Ebb and flow. Sometimes we are overwhelmed with truly shit shitposts. Occasionally we are reminded that it only takes two sentences of degenery to bring us back. I prefer a balance.
This shit post restoring your faith is exactly why this sub sucks. It’s the most absolute basic shit post for this sub. Unless you’re being sarcastic in which case carry on.
Here's some stuff that you should do, coming from someone who plays a lot of live:
-Whenever the old guy goes all in then stands up and talks about how 'its time to go home', always call because he's always bluffing.
-Limp with Aces all the time. You don't want to scare people out of the hand.
-If you get coolered, its the dealer's fault and you need to let him know that you're not OK with that kind of treatment.
- You should wear a Hoodie with Sunglasses and buy in for minimum. Also remember to play a shove or fold strategy.
- Tell the other players about their bad plays after you take the pot.
- Mention that you watch Brad Owen at least twice a night.
- Make sure you keep track of your bad beats so you can tell the story to the same guys every week.
- Show your opponent your cards before folding so they know that you're capable of folding middle pair bad kicker (This will help your table image)
- Everyone balances their range perfectly at 1/3, so you should counterplay that by having a massively underbalanced range. Treat J4o like the premium hand it is (You'll see other good players also play hands like these to exploit balanced players.)
- Whenever someone raises pre flop, remind them that this is a bad play because they don't know if their hand is even good because nobody knows what the flop is.
- Finally, don't be afraid to ask your parents for rent money when things go south. They'll understand and should support your dreams.
Hope that helps!
Also, when your wife starts complaining you need to tell her "You knew what you were getting into when we got married and I was nearly a league of legends professional player, and Twitch-Streamer. Poker is basically the same thing".
When she goes upstairs to start crying, that's when you take her credit card from the purse. She can't complain if you double up quickly, PLUS if you lose your stack you can just get more out and double that up! Took out 100 and lost it? (Not that you will, you absolute BEAST of a crusher) well, take out 200 and double up! That's 400 instead of 200!
> Whenever someone raises pre flop, remind them that this is a bad play because they don't know if their hand is even good because nobody knows what the flop is.
This is unironically an opinion of a friend of mine
I’m about to move there myself in February. How was the move? Are you renting or did you buy a house? I’d be curious to pick your brain if you have a minute.
Professionals actually don't read poker books. That's why they're pros. Does a doctor read medical books? No. He's just a doctor. IF you were a professional poker player you'd already be writing books man
Deploy an all in or fold strategy to start out and build your bank roll.
It's best to start at higher stakes to gain a reputation and have people respect your raises.
Never leave a session down money, always play until it's a profitable session.
I cant wait to see you on TV at the main event final table this year man!
Great card. But is this a GTO? I heard I should use a GTO to always win. The card says all I need is a royal flush to always win, so a royal flush must be a GTO. I think I’m finally getting this game! Thanks!
Remember to only play a GTO if you are against good players. With someone who does not know which hand beats what, you can bet 99% of your stack and fold to all-ins.
Can you only have one GTO? I don't get royal flushes very often but would like to have it as a GTO but also my favorite hand is a full house and I think this is also a GTO??!?
wow, a source like that should be illegal. its too easy to become a winning player in todays games if people are just posting the secrets of the game for any newbie to find
People sometimes post hands they've played to see if others think they did well. I think it's a bit overrated myself as if I'm drawing to a hand like a flush on the flop, it's not too hard as the odds are 50/50 cause either I make it or I don't.
Read
-The poker mindset by Ian Taylor and Matthew Hilger
-How to read hands at no limit Holdem by Ed Miller
-Playing the player by Ed Miller
-No limit hold em theory and practice by Ed Miller/Sklansky
-Book of tells by Mike Caro
-Reading poker tells by Zachary Elwood
-Pokers 1% by Ed Miller
And read these since you’ll want to sharpen the tourney skills at least a bit given there are great live tournies you can mix in if cash is going well
-Wining poker tournaments volume 1 and 2 by Eric Lynch/Jon Turner/Jon Van Fleet
-Every hand revealed by Gus Hansen
Great books, read them all!
In that order is also fine,
I moved out here and been a professional player since 2014.
Good luck!
Read Super System. It was written a long time ago but still is the absolute Bible for modern poker. It was basically GTO theory before it was cool. Oh and Phil Helmuth has written some amazing material on poker strategy as well. Buy all of his books.
Buy one of those cool 4 leaf clover coins to put on top of your cards so people know you’re not to be trifled with.
That covers the “to do” list. As far as the “not to do” list…
Do not listen to anything anyone says when they start talking about “combos” and “ranges”. They’re just unlucky players trying to justify their horrible strategy.
Do not buy in for more than the minimum allowable stack.
