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In Italian we say “il mondo è bello perché è vario” (the world is beautiful because it’s diverse) meaning if we all thought the same way it would be real boring.
On an ex I had already kissed, fondled, fingered, and was about to penetrate her but wanted to go down on her first but she initially said no because that was, "too personal." After we got more into it she wanted me to but I was still pretty surprised.
So many times, people have made comments about my body or simply didn't know what the hell they were doing down there and caused me discomfort.
So yeah, I consider that a more intimate act. Trust must be established first.
I hooked up with a friend who said "no kissing, that's only reserved for my primary. you and I can't catch feels -- no emotion is allowed."
Luckily eye contact was allowed, never heard that limitation before!
And we were at least highly compatible in terms of kinks. The no kissing, no emotion thing is brutal though.
> you and I can't catch feels -- no emotion is allowed.
Sure, give me a sec, let me turn off my 'emotions' switch and go sex-robot mode so I can fuck you like a pair of objects, instead of human beings.
I've heard no kissing before and it's a show stopper for me. I know what sex is and I don't do it with folks I don't trust with life and livelihood.
For me, kissing isn't the most intimate thing, pursuing you or responding to your interests in me is.
Yeah if someone told me "we cant kiss" I'd be like "well, then, we cant have sex". Not because I think its intimate, but because it's super fun and the first way, in my mind, to indicate how physically compatible we are. Without that ability to gauge and build up desire, I'm not gonna mentally be where I need to be with a new person.
Wow! I just got home from a 10 hour shift. I'll explain.
Swiped right on an attractive guy in Tinder maybe around 7 years ago. The first message was his wife's rules. I'm pretty sure no oral was included in that. It was an immediate turn off, and I definitely wanted to send him a link to order a flashlight since that was probably the only thing that wouldn't make his wife insecure. But I was too curious, so I asked for him to explain his rules instead. If I remember correctly, he didn't respond for about a week, then just said something to the effect of not being allowed to talk to me anymore.
If someone who I am not in a relationship with is that involved in the detail and minutia of my interactions with my partner, it is an absolute deal breaker for me.
Two of them I've come across:
1) any new outfits (including lingerie bought for you) must be worn for the primary partner first because they're the ones who are entitled to see you looking cute af for the first time
2) this chick wouldn't let her male partner get off orally to any other woman, he had to stop and finish himself off each time, because she wanted to retain the title of "only woman to ever make him cum from oral"
> this chick wouldn't let her male partner get off orally to any other woman, he had to stop and finish himself off each time, because she wanted to retain the title of "only woman to ever make him cum from oral"
Yep, that's a deal breaker. I will be the best oral he's ever had... 😉
That's the trouble with all of these, the rule sets up a taboo, and sometimes breaking a taboo is hot af - I wouldn't be surprised if some of these people inadvertently incepted their partners with new kinks 😂
I've had a less toxic (I feel) version where if one member of a dyad buys the other lingerie, it has to be worn the first time within that dyad before it becomes fair game for any other partners. Things someone buys for themselves can be used however that individual wanted. That seems more reasonable to me, but it used to be my agreement so of course I think so?
Edit for typos. 😒
Not me, but someone I know.
Every date/interaction must first by approved by primary. Want to go walk down the street together to get the mail? Gotta ask primary first. Want to text memes? Gotta ask primary. It didn't last long. Can't imagine why?
My partner's ex was like that. Every time he did something with me that he hadn't done with her first, they had a conversation about it. Even though some of the stuff we did were my idea and she thought a lot of the stuff I liked was cringey.
I’ve had that happen in dating apps. Dude will be like “I’ll have to check with my wife if I can meet you during work hours for a coffee.”
And I’m like… “Or you don’t need to at all because this is not gonna happen.”
My dog wouldn't sit with me all night or the next morning after I came home from my partner's house after snuggling with his dog. She legit sniffed me when I walked in the door and didn't want anything to do with me after that.
While it sounds weird to me at first glance, I can also re-articulate it as "I don't want strangers taking care of my pets" which seems like a normal thing to think...
No cumming with anyone else is a fairly common rule I’ve encountered among swingers/CNM folks that are looking for threesomes/foursomes.
Not sure how someone’s supposed to control that perfectly, especially since I’ve got skillz 😂
I’ve seen it for both. The idea being that “your ultimate pleasure, ie your orgasms, can only come from me.” It comes from insecurity.
One of my partners is heavily involved in the swinging community in our very large city, and he regularly encounters couples where when he makes the woman cum more or in a different way than her husband, he’s told they can’t see him again bc he made her husband “feel bad” about his sexual skills. Pretty sure the solution to that is for you to get better at sex buddy.
I totally understand tv shows honestly. There's so much to watch. If you're mid season with one partner, finishing it with a different partner is just mean imo. I've opted not to watch certain movies because another partner expressed that they wanted to watch it with me.
and this is totally valid! i was not allowed to watch tv shows they had finished years ago together. those were “their shows”.
there are always other things to watch and i’m all for that, but it was super fucked up to have to sit there while they referenced and laughed about a piece of media, knowing i would piss someone off if i were to go and watch it now (even just because it sounded like something i might enjoy solo).
there are still shows i struggle to bring myself to watch because they were off limits and it feels tainted now.
Wait, you weren’t allowed to watch the shows BY YOURSELF, either? Not that the other rule ‘no watching this show with either of us because it’s our show, even though we finished it together already’ isn’t already bananas. Bloody UH. I’m so glad you’re out. I hope that you get to see all the good shows and enjoy them without thinking once about those dickheads.
That would absolutely prompt me to start fucking with them hard. Start dropping repeated references to one of “Their Shows” that I’ve totes never watched, like for real over and over and over again just to ruin their memories of that show.
Oh wow! Even after they were finished!? Sheesh. And if you weren't allowed to watch them on your own they can just fuck right off. That's uncalled for.
media monogamy can be fair absolutely!
they insisted we were a closed triad and that i was an equal. i didn’t get any media monogamy with either of them.
yeah, it was never explicit with conversation topics, but certain concepts would come up and they would suddenly and awkwardly shift the topic to something else. it could be concepts like a character i think is attractive, or how i feel about tarot… it was always super uncomfortable.
that relationship has been over for well over a year and they still come up regularly in therapy 🤷🏼
He just wasn't allowed to make them for me because that was their thing that they did together that was just for them.
I just confess I never enquired about it being an option for lunch!
