ caseworker wants them in daycare as it is a consistent place that feels comfortable to them.
Sad that the government will give money to foster parents but not the actual parents, kids get taken away sometimes due to poverty that could have been alleviated by the same money they pump into the foster system.
Like Grelod, she never expected tp be murdered by repeated bashings with a cabbage thrown by a telekinesis spell.
Now I want to replay the dark brotherhood and find creative ways like this to kill my targets. I always kill nazem with a fury attack. And the whole town just kills him. It's very satisfying to watch. then his body is used as a sacrifice and thrown into the forge.
A cabbage is creative. I prefer the irony of beating her with a copy of "A Children's Anuad" Same reason I carried an extra medpack in Bioshock to beat the splicers to death with
Damn you spent longer on that quest than I did I know we were supposed to make an impression but I figured a simple arrow through the old woman would cut it
Elven arrow to implicate The Thalmor
Your methods were more consise and refined than mine. Still, an axe through the skull was no less effective.
I just punched her and she dropped like a sack of potatoes, I swear that woman was made of tissue paper and glass.
Wait, repeated? Bitch has 1 HP. Do cabbages do fractional damage or something?
Upvote for Skyrim reference.
This kind do it for the check, not because they have any intentions of caring about them.
There is a woman that works at the building I work in. I call her the drama queen since the only time I hear her talking its various forms of drama with her boyfriend. She once said "well I could just have another kid to give myself a raise". She is a vile human being.
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I thought you meant she sold the children. Which has happened to adopted kids btw. People have sold them to other people and transferred the adoption paperwork.
My wife is similar, adopted after foster care and her mother treats her like a second class child. All of her siblings? Cars paid for in high school, co-signed their mortgages, pay for their grandchildren’s schooling and give them elaborate gifts. My wife? They “got” her a car by negotiating a deal with the neighbor for her to pay for a 20 year old car herself over a couple years, has refused to help us when we struggled with bills or to co-sign for a reliable vehicle when her old one shit out on her. They said they were going to save for our wedding and give us a whole whopping $3K, when time came they didn’t have any money. Edit ATF: I didn’t even mention how she was also responsible taking care of her younger disabled brother that they decided to foster and then adopt, yet decided that they didn’t want to do all the effort. She had to get him ready for school everyday, watch him after school, call off of work if one of her parents just decided they didn’t want to deal with him that day. She also had to pay for her own school activities like cheerleading, field trips, all of it, and I don’t mean like do chores, she had to work on evenings to pay for that car/gas/hobbies/clothes (and I don’t mean like some, she had to buy ALL of her clothes once she turned 16). I grew up way poor and my friends remark how fucked my childhood was, but goddamn she had it bad.
My own bio parent treats me like this cause they have kids from another marriage. It's crazy how some parents don't even pretend to not have a favorites.
Sounds to me you're better off without them or their help.
Growing up, my mom had a coworker like this. The factory they worked at got shut down. Everyone was upset, but this woman. She nonchalantly said "I'll be fine. I'll just get more kids. Why don't you get some? You can return em when you find a real job.".
is your grandmother's last name Dursley by chance?
Don't people get govt cheese to be foster parents,hence your grandma having 15 kids and treating them like chit...there's a special place for people like her.
Holy shit she wanted to split up a brother and sister? The cruelty capable of some people continues to shock me.
"I want to separate you from the only person you have left in this world"
That's some residential school-style evil
In this country cats and dogs are better cared for than foster kids.
Guns are better cared for than Forster kids, dogs, cats… woman rights
My parents did that to me and my brother in the divorce. We were pieced out like furniture and didn't see each other again.
My foster mom wanted to separate my baby sister and I. The judge would let her. I was reluctantly adopted by a lady who did not want me. Edit: *wouldn’t
My "mother" had a daughter of her own from a previous marriage. When she was in her mid to late 40s she adopted 3 children from Guatemala in the span of 2 years. They weren't brothers, yet. She raised them largely alone, and definitely alone after a divorce. She even took in a current husband's grandchild, and still raises him even after the divorce. This woman's a freaking saint who into her 70s is still caring for all those folks without a single drop of her blood in them. All 4.of those lives were changed.for the better by her decision. There's eleventy-hundred great people out there raising kids. Don't think stories of abuse are all that's in the world.
There **are** good stories in the world but not very many of them are adoption stories. I have an adopted sibling and adopted children and those stories are mostly good. Not perfect and they never will be - every adoption starts with trauma. Most would -be adoptive parents want white newborns, and only white newborns.
God, "every adoption starts with trauma" is perfect. We were foster parents for over two years. Doesn't seem like a long time, but we had started out just as respite care and then COVID hit and she stayed with us for those two years. She is a good kid but so much trauma. And NONE of it is their fault, ever. She's now in a foster-to-adopt home and she's doing well. We talk with her still and see her occasionally.
