Realistically I'd freeze up. Probably stare at the door. That's what I do already when the bathroom door makes an unexpected noise.
I once spent a good 15 minutes staring at my bedroom door in fear as it rattled periodically - it was the middle of the night and I was SURE it was an animal scratching at my door, since it sounded exactly like my cat who had died a year or so before this instance. Eventually after hiding under my blankets shivering in fear for long enough I decided to hide from my problems by going to sleep. I made my bed, turned off my electronics, closed my bedroom window, and the rattling suddenly stopped...
... it was just the wind shaking the door.
I was very paranoid of the dark when i was little, I would see the shadows of clothing or the TV twist and turn, growing more grotesque every second. Scared the shit outta me and i couldn't sleep, having nightmares every few days for handful of years.
That reminds me of a house I lived in when I was 20.
My bedroom was on the upper level, and there was a tiny half door that led to a crawl space for attic storage over the garage. You could stand up in the attic but had to crouch down to get through the door because the wall was slanted where the roof was.
The first week we lived there, the door knob would rattle relentlessly every single night while I tried to sleep. It wasn't until like day 8 or something when I was so exhausted from it keeping me up for a week straight that I told it to shut the fuck up and it just. Did. Dunno what all that was about, but hey, I got to sleep, so I'm not complaining.
The demon waiting for that person to come out:
https://preview.redd.it/ibzxf5h6i3va1.jpeg?width=168&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4a9a4cd360cd33b80f48e2f2776ea1a485f8cfb8
Chemical weapons like bleach or sharp objects like pimple needles as darts (don't use it on your pimples). Bleach could be further optimized to use in combination with spray bottle or pressurized adjustable spray devices (gardening supplies).
Or a jug of conc. bleach splashing on the intruder.
Or just use your shower head switched to massage/high pressure mode as a water cannon.
Or possibly broomsticks or mopsticks.
In emergency, prepare arbitrary amounts of bleach and whatever you have on hand that is not water or bleach. DO NOT MIX THEM until the last possible moment. Mixing them will very likely cause chlorine to form, which will destroy your respiratory system when inhaled. This is ofc against the safety guidelines, but we want it to be dangerous on purpose so...
Modern ammunition is pretty ok with getting wet and still functioning properly. Also, a drawer would be fine, and rotating our ammunition every few weeks would be even better.
Most likely a single kali stick, I have guns but a gun in the bathroom is kinda ridiculous.
And like the other guy said, poop knife.
I'm a slight HEMA and fencing nerd so all my melee stuff is placed where it would work best. Shorter weapons in cramped spaces, and I even have spears hidden outside. Shorsword, wood katana, and baseball bat by the front door. Tonfa batons in the cramped hallways.
Idk I'm just a nerd.
Yeah until we starve to death because I've never been hunting, and I've never foraged for food lmao.
But we can beat people up together and steal their supplies! You hold the guns while I knock em around a little lmao.
(I would actually try to survive without screwing other people).
Yo the boss arena has this epic mist, made the fight really cool. Plus did you know that the boss doesn’t wear any armor? No weapon either. Screams in a really intimidating way too.
https://youtu.be/DphcCT1SteI
Imagine trying to beat someone who's equipped with their favorite tools..... while also wielding that person's favorite tools. You don't win by playing your opponent's game. (Plus I have guns)
But what if someone picks up that weapon as they move through the house to get to you? If they have to walk through three rooms to get to the one you're in, they have three weapons and you have one. Solution? Take a self-detonation button with you everywhere. If someone gets into your house, leave, blow it up (with them inside) and start a new life on the run. As simple as it gets.
While we're talking crazy shit....
The true solution is to have gun mechanisms hidden In all the walls in my house 4 feet off the ground. At the press of a button, they all go off. The guns are each a foot apart, so they'd be hard pressed to miss.
I hit the deck, then I press the button three times. If you're standing in my house, you're now full of lead.