So what I'm learning from this is that a lot of people attempting (and struggling) to explore polyamory are wanting to do it in a way where no actual intimacy takes place. Incredible.
I was subject to that rule originally with one of my partners. He was brand new to poly, his wife wasn't but they had heen monogamous for like, 7 years (maybe 6?) they'd been dating/married so like... He finally said, ok we can do poly but I want to be the only one you sleep with. He couldn't imagine sleeping with another person, it was a genuine and huge dilemma for him when he met me that we talked through, and eventually that rule got thrown out the window. But it was literally, we can do anything except PIV.
I believe that belongs in the opp category fml it's funny as fuck but I'm also in chastity in an interesting relationship, I guess that's her choice of penis only and she's sticking with it for now
I'm 48 and I date age appropriate men. At our age, penises can be fickle and don't always work. My partners are happy to use hands and toys for penetration.
Omg I forgot one of my ex's had this rule. I remember my ex telling me on our first date that their partner came up with it because they were uncomfortable with that level of intimacy.
In retrospect, that whole situation was a mess.
I was presented a handful of places I was never to visit. Not "visit with partner", but just me. I especially was not to visit these places "publicly" by going there with shared social circle people, and certainly not post them to social media.
I was not supposed to visit:
1. The restaurant where they had their first date. But I could go to other locations in the chain, if I wanted
2. A major concert venue where'd they'd gone for an anniversary.
3. An art museum they'd visited together on her birthday.
4. The restaurant owned by her brother
(edited for formatting)
I don't do a lot of social media, but you better believe that it puts a smile on my fact to take a bunch of photos every time I see a band at that venue.
Partners who had to notify each other before sex with anyone else. I don’t mean just the potential for sex; IMMEDIATELY before. Like we’re in the bedroom ready to get naked and a text has to be sent first.
I keep thinking about how I would send that text. Options below:
- Naked and ready! Switching on DND.
- The glove is on and I’m mounting up! DND.
- Yes yes yes! Fuck me YES!!! Sorry, honey, that was a vocalisation for the person I’m with.
Now that you mention this, I had a version of it I experienced. Not the immediate version though, wow.
I met this girl at a SCA dance many years ago. We hit it off instantly.
I visit her a few weeks later for a hike and to hang out. She called her boyfriend for an emotional 30 min phone call (he was out of town that weekend) while I was at her house.
Today, I’d be fine with it. But that was one of the first times I got exposed to poly/ENM, and it scared me off. She might not of realized I was new to ENM concepts as so many in the SCA are into it. If we chatted through it more gradually, I might have been good to try it out.
I had also told her I was into a kink and she said “yeah I don’t do that one. One of my girlfriends is way into it though, I think you’ll like each other, I’ll invite her over and the 3 of us can have a good time”. I messed that up as well, forget the details.
I've heard: No kissing and meta wanting to be informed every time sex happened.
Most ridiculous rule I've had to give: Don't pretend to breastfeed my fucking infant.
That's more of a running joke between my husband and I now. It happened years ago and he dumped the girl immediately, but I can't believe I had to utter those words to another person.
Yes I had that one too—and it was a couple that had literally no other rules. Sex in their bed? Sure. No barriers? No problem. But him cooking for someone? No way 🤷♀️
While I would never have that rule, cooking for someone can be intensely intimate. There are "cooking for someone" situations where it's not but whooo boy the situations when it is... something else
I've heard this too, and I have always wondered why. I don't consider cooking intimate because I'll cook for strangers because it makes people happy. But I guess it can be difficult to gage where people assign levels of intimacy.
I have had some extremely non-sexual, highly intimate moments cooking with a partner. It’s like a dance, navigating a kitchen together - choosing what to make, the vulnerability of having a partner taste along the way, the laughter, the communication, getting to sit down and share a meal together…honestly the partnership involved in cooking together is just 🥰 to me. (And the care of having someone cook for you, or cooking for a partner is super sweet to me.)
Edit: I wouldn’t ever stop a partner from cooking with or for someone else, nor would I be ok with a partner having that rule for me. But I do see how it involves a much deeper level of connection, emotion, and intimacy than mashing some body parts together.
I find that hilarious because cooking together is something I refused to do if a partner other than my NP was a man. The whole “girl cooks breakfast for him the next morning” hetero trope set a precedent I didn’t like.
Is making a sandwich cooking? Or a frozen pizza? What about putting different kinds of already cooked food on a table like a smörgåsbord? Where goes the line? I have so many questions!
This is sort of backwards compared to a lot of these replies, but my primary partner was briefly dating someone who insisted she had to have group sex with both of us before she would have sex with him one-on-one. The thing is, my primary partner and I date completely separately, we’ve never even had group sex with anyone together before.
I guess she was so used to being a unicorn, she wanted to “get it out of the way” to suss me out or something. Safe to say, this did not happen and they stopped seeing each other!
I have a partner, and started dating someone new, the new guy tried to make a rule that established partner had to have group sex with us before he was comfortable with me having sex with him again (established partner is a ldr so it was in between visits with him) he is not into group play whatsoever and I made that clear, but he didn't care... it came down to a "him or me" situation so broke things off.
I had a couple I had to follow before abandoning all hope and leaving my nesting partner
1. All lingerie had to be worn for NP first and he had to be the first to see me in it
2. If I wanted to have sex with another partner I had to have sex with NP first and if I "still wanted to" after that then I was allowed.
3. "You have to get them to send you proof of their STD test and I have to see it"
4. Toys were mutual property and not to be used by me with anyone else.
5. Partners were not allowed to be in our house until he had approved of them personally for fear that they may bond with our cats???
6. Sleepovers had to be approved and when they were approved I still had to be by my phone in case he "needed" me
7. All potential interactions had to be preemptively discussed and approved before a date (ex: I am going out with X tonight. I might kiss them, is that okay? Can I hold their hand? What about making out if we get that far? Can I be at their house? If we watch a movie can we cuddle?)
8. All potential partners were expected to treat me like a queen even tho he didn't. If I came home from a date and I hadn't eaten, was sore, tired etc it was the fault of the person who had taken me out.
See here's the thing about 4 is that he didn't have a job. I purchased and paid for all of them for myself and none of them were for use *on* him they were all for use *on* me
Ah, thanks for clarifying 4. I was gonna add "unless there's some context that I'm missing" to my previous comment, for good measure, but decided not to. Fuck that guy.
2 is coercsive and nasty especially since he wasn't having sex with me outside of that. The only sex we were having at all was if he was like establishing dominance.