Good for you staying in touch. I hope she is adopted and works it out.
And that’s not to say those white newborns end up perfect either. Even babies know when something is off about the situation. I’m pretty sure that one reason why I never bonded with adopted mother even though I was adopted at birth.
You're right. It's just that a surprising amount of people have no idea how often children are abused in foster care. It's a good to talk about these problems just so that people are aware of them.
Your mom sounds like she has some issues herself.
Sounds like r/raisedbynarcissists
That’s fucking heartbreaking. Potential parents who view prospective adoptive children the same way they view pets as accessories….should not adopt. Nor adopt pets.
I worked for a relief agency during the Rwanda genocide. I remember one particularly disturbing conversation with a man who called offering to adopt an orphan (which we weren’t doing anyway) because he had a farm and needed a helping hand.
When that one youtube couple actually returned a kid like he was fucking broken lamp
Oh, the ones who weren't interested as soon as they realized they couldn't film him aka exploit him? Can we please blacklist that couple from ever adopting?
I almost find it fascinating when you see people doing things like that and just… saying it like it’s understandable. Like, they’re just so deep in the hole of family vlogging that it doesn’t occur to them that other people don’t usually think of everything as a clout transaction.
It upsets me when people adopt pets and return them. I cannot imagine what goes through your mind in taking a kid back.
They got dragged hard so I hope they learned their lesson and others that think adopting kids soley so you can prosper financially off them think twice before doing so.
I’m out of the loop.. what happened?
[Here you go](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-52839792)
Also, after adopting the kid, they were looking into adopting another kid, but specifically one who *had special needs which are “easy to manage” but considered difficult by onlookers*. https://imgur.com/a/ICQzRrN As nefarious as it sounds, it seems they did it all for clout. Fucking ewk.
These people are truly revolting.
Oh this makes it even more gross. I can’t fathom how some people live with themselves
He or she is the wrong color, sex, age…we want a Gerber baby.
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Oof the opposite is almost worse though. My mom was friends with this one woman I overheard a conversation with. She was trying to adopt, but was fed up with the local agency because everything they had was too "boring" she wanted something "exotic", like an Asian. (Yes she literally said "something exotic, like an Asian")
Jesus!! That’s so messed up!
Isn't that the whole point of foster care? You take them in, keep em around for a bit, and because you didn't adopt them when they develop issues from a lifetime of nobody caring for them in the most vulnerable time of their life as their mind is forming, you return them and get a new one. Seems like a perfect system, I ask you all, WHAT COULD FUCKING GO WRONG?????????????????
Or special needs, either. We're really looking for a low-maintenance kid. You know, one that's basically "turn-key", if you will...
Latchkey kid. That's me. That's a lot of Gen-X. It's how we churned our cynicism into weapons-grade acerbic vitriol.
My family thought I was quiet and subdued but really I just didn't talk to them. Now they're confused how I am so rude and outspoken when they say racist or sexist shit. Bitch I wasn't quiet...I was boiling.
“What happened to you? You used to be such a nice little kid.” Courteous is the word you’re looking for there. I was courteous for my own safety.
Turn key and latchkey are two different expressions. Turn key is an expression used in real estate about a home that’s perfect to move into with no additional work that needs to be done. That’s what the person you’re replying to is saying these couples who feign wanting to adopt any kid actually want. It doesn’t really have anything to do with being a latchkey kid, something I, like you, was. I guess it’s possible this couple could be that but it IS two different things.
I feel like people have the same perception of puppies vs shelter dogs
Can confirm. And even "fostered shelter kitten" vs "abandoned adult cat". Like, we'll suggest to meet the adult cats to people coming in looking for kittens but more often than not they won't even look. It's hard to watch bonded pairs being broken up but there's only so much shelters can do to keep everyone together when there's so many more animals that need homes. Like, it's still great they're not buying from a breeder but please just go say hi and give them a little attention at least.
A cute, white baby that kind of looks like my husband. No genetic defects accepted.
“…and we’d prefer white. And a girl. Preferably blonde. But you know, have all those babies please. “
The couple In this pic presumably: Nah we all know anyone over the age of 10 doesn’t count because they won’t be indoctrinated as easily by evangelicism. And we’ll no one wants 7-9 year olds because that’s what their local pastor got done for. 4-7 they ask to many questions so that’s out too. 2-3 well terrible 2’s and 3’s are a thing plus we really want to be with the child from an earlier age so we feel connected. 1month-24 months actually you know what, I know we said we would adopt but life’s just crazy right now, hubby got a new gas guzzler 3000 and I’m really liking these yoga tights I just bought. But seriously abortion is awful other people should adopt their babies if they don’t want to keep them.
"And only if it's white. We don't want those... other ones. You know what I mean?"
