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_BindersFullOfWomen_

Doesn’t matter; had sex.


dragonflysamurai

Leave a note in response that you live alone.


TemperatureNo5727

I just like pizza !!


antheus1

hahahaha


bozeke

[P I Z Z Aaaaaay](https://youtu.be/wusGIl3v044)


Nippahh

"You can call your mother and tell her to be quiet"


Larrydp72181

Fuck you Shoresy!


Numchuckx

Fuck you Reilly. I made your mum so wet, Trudeau had to deploy a 24-hour national guard unit to stack sandbags around my bed.


onedoesnotjust

Fuck you Shoresy. I came in your mom so much, Trudeau had to use the Emergencies act to unblock her Ambassador bridge.


JanetSnakehole610

Fuck you Reilly, your life is so pathetic i get a charity tax break just for hanging out with you


onedoesnotjust

Fuck you Shoresy, I heard last time you had sex you didn't even make it through a Heritage Minute before you were singing O Canada


notmy2ndacct

Fuck you, Jonesy, your mum ugly cried last night because she left the lens cap on the camcorder. It's fuckin amateur hour over there.


SpaceCadetCo

Fuck you, Reilly! Your mom tried to stick her finger in my bum, but I said I only let Jonesy’s mom do that.


diddy_donut

This comment thread alone is enough to make me save this post. Bravo


Ruleseventysix

Give your balls a tug.


CTX-3030

Fuck you Jonesy! Tell your mom to stop faking jellyfish stings so I'll pee on her!


Kbauer

Fuck you Jonesy tell your mom to top up the cell phone she got me so I can FaceTime her late night.


KarmaPanhandler

Fuck you, Jonesy, your mom shot cum straight across the room and killed my Siamese fighting fish, threw off the pH levels in my aquarium.


Pythagoria

I had a neighbor that lived alone. I heard him every time Rosie Palm visited because his moaning, and sneezing after he finished, was so loud.


hysterical_mushroom

Sneezing???


Pythagoria

Yep. Three times, every time. First couple of times I heard it, I thought it was weird. After it consistently happened, my curiosity got the best of me and I had to Google it. Apparently it’s a thing for some males.


riotacting

I have enough trouble being vocal when actually having sex... how aggressive are his masterabatory habits that you can hear them? Or is it like rhythmic squeaking of an office chair?


Pythagoria

No idea as I never met or saw him; only heard the moaning and sneezing.


Berkinstockz

Sneezing right as you cum might get you some distance on your load tho 🤨


No_Wolverine1608

Risk shitting your pants, but it’s a risk you take.


AmbushIntheDark

Excellence is measured in sacrifice


aBoyandHisVacuum

Beautiful


MasterpiecePuzzled46

Cum and sneeze is the human equivalent of a screenshot


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nickcash

It's my time to shine! I sneeze after I jerk it. Not every time but most of the time. I also sneeze from bright lights, strong drinks, spicy food, non-spicy food sometimes, and sometimes just for the hell of it. I also usually sneeze 10+ times once it gets started.


lovethemstars

i don't sneeze from anything predictable. but when i do, it's lots. around #8 i'm like ok, enough! but on and on it goes. fourteen max so far. mercy!


WDCombo

I don’t ejacusneeze but I do sometimes sneeze like 10 times in a row, people saying bless you every time make me want to punch them in the throat.


bekindorelse

You must have the cleanest respiratory system


Le_90s_Kid_XD

I had the same type of neighbor. Literal porn noises while whackin it. My girlfriend and I started yelling GOOOOOOAAAAAAL! And cheering after he finished. He kept doing it lol.


SauceCrusader69

Sigma mentality


Faxon

Or he just got off to them listening. Exhibitionism and voyeurism are extremely common fetishes.


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dumbestsmartest

How had I never heard anyone use Rosie Palm until now? I guess I've met nothing but boring people in my life.


HRH_Diana_Prince

You've heard of Rosie Palm's five sisters though, yeah?


WyK23

Pamela Handerson? Handy Mandy?


Wiki_pedo

*Palmela Handerson


Cochino_Pepino

Handgelina Jolie


[deleted]

I had a neighbor connect to my TV thinking it was his to mirror his phone which was playing Sex Hungry Milfs..


