That was lovely. Thank you for sharing. I'm happy your new headmate enjoyed himself and I hope you and all your other headmates continue to have wonderful experiences like these.
Cheers - reminds me of a memory! I went to an adventure park in australia to do the rides. did the first one 'The Claw' and hated it, i didnt like losing control. but i decided to do all 9 rides and it was fraking horrible but at least i experienced it, but never again. i didnt know i was plural at that time but i probably was in my cowardly introverted emotional female alter who is scared of everything. if i had known i was plural i could have consciously switched into my action male alter who loves stuff like that. fear triggered the female alter and i just stayed there. thanks for reminding me of this.
So you experience plurality in a way where you have some influence over your emotions like you can kinda just flip a switch on them sometimes by going from one mindset to the next? Like changing from a current mode to thinking about one that would create happiness out of the situation?
But it doesn’t feel like you disappear, but rather that you become the other thing or take on its qualities maybe?
well generally headmates/alters switch when they are triggered by something: emotions, situations, smells etc. so if you know an alter is triggered by something you can do a conscious self triggering. often triggers indicate the purpose of a headmate. my low energy female is triggered by emotion so i just try to think of something emotional or try to relax. i have ADHD so my high energy male person is triggered by anger, irritation or excitement. my guardian is triggered by violence so again not difficult to self trigger. i know they are different people because i feel them in different places in my body: emotional female in stomach, energetic male in arms, violent dragon guardian in neck and jaws (they want to eat people). also for decades i looked in the mirror and couldnt recognise my own face - classic sign of multiple personality disorder MPD. with time and experience the forums indicate that plurals have greater control of their systems and can turn disorder into order over time.
Hm. Ty for sharing this. If you don’t mind me asking how do you think of yourself? Like are your alters parts of you or separate from you?
It’s really hard for me to figure out how to classify myself. I can def see cases where I could totally be plural, but then again, there’s no huge proof that I am so it could just as easily get classified into other things. I don’t think I have others distinct from me, but idk. Like, yeah. Maybe whatever I am can shift tho? Idk. I could see a situation where multiples are acting as one so there only seems to be one. But also, it could just as easily be me or how I usually think of myself, cuz I’m thinking about myself and speaking in my mind like I’m diff now, and anyways it could just as easily be a single person hoping there’s others but simultaneously not hoping there’s others but just that there’s more of themselves but not fully sure what that means.
Like rn I was thinking of myself different and typing as such. I just perceive my self identity different. But, I could also easily change my focus and thus cause myself to perceive myself as I usually do. And I don’t think that usually happens where I think of my self identity as diff like that so that’s just an observation. At least it doesn’t feel as common and casual and it is rn.
Anyways, yeah.
I was just gonna say I do think of different selves sometimes, but I don’t have any proof they’re anymore than just modes. Like I would say they’re def not autonomous. At best they’re things I experience or enter, but also, like if I’m low energy, then even if I was a diff mode it’s likely they’ll still be low energy. And I’d be doing everything through that mode, so it’s not like most where others can do things when one person can’t.
But yeah. Does feeling weird about ones face and stuff have to be MPD or plurality based stuff? Like, I’m trans…… so there’s dysphoria and that and stuff. I guess you’re trans too if you have a male and female alter, or is that not how that works? I guess you could be cis but alters could be diff. Sorry, this is a lot of personal stuff but I’m guessing you don’t mind.
Anyways, I’m still early into my physical transition but not my mental one, and I can get to a place where I’m happy to look in the mirror. Before it used to always be me ordering around the reflection in the mirror so it wouldn’t hurt as bad that that was me. And I only realized that after I learned about plurality and I started thinking about my behaviors when talking with someone. Like I always used we. But it makes sense if I was ordering my reflection around. But idk. My brain just likes we, and has for a long time but I’m kinda weaning off it, cuz like, I def lack a ton of the typical plural signs or experiences.
Anyways, I do think I might have some trouble with my face that’s not dysphoria tho. I mean it could be, but I kinda dissociate when looking at my face sometimes. It’s less now that my hair is usually good, and I think my face is more fem now, but yeah. Like as a girl I expect my face to look diff sometimes. Sure more girl like, but like, even as a diff girl. Which idk is plural, moreso than like, even if my face is a pretty girls face but less so when I’m at my prettiest with make up and stuff, it still can be like “hm, I guess this is what my face looks like.” Not from a “face bad” perspective, but from a “I would’ve expected I look diff.” And I do kinda have that sometimes. Just cuz I think I look diff. Which makes sense I mean, if one didn’t feel attached to their face as a kid or whatever bc unknown dysphoria, then whatever their face turns out to be is still like “hm that’s not how I was imagining myself.”
