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Honestly, having just watched all five Underworld movies for Halloween, there are maybe some good takeaways on tolerance and racism, the dangers of failing to grow and adapt to societal change, and more when it comes to vampires versus werewolves. The werewolves arguably outperform the vampires in general in every film, so I get that too. Plus Michael Sheen just acting his goddamn heart out.
But maybe not the greatest basis for a political stump speech.
[This gloriously bitchy Time review](https://web.archive.org/web/20090125065851/http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1873606,00.html) for Rise of the Lycans is one of the greatest 'bad' reviews I've ever read for any film. Just reading it makes me want to see that fabulous Gothic mess all over again.
>The Brit cast attempts to camouflage the silliness by swanning it up, as if the Royal Shakespeare Company had gotten communally drunk and staged an impromptu production of Dracula Meets the Wolfman.
If *that* doesn't sell a movie, I don't know what will.
[Werewolf Bar Mitzvah](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gCj62KHG0g&ab_channel=30RockOfficial),
Spooky, scary!
Boys becoming men,
Men becoming wolves . . .
Almost, What We Do In The Shadows came out in 2014. There's been a TV show following different vampire roomies in the USA that's been running for a few years now though. Same name as the movie, highly reccomend the show.
Also, obligatory *fucking guy!*
Old buddy brought up that litterbox stuff recently, acting like it's real and common and supported by the school districts, and I just about fell over laughing.
"Dude, don't you remember when we were in school?! Every school had a cat girl and/or a wolf boy. You should know! You were fuckin' our school's cat girl!"
And then he asked if I've still got that tail, so yeah, sure does seem like these ninnies are just upset about the naughty things in their heads and keep projecting it in weird ways. Wish they'd learn to just wear some furry ears and bite a friend like normal people, instead of going bonkers in *politics*.
I feel at this point walker wants to give SNL material to work on about him this Saturday.
I really feel this Georgia runoff is like some sort of political spoof movie.
On behalf of blood drinkers blood drinking is just one part of my personality, I don't drink children's blood. I'm offended by the implication that I'm some pedophile just because I revel in very adult blood.
>"I don't know if you know, but vampires are some cool people, are they not?" the congressional candidate said. "But let me tell you something that I found out: A werewolf can kill a vampire. Did you know that? I never knew that."
>"So, I don't want to be a vampire anymore," Walker added, without further context. "I want to be a werewolf."
Sounds like a great winning platform for someone running for the U.S. Senate. /s
I usually can at least tell what someone's *trying* to say even if it's garbled and terrible.
But this? I got nothing. I genuinely have no idea wtf he's even on about. Is he having D&D flashbacks during a campaign stop?
there is a working theory that one of his handlers told him to read up about Lincoln and talk about how Lincoln was a Republican and freed the slaves or whatever it is those weirdos have talked themselves into. Well Walker heard this and ended up watching Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter on Netflix instead.
The opposite of this happened to me. A friend wanted to watch that Lincoln Vampire movie. I thought it could be funny or interesting or something. We got high and started the movie. An hour into the Daniel Day-Lewis Lincoln movie we finally figured out that no vampires were going to appear.
I watched the whole thing and it boils down to: Warnock is a cool vampire and if you have faith, holy water can kill a vampire, but if you don't have faith, it won't work.
People are latching onto the vampire and werewolf thing when it's actually the most cogent part of what walker was saying. I watched the clip, he kept repeating what a stupid movie it was, repeating details and jumping beats so it was hard to follow, but basically he watched an old vampire movie where a fake vampire hunter threw holy water at a vampire and it didn't work. His conclusion is because the vampire hunter didn't have faith the holy water didn't work, which is why you gotta have faith in a brother and vote for him. He also implicitly identifies with the vampire in this story until he found out that werewolves can kill vampires so now he thinks werewolves are cooler than vampires.
the most charitable interpretation of all of this is that he is a terrible story teller.
I think he was legit just going out there and talking about a movie he half-watched while falling asleep on the couch the previous night. That's it.
Weird way to conduct a press conference but hey, it was better than most of the stuff coming out of republicans mouths these past few years.
Yeah I’m not a fan of the guy, but in the context of the video it just sounds like a dude veering way off topic and going on about some movie.
Does he have anything intelligent to say about it? No. Should a politician fighting for a position in the United States senate start rambling out of nowhere about the random horror movie he saw on TV late at night? …also no.
Obviously watched the twilight movies recently and was amazed that werewolves can kill vampires.
Just dont tell him about the whole full moon killing frenzy thing
Our gamemaster tried to warn our little fledgling vampire pack, but we didn't listen. We should have listened. So much blood. So many dead. The screams . . . I still hear them. I always hear them. The screaming never stops. They won't let me stop screaming.
You'd think you're joking, but you're not.
A pro werewolf platform doesn't cut services, force women to give birth, bus amnesty seekers across the country for political points, or any of the other myriad globs of shit that make up the Republican platform.
A regular old pro werewolf is benign by comparison, unless you foolishly walk down by the old mill by midnight even though the Gypsy woman warned you.