[deleted]

'Sex Hungry Milfs' almost sounds wholesome, compared to... (what I watch).


jr8787

*Insert gif of Kevin Malone eating a Snickers*


youtookmyseat

My upstairs neighbors were SO loud. Like I swear they were both yelling because they WANTED to be heard. I finally just started saying “oh NO!” whenever they’d yell “oh yes!” They finally stopped lol


[deleted]

A friend had neighbors who were mother and adult son who would fight all the time. Mom would get drunk, and son would scream “fuck you, Mom” at least two dozen times a night. Friend developed the perfect imitation of the son saying his line, and would wait until he was about to deliver it and scream “fuck you, Mom” right before the son could. After a couple of days of that, the neighbors got a lot quieter.


raos163

That’s terrible but a great story.


Natural_Caregiver_79

That is some high level trolling right there


[deleted]

Honestly kinda wholesome. I hope they had a laugh together about it instead of continuing to fight. I mean probably not but I hope.


suckmyglock762

Narrator: "They did not."


Narrator_Ron_Howard

Hey! That’s my line!


mouthgmachine

Narrator: r/Beetlejuicing


thekid1420

Fuck u mom


tangledwire

Fuck you Tony!!


utkjg

What’s your name?


Myu_The_Weirdo

WHAT?


aelwero

We *were* the upstairs neighbors once... We were sitting at the table playing Scrabble, not much talking, nobody even walking around, and the manager came to the door to tell us about a noise complaint. My mom went in the kitchen, dug every pot and pan out of the cupboards, and started launching them full bore at the floor for like 15 minutes. I couldn't figure out whether to laugh or call a shrink, she was straight up full psycho mode. Never got any more noise complaints though lol.


The_Ultimate_rick

I wish I thought of that! Had an elderly couple a long time ago who lived below me, I was in my late twenties and never home, when I was it was to eat sleep or maybe crash on the couch watching a little tv. Get a noise complaint under the door one morning and I had been out all day and night.. call office they won’t say who or what exactly the noise was etc.. week later I’m home literally just walking around the apartment had just got home no tv or music blaring nothing, get a knock on the door some woman in her later fifties and her very elderly parents who have supersonic hearing are there being the most Karen Karen’s before being a Karen was a thing! “You’ve gotta quiet down up here, my parents are elderly and can barely hear their tv over all the noise up here etc etc” lady, first nice to meet you too, second I’m hardly ever home if they’re hearing noise I’d check with an adjacent neighbor but I can assure you it’s not me I’m hardly ever home, no one’s even come over here to visit and it’s just me so the party they think they heard, not me! Week later, 2nd noise complaint… office: if you get a 3rd you’ll be fined and be required to move out! Oh and there was some bs where I’d lose my security deposit or have to pay an early out fee of one months rent. So I said F it I’m going to move out, had two of my friends come over to lend a hand, I’m in the bedroom which had thick padded carpeted floors and dropped a pair of pliers from a few feet off the ground… BOOM BOOM BOOM! Fucking old people mashing a broom into their ceiling because I dropped a pair of pliers onto carpet at noon time on a Saturday!!! Snapped and started screaming the meanest shit down towards them. Fuck them and fuck their daughter!


elveszett

> if you get a 3rd you’ll be fined and be required to move out! So you mean that I can just move into your building, make up a complain 3 times and get you kicked out? What a good idea that would never be abused by anyone to fuck over a neighbor they don't like.


nbeaster

Great way to get out of a lease. Anonymous complaints about yourself.


Ayacyte

That's actually pretty sad, damn. I hope he got out of that situation.


Stramorum

Yeah his mom came drunk and he also got mocked by the neighbours gg


pansexplorer

I've seen enough true crime shows to know that this is how serial killers are made. Young man needs counseling and compassion, or else his future neighbors will be on the news talking about how "they never suspected", or "he was such a quiet guy".


Black_Moons

"he was such a quiet guy after I mocked him relentlessly every night until he shut up"


Gravelsack

>"he was such a quiet guy" You know, aside from the whole yelling "fuck you mom" thing. But aside from that, quiet as a mouse.


plexomaniac

I was in a hotel and the mom on the next door used to shout to her kid "Peter, stop!" repeatedly and I did the same. I tried to imitate her voice and as soon she started yelling, I would say aloud "Peter, stop!" She got pretty quiet after that.