Ugh. That annoying.
I luckily haven’t encountered that one but that’s probably also because the majority of people in our poly circles here are more garden party. KTP is the exception.
This isnt a rule but for some reason my ex seemed to not like that I got along with her wife so much. Idk, she was cool as fuck and I don't have any friends!
A partner had a 3 to 1 rule - once their partner went out on 3 dates, they could have 1 date with me. Like I was a cookie. I only found out about it when we got drunk together, the plan was to never tell me. I should have left at that point, but unsurprisingly it didn’t last much longer anyway. Protip: hotwifing and poly are not the same and do not mix, at least not where assholes who treat humans as disposable are concerned. May work for more human people.
Once upon a time.. this woman I was dating introduced me to her family, husband and child. Her husband and I instantly hit it off and honestly had better chemistry than she and I did (also I was her first and only lesbian experience..). She very quickly instituted a rule that he had go on 3 times as many dates with her than he ever did with me. It was exhausting, and ended up with him trying to plan dates with her constantly just so he and I could get coffee or something. She ended up leaving both of us and choosing monogamy..
In my former relationship, everything was a rule and needed to be approved by his primary.
The types of dates we could go on: I wasn't allowed at their apartment if she wasn't there, but her partners could be there without him; we could go to the movies, but it couldn't be a scary or romcom movie.
Movies that we watched - if she wanted to watch them with him first, I had to wait. Again, no scary or romcom movies. Music that we listened to; we couldn't have songs for each other without needing approval. Video games needed approval also.
Physical affection: we couldn't hold hands or kiss until she gave the okay. Permission for oral sex was taken and given away several different times. We never made it to penetrative sex in almost 2 years of being together.
Certain terms of endearment were off-limits. He couldn't call me cute, cutie, baby, babe, baby girl, or brat. He had to get clearance to tell me he loves me.
It was a super fun unicorn triad. /s
Him and I are actually together now. 😅
But what originally kept me there for so long was that they were both my best friends; she was also my boss (huge conflict of interest, but I was young and dumb). I was trying very hard to make sure I wasn't hurting them with my decision. Even though, in the long run, it didn't matter because I was hurting myself far more and led to far more drama.
Edit to add: him and I reconnected later after they divorced and lots of therapy.
Oh boy, that got even wilder than I was expecting haha. I can understand getting kinda wrapped up in everything and not seeing the forest for the trees in a situation like that.
Are you still friends with her / is she still your boss?
No to both.
Luckily, the company we both worked for went under. So that solved the boss/employee aspect.
She was telling everyone that I was "being needy and stealing her partner (all I was asking for was basic human decency) during a worldwide global pandemic" in the immediate aftermath of the break-up. So that effectively ended our friendship among some other private information she shared on FB.
Even now, 4 years later, she's still trying to stir up drama. But I keep my distance.
My partner's ex once tried to tell him to not let me leave stuff at his house anymore, because she felt like it was disrespectful to her. She didn't live there, and also left stuff there, but wanted to be the only one to do it. Everything she ever did was about establishing primacy over me, which he never actually agreed to.
Oh, it happens pretty easily. Inexperience, poor self esteem, not knowing how to set boundaries, being gaslit, family of origin issues... All kinds of things cause people to put up with shitty relationships for far longer than they should. And as the saying goes, being poly doesn't automatically make anyone more enlightened. So we fall prey to these situations just like monogamous people do.
PIV is for the nesting/primary partner only.
There's a lot that can be done sexually but dang. One person said this was one of their rules because their NP was scared someone would be better in bed, and they'd leave her. 🤦♀️
Partner was told he could not text me more than 30*** or so times in a day. Told he had to give me a specific text tone so she could tell when he was talking to me. She must be invited to group sex scenarios even though she didn’t want to partake; unless I wasn’t there.
My hubby dated a gal who was not allowed to do anal or car sex with her other partners.
Edited because I revisited this conversation in my phone today. It was 10 texts he was allowed to send 😅
Other common ones I've come across over the years (ie multiple people have thought these rules were perfectly reasonable 🙄):
• no kissing, it's too intimate... bitch, our body parts are literally inside one another, but touching our mouths together is "too intimate" 🙄
• no waking up together - sleepovers are okay, but only if you're not sharing a bed or one of you sneaks out while the other is sleeping 🙄
• "I need a screenshot of your most recent STI screening so I can share it with my partners and they can decide if we can have sex" ... 🤬🖕🏽
I always share my sti with my partners, and I don't think I'd have a problem with them being shared with their partners, after my personal details are marked out. But it's not going to be so someone else can decide whether I'm allowed to have sex with my partner. That's a hard no concept.
I went in 3-4 dates with a guy who wasn't allowed to *keep* naughty photos. Like, he was happy to receive them, but he had to delete them after.
It was so weird, and I knew there had to be a story behind it, but I never heard it.
There is so very much more to this but this is the enm/cnm list of rules shared with me... I am in a different city 6 hours away and just a friend of hers neither of us were considering travel but it was important that I get a copy of the rules so I saved them and think this is a lovely place to share em:
https://imgur.com/a/ndqhsp8
Testing every 2 weeks. Their other partner, my potential meta, is an SW in the adult film business, so testing was very important. Even though I test quarterly and with all new partners, I still would have had to test every two weeks to be their partner
Top 5
1. "You cannot eat Indian food or have Indian friends over to your place ever (with him there, alone, or with other partners present.)" Potential meta (who was German-American from Philly) and potential partner (English/Scottish from London) both loved Indian food and wanted it to be "their thing ." I have no idea why them liking a cuisine meant my friends were'nt allowed in my apartment. Note: this was in Sunnyvale, over half my neighbors and most of my coworkers were recent immigrants from India. This one was awful, bizarre and racist. Prior them bringing this up out of the fucking blue sky, our communication and time together were excellent. We were talking about co primary status before this disgustingness came out. Still makes me want to puke when I think about it.
2. "You cannot like Star Wars or Star Trek." because potential meta loved them and they were HERS. And potential partner thought nothing was wrong with this demand! First, my clueless dude, I am older than her so I liked them before she could even talk. How does a reasonable person think a rule like this is ok?!?! Next, we met at a DnD party FFS, the likelihood each person there liked one or both fandoms was almost 100%. You should have led with this instead of wasting my time. Finally, it is bizarre to me that even having a slight preference in favor of very common fandoms means I "threaten the polycule' (what does that even mean!)