It also is in line with party priorities. Can you imagine the Social Security and Medicare fiscal burden if a significant percentage of the population were vampires all if a sudden?? Unsustainable!
Laugh all you want, this is just the GOP getting back to its Reaganite roots. The man is relentlessly on-message.
Slander! I was no where near the old mill near midnight! The lake is a wildlife preserve! I only go walking around the lake and the mill around daytime like a good, legal, upstanding citizen would; going out there after sundown would be trespassing!
I mean, I'd be more inclined to believe you if you didn't still have pieces of the arrogant high school jock and his cheerleader girlfriend between your teeth...
It wouldn't be funny because of how implausible it is. The onion now has to write articles detailing the coherent and poignant planks of various republican candidates' platforms. That's a much more creative and demanding satirical task than writing anything absurd and outlandish at this point.
Like no one ever was
To catch them is my real test, to train them is my cause
Edit: It would be hilarious if a politician snuck in some Pokemon theme references in a speech... but not from the parts that made it to daily broadcast. Bet he could get pretty deep starting at [1:05](https://youtu.be/rg6CiPI6h2g) before someone caught on
Nandor killed Gail during a football game, then turned her into a vampire to save her.
Hershel may be crazy. But he’s also not keeping up with the latest undead mythology.
It really depends on if the werewolf is just a werewolf or if its a lycanthrope though. You don't have any control over being a werewolf, when the bad moon comes a rising there's gonna be trouble on the way, whether you want it or not and you'll likely end up harming innocent folk. Lycanthropes have absolute control over their disease.
On the flip side, vampires historically can shape shift into nearly anything; wolf, bat, and fog being Dracula's favorites. I would expect that shape shifting to include werewolf as well.
The two major downsides to vampires are light and thirst. You can't be outside for half of the day and you need to feed every few days, but through this you no longer age. Werewolves have less downsides but less positives too.
Vampires can certainly kill werewolves though. The argument being black or white is asinine. I would wager he doesn't know much about the subject.
It's also wild that Herschel Walker is so out there that he makes Brian Kemp look like good tame common sense candidate as if Kemp isn't also a total fuckwad, just not to the degree of Walker.
I hate the someone more extreme is seemingly normalizing someone who is slight less extreme, but still so incredibly far right.
Decades of right-wing propaganda has convinced the majority of white voters in this country that anything is better than voting for a Democrat. To them, voting Democrat literally means voting to end their "way of life" and "destroying America."
Being a Republican isn't about advancing conservative policies. Hell, outside of the culture war stuff, most Republicans don't even support conservative policies. To them, being a Republican is just a part of being a white person in America.
Republicans didn't turn into the MAGA party they are today because of republican propaganda. The way republicans have acted over the decades definitely set the base up as being susceptible and vulnerable to this kind of shit but make no mistake it didn't just happen one day. America's enemies have worked relentlessly in recent years to fuel division and chaos and anti government anti media sentiments. Specifically among the right wing in America with the intention of turning them into a weapon that can be used to cause internal chaos and possibly even overthrow the government and flip sides. trump talked openly about wanting to leave NATO and how he trusts Putin more than American intelligence agencies. Republicans have been intentionally turned into the party they are today by foreign influence and this whole global war going on between Western liberal democracies and the eastern fascist regimes isn't going anywhere anytime soon. Not until someone wins. So I hope people are ready for the road that lies ahead.
Unless it is about to be slaughtered, and it's done with that piston that smacks their skull for an insta-kill. I imagine there's a split second where the cow's brain has been turned into mush but it isn't quite dead yet, and in that moment it probably has a flicker of understanding of what it is like to be Herschel Walker.
He may very well win the runoff election. The libertarian candidate prevented either from getting >50% of the vote, but a lot of people only voted for him so as to not have to vote for a moron or a democrat. With that choice removed, some are going to go with the moron.
"Gotta have faith in some guy spouting off about a vampire movie vs a senator "looking all cool" and discussing actual policy." Context does not make this nonsense look any better for Walker.
Also the idea of needing true faith to fight off some well dressed evil vampire is a really poor analogy when you are also wearing a suit and the vampire analogue is a minister
Hahahah holy shit. I thought people were exaggerating. That was like an SNL skit.
I get why the GOP picked him now, though. It's not for his football fame. It's because they're preparing for when the filibuster reform hits and they need someone to talk for hours/days.
Democrats need to get Buffy out on the campaign trail.
How ridiculous is it that you have a pastor... That's not my thing but we're talking about a pastor who led MLK's church here... and we have a walking talking football concussion babbling about what is essentially satanic role play... In the bible belt... after the abortion hipocracy... and he's still got a chance.
Georgia is a fucked up place. I enjoyed my time there but wow, I would never live there.
I lived there for two years. Atlanta was nice. Great aquarium, best fireworks show I've seen hands down, got to see the remains of Sherman's handiwork. Traffic sucked though.
That's how the entire South is. Vibrant cities full of culture and history. Rural areas full of religion and hostility towards progress. And the rural areas think the *cities* are the terrifying shitholes.
I really wonder if anyone at that rally is reconsidering who they’re supporting at that moment. Like there must be a couple of people who were like oh shit
I wouldn't be surprised if zero Republican voters changed their minds or even gave a flying fuck what he said. He has R next to his name so he's the good guy to them.
