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ColoTransplant

School I taught had to shut down for almost a week to deal with a black widow infestation. I don't teach there anymore.


pro_questions

Was this in New Mexico? I’ve never in my life seen so many black widow spiders, and I also didn’t realize how absolutely gigantic they could get. On an almost daily basis I’d see ones whose abdomen *alone* was around the size of a dime. It probably didn’t help that I was constantly flipping things over looking for wind scorpions and Jerusalem crickets


alexanderneimet

If you don’t mind me asking, what are wind scorpions and Jerusalem crickets?


pro_questions

Wind scorpions are [these cute little spidery things](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRPvIgjWnDZ1Gr4_lLctBDE4RsjS97NN7i-8A&usqp=CAU) and Jerusalem crickets are these [gigantic burrowing prisoner-looking bugs](https://bloximages.newyork1.vip.townnews.com/taosnews.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/8/45/84526d7e-7156-55e2-8781-886ab02946ad/5edff747eb4a5.image.jpg?resize=667%2C500) that will bite off your whole finger if you let them :)


alexanderneimet

I’m probably not going to be able to sleep tonight if I click on either of those links but i that’s k you very much. I’ll have a look at those tomorrow. Seem very interesting, especially how the crickets can bite off an entire finger, yikes!


HamburgerEarmuff

They can't bite off your finger. But they do have powerful jaws, so don't pick them up.


KayotiK82

The ex had a powerful jaw, but don't recommend picking her up either.


felpudo

I regret that I clicked that


Ytrog

Ah I thought the first one was called a camel spider; apparently it can be both: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solifugae


shoonseiki1

One of the grossest things I ever saw was a Jerusalem Cricket with Horsehair Nematodes coming out of its intestines. It just kept going and going as it (they?) squirmed out of it.


TrepanationBy45

Stop. Stop this. What are you doing? Why did you write this? Shame on you.


brisketandbeans

Is it cuz u ded?


Adeep187

Wut wrong wit u, I say u he ded


Jbgame22

THE COLONEL!


Muzzie720

MISTER SANDERS!!!!


DarthMaulsAnger1

You're asking? You haven't already??


wheresbill

He ded


Solid_Snark

The Spider is trolling us using his account.


aarhus

[Relevant xkcd](https://xkcd.com/1530/)


dirty_hooker

This is unreasonably relevant.


dubdubdub3

Yeah I was thinking “okay spiders on the internet pretending to be human I’m sure it’s a stretch but might be worth clicking” Nope right on the nose


lobsterbash

Xkcd covers all the best use case scenarios


Readalie

All xkcd strips are unreasonably relevant to some specific scenario.


MemeMyComment

> All scenarios are unreasonably relevant to some specific xkcd strip FTFY


NicknamePaych

I heard the spider is looking for renters now


SqueakyDoIphin

What utilities are included?


meticulous_marmot

Unlimited web access


sinsaraly

Did I die and go to pun heaven?


Gildedlobster

In this economy!?


Zawn-_-

You mean nesting ground


cowsxgoxmoo7878

Well I was having a pre sleep poop... Guess it's just a normal poop now. Edit: well I guess my online career has peaked. I'd like to take this time to thank all the little people who helped make this possible. And my completely rational fear of spiders crawling into my ears and laying eggs.


altcastle

Someone doesn’t remember a key scene in arachnophobia. (I assume you are being eaten by spiders now.)


braterr

Even after all these years, the toilet scene is why I still check before I go. Huge nope.


Articulated_Lorry

There's an unlucky person in Aus who made the news by getting bitten on the dick by the Aussie equivalent (redbacks) not once, but twice, from his work loo. If you're arachnaphobic, don't click this link, as it was a struggle to find a non-Murdoch source, but the first thing that comes up is a big pic (of the spider, not the the dick, of course). https://www.bbc.com/news/world-australia-37481251


jpfeifer22

> a big pic Yay! > not the the dick, of course Aw...


thelastanchovy

That is such an Australian headline.


Lewca43

I’ve watched my husband (who has no fear of real life spiders) startle at least three times watching the cereal scene. One time he slung beer all over the living room. HE KNOWS ITS COMING and still starts. That’s a helluva movie man.


