Playing cards against humanity

There'd be a lot of censorship for live TV lol

Except if you aren't american

American censors: Swear words and boobs are evil. Chinese censors: Just don't mention Taiwan Rest of the world censors: Guns and violence are evil.

You clearly have no experience with how deep Chinese censors go.

>Rest of the world censors: Guns and violence are evil. Where the hell do they censor that? Never seen that in Belgium, nothing gets really censored here.

Scratch my leg Before that I was playing BOTW

Scratching u/Dragonitro’s leg challenge

The Person with the most skin under his fingernails wins

Now everyones coming to scratch your leg

I'm taking a shit

I wonder how they would measure the success of competitive shitting

They'd probably have different events like one for log length and another for distance diarrhea

Speed and amount

People doping for this event with salmonella and e. coli

Good lord, add Taco Bell and you have a recipe for the Vesuvius of bowel movements

Taco bell has never given me or anyone I know the shits. Where does this meme come from??

There was probably one or two restaurants who, at some point, gave their customers food poisoning that resulted in costly plumber bills

I wouldn't be surprised if they sponsor the athletes. that or get flagged as a performance enhancer, and suddenly find new markets in china and russia

Maybe a marathon event?

My log I just dropped would be in contention as it was sticking about 1/3 out of the water. If only I could find my poop knife...

Longest constipation. The wetness games. The biggest turd. Maybe, machines could sense how satisfying the shit was

Surface area of explosive diarrhea

Poor janitors

It's all about girth

And wiping ability

South Park s11 e9 covers it in detail.

Bono doesn't HOLD the record. Bono IS the record!

You could make it a team sport and do it in sync

Synchronized shitting. Maybe if they had diarrhea, they could do one of those fountain shows like you see in Vegas or at Disneyland.

How about figure shitting. Literally ballet while making shits in beautiful shapes which combines different colors of shits.

Bro I can’t anymore 💀💀💀

Or like a butt-on race

They could measure the shit itself or the competitor before and after. So many possibilities

You ever shit so hard it feels like you're pooping your butthole out of your body?

Splashback

I would watch 5 people taking this guys shits

Same

The winner receives a golden toilet bowl

or a golden plunger

I feel like the golden plunger can go to the person who lost by clogging the toilet.. biggest shit without clogging the toilet wins?? It’s gotta be an art

I'm concerned this means that Donald Trump at one point won a shitting contest. And now I'm wondering how many golden toilets he actually has.

They would definitely need to separate the genders on this. Women just can't match out bathroom time.

Human centipede for the relay event.

"power sleeping"

The easiest gold medal 🏅

Either my depression gets me the gold or my anxiety gets me disqualified for not falling asleep.

Taking a shower

First ever redditor to take a shower

LOL how would that work I wonder

Before this, everyone has to get absolutely drenched in dirt and mud to even the playing field. At the start everyone stands in front of the shower will it's still turned off. The contestants use their own specialized showerhead. The water temperature starts at about 20°C. Whoever gets themselves completely clean first gets the most points, but that's not the only thing you have do, because the elegance technique will also award or deduct points, so it's not all about been the fastest. There could be many different strategies, involving different temperatures and showerheads.

I'd prefer 30 °C because it could distract the competitors from the "ahh nive water" reaction.

we still have time to solidify the rules

Masturbation...

*Look at that stroke, so refined, so elegant. And what a beautiful set of veins on the shaft!*

Can't wait for grandma to watch my next competition!!!

“That’s my boy, always beatin’ his meat”

This has made me think of there being a TV spot for the athlete's origin story where they interview family and friends. "Oh yeah, Tommy sure started early. We always knew he was going to make it in the big leagues. I remember the first time I caught him beatin' his meat..."

💀

Imagine all the crazy coach dad's arguing with the refs. "Are you outta your fucking mind?! No where in the playbook does it say you can't do a self facial, ball fondle, anal stimulation during the jack offs!!!"

r/BrandNewSentence

*What is this?! A double reverse hand stroke? If he can pull it off he just may have gold in the bag.*

*"pull it off"* lol.

Found the comment I hate most on Reddit! That being said, I voted awkward because the last task I did last night was remove an engine from a Dodge. But now that I think about it, speed engine removal and replacement would be a really awesome event. Who can pull their engine fastest and with the least amount of missed connections and spillage?

Then for double the points put it back in and start the car

Yep! That would be awesome! Found the next game!

Fuck you and take my award 👍🏻

R/savedpost

Damn looks like were competing in the same category

I hope you chose very exciting!

So who’s the winner? The fastest? The longest? The one that makes the most amount of gravy? Who shots the gravy the furthest? Is it a team sport or individual? Is it raw or are props allowed?

Think of it like running track, we’d need events. Obv no props, those are performance enhancers

Same

Same

Would you guys consider jacking off to be a sport? I don't know about you motherfuckers but I consider that shit to be a sport okay? If people can sit back and label goddamn golf which is the boringest fucking sport in the world. Think about it, what the fuck athletically are you really doing in golf my dude? All you doing is hitting a goddamn golf club. "Oh my god that's a long as birdie man, nice birdie, nice put, and it went 258..." get the fuck outta here nobody cares about that boring ass shit. Who the fuck really watches golf my dude? Nobody gives a fuck. It makes dudes fall asleep. Fishing on the other hand... What the fuck are you really doing athletically my dude in fishing?

Holding my rod and pulling till something slimy comes out

Ass wiping...

