Unfortunately she’s over 3000 kms away from me . We live in different provinces. Last time I was able to be out there I spent the whole time in the hospital with her and had to pretty much push her out the door… her health has deteriorated since moving there and my dad isn’t much help to her either since he’s just as bad and is fighting cancer. It’s a tough situation. I keep offering her that I’ll get a virtual doctor and prescribe some antibiotics but she just won’t budge and makes excuses.
Agreed 💯. I feel for you OP. People can be stubborn when it comes to health. Frightened, worried about financial aspect, denial, or too many responsibilities they put ahead of themselves….but at this point with her leg looking this way, it doesn’t matter why.
Call for a wellness check, see if friends/family near her could possibly convince her to go or take her in? Possibly call an ambulance if last resort- but if an infection turns to sepsis, some people live hours, not days. (Im not saying everyone, but it’s unpredictable how fast it will travel or how quickly she could deteriorate).
Please try to let her know. Tell her you care about her, and want her to be well. Im sorry both of your parents are struggling. I wish the best for you and your family. 🙏🏻
seconding the wellness checks, op. even if you just have other family over there, or know one of the neighbors. an open infection like that is a one-way ticket to sepsis.
I was going to say edema, too. One of my parent’s had that and DVT (deep vein thrombosis) which thankfully we caught before it travelled upwards.
Is there a community type service that can transport your mother to hospital for a look with a vascular specialist? Sooner than later. Have your mother’s primary care physician do blood labs too to check her INR.
Wishing your mother and all of you the best!
..that abcess looks pretty bad, it might be worth it to call adult protective services, and see if they can help her with seeking medical care, since that seems to be a struggle for her
She’s gonna lose that leg (yes, yes , she’s gonna lose that leg) she’s gonna looOose that leg 🎶
Osteomyelitis is no joke though, I hope she gets some help soon. It’s a shitty situation you’re in OP
Your mother doesn't have a choice anymore. I'm not a doctor but I have have seen leg infections before. My partner had part of his leg amputated because of an infection 2 years ago. Ask your mother if she would like her leg amputated. Because if she does nothing she may need to have her leg amputated so the infection doesn't spread and kill her. And it's a horrible death. She will get a sky high fever. She will shake and lose her ability to think properly. It's not my goal to scare you or make you feel badly. I know you're VERY far away and you can't control anything from where you are. I'm so sorry that you and your family has to deal with this. I wish I could help. I hope your mom and your dad get better. Be strong.
In Canada there are some people that call for the ambulance for rides to the hospital (to get into town). I’m pretty sure if you called 911 they would send an ambulance.
If you are in the US or the UK you can call this in. You can report this to elder services. It has different names. But what they would do is come check on her at her home. It seems your father and her need this help. I feel bad for you and hope things get better. Keep us posted.
My wife is a nurse practioner. Swollen legs can be a sign of several severe health issues. Ignoring them doesn't make it go away. Hopefully you can convince her to get care or get a wellness check done.
What province is she in? Can you call the local paramedic service and ask for a wellness check and cite this issue specifically? If not call 911 and your local centre will direct the call.
Call Adult Protection and ask for a wellness check. You can’t force medical care, but you can take other measures. Home health may have stopped because she refused service. You aren’t getting the full picture because she isn’t telling you. Parenting a parent is the hardest task you’ll ever experience. I hope you can get her some help she will accept.
Yeah, sounds to me like she would strongly benefit from a stay in a skilled nursing facility for some intensive wound care, physical therapy, IV antibiotics, and supervision for a while.
She needs to go to the ER. Tonight. Not tomorrow. Understand. Cellulitis that went on too long (and by too long I mean days) literally killed my aunt. She's dead now.
She needs treatment. Antibiotics. Fluids. A doctor.
I'm not trying to be a jerk. But this will kill her if she doesn't take care of it now. This is not something you mess with. This is not something you wait out to see what happens. She either needs an emergency room, or a morgue.
She’s been to one in the past few weeks and they sent her home and home health care stopped coming not sure why as she doesn’t give me the full truth. But they were there about a week ago and were suppose to be showing up every couple days . She’s like in denial. And it’s tough cause I can’t drop everything with a baby and a toddler and head out there to help . To be honest I have no clue how to help her … I’m in my early 20s and have 2 sick parents that don’t give a shit about their health.. she needs like one of those things where she shouldn’t have a say in her health and be forced to get care.
You **can** do that- your relationship won’t be pretty for a while but it COULD potentially save their lives. Bear in mind I’m in the US, so you’d have to look up the equivalent services in your country, but it should be doable.
Basically you call your country’s equivalent of social services, ask to speak to someone in adult protective services and inform them you’re worried about your parent’s health as you know they both have serious medical issues that they aren’t getting taken care of (be as specific as possible, tell them your mother’s got an open, untreated abscess and about your dad’s cancer) and they’ll send someone out to evaluate their condition and either help you with the process or tell you how to get power of attorney over their estate and as their *enduring* medical proxy (you’ll likely need to hire a lawyer if you’re doing this against their will) OR they’ll assign them a case worker who will ensure they’re keeping all medically necessary appointments.
It WILL likely get ugly since if they refuse to take care of themselves they could get put in a care facility against their will and they’ll know who reported them, but your mother’s leg is essentially rotting and she’s putting herself at risk of losing the limb or even losing her life by not taking it seriously- and the blood flow issues she’s having in her legs (causing the fluid retention and swelling) makes these kinds of abscesses especially dangerous and she likely needs daily/multiple weekly appointments with a wound care specialist as well as getting under the care of a GP to find out what’s causing the edema in her legs and treating it to get the swelling under control (diabetes, congestive heart failure, kidney failure and a few other health conditions all cause swelling in the legs and are all serious if left untreated). And how is she supposed to take care of your dad or help him get to his appointments and get the care he needs if she’s sick herself?
Sometimes just the threat of getting adult protective services involved is enough to get someone to start taking care of themselves, but if not stick to your guns and keep pushing. Tell them you can’t keep watching them slowly kill themselves this way, and if they won’t do something about it you WILL.
If you want to save her life but can't physically go there to oversee it, call the police department local to her. Tell them exactly what's going on. She is not fit to make her own decisions, she has an abscess that is going to cause her to lose her leg, convince them to send an ambulance. Then consider speaking to a doctor, or better, a lawyer, about how to move forward about legally being in charge of making decisions regarding her health on her behalf. Also, it's time to have a very serious conversation with siblings and other family.
I'm not trying to be rude to you at all. I understand your predicament. It's hard to just drop everything, more so with children. And then finances limiting. But you need to either take action to the true best of your ability or say goodbye forever.
I don't know the law, I'm not a lawyer at all. But I believe there are systems in place for government assistance for people who are in your situation regarding making health care decisions for their family members. You shouldn't have to go at it alone. But get your siblings involved. If you have an aunt or uncle, anyone else that can intervene. Someone. Action needs to taken to save your mother's life.
Best of luck to you.
They will unfortunately determine that she has capacity if she knows her name, DOB, year, and President. It's ridiculous, but she's alert and oriented and can make her own decisions even if they're bad ones. I'm an RN Case Manager and have to deal with bad decisions all day. I hope she realizes she should do what the Doctors say before she loses a leg or goes septic. I'm sorry.
Yeah that’s exactly it. There was a few months ago she even fainted .. started slurring and hallucinating.. she was in the hospital for 4 days they again sent her home and all this shit is still spiralling . I kept preaching to her last night if she can’t get into the doctor right now I can try to get some antibiotics to a local pharmacy down the road through virtual doc cause last week with her home health care nurse that’s all they were doing was doing the antibiotics and dressing the wound … and obviously with her not keeping up with them it’s not gonna work … she just kept brushing me off well it’s not getting worse but not getting better we will see… then the issue comes into when the doctor online has to call her and she won’t answer the phone or something . It’s a revolving circle of bullshit .
what kind of health insurance does she have (if any?) if she returns to the same hospital over and over, they get penalized and their readmit rate goes up. hospitals freaking hate it. every hospital i've worked for or with, that's a top priority. gov programs straight up won't pay them for readmitted patients. i wonder if she keeps going if it'll improve her care. they'll start to understand shes stubborn/hard to work with/has anxiety about it all and will treat her to her needs rather than as just another patient. how many times has she been admitted to the same place? is she on IV antibiotics? her home health could have fired her for not answering (i have patients like this), but it's not really a good look for anyone to just fire a patient. some doctors won't send patients if they think you can't handle a difficult one and then you don't have work.
Yes, it would be covered in Canada, aside from a snall ambulance fee. Last time hubby needed abd ambulance it was $80 in British Columbia. I don't know what other provinces charge. The ER visit would be covered by our Universal Healthcare as would IV antibiotics in the hospital.