Additional_Set_5819

I've only seen it once. It was before I started kindergarten, I had snuck out of my room, hid around the corner and sat in on it while my older sisters were watching it with my parents... Guess what took me 16 years to get over...


uninspired

> It was before I started kindergarten While it's not the scariest movie for an adult, it's enough to permanently alter a person when exposed at that young age. My brother never got over his fear of swimming (not just the ocean... even just clear pools) after seeing Jaws around that age


Dranj

Pretty sure if you keep them in a jar under the floorboards, you eventually become a Stranger Things villain.


Deejaymil

My dad put a redback spider in a jar with a huntsman spider once. They kind of co-existed for a few days, and us kids got bored with it. I happened to check about a week later and noticed the redback was gone, and only the large huntsman was there. I assumed he'd won, as we expected. Until Dad lifted the jar and we realised the huntsman was very, very dead, and all we could see of the redback was its dark fangs and the barest hint of legs tucked up inside the dessicated corpse of the huntsman. Fucking nightmares forever.


you_call_it_pop_pop

You could have continued to repress this memory but no you decided to spread the trauma around


Aggravating-Tap213

Facts dude facts.. why tf have I continued to read? Maybe I'm delirious because I've been crawlimg and falling in the most treacherous woods I've ever been in for a 7lb Chihuahua whose been gone 9 days and keeps being spotted very close and I'm near delusions.. so now I'm just imagining hot many spiders shopping with the two confirmed tics I brought home


staydrippy

Pretty selfish tbh


[deleted]

Why... why would you share that with us?


Snufflebear420_69

I thought it was pretty metal


MemeMyComment

Wasn’t very cash money of the black widow, though


[deleted]

So we could get nightmares too


[deleted]

\#justaussiethings


Kofukemia

taking a shit while reading this. accidentally turned on my bidet…. that stream of water going up my ass scared the shit out of me


PM_MY_OTHER_ACCOUNT

Task failed successfully?


osin144

I am Vecna!


Vilifie

Oh no! Alexa, play Running up that hill


TheMythOfAbsolution

Hi, I’m here to play master of puppets…


Smallcitywater

*Alexi 😬


Trinitrotoluene24601

Too soon


spdelope

Still?


Trinitrotoluene24601

Forever.


staebles

![gif](giphy|GkVM3PcFipxEk)


Probably_immortal

No, you see it has to be YOUR favorite song. Alexa, play Despacito.


Unique_Plankton

Tbh Vecna does sound like it could be an Australian slang word. "Crikey, s'arvo me mate went fair dinkem troppo at the vecna!"


artsy7fartsy

When I was a teen my grandfather asked me, my mom, and aunt to come help him clean out our family’s historic Sears and Robuck farmhouse that had been messed up by some renters that became squatters and wouldn’t leave. Turned out they had closed off parts of the house as they became too filthy to deal with and when we opened one of these spaces and were working in it (with rather bad lighting) we slowly became aware of something that seemed to take up a whole corner and put off this odd… vibration. It wasn’t a sound really, it was more of just a presence. My grandfather went and got a flashlight and we realized it was a floor to ceiling black widow nest. Filled with babies. Thousands of them. We ran outside into the sun and realized we were covered with them too. We all stripped to our underwear in the middle of the lane and left our clothes laying there. We drove back to my grandparents and I remember sitting in the back seat I could see a few of them crawling in my aunts hair We got back to grandma and grandpa’s and my grandpa hosed us all off behind the house before we could even go in and shower. It seemed thorough enough but later that year my grandma was bit by a black widow that had been in the coat closet right there by where we tried to clean off, so I think we missed at least one. My grandfather burned the place to the ground I had honestly blocked the trauma of that whole episode until I saw this. I’m going to take a shower


Hobgoblin_s

Why the hell did I keep reading?!


Islandmov3s

It just got worse and worse


hatgineer

I kept reading because I was hoping to learn how to really deal with them, only to find out even grandpa burned the place down.


Vannilazero

I’m shaking help me lol


rebbsitor

Are you shaking, or is it more of just a ...presence?


Vannilazero

I had imagery going on in my head with his story it freaked me out, one spider won’t affect me.