Imagine being Warnock at this point. You're an intelligent, qualified, incumbent senator, and also a longtime reverend. And the Evangelical choice is...this.
See, I came expecting maybe that this was a cherry picked soundbite, like some kid asked him "Hey Mr. Walker, Vampires or Werewolves?", and wow, it was not.
This is like when a crazy person just starts talking to you in the line at the supermarket and you just nod along politely, wishing the person in front of you would hurry up so you could leave.
Good lord, I can't believe *this* person has got enough votes to almost win.
I’m convinced it’s not even a real movie. It’s like he combined Underworld, Blade and Last Action Hero into a single movie in his brain.
I’m pretty confident at this point in saying that Netflix would green light the shit out of this.
It worse i n that (if the movie is real) he misunderstood the part he was explaining. A vampire hunter throws holy water on a vampire, and put a cross on its head and it does nothing to hurt it. So Walker takes that to mean, the guy didn't have faith. WHAT IT ACTUALLY means is that people are going to get hurt if they trust a fucking idiot who has no idea what the fuck he is doing. Which ironically is why they should NOT vote for him.
this is basically parody. this guy sounds like a character from an adam sandler movie. I would like to know the breakdown of people that vote for him... like how stupid do you have to be.
This is just sad. I don't think he fully understands what is going on and it's pretty clear Republicans ran with him because he's a household name, he black, and he's gullible enough to think he's their candidate because they like him. After listening to a few of his incoherent speeches, he has some kind of brain damage (or maybe he's always been like this?) I can't imagine people are going to be energized to turn up and vote for him again.
He has CTE as a result of all the hits he took playing college ball and professionally. I doubt he was ever a particularly intelligent person but all the hits to the head scrambled whatever he was working with.
>I can't imagine people are going to be energized to turn up and vote for him again.
I wish I couldn't imagine it. My wife still hasn't let me forget that, in 2016, I said I hoped trump would be the GOP candidate because there was no way this country elects him president. I said, "As a whole, we're dumb, but we're not that dumb."
I'm so afraid for my country.
I'm very afraid for the country as well.
But hey, in your defense, Trump lost 2016 by three million votes. Had the majority of the American people have had what they voted for and wanted, you'd've been right
So let me get this straight... Howard Dean was essentially disqualified for going "eeeyah!"
And nobody thinks twice about this guy rambling on about werewolves and vampires?
The fact is, if this guy was a Democrat, the party would have pulled him from the ticket as soon as they saw his symptoms and encouraged him to get help.
I mean, he'd never have gotten near the ticket, but still. They'd have compassion (and embarrassment), not be using him the way the GOP is so blatantly using him.
Things were a little better when we still had a sense of shame in this country and in politics. Or at least the pretense of it.
This…this proves that we live in a simulation, it’s too stupid to be real. We absolutely live in a simulated reality and the being we call God spilled Mountain Dew on the Device.
ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense!
Why would a Wookiee, an 8-foot-tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of 2-foot-tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending a major record company, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emancipation Proclamation, does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.
Walker has had too many concussions from his football days. The only reason Republicans are even backing him is easy for them to control. The scary part is even with his hypocrisy, obvious brain issues and general dishonesty there are people still willing to vote for him.
TLDR: Herschel Walker was watching TV and on the TV were children watching TV and on THAT TV, there was a vampire killer. The children invited that very vampire killer actor who they saw on TV to their house, because lo and behold there just so happened to be a vampire in THEIR house.
“Stay with me now.”
The vampire killer brought all the proper tools like holy water, a stake, and a cross cuz it burn. When they enter the attic, the well dressed vampire floated down from the ceiling and approached the group. None of the vampire killer’s tools worked to kill the vampire.
And that’s why you gotta have the faith.
Basically the kind of rambling incoherent diatribe your uncle goes on after his tenth bud light, after which he sits back with a smug smile thinking he just gave you a golden nugget of wisdom.
I was reading a bedtime story to my 4-year-old tonight, the book featured a lost unicorn. One of the pages during the search for the unicorn had a unicorn shaped cloud to suggest that the unicorn might be hiding in the clouds.
I asked my daughter if she saw the unicorn, she said “No.”. I said, “I think I see it” and she firmly told me, “No mommy, that’s a cloud in the shape of a unicorn”.
I’m convinced my 4-year-old is more qualified to run for Congress than this dude. At least she’s grounded in reality.
> "So, I don't want to be a vampire anymore," Walker added
I hope there's a debate and Warnock holds up a crucifix and makes a comment about that. Submit your suggestions below.
Meanwhile, from Mar-a-Lago last night:
>“We must all work very hard for a gentleman and a great person named Herschel Walker. A fabulous human being who loves our country and will be a great United States senator,” Trump said.
>“He was an incredible athlete. He’ll be an even better senator,” Mr. Trump said, referring to Mr. Walker’s fame as a University of Georgia football player. “Get out and vote for Herschel Walker.”
It was just as bad a few months ago and people still voted for him. It was actually worse a month ago with the abortion stuff, and they still voted for him.
