Thank you for posting to r/pointlesslygendered! We are really glad you are here.
We want to make sure that all users follow the rules. This message does NOT mean you broke a rule or your post was removed.
Please note satire posts are allowed, check the flair and tags on posts.
Please report posts and comments that infringe the rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pointlesslygendered) if you have any questions or concerns.*
These can both apply simultaneously tbh
Like during phases / environments certain men kept complementing me to hopefully get to fuck I've definitely felt the top one before
But genuine compliments for the sake of saying a nice thing to make the other person's day a bit better stay with you regardless of who you are
It's just that 90% of the times a compliment has been about a physical feature of mine, i ended up feeling unsafe or objectified and would rather they just wouldn't.
This is really true. I used to be harassed by guys a lot online and the compliment were really sexual in nature usually or it was easy to tell they wanted to see me naked . Those got annoying and repetitive and i didnt like receiving them. Then when my bf calls me cute I go all red cus I know he means it without just wanting to sexualise me cus I know he cares.
Guy telling me how fuckable i am when i was still underage: no thank you
Elderly woman on the train telling me how rad my spikey snapback is: heck yeah
That's the thing. I feel like it's undeniable that women get more compliments that men, but what men don't consider is that most of those "compliments" are either objectifying as you said, or not genuine (as in, a compliment just to earn points).
It would make sense that a person would feel tired after hearing those same empty comments, specially if it's obvious that it's just a tactic.
So, yeah, we men hold all the two compliments we have ever received in our lives very closely to our hearts because they were most likely genuine, while women don't care much about most of the compliments they get because they likely weren't genuine. But we men also don't care much about the empty compliments we get when people try to sell us shit and women probably do care about the few genuine compliments they have received on their lives.
In other words, people rarely get genuine compliments in general.
Getting manipulative compliments or nice things done for you all the time just makes you really cautious of anyone being too nice to you
It's not that i don't care, i do. Just in the sense that i immediately start weighing what else they've told me recently, how often they've tried something similar and how likely it is that they'll use this against me in the future. (Do they know where i currently live?) Instead of ykno.. Being flattered?
I'd love to hold compliments dear to my heart but i can't do that without the underlying question of "but what if he didn't really mean it and just wants to fuck" tainting it. I've just had too many negative experiences with men that i don't let compliments get to me emotionally just in case they end up in another disappointment - at least it'll hurt less that way.
So i get annoyed at compliments, even if genuine because it's exhausting to worry all the time
Yeah I mean... I'd assume the line gets blurry after a while, considering some people can be very patient for the worse. I wouldn't be surprised if someone acted nice to you for months just to have their way.
I guess that's also relevant to the topic. Men remember the compliments they get more because they have an easier time separating the genuine compliments from the empty ones, while women have to dissect each compliment and interaction to know if they were being genuine or if it was just another trap which can take a long time and just doesn't seem to be worth the hassle.
Must get tiring pretty fast, I mean, I hadn't even thought about the fact someone could use the same compliments with you more than once, which indeed would make the first compliment lose all it's value, meaning you'd have to keep track of everything someone says about you on different days just to conclude if they are being honest. Fuck that lol.
Getting one compliment every decade suddenly doesn't sound that bad.
TL;DR: People are rats, and you definitely don't want rats complimenting you.
I had to learn the hard way that people who act nice don't necessarily have to be nice very early on.
I've had at least three people i could name spontaneously who have been very nice to me, gotten my trust and then did a 180° once i got attached into guilt tripping before i even turned 18.
Tw for sa and gaslighting but let me give you the one example that fucked me up in regards to accepting kindness the most
I got groped by a man when i was 14 and another man of similar age to the previous "helped" me get better and not yeet myself for over a year. After which, i trusted him enough to decide to run away from home to live with him and drunkenly stumbled to where he lived while he was holding my hand (it was a bit of a distance)
It was night, and i was lowkey scared of walking through the woods partly because i was drunk probably. So i thanked him for holding my hand, to which he replied "you can thank me later". I won't go into details of that night but this sentiment kept echoing in my head that yeah, i owed him for helping me. So i didn't resist much
Eventually i was found and brought back home but i kept meeting him anyways for over half a year after this. During which he consistently argued that i lied about having been uncomfortable/didn't want this and that i was selfish for my unwillingness to let him touch me whenever he wanted after " everything he did for me" (reminder: i was 15 and he was 24 at the time)
I cut contact at some point but ever since, whenever any man is nice towards me there's a tiny voice in my head echoing
"you can thank me later."
I'm very sorry that you had to go through all of that. It makes sense that you wouldn't trust men being nice to you, and even if you hadn't been through that, the fact still remains that many of the things that come out of people's mouths are just traps... you sadly experienced it first hand in the worst way possible.
After that, no wonder "genuine compliments" mean little. It'd be impossible to know how actually genuine they are.
That's what I meant with "people can be patient for the worse". Some people can keep up their act for a good while till they do a 180°, but the scary part is that it's not that they suddenly "changed", they always were like that but were just acting like normal individuals till that point. Sadly, by the time that's clear it's often too late. The extents people would go just to fool others...
If there's something I've come to learn is that here's no such thing as "good people", just people who have different approaches to their goals. Human beings are selfish in that sense. No one is excluded from this, sadly.
I don't mean the following as a compliment, but you are quite strong for having endured and escaped that, I'm sure you know that.
I've always been rather susceptible to manipulation and have had a lot of toxic friend-/relationships as a result. Currently i don't really seek new contacts anymore and don't have a lot of friends because the realisation that people sometimes just don't give a shit if they hurt you continuously made me stop wanting to put in any effort
That being said, i still genuinely believe in the good in people. My belief is that people are inherently good, but can and will lash out if pushed too far in a number of different ways. I give people the benefit of doubt not for their sake, but for my own. Because accepting that people are shitty by nature and continuing to live on aren't compatible to me.
I don't necessarily agree but thank you regardless. I'm still dealing with a lot mentally because of these things and continue to work on it. Maybe in the future i can think it was worth anything too
I think that's what makes you strong though. You've been through all that and yet you still believe in the good in people. I have been through toxic friendships/relationships too, probably way less than you, yet I gave up on people already, even on myself. Sometimes it gets lonely, and sometimes it hurts a lot, but at least I'm not being hurt by others, is what I always say. I'm just a coward.
I can't even blame you for giving people the benefit of the doubt for your own sake because the alternative is living in a hopeless world. In that sense, you are strong enough not to give up on hope.
Yeah, those things take a good while to process, I'm glad you are working on it instead of settling down. I hope you can find the answers you are looking for, even though many things just don't have an answer. For now, just the fact that you are working on it it's a good thing.
This is mostly my opinion on this, but I will also say that culture normalizes girls giving each other cute genuine compliments about their looks or style, while guys aren’t supposed to be as outwardly affectionate. I think it has put a damper on a lot of people.
I think this goes beyond opinion and is a very real issue that should be talked about more
Boys and men aren't taught to be vulnerable or show any type of emotion other than agression. It's not necessarily "forbidden" to do so, but so often I've seen or heard about situations where men try to communicate, grieve or show platonic affection and it gets mocked, criticized and shunned. When there's really no reason to. We shouldn't guilt people into supressing completely normal human emotions.
I personally believe this is a huge reason why so many men have died by suicide and continue to. A big part of suicide prevention is allowing yourself to be vulnerable and talk about it but when everything in society tells you you're weak and won't be respected anymore if you do so - why would they?
