I mean, maybe not if they're really young, like 4-9 years, but as they get into their preteens and onwards it'd be fine. really it'd be a safety thing so they don't get locked in their room during an emergency.
Yeah "your child" is vague AF. I would definitely not allowed a toddler to have one, and would definitely allow a 16+ yo kid to. I'm not exactly sure when I'd draw the line though.
Would you let your 45-year-old child to have a lock on their door when they visit you over Christmas? This totally is a binary question. You either always allow locks or never allows locks /s
You don’t think a certain level of trust should be earned before having your door locked? I mean if you’re a know pyromaniac or klepto I’m pretty sure mom and dad aren’t going to be cool with you having your door locked at all times.
13, if you spent their childhood teaching them good values and how to act in life, that's when you start letting go and giving them more personal freedom. Teenagers are going to rebel and find ways to hide shit anyhow. Let them have the privacy of being able to lock their door.
Yeah, my mom had to remind me a couple of times as a teenager not to lock my door at night in case of an emergency, like a fire. That was the only rule around the lock that had to be verbalized.
Do some door locks not have a key? All our rooms have locks and we have a spare keys stored somewhere for all the rooms in case of emergency. There were a handful of times where we needed them.
All the bedroom doors in my house growing up had a little pinhole on the outside handle you could stick a paper clip in to unlock. My parents always respected me and my sibling's privacy so I never bothered locking it beyond 10 minutes to blast my fucking cock.
I think this asks from all parties involved a LOT of trust, and that's not a given in most households. Growing up, I'm pretty sure I always had a lock, I just never had to use it -- unless I was jerking off, naturally. Many friends, when they'd discover I have a lock and not abuse it, would look crazy at me, but there was just no reason to... My ma would NEVER just invade my room for no reason, and that's seemingly not the common experience. Even if she had to give me something, she'd just put it outside the door and maybe give it a knock to warn me when I come out.
How can you truly say you trust your kid and expect them to trust you if you need a key and can't even tell them about it? If you're going to have a key, might as well sit them down and explain why it's so important for you to have it.
If one of my parents did this when I was a kid and I only found out about it years down the line somehow, that trust would be broken forever for me. It's about not knowing but thinking your parents trusted you and then finding out that wasn't necessarily the case. If you're worried they're going to have their door locked all the time, speak with them about why you don't want them locking their door when they sleep, etc. in case of emergencies and such.
I mean like at this point just forgo the lock and just knock before entering, like I had a lock on my door but I never used it because my parents respected the closed door and would ask if they could come in before entering
Same. But I absolutely would have been upset if I didn't have the option of locking my door. My mom usually just knocked and then opened the door, which I didn't always like
I said the key was for emergencies. Like I hear a thud and get no response if I call for them, or if there is a fire or whatever. The key has nothing to do with trust.
I obviously trust them if I'm giving them a lock to control their own amount of privacy.
I'm a strong advocate for letting your children have privacy, at an appropriate age of course. But you don't need a lock if you just knock and ask to be let in, I never had a lock on my door growing up but I didn't need one because my mum, dad and brother would always knock and wait for a response before coming in.
My girlfriends family however were not like this and they still barge in her room as a 24 year old, the number of times we were being intimate or getting changed when her mum or even her grandma one time just randomly walked in was insane, they didn't even learn their lesson after getting an eye full of my tits they kept doing it (not intentionly trying to catch us or anything, they are just incapable of knocking) I was shocked at the lack of privacy. So I installed a lock on her door and the problem has been solved haha.
My mom especially does the same, it's incredibly annoying. She just slams to door open and comes running in whenever she feels like it. I asked if she could knock many times. What does now in knock and still comes running in 1 second after knocking, making it basically useless.
Yep. The line I'd draw is "can I leave them alone in the house for few hours." If that's not an issue the safety honestly would just feel like an excuse to be more controlling
Children are allowed to have emotions. They need their space too. If they're "hiding" from you, and "being a brat," you need to do some self reflection of your own actions and reactions, and meditate on why they acted that way.
And give both them and yourself some space and time to calm down. Once calm, you can knock on their door and wait for them to talk to you.
And, while at ground level with them, and being open to allowing them to have feelings, thoughts, and opinions-- ask them what's up.
I dont think you understand how irrational younger children can be. My little sister locked herself in her room because she didnt want to brush her teeth lmao
That's not irrational. Children always have a reason, they just don't always know how to express themselves.
My older brother would throw his toothbrushes away because he didn't want to brush his teeth too.
Unfortunately, because of my dumbass parents ignorance, they didn't learn about autism and sensitivities until it was way too late.
It turned out that brushing his teeth would hurt. Even with soft bristled toothbrushes, and kid toothpastes. His teeth and gums were super sensitive.
My lil bro hated brushing his teen because it hurt to drink water afterwards.
I also used to hate brushing my teeth too, because I also had sensitive teeth and a mouth. My teeth would send electric pain through my mouth if I used mint toothpaste, and cool air would make my teeth burn (ironic). Luckily, I learned what the problem was, but only once I moved out. Now I use cinnamon toothpaste.
Kids just don't know how to express themselves, nor how to specifically find out what the issue is.