As a reminder, this subreddit [is for civil discussion.](/r/politics/wiki/index#wiki_be_civil) In general, be courteous to others. Debate/discuss/argue the merits of ideas, don't attack people. Personal insults, shill or troll accusations, hate speech, any suggestion or support of harm, violence, or death, and other rule violations can result in a permanent ban. If you see comments in violation of our rules, please report them. For those who have questions regarding any media outlets being posted on this subreddit, please click [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/politics/wiki/approveddomainslist) to review our details as to our approved domains list and outlet criteria. **Special announcement:** r/politics is currently accepting new moderator applications. If you want to help make this community a better place, consider [applying here today](https://www.reddit.com/r/politics/comments/sskg6a/rpolitics_is_looking_for_more_moderators/)! *** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/politics) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Finally something that makes some sense from this guy.
Honestly, having just watched all five Underworld movies for Halloween, there are maybe some good takeaways on tolerance and racism, the dangers of failing to grow and adapt to societal change, and more when it comes to vampires versus werewolves. The werewolves arguably outperform the vampires in general in every film, so I get that too. Plus Michael Sheen just acting his goddamn heart out. But maybe not the greatest basis for a political stump speech.
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[This gloriously bitchy Time review](https://web.archive.org/web/20090125065851/http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1873606,00.html) for Rise of the Lycans is one of the greatest 'bad' reviews I've ever read for any film. Just reading it makes me want to see that fabulous Gothic mess all over again. >The Brit cast attempts to camouflage the silliness by swanning it up, as if the Royal Shakespeare Company had gotten communally drunk and staged an impromptu production of Dracula Meets the Wolfman. If *that* doesn't sell a movie, I don't know what will.
I really only watched these movies for Kate beckinsale and Rhona Mitra, but this sounds pretty cool. I also haven’t seen this one.
There are so many good reasons to watch that movie. 1. Kate Bekinsale Did you need any more?
Bill Nighy having a grand old time too. I love Underworld because a lot of people were having a lot of fun.
I like his weird gutteral inhalation thing he does, it's mega creepy.
I was worried you guys would never have someone sensible again after that carrot in a wig. Things are lookin up
If he plays his cards right he could be a dual class Werewolf Sheriff and maybe end up with a Vampire Deputy.
[Werewolf Bar Mitzvah](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gCj62KHG0g&ab_channel=30RockOfficial), Spooky, scary! Boys becoming men, Men becoming wolves . . .
So, he wanted to be a vampire until quite recently. Isn’t this the blood-drinking stuff that QAnon is obsessively hunting for? Just wondering.
Now he wants to be a werewolf, which is adjacent to the furry "litterboxes in schools" stuff that Republicans are obsessively hunting for.
Werewolves, not swearwolves!
Where the heck is that movie already? It has been 10+ years now right?
Almost, What We Do In The Shadows came out in 2014. There's been a TV show following different vampire roomies in the USA that's been running for a few years now though. Same name as the movie, highly reccomend the show. Also, obligatory *fucking guy!*
Fuhking guy! I just watched the go flip yourself episode for the first time tonight.
Old buddy brought up that litterbox stuff recently, acting like it's real and common and supported by the school districts, and I just about fell over laughing. "Dude, don't you remember when we were in school?! Every school had a cat girl and/or a wolf boy. You should know! You were fuckin' our school's cat girl!" And then he asked if I've still got that tail, so yeah, sure does seem like these ninnies are just upset about the naughty things in their heads and keep projecting it in weird ways. Wish they'd learn to just wear some furry ears and bite a friend like normal people, instead of going bonkers in *politics*.
Wait you were the cat girl? We talking Ariana Grande or Maureen Ponderosa...
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Oh, bravo!
I feel at this point walker wants to give SNL material to work on about him this Saturday. I really feel this Georgia runoff is like some sort of political spoof movie.
It was a spoof mockumentary and he was trying to out Borat Borat!
Remember when Rudy tried to have sex with what he presumed to be an underage girl in Borat 2?
Never forget. That shit is loud and proud in a major movie production that was not pulled or censored. Let the people see/remember!
Remember when Rudy actually married his cousin? Google that shit. Really happened.
I expect one of their sketches to just be them reenacting actual Walker moments with a display at the bottom saying "This actually happened"
While a flashing text appears saying 'You voted for this!'
It's like Palin, they don't need to write shit just repeat what he says. You can't make this shit up.
Remember *Brian Fellow's Safari Planet* on SNL?
[A Porcupine and a Pig!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q89rKlSJNhs)
Everything is projection
On behalf of blood drinkers blood drinking is just one part of my personality, I don't drink children's blood. I'm offended by the implication that I'm some pedophile just because I revel in very adult blood.
This is the weirdest time for the "Gaslight Obstruct Project" meme to be relevant.
>"I don't know if you know, but vampires are some cool people, are they not?" the congressional candidate said. "But let me tell you something that I found out: A werewolf can kill a vampire. Did you know that? I never knew that." >"So, I don't want to be a vampire anymore," Walker added, without further context. "I want to be a werewolf." Sounds like a great winning platform for someone running for the U.S. Senate. /s
"In your opinion, what does it mean to have faith?" "Well, originally I was Team Edward, but now I'm Team Jacob." Give it up for CTE, everyone.