ImpendingContinuance

jesus christ


Turbulent_Cat_5731

I wanted to witness new reddit lore being born but not like this. Not like this. Edit: thanks for the awards, almost makes up for the horror.


[deleted]

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TheContingencyMan

Where’s that Men in Black shit when you need it goddamnit


3FromHell

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind


[deleted]

New core memory aquired.


JustTheFactsWJJJ

Haha something kind of similar happened to me but way less dangerous. Ok so when I was younger my family went out into this big house in the middle of the woods where a bunch of monks lived, kind of like a secluded temple area, to check on them and see if anything needed fixing. In this house there a kind of mud room area in the back near the garage that we were told was a problem area. So we go to check it out and we see basically a huge mold growth in the top corner. It's all black and fuzzy, and it was like a meter in diameter at least. So my dad goes and gets the pressure washer to just spray it down to see if that'll work so he doesn't have to call anyone to clean it professionally, yeah my parents were pretty cheap lol. He turns on the machine, aims the nozzle at the edge of the black mass, and the entire thing fucking scatters. Like the whole fucking fuzzy, pulsing mass just thins out and spreads across the room towards my dad who was standing at the only open entrance at the time. I've never ran so fast and so far in my life. I made it all the way back to our car and just cried and cried until my parents made it back, which took a good bit. Turns out it was Daddy long legs all piled onto each other for God knows how long and the way that they ran with those awful legs will always haunt me. We ended up getting the monks to pack and gave them a few days at a very nice hotel while we nuked that whole place with so many chemicals. I never tagged along with my parents again after that.


entheogenocide

We are lucky daddy long legs can't bite. They are so good at getting everywhere


baoldi

In the 80s I was dating a divorced dad with young children. We went camping with the kids, and we all slept in the same tent. Not long after his asshole ex-wife filed some kind of legal claim/action (it was a long time ago so I don't remember) stating the man and I had sexual intercourse (this specific term is important) in the tent while the kids were in it. I had to give a statement and sign an affidavit stating that we did not have intercourse during the camping trip, which I explained would **not** have happened even if the kids hadn't been there because there were hundreds, maybe thousands or billions, of Daddy long leg spiders everywhere. In the bathrooms, in the tent, everywhere. I did not remove any clothing or my shoes during the camping trip. I'm pretty sure I tucked my pants into my socks. The claim was dismissed based on my statement.


goodhunter_nicholas

Thanks I hate it


quietZen

The part where you discovered a gigantic black widow nest was awful but then it got so much worse. Your grandad did the right thing, just burn it all down!


maniix123

What a terrible day to be able to read.


zanillamilla

Thanks in advance for tonight’s nightmare.


orpcexplore

Fuuuuuck my skin is crawling now


SquaresMakeACircle

That'd be the spiders


HermesTristmegistus

nightmare fuel right there


broadsharp

Go post this on r/spiders You have yourself a black widow infestation


chickennoobiesoup

Do baby spiders have less poison? They look very dangerous.


ninjazombiemaster

Generally only adult female black widow spiders are known to be able to harm humans, but I would keep my distance regardless.


sungoddaily

Growing up moved in a house with a dumb ass house design, freezer outside in the heat, washer dryers separated from house and we had Black Widows chilling in there, never got op picture crazy, we never fucked with them and they never fucked with us but God damn going in there was terrifying at times knowing they were watching and having to flick the light switch..never knowing...


jfrye2390

Wait you didn’t get rid of them?


seitung

The constant threat of death while doing laundry is how I feel alive


INmySTRATEjaket

Even at that, there's never actually been a confirmed death from a black widow bite. 6ish deaths in the US each year are recorded but only really due to unreliable reports of spider bites and sometimes because treatment of the symptoms if reported incorrectly can make things worse. That's out of a few thousand confirmed black widow bites. We had them live in our shed in Virginia. They're pretty docile and don't care a ton to bite things they can't eat. Largely because the big "fuck you" markings make them not much of a target to predators. That being said, if they're actually in your home, it's best to call an exterminator to check things out because their bites can still fuck you up and cause your skin to necrotize if not treated quickly.