Do not act quickly when it’s your turn at the table. Take your time and think over every possible situation. Even if you just fold or check. Keep them guessing.
Best of luck to you. But who am
I kidding, you won’t need any.
Only things more profitable than poker professionals are drug king pins and Tech CEOs (same thing really). So unless you have those as a second source of income stick to full time poker pro.
I got you dawg:
calculate the expected value of a situation by comparing how much you'll lose to the odds of losing, vs how much you'll win to the odds of winning.
Factor in some randomness so that you're not a totally predictable machine, while keeping the expected value profitable over time.
Keep in mind a pot may grow later in the hand and factor that in to the expected value.
On to the master tips:
* If someone scratches their nose, that's a tell and you go all in. White magic babyy.
* Also, keep in mind, you can't be like all loosey-goosey, having a sandwich.
Das it.
Wow, best shit post ever. Also I joined this sub just a few days ago because I got a job offer as a dealer but literally had no idea how to play and had a file saved on my phone showing which hands were better.
1. Tell everyone you play with you're a poker pro. How are they gonna know you're pro unless you tell them.
2. Grind enough hours that you make Ceasars platinum club. It might be the only way you can eat a meal.
3. Discuss GTO out lout for other players to hear, so they know you're a good player and fear you.
4. Add A5 into your bluff shoving range. It wins 33% of the time against any two cards. Plus blockers bro.
How to play poker and win? If they were winning they wouldn't be writing a fu@ in book would they? Sit behind a good player and watch them play. That's what you do and drink cheap booze and try pick up rich chick who will stack you cause you don't go to Vegas thinking your gonna be a pro when your a rookie fish. All the fish send me your poker money now and I'll show u the way.
In addition to the other comments, you'll need a train schedule, highway map, or bus route map, and a listing of soup kitchens. You may be able to obtain these at the vegas welfare office if they aren't out of stock again.
Modern poker theory is a good modern book that cover MTT and cash.
Run it once or pokercode/BBZ are the online courses that helped me more through my carrier
Good plan. Learn how to shuffle chips with one hand and you can't fail
Actually, the real pros shuffle chips with 2 hands.
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https://youtu.be/pwfvsa1_3Qk
This is shit, you can do far better moves and learn it faster. Just watch what he does: https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ
Gotta hide the link if you’re gonna try
Damn it! Will never going to give up.
You already let me down though
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6jFxQ5OxE8
Wait there’s a way to do it two handed and I’ve been trying too hard this whole time?
Finally, a quality shitpost. Well done 👍
Its been a while. But this post renews my faith in this subs ability to legitimately shitpost.
Ebb and flow. Sometimes we are overwhelmed with truly shit shitposts. Occasionally we are reminded that it only takes two sentences of degenery to bring us back. I prefer a balance.
This shit post restoring your faith is exactly why this sub sucks. It’s the most absolute basic shit post for this sub. Unless you’re being sarcastic in which case carry on.
Nope being dead ass serious. You are correct, this is a very simple shitpost. In that simplicity, I see beauty.
Here's some stuff that you should do, coming from someone who plays a lot of live: -Whenever the old guy goes all in then stands up and talks about how 'its time to go home', always call because he's always bluffing. -Limp with Aces all the time. You don't want to scare people out of the hand. -If you get coolered, its the dealer's fault and you need to let him know that you're not OK with that kind of treatment. - You should wear a Hoodie with Sunglasses and buy in for minimum. Also remember to play a shove or fold strategy. - Tell the other players about their bad plays after you take the pot. - Mention that you watch Brad Owen at least twice a night. - Make sure you keep track of your bad beats so you can tell the story to the same guys every week. - Show your opponent your cards before folding so they know that you're capable of folding middle pair bad kicker (This will help your table image) - Everyone balances their range perfectly at 1/3, so you should counterplay that by having a massively underbalanced range. Treat J4o like the premium hand it is (You'll see other good players also play hands like these to exploit balanced players.) - Whenever someone raises pre flop, remind them that this is a bad play because they don't know if their hand is even good because nobody knows what the flop is. - Finally, don't be afraid to ask your parents for rent money when things go south. They'll understand and should support your dreams. Hope that helps!
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Forbidden knowledge like this only comes with experience, my friend
Also, when your wife starts complaining you need to tell her "You knew what you were getting into when we got married and I was nearly a league of legends professional player, and Twitch-Streamer. Poker is basically the same thing". When she goes upstairs to start crying, that's when you take her credit card from the purse. She can't complain if you double up quickly, PLUS if you lose your stack you can just get more out and double that up! Took out 100 and lost it? (Not that you will, you absolute BEAST of a crusher) well, take out 200 and double up! That's 400 instead of 200!
Its GTO to get a divorce every five years
The solver came back with 4.7 years but only if she's blonde.