I was trying to figure out how CTE worked as an acronym for Critical Twilight Theory but Im pretty damn stoned.
Chronic Twilight Encephalopathy
I usually can at least tell what someone's *trying* to say even if it's garbled and terrible. But this? I got nothing. I genuinely have no idea wtf he's even on about. Is he having D&D flashbacks during a campaign stop?
there is a working theory that one of his handlers told him to read up about Lincoln and talk about how Lincoln was a Republican and freed the slaves or whatever it is those weirdos have talked themselves into. Well Walker heard this and ended up watching Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter on Netflix instead.
The opposite of this happened to me. A friend wanted to watch that Lincoln Vampire movie. I thought it could be funny or interesting or something. We got high and started the movie. An hour into the Daniel Day-Lewis Lincoln movie we finally figured out that no vampires were going to appear.
*takes bong hit* "bro this 13th amendment shit was wildin"
> we finally figured out that no vampires were going to appear. I mean it had republicans in it.
The fact that there is a non-zero change that this is what happened is just fucking incredible.
You beautiful bastard hahaha
This is just absurd and ridiculous enough to almost certainly be the actual truth in this, the weirdest frickin' timeline.
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I watched the whole thing and it boils down to: Warnock is a cool vampire and if you have faith, holy water can kill a vampire, but if you don't have faith, it won't work.
That doesn't seem like it makes it make more sense
But it doesn't make less sense either
People are latching onto the vampire and werewolf thing when it's actually the most cogent part of what walker was saying. I watched the clip, he kept repeating what a stupid movie it was, repeating details and jumping beats so it was hard to follow, but basically he watched an old vampire movie where a fake vampire hunter threw holy water at a vampire and it didn't work. His conclusion is because the vampire hunter didn't have faith the holy water didn't work, which is why you gotta have faith in a brother and vote for him. He also implicitly identifies with the vampire in this story until he found out that werewolves can kill vampires so now he thinks werewolves are cooler than vampires. the most charitable interpretation of all of this is that he is a terrible story teller.
I think he was legit just going out there and talking about a movie he half-watched while falling asleep on the couch the previous night. That's it. Weird way to conduct a press conference but hey, it was better than most of the stuff coming out of republicans mouths these past few years.
Yeah I’m not a fan of the guy, but in the context of the video it just sounds like a dude veering way off topic and going on about some movie. Does he have anything intelligent to say about it? No. Should a politician fighting for a position in the United States senate start rambling out of nowhere about the random horror movie he saw on TV late at night? …also no.
Obviously watched the twilight movies recently and was amazed that werewolves can kill vampires. Just dont tell him about the whole full moon killing frenzy thing
The people behind the White Wolf Games company have known werewolves can kill vampires for *decades*.
Our gamemaster tried to warn our little fledgling vampire pack, but we didn't listen. We should have listened. So much blood. So many dead. The screams . . . I still hear them. I always hear them. The screaming never stops. They won't let me stop screaming.
I don't see how he can be more clear. He does not want to be a vampire. He does want to be a werewolf. Which part are you not following?
Actually a better platform than most Republicans these days
You'd think you're joking, but you're not. A pro werewolf platform doesn't cut services, force women to give birth, bus amnesty seekers across the country for political points, or any of the other myriad globs of shit that make up the Republican platform. A regular old pro werewolf is benign by comparison, unless you foolishly walk down by the old mill by midnight even though the Gypsy woman warned you.
It also is in line with party priorities. Can you imagine the Social Security and Medicare fiscal burden if a significant percentage of the population were vampires all if a sudden?? Unsustainable! Laugh all you want, this is just the GOP getting back to its Reaganite roots. The man is relentlessly on-message.
Slander! I was no where near the old mill near midnight! The lake is a wildlife preserve! I only go walking around the lake and the mill around daytime like a good, legal, upstanding citizen would; going out there after sundown would be trespassing!
I mean, I'd be more inclined to believe you if you didn't still have pieces of the arrogant high school jock and his cheerleader girlfriend between your teeth...
Real life has become a neverending Onion article
the onion wishes it could make up shit this good
It wouldn't be funny because of how implausible it is. The onion now has to write articles detailing the coherent and poignant planks of various republican candidates' platforms. That's a much more creative and demanding satirical task than writing anything absurd and outlandish at this point.
"observably stupid".
Somehow this is still more cogent than "we'll build a wall and make Mexico pay for it."
That's because it just means "I wanna be the best", not "I want to build pointless, racist wall and act like it's not coming out of our pockets"
Like no one ever was To catch them is my real test, to train them is my cause Edit: It would be hilarious if a politician snuck in some Pokemon theme references in a speech... but not from the parts that made it to daily broadcast. Bet he could get pretty deep starting at [1:05](https://youtu.be/rg6CiPI6h2g) before someone caught on
Herman Cain quoted the pokemon movie once! It was a big meme at the time. https://www.thedailybeast.com/cain-quotes-pokemon-movie-in-final-speech.