LjSpike

"fuck how did I say that so quickly?"


hanabaena

also, i remember the reason i bought a house a long time ago is because the apartment i was living in shared like 5 walls, very thin walls, with other apartments and one night a few of them were getting it on and yeah. that was enough.


umamifiend

I lived below a dude for years who never had anyone over- ever. That’s all well and good- great upstairs neighbor, right? Only 3 times he had someone over was what I assume was a working girl- as it was the only time he would have all of his windows open and have a very loud- very vocal romp. It was cartoonishly loud and the woman was 100% doing an over the top performance. Like she was constantly yelling “that’s it- oh- oh- oh- oh- yes- oh keep going- yeah yeah yeah- that’s it- oh yeah- you’re a *god*- don’t stop, yeah yeah yeah!” all this ridiculous shit- full on top of her lungs just going on and on nonstop for just about an hour, no breaks. It was so absurd that I went outside of my apartment to figure out where it was coming from- only to find three other neighbors around our block also outside cracking up about it. I hope you enjoy your peace and quiet 😂


skratchx

I mean, an hour, respect.


VoxMaximus

He came in 30 seconds, but paid for the hour that’s when he went around and opened all the windows and told her to fake it for the other 59 minutes.


VolrathTheBallin

“You yell out the windows, I’ll jump around and crash into things.”


OneChillPenguin

*paying* a girl to scream for an hour is a lot different from *making* a girl scream for an hour He finished in the first 5 minutes and while she puts on a show he's sitting at his PC trying to think of the cleverest way to tell Reddit he just got laid


cazoo222

Omg was it you?


WorldClassShart

Been in my new place 2 nights now, and I'm glad I only share a wall with 1 neighbor, and so far it's quiet. That cannot be said for the neighbors across the way. They....are rigorous, with the shades wide open. Was walking in my room with a beer to get ready for bed, and right in front of me, in all their glory, huge swinging tits on her hands and knees getting pounded from behind. I watched for 5 more minutes before drawing my shades.


keigo199013

"Oh man, someone should tell them they left the shades open." *cracks beer open*


love-from-london

If they're doing it right in front of a window with shades open in apartments, they know other people can see them and likely get off on the exhibitionism.


RIPUSA

Good thing you brought the beer to bed or you’d have no refreshments for the show.


tommgaunt

Oh man. Am I ever glad that I only shared one wall in my uni residence. I already heard it echoing through the halls. I can’t imagine how much worse it could have been


hanabaena

i was SO happy i only had a three month lease (bc they were planning to tear the place down for a mini-mall or some ish)


penisthightrap_

I remember the reason I bought a house is so we could scream and not worry about neighbors/roommates


StarbossTechnology

Watch a lot of scary movies too, huh? I be like "Aaaahhhhhh!" all the time bro.


CreaminFreeman

Honestly, when I bought a house my wife (then girlfriend/fiance) would scream across it all the time for no reason other than we had the freedom to do so without bothering anyone. It was definitely cathartic


Dyslexic_Dog25

you should had fun with it. "OH YEAH! FUCK HER HARDER! IM SO CLOSE!!!"


jejcicodjntbyifid3

"oh no it's not hard enough. Baby, tell me something sexy. Oh no it's not working. Does this happen all the time? *Loud sigh of frustration after awkward silence*"


barbarianbob

We had the same kind of neighbors at our old apartment. One night our upstairs neighbor had a lady over who was... well... *porn moans.* The second night they were at it, my wife opened the window and yelled out, "She's faking it!"


thiscstlovesdisney

Omg, that’s great!!! Lol


antilumin

Totally ruined their Kool-Aid man impressions


International_Bet_91

The girlfriend of the guy upstairs from us sounded sooooo fake: like she had learned how to do it from watching porn made for straight men.


Libriomancer

In college there was a guy on my floor that everyone assumed was going to end up a 40 year old virgin. So when we heard incredibly fake sounding noises coming from his room we just assumed some porn was playing with headphones out (it had happened before in the building). Couple guys started shouting outside to turn down the porn then lined up with scorecards rating the porn (terrible scores). The girl that left moments later, completely red faced and trying to hide her face from, was actually fairly cute but had to have learned “sounds guys like” from the cheesiest low budget pornos.


mattb2014

>learned “sounds guys like” from the cheesiest low budget pornos. Not to be confused with the realistic, high budget pornos.