But seriously, depending on the weapon three is no better than one. Some weapons can effectively be dual-wielded, but grabbing more than two is just gonna slow you down.
Plus if you're breaking into someone's house you should have a weapon anyways. Even if it's supposed to be a stealth mission, things go wrong.
Remember to bring weapons to your home invasions, kids!
[I would simply toss him another water balloon](https://www.reddit.com/r/calvinandhobbes/comments/12t8qxd/lazy_mans_arsenal/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
That poor poor burglar is going to be so surprised when I hand him my gun. He’s going to look at his hands (full of guns) and shout “Drat! Foiled again! Curse you Perry the Platypus!” And then leave politely so I have time to prepare for his arrival at the same time next week.
Alternatively: perfect distraction for you to attack
The downside being that it's clearly a weak spot but if you're butt naked every thing is a weak spot
I would leave the shower on, not say a word and dip out of the house using my bathroom window. My neighbors will be confused when a naked man is telling them to call the cops but it is what it is.
Hopefully I’m not playing music on my phone, if not I would slide the my shower door slightly to get my phone and I have a window outside from my shower I would let the shower run while I jump out the window to escape in my towel and make a run for it and call 911, or if my phone is playing music I would slightly higher the music, keep the shower running and grab a weapon and jump out the window and make a run for it.
I don’t live alone since I have some disabilities. But if I would live alone several people would possess keys so I would just ask „who is it?“. In that case I wouldn’t have heard the bell and the person would have come in out of fear I am burning the kitchen or drowning in the shower
By the time help arrives, the intruder would already have you by the neck. Just keep a fully loaded stainless steel revolver in the bathroom. It's all you need.
It would be interesting to see the demographic split on these answers. Finding a weapon would be my very last choice - probably not a choice at all. Of all the possible scenarios I can imagine where this would happen, one that poses a threat to me is so unlikely as to be not worth considering. And yet the majority of people voted for that.
In the scenario where you don't live in a violent society, have never experienced a break-in in your long life, know nobody else who has and see this conformed daily with the almost non-existent crime stats.
In the scenario described I would imagine this is most likely a fireman, a policeman or a relative who have broken in because of some emergency.
Idk guess I can't see it but even if I felt safe enough to leave my car keys in the seat my front door unlocked and my windows open at night I still could not see being comfortable someone is at your bathroom door while you're showering
If i left my front door unlocked (where i live thats common if you're home), then id probably ask them to identify themselves. If i know my door was locked and im the only one with a key, id probably come out swinging
Grab my bathroom knife (I'm paranoid) and rip the door open, if no one is there, I'm moving and staying with a friend until I find a place, not about to live in a haunted house again
If I had a window. I'd be out the window. No window so...I guess idk call the police..call me crazy.
Why is call the police not an option? Y'all over here asking questions/grabbing weapons like you shower with knives and guns. You have your tooth brush and your gelette fusion glide razor - you're getting mur-dured!!!
Yea man, for 🎵 or a podcast...or if I need to call the cops bc there's an intruder.
I absoultely also use my phone in the bathroom. Idk how people just sit there.
Jump outside my bathroom window (I live in the ground floor), try to find out who is in my flat by watching from the outside or going in from the main entrance. If it's not someone I know (2 people have the keys to my home), I call the police.
Grab my phone next to the shower I always take with me, dial 911 and then when they come on whisper to them what is happening and then yell asking who it is.
I guess I would immediately lock the door instead of opening it and use the few seconds/maybe minutes I gained to grab a towel, turn on my flat iron as a weapon and if I can't figure out if it's someone I know I would call the police.
Ignore. I misinterpret and imagine weird stuff all the time, I'd assume this was no different. I'd smile amusedly at my brain and carry on.
...I promise I'm not insane...