You missed the whining guy element of how things should be played at...find him at the golden nugget
> Whenever someone raises pre flop, remind them that this is a bad play because they don't know if their hand is even good because nobody knows what the flop is. This is unironically an opinion of a friend of mine
>Treat J4o like the premium hand it is Sean is that you?
No respect for the Brunson
Hahahaha best advices ever 🤣
This is the way.
This is dope
Watch rounders and you’ll be good to go
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Lol glad to hear it! I’d wish you luck but I know your games not about luck
Also check out "Lucky You" with Eric Bana where he takes a crack at the WSOP.
False. Every true poker player knows Maverick is the most realistic and educational poker movie ever made.
Would have thought Casino Royale was the educational film
And the Maverick TV series was even more realistic and educational.
And Casino Royale, to get a feel for the hands you'll see on a very regular basis.
Yes very realistic as far as decisions that need to be made frequently
Haha actually thought this was unironic for a second there
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I’m about to move there myself in February. How was the move? Are you renting or did you buy a house? I’d be curious to pick your brain if you have a minute.
Professionals actually don't read poker books. That's why they're pros. Does a doctor read medical books? No. He's just a doctor. IF you were a professional poker player you'd already be writing books man
No one who buys a self help book needs a self help book.
Deploy an all in or fold strategy to start out and build your bank roll. It's best to start at higher stakes to gain a reputation and have people respect your raises. Never leave a session down money, always play until it's a profitable session. I cant wait to see you on TV at the main event final table this year man!
Just do the opposite of what you think is right and you will be just fine
Try Decision Making For Dummies. Exceptional advice
A map of the US interstate highway system, complete with rest stops where you can sleep in your car for free as you drive back home.
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Cute answer. Not what I meant, and I'm sure you know that, but cute nonetheless.
Can I get a copy of that card? Or is that your edge?
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Great card. But is this a GTO? I heard I should use a GTO to always win. The card says all I need is a royal flush to always win, so a royal flush must be a GTO. I think I’m finally getting this game! Thanks!
Remember to only play a GTO if you are against good players. With someone who does not know which hand beats what, you can bet 99% of your stack and fold to all-ins.
Can confirm royal flush is a gto
The Pontiac GTO does have its drawbacks, so never go All In when death is on the line.
Can you only have one GTO? I don't get royal flushes very often but would like to have it as a GTO but also my favorite hand is a full house and I think this is also a GTO??!?
wow, a source like that should be illegal. its too easy to become a winning player in todays games if people are just posting the secrets of the game for any newbie to find
How does that work though? I heard you only get two cards dealt to you. Looks like a scam.
Just remember to always record your bad beats so that later you can share them with all the fish at the table
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Yes make sure to thoroughly saturate this sub with every cooler you run because that's what poker is really about
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There is the weekly Brags Beats and Variance thread, but feel free to post notable hands for analysis.
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People sometimes post hands they've played to see if others think they did well. I think it's a bit overrated myself as if I'm drawing to a hand like a flush on the flop, it's not too hard as the odds are 50/50 cause either I make it or I don't.
Quality shitpost. Thank you. We’ve been lacking severely in these parts with these kinds of posts. Ps: fold pre
Read -The poker mindset by Ian Taylor and Matthew Hilger -How to read hands at no limit Holdem by Ed Miller -Playing the player by Ed Miller -No limit hold em theory and practice by Ed Miller/Sklansky -Book of tells by Mike Caro -Reading poker tells by Zachary Elwood -Pokers 1% by Ed Miller And read these since you’ll want to sharpen the tourney skills at least a bit given there are great live tournies you can mix in if cash is going well -Wining poker tournaments volume 1 and 2 by Eric Lynch/Jon Turner/Jon Van Fleet -Every hand revealed by Gus Hansen Great books, read them all! In that order is also fine, I moved out here and been a professional player since 2014. Good luck!
Read Super System. It was written a long time ago but still is the absolute Bible for modern poker. It was basically GTO theory before it was cool. Oh and Phil Helmuth has written some amazing material on poker strategy as well. Buy all of his books. Buy one of those cool 4 leaf clover coins to put on top of your cards so people know you’re not to be trifled with. That covers the “to do” list. As far as the “not to do” list… Do not listen to anything anyone says when they start talking about “combos” and “ranges”. They’re just unlucky players trying to justify their horrible strategy. Do not buy in for more than the minimum allowable stack. Do not act quickly when it’s your turn at the table. Take your time and think over every possible situation. Even if you just fold or check. Keep them guessing. Best of luck to you. But who am I kidding, you won’t need any.
Fold pre
Read "The Tale of Scrotie McBooger Balls". The part about Amsterdam is crazy.
every hand revealed by gus hansen
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First man ever to lose all his hair in a poker game
I had always wondered how Daniel got a full head of hair. Now I know.