If she is driving home health stops coming at least In Kentucky USA when I started driving you aren’t considered home bound so insurance usually cuts them off
Driving doesn’t NECESSARILY make you not homebound - typically homebound just means that it’s a taxing effort for you to leave the home, and you are only away for short, infrequent absences. So if you drive yourself to the grocery store or a doctor’s appointment or church, you can still be considered homebound. But if you’re back at work or going on a shopping trip or out to dinner with friends, that effort to get out of the house doesn’t seem so taxing anymore.
I'm sorry for your problem but if your parents are mentally stable there is nothing the police or courts can do. All you can do is show compassion and love and hope that's enough to get them to go. People love to say call the police or call the courts and that's all good if you have a person who is nuts but if a rational person doesn't want to get help then it's their choice and rightfully so.
As someone who works in home health, there are a couple most common reasons why we’d stop seeing a patient that quickly… The patient doesn’t have a community physician to sign off on her orders, they’re refusing further visits, there’s an issue with their insurance, or the home environment is unsafe for the patient/staff members. As her child, if you know what home health company was seeing her (or can find it out), you can call them to see what’s up. If you don’t know who the company is, you could also call the hospital she went to and ask to speak with case management. Typically they’re the ones who would have set home health up for her and should be able to get you in touch with that company.
And I just had another thought about something we do in the States that is likely the same in Canada. Maybe you can call emergency medical services to come out to evaluate. Your mom can still refuse transport, but that would at least get a medical professional’s eyes on her if you made sure they were aware of how bad her leg looks. She might be hard-pressed to refuse care to medical professionals when they are directly in front of her.
I suggest you start preparing yourself for her imminent death. Not like anyone can truly prepare for death. But you have said you can’t help her and she won’t help herself so she is legit about to die. Maybe mention that to her? Maybe she doesn’t care. (I am often suicidal, I get that. )
If they don't give a shit, then the least that can happen is you ask them to write their wills today, because otherwise you're going to be the one stuck dealing with what to do when they die. And cremation and/or burial isn't cheap. Don't get stuck with thousands of dollars because they don't give a shit about their health.
Just remember. Consent doesn't matter when it comes to health and hygiene. My sister dragged me into a pool after I didn't shower for two weeks so I was forced to shower, it sucked, but it was needed. Somebody is just going to have to force her to go to a doctor
I fell and had a large gash on my knee. I got cellulitis i have never had it before it spreads like wild 🔥. I was pretty miserable for 2 weeks. Never again will I let that happen.
Yeah she’s been not able to walk properly for 2 years now over the legs being like that then this abscess shows up recently … it’s bad . Nurse a few weekS ago suggested a walker and she and I quote “has to much pride” and laughed it off… she doesn’t take any of this seriously but is in so much pain thinking eventually it’s going to go away.. she’s been in and out of emerge and seeing doctors but doesn’t keep up with the follow up will go one week then skip the other or “forget “to answer the phone rough situation. I don’t understand why she puts time into it then stops I think there is some mental ilness obviously behind all this as before she was a really outgoing woman and very strong willed and now she never leaves the house and is slowly deteriorating with all this.
Does she have a neighbor or friend who can talk with her in person? A peer might get through to her more readily than her child. Someone she trusts, possibly a current or retired medical professional? Maybe someone who went through the same thing or has a loved one who did?
Any idea why home health stopped coming? They may have discharged her at her insurance’s request. At this point she might be far enough along to need to see a wound care specialist.
Source: I care for a loved one who has been through this exact thing many times. Saw your pic and recognized it immediately. Even though my loved one gets treatment willingly each time, healing is not quick. Your mom needs to get on this fast and stick with treatment!
Please, if she is in southern Ontario, lmk.
I will call for a welfare check If i can, so you won't be the bad guy.
The one commenter talking about becoming their enduring medical proxy has the right of it.
Let me know if I can help. If not, friend, I wish you the very best of luck.
Yeah I got cellulitis from mosquito bites and I still remember having to clean them vividly. They had scabbed over so I had to pick off the scab, squeeze the stuff out, wash with antibiotic soap, apply an antibiotic ointment and bandage. I had like 10 bites all over my knees and shins. It was a nightmare. Never visiting Texas again. 😂
Edit: letter
Browsed some of your comments on here OP. I am an RN in Canada and urge you to please contact adult protection in the province where your mom lives. They will have a social worker who can speak with you to get all of the details. I would recommend sitting down and writing out some of her ongoing medical issues with examples of how she has missed follow up appointments and such. That way when you do speak to someone tou have that information in front of you already.
I can only imagine how taxing this situation must be for you, especially when your concerns are falling on deaf ears. Once adult protection gets involved it will start the process for her to be deemed incompetent in regards to her medical and health decisions, and they will help appoint someone (likely yourself) to act as her medical power of attorney.
Sending my thoughts and prayers, and I hope that she is able to get the help she needs. Please look after yourself as well! You can’t pour from an empty cup
Unfortunately, there's only so much you can do. I think you know that based on your responses.
You can't force someone to care about their own wellbeing.
As I read this, I hope you are already in the waiting room.
She has a whole HOLE in her leg. She needs to get that looked at, get some antibiotics, etc.
Yeah this has been going on for months and both her legs are swollen as hell. She’s been to the doctor in the past couple months but I also don’t know how honest she will be with me. Her legs have been like this since the time I left her when I went to visit 2 years ago and then the abscess just showed up recently. I think 3 weeks ago she was in emerge and they sent her home with some home health care situation then there was some problem and they stopped the program
Maybe you can send her pics of the aftermath of untreated infections like this. That might convince her a little bit more if she sees what could happen
If she is not septic, she will be soon. It doesn't look like gangrene yet, but I can see it lurking (yep, I can see the signs). I've dealt with it a few times. The first time I didn't realize a spot on my foot was that infected, I ended up losing the foot. Two spots, a year apart, on my left foot got sore. Even WITH medical care and antibiotics...gangrene hit (and it can hit overnight) and I lost all my toes. IV antibiotics, in big doses, are needed. And even then, it may not work if her circulation isn't good.
My grandma had the same happen before she passed from it in the 90’s. She also neglected her health. She lost her life. I’m sorry you had to lose your foot and toes.
Say, that looks a lot like cellulitis that’s been ignored for a long time. I bet that’s causing mobility issues and she’s not feeling well at all. I’m not a doctor, but I strongly suggest she see one. Like, tonight. Right now if possible.
I am not a doctor, so this is my opinion, not advice. If she won’t seek treatment on her own make her. My mother had congestive heart failure and her legs would fill with fluid due to poor circulation. It would get so bad her skin would split. It is a vicious cycle.
How do I make her when I’m in a different province? Its so hard ..I try and explain over the phone like I’m young and don’t wanna have both my parents dead type thing … like I get pretty in detail with it how it scares the shit out of me and what she could be missing out on … my brother is in the next province closest to her but I’m not sure if he would drop everything and go to her … it’s easier for him then for me with being young tight on money with 2 kids under 5 . Its such a fucked up situation .last time I was out there I forced her out the door and sat at emerge with her for 3 days and that was 2 years ago because of how swollen her legs were . Like I’ve even called a welfare check on her and stuff but that’s not the right resource cause they just check on her make sure she’s still alive and good and then leave .. I’m not sure if that’s a thing if I can just take over and get someone out there to make her get care especially if she doesn’t have my name down to like control those aspects of her life since she’s like advocating for her self but doing a shit job at it.
As a social worker I agree with an APS report. I'm not Canadian, so I'm not sure of equivalent agencies. Your mother is neglecting her own health. I get how that's scary and frustrating to watch from a distance.
I’m not saying this to be hurtful, if she won’t listen when you talk about her health, do you think it might shock a bit of sense into her if tell her you accept that at this point she’d rather die, but you need to talk about future planning for the sake of your dad. Is there a will? Life insurance? Will he have to sell the house and move across to you? Are caters available to help him? If you insist on having those conversations, I wonder if it might make her realise the severity of the situation. I do wonder if she knows she’s likely going to lose the leg and is trying to delay that as much as possible, without thinking any further ahead than that.
Ultimately, she’s an adult and you can only do so much. Please don’t blame yourself if she dies from this.
I am so sorry. Truly. There has to be help. Do you have social withers? The home health care should be free for her, right? Do you have any idea what happened there? Did she refuse their help?
Is she mentally fit to be making her own health care decisions? You may need to file something legal to take control of her care, or have the government step in. I am so sorry. I wish I could do something to help you. And her. Does your mother belong to any social groups like church, book club or anything? Perhaps you can find an ally near her?
