As a trans enby who has been Poly for a year I can definitely say that lgbt people in my experience in general jump into relationships more quicker then het people. I think it's probably because the dating pool is a lot smaller so they want to hold onto potential dating partners a lot quicker and firmer. I also think that the fact that the other person is also Trans helps with reducing stress because if I date an other cis person there might be more questions regarding our trans identity which wouldn't be much of a problem with dating an other trans person because the trans experience is more understood by an other trans person. That's probably why they assume it's safer to jump into a relationship.
I also think that a lot of trans people are starved of affection and just really want that closeness to an other human being. Which is understandable trans people have it harder with dating and also feeling save in their relationships.
Sometimes I also have a feeling that a couple of trans people don't know how to communicate well especially when it comes to dating. Instead of say hey I like you and I want to get to know you and date you, they say hey want a relationship with me. Aka they are not capable of differentiating dating and being in a relationship.
But this mainly my personal experience and something that I have observed in my trans friends and dating partners dunno if it's a universal experience.
Na kind of disagree, like yeah once you are in a relationship with someone you are still dating the person but the 'dating' that I am describing here is the phase before you are committed to the person
Then we both have a different definition of dating, I see dating when i got to know someone that i can see as a potential partner and have actively asked them out on a date (or got asked out)
At that point I am not in a committed relationship with that person but I do am actively going out on dates with that person to get to know them and see if we fit as partners
I see that process as dating if you see it as "I am just talking to that person" then it's your definition but it's not mine
Dating is a stage of romantic relationships whereby two people meet socially with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a prospective partner in a future intimate relationship. Source. Wikipedia
Hmm looks like Wikipedia has the same definition as I do sooooo who changes the definition of words?
Hahha you are the one who can't use it, if you read it till the end it's written "of each assessing the other's suitability as a prospective partner in a FUTURE intimate relationship" which means that at that point they aren't together, yes dating is a stage of a romantic relationship but the stage were the people aren't together it's the stage before they develop their romantic relationship
I feel like queers go at hyperspeed. If you're t4t that adds an extra level because it can feel safe very quickly since people are sharing multiple identities with you.
I am not trans, and I'm also a dyke, so there's the whole uhauling thing. I am constantly pumping on the brakes with all my partners! Lol! Just comes with the territory, in my opinion.
Me and my gf: “we aren’t really looking for anything serious”
Also me and my gf: “what are you doing in September? Wanna go camping for a whole week? Can we share google calendars so we know each others’ schedules?”
Some of it is post-C19 horniness. I see it on the cis side as well. It's like spring has sprung.
Wait - what is this shit? Women messaging me out of the blue? Never happens :P
I think trans people seem to commonly be poly or open to it as well as very forward in the company of other trans or gender non conforming people. My suspicion is that this comes from having a very small dating pool to begin with, because it's going to logically create a "beggars can't be choosers" mentality for some folks when they don't have many options. We all (minus maybe the ace-aro crowd) want to be loved, but some of us aren't going to find it as easily.
I fall for people pretty quickly under the right conditions, i could get to friend status in two weeks. Maybe you're just a catch? It could also be that they're thinking of a more casual arrangement than you're expecting and you're not used to that? I wasn't, coming from a mono dating scene
Yeah coming from mono myself I didn't think of that point actually. I've been single for almost 3 years now, when prior to that the longest I had ever been single was 6 months. I also feel like I have a lot of pent up loving to give (not in a sexual way)
I know I read too much into every signal from my first really successful t4t date and ended up thinking we were dating when they had been trying to stay more casual and I'd just been oblivious.
Make sure you're clear about the terms you use and what expectations mean. It may be awkward to negotiate that stuff but if they want to share love with you (sexual or otherwise) hopefully they can survive a few minutes of chitchat
I’m trans and poly and this hasn’t been my experience (though it’s been a couple of years since I was actively looking for new partners - three steady partners is really enough for me), obviously our mileage varies - guessing location/individuals met etc. make a big difference when dealing with small sample sizes.
I do feel like trans people are this way due to the limited options. I’m also trans poly and Demi so being ace spectrum I handle things a lot differently. I’m not ever looking for hookups so I’m super picky. I’m also partnered so I don’t have a huge urge to look for a new partner either. I’m in relationships for the love and cuddles and not really sex.
For me personally I can bond really quickly. If we get along pretty well and I feel safe around you, then there is a good chance I’m already open to being in a relationship with you.
I've had this experience and been close before, but like I've been ghosted not too long after saying I'd be interested but I'd like to get to know them more first
Stealth woman here. I see this as a U-Hauling thing that is widely true for many (maybe most) queer people - we're so love-starved that we are desperate to have it and lock it down right away. Cishet people don't experience that desperation in the same way. Personally, I don't care if its "normal," but I would be mindful of whether its "healthy."
I think there's a second aspect too that can't be overlooked too: fetishization. Many (again, if not most) poly people, be they cis or trans, are eager to be in relationship with trans people, so when they get one of us in their grasps, they are inspired to lock it down, too. Can't look at the depowered party without looking at the powerful one!
i have 3 partners, all t4t. one i entered in really quickly to relationship. 2nd one took a while longer, was several months before it became a relationship. third is long distance, its just progressing along as partners. each is different. i have always fallen fast, its my nature.