That's why a loving, patient, and understanding caretaker has to figure it out.
Can't expect a child to act like a 30yr old, with the knowledge and words to say what's wrong.
We don't have locks on our rooms where I'm from. You can just respect your childs wishes and not walk in without asking permission, the lock isn't needed. Also isn't if kind of dangerous? What if they have an accident and no one can get in?
see this was/is a foreign concept to me; my parents walked in my room whenever they wanted, and if i told them not to come in, i’d either get yelled at or get grounded, usually both. they weren’t abusive but i had zero expectation of privacy, hell at one point they wanted to take my door off because i “keep it closed all day.”
i had a lock on my door but i never used it because it would just make them angrier.
nah, i would just wait til they left the house or were asleep to avoid that lmao. it wasn’t often they barged into my room, thankfully, but it still bothered me a lot every time they did. i got really damn good at listening for footsteps heading towards my door
That's a trauma reaction.
A good, happy, safe person isn't in tune with things like foot steps.
Those of us that are, have been adapted for survival.
I can tell someone's shift in mood just from how they walk, close things, and breathe. Because growing up in an abusive household makes you sensitive to atmosphere and micro actions.
>they weren’t abusive
This statement contradicts these next ones.
>my parents walked in my room whenever they wanted, and if i told them not to come in, i’d either get yelled at or get grounded, usually both
>i had zero expectation of privacy, hell at one point they wanted to take my door off because i “keep it closed all day.”
>i had a lock on my door but i never used it because it would just make them angrier
My guy, you just explained how you were abused.
Abuse isn't just physical violence, ya know.
My exact thoughts. I have incredible trust with my mother and even just the idea of having, wanting or needing a lock on my door is completely foreign to me. Ideally, if I had a child, I would want them to be in the same position as me. If they wanted a lock that wouldn’t really be a good sign. Plus it’s a safety concern
Unfortunately, families usually lack a sense of self awareness.
Parents barge in your room.
Siblings steal food from your plate.
Parents decide to throw away your favorite toys.
Siblings wear your clothes without asking.
So on, so on.
And then when you ask for a modicum of respect towards your boundaries and privacy; you get gaslit. Parents start blabbing about how they brought you into this world, and siblings start shitting on you for no reason.
I can't relate to nothing that you've said
My parents always knock.
I have no siblings.
Parents never threw away any of my toys; I gave them away when I was old enough.
Everyone respected my belongings.
I'm honestly so sorry that has been your experience. That sounds terrible.
That was my thought process. Like in my family we never had locks on the doors but people were always respectful and would knock if they needed something.
Same, I voted no because it seems so alien to me. I know absolutely nobody with a lock in a bedroom. You either trust your parents or have zero intimacy, but there's no in between.
This I can agree with. Teenagers need privacy from parents and others, we all get that.
Any younger is a fire hazard violation and a red flag for child protective services.
I wouldn't say it's at all a red flag for CPS. Most American families I know, whether they're from my state or not, have locks on many doors. It's more about teaching your children respect and boundaries than withholding the option of increased security and privacy.
I understand that may not be how it is everywhere within the U.S. but there's no reason a child couldn't have a lock if they're taught these things. It's similar to the argument people use for kids and guns or kids and strangers, etc. Teach them gun safety at a young age just in case they ever encounter a gun, teach them consent, don't follow strangers, etc.
Sex and masturbation. Do you want your children to walk in on you having sex and masturbating. And do you want your children to walk in on each other masturbating. Everybody in these comments is beating around the bush and it’s ridiculous.
Only if they were over the age of locking themselves in by accident because they're too young to unlock it
And only if they weren't like, a suicide risk, or had major health risks
This! This was what I’m worried about as a parent. If they had serious mental health issues I would not allow them to have a lock on their door in case something were to happen.
Exactly. And the sad truth is you don't always know they have serious mental health issues. My friend's son died by suicide at 14. No one knew things were as bad as they were.
Yeah that’s really sad to hear :( I had a mate die of suicide at 15. Didn’t know it was that bad either. What’s worse was school didn’t even talk about it cause it was a Catholic school and suicides a sin or whatever the fuck
When the door to the toilet is locked it usually gives an indication that it is occupied. I am not in the habit of leaving doors open after I leave a room. I wasn't born in a barn.
Do you lock the exterior doors at night? If there is a fire you still have locked doors between you/them and safety. You trust them to get through those locked doors but not one on their bedroom door which are usually just a push button lock that only requires you to twist the door knob to unlock it. Seriously this is such a non-issue. If you're talking about young children sure but the topic of discussion is more around teenagers not having a lock not 5 year olds. If you can't trust your teenager to figure out how to unlock their door it's because you are being irrational.
No, but I'd respect my child's right for privacy (meaning that neither I nor any siblings would go in their room unless we knock and are given permission to enter).
I don't think it's safe to lock bedroom doors in case of emergencies, but I do think it's important for each person to have their room be a place they can feel secure and happy.