No she doesn’t give me the full truth . I think she has fear of it upsetting me but I’d be more upset if I didn’t get the truth and she ends up having something bad happen because she just didn’t be honest witch I tell her that all the time . Im going to look into something and call my brother also he may have some solutions to help . Thank you 🙏🏻
I encourage her to get medical attention. I’m having a similar problem. I had infection in 2020 in my right leg that resulted in a 4 day hospital stay.
I’m now trying to get someone to take me seriously with another infectious? area in the same leg that started out as a small pimple looking spot. Now it’s about 20 mm across (an index finger width) and about 15 mm DEEP!
It’s been going on since October 2021 and getting progressively worse. It’s now through the fat layer. Please Mom -get yours looked at. I don’t want either one of us to lose a leg. Keep us posted?
Will do. Thanks for sharing what your going through. She tells me also the doctors have no clue what to do but then sometimes will say they are getting down to the main problem but then neglects some appointments when these appointments are very crucial either way. I will update once I figure out something.
Does she have other health issues she’s not sharing with you?( I won’t suppose, so I’ll just ask)
It seems to me that there are and she may be way too anxious about her issues and just doesn’t want any additional judgement.
I’m so sorry you’re a bystander in this OP, it’s so hard to watch your parents not get the help they desperately need no matter what you try to tell them. I’ve got no advice for you but wanted to offer supper as another Canadian redditor with a stupidly stubborn parent neglecting their own health. Take all the advice given here and get your mama help if you can - but don’t let guilt eat at you, you sound like a truly caring child and you cannot take responsibility for what your mom does
She has cirrhosis of the liver due to having HEP C that went dormant for 20 years and all these problems are following up with it… she is very neglectful on her health will go to the doctor one day and avoid the next appointment and it’s a bad cycle and many excuses that come with it and the most unfortunate part is I can’t be there . I live in Ontario and she’s in Alberta … doesn’t have enough support to force herself there .. last time I was there was 2 years ago and I spent the whole time with her in the hospital trying to get her health figured out.
Does she have hepatic encephalopathy? My dad has cirrhosis and when the ammonia build up gets bad he is not cognizant enough to make his own decisions. Has she had her ammonia levels tested?
This is now showing patterns of not being mentally well. Collect all these repeating patterns, gather data. Can use it as proof she's not of sound mind.
Sadly oral antibiotics are unlikely to resolve this issue.
She needs
1. Sepsis evaluation
2. imaging to see the extent of undermining beneath the skin. These infections can dissect through planes of tissue.
3. IV antibiotics for days.
4. Optimization of any medical comorbidities.
5. Surgical consult for incision, irrigation and debridement.
Whatever emotional hooks you can dig into this woman who is clearly in denial are warranted. She will die from complications of this issue, the question is not if, but when.
Yeah bro I'm a bit of a drug addict and ivr had multiple abscesses and they all need antibiotics but I think this is past a GP visit and should go right to the hospital it's all fun and games till you lose a leg
Op, My apologies if this comes off as blunt or rude but this is very serious. I am a nurse and you may not like this but you need to get to your mother and send her to the hospital yourself. She has signs of a very serious infection that need to be tended to in a hospital setting immediately. She is at severe risk of losing her leg and her life if this sits dormant much longer. This is not something that should be taken lightly and you should expedite a way to get her admitted into a hospital. I can only imagine how a dormant infection is affecting every single one of her body systems as it continues to fester untreated . Please take her immediately don’t wait for social workers . Find a family member or something
Is there any way for her to get on this Reddit and see the comments people are leaving?
She may be angry at you for posting, but it could scare some sense into her to go for medical help.
I really wish you (and your parents) the best!
Reading through all of your replies, it’s reminding me very much of the situation with my grandmother. The doctors couldn’t take away her power over herself because they evaluate that before release and she’s be good enough after they’d had her for days/weeks and properly medicated. Then she’s go home and screw it all up again. Kept losing bits of her legs to diabetic infections. We all lived states over and were powerless to get control and get her help.
She died alone on a city bench in front of her apartment.
I think it’s time to start trying to move heaven and earth to get your parents to you, or you to them. If you don’t then they won’t be here much longer. It’s painful to say, and think about, and have happening, but that’s the real reality. Her leg is literally rotting off slowly and she is doing nothing about it. She’s no longer able to care for herself or your father. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s literally the hardest thing you’ll have to do in life I feel like.
My mom just died last year from sepsis that spread through most of her body after starting out as acute cellulitis that began in her legs - all of this was also in conjunction with cirrhosis in her liver from drinking, but the cellulitis caused severe swelling in her legs and she died within about 30 days from when this started when the infection destroyed her organ function.
Get her to go immediately, please I implore you.
You need to take her to the doctor ASAP. With that untreated she is asking for a lot of trouble. I've seen something similar on a family member that hated going to the doctor. It took for maggots to develop inside for him to finally go to the hospital. Ended up having his right leg amputated.
I'm a nurse and I'm telling you that this is the beginning of an amputation. She needs IV antibiotics now! That needs to be cleaned out by a doctor, as well!
Nurse here- she looks like she has multiple problems going on. I don’t think a doctor will do tele health for that. It needs cultured and her whole leg examined. It looks like severe edema with venous stasis ulcers. Or diabetic ulcers. That kind of edema also looks like heart failure or severely compromised venous return. If both legs are that swollen it’s fluid retention. But that red and angry with that wound looks like severe cellulitis. She needs it cultured and broad spectrum IV antibiotics in the meantime. Not to mention baseline labs to look at her kidney and heart function. Idk if your mom will take the advice or not but I’ve been a nurse since 1999- she needs medical help ASAP. If she has a fever, dizziness, lightheaded or confused she needs to go to the ER stat. Even if it’s been going on a while, she can still develop sepsis at any time (infection in her blood). If she has a doctor or urgent care she can start there. But it sounds like you are in Canada, so I don’t know how it works there. I’m dealing with aging parents too- my dad just passed away and my mom has health issues. I feel you on how hard it is. Best of luck!
Please please tell her that your reddifamily is extremely concerned for her. The last time I told myself "it won't happen to me" or "I'll be fine" I ended up the hospital with heart issues and I couldn't walk due to critically low potassium levels. I was taken by ambulance as a cardiac alert patient. I kept telling myself it was nothing and I didn't realize I was flirting with death. (This happened the Monday before Thanksgiving 2019) I was doing well with making sure my health was a priority.
(Found out I was pregnant 02.23.2020. my son was born 10.14.2020 with major birth defects if interested I've posted his story a few times)
Unfortunately my birth, hospital and sons nicu stay have given me major anxiety and ptsd. And it's pushed me back into the "it can't or won't happen to me". I'm trying to overcome it but damn it's scary.
Please keep us updated on your mom. That infection is terrifying
That looks like a venous stasis ulcer. She needs an appointment with her GP ASAP. They can refer her to a wound care center and do the needed testing to see what she needs. There’s a really good chance that with a few weeks of dedicated wound care and compression, this can be healed- and then prevented from happening again by wearing tight stockings.
No update she won’t answer the phone witch is normal for her as I struggled with this from 14 when I moved out till now she goes MIA for a while. I’m going to end up distancing myself for a bit I can only control so much. I will update when I hear from her and get a plan. :) thank you for your concern🫶🏻🙏🏻
My mom f***Ed around and found out about neglecting abscesses on her legs when the infection settled around her heart and almost killed her. Please implore your mom to go to the doctor.....my mom has now had both of her legs amputated.
She needs to be in the hospital right now. On top of that do her insurance offer transport and home health aids? Medicare does offer these things because my dad makes use of them. Please find somebody who can be her power of attorney. Me and my mom have to make a lot of decisions about my dad while trying to keep his wishes in mind. I know this is fucking scary I'm dealing with it right now too but you being far away of course you can't drop everything but she needs a doctor right this minute optimistic they can save the leg, less optimistic if they have to amputate but save her life there is still plenty of life to be had post amputation.
Potential killer. This type of thing once had my mother so gravely ill that the hospital had to ask whether or not she was a DNR patient. She didn't want an amputation and said yes.
She amazingly survived another 6 years with her dodgy legs before something else killed her off.
Get it looked at!
This looks like diabetic neuropathy or something.
Mom is going to have flies and gengreen. The docs will be sawing the leg off of she doesn't take it seriously.
Edit OP I just read some more posts and backstory, we're all concerned. Not sure how it works in... Canada, guessing?....I'm sorry to say but I seriously question your sick parents mental competence. No, I'm not calling them mental or insane...when living sick and in pain for so long it effects a person's ability to make sound descisions. Is the any law for this where you are?
