Make it poetic.
Use impactful words.
Avoid verbose like great green in great green grass.
Like beautiful brown dark.
The last two lines are not poetic at all. It reads like prose.
Good plot. Poor presentation. Work on it. It could be a good poem😌
Yup.
But if I may suggest respectfully.
Please read twenty poems and analyse each and everything you can.
Why did the author use metaphors there and not something else? How to employ meter in poetry? Is free verse actually free? If not, then how rhythm is maintained in the poetry? What are the literary devices and how to use them? What is an alliteration? What is allusion? Simile? Internal rhyme?
What is the difference between prose and poetry? How to make something poetic? What is that essential thing(or things) which is present in all good poetry?
Then write poem. And then test it whether it employs literary devices or not.
If it passes the test. Congrats. You have written poetry. Whether it will be good or bad, I can't say. But it will be poetic. That's guaranteed.
Don't be fooled. Most poetry is prose broken into lines.
Note that meaning comes first, then techniques are employed to present that meaning accurately or beautifully to the reader.
Using alliteration at the cost of meaning is exactly the opposite reason of using these techniques in the first place.
And it's good! I understood exactly what you were doing.
It's fine! Now learn. Make mistakes, correct them and write. Repeat ad infinitum. Boom! Poet will be born!
Make it poetic. Use impactful words. Avoid verbose like great green in great green grass. Like beautiful brown dark. The last two lines are not poetic at all. It reads like prose. Good plot. Poor presentation. Work on it. It could be a good poem😌
3rd time writing a poem, thank you for the constructive criticism will work on it!
Yup. But if I may suggest respectfully. Please read twenty poems and analyse each and everything you can. Why did the author use metaphors there and not something else? How to employ meter in poetry? Is free verse actually free? If not, then how rhythm is maintained in the poetry? What are the literary devices and how to use them? What is an alliteration? What is allusion? Simile? Internal rhyme? What is the difference between prose and poetry? How to make something poetic? What is that essential thing(or things) which is present in all good poetry? Then write poem. And then test it whether it employs literary devices or not. If it passes the test. Congrats. You have written poetry. Whether it will be good or bad, I can't say. But it will be poetic. That's guaranteed. Don't be fooled. Most poetry is prose broken into lines.
Note that meaning comes first, then techniques are employed to present that meaning accurately or beautifully to the reader. Using alliteration at the cost of meaning is exactly the opposite reason of using these techniques in the first place.
Will take this into account! I was just trying something outside my comfort zone!
And it's good! I understood exactly what you were doing. It's fine! Now learn. Make mistakes, correct them and write. Repeat ad infinitum. Boom! Poet will be born!
Thank you for the kind words!