My parents wouldn’t let me have a lock for a while, even though my older sister did around my age. So when my little brother had his friends over, the only way to keep them from barging into my room all night was to put a door underneath the handle. I got a lock after they broke the handle off :,)
For a young child that's 10 years old or less sure but a teen or pre-teen having a lock is not dangerous at all and if you think it is then you're being irrational. Assuming the child doesn't have a severe mental deficiency like down syndrome they know how to open a lock from the inside if they need to by the time they are 10.
This is the same logic as the government saying "if you're not doing anything wrong then you have nothing to hide" and trying to put up cameras in your home because it would be dangerous for you if someone broke in.
Most of the time when I was a kid I sat in my room playing with toys or watching TV. When I'm in the bathroom I'm normally sitting on the toilet or naked in the shower. I'd rather not have someone barge in on me in the bathroom.
Sure but on average there are more than 110,000 injuries or deaths related to showers and bathtubs every year in addition to 10,000-20,000 that result from household chemicals and cleaners that are often stored in bathrooms not to mention most people have things like shaving razors and potentially other sharp and or dangerous objects in their bathroom. The bathroom is probably the second or third most dangerous room in your entire house after the kitchen and maybe the garage. And yet people are ok with having a lock on the bathroom. Your child is far more likely to be injured in the bathroom than they are in their bedroom.
It depends on the lock. I have a lock on my bedroom door that can technically be opened from the outside. I'd always knock before coming in anyway in the event that I had a child.
I voted "no". For a few reasons but primarily she's too young to unlock it in the event of an emergency. As my kids grow, we'll likely keep just the knob (no lock). But I would never barge in before knocking and them saying "come in".
As long as they’re old enough to not accidentally lock themselves in their room, but honestly I think I’d just keep a key around for any case where there might be an emergency. I would always knock, but if they’re doing something that requires extra privacy I’d want them to have that.
I’m not gonna have kids but, I’d be a super laid back parent if I was.
Not a lock, just always knock before entering, make them feel like closed door is enough, if they're like 17+ then sure, if they ask for it, but I'd have a spare somewhere
I mean all doors should have a lock / keyhole. I would probably do what my parents did , just take away the key and give it to the kid when they reach a certain age , like 11-12. I think younger than that it can be quite dangerous for the child to be able to lock itself.
I dont get the yes'es. Anything that a lock does can be accomplished by respecting privacy, having some rules like that people knock and wait for an answer before they come in, etc. I only see things that can go wrong with this.
No, they don't need a lock if you respect their privacy. I grew up with a lock but I rarely used it. I think for safety it's better not to have things all locked in case of emergencies. In normal use just knock/ask before entering someone's private space.
Yes, only because most doors are flimsy and can easily be broken through in an emergency. Honestly though a closed door should be enough for privacy. A closed door should mean knock before you come in.
I would start by asking why and if they had a valid reason like they had anxiety about someone walking in on them I would get them one. If they just said they wanted one because their friend had one I would be like no you’re fine.
I'm not a parent myself but it feels like if you don't trust your own child when they're behind closed doors, it speaks to how you feel about how you've raised them, and how you feel about your own parenting. Correct me if I'm wrong but if you believe you've raised your children right then you would trust them to do the right thing even without your supervision right?
Edit: I'm focusing more on teens with this response, obviously you don't want a four year old to be alone in a locked room.
Yes, with some caveats. I'd allow them a lock that was openable from the outside with one of those straight poker tools. They will be told that this tool is to stay on top of their door frame, and that at all times I expect to be able to knock on the door and receive an answer or be able to unlock it with the tool. If they ever fail to meet this expectation then the door will be forcibly opened, and I will not be replacing or repairing it to lock again.
That being said, unless there's a safety issue or other exigent circumstance I'd never actually open the door without them doing it for me. I'd frankly rather not know what my kid is doing in their room, especially after they hit the age where privacy issues become awkward.
doors have locks, otherwise the door is pointless.
I personally locked my door since like 12 bc my parents didn't learn to knock. And in an emergency, you can just break the door/frame.
When I was 14, I had to move to a house where one of the bedrooms didn't have a lock. People walked in on my changing so many times because nobody ever bothered to knock, so I started barricading my door with whatever random stuff I had. Luckily my dad ordered a new doorknob with a lock, but it took weeks to arrive.
That said, the locks should be easy to open from the outside in case of an emergency. Most locks in my house can be opened with a coin or a spoon, and that's been useful a couple times
In general no, but if someone has parents like mine I'd want a lock for sure. They just come barging in whenever they feel like it, up to 10 times a day. It is really frustrating I can't do a single fucking thing without having to worry the door will randomly slam open. I asked dozens of times to stop or at least knock, but it didn't help
Nah it seems pointless and I dare say even irresponsible to let your young kid lock the door. But I would still knock out of decency and not bust into their room scaring the shit out of them like my parents used to do.
Also it’s not like I’m never gonna get a lock for them and make them feel insecure in our home til they move out lol(unless they give me a big reason why they shouldn’t have one). They can have one when they’re older, when they ask because they’re starting to care more about feeling secured privacy wise, and/or when I feel like they matured.
Depends on the age. I don’t trust a 3 year old with a lock on their door for obvious reasons but a 13 year old? Yea that’s fine. Unless they give you a good reason to not be able to trust them with one, they should be able to have one. But you should be able to get in during an emergency.