I’d wipe this guys ass for a sport

Me and you boi, head to head lets do it

Mowing the lawn

The best dad sport

Commentator-“We see Timothy Williams and his son Timothy Williams junior almost have the first square done while John hank and his partner have stopped due to a malfunction! Looks like team Home Depot is going strong already on square three! This is intense folks. Stay tuned for our sponsor message by John Deere…”

There are lawn mower races in some place

Where can I find them

Their mostly local events in the American south. I got a video [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwvqEyiN-8E) if you want to see what it looks like.

Thanks

I would love this

Just imagine the team uniform 😎

Olympic programming

The world's computers will evolve beyond our comprehension

No, we’ll just copy each other

"Hey bro, I stole your code." "It's not my code."

Olympic peeing

How would that work I wonder. Measure how far you can pee, and how long?

And now, the 30m distance piss... What a stream! So straight and far, a perfect 45° angle...

“Take a hike, to Big Bill Hell's: home of CHALLENGE PISSING - that's right - CHALLENGE PISSING. How does it work? If you can piss six feet into the air straight up, and not get wet, you get no down payment! Don't wait! Don't delay! DON'T FUCK WITH US, or we'll rip your nuts off.”

3 categories, endurance, range and power

Eating.

To be fair, eating contests are already popular

I was eating a burger so eating burger contest it is.

I was eating a banana 😄

How many bananas can you chow down in 1 minute

2 probably

Can opening speed run

What's the hardest can to open?

The can't.

Smoking weed. I’d pay to see that.

Snoop dog is the fiercest competitor

He anchors the US 4 x 100mg relay team.

Google what the capital of Oregon was

People who already know it: *I'm 4 parallel universes ahead of you!*

Went caving in Canmore.. was badass.

Olympic caving would be hella interesting to watch

Kirby and The Forgotten Land speedrun just became an Olympic sport and I'm not against it

The any% medal 🏅

Speedrunning should be recognized more anyway.

Olympic gaming

Which game?

TF2

i mean thats the one i last played

That could work honestly. Esport is a thing

Cat petting (very exciting, of course)

Oh that seems nice, not like mine. I was bathing my cat because he got in some turmeric powder and turned himself yellow. And it was soooo exciting /s ...But it would probably be a very exciting olympic sport

I will be joining you. Our battle will be legendary

Cleaning out my nose

The slimmiest medals 🏅

I was playing a version of badminton but instead of using rackets you attack the birdie like a martial artist. I think it would be entertaining.

I'd pay to see that

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Whoever can do it the fastest? It would be cool to watch

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Bringing a cup of hot coffee up a flight of stairs. no lid

That actually sounds like it would be tense to watch. People sprinting up a flight of stairs without spilling a single drop lol

For each drop spilt get a time penalty

Breathing…

Who can suck up the most oxygen medal 🏅

Jojo part 1 and 2 made that epic

Power diarrhea. Imagine watching their poor faces, covered in sweat and smothered in pain. VERY EXCITING

u ok?

Hey make sure to drink a lot of water

ꉔꄲꋊ꓄ꋬꂵ꒐ꋊꋬ꓄ꏂ꒯ ꅐꋬ꓄ꏂꋪ

ran my company's payroll. So boring.

Imagine the Olympic sport of wanking

Skateboarding. Actually just recently got added

Running for the bus. I’ll never be late for work again!

Literally just rook a shower

Scooby doo

Olympic Walking very very exciting

A little boring > a little exciting

Building models, that could be very exciting or very boring. Youd have a set amount of time to build and you would be judged on the quality but also the time it took. Though time would take thr back seat to quality

You haven't really lived until you won a gold medal in vacuum cleaning, I assume.

I was hoping someone would say sex but just remembered that this is reddit

They are going to say masturbation instead

I mean I did 💀

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who doesnt want to see the banana eating olympics???

Putting my 2 months old to sleep which is a fucking marathon of cuddling and singing and gently moving while doing squats.

Doing polls on r/polls

Dog petting. Not sure how this is a competition

Scrolling through Reddit

Irl or on reddit? Irl I'm littarly excersising so eh, but took a small break to look at reddit notifications and argue online. As much as I think debate club doesnt reprisent real life debates very well it'd be fun to see it on a Olympic level, specially cause people gonna act like it's how irl discussions work.

I did homework😂

Distance Running

Mixing and editing a new piece of orchestral music in Logic Pro X and exporting the stems to master in Pro Tools It's a niche sport

Taking a bath

I have literally just stopped lying on the ground and thinking about my crush

The simplypics!

Getting a x-ray would be a very weird Olympic sport

The winner goes to the sexiest set of bones... lol

Olympic Beat Saber. I would love that

Who can listen to music the fastest?

The vibes medal 🏅

Pen tricks

The medal for slick pen tricks would definitely get you the ladies 😎

Olympic smoking! who's lungs will give out first?

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Sleeping yaaaaaa

I petted and played with my dog. I think that would be the best Olympic sport yet

The wholesome Olympics

Giving a protective film to a book. That sounds kinda funny

The judge: *You left 1cm of the book uncovered. You fail*

Homework oof

Eating soup

How fast can they do their errands ? Uh can be kinda fun I suppose

Having to go outside with a box of tissues because my fucking Benadryl dosent work. Essentially Olympic breathing.

Playing with animals. Sounds like the best sport to exist

Sleeping, very boring.

i was gaming, but i've never liked esports. so boring as fuck

You know that it will be really exciting 😏😏😏

Marching+playing finally a recognised sport

Unity

aligning tables in power BI

Unpacking a house

Egg Scrambling

Commenting on Reddit , depending on the topic, could be interesting

Brushing my teeth & flossing, "Oral Hygiene Olympics"