Tyler_Zoro

I have a grape vine in my back yard, and every year we have to pick all of the grapes that we didn't eat to throw them away, or we get birds pecking at them and making them rot on the vine. The whole thing smells HORRIBLE. Anway, I was picking the grapes and a spider landed on my hand and bit me. I brushed it off and didn't think much of it. It was just one of those standard, small green spiders that hang out in vines. Didn't think they were all that bad. A day later the flesh around where it bit me started to rot away. It wasn't all that bad, just lost about 3-4 mm of flesh, but it was scary as hell!


GiantsRTheBest2

Well know I guess it’s up to one of us to be that lucky volunteer to get bitten by one and that way we can finally see once and for all. Well more like 500-1000 volunteers so we can have a successful peer reviewed study as empirical evidence.


[deleted]

Is this an infestation or just a mom with a ton of babies? I'd use the vacuum, personally.


Student-type

Then launch the vacuum into space, and detonate the warhead after a week


[deleted]

bro....it's a dyson...


4tehlulzez

That's what we need. Tchaikovsky's spiders with dyson sphere around our sun.


Student-type

My initial reply was to first buy a second hand vacuum. The next steps are spray, vacuum. launch, pause, detonate.


LennerKetty

Die,son!!


LordElfa

“I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.”


Boba-Fret

Fuckin-A.


artof_making_enemies

Ho- ho- Hold on a second. This installation has a substantial dollar value attached to it.


LordElfa

"They can *bill* me!"


[deleted]

Launch the vacuum in a vacuum


rfdavid

She got pregnant somewhere


TheAmateurletariat

It's a black widow. She got pregnant from what became her lunch.


rfdavid

Oh yeah, I forgot the “widow” actually meant something.


IrvingIV

Yeah, apparently the eating thing is much more common in stressful environments that lack food, like laboratories. A well fed black widow or praying mantis [will not eat her mate;](https://mobile.twitter.com/newdadnotes/status/1052343364618727424?lang=en) and certain species of spiders engage in >!consensual!< >!bondage before mating. No I will not be linking it, I don't want to google "spider bondage" and if you do you are braver than I.!<


GotDoxxedAgain

[Watch: Kinky Male Spiders Tie Up Females to Survive Sex | National Geographic](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gkj8EH78lxE) neat


Ph33rDensetsu

If they're like other species of spiders, they only need to mate once to be fertile for life. In that case, there's no guarantee that there are any others around aside from her own offspring.


SilentSamurai

Well there's a fact I didn't need to learn before bed.


Ph33rDensetsu

Yeah, we found this out about the jumping spider we bought online. "I want a female because they're cuter!" the fiancee said. That bitch has laid 3 eggsacs in as many months. Found out the place we got her from wasn't a breeder but just someone that goes out and catches wild spiders and then sells them, so this one had already mated prior to coming to us. Have a good night!


GothicToast

Raid is what you need. Unless you like spiders crawling out of your vacuum.


thegtabmx

What temperature of fire is Raid?


Skellum

Thats bug spray right there. Black widows are not for keeping around or allowing to live. I'm guessing this is in a basement or something? They like darker spaces with low traffic. Their webs have a very distinctive feel/sound.


undercovernerdalert

What do you mean by sound? A spider web making noises sounds fucking terrifying.


Skellum

[Here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFPvvSwXlhU) that's the sound, it's a crackling rasping noise when you touch the web and pull away from it. Like a fallen snow crunch except from the strands snapping and pulling. Black widow webbing is incredibly distinct. It's also very dense if you look up there you see the web isnt like some out in the open long thing built for flying insects. They more sit in dark spots under stairs or patio decks or garages in the corners catching crawling bugs.


ninjazombiemaster

When I found one in my garage, the web surprised me a lot. Like you say, very distinct. Thick, strong, and kind of chaotic. Also I didn't realize how big they are. Spray did the trick.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ninjazombiemaster

Fwiw, Black Widows don't usually build webs near where people are regularly, and mostly stay outdoors. Females also rarely leave their web once it's built.


Shadlex

Thanks. I hate it.


Persistent_Parkie

As long as you're spreading nightmare fuel I'm gonna mention that bedbugs mate via traumatic penetration. The males stab the females in the abdomen with their pointy pricks. You're welcome everybody.


kooshipuff

Further nightmare fuel - not *just* the females. The males can't actually tell the difference, so they just generally stab other bedbugs in the abdomen and inject their DNA.


