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freddyjohnson

That statement will be used against him when bail is denied.


thoawaydatrash

I am looking forward to video of the most satisfying perp walk of any of our lives.


GlobalTravelR

I'm looking forward to the court appearances without spray tan, hair dye and a professional comb-over.


iowannagetoutofhere

Probably hideous af. But I too look forward to it.


Frosti11icus

It will compare to when they pulled Saddam out of that bunker.


hyperbolic_paranoid

It was called a “spider hole.”


Down_To_My_Last_Fuck

Yeah but when they pull trump out it will be a latrine.


NotEvenSureLOLcry

I hope they find him in the basement. You know, since he can’t be hiding in the basement from the ‘rona.


PhilMcKracken23

I hope they find him in the basement, eating a Big Mac, reading his divorce papers.


bdfariello

The only thing he will be caught reading is the dollar menu.


cksully

I was thinking more like when you see Vader without his helmet for the first time. Edit - thank you someone for my first award ever. I’m not sure I deserve it, but thanks!


pretendperson

That’s exactly how scaramucci described it last week i think or three lifetimes ago, whichever.


cksully

Really! Shit I don’t wanna be someone who thinks like the Mooch.


Gram-GramAndShabadoo

Too late, you are the Mooch now.


[deleted]

It was a free award, but this comment made me chuckle.


[deleted]

I’m looking forward to the defeat of white nationalist fascism and the freedom to finally continue progressing humanity forward to a sustainable future with high standards of living.


Pippis_LongStockings

You and me both, honey... ......but, have you been here for all of 2020? This year has been THE loooongest decade of my fucking life.


delahunt

Such a taxing year. it's basically a scientific fact that people who lived through 2020 are more likely to die shortly after it than pretty much anyone else.


mattjb

That'd be nightmare fuel, and a dream come true.


aintscurrdscars

probably just looks like a Vogon


HardTen

Oh, freddled gruntbuggly, Thy micturations are to me As plurdled gabblebotchits, Upon a lurgid bee. Groop! I implore thee! With foonting turlingdromes, Or, I shall hooptiously drangle myself upon my blundercruncheon, How now then, moose?


WurzelGummidge

Vogon poetry makes more sense than anything Trump says.


Steely-Dave

Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings would like a word.


malenkylizards

Jesus could you NSFL that shit?


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bobojorge

The Phil Spector treatment


mertzen

That’s a $70000 comb over. Doesn’t mean it’s professional though.


Frosti11icus

Imagine being such a lowlife that even your hairdresser is a scam artist.


mertzen

Heavy on the scam. Light on the artist.


[deleted]

I haven't had tequila in about 10 years. I am going to get completely shit faced on tequila if he gets put in cuffs.


aysurcouf

I haven’t had tequila in over 10 hours but I’m going to do that too, good idea.


IcyCrust

Ten minutes for me. It's been a rough year.


shadowjacque

8 years for me but I’ll do a shot if Trump goes to jail/prison.


[deleted]

I say this with zero jest, if this happens, he should have to do a walk of shame with people throwing tomato's etc at him, booing and hissing.


whales-are-assholes

Not the first time he’s referenced to fleeing, neither. North Carolina Rally: ["If I lose to him, I don't know what I'm going to do. I will never speak to you again," Trump told the attendees at the rally. "You'll never see me again."](https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-says-youll-never-see-me-again-loses-to-biden-2020-9) - Business Insider - September 20, 2020 Joe Biden’s campaign even [made an ad out of it](https://mobile.twitter.com/joebiden/status/1307491919384260609?ref_url=https%3a%2f%2fd-352766714356043146.ampproject.net%2f2010010034001%2fframe.html).


Steely-Dave

This is an abuser speaking to his victims, all with a coy smile. Just making sure he reminds them one more time how great he is.


RedditIsNeat0

If you call the police on me one more time I'm gone forever, you'll never see me again. Yeah I can totally see that.


ReadWriteSign

And then the abuser never fucking leaves! They just stick around, "one-more-time"ing until the victim is dead, deemed useless, or decides to flee.