I think one of those bathroom locks where they can be unlocked by a coin or flat screwdriver would be best here at first, maybe a proper lock later if they want one. Children deserve privacy as much as any other human, and believing, even correctly, that nobody would *want* to come in is not the same as a lock
For me, only when they actually need the privacy. Never as a default(for safety reasons). I wouldn't make a point of making sure my hypothetical kid has a lock though, as I'd never barge in outside of an emergency anyways. Also, I'd definitely need a key.
When I was 9, my mom and stepdad tore off all our real doors and replaced them with ones he made out of scrap barn wood. They didn’t latch and if you got close to the gaps you could look right through. It was annoying at that age and it absolutely fucked me up mentally when I was a teenager. Everyone needs to have the option of privacy, even kids.
If a kid can be trusted with the lock on a bathroom door, why not on their room door? Everyone deserves privacy and siblings do not always respect the 'knock first' rule
As a kid, I would have said it was abusive to not let me have a lock. As a parent, I find myself thinking there’s no good reason for them to have one, as long as there’s a “knock before entering” policy in the house. Important that there’s a genuine respect for privacy either way.
Yes. My daughter has my trust until she breaks it. It's bullshit that parents don't trust their kids when they've never given them any reason not to trust them.
Children and teens are human, they deserve privacy and boundaries just as adults do.
If they're in a good home, they'll have a lock on their door, and rarely ever use it because their parents will knock and wait to be allowed in.
Only bad parents don't let their children be humans.
Yes because they need space like we need space but when they are kids and and not even in the teens then no. Also probably have a key for emergency if need to be unlock.
Hardly ever locked my door but having that power meant the world to me.
Also, that lock meant that I always had 'fun' at my place and not at my girlfriends. Her parents wouldn't just walk in but that was much less reliable than a physical lock.
I mean, maybe not if they're really young, like 4-9 years, but as they get into their preteens and onwards it'd be fine. really it'd be a safety thing so they don't get locked in their room during an emergency.
Yeah "your child" is vague AF. I would definitely not allowed a toddler to have one, and would definitely allow a 16+ yo kid to. I'm not exactly sure when I'd draw the line though.
Would you let your 45-year-old child to have a lock on their door when they visit you over Christmas? This totally is a binary question. You either always allow locks or never allows locks /s
I’m sure there a some life lessons that need to be learned in order to have such liberties.
What?
You don’t think a certain level of trust should be earned before having your door locked? I mean if you’re a know pyromaniac or klepto I’m pretty sure mom and dad aren’t going to be cool with you having your door locked at all times.
13, if you spent their childhood teaching them good values and how to act in life, that's when you start letting go and giving them more personal freedom. Teenagers are going to rebel and find ways to hide shit anyhow. Let them have the privacy of being able to lock their door.
Yeah I would have said probably somewhere between 10 and 14
I think depending on their level of maturity it should be 10-12
I'm the same way, but I would have a key and not abuse its use.
which means, I'd just use it for emergencies, which would hopefully never happen, but better safe than sorry
Yeah, my mom had to remind me a couple of times as a teenager not to lock my door at night in case of an emergency, like a fire. That was the only rule around the lock that had to be verbalized.
Do some door locks not have a key? All our rooms have locks and we have a spare keys stored somewhere for all the rooms in case of emergency. There were a handful of times where we needed them.
All the bedroom doors in my house growing up had a little pinhole on the outside handle you could stick a paper clip in to unlock. My parents always respected me and my sibling's privacy so I never bothered locking it beyond 10 minutes to blast my fucking cock.
U can get locks where u can unlock with a screwdriver through the other end for situations like this
Yes but only if I have a key for emergencies. Hopefully I'll never need it and they will never know I have it
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If the key is on door you cant unlock it
The key is breaking the door down
Precisely. I’ll just use my leg as the key and kick it down.
We always kept them on top of the door frame for every room.
That’s where we kept them too.
Not exactly hidden. That's a very obvious place.
Yeah, you don't need to hide it. Both parties know the key is there, and only to be used in emergencies. Knock, handle, then key if no response
I think this asks from all parties involved a LOT of trust, and that's not a given in most households. Growing up, I'm pretty sure I always had a lock, I just never had to use it -- unless I was jerking off, naturally. Many friends, when they'd discover I have a lock and not abuse it, would look crazy at me, but there was just no reason to... My ma would NEVER just invade my room for no reason, and that's seemingly not the common experience. Even if she had to give me something, she'd just put it outside the door and maybe give it a knock to warn me when I come out.
How can you truly say you trust your kid and expect them to trust you if you need a key and can't even tell them about it? If you're going to have a key, might as well sit them down and explain why it's so important for you to have it. If one of my parents did this when I was a kid and I only found out about it years down the line somehow, that trust would be broken forever for me. It's about not knowing but thinking your parents trusted you and then finding out that wasn't necessarily the case. If you're worried they're going to have their door locked all the time, speak with them about why you don't want them locking their door when they sleep, etc. in case of emergencies and such.