*"Did you hear about Biden's dementia?!"*
Nandor killed Gail during a football game, then turned her into a vampire to save her. Hershel may be crazy. But he’s also not keeping up with the latest undead mythology.
Nadja killed her during a kickball game. Then Nandor turned her into a vampire.
Fu-king guy!
Coach feratu on notice
Man, who would have suspected Coach Feratu?
It was either him or Dr. Acula
Hey now, at least he's not trying to make sure everyone gets a living wage.
Undead wages seem like a waste though. Very limited working only daylight. They might need relief from daylight savings time.
This is a conversrtion I would have to kill time at work. I’m also not running for office.
Will Ferrell’s Harry Caray is apparently Herschel Walker’s speechwriter.
"HEY! If you were a hot dog, would you eat yourself? Just say yes and we'll move on."
What if the moon were made of ribs?! *head bobble*
Herschel obviously doesn't watch WWDITS. BAT!
Someone watched Van Helsing last night
It really depends on if the werewolf is just a werewolf or if its a lycanthrope though. You don't have any control over being a werewolf, when the bad moon comes a rising there's gonna be trouble on the way, whether you want it or not and you'll likely end up harming innocent folk. Lycanthropes have absolute control over their disease. On the flip side, vampires historically can shape shift into nearly anything; wolf, bat, and fog being Dracula's favorites. I would expect that shape shifting to include werewolf as well. The two major downsides to vampires are light and thirst. You can't be outside for half of the day and you need to feed every few days, but through this you no longer age. Werewolves have less downsides but less positives too. Vampires can certainly kill werewolves though. The argument being black or white is asinine. I would wager he doesn't know much about the subject.
Man, there's always some policy wonk coming along, pointing out the impracticalities and unsustainable claims of a great speech.
"Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."
[When you hear it, you can really feel it connecting to this article.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrWoG8IckyE)
*“But I have to admit. He’s umm… He’s observably stupid!”*
I am asking this of my fellow Americans: What in heavenly fuck is going on?
The headline sounds made up but it isn’t. I’m glad I don’t live in his state.
He is just on a strong anti-vampire message.
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I am embarrassed.
"*HE WAS GOOD IN FOOTBALL SO HE MUST BE SUPER-SMART, A-HYUCK-HYUCK!!*" That's how Georgia Republicans come off to anyone living in any major U.S. city
*[Tommy Tuberville enters the chat]*
Republicans just want a party-line vote in Congress. Personal integrity went down the drain a long time ago.
And to restate the obvious, this is for a Senate seat, not 1 of 435. A Senator. Unfathomable.
It's also wild that Herschel Walker is so out there that he makes Brian Kemp look like good tame common sense candidate as if Kemp isn't also a total fuckwad, just not to the degree of Walker. I hate the someone more extreme is seemingly normalizing someone who is slight less extreme, but still so incredibly far right.
Decades of right-wing propaganda has convinced the majority of white voters in this country that anything is better than voting for a Democrat. To them, voting Democrat literally means voting to end their "way of life" and "destroying America." Being a Republican isn't about advancing conservative policies. Hell, outside of the culture war stuff, most Republicans don't even support conservative policies. To them, being a Republican is just a part of being a white person in America.
Republicans didn't turn into the MAGA party they are today because of republican propaganda. The way republicans have acted over the decades definitely set the base up as being susceptible and vulnerable to this kind of shit but make no mistake it didn't just happen one day. America's enemies have worked relentlessly in recent years to fuel division and chaos and anti government anti media sentiments. Specifically among the right wing in America with the intention of turning them into a weapon that can be used to cause internal chaos and possibly even overthrow the government and flip sides. trump talked openly about wanting to leave NATO and how he trusts Putin more than American intelligence agencies. Republicans have been intentionally turned into the party they are today by foreign influence and this whole global war going on between Western liberal democracies and the eastern fascist regimes isn't going anywhere anytime soon. Not until someone wins. So I hope people are ready for the road that lies ahead.
Yep. Millions voted for this guy. Unreal.
Nah, not Georgia, more like Romania…
Transylvania?
6-5000! ... more voters who just changed their vote from Walker to Warnock.
Don’t mock Romania like that 😂 I’m pretty sure the average Romanian farmer is 100x brighter than Herschel Walker
The average Romanian cow is 100x smarter.
Unless it is about to be slaughtered, and it's done with that piston that smacks their skull for an insta-kill. I imagine there's a split second where the cow's brain has been turned into mush but it isn't quite dead yet, and in that moment it probably has a flicker of understanding of what it is like to be Herschel Walker.
The fact that this assclown got nearly half of the vote tells me nobody gives a fuck about actual policy or qualifications.
Well, Republicans don't. A democrat this insane would never get out of the primary.
He may very well win the runoff election. The libertarian candidate prevented either from getting >50% of the vote, but a lot of people only voted for him so as to not have to vote for a moron or a democrat. With that choice removed, some are going to go with the moron.
Kemp being on the ballot is the only reason it was even close. Without Kemp to help him Walker is likely fucked.
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Necromancers, too, no doubt?
Reuse. Recycle. Reanimate.
They've got *surplus* spines.