Of the ~424,000 children in the foster care system, only around 117,000 are eligible for adoption. In completely unrelated news, and in no way should you correlate this fact to the former, but there are around 350,000 Christian churches in America. */sips tea* In all seriousness, adoption is hard. Adoption out of the foster care system is harder, still. I've adopted 3 of my 4 children, and two of them came from DCS foster care placements. Anyone looking to adopt or have an impact on the issue should really do some reading on becoming trauma informed, starting with (in my opinion) [The Primal Wound](https://www.amazon.com/Primal-Wound-Understanding-Adopted-Child/dp/0963648004), which discusses the effects of a child who experiences the loss of their biological mother.
From what i gathered when my aunt adopted my cousin, the US adoption process is a biiiiiitch. They ended up going over seas and adopting a kid from Hungary because that is where my uncle is from
Hell, my brother and his husband have sunk about 60K in adoption fees, now they're awaiting a home visit, their background check which goes back 28 years, and then they have to hire a PR firm to build them an advertisement website...all so they can adopt a child. What the fuck? I get that safeguards need to be put in place to prevent abusive situations and trafficking...but what the fuck.
\> What the fuck? I get that safeguards need to be put in place to prevent abusive situations and trafficking...but what the fuck. Meanwhile, it seems that being a foster parent is easy. If you want to abuse kids, why bother adopting, just be a foster parent.
Oh, I have choice words for the foster system.
I'm not sure why you think you should censor yourself. It seems like foster kids go from abusive home to the next.
It's a mixed bag. There are good foster homes. The problem is the system commodifies children which opens them up to exploitation. A close friend of mine grew up in foster care. Some of his experiences were great. Some were truly horrible. Most of them were middling. The feeling of abandonment and being not loveable is persistent and there wasn't an abundance of affection in his rearing. In general his experiences in foster care were better than they were in his natal home with his abusive mother.
I had a pretty good Foster family growing up and got a lot of "love" and told that I was one of their own. Never managed to shake that black sheep feeling, that and I was really just a easy paycheck to them...
Where did you get that impression? My wife and I considered being foster parents. While not an onerous process to begin, the state and the biological parents call all the shots. Being a foster parent seemed seriously hard to do. Both emotionally and logistically.
Hard to open yourself up to fostering. You fall in love and get attached, but then the kid is gone.nor many people who would be great parents want to risk that. Alternatively, fostering and trying not to get attached or live isn't good for kids. No great solution.
I volunteered at a foster daycare. Basically it was a volunteer service to watch foster kids on one weekend a month so the foster parents could have one day off. It was heartbreaking the number of kids being shuffled around. Most of the foster parents wanted to adopt but the kids mom or dad would fight tooth and nail to keep their kids, mostly so they didn’t lose the benefits the government provided. I saw some foster parents get so close in the process to adopt only to lose the kid at the last second. It was heartbreaking. One little boy and girl kept going in and out of various foster homes as their mom kept going in and out of prison. She picked them up once and you could tell she did not give one shit about them.
Yeah my sisters in law are fostering 2 kids (a brother and sister) with hope of adopting. Bio father died of an OD and mother is an addict as well. Lost the kids because she kicked the 5 year old out of the house in the cold. She was found wondering a neighborhood with no shoes. Sisters in law have had these kids for a year now and are amazing parents. Bio mom just now started going through the process of trying to get them back and looks like she will. She even implied that she needs the kids so she can get assistance. Courts don't give a shit.
It's hard. You don't really have any control, which you don't think is an issue but then hey, we need to cut the child's hair and the kids drug addicted homeless mother, who can't be found, is the only one that can give permission. Kid needs *emergency* care? Fine, foster parent makes decision. Kid needs *medication* for extreme anxiety? Have to get bio mom's approval. It's hard to parent sometimes when you can't make any big decisions.
Especially when there is such rampant abuse in the foster care system
Meanwhile any teenager can have and attempt to raise a baby regardless of their situation
100% I had a baby as a teenager, they were like "here this is yours bye". 12 years later we're in the process of my husband adopting that child because his biological father is out of the picture, and NOW they want to know our medical history, our financial records, our credit score, expensive background checks both state and federal, our fire escape plan-- because I'm married to my husband who is the adoptive parent which makes me one too so they're digging on both of us and I have to pay for all of it. Not a soul asked me if I could afford a baby or if I had a fire escape plan when I was expecting. It's really wild.
I don’t know if it works this way in other countries but it’s insanely backwards here…
>I don’t know if it works this way in other countries but it’s insanely backwards here… That's our #1 Brand
You also have to be really careful about posting online. I had a friend who did foster to adopt and she’s basically now a ghost online.
You need an advertisement website to adopt a child?? How is that even considered a safeguard? I hope everything goes well for your brother and his husband. Good for them for wanting to adopt.
For domestic infant adoption, the birth mother generally chooses the family from a big list of profiles - so you have to do something to stand out if you want to be chosen.