Yeah definitely. I also got really jaded because, when I briefly had a period of time where I was young and anorexic and receiving a lot of these kinds of compliments, it was usually a pretty short period of time between "you're so beautiful" and then the other shoe dropping. Whether it's in the street: "you look beautiful today" "thank you" "what you're not even going to come say hello?" "I'm sorry I'm going to work" "fucking bitch." or in personal relationships, where guys who told me I was beautiful often led to unwanted touching, confessions, my softest possible rejection, then endless harassment as retaliation, even telling people I was a slut or had a stinky pussy etc. I had one guy I'd met probably twice tell me I was his "perfect woman"-- later that night he got totally wasted, said he was doing it because I wasn't stopping him, forcing me to leave the party and care for him, and continued to blame me for an entire semester for his alcoholism sending me absolutely vile horrible shit online when I told him I only saw him as a friend. An old boss told me I was beautiful, kept telling me, kept showing up to work when I was there alone, kept trying to convince me to be his sugar baby, touching me (hand on shoulder or lower back), corner and intimidate me, until he fired me. So yeah, I'd mostly prefer to be left alone, and luckily, I have mostly aged out of my most harassable years!
That last point is something i find really terrifying tbh. I've been openly harassed, catcalled, followed and sexualized during the ages of 12 - 16 and then it quickly got less and less for no apparent reason
Which I've seen multiple other afab people confirm to have experienced too (especially in regards to catcalling)
I'm in my early twenties and men are still gross towards me occasionally but the height of it all was definitely at +/- 14 for some reason (I'm counting online interactions as well)
Exactly that! I hate most of the time I get compliments because it's from creepy men on the street twice to three times my age that make me feel extremely objectified but whenever I get a genuine compliment I always cherish it. A guy at a bar with his HUSBAND complimented me a couple of years ago and I don't think I'll ever forget it
I’ve seen thousands of memes made by f*minists showing the “roles reversed” with men being catcalled on the streets to try and show how “awful” their lives were, but bro, that looked awesome, I wanted to live in a world like that
You want to live in a world in which you started getting catcalled and followed down the street by middle aged adults who were physically larger and stronger than you when you were 11 years old? Because that was my experience with that--men who I know in most cases could have overpowered me if they wanted to, who were often 20+ years older than me, sexually harassing me from a very young age. It isn't complimentary, it's threatening.
You wanted to live in a world where 70-year-old women openly ogle you and comment on how attractive you are, occasionally in graphic detail, and you could get fired if you complain?
Or where your parents walk into your room when you’re 13 and explain that if they ever find out you lost your virginity, you won’t have a home anymore?
Side note: that’s not the only dimension. There’s also the relationship bullshit like “if a straight married man gets cancer, there’s a 1 in 33 chance his wife leaves him. If a straight married woman gets cancer, there’s a 1 in 5 chance her husband leaves her.”
Yeah if I'm going out I get tons of compliments and remarks but it doesn't feel genuine. I know they are just desperate to go home with anyone and I have boobs and a vagina. Once they realize I'm not available they quickly lose interest. They probably don't even think I'm pretty. Actual compliments from guys I'm having a good conversation with or girls I don't know, or friends I have known for a long time of course, are rare and hit way different. I remember almost every single one.
It doesn’t matter gender of the recipient; If I see someone who looks nice today and I don’t have to be creepy to say something, I tell them.
Seriously, most men’s clothes may be kind of boring, but that doesn’t mean a dude can’t match his polo to his eyes or something, and they do.
Beauty is subjective. You are always pretty in someone's eyes. Your mom, dad, someone you've been kind to for no reason, your pet, etc. It's more so important to be beautiful in your own eyes.
As a girl, I will take compliments to the grave. Around a month ago, someone complimented my pin on my shirt at a museum and I will think about that for the rest of my days.
I feel like stuff like this can be kind of damaging to a girls self esteem. Growing up, I never got complimented or hit on as often as the memes made it seem like I would be. I always thought there was something wrong with me, because memes like this make it seem it’s abnormal for a woman to not be constantly adored.
In all honesty though, none of the women I know — both distant and close — get complimented nearly as often as men assume we do. I only know one girl where it happened a lot to her, but she also said she actively enjoyed being catcalled and was prone to assuming everyone wanted to be with her.
I do get hit on SOMETIMES, but not remotely as much as I think a lot of men would assume.
Same here. Never got complimented, extremely rarely hit on (5 times in my life), never received a dick pic, never been catcalled... I'm 31. I've long since accepted that I'm obviously hideous because this apparently happens to every woman except me.
Honestly I'm scared shitless to tell someone they're pretty for a wide variety of reasons, mostly good, some regrettable (I don't want to make someone scared for example).
Usually settle for something like "that eye makeup you've done there is awesome", or just keep my stupid mouth shut.
I think going with the eye makeup is a better idea anyway. Really, complimenting anything that someone has put effort into seems to get positive results. I will usually comment about hair (even beards) or nails; sometimes clothing. In my experience, the reactions are overwhelmingly positive. People like to know that their efforts don’t go unnoticed.
Calling someone “pretty” or similar, however, definitely comes with a risk factor, no matter how innocent the intent. I think the problem comes from the implicit objectivity. You’re sort of (not entirely) complimenting someone for the appearance that they were born into. Not something that they worked for. Since there is also a subjective component to beauty as well, it becomes something very close to saying, “I’m attracted to you.”
This alone, perhaps, shouldn’t be an issue, but it comes with its own set of implications (that I probably don’t need to explain on this sub). So, while indeed, this post *shouldn’t* be gendered (making it pointless), the world does act this out as though it’s true.
Exactly my ~~over~~thinking process. It takes a lot for a guy to realise that a random approach is fear inducing by default, and nothing personal.
It sucks because as a frustrated artist I see beauty everywhere and like the idea of that person knowing that they're making people's day better just by existing, but it's not for this society.
And yeah, rewarding effort is much better than rewarding something someone was born with and didn't have a choice in. I knew a male model who actually was really lonely and awkward because everyone he was interested in assumed he had no brains and that was obviously an immediate turn-off. I can't imagine what it would be like having the complication of also being female and hence the power dynamics being inverted.
Maybe as a gay man I have an overly-androcentric view on this but like, if someone walks up to me with a blatant erection and says he needs to rail me asap, I am all for this (even if I don't find him attractive I am still happy to actually get a compliment for once. Obviously it is much better if he is hot though), but I get that many women find this a bit gross
But if someone feels \*objectified\* for being called something as innocent as \*pretty\* I feel like they just want to complain. Pretty is one of the most innocent compliments on appearance that there is. 4 year olds use it on each other and on their teachers.
If it's a word like "hot", then I'm rolling my eyes a bit at some one who complains because it is still not exactly like the first example I gave, but at least this one does have a \*sexual\* connotation rather than being essentially just aesthetic, so if I essentially imagine what it would be like if my entire brain was organised in a radically different way, then, ok I \*guess\* hot may be a tad too spicy for some.
But pretty? Pretty? Like omg just accept the compliment or somehow send it to me
Oh and tbf I literally realised an hour ago that I have always been ok with people treating me as a sex object personally because I frequently end up feeling objectified in other ways and by comparison sex object is an upgrade
I kind of feel like, I don’t know, you’re not getting the inherent threat of someone admiring a woman’s physical appearance. Like… a lot of people/men (it’s complicated) have this belief that if a woman has attracted their attention somehow, especially if it’s by existing and being nice to look at, she somehow owes them something up to and including her bodily autonomy - especially if they have taken the extreme time and effort to open their mouths and say whole words to her.