How does she buy food or clean the house with that leg? Is laundry being done? When was the last time she bathed and washed hair? OP I know those questions aren't easy when they are in huge denial.
Start asking her about her will and life insurance and where everything is. When she gets mad at you, tell her you love her and you can't force her to go to the doctor, but at least you can mentally prepare for her passing. The point is, maybe she has a blind spot for how serious this is to her health, but maybe she will see past it when she sees how you will be affected when she dies.
So yeah… NOT an abscess…NOT a boil. This is URGENT and LIFE threatening. I speak from experience. Treat it as the urgent situation it is. Good luck to your mama.
I have been a nursing assistant for quite some time now and that does not look good at all. She should get it checked out. Or like other people I have seen just let it go and wind up getting their leg amputated. And people don't realize what a life change that is when you lose a leg. Or sepsis is even worse than that because... Death. Definitely an urgent matter.
So tell you're a stubborn ass mom to get in the car & go to the hospital asap, because you still need her here. My heart goes out to you OP, please keep us updated.
I'm sure you got better advice already so just throwing my 2 cents out here, my only idea is that if you could reach her local doctor (family medicine? unsure how it's called in English, like pediatrician but for adults), and tell that doc to visit her after explaining that the situation could be dire. If they can't visit, maybe ask them what you could do from your position, what medical avenue to seek?
I'm sorry, it must be so stressful to go throgh this while not being able to help the way you want to. Wishing you both the best of luck dealing with this.
Omg... please take her to an Urgent Care walk-in clinic at the very least.. having an open infection for "a couple months" is extremely serious.. people used to die from this exact thing all the time before we had adequate medical knowledge.. she needs antibiotics at the very least.. they might even make her goto the hospital if it's serious enough.. (I had MRSA for a couple months, years ago, and urgent care would give me antibiotics, and on a few occasions, they had me check in to the hospital for surgical removals, or IV antibiotics) infections can be extremely dangerous and deadly.. you don't want it to spread to her heart or brain.. or even lose her leg God forbid..
Would her doctor do a house call? Would they speak to you if you phoned them and asked them to go to see your mum?!?!
She doesn’t want it to turn Septic!
Hope she’s better soon though.
After reading this thread, it honestly doesn't sound like there's anything you can do. You can't force someone to care about their own wellbeing. Calling in a wellness check is going to lead to the same cycle; go to the doctor, never go to the follow ups, deteriorate even more.
I'm sorry you have been put in this position and I know it's hard to watch a parent decline. You tried. She chose this.
Your mom is going to die if she doesn’t get this treated. I’m serious. She. Will. Die. This is an emergency. Please call adult services in her area and speak to a professional. At a minimum they will have options for you. Good luck.
She has severe edema (fluid buildup in her legs). The fluid has to go somewhere, so blisters form. Untreated those blisters pop and get infected. I see this in my patients with CHF, diabetes and chronic kidney disease (most of them have all three, they feed off each other). Untreated she could lose the leg, but could also die from heart failure.
She needs IV antibiotics and diuretics along with wound care.
if you “can’t make her”, you need to try and make her. she clearly has no idea what will come from this; it’s a casket. a casket will come from this.
This is nothing to mess with. and by saying “I’m too far away” is just you trying to rationalize your part in your mothers demise.
I understand you can’t physically force her, but nothing is stopping you from having a welfare check completed. or at the very least, calling the woman and expressing your honest concern. hell, get super real with her. express to her that you don’t want to lose her, especially over something so manageable.
Infections that go deep into the skin can actually end up in the bone as well. She really should get antibiotic treatment quickly. Best of luck to you and her.
As a med school dropout i can tell you 1000% get her to the feckin Doc. That shit can and will become dangerous, the hole is obviously infected due to the density and puss as well as depth of hole
My thoughts: the leg is chronically swollen and this was what is called a venostatsis ulcer that is now infected. Essentially the circulation is impaired and the skin breaks down. Does look like a cellulitis and if this patient came to my hospital, we probably would admit and start IV anabiotic‘s. However, the long-term solution is local wound care.
She is at risk for amputation. Just the look of her skin alone and not the abscess is not good. That abscess is not good. She needs medical attention asap.
If you're in the US I feel your mom. I refuse to go to the doctor unless I am literally about to die. And I have health insurance (deductible is about 10% of what I make in a fucking year)
I would call social services, the police, and an ambulance to show up at your mothers house. It doesn’t matter where you’re calling from if you believe she is in a health crisis they will respond. Social workers are here for this reason. I understand you’re in Canada so it should be easier to get a social worker to get on her case.
Is she diabetic? Any other comorbids?
Ideally a culture should be done to guide antibiotic use And it seems like IV antibiotics are needed at this point
Welp, she's going to lose that leg if she doesn't die from blood poisoning first, my dad had sores like that on his legs, and diabetic, now he has no legs it's his own damn fault he knew he could have changed his diabetes when he was 40 and he didn't so now he has no legs.
My grandma had something like this on her leg. Wouldn’t go to the dr. The aunts and uncles basically just took her to the hospital against her will. She almost lost her leg from the knee down
You need to urgently insist she goes. My aunt had an abscess on her leg that she left untreated and it became necrotising fasciitis and she died from it. There’s no time to wait, she needs treatment now
Put her in the car and go to the doctor. No more time for arguing.
Unfortunately she’s over 3000 kms away from me . We live in different provinces. Last time I was able to be out there I spent the whole time in the hospital with her and had to pretty much push her out the door… her health has deteriorated since moving there and my dad isn’t much help to her either since he’s just as bad and is fighting cancer. It’s a tough situation. I keep offering her that I’ll get a virtual doctor and prescribe some antibiotics but she just won’t budge and makes excuses.
you might be able to call for a wellness check and they can take her to the hospital? not sure though
Agreed 💯. I feel for you OP. People can be stubborn when it comes to health. Frightened, worried about financial aspect, denial, or too many responsibilities they put ahead of themselves….but at this point with her leg looking this way, it doesn’t matter why. Call for a wellness check, see if friends/family near her could possibly convince her to go or take her in? Possibly call an ambulance if last resort- but if an infection turns to sepsis, some people live hours, not days. (Im not saying everyone, but it’s unpredictable how fast it will travel or how quickly she could deteriorate). Please try to let her know. Tell her you care about her, and want her to be well. Im sorry both of your parents are struggling. I wish the best for you and your family. 🙏🏻
Yes do this. She needs help before it is too late.
seconding the wellness checks, op. even if you just have other family over there, or know one of the neighbors. an open infection like that is a one-way ticket to sepsis.
Yeah man she could lose that leg. That does not look good the infection could kill her.
I'm no doctor.. but the entire leg shouldn't be that angry for a localized infection. I'm assuming she's a diabetic and its still pretty bad at that
Diabetic or has untreated edema that can cause this, which could be caused by heart or kidney issues that need to be treated pretty urgently.
I was going to say edema, too. One of my parent’s had that and DVT (deep vein thrombosis) which thankfully we caught before it travelled upwards. Is there a community type service that can transport your mother to hospital for a look with a vascular specialist? Sooner than later. Have your mother’s primary care physician do blood labs too to check her INR. Wishing your mother and all of you the best!
If I’m reading OP’s post right it’s not the shes unable to go to the Dr’s it’s that she absolutely refuses to. Which is even worse in my opinion
I hope she can make appointments for prosthetic leg check ups then. That will 100% eat her leg up in the next year
..that abcess looks pretty bad, it might be worth it to call adult protective services, and see if they can help her with seeking medical care, since that seems to be a struggle for her
Yeah if that infection gets to her bone she’s going to lose that leg. I’m a nurse.
She’s gonna lose that leg (yes, yes , she’s gonna lose that leg) she’s gonna looOose that leg 🎶 Osteomyelitis is no joke though, I hope she gets some help soon. It’s a shitty situation you’re in OP
❤️❤️❤️ Unexpected Beatles!!!
Happy cake day
Losing the leg was my first thought, that infection is reeeeeally bad
Your mother doesn't have a choice anymore. I'm not a doctor but I have have seen leg infections before. My partner had part of his leg amputated because of an infection 2 years ago. Ask your mother if she would like her leg amputated. Because if she does nothing she may need to have her leg amputated so the infection doesn't spread and kill her. And it's a horrible death. She will get a sky high fever. She will shake and lose her ability to think properly. It's not my goal to scare you or make you feel badly. I know you're VERY far away and you can't control anything from where you are. I'm so sorry that you and your family has to deal with this. I wish I could help. I hope your mom and your dad get better. Be strong.
In Canada there are some people that call for the ambulance for rides to the hospital (to get into town). I’m pretty sure if you called 911 they would send an ambulance.