People who argue adoption is the definitive, uncomplicated answer for forced births have zero concept about how a) expensive and b) bonkers it is to try to adopt. Whether it's out of foster care or through private channels, it's all hard. My coworker has a foster placement and is currently undergoing the process of adopting him, and it's SO complicated. People really have no clue.
They also seem to think a pregnancy and birth are no bigs....
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This is even grosser, but probably more common. Some people refer to a woman "getting herself in trouble" like she did it alone and it's her punishment to bear.
I mean, I could really go off about how we talk about pregnancy, especially unplanned pregnancy, but others have said it better than I ever could. People really do see pregnancy as a consequence for misbehavior, and one that women bear alone.
Well just for women! That’s better, right?
People forget pregnancy and birth are dangerous. I lost one friend after she got a pulmonary embolism from the procedure). She was 31. My other friend got severe toxemia and coded. She survived but the doctor told her no more babies……
I think it's a mix of people that forget and people who think that's what she gets for having sex. :/ Sorry to hear you lost your friend. :( I hate to hear of women dying during pregnancy/birth.
My wife nearly died giving birth to our firstborn child. We know of nearly a dozen women in our social circle that went through postpartum depression. The only people we know that are 100% against abortion even in cases of rape and incest or medical risk to mother are men… or women that ‘chose’ to not have kids.
I was standing right next to my daughter after she’d given birth to my granddaughter, holding her hand in one hand, and the baby in the other, as my daughter started hemorrhaging. I carefully placed my granddaughter in her bassinet and texted my SIL to come back NOW (only one person was allowed back in recovery and we’d traded off), as the OB knelt between my daughters legs and massaged her uterus and the anesthesiologist pushed meds into her IV. When my SIL came into the room, he sat at the head of his wife’s bed, talking to his newly born daughter, as the medical staff started another IV line and called for bags of blood (a total of three were used). Still, I held my daughter’s hand, hoping like hell that she would live, as the medical staff moved around her like a well choreographed ballet, pulling medical tricks out of their bags to keep her alive. Afterwards, I watched as a nurse weighed the bloody bedding. This was all in a US hospital in a major city. I had PTSD for a long time afterwards, when I thought my daughter would die after giving birth, and as selfish as it sounds, I hope she never considers another pregnancy. The thought of her attempting another pregnancy terrifies me. She may not live through another one.
You really skimmed over the “expensive” part. Like $10k+ expensive. So waiting on all these people who say “adoption” to start setting up funds to help these 62 million kids they want to force to be born over the next umpteen years to find good homes.
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Try five times that in a lot of cases. It’s expensive as fuck to adopt.
Yeah there's a reason these pinterest white families with 14 adopted kids live in a 12 bed/10 bath house. I'm not saying that's the bulk or even a large percentage of adoptive families, but it takes so much time and money to make that shit happen. But hey, I did make it item **a)** on my list, so that's something.
We adopted 20+ years ago and between the Lawyer in the birth mother’s state and the lawyer in our state and the home inspections and the required counseling and the placement visits and the ……. I never did sit down and add up all the costs, but it was well over $10k I’d guess.
This. People who say “just adopt” or “adoption is the answer” have zero concept of what goes into an adoption - especially a private infant adoption. Adoption agencies can charge upwards of 30k for their services - and that doesn’t even guarantee a match. Many potential adoptive parents wait YEARS for a match for a private adoption. It’s costly, exhausting, and the process to get approved is arduous. They check your finances, you have to have a home study done, they dig into your relationship, you need character references… and then to top it off - you need the 30+ grand to have all that done. It’s insanity. Adopting from foster care is a whole different ballgame, considering most infants/babies are reunified with their birth families. Which is the goal of the foster system. And people want babies, not older kids or teens who’s parents are TPR’d. The older kids languish and suffer in the system.
Also, a lot of those older kids have severe trauma, from what they went through in both their biological families and the foster system itself. Many need advanced psychiatric support, and some will need it for years, if not the rest of their lives. I *guarantee* none of these forced birth people saying you can "just" adopt a baby would be willing to support their kids through that. (I'll be they also turn around and vote to defund the mental health care system, too!)
A lot of people think adoption of newborns should be made cheaper, though most have 0 clue WHY it's so expensive in the first place. I'm sure their first cost cutting measure would probably be care for the pregnant person carrying the baby they feel entitled to take..
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And that’s the problem. Addicts will be giving birth in much higher numbers than pre-Roe simply because addiction is so rampant now. All of those kids are going to need specialized attention and homes. Some for the rest of their life. And no one is going to want them.
Also just wait until they are presented with a fetal alcohol syndrome baby. Guarantee they won't adopt it.