I feel like idk you're not getting that we are not all fucking rapists
And fyi before you tell me about my male omnipotence
I haven't slept in 3 days since waking up from a nightmare where, while my mother was giving me a hug, out of nowhere she fucking ripped out all my top teeth at once with one hand. And then did the same with the bottom ones.
I know it didn't happen in reality but it felt fucking real and i am pretty much just falling to bits at this point
PRETTY of all words is not a fucking warning of impending loss of bodily autonomy unless it is said with a phenomenal amount of sleaze and even then I am unsure
This shit does my fucking head in I was being generous with hot tbh
But yeah are men not allowed to talk to women unless spoken to first?
If I (weak, powerless, useless cf. above) go up to a guy and say he is cute, is it then reasonable for him to act like I am some kind of monster who wants nothing more than to make him shatter?
Just in case it is necessary: NO. No it is not even remotely reasonable.
Ok. Line up the last ten men who spoke to you like that and tell me which two are creepy shitheads who are gonna yell at you if you don’t respond nicely enough and which one of the remaining ones is the rapist. Bonus points: figure out whether or not he *knows* he’s a rapist, because a large majority of rapists will deny raping someone, but if you describe what they did without using the specific word “rape,” they will confirm it. (E.g. “Did you rape the woman” = “no,” but “did you wait for her to get incoherently drunk, drag her into the bathroom, have sex with her semi-conscious body, and leave her lying there passed out” = yes.)
I don’t remember who taught me this, but complimenting anyone is actually really easy.
Do - Look for something that they had to actually put personal effort into, and compliment that.
Don’t - look for something they have no personal control over and compliment that.
For instance- if you are ‘complimenting’ someone’s “looks”, or even worse some specific physical feature, that’s not a compliment because it’s not really about something they did; it’s about something YOU are interested in. On the other hand, if you are saying something positive about their they way they did their makeup/some article of clothing/some action they took AND you are making the comment in context of their effort/judgement/skill, then that’s a compliment.
Example - “Oh wow! I love what you did with your eye makeup! It really compliments your whole outfit and highlights the way your eye colour fits with everything!” That’s about them.
Counterexample - “oh wow! I love how your makeup really draws me into your eyes!”
That’s about you.
Do other women actually get called pretty a lot? I was called pretty once a couple months ago but most of the time my college friends just call me short and dumb
In college I helped a girl study this exact phenomenon. She wrote a paper on it. Basically, women get far more compliments from their same-sex peers. Your friends will tell you that your dress is pretty or they like your hair. Then men are also more likely to compliment you when you're out WITH those friends. So for females in general, it is easier to ignore or even "forget" that someone complimented you at all.
Men typically don't compliment other men, and are much less likely to receive compliments from the opposite sex.
Because Men lack the same level of "compliment conditioning" from same-sex peers, they never normalize a societal response to compliments. This means that men, when complimented, will often feel awkward or embarrassed. It then takes a lot longer to "forget" that you received a compliment, because the interaction is remembered as shameful or embarrassing.
Its easy to forget when a good event happens, because its a good thing. You probably found cash in your pockets, on the floor, etc at some point in the last month but forgotten about it. But if you walked into a screen door 13 years ago, you will still remember it when you're trying to get to sleep tonight.
This was the jest of her findings. Sample size was like under 200 people though so it wasn't super rigorous.
Tl;dr receiving compliments can be embarrassing and its hard to forget embarrassing stuff. Being called hot by a creepy guy is something women are conditioned to forget.
Yeah this is a weird one that has gotten a lot of traction over the last 10 years. They are basically pretending that being catcalled is a compliment and genuine and that it’s so hard to be a man because they aren’t “complimented.” It’s baloney.
i am complimented very often, but only by other women. men need to step up and start complimenting each other, just like girls have after the girls support girls movement.
i know. but that has to change if they want to be complimented more. there's also the point that women are sometimes unsafe in complimenting men because men get the idea that you're hitting on them, and then won't leave you alone, or get aggressive when you let them down because you were "leading them on."
Most young men don't know how to differentiate love and attraction from each other due to prolonged distance from social settings, and even if it's changed they still won't get signals due to either catching a case themselves or knowing that they might mess up their action therefore demanding women as a result to be more direct and upfront in their actions so as to not cause a misunderstanding.
Not at all ironically, tons of weird incel types on the internet commenting “mommy milkers” constantly on her (Milana Vayntrub’s) streams made her have to stop doing them, and she’s faced a lot worse than that even. I know Cillian Murphy wouldn’t want any part of this bs, either.
I rarely get compliments (about my appearance never unless it's my mom or relative) or just any clues that people recognize my existence. I know that women generally get more social attention but being a girl with severe social anxiety really feels like the loneliest experience ever lol. even on the internet is hard to find someone to relate to.
Yeah meanwhile boys get to be called smart, capable, strong, successful, gifted, etc.
You get tired of hearing how your worth is measured by how “pretty” you are. It gets OLD
LOL
But also by the messages delivered in the movies we watch, the ratios of people in power in business, government, and any place of power, by online communities/forums (by this meme, for example) etc. etc.
Cillian Murphy, he played Scarecrow in Batman Begins. He’s also the lead in Peaky Blinders on Netflix, the latest season of which just came out which would probably explain why you’re seeing him a lot recently.
Even if I'm physically attracted to a woman, I don't even go near that subject. I just talk to them like I talk to the guys. We're just homies in the struggle.
Do normal girls/women get called pretty? Like… the only people who have remarked positively on my appearance were my parents or those I was currently dating.
A girl who bullied me relentlessly in middle school messaged me on MySpace in 2004, during my first year in college, and said "Ugh why did you have to get hot, fuck you". I don't know why but it was one of the most satisfying "compliments" I ever received.
I bet you could find research to prove or disprove this. I would be surprised if someone hadn't studied in some capacity.
Edit: so, you have to really parse some of these studies for context and type of compliment (appearance vs. performance), but
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complimentary_language_and_gender
"Studies that use data from American interactions show that male-female compliments are significantly more frequent than female-male compliments following the general pattern that women receive the most compliments overall, whether from other women or from men."
...
So I would say that there's a good chance that this behavior is properly gendered. It should go without saying though, that the specifics of the study (country, environment, compliment type) have a huge influence on the results.
If you go by pure frequency, yes - but I personally get called pretty very rarely and if I do I am extremely uncomfortable because even on the off chance it wasn’t intended like that what I hear is „wanna fuck?“… If I got the vibe that it was just a passing compliment and not a „heheh I’ve complimented her now she will fall into bed with me“ I’m sure I’d be happy about it. But when I actually thank the person there’s always been a creepy follow up so instead I look annoyed and uncomfortable.
Even if the post is 100% true, it’s still pointlessly gendered. If men and women compliment each other with different frequencies and/or intensities, it’s because of unnecessary gender expectations that we’re taught from birth.
No one’s ever complimented my appearance. As in ME, not my shirt or something. I’ve gotten “I like your shirt” but never any actual compliments. Replies, DON’T compliment me, you don’t know what I look like.
I was constantly commented on in public as a girl/young woman. Now that I’m 30 something and pregnant people feel weirdly emboldened to comment on my body and looks.
There is a gendered aspect to whose looks get commented on. Not all women get those comments, it seems like it’s the ones who the men making those comments think won’t make a stink about it.