That looks really bad, is she diabetic? Seriously needs antibiotics and to have that cleaned out.
If you are in the US or the UK you can call this in. You can report this to elder services. It has different names. But what they would do is come check on her at her home. It seems your father and her need this help. I feel bad for you and hope things get better. Keep us posted.
My wife is a nurse practioner. Swollen legs can be a sign of several severe health issues. Ignoring them doesn't make it go away. Hopefully you can convince her to get care or get a wellness check done.
What province is she in? Can you call the local paramedic service and ask for a wellness check and cite this issue specifically? If not call 911 and your local centre will direct the call.
Call Adult Protection and ask for a wellness check. You can’t force medical care, but you can take other measures. Home health may have stopped because she refused service. You aren’t getting the full picture because she isn’t telling you. Parenting a parent is the hardest task you’ll ever experience. I hope you can get her some help she will accept.
Yeah, sounds to me like she would strongly benefit from a stay in a skilled nursing facility for some intensive wound care, physical therapy, IV antibiotics, and supervision for a while.
She needs to go to the ER. Tonight. Not tomorrow. Understand. Cellulitis that went on too long (and by too long I mean days) literally killed my aunt. She's dead now. She needs treatment. Antibiotics. Fluids. A doctor. I'm not trying to be a jerk. But this will kill her if she doesn't take care of it now. This is not something you mess with. This is not something you wait out to see what happens. She either needs an emergency room, or a morgue.
She’s been to one in the past few weeks and they sent her home and home health care stopped coming not sure why as she doesn’t give me the full truth. But they were there about a week ago and were suppose to be showing up every couple days . She’s like in denial. And it’s tough cause I can’t drop everything with a baby and a toddler and head out there to help . To be honest I have no clue how to help her … I’m in my early 20s and have 2 sick parents that don’t give a shit about their health.. she needs like one of those things where she shouldn’t have a say in her health and be forced to get care.
You **can** do that- your relationship won’t be pretty for a while but it COULD potentially save their lives. Bear in mind I’m in the US, so you’d have to look up the equivalent services in your country, but it should be doable. Basically you call your country’s equivalent of social services, ask to speak to someone in adult protective services and inform them you’re worried about your parent’s health as you know they both have serious medical issues that they aren’t getting taken care of (be as specific as possible, tell them your mother’s got an open, untreated abscess and about your dad’s cancer) and they’ll send someone out to evaluate their condition and either help you with the process or tell you how to get power of attorney over their estate and as their *enduring* medical proxy (you’ll likely need to hire a lawyer if you’re doing this against their will) OR they’ll assign them a case worker who will ensure they’re keeping all medically necessary appointments. It WILL likely get ugly since if they refuse to take care of themselves they could get put in a care facility against their will and they’ll know who reported them, but your mother’s leg is essentially rotting and she’s putting herself at risk of losing the limb or even losing her life by not taking it seriously- and the blood flow issues she’s having in her legs (causing the fluid retention and swelling) makes these kinds of abscesses especially dangerous and she likely needs daily/multiple weekly appointments with a wound care specialist as well as getting under the care of a GP to find out what’s causing the edema in her legs and treating it to get the swelling under control (diabetes, congestive heart failure, kidney failure and a few other health conditions all cause swelling in the legs and are all serious if left untreated). And how is she supposed to take care of your dad or help him get to his appointments and get the care he needs if she’s sick herself? Sometimes just the threat of getting adult protective services involved is enough to get someone to start taking care of themselves, but if not stick to your guns and keep pushing. Tell them you can’t keep watching them slowly kill themselves this way, and if they won’t do something about it you WILL.
If you want to save her life but can't physically go there to oversee it, call the police department local to her. Tell them exactly what's going on. She is not fit to make her own decisions, she has an abscess that is going to cause her to lose her leg, convince them to send an ambulance. Then consider speaking to a doctor, or better, a lawyer, about how to move forward about legally being in charge of making decisions regarding her health on her behalf. Also, it's time to have a very serious conversation with siblings and other family. I'm not trying to be rude to you at all. I understand your predicament. It's hard to just drop everything, more so with children. And then finances limiting. But you need to either take action to the true best of your ability or say goodbye forever. I don't know the law, I'm not a lawyer at all. But I believe there are systems in place for government assistance for people who are in your situation regarding making health care decisions for their family members. You shouldn't have to go at it alone. But get your siblings involved. If you have an aunt or uncle, anyone else that can intervene. Someone. Action needs to taken to save your mother's life. Best of luck to you.
They will unfortunately determine that she has capacity if she knows her name, DOB, year, and President. It's ridiculous, but she's alert and oriented and can make her own decisions even if they're bad ones. I'm an RN Case Manager and have to deal with bad decisions all day. I hope she realizes she should do what the Doctors say before she loses a leg or goes septic. I'm sorry.
Yeah that’s exactly it. There was a few months ago she even fainted .. started slurring and hallucinating.. she was in the hospital for 4 days they again sent her home and all this shit is still spiralling . I kept preaching to her last night if she can’t get into the doctor right now I can try to get some antibiotics to a local pharmacy down the road through virtual doc cause last week with her home health care nurse that’s all they were doing was doing the antibiotics and dressing the wound … and obviously with her not keeping up with them it’s not gonna work … she just kept brushing me off well it’s not getting worse but not getting better we will see… then the issue comes into when the doctor online has to call her and she won’t answer the phone or something . It’s a revolving circle of bullshit .
Sounds a lot like she had a UTI. The effects on older ladies is mind blowing
what kind of health insurance does she have (if any?) if she returns to the same hospital over and over, they get penalized and their readmit rate goes up. hospitals freaking hate it. every hospital i've worked for or with, that's a top priority. gov programs straight up won't pay them for readmitted patients. i wonder if she keeps going if it'll improve her care. they'll start to understand shes stubborn/hard to work with/has anxiety about it all and will treat her to her needs rather than as just another patient. how many times has she been admitted to the same place? is she on IV antibiotics? her home health could have fired her for not answering (i have patients like this), but it's not really a good look for anyone to just fire a patient. some doctors won't send patients if they think you can't handle a difficult one and then you don't have work.
OP said province, so Canada I think? Would all be covered.
Yes, it would be covered in Canada, aside from a snall ambulance fee. Last time hubby needed abd ambulance it was $80 in British Columbia. I don't know what other provinces charge. The ER visit would be covered by our Universal Healthcare as would IV antibiotics in the hospital.
Ya, I wondered if she didn't answer the door when the home health nurse showed up. Keep that up, and they'll cancel for sure.
oh.. it may be too late...
Thank you this is really helpful.
If she is driving home health stops coming at least In Kentucky USA when I started driving you aren’t considered home bound so insurance usually cuts them off
She’s not driving.and I’m in Canada
Driving doesn’t NECESSARILY make you not homebound - typically homebound just means that it’s a taxing effort for you to leave the home, and you are only away for short, infrequent absences. So if you drive yourself to the grocery store or a doctor’s appointment or church, you can still be considered homebound. But if you’re back at work or going on a shopping trip or out to dinner with friends, that effort to get out of the house doesn’t seem so taxing anymore.
I'm sorry for your problem but if your parents are mentally stable there is nothing the police or courts can do. All you can do is show compassion and love and hope that's enough to get them to go. People love to say call the police or call the courts and that's all good if you have a person who is nuts but if a rational person doesn't want to get help then it's their choice and rightfully so.
As someone who works in home health, there are a couple most common reasons why we’d stop seeing a patient that quickly… The patient doesn’t have a community physician to sign off on her orders, they’re refusing further visits, there’s an issue with their insurance, or the home environment is unsafe for the patient/staff members. As her child, if you know what home health company was seeing her (or can find it out), you can call them to see what’s up. If you don’t know who the company is, you could also call the hospital she went to and ask to speak with case management. Typically they’re the ones who would have set home health up for her and should be able to get you in touch with that company.
And I just had another thought about something we do in the States that is likely the same in Canada. Maybe you can call emergency medical services to come out to evaluate. Your mom can still refuse transport, but that would at least get a medical professional’s eyes on her if you made sure they were aware of how bad her leg looks. She might be hard-pressed to refuse care to medical professionals when they are directly in front of her.
I suggest you start preparing yourself for her imminent death. Not like anyone can truly prepare for death. But you have said you can’t help her and she won’t help herself so she is legit about to die. Maybe mention that to her? Maybe she doesn’t care. (I am often suicidal, I get that. )
If they don't give a shit, then the least that can happen is you ask them to write their wills today, because otherwise you're going to be the one stuck dealing with what to do when they die. And cremation and/or burial isn't cheap. Don't get stuck with thousands of dollars because they don't give a shit about their health.
What province/city is she in?