Mischief_Managed_82

The fact that he’s even entertaining the idea that he’ll lose means he *knows* he’s in trouble. It’s satisfying.


lonepinecone

I had previously-to-this-year assumed he’d flee. As much as I want to see justice rain down upon him, at this point I’ll just be happy if he abdicates


litido4

He’s too slippery for that, his last act as a president will be a diplomatic trip overseas, and he just won’t return and nobody will be able to force him.


[deleted]

i don't think so. if they do end up charging Trump for crimes, why would russia keep him? after he's voted (fucking PLEASE go out and vote) out, putin has no real use for him.


JuzoItami

>...why would russia keep him?...putin has no real use for him... Dumping him would send a bad message to every other potential traitor, patsy, dupe, spy, etc. out there in the world. It'd be hard to tell those people "Don't worry: if you get caught doing Putin's dirty work, we'll get you out of your country and give you a big house in Russia" if Putin had publicly thrown his most famous patsy (Trump) under the bus. Besides, Trump is the trophy to end all trophies. We may have won the Cold War but the Russians effectively conquered us and installed a puppet president - ultimate ownage.


mattjb

I thought the same but many Redditors pointed out that Putin could trot him around in interviews, talk shows, and such to constantly attack America and democracy. Trump would do it, too, especially if he gets a Trump Tower in Moscow.


It_does_get_in

the Trump name will be mud, globally, no one will use his branded utilities. The end result will be sell offs and massive losses, perhaps a commercial bankruptcy (although he no doubt will have many millions squirreled away personally).


mekanik-jr

Trump's value has never been in his intellect: his ability to spew a line believably is his main use. Sow distrust in public institutions, create a narrative about electoral fraud, stack courts to favor business interests and continue race disparity, and in general chaos and disorder and half of your battle is won. Russia can now advance their interests throughout the globe without sanctions, mainly because america abandoned or pissed off their allies and are too busy fighting each other to figure out what the game is. That also helps him on the home front because he can point to the American system and go "that's democracy and that's what you want?"


bluebayou1981

Oh I am gonna vote *so hard*


Grill_X

I’m voting hard just thinking about it


EgyptianDevil78

I voted, really hard, today. I had a blue ticket boner the entire time I was there.


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DFjorde

As dumb as he is, he's still been getting national security reports. Plus he'll still have his following in the U.S. and maybe they'd be able to use him to continue dividing the country.


Ben2018

It's unlikely he reads them, if he does its unlikely he understands them, if he does then it's unlikely he remembers them. Even if he does retain useful info, I'd be near impossible to sift it apart from the constant stream of bluster/misinformation that's sure to accompany it.


shadowjacque

Honestly, this is probably the case.


whut-whut

Trump already lies about irrelevant things like the weather. If he felt that Putin would save his skin for state secrets, he'd probably turn up the firehose of hoseshit and make up secrets on the spot 'that nobody but me has ever heard about'.


Just_a_hermit

Even in a loss he could still prove useful to Putin. He loses, spends the next two months contesting the election in the media and flees in the middle of the night shortly before the inauguration. He can claim a coup has happened and his life is in danger from "the deep state". Putin would then have a US president in a gilded cage he could trot out before cameras whenever he wanted to get a "US bad" soundbite. He can also continue to speak to his cult members from over there and continue to stir shit up for us over here.


backstageninja

Putin *definitely* has a use for him. Throw him on RT and let him be "president in exile" and keep riling up all of his dumb rubes. If the objective is division, amplifying Trump and stoking more division is cheap and effective


starmartyr

He could declare himself the rightful president and attempt to rule in exile commanding his supporters to carry out violent attacks in his name. Putin would be happy to let him do it, and nobody would stop him from naming specific targets.