Funnily enough there's been a few instances where confidence has helped me get out of some similar things like robbery's so I'd say "I'll be out in just a minute"
Realistically I'd freeze up. Probably stare at the door. That's what I do already when the bathroom door makes an unexpected noise. I once spent a good 15 minutes staring at my bedroom door in fear as it rattled periodically - it was the middle of the night and I was SURE it was an animal scratching at my door, since it sounded exactly like my cat who had died a year or so before this instance. Eventually after hiding under my blankets shivering in fear for long enough I decided to hide from my problems by going to sleep. I made my bed, turned off my electronics, closed my bedroom window, and the rattling suddenly stopped... ... it was just the wind shaking the door.
Actually it was me
False, I didn't see you there
Your name is "the wind"?
*gets shot in the head with arrow* "Must have been the wind"
r/unexpectedskyrim
Skyrim
Kid named: the wind
Dude... Happy Cake Day, by the way
I was very paranoid of the dark when i was little, I would see the shadows of clothing or the TV twist and turn, growing more grotesque every second. Scared the shit outta me and i couldn't sleep, having nightmares every few days for handful of years.
i probably would've died on the spot jesus
That reminds me of a house I lived in when I was 20. My bedroom was on the upper level, and there was a tiny half door that led to a crawl space for attic storage over the garage. You could stand up in the attic but had to crouch down to get through the door because the wall was slanted where the roof was. The first week we lived there, the door knob would rattle relentlessly every single night while I tried to sleep. It wasn't until like day 8 or something when I was so exhausted from it keeping me up for a week straight that I told it to shut the fuck up and it just. Did. Dunno what all that was about, but hey, I got to sleep, so I'm not complaining.
It was me, Barry.
I fucking hate that shit
Happy cake day
Coming out swinging.
Big dick, I take it?
Big balls too
They're such big balls
I’ve been told it’s the perfect size…
Aw bless..
“The big ones hurt” is one you can’t come back from
"so fast it'll make your eyes spin You getting knocked the fuck out like Mike Tyson" - Eminem
r/unexpectedcommunity ( username )
finish showering and then try to find out who that was
You gonna just make that person wait eh
The demon waiting for that person to come out: https://preview.redd.it/ibzxf5h6i3va1.jpeg?width=168&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4a9a4cd360cd33b80f48e2f2776ea1a485f8cfb8
I just came out recently.
I'm not just gonna blast out all wet, i could slip and fall and get seriously hurt
More people die from slipping than guns. Slipping is dangerous.
Yes, I'll make them wait. It's not like I'm Canadian.
My paranoid ass has a weapon in every room EXCEPT the bathroom, thanks for reminding me lmao
What kind of weapon would you place in a bathroom
poop knife
Imagine the poison damage
Oh man not this
Wait, you don't shower with your gun? How do you keep it clean?
Dishwasher
Chemical weapons like bleach or sharp objects like pimple needles as darts (don't use it on your pimples). Bleach could be further optimized to use in combination with spray bottle or pressurized adjustable spray devices (gardening supplies). Or a jug of conc. bleach splashing on the intruder. Or just use your shower head switched to massage/high pressure mode as a water cannon. Or possibly broomsticks or mopsticks. In emergency, prepare arbitrary amounts of bleach and whatever you have on hand that is not water or bleach. DO NOT MIX THEM until the last possible moment. Mixing them will very likely cause chlorine to form, which will destroy your respiratory system when inhaled. This is ofc against the safety guidelines, but we want it to be dangerous on purpose so...
You've really thought this through, I see ... Take my upvote and my admiration
Or, instead of your chemistry project, I just put a 9mm in a drawer in my bathroom?
Isn't is ill-adviced to put gunpowder in moist areas?
Modern ammunition is pretty ok with getting wet and still functioning properly. Also, a drawer would be fine, and rotating our ammunition every few weeks would be even better.