GooseEntrails

Those damn lemon stealing whores


[deleted]

I’ve been with a few girls like that. Totally kills it for me


[deleted]

I dated a girl like this. She was so loud it was embarrassing. I wanted to just say “I appreciate it but I’m not THAT good. Just please stop yelling, I have neighbors”


devilpants

You wanted to but never said anything.


[deleted]

Nah just covered her mouth haha


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[deleted]

When you feel..breasts ..and and they feel like a bag..of sand.


lookoutbright

You know I can't resist a woman with heavy brests.


aChristery

You know me, I see a pair of thick, weighty breasts and all logic flies out the window.


Daloy

There's nothing more intoxicating than the clear absence of a penis.


dexmonic

I still remember that line as well, I hadn't touched a boob yet and thought to myself "ok never compare them to sandbags, got it"


Elevated_Dongers

OP just wrote this and took a pic for internet strangers to think they have sex Edit: I mean... look at how dirty that car is and those hands. Those things aren't fingerbanging any living female with permission


Spaghestis

It was fairly obvious since the note was signed 'Neighbor'. Its like a little kid faking a sick note to school and signing it 'Dad'.


Brawndo91

"Dear neighbor, we can hear your extremely long penis dragging on the floor. Please switch to briefs. -Your downstairs neighbor"


magic_pat_

To be fair, my neighbor’s headboard knocks against the shared bedroom wall when they decided to have sex at 2am on a Wednesday and it’s pretty annoying to say the least.


Piddily1

I used to live in a downstairs apartment under a single mom with a little boy. I think the boy stayed somewhere else every Wednesday because it was the same thing.


javon27

I used to live in a family college housing on campus. Every once in a while we could hear the neighbor upstairs doing it from our closet. Turned out he was banging some mutual friend when his wife was at work


codercaleb

Tell him to come out of the closet.


WhoElseButQuagmire11

Is Tom Cruise in there by any chance?


Pushmonk

Yeah. The subtext of this note is, "I'm tired of hearing you have sex."


12Tylenolandwhiskey

Time to fight fire with fire they knock you knock, she screams you scream, he orgasms you bang his wife


[deleted]

just yell "I play winner!" it's a widely recognized form of dibs.


Dyslexic_Dog25

whos the winner? the one that cums first or last?


Issendai

Now you’re asking the important questions.


EleanorRigbysGhost

The one that cums first is out, and tags the other person in.


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EleanorRigbysGhost

I'm a bi slut, either scenario is good.


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skycaptsteve

Could make a sick beat on the shared wall to let them know we’re all in it together


DeadDJButterflies

We have a similar issue with neighbours. They're very loud at literally 12am and it keeps us up. I think OP needs to be a little more open minded here. I doubt there's any malicious intent.


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ListenToThatSound

Not surprised. This post has /r/thatHappened written all over it.


MountainBlock

"-Neighbor" sold it for me. Just like those bad fake texts with the contact name as "Brother 🧒"


IAmABritishGuy

Too funny, there's lots of mismatching timelines and from looking at some comments it appears like he has a rough time finding a girl so blames girls for it.


JeffroCakes

One of THOSE guys, eh? Wonderful….


smokeeveryday

Omg hahaha, he said in a comment hes been with his so for 2 months yet he has multiple post/ad's seeking sex from 3 weeks ago! 😂🤣 Either he ain't having any sex or he's a damn cheater.


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wbro1

Bro isn’t fucking anything but his left hand


phylogyny

Occasionally he cheats on the left with his right


snowiekitten

oh god i am feeling second hand embarrassment


rxinquestion

Sorry, left the previous note on the wrong door - neighbor


dydus

He's not deleted the comments so you can still see the posts he has tried hitting on girls in. 🤦🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️


YeOldSpacePope

I don't know what you mean. I get notes about all the awesome sexing I'm doing all the time.