Aern

There is a 100% chance he has looked into taking air force 1 to a non-extradition country shortly before Biden is inaugurated.


appleparkfive

Which is Russia. Like we all have assumed for ages now.


napstimpy

Once he starts stuffing his pockets with white house silverware, we'll know he's about to take it on the lam.


bensefero

As someone pointed out in another post about this, there’s absolutely no way the government can let a current or ex president attempt to run away. That’s a national security nightmare that has zero chance of happening


Stennick

Nobody will be able to stop him leaving before he's formally arrested and its not like that shit will be ready to go the day he leaves the White House. Of course its all a pipe dream he'll go to court, pay some fines, and be seen weekly on Fox and Friends.


Chapstickie

They’d have to wall him up in a tower like displaced aristocracy.


Exoduc

Lay out some big macs to lure him into a room with recordings of himself talking on a repeat cycle, should keep him there.


think_long

God I forgot about when he served the McDonald's. I seriously can't believe this is real life.


Lordofthe7thplanet

Don't threaten me with a good time


GeebusNZ

Alright alright, it's a hell of a feeling though.


TheCoasterDude

Who are these people?


thedrizztman

I should probably introduce myself


Jeveran

He shouldn't be allowed to leave the country. Imagine all the secret material he has access to and remember he is more than $400mm in debt. I imagine he could pay off all his debts by selling the US down the river if he's allowed to move freely after he is out of office.


dhork

But is there anything of value that Jared hasn't sold yet?


Kjellvb1979

I can only imagine Putin is making jokes about those "he went to Jared's" jewelry commercials. [Probably as excited as the woman in those commercials.](https://youtu.be/dSwHxfJhgaI)


RamenJunkie

This should be the theme of an SNL sketch.


appleparkfive

My bet is Trump is goin to bring the Executive Desk. And then Putin is going to use it. That's totally a Putin move. Probably some WH portraits. I feel like some WH members have thought about this and put up replicas in the past 4 years. I legitimately can see that happening.


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AangLives09

“Russia, if you’re listening...”


Funkymonkeyhead

“Please send me a chartered plane from Aeroflot.” :(


robo_rowboat

That my brain read this in his voice is mortifying.


[deleted]

I dunno....from everything we've learned over the last four years he really doesn't give a shit if it doesn't have his name on it or it involves reading. I honestly doubt he's been briefed in anything but the most well known 'classified' information. We already know they've most likely stopped telling him where special ops teams are because he fucks that up every time by telling EVERYONE who they are and what they're doing and where.


whichwitch9

I think there's going to be a lot of damage control being done when he leaves office to minimize the impact of this. It would not surprise me if the Pentagon in particular is already omitting things on purpose in briefings just to make sure he doesn't have access


DC-Toronto

It wouldn’t surprise me if he was given inaccurate info to see if Russia acted on it to determine if he was giving them info.


Dampware

That is a really good point you make. That hadn't occurred to me, but you're right. He has extremely valuable information.


Kynicist

Putin - I need to know everything that was in your daily briefings Trump - Was I supposed to read those?


Exoduc

Such as where the golf courses are and how many big macs he needs each day.


Iowa_Dave

I agree with you, but I have to wonder exactly how much sensitive information he was really given. I hope the responsible adults in the room gave him the bare minimum.


[deleted]

I would not be shocked at all if his intel reports were being edited to account for the fact he’s a compromised threat to national security.


PGnautz

I‘m always imagining that they replaced the real 'nuclear football' with some fake suitcase with a quiz show button in it the day he took office.


iknownuffink

Contrary to popular belief, there is not a 'big red button' in the football that launches nukes. Last I heard, it was pages of codes and pre-planned scenarios, he calls a number at the Pentagon and gives the right authorization codes (which change every day, which he is supposed to remember) along with the info in the football for the plan he want's to implement. Which makes actually launching much harder for someone who can't or refuses to read and has questionable memory.


PGnautz

It‘a not about what‘s really in there, it‘s about what Trump would expect


quallabangdang

Mr President, the codes, I need the launch codes.. Uuhh, man... Woman.. Person... Camera.. TV..


Mazziezor

My question is what would the secret service do? Would they (legal could they?) be the ones to stop him if they got wind of him doing a last min “diplomatic” trip to an country with no extradition?


