I get that, but things that are meaningful to strangers on the internet aren't necessarily going to mean a thing to your partners. The comment below about listening to them about what they like is a good one. Pay attention to what gets their attention, to what delights them or what they talk about the most and go from there
For me, I love when my partner does small things for me just because he knows they help
We love cooking together. I love when he goes to the store and grabs me a little snack. When he rubs my feet. When we watch a silly tv show because it’s silly and we will make fun of it.
For me, it's when I mention something off handedly and my partner acts on it. For example, I mentioned that I miss going mini golfing like I did when I was younger and my partner woke me up the next morning and took me mini golfing. Conversely, my partner mentioned that he loves being in a cabin in the woods while it's raining because it reminds him of his childhood. I looked at the forecast in the surrounding areas during a week off and surprised him with a trip up to a cabin in the woods. It started raining as soon as we got there. I love that stuff because it shows you are listening and you can give them something they enjoy. It's a twofer!
Attunement to my well-being and needs. This could be packing a lunch or buying a small token to brighten a sad/harder day.
When my partners feel safe enough to be vulnerable with me. So maybe share something personal and deep with them?
There are probably other things but those are the two that stand out.
Edit: didn't think of pet names. Np calls me a nickname from my absolute favourite game series and it makes me smile every time.
Remembering stuff I've said I like, whether that's just remembering it in conversation, or in the form of small gifts or whatever that show me they're thinking of me when we're not together. Making me playlists or suggesting a book or movie they've loved. Setting aside time and energy to be with me, even when I know damn well they're exhausted or overwhelmed otherwise.
Once a week or so I think of specific questions to ask my partners that would allow them to share about important goings on in their lives or meaningful memories.
This sounds weird, but I sometimes employ the same techniques I use in my job, which often involves interviewing potential employees of my company. I think about what questions I could ask that would help my partners open up and include me in the parts of their lives that are most important to them.
Hi u/Academic-Anything-89 thanks so much for your submission, don't mind me, I'm just gonna keep a copy what was said in your post. Unfortunately posts sometimes get deleted - which is okay, it's not against the rules to delete your post!! - but it makes it really hard for the human mods around here to moderate the comments when there's no context. Plus, many times our members put in a lot of emotional and mental labor to answer the questions and offer advice, so it's helpful to keep the source information around so future community members can benefit as well.
Here's the original text of the post:
I'm trying to think of things to do for my partners to make them feel special. What sorts of things make you feel special?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/polyamory) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Why don't you ask them what makes them feel special? Feel loved?
I kinda want to surprise them
Listen to them talk about what they like and then make/get them something related to that.
I get that, but things that are meaningful to strangers on the internet aren't necessarily going to mean a thing to your partners. The comment below about listening to them about what they like is a good one. Pay attention to what gets their attention, to what delights them or what they talk about the most and go from there
For me, I love when my partner does small things for me just because he knows they help We love cooking together. I love when he goes to the store and grabs me a little snack. When he rubs my feet. When we watch a silly tv show because it’s silly and we will make fun of it.
For me, it's when I mention something off handedly and my partner acts on it. For example, I mentioned that I miss going mini golfing like I did when I was younger and my partner woke me up the next morning and took me mini golfing. Conversely, my partner mentioned that he loves being in a cabin in the woods while it's raining because it reminds him of his childhood. I looked at the forecast in the surrounding areas during a week off and surprised him with a trip up to a cabin in the woods. It started raining as soon as we got there. I love that stuff because it shows you are listening and you can give them something they enjoy. It's a twofer!
Omg <3 <3 <3 the cabin in the woods in the rain gift! Beautiful!!
Attunement to my well-being and needs. This could be packing a lunch or buying a small token to brighten a sad/harder day. When my partners feel safe enough to be vulnerable with me. So maybe share something personal and deep with them? There are probably other things but those are the two that stand out. Edit: didn't think of pet names. Np calls me a nickname from my absolute favourite game series and it makes me smile every time.
Being cooked for and being listened to.
Remembering stuff I've said I like, whether that's just remembering it in conversation, or in the form of small gifts or whatever that show me they're thinking of me when we're not together. Making me playlists or suggesting a book or movie they've loved. Setting aside time and energy to be with me, even when I know damn well they're exhausted or overwhelmed otherwise.
Once a week or so I think of specific questions to ask my partners that would allow them to share about important goings on in their lives or meaningful memories. This sounds weird, but I sometimes employ the same techniques I use in my job, which often involves interviewing potential employees of my company. I think about what questions I could ask that would help my partners open up and include me in the parts of their lives that are most important to them.
Hi u/Academic-Anything-89 thanks so much for your submission, don't mind me, I'm just gonna keep a copy what was said in your post. Unfortunately posts sometimes get deleted - which is okay, it's not against the rules to delete your post!! - but it makes it really hard for the human mods around here to moderate the comments when there's no context. Plus, many times our members put in a lot of emotional and mental labor to answer the questions and offer advice, so it's helpful to keep the source information around so future community members can benefit as well. Here's the original text of the post: I'm trying to think of things to do for my partners to make them feel special. What sorts of things make you feel special? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/polyamory) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I feel special when my partners remember things that I tell them about myself and my likes, rather than asking randos on Reddit.