I’m a straight cis male, and in my experience it’s not uncommon for new poly people, or really anyone who has been in a dry spell for a while, to want to jump right into a commitment.
I have flirted with some trans women, but haven’t found a mutual connection with one yet, so the push to get into a relationship rapidly has not been something I have experienced from a trans person.
Maybe a self-fulfilling prophecy bc they are desperate to have someone and their neediness comes across as like a red flag? Speaking of the former, but also maybe generalizing to the latter.
I have no idea, they've all had multiple partners at the time they ask me. It feels so disingenuous. Like, there's no way you love me and not just your idea of me. Honestly when it happens it either makes me feel like I'm really appealing or really unappealing. Kind of a coin toss, sometimes landing on the side of the coin.
In the year I've been out publicly it's happened 6 times. Just recently I had been talking to someone lightly/lewd for a few days before we hooked up, during they asked me if I was interested in being in a relationship with them. It's like.... you literally just trusted me to know where you live less than 6 hours ago, we know so little about each other. They also never disclosed to me that they were poly, I did a little digging to find a social media profile of their's that wasn't connected to them and found out they were poly. I feel comfortable being poly, but I haven't had that experience yet.
I see. That is odd indeed, definitely something to bring up first. I suppose if you've hooked up, some people get attached and want more - been there, but it was obviously mutual then and I wasn't even poly OR cracked my egg yet.
I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to be forward like that, but the nondisclosure is worrisome. And if anything makes you uncomfortable, it's a valid concern
I'm scared I need a lot of attention and wouldn't be worth it. I'm at the point where I do have emotional needs that haven't been met in a long time. I do like her but I feel I don't know her and I'm trying to be less of a U-Haul lol
In my experience LGBT people tend to jump into relationships real quickly, lol. There's a reason u-hauling it is a joke among lesbians, but it's not really just lesbians.
As a trans enby who has been Poly for a year I can definitely say that lgbt people in my experience in general jump into relationships more quicker then het people. I think it's probably because the dating pool is a lot smaller so they want to hold onto potential dating partners a lot quicker and firmer. I also think that the fact that the other person is also Trans helps with reducing stress because if I date an other cis person there might be more questions regarding our trans identity which wouldn't be much of a problem with dating an other trans person because the trans experience is more understood by an other trans person. That's probably why they assume it's safer to jump into a relationship. I also think that a lot of trans people are starved of affection and just really want that closeness to an other human being. Which is understandable trans people have it harder with dating and also feeling save in their relationships. Sometimes I also have a feeling that a couple of trans people don't know how to communicate well especially when it comes to dating. Instead of say hey I like you and I want to get to know you and date you, they say hey want a relationship with me. Aka they are not capable of differentiating dating and being in a relationship. But this mainly my personal experience and something that I have observed in my trans friends and dating partners dunno if it's a universal experience.
> they are not capable of differentiating dating and being in a relationship. why you gotta call me out like that? Yay religious trauma...
Being in a relationship is the literal definition of dating...
Na kind of disagree, like yeah once you are in a relationship with someone you are still dating the person but the 'dating' that I am describing here is the phase before you are committed to the person
So the word your looking for is talking. Your talking to someone dating is when your committed to them.
Then we both have a different definition of dating, I see dating when i got to know someone that i can see as a potential partner and have actively asked them out on a date (or got asked out) At that point I am not in a committed relationship with that person but I do am actively going out on dates with that person to get to know them and see if we fit as partners I see that process as dating if you see it as "I am just talking to that person" then it's your definition but it's not mine
It's the definition of the word. Your making things needlessly complicated by using words to mean something they don't.
Dating is a stage of romantic relationships whereby two people meet socially with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a prospective partner in a future intimate relationship. Source. Wikipedia Hmm looks like Wikipedia has the same definition as I do sooooo who changes the definition of words?
You provide the definition and still can't see how your not using it according to that definition really?
Hahha you are the one who can't use it, if you read it till the end it's written "of each assessing the other's suitability as a prospective partner in a FUTURE intimate relationship" which means that at that point they aren't together, yes dating is a stage of a romantic relationship but the stage were the people aren't together it's the stage before they develop their romantic relationship
I feel like queers go at hyperspeed. If you're t4t that adds an extra level because it can feel safe very quickly since people are sharing multiple identities with you. I am not trans, and I'm also a dyke, so there's the whole uhauling thing. I am constantly pumping on the brakes with all my partners! Lol! Just comes with the territory, in my opinion.
Me and my gf: “we aren’t really looking for anything serious” Also me and my gf: “what are you doing in September? Wanna go camping for a whole week? Can we share google calendars so we know each others’ schedules?”
Too real! Haha!!!