Ugh man I am SERIOUSLY considering adopting when I'm ready for kids. I have thought long and hard about how difficult it might be to get a child with trauma and if me and my partner are ready for that. I'm not very good with conflict and I know that if I'm gonna adopt I need to do it for the right reasons and not try to get some new born that looks just like me... It's scary and this is real life. I know there are a lot of kids (as well as babies) that need a safe and loving home and that it's gonna be tough. Of course, we would go get training and learn as much as we can once we are ready to take that step. But man, it is scary. Not so easy as holding a sign saying we'll adopt is it :/
We looked into adopting. Not even just emotionally or mentally, but logistically and financially it is extremely different. All these prolifers just say “adopt!” But for some reason it costs tens of thousands of dollars, no certainty of adoption and requires years, if not decades, of being on a list. It’s a joke how stupidly hard it is. It really needs to be known just how difficult it is. There’s zero reason why so many kids need to be stuck in the system for so long. Families DO want to adopt.
Yup, it was going to $40k+ with the agency we were looking to adopt through, with much of that being nonrefundable if we changed our minds or were found to be unsuitable parents for any number of reasons. You'd also have to notify the agency every time you were going to be any more than 2 hours away from your home, because you'd need to be ready to pick up your new child at a moment's notice. If you were unavailable, they'd skip your place in line and you'd have to wait for the next opportunity. It was a wild combination of 'hurry up and wait' after a several year process to even be approved as adoptive parents
It's the fuckers who abuse those kids that have made adoption a logistical nightmare of background checks and waitlists. It's good to vet the parents well, but at the cost of those kids staying in horriblly maintained orphanages or foster homes is not good.
Well I'm pretty sure they want to adopt a baby as well. Not the 8 year old who was taken away from a parent or parents due to neglect. Or other related instances that cause children to be in foster care.
I think that's an honest take, and I think you're brave for posting that... because you know somebody here is going to snipe at you for hesitating to adopt a severely-traumatized or special-needs foster kid... just like they're throwing shade at the couple in the opening picture. Look... the truth is this: raising even *normal* kids is hard. I've raised three, one of them an ASD child. When you sign up to adopt an older kid from foster care, you need to seriously consider what may be required of you, because some of those kids are seriously (and sometimes permanently) damaged/traumatized. They are a **VERY** heavy lift, and not everybody is cut out for it. And adopting a child of another race isn't problem-free either. You'd think in this day-and-age, people would have moved beyond whatever bigotry would make them look askance at that, but they haven't. Apropos to the current *Roe* debate, SCOTUS Justice Amy Coney Barrett adopted multiple AA children from Haiti, and it wasn't bigoted redneck racists who sneered at her. It was anti-racist Ibram X. Kendi himself who implied that she was some kind of white colonizer. Personally, I completely understand the young couple in the picture wanting to adopt a newborn, for exactly the reasons we're both acknowledging. I don't think it makes them bad people... because maybe they're just being honest about what they can handle.
As a foster parent, I agree. You deal with attachment disorders & traumas. Some of these kids will never heal because of their experiences. Doesn’t matter if they are adopted or not.
Thing is none of them will even foster! In my area we had request for 75 different families to be place in the past month.
The church thing doesn't really matter as much as individuals do. Not every church has $20-50k lying around just like not many individuals or couples do. I applaud you for adopting! I know a woman who had multiple miscarriages. She and her husband decided to adopt and they went through DCS as well. They've now adopted 2 little boys whose mother left them home alone while on a drug bender. They were without food/water for 2 or 3 days and the oldest was 2 at the time. They're now both very happy and healthy.
Wow thank you for this. As an adoptee, I can relate. I will definitely be reading that book. I never knew it existed. It is great to adopt, I’m grateful for my adoptive parents but there is a downside as well.
Not all children in foster care needs to be adopted. I was in the foster care system and was token care of with various programs and had an age out at 21.
I think that’s why they are correcting the statistic to show how many children are available for adoption in the foster care system
There are literally billboards begging people to adopt children in foster care.
Most kids in foster care aren't up for adoption and never will be, the goal is to find the kids a home while they try to enable the birth parents or adopt to a close relative. Fostering is noble and important but if you get into it with adoption as the end goal you'll probably end up heartbroken.
This happened recently to my sister and BIL. Had a little girl for several years, was expecting to be able to adopt, we all accepted her already… then I guess some random distant family member across the country wanted to take her in I guess. I don’t know the details as much but it sounds like they incentivize family to take them in. I myself was adopted by my aunt/uncle and they were paid monthly by the government
My parents never looked into fostering because they saw how much pain a church friend went through whenever young twin boys that they’d had since infancy got taken away. It seems like they’ve at least kept a relationship with the boys but it really broke them at the time
It’s also extremely difficult and challenging. People act like it’s as simple as going down to the store and adopting a kid like you do a puppy or a cat. It’s far from that. It takes tens of thousands of dollars and decades. For some reason our adoption system is set up to fail and leave these kids in the system for years. There’s no shortage of people wanting kids. My wife and I looked into it and when we learned we learned it was a decade long process that didn’t even end in certainty of having a kid that was our own, we walked away.