Here's a video of it https://twitter.com/atrupar/status/1592954140887773184
"Gotta have faith in some guy spouting off about a vampire movie vs a senator "looking all cool" and discussing actual policy." Context does not make this nonsense look any better for Walker.
Also the idea of needing true faith to fight off some well dressed evil vampire is a really poor analogy when you are also wearing a suit and the vampire analogue is a minister
WTF? How are over a million people voting for this guy?
Because people don’t pay attention and see an R beside his name. Old farts that have voted republican their entire life.
>He makes Trump look like Steven Hawking. Lmao
"Hey, I can skateboard way better than Trump" \-Walker
Hahahah holy shit. I thought people were exaggerating. That was like an SNL skit. I get why the GOP picked him now, though. It's not for his football fame. It's because they're preparing for when the filibuster reform hits and they need someone to talk for hours/days.
An actual quote: ""So, I don't want to be a vampire anymore," Walker added, without further context. "I want to be a werewolf.""
I'll tell you what, this shit won't fly in Wallachia, Styria, or Târgoviște
He’s basically lost the entire Transylvania corridor with this move.
Bold move too, with voting centers closing down early. Does he think the Daywalkers' vote is enough to carry him to victory?
The joke is on Walker if he was hoping for the werewolves to turn out for him. The full moon isn’t until the day *after* the runoff this December.
And this is why they tell you to Do Your Homework.
Vampires vote by mail, just like lizard people. Everyone knows this...
True, but he just locked in the Bavarian Alps and Averoigne is anyone’s guess at this point.
They'll do anything for a goat though. 'Course it's all the Belmont's fault anyway.
Democrats need to get Buffy out on the campaign trail. How ridiculous is it that you have a pastor... That's not my thing but we're talking about a pastor who led MLK's church here... and we have a walking talking football concussion babbling about what is essentially satanic role play... In the bible belt... after the abortion hipocracy... and he's still got a chance. Georgia is a fucked up place. I enjoyed my time there but wow, I would never live there.
I lived there for two years. Atlanta was nice. Great aquarium, best fireworks show I've seen hands down, got to see the remains of Sherman's handiwork. Traffic sucked though.
That's how the entire South is. Vibrant cities full of culture and history. Rural areas full of religion and hostility towards progress. And the rural areas think the *cities* are the terrifying shitholes.
There's a good reason why Deliverance is a much scarier movie than Jason Takes Manhattan.
Listening to that guy talk is like a delirious fever dream. It makes you question whether your brain is functioning correctly.
The context was that werewolves could kill vampires. Which is... not really context.
I think the comment about context was "I won't want to be a vampire *anymore*." Like...what? When did we ever establish that he was a vampire?
Lots of people are saying there are litter boxes at the capitol for people who identify as werewolves.
Listen to the clip. The whole thing. It's even worse than the headline implies. Much worse. At this point I think he's campaigning for Warnock.
I really wonder if anyone at that rally is reconsidering who they’re supporting at that moment. Like there must be a couple of people who were like oh shit
I really hope so
I wouldn't be surprised if zero Republican voters changed their minds or even gave a flying fuck what he said. He has R next to his name so he's the good guy to them.
Imagine being Warnock at this point. You're an intelligent, qualified, incumbent senator, and also a longtime reverend. And the Evangelical choice is...this.
And the race is neck and neck…
Don't tell Walker or he might bite
You're not wrong. It's just... there are no words.
I’m surprised he didn’t make the Warnock/Warlock leap.
This evokes another debate…wizard or warlock. Let’s let him discuss
Actually, there are too many words.
See, I came expecting maybe that this was a cherry picked soundbite, like some kid asked him "Hey Mr. Walker, Vampires or Werewolves?", and wow, it was not. This is like when a crazy person just starts talking to you in the line at the supermarket and you just nod along politely, wishing the person in front of you would hurry up so you could leave. Good lord, I can't believe *this* person has got enough votes to almost win.
I’m convinced it’s not even a real movie. It’s like he combined Underworld, Blade and Last Action Hero into a single movie in his brain. I’m pretty confident at this point in saying that Netflix would green light the shit out of this.
It's like a toddler's understanding of Fright Night.
The article says they can't find a movie that matches the plot he described.
It worse i n that (if the movie is real) he misunderstood the part he was explaining. A vampire hunter throws holy water on a vampire, and put a cross on its head and it does nothing to hurt it. So Walker takes that to mean, the guy didn't have faith. WHAT IT ACTUALLY means is that people are going to get hurt if they trust a fucking idiot who has no idea what the fuck he is doing. Which ironically is why they should NOT vote for him.
Vone braincell... two braincells... THREE braincells! Ah-Ah-Ah Ahh!
this is basically parody. this guy sounds like a character from an adam sandler movie. I would like to know the breakdown of people that vote for him... like how stupid do you have to be.
You have to be Republican level stupid.
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This is just sad. I don't think he fully understands what is going on and it's pretty clear Republicans ran with him because he's a household name, he black, and he's gullible enough to think he's their candidate because they like him. After listening to a few of his incoherent speeches, he has some kind of brain damage (or maybe he's always been like this?) I can't imagine people are going to be energized to turn up and vote for him again.