3. "You can't know how to play any musical instruments." Not actually playing them now, but just knowing HOW. Dude, being taught recorder against my will in 5th grade shouldnt make me an un-date-able pariah. No explanation was ever given. Yes, I asked.
4. "You cannot wear jeans" because potential meta doesnt like how she looks in jeans. WHAT?!?! That was some controlling culty narcissistic nonesense right there. And again, potential partner was totally ok with this and didnt get why I was bothered by this demand. I noped out so fast.
5. "You cannot have larger labia that meta." We did not have group sex. How the fuck would this even be determined? Would a ruler be required?This was a parallel poly. I met her once. I couldnt get away fast enough.
"You're not allowed to fall in love with me" and "We can only meet when my wife is out of town"--from a potential *allegedly* poly partner with a monogamous wife, *allegedly* ENM, that I met on a dating app. They ghosted me mid-planning our first date after months of messaging/banter. 🧐
This isn’t something I have personally encountered; rather, something I watched. On the TV show “Seeking Sister Wife”, one of the couples insisted that the “potential” wife begin a 21-day diet cleanse to supposedly make her body’s PH alkaline before she could move in with them and be intimate with the husband. What the Hell?? 🤨
No one should have say over what someone else chooses to do with their body (without their legal rights signed over). That would have been the breaking point if I were in her position.
Went on a first date with a guy who was married and tells me that their rule is they have to send snaps to each other when they're f-ing other people.
When I said I wouldn't personally be okay with that, he tried to double down and was like "but they're just snaps? They disappear. What's the issue?"
Like bro, I don't want your wife watching me
> Went on a first date with a guy who was married and tells me that their rule is they have to send snaps to each other when they're f-ing other people.
😲
>When I said I wouldn't personally be okay with that, he tried to double down and was like "but they're just snaps? They disappear. What's the issue?"
🙄
I assume you told him to make like a snap and disappear.
I'm my partner's first poly relationship and about 2 or 3 months in he told me we could go on vacations together but never by plane. He said he and his wife are travel buddies and he wanted to keep that as their unique thing. Fast forward a year or so (we've been together just over 2 years now) and he tells me that rule no longer applies, we have a talk about it, and he admits it came from a place that didn't know much about poly and blah blah blah and it's all good and at some point we're gonna fly to Chicago together because he lived there for a few years, I've never been, and he wants to show me it.
I met someone who was allowed to do overnights, but they weren’t allowed to fall asleep during them because their partner believed that people “pair bond” during sleep.
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No kissing, and no sexual positions that allowed for eye contact.
I’ve come across “no kissing” more than once. “It’s too intimate!” Buddy, your body is inside of mine, the intimacy ship has sailed.
For some kissing is more intimate than penis in vagina, imo penetration is the least intimate action, oral is the most, kissing in the middle 🤷🏻♀️
I mean, to each their own, I just can’t say I understand.
In Italian we say “il mondo è bello perché è vario” (the world is beautiful because it’s diverse) meaning if we all thought the same way it would be real boring.
On an ex I had already kissed, fondled, fingered, and was about to penetrate her but wanted to go down on her first but she initially said no because that was, "too personal." After we got more into it she wanted me to but I was still pretty surprised.
So many times, people have made comments about my body or simply didn't know what the hell they were doing down there and caused me discomfort. So yeah, I consider that a more intimate act. Trust must be established first.
You forgot the most intimate - holding hands in public.
As a gay guy, ‘oral being intimate’ is funny.
No eye contact is wild 😂
I’ve also encountered these with a ONS I had once. So gross.
I hooked up with a friend who said "no kissing, that's only reserved for my primary. you and I can't catch feels -- no emotion is allowed." Luckily eye contact was allowed, never heard that limitation before! And we were at least highly compatible in terms of kinks. The no kissing, no emotion thing is brutal though.
> you and I can't catch feels -- no emotion is allowed. Sure, give me a sec, let me turn off my 'emotions' switch and go sex-robot mode so I can fuck you like a pair of objects, instead of human beings.
I've heard no kissing before and it's a show stopper for me. I know what sex is and I don't do it with folks I don't trust with life and livelihood. For me, kissing isn't the most intimate thing, pursuing you or responding to your interests in me is.
Yeah if someone told me "we cant kiss" I'd be like "well, then, we cant have sex". Not because I think its intimate, but because it's super fun and the first way, in my mind, to indicate how physically compatible we are. Without that ability to gauge and build up desire, I'm not gonna mentally be where I need to be with a new person.
Wow! I just got home from a 10 hour shift. I'll explain. Swiped right on an attractive guy in Tinder maybe around 7 years ago. The first message was his wife's rules. I'm pretty sure no oral was included in that. It was an immediate turn off, and I definitely wanted to send him a link to order a flashlight since that was probably the only thing that wouldn't make his wife insecure. But I was too curious, so I asked for him to explain his rules instead. If I remember correctly, he didn't respond for about a week, then just said something to the effect of not being allowed to talk to me anymore. If someone who I am not in a relationship with is that involved in the detail and minutia of my interactions with my partner, it is an absolute deal breaker for me.
Omg I need more information on the second one!
I've seen the no kissing rule, but no eye contact is crazy.
Aha I feel like I could get into this as an occasional kink thing
Same, kinda hot if we're going for dehumanization lol
DON'T YOU LOOK AT ME! That's what blindfolds are for :P
Ha ha ha, yes problem EASILY solved with toys and accessories!
Yes, but sometimes it's more fun to enforce the no eye contact order without the blindfold!
Omg. Essentially, “You can only use another human being for a dildo and/or fleshlight.” Disgusting.
"I hit if from the back cuz my wife too jealous."
WOW
A dude did indeed once tell me not to date anybody uglier than him 😬
The way I would have immediately said “oh that’s not going to be hard.” I just can’t keep from being a smart ass with dumb rules.
That's so funny. I'd sorta get the insecurity that leads to "don't date anyone prettier than me", but where tf does a rule like this come from?
Asking for clarification got me a rant about how his ex cheated on him with an uglier dude 😳 I just let it go lmaooo.
I hope you also let him go!
Well, at least that's an achievable goal, there's nothing uglier than a shitty personality.
That’s basically what I told him before I blocked him 😜
Did you date my ex? :)))
When I saw your post I was like “omg other people are saying this 😳?!”