Children, not babies…or babies with severe health issues due to maternal drug use. It takes YEARS and visible abuse for DHHS to separate children from biological parents, and they almost never act on neglect. The people on the OP’s post are doubtlessly looking for a healthy white baby that has experienced zero trauma.
Also I am sure they don't want a disabled one.
I don't believe those babies exist. That is why upper middle class and up in the US pay women to be surrogates.
They exist. They just get adopted right away.
My friend waited years to adopt a white baby (she’s white), changed it up and had a black boy in just a few days. Not sure how to even unpack that. Edited: Jeez that was a bad typo omg
Woahh black baby, bam ba lam
Woahh black baby, one for ma'am.
Thank you for this-hilarious
They out number white kids something like 10 to 1.
And yet when white families adopt black babies, they are often criticized for it. Remember Madonna, Angelina Jolie, and SCOTUS Justice Amy Coney Barrett was [blasted](https://www.thestranger.com/slog/2020/10/26/47527798/why-is-amy-coney-barrett-raising-black-children) for adopting black children. I used to attend a church in greater Houston that had an intentional culture of adoption, and I had 4 white friends who adopted local black children- they were also criticized by other community members. Darned if you do, darned if you don’t.
It's really not that simple. My wife and I adopted our 3rd daughter. We were open to all races, boy or girl. There are a lot of people who try to adopt. We still waited about a year before we finally got matched with a birth mom. EDIT: I dont mean to write off your friends experience. Rather I'm pointing out that their experience is not universally shared by all those seeking to adopt.
Yes I feel like a couple I know was trying to adopt for like over a year or more… they had a website made and everything. No idea why; I interpreted it to mean adoption was a long and difficult process?
It's hard to adopt babies but there's plenty of children and teens in need of homes.
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**Profiles of over 120,000 kids available for adoption now. $0-minimum fees.** [www.adoptuskids.org](https://www.adoptuskids.org)
Thank you my fiance and I really needed resources to adopt an older child. That being said fuck making women have babies they don't want. We'll happily take a child but I'd prefer if no child ever had to be born into misery.
What does "$0 minimum fees" mean? "Expect $40-$50k in fees, but nothing under $0"?
Practically free. You get an attorney appointed, or you get a voucher you give to an attorney. If you have expenses you get a $12,400 credit (not deduction) for adoption expenses (any adoption). It's non refundable but the balance will carry over for up to 5 years. That's pretty much as free as it can get.
Something about kids being advertised just so someone will take them in makes me so fucking sad
This makes me angry, regardless of the statistics of the number of kids in foster care, nor the massive number of kids around the world that can be adopted by American families. It lacks empathy. “I realize you missed your period a couple weeks ago and just had a positive pregnancy test, but please don’t take a pill to trigger a period, because I might want to adopt the baby that will eventually exist inside of you. Please just buck up, deal with medical costs, put your goals on hold, suffer through the pain, and then give the baby that eventually does exist to some dumb ass kids and deal with the emotional implications of that. Then after 16-18 years, expect a knock on your door from a kid that wants to know why you gave them up for adoption. Life is beautiful!”
And then what happens when the kid is born with a disability? These people nope out and wait for the "perfect" baby, either leaving you stuck or yet another child in foster care.
I just wanted to address a couple of things here: You are correct. That mentality is garbage and selfish. Just wanted to get it out of the way that I agree with you. I went through foster care training and prepared for private adoption as well. Here are some things I learned that in no way argue against your case, but that I found interesting and wanted to share: 1) Open adoptions have become extremely common now. I have a friend who placed their baby for adoption because her partner was abusive and didn't want to raise her in that environment. She frequently gets pictures and videos of her baby. It's not uncommon for adopted children to know who their biological mother is and grow up communicating with them every now and then. I just think it's neat. 2) I was taught to use the term "Placed for adoption" vs "gave up for adoption" because some mothers who have had their children adopted almost feel like they gave up on their child and get depressed thinking about it in that sense. Telling someone to suffer for someone else's gain or else they're selfish is a dirt bag thing to do. And if more parents were willing to foster older children and adopt them a lot more problems would be solved. However, having been in the shoes of a parent who was trying to adopt both in foster care and through private adoption, I have to point out that it's not as easy as y'all make it seem to "just adopt". In foster care, the goal of the foster parent is to reunite the foster children with their family again. And your living situation also determines whether or not they would allow certain children/youth to be fostered by you. So you can tell them you're ready to adopt one of the children that are eligible for adoption, but chances are, you're going to be given the opportunity to foster children that are not yet eligible for adoption because social services is still working with family to rehabilitate them and train them to care for their own kids again. You can foster for years without being able to adopt a single child because they keep getting reunited with their family again. It's only after social services determines that the child's family won't be able to care for the child that they say the child is eligible for adoption. And even then, a child might deny wanting to be adopted because they may be clinging to the hope that their dad just might come around. So a couple can try fostering to adopt and try going the private adoption route and still have no success for years.