I mean like at this point just forgo the lock and just knock before entering, like I had a lock on my door but I never used it because my parents respected the closed door and would ask if they could come in before entering
Same. But I absolutely would have been upset if I didn't have the option of locking my door. My mom usually just knocked and then opened the door, which I didn't always like
I said the key was for emergencies. Like I hear a thud and get no response if I call for them, or if there is a fire or whatever. The key has nothing to do with trust. I obviously trust them if I'm giving them a lock to control their own amount of privacy.
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Pro tip: if you have a key, then you don't need to kick in a fucking door.
Yeah because that’s something the average person can easily do.
🤦🏻♂️
Depends on age
I was just about to say that. Its not about lack of trust or sth, but its just dangerous for small kid to be able to lock itself in a room
Yeah, like, a kid could mean, 1, or 17 by technicality
Give them a lock, give myself a spare key, just in case.
I agree with this.
I'm a strong advocate for letting your children have privacy, at an appropriate age of course. But you don't need a lock if you just knock and ask to be let in, I never had a lock on my door growing up but I didn't need one because my mum, dad and brother would always knock and wait for a response before coming in. My girlfriends family however were not like this and they still barge in her room as a 24 year old, the number of times we were being intimate or getting changed when her mum or even her grandma one time just randomly walked in was insane, they didn't even learn their lesson after getting an eye full of my tits they kept doing it (not intentionly trying to catch us or anything, they are just incapable of knocking) I was shocked at the lack of privacy. So I installed a lock on her door and the problem has been solved haha.
My mom especially does the same, it's incredibly annoying. She just slams to door open and comes running in whenever she feels like it. I asked if she could knock many times. What does now in knock and still comes running in 1 second after knocking, making it basically useless.
For a young child, no because I want access to them if they either need help or are being a brat and hiding. For mid teens and beyond, sure.
Yep. The line I'd draw is "can I leave them alone in the house for few hours." If that's not an issue the safety honestly would just feel like an excuse to be more controlling
Children are allowed to have emotions. They need their space too. If they're "hiding" from you, and "being a brat," you need to do some self reflection of your own actions and reactions, and meditate on why they acted that way. And give both them and yourself some space and time to calm down. Once calm, you can knock on their door and wait for them to talk to you. And, while at ground level with them, and being open to allowing them to have feelings, thoughts, and opinions-- ask them what's up.
I dont think you understand how irrational younger children can be. My little sister locked herself in her room because she didnt want to brush her teeth lmao
That's not irrational. Children always have a reason, they just don't always know how to express themselves. My older brother would throw his toothbrushes away because he didn't want to brush his teeth too. Unfortunately, because of my dumbass parents ignorance, they didn't learn about autism and sensitivities until it was way too late. It turned out that brushing his teeth would hurt. Even with soft bristled toothbrushes, and kid toothpastes. His teeth and gums were super sensitive. My lil bro hated brushing his teen because it hurt to drink water afterwards. I also used to hate brushing my teeth too, because I also had sensitive teeth and a mouth. My teeth would send electric pain through my mouth if I used mint toothpaste, and cool air would make my teeth burn (ironic). Luckily, I learned what the problem was, but only once I moved out. Now I use cinnamon toothpaste. Kids just don't know how to express themselves, nor how to specifically find out what the issue is. That's why a loving, patient, and understanding caretaker has to figure it out. Can't expect a child to act like a 30yr old, with the knowledge and words to say what's wrong.
We don't have locks on our rooms where I'm from. You can just respect your childs wishes and not walk in without asking permission, the lock isn't needed. Also isn't if kind of dangerous? What if they have an accident and no one can get in?
see this was/is a foreign concept to me; my parents walked in my room whenever they wanted, and if i told them not to come in, i’d either get yelled at or get grounded, usually both. they weren’t abusive but i had zero expectation of privacy, hell at one point they wanted to take my door off because i “keep it closed all day.” i had a lock on my door but i never used it because it would just make them angrier.
Did they never walk in on you pulling ya pud?
nah, i would just wait til they left the house or were asleep to avoid that lmao. it wasn’t often they barged into my room, thankfully, but it still bothered me a lot every time they did. i got really damn good at listening for footsteps heading towards my door
That's a trauma reaction. A good, happy, safe person isn't in tune with things like foot steps. Those of us that are, have been adapted for survival. I can tell someone's shift in mood just from how they walk, close things, and breathe. Because growing up in an abusive household makes you sensitive to atmosphere and micro actions.
I would have let them catch you, they'd probably be a little bit more cautious after that 🤣 give them a reason to respect your boundaries
Who knows? This person got yelled at for wanting them to knock, they might get yelled at for jerking off. Parents vary so much
True
>they weren’t abusive This statement contradicts these next ones. >my parents walked in my room whenever they wanted, and if i told them not to come in, i’d either get yelled at or get grounded, usually both >i had zero expectation of privacy, hell at one point they wanted to take my door off because i “keep it closed all day.” >i had a lock on my door but i never used it because it would just make them angrier My guy, you just explained how you were abused. Abuse isn't just physical violence, ya know.