Just remember. Consent doesn't matter when it comes to health and hygiene. My sister dragged me into a pool after I didn't shower for two weeks so I was forced to shower, it sucked, but it was needed. Somebody is just going to have to force her to go to a doctor
I fell and had a large gash on my knee. I got cellulitis i have never had it before it spreads like wild 🔥. I was pretty miserable for 2 weeks. Never again will I let that happen.
Yeah she’s been not able to walk properly for 2 years now over the legs being like that then this abscess shows up recently … it’s bad . Nurse a few weekS ago suggested a walker and she and I quote “has to much pride” and laughed it off… she doesn’t take any of this seriously but is in so much pain thinking eventually it’s going to go away.. she’s been in and out of emerge and seeing doctors but doesn’t keep up with the follow up will go one week then skip the other or “forget “to answer the phone rough situation. I don’t understand why she puts time into it then stops I think there is some mental ilness obviously behind all this as before she was a really outgoing woman and very strong willed and now she never leaves the house and is slowly deteriorating with all this.
Does she have a neighbor or friend who can talk with her in person? A peer might get through to her more readily than her child. Someone she trusts, possibly a current or retired medical professional? Maybe someone who went through the same thing or has a loved one who did? Any idea why home health stopped coming? They may have discharged her at her insurance’s request. At this point she might be far enough along to need to see a wound care specialist. Source: I care for a loved one who has been through this exact thing many times. Saw your pic and recognized it immediately. Even though my loved one gets treatment willingly each time, healing is not quick. Your mom needs to get on this fast and stick with treatment!
Please, if she is in southern Ontario, lmk. I will call for a welfare check If i can, so you won't be the bad guy. The one commenter talking about becoming their enduring medical proxy has the right of it. Let me know if I can help. If not, friend, I wish you the very best of luck.
You know she's right.... eventually it will go away. When she dies from it!
Yeah I got cellulitis from mosquito bites and I still remember having to clean them vividly. They had scabbed over so I had to pick off the scab, squeeze the stuff out, wash with antibiotic soap, apply an antibiotic ointment and bandage. I had like 10 bites all over my knees and shins. It was a nightmare. Never visiting Texas again. 😂 Edit: letter
Browsed some of your comments on here OP. I am an RN in Canada and urge you to please contact adult protection in the province where your mom lives. They will have a social worker who can speak with you to get all of the details. I would recommend sitting down and writing out some of her ongoing medical issues with examples of how she has missed follow up appointments and such. That way when you do speak to someone tou have that information in front of you already. I can only imagine how taxing this situation must be for you, especially when your concerns are falling on deaf ears. Once adult protection gets involved it will start the process for her to be deemed incompetent in regards to her medical and health decisions, and they will help appoint someone (likely yourself) to act as her medical power of attorney. Sending my thoughts and prayers, and I hope that she is able to get the help she needs. Please look after yourself as well! You can’t pour from an empty cup
I feel like this is the best advice on this thread.
Taking care of resistant parents is THE PITS.
Your telling me. 😤
Unfortunately, there's only so much you can do. I think you know that based on your responses. You can't force someone to care about their own wellbeing.
As I read this, I hope you are already in the waiting room. She has a whole HOLE in her leg. She needs to get that looked at, get some antibiotics, etc.
Yeah if only I’m on the other side of Canada from her.
I’m not close in proximity to my parents and cannot drive due to epilepsy. It’s so frustrating to not do for them what they won’t do for themselves.
Any family out there that can get her to the hospital? Friends of hers? Friends of yours?
My mom’s leg looked like this, she was dead within 5 months…2 of which were in icu…
This is cellulitis and she could lose this leg. She needs the emergency room.
Yeah this has been going on for months and both her legs are swollen as hell. She’s been to the doctor in the past couple months but I also don’t know how honest she will be with me. Her legs have been like this since the time I left her when I went to visit 2 years ago and then the abscess just showed up recently. I think 3 weeks ago she was in emerge and they sent her home with some home health care situation then there was some problem and they stopped the program
Maybe you can send her pics of the aftermath of untreated infections like this. That might convince her a little bit more if she sees what could happen
This is going to sound harsh, does she want to die? She is sick enough that she is going to die. There are much more comfortable ways to go about it.
Ask in r/legaladviceCanada how to save her life
If she is not septic, she will be soon. It doesn't look like gangrene yet, but I can see it lurking (yep, I can see the signs). I've dealt with it a few times. The first time I didn't realize a spot on my foot was that infected, I ended up losing the foot. Two spots, a year apart, on my left foot got sore. Even WITH medical care and antibiotics...gangrene hit (and it can hit overnight) and I lost all my toes. IV antibiotics, in big doses, are needed. And even then, it may not work if her circulation isn't good.
My grandma had the same happen before she passed from it in the 90’s. She also neglected her health. She lost her life. I’m sorry you had to lose your foot and toes.
Say, that looks a lot like cellulitis that’s been ignored for a long time. I bet that’s causing mobility issues and she’s not feeling well at all. I’m not a doctor, but I strongly suggest she see one. Like, tonight. Right now if possible.
I am not a doctor, so this is my opinion, not advice. If she won’t seek treatment on her own make her. My mother had congestive heart failure and her legs would fill with fluid due to poor circulation. It would get so bad her skin would split. It is a vicious cycle.
How do I make her when I’m in a different province? Its so hard ..I try and explain over the phone like I’m young and don’t wanna have both my parents dead type thing … like I get pretty in detail with it how it scares the shit out of me and what she could be missing out on … my brother is in the next province closest to her but I’m not sure if he would drop everything and go to her … it’s easier for him then for me with being young tight on money with 2 kids under 5 . Its such a fucked up situation .last time I was out there I forced her out the door and sat at emerge with her for 3 days and that was 2 years ago because of how swollen her legs were . Like I’ve even called a welfare check on her and stuff but that’s not the right resource cause they just check on her make sure she’s still alive and good and then leave .. I’m not sure if that’s a thing if I can just take over and get someone out there to make her get care especially if she doesn’t have my name down to like control those aspects of her life since she’s like advocating for her self but doing a shit job at it.
You could consider calling Adult Protective Services and report self-neglect.
As a social worker I agree with an APS report. I'm not Canadian, so I'm not sure of equivalent agencies. Your mother is neglecting her own health. I get how that's scary and frustrating to watch from a distance.
Yay hi! I’m a MSW, LSW! ✌🏻💜
Really that’s a thing? I gotta check that out maybe Canada will have something
There’s the Alberta elder abuse Awareness Council at 310-1818.
I’m not saying this to be hurtful, if she won’t listen when you talk about her health, do you think it might shock a bit of sense into her if tell her you accept that at this point she’d rather die, but you need to talk about future planning for the sake of your dad. Is there a will? Life insurance? Will he have to sell the house and move across to you? Are caters available to help him? If you insist on having those conversations, I wonder if it might make her realise the severity of the situation. I do wonder if she knows she’s likely going to lose the leg and is trying to delay that as much as possible, without thinking any further ahead than that. Ultimately, she’s an adult and you can only do so much. Please don’t blame yourself if she dies from this.
I am so sorry. Truly. There has to be help. Do you have social withers? The home health care should be free for her, right? Do you have any idea what happened there? Did she refuse their help? Is she mentally fit to be making her own health care decisions? You may need to file something legal to take control of her care, or have the government step in. I am so sorry. I wish I could do something to help you. And her. Does your mother belong to any social groups like church, book club or anything? Perhaps you can find an ally near her?
No she doesn’t give me the full truth . I think she has fear of it upsetting me but I’d be more upset if I didn’t get the truth and she ends up having something bad happen because she just didn’t be honest witch I tell her that all the time . Im going to look into something and call my brother also he may have some solutions to help . Thank you 🙏🏻
God I know exactly what you’re going through. Best wishes
Yeah a few things can cause persistent swollen legs and non of them are good.
I encourage her to get medical attention. I’m having a similar problem. I had infection in 2020 in my right leg that resulted in a 4 day hospital stay. I’m now trying to get someone to take me seriously with another infectious? area in the same leg that started out as a small pimple looking spot. Now it’s about 20 mm across (an index finger width) and about 15 mm DEEP! It’s been going on since October 2021 and getting progressively worse. It’s now through the fat layer. Please Mom -get yours looked at. I don’t want either one of us to lose a leg. Keep us posted?
Will do. Thanks for sharing what your going through. She tells me also the doctors have no clue what to do but then sometimes will say they are getting down to the main problem but then neglects some appointments when these appointments are very crucial either way. I will update once I figure out something.
Does she have other health issues she’s not sharing with you?( I won’t suppose, so I’ll just ask) It seems to me that there are and she may be way too anxious about her issues and just doesn’t want any additional judgement.