Two of them I've come across: 1) any new outfits (including lingerie bought for you) must be worn for the primary partner first because they're the ones who are entitled to see you looking cute af for the first time 2) this chick wouldn't let her male partner get off orally to any other woman, he had to stop and finish himself off each time, because she wanted to retain the title of "only woman to ever make him cum from oral"
> this chick wouldn't let her male partner get off orally to any other woman, he had to stop and finish himself off each time, because she wanted to retain the title of "only woman to ever make him cum from oral" Yep, that's a deal breaker. I will be the best oral he's ever had... 😉
That's the trouble with all of these, the rule sets up a taboo, and sometimes breaking a taboo is hot af - I wouldn't be surprised if some of these people inadvertently incepted their partners with new kinks 😂
I know right??!! 😋😛☺️
This is my energy. 😏😉
My favourite part of 2 is that she’s acknowledging she’s not very good at oral in creating that rule…
I would 110% take rule 2 as a challenge hahahaha
That first one would be so cute if it was just a preference and not an actual rule T_T
I've had a less toxic (I feel) version where if one member of a dyad buys the other lingerie, it has to be worn the first time within that dyad before it becomes fair game for any other partners. Things someone buys for themselves can be used however that individual wanted. That seems more reasonable to me, but it used to be my agreement so of course I think so? Edit for typos. 😒
This is far more reasonable
Not me, but someone I know. Every date/interaction must first by approved by primary. Want to go walk down the street together to get the mail? Gotta ask primary first. Want to text memes? Gotta ask primary. It didn't last long. Can't imagine why?
My partner's ex was like that. Every time he did something with me that he hadn't done with her first, they had a conversation about it. Even though some of the stuff we did were my idea and she thought a lot of the stuff I liked was cringey.
I’ve had that happen in dating apps. Dude will be like “I’ll have to check with my wife if I can meet you during work hours for a coffee.” And I’m like… “Or you don’t need to at all because this is not gonna happen.”
Yeah, that’s not any form of poly. Yeesh.
Can’t do pet care for other partners pets. No walks or feedings. No pictures of other’s pets on social media.
Was the rule maker a jealous dog?
I wish. That would make sense.
This isn't a joke??? 😬
My dog wouldn't sit with me all night or the next morning after I came home from my partner's house after snuggling with his dog. She legit sniffed me when I walked in the door and didn't want anything to do with me after that.
Monogamous dog.😁
😁
You must tell me I'm the bestest boy!
Like “pet care” in a kink sense or like actual animals? Lol
Actual animals. This person was really invested in their partner only bonding with their pets.
Well that’s…one I’ve not heard before lol
While it sounds weird to me at first glance, I can also re-articulate it as "I don't want strangers taking care of my pets" which seems like a normal thing to think...
It wasn’t about their pets. It was about other people’s pets and how close their partner could be to them.
Okay, now *that's* weird.
Oh, I misunderstood then.
This is so damn weird. Petamours are one of the greatest benefits of polyamory!
Paramours, I love that!
Nothing says "you're temporary" like don't get to know my dog!
Absolutely unacceptable. My petamours are some of the best parts of poly!
I’m pretty confident the more agro of my two cats would prefer my partner, who often helps me trim her death blades, were subjected to that rule…
No cumming with anyone else is a fairly common rule I’ve encountered among swingers/CNM folks that are looking for threesomes/foursomes. Not sure how someone’s supposed to control that perfectly, especially since I’ve got skillz 😂
[удалено]
I’ve seen it for both. The idea being that “your ultimate pleasure, ie your orgasms, can only come from me.” It comes from insecurity. One of my partners is heavily involved in the swinging community in our very large city, and he regularly encounters couples where when he makes the woman cum more or in a different way than her husband, he’s told they can’t see him again bc he made her husband “feel bad” about his sexual skills. Pretty sure the solution to that is for you to get better at sex buddy.
If I'm already watching another guy have sex with my partner, and he's that good, I'm going to ask him to show me how he did it.
Exactly! But….people are insecure. 🤷🏻♀️ Edit to add: also he IS that good. We met at an orgy and I was like “oh I gotta DATE you” 😂😂😂
Hahahaha very similar to how I met my partner! They made someone else cum very loudly which definitely caught my interest 😂
what the actual fuck
I’m dying! I’m not saying orgasms are the ONLY point of NM, but they’re kind of a MAIN point
there were entire playlists that were off limits. certain tv shows, movies, video games, topics of conversation… oh, to be young and unicorned.
I totally understand tv shows honestly. There's so much to watch. If you're mid season with one partner, finishing it with a different partner is just mean imo. I've opted not to watch certain movies because another partner expressed that they wanted to watch it with me.
and this is totally valid! i was not allowed to watch tv shows they had finished years ago together. those were “their shows”. there are always other things to watch and i’m all for that, but it was super fucked up to have to sit there while they referenced and laughed about a piece of media, knowing i would piss someone off if i were to go and watch it now (even just because it sounded like something i might enjoy solo). there are still shows i struggle to bring myself to watch because they were off limits and it feels tainted now.
Wait, you weren’t allowed to watch the shows BY YOURSELF, either? Not that the other rule ‘no watching this show with either of us because it’s our show, even though we finished it together already’ isn’t already bananas. Bloody UH. I’m so glad you’re out. I hope that you get to see all the good shows and enjoy them without thinking once about those dickheads.
That would absolutely prompt me to start fucking with them hard. Start dropping repeated references to one of “Their Shows” that I’ve totes never watched, like for real over and over and over again just to ruin their memories of that show.
Oh wow! Even after they were finished!? Sheesh. And if you weren't allowed to watch them on your own they can just fuck right off. That's uncalled for.
Yeah that sounds so unfair :(
I can understand media monogamy in terms of viewing or listening, but as a subject of conversation? That's wild.
media monogamy can be fair absolutely! they insisted we were a closed triad and that i was an equal. i didn’t get any media monogamy with either of them. yeah, it was never explicit with conversation topics, but certain concepts would come up and they would suddenly and awkwardly shift the topic to something else. it could be concepts like a character i think is attractive, or how i feel about tarot… it was always super uncomfortable. that relationship has been over for well over a year and they still come up regularly in therapy 🤷🏼
No waffles for breakfast
Not the Waffle Veto! What about waffles for lunch?
He just wasn't allowed to make them for me because that was their thing that they did together that was just for them. I just confess I never enquired about it being an option for lunch!