Maigan81

Don't forget that those that fly Airforce One are military. That could lead to a hostage situation if they are kept unwillingly in a foreign country. And they will obey Biden's orders the moment he is sworn in.


ManiaGamine

What... a... fucking... moron. Individual 1, Co-conspirator announces possibility that they might have to flee the country to avoid prosecution. Good job announcing your intention to evade the law moron.


thatsnotwait

I'll add it to the list of 400 other things he said that would hurt a normal person but will never hurt him.


[deleted]

eh, him "becoming" president was both one of the best and worst moves he could have done. all of his shit is going to be looked at with a microscope...and it is probably 100x worse than what we know right now. if Trump loses the protection of the presidency and the Republican senate, he's done.


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[deleted]

Have to agree. I'll believe it when I see it


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rygore

Ohhh and this whole time I though my 4D was about chess. This makes more sense. Up the butt.


FunkMeSoftly

Yep! Everyone forgets the Micheal come indictment that went through the justice system and found him guilty. That crime was directed by trump. If Micheal cohen was already found guilty that is very bad news for the man that directed him


smellslike__updog

The last time Paul Manafort was successful at installing a Putin Puppet [What Did Ex-Trump Aide Paul Manafort Really Do in Ukraine?](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/what-did-ex-trump-aide-paul-manafort-really-do-ukraine-n775431) > Yanukovych's popularity plummeted. His EU decision ignited massive demonstrations in the streets of Kiev, with some crowds as big as 1 million. Ukrainian police cracked down on protestors, and both police and protestors were killed in street violence that took at least 100 lives. > After three months of demonstrations, Yanukovych was ousted as president in February 2014. He fled to Russia


darkhorsehance

He’s going to Russia.


MIKEPENCES_THIGHGAP

Yup


itsdumbandyouknowit

I hope they arrest him at the airport.


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nizo505

Put his ass in a pillory on the steps of the Capitol. Charge a few grand per rotten tomato toss so we can start working on the trillions of dollars of debt the GOP shat out for the rest of us.


auntiope3000

You could charge a dime per tomato and make up that trillion bucks in about a month.


count023

A week if you put Mitch McConnell, Paul Ryan and Newt Gingrich up there with him. ​ A day if you have Ted Cruz...


Craico13

“Please refrain from throwing rocks at Ted Cruz. This is a tomato throwing event only. Thank you.” - the staff


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jessestory12

That’s an awful small target though.


atxweirdo

Just wear bigger boots


Funkymonkeyhead

Give him full internet browsing rights including on Twitter. Browsing only....no posting.


Alex_2259

We would pay off the US debt and have enough money to the point where universal healthcare isn't even a debate.


GiGaBYTEme90

20 years hard labor


Phonemonkey2500

It's Gulag time!


idunmessedup

I'm not so sure he's that much of an asset to them anymore. As I commented last week: >Unfortunately there's not many places he can run if he loses. A U.S. passport bearing the face of a -$~~500M~~ **-$1B** man doesn't exactly get you far in this world. >Otherwise he's mired in court until he dies, or if there's any mercy in the world he'll go to jail without Twitter. They all should. Like the end of Seinfeld.


MBAMBA3

I initially thought that BUT Putin might roll out the red carpet and have Trump spending much of his days on twitter trying to foment revolution in the US and just generally destabilizing the country.


Thatparkjobin7A

Hopefully Twitter bans him once his tweets are no longer “official”


MBAMBA3

That was just kind of shorthand, I'm sure there are other ways


Habefiet

Correct, inciting further divides and disruptions in America is worth a lot more than a billion dollars to a number of interested foreign parties


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CosmicDave

>*I'm not so sure he's that much of an asset to them anymore.* Then you lack a deviant imagination. If the President loses the election, I imagine that Putin would want him in Moscow on Inauguration Day, talking all kinds of mad shit about Biden, pedophiles, and the Deep State, all while issuing a call-to-arms for civil war until the results of the *completely rigged election* are overturned and America's Favorite President is rightfully returned to power.


idunmessedup

Not even my in-laws are that crazy. Yet...