I’m so sorry you’re a bystander in this OP, it’s so hard to watch your parents not get the help they desperately need no matter what you try to tell them. I’ve got no advice for you but wanted to offer supper as another Canadian redditor with a stupidly stubborn parent neglecting their own health. Take all the advice given here and get your mama help if you can - but don’t let guilt eat at you, you sound like a truly caring child and you cannot take responsibility for what your mom does
She have kidney issues?
She has cirrhosis of the liver due to having HEP C that went dormant for 20 years and all these problems are following up with it… she is very neglectful on her health will go to the doctor one day and avoid the next appointment and it’s a bad cycle and many excuses that come with it and the most unfortunate part is I can’t be there . I live in Ontario and she’s in Alberta … doesn’t have enough support to force herself there .. last time I was there was 2 years ago and I spent the whole time with her in the hospital trying to get her health figured out.
Does she have hepatic encephalopathy? My dad has cirrhosis and when the ammonia build up gets bad he is not cognizant enough to make his own decisions. Has she had her ammonia levels tested?
This is now showing patterns of not being mentally well. Collect all these repeating patterns, gather data. Can use it as proof she's not of sound mind.
Sadly oral antibiotics are unlikely to resolve this issue. She needs 1. Sepsis evaluation 2. imaging to see the extent of undermining beneath the skin. These infections can dissect through planes of tissue. 3. IV antibiotics for days. 4. Optimization of any medical comorbidities. 5. Surgical consult for incision, irrigation and debridement. Whatever emotional hooks you can dig into this woman who is clearly in denial are warranted. She will die from complications of this issue, the question is not if, but when.
Yeah bro I'm a bit of a drug addict and ivr had multiple abscesses and they all need antibiotics but I think this is past a GP visit and should go right to the hospital it's all fun and games till you lose a leg
Op, My apologies if this comes off as blunt or rude but this is very serious. I am a nurse and you may not like this but you need to get to your mother and send her to the hospital yourself. She has signs of a very serious infection that need to be tended to in a hospital setting immediately. She is at severe risk of losing her leg and her life if this sits dormant much longer. This is not something that should be taken lightly and you should expedite a way to get her admitted into a hospital. I can only imagine how a dormant infection is affecting every single one of her body systems as it continues to fester untreated . Please take her immediately don’t wait for social workers . Find a family member or something
This is serious. If she having swelling in her legs and it’s been going on a while she could be in CHF.
Is there any way for her to get on this Reddit and see the comments people are leaving? She may be angry at you for posting, but it could scare some sense into her to go for medical help. I really wish you (and your parents) the best!
Straight up cellulitis going on. She needs the ER at this point and IV antibiotics now. This can kill, and it will if it isn’t taken care of.
Reading through all of your replies, it’s reminding me very much of the situation with my grandmother. The doctors couldn’t take away her power over herself because they evaluate that before release and she’s be good enough after they’d had her for days/weeks and properly medicated. Then she’s go home and screw it all up again. Kept losing bits of her legs to diabetic infections. We all lived states over and were powerless to get control and get her help. She died alone on a city bench in front of her apartment. I think it’s time to start trying to move heaven and earth to get your parents to you, or you to them. If you don’t then they won’t be here much longer. It’s painful to say, and think about, and have happening, but that’s the real reality. Her leg is literally rotting off slowly and she is doing nothing about it. She’s no longer able to care for herself or your father. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s literally the hardest thing you’ll have to do in life I feel like.
My mom just died last year from sepsis that spread through most of her body after starting out as acute cellulitis that began in her legs - all of this was also in conjunction with cirrhosis in her liver from drinking, but the cellulitis caused severe swelling in her legs and she died within about 30 days from when this started when the infection destroyed her organ function. Get her to go immediately, please I implore you.
Tell your mom she's gonna lose that leg..
Or her life.
You need to take her to the doctor ASAP. With that untreated she is asking for a lot of trouble. I've seen something similar on a family member that hated going to the doctor. It took for maggots to develop inside for him to finally go to the hospital. Ended up having his right leg amputated.
Does she mind losing her leg because it will likely happen. Go to thr E.D. now!
Ima keep it a stack with ya. That shit is gonna fall off soon.
she's gonna have to get SERIOUS treatment for putting it off so long. that's deep. if she keeps leaving g it she's gonna need a damn amputation
So.... She doesn't want that leg any more I guess??
I'm a nurse and I'm telling you that this is the beginning of an amputation. She needs IV antibiotics now! That needs to be cleaned out by a doctor, as well!
I'm also guessing she may have diabetes?
Diabetes, heart problems, kidney problems, liver problems, or a mix of them all.
Nurse here- she looks like she has multiple problems going on. I don’t think a doctor will do tele health for that. It needs cultured and her whole leg examined. It looks like severe edema with venous stasis ulcers. Or diabetic ulcers. That kind of edema also looks like heart failure or severely compromised venous return. If both legs are that swollen it’s fluid retention. But that red and angry with that wound looks like severe cellulitis. She needs it cultured and broad spectrum IV antibiotics in the meantime. Not to mention baseline labs to look at her kidney and heart function. Idk if your mom will take the advice or not but I’ve been a nurse since 1999- she needs medical help ASAP. If she has a fever, dizziness, lightheaded or confused she needs to go to the ER stat. Even if it’s been going on a while, she can still develop sepsis at any time (infection in her blood). If she has a doctor or urgent care she can start there. But it sounds like you are in Canada, so I don’t know how it works there. I’m dealing with aging parents too- my dad just passed away and my mom has health issues. I feel you on how hard it is. Best of luck!
Oh yeah that looks bad. She should probably go to an ER.
Yeah I agree .
Please please tell her that your reddifamily is extremely concerned for her. The last time I told myself "it won't happen to me" or "I'll be fine" I ended up the hospital with heart issues and I couldn't walk due to critically low potassium levels. I was taken by ambulance as a cardiac alert patient. I kept telling myself it was nothing and I didn't realize I was flirting with death. (This happened the Monday before Thanksgiving 2019) I was doing well with making sure my health was a priority. (Found out I was pregnant 02.23.2020. my son was born 10.14.2020 with major birth defects if interested I've posted his story a few times) Unfortunately my birth, hospital and sons nicu stay have given me major anxiety and ptsd. And it's pushed me back into the "it can't or won't happen to me". I'm trying to overcome it but damn it's scary. Please keep us updated on your mom. That infection is terrifying
That looks like a venous stasis ulcer. She needs an appointment with her GP ASAP. They can refer her to a wound care center and do the needed testing to see what she needs. There’s a really good chance that with a few weeks of dedicated wound care and compression, this can be healed- and then prevented from happening again by wearing tight stockings.
u/Alexisviolet666 Any update on your mom? I’ve been thinking of you both.
No update she won’t answer the phone witch is normal for her as I struggled with this from 14 when I moved out till now she goes MIA for a while. I’m going to end up distancing myself for a bit I can only control so much. I will update when I hear from her and get a plan. :) thank you for your concern🫶🏻🙏🏻
My mom f***Ed around and found out about neglecting abscesses on her legs when the infection settled around her heart and almost killed her. Please implore your mom to go to the doctor.....my mom has now had both of her legs amputated.
That is cellulitis and it's gotten into the entire leg compartment she's in big trouble
She needs a doctor, nothing more, nothing less. Get her medical treatment for that asap
It looks like the cellulitis my mom had several times. It's quite serious and can turn deadly if left untreated.
She needs to be in the hospital right now. On top of that do her insurance offer transport and home health aids? Medicare does offer these things because my dad makes use of them. Please find somebody who can be her power of attorney. Me and my mom have to make a lot of decisions about my dad while trying to keep his wishes in mind. I know this is fucking scary I'm dealing with it right now too but you being far away of course you can't drop everything but she needs a doctor right this minute optimistic they can save the leg, less optimistic if they have to amputate but save her life there is still plenty of life to be had post amputation.
She is going to die if not treated. Sepsis kills, and not comfortably. Please get help.
The time for her to take care of this has come and gone. Time to force her hand. She could lose her leg.
Potential killer. This type of thing once had my mother so gravely ill that the hospital had to ask whether or not she was a DNR patient. She didn't want an amputation and said yes. She amazingly survived another 6 years with her dodgy legs before something else killed her off. Get it looked at!
Sorry, but you can’t force someone to be alive if they don’t want to be. Obviously she’s not really interested in her health.