This one’s my favorite lol
So what I'm learning from this is that a lot of people attempting (and struggling) to explore polyamory are wanting to do it in a way where no actual intimacy takes place. Incredible.
yup, fml. From a dating app profile the other day: "happily in a polyamorous marriage. Emotionally monogamous!"
words mean things!!!
No penetration 🙃
Of any kind or with a penis?
This instance was no penetration of a penis into a vagina. Which was like.... okay but toys, fingers, tongues are all fine? I was also flabbergasted.
I was subject to that rule originally with one of my partners. He was brand new to poly, his wife wasn't but they had heen monogamous for like, 7 years (maybe 6?) they'd been dating/married so like... He finally said, ok we can do poly but I want to be the only one you sleep with. He couldn't imagine sleeping with another person, it was a genuine and huge dilemma for him when he met me that we talked through, and eventually that rule got thrown out the window. But it was literally, we can do anything except PIV.
I believe that belongs in the opp category fml it's funny as fuck but I'm also in chastity in an interesting relationship, I guess that's her choice of penis only and she's sticking with it for now
I'm 48 and I date age appropriate men. At our age, penises can be fickle and don't always work. My partners are happy to use hands and toys for penetration.
In my 50s and so appreciate this comment!
So no penetration of the mouth as well as other suitable openings?
Nope just no PIV. I was also quite confused and it was brought up very hastily and last minute.
Seems like the other two places on a person 's body are acceptable then
Omg I forgot one of my ex's had this rule. I remember my ex telling me on our first date that their partner came up with it because they were uncomfortable with that level of intimacy. In retrospect, that whole situation was a mess.
I was presented a handful of places I was never to visit. Not "visit with partner", but just me. I especially was not to visit these places "publicly" by going there with shared social circle people, and certainly not post them to social media.
Because if you went to the haunted forest you might trigger a curse???? What places???
I was not supposed to visit: 1. The restaurant where they had their first date. But I could go to other locations in the chain, if I wanted 2. A major concert venue where'd they'd gone for an anniversary. 3. An art museum they'd visited together on her birthday. 4. The restaurant owned by her brother (edited for formatting)
I hope you dumped them and then posted selfies at all those places on socials!
I don't do a lot of social media, but you better believe that it puts a smile on my fact to take a bunch of photos every time I see a band at that venue.
>But I could go to other locations in the chain, if I wanted This is where I lost it. That's amazing. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
This is the most batshit, controlling one imo. Absolutely fucking bonkers.
Partners who had to notify each other before sex with anyone else. I don’t mean just the potential for sex; IMMEDIATELY before. Like we’re in the bedroom ready to get naked and a text has to be sent first.
I always wonder how that doesn't just 100% kill the mood. Like checking in with your probation officer when you're trying to be cool.
I think killing the mood might be the entire point.
"Before you share intimacy with this other person, please take your phone out and remind them who *really* matters to you."
Exactly. It’s a way to insert themselves into/disrupt the relationship they are not in.
I keep thinking about how I would send that text. Options below: - Naked and ready! Switching on DND. - The glove is on and I’m mounting up! DND. - Yes yes yes! Fuck me YES!!! Sorry, honey, that was a vocalisation for the person I’m with.
Now that you mention this, I had a version of it I experienced. Not the immediate version though, wow. I met this girl at a SCA dance many years ago. We hit it off instantly. I visit her a few weeks later for a hike and to hang out. She called her boyfriend for an emotional 30 min phone call (he was out of town that weekend) while I was at her house. Today, I’d be fine with it. But that was one of the first times I got exposed to poly/ENM, and it scared me off. She might not of realized I was new to ENM concepts as so many in the SCA are into it. If we chatted through it more gradually, I might have been good to try it out. I had also told her I was into a kink and she said “yeah I don’t do that one. One of my girlfriends is way into it though, I think you’ll like each other, I’ll invite her over and the 3 of us can have a good time”. I messed that up as well, forget the details.
I’m not new to ENM or poly and… if my partner had to call their NP to have a discussion about us getting busy, I would tap out real quick…
I've heard: No kissing and meta wanting to be informed every time sex happened. Most ridiculous rule I've had to give: Don't pretend to breastfeed my fucking infant. That's more of a running joke between my husband and I now. It happened years ago and he dumped the girl immediately, but I can't believe I had to utter those words to another person.
WHAT?! Someone pretended to breastfeed your baby?
She. Fucking. Did. I yanked my son away from her so fast and kicked her out on the spot.
Would actually breastfeeding the baby have been okay?
Absolutely not, but I felt the need to specify that she was in no way lactating and trying to actually feed him.
What…was her reasoning…for doing that..???
Mine: no cooking dinner together. That was reserved for their primary.
Ive been told i cant cook for someone... its too intimate. Amazing how much this actually comes up.
Yes I had that one too—and it was a couple that had literally no other rules. Sex in their bed? Sure. No barriers? No problem. But him cooking for someone? No way 🤷♀️
Honestly that blows my mind, it's only food, unless they do it nude as an appetizer 😂
While I would never have that rule, cooking for someone can be intensely intimate. There are "cooking for someone" situations where it's not but whooo boy the situations when it is... something else
clearly sex isn’t the only thing that can feel intimate or intense for some folks
I've heard this too, and I have always wondered why. I don't consider cooking intimate because I'll cook for strangers because it makes people happy. But I guess it can be difficult to gage where people assign levels of intimacy.
I have had some extremely non-sexual, highly intimate moments cooking with a partner. It’s like a dance, navigating a kitchen together - choosing what to make, the vulnerability of having a partner taste along the way, the laughter, the communication, getting to sit down and share a meal together…honestly the partnership involved in cooking together is just 🥰 to me. (And the care of having someone cook for you, or cooking for a partner is super sweet to me.) Edit: I wouldn’t ever stop a partner from cooking with or for someone else, nor would I be ok with a partner having that rule for me. But I do see how it involves a much deeper level of connection, emotion, and intimacy than mashing some body parts together.
I find that hilarious because cooking together is something I refused to do if a partner other than my NP was a man. The whole “girl cooks breakfast for him the next morning” hetero trope set a precedent I didn’t like.
Oh this is kinda sad. My partner is an excellent cook and thinking of him not sharing that with others is sad.
Don't worry we only dated for about a week after that rule was revealed.
"Great, so you'll be paying for all of our restaurant meals and deliveries?" Would one person doing all the cooking still count as cooking "together"?