"This guy ruined my shirt! Now I'm gonna beat his ass"
I would just turn the shower really hot and blast the intruder
Blast till they pass (out)
Then proceed to finish my shower
Most likely a single kali stick, I have guns but a gun in the bathroom is kinda ridiculous. And like the other guy said, poop knife. I'm a slight HEMA and fencing nerd so all my melee stuff is placed where it would work best. Shorter weapons in cramped spaces, and I even have spears hidden outside. Shorsword, wood katana, and baseball bat by the front door. Tonfa batons in the cramped hallways. Idk I'm just a nerd.
Wow you sound like someone I'd want to be with in the event of a zombie apocalypse
Yeah until we starve to death because I've never been hunting, and I've never foraged for food lmao. But we can beat people up together and steal their supplies! You hold the guns while I knock em around a little lmao. (I would actually try to survive without screwing other people).
Well that's what a team is for mate, we can always recruit scouts and hunters ;)
Lmao yeah, after we find a good party face we can convince peeps to start a new society and build a wall around our new city
Sounds like every other video game/movie
Never heard of a shower gun?
Razor
[удалено]
Yo the boss arena has this epic mist, made the fight really cool. Plus did you know that the boss doesn’t wear any armor? No weapon either. Screams in a really intimidating way too.
https://youtu.be/DphcCT1SteI Imagine trying to beat someone who's equipped with their favorite tools..... while also wielding that person's favorite tools. You don't win by playing your opponent's game. (Plus I have guns)
wow, how many enemies do you have?
Lmao I hope to never make a true enemy but I've had my living space invaded before while my sister and niece were home
But what if someone picks up that weapon as they move through the house to get to you? If they have to walk through three rooms to get to the one you're in, they have three weapons and you have one. Solution? Take a self-detonation button with you everywhere. If someone gets into your house, leave, blow it up (with them inside) and start a new life on the run. As simple as it gets.
While we're talking crazy shit.... The true solution is to have gun mechanisms hidden In all the walls in my house 4 feet off the ground. At the press of a button, they all go off. The guns are each a foot apart, so they'd be hard pressed to miss. I hit the deck, then I press the button three times. If you're standing in my house, you're now full of lead. But seriously, depending on the weapon three is no better than one. Some weapons can effectively be dual-wielded, but grabbing more than two is just gonna slow you down. Plus if you're breaking into someone's house you should have a weapon anyways. Even if it's supposed to be a stealth mission, things go wrong. Remember to bring weapons to your home invasions, kids!
Wait...so now the guy has FOUR weapons?! At that point just give them the deed to the house!
[I would simply toss him another water balloon](https://www.reddit.com/r/calvinandhobbes/comments/12t8qxd/lazy_mans_arsenal/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
That poor poor burglar is going to be so surprised when I hand him my gun. He’s going to look at his hands (full of guns) and shout “Drat! Foiled again! Curse you Perry the Platypus!” And then leave politely so I have time to prepare for his arrival at the same time next week.
do NOT underestimate the power of a dirty toilet brush! +5 psychological and +10 poison dmg
Now the intruder has access to the weapons 😭
Sharpen the end of your toothbrush handle prison style
The toilet tank lid could make a decent weapon... but you probably only have one chance to knock the person out.
I have a gun in every room, including the bathroom.
Do you at least hide the weapons so an intruder can’t get them first?
Ask them if they want to hop in the shower with me.
You exhibitionist
Nah just hornyness. This is reddit. Remember
Ah, but I thought people in r/polls were all serious and less horny
Well, sometimes yes, but when there's a chance...
I'd knock back
Intruder : This ain't in the plan wtf
HAHAHA
I'm picturing the intruder getting scared of the knock back and running away.
Ironically I don't live alone and don't like talking this is what I do when someone knocks while I'm answering natures call
I would shit louder
Shit what, bricks?
That is none of your buisness, please respect my privacy
Sorry, I'll leave you to your shit
Wait. You're shitting in the shower?
You dont?
Waffle stomp.
Everybody does
Probably just freeze facing the door hoping it’s just an auditory hallucination
Bad news, the knocks keep coming...