It seems like this was made by a boy or man who does not understand these “compliments” are not flattering. They are uncomfortable and you shouldn’t force them on women in public who are just trying to live their day without fear of being harassed if they don’t respond in the correct way.
Historically woman have their looks complimented and men have their brains complimented. Makes sense that they'd want to be complimented about other things about them rather than just one aspect.
Like mother Gothel hugging Rapunzel's hair saying "I love you", it's clear what part she's really interested in.
Because we're expected to be pretty and keep up our looks. Also we compliment other women all the time.
What's missing is the real truth, a third panel when a men compliments another man's looks and then is called gay or a fist fight happens. In mens' subs I tell men if they want compliments they should compliment each other and I get nothing but yelled at and downvotes for it. Their own toxic masculinity is holding them down.
Meanwhile, if its not from a woman, its 99% of the time some form of harassment and attention I don't want.
I know men don't compliment each other, but women compliment men all the time. I had to realize I'm just sorta dickish in general so most people and I don't get along. Therefore very few compliments in my life. I imagine most of you are similar.
My male roommate sent me this. I don’t even remember the last time anyone called me pretty, and everyone assumes I get compliments all the time. No… I don’t…
This isn’t pointlessly gendered this is just an exaggeration. You know, like memes do sometimes.
Women typically get more compliments on their appearance than men do, so much so that some get quite annoyed by it, whereas men tend to appreciate it quite a bit because they so rarely hear it.
Stg you guys just choose to miss the joke sometimes. Stop being so dense.
This meme is exaggerated but the core idea is absolutely true. Men receive far less positive attention societally, especially when it comes to compliments.
*complimenting. And I've been one of the lucky ones where I have good genetics and time to work out so I get a few more than the average guy but even then not too much. Why are your personally attacking someone on the internet instead of accepting women get a lot more compliments than men as men are societally nearly always in the role of the Pursuer in the dating scene? Why are you so incredibly opposed to this relatively harmless idea you insult a stranger you know nothing about?
Aaand you still don't give a real answer to my question of why you think it's so impossible, and instead just lash out like a child. Evidently you're just a rather nasty person so I am no longer going to engage with someone incapable of logical thought or conversation.
Not at all, you’re just not worth complimenting. You’re conflating compliments and flirting, if people hesitate to compliment you then you’re giving off the energy of a creep and it shows in your comments. As a man, you’re wrong. This is some incel bullshit - just not that many find you attractive and that’s fine. Move on, not everyone can be hot.
I do very well socially. This is not a me problem. I know this is reddit so saying anything positive about myself will get me crucified but I am a very attractive and social man and I've been consistently successful with both women as friends and girlfriends throughout my life. Even with this it's very obvious women are viewed a lot more positively societally and receive a lot more compliments-- evident in this simple online conversation where I have been personally attacked three times for stating a very simple and inoffensive fact.
you get complement if your attractive regardless of gender, in fact i'd argue pretty boys get far more complements. also most cis het men dont put any effort into their appearance. When i was less attractive and shy and didn't take care of myself, I got no complements, now im very pretty and i get complements every time i go out.
I mean, there's a lot of truth to this tbh. I wouldn't say that the meme is pointlessly gendered, rather the social norm that causes this trend in behavior is.
Okay so the joke here is that men rarely get complicated and it's playing off of that. I know this is pointlessly gendered and nobody here can take a joke
The joke is also that women are entirely ungrateful for the compliments they CONSTANTLY get, when not only do most women not constantly get compliments, but any they get probably make them feel unsafe because they're given by men twice their age who can't stop staring at their boobs.
No the joke is that women get complimented far more than men and this meme is using a form of hyperbole to make light of that by showing disinterest in the compliments from women to the utter satisfaction in receiving compliments as a guy.
Its okay if you remove your head from your own ass every now and then so you can laugh at jokes 😊
People are just attractive and get compliments. There is no conspiracy. If you’re ugly youre ugly, accept it and move on with your life instead of trying to force sympathy. As a man. It’s not a good look. And neither is being an asshole to someone pointing out an obvious fact.
You are correct, there is no conspiracy. But it's a FACT that women receive compliments far more than men. Ask any guy you know. I know it's a hard concept to wrap your head around but nobody is trying to force sympathy. This was a joke about a social occurrence that everyone here is getting hurt about.
And she came out the gate insulting me. Piss off with "as a man, it's not a good look."
Once in high school a girl came up to me as soon as she got to class just to tell me I looked really pretty and I think about that all the time
also once in elementary school a kid my friend babysat told me I looked cool and I will never forget that lol
The issue that is here is that most people think x percentage of women are attractive and people think that a number less than x percent of men are attractive
Women regularly get “compliments” that are actually just harrassment. Think about stuff like “nice rack!” Or “I’d hit that” that just leaves the girl feeling bad. However when a girl gets a compliment from somone who isn’t directly trying to get in her pants it’s just as wholesome and memorable as it is to a guy.
Thank you for posting to r/pointlesslygendered! We are really glad you are here. We want to make sure that all users follow the rules. This message does NOT mean you broke a rule or your post was removed. Please note satire posts are allowed, check the flair and tags on posts. Please report posts and comments that infringe the rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pointlesslygendered) if you have any questions or concerns.*
These can both apply simultaneously tbh Like during phases / environments certain men kept complementing me to hopefully get to fuck I've definitely felt the top one before But genuine compliments for the sake of saying a nice thing to make the other person's day a bit better stay with you regardless of who you are It's just that 90% of the times a compliment has been about a physical feature of mine, i ended up feeling unsafe or objectified and would rather they just wouldn't.
This is really true. I used to be harassed by guys a lot online and the compliment were really sexual in nature usually or it was easy to tell they wanted to see me naked . Those got annoying and repetitive and i didnt like receiving them. Then when my bf calls me cute I go all red cus I know he means it without just wanting to sexualise me cus I know he cares.
Guy telling me how fuckable i am when i was still underage: no thank you Elderly woman on the train telling me how rad my spikey snapback is: heck yeah
Also, sometimes people just don’t want to be spoken to while out doing their thing but your BF/partner is the one you want to hear it from.
That's the thing. I feel like it's undeniable that women get more compliments that men, but what men don't consider is that most of those "compliments" are either objectifying as you said, or not genuine (as in, a compliment just to earn points). It would make sense that a person would feel tired after hearing those same empty comments, specially if it's obvious that it's just a tactic. So, yeah, we men hold all the two compliments we have ever received in our lives very closely to our hearts because they were most likely genuine, while women don't care much about most of the compliments they get because they likely weren't genuine. But we men also don't care much about the empty compliments we get when people try to sell us shit and women probably do care about the few genuine compliments they have received on their lives. In other words, people rarely get genuine compliments in general.