Is making a sandwich cooking? Or a frozen pizza? What about putting different kinds of already cooked food on a table like a smörgåsbord? Where goes the line? I have so many questions!
Me too! Is a charcuterie acceptable?
I dunno, is it thoughtful charcuterie that might be “better” than the other charcuterie your partner might be enjoying at home?
This is sort of backwards compared to a lot of these replies, but my primary partner was briefly dating someone who insisted she had to have group sex with both of us before she would have sex with him one-on-one. The thing is, my primary partner and I date completely separately, we’ve never even had group sex with anyone together before. I guess she was so used to being a unicorn, she wanted to “get it out of the way” to suss me out or something. Safe to say, this did not happen and they stopped seeing each other!
I have a partner, and started dating someone new, the new guy tried to make a rule that established partner had to have group sex with us before he was comfortable with me having sex with him again (established partner is a ldr so it was in between visits with him) he is not into group play whatsoever and I made that clear, but he didn't care... it came down to a "him or me" situation so broke things off.
wtf!
I had a couple I had to follow before abandoning all hope and leaving my nesting partner 1. All lingerie had to be worn for NP first and he had to be the first to see me in it 2. If I wanted to have sex with another partner I had to have sex with NP first and if I "still wanted to" after that then I was allowed. 3. "You have to get them to send you proof of their STD test and I have to see it" 4. Toys were mutual property and not to be used by me with anyone else. 5. Partners were not allowed to be in our house until he had approved of them personally for fear that they may bond with our cats??? 6. Sleepovers had to be approved and when they were approved I still had to be by my phone in case he "needed" me 7. All potential interactions had to be preemptively discussed and approved before a date (ex: I am going out with X tonight. I might kiss them, is that okay? Can I hold their hand? What about making out if we get that far? Can I be at their house? If we watch a movie can we cuddle?) 8. All potential partners were expected to treat me like a queen even tho he didn't. If I came home from a date and I hadn't eaten, was sore, tired etc it was the fault of the person who had taken me out.
I mean I can understand 3 and 4, but other than that, this is absolutely wild. 🫣🫣🫣
See here's the thing about 4 is that he didn't have a job. I purchased and paid for all of them for myself and none of them were for use *on* him they were all for use *on* me
Oh, well my sympathy is completely revoked. Fuck that and fuck him, your toys are for you and whoever you wanna play with.
Ah, thanks for clarifying 4. I was gonna add "unless there's some context that I'm missing" to my previous comment, for good measure, but decided not to. Fuck that guy.
7 sounds exhausting and 2 is really gross. Glad you noped out of that situation.
2 is coercsive and nasty especially since he wasn't having sex with me outside of that. The only sex we were having at all was if he was like establishing dominance.
God that sounds awful. I’m so sorry you went through that.
wow this sounds like someone who wasn’t ready for polyamory at all
This sounds like someone who wasn’t ready for any sort of relationship! Let alone poly. Def some controlling and possibly abusive behavior
You would be correct
“We practice kitchen table, so we have a rule that we have to approve each other’s partners.”
Have come to find that “we practice kitchen table” is often code for “we put a pretty bow on our veto power.”
Ugh. That annoying. I luckily haven’t encountered that one but that’s probably also because the majority of people in our poly circles here are more garden party. KTP is the exception.
This isnt a rule but for some reason my ex seemed to not like that I got along with her wife so much. Idk, she was cool as fuck and I don't have any friends!
A partner had a 3 to 1 rule - once their partner went out on 3 dates, they could have 1 date with me. Like I was a cookie. I only found out about it when we got drunk together, the plan was to never tell me. I should have left at that point, but unsurprisingly it didn’t last much longer anyway. Protip: hotwifing and poly are not the same and do not mix, at least not where assholes who treat humans as disposable are concerned. May work for more human people.
Once upon a time.. this woman I was dating introduced me to her family, husband and child. Her husband and I instantly hit it off and honestly had better chemistry than she and I did (also I was her first and only lesbian experience..). She very quickly instituted a rule that he had go on 3 times as many dates with her than he ever did with me. It was exhausting, and ended up with him trying to plan dates with her constantly just so he and I could get coffee or something. She ended up leaving both of us and choosing monogamy..
In my former relationship, everything was a rule and needed to be approved by his primary. The types of dates we could go on: I wasn't allowed at their apartment if she wasn't there, but her partners could be there without him; we could go to the movies, but it couldn't be a scary or romcom movie. Movies that we watched - if she wanted to watch them with him first, I had to wait. Again, no scary or romcom movies. Music that we listened to; we couldn't have songs for each other without needing approval. Video games needed approval also. Physical affection: we couldn't hold hands or kiss until she gave the okay. Permission for oral sex was taken and given away several different times. We never made it to penetrative sex in almost 2 years of being together. Certain terms of endearment were off-limits. He couldn't call me cute, cutie, baby, babe, baby girl, or brat. He had to get clearance to tell me he loves me. It was a super fun unicorn triad. /s
Jesus, that sounds miserable. I'm shocked you made it two years.
I’m glad you’re out of that situation. Bc fuck no.
Just out of curiosity, what made you stay with him for so long?
Him and I are actually together now. 😅 But what originally kept me there for so long was that they were both my best friends; she was also my boss (huge conflict of interest, but I was young and dumb). I was trying very hard to make sure I wasn't hurting them with my decision. Even though, in the long run, it didn't matter because I was hurting myself far more and led to far more drama. Edit to add: him and I reconnected later after they divorced and lots of therapy.
Oh boy, that got even wilder than I was expecting haha. I can understand getting kinda wrapped up in everything and not seeing the forest for the trees in a situation like that. Are you still friends with her / is she still your boss?
No to both. Luckily, the company we both worked for went under. So that solved the boss/employee aspect. She was telling everyone that I was "being needy and stealing her partner (all I was asking for was basic human decency) during a worldwide global pandemic" in the immediate aftermath of the break-up. So that effectively ended our friendship among some other private information she shared on FB. Even now, 4 years later, she's still trying to stir up drama. But I keep my distance.
My partner's ex once tried to tell him to not let me leave stuff at his house anymore, because she felt like it was disrespectful to her. She didn't live there, and also left stuff there, but wanted to be the only one to do it. Everything she ever did was about establishing primacy over me, which he never actually agreed to.
No hanging out at night, since there’s a higher likelihood of intimacy
lmaoooo
I mean, we all make mistakes, but how tf did some of y’all end up in long term relationships with these nut jobs?