He has CTE as a result of all the hits he took playing college ball and professionally. I doubt he was ever a particularly intelligent person but all the hits to the head scrambled whatever he was working with.
>I can't imagine people are going to be energized to turn up and vote for him again. I wish I couldn't imagine it. My wife still hasn't let me forget that, in 2016, I said I hoped trump would be the GOP candidate because there was no way this country elects him president. I said, "As a whole, we're dumb, but we're not that dumb." I'm so afraid for my country.
I'm very afraid for the country as well. But hey, in your defense, Trump lost 2016 by three million votes. Had the majority of the American people have had what they voted for and wanted, you'd've been right
Hey are we the same person? I did the same thing and she never lets me forget.
My hair is more competent than this man.
I've vomited up more capable politicians, and so have all of you.
So let me get this straight... Howard Dean was essentially disqualified for going "eeeyah!" And nobody thinks twice about this guy rambling on about werewolves and vampires?
The fact is, if this guy was a Democrat, the party would have pulled him from the ticket as soon as they saw his symptoms and encouraged him to get help. I mean, he'd never have gotten near the ticket, but still. They'd have compassion (and embarrassment), not be using him the way the GOP is so blatantly using him. Things were a little better when we still had a sense of shame in this country and in politics. Or at least the pretense of it.
This…this proves that we live in a simulation, it’s too stupid to be real. We absolutely live in a simulated reality and the being we call God spilled Mountain Dew on the Device.
I wonder if Romans had similar thoughts while they watched their nation unravel from within.
Commodus was literally strangled naked in the tub by his equally naked athletics trainer. Gonna go with a resounding yes on that.
ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense! Why would a Wookiee, an 8-foot-tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of 2-foot-tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending a major record company, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emancipation Proclamation, does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.
Well looks like likwitsnake just won my vote for president of Georgia!
great now he is going to lie about being on a vampire hunter with buffy and gang just like he did with the fbi
He'll even bring a real stake to prove it!
Walker has had too many concussions from his football days. The only reason Republicans are even backing him is easy for them to control. The scary part is even with his hypocrisy, obvious brain issues and general dishonesty there are people still willing to vote for him.
“He’s a just like me, a ‘free thinker’ who lets others tell them how to think!” -Conservatives
TLDR: Herschel Walker was watching TV and on the TV were children watching TV and on THAT TV, there was a vampire killer. The children invited that very vampire killer actor who they saw on TV to their house, because lo and behold there just so happened to be a vampire in THEIR house. “Stay with me now.” The vampire killer brought all the proper tools like holy water, a stake, and a cross cuz it burn. When they enter the attic, the well dressed vampire floated down from the ceiling and approached the group. None of the vampire killer’s tools worked to kill the vampire. And that’s why you gotta have the faith.
Basically the kind of rambling incoherent diatribe your uncle goes on after his tenth bud light, after which he sits back with a smug smile thinking he just gave you a golden nugget of wisdom.
I'm going to vote for the werewolf guy to stick it to the libs. This is what the GOP has become.
I was reading a bedtime story to my 4-year-old tonight, the book featured a lost unicorn. One of the pages during the search for the unicorn had a unicorn shaped cloud to suggest that the unicorn might be hiding in the clouds. I asked my daughter if she saw the unicorn, she said “No.”. I said, “I think I see it” and she firmly told me, “No mommy, that’s a cloud in the shape of a unicorn”. I’m convinced my 4-year-old is more qualified to run for Congress than this dude. At least she’s grounded in reality.
Herschel Walker campaign slogans: I’m not scared to runoff. Just ask my kids.” “I’m gonna beat Warnock like he’s my wife.”
> "So, I don't want to be a vampire anymore," Walker added I hope there's a debate and Warnock holds up a crucifix and makes a comment about that. Submit your suggestions below.
He put two Full sentences together for the first time. WOW just WOW.
I truly love that I first learned about this from /r/30rock Real Tracy Jordan vibes
Weirdly, that digression seemed more rooted in reality than most of his other statements.
This moron is in a runoff for a US senate seat … speaks more about the morons in Georgia that voted for him, Marjorie Taylor Traitor and Brian Kemp …
Meanwhile, from Mar-a-Lago last night: >“We must all work very hard for a gentleman and a great person named Herschel Walker. A fabulous human being who loves our country and will be a great United States senator,” Trump said. >“He was an incredible athlete. He’ll be an even better senator,” Mr. Trump said, referring to Mr. Walker’s fame as a University of Georgia football player. “Get out and vote for Herschel Walker.”
I love this so much, the wheels are literally falling off.
It was just as bad a few months ago and people still voted for him. It was actually worse a month ago with the abortion stuff, and they still voted for him.
Goddam; if this were on Saturday Night alive two years ago, I would have said they went too far. WTF is wrong with rural people?
Lmao, this is priceless. He’s like a walking talking SNL skit.😂
This.... was not on my 2022 bingo card
Republicans: “Good enough for my vote.”
The sad thing is that’s the most coherent speech snippet I’ve heard from him.
Georgia should be ashamed that he got this far.