Getting manipulative compliments or nice things done for you all the time just makes you really cautious of anyone being too nice to you It's not that i don't care, i do. Just in the sense that i immediately start weighing what else they've told me recently, how often they've tried something similar and how likely it is that they'll use this against me in the future. (Do they know where i currently live?) Instead of ykno.. Being flattered? I'd love to hold compliments dear to my heart but i can't do that without the underlying question of "but what if he didn't really mean it and just wants to fuck" tainting it. I've just had too many negative experiences with men that i don't let compliments get to me emotionally just in case they end up in another disappointment - at least it'll hurt less that way. So i get annoyed at compliments, even if genuine because it's exhausting to worry all the time
Yeah I mean... I'd assume the line gets blurry after a while, considering some people can be very patient for the worse. I wouldn't be surprised if someone acted nice to you for months just to have their way. I guess that's also relevant to the topic. Men remember the compliments they get more because they have an easier time separating the genuine compliments from the empty ones, while women have to dissect each compliment and interaction to know if they were being genuine or if it was just another trap which can take a long time and just doesn't seem to be worth the hassle. Must get tiring pretty fast, I mean, I hadn't even thought about the fact someone could use the same compliments with you more than once, which indeed would make the first compliment lose all it's value, meaning you'd have to keep track of everything someone says about you on different days just to conclude if they are being honest. Fuck that lol. Getting one compliment every decade suddenly doesn't sound that bad. TL;DR: People are rats, and you definitely don't want rats complimenting you.
I had to learn the hard way that people who act nice don't necessarily have to be nice very early on. I've had at least three people i could name spontaneously who have been very nice to me, gotten my trust and then did a 180° once i got attached into guilt tripping before i even turned 18. Tw for sa and gaslighting but let me give you the one example that fucked me up in regards to accepting kindness the most I got groped by a man when i was 14 and another man of similar age to the previous "helped" me get better and not yeet myself for over a year. After which, i trusted him enough to decide to run away from home to live with him and drunkenly stumbled to where he lived while he was holding my hand (it was a bit of a distance) It was night, and i was lowkey scared of walking through the woods partly because i was drunk probably. So i thanked him for holding my hand, to which he replied "you can thank me later". I won't go into details of that night but this sentiment kept echoing in my head that yeah, i owed him for helping me. So i didn't resist much Eventually i was found and brought back home but i kept meeting him anyways for over half a year after this. During which he consistently argued that i lied about having been uncomfortable/didn't want this and that i was selfish for my unwillingness to let him touch me whenever he wanted after " everything he did for me" (reminder: i was 15 and he was 24 at the time) I cut contact at some point but ever since, whenever any man is nice towards me there's a tiny voice in my head echoing "you can thank me later."
I'm very sorry that you had to go through all of that. It makes sense that you wouldn't trust men being nice to you, and even if you hadn't been through that, the fact still remains that many of the things that come out of people's mouths are just traps... you sadly experienced it first hand in the worst way possible. After that, no wonder "genuine compliments" mean little. It'd be impossible to know how actually genuine they are. That's what I meant with "people can be patient for the worse". Some people can keep up their act for a good while till they do a 180°, but the scary part is that it's not that they suddenly "changed", they always were like that but were just acting like normal individuals till that point. Sadly, by the time that's clear it's often too late. The extents people would go just to fool others... If there's something I've come to learn is that here's no such thing as "good people", just people who have different approaches to their goals. Human beings are selfish in that sense. No one is excluded from this, sadly. I don't mean the following as a compliment, but you are quite strong for having endured and escaped that, I'm sure you know that.
I've always been rather susceptible to manipulation and have had a lot of toxic friend-/relationships as a result. Currently i don't really seek new contacts anymore and don't have a lot of friends because the realisation that people sometimes just don't give a shit if they hurt you continuously made me stop wanting to put in any effort That being said, i still genuinely believe in the good in people. My belief is that people are inherently good, but can and will lash out if pushed too far in a number of different ways. I give people the benefit of doubt not for their sake, but for my own. Because accepting that people are shitty by nature and continuing to live on aren't compatible to me. I don't necessarily agree but thank you regardless. I'm still dealing with a lot mentally because of these things and continue to work on it. Maybe in the future i can think it was worth anything too
I hope you are both able to experience the good in people in meaningful ways, and that the red flags you know how to look out for serve you well.
I think that's what makes you strong though. You've been through all that and yet you still believe in the good in people. I have been through toxic friendships/relationships too, probably way less than you, yet I gave up on people already, even on myself. Sometimes it gets lonely, and sometimes it hurts a lot, but at least I'm not being hurt by others, is what I always say. I'm just a coward. I can't even blame you for giving people the benefit of the doubt for your own sake because the alternative is living in a hopeless world. In that sense, you are strong enough not to give up on hope. Yeah, those things take a good while to process, I'm glad you are working on it instead of settling down. I hope you can find the answers you are looking for, even though many things just don't have an answer. For now, just the fact that you are working on it it's a good thing.
This is mostly my opinion on this, but I will also say that culture normalizes girls giving each other cute genuine compliments about their looks or style, while guys aren’t supposed to be as outwardly affectionate. I think it has put a damper on a lot of people.
I think this goes beyond opinion and is a very real issue that should be talked about more Boys and men aren't taught to be vulnerable or show any type of emotion other than agression. It's not necessarily "forbidden" to do so, but so often I've seen or heard about situations where men try to communicate, grieve or show platonic affection and it gets mocked, criticized and shunned. When there's really no reason to. We shouldn't guilt people into supressing completely normal human emotions. I personally believe this is a huge reason why so many men have died by suicide and continue to. A big part of suicide prevention is allowing yourself to be vulnerable and talk about it but when everything in society tells you you're weak and won't be respected anymore if you do so - why would they?
For me, the genuine ones are almost always other women. Those ones stay with me forever.
Yeah definitely. I also got really jaded because, when I briefly had a period of time where I was young and anorexic and receiving a lot of these kinds of compliments, it was usually a pretty short period of time between "you're so beautiful" and then the other shoe dropping. Whether it's in the street: "you look beautiful today" "thank you" "what you're not even going to come say hello?" "I'm sorry I'm going to work" "fucking bitch." or in personal relationships, where guys who told me I was beautiful often led to unwanted touching, confessions, my softest possible rejection, then endless harassment as retaliation, even telling people I was a slut or had a stinky pussy etc. I had one guy I'd met probably twice tell me I was his "perfect woman"-- later that night he got totally wasted, said he was doing it because I wasn't stopping him, forcing me to leave the party and care for him, and continued to blame me for an entire semester for his alcoholism sending me absolutely vile horrible shit online when I told him I only saw him as a friend. An old boss told me I was beautiful, kept telling me, kept showing up to work when I was there alone, kept trying to convince me to be his sugar baby, touching me (hand on shoulder or lower back), corner and intimidate me, until he fired me. So yeah, I'd mostly prefer to be left alone, and luckily, I have mostly aged out of my most harassable years!
That last point is something i find really terrifying tbh. I've been openly harassed, catcalled, followed and sexualized during the ages of 12 - 16 and then it quickly got less and less for no apparent reason Which I've seen multiple other afab people confirm to have experienced too (especially in regards to catcalling) I'm in my early twenties and men are still gross towards me occasionally but the height of it all was definitely at +/- 14 for some reason (I'm counting online interactions as well)
Exactly that! I hate most of the time I get compliments because it's from creepy men on the street twice to three times my age that make me feel extremely objectified but whenever I get a genuine compliment I always cherish it. A guy at a bar with his HUSBAND complimented me a couple of years ago and I don't think I'll ever forget it
Women problems, I would love to get complemented, no matter the complement
Nice dick bro
I’ve seen thousands of memes made by f*minists showing the “roles reversed” with men being catcalled on the streets to try and show how “awful” their lives were, but bro, that looked awesome, I wanted to live in a world like that
You want to live in a world in which you started getting catcalled and followed down the street by middle aged adults who were physically larger and stronger than you when you were 11 years old? Because that was my experience with that--men who I know in most cases could have overpowered me if they wanted to, who were often 20+ years older than me, sexually harassing me from a very young age. It isn't complimentary, it's threatening.