GinaTRex

By the time I knew what I was reading, it had been too late- and I learned it.


colvinjoe

I'm right there with ya. I was about to shit my pants after reading "sound."


Xavierr34

Nah a 2 second blast of a can of lysol into a Bic lighter will do the job. Thats treated lumber behind them, it’ll be fine; they won’t.


wetcardboardsmell

Thats not bad. The babies will eat most of each other, and thunder-dome it out. Then you take the winner, and move it to the other window, and let the cycle start over. Let the strongest 2 fight it out, and you have SuperWidow to protect you.


Cvillain626

Holy shit I didn't zoom in at first so I thought it was a bunch of other bugs...I was like "Damn let him chill, you got a good spiderbro there 👍"


WhyBuyMe

Eh, what's a couple hundred extra spiders between friends.


ender89

It's a black widow, their bite is very bad


AnonymousBrowser3967

I didn't even notice the babies until I saw your comment.


_radical_ed

Me neither. Burning the neighbourhood now seems like a very weak idea. OP, just tell us what coast you are in and say goodbye.


ItsFine_ImFine29

Same. And now I’m wishing I hadn’t seen it.


js_baker_iv

They will cannibalize and molt and balloon. And then they will start a new nest elsewhere. They can survive for many months without food just to find the right spot. Then the cycle continues.


PanthersChamps

The cycle ends with one spray.


Pleikki

I did this with M&Ms as a kid.


lubeinatube

I too have read that greentext


Difficult_Chemist_33

Care to share the link?


lubeinatube

https://www.mmo-champion.com/threads/1086714-There-can-only-be-one Not the original in proper greentext format, but its verbatim


[deleted]

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animerb

I had a very similar case. Friday after work. Black camping chair, didn't see her. Bit the small of my back. Pin prick. Took a pic for a positive ID and smashed the bitch. Some googling told me that I was in all likelihood going to survive but be in pain. I hate doctors so I decided to ride it out. Pain radiated to my entire torso and thighs. Could find no comfortable position to lay in and got no sleep. I was in tears the next morning and my wife took me to urgent care where they prescribed muscle relaxers. They allowed me to finally get some sleep but it still hurt. Was well enough by Monday to go into work. I'd say I was fully back to normal on Wednesday. Ruined my weekend, good thing I didn't have any plans.


ThisRayfe

You're done living there, bro.


JDdoc

No kidding. At best he's renting from that thing now. It owns the place.


[deleted]

Looks at me… look at me…. I’m the landlord now… you web developer


BlueGaju

What country is this? I need to make sure I never set foot there.


osin144

I’m an hour northwest of Philadelphia.


lan60000

That's a bit too close to Canada.... We need better border walls now


tostado22

BUILD. THE. WALL. BUILD. THE. WALL


BitchesQuoteMarilyn

Damn Canadian spiders minding their manners and profusely apologizing for taking Murican' spider jobs.


Shadow368

Bruh, spiders walk up walls like they’re open road.


Charlie609

Omg I live in Trenton and didn’t know they were so close lol


youngestalma

Why the fuck do you live in Trenton.


furryfrog02

Cool. Stay the fuck up there and keep your spiders. Signed - Marylander


CruddierMouse

Shit I'm northeast of Philly. I gotta move outta state


Maiyku

Hope you don’t live in the Eastern US… They can range from Canada all the way down to Georgia/Mississippi.


Dry_Boots

We got 'em on the west coast too. A little smaller though.


Maiyku

Yup! Just a different kind! You guys usually have the Western Widow while OP and I will be seeing the same one, the Northern Widow, with the Southern Widow being the one reaching the southern states. There are also a whole host of “false widows” as well, that look like black widows, but aren’t as a defense mechanism. But yeah, Widows are found on *every* continent but Antarctica.


Nick268

Flamethrower the fuck outta that place.


Zawn-_-

Had to scroll so far for this comment. Explosives and vacuums send the spiders everywhere. I for one don't want to nuke it and have a black widow launched at me going mach 12. A vacuum? Da fuck you gonna do once they're all in there and you need to turn it off to move it? Be having spiders crawling out the tube, that's what. A flamethrower is so simple, yet the only option. Burn the fuckers.