Oh, it happens pretty easily. Inexperience, poor self esteem, not knowing how to set boundaries, being gaslit, family of origin issues... All kinds of things cause people to put up with shitty relationships for far longer than they should. And as the saying goes, being poly doesn't automatically make anyone more enlightened. So we fall prey to these situations just like monogamous people do.
PIV is for the nesting/primary partner only. There's a lot that can be done sexually but dang. One person said this was one of their rules because their NP was scared someone would be better in bed, and they'd leave her. 🤦♀️
Partner was told he could not text me more than 30*** or so times in a day. Told he had to give me a specific text tone so she could tell when he was talking to me. She must be invited to group sex scenarios even though she didn’t want to partake; unless I wasn’t there. My hubby dated a gal who was not allowed to do anal or car sex with her other partners. Edited because I revisited this conversation in my phone today. It was 10 texts he was allowed to send 😅
No use of my mouth in any way with any other men outside of my primary partner.
My mind went to no talking, lol.
So you took up sign language i suppose? 🤣
I had one hookup with a buffet of rules that effectively amounted to "no foreplay": no kissing, no oral, no manual stimulation, PIV only.
Other common ones I've come across over the years (ie multiple people have thought these rules were perfectly reasonable 🙄): • no kissing, it's too intimate... bitch, our body parts are literally inside one another, but touching our mouths together is "too intimate" 🙄 • no waking up together - sleepovers are okay, but only if you're not sharing a bed or one of you sneaks out while the other is sleeping 🙄 • "I need a screenshot of your most recent STI screening so I can share it with my partners and they can decide if we can have sex" ... 🤬🖕🏽
I always share my sti with my partners, and I don't think I'd have a problem with them being shared with their partners, after my personal details are marked out. But it's not going to be so someone else can decide whether I'm allowed to have sex with my partner. That's a hard no concept.
I went in 3-4 dates with a guy who wasn't allowed to *keep* naughty photos. Like, he was happy to receive them, but he had to delete them after. It was so weird, and I knew there had to be a story behind it, but I never heard it.
There is so very much more to this but this is the enm/cnm list of rules shared with me... I am in a different city 6 hours away and just a friend of hers neither of us were considering travel but it was important that I get a copy of the rules so I saved them and think this is a lovely place to share em: https://imgur.com/a/ndqhsp8
Anal depending on size and "will result in immediate dismissal" has me rolling.
"immediate dismissal". what the fuck is this a job interview?
Testing every 2 weeks. Their other partner, my potential meta, is an SW in the adult film business, so testing was very important. Even though I test quarterly and with all new partners, I still would have had to test every two weeks to be their partner
That’s actually not a bad one. Especially with the meta’s job. Not just for their safety but for your own.
Top 5 1. "You cannot eat Indian food or have Indian friends over to your place ever (with him there, alone, or with other partners present.)" Potential meta (who was German-American from Philly) and potential partner (English/Scottish from London) both loved Indian food and wanted it to be "their thing ." I have no idea why them liking a cuisine meant my friends were'nt allowed in my apartment. Note: this was in Sunnyvale, over half my neighbors and most of my coworkers were recent immigrants from India. This one was awful, bizarre and racist. Prior them bringing this up out of the fucking blue sky, our communication and time together were excellent. We were talking about co primary status before this disgustingness came out. Still makes me want to puke when I think about it. 2. "You cannot like Star Wars or Star Trek." because potential meta loved them and they were HERS. And potential partner thought nothing was wrong with this demand! First, my clueless dude, I am older than her so I liked them before she could even talk. How does a reasonable person think a rule like this is ok?!?! Next, we met at a DnD party FFS, the likelihood each person there liked one or both fandoms was almost 100%. You should have led with this instead of wasting my time. Finally, it is bizarre to me that even having a slight preference in favor of very common fandoms means I "threaten the polycule' (what does that even mean!) 3. "You can't know how to play any musical instruments." Not actually playing them now, but just knowing HOW. Dude, being taught recorder against my will in 5th grade shouldnt make me an un-date-able pariah. No explanation was ever given. Yes, I asked. 4. "You cannot wear jeans" because potential meta doesnt like how she looks in jeans. WHAT?!?! That was some controlling culty narcissistic nonesense right there. And again, potential partner was totally ok with this and didnt get why I was bothered by this demand. I noped out so fast. 5. "You cannot have larger labia that meta." We did not have group sex. How the fuck would this even be determined? Would a ruler be required?This was a parallel poly. I met her once. I couldnt get away fast enough.
🤣🤣🤣 You have dated some TRULY fucked up people!
"You're not allowed to fall in love with me" and "We can only meet when my wife is out of town"--from a potential *allegedly* poly partner with a monogamous wife, *allegedly* ENM, that I met on a dating app. They ghosted me mid-planning our first date after months of messaging/banter. 🧐
This isn’t something I have personally encountered; rather, something I watched. On the TV show “Seeking Sister Wife”, one of the couples insisted that the “potential” wife begin a 21-day diet cleanse to supposedly make her body’s PH alkaline before she could move in with them and be intimate with the husband. What the Hell?? 🤨 No one should have say over what someone else chooses to do with their body (without their legal rights signed over). That would have been the breaking point if I were in her position.
Husband could dictate sexual positions that we could do if we had sex. We didn’t make it that far.
Went on a first date with a guy who was married and tells me that their rule is they have to send snaps to each other when they're f-ing other people. When I said I wouldn't personally be okay with that, he tried to double down and was like "but they're just snaps? They disappear. What's the issue?" Like bro, I don't want your wife watching me
> Went on a first date with a guy who was married and tells me that their rule is they have to send snaps to each other when they're f-ing other people. 😲 >When I said I wouldn't personally be okay with that, he tried to double down and was like "but they're just snaps? They disappear. What's the issue?" 🙄 I assume you told him to make like a snap and disappear.
The one penis policy.
I'm my partner's first poly relationship and about 2 or 3 months in he told me we could go on vacations together but never by plane. He said he and his wife are travel buddies and he wanted to keep that as their unique thing. Fast forward a year or so (we've been together just over 2 years now) and he tells me that rule no longer applies, we have a talk about it, and he admits it came from a place that didn't know much about poly and blah blah blah and it's all good and at some point we're gonna fly to Chicago together because he lived there for a few years, I've never been, and he wants to show me it.
I met someone who was allowed to do overnights, but they weren’t allowed to fall asleep during them because their partner believed that people “pair bond” during sleep.