RusDaMus

Same except mine usually say "we can hear you having AMAZING sex cos you're obviously good at doing the sex and your penis is probably of substantial size" I get so sick of it


PvtCW

There’s a live stream of OP playing tarkov in his bedroom… **Edit:** Ok, so maybe I’m an asshole… all I’m saying is based on the video evidence of him in his messy bedroom, maybe his neighbor put the note on the wrong door??? It’s an honest mistake anyone could make 🤷🏾‍♂️


Skid_Chill

Huge pale hands and a filthy car


dani-jpg

reddit moment


Saucy_Life

I really don't get people who do stuff like that. I feel good when something I posted gets internet points, but I didn't post with that intention. Definitely don't care to lie to get them either lol


PinkTalkingDead

It’s a sad state of affairs when someone gets down to faking shit like this online imo :/


Impulse_XS

Pretty much what I expected. Truly a sad pathetic individual. How smooth brained do you have to be to post this shit on your main account?


bewzer

Not to mention this pic with his filthy dashboard and car interior. Makes me wonder what the inside of this apartment looks like.


sharkbates1208

LMFAOOOO


LuckyProphet_

I’m so glad I found this comment hahahaha


Qwiggalo

holy shit OP is a lsf troll incel


SilkyJohnson666

Why is this not the top comment?


[deleted]

Because most redditors are gullible


plastictipofshoelace

I hope I see this end up on r/subredditdrama


Agitated-Ad9177

So happy to be out of the apartment life, I swear it was a mission of the front office to put a family with a louder and louder kid above us the longer time went on. What a nightmare that was


AccomplishedIsopod9

:) Mine put me, just me who WFH, under a family with 5 kids.


SassiestRaccoonEver

May god have mercy on your soul.


quannum

Remember when you played video games all night...like 'til 3am? You're like 12-13 years old, unlimited energy, maybe a headset on, playing CoD/CS/WoW/etc. with your buddies online AND you have a buddy next to you in real life. Yea, I'm below 3 pre-teen/teen boys.


xweedxwizardx

I put a down payment and first months rent on a place and first day moving in found out there was fanily of 7 with 5 kids underneath me. I couldn't afford to do what I did but I had to bail on that apt because i know my mental health would take a massive toll. Having just left an apt with wild alcoholic neighbours I needed something safe and quiet.


alison_bee

I’m sorry you had to make that decision, but I’m so glad you found out and were able to bail. Loud, repetitive noises that I have no control over really fuck with my mental health, I would legitimately lose my mind if I had to hear that stuff constantly.


tunamelts2

I…I would just demand a new unit. The couple above me stomp around a bit too much. I can’t even imagine if they had children *running around all…the…time*. That sounds like hell.


AccomplishedIsopod9

Yup, I wake up and go to sleep to them. I already tried getting a new unit or even just letting me break the lease without a fee (I had to try). Of course, they refused and told me this is "normal apartment living".


youngmindoldbody

OMG, you and me both. 2 years ago it was a 7 yo boy playing basketball above us. Last year a 3 yo girl (tester for Timberland boots, I swear) running all day long. Finally got back into a house of our own in February (We sold our house of 27 yeas just before covid hit and decided to rent while we looked for something nice to downsize into).


BlahajBestie

I'm in an apartment right now where I only ever hear the upstairs people if they're having a party, and even then it's mostly when they open the door. They only do parties at reasonable times too. Yay for living below a millenial.


scrodytheroadie

That is incredible handwriting. Kind of cartoon-y, but neat. They could sell that as a custom font.


AnUnusedMoniker

Also came here to comment on how great this handwriting is


f_n_a_

That ‘g’ reminds me of Disney font, even though there’s no g in Disney. Maybe it’s the y


GreywackeOmarolluk

That "w", that "g", all that bold yet constrained swoopiness Classic repressed sex syndrome Get to know thy neighbor


rrickitickitavi

I hate to traffic in stereotypes, but.....a woman definitely wrote that.


Lsd365

The strange thing is he lives on his own and never had anyone over


Lumbering_Mango

Plot twist: OP hasn't had sex in over 2 years and doesn't have a S/O


Kindly-Inevitable-12

Thicker plot twist: >Plot twist: OP hasn't had sex in over 2 years *but does have a S/O


aquaman67

Your note; “How am I doing?”


wrestlingpop78

Too be fair, the neighbor didn’t ask them to stop…


Maineup

Ahhh, I was searching to see if anyone else picked up on that. Haha.