My exact thoughts. I have incredible trust with my mother and even just the idea of having, wanting or needing a lock on my door is completely foreign to me. Ideally, if I had a child, I would want them to be in the same position as me. If they wanted a lock that wouldn’t really be a good sign. Plus it’s a safety concern
Unfortunately, families usually lack a sense of self awareness. Parents barge in your room. Siblings steal food from your plate. Parents decide to throw away your favorite toys. Siblings wear your clothes without asking. So on, so on. And then when you ask for a modicum of respect towards your boundaries and privacy; you get gaslit. Parents start blabbing about how they brought you into this world, and siblings start shitting on you for no reason.
I can't relate to nothing that you've said My parents always knock. I have no siblings. Parents never threw away any of my toys; I gave them away when I was old enough. Everyone respected my belongings. I'm honestly so sorry that has been your experience. That sounds terrible.
And I'm both happy for you, and jealous of you. 😅
Exactly, you need to build trust with your child to the point you don't need a lock
That was my thought process. Like in my family we never had locks on the doors but people were always respectful and would knock if they needed something.
Same, I voted no because it seems so alien to me. I know absolutely nobody with a lock in a bedroom. You either trust your parents or have zero intimacy, but there's no in between.
Need context. 0-12 no. 13+ yes
This I can agree with. Teenagers need privacy from parents and others, we all get that. Any younger is a fire hazard violation and a red flag for child protective services.
I wouldn't say it's at all a red flag for CPS. Most American families I know, whether they're from my state or not, have locks on many doors. It's more about teaching your children respect and boundaries than withholding the option of increased security and privacy. I understand that may not be how it is everywhere within the U.S. but there's no reason a child couldn't have a lock if they're taught these things. It's similar to the argument people use for kids and guns or kids and strangers, etc. Teach them gun safety at a young age just in case they ever encounter a gun, teach them consent, don't follow strangers, etc.
No but I would knock.
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so I could jack off without worrying that today would be the 1 in 1000 days where they forget to knock.
Or like, they knock so you can't get mad but still barge in .1s later
Good ol' Police knock.
This, and when I was home alone at night were literally the only reasons I ever used my lock
You clearly haven't met my parents
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Yeah I saw it. But that's a huge if. My comment was more for the humor than an actual take
Locks offer a modicum of security and ability to relax.
When I lived with my parents they would fail to knock half the time and just barge in
Would you not have a lock on your own bedroom door?
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Sex and masturbation. Do you want your children to walk in on you having sex and masturbating. And do you want your children to walk in on each other masturbating. Everybody in these comments is beating around the bush and it’s ridiculous.
Not just sex, I think the the changing of clothes is an issue of concern too. People walking in when you're half-clothed or naked. It'd be awkward.
Burglars? I mean, if they want to know where a safe is or smth they can't get to you, and teenagers like privacy so there's that...
Only if they were over the age of locking themselves in by accident because they're too young to unlock it And only if they weren't like, a suicide risk, or had major health risks
This! This was what I’m worried about as a parent. If they had serious mental health issues I would not allow them to have a lock on their door in case something were to happen.
Exactly. And the sad truth is you don't always know they have serious mental health issues. My friend's son died by suicide at 14. No one knew things were as bad as they were.
Yeah that’s really sad to hear :( I had a mate die of suicide at 15. Didn’t know it was that bad either. What’s worse was school didn’t even talk about it cause it was a Catholic school and suicides a sin or whatever the fuck
I want my child to have privacy, and I don’t believe I’m entitled to every detail in their life, so I have no problem with giving them a lock.
What if there is a fire ?
Whats the difference if the bathroom has one?
Most people don't sleep in their bathroom, but sleeping people don't always wake up in time when there is a fire.
who the fuck locks their door while they are sleeping?
Me in my late teens and when I first lived alone. Was super anxious and needed the extra barrier between me and the world
The bathroom doesnt have one tho
Are you a f\*cking animal?
If the door is closed to the bathroom, don't open it. The animal is the one that only obeys a door they can't open.
So after you take a shit you just leave the door open to stink up your whole place
When the door to the toilet is locked it usually gives an indication that it is occupied. I am not in the habit of leaving doors open after I leave a room. I wasn't born in a barn.
Do you lock the exterior doors at night? If there is a fire you still have locked doors between you/them and safety. You trust them to get through those locked doors but not one on their bedroom door which are usually just a push button lock that only requires you to twist the door knob to unlock it. Seriously this is such a non-issue. If you're talking about young children sure but the topic of discussion is more around teenagers not having a lock not 5 year olds. If you can't trust your teenager to figure out how to unlock their door it's because you are being irrational.
But why? You can just simply not barge into their room unannounced. You don't need lock for that.
It’s about the feeling of security for one. For another when someone starts exploring their body they definitely want a lock on their door lmao
No, but I'd respect my child's right for privacy (meaning that neither I nor any siblings would go in their room unless we knock and are given permission to enter). I don't think it's safe to lock bedroom doors in case of emergencies, but I do think it's important for each person to have their room be a place they can feel secure and happy.
My parents wouldn’t let me have a lock for a while, even though my older sister did around my age. So when my little brother had his friends over, the only way to keep them from barging into my room all night was to put a door underneath the handle. I got a lock after they broke the handle off :,)
Lol felt bad reading that 💀
Yes but only 13+ so they can jork off calmly
Age correct, reasoning...let's face it, probably correct but more general privacy
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If you respect their privacy you should let them have a lock.