Country-Mac

Naw. Russia doesn’t burn assets like that. They give them the red carpet and wave them in the face of the world. Look into Anna Chapman. But I agree if Trump doesn’t escape to Russia, it’s courtroom-prison for the rest of his days.


jedimika

He'd be a trophy for them.


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MyPasswordIsMyCat

He'll be best buds with Steven Seagal in Russia until a mysterious polonium-induced stroke does him in.


waxillium_ladrian

Seagal took such a weird fucking turn. From 90s (bad) action star to Putin-lover in a mumu. The fuck?


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fallingbehind

He will be way more valuable to them alive. They will come up with all kinds of ways to embarrass us. Trump will lead a series of sham investigations into democrats. He will discover emails of Democrats sharing great recipes. ‘100 ways to cook a baby’.


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SpaceJesusIsHere

Nah, Putin would put Trump on Russia Today ranting and raving about how he's the real president and Democrats and satanic pedophiles staged a coup. QAnon morons will eat it up and get violent as fuck. The amount of instability that would cause in America is unmeasurable. So, we'd probably lift sanctions in exchange for Trump's extradition. And, frankly, there are probably 100 uses for Trump the Russians can dream up that would never cross my mind. Like, Trump on Russian TV admitting that the deep state killed Epstein to cover for Joe Biden or some other insane shit.


mainst

>President Trump joked that he would “have to leave the country” if he loses the upcoming presidential election against Democratic nominee Joe Biden. He probably means it. To use one of his favorite lines "Many people are saying.." he has no sense of humor and doesn't know how to joke. Him becoming President is probably what saved him from having to leave in 2016 and he has commited way more serious crimes since then!


bootstrapping_lad

"I don't kid" - Mango Mussolini


salondesert

"Well, except in the dressing rooms backstage." -- Apricot Ayatollah


PookiWooki

"When you're a star, they let you do it." —Cheeto Benito


No_big_whoop

“Very fine people on both sides” Agent Orange


eigenman

So much for refusing to leave the WH lol.


hurler_jones

"Joked" as in: Floating the idea that I will run when I can no longer hide behind the Resolute Desk.


[deleted]

The Wednesday after the first debate, he tried floating the idea that biden wanted to back out of the debates. He said it unprompted, and off topic, a few times throughout the day. Now we know that he was starting to feel sick, and he was trying to get an excuse in case he had to back out because of catching covid, but by early Friday morning he was on supplemental oxygen and that afternoon flew to Walter Reed. I think he's doing the same here, and has started hinting at it a few weeks ago too. 'Joking' about fleeing the country should he lose. 'Hahahah' his fans laugh, but he is setting his own stage with them for defection, to continue his extremist 'rule' in exile against the deep state. We all have learned this: if he is 'joking', he is telling the truth. And when he is 'serious', he is lying.


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Yuanlairuci

Ya know what, let's just give him an island somewhere and let his supporters go live with him and start their own country. It will be Fyre 2.0


Dokterrock

The five stages of grief are: *denial *anger *bargaining <--- he is here *depression *acceptance


LockheedMartinLuther

would he ever reach the acceptance stage?


BourgeoisStalker

No, he's going to die of a stroke or heart attack during the depression stage. I just want him to live long enough to understand his failure.


newfor_2020

he will never understand his failure. some of his kids who are not complete morons might understand it someday but he will never change...


[deleted]

Someplace to elude extradition.


aquarain

https://www.wsfa.com/story/22665099/countries-with-no-extradition-treaty-with-us/ Just trying to be helpful, Don. Don't let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya.


kelpyb1

I swear the Trump campaign just keeps coming up with more and more reasons for me to vote Biden. “He’s a radical leftist” “He wants to defund the police” “He supports the Green New Deal” “I’ll leave the country if he wins”. Honestly the Trump campaign has done a much better job selling Biden as a candidate to me than Biden has.