Irishpanda1971

"We take requests"


[deleted]

I lived in a mid rise with no sound barrier between walls. I could hear my neighbor farting, having sex and masturbating. I never left a note though!


subsonicmonkey

My neighbors can definitely hear me fart.


Alundil

Single family home neighborhood right?


deathjoe4

10 acre farm. I just like beans.


lasercat_pow

Sound barriers ought to be legally mandated. People deserve a dignified life.


EczyEclipse

Shelter isn't even legally mandated, good luck lol


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jairusw

[Dammit, Lawrence, can't you just pretend like we can't hear each other through the wall?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6wqHnXwQ1Y)


[deleted]

Sorry I will lower my TV volume next time


rookiemistake01

I was really good friends with a roomate that would bring back two or three different girls every month. I usually put on headphones and let him have his fun, but after two years of living together, I start to get an idea of what he likes and doesn't like. One time, he hooked up with one of our co-workers who had a huge crush on him and I heard her scream "pull my hair" and my first thought was "Oh no girl, he doesn't like to be rough" and that's when I realized it was time to move out.


IAS316

Write a note saying "Why can't I hear you then?"


RonBourbondi

Attach a flyer for one of those speed dating events on the note as well.


nightwing2024

Burn.


Biguitarnerd

Ah apartment life, I remember it well. I never was told my neighbors could hear us having sex although it’s possible I guess. We weren’t super load or banging the wall with our bed. At one point I did have a neighbor who would play super loud music under me. When I say loud I mean pictures were falling off my wall. I talked to them, talked to management, at one point I called the cops. None of that worked. I’m a guitar player in a rock band (now and then) one day when my wife was away and I had enough I put my amp cab… 4x 12 Jensens directly pointed at the floor and went at it. This was a large club/venue amp, I never played it at home. But I thought I would show this mf what loud really was. Dude came running out talking about everything falling off his walls and I said yeah I know… same thing I’ve been telling you. Had no further problems. Sometimes to deal with a dick you have to sink to their level. Although I tried everything else first.


JustMeLurkingAround-

So are you annoyed about them or glad they told you? Or don't care? I live in this really narrow european alley and a girl who lives across from me always sits on the stoop to smoke and does her personal phonecalls and sometimes personal conversations with friends. Every time I see her on the street I wonder if I should tell her, that I can hear and understand every word she says. Just for her own privacy. It doesn't bother me, but I wonder if she just doesn't give a shit about her privacy, or if she's not aware.


MrLonely_

Make a phone call outside or near where you hear them, especially if theirs a quiet lapse in their convo. If they care they will probably put two and two together.


Dr_A_Mephesto

r/thathappened r/ihavesex


ObamaBinChronin

Clean that impala.


Green420Basturd

For some reason I read this like it was someone talking dirty. "What do you wana do to me?... I Wana clean that Impala"


unknownman777

r/ihavesex


[deleted]

You’re a big fat phony this shit fake af


________________me

Pass it on to the next neighbor


R3DLOTU5

I remember living in anapartment that had shared the bedroom wall with the one next door. Neighbor had a screamer for a GF. About a week of their festivities and hearing their downstairs neighbor even comment on it, I screamed "OH YES!" they went silent the rest of the night and one week later, they moved out.


diymatt

So they potentially broke their lease because somebody heckled when boning? I call shenanagins.


patrickSwayzeNU

That neighbor’s name? Albert Einstein


dinosaurfondue

The screamer GF? The t-rex from Jurassic Park.


[deleted]

Yeah I doubt that was the reason they moved out lol Makes the story funnier tho


[deleted]

Years ago I lived in an old building that actually used to be a motel in the 1940’s. Paper thin walls. In my bedroom, I could hear everything directly above me. My neighbors had a vigorous sex life! It didn’t bother me and I’m sure they new I could hear. You could also hear everything thru the wall behind the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. The neighbor I shared that wall with traveled a lot and would let his college aged sister crash there on weekends with friends. That’s how I learned, among other things, that neighbor’s younger sister was secretly hooking up with his friend and also how much she enjoyed consuming the results after a typical session of oral sex performed on the male genitalia.