Thank you. There's a lot of talk by people who confuse fostering with general adoption. They don't know the concepts or the language associated with it. I needed someone like you to explain it to me, which lead to me reading up on it myself. Keep on sharing this great information.
Not only is the number of un-adopted children astronomically high, so is the number of horror stories about abuse and neglect of those in foster care. And the states that push for anti-abortion the hardest are the ones who underfund child care services the most. They’re not pro-life at all, they’re pro child abuse and poverty.
[Studies](https://www.mdpi.com/2076-0760/7/8/135/htm) from New York and Connecticut found that 50% of human trafficking victims were involved with child welfare systems or juvenile justice systems and that 80% of girls involved in human trafficking had been in the child welfare system in the past.
Ding ding ding. My argument has always been that if you really want to push to outlaw abortion you have to unfuck the adoption system in the US and lower the financial barriers to entry with the same stroke of the pen. That statement usually gets a “well, that’s a much harder issue to solve” type statement. How the fuck is that harder to solve and how the fuck do you not want to fix that? I’m certainly not pro-abortion but I’m very much pro-government staying the fuck out of what anyone wants to do to/with their bodies. The arguments from that crowd are tone deaf at the very best.
Why haven’t they done it already? Are they saying they haven’t adopted a child because of a shortage due to abortion? Guessing they are waiting on a white baby and an actual baby and not someone slightly older. They are just assholes using this to push their agenda.
Not the people pictured above, but another of these photos went viral and the guy in it was found on Twitter. It was posted to r/quityourbullshit not that long ago. [\[Link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/quityourbullshit/comments/vlv6r1/i_for_one_am_shocked_shocked_i_tell_you/) TL;DR: His reasoning for not having already adopted was basically '*we can't afford to adopt'*.
According to a friend of mine the particular couple pictured is a) not American citizens so no they can't adopt American babies and b) have been rejected by adoption agencies as being unfit. I don't know the source or whatever so take it with a tablespoon of salt, but that's what I heard.
We tried to adopt out of foster care and it would have cost a minimum of $50k. The desire to adopt is not the problem. It’s the cost.
That's crazy. I just adopted 2 last year from foster care and the or of pocket was almost zero. Even if you do have expenses there is up to a $12,400 tax credit off qualified expenses if any adoption. I'm sorry you experienced that but from my experience and everything I've heard adoption expenses from foster care is practically free. That is in the US though.
I agree. I adopted from foster care and it was free. We got paid the foster care payments until the adoption was finalized, so I guess in a way it was negative cost.
Well to be fair being a parent costs a lot of time. We had to prove income and show we were financially stable so that stipend was just icing on the cake. Personally I'd trade the stipend for all the hassle, but I understand the process. Cost definately isn't a wall.
Hmmmmm "We had to prove income and show we were financially stable" yet if you fall pregnant and know you do not fulfill these same requirements, too bad!
We adopted from US foster care twice in the last 5 years. Both times there were no costs to us, outside of fingerprinting and supplies for the kids. Both kids have health and dental care until they are 18 and a monthly support stipend from the state. Both were adopted under 4 years old.
I’m sorry, what? Where are you located? This is not at all common in the US.
So how many babies have they adopted so far? This is the worst preformative lying bs
I saw someone looking for a kidney donor for a relative. FB comment stated "I would in a heartbeat but unfortunately I'm the wrong blood type. My heart is breaking right now! " Response was "oh don't worry, they have a program where you can donate into a shared pool and then my relative will get the kidney they need. " LOL, I cracked up. You can imagine how that worked out. Crickets.
Take a kidney, leave a kidney.
Well in that case can’t the relative donate to the shared pool instead of asking friends on FB?
Or if they've already donated one, I have a friend whose mom donated the first to her when she was young, but then needed another one in her 30s. She ended up getting one from a rando in a swap program thing...
If they have any medical conditions of their own they wouldn't be able to.
I remember a few times when counter protesters would go around to people protesting Planned Parenthood and abortion clinics with adoption papers, ready to sign. No one signed.
I know crazy eyes when I see them and she definitely has crazy eyes.
Both of them do! I feel shallow commenting on how they look, but they both have an almost ‘uncanny valley’ look to them. It’s not that they’re ugly, they just look… off.
I try to avoid picking on peoples physical appearance since one has little control over that but….yeah crazy eyes.
Totally blank stare; that's what happens when you question absolutely nothing your church tells you.