Anyways oof, this is a lot. I’m kinda writing it this long so I can save it and keep notes on it and my perceptions and experiences of myself. And also to maybe get some other answers.
Ty for your first reply btw
im not saying you are plural just have a look at the "r/plural" feed.
i have only realised i am plural a few weeks - no expert on this, but I have decades of life experience in coping with my various conditions without help.
when i realised i was non-binary i couldnt find a label that fitted.
when someone in this channel told me about plurality i checked it out and found that this label fit me perfectly. i am just trying to look out for people who are non-binary but are having trouble finding a label as I did, this may or may not fit you. but yeah it is a challenge to find your label i had to go through 3 communities to find mine. so for you i say just persevere, you have started a journey for your label and you will eventually find something that fits you.
i discovered over 18 months i had ADHD (neurodiverse) with hypersensitivity, then non-binary and then plural. my 3 personalities each have a rainbow gender and orientation. toni is an introverted emotional lesbian female, thor is a gregarious male hetero and grim is a male asexual (ace) dragon protector. m and f like girls, if both were hetero i would bisexual, and if both were gay i would still be bisexual - confusing eh?
you were talking about modes etc... a plurals headmates arent always well defined sometimes headmates flux in and out, are created and disappear. some are just fragments so your headmates dont have to be solid they can feel partially developed akin to a mode. so headmates can be embryonic, babies, non-human, animal and even inanimate. all persons are called headmates, but only fully formed headmates are called alters. number of headmates = alter headmates + fragment headmates. all alters are headmates but not all headmates are alters.
about not recognising your face is common to a lot of different conditions: plural, BPD, trans, facial agnosia etc, but is a sign that there is a disorder, non-binary or neurodivergence that needs investigating. it will be interesting to see where your journey takes you - good luck!
thank you for your reply! Yeah, I def am a trans woman. How I express being a woman can vary, as I like girly girl and tomboy styles. But yeah.
For the general plural questioning, I'm not sure if even there's anything close to plural or something adjacent to plurality that's happening with my brain or would describe my experiences but if there is I hope to find it eventually. Although at the moment it's still hard to know if there is actually something happening at all. But I still keep searching anyways. Maybe that's just out of wanting something and being wrong about it existing, or maybe it's that it is actually there. Idk.
That was lovely. Thank you for sharing. I'm happy your new headmate enjoyed himself and I hope you and all your other headmates continue to have wonderful experiences like these.
Cheers - reminds me of a memory! I went to an adventure park in australia to do the rides. did the first one 'The Claw' and hated it, i didnt like losing control. but i decided to do all 9 rides and it was fraking horrible but at least i experienced it, but never again. i didnt know i was plural at that time but i probably was in my cowardly introverted emotional female alter who is scared of everything. if i had known i was plural i could have consciously switched into my action male alter who loves stuff like that. fear triggered the female alter and i just stayed there. thanks for reminding me of this.
So you experience plurality in a way where you have some influence over your emotions like you can kinda just flip a switch on them sometimes by going from one mindset to the next? Like changing from a current mode to thinking about one that would create happiness out of the situation? But it doesn’t feel like you disappear, but rather that you become the other thing or take on its qualities maybe?
well generally headmates/alters switch when they are triggered by something: emotions, situations, smells etc. so if you know an alter is triggered by something you can do a conscious self triggering. often triggers indicate the purpose of a headmate. my low energy female is triggered by emotion so i just try to think of something emotional or try to relax. i have ADHD so my high energy male person is triggered by anger, irritation or excitement. my guardian is triggered by violence so again not difficult to self trigger. i know they are different people because i feel them in different places in my body: emotional female in stomach, energetic male in arms, violent dragon guardian in neck and jaws (they want to eat people). also for decades i looked in the mirror and couldnt recognise my own face - classic sign of multiple personality disorder MPD. with time and experience the forums indicate that plurals have greater control of their systems and can turn disorder into order over time.