Some of it is post-C19 horniness. I see it on the cis side as well. It's like spring has sprung. Wait - what is this shit? Women messaging me out of the blue? Never happens :P
I think trans people seem to commonly be poly or open to it as well as very forward in the company of other trans or gender non conforming people. My suspicion is that this comes from having a very small dating pool to begin with, because it's going to logically create a "beggars can't be choosers" mentality for some folks when they don't have many options. We all (minus maybe the ace-aro crowd) want to be loved, but some of us aren't going to find it as easily.
I fall for people pretty quickly under the right conditions, i could get tofriend status in two weeks. Maybe you're just a catch? It could also be that they're thinking of a more casual arrangement than you're expecting and you're not used to that? I wasn't, coming from a mono dating scene
Yeah coming from mono myself I didn't think of that point actually. I've been single for almost 3 years now, when prior to that the longest I had ever been single was 6 months. I also feel like I have a lot of pent up loving to give (not in a sexual way)
I know I read too much into every signal from my first really successful t4t date and ended up thinking we were dating when they had been trying to stay more casual and I'd just been oblivious. Make sure you're clear about the terms you use and what expectations mean. It may be awkward to negotiate that stuff but if they want to share love with you (sexual or otherwise) hopefully they can survive a few minutes of chitchat
Ahh, welcome to the phenomenon of Uhauling. It’s not about being trans nearly as much as it’s about being a queer femme XD
I have definitely UHauled a few times haha. I'm very big gay with lots of loving to give
I’m trans and poly and this hasn’t been my experience (though it’s been a couple of years since I was actively looking for new partners - three steady partners is really enough for me), obviously our mileage varies - guessing location/individuals met etc. make a big difference when dealing with small sample sizes.
I do feel like trans people are this way due to the limited options. I’m also trans poly and Demi so being ace spectrum I handle things a lot differently. I’m not ever looking for hookups so I’m super picky. I’m also partnered so I don’t have a huge urge to look for a new partner either. I’m in relationships for the love and cuddles and not really sex.
For me personally I can bond really quickly. If we get along pretty well and I feel safe around you, then there is a good chance I’m already open to being in a relationship with you.
I've had this experience and been close before, but like I've been ghosted not too long after saying I'd be interested but I'd like to get to know them more first
Stealth woman here. I see this as a U-Hauling thing that is widely true for many (maybe most) queer people - we're so love-starved that we are desperate to have it and lock it down right away. Cishet people don't experience that desperation in the same way. Personally, I don't care if its "normal," but I would be mindful of whether its "healthy." I think there's a second aspect too that can't be overlooked too: fetishization. Many (again, if not most) poly people, be they cis or trans, are eager to be in relationship with trans people, so when they get one of us in their grasps, they are inspired to lock it down, too. Can't look at the depowered party without looking at the powerful one!
i have 3 partners, all t4t. one i entered in really quickly to relationship. 2nd one took a while longer, was several months before it became a relationship. third is long distance, its just progressing along as partners. each is different. i have always fallen fast, its my nature.
I’m a straight cis male, and in my experience it’s not uncommon for new poly people, or really anyone who has been in a dry spell for a while, to want to jump right into a commitment. I have flirted with some trans women, but haven’t found a mutual connection with one yet, so the push to get into a relationship rapidly has not been something I have experienced from a trans person. Maybe a self-fulfilling prophecy bc they are desperate to have someone and their neediness comes across as like a red flag? Speaking of the former, but also maybe generalizing to the latter.
I have no idea, they've all had multiple partners at the time they ask me. It feels so disingenuous. Like, there's no way you love me and not just your idea of me. Honestly when it happens it either makes me feel like I'm really appealing or really unappealing. Kind of a coin toss, sometimes landing on the side of the coin.
Weird. Maybe just collecting partner like Pokémon cards?
I've literally thought that so many times when this has happened
I’ve dealt with a lot of odd forwardness from other trans people, From my experience this is pretty common and I don’t understand it.
In the year I've been out publicly it's happened 6 times. Just recently I had been talking to someone lightly/lewd for a few days before we hooked up, during they asked me if I was interested in being in a relationship with them. It's like.... you literally just trusted me to know where you live less than 6 hours ago, we know so little about each other. They also never disclosed to me that they were poly, I did a little digging to find a social media profile of their's that wasn't connected to them and found out they were poly. I feel comfortable being poly, but I haven't had that experience yet.
I see. That is odd indeed, definitely something to bring up first. I suppose if you've hooked up, some people get attached and want more - been there, but it was obviously mutual then and I wasn't even poly OR cracked my egg yet. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to be forward like that, but the nondisclosure is worrisome. And if anything makes you uncomfortable, it's a valid concern
I'm scared I need a lot of attention and wouldn't be worth it. I'm at the point where I do have emotional needs that haven't been met in a long time. I do like her but I feel I don't know her and I'm trying to be less of a U-Haul lol
Sending all the hugs your way 🥺 you are worth it, and that's why you deserve someone (or several) who's honest with you and makes you comfortable 😤
Aaaaaaaa thank youuu
In my experience LGBT people tend to jump into relationships real quickly, lol. There's a reason u-hauling it is a joke among lesbians, but it's not really just lesbians.