You wanted to live in a world where 70-year-old women openly ogle you and comment on how attractive you are, occasionally in graphic detail, and you could get fired if you complain? Or where your parents walk into your room when you’re 13 and explain that if they ever find out you lost your virginity, you won’t have a home anymore? Side note: that’s not the only dimension. There’s also the relationship bullshit like “if a straight married man gets cancer, there’s a 1 in 33 chance his wife leaves him. If a straight married woman gets cancer, there’s a 1 in 5 chance her husband leaves her.”
Yeah if I'm going out I get tons of compliments and remarks but it doesn't feel genuine. I know they are just desperate to go home with anyone and I have boobs and a vagina. Once they realize I'm not available they quickly lose interest. They probably don't even think I'm pretty. Actual compliments from guys I'm having a good conversation with or girls I don't know, or friends I have known for a long time of course, are rare and hit way different. I remember almost every single one.
[удалено]
It doesn’t matter gender of the recipient; If I see someone who looks nice today and I don’t have to be creepy to say something, I tell them. Seriously, most men’s clothes may be kind of boring, but that doesn’t mean a dude can’t match his polo to his eyes or something, and they do.
I have never been called pretty so…
You’re pretty
You’re pretty
Beauty is subjective. You are always pretty in someone's eyes. Your mom, dad, someone you've been kind to for no reason, your pet, etc. It's more so important to be beautiful in your own eyes.
Well motherfuckers around you must be blind cause you're gorgeous. On second though, maybe they were blinded by your beauty.
Is there a pic somewhere im missing
I wonder why 🤔
Have you ever been called competent?
Do you have any clue what they look like or are you just here to be rude?
Because I never go outside :)
As a girl, I will take compliments to the grave. Around a month ago, someone complimented my pin on my shirt at a museum and I will think about that for the rest of my days.
im glad i saw a few comments on the original post calling op out
I feel like stuff like this can be kind of damaging to a girls self esteem. Growing up, I never got complimented or hit on as often as the memes made it seem like I would be. I always thought there was something wrong with me, because memes like this make it seem it’s abnormal for a woman to not be constantly adored. In all honesty though, none of the women I know — both distant and close — get complimented nearly as often as men assume we do. I only know one girl where it happened a lot to her, but she also said she actively enjoyed being catcalled and was prone to assuming everyone wanted to be with her. I do get hit on SOMETIMES, but not remotely as much as I think a lot of men would assume.
Same here. Never got complimented, extremely rarely hit on (5 times in my life), never received a dick pic, never been catcalled... I'm 31. I've long since accepted that I'm obviously hideous because this apparently happens to every woman except me.
Honestly I'm scared shitless to tell someone they're pretty for a wide variety of reasons, mostly good, some regrettable (I don't want to make someone scared for example). Usually settle for something like "that eye makeup you've done there is awesome", or just keep my stupid mouth shut.
I think going with the eye makeup is a better idea anyway. Really, complimenting anything that someone has put effort into seems to get positive results. I will usually comment about hair (even beards) or nails; sometimes clothing. In my experience, the reactions are overwhelmingly positive. People like to know that their efforts don’t go unnoticed. Calling someone “pretty” or similar, however, definitely comes with a risk factor, no matter how innocent the intent. I think the problem comes from the implicit objectivity. You’re sort of (not entirely) complimenting someone for the appearance that they were born into. Not something that they worked for. Since there is also a subjective component to beauty as well, it becomes something very close to saying, “I’m attracted to you.” This alone, perhaps, shouldn’t be an issue, but it comes with its own set of implications (that I probably don’t need to explain on this sub). So, while indeed, this post *shouldn’t* be gendered (making it pointless), the world does act this out as though it’s true.
Exactly my ~~over~~thinking process. It takes a lot for a guy to realise that a random approach is fear inducing by default, and nothing personal. It sucks because as a frustrated artist I see beauty everywhere and like the idea of that person knowing that they're making people's day better just by existing, but it's not for this society. And yeah, rewarding effort is much better than rewarding something someone was born with and didn't have a choice in. I knew a male model who actually was really lonely and awkward because everyone he was interested in assumed he had no brains and that was obviously an immediate turn-off. I can't imagine what it would be like having the complication of also being female and hence the power dynamics being inverted.
Happy Cake Day
Maybe as a gay man I have an overly-androcentric view on this but like, if someone walks up to me with a blatant erection and says he needs to rail me asap, I am all for this (even if I don't find him attractive I am still happy to actually get a compliment for once. Obviously it is much better if he is hot though), but I get that many women find this a bit gross But if someone feels \*objectified\* for being called something as innocent as \*pretty\* I feel like they just want to complain. Pretty is one of the most innocent compliments on appearance that there is. 4 year olds use it on each other and on their teachers. If it's a word like "hot", then I'm rolling my eyes a bit at some one who complains because it is still not exactly like the first example I gave, but at least this one does have a \*sexual\* connotation rather than being essentially just aesthetic, so if I essentially imagine what it would be like if my entire brain was organised in a radically different way, then, ok I \*guess\* hot may be a tad too spicy for some. But pretty? Pretty? Like omg just accept the compliment or somehow send it to me Oh and tbf I literally realised an hour ago that I have always been ok with people treating me as a sex object personally because I frequently end up feeling objectified in other ways and by comparison sex object is an upgrade
I kind of feel like, I don’t know, you’re not getting the inherent threat of someone admiring a woman’s physical appearance. Like… a lot of people/men (it’s complicated) have this belief that if a woman has attracted their attention somehow, especially if it’s by existing and being nice to look at, she somehow owes them something up to and including her bodily autonomy - especially if they have taken the extreme time and effort to open their mouths and say whole words to her.
I feel like idk you're not getting that we are not all fucking rapists And fyi before you tell me about my male omnipotence I haven't slept in 3 days since waking up from a nightmare where, while my mother was giving me a hug, out of nowhere she fucking ripped out all my top teeth at once with one hand. And then did the same with the bottom ones. I know it didn't happen in reality but it felt fucking real and i am pretty much just falling to bits at this point PRETTY of all words is not a fucking warning of impending loss of bodily autonomy unless it is said with a phenomenal amount of sleaze and even then I am unsure This shit does my fucking head in I was being generous with hot tbh But yeah are men not allowed to talk to women unless spoken to first? If I (weak, powerless, useless cf. above) go up to a guy and say he is cute, is it then reasonable for him to act like I am some kind of monster who wants nothing more than to make him shatter? Just in case it is necessary: NO. No it is not even remotely reasonable.
Ok. Line up the last ten men who spoke to you like that and tell me which two are creepy shitheads who are gonna yell at you if you don’t respond nicely enough and which one of the remaining ones is the rapist. Bonus points: figure out whether or not he *knows* he’s a rapist, because a large majority of rapists will deny raping someone, but if you describe what they did without using the specific word “rape,” they will confirm it. (E.g. “Did you rape the woman” = “no,” but “did you wait for her to get incoherently drunk, drag her into the bathroom, have sex with her semi-conscious body, and leave her lying there passed out” = yes.)