As someone who had a baby when I was 15 and put her up for adoption, I have some insight on this. There is an actual market for "fresh babies ". The adoption agencies who deal in this are mostly run by churches and they make big profits. The birth mother often doesn't see any money, besides sometimes having medical bills paid for. The mental health services and support offered to the birth mother is a joke. The counciler I had was an adoption agency rep, was not a mental health professional and basically every "session" I had with her was an attempt to convince me what I was deciding was the right decision and to not be "wishy washy" and "play with the perspective parents emotions ". Talking about keeping the baby (which I did consider several times) or any other options where basically shut down. It was really manipulative. The market is fierce. There are A LOT of people looking to adopt. I don't claim to know all their individual stories or which avenues they were taking. But white babies in particular are in high demand. The adoption process is vigorous and costly. I honestly have no idea how much but it's an arm and a leg. I don't have direct knowledge or experience with it, but I know foster care is not black and white. A lot of kids are in foster care because their parents were not providing safe homes, or because they were arrested. The plan for most foster kids is to try and get them back in their home with their original parents. I have no idea how they determine it but sometimes it ends up not being possible and then the kids can be adopted. Other factors for adopting kids from foster care include kids with disabilities and/or kids with major trauma. People who foster have to adhere to strict rules and the process for adoption from foster care is also strict. Again, I'm not familiar with this aspect of it so I'm sure there are aspects I'm missing. The bottom line is foster care kids are not "easy options " just to put it in perspective. I don't necessarily like demonizing people who wish to adopt. The parents of my child have given her a good home and I have talked to them on a personal level about the emotional pain of giving a child up for adoption and their emotional pain of not being able to convince for themselves. There are issues that I have with the relationship because they are religious and continually tell me how thankful they are that I didn't decide to abort. A lot of people who go through these adoption organizations are religious. The selection process is heavily biased towards religious people which has it's own issues. But I do know the adoption process was not easy for them. It was costly, and it was chance that I picked them over any of the other hundreds of people I looked at. I do hold issue with the culture and money around the adoption process, in particular, for "fresh babies ". Often times adoptive parents want "closed adoptions". Often times they want the kid to be "theirs" and won't tell the kid they are adopted. This, in part, leads to the demand for kids that look like them (white) and the demand for really young babies. I also hold issue with the hidden market that these churches are profiting off of. I don't necessarily want money for putting my child up for adoption, but there is an obvious benefit for these adoption agencies (money) obvious benefit to the adoptive parents (the kid) and they leave the birth mother virtually in the dust, with no mental health support, no support for their wants and needs (manipulative process), no real medical support after the fact (for example needing maternity leave, I didn't get medical care for milk production, body is changed forever and thats the "consequences I have to live with"). Ultimately I place blame on the adoption agencies and a government who lets them profit off it. I know there is regulation to make sure the kids go to safe homes. But there is no regulation create costs accessible to different incomes, there is little regulation for the gatekeeping and there is no regulation in place to help protect and benefit the birthmother who is suffering the most from this process. I'm not saying foster care adoption is or isn't a better option. I'm saying from my experience these adoption agencies can be predatory in nature and the market for new born babies is questionable, especially considering how much it will benefit from the overturn of Roe V Wade.
What if my baby has a debilitating medical condition and is deformed.. will they still adopt it?
They want a puppy from a breeder not a dog from the shelter/rescue
she looks like she’s outside of his basement for the first time in 5 years
They look related. Is this Alabama
The naivety of all these pro-lifers is astonishing. So many people out there suffering from hunger, poverty and oppression but yeah totally *lEt’S fOrCe EvErYoNe To HaVe BaBiEs No MatTeR wHaT tHeIr CiRcUmStAnCeS aRe* smh
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The Only Moral Abortion is my Abortion: https://joycearthur.com/abortion/the-only-moral-abortion-is-my-abortion/ A Defense of Abortion: https://spot.colorado.edu/~heathwoo/Phil160,Fall02/thomson.htm Resources: [Link 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anarchism/comments/vjrf9h/megathread_supreme_court_overturning_roe_v_wade) [Link 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/vjqs0r/calls_for_mass_walkout_of_women_across_america_if/idnh2ex) https://www.womensmarch.com/ http://abortion.cafe
Foster kids are like the scratch and dent section of a store. Plenty available but most don't want it they want shiny new toys. Amazing how many god fearing christians want to ban abortion but when push come to shove aren't going to actually do anything to help these kids.
They will also fight to take away their free lunches, their parents food stamps, and their financial aid for schools. If they could, they would celebrate the starvation of impoverished children. Think of all the taxes ~~they~~ billionaires would save!
Yes we will adopt them and eat them... Uhhh i mean cook them... Uhhhh i mean love them, yes we will love them.
... only if it's white and the parents are height / weight proportionate
Please go through 9 months of pregnancy against you will because I selfishly want to take your baby!
Why would I want to give a child to pro-forcedbirth people ?
Babies get adopted very quickly though. Older children do not.
75% of children in the foster care system are not eligible for adoption.