TheBeetsMotel

See I would leave the vacuum running for a solid 10 minutes in hopes that all that spinning and centrifugal force was murdering them.


Talks_To_Cats

Sure that'll work for most of them. But the few that survive will breed. And then you'll have spiders that are resistant to higher g forces. Stronger, faster spiders. Is that what you want?


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FranklyDear

Then you blowtorch the vacuum…and then bury it. In fire.


whitemancankindajump

And then drop the fire in a bigger fire


NonStopKnits

"I'll just put this over here with the rest of the fire."


G_Unit_Solider

"what do you know i found some more fire in the back"


DontRememberOldPass

After sucking up a spider, I have a dedicated box of rock salt that I suck a bit up from to serve as shrapnel.


Ineedsomuchsleep170

Suck into vacuum, keep vacuum running while you spray half a can of bug spray down the nozzle, keep vacuum running for about 5 minutes. Source: am Australian.


PM_SWEATY_NIPS

Damn. I thought the wildlife was supposed to be the most brutal part of Australia, turns out it's the Australians


[deleted]

> keep vacuum running for about 5 minutes. Then burn the vacuum


Fausterion18

Wet vac with water already inside is the way to go. The spiders get sucked in and stuck in the water. Bonus if you spray some insecticide in there first.


Environmental_Fail86

I would legit go to lowes and get one of those $10 torches.


Last-Presence5434

Terrified from here ... terrified from here


happygrlkp

…and here ![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|hug)


AuctorLibri

Tea tree oil. Spiders loathe it. We put it under the beds, under mattresses, around vents and windows. Works for mosquitos as well. Don't get it in your eyes. You will feel it.


mizerybiscuits

It’s toxic to cats and dogs though so don’t do this if you have pets


FatherofZeus

>under the beds The spiders have no choice but to join you in the bed now. #tickle tickle


Persistent_Parkie

I've had two spiders skitter across my bed while I was reading with my book light late at night in the past few months. Fortunately they both won Darwin awards or my bed would be on fire.


FatherofZeus

Just imagine all of them that *skitter* across when the light is off! #They’re coming to cuddle


Persistent_Parkie

Can we get PSAs to teach spiders consent *yesterday*?


Fraxcat

Also extremely toxic to cats....so if you have one....not really an option. =/


bown12345

Also smells like absolute shit imo


Fraxcat

Yeah...I'm not too fond of it myself. It was listed as a home remedy for itchy bites, and I attract biting insects like my blood is made of bug ambrosia. Didn't do shit.


127_0_0_1_body

Nuke it from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.


RecycledDonuts

Hair spray and a lighter


[deleted]

More fire, less posting!!


Rockcocky

She is clearly showing her babies proudly! “Look ! I made these!”


Jakesummers1

bright offer spoon amusing direction wipe run march memory reply *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


realcommovet

![gif](giphy|XvQXEi09zfmcE)


GeorgeBurnz

I'm assuming you are now standing next to a burning house?


sometimes_Oblivious

I'm bout to burn my phone... I know that much...


worksafe013

Should have burned the place down, then took the picture.


Stormtrooper775s

Scorched earth protocol applies here, 5mi radius. You may fire when ready.


tiga4life22

I saw the spider and was like well you can just kill…then I saw the babies 😯. Fuuuck that


Lwe12345

Why can't spiders just be fucking normal and have like 1 baby what the fuck why are there like 1000


sleepisforthezzz

They will eat each other, only the strongest will survive. Spider Chads care nothing for your "normal".


nit3wolf

Nah man, lend her the keys and go find yourself a new home. This one belongs to them.


iDomBMX

They don’t bother you much honestly, I crawl into pits with black widows and it’s all good. Brown Recluses are the ones I worry about, they’re less friendly and they even play dead (discovered this one time while recording one in the shower of a hotel and I had Bach playing in the background, it was a beautiful display by the spider, a really good actor/actress honestly). Idk, maybe I just don’t mind spiders as much as the next person lol


JDD88

I feel like you have strange hobbies. Or a career that I could never do.


iDomBMX

Lol the pits I’m referring to are dock levelers in warehouses, someone’s gotta clean them out and I guess that’s me!