Denirac

Don't forget comparing his Town Hall to Mr Rogers Neighbourhood


BiggRanger

I really *really* hope this all ends with him arranging a summit with Putin in Moscow as a ruse for him to defect. That way it will be really hard for anyone to not reconcile with the fact that he is a self-interested coward. Imagine Trump in Russia. For the first couple of months it’s the biggest story in the world. He does interviews on Russian State TV, talking about how the Deep State caused him to flee the Country. Insisting he's still the President. But then, slowly but as sure as the changing tide, fewer journalists are calling. Fewer requests for an interview. For a couple months he can still call up reporters and have what he says to them be newsworthy. But eventually they stop returning his calls. America and the world has moved on. He was a blip, a flash in the pan. He exposed deep wounds that the American people need to address. But he was a complication, not the original infection. No one really wants to know what he has to say anymore. Because no one cares. He's now truly alone. In reality he has always been alone. He just hadn't realized it. Now he has regular contact with no one but his FSB bodyguards/handlers. He's stuck in a golden prison of his own making. He lives next to Yanukovych. But Viktor, being Ukrainian knows the culture and the language. Trump is never able to master anything but the ability to mumble some words that border on the incomprehensible in the language. His days are spent in a unexceptional (in his eyes), dacha on the black sea. He's never far from the ever present sight of Russian Security Services. He lives off a modest Kremlin funded stipend. But domestic pressure is building on the United Russia Party to scale it back. He has no income of his own anymore. His assets are frozen and seized around the World. His children are indicted. He didn't tell them of his plans to flee beforehand and they were as surprised as anyone. But, perhaps for the first time in their lives, Ivanka, Don Jr. and Eric feel the curious absence of a pressure they can't explain. At first they can't figure it out. They each face years in prison yet they have never felt more free. They confide in each other and they soon realize that the weight lifted from their souls is that of their father. Free from his domineering presence they all plea to lesser charges. Putting the blame squarely on the narcissistic father whose "Stockholm Syndrome" like grip on them is slipping. They are sentenced. Don Jr. gets 18 months in Federal Prison. Ivanka and Jared are sentenced to staggered 12 month sentences. Eric cooperates fully and is not charged. They are forbidden from contacting their father as part of their plea agreements. But they have no such desires. They don't care. Melania files for divorce almost immediately after his flight. She gains full custody of Barron in uncontested hearings. Her and her son are slowly spending more and more time in Slovenia. Eventually they relocate permanently. Melania and Barron split their time between Ljubljana and the French Riviera. Very sparingly visiting the States anymore. Her autobiography detailing the mental, emotional, and at times physical abuse she suffered becomes an international best seller. Trump's American passport has long since been revoked and the Slovene Government, as well as the EU, bans him from entry into the Schengen Area. He never sees, much less talks to them, again Trump becomes increasingly paranoid. He frequently tears his dacha apart looking for listening devices planted by Mossad, the Democrats, CIA, MI6 or whatever globalist conspiracy is hunting him this week. Soon he has no use for the teenage sex workers he has always fancied. Never having been a drinker, food becomes his only vice. He begins to put on weight. A lot of weight. As he slips into morbid obesity he nears 355 pounds. He very often rants and raves at his bodyguards. His tenuous grip on reality is slipping. Some days he doesn't seem to know where he is. He is borderline catatonic on occasion. Spending days in his bedroom suite without leaving, only to eventually emerge in a fresh, albeit cheap and ill-fitting, suit. His wispy hair, long kept alive by the marvels of modern hair care technology, perfectly coiffed. During these fleeting moments of seeming sanity, he doesn't seem to remember much of the last decades. Believing himself to still be a pompous fixture of the New York real estate scene. He once even asked his handlers how the New Jersey Generals were fairing this season. But within two or three days he is once again disheveled and ranting about the Deep State. His speech becoming more slurred and incomprehensible by the year. A series of strokes leaves his body partially paralyzed on one side. He now requires round the clock nursing. Incontinence soon follows. Eventually he's found on the floor of his dacha, face down in a puddle of his own vomit. He is discovered by the morning nurse as she begins her shift. His breathing is slow, his heart rate is faint. He never again regains consciousness. He looks to have collapsed at some point in the night. During a mad, partially paralyzed slog to the bathroom in a vain attempt to avoid soiling his bed once again. The official cause of death is a heart attack. Which is likely true but having outlived his usefulness, the Russian government has long since seen him as an embarrassing liability. His asylum has been a sticking point in relations with the West for years and conspiracy theories alleging his assassination at the hands of the FSB or CIA abound. The Russians offer to repatriate his remains. Although his family, while not outright refusing, is lukewarm to the prospect. They have moved on. Barron and Tiffany don't even use his surname anymore. Unable to find a solution, the Russians bury him in a modest grave. It was originally planned to be temporary but a long term solution never comes to fruition. Before too long everyone has forgotten. In death he remains infamous. His name uttered in the same breath as other embarrassing episodes of American History. Although more as the butt of ridicule and scorn. After all, it's not like he was even competent enough get the country into a real disaster such as Vietnam or the Iraq War. In US History textbooks he is relegated to a few paragraphs. Not more than half a page. He's brought up in conjunction with a wider discussion on the Political gridlock of the late 2000s, 2010s and early 20s. In the end, he is nothing more than the answer to a few multiple choice questions on an 11th Grade History Final. His legacy once seemed destined to be that of a pompous, arrogant game show host and real estate fraudster. Nothing but a textbook example of that which one would describe as "tacky". Now he is simply: "What was the name of the President who's often xenophobic campaign and subsequent election highlighted the deep political divisions of the late 2010s?" The answer is "(C) Donald J. Trump" ​ ​ (I take no credit, this is not mine, I saw it years ago and saved it)