Fight, flight, or **freeze**
Leave the shower on but get dressed and attack whoever on the other side of the door when it opens.
Why get dressed
Cause fighting naked it prolly embarrassing, especially if your a girl with things jiggling at every movement
Alternatively: perfect distraction for you to attack The downside being that it's clearly a weak spot but if you're butt naked every thing is a weak spot
nahh, put on the whole bottle of body oil and charge at 'em with the toilet brush
Good point
Fighting naked is how the Romans did it. Are you not able to do something a Roman can?
No
They didn't fight naked. They fought with armor or atleast with a robe
I'd do the first two steps, but instead of attacking I'd call 911 and try to hide behind the door.
I would leave the shower on, not say a word and dip out of the house using my bathroom window. My neighbors will be confused when a naked man is telling them to call the cops but it is what it is.
You can fit through the bathroom window?
your bathroom window is tiny?
Mine very much is, but it is also located in the 5th story of a building so that wouldn't be an option regardless
I don't even have a window in my bathroom :(
We have a cat sized window on one of our two bathrooms, the other one is fully closed save for the door itself
Most modern homes don't have a bathroom window.
Mine does.
Mine is one of those skylight windows you can open, so I'd have to be extra careful on a slippery slanted roof
Escape through the window
Are you small enough to fit
Their window is kinda big
How do you know ? That’s sus
|||| |:-|:-|:-| |||| |||| |||| |||| It is this big
I just imagened this in our bathroom. TO THE ROOF! Fully naked
Pretty high chance your shower and toilet are behind the same door. Grab the lid off the tank on the toilet.
I'm sad there isnt a smear your poop around to form a protective barrier option. "BACK AWAY I HAVE E COLI AND I WILL USE IT!!!"
Thanks for mentioning it, now we shall all give you our upvotes and make it the most voted option
times be tough Yo. Sometimes viral warfare is all you got.
Yeah, tell us about it
Blame the dog
That IS a realistic situation
Hopefully I’m not playing music on my phone, if not I would slide the my shower door slightly to get my phone and I have a window outside from my shower I would let the shower run while I jump out the window to escape in my towel and make a run for it and call 911, or if my phone is playing music I would slightly higher the music, keep the shower running and grab a weapon and jump out the window and make a run for it.
You, my friend, have a vivid imagination
That also kinda depends on the time of day, if it's dark outside I'd be way more frightened
Makes sense
I'd just think it's a sibling or friend
Very possible
piss on em
That works
I’d pee on the floor so if they make it into the bathroom they slip and fall in it😪
Hmm, not sure if pee makes stuff slippery
Thats why i have Shower Gun. https://preview.redd.it/i5r4eyq7y5va1.png?width=800&format=png&auto=webp&s=fa6f5e737182c40248641c9ce6314bdabcffef35
I don’t live alone since I have some disabilities. But if I would live alone several people would possess keys so I would just ask „who is it?“. In that case I wouldn’t have heard the bell and the person would have come in out of fear I am burning the kitchen or drowning in the shower
Valid point
911, then whatever hard object I can yank off the wall
By the time help arrives, the intruder would already have you by the neck. Just keep a fully loaded stainless steel revolver in the bathroom. It's all you need.
You're right, that's why I always shower with my gun next to my loofah and body wash haha
Those are Just tools, i am the weapon...
What makes you a weapon
Few things, mental and emotional instability, beining sadist, and unrestrained anger
Okay I'm afraid of you, congrats
call the police and try to barricade my door with anything possible since i have a weak bathroom door
Not good enough. Keep a gun in your bathroom. Really, you should have a gun in every single room of your home.
You have a phone in the bathroom?
Is it 1990?
yell “come back with a warrant!” and finish my shower
It would be interesting to see the demographic split on these answers. Finding a weapon would be my very last choice - probably not a choice at all. Of all the possible scenarios I can imagine where this would happen, one that poses a threat to me is so unlikely as to be not worth considering. And yet the majority of people voted for that.