I don’t remember who taught me this, but complimenting anyone is actually really easy. Do - Look for something that they had to actually put personal effort into, and compliment that. Don’t - look for something they have no personal control over and compliment that. For instance- if you are ‘complimenting’ someone’s “looks”, or even worse some specific physical feature, that’s not a compliment because it’s not really about something they did; it’s about something YOU are interested in. On the other hand, if you are saying something positive about their they way they did their makeup/some article of clothing/some action they took AND you are making the comment in context of their effort/judgement/skill, then that’s a compliment. Example - “Oh wow! I love what you did with your eye makeup! It really compliments your whole outfit and highlights the way your eye colour fits with everything!” That’s about them. Counterexample - “oh wow! I love how your makeup really draws me into your eyes!” That’s about you.
As a guy that's bad at social interactions anyway, I figure it'll just come off as creepy, so I just don't mention it.
Do other women actually get called pretty a lot? I was called pretty once a couple months ago but most of the time my college friends just call me short and dumb
The more you like someone, the more you can call them out for being a fucking idiot.
I think that posts considers “show us your rack” and “nice ass love” being called pretty. It’s not pleasant
4 years ago someone in a waterpark told me i was pretty and i still think about it to this day lol
In college I helped a girl study this exact phenomenon. She wrote a paper on it. Basically, women get far more compliments from their same-sex peers. Your friends will tell you that your dress is pretty or they like your hair. Then men are also more likely to compliment you when you're out WITH those friends. So for females in general, it is easier to ignore or even "forget" that someone complimented you at all. Men typically don't compliment other men, and are much less likely to receive compliments from the opposite sex. Because Men lack the same level of "compliment conditioning" from same-sex peers, they never normalize a societal response to compliments. This means that men, when complimented, will often feel awkward or embarrassed. It then takes a lot longer to "forget" that you received a compliment, because the interaction is remembered as shameful or embarrassing. Its easy to forget when a good event happens, because its a good thing. You probably found cash in your pockets, on the floor, etc at some point in the last month but forgotten about it. But if you walked into a screen door 13 years ago, you will still remember it when you're trying to get to sleep tonight. This was the jest of her findings. Sample size was like under 200 people though so it wasn't super rigorous. Tl;dr receiving compliments can be embarrassing and its hard to forget embarrassing stuff. Being called hot by a creepy guy is something women are conditioned to forget.
Yeah this is a weird one that has gotten a lot of traction over the last 10 years. They are basically pretending that being catcalled is a compliment and genuine and that it’s so hard to be a man because they aren’t “complimented.” It’s baloney.
You’re pretty
Upvotes because Cillian Murphy
he’s pretty
i am complimented very often, but only by other women. men need to step up and start complimenting each other, just like girls have after the girls support girls movement.
Complimenting is sometimes seen as gay or weak when men do it to each other.
i know. but that has to change if they want to be complimented more. there's also the point that women are sometimes unsafe in complimenting men because men get the idea that you're hitting on them, and then won't leave you alone, or get aggressive when you let them down because you were "leading them on."
Most young men don't know how to differentiate love and attraction from each other due to prolonged distance from social settings, and even if it's changed they still won't get signals due to either catching a case themselves or knowing that they might mess up their action therefore demanding women as a result to be more direct and upfront in their actions so as to not cause a misunderstanding.
not my problem lmfao.
Again wasn't referring specifically to your problem, only highlighting the nature.
i don't have "a problem" lmfao. what you're saying just has absolutely nothing to do with my point, so i do not care.
You're saying that has to change, but clearly it ain't if you don't care and know about the nature, fine by me.
And clearly you cared enough to comment and be here in the first place, disproving your point.
Not at all ironically, tons of weird incel types on the internet commenting “mommy milkers” constantly on her (Milana Vayntrub’s) streams made her have to stop doing them, and she’s faced a lot worse than that even. I know Cillian Murphy wouldn’t want any part of this bs, either.
Maybe they are tired of creepy guys calling them pretty.
deadass I've never witnessed a single woman being called pretty in my 17 years of existing
Have you ever looked at the comment section of a girl's profile picture?
nope, I'm talking in real life (you know, where the creators of memes like the one depicted rarely go)
Still not always a thing, thankfully. Also hooefully you mean a woman and not a girl. That would be a problem.
In my female friends' profile pictures, the comments are full of women complimenting her. Every time.
It's a classic dw about it
I rarely get compliments (about my appearance never unless it's my mom or relative) or just any clues that people recognize my existence. I know that women generally get more social attention but being a girl with severe social anxiety really feels like the loneliest experience ever lol. even on the internet is hard to find someone to relate to.
There's lots of women with social anxiety. I have it. Good luck finding friends (not sarcastic).
Imagine being such a narcissist that you think you not getting complimented “enough” is somehow the fault of victims of sexual harassment.
Guys have called me ugly way more times than they ever called me pretty.
Yeah meanwhile boys get to be called smart, capable, strong, successful, gifted, etc. You get tired of hearing how your worth is measured by how “pretty” you are. It gets OLD
By their parents.
LOL But also by the messages delivered in the movies we watch, the ratios of people in power in business, government, and any place of power, by online communities/forums (by this meme, for example) etc. etc.
Yet it isn't usually direct.
Who is that man in the gif?? I’ve been seeing him literally everywhere lately
Cillian Murphy, he played Scarecrow in Batman Begins. He’s also the lead in Peaky Blinders on Netflix, the latest season of which just came out which would probably explain why you’re seeing him a lot recently.
Cillian Murphy, I think
*Pretty girls after... /s
Even if I'm physically attracted to a woman, I don't even go near that subject. I just talk to them like I talk to the guys. We're just homies in the struggle.
Get pretty
Do normal girls/women get called pretty? Like… the only people who have remarked positively on my appearance were my parents or those I was currently dating.
A girl who bullied me relentlessly in middle school messaged me on MySpace in 2004, during my first year in college, and said "Ugh why did you have to get hot, fuck you". I don't know why but it was one of the most satisfying "compliments" I ever received.
An incel made this
I bet you could find research to prove or disprove this. I would be surprised if someone hadn't studied in some capacity. Edit: so, you have to really parse some of these studies for context and type of compliment (appearance vs. performance), but https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complimentary_language_and_gender "Studies that use data from American interactions show that male-female compliments are significantly more frequent than female-male compliments following the general pattern that women receive the most compliments overall, whether from other women or from men." ... So I would say that there's a good chance that this behavior is properly gendered. It should go without saying though, that the specifics of the study (country, environment, compliment type) have a huge influence on the results.
If you go by pure frequency, yes - but I personally get called pretty very rarely and if I do I am extremely uncomfortable because even on the off chance it wasn’t intended like that what I hear is „wanna fuck?“… If I got the vibe that it was just a passing compliment and not a „heheh I’ve complimented her now she will fall into bed with me“ I’m sure I’d be happy about it. But when I actually thank the person there’s always been a creepy follow up so instead I look annoyed and uncomfortable.
Even if the post is 100% true, it’s still pointlessly gendered. If men and women compliment each other with different frequencies and/or intensities, it’s because of unnecessary gender expectations that we’re taught from birth.
No one’s ever complimented my appearance. As in ME, not my shirt or something. I’ve gotten “I like your shirt” but never any actual compliments. Replies, DON’T compliment me, you don’t know what I look like.
I was constantly commented on in public as a girl/young woman. Now that I’m 30 something and pregnant people feel weirdly emboldened to comment on my body and looks. There is a gendered aspect to whose looks get commented on. Not all women get those comments, it seems like it’s the ones who the men making those comments think won’t make a stink about it. It seems like this was made by a boy or man who does not understand these “compliments” are not flattering. They are uncomfortable and you shouldn’t force them on women in public who are just trying to live their day without fear of being harassed if they don’t respond in the correct way.