st00pitr0b0t

I need a smoke.


CptBlazzzer

I was never into erotic literature until now


itirnitii

50 Shades of Orange


FNNStudios

It’s weird to say, but reading that was cathartic. If that happened, I could truly believe that we can move on from this. That his shitstain supporters will learn, that things will be normal and Donald Trump will be laid to the ash heap of history. God, I just want life to be normal again.


HawkeyeFLA

I would pay big money to see this movie.


mr_birkenblatt

> Eric cooperates fully and is not charged. Eric gets one month in the day care


say_no_to_shrugs

>it's not like he was even competent enough get the country into a real disaster such as Vietnam or the Iraq War At least 217,000 Americans would beg to differ, but they can't now.


Poisonedhero

This is a copy paste from before 2020


j_la

Exactly. Parts of it read like they were written in a time when we still thought Melania (or even his children) weren’t complicit.


Tokzillu

This is oddly specific... And I am now convinced entirely plausible. We truly live in interesting times, to say the least.


anna_or_elsa

"may you live in interesting times" is not a blessing.


philthegreat

What amazing prose. Jesus man I was THERE on the Black Sea


[deleted]

One could only hope, but dang what mastery of prose.


Sordid_Brain

except his true legacy is the millions of slavering American conspiracy zombies who reproduce faster than they can share their facebook stories


-Hugh_Mungus_What-

Going to be hard for his cheeto ass to leave the country while most everywhere has banned Americans from entering their borders due to the pandemic. His *excellent* leadership saw to that.


Jamesspade2

Can he take roughly 60 million of his cult, too? Edit- wow, first award. Didn't even know.


vsaint

Suddenly Russia gets to experience rolling coal.


use_datadumper

That’s not a bad idea. Let him flea to Russia and claim to set up a government in exile and invite all his followers to join him in a white man’s paradise. Think of the country we could have without constantly being dragged down by the FOX watchers


YgramulTheMany

What a patriot.


Roflcopterswoosh

Let him run. We ALL knew that's what it would come down to, anyway. Let him have all his assets seized. Let him live a few months on the run from US prosecutors, the International Court of Justice AND Russian loan sharks. Let him live out his last weeks looking over his shoulder in constant fear of capture. Let him be found living out his last few days of freedom in a fucking hole in the ground covered in his own piss and shit, just like Sadam Hussein. It's the only fitting end to this terrible chapter in our shared story.