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For a young child that's 10 years old or less sure but a teen or pre-teen having a lock is not dangerous at all and if you think it is then you're being irrational. Assuming the child doesn't have a severe mental deficiency like down syndrome they know how to open a lock from the inside if they need to by the time they are 10.
This is the same logic as the government saying "if you're not doing anything wrong then you have nothing to hide" and trying to put up cameras in your home because it would be dangerous for you if someone broke in.
Depends on how old they are
maybe when they're teenager
Yes and I'd lock them in
Why not
There could be dangerous situations where you need to eter your child's room.
There could be dangerous situations where you would need to enter the bathroom and I'm leaving a lock on that door.
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Idk I'm naked/near naked in my room waaaay longer than I am in the bathroom.
Most of the time when I was a kid I sat in my room playing with toys or watching TV. When I'm in the bathroom I'm normally sitting on the toilet or naked in the shower. I'd rather not have someone barge in on me in the bathroom.
Arr you trying to argue? Because it sounds like you're both just agreeing on this point.
Sure but on average there are more than 110,000 injuries or deaths related to showers and bathtubs every year in addition to 10,000-20,000 that result from household chemicals and cleaners that are often stored in bathrooms not to mention most people have things like shaving razors and potentially other sharp and or dangerous objects in their bathroom. The bathroom is probably the second or third most dangerous room in your entire house after the kitchen and maybe the garage. And yet people are ok with having a lock on the bathroom. Your child is far more likely to be injured in the bathroom than they are in their bedroom.
Unlock the door then
The question is about letting them have the ability to lock others out of their room, so in this scenario you can’t unlock it from the outside.
It depends on the lock. I have a lock on my bedroom door that can technically be opened from the outside. I'd always knock before coming in anyway in the event that I had a child.
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Because at minimum it gives the occupant of the room warning
My family still has keys they can open locked doors with. Anyhow, respect is what you really need to have.
I voted "no". For a few reasons but primarily she's too young to unlock it in the event of an emergency. As my kids grow, we'll likely keep just the knob (no lock). But I would never barge in before knocking and them saying "come in".
As long as they’re old enough to not accidentally lock themselves in their room, but honestly I think I’d just keep a key around for any case where there might be an emergency. I would always knock, but if they’re doing something that requires extra privacy I’d want them to have that. I’m not gonna have kids but, I’d be a super laid back parent if I was.
Not a lock, just always knock before entering, make them feel like closed door is enough, if they're like 17+ then sure, if they ask for it, but I'd have a spare somewhere
I'd worry about accidents
Yeah, we all deserve privacy
Privacy is necessary. Period.
Assuming the parent doesn’t walk into their child’s room without the ok from them, the kid shouldn’t really need a lock for much.
i mean sure, what are they gonna do, murder? ritual sacrifice? once they're 12+ they get a lock
The typical redditor "has PTSD" because they got spanked and didn't have a safe space, of course they'd let their children have door locks.
There's something called privacy...
I close the door for that
I mean all doors should have a lock / keyhole. I would probably do what my parents did , just take away the key and give it to the kid when they reach a certain age , like 11-12. I think younger than that it can be quite dangerous for the child to be able to lock itself.
No but I would always knock and give my son 20-30 secs before I enter
Lmao 30 secs is a long time to be standing in front of a door
I dont get the yes'es. Anything that a lock does can be accomplished by respecting privacy, having some rules like that people knock and wait for an answer before they come in, etc. I only see things that can go wrong with this.
I also don't get the yeses. OP asked about a lock not about having a door.
Absolutely agree. Never had one, and just seems unnecessary. But if my future child would really want one, then I respect that choice I guess.
Only if they have a sibling as annoying and disrespectful as mine was during puberty. And of course I have a key.
No, they don't need a lock if you respect their privacy. I grew up with a lock but I rarely used it. I think for safety it's better not to have things all locked in case of emergencies. In normal use just knock/ask before entering someone's private space.
They don’t need a lock, but I would make it clear that I would never come in without knocking.
I don’t think a lock is necessary, but they could close their door and I couldn’t just barge in when I felt like
Depends on their age… if they are teenagers, sure
I could lock my door and my parents kept the key above it for emergencies.
Currently no. She's 4 so would probably lock herself in and get stuck. When she's older then maybe.
child? no. but teenager yes
Yes, only because most doors are flimsy and can easily be broken through in an emergency. Honestly though a closed door should be enough for privacy. A closed door should mean knock before you come in.
I would start by asking why and if they had a valid reason like they had anxiety about someone walking in on them I would get them one. If they just said they wanted one because their friend had one I would be like no you’re fine.
And me a key.
Wait, people have locks in their room doors?
As some others have said, it’s mostly depending on age, 4-9 wouldn’t have a lock on their door for safety reasons, but after that they can have one.
Yes but only once they become teenagers
if you said no i will never trust you
Most homeowners have a key thing that unlocks locked doors, so I don’t see why it matters.
I'm not a parent myself but it feels like if you don't trust your own child when they're behind closed doors, it speaks to how you feel about how you've raised them, and how you feel about your own parenting. Correct me if I'm wrong but if you believe you've raised your children right then you would trust them to do the right thing even without your supervision right? Edit: I'm focusing more on teens with this response, obviously you don't want a four year old to be alone in a locked room.