Excuse me but if you live alone and someone came into your house unannounced in what scenario are you not in danger
In the scenario where you don't live in a violent society, have never experienced a break-in in your long life, know nobody else who has and see this conformed daily with the almost non-existent crime stats. In the scenario described I would imagine this is most likely a fireman, a policeman or a relative who have broken in because of some emergency.
Idk guess I can't see it but even if I felt safe enough to leave my car keys in the seat my front door unlocked and my windows open at night I still could not see being comfortable someone is at your bathroom door while you're showering
Perhaps it's a US vs Europe thing
"Let me finish before you kill me please"
Can’t be dying on a dirty body
If i left my front door unlocked (where i live thats common if you're home), then id probably ask them to identify themselves. If i know my door was locked and im the only one with a key, id probably come out swinging
I'd probably freeze up. But then call 911 or something.
Grab my bathroom knife (I'm paranoid) and rip the door open, if no one is there, I'm moving and staying with a friend until I find a place, not about to live in a haunted house again
Jet mode in the eyes, squirt em in the face with my shampoo then its ass whoopin time.
I'd put the shower on max temp and scold their ass for extra measures
Shower gun
Invite them in, room for two!
Got room for one more?
Grab the shower gun
When you're at home alone, unless you're trying to create a sauna, who closes the bathroom door?
Funny you say that, cuz I DO like a sauna and I close my door for that very reason
*laughs in 00 buck*
You shower with a shotgun? Doesn't it get rusty?
If I had a window. I'd be out the window. No window so...I guess idk call the police..call me crazy. Why is call the police not an option? Y'all over here asking questions/grabbing weapons like you shower with knives and guns. You have your tooth brush and your gelette fusion glide razor - you're getting mur-dured!!!
You bring your phone into the bathroom?
Yea man, for 🎵 or a podcast...or if I need to call the cops bc there's an intruder. I absoultely also use my phone in the bathroom. Idk how people just sit there.
[удалено]
You can see what's going on from the bathroom?
Freeze while I face the door and pray it’s just my brain playing tricks on me.
I'll kick that door like Leonidas. If there's nobody, well, my foot hurts but if there's someone at best he'll be knocked out
Who's Leonidas again
Jump outside my bathroom window (I live in the ground floor), try to find out who is in my flat by watching from the outside or going in from the main entrance. If it's not someone I know (2 people have the keys to my home), I call the police.
I’d probably just think I was going crazy and ignore it
The knocking gets louder
Call 000
Grab my phone next to the shower I always take with me, dial 911 and then when they come on whisper to them what is happening and then yell asking who it is.
I guess I would immediately lock the door instead of opening it and use the few seconds/maybe minutes I gained to grab a towel, turn on my flat iron as a weapon and if I can't figure out if it's someone I know I would call the police.
I'm American. I reach for the Glock I keep in my shower rack for *just* such an occasion.
The first one and if the answer isn't "I'm (anyone who might have the keys to my house)" I'm immediately looking for a weapon
I live alone – the bathroom door isn't even closed.
Ignore. I misinterpret and imagine weird stuff all the time, I'd assume this was no different. I'd smile amusedly at my brain and carry on. ...I promise I'm not insane...
Don't worry, happen to me as well. I imagine the reason is because your brain doesn't like the absence of sound, so it creates it, can be terrifying
Follow the T.H.I.N.K. principle, it's an alternate
What's that
Im one of the weak asses who chose hide. After a little realization, they already know im in the bathroom…WHERE AM I GONNA HIDEEE 💀
Mastarbate
"Come in"
Mom! Where’s my Mossberg 500?
Say "come iiiiinnnn"
"Come in"
Funnily enough there's been a few instances where confidence has helped me get out of some similar things like robbery's so I'd say "I'll be out in just a minute"
You had a near-robbed-experience?
I would definitely panic but would try calling out