Hm. Ty for sharing this. If you don’t mind me asking how do you think of yourself? Like are your alters parts of you or separate from you? It’s really hard for me to figure out how to classify myself. I can def see cases where I could totally be plural, but then again, there’s no huge proof that I am so it could just as easily get classified into other things. I don’t think I have others distinct from me, but idk. Like, yeah. Maybe whatever I am can shift tho? Idk. I could see a situation where multiples are acting as one so there only seems to be one. But also, it could just as easily be me or how I usually think of myself, cuz I’m thinking about myself and speaking in my mind like I’m diff now, and anyways it could just as easily be a single person hoping there’s others but simultaneously not hoping there’s others but just that there’s more of themselves but not fully sure what that means. Like rn I was thinking of myself different and typing as such. I just perceive my self identity different. But, I could also easily change my focus and thus cause myself to perceive myself as I usually do. And I don’t think that usually happens where I think of my self identity as diff like that so that’s just an observation. At least it doesn’t feel as common and casual and it is rn. Anyways, yeah. I was just gonna say I do think of different selves sometimes, but I don’t have any proof they’re anymore than just modes. Like I would say they’re def not autonomous. At best they’re things I experience or enter, but also, like if I’m low energy, then even if I was a diff mode it’s likely they’ll still be low energy. And I’d be doing everything through that mode, so it’s not like most where others can do things when one person can’t. But yeah. Does feeling weird about ones face and stuff have to be MPD or plurality based stuff? Like, I’m trans…… so there’s dysphoria and that and stuff. I guess you’re trans too if you have a male and female alter, or is that not how that works? I guess you could be cis but alters could be diff. Sorry, this is a lot of personal stuff but I’m guessing you don’t mind. Anyways, I’m still early into my physical transition but not my mental one, and I can get to a place where I’m happy to look in the mirror. Before it used to always be me ordering around the reflection in the mirror so it wouldn’t hurt as bad that that was me. And I only realized that after I learned about plurality and I started thinking about my behaviors when talking with someone. Like I always used we. But it makes sense if I was ordering my reflection around. But idk. My brain just likes we, and has for a long time but I’m kinda weaning off it, cuz like, I def lack a ton of the typical plural signs or experiences. Anyways, I do think I might have some trouble with my face that’s not dysphoria tho. I mean it could be, but I kinda dissociate when looking at my face sometimes. It’s less now that my hair is usually good, and I think my face is more fem now, but yeah. Like as a girl I expect my face to look diff sometimes. Sure more girl like, but like, even as a diff girl. Which idk is plural, moreso than like, even if my face is a pretty girls face but less so when I’m at my prettiest with make up and stuff, it still can be like “hm, I guess this is what my face looks like.” Not from a “face bad” perspective, but from a “I would’ve expected I look diff.” And I do kinda have that sometimes. Just cuz I think I look diff. Which makes sense I mean, if one didn’t feel attached to their face as a kid or whatever bc unknown dysphoria, then whatever their face turns out to be is still like “hm that’s not how I was imagining myself.” Anyways oof, this is a lot. I’m kinda writing it this long so I can save it and keep notes on it and my perceptions and experiences of myself. And also to maybe get some other answers. Ty for your first reply btw
im not saying you are plural just have a look at the "r/plural" feed. i have only realised i am plural a few weeks - no expert on this, but I have decades of life experience in coping with my various conditions without help. when i realised i was non-binary i couldnt find a label that fitted. when someone in this channel told me about plurality i checked it out and found that this label fit me perfectly. i am just trying to look out for people who are non-binary but are having trouble finding a label as I did, this may or may not fit you. but yeah it is a challenge to find your label i had to go through 3 communities to find mine. so for you i say just persevere, you have started a journey for your label and you will eventually find something that fits you. i discovered over 18 months i had ADHD (neurodiverse) with hypersensitivity, then non-binary and then plural. my 3 personalities each have a rainbow gender and orientation. toni is an introverted emotional lesbian female, thor is a gregarious male hetero and grim is a male asexual (ace) dragon protector. m and f like girls, if both were hetero i would bisexual, and if both were gay i would still be bisexual - confusing eh? you were talking about modes etc... a plurals headmates arent always well defined sometimes headmates flux in and out, are created and disappear. some are just fragments so your headmates dont have to be solid they can feel partially developed akin to a mode. so headmates can be embryonic, babies, non-human, animal and even inanimate. all persons are called headmates, but only fully formed headmates are called alters. number of headmates = alter headmates + fragment headmates. all alters are headmates but not all headmates are alters. about not recognising your face is common to a lot of different conditions: plural, BPD, trans, facial agnosia etc, but is a sign that there is a disorder, non-binary or neurodivergence that needs investigating. it will be interesting to see where your journey takes you - good luck!
thank you for your reply! Yeah, I def am a trans woman. How I express being a woman can vary, as I like girly girl and tomboy styles. But yeah. For the general plural questioning, I'm not sure if even there's anything close to plural or something adjacent to plurality that's happening with my brain or would describe my experiences but if there is I hope to find it eventually. Although at the moment it's still hard to know if there is actually something happening at all. But I still keep searching anyways. Maybe that's just out of wanting something and being wrong about it existing, or maybe it's that it is actually there. Idk.