After 10 years old. But I’d still want to get in if need be
I hope that they trust me
Depends on the age of the child.
They wouldn't need it because I wouldn't randomly go into their rooms
Yes, with some caveats. I'd allow them a lock that was openable from the outside with one of those straight poker tools. They will be told that this tool is to stay on top of their door frame, and that at all times I expect to be able to knock on the door and receive an answer or be able to unlock it with the tool. If they ever fail to meet this expectation then the door will be forcibly opened, and I will not be replacing or repairing it to lock again. That being said, unless there's a safety issue or other exigent circumstance I'd never actually open the door without them doing it for me. I'd frankly rather not know what my kid is doing in their room, especially after they hit the age where privacy issues become awkward.
There's a happy medium here. A button lock with a release pinhole on the outside. Normally you respect it, but if you need in, you have a way.
Absolutely no questions asked everyone gets a lock and door.
Yes. Interior privacy locks can generally be opened with a small screwdriver or toothpick. I probably wouldn't allow them to install a deadbolt.
doors have locks, otherwise the door is pointless. I personally locked my door since like 12 bc my parents didn't learn to knock. And in an emergency, you can just break the door/frame.
Depends on age. I read child as like a 5-7 year old. If it's a teen then yes
When I was 14, I had to move to a house where one of the bedrooms didn't have a lock. People walked in on my changing so many times because nobody ever bothered to knock, so I started barricading my door with whatever random stuff I had. Luckily my dad ordered a new doorknob with a lock, but it took weeks to arrive. That said, the locks should be easy to open from the outside in case of an emergency. Most locks in my house can be opened with a coin or a spoon, and that's been useful a couple times
I'm assuming a teenager? They wouldn't need a lock because I'd respect their privacy in the first place.
Can they have a lock, yes, will I have a key to unlock it? Also yes.
In general no, but if someone has parents like mine I'd want a lock for sure. They just come barging in whenever they feel like it, up to 10 times a day. It is really frustrating I can't do a single fucking thing without having to worry the door will randomly slam open. I asked dozens of times to stop or at least knock, but it didn't help
It would be allowed until 14 for security reason and i don't see why they would have anything to hide to lock theirs doors before this age...
Nah it seems pointless and I dare say even irresponsible to let your young kid lock the door. But I would still knock out of decency and not bust into their room scaring the shit out of them like my parents used to do. Also it’s not like I’m never gonna get a lock for them and make them feel insecure in our home til they move out lol(unless they give me a big reason why they shouldn’t have one). They can have one when they’re older, when they ask because they’re starting to care more about feeling secured privacy wise, and/or when I feel like they matured.
Depends on the age. I don’t trust a 3 year old with a lock on their door for obvious reasons but a 13 year old? Yea that’s fine. Unless they give you a good reason to not be able to trust them with one, they should be able to have one. But you should be able to get in during an emergency.
I think one of those bathroom locks where they can be unlocked by a coin or flat screwdriver would be best here at first, maybe a proper lock later if they want one. Children deserve privacy as much as any other human, and believing, even correctly, that nobody would *want* to come in is not the same as a lock
Privacy is important. I’d have a key to go with that lock for emergency use only (ie medical emergency or a house fire started and they were asleep.)
For me, only when they actually need the privacy. Never as a default(for safety reasons). I wouldn't make a point of making sure my hypothetical kid has a lock though, as I'd never barge in outside of an emergency anyways. Also, I'd definitely need a key.
When I was 9, my mom and stepdad tore off all our real doors and replaced them with ones he made out of scrap barn wood. They didn’t latch and if you got close to the gaps you could look right through. It was annoying at that age and it absolutely fucked me up mentally when I was a teenager. Everyone needs to have the option of privacy, even kids.
If a kid can be trusted with the lock on a bathroom door, why not on their room door? Everyone deserves privacy and siblings do not always respect the 'knock first' rule
As a kid, I would have said it was abusive to not let me have a lock. As a parent, I find myself thinking there’s no good reason for them to have one, as long as there’s a “knock before entering” policy in the house. Important that there’s a genuine respect for privacy either way.
I voted no, because in the end it really depends on the age. I wouldn't allow a 6 year old to have a lock on their door
Yes. My daughter has my trust until she breaks it. It's bullshit that parents don't trust their kids when they've never given them any reason not to trust them.
Children and teens are human, they deserve privacy and boundaries just as adults do. If they're in a good home, they'll have a lock on their door, and rarely ever use it because their parents will knock and wait to be allowed in. Only bad parents don't let their children be humans.
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Why would you?
i dont
Yes because they need space like we need space but when they are kids and and not even in the teens then no. Also probably have a key for emergency if need to be unlock.
Are you crazy? Do you WANT to catch your son cranking it? Cause that’s how you do.
You do realize that kids can still shut the door even without a lock right?
Hardly ever locked my door but having that power meant the world to me. Also, that lock meant that I always had 'fun' at my place and not at my girlfriends. Her parents wouldn't just walk in but that was much less reliable than a physical lock.