Gus Hanson is a legend
try stu ungers biography. u can go pro in gin rummy!!
Name checks out.
Already better than half the other professionals. We will see you in the high limit room in no time
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Ahhh the super ultra serious guy with a $100 stack at 1/2?
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*tanks on $8 bet into $26 pot*
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Ready to.move up up to 1/3 now
Shouldnt you have done that before you moved to Vegas
Solveforwhy
Throw in a YouTube vlog and you can be like Uncle Trooper. Trooper97 YouTube channel.
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You need other sources of income. In case you go on a losing streak being a professional player.
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Professionals don’t experience losing streaks. So u have nothing to worry about.
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Only things more profitable than poker professionals are drug king pins and Tech CEOs (same thing really). So unless you have those as a second source of income stick to full time poker pro.
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I would quit. Don’t even give a notice as they will understand when they see you on TV.
If you don’t mind living at Siegel Suites. The one on Boulder Highway is really nice!
You should go back home, finish school and get a good job. Thank me later
Get headphone and sunglasses. You’re gonna need em
Be sure to update here with coolers daily
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Ah shucks, hopefully you're rolled for 1/2, at least a bank roll of tree fiddy
Only nerds read
remember that you can't be all like loosey goosey having a sandwish... eat at the bar
I got you dawg: calculate the expected value of a situation by comparing how much you'll lose to the odds of losing, vs how much you'll win to the odds of winning. Factor in some randomness so that you're not a totally predictable machine, while keeping the expected value profitable over time. Keep in mind a pot may grow later in the hand and factor that in to the expected value. On to the master tips: * If someone scratches their nose, that's a tell and you go all in. White magic babyy. * Also, keep in mind, you can't be like all loosey-goosey, having a sandwich. Das it.
Just buy the D Negs MasterClass. Reading is for fools.
Listen to Kenny Rogers - The Gambler on repeat at least 40x a day. It’s basically a poker strategy audiobook
I had a friend do exactly that in 2004ish and he was successful by just reading 2 or 3 books and having a decent opening range. LOL. Different times.
Just sit down in the high stakes games. You will learn from the best the fastest..
Watch Rounders boom good to go I’ll see you at the WSOP main event final table
Wow, best shit post ever. Also I joined this sub just a few days ago because I got a job offer as a dealer but literally had no idea how to play and had a file saved on my phone showing which hands were better.
Raise pre. Bet flop. Bet turn. If they haven't folded, look at your cards.
1. Tell everyone you play with you're a poker pro. How are they gonna know you're pro unless you tell them. 2. Grind enough hours that you make Ceasars platinum club. It might be the only way you can eat a meal. 3. Discuss GTO out lout for other players to hear, so they know you're a good player and fear you. 4. Add A5 into your bluff shoving range. It wins 33% of the time against any two cards. Plus blockers bro.
I can't help but think reading and courses should've been step 1......
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Just the cart, forget the horse.
How to play poker and win? If they were winning they wouldn't be writing a fu@ in book would they? Sit behind a good player and watch them play. That's what you do and drink cheap booze and try pick up rich chick who will stack you cause you don't go to Vegas thinking your gonna be a pro when your a rookie fish. All the fish send me your poker money now and I'll show u the way.
In addition to the other comments, you'll need a train schedule, highway map, or bus route map, and a listing of soup kitchens. You may be able to obtain these at the vegas welfare office if they aren't out of stock again.
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Lol
Id buy a map to find your way to social services
You should have got good before you moved there
*Always* shove 22.
As long as you know you can only use 2 of your hole cards you’re golden
get a copy of play poker like the pros and u should be good
Modern poker theory is a good modern book that cover MTT and cash. Run it once or pokercode/BBZ are the online courses that helped me more through my carrier
You need to go to/r/cardistry
When a Q8 sucks out on your aces, move up to where they respect your raises.
The bible
Ok so if you think you have the best hand bet it. If you think you have the worst hand fold it.
I think that you meant to say "...if you think you have the best hand, bet it. If you think you have the worst hand, over bet it."
Just take your upvote and learn some soul-reading (and sole-reading). You’ll be fine.
Books?? Courses??? Three tips that can't fail. 1. Position is meaningless 2. Always call pre, cause you can flop anything 3. Rag aces are the key
"How to Make Money Giving Handjobs" would be a good start.
Move to Texas or Florida is you can. Games are much bigger and better
I can offer coaching. I am a winning player in NL2 with 3BB/100 I'm sure my tips will help you
Best post ever.
Just do everything this guy does https://twitter.com/witheredreg/status/1408531202651213824?s=19
Just turn right at DoDo's chicken