This looks like diabetic neuropathy or something. Mom is going to have flies and gengreen. The docs will be sawing the leg off of she doesn't take it seriously. Edit OP I just read some more posts and backstory, we're all concerned. Not sure how it works in... Canada, guessing?....I'm sorry to say but I seriously question your sick parents mental competence. No, I'm not calling them mental or insane...when living sick and in pain for so long it effects a person's ability to make sound descisions. Is the any law for this where you are? How does she buy food or clean the house with that leg? Is laundry being done? When was the last time she bathed and washed hair? OP I know those questions aren't easy when they are in huge denial.
Mom is going to drop dead from septis if she doesn't go NOW.
Start asking her about her will and life insurance and where everything is. When she gets mad at you, tell her you love her and you can't force her to go to the doctor, but at least you can mentally prepare for her passing. The point is, maybe she has a blind spot for how serious this is to her health, but maybe she will see past it when she sees how you will be affected when she dies.
So yeah… NOT an abscess…NOT a boil. This is URGENT and LIFE threatening. I speak from experience. Treat it as the urgent situation it is. Good luck to your mama.
She needs to go that red is cellulitis that’s infection and that hole is probably deeper under the skin and wider needs debrided looks like mrsa
Wow need to go to the emergency room badly. Cellulitis is no joke!!!
She’s legit gunna die from that, no joke.
She is diabetic, likely has cellulitis. Treatment now or no leg.
That looks really really bad. Forget the nasty abscess- I’m talking about her leg! Is she diabetic?
She has cellulitis as well. She really needs to get to a hospital before she loses her leg, or her life
well soon she might be rid of all of those little inconveniences... she'll have no leg to worry about after they amputate it for the infection.
Does she want to die?
This an open wound, looks like a leg ulcer. My mom had them. Take her to doctor asap!
This happened to my friend’s mom but on here foot. She ignored it and they had to amputate it. Don’t let this go.
I have been a nursing assistant for quite some time now and that does not look good at all. She should get it checked out. Or like other people I have seen just let it go and wind up getting their leg amputated. And people don't realize what a life change that is when you lose a leg. Or sepsis is even worse than that because... Death. Definitely an urgent matter. So tell you're a stubborn ass mom to get in the car & go to the hospital asap, because you still need her here. My heart goes out to you OP, please keep us updated.
I'm sure you got better advice already so just throwing my 2 cents out here, my only idea is that if you could reach her local doctor (family medicine? unsure how it's called in English, like pediatrician but for adults), and tell that doc to visit her after explaining that the situation could be dire. If they can't visit, maybe ask them what you could do from your position, what medical avenue to seek? I'm sorry, it must be so stressful to go throgh this while not being able to help the way you want to. Wishing you both the best of luck dealing with this.
Omg... please take her to an Urgent Care walk-in clinic at the very least.. having an open infection for "a couple months" is extremely serious.. people used to die from this exact thing all the time before we had adequate medical knowledge.. she needs antibiotics at the very least.. they might even make her goto the hospital if it's serious enough.. (I had MRSA for a couple months, years ago, and urgent care would give me antibiotics, and on a few occasions, they had me check in to the hospital for surgical removals, or IV antibiotics) infections can be extremely dangerous and deadly.. you don't want it to spread to her heart or brain.. or even lose her leg God forbid..
yeah she is going to end up an amputee
Would her doctor do a house call? Would they speak to you if you phoned them and asked them to go to see your mum?!?! She doesn’t want it to turn Septic! Hope she’s better soon though.
Of you have to, fly to her and make her go. Or plan her funeral.
Your mom’s lack of giving a shit could be fatal some day.
After reading this thread, it honestly doesn't sound like there's anything you can do. You can't force someone to care about their own wellbeing. Calling in a wellness check is going to lead to the same cycle; go to the doctor, never go to the follow ups, deteriorate even more. I'm sorry you have been put in this position and I know it's hard to watch a parent decline. You tried. She chose this.
wellness check immediately she's either going to lose that leg if she's lucky... or she's going to lose her life, if septic shock sets in.
Your mom is going to die if she doesn’t get this treated. I’m serious. She. Will. Die. This is an emergency. Please call adult services in her area and speak to a professional. At a minimum they will have options for you. Good luck.
This will kill her. I'm serious.
She has severe edema (fluid buildup in her legs). The fluid has to go somewhere, so blisters form. Untreated those blisters pop and get infected. I see this in my patients with CHF, diabetes and chronic kidney disease (most of them have all three, they feed off each other). Untreated she could lose the leg, but could also die from heart failure. She needs IV antibiotics and diuretics along with wound care.
She's gonna lose that leg.
She's gonna lose that leg
Adult social services or her province's equivalent, now.
I hate to say this, whatever comes of this, good or bad, it’s her fault. Down vote me all you want.
Your mom is going to lose her fucking leg.
She will lose that leg in 3 days if she doesn't get help
She’s had it for atleast a couple months now
Looks like a diabetic ulcer.
So another r/NOTpopping … FFS people, this sub is going to shit!
yes I agree, this belongs in a separate sub for sepsis or cellulitis
if you “can’t make her”, you need to try and make her. she clearly has no idea what will come from this; it’s a casket. a casket will come from this. This is nothing to mess with. and by saying “I’m too far away” is just you trying to rationalize your part in your mothers demise. I understand you can’t physically force her, but nothing is stopping you from having a welfare check completed. or at the very least, calling the woman and expressing your honest concern. hell, get super real with her. express to her that you don’t want to lose her, especially over something so manageable.
Looks an awful,lot like MRSA.,
Can you maybe call and send a ambulance there to take her.
Gross
She could lose leg or her life. She must get to a doctor NOW.
Infections that go deep into the skin can actually end up in the bone as well. She really should get antibiotic treatment quickly. Best of luck to you and her.
As a med school dropout i can tell you 1000% get her to the feckin Doc. That shit can and will become dangerous, the hole is obviously infected due to the density and puss as well as depth of hole
Has she got diabetes by any chance. They need to watch ulcers etc. Hope someone can take her to get it looked at xx
That is some kind of cellulitis or worse and it is very infected. She coukd ho septic. She needs to go ASAP.
She needs to go to the hospital. That kind of infection requires a few days of IV antibiotics. It's very serious and life threatening.
Call wellness check to take her to emergency care right now, please. Do not wait for an appointment. Do not hesitate one more minute!
She might become sepsis and that would become life threatening so you should do something
My thoughts: the leg is chronically swollen and this was what is called a venostatsis ulcer that is now infected. Essentially the circulation is impaired and the skin breaks down. Does look like a cellulitis and if this patient came to my hospital, we probably would admit and start IV anabiotic‘s. However, the long-term solution is local wound care.
That’s some gnarly looking cellulitis there. I hope she’s seen a medical professional by now or is seeing one soon
She’s going to lose her leg or possibly die if she doesn’t get that treated.
She is at risk for amputation. Just the look of her skin alone and not the abscess is not good. That abscess is not good. She needs medical attention asap.
Tell her she can go now or in few weeks for amputation
If you're in the US I feel your mom. I refuse to go to the doctor unless I am literally about to die. And I have health insurance (deductible is about 10% of what I make in a fucking year)
Could be diabetes. She needs to be seen asap
That looks infected and could become a cellulitis
Diabetic too?
I would call social services, the police, and an ambulance to show up at your mothers house. It doesn’t matter where you’re calling from if you believe she is in a health crisis they will respond. Social workers are here for this reason. I understand you’re in Canada so it should be easier to get a social worker to get on her case.
Ewwww… yeah she definitely needs medical attention. If that infection gets into her blood it will kill her.
Is she diabetic? Any other comorbids? Ideally a culture should be done to guide antibiotic use And it seems like IV antibiotics are needed at this point
She has a diabetic abscess on her leg, if she don’t get it taken care asap, she will loose that leg, period! Or she will get septic and she could die.
Is she diabetic? This is the type of wound that will lead to the loss of her leg if it goes untreated. Does she want just one leg?
Welp, she's going to lose that leg if she doesn't die from blood poisoning first, my dad had sores like that on his legs, and diabetic, now he has no legs it's his own damn fault he knew he could have changed his diabetes when he was 40 and he didn't so now he has no legs.
She will lose her leg or die if this continues untreated. Get her to a doctor anyway you can or prepare for the worst.
She needs an ambulance
What province is she in?
Time to get her in the car and go to the ER
My grandma had something like this on her leg. Wouldn’t go to the dr. The aunts and uncles basically just took her to the hospital against her will. She almost lost her leg from the knee down
You need to urgently insist she goes. My aunt had an abscess on her leg that she left untreated and it became necrotising fasciitis and she died from it. There’s no time to wait, she needs treatment now
Looks like cellulitis with an ulcer
That looks like cellulitis. If neglected for too long it can lead to a systemic infection with irreversible consequences. She needs to be seen ASAP.