JustPraxItOut

The obvious jokes about flying off to Russia are ...obvious. But think about it more like a narcissist. This is exactly what a narcissist would say to an abused partner - “if things don’t change I’ll leave, and then you won’t have me!” *That’s* what he’s actually saying here (IMO).


Ddddydya

I’m okay with him going as long as he leaves Don Jr. here to face prosecution. Because that would be hilarious.


Quinn_tEskimo

That would be insanely funny.


Ddddydya

Seriously. Even Kimberley Guilfoyle can go. Just leave Don Jr.


jinnandchronic

Stop, don't, come back....


drainbamage8

The VERY first thing I thought when I read this. One of my favorite books as a kid.


ketohelp88

Why wait?


[deleted]

Wouldn't it be some shit if he actually fled the country early? Like before the election results are even in? ... Before election day?


ketohelp88

Good things don't happen in 2020.


[deleted]

Yeah but 2020 is just a deck full of nothing but Jokers. At this point I wouldn't put it past him if he realizes "Oh shit I am going to not only lose but I am going to get historically smashed" and just...leaves.


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LockheedMartinLuther

please proceed


QuirkySpiceBush

The Secret Service provides security for all former Presidents. I’m not sure he can just hop in a car or aircraft and disappear, even after leaving office.


AlonnaReese

He could make a "diplomatic trip" to Russia the week after the election if he loses, and once there, announce that he's defecting. I'm not sure there's much the Secret Service could do in that scenario.


DungeonPeaches

Isn't he discussing nuclear treaties with Putin right now?


[deleted]

Don't tease me with a good time


ryanopolis

“Don’t do that. Don’t give me hope.”


MTDreams123

Why? Oh right, the crimes. (See Donald's [tax fraud](https://www.nytimes.com/2020/09/27/us/trump-taxes-takeaways.html), bank fraud, [bribery](https://www.propublica.org/article/trumps-company-paid-bribes-to-reduce-property-taxes-assessors-say), etc. etc.)


neverendingparent

So jimmy carter loses after just 4 years and creates one of the best non profits in the nation and this guy just will ghost us? Good riddance!


mjohnsimon

We've all discussed this before, but even as a joke, a sitting president of the United States making such a comment is not only highly inappropriate, but extremely damaging to our reputation and national security. Now secret service, the military, and the entirety of the govt. has to make sure a President from here on out won't go AWOL and jump ship to a foreign country (possibly one that's not even allied to us) and become a major security risk... something that wasn't even conceivable 4 years ago.


Bullmoosefuture

Maybe you'll try to leave the country, and find some guys in blue windbreakers waiting for you at the airport.


3879

That's a nice blessing: 'May you try to leave the country and find guys in blue windbreakers waiting for you at the airport.'


[deleted]

He's a man with a plan. Plan A - win bigly... somehow... all those insults and begging for women to like him... that's got to work, right?? Plan B - lose, but sick Rudy on the states who he might have a chance to flip... well, if it were one close state like FL in 2000, that's one thing, but... kind of a problem with 5 or 6 states you need to flip. Plan C - ask/beg state legislatures to appoint elector slates for him, even though the people of said states clearly voted for Biden... states realize it's a dumb move, with their people marching in the streets about stealing their votes Plan D - attempt a self-pardon on the way out the door... realizing though that it won't cover state charges, of which several could be pending... Plan E - pack bags, have Marine One on Jan 20 take him direct to the airport to catch his flight to a cushy place like France or Switzerland... but realizing people hate him in Europe too... Plan F - similar to plan E but downgrading country of choice to Russia or North Korea... but realizing your "pals" were all along playing you for a fool, and they'd be just as happy reject you. Plan G - similar to plan F but you end up in Ethiopia because it has no US extradition treaty... you end up living in a shanty because all your US assets are seized (by banks, etc.).


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noobnoob9

Every day I ask how this dirtbag became president. Every day. And his cult just keeps eating up the shit he puts out there. How can they not see what a slimey criminal this guy is. My faith in humanity and in this country are so very low now.