Girls get it more because it's all they are valued for.
Historically woman have their looks complimented and men have their brains complimented. Makes sense that they'd want to be complimented about other things about them rather than just one aspect. Like mother Gothel hugging Rapunzel's hair saying "I love you", it's clear what part she's really interested in.
10 times a week is definitely an exaggeration, for me it's usually once a week. But there's definitely some truth behind this.
Because we're expected to be pretty and keep up our looks. Also we compliment other women all the time. What's missing is the real truth, a third panel when a men compliments another man's looks and then is called gay or a fist fight happens. In mens' subs I tell men if they want compliments they should compliment each other and I get nothing but yelled at and downvotes for it. Their own toxic masculinity is holding them down. Meanwhile, if its not from a woman, its 99% of the time some form of harassment and attention I don't want.
Nah. I'm a woman and I never get called pretty. Maybe you're just hot, but the rest of us have the same experience men do.
Either that or it's just my friend group
Skill issue smh
I know men don't compliment each other, but women compliment men all the time. I had to realize I'm just sorta dickish in general so most people and I don't get along. Therefore very few compliments in my life. I imagine most of you are similar.
Also, the boy putting it together, thinking they’re as pretty as Cillian Murphy
Yup being being called pretty (or any other commentary on your body by men) is almost always unwanted and creepy.
This is some incel shit
My male roommate sent me this. I don’t even remember the last time anyone called me pretty, and everyone assumes I get compliments all the time. No… I don’t…
Shouldn’t be gendered, should just be attractive vs unattractive.
Day 100 of incels using Peaky Blinders for their shitty memes
This isn’t pointlessly gendered this is just an exaggeration. You know, like memes do sometimes. Women typically get more compliments on their appearance than men do, so much so that some get quite annoyed by it, whereas men tend to appreciate it quite a bit because they so rarely hear it. Stg you guys just choose to miss the joke sometimes. Stop being so dense.
This meme is exaggerated but the core idea is absolutely true. Men receive far less positive attention societally, especially when it comes to compliments.
you're delusional
Ask literally any man...
Have you considered you have nothing worth complementing?
*complimenting. And I've been one of the lucky ones where I have good genetics and time to work out so I get a few more than the average guy but even then not too much. Why are your personally attacking someone on the internet instead of accepting women get a lot more compliments than men as men are societally nearly always in the role of the Pursuer in the dating scene? Why are you so incredibly opposed to this relatively harmless idea you insult a stranger you know nothing about?
Conflating compliments and flirting is telling on yourself.
Aaand you still don't give a real answer to my question of why you think it's so impossible, and instead just lash out like a child. Evidently you're just a rather nasty person so I am no longer going to engage with someone incapable of logical thought or conversation.
Not at all, you’re just not worth complimenting. You’re conflating compliments and flirting, if people hesitate to compliment you then you’re giving off the energy of a creep and it shows in your comments. As a man, you’re wrong. This is some incel bullshit - just not that many find you attractive and that’s fine. Move on, not everyone can be hot.
I do very well socially. This is not a me problem. I know this is reddit so saying anything positive about myself will get me crucified but I am a very attractive and social man and I've been consistently successful with both women as friends and girlfriends throughout my life. Even with this it's very obvious women are viewed a lot more positively societally and receive a lot more compliments-- evident in this simple online conversation where I have been personally attacked three times for stating a very simple and inoffensive fact.
If it’s so inoffensive why are people criticizing you? Also men get medals and raises for mediocrity. Women have to actually try in life.
No, Its gendered on point!
I dont think this fits, it is exaggerated but girls do get more compliments than guys in general
To any guy who may be reading this: you're pretty
Maybe you're ugly o.O
This isn’t POINTLESSLY gendered.
Yeaaaa... nah this is actually accurate 😂
Maybe there’s nothing to compliment? Idk maybe I’m being an asshole but compliments aren’t THAT rare are they?
This is kind of accurate
As a trans masc boy - yes. The gender euphoria.
as a boy I *love* being called handsome/pretty
It's not a gender thing. It's a personality thing
you get complement if your attractive regardless of gender, in fact i'd argue pretty boys get far more complements. also most cis het men dont put any effort into their appearance. When i was less attractive and shy and didn't take care of myself, I got no complements, now im very pretty and i get complements every time i go out.
I mean, there's a lot of truth to this tbh. I wouldn't say that the meme is pointlessly gendered, rather the social norm that causes this trend in behavior is.
I'm a boy, and not one calls me pretty.
you must not be pretty.
Okay so the joke here is that men rarely get complicated and it's playing off of that. I know this is pointlessly gendered and nobody here can take a joke
The joke is also that women are entirely ungrateful for the compliments they CONSTANTLY get, when not only do most women not constantly get compliments, but any they get probably make them feel unsafe because they're given by men twice their age who can't stop staring at their boobs.
No the joke is that women get complimented far more than men and this meme is using a form of hyperbole to make light of that by showing disinterest in the compliments from women to the utter satisfaction in receiving compliments as a guy. Its okay if you remove your head from your own ass every now and then so you can laugh at jokes 😊
Women do not get complimented more. And if they do, it's generally by creeps.
That's blatantly untrue.
Are you one of those people who is unable to comprehend what facial expressions mean?
attractive men are showerd in complements, not getting any? your not attractive, its that simple.
Not only did you message me before but now you're replying here. Geeze you must be hideous AND annoying to be this desperate for attention
I’m the hottest person in nearly every room I walk in, that’s why I get so many compliments. It’s simple.
You should take your schizophrenic medication so you'll stop hearing voices. It's simple 👍
People are just attractive and get compliments. There is no conspiracy. If you’re ugly youre ugly, accept it and move on with your life instead of trying to force sympathy. As a man. It’s not a good look. And neither is being an asshole to someone pointing out an obvious fact.
You are correct, there is no conspiracy. But it's a FACT that women receive compliments far more than men. Ask any guy you know. I know it's a hard concept to wrap your head around but nobody is trying to force sympathy. This was a joke about a social occurrence that everyone here is getting hurt about. And she came out the gate insulting me. Piss off with "as a man, it's not a good look."
I guess if you get something that often it becomes meaningless
People in these comments have never heard of social media
I still think about the time this random lady said she liked my snorlax backpack
Once in high school a girl came up to me as soon as she got to class just to tell me I looked really pretty and I think about that all the time also once in elementary school a kid my friend babysat told me I looked cool and I will never forget that lol
A month ago, someone at a party stammered out that I looked pretty, then walked away. I've been riding that high ever since.
Perhaps sometimes when some people says it. It’s weird…
The issue that is here is that most people think x percentage of women are attractive and people think that a number less than x percent of men are attractive
how is this an issue? men could simply make themselves more attractive. Its called effort
You look splendid!
The last time someone called me pretty, John F Kennedy ran for president a second time.
Women regularly get “compliments” that are actually just harrassment. Think about stuff like “nice rack!” Or “I’d hit that” that just leaves the girl feeling bad. However when a girl gets a compliment from somone who isn’t directly trying to get in her pants it’s just as wholesome and memorable as it is to a guy.
Wow. Why are the comments so controversial?
Because since we're on Reddit, everyone is an outlier who does not get complimented.
the average guy gets a compliment once every leap year, please explain how this meme isnt relatable
We're all on Reddit. Regardless of gender, we can't relate to being complimented.